WEBVTT 00:00:07.382 --> 00:00:09.926 align:center Hi, everybody. Are you ready to do this? 00:00:10.010 --> 00:00:11.761 align:center Okay. 00:00:12.595 --> 00:00:18.852 align:center Ladies, gentlemen, and everybody, please give it up for Sheng Wang! 00:00:39.664 --> 00:00:42.417 align:center What's up, DC? 00:00:46.296 --> 00:00:47.797 align:center Oh, boy. 00:00:49.382 --> 00:00:51.634 align:center Thank you. Thank you so much for coming out. 00:00:51.718 --> 00:00:55.388 align:center Thank you so much for having me, man. I hope you're doing well. 00:00:55.472 --> 00:00:57.056 align:center Uh, I'm feeling pretty good. 00:00:57.140 --> 00:00:59.476 align:center I've been trying to eat more berries. 00:01:00.602 --> 00:01:03.980 align:center I'm real passionate about those antioxidants. 00:01:04.522 --> 00:01:05.398 align:center It's weird. 00:01:05.482 --> 00:01:07.525 align:center I don't even know what oxidants are. 00:01:07.609 --> 00:01:10.236 align:center I just know that I'm against them. 00:01:12.614 --> 00:01:15.325 align:center It seems like whenever you eat something that's yummy, 00:01:15.408 --> 00:01:18.369 align:center there's some oxidants trying to bring you down. 00:01:19.454 --> 00:01:23.249 align:center Right? So after I eat like a steak and some martinis, 00:01:23.333 --> 00:01:25.085 align:center I call on my berries. 00:01:26.127 --> 00:01:27.670 align:center I send in the antioxidants. 00:01:27.754 --> 00:01:31.341 align:center I'm like, "Hey, man, go handle that." 00:01:32.967 --> 00:01:35.053 align:center "Make it look like an accident." 00:01:36.846 --> 00:01:39.390 align:center Sometimes I eat the berries before the dinner. 00:01:39.474 --> 00:01:41.643 align:center I lay a trap. 00:01:43.311 --> 00:01:47.649 align:center They don't know what's coming. They think they about to go oxidize. 00:01:50.318 --> 00:01:54.781 align:center I like berries for sure, but you know who really love eating berries the most? 00:01:54.864 --> 00:01:57.325 align:center Your friends' kids. 00:01:58.910 --> 00:02:01.329 align:center Uh-oh, when your friends' kids come over, 00:02:01.412 --> 00:02:04.374 align:center hide the berries under the broccoli, quick. 00:02:05.500 --> 00:02:07.252 align:center That's a hard lesson to learn, man. 00:02:07.335 --> 00:02:10.421 align:center My friend came over with her kid. I'm a good host. 00:02:10.505 --> 00:02:13.842 align:center I bust out snacks, refreshments, the berries. 00:02:13.925 --> 00:02:15.552 align:center I'm happy they're happy. 00:02:15.635 --> 00:02:19.931 align:center And then I realize, "Oh, this girl don't know how much they cost at all." 00:02:21.057 --> 00:02:23.351 align:center She eating them crazy. 00:02:24.352 --> 00:02:26.271 align:center By the fistful. 00:02:27.063 --> 00:02:29.941 align:center I never seen berries be held like that. 00:02:31.276 --> 00:02:32.735 align:center That's not how you eat berries. 00:02:32.819 --> 00:02:36.364 align:center That's how you display a sacrificial human heart. 00:02:40.952 --> 00:02:43.204 align:center I don't say anything 'cause it's good for them. 00:02:43.288 --> 00:02:46.541 align:center But in my mind, I'm like, "That's not reasonable." 00:02:48.585 --> 00:02:51.671 align:center I'm trying to be cool, I'm trying. But I'm bothered, you know? 00:02:51.754 --> 00:02:55.967 align:center I'm so bothered, I can't follow the conversation with the grown-ups. 00:02:57.177 --> 00:03:02.015 align:center I don't know what we talking about. I'm too busy assessing my losses. 00:03:03.850 --> 00:03:07.353 align:center "Nobody see what's going on right now? We getting robbed." 00:03:10.398 --> 00:03:14.360 align:center I don't know what to do. I-- I try to show her how to eat a berry. 00:03:14.444 --> 00:03:16.362 align:center I try to model behavior. 00:03:16.446 --> 00:03:20.617 align:center I'm like, "Hey, uh, take one." 00:03:21.659 --> 00:03:24.037 align:center "Look at it. Appreciate the color, the texture." 00:03:24.120 --> 00:03:26.331 align:center "Be present with the berry." 00:03:27.373 --> 00:03:29.042 align:center "Chew it slowly, savor it." 00:03:29.125 --> 00:03:33.338 align:center "After you eat a whole cup, that's enough for today. All done." 00:03:38.384 --> 00:03:40.553 align:center She don't know how to take a hint. 00:03:40.637 --> 00:03:44.432 align:center I get so frustrated, I start to eat the berries as fast as I can. 00:03:47.143 --> 00:03:49.771 align:center Hide them in my esophagus. 00:03:52.565 --> 00:03:54.609 align:center It's something you have to accept, right? 00:03:54.692 --> 00:04:00.406 align:center When there's kids on the scene, the hang will be less predictable. 00:04:00.990 --> 00:04:01.824 align:center Things happen. 00:04:01.908 --> 00:04:04.202 align:center The other day, I'm at my friend's house. 00:04:04.285 --> 00:04:07.413 align:center It's a bunch of bros having beers around the firepit in the backyard. 00:04:07.497 --> 00:04:09.082 align:center It's a fun, silly time. 00:04:09.165 --> 00:04:11.668 align:center Suddenly, my friend's kid came out. 00:04:11.751 --> 00:04:13.378 align:center Pop-quizzed him. 00:04:14.087 --> 00:04:18.007 align:center That's when, out of nowhere, no context, your kid just run up on you, 00:04:18.091 --> 00:04:22.345 align:center and they hit you with a question about science in front of everybody. 00:04:24.013 --> 00:04:25.974 align:center Now it's quiet. 00:04:27.308 --> 00:04:32.397 align:center Now my friend is struggling to explain how the moon works. 00:04:34.190 --> 00:04:36.859 align:center I'm nervous for him. 00:04:36.943 --> 00:04:39.320 align:center I know he know we listening too. 00:04:41.197 --> 00:04:43.616 align:center We would like to know as well. 00:04:44.951 --> 00:04:48.705 align:center "That's a good question. Hey, why is it like that?" 00:04:50.748 --> 00:04:55.003 align:center We don't know the answer, but we actively judging his response. 00:04:57.463 --> 00:05:00.008 align:center You know, 'cause when your friend explains stuff to the kids, 00:05:00.091 --> 00:05:02.010 align:center sometimes they have to dumb it down. 00:05:02.093 --> 00:05:06.639 align:center But then sometimes you realize, "Oh, no, my friend is dumb." 00:05:11.102 --> 00:05:14.564 align:center Kids can clarify your situation, you know? 00:05:14.647 --> 00:05:17.108 align:center Like the other day, I took my niece to the playground. 00:05:17.191 --> 00:05:20.611 align:center It's all good and fun until she started to struggle on the monkey bars. 00:05:20.695 --> 00:05:23.740 align:center So I was like, "Well, let me show you how we do that." 00:05:23.823 --> 00:05:27.744 align:center I found out I have lost my monkey bar powers. 00:05:29.120 --> 00:05:33.082 align:center I didn't know that was a skill we could lose this early. 00:05:34.083 --> 00:05:38.087 align:center It's over. It breaks my heart to know that at one point in my life, 00:05:38.171 --> 00:05:41.758 align:center I did monkey bars for the very last time, 00:05:43.009 --> 00:05:45.928 align:center but nobody took a picture or nothing. 00:05:47.847 --> 00:05:49.849 align:center I thought I had it. I was confident. 00:05:49.932 --> 00:05:51.809 align:center 'Cause I could do a few pull-ups, you know? 00:05:51.893 --> 00:05:58.191 align:center But monkey bars is all your body weight on one hand, and you swinging. 00:05:59.108 --> 00:06:02.111 align:center So you pulling Gs. 00:06:03.279 --> 00:06:05.823 align:center I forgot about the g-force. 00:06:05.907 --> 00:06:09.035 align:center I'm on the first bar, I initiated forward motion, 00:06:09.118 --> 00:06:11.662 align:center and as the Gs started to increase, 00:06:11.746 --> 00:06:14.165 align:center I felt a pain right here. 00:06:15.792 --> 00:06:17.627 align:center My rotator cuff 00:06:18.753 --> 00:06:21.464 align:center was like, "You better let go, boy." 00:06:22.423 --> 00:06:26.052 align:center "Ooh, I'm about to rip off your torso." 00:06:29.347 --> 00:06:31.516 align:center I was hurt emotionally too. 00:06:32.141 --> 00:06:34.727 align:center You know, 'cause I wanted to show her a joyful skill 00:06:34.811 --> 00:06:37.939 align:center that she could develop with practice and experience. 00:06:38.022 --> 00:06:42.110 align:center Instead, I showed her how quickly the body can decay and betray you. 00:06:44.779 --> 00:06:47.407 align:center It was also upsetting 'cause I've seen videos 00:06:47.490 --> 00:06:50.827 align:center of terrorists training on monkey bars. 00:06:50.910 --> 00:06:52.912 align:center I always thought that was so silly, 00:06:52.995 --> 00:06:55.915 align:center but now I'm like, "Dang, they're pretty athletic." 00:06:57.083 --> 00:06:59.085 align:center "They might be a problem." 00:07:04.757 --> 00:07:08.886 align:center I feel very grateful I get to perform in beautiful theaters like this. 00:07:09.637 --> 00:07:12.223 align:center It's so nice. This is so nice. 00:07:14.725 --> 00:07:16.644 align:center It's not always like this. 00:07:16.727 --> 00:07:19.856 align:center Uh, one of the last shows I did in LA 00:07:19.939 --> 00:07:23.109 align:center was inside an adult novelty store. 00:07:23.609 --> 00:07:27.113 align:center I like doing that show 'cause they have free parking. 00:07:28.030 --> 00:07:29.949 align:center Yeah, that's my kink. 00:07:31.826 --> 00:07:34.537 align:center I did my set. Afterwards, I did a little browsing, 00:07:34.620 --> 00:07:38.499 align:center and I came across an edible bra made out of hard candy. 00:07:38.583 --> 00:07:40.042 align:center I was intrigued, but I was like, 00:07:40.126 --> 00:07:44.088 align:center "That's for young folks. I don't eat candy like that anymore." 00:07:45.047 --> 00:07:46.966 align:center I'm down to have fun. We can play. 00:07:47.049 --> 00:07:51.262 align:center I'll take a nibble, but let's save the rest for later, you know? 00:07:51.345 --> 00:07:55.474 align:center Come on, don't expect me to eat a whole bra. 00:07:56.726 --> 00:08:00.771 align:center I'm not going to eat all that candy, girl. I'mma get a headache. 