[in Hindi] You must've heard stories that seemed usual.
But what about unusual stories?
By unusual I meant...
I meant... [sighs]
Like, finding a betel vendor at a betel store.
It's usual.
Finding a tailor at a betel store is also a usual thing.
But finding the betel vendor and the tailor
having an ice cream together at the betel store...
Umm...
Unusual, isn't it? [chuckles]
So this is a tale about a boy and a girl.
A tale of their weird friendship and their weird friends.
They wouldn't have crossed paths on a normal day.
But today...
It's quite unusual.
[birds chattering]
[inhales]
[groans]
[screams]
["Little Itch" playing]
[groans]
♪ Don't give me love Don't give me hate! ♪
♪ Don't give me mental time! ♪
♪ I like to move and articulate ♪
♪ I'm gonna take my time ♪
♪ 'Cause baby, I'm a whoop! Just a Li'l itch... ♪
♪ Li'l itch ♪
♪ Was sick and old I was in the hole ♪
♪ Didn't know the place or time ♪
♪ And like a kid I would burn it whole ♪
♪ And then I lose my mind ♪
♪ So baby don't ♪
♪ Don't ever think of turning Your back on me, girl ♪
♪ So tired of being sad and lonely ♪
♪ How am I gonna get you home ♪
♪ You Li'l itch ♪
♪ So give me love and give me hate ♪
♪ But don't give me mental time ♪
♪ You've got to move and anticipate ♪
♪ Before you lose your mind ♪
♪ 'Cause baby, I'm a whoop Just a Li'l itch ♪
[laughs]
[yells]
♪ Li'l itch ♪
[male announcer in English] Good morning, students.
The Annual Indian Hindi
Scholarship Examination will begin shortly.
Kindly move into your assigned classrooms.
No one is allowed to enter without the university hall ticket.
Good luck and no cheating.
A rich man's samosa is big, a poor man's samosa is small.
A poor man's samosa has just onions,
a rich man's samosa has onions, potatoes and peas.
A poor man's samosa is fried in oil,
a rich man's samosa is fried in olive oil.
A poor man's samosa is sold on bicycles,
a poor man's samosa is sold in shops.
A poor man's samosa is worth a cent,
a rich man's samosa is worth a dollar.
[girl] Deshpandu!
The lesson is called "Hunger In India", not "Hungry In India".
[screams]
-Hi. -Hi.
You're stupid to study.
No, no "P" language.
-No? -No.
I'm trying to help Tarun Deshkapandu understand what exam this is.
[male teacher] You! Kurkure!
No rubber band allowed here. Understand!
Sir, it's Kirkire.
And these are friendship bands, sir.
No friendship over here, just Hindi exam paper.
But sir, these are awareness bands.
I'm spreading awareness, sir.
Do your awareness business outside.
[huffs]
What about our plan?
[indistinct chatter]
-Don't do it, man. -What?
I know what you're thinking about, I'm just saying, it's not a good idea.
You don't know what I'm thinking.
See, I knew you were gonna say that.
What is your problem? You're ditching me anyway.
Basically, I stayed up all night.
And like the Fibonacci sequence, I've cracked code here to
all the plays in the syllabus.
We don't have to do that.
But we do. We went over this.
Don't mess with them.
Them?
Who is them?
They? Our parents? The government?
You think the government cares that we know the syllabus inside out?
They just want to intimidate you with their vague multiple choices.
Because intimidating students is part of a bigger plan?
It's part of their propaganda.
[bell ringing]
[girl 1] Excuse me, sir, A-405...
-[girl 2] Sir. 508? 508? -[man] Hey...
-[girl 3] Hurry up, sir. -[boy 1] Hey!
[man] Rules is rules, okay!
-Wait... -[indistinct chatter]
[man] Take it. B81...
-[man] Take it. -[girl 3] A-327...
[man] One by one.
-Calm down, calm down. -[boy 2] A-67.
[man] Wait, wait.
-Wait! Wait! -[boy 3] Sir, F-422.
-[man] One by one. Wait. -[girl 4] F-786, sir.
-Sir, B-508 -B-50...
[indistinct chatter]
-Not registered. -No.
-[girl] A-322. -Sir, are you sure?
No examination with no ticket.
-[boy 4] B-015... -Rules are rules.
No, no, sir. How is that possible?
Student irresponsibility leads to such things.
You must be a cheater...
that's why they don't send your ticket.
Hmm?
But sir, who are they?
Leave me. Don't waste my time.
I am very busy. Okay?
Take it.
-Next! -Sir, F-402.
F-402, take it.
See? Not cheater cock.
-So I'll go? -Yeah, go.
I'm going then.
Go!
Okay.
You're leaving me.
Boo, you can also leave.
I can't. It's that security camera.
Don't look, its head keeps moving. It's like it's following me.
What if they send a recording home?
That's like granny saying that God is always watching us.
Which is extremely rude, of God.
You know I'm still grounded from our last time?
-But I did that. -I was also there, no?
Just wait here, and think about what this means in the big picture, okay?
[boy 5] Sir, B-507.
[man] B-50...
-[man] Not registered. -[boy 5] Hmm?
Hmm.
[boy 5] Sir, that's impossible.
Please check again.
I registered two months back, my entire class is in there.
Sorry. No ticket means, you must have been cheating.
I know you cheater cocks.
Rules are rules.
Sir, I don't cheat.
You can call up my school and ask them.
-I'm the head boy. -I don't have time for cheater people.
Even if you are a head boy or a peon boy.
Don't waste my time, okay?
I am very busy.
But you are not busy.
I am busy.
