[brooding jazz music playing]
[Jughead] How does a fire start?
Sometimes, with a kindly teacher encouraging an eager student
to pursue his love of poetry.
Or perhaps it sparks with a chance encounter in an elevator.
Or in Betty Cooper's bedroom, with a suddenly missing typewriter...
and telephone.
Or maybe the inferno that would soon consume Riverdale High
begins in a classroom.
[students applauding]
Oh, that was wonderful, Betty and Kevin.
I don't think that I have ever heard those words
spoken aloud so beautifully.
And I saw Cat on a Hot Tin Roof on Broadway.
That's enough, Mrs. Thornton.
I beg your pardon, Principal Featherhead? I'm in the middle of teaching my class.
This is no longer your class.
-Please step out into the hall, ma'am. -Is this a gag? What's going on?
It's all right, class.
I'm certain that this is a simple misunderstanding.
Alas, this is not a gag.
Nor is it a simple misunderstanding.
Mrs. Thornton has been relieved of her duties.
Until we can find a permanent replacement,
you will be taught by my wife, Mrs. Blossom.
Hello, children.
What's the dealio with Mrs. Thornton?
Your former teacher represents a clear and present danger to the American way.
Mrs. Thornton is under suspicion of being a communist.
[students murmuring]
The Red Menace has come to Riverdale.
[Clifford] Which is why you all have to remain vigilant.
If you see something, say something.
Archie, you've been spending time with Mrs. Thornton after school. Clue us in.
Have you noticed anything strange about her?
Not at all. Mrs. Thornton has been helping me with my...
I'm telling you, this is a mistake. Mrs. Thornton is no communist.
Far be it from me to defend my ghoul of a father,
but even he can't get a teacher fired without just cause or evidence.
I wouldn't be so sure.
You can't believe what Hollywood's been like.
I mean, the whole town's terrified,
gripped by paranoia.
A few years ago, Senator McCarthy launched a crusade.
He claimed Russian spies were using TV and movies
to brainwash the American public.
I remember my mom and dad talking about that.
Didn't McCarthy keep a list of known communists?
Yes, but he made it all up, accused people left and right,
used fearmongering to amass power.
He held congressional hearings, had the FBI investigate studios,
pressured people to name names.
Targeting the innocent to gain even more power and influence.
Come on, guys. This is America, okay?
If you're innocent, you have nothing to worry about.
I wish I could believe that, Kevin, but I have seen it happen firsthand.
[Ethel] Oh, my gosh, Jughead. I can't believe this is happening.
Oh, it is. It's the publication of your very first comic.
-Our comic. -Oh, come on.
Excuse me, could we please get two copies
of the newest issue of Pit of the Perverse, please?
We wrote and drew the main story in it.
Oh. From Pep Comics?
Yeah, we sent that bundle back.
Oh. You sent it back? How come?
Because I don't sell crummy smut like that anymore.
It's disgusting and un-American.
Go! Get gone!
[Cheryl] You summoned me?
There have been allegations made against you
about an illicit kiss on Halloween night.
Uh, I don't know anything about that.
We're not upset with you, Cheryl.
You are at the mercy of a condition
that is beyond your control.
But luckily, thanks to your father's status,
we were able to work out a deal...
that will save you from being ruined by this accusation.
That is, provided you cooperate
with the ongoing investigation at Riverdale High.
Is this related to what happened to Mrs. Thornton today?
It's all of a piece. Being a communist,
engaging in deviant sexual behavior.
It's un-American.
It's corrupt. It's dissident.
I won't name names so you and your cronies can rip apart my high school chums
like the pack of ravenous jackals you are.
Oh, no, we already have the names, Cheryl.
Administration has compiled a list of students
strongly suspected of unnatural proclivities.
All we need you to do is corroborate the names
so we can shore up our cases against them,
and so you can redeem yourself.
And if I refuse?
What will you do? Honestly?
You wanna send me away from this godforsaken house?
I would welcome the change of scenery.
The further away from you and Mumzie, the better.
Cheryl!