00:08:02.231 --> 00:08:05.359 align:center You better have some underwear made out of Tylenol. 00:08:07.987 --> 00:08:11.532 align:center You got something more suitable for a grown-up palate? 00:08:12.450 --> 00:08:14.869 align:center I mean, how about instead of a whole bra of candy, 00:08:14.952 --> 00:08:18.539 align:center how about we just go with a couple of dark chocolate pasties? 00:08:19.624 --> 00:08:23.461 align:center Bittersweet, at least 75% cacao. 00:08:25.588 --> 00:08:29.467 align:center We can take it up to 85%. I'm not scared. 00:08:32.053 --> 00:08:34.430 align:center I picked up the box for the bra. 00:08:34.514 --> 00:08:37.600 align:center I flipped it over to read the nutritional data. 00:08:39.393 --> 00:08:41.312 align:center How much protein this bra got? 00:08:45.483 --> 00:08:49.612 align:center I was surprised. It said eight grams of sugar. 00:08:49.695 --> 00:08:51.906 align:center That's not too bad. 00:08:51.989 --> 00:08:54.158 align:center If you're gonna give yourself a sweet treat, 00:08:54.242 --> 00:08:56.786 align:center eight grams is quite reasonable. 00:08:56.869 --> 00:09:00.414 align:center And then I looked further. It said 26 servings. 00:09:02.542 --> 00:09:05.836 align:center Dang! One bra, 26? 00:09:06.337 --> 00:09:09.590 align:center Usually, it's just two of us in the room. 00:09:11.717 --> 00:09:15.471 align:center Hey, this recipe is designed for a group setting. 00:09:16.222 --> 00:09:19.392 align:center That's a great bra to wear to a potluck. 00:09:21.018 --> 00:09:24.564 align:center "Let me know when y'all ready for dessert. She got them warmed up." 00:09:27.358 --> 00:09:29.986 align:center I can't do 26 servings by myself, though. 00:09:30.069 --> 00:09:31.445 align:center No way. 00:09:31.529 --> 00:09:34.657 align:center No way. My A1C is elevated. 00:09:35.449 --> 00:09:37.326 align:center Yeah, I'm already prediabetic. 00:09:37.410 --> 00:09:40.329 align:center I can't lose a foot to see a titty. 00:09:42.957 --> 00:09:45.293 align:center My mom would be mad. 00:09:46.294 --> 00:09:48.296 align:center She made that foot. 00:09:53.301 --> 00:09:56.971 align:center I actually got to see my family recently in Houston. 00:09:57.054 --> 00:10:01.142 align:center I got to revisit the house that I grew up in. 00:10:01.767 --> 00:10:04.061 align:center It's interesting to go back at this age 00:10:04.145 --> 00:10:08.232 align:center 'cause you notice things you could not quite see as a child. 00:10:08.316 --> 00:10:11.277 align:center Right? Like I realize now, the house that I grew up in 00:10:11.360 --> 00:10:13.988 align:center has depressing lighting. 00:10:15.323 --> 00:10:17.658 align:center It's so obvious now. 00:10:18.326 --> 00:10:21.621 align:center But as a kid, I could never figure out what was wrong. 00:10:22.496 --> 00:10:26.542 align:center As a kid, I was always like, "But why is it sad?" 00:10:29.795 --> 00:10:32.673 align:center I was close to having a good childhood. 00:10:32.757 --> 00:10:35.593 align:center We just needed some lamps. 00:10:37.178 --> 00:10:38.721 align:center That's an easy fix, 00:10:38.804 --> 00:10:44.352 align:center but first-generation immigrants don't really prioritize vibes. 00:10:46.187 --> 00:10:50.483 align:center They think ambiance is Jay-Z's wife. 00:10:54.111 --> 00:10:58.949 align:center Most of the rooms have one light. Just one light, overhead in the middle. 00:10:59.867 --> 00:11:02.536 align:center Perfect for an interrogation. 00:11:03.621 --> 00:11:05.748 align:center Very dramatic shadows. 00:11:05.831 --> 00:11:09.418 align:center You walk in there, suddenly your eye bags are plump. 00:11:10.920 --> 00:11:12.713 align:center My parents weren't unhappy. 00:11:12.797 --> 00:11:16.759 align:center They just always looked like they about to tell you a ghost story. 00:11:21.597 --> 00:11:23.307 align:center My cousin had it pretty bad 00:11:23.391 --> 00:11:26.811 align:center because my uncle installed too many, uh, fluorescent lights 00:11:26.894 --> 00:11:28.270 align:center in their place. 00:11:28.771 --> 00:11:30.856 align:center That might be more energy efficient, 00:11:30.940 --> 00:11:33.859 align:center but it's not a loving thing to do. 00:11:35.361 --> 00:11:37.613 align:center It's-- It's not cozy, it's eerie. 00:11:37.697 --> 00:11:40.741 align:center Fluorescent light, it's mostly sound. 00:11:42.743 --> 00:11:44.203 align:center You hear it coming. 00:11:44.286 --> 00:11:46.497 align:center Before you even get there, you already know. 00:11:46.580 --> 00:11:49.250 align:center "But I don't want to stay long tonight." 00:11:51.419 --> 00:11:54.755 align:center It's got the buzz of a green-headed fly 00:11:54.839 --> 00:11:58.634 align:center paired with the warmth of an autopsy table. 00:11:59.385 --> 00:12:02.638 align:center Set the mood for a panic attack. 00:12:06.517 --> 00:12:09.812 align:center I was raised in a house that had a no-shoe policy, 00:12:09.895 --> 00:12:11.981 align:center which means that when you get home, 00:12:12.064 --> 00:12:14.942 align:center you stop at the entryway, you remove your shoes, 00:12:15.025 --> 00:12:16.861 align:center and then you could proceed. 00:12:16.944 --> 00:12:19.530 align:center But I have friends that didn't live like that. 00:12:19.613 --> 00:12:21.657 align:center And when I got to visit their place, 00:12:21.741 --> 00:12:25.578 align:center I was excited to try something so exotic. 00:12:27.288 --> 00:12:28.497 align:center I remember one summer, 00:12:28.581 --> 00:12:31.375 align:center all the neighborhood kids are gathering at Mark's place 00:12:31.459 --> 00:12:35.254 align:center 'cause he just got Street Fighter II on Super Nintendo. 00:12:35.337 --> 00:12:36.547 align:center -Whoo! -Yeah. 00:12:36.630 --> 00:12:38.716 align:center It was a big deal at the time. 00:12:38.799 --> 00:12:42.136 align:center But I was really looking forward to going from outside to inside, 00:12:42.219 --> 00:12:43.471 align:center no stopping. 00:12:44.680 --> 00:12:47.057 align:center Oh, I'm going straight through. 00:12:47.141 --> 00:12:52.271 align:center I'm not gonna just hover around the foyer, I'mma go deep into that house. 00:12:52.771 --> 00:12:54.815 align:center I'mma go all the way to the living room. 00:12:54.899 --> 00:12:58.402 align:center I'mma see what carpet feels like with shoes on. 00:12:59.653 --> 00:13:03.407 align:center Dang, I never walked through a home with so much grip. 00:13:05.576 --> 00:13:08.621 align:center And you got the thermostat on the AC set below 80. 00:13:08.704 --> 00:13:11.332 align:center Feel like y'all living in a hotel. 00:13:16.754 --> 00:13:19.256 align:center The pinnacle is sometimes, when you go to the bathroom, 00:13:19.340 --> 00:13:21.592 align:center because sometimes the bathroom is set up in such a way 00:13:21.675 --> 00:13:23.135 align:center where you're like, "Oh, my gosh, 00:13:23.219 --> 00:13:28.140 align:center am I expected to step on the bath mat with my shoes on?" 00:13:28.224 --> 00:13:31.101 align:center Ooh, that feels sacrilegious to me. 00:13:31.185 --> 00:13:35.105 align:center It's the first thing your body touches after you step out of the shower. 00:13:35.189 --> 00:13:37.316 align:center I could never do that at home. 00:13:37.817 --> 00:13:39.693 align:center Now I kind of want to try it. 00:13:40.319 --> 00:13:42.029 align:center But if I'm a good friend, I won't. 00:13:42.112 --> 00:13:45.658 align:center If I care about you like myself, I'll straddle the bath mat. 00:13:45.741 --> 00:13:47.785 align:center I'll go in there like this. 00:13:51.747 --> 00:13:53.374 align:center That's love. 00:13:54.375 --> 00:13:57.169 align:center You don't always see what I do for you. 00:13:58.712 --> 00:14:00.756 align:center Love is not boastful. 00:14:06.387 --> 00:14:09.473 align:center I try to maintain a no-shoe policy at my place, 00:14:09.557 --> 00:14:11.892 align:center but it's not 100%. 00:14:11.976 --> 00:14:13.352 align:center Sometimes you have to bend. 00:14:13.435 --> 00:14:15.896 align:center Every now and then you'll be in a rush, you got your shoes on, 00:14:15.980 --> 00:14:19.984 align:center you already stepped outside, then you realize you forgot your wallet. 00:14:20.067 --> 00:14:23.279 align:center But you don't have time to do the whole thing again. 00:14:24.280 --> 00:14:28.075 align:center So it's about to be a special occasion. 00:14:29.201 --> 00:14:31.662 align:center You're going in with your shoes on today. 00:14:31.745 --> 00:14:34.540 align:center But you don't walk regularly. 00:14:36.083 --> 00:14:38.335 align:center You go back in your place like the floor is lava. 00:14:38.419 --> 00:14:39.461 align:center You're like… 00:14:49.513 --> 00:14:51.015 align:center It look crazy. 00:14:51.515 --> 00:14:54.643 align:center But it's all backed by science. 00:14:55.769 --> 00:14:57.146 align:center You know what you're doing. 00:14:57.229 --> 00:15:02.276 align:center You take wide steps to minimize the points of contamination. 00:15:03.110 --> 00:15:08.282 align:center You stay on the balls of your feet to minimize the surface area. 00:15:08.365 --> 00:15:12.244 align:center And you're moving quickly because three-second rule. 00:15:13.913 --> 00:15:15.372 align:center These are the games you play 00:15:15.456 --> 00:15:20.127 align:center when you an anxious person pretending you have control in your life. 00:15:25.883 --> 00:15:29.136 align:center So many things in the world that are out of our control, you know? 00:15:29.219 --> 00:15:32.181 align:center Like, every now and then when I'm on tour, I'll be at a hotel, 00:15:32.264 --> 00:15:36.435 align:center I'll catch a mattress at the tail end of their lifespan. 