WEBVTT

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Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome Aaron Chen.

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Can you hear me?

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Hey, hello. How's it going?

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Yeah, sick. Um…

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This is the biggest show
I've done in New York, uh, since--

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Yeah.

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It's the biggest one I've done
since I left the cast of Shen Yun.

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Some of the best days of my life,
I must say.

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Nah, it's good to be out here in New York.

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It's good. I know you guys
haven't seen a lot of this.

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Um, this--

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You don't have this combo.

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Uh…

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Guys that look like this
and sound like this.

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This is--

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I'm Chinese-Australian.

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My dad, he moved from China to Australia
to give us a better life.

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I moved to America to make it worse again.

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Uh…

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Nah.

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I love America.
It's, uh, going in a great direction.

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Uh…

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There are Chinese people in Australia.
We've got Chinese guys.

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There's a lot of them.

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I went to a school
that was 90% Chinese and Indian kids.

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Which you can't officially legislate.

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Like…

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You're not allowed to just pick them. Uh…

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But you can make the tests really hard.

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I was doing the exam, I'm like,

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"These questions are difficult
in a way that's racist."

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You know?

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I was very offended doing the test.

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I've been travelling around America.
I've been all around.

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I've been to the South.

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Your enemy. Um…

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I like the South. I do. I like it.
It gets a bad--

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I like the South.
It's one of my favorite directions.

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Uh…

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I like it so much,

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When people say things are going south,
I say good.

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You know?

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Let's go further.
Let's go to Mexico. You know?

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I've been all around.
I've been to San Francisco.

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Oh yeah.

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Every time I go back,

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these commies are up to
something new there.

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These commies--
They've got driverless cars now.

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You seen this? Waymo.

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Waymo. I like it.

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I hope we eliminate all humans.

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You know?

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One day I'd love to perform to just Waymo.

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That'd be good.

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Those commies.

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It's good to be out here.
What a place, you know?

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It took me a long time to fly out here.

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From Australia to America,
22 hours in the air.

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That's unbelievable.
They've got meals on the plane now.

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They always had that, but it's, um…

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It's still going, you know.

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They only have two options,
chicken or fish.

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That's all they ever had.

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And that's not enough information,
you know?

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What's the chicken? What's the fish?

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They don't tell you in the carts.
They go quick.

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So you're not allowed
to ask them questions.

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I panic, you know? I say, "Fish."

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But it turns out that chicken is a pasta.

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Which is my absolute favorite.

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Chicken Alfredo. Oh my gosh.

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Fish was a milkshake. Uh…

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Horrible stuff.

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But you guys got good airlines here.

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Beautiful airlines. Um…

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Very nice.

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I flew on Southwest Airlines.

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You heard about this?

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They have a thing called open seating.

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You can pick whichever seat you want
when you're on the plane.

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It's unbelievable. I didn't know that.

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They didn't tell me that.
There was no e-mail.

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I found out when I was on the plane.

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That's Squid Games, you know?

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You know, I was having a panic attack
in the aisle.

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People were stepping over my body.

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I got the worst seat on the plane,
you know?

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I just had to sit there,
think about my life.

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It was horrible.

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At one point in the flight,
a woman got up to go to the toilet.

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I took her seat.

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She comes back, like, "What's going on?"
I'm like, "It's open seating, lady!"

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You know, I'm using her iPad.

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Looking after her child.

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Very good kid. Very good.

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I was like, "No more chips
until you finish your fish smoothie."

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"We gotta… come on."

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I came to New York two years ago.

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I flew in. I landed via JFK Airport.

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What a beautiful airport this is.

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It's really good. Really nice.

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They got great Wi-Fi.

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Unbelievable Wi-Fi.

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You gotta log into the Wi-Fi.

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They don't just let you on.
You log on, right?

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And they got a log-on page.

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At the bottom of the log-on page,
there's a box you can click.

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And it says, "Would you like
to receive JFK Airport news?"

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I'm like, who's that for? You know?

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Who wants JFK Airport news?

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But I accidentally clicked it
on the way to logging in.

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So now I'm getting JFK Airport news.

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But I don't even read the regular news.

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So my main source of news…

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…is JFK Airport news.

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That's not helpful, you know?

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New York's a high-level city.

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You know about this?

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This is a low-level crowd.

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This is, um…

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A lot of low-level guys in here.
They're low-level.

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No, I'm serious.
I was at a dinner party the other night.

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Not to brag. Um…

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And I was sat next to
one of these guys, right?

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High-level guy.

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And I was doing pretty good. You know?

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I was keeping up.

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If you saw me, you'd be like,
"This guy's keeping up."

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And I was, right?

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But at one point,
he turns to me and he's like,

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"What do you think
about the conflict in Ukraine?"

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And I was like…

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"How about the renovations
at Hudson News?"

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Like…

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"What do you think about that?" You know?

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'Cause if you want to talk, we can talk.

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But it does have to be about JFK,
you know?

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Like, let's be reasonable.

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I don't know. There are conflicts.
I do know about them.

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They've got more than technology now.

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I've seen it. They've got tanks.

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Oh, my goodness.

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How did they come up with that?

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Some believe at war, the invention…

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A guy, he must have saw a gun.

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He'd be like,

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"Yeah, I'd like to drive that."

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But it's good to be here in America, USA.

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What a pla-- Whoa.

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She loves it. Um…

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It's great. It's great to be here.

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It's hard to come here, you know?

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It takes a lot to come here.
You've got to get a visa.

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Anyone here got a visa?

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You're on a-- What are you on?

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-An E-3.
-E-3 visa.

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This is a rare visa.

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This is an Australian's only visa.

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It was a gift from America to Australia
because we helped out in the Iraq war.

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So for us, it was not a pointless war.

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We got a visa out of it, you know?

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Get them, boys.

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And we did get them. Uh, we got them.

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Visa secured. Um…

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I'm not on that visa.
I didn't support the war.

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She loves it. Uh…

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She really likes it.

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I'm on a visa. It's called the O-1 visa.

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That's alien of extraordinary ability.

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This is it.

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What I'm doing right now,
no American could do.

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This is…

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This is Australian excellence.

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Um--

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It's a hard process to get the visa.

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It's very difficult, you know?
It took me one year.

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It cost me $10,000.

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Australian dollars, so 20 USD.

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It was… a lot for me. Um…

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And at the end of it,
they make you do a 100-part questionnaire.

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And it's psycho.

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It's a psycho questionnaire. I never--

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Question 1, it lures you in.

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Question 1, "What's your name?"

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At that point, I'm pretty confident.
You know? I think I got this. But, uh…

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Questions 90 to 100, they go crazy.

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Question 90, "Have you ever been
involved in a terrorist organization?"

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Question 95,

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"Have you been a government official
in charge during a genocide?"

