["Bitches' Fuck-Off" by Country Teasers playing]
[muffled grunt]
[breathing heavily]
♪ I'm tired of bitches bitching ♪
♪ I'm tired of slags slagging ♪
♪ Tired of whores whoring ♪
♪ I'm tired of women ♪
♪ Sick of flirts flirting ♪
♪ I'm sick of wenches wenching ♪
♪ And I don't wanna hear no mention Of emancipated women ♪
♪ Stop ♪
-[song fades] -[boys grunting]
Did sir say how big the hole was supposed to be?
For you it doesn't have to be big, eh?
Oh, yeah, perfect for your tiny tool, eh, Spider?
[boys grunting]
[Voss] Come on, fellas. Put your backs into it.
My mother worked harder in her nursing home community garden.
God rest her soul.
Sir, no offense, but what exactly are we doing?
Other than breaking child labor laws.
Are we digging our own graves? I'm not really into that.
[Spider] Oi!
If you're not a little bitch, quit bitching and dig.
[Voss] Listen, I've gathered you all here
'cause I wanna talk to you about pain.
We know what it's like.
We're used to being strong,
having to act tough like we don't feel pain,
but I know men,
and men feel.
-Men feel hard. -[dramatic music playing]
Now, this hole is it judgment-free hole.
Whatever it is that's bothering you,
that's too painful
or too difficult or scary to say out loud,
write it down
because today, lads, is all about
-burying our feelings! -Burying their feelings.
-They're literally burying their feelings. -[Voss continues speaking indistinctly]
[music crescendos, fades]
[birds chirping]
[coughing]
[blowing air]
[rubbing hands]
Good morning.
-Oh. Hi. -Hi.
-Um… I… I got you this. -Oh.
I just took a stab at what I thought you might like.
That's kind. Thank you.
-No, it's all good. -You shouldn't have.
[chuckles softly]
Um… You know, normally, um… Normally, if I'm up at this hour,
it's 'cause I haven't been to bed yet.
-Oh. -[Ca$h clears throat]
Well, um, I'm sure you can appreciate
that it would be inappropriate for us to meet on school grounds.
But the charges were dropped.
I know.
I know, Douglas. Um…
Look, I've considered your request,
and I'm sorry, but I… I can't let you back.
I have a duty of care to the other students
and Hartley High has to be a safe space for everyone.
I mean, there are other options.
Uh… TAFE, certificates, um, online bridging courses.
I'm happy to send you any information you need.
Yeah, um, no. [sputters] I'm all good.
Don't… Don't worry about me, please.
[inhales]
Thank you. Um…
Yeah, yeah. Thanks for your time.
[somber music playing]
Thank you for the coffee.
Yep. Uh…
[Ca$h sighs]
So what did he say exactly?
"We don't need labels."
-What does that even mean? -I don't know.
Oral, but no hand-holding?
There's definitely something up with him. I just can't figure out what.
[quirky music playing]
So what'd you write about?
Oh. Nothing yet.
-You? -[boys chattering]
I just wrote about some guy who showed up at my work,
talked all night, hit it off,
but now he's kind of acting weird with me.
Malakai, I'm kidding. It's chill.
Yeah. Sorry, I just…
A bit all over the place.
Maybe he's just got some personal shit going on.
-Like what? -Jesus, Amerie. I don't know.
You think I've got hive mind or something?
[Harper] It's giving situationship.
You know what they say.
Eight out of ten situationships end badly.
The other two?
End horrifically.
I think I just need to ride out whatever this is
until he realizes he wants to be with me.
-[girls chattering] -[music fades]
[Voss] All right, boys, pens down.
Now, we are not archaeologists.
You want to dig deep, but not too deep.
So it's time to say goodbye to these feelings forever.
♪ It's okay to not be all right… ♪
I actually feel lighter.
Me, too. That or I'm hungry.
[song continues]
[Voss] Very good, boys.
[boy] Oh! [grunts] Stop.
Well done, lads. Good job, boys.
-Oi, Malakai! -Be chill, Am.
Hey, that looked like fun. You having fun?
-[squeals, laughs] -Yep. Uh, Yep.
-Ew. -Ugh.
Heaps of fun.
I've actually… I-- I've gotta go, so.
Oh, right. Um, see you later then.