00:15:37.019 --> 00:15:37.895 align:center It happens. 00:15:37.978 --> 00:15:40.481 align:center Usually it's a little droopy. 00:15:40.981 --> 00:15:45.361 align:center The other day I had an old mattress that was memory foam, and it looked fine. 00:15:45.444 --> 00:15:49.657 align:center You couldn't see anything wrong, but when you lay down, you felt something. 00:15:50.491 --> 00:15:53.661 align:center It was the memory of somebody else. 00:15:55.204 --> 00:15:58.248 align:center It was a vivid recollection. 00:15:59.708 --> 00:16:05.130 align:center There was a unique emptiness created by a body that's not present, 00:16:05.214 --> 00:16:09.802 align:center but clearly defined by the boundaries of their absence. 00:16:10.969 --> 00:16:15.307 align:center And I'm all up in the contours of a larger man. 00:16:16.850 --> 00:16:18.352 align:center We had different shapes. 00:16:18.435 --> 00:16:20.938 align:center I'm not the key to that lock. 00:16:21.981 --> 00:16:25.734 align:center I had edges where he had curves. 00:16:26.235 --> 00:16:30.114 align:center It felt like I was laying on a tiny skate park. 00:16:36.578 --> 00:16:38.997 align:center I don't know if y'all could tell by my aura, 00:16:39.081 --> 00:16:41.959 align:center but I've been cooking with shallots. 00:16:44.962 --> 00:16:46.255 align:center You see it. 00:16:48.382 --> 00:16:50.092 align:center There's a glow. 00:16:51.051 --> 00:16:52.803 align:center They're nice. Shallots are nice, man. 00:16:52.886 --> 00:16:55.764 align:center I only recently discovered them. I was like, "What's up, onion?" 00:16:55.848 --> 00:16:58.642 align:center "You didn't tell me you had a fine-ass cousin." 00:16:59.810 --> 00:17:02.521 align:center "Dang, where's she from? She smell different." 00:17:03.897 --> 00:17:05.482 align:center They're similar, 00:17:05.566 --> 00:17:07.776 align:center but you don't treat them the same. 00:17:08.318 --> 00:17:09.778 align:center Onions, you take for granted. 00:17:09.862 --> 00:17:13.866 align:center You buy them by the sack, then you throw them in the dark for later. 00:17:14.908 --> 00:17:17.286 align:center But when you bring home one shallot, 00:17:17.369 --> 00:17:18.871 align:center oh, you got plans made. 00:17:20.247 --> 00:17:23.917 align:center You about to follow a recipe tonight. 00:17:24.710 --> 00:17:28.005 align:center You going all out. You gonna bust out the mandolin slicing, 00:17:28.088 --> 00:17:32.509 align:center slip on that one Michael Jackson glove so you don't shave off your fingerprints. 00:17:37.556 --> 00:17:40.267 align:center I've been exploring all kinds of aromatics, man. 00:17:40.350 --> 00:17:42.853 align:center I just went through a big leek phase. 00:17:43.437 --> 00:17:48.650 align:center Love leeks, but I'm regretful because I avoided them for a long time. 00:17:48.734 --> 00:17:52.446 align:center 'Cause when you see your first leek, it's intimidating. 00:17:53.030 --> 00:17:56.533 align:center I was like, "Dang, that's a buff-ass green onion." 00:17:58.577 --> 00:18:00.162 align:center "What's that about?" 00:18:00.704 --> 00:18:04.708 align:center I'm trying to eat organic. That thing can't pass no drug test. 00:18:05.209 --> 00:18:07.753 align:center It's too thick. 00:18:08.253 --> 00:18:11.006 align:center Why'd they let it get like that? 00:18:11.090 --> 00:18:12.508 align:center They forgot about it. 00:18:12.591 --> 00:18:15.677 align:center They should've harvested it like three years ago. 00:18:16.720 --> 00:18:18.430 align:center At this point, leave it alone. 00:18:18.514 --> 00:18:21.183 align:center It's about to be a tree. 00:18:26.146 --> 00:18:29.108 align:center I love cooking. I love cooking. I love the whole process. 00:18:29.191 --> 00:18:32.194 align:center I love the power of herbs and spices. 00:18:32.277 --> 00:18:34.446 align:center It's truly magical to me, you know? 00:18:34.530 --> 00:18:37.741 align:center One of my go-to spices is cumin. 00:18:37.825 --> 00:18:40.119 align:center It's a good one. It's a good one. 00:18:40.202 --> 00:18:44.456 align:center So many different cultures use the same spice all around the world. 00:18:44.540 --> 00:18:47.459 align:center It's got this deep, savory profile, 00:18:47.543 --> 00:18:50.963 align:center a little bit of funk, just a hint of BO. 00:18:52.214 --> 00:18:54.591 align:center It's a festive spice, very festive. 00:18:54.675 --> 00:18:56.510 align:center Every time I smell that cumin, I'm like, 00:18:56.593 --> 00:18:59.429 align:center "Oh, smell like somebody else in this kitchen right now." 00:19:01.515 --> 00:19:03.517 align:center "Hello?" 00:19:05.894 --> 00:19:09.314 align:center "Smells like someone just finished some light yard work." 00:19:10.315 --> 00:19:12.943 align:center "Thank you, let me get you some water." 00:19:14.236 --> 00:19:17.114 align:center "Come on in here with that sexy musk." 00:19:22.786 --> 00:19:26.165 align:center Sometimes after, like, a long streak of eating out, 00:19:26.248 --> 00:19:31.712 align:center I try to redeem myself by making a healthy smoothie at home. 00:19:31.795 --> 00:19:33.547 align:center But I always overdo it, 00:19:33.630 --> 00:19:38.427 align:center 'cause I try to cram in everything I wish I would've ate earlier that week. 00:19:39.094 --> 00:19:42.389 align:center It'd be like so many salads, all types of fruit, 00:19:42.472 --> 00:19:46.268 align:center walnuts, mushroom powder, flaxseeds, turmeric, black pepper. 00:19:46.351 --> 00:19:49.813 align:center My smoothie come out dark gray. 00:19:51.690 --> 00:19:53.734 align:center It's viscous. 00:19:54.526 --> 00:19:57.487 align:center It look like wet concrete. 00:19:58.614 --> 00:20:00.198 align:center It sucks, 00:20:00.282 --> 00:20:03.577 align:center but it will not move through a straw. 00:20:04.578 --> 00:20:07.915 align:center You gotta drink my smoothie with a knife and fork. 00:20:10.000 --> 00:20:11.168 align:center It's too thick. 00:20:11.251 --> 00:20:14.504 align:center You're supposed to add liquid to get the right consistency. 00:20:14.588 --> 00:20:18.592 align:center Well, great. Now I got two gallons of smoothie. 00:20:19.593 --> 00:20:21.220 align:center I gotta get my girl involved. 00:20:21.303 --> 00:20:25.724 align:center I'm like, "Babe, I made you a snack too. I'm sorry." 00:20:29.019 --> 00:20:32.272 align:center I have no formal culinary training. 00:20:32.356 --> 00:20:35.359 align:center A lot of just learning on the job, improvising in the moment. 00:20:35.442 --> 00:20:37.110 align:center I never make the same meal twice 00:20:37.194 --> 00:20:40.197 align:center 'cause I don't know how it happened that first time. 00:20:41.490 --> 00:20:42.991 align:center And if my girl likes the food, 00:20:43.075 --> 00:20:46.370 align:center I'm like, "Enjoy it, 'cause that's never coming back." 00:20:47.621 --> 00:20:49.915 align:center "We got blessed tonight." 00:20:52.960 --> 00:20:55.712 align:center I do most of the cooking, but every now and then, my girl, 00:20:55.796 --> 00:20:59.800 align:center she'll buy a special kitchen tool that we don't really use, 00:20:59.883 --> 00:21:03.011 align:center but it will take up some storage space. 00:21:04.388 --> 00:21:08.100 align:center She came home with a real chunky garlic press. 00:21:08.183 --> 00:21:10.769 align:center Created a lot of traffic jams in the kitchen drawer. 00:21:10.852 --> 00:21:13.313 align:center You know how when you go to open the drawer, 00:21:13.397 --> 00:21:16.233 align:center your other hand gotta go in and calm everybody down? 00:21:16.316 --> 00:21:17.317 align:center Like, "Hey…" 00:21:22.489 --> 00:21:24.783 align:center "Relax." 00:21:24.866 --> 00:21:28.287 align:center "Hey, chill, chill. Lay down. It's just me, lay down." 00:21:29.496 --> 00:21:31.790 align:center "Why you so rowdy?" 00:21:32.332 --> 00:21:36.211 align:center "You got everybody all worked up in there. You got the tongs in a tizzy." 00:21:38.213 --> 00:21:39.881 align:center And your knuckle get all scraped up, 00:21:39.965 --> 00:21:42.509 align:center 'cause they don't paint the wood on that side. 00:21:49.433 --> 00:21:52.394 align:center One time, my girl came home with a spiralizer 00:21:52.477 --> 00:21:56.565 align:center to make zucchini noodles that nobody's excited about. 00:21:58.775 --> 00:22:00.277 align:center It's sad, you know? 00:22:00.360 --> 00:22:03.822 align:center Because when you first see it work, you're excited. 00:22:03.905 --> 00:22:07.284 align:center You're like, "Ooh, that do look like a noodle." 00:22:08.410 --> 00:22:09.995 align:center It do! 00:22:10.078 --> 00:22:12.080 align:center And in your heart, you want to believe. 00:22:12.164 --> 00:22:14.291 align:center You're like, "Maybe." 00:22:15.292 --> 00:22:17.419 align:center "Maybe it is a noodle." 00:22:18.295 --> 00:22:22.632 align:center But when you sit down to eat, you know that's a vegetable string. 00:22:23.550 --> 00:22:25.302 align:center Wake up, fool. 00:22:26.678 --> 00:22:31.266 align:center I can't watch a sci-fi thriller and eat zoodles. 00:22:31.933 --> 00:22:35.812 align:center 'Cause I can only suspend so much disbelief. 00:22:37.147 --> 00:22:40.359 align:center I could believe that evil robots from the future 00:22:40.442 --> 00:22:42.611 align:center time-travel here to destroy us, 00:22:42.694 --> 00:22:45.322 align:center or I could pretend that's spaghetti. 00:22:50.952 --> 00:22:54.748 align:center One time, my girl came home with this interesting Japanese onion slicer. 00:22:54.831 --> 00:22:58.001 align:center It's got this one handle, on top of which there's like eight blades. 