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And then question 100,

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the last question they ask you
before you enter America is,

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"Have you ever employed a child soldier?"

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I'm reading these questions and I'm like,
I guess everyone has to fill out forms.

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You know? Like, there's some guy out there
answering yes to these.

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Who is that?

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Just like a warlord?

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He's sitting with his child soldier?

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He's like, "I'm sorry, kid,
I don't think we're going to Broadway."

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"I don't know if you'll get to
see Nicole Scherzinger in Cats."

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I don't know if she's in Cats. Um…

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It's good to be here in New York.
What a place.

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I went to the Natural History Museum.

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Yeah.

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I took my friend, who's a vegan,

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and they had an exhibition,

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it was on carnivorous plants.

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I'm like, these guys are the opposite,
you know?

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Like…

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Who's gonna get who?

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But it's…

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Things are on a different scale
in America, you know?

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You guys do things on a big scale.

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It's, um-- 'Cause, like--

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For example, your most famous statue
is called the Statue of Liberty.

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It represents all your freedom,
all in one statue.

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You've got the Washington Monument.

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That represents something also.

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In Australia, our most famous statue,
it's called The Big Banana.

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It represents a regular banana.

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But we wanted to see
how big we can get it.

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Turns out, pretty bloody big.

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But it's good to be out here.

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What a place, huh?

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You do have to be brave
to live in New York.

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Only some of the bravest guys live here.

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There's a lot of bravery.

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I saw a guy jumping over the turnstiles
at the subway.

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What?

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That's unbelievable.

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I could never do that. I'd crawl under.

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Uh…

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You've gotta be brave
to live here, you know?

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'Cause you can get tricked.

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I'm getting tricked.

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I'm getting tricked.

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I'm serious. They're tricking me a lot.

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You know these guys,
they sell the charities at you?

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They've got the vests on.
You know, they've got the clipboard.

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They're good.

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They're unbelievable, you know?

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They're always tricking me.

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They've got little riddles, you know?

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They've got traps and stuff.

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If you get any of them wrong,
you have to solve world hunger.

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It's…

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The first trap they have,
is they say, "I love your shirt."

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It took me two or three times
to realize they did not love my shirt.

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This is not a coincidence, you know?

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What I learnt is you're meant to say,
"Thank you so much," and you keep walking.

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Right? You've got to ignore these guys.

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But then they've got a second riddle.

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And they say, "Do you know the only state
that ends with the letter K?"

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That's very hard not to stop for.

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That's very intriguing.

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I'm like, "I don't know."

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"Kentucky?"

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And they say, "No."

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"It's New York."

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Isn't that charming?

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Isn't that nice?

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That's where we are right now.

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The answer was beneath our feet.

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This is unbelievable!

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But you get it wrong.
I had to give them all my credit cards.

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But I've adapted, you know?

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You've got to adapt to the city.
I'm adapting.

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I know what you're supposed to do.

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The other day they tried to get me.
They work in twos, you know?

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I'm walking on the street.

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One of them comes up to me.
He's like, "I like your shirt."

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I say, "Thank you."

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And I keep going.

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And the other guy, he goes,
"Well, do you know the only state--?"

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And I say, "New York."

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He perishes.

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He's dead.

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Keep going, you know?

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You've gotta be brave.
People are brave here.

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People are obsessed with crimes
in New York.

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They love it.

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They love, um--

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I know they're obsessed
'cause you guys got an app called Citizen.

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-Yes!
-Yeah, get it, girl.

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It's, uh… it's unbelievable, you know?

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This app, if you don't know what it is,
it shows you a map of New York City.

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And it shows you every single crime
going on at that exact moment.

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There's a second map on there.

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It shows you every registered sex offender
that lives near you.

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It's unbelievable--

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People are obsessed with this app.
There's a premium function.

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You can pay money to it, you know?

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I think you match with them. Um…

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I don't know. I don't know.

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Sorry. Um…

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It's good to be out.
It's a busy, busy city.

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Can we all admit that?

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Very busy, this city. Very busy.

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Some people, they even call it--
They call it the city that…

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is very busy.

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It's… it's busy.

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Some people are so busy,
they're eating overnight oats.

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Have you heard about this?

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They don't have time in the morning
to make oatmeal.

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They've gotta make it the night before.

15:02.526 --> 15:03.986
That's too busy.

15:05.404 --> 15:09.241
Oatmeal is not traditionally
a 24-hour dish, you know?

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We never had to plan for oatmeal before.

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For hundreds of years, we've been
making oatmeal when we feel like it.

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It's too busy.

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Since moving here,
I've become too busy for overnight oats.

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When I go to sleep,
I put the oats in my mouth, you know?

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I wake up and I swallow. I'm like…

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Let's go.

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But you have to eat oats. You do.

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That's what they say. It's a super food.

15:40.481 --> 15:41.857
You know about this?

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It's… the food system
is all messed up, I swear.

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They've got microplastics now.

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You heard about this?

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One of my friends,
he was telling me, allegedly,

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the average person
eats one credit card a week.

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That's too much.

16:02.544 --> 16:05.756
I take one bite,
I'm like, that's enough, you know?

16:08.092 --> 16:11.804
But you gotta eat healthy, you know?
You do have to eat healthy.

16:11.887 --> 16:14.556
I've been having smoothies.

16:15.224 --> 16:16.850
You guys don't do smoothies?

16:18.143 --> 16:20.854
I'm doing smoothies.
You've gotta do smoothies now.

16:20.938 --> 16:23.190
I don't know what to put in the smoothies.

16:23.273 --> 16:26.777
I don't know who to trust.
I've just got everything in there.

16:26.860 --> 16:30.364
Anyone-- Any-- Anything anyone says
you've gotta put in a smoothie,

16:30.447 --> 16:32.282
I'll put it in there, you know?

16:32.366 --> 16:34.952
I don't know who to trust.
Left wing, right wing?

16:36.078 --> 16:38.622
They all have great ideas on smoothies.

16:39.123 --> 16:41.709
I've got elk meat
and AstraZeneca, you know?

16:43.335 --> 16:45.754
I'm having diarrhea and autism.

16:49.383 --> 16:50.676
But…

16:51.385 --> 16:54.596
No, it's crazy to be out here.

16:56.682 --> 16:59.017
It's a beautiful place, America.

16:59.101 --> 17:01.979
Because you guys have diversity here.

17:02.980 --> 17:05.774
Not in this room, but…

17:05.858 --> 17:08.444
Generally there is diversity, you know?

17:08.527 --> 17:09.445
It's beautiful.

17:09.528 --> 17:11.822
We've got diversity in Australia.

17:12.322 --> 17:14.491
But we've got different guys to you.

17:15.951 --> 17:17.745
You guys have got different guys here.

17:17.828 --> 17:19.038
And I think that's nice.

17:20.080 --> 17:23.208
I think that's good.
It's good to see new guys.

