[grunts] Darn it!
Your kite's too down to earth! You deal with it.
[man] Greetings, Pandit ji!
Greetings, Madhav ji! How are you?
Did you get the parcel?
[Madhav] Yes. Some kind of rock, right?
It's not a rock. It's a pebble.
You're to keep it in your chest pocket.
And on the first day of the Krishna paksha,
straighten your back and go to your father and vomit everything.
-[Madhav] Vomit everything? -I mean, talk about your marriage.
-[Madhav] I see. -He will agree to it without a problem.
[Madhav] Okay then, Pandit ji, can you give me your address?
I want to send you the wedding invite.
Why do you want my address?
Just email me the invite.
[Madhav] But I have to come see you, Pandit ji.
You don't have to do that. It's against the app policy.
I cannot meet you.
-[Madhav] But how can-- -Your time is up. I have to go.
What a pest!
Why don't you just meet him?
He might just give you a donation.
Listen up, idiot.
I can read people's auras over phone calls.
And I don't like this man's aura.
He keeps asking for my details.
He keeps asking for my address.
What if he actually shows up here?
[horn honking, engine approaching]
[honking continues]
[brakes screech]
[engine idling]
-Last night, I had a dream -[dramatic music plays]
that someone showed up here for a reading.
He was sipping tea with Papa.
[Surya] What are you saying?
[dramatic music swells]
But you've been talking to this man on the phone regularly.
[Aman] Talking over the phone is different.
I don't know what kind of man he is,
if he's a goon or if he's dangerous.
Or if he kills people for money?
Or he's a child nabber!
[dramatic music fades]
[dramatic music plays]
Mummy!
-Scram! -[Aman] In this field,
you can't take that risk.
-[mockingly] "Mummy!" -[Aman] He will show up as a friend
but will turn out to be an enemy!
But, surely, you can use it.
-But there's termites-- -[man] Brother-in-law!
Greetings!
[Shanti] Pinky, it's you!
How are you, Shanti?
You didn't tell us you were coming!
I wanted to surprise my brother-in-law.
-How are you, Santosh? -In shock.
Oh, come on. You're still mad at me?
Oh no, I'm not mad. I'm happy.
This is my happy face.
-And, sir, you are? -I'm Baddhai.
Then you can get going. Where are the boys?
-Annu! Aman! -Annu's gone to the office.
Aman's up on the roof.
Aman, look who's here!
Is he actually here?
You don't have to come down.
Oh, that's our Pinky uncle.
You're just…
Listen, make the timetable, and get going. Come on.
We’ll talk about the wood tomorrow.
I have a hyena here to take care of right now. Okay?
-Did you drive your car here, Pinky? -SUV.
-Really? -Shanti, I'm leaving for work.
What's the hurry? Pinky's here. Sit down for a while.
-Come on. -Let him be, Shanti.
Please don't force any formalities on him.
He's a government worker.
He has a boss to answer to,
unlike businessmen like me who can do whatever they want.
It's called discipline, not fearing the boss.
I can stay a while.
-[Aman] Hello, Uncle! -There he is.
-Hey! -I didn't know you were coming.
Do you think only you come around unannounced?
-[Santosh] When did we do that? -What's this?
Is that a tambourine?
-It's paneer. -So much?
Oh, there's a dairy near my house.
I had the owner buy a life insurance policy.
The poor man couldn't pay his premium,
but your uncle stopped his policy from lapsing.
And so, the man's been sending over four to five kilos of paneer now and then.
-See that, Papa? -Would you believe that?
I'm surprised there's enough milk to go around for him to do that,
giving it away for free!
Papa, there's more milk and curd in the country
now that people are going vegan.
He wouldn't understand! Shanti, here.
[gasps excitedly] What's this?
-A small TV? -No, a big phone.
Tab, Santosh. It's called a tab.
Is that for your sister to chop vegetables on?
Why would I do that? I can pass the time on it.
And you sound as if you know how to work a tab!
-Pandit ji, here's a donation. -Thanks, Uncle!
He didn't even have a janeu yet.
Santosh, please look away.
-This is between my nephew and me. -[Santosh] Fine.
-Let me hold that for you. -I'm holding it, Mummy.
You can also look away.
That's a huge bag. Are you staying for long?
Pinky, didn't you get anything for your brother-in-law?
