[intro music playing]
[Chimel] Give it up, ladies and gentlemen,
for this extraordinary attire,
-the new and improved… -[crowd booing]
[Chimel] …"Stone Cold" Steve Austin
-and the new look. -[Lawler] Yes.
[Ross] The corporate makeover is not getting a big ovation here, is it?
[Cole] Last week, it appeared as if WWE owner,
Vince McMahon, had successfully molded "Stone Cold" Steve Austin
into his own personal corporate champion until…
[Stone Cold] The new Stone Cold wants you to take this camera
and get the film developed,
because this is the absolute…
-[crowd cheering] -…last time you will ever see
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin
wearing a ridiculous suit like this son of a [bleep] I got.
[Lawler] Well, I knew it. I knew it.
I knew it.
-[Lawler] Wait a minute! -[Ross] The hell with the corporate image!
[Lawler] Why, Vince?
[Ross] Rattlesnakes don't make corporate pets.
[Cole] "Stone Cold" Steve Austin
has vowed that his issues with his boss, Vince McMahon,
will be settled once and for all
tonight on Raw is War.
[siren blaring]
[explosions]
["Thorn In Your Eye" playing]
[dog barking]
♪ Yeah! ♪
♪ Too much guns and not enough sky ♪
♪ What has caught the thorn in your eye? ♪
[crowd cheering]
[fireworks exploding]
[upbeat music playing]
[Ross] Hello again, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to WWE Raw.
16,237 fans have sold-out
the CoreStates Center here in Philadelphia.
The City of Brotherly Love
is ready for WWE Raw.
Hi again, everybody. I'm Jim Ross alongside Michael Cole.
And is this crowd jacked, or what?
And, folks, let me tell ya,
we found out late last week
that "Stone Cold" Steve Austin is gonna be here some time tonight
and he's gonna settle the issues
with Vince McMahon one way or another.
["I Won't Do What You Tell Me" playing]
[crowd cheering]
[Cole] And, JR, it appears
as if Stone Cold ain't wasting any time.
Here comes The Rattlesnake.
[crowd cheering]
[Ross] Can you believe this ovation?
[crowd cheering]
[crowd chanting]
What I wanna do right now
is get something straightened up
between "Stone Cold" Steve Austin
and one Vince McMahon.
[crowd booing]
Vince, you might as well bring your ass down here right now,
-because I'll sit… -[crowd cheering]
You know, I'll sit in this ring all night long until you do come out.
I'll hold up the whole damn show
and I give you this.
If you come out, I give you my word
I won't knock your damn lights out.
I just wanna talk to ya man to man, that's it.
So, bring your ass out.
[Ross] Austin has held this program hostage before.
I know somebody in Philadelphia has got a cold beer for Steve Austin,
'cause if I wanna wait, I wanna drink a beer while I'm doing it.
Got a beer?
Vince, come on out.
If I've got to, I'll take a nap in the middle of your ring.
I ain't going nowhere until you come out,
because as the World Wrestling Entertainment Champion,
I'm not gonna have you telling me every single week
what I can and what I can't do.
I ain't gonna wear your stupid little suits.
I ain't gonna do none of that.
So-- another thing I'm not gonna do is get out of this ring
until you come down here so come on, Vince.
We gotta-- Oh, there you go.
Now you're done sulking.
Come on.
[crowd booing]
[Ross] That's Vince McMahon right there,
-the owner of the WWE. -I promise you,
I'm not gonna hit ya.
[crowd booing]
Give it up for the owner of the World Wrestling Entertainment.
[crowd booing]
[Stone Cold] Uh-oh. Come-- Hey, hey, hey. Come on. Come on.
And I told you, I'm not gonna hit--
Oh.
[Cole] What is this?
[Stone Cold] You're too much.
I give you my word I wasn't gonna hit you.
You wanna bring some security out here, I understand that.
Come on.
Climb up the little steps.
We got something to settle right here on Raw.
I ain't going nowhere until you get your ass up
and we have a little talk.
[Ross] Why the riot gear?
[Cole] I'll tell you what, first the cops, JR, now the SWAT team.
[crowd chattering]
[Cole] Mr. McMahon obviously taking no chances.
[Stone Cold] I'll tell you what I'm gonna do with both of them sticks
if they get too close to me.
And it ain't gonna be a pretty sight.
I'm glad you can make it to the ring.
Before I get started on what I wanna talk about,
because once I get here, I can't go back.
I wanna know right now,
you've been holding this information from me.
Who I'm supposed to fight at the next pay-per-view,
because you hadn't seen fit to tell me who my opponent is,
so who might that be?
Well, uh…
I haven't made up my mind yet.
[crowd booing]
You haven't made up your mind yet?
So, basically, what you're saying is, you just ain't gonna tell me, are ya?
I wouldn't exactly put it that way.
I just…
I haven't made up my mind.
It takes great deliberation.
Basically, you're not gonna tell me
who I'm fighting at the next pay-per-view,
is that correct?
You'll know soon.
All right.
I'll tell you what I do know soon or what I do know right now.
I can see by the way you look at me, Vince.
Every time you set your little beady eyes on me,
you can't stand anything about me.
You can't stand the fact that I like to drink a few beers.
You can't…
[crowd cheering]
Damn right.
You can't stand the fact that I use colorful language.
[crowd cheering]
You can't stand the fact that I do this every now and then.
You don't like the way I dress.
You're probably upset that I cut the little sleeves off this shirt.
And on the other hand, every time I sit here
and listen to you talk
about what a World Wrestling Entertainment Champion
is supposed to be according to you,
is supposed to be someone with an Ivy League education.
It's supposed to be someone who speaks the proper language
and never ever uses a four-letter word
and certainly is not someone
that uses the sign language that "Stone Cold" Steve Austin uses.
[crowd cheering]
I can accept that fact.
You want something.
You want someone with polish and manners.
Someone who holds his head up
like you got a silver spoon in your mouth.
But that's just ain't me.
But the more and more I think about it,
what that sounds to me--
What it sounds to me
that Vince McMahon wants as a WWE Champion
is someone not just like yourself,
but it sounds to me
like you wanna be the WWE Champion,
is that right?
[crowd cheering]
It's-- No. Hey, every time you lay out a description,
it fits you to a tee.
Do you wanna be the WWE Champion or not?
Where are you going with this? Well…
A couple of weeks ago when you came down with this new belt,
I'm sure before I took this belt from you,
you walked around in your house
with your little pajamas on
and you had this belt strapped around your waist.
And you said to your wife,
"Honey, how do I look as a world champion?"
She probably said you look like a jackass
because you do.
-[crowd cheering] -[Cole] Come on.
So I'll tell you what I'm gonna do tonight.
I know as a promoter,
you always loved the fact every time a WWE Champion
puts the title on the line.
So tonight, Philadelphia, here on Raw,
I am putting the WWE title on the line!
[crowd cheering]
[Stone Cold] Look at me when I'm talking to you.
Don't ever turn your back on me,
because you never know, even though I give you my word
that I wouldn't hit you, I just might knock your damn head off.
You're probably wondering,
"Well, Steve, who's gonna be your opponent?"
The way I look at it,
there can only be one opponent for Steve Austin,
and that is Mr. Vince McMahon.
-[crowd cheering] -[Ross] What?
What is he talking about?
[Cole] You gotta be kidding me.
If you wanna see Austin and McMahon,
give me a "Hell yeah!"
[crowd] Hell yeah!
[Stone Cold] So I got to ask you, do you accept the challenge or do you not?
[crowd chatter]
[Ross] No way.
Let me put it to you this way,
we can do things the easy way
or we can do things the hard way.
Some of these people like it when I do things the hard way.
So tell me what you're gonna do.
Well, give me some idea of what the--
what the easy way is and…
and what the hard way is.
What's your definition?
I'll tell you what the easy way is,
the easy way is for you to hand pick
any WWE official back there,
come back to the ring,
and fight "Stone Cold" Steve Austin
for the WWE title.
[crowd cheering]
I'm giving you a chance to win it all,
to win the WWE title.
The fact of the matter is, I can probably beat your ass
with one hand tied behind my back.
Now…
if you don't choose to do the things the easy way,
then, by certainly, you can do things the hard way.
[man] What's the hard way?
What's the hard way, Mr. Austin?
[Stone Cold] The hard way is this,
I done telling these people it's gonna be Austin-McMahon.
By doing things the easy way,
you got a chance to win the WWE title.
To do things the hard way, means that I'm gonna handpick
one of these WWE cameramen,
I'mma take him backstage
to your office,
and I'mma gonna beat your ass in front of the world anyway.
[crowd cheering]
You and me have got to stop.
This ain't going nowhere.
Do things the easy way, you got a chance of winning the belt.
Do the things the hard way,
all I gotta do is get a chance to get your face swollen shot.
Either way you look at it,
I'm gonna give you 30 minutes to make up your mind.
Thirty minutes, no more, no less.
You make the decision, the easy way or the hard way.
I ain't going nowhere.
And if you think you're going somewhere,
you're dead wrong,
because your limo driver has been beat up
and you got four flat tires.
-[crowd cheering] -[Lawler] What?
[Stone Cold] Let me ask one more time,
if you wanna see Austin-McMahon,
give me a "Hell yeah!"
[crowd] Hell yeah.
[Stone Cold] Then that's the way it's gonna be,
and that's the bottom line,
-'cause Stone Cold said so. -[crowd] Stone Cold said so.
[Ross] My god. Austin's gone too far.
Steve Austin has gone too far.
What options does Vince McMahon have?
[Lawler] I don't think he has any options.
And look at this, toe-to-toe in the ring.
Austin is off his rocker.
[Ross] Well, according to Steve Austin,
Vince McMahon is gonna get his butt kicked
here tonight one way or the other.
[Lawler] There's no way.
Vince McMahon cannot get in the ring
with "Stone Cold" Steve Austin.
You know it as well as I do.
[Ross] Well, ladies and gentlemen,
we're gonna get the--
We're gonna position our camera to cover whatever it may happen,
wherever it may happen,
Austin-McMahon tonight.
[Mr. McMahon] I can't believe this. I can't--I can't believe
this whole thing is happening tonight.
Vince, when are you gonna put a stop to it?
Now is the only time you can.
You've got to stop him now.
Vince, the guy is making fun of you.
He's making a fool out of you.
You got to stop him tonight.
I know that you can do it, Vince,
I know you can do it.
Do it tonight, get it over with.
I'm sick of his crap.
He's challenged you in the ring.
He's challenged you in the dressing room.
He's challenged you on the street.
You only got one thing to do.
You broke the wrist of him, break him.
♪ Break it down ♪
["Break It Down" playing]
[crowd cheering]
[Cole] D-Generation X heading to the ring.
Now, we understand that Owen Hart is going to challenge
one member of D-Generation X
one-on-one tonight.
