This is a very serious charge against you, sir.
Criminal intimidation, no less.
Do you understand?
According to this, you made threats against the complainant.
Sir, that's completely false.
How could I ever threaten anyone?
Correct.
I'd gone to ask him to return my own money.
Just because I used a few bad words, he filed a case against me.
A few bad words?
Listen to me, my friend.
You may have a sweet little voice,
but those were some salty, bad words you used on him, and they weren't a few.
Bail will be difficult. Very difficult.
But the previous lawyer said I was sure to get bail.
-The case is a done deal. -Hey, genius,
a case is never considered a done deal…
until the judge says so.
In the temple of the court, the judge is God.
And your case is with Principal District Judge Tyagi.
He's just been made judge.
He won't let you off so easily.
Sir, do something and get me out on bail, please.
You have no idea what I suffer in jail because of my high-pitched voice.
You can ask him.
Yeah, he's right.
It'll be 25,000.
25,000?
-Your Honour, first day. -Yes.
-Excited? -Yes.
Your Honour, this way.
Why this way?
Judges always enter from here.
Topo, this is my first day.
I won't just enter.
I'm going to make a dramatic entrance.
Hey, the judge is here.
-Good morning, Your Honour. -Sir, good morning.
Good morning, sir.
Hey, did you see that? The judge just smiled.
And that too at a lawyer.
Looks like Bagai's bail is a done deal.
-Good morning. -Good morning.
-Sit down please. -Yes, sir.
-Your Honour. -Yes?
Why did you smile at that lawyer outside?
Huh?
Smile?
Mintu, sir, at least have a look. I stayed up all night blowing balloons for you.
Happy birthday, Mintu.
Unbelievable! Birthday wishes and no gift? Go sit outside in the foyer.
Shambhu, only the ones with the gifts will stay.
Okay? These flowers are fake. They won't do.
I have sent an RS to everyone. Don't forget to VP.
Our Bar President will cut his cake this evening.
Acting Bar President.
We came to have cake and he kicked us out.
-He always does… -No sarcasm? No cutting comeback?
Mintu's become mature.
He is missing Visheshwar.
Not at all, Mr Munshi.
What does Tyagi mean to me?
I mean, he's a big-shot judge now.
Why should he remember the birthday of a small-time lawyer like me?
So, Mintu, what kind of cake would you like me to order?
There will be no cake-cutting, Sujata.
Tyagi gets me a cake every year.
If he doesn't this time, then I won't have one.
He doesn't understand.
Visheshwar is a judge now. He can't meet him.
Yeah, Vishwas?
Sujata, something's happened to Law.
What happened to Law?
What I'm about to tell you is something that happens to a lot of men.
Promise me…
-you won't laugh at me. -No, bro, we won't laugh.
-Don't worry, Law. This is a safe space. -Mmm.
This morning, when I…
was going up in the lift with some bread and eggs, I met…
Mrs Sharma there.
Mrs Sharma?
-My landlord. -Landlady.
She is no lady, Ani.
What she did to me in the lift, no…
No lady would ever do that.
-Hmm? -She actually…
spanked me.
-Fuck. -What the hell do you mean by "spank"?
Daleel, "spank" means to, uh…
pat someone.
So, now this prude doesn't like being patted on the back?
Actually, it was lower than the back.
On the waist?
-Lower than that. -Oh, I see, I see!
Come on, Law.
Who does that nowadays?
-It must have been a mistake. -Just ask me.
-I'm always getting spanked in the metro. -Mm-hmm.
The old guys spank the hardest.
If her hand had touched me by mistake, she would have moved it away, right?
She didn't?
Hers was stuck to my butt.
Right up to the eighth floor.
And you know what? She didn't raise my rent this year.
She reduced it.
But that wasn't a discount.
It was a payment.
You fool. If you're getting paid for it, then what the hell is your problem?
Daleel, why are you being so insensitive?
Law needs our help.
-He's been harassed, okay? -Mm-hmm.