00:22:58.085 --> 00:22:59.753 align:center One stroke, eight cuts. 00:22:59.836 --> 00:23:01.838 align:center I never used it. 00:23:01.922 --> 00:23:03.757 align:center About a year ago, I'm cleaning out. 00:23:03.840 --> 00:23:05.717 align:center I pulled it up. I forgot what it was. 00:23:05.801 --> 00:23:07.260 align:center There was a cap on top. 00:23:07.344 --> 00:23:08.470 align:center I misplaced my hand. 00:23:08.553 --> 00:23:12.808 align:center When I opened it, I ran my finger over all eight blades. 00:23:13.475 --> 00:23:17.521 align:center And then I threw it away! 00:23:19.731 --> 00:23:22.818 align:center That's the only time we ever used it. 00:23:24.069 --> 00:23:26.822 align:center It sat brand-new in the drawer for years, 00:23:26.905 --> 00:23:28.782 align:center just waiting to strike. 00:23:29.991 --> 00:23:31.868 align:center And it got me good. I was impressed. 00:23:31.952 --> 00:23:35.622 align:center It was the most evenly spaced injury I have ever suffered. 00:23:36.790 --> 00:23:39.793 align:center The doctor said my cuts were restaurant quality. 00:23:45.757 --> 00:23:49.261 align:center Currently, I'm back on the market for a new toaster oven. 00:23:49.344 --> 00:23:50.887 align:center It's that time again. 00:23:51.930 --> 00:23:55.267 align:center We got a basic brand. It's not bad. We've had it for ten years. 00:23:55.350 --> 00:23:59.563 align:center It still works, but now it also works when nobody's home. 00:24:01.148 --> 00:24:02.983 align:center It's getting too good. 00:24:03.817 --> 00:24:06.653 align:center So we looking at some options, and I'm not for sure, 00:24:06.736 --> 00:24:10.490 align:center but I'm at a point in my life where, like, I might be able to afford 00:24:10.574 --> 00:24:12.284 align:center a Breville toaster. 00:24:12.367 --> 00:24:15.203 align:center -Whoo! -Maybe, maybe, maybe. 00:24:15.287 --> 00:24:18.123 align:center Maybe. I gotta run the numbers again. 00:24:20.000 --> 00:24:22.169 align:center It's so expensive, but it's very pretty, 00:24:22.252 --> 00:24:24.713 align:center and my friends really like theirs, so I'm excited. 00:24:24.796 --> 00:24:28.550 align:center But then it did occur to me, like if it really is that great, 00:24:28.633 --> 00:24:33.346 align:center I guess there's a chance this could be my last toaster. 00:24:34.264 --> 00:24:35.724 align:center Dang, that's heavy. 00:24:36.683 --> 00:24:37.934 align:center I'm not ready for all that. 00:24:38.018 --> 00:24:41.771 align:center I'm just trying to make my dino nuggets crispy. 00:24:43.023 --> 00:24:46.610 align:center Now you got me contemplating my mortality. 00:24:47.360 --> 00:24:52.741 align:center Now I'm wondering to whom shall I bequeath this heirloom? 00:24:54.159 --> 00:24:59.539 align:center Which niece or nephew got the charisma to tell my story on the Antique Roadshow? 00:25:08.590 --> 00:25:10.592 align:center To this day, to this day, 00:25:10.675 --> 00:25:13.553 align:center I still have some frugal habits from my childhood 00:25:13.637 --> 00:25:15.430 align:center that I can't quite shake. 00:25:15.514 --> 00:25:19.976 align:center Like, it's still hard for me to use a whole paper towel. 00:25:21.436 --> 00:25:22.979 align:center I want to rip it in two. 00:25:23.063 --> 00:25:25.023 align:center I'll give the other half to my boo. 00:25:26.316 --> 00:25:28.485 align:center Or I'll leave it on the roll, 00:25:28.568 --> 00:25:31.613 align:center and then I wind it back to make it look nice. 00:25:32.989 --> 00:25:35.867 align:center If I'm at a restaurant, they hand out a wet towelette, 00:25:35.951 --> 00:25:38.370 align:center usually I don't use it right away. 00:25:38.453 --> 00:25:41.164 align:center I'm like, "Hey, let me put that in my pocket." 00:25:41.998 --> 00:25:44.000 align:center "I want to save it for later." 00:25:44.084 --> 00:25:46.253 align:center "It's too special for now." 00:25:46.753 --> 00:25:50.340 align:center It's wet, it's individually wrapped, so it feel like a commitment. 00:25:50.423 --> 00:25:53.677 align:center When you choose to deploy it, you got one shot. 00:25:54.844 --> 00:25:56.346 align:center Make it count. 00:25:56.930 --> 00:25:59.724 align:center So you just-- You just keep it on you. You ready. 00:25:59.808 --> 00:26:01.685 align:center And you move through life. 00:26:01.768 --> 00:26:04.688 align:center And every now and then, a situation will come up, and you be like… 00:26:04.771 --> 00:26:08.108 align:center "Is it time?" 00:26:09.651 --> 00:26:11.319 align:center "Nah, not yet." 00:26:11.861 --> 00:26:14.197 align:center "Not yet. This ain't that bad. I got some napkins." 00:26:14.281 --> 00:26:17.659 align:center "I got condensation on my ice water. I'll just go like that." 00:26:19.160 --> 00:26:22.539 align:center "I'm good. I'm good. I can't waste a whole towelette on this." 00:26:25.083 --> 00:26:27.043 align:center So you wait. You continue to wait. 00:26:27.127 --> 00:26:29.754 align:center And finally one day, you find a moment that's worthy. 00:26:29.838 --> 00:26:31.798 align:center You excited to get your satisfaction. 00:26:31.881 --> 00:26:35.468 align:center You open the wrapper to find all the liquid is gone. 00:26:36.386 --> 00:26:38.763 align:center Now you're trying to clean your barbecue fingers 00:26:38.847 --> 00:26:42.017 align:center with what's basically a used dryer sheet. 00:26:50.900 --> 00:26:53.403 align:center Technically, I'm a full-blown adult, 00:26:53.486 --> 00:26:57.907 align:center but I feel like I got a little ways to go to become a real grown-up. 00:26:57.991 --> 00:27:01.328 align:center I'm trying to push myself, you know, in small steps. 00:27:01.411 --> 00:27:04.581 align:center Like sometimes, after I watch a scary movie, 00:27:04.664 --> 00:27:07.542 align:center I'll walk into a dark room in my apartment, 00:27:07.626 --> 00:27:11.546 align:center but I won't even turn on the lights. I just try to be brave. 00:27:14.132 --> 00:27:16.635 align:center That means you keep your natural pace. 00:27:16.718 --> 00:27:19.846 align:center When you get in there, don't start moving faster. 00:27:20.597 --> 00:27:22.265 align:center That's your house. 00:27:23.099 --> 00:27:24.517 align:center Act like it then. 00:27:26.895 --> 00:27:28.480 align:center When you start to scurry, 00:27:28.563 --> 00:27:31.649 align:center you let the ghosts know they got you shook. 00:27:33.526 --> 00:27:36.279 align:center Don't give 'em the satisfaction. 00:27:37.530 --> 00:27:39.658 align:center Be cool. I go in there, I'm cool. 00:27:39.741 --> 00:27:42.202 align:center I try to-- I handle my business, I do what I got to do. 00:27:42.285 --> 00:27:43.370 align:center I turn around. 00:27:43.453 --> 00:27:44.954 align:center I start to leave. 00:27:46.122 --> 00:27:47.916 align:center Real cool. 00:27:47.999 --> 00:27:50.919 align:center Oh, I'm getting close. I see the hallway light. 00:27:51.002 --> 00:27:52.504 align:center The last three steps, 00:27:52.587 --> 00:27:53.963 align:center I run. 00:27:55.590 --> 00:27:59.678 align:center Right up to the doorframe, and then I leap into the light. 00:28:00.178 --> 00:28:03.264 align:center But when you're airborne, don't overextend that back leg. 00:28:03.348 --> 00:28:07.435 align:center That's how you get grabbed, and dragged to your demise. 00:28:08.103 --> 00:28:11.856 align:center You know better. You gotta run, leap, tuck. 00:28:13.316 --> 00:28:15.819 align:center And then you make a cowardly sound like, 00:28:15.902 --> 00:28:17.696 align:center "Ā yā!" 00:28:22.951 --> 00:28:24.661 align:center If you don't know, "ā yā," 00:28:24.744 --> 00:28:28.081 align:center that's Taiwanese for "yikes." 00:28:36.172 --> 00:28:39.050 align:center Sometimes I try to be brave when I take a shower. 00:28:39.134 --> 00:28:41.553 align:center Like, I don't wait for the water to get warm. 00:28:41.636 --> 00:28:42.762 align:center I don't even test it. 00:28:42.846 --> 00:28:46.933 align:center I just walk right up in there like a warrior. 00:28:49.227 --> 00:28:52.063 align:center Ooh, it's hard. It's hard. 00:28:52.147 --> 00:28:55.567 align:center If you wanna be real crazy, don't even turn on the water. 00:28:56.735 --> 00:28:58.403 align:center Try this tonight. 00:28:58.486 --> 00:29:00.822 align:center Go home, take your clothes off, get naked. 00:29:00.905 --> 00:29:05.118 align:center Step inside a quiet, dry shower. 00:29:06.786 --> 00:29:08.413 align:center Feel that tension. 00:29:09.622 --> 00:29:12.083 align:center It's different. It's not neutral. 00:29:13.877 --> 00:29:16.629 align:center Look at all the nozzles on your showerhead. 00:29:17.297 --> 00:29:19.507 align:center And then with your own hand, 00:29:19.591 --> 00:29:21.384 align:center blast yourself. 00:29:24.679 --> 00:29:26.055 align:center Don't flinch. 00:29:27.098 --> 00:29:28.391 align:center Don't block. 00:29:30.685 --> 00:29:31.519 align:center Just be brave. 00:29:31.603 --> 00:29:33.980 align:center When the ghosts see you do that… 00:29:35.440 --> 00:29:36.858 align:center they get scared. 00:29:37.901 --> 00:29:40.487 align:center The haunter becomes the haunted. 00:29:43.615 --> 00:29:47.785 align:center They're like, "This dude crazy. I can't stay here." 00:29:48.745 --> 00:29:50.079 align:center And they leave. 00:29:50.789 --> 00:29:53.291 align:center And when you feel that spirit start to dissipate, 00:29:53.374 --> 00:29:55.668 align:center you go, "Boo." 00:30:03.551 --> 00:30:07.305 align:center Trying to celebrate the small wins in my life, man. 00:30:07.388 --> 00:30:08.848 align:center I recently hit a new milestone. 00:30:08.932 --> 00:30:12.727 align:center I just started buying my toothbrushes in bulk. 00:30:14.145 --> 00:30:15.438 align:center That's new to me, man. 00:30:15.522 --> 00:30:19.025 align:center Most of my life, I lived toothbrush to toothbrush. 00:30:19.567 --> 00:30:20.401 align:center No backup. 00:30:20.485 --> 00:30:23.279 align:center I'm out there just buying loosies. 