If you refuse to cooperate,
you will remain under unwelcome scrutiny.
Very well.
We will be forced to take away the one thing you truly care about,
your beloved River Vixens.
Anything but that, Daddy, please.
Do not doubt our resolve, girl.
You have a choice to make.
A choice that may affect the rest of your life.
[elevator bell dings]
[ominous music playing]
Daddy?
Mija.
Knock me over with a feather.
-What are you doing here? -Our estrangement has been weighing on me.
I felt it was time to come see you.
That may be partly true, Daddy,
but you always have some ulterior motive.
Always.
Well, I did. I want to give you this in person.
Why are you in the doghouse with Mom this time, Daddy?
Were you flirting with the script girl?
Your mother is a bit peeved with me, yes.
You know how she can be about even the most casual of flirtations.
Thought it'd best to get out of town for a few days, let her cool off.
But more than that, I wanted to see you.
I wanted to see what your life is like in Riverdale,
meet your friends.
Mija, can we drop the third degree and will you give dear old papi a hug?
[chattering]
Oh, peachy keen. You're all in one place.
Everyone, I'd like to introduce you to my father, Hiram Lodge.
How do you do? Please, call me Hiram.
Mr. Lodge, holy mackerel, you're even more dashing in person.
-Ha. -What are you doing here?
Isn't your show, Oh, Mija!, filming right now?
In fact, we're on hiatus.
-Daddy, these are all my school chums. -Yeah.
-That's Betty. -It's so nice to meet you, Mr. Lodge.
We're such big fans of your program.
Especially the first season. It kind of went downhill after that.
-Mm. -Please, enough Hollywood talk.
Daddy wants to see what simple small-town life is like.
So for starters, he'll be joining our English class.
Your principal, who's a fan of mine,
asked me to be sort of a guest lecturer.
It's my understanding you're working on some dramatic scenes this week.
Who's up to bat first?
[Julian] To be or not to be...
that is the question.
-Whether it's nobler to-- -I'm sorry.
I have to stop you right there.
Tell me... Julian, was it?
Julian, do you even know what you're saying in this monologue?
Well, I didn't grow up in Denmark, if that's what you're asking.
[Hiram] It's not. I don't care where you grew up.
Are you a man?
-Of course I am. -So was Hamlet.
-So be a man. Speak from your guts. -[students chuckling]
-[Julian] To be-- -[Hiram] No, no.
You have to believe what you're saying.
Hamlet was contemplating suicide.
You gotta find the truth in what you're saying, Julian.
And never forget,
words have power.
How can I help you, Miss Cooper?
Well, Principal Featherhead, as you know,
Mrs. Thornton was the faculty adviser for The Blue and Gold.
And now that she's no longer with us--
I'm shutting down The Blue and Gold. We no longer have the funds to support it.
What? We're a high school. We need a high school newspaper.
Why is that?
Well, to keep the students informed.
Let's be realistic, Betty.
The Blue and Gold has never qualified as hard-hitting journalism, has it?
Well, not for a lack of trying on our part.
You're a bright girl, Betty.
And like most teenagers, you may, one day, have something important to say.
But that day is not today.
[Featherhead scribbling on paper]
[suspenseful music playing]
They have all of our names. I saw the list, each of you are on it.
And if I don't corroborate it, they'll take the Vixens from me. The Vixens!
I can't believe your father is putting the screws to you.
You can't confirm that list, even if we're in their crosshairs.
Cheryl would never, Kev. Would you, babe?
Of course not. No.
But if I'm going to outmaneuver the powers that be,
I have to figure out who started this witch hunt and why.
[Toni] Good question.
Who stands to gain from getting you off the Vixens, Cheryl?
I can think of one witch who has always wanted to snatch my crown.
Stop right there, you fink Judas.
Oh, I don't know what you could possibly be referring to, Cheryl.
Of course you do, Evelyn.
You've always wanted to usurp me and claim the Vixens for yourself.
I'd be a better leader and role model to them, that's for sure.
My God. How long have you hated me?