Her-ass I've heard of. Who's ever heard of his-ass?
She… She means something else.
-I knew no one would believe me. -What does she mean?
It's like those harassment victims in the movies. Just like that!
Those are movie stars. Why would anyone harass you?
-Law isn't even your real name. -Mm-hmm.
-Even stars don't use their real names. -He's right.
Yeah, I'm forgetting who, but there's lots of them.
-Like that guy-- -Guys, please.
Focus.
Law, I believe you.
And I'll make sure that you and men like you feel safe in our society.
You have full right.
So, this happened to you in your building elevator?
Any CCTV cameras?
-For sure. -Now, you tell me.
What kind of smile did Bagai receive?
A very personal one. And Judge Tyagi nodded his head.
Now, when a smile was so personal,
then the judgement will also be in his favour, right?
Don't talk nonsense, my friend.
Uh, Tyagi sir's a very impartial judge, okay?
And I won't hear a single bad thing said against my friend.
Bagai, sir, I was wrong.
Twenty-five thousand is too little.
I'll pay you 30.
Out of all the cases on my plate,
it is only in Bagai's case that bail appears to be clearly justified.
All the evidence is in favour of his client.
So, now can you please tell me, why should I keep him in jail for a whole month?
Well, someone has to pay the price for that smile you gave, sir.
-Otherwise, you will appear biased. -Which I'm certainly not.
None of us are, for that matter, and neither should we appear so.
What do you think? That I enjoy walking around in court with a resting bitch face?
It's a strategy, my friend.
So the lawyers I meet dare not smile at me.
At least you've just been accused of smiling.
On my birthday, my wife gifted me this fancy watch.
I only glanced at it a couple of times and someone complained
that the judge is in a hurry to deliver his judgement.
Very true.
Actions, reactions… A judge is judged on everything.
-A judge is always on trial. -Correct.
So do you expect me to be like Mona Lisa?
Yeah, where no one can tell whether I'm smiling or I'm not smiling?
Bureaucrats and politicians are never questioned when they are smiling.
Why are all these dos and don'ts reserved only for judges?
Because, at the end of it all, the public comes to us.
Looking for justice.
That's why the PDJ of the court cannot appear biased at any time.
Just deny bail.
Look, I don't want to appear biased.
But I'm certainly not willing to send an innocent to jail either.
That's for sure.
Now, Mr Tyagi,
what if Bagai withdraws this case himself?
-Meaning what? -Meaning, what if…
Bagai himself withdraws this case. What then?
Eight…
Right up to the eighth floor.
It's not just America that's naughty. India's naughty too!
Put it on the Internet. It'll go viral.
What should go viral is your response to this.
Is this any way for the police to deal with a crime?
Huh, crime? What crime?
You're a lawyer, right? Tell me which law does this come under.
Ah, ah, sir. She's from Harvard, sir. She'll tell you. Go on, tell him.
What can she tell me? Even the Chief Justice doesn't know.
Because no law has been broken.
Madam, there's a law only for eve-teasing.
Because "Adam" teases Eve.
There's no such thing as Adam-teasing.
By law, only women are harassment victims.
Sir, a victim is a victim.
I don't believe I'm going to say this, but…
-What about men's rights? -Huh?
Don't they have enough already?
What about our rights?
Ma'am, it's not a competition.
How true. We register 36 offences against women daily.
And men? Once in 36 months.
Of course there's no competition.
Ma'am, I fully concur with your outrage. I really do.
But what happened with Law was wrong too, right?
Yes, but how do we know this complaint isn't fake?
-But the video's right in front of you. -Yes, sir.
And where does the video show that she didn't have his consent?
But I'm telling you I didn't consent to that, sir.
-Mm-hmm. -Sir, Law's modesty has been outraged.
Madam, the law assumes that men simply don't have modesty.
So, how can this Law have any?
You tell me. Do we men have any modesty?
Men don't have modesty, only mortality.
-Of course. -What are you saying?
Officer, okay, so we don't have a law for this.