00:30:25.657 --> 00:30:27.033 align:center I had one, 00:30:27.116 --> 00:30:31.955 align:center and I would use that one until no two bristles were parallel. 00:30:33.206 --> 00:30:35.833 align:center And then I would continue to use that one 00:30:35.917 --> 00:30:39.003 align:center because I would convince myself it's probably more effective 00:30:39.087 --> 00:30:42.298 align:center now that I made it all woolly like that. 00:30:43.424 --> 00:30:44.968 align:center They're getting stronger. 00:30:45.843 --> 00:30:48.471 align:center Soon I'll promote it to kitchen duty. 00:30:52.684 --> 00:30:55.019 align:center It's a sense of security. 00:30:55.103 --> 00:30:58.189 align:center It feels good to know that when I go home tonight, 00:30:58.273 --> 00:31:00.608 align:center if I want a fresh one, I got it. 00:31:01.359 --> 00:31:04.028 align:center I got it. If you come over, I got you. No problem. 00:31:04.112 --> 00:31:06.197 align:center You could bring up to four friends. 00:31:08.908 --> 00:31:13.705 align:center And the best part about the multipack, you get to pick a color. 00:31:14.414 --> 00:31:15.540 align:center That's an opportunity. 00:31:15.623 --> 00:31:18.126 align:center Take your time, be intentional, check in with yourself. 00:31:18.209 --> 00:31:21.796 align:center What color brings the energy that you need right now? 00:31:22.797 --> 00:31:24.716 align:center The blue one. Oh, that's soothing. 00:31:24.799 --> 00:31:27.010 align:center That's an ocean of serenity. 00:31:27.802 --> 00:31:32.015 align:center The red one. Oh, yeah, that's fun, but it's a little bit spicy. 00:31:33.182 --> 00:31:34.976 align:center The purple one is powerful. 00:31:35.059 --> 00:31:40.857 align:center I only pick the purple one when I want to change the narrative. 00:31:42.233 --> 00:31:44.360 align:center Sometimes you not living your best life. 00:31:44.444 --> 00:31:47.238 align:center You might've made a series of self-destructive decisions. 00:31:47.322 --> 00:31:52.076 align:center Now you need to adjust your behavior according to your core values. 00:31:53.119 --> 00:31:55.413 align:center Well, come on then, purple toothbrush. 00:31:56.414 --> 00:31:57.999 align:center Let's ride. 00:31:58.791 --> 00:32:03.004 align:center We got plaque and demons to vanquish. 00:32:07.216 --> 00:32:09.260 align:center I want to be a better person, obviously. 00:32:09.344 --> 00:32:12.472 align:center You know, I'm trying. I have the desire to learn. 00:32:12.555 --> 00:32:16.267 align:center I just don't always have the follow-through. 00:32:16.351 --> 00:32:20.313 align:center That's why I got so many tabs open on my computer. 00:32:21.898 --> 00:32:26.861 align:center There's so many resources on the Internet I feel like I could benefit from, yeah. 00:32:27.654 --> 00:32:31.074 align:center Yeah, but like, not today. 00:32:32.408 --> 00:32:34.077 align:center Later. 00:32:35.370 --> 00:32:37.497 align:center Hey, but send me that link, though. 00:32:41.459 --> 00:32:44.879 align:center I want that link. I'll open up a tab. I got a system. 00:32:45.630 --> 00:32:49.425 align:center The more tabs you collect, the smaller they get. 00:32:50.760 --> 00:32:51.886 align:center It starts out like that. 00:32:51.969 --> 00:32:56.224 align:center Then it becomes, "Uh-oh, no more information." 00:32:57.266 --> 00:33:00.770 align:center You don't know what this represents, but there's a whole bunch of them. 00:33:02.146 --> 00:33:03.731 align:center And there's shame there, right? 00:33:03.815 --> 00:33:06.442 align:center 'Cause if you have a work meeting, you got to share your screen. 00:33:06.526 --> 00:33:08.528 align:center You don't share that screen. 00:33:09.237 --> 00:33:11.155 align:center Uh-uh. You open up a new window. 00:33:11.239 --> 00:33:13.825 align:center You act like, "Everything's okay, boss." 00:33:15.243 --> 00:33:18.162 align:center "I'm good. I'm here for the shareholders." 00:33:21.791 --> 00:33:24.168 align:center Every few months, your browser wants to update. 00:33:24.252 --> 00:33:27.255 align:center You're like, "Hold up. What about my collection?" 00:33:29.090 --> 00:33:31.175 align:center Your browser's like, "Don't trip. We got you." 00:33:31.259 --> 00:33:35.138 align:center "We're going to reopen all the tabs." 00:33:35.221 --> 00:33:36.305 align:center "It's a lot, though." 00:33:36.389 --> 00:33:38.683 align:center "You should be using bookmarks." 00:33:40.768 --> 00:33:44.313 align:center Every few years, your computer will crash completely. 00:33:44.397 --> 00:33:47.692 align:center All the tabs disappear forever. 00:33:47.775 --> 00:33:51.529 align:center The sense of loss devastates you. 00:33:52.030 --> 00:33:54.782 align:center But then you're like, "Finally, I'm free." 00:33:56.451 --> 00:33:59.704 align:center "Thank you for doing what I could not do for myself." 00:34:05.960 --> 00:34:08.171 align:center Yeah, I just don't know about all this technology. 00:34:08.254 --> 00:34:10.590 align:center I'm not sure it's really making our lives better. 00:34:10.673 --> 00:34:14.677 align:center I know it's making some parts of life weird. 00:34:15.303 --> 00:34:17.847 align:center You know? Like I recently lost my headphones. 00:34:17.930 --> 00:34:20.475 align:center I left them somewhere outside of Atlantic City. 00:34:20.558 --> 00:34:22.268 align:center I'm not going to get them back. 00:34:22.351 --> 00:34:24.979 align:center But with the power of tech, 00:34:25.063 --> 00:34:26.981 align:center I can still check in on them. 00:34:28.983 --> 00:34:32.695 align:center If I want to, I can see where they are right now. 00:34:33.738 --> 00:34:35.573 align:center That's not healthy. 00:34:36.574 --> 00:34:39.452 align:center I know where they live. I know where they work. 00:34:39.535 --> 00:34:42.872 align:center I know they be getting charged on the regular. 00:34:43.790 --> 00:34:45.500 align:center They moved on. 00:34:46.000 --> 00:34:47.794 align:center They doing their thing. I'm messed up. 00:34:47.877 --> 00:34:50.630 align:center There's an option to forget this device, but… 00:34:51.172 --> 00:34:53.299 align:center I don't want to forget! 00:34:54.759 --> 00:34:58.387 align:center I don't want to let go. I already lost you once, girl. 00:34:59.555 --> 00:35:02.683 align:center I can't believe you just going to pair up with anybody. 00:35:08.314 --> 00:35:12.443 align:center I try not to get caught up with things, with consumerism, material stuff. 00:35:12.527 --> 00:35:15.113 align:center But I also try to take care of what I do have. 00:35:15.196 --> 00:35:16.697 align:center Like I bought these glasses. 00:35:16.781 --> 00:35:20.118 align:center So, you know, I put on contacts if I have to do something physical, 00:35:20.201 --> 00:35:23.996 align:center like when I go to play basketball, or if I go to a strip club. 00:35:26.958 --> 00:35:29.627 align:center You know? 'Cause if you wear glasses to a strip club, 00:35:29.710 --> 00:35:32.839 align:center and if you sit near the stage, there's a pretty good chance 00:35:32.922 --> 00:35:35.842 align:center the dancer's going to take your glasses off your face. 00:35:35.925 --> 00:35:38.344 align:center It's happened to me more than twice. 00:35:41.055 --> 00:35:44.475 align:center And if you want to play the sexy librarian, go for it. 00:35:44.559 --> 00:35:45.852 align:center I will support you, 00:35:45.935 --> 00:35:49.021 align:center but bring your own props. 00:35:50.398 --> 00:35:51.649 align:center This is not a toy. 00:35:51.732 --> 00:35:54.735 align:center This is a medical device. 00:35:55.319 --> 00:35:58.072 align:center Normally, I only let the opticians handle them. 00:35:58.156 --> 00:36:02.243 align:center But since you're not wearing clothes, I'm going to let it slide tonight. 00:36:05.496 --> 00:36:09.292 align:center They take your glasses, they put them on, they wear it low on the nose, 00:36:09.375 --> 00:36:11.711 align:center and they shoot you these sultry looks. 00:36:12.712 --> 00:36:14.297 align:center It's supposed to be a sexy moment, 00:36:14.380 --> 00:36:17.133 align:center but it's not, 'cause I'm squinting back at her. 00:36:23.639 --> 00:36:25.933 align:center "I think she got four nipples." 00:36:31.063 --> 00:36:33.691 align:center And then she changes tactics. She takes the glasses off, 00:36:33.774 --> 00:36:38.196 align:center and she gives the glasses a close-up tour of her body. 00:36:38.279 --> 00:36:42.700 align:center I'm like, "Wow, that looks like a lot of fun for the glasses." 00:36:44.410 --> 00:36:47.205 align:center But I can't see what the glasses see. 00:36:47.705 --> 00:36:51.792 align:center It's not Bluetooth-connected to my occipital lobe. 00:36:57.089 --> 00:36:59.008 align:center Finally, I get them back. I get my glasses back. 00:36:59.091 --> 00:37:02.136 align:center And of course, my lenses are all smudged up. 00:37:02.637 --> 00:37:05.306 align:center I got booby prints on my lenses. 00:37:05.890 --> 00:37:10.603 align:center It's a personal touch, but I don't get turned on from forensics. 00:37:11.604 --> 00:37:13.314 align:center I didn't bring my lens cloth. 00:37:13.397 --> 00:37:17.485 align:center Now I got to watch the whole show in low-res. 00:37:24.283 --> 00:37:26.494 align:center I had to take a break from touring. 00:37:26.577 --> 00:37:30.665 align:center I had to go back home to LA to do a little jury duty. 00:37:31.165 --> 00:37:33.334 align:center Yeah, I wasn't trying to get selected. 00:37:33.417 --> 00:37:37.338 align:center But I got drafted in the first round. Number one pick, baby. 00:37:38.172 --> 00:37:41.008 align:center I was all proud of myself, and then I was worried. 00:37:41.092 --> 00:37:45.221 align:center I was like, "If I'm the first pick, this team's not gonna make the playoff." 