Since the beginning.
Your accusations are baseless.
You weren't even at the Babylonium on Halloween night.
-You couldn't have seen me kiss anyone. -No, but I heard about it.
And I did see you and your gal pal getting handsy at the diner.
[Featherhead] Mr. Andrews, it has come to our attention
that Mrs. Thornton showed a particular interest in you.
Was she trying to indoctrinate you?
Huh?
Mrs. Thornton was just helping me with my poetry, sir.
That's all.
She gave me some books to read.
That's how the enemy operates.
By poisoning impressionable minds.
Soon they'll start questioning their leaders, even their own country.
And then it's a slippery slope to civil disobedience and revolution.
It's happening right now in Cuba.
It must not happen in Riverdale.
[Hiram] Well, it's not Grauman's Chinese, but this place is tremendous.
Well, I'm technically on duty,
but I was thinking you might catch our afternoon show,
then we can pick up something from Pop's for dinner.
I love it.
The coming attractions are about to start.
I'll just be out here manning the concession stand.
A popcorn, please. Just a little butter. Thanks.
Let me ask you a question.
How well do you know that man?
He's my father.
Mr. Fieldstone, we have a crisis on our hands.
There's not a single joint in town that's carrying Pep Comics.
Yeah, it's happening all over the country, not just here.
Newsstands are being raided by Holy Rollers and cops.
Entire bundles of comics are being returned.
But selling comics isn't illegal.
No.
But in the eyes of Joe and Jane Public, it's immoral.
Thank you. It's like peddling pornography.
I mean, we have moms calling other moms,
telling them not to buy their Home Journal
from any newsstand that sells crime or horror comics.
The world's gone cuckoo.
You're telling me, Freckles.
We get hate mail more graphic than anything we've ever published.
Gee-willikers.
Well, what are we gonna do, Mr. Fieldstone?
We're gonna hunker down.
We're gonna weather this storm.
Now, I'm gonna call all the other comic book publishers
and see how they're faring.
Oh, Mr. Fieldstone.
I was wondering if it would be okay
if I had a few copies of Pit of the Perverse #32.
It's my first issue,
and I really need some for my personal collection.
Sure. Look.
There's bundles over there.
[Ethel] Holy smokes.
-Oh. -Oh, it's even better than I imagined.
It's such a shame that no one's gonna get a chance to see it.
Yeah.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
[rock music playing]
[Betty] It doesn't matter what my name is.
I could be any of you, but I feel like a prisoner.
Too young to make my own decisions,
but old enough to recognize that the world is a dark, fearful place.
I'm speaking of my status as a teenager.
Though we might not always have the right words,
I want to know your dreams, your desires, your hopes and fears.
This is your newsletter.
This is The Teenage Mystique,
a forum for all the thoughts and questions you're too scared to otherwise share.
Send me your letters anonymously to the P.O. box below.
You can address them to...
the Girl Next Door.
[knock on door]
What are you doing in here, Archie?
Uh, nothing. Just--
Uh, I was just doing some writing.
Your principal called.
He told me about this business with Edith Thornton.
Mrs. Thornton didn't try to indoctrinate me, Uncle Frank.
That's not what I wanted to talk to you about, Archie.
You're not serious about all this poetry malarkey, are you?
I mean, it's fine if you wanna write a poem for a gal you wanna get with,
but beyond that, well, people might get the wrong idea about you.
We don't want that.
Especially not at a time like this.
Mija, you're awfully quiet.
Daddy.
Why is the FBI following you?
One of their agents questioned me at the Babylonium.
The FBI is investigating me as a possible communist.
And why in God's name would they be doing that?
Last summer,
I took a trip to Cuba.
I remember.
The FBI's claiming
that I met with dissidents and revolutionaries while I was there.
Of course I didn't.
I was buying cigars.
Is that why you came here to Riverdale?
To hide out?
Yes, mija.
But also because I need your help.
A favor.
What's the favor?
I need you to testify that we were in Cuba together.
That it was a father-daughter trip.
Celebrating your confirmation.
