1 00:00:02,335 --> 00:00:04,754 [Jughead] The year is 1955, 2 00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:07,757 and nothing like this has ever happened in Riverdale. 3 00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:11,052 One of our own, Ethel Muggs, had stumbled into the sock hop, 4 00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:15,056 covered in, we would soon find out, her parents' blood. 5 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:18,601 Both were dead, stabbed multiple times. 6 00:00:21,354 --> 00:00:22,355 [door opens] 7 00:00:24,441 --> 00:00:25,567 What did Ethel say? 8 00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:26,693 Did she see the killer? 9 00:00:26,776 --> 00:00:28,695 Well, your friend's keeping mum, 10 00:00:28,778 --> 00:00:33,491 but, uh, she claims that the milkman killed her parents. 11 00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:36,369 Willie? 12 00:00:36,953 --> 00:00:38,538 He's 70 years old. 13 00:00:38,621 --> 00:00:39,831 He is. 14 00:00:39,914 --> 00:00:44,169 -You gonna bring him in for questioning? -It's late, and Willie could use his rest. 15 00:00:44,252 --> 00:00:48,548 So we'll talk to him tomorrow after he's done his morning deliveries. 16 00:00:48,631 --> 00:00:51,634 It's tragic, yes. 17 00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:53,678 But why bring her here, Alice? 18 00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:55,889 She has nowhere else to go, Hal. 19 00:00:56,639 --> 00:00:58,641 Her parents are dead. 20 00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:01,102 It's the least we can do for her. 21 00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,020 Don't you think? 22 00:01:02,103 --> 00:01:03,646 Think how this will affect Betty. 23 00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:07,650 That's all I ever think about, is the well-being of this family. 24 00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:10,820 Which is more than I can say for you. 25 00:01:18,703 --> 00:01:21,956 We're gonna make up my sister's old room for you. 26 00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:25,543 Here are some fresh towels. 27 00:01:26,544 --> 00:01:30,465 If you need anything at any point, just come find me, okay? 28 00:01:31,257 --> 00:01:32,467 [sobbing] 29 00:01:33,301 --> 00:01:36,095 I don't know what else they want me to say. 30 00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:43,061 It's almost like they think that maybe I... 31 00:01:43,978 --> 00:01:48,066 Ethel, is there anyone who saw you before you went back to your house? 32 00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:51,694 Anyone who could be an alibi? 33 00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:55,365 No. 34 00:01:57,408 --> 00:01:58,827 No. I was alone. 35 00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:04,332 I'm so sorry that this happened to you. 36 00:02:04,415 --> 00:02:06,543 Please try to rest, okay? 37 00:02:12,006 --> 00:02:13,216 We're here for you. 38 00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:16,928 Whatever you need. 39 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:20,056 [Jughead] But Betty's entreaties did little to comfort Ethel, 40 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,225 who didn't say another word that night, 41 00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:24,310 which only added to the mystery. 42 00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:26,312 Was Ethel hiding something? 43 00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:29,524 And why did her milkman story sound so familiar to me? 44 00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:33,403 ["Taboo" playing] 45 00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:37,407 ♪ Listen to the winds From the desert's burning waste ♪ 46 00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:42,412 ♪ Hear the words in a fire When it crackles to you ♪ 47 00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:47,041 ♪ The devil is a woman A red-headed woman ♪ 48 00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:49,502 ♪ A fiery-headed woman ♪ 49 00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:52,088 ♪ Taboo... ♪ 50 00:02:52,171 --> 00:02:56,593 It is high time that you got yourself a boyfriend, Cheryl. 51 00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:57,802 Mother, 52 00:02:57,886 --> 00:03:00,013 I don't have time for boys. I'm far too busy. 53 00:03:00,096 --> 00:03:01,598 [Penelope] Doing what? 54 00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:03,099 Painting naked ladies? 55 00:03:03,182 --> 00:03:04,142 Mother! 56 00:03:04,225 --> 00:03:06,769 What nerve. That's homework for art class. 57 00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:09,480 You could help, you know. 58 00:03:10,064 --> 00:03:13,943 Isn't there some nice, normal boy you could introduce her to? 59 00:03:15,111 --> 00:03:16,779 I'm just worried she's, uh, 60 00:03:17,488 --> 00:03:21,326 developing unnatural proclivities, shall we say. 61 00:03:21,409 --> 00:03:22,994 What are you talking about, Mom? 62 00:03:23,786 --> 00:03:28,041 Find your sister a suitable match, immediately. 63 00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:29,876 Do I make myself clear? 64 00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:40,386 That was quite the scene at the sock hop. 65 00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:43,014 Do you know that poor girl? 66 00:03:43,097 --> 00:03:43,932 Not really. 67 00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:46,851 I mean, she's Ethel. She kind of keeps to herself. 68 00:03:48,019 --> 00:03:51,981 Well, not to pivot gracelessly, but... 69 00:03:53,191 --> 00:03:56,861 listen, Archie, I'm really sorry we got off on the wrong foot. 70 00:03:57,946 --> 00:04:00,782 Could we maybe try again? 71 00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:05,036 I really appreciate the apology. 72 00:04:06,704 --> 00:04:10,625 Look, the truth is, Veronica, I just-- I don't think we're a good match. 