From inside.
-Sir, please check, it will be there... -Just go.
[kicks the water cooler]
[groans]
[grunts]
[screams]
-Why are you yelling? -Because you are yelling!
Wait!
[panting]
[boy 5] Stop there, stop there! Stop!
Stop!
Wait, wait!
[panting] Stop, please!
[exhales sharply]
-You're okay? -What?
-You're stalking me. -Huh?
No, I just want to apologize for what happened.
What happened?
Nothing happened. [panting]
I'm sorry for making you wet.
Not like that.
What I meant was that I'm sorry for kicking the water cooler
that happened to displace the water jug and spill water on you.
-Like that. -Got it.
[sighing]
What are you doing out here?
I don't know.
What are you doing out here?
What is anyone doing anywhere, really?
Aren't you supposed to be giving the exam?
You're also supposed to be giving the exam.
Cheater cock?
This is just a temporary glitch.
I'll get it fixed.
And even if I can't write the exam, there's no reason why you shouldn't.
Let me go talk to your administrator.
-They can't be accusing us of cheating. -No! I think you should just leave it.
Look, Mr. Gopal doesn't know what he is doing.
[yawns]
Come with me.
Come.
[suspenseful music]
Why are we doing this?
-[whispers] I've never missed an exam. -So?
[whispers] I should at least know what that question paper looks like.
[softly] Wait!
Why am I doing this?
What else do you have to do?
-Don't do. -I'm doing.
-[thud] -[Gopal] Hey!
-Hey you! Cheater cock! Stop! -[girl screams]
[Gopal] I said stop there! Stop running!
-Statue! -[kids laugh]
Cheater cock, stop! Stop running!
[Gopal] Cheater cock!
[both panting]
["Everybody" playing]
♪ -Sir, sir -Madam, madam ♪
♪ -Sir, sir -Madam ♪
♪ Sir ♪
♪ -Sir, sir -Madam, madam ♪
♪ -Sir, sir -Madam ♪
♪ Sir ♪
♪ -Boy, boy -Girl, girl ♪
♪ -Sir, sir -Madam, madam ♪
♪ -Boy, boy -Girl, girl ♪
♪ -Sir, sir -Madam, madam ♪
♪ -Boy, boy -Girl, girl ♪
♪ -Sir, sir -Madam, madam ♪
♪ All are welcome! ♪
♪ -Boy, boy -Girl, girl ♪
♪ -Sir, sir -Madam, madam ♪
♪ -Boy, boy -Girl, girl ♪
♪ -Sir, sir -Madam, madam ♪
♪ -Boy -Girl ♪
-♪ Sir, sir -Madam, madam ♪
♪ Everyone is welcome! ♪
♪ So don't be so ♪
♪ So sedated like a rolley-Po ♪
♪ Exasperated like a yo-yo-mo ♪
♪ We want you in toe But don't be a slowpoke ♪
♪ Oh baby, right this way ♪
♪ Gotta work it through the night n day ♪
♪ Gonna make it if we shake today ♪
♪ Like a holy-moly show, you know, bro ♪
♪ So don't be late, we're a little old ♪
♪ But you can take the hand of anyone ♪
♪ And don't be shy We're an open book ♪
♪ You know where everyone is welcome ♪
♪ -Everybody! -Everybody! ♪
♪ Everybody, welcome! ♪
♪ -Everybody! -Everybody! ♪
♪ Everybody, welcome! ♪
[narrator in Hindi] This is Rimpu.
Vivek's grandmother's best friend.
What? Can't a young man and a young grandma be friends?
Who is Rimpu, what does he do, and why is he here...
The answers to these questions keep changing.
Just like Rimpu's personality.
But one question remains unanswered.
Grandma's happiness.
For Rimpu, Grandma's happiness is as important as the water is for Bunty.
Who is Bunty? [chuckles]
[in English] We'll get to that later.
♪ Everybody, welcome! ♪
♪ -Everybody! -Everybody! ♪
♪ Everybody, welcome! ♪
[crowd applauding, cheering]
You know, it is a society of performing arts...
Gift.
Smile.
[in Hindi] You liked the dance?
[in English] Superb.
-This is our last performance in Mumbai. -[coughs]
Because of snow, you know?
Snow? In Mumbai?
Yes, snow.
[in Hindi] It'll get cold after this, wear a sweater, okay?
[chuckles softly]
[Rimpu] Where are you heading? That belongs to her...
Why is he taking her smile away with him?
Nobody does that, man.
Give it back to me.
[in English] Did you see?
[sighs] Yeah, I saw.
I'm Ashwin, by the way.
I know, you're the head boy at Saint Mary's.
Shake hands?
Vivek. I'm Vivek.
Vivek?
Have I offended the sexist association?
You have, actually.
You're taking a lot from the Viveks of the world who just wanted to be Viveks.
You know, boy Viveks?
Really upsets us at the sexist association.
At least I'm not named Raj.
Hello, good morning, I'm Rimpu.
I'm a SPAS.
[both] Spaz?
Society of Performing Arts Seniors.
[both] SPAS!
[clears throat]
How long have you been doing this dance routine for, sir?
Actually saying, I'm also a youngster like you.
Sir, we have to go.
Even I have to go.
I have to meet my girlfriend.
Girlfriend?
Not like that.
Girl, a friend?
So girlfriend, nothing more.
-Okay, Rimpu sir, nice to meet you. -[clears throat]
Same here, nice to meet you.
-Once again, same here. -Nice to meet you.
[coughing]
[in Hindi] "Answer the following in a hundred words.
Why is hunger an issue in India?