Well, what the heck are they doing out here now?
[Ross] I don't know. We got our first ever Chain Match,
Skull and 8-Ball take on
Savio and José of Los Boricuas.
And certainly last week,
DX completely disrespected DOA,
saw them wheezed on their--on their bike,
those beautiful Titan bikes.
[bell ringing]
[Cole] And now we're underway with action in the ring
for this first ever Chain Match, the DOA against Los Boricuas.
The members in this Chain Match chained to a turnbuckle.
You win by pinfall.
And now outside the ring, Savio Vega, uh-oh,
using the chain against one member of DOA.
[Ross] This is a very unusual Chain Match.
Twenty-foot chains, one end padlocked to the ring post,
the other is attached to the wrist of one of the athletes.
[Cole] First time ever here on Raw, DOA against Los Boricuas
in this unique Chain Match.
And there's one member of DOA choking Savio Vega with the chain.
On the other side, it's José Estrada and I guess that's 8-Ball.
And outside the ring now, Chainz going at it with "BA" Billy Gunn.
[Ross] And don't forget that DX is here, the new leader of DX--
-What-- What's going on over there? -[Cole] Look out.
Oh.
What is the issue with DX and DOA?
-[Ross] Well… -[Cole] We saw what happened last week.
[Ross] …we mentioned that earlier, the fact that D-Generation X urinated
on the Titan bikes of DX.
We had a heck of a Six-Man match last week.
DX literally almost annihilated DOA.
And of course, I'll tell you what,
-Helmsley with a chair now is in place. -[Cole] Ooh.
[Ross] Good grief.
[Cole] DX is annihilating Chainz outside the ring.
[Ross] Chainz may have a concussion there.
[Cole] Skull and 8-Ball desperately trying to get to their partner.
Chainz outside the ring.
Los Boricuas heading him off with the pass.
[Ross] This is a No-Disqualification match.
[Cole] Where are they taking Chainz?
[Ross] Chainz has been hurt, he's helpless.
-[Cole] Not again. -[Ross] And there you--
Piledriver now right on that steel chair on the ramp.
[Cole] Back inside the ring, the action continues in the Chain Match.
[Savio] Suck it.
[Cole] Savio Vega working on 8-Ball from DOA.
And now, look out. DX is in the ring.
[Ross] DX attacking the two healthy members of the DOA.
[Cole] The DOA can't go anywhere.
They're chained to the turnbuckles.
And Los Boricuas now teaming up with DX, pounding away on DOA.
-[Ross] Los Boricuas in the past-- -[bell ringing]
[Ross] Oh, the referee's gonna call-- He may call this a no contest.
There can't be a disqualification.
There are none in a Chain Match.
[Cole] And look at this, X-Pac,
Savio Vega, Los Boricuas and DX.
[Ross] DX and Los Boricuas collaborating on this effort of destruction.
[Cole] And you can see-- you can see in the background
Chainz lying helpless on the ramp
as the carnage continues in the ring.
[Ross] Crowd chanting for LOD moments ago.
The Outlaws and LOD will meet at Unforgiven
in 13 days in Greensboro,
the same night Helmsley meets Owen Hart for the European title.
But this was-- this was nothing but an assault.
[Cole] JR, somebody's got to unhook those chains.
[Ross] This is a premeditated attack orchestrated by DOA.
And they and Los Boricuas should be very proud of themselves.
[Cole] Yeah, look at DX celebrating.
[Ross] It's almost like DX is initiating Los Boricuas into their organization.
-[Cole] Come on. Oh, no. -[Ross] Chyna whipped downstairs.
[Cole] An ambush from behind.
And now Los Boricuas being hammered on
by D-Generation X.
-This group respects no one. -[Ross] All right.
[Cole] They respect absolutely no one.
[Ross] Certainly, they cannot be trusted to say the least.
-Come on, huh! Come on! -[Ross] Oh.
A steel chair right in the spine.
Savio Vega being mauled by Triple H
-and X-Pac. -[bell ringing]
-["Break It Down" playing] -[Cole] You're right, JR.
You can't trust D-Generation X.
[Ross] Boom.
[Cole] For months--for months, Los Boricuas is a team
that helped out Hunter.
And there you see Chainz now being helped out in a stretcher.
[Ross] Chainz may be on his way to the hospital.
Spike piledriver on the-- on the floor, on the steel.
And the carnage continues.
This is a mauling.
[Cole] Look out.
No.
[Ross] Chyna measured Savio.
Five-on-one--
-Not everybody can feel the same way. -[Ross] What?
-I knew that. -Well, I understand how Shane feels.
He's your son, Vince.
But you gotta take care of the business tonight.
You gotta hamper this guy and you gotta do it the right way.
Gerald. Gerald, you don't understand how I feel.
-You do-- You just-- -Oh, I do. I do, Shane.
-Shane, we understand. -Please, please.
You remember, you taught me a life lesson one time.
I was on that motorcycle,
you know, I was going a hundred
-and something miles an hour. -You're a lunatic.
-I know. -You could have been killed.
What do you think? I mean, it's a different situation here,
but the roles are reversed?
I'm not saying he's gonna kill you, but you may get hurt.
Shane, I have a lot of confidence in your…
Are you saying I can't take Austin?
-Is that what you're saying? -Shane, I have a lot of confidence
in your dad.
Your dad can do it.
-Don't be a baby. -This is crap.
-This is crap. He's gonna get hurt. -This is real.
-This is crap. -This is business
-we gotta take care of. -I totally--
[Cole] We're back on Raw.
This is a live shot of beautiful Downtown Philadelphia.
We are in the sold-out CoreStates Center,
over 16, 000 fans jam-packing this place for WWE Raw.
And tonight, Raw is brought to you by the US Army.
Look for the army hyperlink on the WWE AOL site
to find out where you can be all you can be.
[Ross] And by WWE, The Music, Volume 2.
Experience your favorite WWE original jams
now available in stores.
Well, ladies and gentlemen again, Chainz has been taken out of here.
The spike piledriver on the head.
We saw the pedigree on the chair.
-And-- -[Cole] Wait a minute.
[Ross] Well, this should be interesting.
[Cole] And no security.
[crowd chatter]
[Ross] Steve Austin has just joined us,
says he's gonna settle his issue with Vince McMahon one way or the other
and has challenged Vince to a match tonight
for the WWE title if you can believe that.
Now, we got a tag team match on the ring, but of course, if you own the company,
you pretty much do whatever you want, folks.
[crowd chatter]
[crowd booing]
For over 50 years,
the World Wrestling Entertainment
has been a part of my heritage…
from my grandfather,
to my dad, to me.
And I hope that that heritage continues on with my son, and daughter,
and their children, and each succeeding generation thereafter.
And the World Wrestling Entertainment
has always been about honor and integrity,
qualities that are sorely lacking
in our current World Wrestling Entertainment Champion.
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin has no honor.
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin has no integrity.
[crowd chatter]
And I know that the decision I'm about to make here tonight
will not sit that well with those who have preceded me.
But nonetheless,
sometimes…
a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.
-[crowd cheering] -[Cole] What?
And so an answer to the question…
will I fight "Stone Cold" Steve Austin
in this ring tonight?
[crowd cheering]
[Mr. McMahon] The answer is…
oh, hell yeah.
[Cole] No.
He's got to be kidding.
[Ross] This is absolutely--
Ask him-- Please, say this is not going to happen.
-[Cole] JR, he has no chance. -[Ross] No.
[Cole] No chance.
[Ross] Vince is given some bad advice.
I'll tell you what, if this happens, it's gonna rip this company apart.
This is gonna be a tragedy.
And I can't believe Gerald Brisco and Pat Patterson,
two WWE officials…
are condoning this.
[Cole] They're applauding it.
[Ross] Has everybody lost their mind for God's sakes?
[Cole] Look at this.
He has no chance.
-There's no way. -I got to do it.
-I can't take it anymore. -Oh, you can.
Way to go, Vince.
JR, I'll tell you what, I have never seen anything like this.
It-- There's no way we can have this match, there's no way.
Well, I'll tell you what, this is crazy.
Vince is gonna get hurt
and I'm gonna do what I can, folks,
to make sure that this does not happen.
Well…
JR…
Well, okay.
Well, folks, we got a tag team matchup in the ring now.
I'm gonna try to hold down the fort while JR is gone.
It's a two-- Oh, no.
-[crowd cheering] -[Cole] Oh, no.
After all we've been through tonight, now this?
Not Kane, come on.
-["Rest In Peace" playing] -[crowd cheering]
[Cole] It's The Phenom.
It's The Undertaker.
Finally, perhaps some sanity tonight.
The Undertaker on his way to the ring.
It has been a week of hell for this man.
Obviously, he must have hate in his heart
after watching the desecration of his parents' graves
last week by Kane and Paul Bearer.
The Phenom is here, what a reaction.
No.
[crowd cheering]
[Cole] What the hell is he doing?
What is he doing?
[crowd cheering]
[Cole] Oh.
What is The Undertaker trying to prove?
This is--this is Kane's MO.
No, a Tombstone Piledriver on Scott Taylor.
The Undertaker,
he's an emotional wreck,
but he has no right to attack people
who've had nothing to do with this.
Kane…
[crowd cheering]
…it's time your big brother
shows you what evil is all about.
[crowd cheering]
[Cole] He will meet Kane in an Inferno Match at Unforgiven.
No longer are you the hunter,
but now you are the hunted.
[crowd cheering]
Now I can feel your presence in the building.
And this night will go on for an eternity
until you show your face.
It's time, Kane,
to come out from the darkness.
-[crowd cheering] -["Rest In Peace" playing]
[Cole] The Undertaker is taking matters into his own hands.
However, this attack, unjustified.
He's been on an emotional roller coaster as of late.
But he has no right to attack people
who had nothing to do with this.
[narrator] And now, get your protons moving
with the Starburst fruit juice Slam of the Week.
Give it some juice.
[crowd chatter]
-[Ross] Oh. -[Cole] Oh.
Oh. Not again.
[Ross] Stone Cold just Stunned the owner of the WWE again.
[Stone Cold] If you want Stone Cold
to continue doing things the hard way,
give me a hell yeah.
[crowd chanting] Hell yeah.
[Stone Cold] Oh, hell yeah.
[crowd cheering]
[narrator] Give it some juice
with the Starburst fruit juice Slam of the Week.
Got that, Einstein?
It's Einstein.
No one's gonna talk Vince McMahon
out of fighting "Stone Cold" Steve Austin here tonight.
Not JR, not even Vince's son, Shane,
as evidenced by this piece of videotape that was shot during the break.
Shane, you gotta both forget about it.
-You went out there, you couldn't-- -Dad, you're feeling the same.
What an ego maniac.
This is a wrong decision.