73 00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:13,503 I mean, you're too much of a handful for a guy like me. 74 00:04:19,717 --> 00:04:22,512 What happened to the Muggs family is a tragedy. 75 00:04:24,138 --> 00:04:26,099 It's all the children are talking about. 76 00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:28,726 Their parents are calling, 77 00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:32,063 asking how we plan to address this situation. 78 00:04:32,146 --> 00:04:34,607 Well, I believe the most prudent course of action 79 00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:38,194 is to simply carry on with the week's pre-approved lesson plans. 80 00:04:38,277 --> 00:04:39,320 Yes. 81 00:04:40,863 --> 00:04:43,283 What's on the docket this week, Ms. Bell? 82 00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:46,703 Well, in fact, the juniors are scheduled 83 00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:50,873 to have their PTA-approved sexual education lecture. 84 00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:52,834 But we could postpone it. 85 00:04:52,917 --> 00:04:56,087 On the contrary. I will give the lecture myself. 86 00:04:56,879 --> 00:04:59,757 Splendid idea, Dr. Werthers. 87 00:05:00,591 --> 00:05:02,260 Business as usual. 88 00:05:03,177 --> 00:05:04,262 That's the ticket. 89 00:05:10,768 --> 00:05:12,687 Tough luck about Veronica, chum. 90 00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:15,648 Guess it wasn't in the cards for you two. 91 00:05:16,899 --> 00:05:18,234 Yeah, I guess not. 92 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,111 It's probably for the best. 93 00:05:20,194 --> 00:05:22,405 Girls like Veronica run hot and cold, 94 00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:26,659 and it takes a certain kind of man to ride that roller coaster. 95 00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:28,536 A man like you, I'm guessing? 96 00:05:28,619 --> 00:05:29,454 Pretty much. 97 00:05:29,537 --> 00:05:31,706 But if you're hankering for a steady girlfriend, 98 00:05:31,789 --> 00:05:32,915 Cheryl's available. 99 00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,042 Cheryl? 100 00:05:36,335 --> 00:05:38,046 Thanks, but no thanks. 101 00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:41,174 Why not? You don't think my sister's a honey? 102 00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:44,135 No, I mean, come on, Cheryl's gorgeous. 103 00:05:45,553 --> 00:05:47,013 -But-- -But what? 104 00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:50,099 Well, she's always seemed a little standoffish to me. 105 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,351 I mean, I've never seen her with a steady boyfriend. 106 00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:53,644 Oh, she's had boyfriends. 107 00:05:53,728 --> 00:05:55,605 College guys mostly. 108 00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:58,483 You know what they say about girls who like older men, right? 109 00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:00,651 No, what--? 110 00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:02,612 What do they say? 111 00:06:03,362 --> 00:06:04,697 They're a lot more... 112 00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:07,784 open-minded 113 00:06:08,409 --> 00:06:11,537 than most high school girls, if you catch my drift. 114 00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:12,955 You take Cheryl out, 115 00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:15,291 you're made in the shade, daddy-o. 116 00:06:16,959 --> 00:06:20,505 Something tells me she'd really go for a stud like you. 117 00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:24,592 Think about it at least. 118 00:06:39,023 --> 00:06:40,942 ["Woojamacooja" playing] 119 00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:43,694 ♪ Wooja ♪ 120 00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:46,781 ♪ Woojamacooja ♪ 121 00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:49,367 ♪ Since the day we met... ♪ 122 00:06:49,450 --> 00:06:51,327 Hey, Blossom, wait up. 123 00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:54,580 What is it, Serpentina? 124 00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:57,416 I'm putting on a little performance at the Dark Room tonight, 125 00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:00,294 and I have a feeling it might razz your berries. 126 00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:05,466 Hmm. Kindly mark me down as a definitive "no, thank you." 127 00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:06,384 Ta-ta. 128 00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:09,512 [Lizzo chuckles] 129 00:07:09,595 --> 00:07:13,516 Same old Topaz, always going after the straight-laced square girls. 130 00:07:14,183 --> 00:07:17,645 -You know there's no future there for you? -I'm not so sure about that. 131 00:07:17,728 --> 00:07:19,063 What's your problem, Topaz? 132 00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:21,899 Am I too much woman for you? 133 00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:23,609 My problem with you 134 00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:27,029 is that you're a high school dropout and you're too territorial. 135 00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:30,700 -I'll see you at the Dark Room. -What makes you think I'm going? 136 00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:32,869 Get over yourself, Lizzo. 137 00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:34,829 I know you wouldn't miss it. 138 00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:51,471 Kevin. 139 00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:52,388 You okay? 140 00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:54,682 You seem a little froggy. 141 00:07:55,766 --> 00:07:58,019 You know, jumpy. Like you're avoiding someone. 142 00:07:58,102 --> 00:07:58,936 No. 143 00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:01,439 Uh, I had too much High Point this morning. 144 00:08:01,522 --> 00:08:02,523 It's okay, Kevin. 145 00:08:04,942 --> 00:08:06,569 What are you doing tonight? 