Spring.
The pen is mightier than the sword. Use in a sentence."
["Everybody" playing]
♪ -Boy, boy -Girl, girl ♪
♪ -Sir, sir -Madam, madam ♪
♪ -Boy, boy -Girl, girl ♪
♪ -Sir, sir -Madam, madam ♪
♪ -Boy, boy -Girl, girl ♪
♪ -Sir, sir -Madam, madam ♪
♪ All are welcome ♪
Next time you do it, I'll slap you harder.
[indistinct chatter]
[in Hindi] What?
Two tequila shots, vodka and water. [in English] Okay?
Okay.
-[in Hindi] ID, please. -Hmm?
[in English] Age proof? No ID, no allow.
[in Hindi] Why do you need our IDs?
It's Bar Bar's strict policy.
[in English] Only adults can have hard drinks.
You have soft drinks.
[in Hindi] Kids not allowed.
We look like kids?
[in English] Both of you're in your school uniforms, you think I am daft over here?
-Sir, I agree with you. -What? That I'm daft?
No, no. Not daft.
[in Hindi] Sir, where's your manager?
[chuckles]
[groans softly]
[in English] Hi...
[in broken English] I... I am the manager of this bar.
Bar Bar.
Go back, man.
[in Hindi] Liar! I am the manager!
[in English] ♪ Bar Bar black sheep Have you any manager? ♪
What black sheep? Go back, man!
Manager! Manager!
Sir, this place is so nice...
they call it twice.
Bar, Bar.
-Manager! Manager! -Bar, Bar.
Manager!
-Manager! Manager! -Manager!
Who is the manager?
Look at this place. You think it has a manager?
Manager! Manager!
-Manager! -Manager!
-Manager! Manager! -Sit down, I say!
-Manager! Manager! -Manager!
What? No, no!
-No! -[in Hindi] Hey, wait! Let go.
-[screams] -[crowd chanting] Manager!
[in Hindi] Come on! Run!
[waiter] Wait! Wait, you rascals! I'll arrest you!
You'll arrest us? [in English] I'll arrest you!
[in Hindi] Hey! Hey, wait!
Bottle thief!
-[in English] Here! Here... -[waiter] Hey!
[in Marathi] What? What are you gawking at?
He's my son, not a crocodile!
He thinks he is a bird.
I think I'm a bird too.
You don't feel particularly avian, do you?
No, right? Am I right?
Hence your eyes on my darling baby boy.
Oh, keep your daughter in line.
Teach her some manners.
Tell her not to eye other people's kids.
Humph!
Are you hungry? Care for some worms?
You'll eat some worms?
[elevator door closes]
[woman imitating noises]
[elevator dings]
[boy groans]
[elevator door closes]
[imitates bird calling]
[elevator dings]
[elevator announcement] Please close the door.
[in Hindi] Do we look like kids?
[clears throat]
[in English] I can and I will...
for Saint Mary's honor and goodwill.
They rhymed will with goodwill.
Ugh!
I've seen you in school.
No.
I have.
That's impossible.
Why is it impossible?
I'm not the most social person.
You mean social butterfly?
I'm more of a social...
raccoon.
I like to keep to myself, most of the time.
By the way, raccoons are very intelligent creatures
who remember how to solve tasks, up to about three years.
Um, an interesting fact about female raccoons.
They tend to mate with only one male in one season, and avoid other males.
They're loyal.
Wow.
Are you one of those guys who Googles rodents when he's bored?
They're mammals.
I just know this stuff.
What do you mean you just know this stuff?
My parents are biologists...
so I study and listen to them when they're working.
Biologists? Like, National Geographic?
Discovery Channel?
-Planet Earth? -No, no. More local.
They sit in cowsheds and go to Borivali National Park.
Oh.
Biologists like that.
I don't want to do anything right now.
Like study.
I think there's
so much more to do than learn the same things as 200 other students.
Is there a point?
I mean, everyone in that exam hall is studying for the same scholarship.
Answering the same questions, studying the same textbook...
aiming at the same life.
I want to be able to survive in the wild world
you know, serve coffee, pay my bills.
Be independent.
Drink.
How old are you?
Does it matter?
-How old are you? -I'm 18.
I vote.
You actually vote?
Does that surprise you?
I don't know.
I mean, I am not looking forward to it or anything.
I want to be able to vote for movies and music and art.
You know? I'd rather vote for something I believe in.
It's fair, I guess.
But it feels like you want to say something.
[hiccups]
Don't you want to empower me with the awareness of my choices?
[groans softly]
Look.
Oh no. I have to stop him.
-[in Hindi] Brother! -[man urinates]
-Sir! -What?
-Starting your day with suicide? -What?
-That too in front of kids? -What?
Please don't end your life this way.
Have you lost your mind?
I wasn't ending my life, man, I just wanted to pee.
Pee?
I won't.
I won't. Sorry.
Sorry.
Amol Palekar.
Why?
I like it.
The bathroom stinks.
This is open, fresh air, with a good view of Bombay.
On the terrace?
Look, a secret garden thrives on my pee.
The fruits of 13 years of labor.
[groans softly]
[chuckles]
Want a bite?
Go on.
Sorry, I disturbed a lady and a gentleman. [chuckles]
Sorry.
We cool?
Hmm?
Cool?
We cool, right?
[in English] Beetroot, gentleman?
I didn't save him, did I?
No.
You do look like a raccoon actually.
With little raccoon eyes, and...
Two heads.
Ew!
I have to...
[coughs]
[water bubbling]
[in Hindi] What took you so long?