17:23.292 --> 17:24.209
I've been seeing new--

17:24.293 --> 17:28.505
I saw a Korean man
yelling at a Hasidic Jew

17:29.006 --> 17:30.049
in Spanish.

17:32.092 --> 17:33.761
Isn't that beautiful?

17:34.344 --> 17:37.014
Isn't that what
we've been working towards?

17:37.097 --> 17:39.683
That's gorgeous. That's nice.

17:39.767 --> 17:41.185
It's 'cause you have Latin culture.

17:41.268 --> 17:44.271
Latin culture is infused
into American society.

17:44.354 --> 17:45.689
It's beautiful, you know?

17:45.773 --> 17:48.692
We don't really
have Latin culture in Australia.

17:48.776 --> 17:50.527
We've got a couple of guys.

17:52.488 --> 17:54.615
They're called Guzman y Gomez.

17:54.698 --> 17:56.825
They…

17:56.909 --> 17:59.078
They're kind of entrepreneurs.

17:59.953 --> 18:01.455
It's a part of American society.

18:01.538 --> 18:03.999
I love it. I've been embracing it a lot.

18:04.082 --> 18:07.002
I went to a Mexican restaurant.

18:07.086 --> 18:08.796
It's… called Chipotle.

18:10.172 --> 18:12.299
Very beautiful culture. Very beautiful.

18:12.382 --> 18:16.053
I went to a Mexican restaurant
one time in Los Angeles.

18:16.136 --> 18:19.473
And it was a beautiful restaurant.
Very long line. I was lining up.

18:19.556 --> 18:21.892
I was lining up
behind this middle-aged man,

18:21.975 --> 18:23.811
and he was with his mother.

18:23.894 --> 18:26.688
And they were speaking Spanish
to each other.

18:26.772 --> 18:27.898
That's traditional.

18:29.608 --> 18:33.403
At one point, he leaves a line
to go get his mother a menu.

18:33.487 --> 18:35.489
But he also got me a menu.

18:36.073 --> 18:37.825
Isn't that gorgeous?

18:37.908 --> 18:39.284
That's really nice.

18:39.368 --> 18:40.410
That's really…

18:40.494 --> 18:43.121
So I look him in the eyes and I say,

18:43.205 --> 18:44.039
"Gracias."

18:46.625 --> 18:48.585
He looks at me.
He says, "I speak English."

18:49.753 --> 18:52.381
"You don't need
to practice your Spanish on me."

18:52.881 --> 18:55.300
And that's a learning moment
for me, you know?

18:55.384 --> 18:57.636
I'm humbled. I'm not from around here.

18:57.719 --> 19:00.764
All I can-- I bow my head and I say,

19:00.848 --> 19:02.224
"Lo siento."

19:20.784 --> 19:21.827
But…

19:21.910 --> 19:24.454
But my life's not going well. I, um…

19:26.498 --> 19:28.709
I'm serious.
I realized my life wasn't going well

19:28.792 --> 19:32.963
because Spotify recommended me
a playlist called Sad Girl Vibes.

19:33.046 --> 19:35.048
Uh…

19:36.008 --> 19:38.760
It's not good, man.
The world's gone nasty.

19:39.469 --> 19:41.054
The Internet's gone nasty.

19:41.138 --> 19:43.473
Don't you think?
Internet's very nasty now.

19:43.557 --> 19:45.309
I was on, um, gmail.com.

19:47.144 --> 19:49.938
Very nasty stuff they got going on.

19:50.022 --> 19:51.356
They got a new notification.

19:51.440 --> 19:54.318
It says, "You sent this e-mail
four days ago."

19:54.401 --> 19:55.944
They haven't replied.

19:57.362 --> 19:59.031
It's like, you don't need to tell me that.

20:00.032 --> 20:02.576
I've been thinking about that
for four days, you know?

20:03.869 --> 20:05.120
It's nasty, you know?

20:05.204 --> 20:08.749
They have a thing now, it's called AI.

20:09.625 --> 20:13.170
I heard they're introducing it
at JFK Airport. It's…

20:18.759 --> 20:21.178
I heard it's going to
affect the future of jobs.

20:21.261 --> 20:22.596
That's what it's saying.

20:22.679 --> 20:24.932
It's saying the jobs--
The article I was reading,

20:25.015 --> 20:26.975
it was saying
the jobs that are most secure,

20:27.059 --> 20:30.145
they're the ones you can define
just by reading the job title.

20:30.229 --> 20:33.690
Just by reading the job title,
you need to know what the job's about.

20:33.774 --> 20:35.567
Jobs like a soccer player.

20:36.610 --> 20:38.612
That's really good, you know?

20:39.196 --> 20:41.323
Nurse. That's a doing word.

20:44.493 --> 20:45.786
Yeah, yeah.

20:47.454 --> 20:50.666
Not to brag, but stand-up comedy,
that's very secure.

20:51.708 --> 20:53.252
Comedy. Make people laugh.

20:53.335 --> 20:56.922
It even tells you what position
to do it in, you know? Like…

20:57.005 --> 20:59.049
Upright. Um…

20:59.132 --> 21:01.760
But I get worried,
because I have a family friend,

21:01.843 --> 21:04.137
and he's a management consultant.

21:04.638 --> 21:07.182
I can't even begin
to know what that is, you know?

21:07.265 --> 21:09.685
I don't even know what management is.

21:09.768 --> 21:12.938
I guess you manage,
but so does everyone, you know?

21:14.398 --> 21:16.191
Even people who are struggling.

21:16.900 --> 21:18.193
You say, "Do you need help?"

21:18.277 --> 21:20.112
They say, "I'll manage," you know?

21:21.154 --> 21:25.409
I'm worried about him on multiple levels,
because, um, even "family friend…"

21:29.371 --> 21:32.749
That's someone who's neither family
nor a friend, you know?

21:32.833 --> 21:35.544
That's a guy you have to hang out with
'cause of your dad.

21:40.215 --> 21:42.551
But my life's not going well, um…

21:42.634 --> 21:43.510
I'm serious.

21:43.593 --> 21:45.554
I clogged my drain the other day.

21:47.347 --> 21:48.765
I did. I clogged it right up.

21:48.849 --> 21:50.809
I had to get a bottle of Drano.

21:50.892 --> 21:54.062
This guy, he shows me around the store
for like ten minutes.

21:54.146 --> 21:56.898
At the end of it, he's like,
"This is unbelievable."

21:56.982 --> 21:58.942
"I have no idea where they're putting it."

22:00.235 --> 22:02.738
I was like, "I thought you were 'them,'"
you know? Like…

22:03.947 --> 22:06.408
But I go home, I take the Drano home.

22:06.491 --> 22:08.994
This drain is clogged up.

22:09.077 --> 22:10.037
It's really bad.