146 00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:08,905 Do you wanna come to an open mic at the Dark Room? 147 00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:11,991 A bunch of us hepcats are performing. 148 00:08:12,074 --> 00:08:14,410 ["I Wish I Didn't Love You So" playing] 149 00:08:16,787 --> 00:08:17,955 Um... 150 00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:19,665 Dark Room. 151 00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:21,751 Isn't that the beatnik hangout? 152 00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:25,588 It's a coffee house, Kevin. 153 00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:30,676 Do you have plans or not? 154 00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:35,515 I was gonna maybe see The Seven Year Itch with Betty. 155 00:08:37,558 --> 00:08:40,144 But she might like going to the Dark Room. 156 00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:41,437 She won't regret it. 157 00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:43,689 And, uh... 158 00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:48,569 And neither will you. 159 00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:56,869 ♪ I wish I didn't love you so... ♪ 160 00:08:58,246 --> 00:08:59,622 [door opens] 161 00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:01,832 Cheryl. I've been looking for you. 162 00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:04,710 Cool painting. 163 00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:08,673 Why, pray tell, have you been searching for moi? 164 00:09:08,756 --> 00:09:12,718 Um, what are you doing tonight? I was wondering if you wanted 165 00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:15,304 to go see The Seven Year Itch with me at the Babylonium. 166 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:18,516 I've already seen it and found it egregiously overrated. 167 00:09:18,599 --> 00:09:21,227 -Oh. Okay, well-- -However, 168 00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:23,938 there is an event at the Dark Room tonight. 169 00:09:24,021 --> 00:09:26,148 Some sort of poetry reading. 170 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:29,902 I wasn't going to attend in fear of being slimed by a greaser, 171 00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:33,322 but with a proper escort, I might relent. 172 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,199 -Poetry reading? -Mm-hm. 173 00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:37,785 Well, I've actually just started writing poetry myself-- 174 00:09:37,868 --> 00:09:39,579 How peachy keen for you. 175 00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:41,414 Pick me up at 7? 176 00:09:56,887 --> 00:09:58,180 Hey, doll face. 177 00:09:58,264 --> 00:09:59,932 Wanna go to the Babylonium tonight? 178 00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:01,851 The Seven Year Itch is playing. 179 00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:03,686 Drop dead, Julian. 180 00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:07,315 If you're still pining after Andrews, don't hold your breath. 181 00:10:07,398 --> 00:10:08,399 Word on the street is 182 00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:11,652 he's going to some thing at the beatnik bar tonight with Cheryl. 183 00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:17,074 I wanna go. 184 00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:18,826 To the Dark Room. 185 00:10:18,909 --> 00:10:21,078 I didn't know you were into the whole beatnik scene. 186 00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:23,748 Oh, I'm into a lot of scenes, Julian. 187 00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:25,082 Pick me up at 8. 188 00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:34,008 [Keller] Sorry to bother you there, Willie, but we gotta follow every lead. 189 00:10:34,091 --> 00:10:35,551 Even the crazy ones. 190 00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:36,886 Let me walk you out. 191 00:10:40,264 --> 00:10:42,516 [door opens, then closes] 192 00:10:46,437 --> 00:10:47,396 Ethel. 193 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,773 What happened? 194 00:10:48,856 --> 00:10:50,399 It wasn't the milkman. 195 00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:53,944 Or at least not that milkman. 196 00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:58,032 So it was another milkman? 197 00:10:58,115 --> 00:11:00,076 Or someone dressed like one. I don't know. 198 00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:02,661 Jughead, 199 00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:04,872 I'm really, really scared. 200 00:11:06,707 --> 00:11:09,460 What if Sheriff Keller starts to think that I did it? 201 00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:12,505 Well, why would he do that? 202 00:11:13,672 --> 00:11:16,509 You know those pretend covers I'm always drawing? 203 00:11:16,592 --> 00:11:18,677 Yeah. They're super boss. 204 00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:22,223 Do you remember my meat grinder cover? 205 00:11:22,890 --> 00:11:24,058 Yeah. 206 00:11:26,435 --> 00:11:29,021 Oh. Oh, God, Ethel. 207 00:11:29,855 --> 00:11:33,401 Ethel's drawing depicted a girl, who happened to look like Ethel, 208 00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:34,902 shoving dismembered body parts, 209 00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:37,488 that happened to look like they belonged to her parents, 210 00:11:37,571 --> 00:11:39,073 into a meat grinder. 211 00:11:40,866 --> 00:11:42,535 It was a goof, Jughead. 212 00:11:42,618 --> 00:11:43,786 [sighs] 213 00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:47,289 I was just mad at my parents for not letting me go see The Tingler, 214 00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:51,585 and now I'm afraid that Sheriff Keller is gonna... misinterpret it. 215 00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:54,380 -Where's the drawing? -In my hope chest. 