You aren't even wearing a sweater. Idiot.
You must be cold, son.
Would you like some noodles?
-[in English] Father left when I was... -I don't want to intrude.
No, it's okay. My dad is not at home.
Okay.
He's been gone for 12 years now.
My granny just thinks every man who comes home is her long-lost son.
Gone?
Gone.
[whispers]
[in Hindi] Here you are, son. Hot and steamy.
[softly] Thank you.
[in English] Hi. It's me.
Smile?
Yes, yes. Smile, smile.
[chuckles]
Your father?
That's Oscar Wilde.
You look like him.
[hair dryer whining]
[blows air]
[exhales sharply]
[whistling]
[whistles softly]
[whistles]
Eee!
-Do not touch my things! -Aw! Ah!
[in Hindi] He touched it without asking me.
[creaking]
[Ashwin in English] Oh an Oranda!
You know, the Chinese call it the flower of the water!
[Vivek] Uh...
Hello, fishie.
[male voice] Who are you?
[in English] Fishie-wishie!
[in Hindi] Does Mom know about this cotton candy?
[in English] How are you feeling today?
[in Hindi] The weather is beautiful, so is the day.
But I am all alone without my bae!
[in English] Wait. Something's not right.
[in Hindi] They haven't fed me anything for a week now.
[in English] Your head looks bigger than your body.
[in Hindi]Are your parents scientists?
Are you the rotten fruit of their unsuccessful experiment?
[in English] He's Bunty.
Bunty?
He is Ma's.
I was supposed to take care of him till she got back.
Where's your ma?
Tokyo.
She's an air hostess, so it's just granny and me.
[in Hindi] Guys, feed me something.
No one to my left, no one to my right,
where is the Yin to my Yang?
[in English] Hello, Bunty.
You know he can recognize you, right?
Goldfish can distinguish between various shapes and sounds.
[Bunty in Hindi] Absolutely! [in English] Rasmalai is gold.
Samosa is shaped like a triangle.
Jalebi is a mess.
And I am all in all.
Bunty looks sad.
When was the last time you fed him?
[in Hindi] It's been ages since I ate something.
Mom's not here and Vivek Anand is busy dreaming about his protest.
Ask her to crawl out of her mind's fishbowl.
The world is not as bad as it seems.
Now this reminded me of something. [in English] Anyone up for panipuri?
Umm...
[in English] Ashwin, how long can a goldfish go without eating?
Seriously?
No, not seriously.
[in Hindi] Oh! Cotton candy saves the day!
Sends me some red delight right away!
Now I'll burp till kingdom come!
[in English] It's okay, it's okay. He'll eat.
That's too much food.
No, no. He'll eat. He's hungry.
[in Hindi] You're absolutely right, Vivek Anand.
After starving and swimming for a week, I didn't have plenty of weight to lose.
And after having this meal, I'll take a snooze.
Even though there's too much food,
I don't think I'll die of overeating.
[in English] Bunty, move.
Bunty?
He's fine. [chuckles nervously]
[in Hindi] My name is Bunty, and I can eat a lot, a lot...
Bunty?
-[in English] Bunty, move! -Bunty?
Bunty, move!
Bunty, move! Bunty, move!
-Bunty! -Move, Bunty!
Bye, Bunty.
[splashes]
Are you sure?
-[toilet flushes] -No, wait, wait!
-No! -I got him, I got him.
I got him, I got him.
It's Bunty, right?
Do you think we should put him back in the bowl?
I can tell ma he's sleeping.
He does it all the time. Look his eyes are open.
Goldfish don't have eyelids.
Their eyes are always open.
Oh.
I just killed Bunty.
He was very old.
I think he was blind also.
He kept banging into the glass.
And I know Bunty.
He would have wanted this differently.
This?
This, his last moments?
He wasn't a typically sad fish.
I'm gonna set this right.
Come.
-[bell dings] -[narrator in Hindi] Scientist, artist.
Ashwin's love-lady.
She couldn't maintain a semblance of normality in life.
Some people consider life as an art,
and devote their life to it.
Be it love or work,
for Paloma, life is a miracle.
[in English] Day 89. Subject group one.
Recorded time, 34 minutes.
No sign of defeat.
[button clicks]
You missed it.
We'll do another take, Ma'am Bose.
Group two, ingestion through gastrointestinal tract.
Heart rate, stable.
[bell dings]
Recorded time, 36 minutes. Calories burned 300.
Periodic motion creates more energy.
Keep going.
[bell dings]
Bathroom, please?
Your job is to stand on a box.
Basically, I'm asking you to do nothing.
So no, you cannot have a bathroom break.
I need you to be patient.
Because we're creating art, and sometimes art is pain.
It's everything. Human suffering, escapism, and hope.
And all the emotions that are very, very, very, very meaningful.
And sometimes people won't get it.
No, people just won't get it.
But that does not mean you can get to pee
whenever you want to because it's still art, okay?
Okay.
-Bathroom break in two? -Yes.
High-five.
Sheet.
We're one subject short, station five.
-Runaway? -It's worse.
♪ La-la-la ♪
Very good.
Air pressure in the vocal tract creates sound energy.
Sixty decibels.
Impassioned singing stimulates the left side of the brain.
Resulting in fat, psychogenic tears.
[button clicks]
[boys singing together] ♪ La-la-la ♪
Achuu!
My lady.
[chuckles]
Paloma, meet Vivek.
Vivek, Paloma.
You're perfect.
-Sorry. -Don't be sorry.
[whispers] I just met her today.
She's very useful. [chuckles]
-I'm going! -Wait, here.