-Yeah. -Casually, or not. Either way.
Yep.
♪ You know I really love me… ♪
[clears throat]
Was that a, um…
-A body shake? -[Amerie] Hmm.
-[Harper] Hmm. -[Amerie] Mm-hmm.
[Harper] Okay. Well, forget about him and just focus on the election. Yeah?
[song stops]
[door creaks]
[door creaking]
[sighs]
[gentle music playing]
I thought for a sec I was back at Mum's again.
-But this bed is much comfier. -Is that why you busted me out?
So you could escape your mum and Bobby while Rivers is on his book tour?
Self-funded tour for a self-published book. Please.
Do not give that man more credit than he's already paid for.
Anyway, I wouldn't call it "busting" you out.
More like being a glorified Uber driver.
I'm sorry for making you feel like I didn't trust you.
That was a moment of pure insanity.
You came back.
It's the only thing that matters.
You been somewhere already?
Uh, yeah, I wanted to, uh, treat you. [sniffs]
-Oi, angel. -[chuckles]
-[grunts softly] -[music fades]
Mmm. Um, what's on for you today?
Nothing much.
I'll just figure out what I wanna do now I guess.
I'm so jelly. You're gonna have so much free time.
Is that right?
You'd better make yourself useful around here then, eh?
The garden's bloody desperate for a prune,
and that bush out the front… [scoffs]
…is even wilder than mine.
Jesus, Nan.
Either that or you go and have a chat with that stuck-up principal
about going back to school.
No.
You couldn't pay me to go back.
It's embarrassing I was there to begin with.
Figure something out
because I can't have you rattling around here all day.
I need me privacy.
[Roger] Leave in 15?
I've got 30 on Miss Betty, and I'm feeling lucky.
[gasps] Well, keep that up,
-and you can forget getting any from me… -[groans]
…much less the horses.
Try not to get into too much trouble today.
-Okay, Dougie? -[Ca$h] Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
[laughs]
You leave for three seconds and she's already got a live-in boyfriend.
Jesus Christ!
Oh, shit. I'm late for school.
[sighs]
[quirky music playing]
Guess it's just gonna be you and me today, mate.
[Darude quacking]
[school bell ringing]
Morning, Hartley High. Welcome to another day in paradise.
I'm Zoe Clark with your election poll update.
To no surprise, Amerie Wadia and her whore party
are trailing in the polls.
Spencer White and the C-Lords party are sitting comfortably in the middle,
and Sasha So and her QSM-whatever it is party
-lead by a healthy margin. -[cheering]
This three-way race is anything but tight,
but anything could change after today's fundraising competition.
You stay deadly, Hartley High.
-She's very hardworking. -[woman on cell phone] Good to know.
Never seen anyone work harder.
[woman continues indistinctly]
She wouldn't slack off if you paid her too.
Unless… that was the job, I mean.
Well, yes, she'll do whatever you pay her to do.
Not… [chuckles softly] "whatever."
[clears throat] Yes, uh, she's worked for me since 2005.
[imperceptible]
I mean 2015. [clears throat]
Thank you.
Buh-bye.
Ant, we were only kids in 2015.
I'm sorry. Talking on the phone really freaks me out.
Whatever, thanks for trying.
I can still be your reference if you want.
[cell phone ringing]
It's Harry's.
-Hello? -[woman speaks indistinctly on cell phone]
Yeah, that's me.
Yep, that's… good advice.
[imperceptible]
Mm-hmm.
Thanks for considering me.
[sighs]
I'm really sorry.
[chuckling] I got it! I got a trial shift.
-[both laughing] -[quirky music playing]
Ant's now my prime suspect.
[Amerie] Really, Ant?
After ruling out Sasha and Spider,
there's too many other credible suspects,
so I'm going back to my original list.
Ant's name is first.
Okay, well, the sooner this Bird Psycho stuff is sorted, the better.
I'm sick of my reputation being tanked.
I wouldn't want to publicly date me either.
Oh, what'd you find out from that creepy note?
[Quinni] No prints.
Standard ballpoint pen on paper, no indented text from a previous page.
This is a direct aggressive attempt to scare you,
but they made one crucial error.
Now that we have their handwriting,
it's only a matter of time before they slip up.
You are a genius, Quinni.
If you figure out who this psycho is, I swear, I owe you my firstborn.