216 00:11:54,463 --> 00:11:56,173 I would get it myself, but I just-- 217 00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:59,260 I don't think I can face going back into that house. 218 00:11:59,343 --> 00:12:00,511 Not so soon. 219 00:12:00,594 --> 00:12:01,720 Okay. 220 00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:05,057 It's fine. I'm gonna get it. I'm gonna go tonight. Yeah. 221 00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:18,571 Excuse me, young lady. Where do you think you're going? 222 00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:25,453 Kevin and I are going to a poetry reading. 223 00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:27,955 Not before you march over to Ethel's house 224 00:12:28,038 --> 00:12:30,708 and bring that girl back another change of clothes or two. 225 00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:33,627 Chop, chop. 226 00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:38,174 [ominous music playing] 227 00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:45,389 Bingo. 228 00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:10,247 [door opens nearby] 229 00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:12,583 The cops. 230 00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:47,743 [Jughead] Here's why Ethel's milkman story sounded so familiar. 231 00:13:47,826 --> 00:13:50,996 It reminded me of a comic book Pep had published. 232 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,165 One of their most infamous issues 233 00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:56,168 about a lunatic who escapes from an insane asylum, 234 00:13:56,252 --> 00:13:59,672 dresses up as the town milkman, and starts murdering people. 235 00:13:59,755 --> 00:14:01,131 Ethel and I had both read it. 236 00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:03,217 Then again, everyone had. 237 00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:06,011 I'm sure it was a coincidence. It had to be. 238 00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:10,307 But it wouldn't look good for Ethel to be caught with it, no matter what. 239 00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:17,606 And to the republic that falls short 240 00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:21,527 One nation, under siege 241 00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:23,779 Indefensible 242 00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:28,200 With liberty and justice for none 243 00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:31,996 All are beat 244 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:33,956 All are beat 245 00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:37,918 Gratitude 246 00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:40,713 [audience snapping fingers] 247 00:14:43,882 --> 00:14:45,551 Keen, but what does it mean? 248 00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:48,512 Uh, it's art, Betty. It doesn't need to mean anything. 249 00:14:49,179 --> 00:14:51,640 I mean, it didn't even rhyme, really. 250 00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:54,268 Poetry doesn't have to rhyme. 251 00:14:54,351 --> 00:14:57,271 Here. This might help make the evening more tolerable. 252 00:14:58,856 --> 00:15:01,442 [exotic drum & flute music playing over speakers] 253 00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:09,658 Immortal Aphrodite 254 00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:12,953 On your shimmering throne 255 00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:16,540 Daughter of Zeus, weaver of wiles 256 00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:18,709 I pray thee 257 00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:22,921 Crush not my spirit nor my soul 258 00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:26,300 With anguish and distress 259 00:15:27,217 --> 00:15:28,844 Oh, queen 260 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:32,473 Come release me from cruel cares 261 00:15:32,556 --> 00:15:36,143 Let my heart accomplish All that it desires 262 00:15:36,226 --> 00:15:38,395 In mine as I am yours 263 00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:42,274 Take me 264 00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:45,027 Take me 265 00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:48,113 Take me 266 00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:51,075 Take me 267 00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:53,243 [moans] 268 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:57,039 [audience snapping fingers and cheering] 269 00:15:59,708 --> 00:16:00,668 I wanna leave. 270 00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:03,212 -What? -Take me home, now. 271 00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:20,396 Good night, Cheryl. 272 00:16:22,064 --> 00:16:23,816 I had a real nice time. 273 00:16:23,899 --> 00:16:27,194 ["Hiding My Tears with a Smile" playing] 274 00:16:31,448 --> 00:16:34,660 -I wasn't expecting that. -Walk me to school tomorrow? 275 00:16:36,036 --> 00:16:37,413 Yeah, sure. 276 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,123 Okay. 277 00:16:39,206 --> 00:16:40,082 It's a date. 278 00:16:42,042 --> 00:16:42,918 Toodles. 279 00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:44,753 Toodles. 280 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:47,673 ♪ Hiding my tears ♪ 281 00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:53,804 ♪ With a smile ♪ 282 00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:17,661 [exotic drum & flute music playing] 283 00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:24,955 [school bell ringing] 284 00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:27,082 [Kevin] Oh, my golly. 285 00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:30,085 Who knew the Dark Room was gonna be such a gas? 286 00:19:30,168 --> 00:19:33,547 Isn't Clay just an astonishing writer? 287 00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:35,549 I can't stop thinking about his poem. 288 00:19:36,675 --> 00:19:40,262 I'm still reeling from Toni's dance poem. 289 00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:44,057 It was pretty sexy, don't you think? 