-Calm, calm down. Take a deep breath. -[breathing]
And up... Okay. [inhales]
Thank you for your participation.
No need.
Don't be unreasonable. You're not priceless.
Keep it.
[breathing rapidly]
I need your bike, love.
[Ashwin sighs]
[Ashwin] You lit up the room, Bunty.
I'm sorry it ended this way.
[clears throat]
♪ You light up the stars In your bowl so bright ♪
♪ The moon will be fuller tomorrow ♪
♪ I hope that you are swimming In peace inside ♪
♪ Away from a worldly sorrow ♪
♪ Sleep tight, little Bunty A gloob, gloob, gloob ♪
♪ Good night to the birds and monkeys ♪
♪ You're a strange little fish Who ate a big dish ♪
♪ And I'm sorry the end got so clunky ♪
See, you've started to pay your bills already.
Thank you, Achuu.
But I don't want.
Is she your girlfriend?
She's my lady.
I don't like her.
-Isn't she little old for you? -No.
Or you have some deep-rooted mummy issues.
A lot of times, people seek older mummy resembling partners
to fill up a void in their hearts because they never got enough love as a child.
It's okay. It's totally natural.
Are you saying that because you also have deep-rooted daddy issues?
I-I didn't mean daddy issues like that, I'm sorry.
-No, it's okay. -Sorry.
I don't need your sympathy.
So, have you heard from him? Since he left?
No.
Not once?
Whatever his reasons were,
I hope they were worth giving us up.
Like, if he were gay or a cross-dresser, it would all make so much sense.
That he just wanted to start a new life, and it was for a good cause and...
Nobody would have understood or accepted it.
So walking out on us was his only option.
-Don't you want to find him? -No.
I just hope that he is...
queer and happy in a red dress with a boyfriend and...
full of regret for leaving us.
That's a fair theory.
Unlike your ageist remark on my mummy relationship.
[chuckles]
[Vivek] So red, man.
So, what's your story?
I don't have one.
Everyone has one.
I'm an old friend of Val's, okay. I was supposed to be here earlier.
I even got him a present. Look, it has his name on it.
An old friend of Val's, are you?
How old?
Come on, piss off. Chop-chop.
But we're not gonna drink. We just want to hear the Kapoors.
[narrator in Hindi] And this is me.
The villain in Vivek's story, and your host.
[crowd] Val! Val! Val!
[indistinct noises]
[in English] Has my name on it.
[crowd cheering]
Chop-chop.
[blows raspberry]
[crowd cheering]
[Vivek] Move, Na!
["Shine a Light On Me" playing]
[Vivek and Boo cheering]
♪ She gimme love She gimme good vibrations ♪
♪ She come rollin' In a back-lit limousine ♪
♪ She comes late She got no reservation ♪
♪ She walked by And she shined a light on me ♪
♪ And I just died, but it didn't show ♪
♪ And she was nice, but I wouldn't know ♪
♪ This one sensation ♪
♪ She made up the entire summation ♪
♪ Of our generation So shine your light on me ♪
How's everybody doin' tonight?
♪ And I'll wait For all of her affection ♪
[phone rings]
♪ I'll act like ♪
♪ -I'm knockin' on seventeen ♪ -Hello.
[in Hindi] Vivek?
♪ I'll make it up To all her expectations ♪
-[in English] Yes! Yes! Yes, I'll come. -She's our generation
♪ So shine your light on me ♪
[screams]
♪ Turn your light on me ♪
♪ Shine a light on me ♪
♪ Turn your light on me ♪
♪ Shine your light on me ♪
[exhales]
♪ I never got much of her attention ♪
♪ She rolled out like A hotshot beauty queen ♪
♪ But I didn't cry no I didn't mope ♪
♪ She said bye, but I didn't know ♪
♪ This revelation ♪
♪ Turn a light on me ♪
♪ Throw a light on me ♪
♪ Shine a light on me ♪
♪ Turn a light on me ♪
♪ Throw a light on me Shine a light on me ♪
♪ Turn a light on me ♪
♪ Throw a light on me Shine a light on me ♪
[crowd cheering]
You rhymed home with telephone?
Yes.
Oh, it's not very good, is it?
No.
You only said write straight from the heart, be sincere.
This is sincere.
[chuckles, sighs]
Right, it's honest.
No, it's good.
It's good, and I like the tune.
Hmm.
Birthday boy! [laughs]
[Val] What!
[woman laughs]
-No way! -Yes, way!
-Hi! -What a surprise!
-♪ Why were you born so beautiful! ♪ -Happy birthday!
-♪ Oh why were you born at all? ♪ -Thanks.
♪ You're no fucking use to anybody! ♪
♪ You're no fucking use to at all ♪
-[woman] That was pretty... -[Val] Thank you, thank you.
[indistinct chatter]
-[Boo] One brownie? -[man] No.
-Half a brownie? -No.
-But they're just brownies! -Eat the pizza.
You're bald.
You're doing mouth kiss.
Everybody is doing mouth kiss.
No, he's my, he's my brother.
[laughs]
[Val] Okay, everyone, may I have your attention, please?
So Brother Vivek is with us.
-[crowd cheering] -My brother, my brother!
He's a very talented singer and songwriter.
He has this wonderful song that he insists is not a love song.
Sir, if you would please, do us the honor.
No, no, no.
Oh come on, Brother Vivek you can do this. Come on! Come on.
[crowd cheering]
-[Boo] My brother! -Yeah!
[man] You can do it.
Come on, you can do it.
[clears throat]
One, two, three, four.