Oh no, he doesn't have to.
Well, he's an important man.
What could I even offer him?
-Your absence. -Come on, Papa!
I'm just kidding.
He knows I'm always kidding around.
-Now close your eyes. -Oh, stop it.
-Just close them. -Oh, stop it.
Santosh, do it, please.
Fine.
Three, two, one!
Magic!
That's expensive magic.
What! This is really--
-I've stopped drinking. -[Aman] Yes, he has.
Your loss.
-No, no-- -Leave it.
If you've left drinking, let go of the bottle as well!
-Come on. -Aman.
-Get a knife. -Papa?
Let's cut the paneer.
-Okay. -Get some water too.
-Put on some tea too. -And get a bowl.
I'll consider the paneer as my gift. What else?
So your final answer is no?
[Shalini] Annu's Mummy!
Hide it quickly! The woman might steal it!
-Who's here with us? -This is our neighbor, Bittu's Mummy.
-Namaste. -Let it be.
UP02ZZ27 is your car?
-SUV. -It's parked outside my house.
-[Pinky] Yes-- -Bittu's Mummy,
this is my younger brother, Pinky. You've met him before
when he was here a few years ago.
Annu's Mummy, I don't remember men's faces.
But isn't he the one
who threw 1,000 rupee notes on Santosh's face?
Fake notes.
-And then I thrashed-- -Do you want me to move the car?
Let it be.
But beware, we have miscreants letting air out of tires in the colony.
-How is it, Santosh? -[Santosh] Really good.
It's just that it tastes a bit different.
That's the taste of freshness.
Why do you have a block of thermocol under the newspaper?
It's paneer.
-It's paneer. -Huh?
It's paneer.
It's fake paneer.
-Who is she? -Poison.
[Shalini] It is poison.
-Where did you buy it? -It's poison?!
Pinky!
Get me some water with salt in it.
-I want to throw it up. -Santosh, that is not true.
-You're overreacting. -[Aman] Stop blaming him.
[Pinky] It's good paneer, really.
-[Shanti] What are you doing? -[Shalini] Look at this, sisters.
-What are you doing? -I have to make a video about it.
[Aman] It's not poison!
-It's fake! -Stop trying to vomit.
-It's fake paneer. -Who the heck are you?
Stop this! Stop recording!
I'm telling you, he's trying to get back at me.
-What for? -He wants to poison me!
Come on!
Just tell me who the seller is and where his shop is.
[Pinky] Please go away! What are you doing?
[Shalini] You shouldn't eat it.
-Fraud Pinky! -[Pinky] Stop it!
[retching]
-[Shanti] What are you doing? -Stop being so dramatic now.
-[retching] -[Shanti] Come on!
[theme song starts]
[theme song ends]
FAKE PANEER
[Annu] It spreads through spit.
[Negi] Is it cholera?
[Annu] Chandan ji, good morning!
Good afternoon.
All right, it isn't morning until you're up for the day!
-Right? -True.
Chandan ji, this is my friend Negi.
Negi, that's Chandan ji.
-He's Dr. Priti's He-Man! -Nice.
What's He-Man? Man is he.
He, him, they, them, men can also be those now.
[Annu] Yes, anything goes these days. The world has progressed a lot.
It's pretty crowded today. Looks like she won't be free until evening.
-Hmm. -She must be seeing a patient.
No, she's meeting with your… Shashi sir.
He's joined Steady Life.
That he has.
-But, Chandan ji, it is not right. -What?
There are patients waiting outside, and you sent Shashi Ranjan inside.
Now you're making us wait?
These are not Dr. Priti's patients but Dr. Prithvi's.
They're sitting here because all the seats are full.
Oh, boy!
-All of them? -Yes.
-[buzzer sounds] -Man!
I'll ask his coordinator for an appointment.
-Dr. Prithvi is a priority. -Yes, go.
[Priti] Chandan ji, please escort him out.
-Sorry, ma'am. I'll take your leave. -[Chandan] Come on.
-[Shashi] It was a miscommunication. -[Priti] Thank you.
-But your father and I… -[Priti] Thank you, Mr. Shashi.
-[Chandan] Let's go. -…had a good relationship.
-[Shashi] We were very-- -[Chandan] Thank you. Thank you.
[background chatter]
Happens, sir.
She was in a bad mood.
