Uncle.
Those who have nobody
have nobody.
All they have is their lawyer.
Please try to understand.
-Look, your case is a matter of insanity. -Mm.
It's going to take a minimum of
five to six years to resolve completely.
-Six years? -Yes.
We'll spend 15,000 just coming and going by auto rickshaw!
Listen, sir.
I'm just an ordinary lawyer.
The rest is in the hands of the One Upstairs.
You're right, lawyer saab!
The One Upstairs has a lot of blessings to give.
Whoa!
Are! Are! Are!
Hey, Cheema! Cheema!
Here's the culprit! Catch him!
Hey, you bastards!
Oy, oy, oy! This is my money! Keep your hands off it!
Then how will we pick it up, buddy?
Hey, you're a lawyer too! You should not-- Beta, you are--
First, tell your seniors to stop!
Mathur saab, what the hell are you doing?
Nothing, Cheema! I was collecting it for you.
I made the down payment for your car!
I've got enough to buy a bike!
Are, assholes! You are stealing from one of your own!
We needed 15,000.
But we have more than 18,000!
Hey! Have some shame, you little idiot!
Do you even know we worship you like a God?
And look at the mess you have made here!
Your Honor, first there is a slight tap, then there is a tight slap.
Then there is a hard smack and the worst is to get head whack.
This is what this scoundrel does!
Him?
Your Honor, don't be fooled by his cute face.
He's very cunning.
He knows exactly how to harass each lawyer.
He robs the civil lawyers,
slaps all the criminal lawyers, and the corporate lawyers.
He spits in their faces.
Your Honor, I'm telling you
this is one monkey who's not monkeying around.
Your Honor, he's not the only one.
There are 89 more like him.
Huh?
I've counted them.
You people are overreacting a little today, I think.
Overreacting?
Your Honor, he stole all of Cheema's money.
And here, our Gopalji…
Last week, this fellow left a map of Uganda on his face! Look at it!
And where is our Dholiya? He is here.
Show the judge what map he made for you.
Hey, Dholiya!
You are in front of a judge, behave yourself.
Bainsla sir…
it looks like we only have
one solution available.
Nice!
Very nice!
Nice? You call this nice?
This is not nice.
This is contempt.
Contempt.
To present this to the chief judge.
What an unbecoming proposition!
How could you do such a thing?
Bringing a man dressed as a monkey in front of a judge?
Sir, sir, this is not a monkey, this is a langur.
It's a fact of nature.
That when a monkey looks at a langur, he gets scared.
-Hey, Shambhu. -Mm.
Show, sir, how you can sound like a langur. Come on.
Ooh! Ooh!
Are!
Ooh!
Are! Shush! Shambhu, Shambhu!
Enough, enough.
Sir, he needs some practice,
but he'll improvise in front of the monkeys, sir.
Sir, this idea is not only sustainable, it's indigenous as well.
A Delhi model, sir, a trial run from the parliament house
-to the president-- -Shut up!
Do you really think the chief judge is going to allow this?
Mm. Of course not, Ghosh saab.
If we don't do this then… what do we do?
Vishwas…
find something else.
Yes, sir, yes.
Sir, six months ago, you issued a tender saying
we should take them back to the jungle.
Not a month went by and they were back on campus.
Then you sanctioned the use of slingshots.
That also didn't work.
In the last three months,
these monkeys have made life a living hell in this place.
I mean, it's heartbreaking, sir.
Every lawyer that comes to my chamber looks traumatized.
And a crying lawyer looks disgusting.
Sir, this is not acceptable.
I'm sorry, but if no solution is found…
then we are going on strike!
Hello.
Yes, I'm in madam's car.
She's driving me to court now.
We'll get it from there.
-Uh, what will we get, madamji? -Stay.
Then the bank won't be able to cut down your crops.
See that? The bank won't be able to cut the crops.
What?
They have started the harvester already?
Ask her to stall them for two to three hours
till we manage to get a stay.
Stay will work.
She is saying we don't want a stay, we want our crops.
Only if we get a stay can we stop them from cutting your paddy.
Not paddy, wheat.
Paddy, wheat, same thing, right?
"Sem" is a vegetable.
Madamji, I was saying that, uh, let's bribe them and get this over with.
But why should we bribe them? Jurisprudence is on our side!
Ju…
Okay.
-Monkey! -Go back!
Till we are free of all monkeys!
-We'll be fighting! We'll be fighting! -Madamji…
What is going on?
They are saying "Monkey, go back."
No cars are allowed inside!
Sir, please! Please clear the way.
I have to go inside. It's a very urgent matter.
The court is not handling any matters.
We are on strike today. Strike!
-We want action right now! -What strike? Uh, sir?
If you want to go on strike, please go ahead,
-but how can you stop others? -We want action right now!