["Not A Love Song" playing]
♪ You're a long, long way from home ♪
♪ Hit me up on the telephone ♪
♪ One love or another is playin' Their part and it's making me sad ♪
♪ And it ain't no mystery ♪
♪ Mr. Luck, you're shit to me ♪
♪ I want to just lay down Protecting my heart ♪
♪ Insisting it's alright ♪
♪ Cause that's the love you'd give me ♪
♪ And that's the love you'd show me ♪
♪ And that's the way you'd want things to be ♪
♪ I tell you lady it's the only way ♪
♪ You pick a lovin' But it just won't stay ♪
♪ And when it's all over I will explode ♪
-On your face. -On your face.
♪ Ooooohhhh ♪
[whoops]
♪ I'm a long, long way from today ♪
♪ It's something that I can't explain ♪
♪ One love for another Is playin' their part ♪
♪ And it's making me sway ♪
♪ And that's the love you'd give me ♪
♪ And that's the love you'd show me ♪
♪ That's the way you want it to be ♪
-[laughs] -[crowd cheering, clapping]
[indistinct chatter]
Vivek, hi.
Hello.
You're amazing. And that was all your writing?
These are scratch lyrics. It's not that good.
And you can sing, too.
Yeah.
No, that's a good thing.
[chuckles]
[coughs, clears throat]
So, what do you play?
Me, no. I'm a stylist. I don't play anything.
-Stylist? -Mm-hmm.
Like, ensuring people are in style?
Yes.
[chuckles]
What's up, champ?
Champ?
Champ. You're a champ.
No. You're a champ.
Well, what's wrong with champ?
What about us?
Us?
Us? You and me.
I mean, there's obviously something.
Look, you will have many, many young men.
Just, chasing you for your time. All right?
I think you have a real talent for music.
I'm not that guy.
Of course I know I'm talented.
I don't need to workshop with you. I'm fine on my own.
I've been playing guitar half my life.
Yeah, seven and a half years.
Exactly.
I'm 40.
You're such a boring ageist, Val!
Since you're bringing up facts,
Val is a girl's name.
It's short for Valerie. You're Valmik Burman.
And I can't believe you're two-timing me with that stylist
who has nothing in common with you except for the
convenience of being tall, and so...
So tall!
By the way...
Forty-year-olds date teenagers all the time.
Jerry Seinfeld.
Elvis Presley.
Salman Khan.
Salman Khan?
Seriously?
That's what's wrong with this?
[sighs]
[groans]
[sighs]
So, I'll see you tomorrow?
I think you need some time out.
I don't need time out.
Okay, I think I need some time out.
-You're breaking up with me? -I'm not--
[sighs]
[inhales]
Look, I'm not...
I'm not breaking up with you.
Just need some time out.
-[door closes] -I want my tape back!
I want my tape back!
Bobby! Do a big fat kakku, come here!
-Come on! -Come on, Bobby. Do lots of kakku.
Lots of Kakku!
-What are you doing? -Come on.
Come on. Come on, Bobby.
-Do kakku. -Come on.
-Check if we're done. -[dog poops]
[imitates vomiting]
Go on, knock.
-Ring the bell? -Ring the bell!
[bell rings]
[door unlocks]
[Monica groans]
Yes!
"Dear ma'am.
[chuckles]
Pursuing to the instructions from and behalf of my client, Ms. Monica Dogra.
I hereby serve you with the following legal notice.
You sent for a bouquet with dog excrement to my client."
[screams]
You know Siberian cranes used to migrate here. Ten years back.
-Here. -Yeah.
-How do you know? -It's a fact.
It's a fact.
-Are you making fun of me? -No.
What was that?
It's my stomach, I'm hungry.
No, no, do you hear that?
As a kid, I thought I could hear with my nose
-and smell with my ears. -Shush.
[everyone screaming]
Stop! Stop!
Too fast for Rimpu.
Rimpu! Why are you dressed in a tree?
Red tracksuit scares away wild life.
Running tree also scares away wildlife.
You really scared us, Rimpu.
I want my smile back.
Sir!
Ha!
[imitates bike engine]
[Playing "Tea For Two"]
♪ Tea for two and the clock strikes three ♪
♪ Me for you but it's not likely ♪
-[Ashwin] Wait! -♪ All we are is a bunch of us ♪
♪ Stuck in glue on a fun ride bus ♪
♪ Pick a song and I'll sing with you ♪
♪ You say 'cheep' and I'll say 'gloob gloob gloob' ♪
♪ Cheep cheep... ♪
♪ And I'm waiting for us to ♪
♪ Da dum da dum dum ♪
♪ And we fly and we fly And we're touching the sky ♪
♪ And you sit and we stand And the world will go by ♪
♪ Don't you worry ♪
♪ There's no hurry ♪
♪ Tea for two and the clock strikes six ♪
♪ Me for you but it's gross to kiss ♪
[vehicle horn blares]
Stop, stop!
Thank you so much, man.
I really appreciate it.
-Okay, man. -Thank you.
So what are you going to do when your mother finds out about Bunty?
She won't.
Because she'll look at an empty fish bowl and think, oh!
Bunty's playing hide-and-seek again.
Because we're going to replace Bunty with a new Bunty.
And she'll never know that the real Bunty died of asphyxiation.
What about you?
What happens when My Lady finds out about the bike?
-[distant crowd cheering] -[Vivek coughs]
-Great band. -[continues coughing]
[crowd cheering]
You guys like mix tapes?
[crowd] Yeah!
They like mix tapes.
Everybody all right?
-I'm going. -No, no. We can't miss this.
Free Drinks Bear, are you doing alright?