-This is a wrong-- It is a wrong decision. -No. It's not the wrong decision, JR.
He's not a wrestler.
Stop it, stop it, stop it. I've made my decision.
Go to the car, get my bag
and bring it back.
All right. All right. Good.
For the record, it's a wrong decision, Vince.
You're making the wrong decision, that's a wrong advice.
For the--for the record, you go to the car, okay?
Get my gym bag and bring it back.
This is the dumbest decision you've ever made in your life.
-It may be. -The dumbest decision.
You're so [bleep].
And you go out there and go do your job, please.
Thank you very much.
Good.
["Kind Of Power" playing]
[Tennessee] How you feelin' out there?
Listen to this old beautiful music singer, country style.
Let the hair stand up on the back of your neck.
I'm going to announce the greatest star of all.
He's the world's greatest singer,
the world's greatest entertainer,
the world's greatest wrestler,
it's "Double J" Jeff Jarrett.
Ain't he great?
[Cole] Well, Tennessee Lee calls himself the world's greatest promoter.
He's a man of hype and he…
sure is promoting a star, Double J.
Leaflets, pamphlets falling from the heavens.
Double J is set to sing lead
for the country band, Sawyer Brown
at Unforgiven in less than two weeks.
["Kind Of Power" continues]
[Cole] You see the pamphlets there.
Tennessee Lee, of course, promoting at Unforgiven.
And, folks, standing by now in the locker room area,
"The Lethal Weapon" Steve Blackman.
And Mr. Blackman, who can forget last week
Double J sneaking up behind you,
a sneak attack,
it was uncalled for, it was unwarranted.
You had just defeated "Too Sexy" Brian Christopher.
Now we get to the live action in the ring.
It's Double J going to work on Taka Michinoku.
But Steve Blackman is back in the locker room area.
And, Steve, the whole world wants to know,
will tonight be the occasion to get your revenge on Double J?
It might be tonight.
It might be next week.
I might even wait for his singing debut at Unforgiven.
But, Double J, you can bet your bottom dollar
that you're gonna be seeing Steve Blackman again, 'cause, brother, revenge is sweet.
[Cole] Well, that's "The Lethal Weapon" Steve Blackman.
And JR now back at ringside.
JR, all I can say is you tried.
[Ross] Well, you know, Vince is given some bad advice.
And he's-- That's happened over the years.
[Tennessee] Well, they, you know, not only are these flyers--
-[Cole] There's a cover by Taka. Kick out. -[Tennessee] Great advertisement.
They're also a wonderful souvenir.
And they're even a keepsake to take home forever and hold onto.
-Well, that's a masterpiece right there. -[Ross] Yeah, I'm sure.
[Tennessee] Sawyer Brown and Double J,
Unforgiven, Greensboro, North Carolina.
I can hardly wait.
Oh, it's Tennessee Lee, the so-called "world's greatest promoter".
Back with the action in the ring now.
Double J, oh, nice suplex that time off the top rope.
And Taka is in trouble.
[Tennessee] Boys, hold onto that.
[Ross] Yeah, right. We will there, Tennessee.
[Cole] JR, what do you make of this whole situation with Vince?
I mean, I can't even believe it's gonna happen.
[Ross] Well, it's gonna happen. And…
all I can say is Vince is given some bad advice
and that's not anything new over the years or some of those--
But anyway, I don't wanna get started on that.
The only good thing that came of going back there and trying
was the fact that we're gonna be talking to Steve Austin
here as soon as this match concludes.
[Cole] It's gonna be interesting here what The Rattlesnake has to say.
Dropkick by Double J and Taka now in trouble.
[Ross] Poor Taka has been-- Had his share of problems.
The outstanding light Heavyweight Champion in recent weeks has had been assaulted on.
As a matter of fact, as recent as last weekend
on Shotgun Saturday Night by the Club Kamikaze,
the three young Japanese athletes that--
I don't know what the story is on that.
[Cole] There's Tennessee Lee now up on the ring apron. Taka was gonna fly.
Tennessee Lee trying to get in his way,
let some interference for Double J.
-And look out. -[Ross] Hey.
[Cole] That's Club Kamikaze.
[bell ringing]
[Ross] Club Kamikaze back.
Fisherman Suplex.
[crowd chatter]
[Cole] Club Kamikaze, it's three-on-one again against Taka.
-[Ross] A chokeslam. -[Cole] Oh.
[Ross] And a senton splash.
These guys hit, they assault,
they damage, they hurt and they leave.
And then what's Double J doing?
-Taka is incapacitated. -[Cole] Come on.
[Ross] And look at-- This is hideous by Double J.
[Cole] The figure-four leglock on Taka.
-[bell ringing] -[Cole] They're gonna ring the bell.
[referee] One, two.
[Cole] Now how in the world can Double J take credit for this?
[Ross] Well, Chainz is already receiving medical attention
thanks to DX and now maybe Taka Michinoku
will be taking a trip to the hospital.
-[crowd booing] -[Cole] Yeah. Now, he's gonna strike.
Give me a break.
[crowd cheering]
[Ross] Well, ladies and gentlemen,
standing by, the World Wrestling Entertainment Champion,
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin.
And I've only got one question for you, are you surprised
that Vince McMahon has accepted your challenge tonight?
No. I'm not really surprised at all,
because I didn't give him much of a choice.
He can either get his ass beat in a dressing room or in the ring.
He made his choice. I got to question his advice.
I think it was bad advice,
but I said at the beginning of the show,
I was gonna get this thing solved one way or the other.
And that's exactly what's gonna happen.
It's gotta be settled right here tonight.
And that's the bottom line.
[Ross] All right, thank you very much.
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin, Vince McMahon,
they will fight for the WWE title.
Yes, you heard me right, tonight.
Okay. You know--you know what he's gonna do, he's gonna--
Right away, he's gonna wanna stun you, Vince.
-Yeah. -So, how does he set that up?
First thing he'll try to do is kick you in the stomach.
And then I'll show you what you're gonna do.
Pat, go ahead and kick at me in the stomach.
Okay. Watch this, Vince.
See, you grab that thing right there,
then you throw that shoulder into him, Vince.
Throw that shoulder, and take-- And you own him from here,
you own him from there.
-Boy, is he in for a surprise? -All right.
Folks, it may sound bizarre.
All I can tell you is "Stone Cold" Steve Austin has challenged Vince McMahon.
He's put the WWE title on the line.
And Vince has accepted the challenge, it's bizarre.
Well, folks, it's gonna rip this company apart, I can tell you that.
Vince McMahon is not a wrestler, Vince McMahon has no business
physically competing with "Stone Cold" Steve Austin and…
-["Traumatized" playing] -…what else is gonna happen here tonight?
What-- I don't have-- Here's the music for--
♪ …The things That I live for 'til I die ♪
♪ You ask me why… ♪
[Ross] Well, it's Faarooq…
the former leader of The Nation of Domination.
♪ …You love before you win… ♪
[Cole] Faarooq, of course, suffered that ambush attack
at the hands of The Nation last week in the parking lot.
[Ross] Folks, let me tell you that within the next hour and 15 minutes,
the match between Vince McMahon and Steve Austin is gonna happen.
It could happen at any time.
McMahon could call out Austin at any moment here.
[Cole] And speaking about calling out, what about Owen Hart?
He's supposed to call out a member of D-Generation X tonight.
[Ross] Faarooq with those ribs taped,
thanks that beating he took last week in the parking lot
at the hands of his Nation.
You know, I'm gonna make this short and I'm gonna make it simple.
Rocky, I know you're back there.
And I know you and the entire world
can see me standing here right now tonight.
And guess what? Oh, sure, you cracked a rib
and you might have bruised my body.
But let me tell you something, son,
it takes a lot more than that to kick my ass.
[crowd cheering]
I know in here
that I gave you the chance of a lifetime.
I gave all of you the chance of a lifetime.
And me being a man of chance,
that's what I'm gonna do for you tonight.
I'm gonna give you another chance
to finish kicking my ass right now.
So get it on here.
-[crowd cheering] -[Cole] He's nuts.
[Ross] Sounds like Faarooq has challenged the entire Nation.
Now, that's-- I know he's a tough man,
a former Florida State Football all-American.
-But this is not very smart. -[Cole] Uh-oh.
[crowd chanting] Rocky sucks! Rocky sucks! Rocky sucks!
[The Rock] I'll tell you what, Faarooq, you come out here and you run your mouth,
and you try and call all the shots like you're The Champ,
like you're The Rock, but obviously you're not.
You see, Faarooq, The Rock understands that you're still half ignorant
from the beating we gave you last week.
So try your best
and smell what The Rock is gonna cook tonight here in Philadelphia.
[crowd chatter]
You see, Faarooq, The Rock-- Hold on one--
Hold The Rock's belt, will you?
The Rock feels like this, The Rock has a very big hand.
And you know what that means,
that means he's gonna lay the smackdown on you whenever he damn well pleases.
And you know what?
There's only two things you can do about it,
nothing, and like it.
[crowd cheering]
[The Rock] So, Faarooq,
in front of all The Rock's fans here tonight
and millions of millions watching on TV, the…
[crowd cheering]
The Rock wants you to realize something.
[crowd cheering]
Now, for one single solitary second,
if you think you're ready to rumble with The Rock
and the rest of the nation,
then let The Rock tell you something right here, right now,
The Rock has warned you, pops,
get ready for your final thrill.
[Cole] Yeah. The Rock's tough with three guys backing him up.
-[Ross] Faarooq with a salute-- -[The Rock] Oh, look at this.
He's such an old man trying to hang on.
-He knew-- -[crowd cheering]
[Lawler] Whoa, oh.
[Ross] Shamrock and Blackman behind The Nation,
saluting Faarooq.
[Cole] Here they come.
[crowd cheering]
[Ross] Oh, my.
A hell of a fight has broken out.
The Nation, Faarooq, Shamrock and Blackman
are getting it on in Philadelphia.
[Cole] Faarooq brought in the reinforcements, the Calvary.
[crowd cheering]
[Lawler] Shamrock and Blackman coming to Faarooq's aid.
[crowd cheering]
[Ross] All hell has broken loose here
in more ways than one.
What else is gonna happen here tonight?
[crowd cheering]
[Lawler] Faarooq has got his hands on The Rock.
[man] Hey, come on. Get off him.
Hey, come on.
[Ross] We need more security here.
We need to get this thing back together.
[crowd chanting] Batista! Batista! Batista!
[Cole] Mayhem. This is out of control.
[crowd chanting] Batista! Batista! Batista!
[Ross] Absolute chaos.
It's absolute chaos here in Phil-- What else is gonna happen today?
[man] Come on.
[man] And now, the WWE rewind brought to you by 10-321,
just dial it and save up to 50%.
I gave you every [bleep] bit of energy I had.