290 00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:45,434 [chuckles] I suppose. 291 00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:48,645 You suppose? 292 00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:50,230 Kevin. 293 00:19:50,314 --> 00:19:51,773 It was jaw-dropping. 294 00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:53,901 ["Little Things Mean a Lot" playing] 295 00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:58,989 ♪ Blow me a kiss from across the room ♪ 296 00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:04,244 ♪ Say I look nice when I'm not ♪ 297 00:20:07,664 --> 00:20:13,128 ♪ Touch my hair as you pass my chair ♪ 298 00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:15,172 ♪ Little things ♪ 299 00:20:15,255 --> 00:20:16,548 ♪ Little things ♪ 300 00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:23,388 ♪ Mean a lot ♪ 301 00:20:23,472 --> 00:20:29,770 As I'm sure you're aware, based on your eager, sweaty faces, 302 00:20:29,853 --> 00:20:31,730 today's lesson will be focusing 303 00:20:31,813 --> 00:20:36,151 on the fundamentals of sexual reproduction. 304 00:20:36,944 --> 00:20:39,196 Your bodies are changing right now. 305 00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:42,824 It can be a confusing time. 306 00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:45,786 You have many questions, no doubt. 307 00:20:45,869 --> 00:20:48,372 But first, first, 308 00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:51,500 let's begin with a very useful diagram. 309 00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:06,223 Much can be gleaned from the typical American flower, 310 00:21:06,306 --> 00:21:07,683 whose sole function, 311 00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:13,689 with its colorful petals and its pleasing contour, is pollination. 312 00:21:13,772 --> 00:21:15,482 Or reproduction. 313 00:21:16,733 --> 00:21:18,402 I'm so confused. 314 00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:21,238 What do flowers and bees have to do with us? 315 00:21:21,321 --> 00:21:23,198 Nothing. I don't know what that speech was about. 316 00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:28,078 But recently, I got my hands on a copy of Kingsley's Guide to Human Sexuality. 317 00:21:29,079 --> 00:21:30,372 That's got the real skinny. 318 00:21:30,455 --> 00:21:32,499 This is ridiculous. 319 00:21:32,582 --> 00:21:36,628 If you fuddy-duddies truly wanna learn about S-E-X, 320 00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:39,798 we have to stop talking about it and start doing it. 321 00:21:41,925 --> 00:21:45,012 I'm gonna host a make-out party and you're all coming. 322 00:21:47,097 --> 00:21:48,432 Thanks, but no thanks. 323 00:21:48,515 --> 00:21:49,558 I'm a germophobe. 324 00:21:49,641 --> 00:21:52,936 -Is that, like, an orgy? -[Veronica] No. 325 00:21:53,020 --> 00:21:55,313 It's kissing games. 326 00:21:55,397 --> 00:21:59,901 Spin the Bottle, Post Office, Seven Minutes in Heaven, Pony Ride. 327 00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:05,407 And trust me, nothing is ever gonna be the same again. 328 00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:08,744 [Jughead] In that moment, before our very eyes, 329 00:22:08,827 --> 00:22:11,580 Veronica Lodge became a Georgia O'Keeffe lotus, 330 00:22:11,663 --> 00:22:15,292 and Archie Andrews a hapless bumblebee. 331 00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:24,634 Gosh, a real-life make-out party. 332 00:22:24,718 --> 00:22:27,888 I'll have to check my book to see what Dr. Kingsley says about them. 333 00:22:28,638 --> 00:22:31,391 [Veronica] Between you and me, it all boils down to this. 334 00:22:31,475 --> 00:22:33,101 Boys think they're in charge, 335 00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:35,854 but it's all about our pleasure, not theirs. 336 00:22:37,147 --> 00:22:42,027 Well, right now, I don't think either me or Kevin are experiencing much pleasure. 337 00:22:42,611 --> 00:22:43,612 Hmm. 338 00:22:44,738 --> 00:22:47,532 The more direct you can be with your beau, the better. 339 00:22:47,616 --> 00:22:49,576 I've botched it playing coy with Archie, 340 00:22:49,659 --> 00:22:53,121 but I'll make my desires crystal clear to him at the party. 341 00:22:55,791 --> 00:22:56,708 [Cheryl scoffs] 342 00:23:12,724 --> 00:23:13,975 Hey, Blossom. 343 00:23:15,685 --> 00:23:18,563 You didn't stick around after my performance last night. 344 00:23:18,647 --> 00:23:19,564 Did you dig it? 345 00:23:20,482 --> 00:23:24,361 It was a little... avant-garde for my sensibilities. 346 00:23:24,444 --> 00:23:25,904 Archie thought the same. 347 00:23:25,987 --> 00:23:28,156 You have heard we're going steady, have you not? 348 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:32,244 Yeah, we've all seen you parade him around like he's some prize stud. 349 00:23:32,327 --> 00:23:34,246 You don't have to go to some make-out party 350 00:23:34,329 --> 00:23:36,289 to pretend to be somebody you're not. 351 00:23:36,373 --> 00:23:39,292 Why exactly does everyone presume to know my personal life? 352 00:23:39,376 --> 00:23:42,254 You're worse than my hobgoblin mother, and that's saying a lot. 353 00:23:48,218 --> 00:23:49,386 [door opens] 354 00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:52,597 Kev. Can we talk for a sec? 355 00:23:54,057 --> 00:23:56,143 It's about the make-out party. 356 00:23:56,226 --> 00:23:58,311 Yeah. I was thinking, why don't we ditch that? 357 00:23:58,395 --> 00:24:00,564 No. We're going. 358 00:24:00,647 --> 00:24:02,774 It's happening tonight, Kevin. You and me. 359 00:24:02,858 --> 00:24:04,860 Because you say that you love me, 360 00:24:04,943 --> 00:24:08,196 and now it's time that you proved it. 361 00:24:16,663 --> 00:24:19,332 We'll cut right to the chase, Jughead. 362 00:24:19,416 --> 00:24:22,002 Did you break into Ethel Muggs' house yesterday? 363 00:24:22,085 --> 00:24:26,339 Uh, I'm pretty sure that I was at home, writing and eating hamburgers. 364 00:24:26,423 --> 00:24:27,924 Because there's a neighbor there 365 00:24:28,008 --> 00:24:30,635 that reported someone matching your description. 