22:10.120 --> 22:12.956
I had to pour the whole bottle of Drano
down there to get it unclogged.

22:13.040 --> 22:15.292
I thought that's what
you're supposed to do.

22:15.375 --> 22:16.335
I told my friend this.

22:16.418 --> 22:18.003
He said, "That's disgusting."

22:19.004 --> 22:21.715
It's like, "Do you know how bad
that is for the dolphins?"

22:22.466 --> 22:25.677
And to be honest, like, I didn't even
consider the dolphins, you know?

22:26.678 --> 22:28.388
I didn't know that it got to them.

22:28.889 --> 22:30.515
That's so far away.

22:31.266 --> 22:32.934
I'm on the seventh floor.

22:34.519 --> 22:37.147
But when he told me that,
I felt horrible, you know?

22:37.230 --> 22:38.982
Like, I was disgusted with myself.

22:39.066 --> 22:41.360
I had to make a peace offering.

22:41.443 --> 22:43.487
I poured a can of tuna down there.

22:45.614 --> 22:47.324
Please have that, you know, please.

22:47.824 --> 22:50.952
It wouldn't really go down,
so I had to put a little bit of Drano to…

22:52.579 --> 22:53.663
…ease it through, you know?

22:53.747 --> 22:56.666
We got to get it to the dolphins.

23:00.337 --> 23:02.756
Other stuff's going well.
I got a dishwasher.

23:02.839 --> 23:04.508
Yeah, thank you.

23:07.803 --> 23:09.388
That's the biggest clap of the show.

23:09.471 --> 23:12.474
That's…

23:12.557 --> 23:15.477
I got a dishwasher.
It's been going pretty good.

23:15.560 --> 23:18.438
I used to rinse the dishes
before I put them in.

23:18.522 --> 23:21.233
But I heard that you're not
supposed to do that, you know?

23:21.316 --> 23:23.860
I heard that if you rinse them
before you put them in,

23:23.944 --> 23:26.905
it's actually really bad
for the dishwasher's self-confidence.

23:26.988 --> 23:30.450
It needs to be built on trust, you know?

23:32.327 --> 23:35.497
I don't risk it anymore. I go dining now.

23:35.997 --> 23:37.749
I'm eating out. You guys dine?

23:37.833 --> 23:39.418
-Yeah.
-Yeah.

23:39.501 --> 23:40.710
Hell yeah.

23:42.504 --> 23:43.422
You guys dine?

23:43.505 --> 23:44.589
-Yeah.
-Wow.

23:44.673 --> 23:46.800
-Table for two?
-Table for two.

23:46.883 --> 23:48.260
Pretty good.

23:49.511 --> 23:51.721
Pretty good.
I've been doing table for one.

23:52.806 --> 23:55.934
Nothing wrong with that.
It's not illegal yet. Um…

23:56.017 --> 23:58.478
They're probably gonna try to make it.
But I, um…

23:58.562 --> 24:00.856
Table for one. You can book online.

24:02.232 --> 24:03.525
Resy.com.

24:05.277 --> 24:07.237
What is this, an open table crowd?

24:10.991 --> 24:12.451
I'm…

24:18.540 --> 24:20.750
I'm booking online. I, um…

24:20.834 --> 24:21.960
I am table for one.

24:22.043 --> 24:24.129
They always ask you if it's an occasion.

24:24.629 --> 24:26.798
I always put something, you know?

24:26.882 --> 24:28.675
'Cause it's funny.

24:28.758 --> 24:30.719
On the page, it looks funny.

24:30.802 --> 24:32.804
Table for one, there's an occasion?

24:34.055 --> 24:35.849
Are you kidding me?

24:35.932 --> 24:37.934
That's unbelievable.

24:39.311 --> 24:41.188
You get there, it's not funny.

24:43.565 --> 24:45.442
They're very sad for you, you know?

24:48.612 --> 24:50.405
"Happy anniversary." You know? Like…

24:56.745 --> 24:59.456
But, I mean, yeah,
I've been dining out too much, probably.

24:59.539 --> 25:00.832
I've been dining out a lot.

25:00.916 --> 25:02.959
My body is falling apart.

25:03.043 --> 25:04.586
It's falling apart. I got--

25:04.669 --> 25:08.381
I had a tooth that was decaying so bad,
I went to the dentist, and she's like,

25:08.465 --> 25:11.009
"Yeah, we're gonna
have to put a crown on it."

25:11.092 --> 25:13.261
I was like,
"Why are you putting a crown on that one?"

25:13.345 --> 25:14.679
"That's the worst tooth."

25:16.181 --> 25:18.266
"You've gotta put it on the canines."

25:18.808 --> 25:20.101
I love those dogs.

25:22.229 --> 25:24.773
But she's like, "No, it's urgent.
We're gonna have to do it now."

25:24.856 --> 25:27.776
And, um, she did the root canal,
put the crown on,

25:27.859 --> 25:29.611
and she's like, "I'm sorry."

25:29.694 --> 25:31.780
"I'm sorry, but, um,
you're gonna have to hold off

25:31.863 --> 25:34.991
from flossing that area
for about two weeks."

25:35.492 --> 25:38.703
And I was like, "I've been holding off
for a lot longer than that."

25:38.787 --> 25:40.914
"On your word, doc."

25:43.208 --> 25:45.126
My body's falling apart.

25:45.210 --> 25:47.796
I got a fungal infection
on my toe, you know?

25:47.879 --> 25:51.841
Sorry to have to tell you that,
but that is what's going on in my life.

25:51.925 --> 25:56.221
And I went to the doctor's and he said,
"You know, in the past,

25:56.304 --> 25:58.723
traditionally, how people
would prevent infection,

25:58.807 --> 26:00.850
they used to urinate on the feet."

26:01.851 --> 26:04.896
I was like, "I'm gonna need
a second opinion on that

26:04.980 --> 26:05.814
before you do it."

26:05.897 --> 26:08.900
Like, you know? Like…

26:09.776 --> 26:11.236
But I need to get into shape.

26:11.319 --> 26:13.655
I do. I'm a family man now.

26:13.738 --> 26:15.490
I've got a sister. Um…

26:17.158 --> 26:17.993
I've got a sister.

26:18.076 --> 26:21.079
I'm trying to get into shape.
I'm getting inspired.

26:21.162 --> 26:23.748
I watched my friend do the triathlon.

26:24.249 --> 26:27.043
That's running, swimming, and cycling.

26:27.127 --> 26:31.047
I don't think I've done those activities
in the same calendar year, you know?

26:31.548 --> 26:33.091
It's very inspiring.

26:33.174 --> 26:34.718
I've got to get inspired to work.

26:34.801 --> 26:36.761
I've been watching sports.

26:36.845 --> 26:37.721
You seen this?

26:39.180 --> 26:41.850
They're fit, these guys. I, um…

26:41.933 --> 26:43.643
I've been watching soccer.