After 13 years of blood, sweat, and tears…
but it's not worth it anymore.
It's gonna be a long time before you see Cactus Jack in the ring again.
[man] That was the WWE rewind brought to you by 10-321.
Dial 10-321 before the 1 area code number on calls from home.
10-321 saves on every call and 50% on all calls over 20 minutes.
["Road To Texas" playing]
[Chimel] And their opponent, first from Amarillo, Texas,
weighing in at 245 pounds,
Terry Funk.
[Cole] So, Terry Funk,
once known as I guess Chainsaw Charlie headed to the ring.
Michael Cole, JR, now joined by "The King" Jerry Lawler.
And you saw Cactus Jack,
I guess an emotional farewell last week.
[Ross] You got to wonder if…
I am here tonight
to announce a new partner.
The reason why is because Cactus Jack
waddled out of this ring last week,
waddled out the aisle, and proclaimed to the world
of professional wrestling that he was quitting.
He was quitting, because the fans were chanting,
"Austin, Austin, Austin."
Well, I could give a damn what the fans chant.
I'm not quitting.
I'm not a quitter.
And I'm gonna put some funk
in your faces.
And I wanna put funk in everyone's faces
because my partner is hardcore.
Everybody knows my partner,
because he's hardcore.
He's always been hardcore.
He's never had a chance
because McMahon has never given him a chance,
but Terry Funk is.
So, bring out the funk.
Bring out the funk.
Bring him out.
Bring out the funk.
There he is.
There's the funk,
there's the funk.
Come on, funk.
There's my man right there.
That's him. Bring out the funk.
["Road To Texas" playing]
[Ross] Well, I'll tell you what,
and I guess you wanna call him Flash Funk anymore.
[bell ringing]
[Ross] He looks like he's a little 2 Cold to me, King.
[Lawler] Well, he's got the word "Funk" on his shear-- Shirt there.
Maybe he's a relative of Terry Funk, who knows.
[Cole] So it's The Quebecers against Terry Funk and 2 Cold Funk.
Double team in the ring.
And here's Terry Funk now hammering away against Jacques Rougeau.
[crowd cheering]
[Cole] Big right hands now by Rougeau from The Quebecers.
-[Lawler] Oh. -[Cole] Terry Funk into the turnbuckle.
And here comes the 285-pounder, Pierre Carl Ouellet.
One, two, three.
[Ross] Can you believe, ladies and gentlemen,
that right here tonight that Vince McMahon is gonna challenge Steve Austin
in the ring fighting for the WWE title?
King, what do you-- what do you think about?
[Lawler] Well, that's why I had to come out here early, JR.
I can hardly control myself.
This is gonna be the greatest thing I have ever seen in my life.
It's gonna be the greatest thing I've witnessed.
And believe me, I've witnessed some things in my life,
but Vince McMahon fighting for his own Wrestling Entertainment title,
it's gonna be it, it's the ultimate.
I can't believe it.
[Cole] And here we go now. Funk cleaning house, bodyslam. Oh.
[Ross] 2 Cold Scorpio just buried that foot.
Well, I'll tell you what, you call this man any name you want,
-he's a--he's a blue… -[Lawler] Whoa.
[Ross] …chipper that just needs a chance.
[Cole] And Pierre Carl Ouellet that time taking advantage,
and now climbing up to the second rope, going to the top rope.
What's the 285-pounder gonna do here?
[Lawler] I'll tell you what he's gonna do, he's gonna break down.
[Ross] Oh. Good lord, what a belly-to-belly suplex…
-[Lawler] Yeah. -[Ross] …right off the top turnbuckle.
[Lawler] Gravity will bring you down, baby.
What do you think of that, 2 Cold?
[Cole] And The Quebecers now in control.
And here comes Jacques Rougeau.
The Quebecers, former WWE Tag Team Champions.
-Here's the double team now. -[Lawler] Look at this.
[Cole] Oh, right across the top rope.
[Lawler chuckles]
[Ross] You know, I don't know what else could happen here tonight.
You got Vince McMahon step in the ring the first time in his life
against Steve Austin, yes, for the WWE title.
You got Owen Hart who's issued a challenge to any-- Everybody in DX.
-Oh, look out here. -[Lawler] Oh, this is gonna be good.
-[Cole] Look at this double team now. -[Lawler] Yo. Look out.
[Cole] Oh. 2 Cold moved out of the way.
[Ross] 2 Cold was too smart.
-[Cole] And Terry Funk now in the ring. -[Ross] Oh, what's this?
[Cole] 2 Cold in midair.
[Ross] The 450 Splash, crowd up to their feet.
-[Cole] It's over. -[Lawler] Oh.
-[bell ringing] -[crowd cheering]
[Ross] What a debut for Terry Funk and 2 Cold.
[Chimel] …2 Cold Scorpio and Terry Funk.
[Ross] 2 Cold Scorpio.
What a way to launch his new career here in the WWE.
I like it. It's about time.
[Cole] I like it a lot.
He's been held down too long.
He's breaking out with Terry Funk.
[Lawler] Yeah, but neither one of you guys got good taste.
Nobody cares what you like.
[Ross] Well, then why don't you tell us
what you think about what we just saw there, King?
Watch your monitor.
-[Cole] Well, he gave a-- -[Lawler] Look at this.
He got real lucky, so lucky that it takes--
Look at how long it takes him in the air there.
[Cole] Lucky?
[Ross] One more look and listen.
[Lawler] Oh.
[Ross] You could almost see the air rushing out of Carl Pierre Ouellet.
[crowd cheering]
[bell ringing]
[Ross] Ladies and gentlemen, whatever you do, stay tuned.
The war zone will begin in 30 seconds.
[rock music playing]
-[Ross] My god. -[Lawler] Wait a minute.
It's happening right now. Don't go anywhere.
[Ross] We're not gonna waste any time here.
[Lawler] Look at this. No way, baby.
Don't touch that dial.
["Gold-Lust" playing]
[Ross] Now, what could Luna have on her mind tonight
as if I didn't know? I think it's gotta be Sable.
It's gotta be the first-ever Evening Gown match.
-[Lawler] Oh, yeah. -[Ross] Much akin to a Tuxedo match
for men at Unforgiven, 13 days from now.
Greensboro, get ready.
["Gold-Lust" playing]
Sable.
Hey, Sable. [laughs]
-[Lawler chuckles] -[Ross] She's sick.
The anticipation of Unforgiven
is worse than PMS. [laughs]
[crowd cheering]
The fact is the flow,
the flow of my adrenaline
is so severe, Ms. Sable.
I wanna settle it right here
right now.
-[crowd cheering] -[Lawler] Oh, yeah.
-[Luna] Show us… -[Ross] What?
[Luna] …your ugly face.
Come on, Sable.
[Ross] Well, folks, I don't know if Sable's even here.
-We'll find out in 30 seconds. -Come on…
["We're All Together Now" playing]
♪ We take it on the road To do what we feel ♪
♪ So they could see that we are real ♪
♪ Hit the mat, play it cold ♪
♪ Makes nice and good, we want more ♪
♪ Everyone get on your feet ♪
♪ Wave your hands, turn up the heat ♪
♪ Got another show to go ♪
♪ We're all together now ♪
♪ Now ♪
[crowd cheering]
[Ross] We are back. This is the war zone.
-["Wild Cat" playing] -[crowd cheering]
[Lawler] Uh-oh.
-[Ross] Well-- -[Lawler] Oh.
[Ross] This should be most interesting, Sable and Luna,
before Unforgiven in 13 days in Greensboro.
-What-- -Luna…
-[Ross] Oh. -…you little bitch.
I'm fixing to kick your ass.
-[Ross] Oh, yeah. -[Lawler] Isn't that Sable?
[Ross] Yeah. Well, yeah, Sable is six-six now.
She took a growth spurt last night.
[Lawler] She must've had a big Easter dinner.
You want some of Sable, honey, you've got it.
[Ross] Well, the artist formerly known as Goldust
certainly making everyone around him proud.
[Lawler] I guess he's Sabledust tonight.
[Ross] Good Lord. That dress couldn't fit Aunt V,
God rest her soul.
[Lawler] Oh, this is gonna be great.
A little preview--a little preview of the Evening Gown match.
-[chuckles] -[Goldust] Oh, don't take it off.
Stop it, stop that!
[crowd cheering]
[Goldust] Oh, let me help you.
[crowd cheering]
[Goldust] Ow.
You're hurting me, stop.
Oh, stop it, Luna.
[Ross] This is a repulsive display.
[Goldust] Hey!
You just got me naked. You're kinky.
-[Lawler laughing] -That's it.
That is it. I'm taking my pumps off
-and I'm gonna whoop some butt. -[Lawler] Uh-oh.
[crowd cheering]
-[Lawler] Hey, hey, hey. -[Ross] Oh, wait a minute.
There's Sable. There's Sable.
-She's here. -[Lawler] What is-- Look at this.
[crowd cheering]
[Ross] Sable and Luna.
[crowd cheering]
-[Ross] Oh, my. There they go. -[Lawler] Woo!
[Ross] They're ripping their clothes.
-[Lawler] Look at this, they're gone. -[Ross] They're ripping it high.
Luna has torn Sable's blouse.
And Goldust is getting Luna the hell out of here.
[Lawler] Oh, look out, look out.
Let them go.
Why pull off tomorrow when you can pull off today?
[Ross] Well, somebody's gonna be stripped to their bra and panties in Greensboro.
I'm sorry, mama, I have to say that.
[Lawler] Let's get it on now.
[crowd cheering]
[Ross] Good Lord, what a--what a--
What else could happen here?
[Lawler] I'll tell you what else could happen,
McMahon is gonna have to wrestle "Stone Cold" Steve Austin
for the WWE title.
-And that's what it is. -[Ross] And that could happen next.
-Who knows? -[crowd cheering]
[Ross] We are back live, ladies and gentlemen, on the war zone.
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin getting ready
because his match with Vince McMahon, yes, for the WWE title
could happen at any moment at any second.
Austin could be called out, King.
This is gonna be the greatest thing that I have ever witnessed.
You see, Stone Cold is lacing up his boots.
Vince McMahon is in the back, pumping up, man.
He's getting ready.
I'm telling you, JR, I've had a long and illustrious career.
I've seen a lot of great things, dropping Andy Kaufman on his head.
That, I thought, was probably the greatest thing in my career.
But tonight, seeing McMahon and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin tie it up
in this ring is gonna be the greatest.
The greatest thing I've ever seen. [laughs]
["The Ultimate" playing]
[bell ringing]
[Chimel] The following Non-Title Tag Team match
is scheduled for one fall with a 20-minute time limit.
Making their way to the ring at a combined weight of 485 pounds,
"The Lethal Weapon" Steve Blackman
and "The World's Most Dangerous Man"
Ken Shamrock.