366 00:24:30,719 --> 00:24:33,847 A teenager wearing a crown exiting a window. 367 00:24:33,930 --> 00:24:35,265 Well, it wasn't me. 368 00:24:35,348 --> 00:24:36,892 -Hmm. -You are a... 369 00:24:38,018 --> 00:24:42,480 Well, you're a bit of an odd duck, aren't you, Mr. Jones? 370 00:24:42,564 --> 00:24:43,648 A loner. 371 00:24:44,691 --> 00:24:46,234 Like Miss Muggs. 372 00:24:47,152 --> 00:24:48,695 Is she your girlfriend? 373 00:24:48,778 --> 00:24:50,071 She's just a friend. 374 00:24:50,155 --> 00:24:51,990 Are you protecting her now? 375 00:24:52,073 --> 00:24:56,578 Maybe you helped her do something bad, and now you have to protect yourself too. 376 00:24:58,997 --> 00:25:01,917 I wasn't at Ethel Muggs' house last night, and I'm not her boyfriend 377 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,920 or an odd-duck loner, whatever that means. 378 00:25:05,003 --> 00:25:07,505 In fact, I'm going to a party tonight. 379 00:25:08,215 --> 00:25:09,841 -With all the cool kids. -[Werthers scoffs] 380 00:25:10,675 --> 00:25:12,802 -Really? -[Jughead] And for the record, 381 00:25:12,886 --> 00:25:15,764 the Ethel that I know would not kill her parents. 382 00:25:16,514 --> 00:25:18,808 You're barking up the wrong tree. Now can I go, please? 383 00:25:19,768 --> 00:25:20,644 Yeah. 384 00:25:20,727 --> 00:25:21,978 You're free to go. 385 00:25:23,855 --> 00:25:26,399 Oh, enjoy your party tonight. 386 00:25:34,449 --> 00:25:36,076 [Kevin] Oh, hey-- Uh, hey, Clay. 387 00:25:36,159 --> 00:25:38,620 Um, thought I missed the locker-room rush. 388 00:25:39,746 --> 00:25:42,874 What can I say? I love a long, lingering shower. 389 00:25:47,212 --> 00:25:49,089 [exotic music playing] 390 00:26:03,478 --> 00:26:07,691 Um, are-- Are you going to that, um, make-out party? 391 00:26:08,733 --> 00:26:10,068 I don't think so. 392 00:26:11,403 --> 00:26:12,237 Why not? 393 00:26:14,948 --> 00:26:16,032 'Cause... 394 00:26:17,951 --> 00:26:19,077 I like boys, Kevin. 395 00:26:20,870 --> 00:26:23,790 And I don't think it's that kind of party. 396 00:26:26,751 --> 00:26:29,838 Uh, that-- That makes sense. 397 00:26:30,672 --> 00:26:33,216 Obviously, most people don't know that about me. 398 00:26:34,009 --> 00:26:35,844 I hope I can trust you to be discreet. 399 00:26:36,803 --> 00:26:38,305 Of course, Clay. 400 00:26:40,098 --> 00:26:41,641 Uh, I gotta go. Um... 401 00:26:42,309 --> 00:26:44,102 -Gotta get ready. -All right. 402 00:26:51,735 --> 00:26:52,902 [Archie] Hey, Betty. 403 00:26:54,362 --> 00:26:55,530 You know that, um, 404 00:26:56,489 --> 00:26:58,575 sex book you mentioned? 405 00:27:01,036 --> 00:27:03,913 I was wondering if I could have a little read. 406 00:27:04,581 --> 00:27:06,833 Um, just so I can... 407 00:27:07,792 --> 00:27:09,919 brush up before the make-out party. 408 00:27:10,545 --> 00:27:11,588 Of course. 409 00:27:18,678 --> 00:27:20,722 What did you think of Dr. Kingsley? 410 00:27:20,805 --> 00:27:23,308 I mean, I think I get it. I just-- I... 411 00:27:25,018 --> 00:27:26,644 But how does it all start? 412 00:27:27,187 --> 00:27:28,772 That's the easy part. 413 00:27:29,439 --> 00:27:32,984 Okay, so say you're sitting side by side 414 00:27:33,068 --> 00:27:35,362 next to Cheryl, like this. 415 00:27:37,822 --> 00:27:39,616 Maybe some music starts playing. 416 00:27:44,204 --> 00:27:46,373 ["A Certain Smile" playing on record player] 417 00:27:47,165 --> 00:27:50,668 Now you might wanna say something like: 418 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:54,923 "Cheryl, would you like to get a bit more comfortable?" 419 00:27:59,386 --> 00:28:00,512 [clears throat] 420 00:28:01,471 --> 00:28:04,933 Say, would you like to get a bit more comfortable? 421 00:28:05,892 --> 00:28:07,394 Why, yes, I would. 422 00:28:07,477 --> 00:28:10,939 ♪ ...so many lovely things ♪ 423 00:28:11,022 --> 00:28:15,985 ♪ Suddenly you know why fairies sing... ♪ 424 00:28:16,069 --> 00:28:18,655 Then she might... 425 00:28:20,782 --> 00:28:21,783 do this. 426 00:28:22,450 --> 00:28:23,535 Oh. 427 00:28:24,202 --> 00:28:26,121 And then what? 428 00:28:26,204 --> 00:28:27,247 And then... 429 00:28:30,792 --> 00:28:31,960 Oh. 430 00:28:33,002 --> 00:28:35,255 -I'm sorry, Betty. -Oh, no. It's okay. 431 00:28:35,338 --> 00:28:36,423 -It's-- -I'm sorry. 432 00:28:36,965 --> 00:28:40,510 ♪ ...to haunt your heart again ♪ 433 00:28:43,972 --> 00:28:45,473 [chattering] 434 00:28:50,979 --> 00:28:53,022 [jazz music playing on record player] 435 00:28:53,106 --> 00:28:55,650 Now, before we break off and retreat 436 00:28:55,734 --> 00:28:58,445 into The Pembrooke's various dark corners, 437 00:28:58,528 --> 00:29:00,488 I thought we could warm up 438 00:29:00,572 --> 00:29:04,242 with a perfectly innocent round of Post Office. 439 00:29:04,868 --> 00:29:08,746 Now, boys, each of you is holding an envelope containing a number, 440 00:29:08,830 --> 00:29:11,166 which corresponds to one of us girls. 441 00:29:11,249 --> 00:29:13,835 You must deliver your envelope to that girl, 442 00:29:13,918 --> 00:29:16,296 along with a kiss. 443 00:29:16,921 --> 00:29:18,673 Fangs, would you like to get us started? 444 00:29:19,382 --> 00:29:21,676 Reveal your number and the girl you'll be kissing. 445 00:29:22,761 --> 00:29:24,095 [exhales sharply] Okay. 446 00:29:28,808 --> 00:29:29,768 Number 2. 447 00:29:30,852 --> 00:29:32,103 That's me. 448 00:29:32,187 --> 00:29:34,314 Bet you've never kissed a greaser before. 449 00:29:34,397 --> 00:29:38,193 I don't even eat French fries, but rules are rules. 450 00:29:38,276 --> 00:29:39,527 Forgive me, Midge. 451 00:29:40,653 --> 00:29:42,071 Don't worry, square. 452 00:29:42,155 --> 00:29:44,657 I brushed my teeth earlier this week. 453 00:29:46,618 --> 00:29:47,660 Ugh. 454 00:29:47,744 --> 00:29:49,621 Oh, whoa, was that cheating? 455 00:29:49,704 --> 00:29:51,915 It's skirting the edge, 456 00:29:51,998 --> 00:29:55,210 but hopefully Kevin will give us what we all want, 457 00:29:55,293 --> 00:29:57,962 which is a real kiss. 458 00:29:58,046 --> 00:29:58,880 Kevin? 459 00:30:01,633 --> 00:30:02,842 Uh, Number 3. 460 00:30:02,926 --> 00:30:04,344 I'm three. 461 00:30:15,063 --> 00:30:16,356 Hold your head still. 