Sir, the Supreme Court has made it very clear,
-this is illegal. -We want action right now!
-Sir! -Right now! Right now!
-Until we are free of all monkeys! -Madam.
When is Juris-Prudis Sir coming to meet us?
We'll be fighting! We'll be fighting!
We want action right now!
With all due respect, sir.
The bar is completely in sync with the bench.
Then why is this strike happening at your court?
It's all under control, sir.
Uh, rest assured.
It will be over soon.
I'm on top of it, sir.
Strikes like these could leave a stain on your stellar career.
Bainsla, keep an eye on it.
Yes, Your Honor.
In fact,
-it has my undivided attention. -Resolve it.
Okay, sir.
What is this, Vishwas?
It's the Rewari model, sir.
Ugh.
Your Honor, this looks like shit.
It's the Rewari model shit, sir.
Lion shit.
Monkeys fear lions, just as much as us human beings do.
The farmers of Rewari are very clever.
They scatter lion shit all over their fields
to drive away the monkeys.
The smell of that lion shit--
Can you please stop using this word in my chamber, please?
She is absolutely right.
-How can you use language like this? -I'm sorry.
Uh, Your Honor…
is "poop" okay?
Tyagi?
Sir.
Potty?
Polka… Kaka?
Stool.
Sir, can we try "poo-poo"?
That's what you say to children,
-what's wrong with you? -Excreta.
We will proceed with excreta, okay?
Good choice, ma'am. Excreta is very good.
So then, uh, we'll scatter the lion's excreta
all over the premises,
the monkeys will run away and problem solved.
And where did you get the lion's excreta from?
Ma'am, we got this from the Delhi Zoo.
Unfortunately, they only have one lion left.
So we could only get 300 grams.
-Whereas what we need is 30 kilograms. -Thirty kilograms?
Bags with 300 grams of excreta will be hung everywhere,
outside your office, in the corridor, in the foyer.
Your Honor, that's where lawyers sit.
Sir, uh, we're trying to save them, right?
Hmm.
Your Honor.
It's not just the lawyers who'll be stinking of this.
They'll bring the very same stench into your courtroom.
And your "Order-order" will become "Odor-odor."
Vishwas.
Please think of a new model.
Sure, ma'am.
Didi!
This is my house-help's spouse.
The bank is forcibly cutting his crops
and the lawyers aren't allowing me to enter the judge's block.
Good. They're doing the right thing. There's a strike happening.
Come on, both of you, start making posters.
Are, what the hell are you doing, Daleel bhai?
Uh, didi, this will be my first case.
Help me tie my first naada.
So to help you tie your first naada,
should the entire association rob their banks?
Are!
If you want to go on strike, be my guest, but how can you force others?
Ani, had it been anyone else,
I would have plucked every hair on their head and left them bald.
What do you mean?
Why are you giving her a warning?
You could have warned us as well.
What?
They've already cut half an acre?
There are only two acres left.
Didi, I am going inside.
-Jurisprudence is on our side. -Oh, yeah?
Daleel!
Huh? No, no, no.
Don't… Don't come close to me.
I… I dare you!
You know what? I… I double dare you!
I-- Shit!
-His-- Let go of him! -What did I do, bhaiya?
I didn't even want to come to court.
He getting legal remedy is his constitutional right!
Dammit! My maid is going to go on strike now!
Listen…
Until the monkeys are free…
We'll be fighting! We'll be fighting!
Ow.
Bhaiya, don't hit me very hard.
I can't take the pain.
Sir, apart from a few idiots,
all the lawyers are in support of this strike.
Tyagi sir is looking like a strong president.
Oh, I'm even getting calls of support from Jhilmil.
Phorey must be dying of jealousy.
Order, they wrote the wrong thing on this placard.
-No? -Read it.
"Until the monkeys are free, we'll keep fighting, we'll keep fighting!"
-So what's wrong with that? -Are, the meaning of this is,
until the monkeys get their freedom, we'll keep fighting!
No, no, no!
"Until the monkeys are free," means the monkeys are already free.
And as long as the monkeys are free, we'll keep fighting, we'll keep fighting.
-It's very simple. -Listen, where's Mr. President?
I seek his audience at the earliest.
Uh…
Tyagi is busy. Strike's on.
You tell me, what's the matter?
Please call off the strike right now.
How can the president just call for a strike?
Oh, if the president of the bar association can't call a strike,
should my mother's sister do it?
Laughter track.
It's justice we're talking about.
Not some episode that you can pause whenever you want.
-Sir, my client needs instant relief. -Client?
You've got a client?
Yeah, today.
Then what about our relief?
Who's going to support us lawyers?
Banks don't want to give us loans.
Landlords don't give us houses.
And fathers don't give us their daughters,
but we should give everyone relief?
I heard about the girl problem, but no bank loan?
What are you saying?
Look, madamji.