Even before you went in?
[chuckles]
She doesn't get a lot of patients.
She's free mostly.
She's a walking book of ethics that no one wants to read.
They will. Someone will.
-[Priti] Chandan ji. -[Chandan] Yes?
-Don't send anymore MRs. -[Chandan] All right.
Unless they already have an appointment.
Go ahead.
She's quite principled, like you.
-You two will get along. -[Annu] Hmm.
Isn't that sweet of you? I have to go.
Sit.
Are you all right?
Your ex-colleague was here to give me his visiting card.
He's a shameless man. I don't like him at all.
-Did you have your lunch? -[Annu] No, I eat late.
-Get another plate. -Oh, no, no.
None of me, thank you. Please go ahead.
Why? You have a problem eating with me?
[Annu] No, I'm just not hungry.
Dr. Prithvi will also join us.
-Eat with us. -He's joining us?
That's wonderful.
I'll join you, but I won't eat.
Can you introduce me to him?
So you're staying for Dr. Prithvi?
No, I've never met him. So I can--
Hey, Priti. No time to breathe! Hi.
He's joining us for lunch?
-[Priti] Oh, I'm so sorry. -Oh, no. This is for you.
[Priti] He's Anand. He represents Mangala Pharma.
Anand Mishra.
I just washed my hands.
-I'll shake your hand after. -Sure.
A doctor has to be careful about hygiene. Huh?
You're sure you won't have anything?
No, please go ahead.
-Mangala Pharma. -Yes.
-You're an MRO or FSO? -No.
Area Sales Executive.
Commitment of quality and trust.
Nice. Can you pass the broccoli?
Thank you.
Absolutely mayhem out there today.
Dealt with patients until now, and now the benefactor of MRs.
[Santosh burps]
Do you hear anything?
Yeah, he just keeps burping.
-[Shanti clicks tongue] -What?
[Santosh] I'm coming, I'm coming. I'm coming.
Santosh, you're fine. Nothing's wrong with you.
[Santosh burps]
It's not the paneer. Your neighbor is poison!
Both of you are poisonous.
Shanti, I think I'm getting sick.
Something doesn't feel right.
Give me some water with asafoetida and carom seeds.
You already had three glasses of it.
You went to the washroom four times!
I won't give you anything else.
[Aman] Papa, just sit down.
-Give me that, Auntie. Give it to me. -Record everything.
Just give a minute.
Everything will be clear as day soon.
-Uncle is my soul animal. -What's that?
He means an animal that sucks your soul!
Papa, he has a clean aura.
[Shalini] Maybe, but his paneer isn't clean!
Record everything properly.
Make sure the paneer and I can be seen clearly.
[Aman] Uncle,
-you're in her vlog! -[Shalini] Sir, please.
-Come here. -Sir, please go there.
We'll record you later.
What a waste of time this is!
I sold the diary owner a life insurance policy.
He wouldn't cheat me!
You sold me a policy, too.
-Come on, Papa! -I already had about 40 grams of poison.
I hope it isn't time for us to claim the insurance.
-What are you saying? -[Shalini] Everyone, look here.
My sisters of Sakhi Shalini Mahila Mandal,
I wish you could all be at this paneer trial today.
I'm going to drop some iodine on the paneer.
If it stays yellow,
this paneer is real.
But if it turns blue or black,
you'll know that the paneer is fake.
What?
[light suspense music plays]
[light suspense music ends]
-See? It didn't change color. -Yes.
-So it's real paneer. -So everything's good?
Why would the dairy owner cheat me?
You're right, Pinky.
-He's still not feeling better, is he? -[indistinct chatter]
-Tell me-- -Why do you let her in the house?
Stop, everyone!
-Wait! -[Pinky] Do something.
Knife…
[Santosh] Where are you going with the knife?
-[Shanti] Aman! -He's angry.
[Shalini] Hope he doesn't do anything rash.
Why wouldn't he be, when someone's slandering his uncle?
-[Shanti] Calm down. -[Santosh] Really?
Here's a piece of potato. It has a lot of starch in it.
Drop your iodine on it.
-It should change its color. -Very good.
[light suspense music plays]
-Even the potato didn't change its color. -[light suspense music fades]
So is the potato fake, too, Bittu's Mummy?
[Pinky] No!
Her iodine is fake, like her.