Oh. No, thank you. It's okay.
Anyway, I was up all night figuring out the correlations
between demographic markers and handwriting samples.
Turns out, it's all junk science.
There is no gendered way.
I did figure out what to look for, though.
So once I get my hands on a few more samples,
I can start ruling people out.
Except Ant hasn't touched a pen since Year 6.
Part of the challenge of being a good detective,
unorthodox methods for a greater good.
Those dirty old men won't be able to resist this.
Uh… Um…
They're not old men.
[toilet flushes]
Huh?
The Sydney Inter-Outer East Women's Association Pitch Day
is an annual tradition.
-Your talking points. -[Ant yawns]
These women provide campaign funding
to the nominated school captains of underprivileged schools
to help develop future leaders.
Talking points.
So networking and nepotism.
Yes, thank you, Sasha.
Last year, each party raised over $1,000 each,
and historically, the party that raises the most amount of money
goes on to win the election.
So they'll just give us money?
[Woodsy] They will listen to your election promises
and if it sounds meaningful,
they will give you some money toward your campaign.
So shall we go?
[Spider sighs]
Hey, Miss, um--
[Spider] Watch out, ladies.
I'm gonna wipe the floor with these MILFs.
Make sure you don't slip on the juices.
[scoffs] You're feral. No amount of Lynx Africa can change that.
Okay. How about this?
If you guys manage to raise more money than I do,
-I'll drop out of the election. -Done.
What do I get?
You can suck my dick 'cause I'm not losing.
[whimsical music playing]
Done deal.
Wait, what did I just agree to?
Don't lose.
[music fades]
-[sighs softly] -[indistinct chatter]
-[Malakai] Hey. -Hey.
Thanks for meeting me.
No worries.
I'm sorry I didn't call you after--
After you crashed my work and spent the whole night giving me vibes.
Yeah. [chuckles]
That was messy. I mean, even for me, but…
This is all just new to me. I'm not against it or anything.
I'm not against it either.
Do you just wanna maybe see where this goes?
[somber music playing]
Um…
You should know that, uh, Amerie and me we're…
We're not "together,"
but we're also not not together.
Uh, um…
Right.
So that's what this is about.
Okay.
I don't want to get caught in the middle of anything.
No, that's fair. Yeah.
I mean, I'm still… I'm trying to figure everything out, but--
You're not there yet.
That's cool. I get it.
I guess I'll see you later then.
Uh, yep. Mm-hmm.
[softly] Fuck.
Do you feel stuck?
Is your old life getting in the way?
Do you wish that you could be the best version of yourself?
A version that makes you excited
to take on everything that life has to offer.
-[cell phone ringing] -Well, it starts with you,
-and it can start today. -[ringing stops]
Oh, that's right. I'm talking to you.
I know what you're thinking.
"How would I even begin?"
[volume increases] Well, if you look the part,
-then you will feel the part. -[cell phone ringing]
Say goodbye to disappointment,
-say goodbye to shame… -[thuds]
…and say hello to a brand-new you.
Take charge, restart your life.
You have the power to reset everything and start anew.
Forget everything you know and everything you were,
-leave behind the past… -[grunts]
…and think only of the future.
-[upbeat music playing] -[quacking]
-[whirring] -[man on TV] Grind Master.
This all-in-one sculpting machine designed by the finest leading scientists
-can be yours for just-- -[sighs] Shut up.
[sighs]
[whimsical music playing]
[chuckles, gasps]
Oh.
No way.
What do you reckon?
[quacking]
Fuck it.
["S-S-S-Single Bed" by Fox playing]
[exhales, sniffs]
[quacks]
[scoffs] Rest in purgatory.
-[Woodsy] All right. -[Missy chewing gum]
Missy, spit that gum out. I can hear it from here.
All right. Everybody, just act natural,
but don't be your usual selves.
Here we go. [exhales]
♪ I've got a one solitary lonesome… ♪
Nice.
Shut up.
[women exclaiming, chattering]
-[mumbling softly] -[classical music playing over speakers]
What do we have here?
[Ant gasps] They've got those little sandwiches without the crust.
Any tips?
I'm trailing in the polls, and could really use the money.
Amerie, I'm sure you'll figure out how to use your usual charm.