Neither are we calling off the strike
nor are you going to present your matter today.
Look, please don't lose hope.
I have already entered the judges' block.
Now just wait and watch how I put an end to this stupid strike.
What is this?
Tea.
What the hell is happening in this court?
Howzat!
It's out, sir! Out! Out! Out, sir! Out, out, out!
Only one-tip-one-hand is allowed, but you used both hands. I saw it.
But this is not fair, sir.
I'll hold you in contempt, non-bailable.
-Please bat, sir. -Now, bowl.
Ah, it's out! It's out! It's out! It's out!
-Out! Out! -Out! Out!
No. These… these are five stumps here.
You can only get out with these three, not these two.
But who plays with five stumps, sir?
I'll hold you in contempt. Non-bailable.
God! Look at the mess the association has made in this court.
Vishwas!
I want to file a complaint against the association--
You got scared? She got scared! It worked.
Are, this is our Imli.
She's our good dog.
Imli! Imli!
What is this, Vishwas?
The Karnataka model.
Monkeys are very scared of tigers.
So the farmers of Karnataka painted their pet dogs
to make them look like tigers.
-Genius! -Really?
Reality is stranger than fiction.
And ground reality is stranger than non-fiction.
You need therapy.
You turned a dog into a fricking lion?
I was happy to turn a man into a langur.
But they told me the idea was undignified.
So this was your idea?
Mm.
Are, it's a very good idea, didi.
You know there were two monkeys mating behind the canteen.
When they saw me like this, they stopped and ran away.
But why were you watching monkeys mate?
So what? I was watching them as well.
You guys are gonna drive me mad.
Vishwas, listen.
Hmm?
I want to raise a complaint with Bainsla sir,
this… this illegal strike has to stop, please!
Look, the court will only accept your complaint
after the strike is over.
And the strike will only end
when the court accepts the demands of the association.
Now if the court itself accepts all of their demands,
how can they declare the strike as illegal?
So this strike isn't going to end the way you want it to.
But your ideas aren't going to end it either, right?
If… this idea seems undignified…
-Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! -Hey!
Shambhu! Shambhu! Shambhu! Shambhu! Shambhu!
Shambhu! What?
Then how is this dignified?
Vaah! Vaah! Vaah! Vaah! Vaah!
What's that for?
What a sher, sir!
Good one.
Are, animal print, sir.
Take a look.
From Julie to the Kardashians,
and from Janhvi to Disha, they all love tiger prints.
Sorry!
So why can't our Imli have a preference for lion, sir?
Look at her, sir.
She was looking at herself in the mirror and wagging her tail.
Why are you telling me so much about Imli's emotions?
Sir, because someone will raise an objection this time as well.
Animal cruelty, animal rights…
Sir, once all these issues are raised, this idea will also be rejected.
Yes, sir.
I was such a good idea and I got rejected.
Sir, can I say something?
Bainsla ma'am is usually very practical.
But I don't know what's happened to her this time.
Sir, we need your help to push this idea forward somehow.
You want this strike to end as well, don't you?
As long as monkeys are free to roam…
Work will stop and we stay at home!
Monkey, stop your terror tactics!
We won't take it! We won't take it!
Monkey, stop your terror tactics!
We won't take it! We won't take it!
Madam, they have cut one and a half acres.
There's only one acre left.
Listen, please don't lose hope.
I'm going to start a protest against this strike.
In the morning you tried to protest,
I got locked up here.
Now what will happen?
Look, nothing's gonna happen.
I have the support of all these lawyers.
They are also against the strike, okay?
-We won't take it! -These people?
Ready, everyone?
Let's do this. Okay?
Lawyer strike!
-We won't take it! -It's illegal!
We won't take it! We won't take it!
Monkey, stop your terror tactics!
Lawyer strike!
-We won't take it! -It's illegal!
"It's illegal" final, okay?
-Lawyer strike! -It's illegal!
-The association's demands… -Must be made!
Take them back!
-The association's demands… -Must be made!
Take them back!
-The association's demands… -Must be made!
Take them back!
-The association's demands… -Must be made! Must be made!
-The association's demands… -Must be made!
The reputation of the bar and the bench lies--
Why don't you spend a little money
and get yourself a decent pair of glasses?
You're constantly wiping this whole thing.
It's a Pollard, Your Honor. Triple S.
Subramaniam, Salve, Sibal,
they all wear this brand and it's very expensive.
All right.
So you've preserved the dignity of the bar.
Now preserve the dignity of the bench.
End the strike now.
I want to end the strike, Your Honor,
but I can't see the solution.
Now if I back down without a solution, just imagine
-what it will do to my election. -Right.
And especially since your opponent is Phorey.
I understand, Tyagi.
I was a lawyer before becoming a judge.
Ghosh doesn't understand.
He went straight to being a judge.