Yes!
-No, no, no. -[Aman] Where did you get it from?
Now let's get Aunt’s statement.
-Yes! -[Shalini] What? No!
-Stop it. -[Santosh] Record her.
You're getting personal now.
Bittu's father had sold him a policy.
-See that? -[Pinky] Did you hear that? Santosh?
Now it's proven that the iodine is fake.
No, we've only proved that the iodine is fake.
Not that the paneer is real.
There are other ways!
This woman is not good for mental health.
[loud whirring]
[loud whirring stops]
Now watch
as I rub the ground pigeon peas on the paneer.
-Let's see if that changes its color. -Okay.
And if its color changes,
you will know it has urea
and detergent.
And if the color doesn't change, would the dal be fake?
Huh?
Bittu's Mummy, where did you learn all this?
[Shalini] Annu's Mummy, you'd know this too
-if you had joined the Mahila Mandal. -Oh, gosh!
We cannot put Mr. Mishra's life in danger.
We still don't know if his life is in danger.
When will you decide
if I will live or have to say my goodbyes?
Bid her goodbye!
-Stop touching your stomach. -Just shut up!
-Yes! -Look, the color’s changing.
It will change, hold on.
-Uncle, the color’s changing. -Right?
-Yes, the color is changing. -It is, yes.
It's turning red!
-Right? I can see it too! -Yes.
Your face, I mean!
Come on!
Bittu's Mummy, you're mistaken.
-Pinky cannot be fooled. -You're right.
He fools others.
Come on, Santosh. Really?
Annu's Mummy, look at his face.
He's clearly in pain.
We cannot take a risk.
[narrator] People who don't take risks
don't get insurance.
But sometimes, not having insurance
is the biggest risk!
If an insurance company starts insuring countries,
our country would have to pay a steep premium!
Because our country runs on trust and hope.
Every person here brings some risk into your life,
and some insurance.
Wish there were an iodine test for humans
to help us know
how much risk and how much insurance
they'd bring into our lives.
Such great paneer!
-It's so pure! -Now it's pure?
-[Shalini] I've never seen such quality. -What's wrong with her?
See, how soft!
You have a lot here. It might go bad.
We'll give some away.
-[clears throat] -Yes, you should.
Will you have some?
No, no. I cannot. [chuckles]
I'll cut the portion.
[Shanti] All right.
-Okay, I'll get you a container. -Yes.
Santosh, it wasn't your stomach
-but my heart that was hurt today. -Oh, please!
Is that all you trust me?
Uncle, he trusts you a lot less than you think.
Shut up. Ask Annu to get something for the tummy ache.
-[Aman] Do you believe this? -To be safe.
For precaution. That's all.
Santosh, you're really so great!
[Shalini] It's a small box, Annu's Mummy.
So, Anand,
-you MRs must have an erratic lunch hour. -[phone buzzing]
What, sir?
It must be hard to stick to a schedule.
-Yes, it's erratic. -Hmm.
No, sir. Well, lunch for us is… [chuckles]
is decided by where we are and what we can get to eat there.
If we're closer to MG Road, we have chhole bhature there.
If we're close to Sadar, I have samosas and shikanji at Rati's.
[Priti] Rati's samosa and shikanji?
-The shop's still standing? -Yes, you've been?
[Priti] I've been? It's a part of my childhood!
Oh!
It's right next to my school. I'd go every day.
So you're from Scent Asabelle?
St. Isabelle.
Yes, I have some trouble with Saint.
And some with Isabelle.
Priti was a head girl there.
-And you were a head boy at? -St. Lawrence.
-You? -Mahanagar Boys.
Our school head boy wouldn't wear his badge,
so that no one would know. [raucous laughter]
Clever!
-[Prithvi] Funny. -Man,
-I miss Rati's samosas now. -[soft music plays]
-Suddenly, the broccoli tastes awful. -Of course!
I could get you some hot samosas if you want.
-Yes, please! -Yes?
-All right. -Done.
-Yes, -[soft music fades]
have Rati's samosas and Ustad's chhole bhature.
Great.
He's going to need a cardiologist soon.
But, congratulations, you have one right next door.
[Annu] Your humor is on point.
This is why I wanted to meet you, sir.
To educate myself.
[phone buzzing]
-One minute. -[Priti] Answer it.