Ah, he's all right.
So this, is "Not A Love Song".
[crowd cheering]
That's your song!
♪ You're long, long away from home ♪
♪ So I thought I'd sing this song ♪
♪ 'Cause when you're with me ♪
♪ I lose track of time And I just lose my mind, babe ♪
♪ Thinkin' back on history ♪
♪ And long gone memories ♪
♪ The love you gave me Went straight to my heart ♪
♪ But it tore me apart ♪
♪ Cause that's the way you'd love me ♪
♪ And that's the way you'd hold me ♪
♪ And that's the way it had to be ♪
[distant music playing]
[Val laughs]
-I got the cues. -Where did you get them?
-Basket, I got the cues. -No, you didn't.
You need something?
I need an autograph.
Could you sign here against, thief?
[all] Whoa!
I think you should leave.
I'm not leaving till you apologize to the person whose song this is.
You think you can walk in here and tell me what to do?
-What are you in, school? -Yeah.
I'm in school.
But you are the one stealing from a school girl.
Vivek?
Nice song.
Big mix tapes. Mix tapes!
Great idea.
So, you're stalking me as the Free Drinks Bear now?
I'm not stalking you.
And between you and me, you're the creep.
I think you should leave before it turns ugly.
Let's go.
The only thing that's gonna turn ugly...
is your face!
Ah! [groans]
Guys, come on!
[laughter]
That's the second time I've been physically assaulted today.
I don't even do karate.
I'm sorry.
[chuckles] That Valmik Burman is your daddy issues?
Thanks for standing up for me today.
You obviously don't need me to stand up for you.
I know.
But, thanks.
It was your song.
I heard it on the tape, but you didn't let me finish it.
You're too busy beating me up.
Again, I'm sorry about that.
But not that sorry also.
That tape recorder is... papa's.
It's all I have.
[male voice] Bear hug!
[farts]
They all look the same.
That doesn't mean they're the same.
What we're looking for is a Bunty personality.
You'll know once you see him.
Hey, look at that. Look at that one!
That one?
Yeah. The one not doing anything.
[in Hindi] Damn it! Will you feed me or will you keep staring at me?
-[animal noises] -[indistinct chatter]
-[in English] What are you doing? -Do it, do it now. Free them!
-Free them. -Okay.
Okay. Okay, okay, okay.
-[In Hindi] Come on, pigeon! -Puppy!
[in English] You have to free everyone. Get out! Come on!
Birds, fly! You're free! Fly!
Run, bunny! Come on, you can do it! Run!
[in Hindi] Pigeon, fly away!
[in English] Hi, puppy! You're free! You're free!
Ah!
Freedom for everyone!
-Come on, come on. Fly! -Got them, got them, got them!
Ashwin, into the jungle!
And start the revolution!
[Vivek] Go, boy, run!
Free! Run!
-Dog, run, run, run, run! -Come on, Ashwin, free everyone!
-Get out! Get out! Fly! Fly! -Come on, kitty! Free!
Everyone is free!
[indistinct noises]
-Hold that on! -Hold!
-[Vivek] Achuu, run! -Run! Run, run!
[in Hindi] Come on, chase them! Come on!
Quick!
This way!
Hey, wait! Wait!
[people clamoring]
[in English] Left-- right.
[Vivek panting]
Why did the chicken cross the...
Ah!
[people clamoring]
[Vivek in Hindi] Here.
[people clamoring]
They got away. Lock this place down.
[in Hindi] We got away.
[siren blaring]
[hiccups]
[snickers]
[laughs]
-[Ashwin chuckles] -[Vivek laughing]
[both laugh]
[groans]
[in English] What is my hall ticket doing with you?
Hall ticket?
What is it doing in your pocket?
I don't know.
You don't know?
Ugh!
Uh...
This is a mistake.
I wanted to miss the exam.
And I stole my ticket from the bundle
and, yours somehow was...
You had it?
By mistake.
How?
I grabbed two instead of one.
Why didn't you just put it back?
I don't know.
I saw you fight with Mr. Gopal and I sensed something was wrong.
And I realized I had yours, and...
And before you know it, I was being chased and drenched in water.
You could've just told me.
I'm missing the chance to apply for a scholarship.
The exam had already begun.
Why did you come to the center at all?
If you didn't want to give the exam, why bother coming?
I wanted to.
It was a way of making sure that my protest is real, to put it into motion.
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
Your protest just cost me six months.
Look, I didn't plan any of this. Okay?
You lied to me.
All this time, I thought we had something honest.
We did. We do.
I told you about the tape recorder. You know about granny.
My granny has Alzheimer's. She thinks it's going to snow in Mumbai.
She's been knitting a sweater for 12 years. I haven't told anyone that.
Nobody knows that, not even Boo.
Stop it.
I know people like you.
You think you can go around breaking rules
because it gives you a sense of existential purpose.
You think it's charming, right?
No.
You don't know people like me.
You know why he stole your songs?
Yes, because they're good.
Because they're incredible!
You're talented and gifted and funny and smart, but that doesn't matter.
Because you're ungrateful and you don't wanna see the good in the world.
Okay! There it is!
The high school poster boy standing up for everyone's human rights.
I'm as poster boy as you can get.
So easy for you to come here and lecture me on my issues.
You think I didn't know you before today?
Mr. Self-Righteous with his perfect face and
booming social reputation. Do you have any issues?
No, I don't.
I'm just a normal guy who's relatively happy most of the time.
You're not that normal also, Achuu.
Forget it, you'll never understand.
I understand.
Don't tell me I don't understand.
You wanna seize the day? Go.