What about intimidation, assault, pickpocketing…
We could at least file charges under one of these.
-What do you mean? -One second.
You want the police to bring false charges against her?
-Yes, of course. No. -No, no, not at all.
-How could I do that? -Ma'am, there's no such clause, right?
Then tell me. What is poor Law going to do?
He'll learn to put up with it.
Women are always posting about being groped on social media and moving on.
You can also make a few posts.
-Dude, wanna do that? -Okay. Look, guys.
We never discriminate.
In cases like this, the advice we give to women, I'll give the same to you.
Find a new place.
-Oh! -That's it.
-So, this is your advice to women? -What's wrong with that?
-I mean, how can you ask a victim-- -Okay.
There's no solution, right? Then I'll find a new place.
-Be a man, dude. -Wonderful.
Good afternoon, Your Honour.
PREMCHAND GABAN
You asked for me?
No, I didn't, Mr Bagai. He did, Mr Tyagi.
Oh, Tyagi, sir.
You could have called me to your chamber, Your Honour.
That is one mistake I will never make, Mr Bagai.
But I have a favour to ask of you.
Your wish is my command.
Please apply for an exception in my court.
After that, we can happily continue to exchange smile for smile.
Exception, Tyagi, sir?
You mean, none of my cases will come before you in court?
But why?
"Why?"
Do you know what people are saying about us on campus?
That I, uh…
I like you.
So? You don't like me, Tyagi, sir?
Of course I do like you, but not… not in that way.
Then in what way exactly do you like me?
What are you being so coy?
You know exactly in what way.
No, I don't. Why don't you explain it to me?
You both are talking about exceptions, right?
-Uh, of course, uh, Mr Shubhkela. -Keep going.
-Look, Bagai, don't beat around the bush.
Are you willing to do me this favour or not?
Of course, Your Honour. I will take an exception.
But, uh, you'll be setting the wrong precedent.
Look, just like me, there are many other lawyers you like very much, isn't it?
After all, you were our president, right?
Will you ask all of them to take an exception?
At this rate, you will not have any cases in your court, Your Honour.
That's, um, very true, Mr Tyagi.
So you're looking out for me. Thank you, Mr Bagai.
In friendship, there's no "sorry" and no "thank you".
I'll take your leave.
What's with this guy?
Never mind that.
What will you do now?
Will you grant bail or not?
Mintu, sir!
Happy birthday!
It's not my birthday!
-It is, it is. It is his birthday. -What a weirdo.
Happy Birthday…
You know, I think you are judging Tyagi sir too harshly.
It's only his first day as a judge.
He must have forgotten with all the new work pressure.
Just wait,
as soon as he sees you, he'll--
JALJEERA LEMON JUICE
Mintu, sir.
I have sent the eviction notice an hour ago.
Mrs Sharma has seen it but hasn't responded.
Next time, pay the full rent.
Cheap homes only exist in horror films or porn films.
Can you guys help me move out of my flat?
I'll accompany you.
It's the least that I can do.
Because, by virtue of being a woman,
I can understand what you're going through.
-I really can. -Madam!
Anyone here named Nikunj?
-Huh? -Why?
-They're looking for him. -He has been charged under section 354.
Here's my ID.
-Outraging a woman's modesty? -I'll show you my driving licence also.
-Woman's modesty? Tell me, Daleel. -Look, here it is.
Does your identity card have the name Nikunj on it?
Why would my name be Nikunj? What's wrong with you?
-I told you, there's no Nikunj here. -No, no, there is someone.
-Really? -Yeah, I made his court ID.
Arrest that horrible pervert! That is Nikunj.
-Oh, he is Nikunj. -Your name's Nikunj?
-Hey, you harass women? -No, no… No, I didn't do anything, sir!
Sir, I didn't do anything. I swear. Ma'am!
-Sir, one second. -Ma'am… Ma'am, I didn't do anything.
I didn't do anything, ma'am.
-Officer… -Do something.
Tell me.
I'm single.
A divorcee.