26:43.727 --> 26:46.730
I watched a game just today, you know?

26:46.813 --> 26:49.107
At halftime,
they got the commentators to come on,

26:49.190 --> 26:51.026
talk about the first half of the match.

26:51.109 --> 26:52.944
And one of them,
he was talking about a player.

26:53.028 --> 26:56.656
He said, "This is the most creative player
we've ever seen."

26:56.740 --> 26:59.868
"He's like a book with hundreds of pages

26:59.951 --> 27:01.870
and every page is different."

27:02.662 --> 27:04.205
I'm like, that's every book.

27:06.416 --> 27:11.629
If your book has the same pages,
I'd say your book is broken, you know?

27:11.713 --> 27:13.548
You need to get a new book.

27:14.215 --> 27:16.176
But I'm doing it now, I'm working out.

27:16.259 --> 27:17.677
I go and I work out.

27:17.761 --> 27:18.928
I go to a gym.

27:19.012 --> 27:22.682
I go to one of these gyms,
everyone's looking gorgeous, you know?

27:22.766 --> 27:25.310
You know these?
Some gyms, people don't look good.

27:26.353 --> 27:28.730
The gym I'm at, everyone's gorgeous.

27:28.813 --> 27:31.232
But they work out
with an intensity in their eyes

27:31.316 --> 27:34.402
that suggests that
they don't believe they look good.

27:34.986 --> 27:37.489
That's a real tragedy.

27:37.572 --> 27:39.824
It breaks my heart, you know?

27:39.908 --> 27:42.327
I have to remind people, you know?

27:42.410 --> 27:43.995
I announce it in the change room.

27:44.079 --> 27:45.497
Uh…

27:45.580 --> 27:47.957
I'm like, "Fellas, you're looking good!"

27:49.000 --> 27:50.043
"You're looking nice!"

27:50.126 --> 27:51.169
The ladies are good too.

27:51.252 --> 27:53.546
I don't go--
I yell it into the change room.

27:54.714 --> 27:56.800
There's no laws against that. Um…

28:00.011 --> 28:01.054
Not yet.

28:05.141 --> 28:08.978
But I don't know.
It's good to be out here, you know?

28:09.062 --> 28:11.272
I'm married now, thank you.

28:11.356 --> 28:13.525
Yeah.

28:14.275 --> 28:16.069
What a beautiful institution.

28:16.152 --> 28:17.237
I, um…

28:17.320 --> 28:20.073
I went to Thailand for the honeymoon.

28:20.156 --> 28:21.658
Ooh…

28:21.741 --> 28:23.618
Yep.

28:23.702 --> 28:24.703
I love Thailand.

28:24.786 --> 28:26.705
I told my dad this. I texted him.

28:26.788 --> 28:30.125
I said, "We're going to Thailand
for the honeymoon."

28:30.208 --> 28:32.627
He doesn't text back.
He calls back immediately.

28:33.211 --> 28:34.879
He's like, "Don't go to Thailand."

28:34.963 --> 28:38.174
"They're harvesting the organs
of Taiwanese nationals."

28:39.426 --> 28:42.053
And immediately
I know what's going on, right?

28:42.137 --> 28:44.848
'Cause my dad,
he's on an app called WeChat.

28:45.849 --> 28:48.268
And what this is,
it's a Chinese messaging app

28:48.351 --> 28:50.895
where all my family have a group chat
with one another,

28:50.979 --> 28:53.815
and they share, uh, conspiracy theories,

28:53.898 --> 28:55.692
often in the form of a JPEG.

28:55.775 --> 28:58.027
Um…

28:58.111 --> 29:01.823
And the one of that day
was about harvesting Taiwanese organs.

29:02.323 --> 29:05.034
I pushed back.
I'm like, "Dad, I'm not Taiwanese."

29:06.035 --> 29:07.829
He knows that, you know?

29:08.621 --> 29:10.623
We've known each other quite some time.

29:12.000 --> 29:13.877
But he's adamant. He keeps pushing, right?

29:13.960 --> 29:17.130
I want to convince him once and for all
that these are conspiracy theories.

29:17.213 --> 29:18.840
Like, anyone can do them.

29:18.923 --> 29:21.092
I'm pretty good at Photoshop.

29:21.176 --> 29:25.054
So what I did was I got a picture
of the Australian prime minister,

29:25.138 --> 29:26.347
and I put a caption on it.

29:26.431 --> 29:29.851
I said that they're beheading
Chinese people in Hornsby.

29:31.311 --> 29:33.188
That's where he lives. And…

29:34.189 --> 29:35.607
I post that in the group chat.

29:35.690 --> 29:38.776
Ten minutes later,
the group chat's going crazy. It's…

29:39.402 --> 29:42.030
My uncle calls me.
He's like, "We're locking down." You know?

29:44.949 --> 29:48.578
I defied my father's orders.
I went to Thailand anyway.

29:48.661 --> 29:49.579
Beautiful country.

29:49.662 --> 29:52.040
It's one of the great massage cultures.

29:53.249 --> 29:54.959
You've got, um, Thailand,

29:55.460 --> 29:56.544
Sweden…

29:58.213 --> 29:59.130
And that's it.

30:02.801 --> 30:03.718
But, uh…

30:03.802 --> 30:06.095
They have, um, these massage places

30:06.179 --> 30:09.974
that are run entirely
by female ex-prisoners.

30:10.058 --> 30:10.892
It's beautiful.

30:10.975 --> 30:13.478
'Cause a lot of society,
they write these women off, right?

30:13.561 --> 30:15.939
Some of them have petty crime charges.

30:16.022 --> 30:18.358
Some of them even have assault charges.

30:18.441 --> 30:21.361
But these places,
they see these women and they said,

30:21.444 --> 30:22.654
"What you did,

30:23.154 --> 30:25.156
could you focus that
on the neck and the shoulders?"

30:25.240 --> 30:27.242
Like…

30:31.037 --> 30:33.623
My dad's a great guy. He's a good guy.

30:33.706 --> 30:36.209
He helped me invent my signature,
you know?

30:36.292 --> 30:37.877
He sat me down, I was eight years old.

30:37.961 --> 30:39.254
He was like, "You're a man now."

30:39.337 --> 30:41.548
And I remember,
it was such a tender moment.

30:41.631 --> 30:45.093
He helped me do every, like, jag
and every curve of the signature.

30:45.176 --> 30:46.052
Beautiful.

30:46.135 --> 30:49.430
Immediately after, he helped me
commit my first tax fraud.

30:49.514 --> 30:50.682
He…

30:50.765 --> 30:52.725
Like, "Sign here,
where it says you work for me."

30:52.809 --> 30:55.353
And, um, I didn't work for him.

30:55.436 --> 30:57.230
So I was reluctant, you know?