And that I didn't meet with any revolutionaries.
I have to think about it, Daddy.
I mean, of course I wanna help you,
but lying to the government?
That's...
That scares me.
Of course. You take all the time that you need.
I'm meeting with a lawyer tomorrow in New York.
Hopefully he can make this whole thing go away,
and you'll be off the hook.
But if not...
No.
I know you'll do the right thing.
[chattering]
[sighs]
Shouldn't you be in New York, bird-dogging my father?
My partner is.
I've been assigned to follow you.
How about you stop following the both of us
since you don't have a shred of proof to back up these sham claims of yours?
Get in. I'll show you proof, but not here.
[car engine starts]
Veronica?
Now, despite what you may believe...
your father is not a good person.
He's un-American.
While he was in Cuba, he met with Vidal Maestro,
who's someone we've been tracking for a while.
A revolutionary who's got big scary ideas about taking over Cuba.
And the free world.
[Thornton] Archie.
How did you even find me?
Honestly?
Your name's in the phone book.
Oh. Of course.
Well, as you can see...
I'm moving.
Well, where are you going, Mrs. T?
I have a job waiting for me at the public library in Greendale.
It's just volunteer,
but they're less judgmental across Sweetwater River.
I wish I knew how to make sense of everything happening in the world.
I have something that might help.
It's a play written by Arthur Miller...
which might help you understand
these strange times that we find ourselves in.
Well, that's perfect timing, Mrs. T.
I need to present a dramatic scene for class this week.
I was gonna do Biff's monologue from Death of Salesman.
Well, you are a Biff type.
But you're so much more, including a wonderful writer.
Words have power, Archie.
Use them for good.
To make the world a better, freer place.
-["Devil's Child" playing] -Would you like a snack?
-Oh, I'm okay. -Okay.
♪ Girl, you must be the devil's child ♪
♪ Whoo, yeah Girl, you must be the devil's child ♪
♪ Just the sight of you Is about to drive me wild ♪
I feel as if I can't breathe.
Like the walls are closing in on me.
Can I really relinquish my Vixens
to some wretched, power-hungry she-hag like Evelyn Evernever?
I have to focus on the greater good, but what is the greater good?
Cheryl, we've been talking,
and we have a plan that could possibly short-circuit this witch hunt.
At least in the short term.
What's the plan?
We would play pretend.
We make people believe that you're dating Kevin,
and that I'm dating Clay.
That would take the wind out of this inquisition.
Hopefully until graduation.
Then privately, we can be exactly who we are.
Toni.
Hiding your true self and pretending to be something you're not
goes against every fiber of your being.
Isn't such play-acting a betrayal of everything you stand for?
It is.
But for you, for all our sakes...
I can live with that.
Mija.
What are you doing up at this hour?
-Waiting for you. -[door closes]
How was New York?
Not as productive as I would have liked.
I'm going to be named.
I thought I could buy my way out of this debacle, but...
I can't.
[Hiram sighs]
-Which means-- -You need me to lie.
Because you weren't in Cuba to buy cigars.
Of course I was.
Maybe.
But while you were there, you went to a party at the Tropicana,
didn't you?
A party that Vidal Maestro also attended.
And don't bother lying.
I saw the picture.
It's possible that we were both at the Tropicana on the same night,
but I was not there for him.
No.
No, by the looks of it, you were there for some blond honey.
Is that her name, Daddy?
Honey?
No.
It's Kelly.
What is she?
Your mistress?
Why don't you just tell the FBI that that's why you were in Cuba?
Because I signed a morality clause with the studio.
So, yes...
I do need you, Veronica.
The family needs you.
And if you don't corroborate my story...
we would lose everything.
But I already lost everything, Daddy.
You sent me away from everyone I knew.
You banished me to this place
where I knew no one and where I had nothing.
You taught me that I can survive losing everything.
The worst happening.
The real question is, can you?
[scoffs] This isn't about protecting me.
It's about your precious show.
Because that is all you've ever cared about.