[Ross] Ken Shamrock limping to the ring
after that altercation with the Nation earlier.
And there you see one of the most intense rivalries in all of sports.
-From the ultimate fighting… -[Lawler] It's gonna be a big--
[Ross] …world, Shamrock and Severn,
they have fought twice in the Octagon, each man winning once.
And they do not-- And let me repeat to make it clear,
they do not like each other, not even one little bit.
[Lawler] Yeah. This could be the biggest altercation yet here
for Ken Shamrock.
Don't push, Mr. Severn.
[Ross] Folks, let us remind you very quick,
the big event in Uniondale, Long Island
in the Nassau Coliseum tomorrow night is sold out,
but we're gonna be, Wednesday, in Scranton, Pennsylvania.
This Thursday, Hershey, Pennsylvania.
Huge event in Hershey.
Friday night in the new Paul Tsongas Center.
First time for the WWE in that facility.
This Saturday, in New Haven, Connecticut.
-As Severn has been asked… -[bell ringing]
[Ross] …to leave the ringside area, apparently, by the referee.
That's Saturday in New Haven.
And this Sunday afternoon with a two o'clock start in Springfield.
Dan "The Beast" Severn and Ken Shamrock, having a little bit of a stare down.
But now, the NWA Tag Champions, The Midnight Express,
to meet Severn-- Or excuse me, Shamrock and Blackman.
[Lawler] Now, why would the referee run Dan Severn up?
We could have seen Dan Severn and Ken Shamrock tie it up tonight.
That would be the icing on the cake, wouldn't it?
[Ross] It certainly would. I'd love to see that someday.
And a hard knockdown by Shamrock on Bodacious Bart.
[Lawler] But-- Yeah, but McMahon and Austin is gonna be even better.
It's gonna be the biggest. It's gonna be the ultimate.
[Ross] The WWE title tonight.
Vince McMahon, yes, the owner, that Vince McMahon,
to meet "Stone Cold" Steve Austin in this very ring tonight.
Not to mention, we've got The Headbangers scheduled for action.
Owen Hart has challenged DX.
What else can happen here?
-[Lawler] Oh. Beautiful. -[Ross] Great dropkick by Bombastic Bob.
Boy, are those bodacious and bombastic names marketing geniuses?
-My god, I can see… -[Lawler] That's easy for you to say.
[Ross] …bumper stickers all over the country.
Bodacious and bombastic.
Cornette, give me a break.
[Lawler] What? What, you got a problem with Jim Cornette now, huh?
Come on, JR. What's the matter with you?
You don't even seem excited about the fact that we're gonna see
your boss and my boss, McMahon, in the ring tonight. [laughs]
[Ross] Why would you want this company brought to its knees?
-[Lawler] Huh? -[Ross] Vince McMahon being in a hospital
is not gonna be good for this company.
There's a back slide and a near fall.
And Bombastic-- I don't wanna say that.
-I'm not saying it no more. -[Lawler laughs]
[Ross] Bob going up, trying a hurricanrana,
got about half of it.
And Blackman couldn't get it blocked.
More of a tumble than a takedown.
[crowd cheering]
[man] Come on, Bobby.
[Ross] Blackman, the once defeated Steve Blackman,
the only blemish on his record at the hands of Double J.
[man] Watch out!
[Ross] And Blackman still inside his first year
here in the WWE.
[Lawler] Well, you know, let me say something, JR.
You said something about Vince McMahon being in the hospital.
I think that's exactly what Stone Cold is thinking.
I think Stone Cold is thinking, "Well, I can get out of jail
before Vince McMahon gets out of the hospital."
Well, let me tell you something, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin,
let me tell you something, JR,
you may be counting your chicken before they hatch,
you may be in store for a big shock from Mr. Vince McMahon.
He's not a little-- He's not a little small fry, you know.
-[Ross] I know that. -[Lawler] He's not no pushover.
-He's a man. He's gonna fight. -Three. Get it out.
[Ross] Well, it-- That's what it's gonna be.
It's not gonna be a wrestling match. It's gonna be a fight.
[Lawler] And, you know, he would probably make
the perfect WWE Champion, wouldn't he?
[Ross] How do you figure that? He's 52 years old.
[Lawler] Well, I mean, you know, he's--
[Ross] I mean, we're not the organization
that lets the old guys wrestle all the time.
[Lawler] Yeah. But listen, let me tell you something.
I mean, he's got all the mental ability.
-He's smarter than a tree full of owls. -[Ross] Yeah.
[Lawler] I mean, you know, he would--he would go out there
and he would-- At least he wouldn't be using all that colorful language
like "Stone Cold" Steve Austin says every time he's in front
-of a TV camera. -[Ross] Yeah.
[Lawler] Conduct himself like a gentleman, dress properly,
wearing those $2,500 Armani suits like the man does.
He-- You'll be proud to call him your champion.
-Bob, come on. -Come on, Blackman.
[Lawler] He'd look the part.
[Ross] Blackman makes the tag to Shamrock.
-Hey. -[Lawler] Oh.
[Ross] And Shamrock, the man with the propensity of snapping.
We've often said that Shamrock needs an anger management course…
-[Lawler] Yeah. -[Ross] …so he can control his temper
and that animalistic attitude of his.
Oh, my. Powerslam.
He'd be the WWE Intercontinental Champion right now.
[Lawler] I wonder why he didn't snap a while ago
when Dan Severn was right in his face.
Hey, come on.
[Ross] Maybe he's trying to work on that.
[Lawler] Yeah. He better work on it when Severn's around.
Hey, come on.
-[Ross] Uh-oh. -[Lawler] Uh-oh. [screams]
[Ross] Belly-to-belly suplex.
Shamrock on one leg here, after that street fight,
that impromptu street fight situation earlier
with the Nation of Domination.
-And right now… -[bell ringing]
[Ross] …Shamrock and Blackman are dominating this matchup.
And the referee's called for the bell here.
[Lawler] What is this referee doing?
[Chimel] Ladies and gentlemen, the referee has disqualified both teams.
The official decision, a double disqualification.
[Ross] Well, both teams apparently not observing
the referee's instructions and commands there to break holds,
and to get one man in the ring and one man out.
[Lawler] Well, the referee's an idiot.
You know what? First, he sends Dan Severn to the back.
Where's Earl Hebner when we need him?
[Ross] God bless, Earl Hebner. He's getting better.
[Lawler] Hey. Yeah, he's getting better. He's not dead.
I think you've been putting that rumor out on the 900 number.
Earl, as a matter of fact, I wish you were here to referee this match.
I'm gonna be proud of you tonight, Vince. You're gonna break him tonight.
[Ross] Well, ladies and gentlemen, we've just been informed,
we'll hear from Vince McMahon next.
[Lawler] Oh, yeah.
[rock music playing]
[Ross] 10-321 proudly presents WWE Unforgiven: In Your House,
in just 13 days from Greensboro, North Carolina.
10-321, just dial and save up to 50%
as we take you now to Kevin Kelly in Vince McMahon's locker room.
Vince, are you afraid of this match with "Stone Cold" Steve Austin?
[crowd cheering]
I'd be lying to you if I didn't tell you that I've got butterflies in my stomach.
-It's natural, Vince. -I know. Yeah. But afraid?
I um…
I proved I wasn't afraid of the United States government.
I'm sure as hell not afraid of Ted Turner and Time Warner.
I'm not afraid of the Big Bad Wolf.
And I sure as hell am not afraid of "Stone Cold" Steve Austin.
-[man 1] That's the attitude. -[man 2] There you go.
All right. That's it. All right.
[Lawler] Oh, daddy, what about that?
[Ross] I'll tell you what, Vince is getting some bad advice.
This is gonna be a tragedy.
-It should not have-- -[Lawler] He's-- Uh-oh.
-[crowd cheering] -[Lawler] Uh-oh.
Now we got Kane coming out here.
We saw Undertaker earlier.
[crowd cheering]
-[Ross] Man, this is all we need-- -[bell tolls]
-["Graveyard Symphony" playing] -[crowd cheering]
-[Ross] Oh, no. It's not Kane. -[Lawler] What?
[crowd cheering]
[Ross] It must be The Undertaker and--
[crowd cheering]
[Ross] The Undertaker, that carnage, his last trip.
The Headbangers are awaiting tag team action.
[Lawler] I wanna tell you this, The Undertaker is in a foul mood.
If I were you two baldheaded idiots, I'd beat it.
[Ross] The Undertaker who will meet his brother, Kane, as we know,
at Unforgiven: In Your House, 13 days from now down in Greensboro.
[Lawler] JR, the Undertaker may like The Headbangers,
me and you better get out of here.
[Ross] I'll tell you what, that first ever Inferno match
has got everybody wondering about that one.
Ring will be surrounded by fire. What's going on here?
The Headbangers certainly had nothing to do--
[Lawler] Look at this.
[Ross] The Headbangers gotta defend themselves here, King.
[Lawler] Yeah, I don't blame them.
Uh-oh.
[Ross] The Undertaker is showing us the true meaning of evil.
And I think The Undertaker is taking this too far.
These two guys had nothing to do-- Oh, no, with the desecration
-of The Undertaker's parents' grave. -[Lawler] Uh-oh.
[Ross] He had nothing to do with it, King.
-[Lawler] Yow. -[Ross] Chokeslam.
[Lawler] They should have left when they had the--
-[Ross] Uh-oh. -[crowd cheering]
[Ross] My god, this has got to be Kane.
[Lawler] You're not kidding.
-[Ross] Who else could it be? -["Burned" playing]
-[Ross] Oh. -[crowd cheering]
[Lawler] It's him.
It's Kane.
We're gonna get a chance to see how mad The Undertaker is now.
-[explosion] -[Lawler] Oh.
-[crowd cheering] -[Ross] God, the hellfire and brimstone,
just goes right to your bone marrow.
The most evil human being in WWE history has made his appearance.
["Burned" continues]
[crowd cheering]
[Bearer] Well, well, well.
So you want your little brother, do you, rigor mortis?
[crowd chatter]
[Bearer] So you can't wait
until In Your House: Unforgiven, can you?
[crowd chatter]
[Bearer] I'll tell you what, Deadman…
you wanna fight your own flesh and blood,
you're gonna do it on Paul Bearer's terms.
[crowd chatter]
[Lawler] What's he talking about, JR?
[Bearer] This is the way it's gonna be.
Next week… on Monday Night Raw,
you are gonna face your brother.
But you're not gonna face him
inside that ring.
You are gonna meet me
and you are gonna meet your little brother
in the cemetery.
-[Lawler] Huh? -[Ross] What?
You are so worried about what your dead mom and daddy think
about what you're doing.
You can fight your brother right on their damn graves.
[Ross] Oh, what a hideous thing to say to a human being.
[Bearer] And…
we'll just leave you right there
and send you back to hell where you belong.