Now if I issue an order without consulting him,
a report will be sent up,
saying I don't work well with my fellow judges.
And if I listen to Ghosh,
there will still be a report saying this strike was mismanaged.
What I don't understand, Your Honor, is why Ghosh saab
has such a big problem with Shambhu becoming a langur!
Human dignity.
Human dignity?
Why does Ghosh saab like to raise such big issues in the district court?
Tell him to go and do it in the Supreme Court.
He can't do that.
He's first-generation.
Ah…
Understood.
That means I'll have to make sure that he gets an ego massage
and that too, deep tissue.
Me? No. No way! Not me.
Then who else?
You are the only one in this entire court
who seems to truly appreciate my point of view.
Because we have trained and worked under the tutelage of Venkat Subramaniam.
He enlightened the nation on human dignity.
He even considered rickshaw-pulling
to be against human dignity.
And now, look at this court,
no one seems to have a problem with this idea.
So let's hear it, what kind of sounds have they asked you to make?
What else have they asked you to do?
I've been asked to scare them, Your Honor.
Are!
Enough, son, enough!
When society sees him conduct himself like this,
what respect will they have for him?
Are you married?
Not yet, Your Honor.
And now you never will be.
Not after what you've done to yourself.
Society will always look down upon him.
You can leave, son.
Not necessarily, Your Honor.
Why?
Actually, society doesn't judge us only by our job or profession.
They also look at incentive.
What do you mean?
Back in our time, law graduates
considered legal drafting to be a menial job.
They all wanted to be advocates.
But now, corporate firms are giving them job security.
And the same drafting has become more respectable.
Your Honor, if the job seems
to be lacking dignity to you,
then you can increase the incentive.
The association's demands…
Must be made! Must be made!
Lawyer strike!
It's illegal! It's illegal!
Where's your energy, guys?
Where's your energy?
This counter-protest is looking more like a hunger strike.
-Madam, forget it now. -Must be made! Must be made!
They have cut down all two and a half acres, already.
The association's demands…
Must be made! Must be made!
The association's demands…
Must be made! Must be made!
The association's demands…
Must be made! Must be made!
The association's demands…
Must be made! Must be made!
-What are you doing? -Ending the strike.
Give it back!
Until you don't end this strike, I'm not going to give this back.
Why?
Because this strike is wrong.
How is it wrong?
Before going on strike, you need to discuss the issue.
Look, you've just come, they've only been discussing it for years.
Then why don't you file a written complaint?
We filed a hundred.
If you want to go on strike, please go ahead!
But how can you force the rest of us?
I see, how can we force the rest of you?
And what you're doing right now, isn't that forcing?
The association's demands…
Must be made! Must be made!
-The association's demands-- -Are, Sujataji!
Are, they have met all our demands!
We did it!
UNTIL THE MONKEY IS FREE, OUR FIGHT WILL CONTINUE!
In view of all the arguments,
facts,
material evidence,
and a few convincing performances,
all the learned judges of this court,
that is me
and Chief Bainsla,
we have arrived at a verdict.
Mr. Shambhu Kumar
is hereby appointed as the MRO of Patparganj Court.
UNTIL THE MONKEY IS FREE, OUR FIGHT WILL CONTINUE!
Monkey Repelling Officer.
This is not a mere contractor,
but a bonafide government servant.
Are, he's also got a government job.
He'll get a loan and a girl.
Yaar, there are two more vacancies.
-Should we apply? -I would like to extend
my heartfelt thanks
to the Honorable Judge Mrs. Bainsla,
to the Honorable Judge Mr. Ghosh,
for their very wise decision on this important issue.
A round of applause!
Because today,
they have shown the entire country the flourishing relationship
between the Patparganj bar and bench. A big round of applause!
I…
Treasurer Lakhmir Balli,
I'm standing here today
on behalf of all my lawyer brothers and sisters,
to thank VD Tyagi.
VD Tyagi, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
Thanks to your steadfast leadership,
all the demands of the association have been made!
-Who's our hero? -VD Tyagi!
-Our own Tyagi! -VD Tyagi!
-Who's our hero? -VD Tyagi!
I'm sorry I couldn't get you the justice you deserve.
You must be feeling really bad.
No, no. I'm not feeling bad.
I knew before we came here
that coming to the court would make no difference.
I think you were the only one who didn't know.
Uh-oh! Here, take it, take it, take it.
Take it!
Come. Come. Come. Come.
Come here. Take it! Take it! Take it!
Come on!
Attack!
Whoa!
DOG PAINTED AS A TIGER TO SCARE AWAY MONKEYS
MONKEY SWIPES BAG WITH 4 LAKHS CASH, RAINS THE MONEY DOWN FROM A TREE
FARMERS GET REVENGE AGAINST MONKEYS BY DISGUISING A DOG AS LION TREE