-Now off you go and mingle. -I--
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
[woman] What else have you all been doing at school?
[indistinct chatter]
-[Spider] …C-U-M-lord. Spencer… -[chuckles]
I love your fit.
Oh. Thanks.
So, my name is Amerie and my campaign's--
Let me stop you, please, right there.
I'm an ex-Hartley girl,
and I don't want to know about the broken soap dispensers.
I want the goss.
Come on, spill.
So you've been running this event for eight years,
that means you must've started when you were what? 20? 21?
[chuckles] Stop it. I have a daughter your age.
[Sasha] How is he doing that?
Every time I open my mouth, their eyes just glaze over.
You must have a driveway full of heartbroken teenage boys.
Let me know if you ever need them shoveled.
My husband's got it covered.
Married?
Ah, well, that's like a knife through the heart.
[woman laughs]
Fuck this.
If he wants to play dirty, I'll play dirty.
[Sasha] Uh, oh…
Enjoying Spencer's company?
He knows how to make a woman blush. I'll give him that.
[chuckles] That's his specialty.
What were you saying earlier, Spider? That you'd, um…
[clicks tongue] Oh. Mop the floor with MILF juice?
[amusing music playing]
Should I get a mop?
Uh, excuse me. I think I'm needed over there.
[sighs] Low blow.
Only works on low lives. [chews gum]
["Small Town Boy" by Bronski Beat playing]
♪ You leave in the morning ♪
♪ With everything you own In a little black case ♪
♪ Alone on a platform ♪
♪ The wind and the rain On a sad and lonely face ♪
♪ Run away, turn away Run away, turn away, run away ♪
-[song fades] -[indistinct chatter, laughter]
But I can't even ask him about it because we're being casual.
Maybe it was the threesome. Maybe now being with just me
is boring, or--
Was the threesome with you and another girl?
It was with my best friend and her boyfriend.
And on your last date he brought Ronald.
-Rowan. -Rowan crashed your date,
and Malakai spent hours locked in a room with him,
and then you two try to have sex, but it doesn't happen.
What are you trying to say?
I think… Malakai could be gay.
[laughing] No, um…
Malakai's not gay.
I think I would know if he was. We've slept together.
[gulps]
["Milkumana" by King Stingray playing]
[sighs]
-[lunch lady] What's it gonna be? -Uh…
[song fades]
Idiot! Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!
Is that like a new CUMLORD ritual or are you not okay?
All right, what's going on?
Nothing's wrong.
I didn't say anything was wrong. You're twitchier than a ferret on acid.
What's up?
[sniffs]
There's like… There's like a code, right?
Like, you don't out someone if they're queer?
Oh, you mean the being-a-decent-person code?
Yeah.
-Uh… -Why?
[hesitating]
I think I might…
like Rowan.
Oh, my God. I knew it.
Sorry. I thought after the threesome, your vibe was more fuccboi,
but I guess your tastes lean more… country road.
Cut me off right now before I make a horse dick joke because, mmm, that boy--
-Darren. Please. -Sorry. Yes. I… I am with you.
I am here for you on your journey. You're beautiful, you're valid,
blah, blah, blah.
Literally everyone is queer now.
[sighs] I know that doesn't make things easy,
and… I'm proud of you.
For real.
I mean, like…
[taps on bench]
I'm not gay.
I don't think. I--
I still really care about Amerie,
-and I mean, the sex is really-- -[exclaims]
-Sorry. -Thank you, enough.
So you're…
Confused?
[hesitates] Trapped. Frustrated.
I was going to say top or bottom, but go on.
I just feel like I finally got everything sorted with Amerie, and…
I just…
[solemn music playing]
I don't wanna hurt her.
You can't hide who you are to protect other people.
This is why you asked her to be casual, isn't it?
[sighs] Things… have changed,
and that's fine, and that's life,
but if you pretend things haven't changed,
then Amerie's going to think she's crazy,
and I do not have save-my-best-friend-from-being-gaslit
on my bingo card this term.
What if she hates me for it?
If you have to hide something this important from her,
what does that say?
♪ Let's drop, drop, drop D-d-drop, drop, drop ♪
[whoops] Yeah, Danny boy.
-[cell phone ringing] -Oh, shoot. Sorry, Danny.
-[song continues over stereo] -[chuckles] Hey.
Hey! What's up?