Kane will be there, will you?
[crowd chatter]
[Ross] My god, what a challenge.
What's he doing here now?
-[Lawler] Oh! -[Ross] Whoa!
-["Burned" playing] -[Bearer laughing]
[Ross] Well, folks, we're gonna keep you informed as--
To this bizarre challenge.
A match in a cemetery, King?
[Lawler] I don't want any part of that, JR.
I think that will be a good assignment for you or Michael Cole, or somebody.
You be there and cover that one.
[Ross] I don't think there'll be big rush for press credentials for that one.
Next week in a cemetery, Kane and The Undertaker.
-[Lawler] Oh! -[Ross] Well, ladies and gentlemen,
there you see, he's the WWE Champion.
[Lawler] And he's on his way to the ring. He's on his way out here.
[Ross] "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, it's gonna happen at any moment.
Austin will defend the WWE title
against the owner of this company, Vince McMahon.
[rock music playing]
[Ross] Ladies and gentlemen, Stone Cold is on his way to the ring.
Will this match be next?
We'll find out when we come back.
[Val moaning]
[man] Let's go, Val. You're up.
[moaning continues]
Ah.
Hello, ladies.
Pardon my appearance, but
I was just doing a little casting
for my next film entitled,
Lust in Space.
[chuckles]
Yeah, the TV show was good,
but I have a rocket in my pocket
that will take each and every one of you women
on the face of this planet
to new and exciting heights.
[chuckles]
[groans]
Let's just call it Venis envy.
But I'm not a braggart.
My actions speak louder than my words.
[chuckles]
And, ladies,
when I explode inside
the World Wrestling Entertainment…
Mmm. Ah.
[chuckles]
Let's just say that Val Venis
will give it his all
inch by inch.
Hmm.
[chuckles]
[woman] Oh, yes.
[Val] Ooh.
[woman] Oh, yeah.
[Val] Ooh.
♪ Are you ready? ♪
-[crowd cheering] -["Break It Down" playing]
♪ You think you can tell us what to do? ♪
♪ You think you can tell us What to wear? ♪
♪ You think that you're better? ♪
♪ Well, you better get ready ♪
♪ Bow to the masters ♪
♪ Break it down! ♪
[crowd cheering]
♪ Degenerate into something, fool ♪
♪ We just got tired of doin' What ya told us to do ♪
♪ That's the breaks, boy, yeah ♪
♪ That's the breaks, little man ♪
♪ Break it down! ♪
♪ D-Generation X ♪
[Ross] Well, I'll tell you what, on a night
that Vince McMahon is gonna fight Steve Austin in
this ring for the WWE title,
now you got these rabble-rousers here.
-[Lawler chuckles] -[Ross] DX who respects no one.
You know, we find out this weekend that Owen Hart,
Calgary's favorite son,
was gonna challenge any member of DX.
[Lawler] That's right. He's already scheduled
to face Triple H at Unforgiven,
but now he wants to challenge--
Suppose Triple H accepts the challenge, what's gonna happen then?
[Ross] Unforgiven is gonna be a very busy night for DX.
The Outlaws will face The LOD for the tag team championship
in 13 days in Greensboro.
[Lawler] Finally, we're getting rid of the-- What, LOD 2000?
But does that mean Sunny goes with them?
-[Ross] I guess so. -[Lawler] Uh-oh.
[siren wailing]
["Enough Is Enough" playing]
-[Ross] Here comes… -All right, you worthless degenerates.
One of you is gonna get your ass kicked
and I wanna know which one of you has the cojones
to step in the ring with me.
[crowd cheering]
You know something, Owen?
That's a question we've been pondering all weekend.
Just thinking, tossing, and turning at night trying to think
who it is that's gonna take you apart for the last time.
So, what we did
is I had everybody in DX
write a 500-word essay…
[Lawler giggles]
…on who would get to kick Owen Hart's ass.
Who wanted it the most?
And I read them. Oh, I read all of them.
And they were all really good.
I mean, mine, mine was a little bit headstrong
-if you know what I mean. -[Lawler chuckles]
[crowd cheering]
[Triple H] Road Dogg's…
Road Dogg's was written on this little, tiny white piece of paper
that said zigzag or something on them, and half of them were missing.
And I don't even know what his was about.
X-Pac's…
X-Pac's was more something that should have been printed
in like an adult magazine.
[crowd cheering]
[Triple H] "The Ninth Wonder of the World" Chyna,
hers was very deep and emotional
and brought a tear to my eye.
But frankly, the violent things she wanted to do to you
in that could not be done on national television,
let me tell you.
But the winner by far
had to be "Badd Ass" Billy Gunn's,
not only because of the clear professional plastic binder it came in,
but the illustrations depicting Owen Hart
with a small barnyard animal were great.
-[Ross] Oh. Will you stop that. -[Lawler chuckles]
[Triple H] So without further ado, Owen,
your winner, tonight's ass kicker,
Mr. Ass.
[Lawler chuckles] How appropriate, JR?
[Ross] So, uh, Billy Gunn and Owen Hart will go one-on-one here.
Hey, Billy, you got two words for him?
Yeah, suck it.
[Lawler] Oh.
-[Ross] That's creative. -["Enough Is Enough" playing]
[Ross] Well, Owen Hart is stepping into the--
into the fire here, King.
He's all by himself.
[Lawler] He's a little hesitant to-- Uh-oh.
-[crowd cheering] -["What a Rush" playing]
[Ross] Oh, my!
It's LOD 2000.
Owen Hart will not be alone for very long.
["What a Rush" playing]
[Ross] LOD 2000 with huge scores to settle with DX,
The Outlaws specifically.
Oh, this has gotta be a dandy right here.
[Lawler] Hey, look.
-[Ross] There you see Vince McMahon… -[Lawler] Look at those biceps.
[Ross] …preparing for "Stone Cold" Steve Austin.
Oh, my.
Look at that, Zigzag. He's all over him. Look at that.
[Ross] We are back live, ladies and gentlemen, in Philadelphia.
It is, uh, "Badd Ass" Billy Gunn one-on-one with Owen Hart
on a night where "Stone Cold" Steve Austin
and Vince McMahon are gonna fight later tonight for the WWE title.
There's a cover and Owen Hart tenaciously kicks out.
[Lawler] Real quick, let's get the opinion of DX
on McMahon and Stone Cold.
What do you think of that, guys?
[Triple H] I don't know, but if McMahon's got enough money, I get his back.
[Lawler] There you go.
[Triple H] But he gotta cough that cheese to get it done with the DX.
[X-Pac] Yeah. The Boss got to cough more of that cheese.
The cheese has to be able to be better.
[Ross] What is your-- What was the--
Your motivation shall we say with that gang attack on DOA?
And then you turn on Los Boricuas who helped you, guys.
[Triple H] Hey, that was funny, wasn't it?
[X-Pac] Exactly.
[Triple H] That was some of the funniest stuff I've seen…
[X-Pac] That's pretty sweet, don't you think, Jim?
[Triple H] Funniest stuff I've seen on TV.
[X-Pac] I know-- I know Kingfish thinks it was pretty sweet.
-[Lawler] I thought it was classy. -[Ross] There's the cover right there.
[Lawler] I'll tell you, the only thing funnier than that
is those stupid, uh, Robocop suits that LOD 2000's wearing over there.
[X-Pac] That's ridiculous. What is that?
[Triple H] It's like a plastic defense outfit.
Look.
[X-Pac] Yeah. We're with the '90s, yeah, yeah.
[Triple H] Kingfish, he's got their age on their belt button too, look, 2000.
[Lawler laughs]
[Ross] Are you guys getting pumped up as I would assume you are,
as you are every day,
but especially for Unforgiven in Greensboro?
[Triple H] Yeah.
You know, they're gonna knock those silly suits right off the guys
that used to be the Road Warriors, used to be something in this business.
Now, they're just like, uh, plastic…
[Ross] Oh, there's a high crossbody. One, two, a near fall.
[X-Pac] Uh-uh. Not today.
[Triple H] They'll make-- Oh, look at that.
Ripped his head right off his shoulders.
Uh-uh, brother.
-[Lawler] Those former Road Warriors… -[X-Pac] Go on, Bill.
[Lawler] …they'll make great action figures
-or something like that, huh? -[Triple H] Right.
They're hoping that their merchandise will carry them over the next few years
because their, you know, in-ring abilities died in about '85, I think.
-[Lawler laughs] -[X-Pac] Hey, what are the--
What's LOD doing, standing over there with their thumbs up their asses?
What's that all about?
[Ross] Hey, watch your language, will you? Come on.
-Watch the language. -[X-Pac] Maybe they're standing there…
[Ross] Maybe they're-- Maybe they're wanting to protect Owen Hart's back.
Maybe they think you guys are gonna have another gang attack.
[X-Pac] What do they have in common with Owen Fart?
[Lawler and X-Pac laughing]
[Lawler] Hey, guys, JR likes to keep it real serious out here.
-[X-Pac] Okay. Oh, yeah. -[Triple H] What's Sunny got…
[X-Pac] I heard Owen was like a 12-time All-American, Jim, is that true?
[Ross] And what would you know about it?
Since when's the last time you read a sports mag--
-[X-Pac] Who cares? -[Lawler laughs] Right.
[Triple H] X-Pac's All-American. He was born and raised here.
-[Lawler] Right. -[Triple H] Look-- Hey, look at…
[Ross] Owen Hart now may have him right here.
-[Triple H] Oh. -[X-Pac] No, sir.
[Triple H] No, resiliency on the part of the ass-- The Bad Ass, if you will.
Hey, what's the Road Warriors want with, uh, LOD 2000?
-[Lawler] Oh! -[Ross] Enzuigiri right there.
Billy Gunn may have been knocked out on that move.
-[Triple H] That's gonna leave Hart… -[X-Pac] Come on, kick, Billy.
-[Triple H] Oh, no. -[Ross] Looking for three
and Billy Gunn barely able to get his shoulder up.
[Triple H] For the love of God.
[Lawler laughs]
-[Ross] You guys are-- -[X-Pac] For Pete's sakes.
[Ross] You guys are angering every person in this company.
-I guess you know that though. -[X-Pac] Yeah, well…
-[Ross] Is that your goal? -[X-Pac] Well…
-[Ross] Are you proud of that? -[X-Pac] …you haven't heard?
I mean, that's our--that's our MO, JR.
-Come on. -[Ross] I haven't heard.
[Lawler] JR is too busy reading statistics.
-[Ross] Yeah. -[Triple H] Look at what…
-[Lawler] Hey! -[Triple H] What's he doing?
Now, why is he gonna do that?
[X-Pac] Oh, that's really fun family entertainment.
[Triple H] Doesn't Owen know crack is not good for you?