30:57.313 --> 31:01.484
But he had to take me to his accountant
to try to strong-arm me.

31:01.568 --> 31:05.863
And she's a Chinese woman,
and she was really flexing on me.

31:05.947 --> 31:08.366
And how you do this in Chinese culture

31:08.449 --> 31:11.578
is you bring up
a lot of stories from history,

31:11.661 --> 31:12.620
show off your knowledge.

31:12.704 --> 31:15.206
Like, you've got to know a lot of idioms,
stuff like that.

31:15.290 --> 31:19.335
And she sits me down, and she's like,
"Do you know Michelangelo?"

31:19.836 --> 31:21.379
And I was like, "Yeah."

31:21.462 --> 31:22.839
I thought it was a turtle.

31:22.922 --> 31:24.924
Um…

31:27.051 --> 31:30.763
But she says, "When he finished
building the Statue of David…"

31:30.847 --> 31:32.724
And I was like, "There's another one."

31:32.807 --> 31:34.809
Um…

31:36.728 --> 31:39.022
"But when he finished, uh,
someone came up to him,

31:39.105 --> 31:41.524
and they said, 'Was it hard?'"

31:41.608 --> 31:43.776
"And he said, 'No, it was easy.'"

31:43.860 --> 31:47.947
"'I just took away from the marble
everything that wasn't David.'"

31:48.698 --> 31:51.326
And I was like, "What's that got to do
with my tax return?" You know?

31:52.410 --> 31:55.330
And she said, "Well, the block of marble,
that's your income."

31:55.914 --> 31:58.291
"David, that's your tax return."

32:00.126 --> 32:02.629
And I didn't know what that meant. Um…

32:02.712 --> 32:05.006
But I thought
we were both going to jail, for sure.

32:07.842 --> 32:09.552
But it's good being married.

32:09.636 --> 32:11.846
Beautiful thing to be married. I, uh…

32:11.929 --> 32:15.266
My wife, she moved from Australia,
uh, to America with me.

32:15.350 --> 32:17.518
She quit her corporate job in Australia.

32:17.602 --> 32:19.562
And now she's at culinary school.

32:22.815 --> 32:25.109
After that, we'll send her
to cleaning school.

32:31.783 --> 32:33.159
Uh, sorry for saying that.

32:33.242 --> 32:35.244
I, uh…

32:35.870 --> 32:38.790
Uh, but a lot of you did like it, so…

32:40.750 --> 32:44.837
I wanted to cut that out of the special,
but you liked it too much.

32:44.921 --> 32:46.172
Um…

32:47.548 --> 32:49.842
She goes to a culinary school
in, uh, Manhattan.

32:49.926 --> 32:53.513
It's called the
Institute of Culinary Education.

32:53.596 --> 32:56.099
That's ICE. Uh…

32:56.182 --> 32:59.268
It's an unbelievable time
to be going to a school called ICE.

32:59.352 --> 33:02.772
They like the name,
they think it's good, uh…

33:02.855 --> 33:05.149
Some big letters on her backpack, ICE.

33:06.526 --> 33:08.653
She catches the subway like that.

33:08.736 --> 33:10.905
I'm like, "I'm gonna get a different one."

33:10.988 --> 33:13.783
I, uh…

33:13.866 --> 33:16.244
If you want to go to culinary school
in New York,

33:16.327 --> 33:18.663
the two options that you have is ICE

33:18.746 --> 33:21.290
or the Culinary Institute of America.

33:22.291 --> 33:23.251
CIA.

33:24.544 --> 33:26.629
This is unbelievable.

33:26.713 --> 33:29.882
She's going to have to do
a post-grad abroad, um,

33:29.966 --> 33:31.092
she's going to Al-Qaeda.

33:31.175 --> 33:33.511
It's a beautiful school.

33:35.638 --> 33:36.848
But it's good to be married.

33:36.931 --> 33:38.725
We're having a couple of arguments.

33:38.808 --> 33:40.476
That's healthy.

33:40.560 --> 33:41.728
That's beautiful.

33:43.187 --> 33:46.524
Our main source of argument at the moment
is how we sort the laundry.

33:46.607 --> 33:48.609
You know? How we organize the clothes.

33:48.693 --> 33:50.486
'Cause I'm quite a simple guy.

33:50.570 --> 33:53.072
Like, a simpleton,
that kind of thing. You know?

33:53.156 --> 33:55.825
I have a very simple system
of organizing my laundry.

33:55.908 --> 33:58.202
It follows the human form.

33:58.286 --> 34:00.163
It goes top shelf, tops.

34:00.246 --> 34:02.040
Bottom shelf, bottoms.

34:02.123 --> 34:04.417
Middle shelf, obviously belts.

34:06.335 --> 34:09.922
But she has a much more complex system.
You know? She's very intelligent.

34:10.006 --> 34:12.759
She tries to trick me, and…

34:12.842 --> 34:15.970
She doesn't just have three categories.
She's got sub-categories.

34:16.054 --> 34:18.848
And some of the categories
are subjective, you know?

34:18.931 --> 34:21.476
She's got a category
called "cute little tops."

34:23.728 --> 34:25.438
I'm like, "How am I supposed to do that?"

34:25.521 --> 34:26.981
You know? We're having big fights.

34:27.065 --> 34:29.108
I'm like, "Honey, I don't think
that top's that cute."

34:34.113 --> 34:37.575
But it's taking me a long time
to sort the laundry, you know?

34:37.658 --> 34:39.744
So I've been reading the tags.

34:39.827 --> 34:40.828
There's stuff in--

34:40.912 --> 34:42.705
There's content, you know?

34:42.789 --> 34:45.958
I didn't know there was content.
Everywhere you look, you can find content.

34:46.042 --> 34:47.251
Um…

34:47.335 --> 34:49.921
That's really good.
There's content on the tag.

34:50.004 --> 34:52.715
I was reading one of the shirts,
and one of the tags, it said,

34:52.799 --> 34:56.969
"I'm made of 100%
recycled plastic bottles."

34:57.053 --> 35:00.598
I was shocked. I took the shirt up to her.
I said, "We're doing pretty well."

35:01.599 --> 35:03.601
"I can get you something better,
you know."

35:04.602 --> 35:06.395
"Made of anything you want."

35:06.479 --> 35:07.563
"Even new bottles."

35:07.647 --> 35:11.192
Like, "We can… we can do that."

35:11.692 --> 35:14.445
But that's not to say
that I don't have crazy clothes of my own.

35:14.529 --> 35:16.656
I've got a set of pajamas.

35:16.739 --> 35:19.033
That's tops and bottoms.

35:19.116 --> 35:21.077
Where's that going? You know?

35:21.869 --> 35:24.413
Can't go with the belts. It, um…

35:24.497 --> 35:27.875
But the pajama, the top,
it's a button-down top, right?

35:27.959 --> 35:30.503
And that's more formal
than I wear day-to-day.