But… I'm a little friendly by nature.
My daughter lives far away in Australia. And Nikunj…
-Sir, I swear I didn't do anything… -Hey, you be quiet.
Hold on. Hold on. Let her speak.
Young man, after all, far away from home.
And yes, not a single girl has ever visited him.
-What? -Loser.
-Not even one? -It's possible
all his pent-up feelings are bubbling up inside.
And maybe that's why he said,
"Aunty…
-could you please pat me?" -Huh?
-Uh, no… -"A little lower than my back."
I'm single, a divorcee,
-a little-- -A little friendly by nature.
-Sir, she's playing Uno Reverse. -What reverse?
Mrs Sharma, how shameless are you?
It's because of women like her, that people don't believe the victim, sir.
Sir, you know very well that she is lying.
-Exactly. -She has no proof at all.
Yes, yes, I know that.
-Yes, ma'am. -Madam, it's a woman's complaint.
A woman!
Never mind him. Even if a women complains against a parrot, we take action.
-Yeah, he's right about that. -Police report first, proof later.
Hmm.
Being a woman has advantages these days.
Yeah, ma'am, you're right about that.
Excuse me.
This is not feminism.
-Yeah. -Sir, Inspector Pepsu,
please don't file a report.
If he ever goes in for an arranged marriage, it will get in the way.
And if he does get married, he won't even cross the border.
-He'll never get a visa. -Exactly.
-Sir, I'd like to go-- -So, this is my advice to you.
Apologise to her and settle the matter.
-What kind of advice is-- -Absolutely not.
You file your report.
-Nikunj, we're going to see them in court. -Yeah.
Yeah, not going to apologise.
-Go ahead. File the report. Do it. -He's a gone case. Take him away.
-There's no way he's going to apologise-- -Sorry… Sorry, ma'am.
It was my fault, Mrs Sharma. I'll never do it again. Please. Please.
-Don't do that-- -Hey! What are you doing?
Okay, I won't file a report.
Oh, ow. My back!
Okay, let her go. She won't do it.
-Listen, son, I won't file a report. -She won't do it.
-Promise? -Yes, yes, I promise.
-But on one condition. -Yes.
-You won't move out. -Yeah.
Uh, it was really hard finding, uh, a tenant. Uh…
As you know by now, I am single,
a divorcee, a little friendly by nature.
Oh, my God.
DISTRICT COURT, PATPARGANJ
-What time does he leave? -There's no fixed time, sir.
Sir! Tyagi, sir! I know you saw me standing here.
Let him in.
Sir, you've forgotten what day it is today.
These are the judges' chambers.
-Sorry, sir. -Tell me.
Sir, it's Mintu's birthday today.
Yes, I know that.
But, sir, he's… he's very upset actually.
He refuses to even cut a free cake.
He says "My friends cut me off, so why should I cut a cake?"
Sorry, sir.
Order, not now.
It's my first day as a judge, and word has already spread that I am biased.
And you want me to meet Mintu and sing happy birthday to him?
No, sir, no need to sing. Just say it normally. That'll be enough.
But, sir, he has a right to be upset, doesn't he?
On the one hand, you're ignoring him.
On the other, you're flashing smiles at that wonky-toothed Bagai.
I didn't do it on purpose, man. I saw him and I just smiled.
Now what do I do? I made a mistake.
Since you've already made one mistake, why don't you make one more?
Do it for Mintu's sake.
Make one more mistake?
-Your Honour, the list is ready. -Mmm.
The advocates today are, Mr Advait Khurana, Parul Gulati,
and, uh, B.K. Zaveri…
Mr Zaveri.
Mr Zaveri!
Oh, wow! You're looking slim and trim!
Are you on a diet?
He's a lean and clean lawyer.
History of criminal behaviour. Bail denied.
Application unmaintainable. Bail denied.
Chance of absconding. Bail denied.
The ones he smiled at, only receive a smile, no bail.
What's the matter, Mr Bagai?
Why do you look so scared?