-[Triple H and Lawler laughing] -[Ross] Atomic drop by Owen Hart.
[Triple H] Now watch--
Watch out for the LOD 2000.
Zigzag going over there, make sure nobody, uh, interferes in this match.
What's-- Their manager, what's her name? Skanky.
-[Ross] Sunny. Sunny. -[Triple H] She's over there.
-[Triple H] Skanky. -[Lawler] Whoa!
[Triple H] Skanky, uh, Sunny, whatever her name is.
[Lawler] Look, I think they-- I think they shot Billy
with some kind of ray gun or something.
[Triple H] Sunny's over there doing what's she does best.
She got a little head, uh, in her hands, holding the helmets.
[X-Pac] Something, uh…
[Triple H] A little something, something there.
[Ross] Front facelock outside, back in Owen Hart, suplex.
-[X-Pac] Come on, Billy. -[Ross] There's the cover
and Billy Gunn has got a gut check here.
-Owen Hart is taking over this match. -[X-Pac] You will never-- You will--
-I don't mean to step over you, Jim. -[Ross] All right.
[X-Pac] But you will never ever beat one of DX without hooking the leg.
-And even then, you won't beat them. -[Lawler] Right.
[Triple H] Even if you're an All-American.
[Lawler] Yeah.
[X-Pac] Come on, Billy.
[Ross] Owen Hart going for the Sharpshooter.
[Triple H] Get him, Chyna.
[Lawler] Look at Chyna.
-[Ross] Chyna up on the apron. -[Lawler] Hey, don't you touch her.
[Ross] She doesn't belong there.
[Triple H] Look at Owen trying to get to a woman.
-[X-Pac] Oh! -[Ross] Oh, and there's Billy Gunn.
[Triple H] What a goof. Hold on for one second.
[Ross] Oh, yeah, everybody go gang attack here.
-[Lawler] No, no. -[Ross] Oh, it can't be one-on-one.
-[Lawler] Wait a minute. -[Ross] Oh, hell no.
[X-Pac] Hunter just trying to help him out--
Hey, what are you guys doing over here?
[Ross] LOD is stepping in here.
[Lawler] Hey, something to help him now.
[Ross] Folks, you can almost feel it.
Something's gonna explode here any moment.
Plus, McMahon and Austin still to come.
[Lawler] Grab him, X-Pac. Grab him.
[Ross] We are back live on the warzone.
[Triple H] I'm telling you right now,
there's no reason for LOD-- You saw them coming over here,
sticking their nose in the business they don't belong in, Jim Ross.
They got no business being over here, sticking their old noses in our business.
-[Lawler] Oh. -[Ross] Do you like to repeat that?
Have you been putting sentences to get along?
[Triple H] The business of their business is not business of our business,
being in the business when we're out here doing business.
[Ross] Owen Hart with a missile dropkick
and, uh, Billy Gunn is on his last legs here.
-One, two. -[Triple H] Yeah, nothing.
See that? That's the mark of a true champion right there.
[Lawler] And you guys have my permission and encouragement
to just slap the head off JR here if he tries to smart off of you.
-[Triple H] He just smarted off… -[Lawler] Oh, cover!
-[Ross] Now, leave me alone, will you? -[Lawler laughing]
[Ross] That's the other guys that do that stuff.
Let's be a little bit more creative.
-How about calling the match? -[Triple H] Yeah.
-How about this? -[Ross] Gee, what an idea.
[Triple H] Owen Hart hit Billy Gunn with-- Oh.
[Ross] A rocker dropper by Billy Gunn.
[Triple H] How about calling that?
[crowd chatter]
[Ross] Well, ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you one thing right here.
We don't have any more commercial breaks here
and we're gonna have that WWE title match with McMahon and Austin.
Vince McMahon, yeah, him the owner of the company
challenging Steve Austin.
No more commercial breaks
and we're gonna keep it here as long as it takes to get it done.
Get up. Get up. Get up.
[Lawler] This is gonna be the greatest thing I have ever witnessed.
You guys are gonna stick around for that, aren't you?
-[Triple H] Oh, no doubt about it. -[Lawler] Oh, man.
[Road Dogg] Kick his ass, Billy.
[Triple H] Call this, Jim Ross.
Talk about the commanding lead
that the Bad Ass has right now on Owen Hart.
-[Lawler] Oh, yeah. -[Ross] Great powerslam by Billy Gunn and…
[Triple H] Damn right, it is.
[Road Dogg] Oh, hell yeah!
-[Ross] It would be whimsical… -[Triple H] Wham, brother.
[Ross] And-- Oh, Owen Hart, with a cradle.
-[Triple H] What-- -[Ross] One, two, three.
-That's it! -[bell ringing]
-[Ross] That's it. Owen wins! -[Triple H] No! No!
-[Chimel] Here is your winner, Owen Hart. -[Lawler] Wait a minute.
[Ross] Oh, DX didn't like that.
Now talk that off.
You can talk about it on the sophomore class field trip.
[Lawler] Jeez.
[Ross] I think Owen's got two words for them, "Suck it."
[Lawler] Hey.
Hey, JR. How about my standards now, up yours.
He wasn't even down in three, it was fuckin' two.
[Ross] DX can't believe it. Oh, well, I'll tell you what.
So many big showdowns are building
for Unforgiven in 13 days.
[Lawler] But what about the showdown that's fixing to take place
next right here?
Like you said it, no more commercials.
[Ross] Let's show-- Take you back, ladies and gentlemen,
show you how this went down.
That was a quick powerslam by Billy Gunn.
He was celebrating way too early,
too overconfident, not paying attention,
showboating, and he got his Mr. Ass beat.
[bell ringing]
[Lawler] Oh, you love that, don't you, JR?
[Ross] Owen Hart overcoming all the obstacles.
And now, they're telling us it was a two-count.
[Lawler] Uh-oh, here we go.
[Ross] Well, ladies and gentlemen…
[Lawler] My gosh, he's ripped. Look at him.
You're the man.
[Ross] I can't believe this.
[Lawler] God, he looks huge.
[speaks indistinctly]
-Finally. -Very proud of you.
[Gerald Brisco] This is the one, Vince, this is the one.
[Lawler] Come on, JR. You're speechless.
[Ross] Bad advice.
[Lawler] We're not waiting for any commercial breaks.
This is gonna take place.
Vince McMahon is on his way to a World Wrestling Entertainment ring.
He's gonna step into it for the--
Well, for the first time in a competition setting in his life.
And the World Wrestling Entertainment title is on the line.
[Ross] Well, this is gonna tear this company apart.
-That's all I can tell you. -[Lawler] Why?
-Why is it? -[Ross] Well, it's a tragedy.
[Lawler] If Vince McMahon beat "Stone Cold" Steve Austin
and becomes the champion, he's gonna tear the company apart?
[Ross] Hey, look, we're not the company who likes to have
-senior citizens as champions. -[Lawler] Hey.
[Ross] Okay?
[Lawler] Hey, Vince McMahon would be a great champion.
-[Ross] He's 52 years old. -[Lawler] A role model, he's a role model.
[Ross] Well, he may be that for entrepreneurs but…
[Chimel] The following contest is scheduled for one fall
and it is for the World Wrestling Entertainment Championship.
[Lawler] Turn your VCRs on, ladies and gentlemen, this is unheard of.
…he has been the voice of the World Wrestling Entertainment for 25 years…
-[Lawler] Woo-hoo! -[Chimel] …from Greenwich, Connecticut,
weighing in at 241 pounds…
-[Lawler] Oh, my gosh. -[Chimel] …the one, the only
Vince McMahon.
-[Lawler] Look at this! -[crowd cheering]
[Ross] And look at-- I can't believe Gerald Brisco and Pat Patterson.
[Lawler] Look at that walk. That's-- I mean, that strut, that…
-[Ross] Patterson needs some chapstick. -[Lawler] …saunter.
[Ross] Patterson needs some chapstick.
He's been kissing Vince's butt so long,
he's talked him right into this thing.
-[Lawler] Listen to you. -[Ross] This is ridiculous.
This is wrong.
Vince is gonna get hurt and then who's gonna run the company?
[Lawler] Hey, let me ask you this.
Was Pat Patterson not a great wrestler in his day?
-[Ross] Yes. -[Lawler] Was Gerald Brisco
-not a great wrestler in his day? -[Ross] Damn right.
[Lawler] You think they haven't taught Vince McMahon some moves, some--
Uh-oh. Now, what's Shane McMahon doing coming out here?
[Ross] Vince's son, Shane.
[Lawler] Don't try to talk him out of it.
[Ross] Shane and I agree, this is--
this is bad, bad, bad business.
[Lawler] Look, you don't know what McMahon's gone through all this week.
You saw what happened last week when Stone Cold hit-- What?
[Patterson] He's gonna do it.
-[Shane] You're gonna get hurt, Dad. -[Patterson] Don't do this, Shane.
This is stupid. Please don't do this. Okay?
-[Brisco] He knows what he's doing. -He doesn't know what he's doing.
-[Lawler] Come on. -He doesn't know--
-[Gerald Brisco] He knows what he's doing. -Shane.
-Please don't do this. -[Sgt. Slaughter] We're here.
[Lawler] Get him out of there Vince.
Get him out of there.
You know Vince McMahon's wife almost sued "Stone Cold" Steve Austin?
-[Ross] For what? -[Lawler] For loss of consortium.
And you saw what--you saw what Stone Cold did to McMahon last week,
hit him right in the old…
-You've fed his ego up so much. -[Lawler] …kahunas or whatever?
Yeah, that's great, Gerry, that's great.
[crowd chatter]
[Lawler] I mean, McMahon's been unable to perform in the bedroom.
And I don't blame him for taking-- I mean, you know, you gotta--
you gotta do what a man's gotta do and he's fixed to do it.
[Ross] Who's gonna run this company if-- I just bought a house.
I've got a mortgage to pay off.
-["Hell Frozen Over" playing] -[Lawler] Uh-oh.
Oh, boy.
[Chimel] And his opponent, from Victoria, Texas,
weighing in at 253 pounds,
he is the World Wrestling Entertainment Champion,
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin!
[crowd cheering]
[Lawler] Look at Vince.
["Hell Frozen Over" continues]
[Ross] The Rattlesnake,
and they're rattling the rafters in Philadelphia,
just like they'll do in Greensboro in 13 days.
[crowd cheering]
[Ross] And we still don't know who Austin's gonna face…
because there ain't no way in hell
that Austin's gonna lose the WWE title here tonight.
[Lawler] Hey, watch it.
How would that belt look around McMahon's waist?
[Ross] Vince has been provoked.
He's had his corporate rear end kissed by all these yes-men,
these hangers-on that should be on the pension, damn it.
[Lawler] Oh, I guess you'd never planted a few smacks on there, Ross.
[Ross] He's fired me twice, King.