Yeah, it's my home. They've been calling me.
-[Priti] Then take it. -Yes, one minute.
Hello?
What's your name?
-Negi, sir. -[Annu] What? Fake paneer?
Oh, Pinky uncle's here.
Mummy, I'll call you back. I'm at work.
So did you meet Prithvi?
I met Poonam ma'am. I can see Dr. Prithvi after lunch.
Come on, man.
What are you doing in there with both the doctors?
Dr. Priti must have left him hanging.
[playful music starts]
Did she leave you hanging?
She asked me to join her for lunch.
Yes, Prithvi's given me an appointment the day after.
Wait here. I'll finish lunch and be back in five.
-[playful music ends] -Take your time.
[Pinky] Oh, my!
Wow! It smells amazing.
-Did you add cashews? -[Shanti clicks tongue]
Sister, why are you being so stingy?
The cashews smelled bad.
If your brother-in-law gets sick after having it,
he would have blamed the paneer!
Santosh is really strange.
-Sister. -[Shanti] Hmm?
I want to talk about something.
Hmm?
Do you need permission in writing?
You remember our village house…
What do you mean village house? Say Mom's house.
It's not Mom's house anymore.
-It's been empty for years. -[somber music plays]
So what if it's empty? It's still Mom's house.
Go on.
The roof of house is leaking.
There's a tree growing in the courtyard.
A few days ago, a drug addict broke into it.
He was caught using drugs.
Is it really in such a bad state?
It is in a bad state,
-so I was thinking-- -[Annu] Uncle!
[somber music ends]
When did you buy the new SUV?
-[warm music plays] -Oh, welcome home, Prime Minister!
-How are you? -Papa is the Prime Minister of this house.
Santosh is the ex-Prime Minister.
He's going to retire soon.
This family now needs young leadership.
Trying to create a rift in the family, Pinky?
Are you the neighboring country?
Which one, Papa?
-The most deceptive one! -Come on.
Annu, did you see what Pinky uncle got for me?
-[Annu] What is it? -Aman, show him.
-Look at this. -It's a tab.
I thought you got her another Santosh Mishra!
He's at it again!
Santosh Mishra is the one and only piece.
But the boys are funnier than you!
[warm music swells joyfully, then fades]
-[Shanti] Raanu's kid is just adorable! -[Aman] Right?
Look at his cheeks. Pinky had those exact cheeks!
-Sister, -Cute.
you have really good children, too.
Uncle.
-This Aman. -Hmm?
Stayed at Raanu's for two whole days.
Two days?
-You didn't tell us. -And Annu's one step ahead.
-[Annu] No, Uncle. -[Pinky] Yes!
He bought Puchku a mutual fund worth 10,000 rupees.
[Annu] It's not a big deal.
When he turns 18 in 18 years,
he will get a lot of money.
-Uncle, you need another pillow? -No, I'm comfortable.
By the way, whose idea was it?
-It-- It was Mummy and Papa's. -[Pinky chuckles]
Aman, when did you go to Raanu's?
[Santosh] Yes?
Did you bunk college?
Papa, I was going to tell you.
Mummy, there was a holiday-- Uncle, come on, you are--
-[Annu] What's this? -Santosh, it's all right.
At least someone from this family came.
I was going to attend his first birthday
with the whole family.
But I had some painting and repairs done in the house.
Come on, Santosh,
at least make the lie convincing.
If you had the house painted--
Uncle, please.
-Did you really get it done? -[Aman] Yes.
No. [sniffs] I can smell it.
-[Annu] Right? -[Pinky] Yes.
-But I'm a bit tired. -[Shanti] Yes.
-I'm really sleepy, so I didn't realize. -Okay.
Your uncle's sleepy. Let's go.
[all] Where?
Pinky's taken over the whole bed!
Mummy, I cannot sleep without the AC.
I can't go in the morning!
-Shh. -Ask Aman to sleep here.
Why? Don't I get hot?
-See? -Papa.
I'm not sleeping here or there.
-I'm sleeping on the roof. -Quiet.
Who will sleep next to Pinky?
He keeps kicking his legs in sleep!
He'll joke in the morning that he was playing kabaddi!
-He'll hear you! -There are mosquitoes on the roof.
There's chikungunya going around.
Then deal with it with the boys.