I don't see your smile today.
Nothing's the matter, Your Honour.
What do you think? Should he get bail?
Now that, only you can decide, Your Honour.
But you're a lawyer too. You tell me.
If he deserves bail, then tell me why.
It's his very first offence, sir. Uh, it won't happen again.
Bail granted.
See, I told you.
Judge Tyagi's smile and judgement are both totally unbiased.
Come on, now give me back my money, hurry up.
This poor guy spent five years studying.
He then passed the Bar Council exam. He became a lawyer.
And still, he's so helpless.
Imagine what the common man would go through.
-Just think about it. -Excuse me, can I have another plate?
I empathise with you, Law. I really do.
Feels great.
You were right, Sujata.
Arguments are just not enough to win.
I do have a strategy in mind.
It's a little dodgy, but…
What is it, Inspector? Why have you called me here?
-Over there. -She is here.
-Ma'am, here, please come, sit here. -Go on.
-Ma'am, you write the report. -Mmm.
What happened? Why have you called me? What have I done?
She was eve-teasing me.
-Eves. -Eves-teasing.
-Plural. -What?
Mrs Sharma has outraged the modesty of both of us, ma'am.
-So, you harassed them? -Look, this is such a blatant lie.
Neither do I know these two women, and nor are these men young.
Mrs Sharma, that is such a lie.
She passed by us in the market and stroked us like this.
And then you know what she did?
She winked at us.
-So, you winked at them? -No…
-It's a woman's complaint, madam. -Woman!
Have you forgotten? Police report first, proof later.
Besides, we have this video of you.
Maybe we can't file a case,
but a character certificate should be good enough.
Hmm.
So here is my advice to you. Settle this amongst yourselves.
-Thrash it out. -No, ma'am, go ahead with the report.
-Let's proceed. -No, no, look…
It was one o'clock, and it--
-Look, please listen. -No, we don't want to.
-Let them finish. -There were a lot of people.
-And there was a woman-- -Okay. I admit it, it was my fault.
-Yes! -Bro.
-I knew it. -It was my fault entirely.
I want to go to Australia to see my daughter.
I won't get a visa.
Please, don't file a report.
Okay.
We won't file a report.
-But on one condition. -What?
One year rent-free.
-With free parking. -Mm-hmm.
Nikunj?
Well done, bro.
Come on, come on. We are cutting Mintu's cake!
One, two…
Happy birthday!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY
Nice.
-Uh, whose idea was it? -His!
-Very nice. -Thanks.
-It's my birthday! -Yeah.
-It's my birthday, guys! It's my birthday. -Yeah.
Yeah? Yeah?
It's my birthday! Stop it!
I've already said I don't want to celebrate.
So, why the hell have you all turned up here?
What are you so upset about, Mintu?
What the hell, bro?
Why are you so late?
Because I wanted to get this for you. Topo?
Oh, man!
Kidney-bean flavour!
My girlfriend made it for you. Kidney-bean and rice cake.
And one more thing, Mr Lakhmir Singh Balli.
I have an exception to declare.
You, and of course, any case from your chamber
will never be admitted in my courtroom.
You are my friend. There's no way I can judge you.
You said it so that's how it will be.
Happy birthday, bro!
I love you, bro. Love you!
This Tyagi guy is amazing.
Thank you, Vishwas!
All these years, we've been afraid to smile, and here he is hugging in public.
Happy birthday!
Happy birthday to me!
Ani.
Listen, uh, after what you did for me today,
the least I can do is get you some coffee.
Really? You won't have it with me?
No, no, no, I will. What I really meant was you and I can have it…
…together.
Aw, that's so sweet.
So, it's a date then?
Yeah. I guess.
Perfect. See you.
See you.
-Bye. -Bye.
Yes. Yes!
Hey, Vishwas.
-All good? -Hey, bro. Can you push?
-Yeah, sure. -It… It's not starting.
-You filled it up? -Mmm, yeah, I did.
-Let's go. -Come on, come on, come on, come on.