00:37:47.098 --> 00:37:49.934 align:center We did the whole selection process. It was a done deal. 00:37:50.017 --> 00:37:53.062 align:center Last minute, juror three raises his hand. He's trying to get out. 00:37:53.145 --> 00:37:55.648 align:center He said, "Your Honor, I've been applying for jobs." 00:37:55.731 --> 00:37:58.067 align:center "I might have an interview next week." 00:37:58.150 --> 00:38:00.278 align:center The judge, she took one look at him, 00:38:00.361 --> 00:38:04.115 align:center and then she decided he was going to remain on the jury. 00:38:04.699 --> 00:38:06.701 align:center 'Cause a judge gonna judge. 00:38:07.326 --> 00:38:08.703 align:center And based on what she saw, 00:38:08.786 --> 00:38:11.163 align:center she was like, "You not going to get no job." 00:38:12.707 --> 00:38:15.334 align:center She deemed him unemployable. 00:38:15.835 --> 00:38:18.629 align:center And then she made him my coworker. 00:38:20.423 --> 00:38:22.591 align:center So it made me question the system, you know? 00:38:22.675 --> 00:38:25.177 align:center 'Cause on paper, jury duty is a noble idea, 00:38:25.261 --> 00:38:28.514 align:center but in reality, it feels so casual, right? 00:38:28.597 --> 00:38:32.727 align:center The government's just like, "Well… are you free?" 00:38:35.021 --> 00:38:37.273 align:center "Come downtown. We have a situation 00:38:37.356 --> 00:38:40.985 align:center in a field in which you have no background experience, 00:38:41.610 --> 00:38:44.030 align:center you have no insight or interest, 00:38:44.113 --> 00:38:46.490 align:center but we're going to have two very biased parties 00:38:46.574 --> 00:38:51.454 align:center present completely opposite arguments to prove that they are right." 00:38:51.537 --> 00:38:54.540 align:center "And then you tell us the truth, for real." 00:38:56.834 --> 00:38:58.210 align:center "You got this." 00:39:03.090 --> 00:39:04.550 align:center It's a… 00:39:05.801 --> 00:39:07.970 align:center It's a lot of pressure, you know? 00:39:08.054 --> 00:39:09.513 align:center Court is kind of sacred, 00:39:09.597 --> 00:39:12.808 align:center potentially where you can right the wrongs of the past. 00:39:12.892 --> 00:39:16.145 align:center And people are dressed for that. The judge is wearing a robe. 00:39:16.228 --> 00:39:18.189 align:center The lawyers are wearing tailored suits. 00:39:18.272 --> 00:39:19.899 align:center It's a pretty formal affair, 00:39:19.982 --> 00:39:21.901 align:center except for the jury. 00:39:23.194 --> 00:39:27.865 align:center The jury, we look like we have nothing invested in the outcome. 00:39:28.824 --> 00:39:31.285 align:center We're dressed like we've been inconvenienced 00:39:31.368 --> 00:39:35.581 align:center and we would like the court to know this was not an ideal time. 00:39:41.045 --> 00:39:43.631 align:center We did not do a good job. 00:39:44.548 --> 00:39:46.634 align:center It was three weeks of trial, 00:39:46.717 --> 00:39:49.553 align:center and yet nobody took notes. 00:39:50.679 --> 00:39:54.016 align:center No notes. Everybody's like, "I'll probably remember that." 00:39:56.727 --> 00:39:59.688 align:center By the time it came to deliberation, we had nothing. 00:39:59.772 --> 00:40:01.941 align:center We just going off energy. 00:40:03.275 --> 00:40:05.861 align:center We're like, "I don't know, uh…" 00:40:07.738 --> 00:40:09.281 align:center "Guilty?" 00:40:11.951 --> 00:40:13.702 align:center It sounds terrible, but relax. 00:40:13.786 --> 00:40:15.413 align:center No one's life was on the line. 00:40:15.496 --> 00:40:16.872 align:center It was a civil case. 00:40:16.956 --> 00:40:20.459 align:center It was a US corporation suing a Canadian corporation. 00:40:20.543 --> 00:40:22.628 align:center So we just went with home team. 00:40:24.588 --> 00:40:27.216 align:center Just give the fans what they want. Let's go. 00:40:28.884 --> 00:40:30.636 align:center It was a very short discussion. 00:40:30.719 --> 00:40:32.763 align:center We got together at 9:00 a.m. 00:40:32.847 --> 00:40:35.015 align:center By 9:10, we were done. 00:40:36.433 --> 00:40:39.979 align:center The thing is, during the trial, you on your own for lunch, 00:40:40.062 --> 00:40:42.565 align:center but we found out during deliberation, 00:40:43.149 --> 00:40:46.527 align:center if you work till noon, lunch is on the court. 00:40:47.069 --> 00:40:49.738 align:center So as a jury, we all agreed unanimously. 00:40:49.822 --> 00:40:51.365 align:center We're like, "Hey, 00:40:51.449 --> 00:40:53.534 align:center don't turn in the answer yet." 00:40:54.743 --> 00:40:59.457 align:center "Chill, chill. We'll deliver justice when they deliver turkey sandwiches." 00:41:00.458 --> 00:41:02.501 align:center Quid pro sando. 00:41:03.919 --> 00:41:08.132 align:center We withheld the verdict for three extra hours 00:41:08.215 --> 00:41:10.426 align:center for some free food. 00:41:10.509 --> 00:41:14.972 align:center And the sandwiches were mediocre. 00:41:15.681 --> 00:41:17.558 align:center Ew. Not worth the wait. 00:41:17.641 --> 00:41:20.478 align:center Not even worth the calories. 00:41:20.561 --> 00:41:26.734 align:center As a jury, we demonstrated poor judgment till the very end. 00:41:27.234 --> 00:41:28.861 align:center We got what we deserved. 00:41:28.944 --> 00:41:30.946 align:center The system works, y'all. 00:41:38.913 --> 00:41:43.292 align:center As I get older, I-- I find myself pivoting to nature, man. 00:41:43.375 --> 00:41:46.754 align:center That's kind of where I go to get my peace and my joy these days. 00:41:46.837 --> 00:41:50.883 align:center Even the partying that I'm doing, it's getting very outdoorsy. 00:41:50.966 --> 00:41:53.677 align:center You know, I went to two bachelor parties like this. 00:41:53.761 --> 00:41:57.848 align:center The first party was for my friend Louis. We went to Costa Rica. 00:41:58.474 --> 00:41:59.934 align:center It's very tropical. 00:42:00.017 --> 00:42:01.894 align:center Lot of water activities. 00:42:01.977 --> 00:42:04.313 align:center We were wet often. 00:42:05.231 --> 00:42:09.485 align:center Fifteen dudes in their forties 00:42:09.568 --> 00:42:12.988 align:center wearing ill-fitting board shorts. 00:42:14.823 --> 00:42:17.910 align:center I saw all my homies' butt cracks. 00:42:20.037 --> 00:42:22.289 align:center That's not my choice. 00:42:23.332 --> 00:42:27.795 align:center You know, when you suspect there's butt crack in your periphery, 00:42:28.629 --> 00:42:33.300 align:center it's almost impossible to just move forward with your life. 00:42:33.968 --> 00:42:36.762 align:center You're compelled to confirm. You're like, "Hold up one second." 00:42:41.350 --> 00:42:43.352 align:center "I didn't want to do that." 00:42:45.688 --> 00:42:48.023 align:center 'Cause butt crack is magnetic. 00:42:49.483 --> 00:42:52.736 align:center Butt crack acts like a pseudo-cleavage. 00:42:54.071 --> 00:42:59.034 align:center It calls for attention through the power of mimicry. 00:43:00.411 --> 00:43:03.831 align:center Your eyes are naturally drawn to that burgeoning shadow. 00:43:03.914 --> 00:43:07.418 align:center "What's this mystery that my mind would like to solve?" 00:43:09.336 --> 00:43:11.630 align:center That's not your choice. That's instincts. 00:43:11.714 --> 00:43:13.841 align:center That's dopamine or something. 00:43:14.592 --> 00:43:16.260 align:center It's very powerful. 00:43:16.343 --> 00:43:21.390 align:center It's the same principle they use when they design a botanical garden. 00:43:21.890 --> 00:43:25.311 align:center They always make the path windy 00:43:25.394 --> 00:43:26.854 align:center to keep you curious. 00:43:26.937 --> 00:43:29.940 align:center "But what's beyond that curve?" 00:43:31.150 --> 00:43:33.193 align:center "Oh, I kind of want to know." 00:43:33.944 --> 00:43:35.863 align:center Sometimes you follow the bend, 00:43:35.946 --> 00:43:39.992 align:center and it leads you down to a beautiful patch of begonias. 00:43:40.075 --> 00:43:42.786 align:center Other times, it's your boy's booty. 00:43:44.496 --> 00:43:47.708 align:center "Oh! I'm not supposed to be in that garden." 00:43:48.542 --> 00:43:51.295 align:center "That's a staff-only area." 00:43:57.926 --> 00:44:02.306 align:center The other bachelor party I went to was actually a backpacking trip. 00:44:02.389 --> 00:44:05.059 align:center Uh, not like hostels, but into the wild. 00:44:05.142 --> 00:44:07.728 align:center Anybody ever done some backpacking like that? 00:44:09.271 --> 00:44:12.858 align:center A small handful. Yeah, that-- that's the right amount. 00:44:13.692 --> 00:44:15.653 align:center That is the correct amount 00:44:15.736 --> 00:44:18.322 align:center 'cause we don't have to live like that anymore. 00:44:21.116 --> 00:44:23.327 align:center It's a crazy choice. 00:44:24.870 --> 00:44:26.038 align:center You know, it's intense. 00:44:26.121 --> 00:44:29.291 align:center It's not the same as camping. I've done a lot of camping, that's chill. 00:44:29.375 --> 00:44:32.795 align:center Camping, you just drive to the campsite. 00:44:33.545 --> 00:44:34.713 align:center You camp. 00:44:35.422 --> 00:44:40.302 align:center Backpacking, you drive to what is not the campsite. 00:44:41.095 --> 00:44:43.555 align:center You pull over on a highway, you unload everything, 00:44:43.639 --> 00:44:46.141 align:center you put it on your back, you say, "Thank you, car." 00:44:46.225 --> 00:44:47.976 align:center "I'mma take it from here." 00:44:49.770 --> 00:44:54.024 align:center "For the next 26 miles, I'mma pretend I'm a car." 00:44:55.776 --> 00:44:58.487 align:center "I'm off-road. I'm a Subaru." 00:45:04.993 --> 00:45:08.622 align:center I've never even worn one of those packs, you know? 00:45:08.705 --> 00:45:11.792 align:center I've never owned one. I'd never worn one. They're so big. 00:45:11.875 --> 00:45:13.794 align:center Even as a kid, I never liked how they look. 00:45:13.877 --> 00:45:18.465 align:center I always felt like the ratio was off. It's too much bag to human. 