[sighs] Oh. You would not believe the amount of drama
that is going on in the halls of Hartley High right now.
How's your day been?
Good. Yeah, just…
Just doing some life admin. What's happening at school?
The question is what isn't happening.
Well, what's not happening?
It's killing me,
but I can't talk right now for privacy reasons, but trust me.
It's juicy.
-[school bell rings] -[sighs]
Guantanamo Bay is back in session.
Don't have too much fun without me. I love you. Bye.
Uh, uh, okay. I-- I love you. Bye. Don't have too much fun without me.
-[line disconnects] -[song continues over stereo]
If there's no financial commitment,
then it's just talk, and talk doesn't fix economic inequality.
You young people are so politically conscious these days.
-I love it. -[Spider clears throat] Uh…
Sorry to interrupt, ladies,
but, uh, have either of you seen anyone chewing gum?
You see, King Charles has been attacked.
There's chewy all over his portrait.
Oh, my goodness.
In my day, we respected the royal family.
I mean, Charles is an environmentalist for God's sake.
Yes, a humanitarian.
Yes, and a colonist.
And actually, you know what?
That whole family are all a bunch of inbred, imperialist…
-[gasps] -…tax vampire pricks,
and the fact they haven't been abolished yet is a war crime.
-You need a name tag. -I'm so sorry.
[Ant] Seriously?
[woman] …these days. It's such a shame.
-[classical music playing over speakers] -[indistinct chatter]
Stop. Full name. This is a formal event.
Actually, no one's wearing one,
so I can dispose of it responsibly. Thank you.
Not a match.
Did he spell his name wrong?
Yes, yes, yes, I know,
um, but the cost to implement a zero-waste program in the school canteen
is outweighed by the long-term benefits.
Ten minutes, thank you, Sasha.
Sorry to interrupt, but we are wrapping up.
I can see you've had a productive time. Well done.
What if this means that I'm the experiment?
Or worse. What if… What if I'm holding him back?
Is my existence queer erasure?
Well, you won't know until you ask him.
Oh, God.
I spent all day talking about Malakai,
and now I'm gonna lose him and the election.
Oh, no, no, no. No, you will make a great captain.
-So you'll back my campaign? -I would.
Yes, I would, but I'm broke.
Sorry, I just followed Sue here for the bubbly.
-[Spider] …masculinity program… -Don't let me call…
-…to help young men… -Did I tell you he called me?
[Spider] …interrogate their masculinity in a safe environment.
Safe environment?
Says the student who made a false allegation against a teacher
and almost got her fired.
-[women gasp] -[woman 1] Oh, my!
[music fades]
Yeah, you're right, Missy, and you know what? Uh, thank you.
Thank you for calling me out on that.
And, uh, I admit that I… I was…
I was acting out,
and I hurt a poor, innocent teacher in the process,
but, uh, as someone who's made their fair share of bad choices,
[smacks lips] I want to hold myself and other young men accountable…
-[woman 1] Ah. -…and I want to be a better man.
[woman 2] Yes.
That's… That's what my campaign is all about really,
is helping young boys become men
so that they don't make the same mistakes.
We can do it, but we need your help.
I mean, there's no alternative.
We have to be better.
-[applause] -[women chattering]
Thank you. Thank you.
[exhales angrily]
[Harper] Hey, how much money did you raise?
-What did you, Malakai, and Dusty do? -Sorry, what?
The threesome, keep up.
What exactly did you do? Like, did you take turns or…
Um… Uh… I mean,
I guess we were kind of all over each other. Why?
I kind of pictured…
Not that I'd pictured it, but that the guys were at either end.
Ew, no, I mean, they were like getting into stuff with each other too.
It was actually kind of hot.
Sorry.
I think Malakai might be gay.
Uh… [coughs, clears throat]
Or bi, or pan or whatever.
I have to figure this out ASAP. I have to ask him.
What happened to being chill with taking some space?
I can ask him in a chill way.
-[gasps] -[quirky music playing]
Hey, um, can we talk?
Yeah. No, actually, sorry. I, um… I've got to run.
I can come with you.
No, let's talk later though.
No problem. I've got stuff that I'm running too.
Campaign stuff. Quinni!
You know, you don't have to be the cool girl
who pretends she's into casual hookups.