Maybe you shouldn't be asking me for a favor right now, Daddy.
Maybe instead, you should be asking me for mercy.
["A Teenager in Love" playing]
♪ Each time we have a quarrel It almost breaks my heart ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm so afraid That we will have to part ♪
♪ Each night I ask the stars up above ♪
♪ Why must I be a teenager in love? ♪
-♪ In love ♪ -♪ Why must I be a teenager in love? ♪
Um... [clears throat]
This is...
from the end of, uh...
Arthur Miller's play The Crucible.
Which is about a town
that's ripped apart by lies and accusations.
And one man, John Proctor...
he struggles to do what's right in a crazy world...
at a crazy time.
But he can't deny who he is.
And he can't forsake his name and sign a false accusation.
You cannot use me.
I'm John Proctor.
You cannot use me.
Mr. Proctor, I must have good and legal proof that--
[Archie] You are the high court!
Your word is good enough.
Tell them. Tell them I confessed myself.
Say Proctor broke to his knees and wept like a woman.
Why? Explain to me, Mr. Proctor, why you will not--?
Because it is my name!
And I cannot have another in my life!
Because I lie.
And I signed myself to lies.
Because I am not worth the dust on the feet of them that you have hanged.
How can I live without my name?
I've given you my soul.
Leave me my name.
[Clifford] Cheryl.
I have told Dr. Werthers and Principal Featherhead
all about our discussion,
and how it would be in your best interest to cooperate with our investigation.
Never.
-Cheryl-- -The work you're here doing here is dirty,
and I won't be a party to it.
You're willing to risk losing the Vixens?
I couldn't sign that piece of paper and then lead them in good conscience.
Therefore, I, Cheryl Blossom,
hereby and willingly renounce my stewardship of the River Vixens.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
my boyfriend Kevin Keller and I are going on a double date
with Toni Topaz and her boyfriend Clay Walker.
Toodles.
In the end, I did what needed to be done.
Well, we're incredibly grateful, Cheryl.
We know how much the Vixens mean to you.
Yeah.
In a just world, a young woman should be able to love who she chooses
and be a cheerleader,
but, clearly, we don't live in a just world.
So when given the unspeakable choice,
there was no choice.
This is so wrong.
All of it.
It's just wrong.
But I...
I do take some comfort in the fact
that without the added scrutiny of being captain of the River Vixens,
at least with you three, I can continue living my truth.
And may Evelyn Evernever fall off the top of the Vixen pyramid
and break her scrawny neck.
That was quite the performance, Archie.
Uh...
Thanks, Veronica.
And your scene today gave me a lot to think about.
So thank you for that, Mr. Proctor.
[bell jingles]
I hear you've got Pit of the Perverse #32.
Maybe I do. It's a pretty hot issue.
How hot?
So hot you're gonna burn your fingertips.
Cover price is 10 cents, but I'm gonna need 25.
-Twenty. -No.
Fine.
Pit 32.
[whistle blowing]
I told you, sheriff.
I knew someone was supplying
-my Adventure Scouts with comic books. -Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Jig's up, Jughead.
Hand them over.
Well, it was a gas while it lasted, huh?
At least we made a few bucks. And you got your comic book out there.
How do you feel now that you're a legit published artist?
Proud.
I'm really, really proud of myself.
You should be.
It's a really swell comic book. Here.
God bless America.
[utensils scratching]
There's a new episode of Oh, Mija! premiering tonight.
-I don't suppose you'd like to-- -If you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna take this to my room.
I have to finish memorizing a monologue for school tomorrow.
[Geraldine] Excuse me.
Are you Archie Andrews?
I am. Yes.
I'm Geraldine Grundy.
I'm taking over for Mrs. Thornton's class.
I hear you're a wonderful poet.
You... You did?
Mrs. Thornton was my mentor at Mount Holyoke.
She said you were very special.
Well, Mrs. Thornton's the best.
She is the best.
I'm no Mrs. Thornton, but...
if you would like to continue working on your poetry with someone,
I would be happy to help.
Wow.
Yeah.