00:45:19.258 --> 00:45:21.260 align:center Like, I'm a basic JanSport kind of kid. 00:45:21.343 --> 00:45:25.139 align:center You know, like for me, a backpack should go from here to here. 00:45:25.806 --> 00:45:30.227 align:center I don't like how those packs get so big they start to come up 00:45:30.310 --> 00:45:31.895 align:center over your head. 00:45:32.730 --> 00:45:34.648 align:center I'm like, "Hey!" 00:45:35.899 --> 00:45:38.652 align:center "Hey, what you doing? You a backpack, right?" 00:45:39.361 --> 00:45:41.864 align:center "Well, get back." 00:45:47.035 --> 00:45:50.497 align:center My friend planned this trip for a bachelor party. 00:45:50.581 --> 00:45:54.001 align:center That's not traditional. And I knew he was a spiritual guy. 00:45:54.084 --> 00:45:56.170 align:center So when he told me he wanted to do something different, 00:45:56.253 --> 00:45:59.590 align:center I was like, "Okay, cool. So no heavy drinking, no strippers." 00:45:59.673 --> 00:46:03.010 align:center He's like, "Yeah, but also no shelter, no electricity." 00:46:06.013 --> 00:46:07.765 align:center That's like saying, "Hey, let's party!" 00:46:07.848 --> 00:46:11.143 align:center "But let's also abstain from fun and comfort." 00:46:14.396 --> 00:46:16.648 align:center Nobody else came. 00:46:17.566 --> 00:46:20.736 align:center The bachelor party was me and him. 00:46:22.362 --> 00:46:25.157 align:center Two dudes alone in the wild for four days, 00:46:25.240 --> 00:46:28.786 align:center giving each other nightly full-body tick checks. 00:46:30.454 --> 00:46:31.580 align:center Uh-oh. 00:46:31.663 --> 00:46:33.999 align:center It got romantic by accident. 00:46:36.293 --> 00:46:37.878 align:center But the question is, 00:46:37.961 --> 00:46:42.216 align:center would more boys make the party less gay? 00:46:45.052 --> 00:46:48.680 align:center I don't know. I don't think we have the math to solve that equation. 00:46:56.188 --> 00:47:00.567 align:center We did this trail, uh, off the coast of Northern California, 00:47:00.651 --> 00:47:02.611 align:center and it was beautiful. 00:47:02.694 --> 00:47:04.738 align:center You know, multiple times on the journey, 00:47:04.821 --> 00:47:08.617 align:center I found myself on a bluff overlooking the ocean, 00:47:08.700 --> 00:47:10.285 align:center overwhelmed by the beauty. 00:47:10.369 --> 00:47:14.790 align:center And I would say to my friend, "Thank you for planning everything." 00:47:14.873 --> 00:47:17.084 align:center "This feels like a once-in-a-lifetime thing, 00:47:17.167 --> 00:47:19.586 align:center 'cause I'll probably never do it again." 00:47:21.421 --> 00:47:25.425 align:center He'd be like, "Grateful you could be here, otherwise I'd be by myself." 00:47:26.051 --> 00:47:28.220 align:center And the two of us would just stand there quietly, 00:47:28.303 --> 00:47:31.932 align:center trying to take in all the majesty. 00:47:32.558 --> 00:47:36.061 align:center And then I would think to myself, "I could kill this guy right now." 00:47:39.147 --> 00:47:40.607 align:center "I don't want to." 00:47:41.233 --> 00:47:45.612 align:center "But if I did, this is the best time." 00:47:47.614 --> 00:47:51.577 align:center I don't want to hurt anybody, but I love opportunity. 00:47:55.998 --> 00:47:58.709 align:center Something about being in nature, it makes you feel so calm, 00:47:58.792 --> 00:48:00.711 align:center so connected with the universe. 00:48:00.794 --> 00:48:04.089 align:center It makes you ponder these profound questions, like… 00:48:04.172 --> 00:48:06.174 align:center "Am I a murderer?" 00:48:13.098 --> 00:48:15.559 align:center Four days in the wild was enough 00:48:15.642 --> 00:48:19.688 align:center to really shift my perspective, really change my outlook. 00:48:19.771 --> 00:48:21.982 align:center When I came back to regular life, 00:48:22.065 --> 00:48:26.069 align:center I could not believe how good we have it. 00:48:26.153 --> 00:48:28.155 align:center The basics. 00:48:28.238 --> 00:48:29.948 align:center A trash can. 00:48:30.824 --> 00:48:32.951 align:center Go four days, no trash can, 00:48:33.035 --> 00:48:35.913 align:center then you realize that's a magical receptacle. 00:48:36.705 --> 00:48:39.708 align:center You put whatever you want in there, whatever you want. 00:48:39.791 --> 00:48:42.711 align:center That's no longer your responsibility. 00:48:43.378 --> 00:48:46.173 align:center Nah, that's society's problem. 00:48:46.757 --> 00:48:48.508 align:center You ain't got to worry about that. 00:48:48.592 --> 00:48:50.719 align:center Your granddaughter will figure it out. 00:48:54.681 --> 00:48:55.933 align:center I felt like a toddler. 00:48:56.016 --> 00:48:59.061 align:center I could not wait to go poo-poo in the toilet. 00:49:00.687 --> 00:49:03.565 align:center What a treat, the toilet. 00:49:03.649 --> 00:49:07.444 align:center We were out there for four days just digging holes. 00:49:08.528 --> 00:49:10.113 align:center Real quick pro tip. 00:49:10.197 --> 00:49:12.282 align:center If you ever go backpacking, 00:49:12.866 --> 00:49:16.078 align:center dig your hole the night before. 00:49:18.747 --> 00:49:20.290 align:center Have a little foresight. 00:49:21.083 --> 00:49:22.167 align:center Do it after dinner, 00:49:22.250 --> 00:49:25.128 align:center after y'all already put one in the chamber. 00:49:27.798 --> 00:49:31.802 align:center You don't want to dig a hole in the moment. 00:49:33.512 --> 00:49:38.183 align:center You don't want to dig a hole under duress. 00:49:40.978 --> 00:49:43.021 align:center It ain't going to be nice. 00:49:43.647 --> 00:49:46.817 align:center I woke up on day two, bit of an emergency. 00:49:47.317 --> 00:49:48.819 align:center I had to go. I grabbed a shovel. 00:49:48.902 --> 00:49:50.821 align:center I ran out there. I couldn't think straight. 00:49:50.904 --> 00:49:52.030 align:center I made some wrong turns. 00:49:52.114 --> 00:49:55.951 align:center I ended up on a big patch of hard-baked earth. 00:49:57.285 --> 00:49:59.621 align:center I couldn't break ground. 00:50:00.956 --> 00:50:02.082 align:center I was getting desperate. 00:50:02.165 --> 00:50:06.712 align:center I was like, "I might have to take care of business and then bury the body later." 00:50:07.713 --> 00:50:08.755 align:center Kind of makes sense. 00:50:08.839 --> 00:50:12.259 align:center Now you know how big that body is. 00:50:13.468 --> 00:50:15.887 align:center When you digging ahead of time, you got to guesstimate. 00:50:15.971 --> 00:50:20.017 align:center You got to ask yourself, "Are your eyes bigger than your butt?" 00:50:26.106 --> 00:50:28.358 align:center My first hole, 00:50:28.442 --> 00:50:30.360 align:center not enough hole. 00:50:32.654 --> 00:50:34.448 align:center I tried to bury it at the end. 00:50:34.531 --> 00:50:36.366 align:center It became a little hill. 00:50:38.452 --> 00:50:39.828 align:center They say "leave no trace." 00:50:39.911 --> 00:50:42.164 align:center I altered the topography. 00:50:43.582 --> 00:50:46.334 align:center Now they got to update that squiggly map. 00:50:54.176 --> 00:50:57.846 align:center It was a very memorable trip. We saw a lot of beautiful wildlife. 00:50:57.929 --> 00:51:02.893 align:center One of the most spectacular things we witnessed was a full-grown black bear. 00:51:03.602 --> 00:51:04.895 align:center When we came up on it, 00:51:04.978 --> 00:51:08.356 align:center it was bounding straight up a real steep incline. 00:51:08.440 --> 00:51:11.943 align:center And when I saw that power combined with that speed, 00:51:12.527 --> 00:51:14.029 align:center it crushed me. 00:51:14.529 --> 00:51:15.739 align:center 'Cause I had a plan. 00:51:15.822 --> 00:51:18.825 align:center I told myself, if I had to outrun a bear, 00:51:18.909 --> 00:51:21.745 align:center I'mma fake left, then I'mma go right. 00:51:23.288 --> 00:51:27.501 align:center Then I saw the bear go uphill hella fast. I said, "That's not realistic, though." 00:51:29.419 --> 00:51:32.422 align:center I'mma fake left and then I'mma be dead for real. 00:51:34.591 --> 00:51:36.635 align:center If I got attacked by a bear, 00:51:36.718 --> 00:51:39.554 align:center I'mma have to just be present. 00:51:40.263 --> 00:51:44.100 align:center Right? You got to learn to accept the things you cannot change. 00:51:44.184 --> 00:51:46.061 align:center Breathe in, breathe out. 00:51:46.144 --> 00:51:50.148 align:center "What's happening right now? Man, I'm delicious." 00:51:51.149 --> 00:51:55.112 align:center "I'm getting mauled up. I'm too yummy to be in the forest." 00:51:56.321 --> 00:51:58.490 align:center "Oh, I see you struggling with the thigh meat." 00:51:58.573 --> 00:52:01.827 align:center "Yeah, my quads are tight from the hike, bear." 00:52:02.702 --> 00:52:05.539 align:center "Sorry. You should have caught me last week at the crib." 00:52:05.622 --> 00:52:07.541 align:center "I was tender then." 00:52:12.003 --> 00:52:14.923 align:center On day one, we hiked eight miles. 00:52:16.007 --> 00:52:18.218 align:center We're pretty deep into bear country. 00:52:18.301 --> 00:52:19.970 align:center There's no more cell reception. 00:52:20.053 --> 00:52:23.306 align:center By nightfall, it's so dark you can't see your own hand. 00:52:23.390 --> 00:52:26.268 align:center And I remember we crawled into the tent 00:52:27.185 --> 00:52:30.981 align:center and I zipped it up. I said, "Zip." 00:52:34.234 --> 00:52:36.570 align:center "I guess that means we're safe now." 00:52:40.490 --> 00:52:44.119 align:center "Is it okay if we both just go unconscious for eight hours?" 00:52:47.372 --> 00:52:49.082 align:center "'Cause we're inside." 00:52:50.417 --> 00:52:54.713 align:center "This is inside now. I went like that all the way to the top." 00:52:55.297 --> 00:52:58.758 align:center "Basically transformed the windbreaker into a force field." 