Oh, shove it up your ass, or is that closed for business too?
[Zoe] Talking about my ass…
[Amerie breathing heavily]
-Are you okay? -[Amerie] I'm so good.
Got your trial shift at Harry's, right?
Uh, yeah, I should probably go.
[Darren] Yeah, me too. Are you sure you're okay?
I'm amazing. Yeah.
Enjoy work.
-Toodle-oo! -Okay.
-[Darren] Okay. -Fly, fly my pretties.
-What campaign stuff are we doing? -To the feelings pit!
Okay. [chuckles]
[banging on door]
[Chook in singsong voice] Ca$hy.
[Ca$h breathing heavily]
-[Chook] Ca$hy boy. -[footsteps approaching]
[suspenseful music playing]
[in normal voice] You home, bruh?
[glass squeaking]
Can't avoid me forever.
-[imitates hen clucking] -[breathing heavily]
[exhales, sniffles]
-[music fades] -[whimpers]
[upbeat song playing softly over speakers]
[bell dings]
-Darren around? -Can't you read?
He's not an eshay anymore.
[Chaka] What is he then?
-[Ca$h chuckles] -[chuckles]
I told you I don't finish till 10:00.
Yeah. I thought I could wait around for you.
[chuckles]
-You should have told me you were coming. -Why?
What? Trial shift.
[whimsical music playing]
[Amerie grunting, panting]
Ugh, this is useless. None of them are his.
"Useless"? Do you know how many people I'll rule out tonight?
Obtaining evidence without a warrant is shaky,
but I'm using it to eliminate and not convict.
I knew this was a stupid idea.
[Amerie panting]
["Midnight Sun" by Nilüfer Yanya playing]
[gasping]
♪ Love is raised by common thieves ♪
♪ Hiding diamonds up their sleeves… ♪
-Oh! -Quinni, let's go.
-But I have to catalog the-- -I said let's go!
We have to cover the crime scene.
Has Sherlock Holmes taught you nothing?
♪ You're my midnight sun ♪
Was it from Malakai?
[Amerie] What do you think?
[Quinni] Well, what did it say?
Amerie, come back!
♪ Always I did it for you ♪
-[Ca$h sniffling] -[song fades]
Um…
How you been?
Fine.
Thanks.
-Thanks for dropping the case. -[clicks tongue]
Didn't do it for you.
Do you still see him?
Fuck no.
Kind of seems like a hard person to get rid of.
Harper, I'm…
I'm sorry about what happened that night.
I'm sorry I'm… I'm a coward.
I should've stopped them from putting you in the car.
I should have kicked the windows out.
[chuckles softly] I'm sorry. I'm… I'm fucked in the head.
Don't do that.
I don't blame you.
I've never blamed you.
But…
I'm not going to help you feel better about it.
Because it sucked.
It really fucking sucked arse.
[sniffles]
When are you coming back to school?
Uh… I'm not.
Why?
It's just not a good idea.
According to who?
Look, don't…
Don't tell Darren, but I already asked Woodsy
if I can come back and she said no.
That's bullshit.
No. No, I get it. It's ill-chay.
You know, like safe space and all that.
Ca$h.
So… there's me looking for a job.
You got room for one more here?
[Chaka] Darren, did you deep fry your G-string?
[Darren] It was an accident.
-[Chaka] That's the fifth time this month! -Yeah, I kind of like it.
Darren's already had three customer complaints tonight.
Yeah, that… [laughs] That sounds about right.
[gentle music playing]
I mean, the pay's not great, but…
Dad didn't exactly leave me much.
I want to get enough together to save for my own place.
Kind of crazy, hey,
how fast your whole life can change.
Yeah.
Yeah, one minute you're about to graduate high school,
and… next one you're just another dropkick.
[chuckling] You're not a dropkick.
Shit, why am I wearing all this then?
[Harper laughs]
[music fades]
[footsteps thudding]
["Fatal Atraxion" by J. Domeyko & YARA playing]
-♪ I'm a body ♪ -♪ I'm a body ♪
[female singers vocalizing]
♪ I'm a body ♪
[breathing shakily]
[breathing heavily]
-♪ I'm a body ♪ -♪ I'm a body ♪
[Spider whispers] You know you want to.
[echoing] I want your juices.