462 00:30:19,526 --> 00:30:21,778 All right, let's just get this over with. 463 00:30:26,866 --> 00:30:27,909 One? 464 00:30:29,536 --> 00:30:30,495 That's me. 465 00:30:30,578 --> 00:30:32,080 This ought to be good. 466 00:30:32,163 --> 00:30:33,373 Fun. 467 00:30:34,123 --> 00:30:35,458 Nice to meet you, by the way. 468 00:30:35,542 --> 00:30:37,710 Pleased to make your acquaintance. 469 00:30:46,719 --> 00:30:47,720 Thank you. 470 00:30:54,811 --> 00:30:55,645 Five. 471 00:30:56,229 --> 00:30:58,439 Wow. That's me. 472 00:30:58,523 --> 00:30:59,732 How did that happen? 473 00:30:59,816 --> 00:31:01,234 Excuse me, brother. 474 00:31:04,070 --> 00:31:07,407 I guess this is what's known as a date with destiny. 475 00:31:11,119 --> 00:31:12,704 [funky jazz music playing] 476 00:31:19,377 --> 00:31:21,504 She's gonna suffocate him. 477 00:31:21,588 --> 00:31:23,339 But what a way to go. 478 00:31:27,093 --> 00:31:28,845 I think I got your gum. 479 00:31:28,928 --> 00:31:31,055 You can keep it. It's triple bubble. 480 00:31:34,767 --> 00:31:38,897 I guess that leaves me and the Wild One. 481 00:31:39,522 --> 00:31:41,524 Luckily, I've had all my shots. 482 00:31:47,030 --> 00:31:48,740 Yeah, that's not a kiss, preppy. 483 00:31:48,823 --> 00:31:49,782 This is a kiss. 484 00:32:01,669 --> 00:32:02,503 Okay. 485 00:32:02,587 --> 00:32:05,924 Now that all of our lips are appropriately lubricated, 486 00:32:06,007 --> 00:32:06,841 we pair off. 487 00:32:06,925 --> 00:32:09,177 I, for instance, might sneak off with-- 488 00:32:09,260 --> 00:32:10,553 Come along, Archie. 489 00:32:10,637 --> 00:32:14,349 Let's find a private space away from prying eyes. 490 00:32:20,188 --> 00:32:23,232 What do you say? Shall we go to your room? 491 00:32:24,901 --> 00:32:26,235 Actually... 492 00:32:27,445 --> 00:32:28,488 You. 493 00:32:29,489 --> 00:32:30,323 [Jughead] Me? 494 00:32:30,823 --> 00:32:32,951 You just hit the jackpot, Holden Caulfield. 495 00:32:33,618 --> 00:32:35,703 I guess that leaves the two of you. 496 00:32:39,207 --> 00:32:42,835 -We could finish what you started. -In your dreams, prepster. 497 00:32:43,336 --> 00:32:47,256 I will, however, let you drive me home in that sweet ride of yours. 498 00:32:57,266 --> 00:33:00,061 ["Milkman Keep Those Bottles Quiet" playing] 499 00:33:00,144 --> 00:33:04,273 ♪ Milkman, keep those bottles quiet ♪ 500 00:33:06,401 --> 00:33:09,904 ♪ Can't use that jive on my milk diet ♪ 501 00:33:10,738 --> 00:33:12,907 -[door closes] -Don't, Hal. 502 00:33:13,574 --> 00:33:15,702 I've already called Social Services. 503 00:33:16,411 --> 00:33:18,579 And she's going back to school tomorrow. 504 00:33:19,956 --> 00:33:22,959 [clears throat] Thank you, Alice. 505 00:33:24,085 --> 00:33:25,294 Of course, dear. 506 00:33:27,088 --> 00:33:32,719 ♪ I don't want your kisses If I can't feel love... ♪ 507 00:33:32,802 --> 00:33:35,179 Look, I don't know what it is that you plan on doing to me, 508 00:33:35,263 --> 00:33:37,515 but I should let you know the only reason I'm here 509 00:33:37,598 --> 00:33:40,309 is because I don't want people thinking I'm a miscreant 510 00:33:40,393 --> 00:33:43,271 that helped Ethel murder her parents. 511 00:33:44,939 --> 00:33:45,773 Funny. 512 00:33:46,357 --> 00:33:49,694 Sounds exactly like something a miscreant murderer would say. 513 00:33:51,070 --> 00:33:52,030 Relax. 514 00:33:53,031 --> 00:33:55,992 I just needed a warm body to help me get away from Julian Blossom. 515 00:33:56,075 --> 00:33:57,410 That guy's an octopus. 516 00:33:58,327 --> 00:33:59,954 Well, glad I could help. 517 00:34:03,875 --> 00:34:07,086 By the way, what was with that Holden Caulfield reference? 518 00:34:07,170 --> 00:34:10,590 Well, isn't that your thing? "Everybody's phony except me"? 519 00:34:10,673 --> 00:34:13,301 No, I just meant that not everyone in Riverdale goes around 520 00:34:13,384 --> 00:34:15,136 name-dropping literary antiheroes. 521 00:34:15,219 --> 00:34:17,388 People do read in Los Angeles, you know. 522 00:34:18,723 --> 00:34:23,770 ♪ And I don't want your lovin' If I can't have... ♪ 523 00:34:23,853 --> 00:34:25,480 So, what's your dealio? 524 00:34:26,439 --> 00:34:28,524 If you're not dating Ethel, then who are you dating? 525 00:34:29,734 --> 00:34:30,735 Uh... 526 00:34:31,152 --> 00:34:33,321 Who has time for dating? 527 00:34:33,821 --> 00:34:36,324 What with all these comics to read, and burgers to eat, 528 00:34:36,407 --> 00:34:37,909 and monster movies to watch? 529 00:34:38,826 --> 00:34:41,871 I like monster movies. The scarier the better. 530 00:34:43,289 --> 00:34:45,666 I'll tell you my favorite if you tell me yours. 531 00:34:54,592 --> 00:34:55,718 Ladies first. 532 00:34:57,553 --> 00:34:58,971 Creature from the Black Lagoon. 533 00:34:59,055 --> 00:35:00,181 -Really? -Yeah. 534 00:35:00,264 --> 00:35:02,141 -That's actually my favorite too. -Really? 535 00:35:02,225 --> 00:35:04,977 I love it. You kind of remind me of the girl in the white bathing suit. 536 00:35:05,061 --> 00:35:06,395 -Julie Adams? -Mm-hm. 537 00:35:06,479 --> 00:35:07,730 I get that a lot. 538 00:35:12,693 --> 00:35:14,695 ["To Tell the Truth" playing over speakers] 539 00:35:16,614 --> 00:35:22,995 ♪ To tell the truth, I am lonely ♪ 540 00:35:23,079 --> 00:35:28,376 ♪ And all my nights are blue ♪ 541 00:35:29,585 --> 00:35:36,342 ♪ To tell the truth, I love you ♪ 542 00:35:36,425 --> 00:35:41,806 ♪ Honest, oh, honest, I do ♪ 543 00:35:43,266 --> 00:35:49,730 ♪ To tell the truth, I miss you ♪ 544 00:35:49,814 --> 00:35:51,899 ♪ To tell the truth... ♪ 545 00:35:51,983 --> 00:35:53,401 You're not excited. 546 00:35:55,486 --> 00:35:56,654 Of course I am. 547 00:35:57,947 --> 00:35:59,156 No, you're not, Kev. 548 00:35:59,699 --> 00:36:01,784 I can tell that you're not excited. 549 00:36:01,868 --> 00:36:04,203 You're not... aroused. 550 00:36:06,330 --> 00:36:09,500 Maybe if we just keep kissing, it'll... 551 00:36:28,561 --> 00:36:30,980 ["I'm a Woman" playing over speakers] 552 00:36:31,731 --> 00:36:35,276 You can move your right hand a little higher if you want. 553 00:36:36,819 --> 00:36:38,988 ♪ I'm a woman ♪ 554 00:36:40,198 --> 00:36:44,744 ♪ That wears the finest hose Yes, I'm a woman... ♪ 555 00:36:44,827 --> 00:36:46,245 Not that high, Archie. 