00:53:00.802 --> 00:53:04.055 align:center "If we can't see them, how are they gonna know we in here?" 00:53:06.099 --> 00:53:08.310 align:center "All right now, bears, go to bed." 00:53:08.393 --> 00:53:11.396 align:center "You heard the zipper. It's bedtime, good night." 00:53:15.192 --> 00:53:16.610 align:center I felt more in danger 00:53:16.693 --> 00:53:19.946 align:center 'cause my sleeping bag was right by the door. 00:53:20.447 --> 00:53:21.448 align:center But then I was like, 00:53:21.531 --> 00:53:25.327 align:center "The bear's probably not gonna use the proper entryway." 00:53:26.995 --> 00:53:29.956 align:center "It's gonna bust in here like the Kool-Aid Man." 00:53:31.791 --> 00:53:36.171 align:center It would be more unnerving if the bear did use the zipper. 00:53:50.769 --> 00:53:51.853 align:center That part's so scary. 00:53:51.937 --> 00:53:54.898 align:center Every time I do that, I give myself goose bumps. 00:53:57.275 --> 00:53:58.443 align:center We, uh… 00:54:01.780 --> 00:54:04.449 align:center Thank you. We have a-- We have a little bit of show left, 00:54:04.532 --> 00:54:07.911 align:center but I wanna take a quick moment to say thank you for being here. 00:54:07.994 --> 00:54:09.788 align:center Thank you for coming out. 00:54:16.127 --> 00:54:17.170 align:center Um… 00:54:19.714 --> 00:54:20.882 align:center I, uh… 00:54:22.092 --> 00:54:25.095 align:center Yeah, man. Thank you guys for being here. I take none of this for granted. 00:54:25.178 --> 00:54:27.681 align:center Like, I've been doing stand-up comedy for 23 years, 00:54:27.764 --> 00:54:31.476 align:center and this is my first major tour, and we doing sold-out theaters. 00:54:33.853 --> 00:54:35.480 align:center That's crazy. 00:54:37.524 --> 00:54:39.025 align:center It's a real dream, you know? 00:54:39.109 --> 00:54:42.070 align:center But to be honest, you know, my goal from the very beginning, 00:54:42.153 --> 00:54:43.780 align:center I just wanted to work on the craft. 00:54:43.863 --> 00:54:47.909 align:center I wanted to get better and get better and maybe eventually find my people. 00:54:47.993 --> 00:54:50.328 align:center But I never really considered what that meant. 00:54:50.412 --> 00:54:51.496 align:center 'Cause I realize now, 00:54:51.579 --> 00:54:54.708 align:center every comedian brings a different demographic of fans 00:54:54.791 --> 00:54:55.959 align:center to these shows. 00:54:56.042 --> 00:54:59.671 align:center And I'm learning about who y'all are, 'cause whenever I get a chance 00:54:59.754 --> 00:55:02.799 align:center to talk to people who work at these shows, like the ushers, 00:55:02.882 --> 00:55:05.552 align:center they always tell me they like my audience, 00:55:05.635 --> 00:55:09.806 align:center 'cause y'all generally like to have a good time, but you don't overdo it. 00:55:10.890 --> 00:55:13.560 align:center Very few people get kicked out of my shows. 00:55:13.643 --> 00:55:16.229 align:center Even in Philadelphia, it was quite peaceful. 00:55:18.523 --> 00:55:19.816 align:center It was chill. 00:55:22.027 --> 00:55:23.319 align:center 'Cause you guys are kind. 00:55:23.403 --> 00:55:25.822 align:center You respect yourselves, you respect others. 00:55:25.905 --> 00:55:28.366 align:center And you just want to go to bed early. 00:55:30.118 --> 00:55:31.202 align:center I see you. 00:55:31.286 --> 00:55:33.747 align:center I mean, in a way, I'm proud of you. 00:55:35.123 --> 00:55:40.128 align:center I know you got a wind-down routine that you cannot wait to initiate. 00:55:41.087 --> 00:55:44.174 align:center There's so much to do. You gotta brew a chamomile tea. 00:55:44.257 --> 00:55:47.594 align:center You gotta take a hot shower. You gotta do your skincare routine. 00:55:47.677 --> 00:55:50.513 align:center You got your lymphatic drainage massage. 00:55:50.597 --> 00:55:52.640 align:center You gotta meditate, you gotta read that book 00:55:52.724 --> 00:55:54.642 align:center you've been trying to finish for 13 months. 00:55:54.726 --> 00:55:55.894 align:center It's a lot. 00:55:58.480 --> 00:56:01.191 align:center So I'm grateful that y'all are the fans 00:56:01.274 --> 00:56:03.651 align:center 'cause it's always such a kind, loving, wholesome vibe. 00:56:03.735 --> 00:56:06.988 align:center I-- I want to reciprocate your support and your goodwill 00:56:07.072 --> 00:56:09.783 align:center with a little bit of transparency. 00:56:09.866 --> 00:56:14.788 align:center Uh, I believe I owe this to you. I just want to come clean. Um… 00:56:14.871 --> 00:56:16.456 align:center I got a fake tooth. 00:56:19.084 --> 00:56:21.002 align:center It's here in the middle, in the front. 00:56:21.086 --> 00:56:25.090 align:center So you have been deceived for 56 minutes now. 00:56:27.258 --> 00:56:28.093 align:center This is a crown. 00:56:28.176 --> 00:56:30.261 align:center Everything else is real except for this crown. 00:56:30.345 --> 00:56:32.514 align:center If you're a dentist, it's number eight. 00:56:34.891 --> 00:56:38.353 align:center I broke that tooth a number of years ago. It was a different time in my life. 00:56:38.436 --> 00:56:41.272 align:center I was living in New York, not making the best choices. 00:56:41.356 --> 00:56:44.776 align:center Obviously before I activated my purple toothbrush. 00:56:48.113 --> 00:56:51.032 align:center It's traumatic. Your first set of teeth, that's for fun. 00:56:51.116 --> 00:56:53.660 align:center Your second set, that's for real. 00:56:54.494 --> 00:56:56.454 align:center It's not coming back. 00:56:56.538 --> 00:56:59.040 align:center I was so ashamed. I was so desperate. 00:56:59.124 --> 00:57:00.458 align:center I went to my dentist, I said, 00:57:00.542 --> 00:57:04.629 align:center "Please, I need you to control-Z what I did to myself." 00:57:05.755 --> 00:57:06.923 align:center She was very reassuring. 00:57:07.006 --> 00:57:09.801 align:center She said, "No problem. We're gonna put a crown on that." 00:57:09.884 --> 00:57:13.346 align:center I didn't know what that meant. I said, "Do what you got to do. Let's go." 00:57:13.430 --> 00:57:16.266 align:center When they put a crown on a broken tooth, 00:57:16.349 --> 00:57:20.395 align:center they first whittle down what's left of the tooth 00:57:20.478 --> 00:57:24.023 align:center into a tiny bloody stump. 00:57:25.775 --> 00:57:30.572 align:center Most dentists don't want you to see, think, or know about that thing. 00:57:31.156 --> 00:57:34.325 align:center My dentist decided she wanted to show me her work. 00:57:36.327 --> 00:57:41.166 align:center At one point during the process, she swung a mirror down to my face. 00:57:41.666 --> 00:57:44.502 align:center I didn't know what was going on. I thought we were done. 00:57:46.337 --> 00:57:49.799 align:center I thought it was like when the barber shows you the back of your head. 00:57:50.842 --> 00:57:52.844 align:center I'm about to get your tip ready. 00:57:56.848 --> 00:57:59.142 align:center I took a quick glance. 00:58:00.393 --> 00:58:02.061 align:center Horror. 00:58:04.522 --> 00:58:08.693 align:center I did not react 'cause I didn't want to give it power. 00:58:10.153 --> 00:58:12.363 align:center I went dead in the face. 00:58:13.198 --> 00:58:16.201 align:center I looked away. I said, "Don't ever do that again." 00:58:17.869 --> 00:58:21.206 align:center I said, "I don't know why I got to tell you this right now, 00:58:21.289 --> 00:58:25.168 align:center but I came here for more tooth." 00:58:26.294 --> 00:58:30.131 align:center "I wanted increase tooth." 00:58:30.215 --> 00:58:33.092 align:center "You've been going the wrong way the whole time!" 00:58:37.889 --> 00:58:41.684 align:center What I saw continues to haunt me. 00:58:42.977 --> 00:58:44.520 align:center In the mirror, I see this, 00:58:44.604 --> 00:58:47.273 align:center but in my mind, I know the truth. 00:58:48.691 --> 00:58:52.403 align:center So I am motivated to protect that crown. 00:58:52.487 --> 00:58:56.574 align:center I don't use that thing. That's not for biting or tearing. 00:58:56.658 --> 00:58:58.535 align:center It's purely decorative. 00:58:59.369 --> 00:59:01.162 align:center Because I know if that crown ever fell out, 00:59:01.246 --> 00:59:03.915 align:center there is a petite goblin inside. 00:59:05.291 --> 00:59:06.668 align:center Lurking. 00:59:08.086 --> 00:59:10.880 align:center It's with me always. 00:59:15.343 --> 00:59:17.637 align:center And if you look closely, you could tell, 00:59:17.720 --> 00:59:21.891 align:center this crown, it's slightly bigger and whiter than the counterparts. 00:59:22.392 --> 00:59:25.562 align:center 'Cause when you go through that process, they let you pick a color. 00:59:25.645 --> 00:59:27.397 align:center You choose a hue. 00:59:28.273 --> 00:59:32.193 align:center Somewhere between off-white and off-er-white. 00:59:32.819 --> 00:59:34.821 align:center And you can go lighter or darker, 00:59:34.904 --> 00:59:38.324 align:center depending on where you feel like your life is headed. 00:59:40.159 --> 00:59:44.747 align:center You still got ambition, or are you ready to just coast it out now? 00:59:46.332 --> 00:59:47.292 align:center You decide. 00:59:47.375 --> 00:59:50.962 align:center But if you're gonna go for it, you gotta be honest with yourself. 00:59:51.045 --> 00:59:54.674 align:center How white are the other teeth ever gonna get? 00:59:55.675 --> 01:00:00.930 align:center And how many years are you down to have one bright-ass tooth? 01:00:02.015 --> 01:00:03.808 align:center I'm Sheng Wang. Thank you, DC. 01:00:06.311 --> 01:00:09.772 align:center Thank you. Take care of yourselves. 01:00:10.481 --> 01:00:12.775 align:center Love each other, support each other. 01:00:14.277 --> 01:00:15.737 align:center I'll see you next time. each other.