[breathing heavily]
[disembodied voices moaning]
-[song fades] -Mmm.
The fuck?
-[engine rumbling] -[brakes squealing]
Yeah, good, good.
Not bad for your first reverse parallel park.
-Only needed seven three-point turns. -Does not matter.
-Right. Let's drive around the block. -[gearshift clicks]
Hey! Stop. Whoa!
Okay, what have I told you about head checks?
We could have driven into the oncoming traffic.
All this oncoming traffic?
Driving is all about
-building good habits. -Building good habits.
-Thank you very much. -Yeah.
[yawns]
-[sighs] -Why are you doing this?
Well, if I can be responsible for one more competent driver on the road
as opposed to a less competent driver on the road,
then I am a very happy person.
No, I mean why me?
You could be in bed right now,
but instead you're teaching me hill starts
when I'll probably never drive a manual.
This might come as a shock to you, but I care about you kids.
It keeps me up at night,
the thought of one of you slipping through the cracks on my watch.
What about Ca$h?
Yeah, I don't think it's appropriate that you and I discuss other students together.
I know he's made some shitty decisions,
but if you let him slip through the cracks, he's going to make more.
Okay, so let's drive around the block.
[gearshift clicks]
Well done, there could've been a kid there.
-We saved a life today. -[laughs]
[Woodsy] Well done.
I rechecked the handwriting samples.
None of them matched. Bird Psycho isn't a CUMLORD.
I am so close. I feel it in my whole body.
I am tingling!
Hey, anything we would like to share with the class around shame and fantasy?
What if you don't like what you're feeling?
Well, that's normal.
Our feelings aren't always reflective of who we want to be.
Oh, yeah, like sometimes I have sex dreams
-about Dorothy the Dinosaur. -Oh.
I'd like to "Romp Bomp A Stomp" that din-ussy.
-Actually that's a great example. -[students giggle softly]
Plenty of people have kinks that other people might see as icks.
Okay. Well, what if something starts as a fantasy,
and then all you can do is think about it a lot,
and then it becomes something that you wanna do in real life
because you feel like it's already happened before,
and then all you can do is just think about it
until it's something that I never, ever, ever want to think about again.
Oh, my God, don't stop there.
[Jojo] I get it.
Brains are weird, our thoughts can feel overwhelming.
But just because you have a thought about something,
doesn't mean you have to act on it.
But also sometimes it's worth exploring why you feel ashamed.
Enacting a fantasy can be healthy
as long as it's consensual, legal, and no one's getting hurt.
["Matchday" by 3NDLES5 & Crazymike playing over earphones]
[grunts, coughs]
[Chook] Whoa! It's the kid!
[sniffs] What's going on, lad? You been avoiding me?
No, just trying to stay out of trouble. You know how Nan is.
Bet.
[tense music playing]
Just having no adlays out this way is really fucking with my business.
It's time that you come back to where you belong.
-We are up shit fucking creek. -[groans]
I owe them, so you owe me.
-[yelps] -Leave him alone, Michael Cooper.
After all these years, can you think of nothing better to do with your time?
That's not my name.
Oh, isn't it? Oh, I'm sorry.
-Bitch! -Oops.
-[spits] -[Ca$h whimpers]
-[Chook groans] -Off you go, chicken.
[Ca$h coughing]
[sighs]
So this is what you've been doing with your time, then.
[breathing heavily]
Should we go and have a little chat?
[Zoe] With a generous boost to his campaign funding,
Spencer White is poised to take the lead
with Sasha So following close behind
with a modest contribution from the Women's Association.
Smile. That's it.
Meanwhile Amerie Wadia's SLT Nation party has received a whopping 50 cents,
which she found on the ground outside.
Word is on the street she spent it on a Red Frog at the canteen.
Don't worry, ladies.
I'll get you a bunch of custom CUMLORD's T-shirts made.
-[photographer] Smile. -Everyone gets one.
Even the losing teams.
[Amerie] So cringe.
And now just one with Spi… Spencer.
This is Zoe Clark.
Thanks for listening and stay deadly, Hartley.
[Spider] So…
[indistinct chatter]
-When are you gonna deliver on our bet? -Get fucked.
-Name a time and a place. -In your dreams.
I'll see you there.
What are you lot doing mooching around?