But, uh, maybe we could keep it quiet?
I mean, between us?
There's a lot of people who don't like the idea of me writing poetry.
My uncle,
who's also my basketball coach, for one.
I understand.
-[clears throat] -Yeah, it could be our little secret.
Archie, have you ever met a real poet?
Well, gosh, no.
No.
Don't they all live in New York?
No.
Not all of them.
My husband is a poet,
and he lives here with me.
If you like, I can give you a collection of his poetry to read.
Well, sure.
That sounds swell, Mrs. Grundy. Thank you.
[Keller] This is all of it.
Everything we confiscated from Jughead and Ethel's
and the news dealers that are still peddling comic books.
[Werthers] We have failed, gentlemen.
We have not yet been persuasive enough in our crusade against comic books.
So now the days of half-measures are over.
I believe now is the moment for full measures.
You have something in mind?
Oh, yes.
[Veronica] The scene I'll be performing today
is a monologue from King Lear, by William Shakespeare.
Lear has asked his daughter Cordelia to profess her love for him.
To prove her devotion to him.
Unhappy that I am...
I cannot heave my heart into my mouth.
I love Your Majesty
according to my bond, no more, nor less.
Good, My Lord...
you have begot me...
bred me...
loved me.
I return those duties back as are right fit.
Obey you...
love you...
and most...
honor you.
Sure I shall never marry like my sisters, to love my father all.
Hello, Daddy.
What's that, mija?
It's a signed affidavit
which confirms that we went to Cuba on a father-daughter cigar-buying trip.
Thank you, mija.
If anything will help calm these troubled waters, it's your word.
Well, I didn't do it for you. I did it for Mom.
And by the way, you have to be honest with her.
About Kelly.
And why are you asking this of me?
You may not be a communist, but you are a philanderer.
And Mom does not deserve to be disrespected in that way.
And trust me, if you don't tell her...
I will.
All right.
I'll do it.
You're also going to sign The Pembrooke's ownership over to me.
-[scoffs] -Clear and outright.
I need to know that I'll always have a home.
Even if it's not in Los Angeles and not with you.
Okay.
Hi. Uh, I found this card in my P.O. box.
-Can you tell me what it means? -Oh.
We put those in the boxes
when we can't fit all the mail in due to volume.
-Volume? -Mm-hm.
Someone's popular.
-Thank you. -You're welcome.
Have a nice day.
You too.
You and Daddy must've passed each other flying through the air.
Well, now that you mention it, Veronica, I did feel some turbulence.
With more to come, I'm afraid.
What's happening, Mom?
As soon as I get back to Los Angeles,
your father and I are going to hold a press conference
announcing that the upcoming season of Oh, Mija!
will be its last.
-Oh. -Yes.
Your father will...
say a few words, and...
I'll say something like...
"It has been the honor of my life...
bringing such joy and laughter into the homes of our fans,
far and wide.
But [sighs] after seven long seasons,
I am ready for something new."
Which is the truth.
Yes, I can imagine.
What we are not going to announce...
at least, not until after the last episode airs...
is that your father and I are getting a divorce.
But what are you going to do, Mom?
Without the show, or without your father?
[chuckles] I'm not sure.
But for the first time in a very long time...
I'm excited for whatever the future holds.
So one thing that I was thinking...
What about an East Coast Christmas?
It's been ages since we've done that.
Christmas in New York?
Just the two of us?
Just the two of us.
[chattering]
Hey, Dilton.
What gives?
It's the kookiest thing, Jughead.
Principal Featherhead put out the word.
He's buying comic books off of us.
Oh. Uh-uh.
Featherhead must be trying to dipsy-doodle us.
First he bans them, and now he wants to buy them?
What game is this?
Is Featherhead so desperate to get them off our hands?
Who knows?
But I've read these already, so I figure, what's the harm?
[Jughead] The dark truth behind Principal Featherhead's actions
wouldn't be revealed until later that night.
[voices shouting]
How does a fire start?
Well, sometimes, if you're not careful, right on your front stoop. .