556 00:36:48,372 --> 00:36:49,790 As my nana likes to say, 557 00:36:49,874 --> 00:36:53,961 let's leave room for the Holy Spirit, okay? 558 00:36:54,045 --> 00:36:58,799 ♪ And I'm a woman That don't have a Northern feel ♪ 559 00:36:58,883 --> 00:37:00,593 ♪ You know, a woman... ♪ 560 00:37:02,053 --> 00:37:03,846 -Archie, your right hand again. -Oh. 561 00:37:04,555 --> 00:37:06,724 I'm sorry if I'm screwing this up. 562 00:37:06,807 --> 00:37:08,684 I just-- I'm excited. 563 00:37:09,477 --> 00:37:11,812 And a little nervous, maybe, because... 564 00:37:12,772 --> 00:37:14,523 you're so experienced. 565 00:37:15,399 --> 00:37:17,652 You're used to going out with college guys. 566 00:37:17,735 --> 00:37:19,946 -Who told you that? -Julian. 567 00:37:20,029 --> 00:37:22,073 Why were you and Julian talking about me? 568 00:37:24,075 --> 00:37:27,495 Well, I mean, he suggested that I ask you out. 569 00:37:28,746 --> 00:37:30,581 He said we might hit it off. 570 00:37:31,249 --> 00:37:33,334 Archie, I'm going to be honest with you. 571 00:37:34,752 --> 00:37:38,547 I've never been with a college guy. 572 00:37:38,631 --> 00:37:41,300 I've actually never really been with any guy. 573 00:37:44,178 --> 00:37:45,263 But... 574 00:37:48,224 --> 00:37:52,395 I'm quite certain we can figure it out together. 575 00:37:53,479 --> 00:37:54,563 Definitely. 576 00:38:01,988 --> 00:38:02,947 [Betty] Dear diary, 577 00:38:03,030 --> 00:38:06,575 the make-out party was unsurprisingly a disaster. 578 00:38:07,159 --> 00:38:08,995 I want Kevin to want me. 579 00:38:09,078 --> 00:38:13,332 I want to feel desired. I want to feel sexy. I want-- 580 00:38:13,416 --> 00:38:15,126 ["Hoo Doo You Baby" playing] 581 00:38:15,918 --> 00:38:18,838 ♪ I'm gonna hoo doo you, baby ♪ 582 00:38:18,921 --> 00:38:22,800 ♪ And set your soul on fire... ♪ 583 00:38:23,843 --> 00:38:28,097 [Betty] I'm not sure how much more of this I can take before I explode, diary. 584 00:38:28,764 --> 00:38:30,433 Something has to change. 585 00:38:32,727 --> 00:38:33,936 And soon. 586 00:38:34,020 --> 00:38:37,690 ♪ I'm gonna make you mine 'Cause that is my desire... ♪ 587 00:38:37,773 --> 00:38:39,150 My dear boy. 588 00:38:39,233 --> 00:38:41,235 Any updates on our little project? 589 00:38:41,319 --> 00:38:44,322 We're made in the shade, Mother. I got Cheryl together with Archie, 590 00:38:44,405 --> 00:38:47,325 and I'm fairly certain they're going steady now. 591 00:38:47,408 --> 00:38:49,201 Very good, Julian. Well done. 592 00:38:50,036 --> 00:38:51,370 [approaching footsteps] 593 00:38:54,415 --> 00:38:56,167 Good morning, Mother. 594 00:38:57,543 --> 00:38:58,377 Julian. 595 00:38:58,461 --> 00:39:02,006 Cheryl Marjorie Blossom, what is that lesion on your neck? 596 00:39:02,590 --> 00:39:04,258 It's a hickey, Mother. 597 00:39:04,342 --> 00:39:07,053 And I suppose you both should know Archie pinned me last night. 598 00:39:07,136 --> 00:39:11,140 -[coughs] -And I mean really pinned me. 599 00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:15,144 As in, all the way pinned me. 600 00:39:15,686 --> 00:39:17,855 -Barf. -[car horn honking] 601 00:39:17,938 --> 00:39:20,191 That must be Archie. He's driving me to school. 602 00:39:20,900 --> 00:39:23,944 I'd say he's a true gentleman, but the truth is, 603 00:39:24,028 --> 00:39:28,074 Archie is a total animal. Toodles. 604 00:39:31,786 --> 00:39:33,120 -[Penelope groans] -[door slams] 605 00:39:37,625 --> 00:39:38,459 Kevin. 606 00:39:39,168 --> 00:39:40,669 I have something for you. 607 00:39:40,753 --> 00:39:41,712 What is it? 608 00:39:42,254 --> 00:39:44,590 Kingsley's Guide to Human Sexuality. 609 00:39:44,673 --> 00:39:47,760 -Betty, we're at school. -You need to read it. 610 00:39:47,843 --> 00:39:50,346 Think of this as your own personal sex education, Kevin. 611 00:39:50,930 --> 00:39:53,641 Finals are coming up and it's time to start cramming. 612 00:39:54,850 --> 00:39:55,684 Betty. 613 00:39:56,310 --> 00:39:57,144 Betty. 614 00:40:00,356 --> 00:40:03,692 Hey. Just wanted to say fun party last night. 615 00:40:04,902 --> 00:40:07,279 Sorry I had to cut out early, but, you know, 616 00:40:07,363 --> 00:40:08,697 I'm playing the long game. 617 00:40:09,406 --> 00:40:11,117 Really? With who? 618 00:40:11,909 --> 00:40:14,120 I'd rather not say. Yet. 619 00:40:15,162 --> 00:40:17,248 But how did it go with Bazooka Jones? 620 00:40:18,207 --> 00:40:20,000 Well, if you really must know, 621 00:40:20,543 --> 00:40:23,170 Jughead and I spent the entire night together... 622 00:40:24,380 --> 00:40:25,548 talking. 623 00:40:25,631 --> 00:40:26,715 Holy hell. 624 00:40:26,799 --> 00:40:30,511 Are you making a play for that crown-wearing clown? 625 00:40:32,513 --> 00:40:35,683 Let's just say, I'm not ruling it out. 626 00:40:39,937 --> 00:40:41,021 [students chattering] 627 00:40:42,356 --> 00:40:43,816 [girl 1] There she is. 628 00:40:43,899 --> 00:40:45,609 [girl 2] Oh, my God. It's her. 629 00:40:45,693 --> 00:40:48,112 Everyone's looking at me like I'm a murderer. 630 00:40:48,195 --> 00:40:51,240 Hey. This is all going to blow over. 631 00:40:51,824 --> 00:40:54,452 As soon as the actual killer is caught, okay? 632 00:40:55,286 --> 00:40:58,038 For right now, just take it nice and slow. 633 00:40:58,122 --> 00:41:00,082 [Bell on PA] Attention, students. 634 00:41:00,166 --> 00:41:04,712 Will Ethel Muggs and Jughead Jones please come to the principal's office? 635 00:41:04,795 --> 00:41:07,256 Ethel Muggs and Jughead Jones, 636 00:41:07,339 --> 00:41:09,967 please report to the principal's office. 637 00:41:15,848 --> 00:41:19,727 Let me guess, you'd like to know who was canoodling at the make-out party? 638 00:41:19,810 --> 00:41:21,687 We searched your train car, Jughead, 639 00:41:21,770 --> 00:41:23,731 right after you left for school this morning. 640 00:41:24,899 --> 00:41:27,359 -Wha--? Why? -[Keller] In any case, 641 00:41:27,443 --> 00:41:31,947 we found some pretty damning evidence stuffed underneath your mattress. 642 00:41:39,205 --> 00:41:41,332 Care to explain, Miss Muggs? 643 00:41:42,875 --> 00:41:44,084 Mr. Jones? lain, Miss Muggs?