-Shouldn't you be in class or something? -[squeals] Oh! Look! Look! [laughing]
[gentle music playing]
What are you doing here?
Well, uh, my next class is chemistry. So…
[Quinni] Aw! [laughing]
[music fades]
All right, who did it?
Who did it?
[foreboding music playing]
-[Quinni] Sorry, excuse me. -[indistinct chatter]
Bird Psycho.
"I gave myself an infection trying to shave my balls."
-All right, lads. Drop them. -[indistinct chatter]
Oi, don't actually do it.
"My mum found my Internet history, and can't look me in the eye."
That's gotta be Ant.
-Oh. Deep. -[Missy chuckles]
[Spider] All right, come on, 'fess up. Who was it? Who did it?
"Betrayed by my dick." Actual lol.
Bet it was you and the SLTs.
-[Missy] Come on. -This is a dog move, even for you.
You're the ones dumb enough to put your secrets in public spots.
There's no trust left in the world.
[suspenseful music playing]
Surprise, surprise.
Look who's responsible.
[all gasp]
No, no, no, no. It wasn't me I swear.
Right, explain this then.
Why would I leave a photo of myself doing the crime at the crime scene?
So you admit it. You did do the crime.
No, you don't understand. Okay.
We were putting the secrets back.
This is Bird Psychos work. It has to be.
It was Pit Cunt. Pit Cunt did it.
-Yeah, Pit Cunt. -Yeah, Pit Cunt!
[all chanting] Pit Cunt! Pit Cunt! Pit Cunt! Pit Cunt!
-This is over. Get back to class, please. -Come on, guys.
-[Woodsy] Off you go. -Back to class. Back to class.
[Spider] We found the culprit, Miss.
Amerie Wadia. Once again.
[Woodsy sighs]
Looks like your class is a payoff.
Real respectful like.
Thanks.
Don't film this.
Malakai, stop! It wasn't me.
I dug them up and I read them,
but I didn't leave them out for the whole school to see.
You weren't talking to me. I needed to know how you were feeling.
[pensive music playing]
Are you gay?
Is that why you're trying to forget me?
For fuck's sake. I just…
I just needed some space to figure out my own shit. Okay?
Did you ever like me or was it all just for show?
Because my feelings about you haven't changed.
I just wish…
I wish that you'd talk to me.
If I wanted to talk to you, I would have.
I mean, do you ever think of that?
Okay. I know I'm supposed to wait until you're ready,
but if you're gay then what does that make me?
"Me, me, me."
I mean, you can't help make everything about yourself, can you?
And no, I'm not. I'm not gay. I'm bi.
And… and what we had was real, but not after this.
Just forget it.
-No, Malakai, I-- -No, I can't.
I can't do this anymore.
Amerie. Amerie.
My office, now.
I can't believe Bird Psycho was right there.
If I wasn't so caught up, I would have noticed.
This is creepy.
Do you think Bird Psycho's just like waiting in a bush for her to mess up?
Hey, how was it?
Woodsy's banned me from campaigning for two weeks,
and worse,
I have to write handwritten apology letters to the CUMLORDS.
My life is over.
Oh, hey, it's Malakai and Rowan.
They're walking together. They must've made up.
I thought they didn't like each other
'cause they haven't made a lot of eye contact recently.
I was definitely wrong.
People that don't like each other would never walk close together.
It's inconvenient, when you swing your hand,
you touch the other person's, which can be intimate unless--
Unless there's mutual sexual desire.
Crazy.
["Overload" by Sugababes playing]
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
Am?
Bird Psycho sabotaged my campaign,
destroyed my relationship with Malakai,
and ruined my life.
We are going to find them
and make them wish they buried themselves in that pit.
This is war!
[breathing heavily]
♪ Oh, my God, can't say no… ♪
You're sure?
I'm sure.
Amerie and me are over.
♪ You know how I feel for you… ♪
100%?
1000%.
♪ Please don't say no, no, no, no ♪
♪ Train comes I don't know its destination ♪
-♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ -[both grunt]
♪ It's a one-way ticket To a madman situation ♪
♪ Situation ♪
[Malakai moans]
[Rowan] Can I?
[clears throat] Yeah.
♪ I know, I know ♪
♪ It's a one-way ticket To a madman situation ♪
[breathing heavily]
[upbeat music playing] et To a madman situation ♪