35:31.879 --> 35:33.840
I imagine an outside observer looking in.

35:33.923 --> 35:38.052
They'd see me take off my T-shirt
and putting on a button-down.

35:39.303 --> 35:41.472
They'd be like,
"This guy is serious about sleep."

35:42.598 --> 35:44.433
I'm like, let's hit those KPIs.

35:44.517 --> 35:46.185
Uh…

35:46.269 --> 35:49.188
But since we moved in together,
we have new stuff.

35:49.272 --> 35:51.274
There's new stuff in the house.

35:51.357 --> 35:52.817
It's unbelievable. I didn't--

35:52.900 --> 35:54.777
The bathroom has more things.

35:55.820 --> 35:58.990
Before I got married, I had three liquids.

36:00.032 --> 36:02.910
You had the hand wash, um, toothpaste,

36:02.994 --> 36:04.453
and then three-in-one.

36:06.038 --> 36:08.207
And that would cover
all realms of the body.

36:08.291 --> 36:09.584
Um…

36:09.667 --> 36:12.795
But now we've got a lot of liquids.
There's new sauces.

36:13.880 --> 36:16.465
We've got a skincare regime now.

36:16.549 --> 36:17.550
And it is a regime.

36:17.633 --> 36:18.593
Very oppressive.

36:18.676 --> 36:21.512
It's…

36:22.555 --> 36:23.389
It's daily.

36:23.472 --> 36:27.185
There's new liquids
that I've never heard of before.

36:27.268 --> 36:31.147
The other day she said to me, um,
"Can you pass the toner?"

36:31.230 --> 36:33.858
And I was like, "We don't have a printer."
You know? Like…

36:41.449 --> 36:43.910
But it's good. You know, it's, um…

36:43.993 --> 36:46.120
You've got to put the effort in.

36:49.040 --> 36:50.666
That's really my advice. You do.

36:50.750 --> 36:52.293
I've been putting the effort in.

36:52.376 --> 36:55.296
I did, um, the love language test.

36:55.379 --> 36:56.672
It's so important.

36:57.757 --> 36:59.884
It's one of the most important things
you can do.

36:59.967 --> 37:02.595
And I did it. I, um…

37:02.678 --> 37:03.888
I did the love language test.

37:03.971 --> 37:06.515
It turns out my love language
is not gift-giving.

37:06.599 --> 37:09.060
Um, and it was my wife's birthday
the other week.

37:10.353 --> 37:13.147
So what I did was,
I put my hand on her shoulder.

37:13.648 --> 37:14.857
And I said, "Good on you."

37:16.943 --> 37:19.237
That's, uh, words of affirmation.

37:19.320 --> 37:21.530
And touch, you know? Kinda…

37:21.614 --> 37:24.450
I got her two things. Um…

37:24.533 --> 37:25.993
Really spoiled her.

37:26.577 --> 37:30.414
It's quality time too, two hours straight.
We did it, um…

37:30.498 --> 37:33.376
"Good on you. Good on you." You know?

37:33.459 --> 37:35.878
She does like quality time. She loves it.

37:35.962 --> 37:38.047
She loves going to cultural events.

37:38.130 --> 37:39.548
Isn't that good?

37:41.384 --> 37:44.261
We went to the opera together.
We went-- I, um…

37:44.345 --> 37:48.224
I struggled, I must admit, uh…

37:48.307 --> 37:49.976
She's like,
"Why are you closing your eyes?"

37:50.059 --> 37:52.019
I'm like, "I'm really into it."

37:52.103 --> 37:55.189
Uh… yeah.

37:55.272 --> 37:56.774
"But I think you were snoring."

37:56.857 --> 37:59.151
I was like, "I was singing along." Uh…

38:01.570 --> 38:03.239
I love that bit. I, um…

38:06.784 --> 38:10.204
But you learn a lot from being married.
You do. I have been learning a lot.

38:10.288 --> 38:14.375
Um, before I got married,
I had the same pillow for ten years.

38:15.793 --> 38:17.420
I didn't know you weren't allowed.

38:19.046 --> 38:21.090
I thought that was good.
Like, cost per use.

38:21.173 --> 38:22.383
That kind of thing, you know?

38:22.466 --> 38:25.011
By the time I was finished with it,
it was wafer thin.

38:26.470 --> 38:28.889
It was a memory foam pillow, you know?

38:28.973 --> 38:30.433
Ran out of storage space.

38:30.516 --> 38:32.518
Yeah.

38:33.310 --> 38:34.145
When I got married,

38:34.228 --> 38:37.356
I found out that you're not allowed
to have one pillow for ten years.

38:37.440 --> 38:39.483
It's disgusting.

38:39.567 --> 38:41.736
It's against God. Um…

38:41.819 --> 38:44.030
You have to have four pillows
all the time.

38:45.031 --> 38:46.907
Two of the pillows you use.

38:46.991 --> 38:49.827
And two of the pillows
you put on the floor straight away.

38:51.078 --> 38:52.788
Every single night.

38:53.289 --> 38:54.665
You never use them, right?

38:54.749 --> 38:59.462
Your neck couldn't sustain that angle
for the duration of the night.

38:59.545 --> 39:01.505
These are decorative pillows.

39:02.006 --> 39:03.507
What are they decorating?

39:04.008 --> 39:06.427
The other pillows.

39:06.510 --> 39:07.428
It's unbelievable.

39:07.511 --> 39:09.638
They're high quality pillows too.

39:09.722 --> 39:14.101
In my household, these pillows,
they're the same as the main pillows.

39:14.185 --> 39:18.022
That's a lot of potential going wasted
on the floor every night.

39:18.522 --> 39:20.024
They're like, "Put me on, coach."

39:21.108 --> 39:22.109
"I could change this up."

39:22.193 --> 39:24.862
They're waiting for the main pillows
to get drooled out.

39:25.738 --> 39:27.156
And I am drooling.

39:27.239 --> 39:28.741
I, uh, hate to admit it,

39:28.824 --> 39:32.119
but I have to wear a mouth guard
to go to sleep.

39:32.620 --> 39:33.788
Anyone do that?

39:35.039 --> 39:38.042
It's humiliating. It's…

39:38.793 --> 39:40.795
It's horrible to admit. It's…

39:41.545 --> 39:43.964
'Cause back in the day, mouth guards,

39:44.048 --> 39:46.675
they were reserved
for professional boxers,

39:47.218 --> 39:49.428
um, NFL players.

39:49.512 --> 39:50.346
But nowadays,

39:50.429 --> 39:54.725
my life's gotten so stressful,
that the act of going to sleep

39:54.809 --> 39:57.436
is the same as blunt force head trauma.

40:00.147 --> 40:01.607
It's humiliating wearing this thing.

40:01.690 --> 40:04.443
And so many oats get stuck in it, it's…

40:10.032 --> 40:10.866
But it's good.