Go stand up to your mother and tell her what you wanna do.
Don't steal your fucking ticket and live life like an escapist.
[constable in Hindi] Here you go.
Achuu!
What happened to your nose?
Who did this?
-You did this? -No.
You did this.
-No. -She didn't, let's go.
You can stay here.
[door bolts]
But ma only comes back tomorrow evening.
I could call someone.
Um...
99...
85...
4355...
Who am I calling?
-Papa. -Papa.
Papa?
You lied about your father, too?
Why? Why do all of this?
Um...
What are the odds that a...
boy like you would want to hang out with a girl like me?
[sniffling]
[honking]
-[car door slams] -[in Hindi] Who the hell was that?
[man 2] What's the matter?
-[man 1] Hey can't you see? -[man 2] Can't you see the signal?
[man 2] I stopped 'cause I saw it.
You are a wuss!
[in English] Bike's gone?
[honking, indistinct noises]
Helmet's also gone?
A man named Rimpu stole it?
You stole the goldfish?
[in Hindi] No one to your left or right,
where is the Yin to your Yang?
[chuckles]
[in English] Thank you.
The perks of being an adult. You get to bail people out of jail.
-Looking forward to it. -[scoffs]
Sure! Go, get her.
Achuu!
Yes, I knew you'd come!
Freedom!
A guy like me, a girl like you. What are the odds?
Excellent dialogue.
You came.
-Yuck! -Yuck? It worked.
Look who's here.
Bunty!
At least someone missed you.
[Val in Hindi] Didn't I tell you
that the day was unusual?
By the way, there's magic in all of us.
We just need to find it.
Some find magic in their dream of flying.
Some find it in their lover's smile.
Some find magic in the idea of not living in regret.
♪ It's the way you love me! ♪
♪ It's the way you hold me! ♪
[Val in Hindi] What I want to convey is...
If something strange happens with you someday,
let it happen.
Who knows it might seem wonderful later!
[Val in English] What are the odds?
[Val in Hindi] A wise man named Bunty said this,
"Crawl out of your mind's fishbowl.
The world is not as bad as it seems."
["Shine A Light On Me" playing]
♪ She gimme love She gimme good vibrations ♪
♪ She come rollin' in a back-lit limousine ♪
♪ She comes late She got no reservation ♪
♪ She walked by And she shined a light on me ♪
♪ And I just died, but it didn't show ♪
♪ And she was nice, but I wouldn't know ♪
♪ This one sensation ♪
♪ She made up the entire summation ♪
♪ Of our generation So shine your light on me ♪
♪ And I'll wait For all of her affection ♪
♪ I'll act like I'm knockin' on seventeen ♪
♪ I'll make it up To all her expectations ♪
♪ She's our generation ♪
♪ So shine your light on me ♪
♪ Turn your light on me ♪
♪ Shine your light on me ♪
♪ Turn your light on me ♪
♪ Shine your light on me ♪
♪ I never got much of her attention ♪
♪ She rolled out like A hotshot beauty queen ♪
♪ But I didn't cry No I didn't mope ♪
♪ She said bye, but I didn't know ♪
♪ This revelation ♪
♪ Turn a light on me ♪
Turn a light on me
♪ Turn a light on me ♪
♪ Throw a light on me Shine a light on me ♪
♪ Turn a light on me ♪
♪ Throw a light on me Shine a light on me ♪
♪ Turn a light on me ♪
♪ Throw a light on me Shine a light on me ♪
♪ -Boy, boy! -Girl, girl! ♪
♪ -Sir, sir! -Madam, madam! ♪
♪ -Boy, boy! -Girl, girl! ♪
♪ -Sir, sir! -Madam, madam! ♪
♪ -Boy, boy! -Girl, girl! ♪
♪ -Sir, sir! -Madam, madam! ♪
♪ All are welcome! ♪
♪ Uncle, uncle, auntie! ♪
♪ She's amazing She's my amazing wonder, wonder auntie! ♪
♪ I just love her 'cause she wakes me up In the morning! ♪
♪ Bright and early like a bluebird ♪
♪ So sing, boy, boy! ♪
♪ -Don't you wanna -Don't you wanna do ♪
-♪ The left-right twirl!? -Yes, we wanna! ♪
♪ Don't you find that your whole life ♪
♪ Gets wasted to just fighting The likes of arthritis ♪
♪ So don't be late, we're a little old ♪
♪ But you can take the hand of anyone ♪
Yeah!
♪ And don't be shy, we're an open book ♪
♪ You know where everyone is welcome! ♪
-♪ Everybody -Everybody! ♪
♪ Everybody, welcome! ♪
♪ -Everybody! -Everybody! ♪
-♪ Everybody! -Everybody! ♪
♪ Everybody, welcome! ♪
["Tea For Two" playing]
♪ Tea for two And the clock strikes three ♪
♪ Me for you but it's not likely ♪
♪ All we are is a bunch of us ♪
♪ Stuck in glue on a fun ride bus ♪
♪ Pick a song and I'll sing with you ♪
♪ You say "cheep" And I'll say "gloob gloob gloob" ♪
-♪ Cheep, cheep -Gloob, gloob! ♪
♪ And I'm waiting for us to ♪
♪ Da dum da dum dum ♪
- ♪ And we fly and we fly - And we're touching the sky ♪
♪ And you sit and we stand And the world will go by ♪
♪ Don't you worry ♪
♪ There's no hurry ♪
♪ Tea for two And the clock strikes six ♪
♪ Me for you but it's gross to kiss ♪
Subtitle translation by Saurabh R Sawant