-That's what we're here for? -[Santosh] Yes.
-Fine, I'm going too. -[Aman] There's no AC on the roof.
I'm going where this is AC.
-I'm going to a friend's. -[Aman] Mummy.
Why? Have you gone mad?
[Annu] Mummy, what else can I do?
Let Uncle sleep there in peace.
All four of us can't sleep in this room.
I'll sleep at Negi's. It's close to work so I'll head directly from there.
You keep going over to Satish Negi's all the time.
[Annu] Listen.
What?
It is Satish, right?
It's not Shristi or Shampi?
I'll thrash you!
-Annu! -Did you see that?
Take some paneer for Satish.
Uncle brought it. We have a lot.
Don't tell him I'm going out, okay?
You never say anything to him.
-Stick to your business. -He's always out.
Did you tell me you went to Raanu's?
Come on, Mummy.
[loud snoring]
[loud snoring continues]
[Pinky] Got you!
Uncle!
Dad was right!
He woke me up!
[loud snoring]
-[mosquitoes buzzing] -[sharp zap]
-[light chuckle] -[sharp zap]
[distant dogs barking]
[chuckles]
[Shanti] See?
You should listen to me.
[soft music plays]
It's not my first time up here.
I've spent my whole childhood and youth up here,
and without a blanket or mosquito net.
You had thick skin back then.
It broke the mosquito's stinger!
You're old now.
I'm evergreen and ever young.
Why? Are you worried about me?
I'm worried about your son, not you.
Why?
He acts so entitled!
-He's sleeping at his friend's again. -[Santosh] Really?
He gave Raanu's son a mutual fund worth 10,000 rupees.
Did he tell you?
Even Aman didn't tell us he had gone there.
They don't think they need to tell us anything anymore.
Hmm.
We'll deal with them later.
-Come, sleep here. -[clicks tongue]
I won't sleep here.
Come on, I need to ask you something.
[Shanti] What?
What is it?
-[soft music ends] -I feel…
a bit frustrated.
We had the house painted and repairs done.
Was it unnecessary?
Of course, it was necessary.
Bittu's Mummy says otherwise.
Pinky also mentioned that he didn't realize we had them done.
Did we do it to make it obvious to them?
I like it.
[soft music plays]
But we have to think beyond the house, Mishra ji.
Annu will bring his bride.
They won't live here anyway.
Why not?
Annu might, but his bride won't.
Why not?
You lived here with your parents-in-law.
[chuckles]
That was different.
Maybe you did some good deeds,
and I did some bad ones. [chuckles]
You're not that bad!
-Hmm? -[Santosh] You have your shortcomings,
but you're an all right lady.
Not all right, great!
[soft music swells warmly]
But I don't think it's right to expect that
of the girls today.
Why?
Why should they make sacrifices
just so people call them "good women?"
When our son isn't willing to sacrifice AC!
But you sacrificed it.
No, I'm going downstairs.
Yes, you are.
I won't sleep here.
Yes, you won't.
It is really hot.
Yes, it is.
Look at the moon.
Looks beautiful, right?
-Tucked underneath the stars and the moon… -[soft music fades]
[Shanti's breathing slows and steadies]
[heartfelt music plays]
By the way, Shanti,
you are not just all right.
You are great!
[heartfelt music fades]
I invited the ladies of the group to your house.
[Shanti] But this is not a meeting for the group.
It's a kitty party.
Shanti, get two more cups of tea!
-Are you working for her or something? -[clicks tongue]
[Shalini] From now on, women will call each other by their names.
No one takes my mother's name!
I'll shut her up!
Shalini…
ji…
-[Annu] Dr. Prithvi! -Anand, hi!
Both of you come here?
If you do join this one, let me know.
We'll try to match our timings.
[Aman] Ahh!
I have not been able to brush. It hurts too much.
I think we should go ahead with the root canal.
Ma'am, I don't want any treatment from you.
This is why no one calls a dentist a doctor.
[Santosh] Vishwakarma ji is planning to move abroad.
His only son-in-law is an engineer in California.
Vishwakarma ji is senior to you.
We'll have to prioritize him.
[Pinky] I should get going.
Bless me.
[Santosh] Say it louder…
Fraud Pinky!
-[distant engine roars away] -Everyone together…
Fraud Pinky!
[end credit music plays]
[end credit music ends]