40:10.950 --> 40:13.035
We've been traveling. We travel.

40:13.119 --> 40:15.704
We went to, um, Mexico.

40:15.788 --> 40:17.415
Ooh…

40:17.498 --> 40:20.084
What a beautiful place. Mexico City.

40:24.130 --> 40:26.590
There's a few attempted claps tonight.

40:30.344 --> 40:31.554
We went to Mexico City.

40:31.637 --> 40:34.890
We went to watch the lucha libre.
You know about this?

40:34.974 --> 40:36.475
You don't have to start.

40:39.103 --> 40:40.438
We saw the lucha libre.

40:40.521 --> 40:43.274
These guys, the luchas,
they wear the masks.

40:43.357 --> 40:47.069
You know these guys? They wear the masks,
um, if you don't know the lucha.

40:47.153 --> 40:50.614
The most famous lucha
is, um, called Jack Black.

40:53.117 --> 40:55.035
And, uh, we went to watch the lucha libre.

40:55.119 --> 40:56.662
The first match we watched,

40:56.745 --> 40:59.457
it was between a lucha,
the guy wearing the mask,

40:59.540 --> 41:01.750
and he was fighting a caveman.

41:02.585 --> 41:05.921
And everyone was booing the caveman.
I didn't know what was going on.

41:06.005 --> 41:07.673
So I had to ask someone,
"What's happening?"

41:07.756 --> 41:10.551
And he said that they like the lucha more

41:10.634 --> 41:12.761
'cause the lucha is more traditional.

41:12.845 --> 41:15.556
But I would have thought that
the caveman is more traditional.

41:16.557 --> 41:19.018
You know, that's one of the original guys.

41:19.518 --> 41:21.061
But if you thought that I was confused,

41:21.145 --> 41:23.939
my wife didn't know
that wrestling was fake.

41:25.566 --> 41:28.027
So she thought that this was a real fight,

41:28.110 --> 41:29.945
and they were still choosing to backflip.

41:30.029 --> 41:31.071
You know, like they…

41:32.406 --> 41:34.950
They thought that was
a good use of their time.

41:36.076 --> 41:36.911
Her mind was blown.

41:36.994 --> 41:39.079
She took like 100 Instagram stories
on the night.

41:39.163 --> 41:40.873
All with the captions like, "Wow."

41:40.956 --> 41:42.500
Like, "OMG."

41:42.583 --> 41:45.169
Like, it was the best night
of both of our lives.

41:45.252 --> 41:46.462
It was unbelievable.

41:46.545 --> 41:49.715
At one point in the fight,
a little person came into the ring.

41:50.216 --> 41:52.468
And he threw the referee out of the ring.

41:53.511 --> 41:56.347
And at that point,
I thought, "The jig is up."

41:58.307 --> 41:59.892
The jig was not up.

42:00.392 --> 42:02.520
She turns to me,
she's like, "Is that allowed?"

42:05.439 --> 42:07.983
I'm like, "I don't know.
It's a real perversion of justice."

42:08.067 --> 42:10.236
You know?

42:10.319 --> 42:13.697
We were walking home from the night,
from the event.

42:13.781 --> 42:15.324
And we were both feeling very good.

42:15.407 --> 42:17.243
We were on cloud nine.

42:17.326 --> 42:20.037
But as we were walking,
the pieces started to fall into place.

42:20.120 --> 42:23.123
And she started to get messages
from back home, from her friends.

42:23.207 --> 42:26.001
They're like, "You do know
that wrestling isn't real?"

42:27.670 --> 42:29.380
And she was furious at me.

42:29.880 --> 42:32.800
She was like, "Why didn't you tell me
that wrestling was fake?"

42:32.883 --> 42:35.177
And I was like,
"I wouldn't know where to begin."

42:36.595 --> 42:38.514
Like, "Do you know
that cavemen aren't around?"

42:38.597 --> 42:40.683
Like, we…

42:42.768 --> 42:44.728
"We don't have that anymore," um…

42:46.146 --> 42:47.731
Dude, this is a beautiful crowd.

42:47.815 --> 42:50.025
What a beautiful crowd.

42:50.109 --> 42:52.111
This is amazing. What a night, huh?

42:52.194 --> 42:55.698
Any of you come to this show
'cause you know me from Fisk?

42:57.491 --> 42:58.576
A few Fisk-heads.

42:58.659 --> 43:02.204
If you don't know what Fisk is,
it's, um, kind of a legal comedy.

43:02.288 --> 43:05.249
It's created by the Australian government.

43:05.332 --> 43:07.293
And, um…

43:07.376 --> 43:08.627
I think it's a psy-op.

43:08.711 --> 43:10.254
I, uh…

43:10.337 --> 43:12.923
No, it changed my life.

43:13.007 --> 43:14.341
'Cause before I did Fisk,

43:14.425 --> 43:17.678
I was just doing stand-up comedy,
you know.

43:17.761 --> 43:19.305
And I always looked like this.

43:20.431 --> 43:22.933
This is all I had to offer. Um…

43:23.017 --> 43:26.437
And I would go on YouTube and Instagram
to see the demographics,

43:26.520 --> 43:28.731
like who was watching the stuff.

43:28.814 --> 43:33.319
And it was always 90% male, 25 to 34.

43:33.819 --> 43:35.404
Anyone fit that demographic?

43:37.573 --> 43:39.241
This is not a good demographic.

43:41.118 --> 43:42.369
A lot of incels.

43:42.453 --> 43:44.371
Um…

43:44.455 --> 43:46.248
These guys,
they don't come out to the show.

43:46.332 --> 43:48.667
They're busy planning something.

43:50.002 --> 43:52.296
I don't know what. I, uh…

43:52.379 --> 43:54.465
But it was a very dark path
I was going down.

43:54.548 --> 43:56.550
It couldn't continue that way.

43:56.634 --> 43:58.969
But then God intervened.

43:59.053 --> 44:01.388
He sent the prophet, Kitty Flanagan.

44:02.723 --> 44:04.433
And she cast me in this show Fisk.

44:04.516 --> 44:06.894
Overnight, the demographic changed.

44:06.977 --> 44:09.480
Women, 45 to 54.

44:11.940 --> 44:13.400
What a beautiful sound.

44:13.484 --> 44:15.152
This is…

44:15.235 --> 44:18.739
Overnight, these angels
descended into my shows.

44:19.239 --> 44:21.575
These beautiful white angels.

44:21.659 --> 44:22.785
Uh…

44:24.453 --> 44:27.081
They love coming to the shows. They, um…

44:27.164 --> 44:29.416
But that's why I had to leave Australia.

44:29.500 --> 44:32.336
I had to get away from all these mamas.

44:32.419 --> 44:35.047
All right, that's my time.
Thank you very much, New York!
phics,