[Lawler] Yeah.
[Ross] I respect him a great deal, but this is a bad decision.
He's gonna get hurt.
[Lawler] He may fire you again tonight after hearing this commentary
if he wins that title.
Look at this.
Yeah, baby.
[crowd chatter]
[Lawler laughs]
[crowd cheering]
[Lawler] JR, you seem awfully calm.
I can't--I can't believe what we're about to witness.
[Ross] Oh, it's not calm, King.
Not calm at all.
[Lawler] Oh, here we go.
[Ross] "Stone Cold" Steve Austin.
[Lawler] Yeah. Come on, Stone Cold. You've shot your mouth up so much.
You feel froggy, why don't you jump?
[crowd chatter]
-[Ross] Austin with that very… -[Lawler] Look at--look at…
[crowd exclaims]
-[Ross] Oh, my god. -[Lawler] Oh, my god.
-[Ross] Oh, my god. -[Lawler] Oh, my goodness.
Here we go, baby.
Here we go! [laughs]
Look at Vince, he's ready.
Look at him.
He's like a tiger fixed to pounce.
-Come on, Vince. -[Ross] You don't snap--
You don't slap a rattlesnake, Vince.
[Lawler] Put those arms up.
[Ross] What's Brisco, Patterson, and Slaughter doing in there?
[Lawler] The match hasn't started yet.
[Ross] It's not a tag team match, you know.
[crowd chatter]
Um, just one thing.
Just one thing.
You said you could beat Vince McMahon
with one arm tied behind your back.
[crowd cheering]
[Lawler] That's right.
-That's right, he said that. -Did you say that?
[Lawler] Yes, he did. Yes, he did.
-I said it. -[Mr. McMahon] Yeah, you said it.
-[Lawler] Yeah. -I did.
Now, let's see if you're a man of your word.
[Lawler] Oh, my gosh. [laughs]
[Lawler] What did I tell you about McMahon?
Mr. Brisco, if you don't mind, please, doing the honors.
[Ross] Well, Stone Cold actually did say that earlier.
[Lawler] Oh, baby.
Stone Cold, you have been had. [laughs]
No, no, no, no, no. The wrong arm.
-[Lawler] Yeah. -Let's go with the Stunner arm.
-[Lawler] Oh, yeah. -Come on, the Stunner arm.
[Ross] Oh, they're gonna--they're gonna bind Steve Austin's right arm behind him.
-[Mr. McMahon] Come on, hotshot! -[Lawler] Great.
[Ross] Austin is right-handed.
-And yes, that is the arm… -Come on, hotshot!
[Ross] …he delivers the Stunner with.
Cinch it up.
[Lawler] Oh, look at this.
Ever have to eat your words, huh?
Ever said something you wish you could take back?
[Patterson] That's what you said.
-Austin, you said it. -[Mr. McMahon] Come on.
You said you could beat me with one arm tied behind your back.
You got any guts? Let's find out.
[Lawler] That's right. You said it.
[crowd cheering]
[Ross] Vince is about as proper here tonight as a tax man.
[Lawler] He's getting over with me.
All right?
And I'm asking you to do what you live up to.
Vince said you're gonna do it with one arm behind your back, and that's it.
[Lawler] Tell him, Brisco.
Oh, man. Look at this, JR.
[crowd chatter]
[Lawler laughs]
[Ross] You really find this humorous, don't you, King?
[Lawler] Oh, you know what?
I love it when somebody gets their comeuppance,
when some wise guy, when some smart-ass
like "Stone Cold" Steve Austin who thinks he's so cool,
who thinks his stuff don't stink, comes out here,
-and shoots his mouth off. -Cinch it up, Gerry. Cinch it up good.
Check him, ref.
[Lawler] And then gets his foot shoved in his mouth.
I love it.
-[crowd cheering] -[Lawler] Cinch it up.
-Hey, hey. -That's not tight enough.
-Come on, cinch it up. -[Lawler laughs]
Yeah, cut the circulation off.
[crowd chatter]
Let me check it out. Let me check it out.
[Lawler] JR, you look a little pale. [laughs]
Is that tight enough?
[man] No. No.
[crowd chatter]
[Lawler] What is going through your mind right now, JR?
Are you trying to think of how you're gonna announce Vince McMahon
as the new World Wrestling Entertainment Champion?
If you have a problem with doing it, let me do it.
I can say it with pride.
-[crowd chanting] -[speaks indistinctly]
[Lawler] Listen to these idiots.
[chanting continues]
[Lawler] A whole city full of idiots, Philadelphia.
[Stone Cold] If you want me to whip his damn ass with one arm,
-give me a hell yeah. -[Ross] Oh, no.
[crowd] Hell yeah!
[Ross] Well, I think it's unanimous in this arena
-for these fans. -[Lawler] Oh, yeah. I think
they want him to, but can he?
If you think Vince McMahon can beat "Stone Cold" Steve Austin's ass
with one arm tied behind his back, give me a hell yeah!
[crowd] Hell no!
[Lawler] Hey.
[Ross] Well, I think the--
Look at Austin. He's still got that grin on his face.
[Lawler] That'll be wiped off shortly.
[Ross] Austin with one hand tied behind him.
The WWE title is on the line,
the challenger is the owner of this company,
the George Steinbrenner of wrestling.
[Lawler laughs]
[Ross] And look, I respect Gerald Brisco as much as family,
but Gerald has made a huge mistake
-in trying to-- -[Lawler] How do you figure?
-[Ross] That's my opinion. -[Lawler] This is brilliant.
This is a brilliant move.
This is the way to break somebody like Stone Cold right down to their knees
where he needs to be brought to.
He's not bigger than the WWE, you know.
-[Ross] I didn't say that he was. -[Lawler] Well, he thinks he is.
[Ross] Nobody's bigger than The Game.
[Lawler] Yeah. Well, Stone Cold thinks he is.
[crowd cheering]
[Ross] Well, that's your opinion, not mine.
[Lawler] You're fixed to get your head deflated there, baldy.
You're gonna get brought right back down to earth, a little reality check,
courtesy of Vincent K. McMahon.
[crowd cheering]
[Ross] Next thing you know, he'll be putting his picture
in the centerfold of the WWE Magazine.
[Lawler] And rightfully so, he'll be the champion.
-I bet you know Linda's proud right now. -[crowd booing]
[Ross] Bless Linda's heart having to endure this.
-[Lawler] Endure? -[Ross] The day after Easter.
[Lawler] Endure? You mean relish.
[crowd chattering and booing]
[Lawler] What are you stalling for, Vince?
Come on, get it going.
[Ross] He said he had butterflies in his stomach, probably more like condors.
[Lawler] Wait, what's he doing?
Mouthpiece, yes!
[laughs] A mouthpiece.
You don't wanna chip those pearly whites.
-[crowd cheering] -[Lawler] Oh, here we go.
["Dude Love" playing]
[Ross] What the hell is that?
-We got-- -Owww, have mercy!
[Lawler] What?
["Dude Love" continues]
-[Ross] What is Dude-- -Philadelphia, the Dude wants to know,
can't we all just get along?
I've gotta level with you, Philadelphia.
The Dude does not feel a whole lot of love out here tonight.
[Lawler] Hey, wait a minute, JR.
[Ross] I don't-- He's-- He was Steve Austin's tag team partner.
-[Lawler] Right. -[Ross] That's Dude Love.
[Dude] But Steve-o, as you know,
there's only one cat who can bring peace to the war zone
and that's Dude Love.
[Lawler] Vince, this is some kind of trick.
[crowd booing]
[Dude] Now Stone Cold, I know you got your heart set
on putting some heavy duty booty to Uncle Vinny,
but the Dude has got to put the veto to this one.
[Lawler] Huh?
[Dude] Oh, we are tight, Steve-o,
about as tight as two cats can be,
but you gotta understand, Steve-o,
Vince McMahon writes the checks
that lets the Dude live the kind of life
that the Dude likes to live.
-[Lawler] Yeah, you better remember that. -[crowd booing]
[Dude] So I guess you could say,
Uncle Vinny, you are my "McMain" man.
[Lawler chuckles]
[Ross] Vince looks frustrated,
-he wants to go. -[Lawler] Get out of the ring then.
[Dude] But I want you to remember one thing and remember it good,
when you look at "Stone Cold" Steve Austin,
you've got your eyes set
on the world's toughest SOB,
and he can put you down on your A-S-S just like--
-[crowd cheering] -[Ross] Oh, Vince.
He just shoved Dude Love down.
[Lawler] What?
What are you doing?
Come on.
[Lawler] Vince is ready to get it on, baby.
You just made the world's biggest mistake.
[Ross] Wait a minute. That's the Mandible Claw.
Dude going for the Mandible Claw to McMahon.
[Lawler] Wait a minute. Get him out of there!
[Ross] Dude Love is trying to put the Mandible Claw…
-[Lawler] Just don't go in there. -[Ross] …on Vince McMahon!
What the hell.
And-- Oh, no!
He got the claw on Austin!
Dude Love with the Mandible Claw on Stone Cold!
[Lawler] What?
[Ross] Dude Love is putting the Mandible Claw on the WWE Champion!
[Mr. McMahon] Where the hell is…
[Ross] Austin is going out!
[crowd chatter]
[Ross] Dude Love has assaulted the WWE Champion, and why?!
Why?!
[crowd booing]
[Ross] Does Mick Foley know what he's doing?
-[Lawler] He's an idiot. -[Ross] His Cactus Jack persona
said goodbye last week.
[Dude] You can say all you want,
whenever the Dude puts that cat down,
that cat stays down.
[Ross] Vince seems irate that he's not gonna-- Oh, Stone Cold up.
And look at-- I cannot believe-- Why is Dude Love--
Why is he doing this?!
Now he's got the claw back on Austin.
And McMahon just want to hit the ring too!
Stop it! That's enough!
That's enough tonight! Enough!
Come on, get him off!
-Come on, tough guy! -Please. Please!
[Lawler] Dude is stealing McMahon's thunder.
You stole it!
[Lawler] Get in there, Vince.
[Ross] Well, Vince obviously thinks that Dude Love has stolen the spotlight
from the owner of the company.
-[Lawler] And he-- -[Ross] But the bottom line
is that the WWE Champion with one hand tied behind him
is getting the hell kicked out of him by Dude Love!
-Come on, that's enough. -[Lawler] Look at this.
[Ross] Steve Austin is-- He can't defend himself.
The Mandible Claw driven deep, deep down
into the gullet of the WWE Champion.
[man] Let him go. Go ahead.
[crowd chatter]
[Ross] What in the hell is going on here?
Let's go. Come on.
[Lawler] Look at McMahon, he wants back in there.
-[Ross] Austin may not make it. -If you want a piece of the Dude too,
then step right up, because I got plenty more where that came from.
[Lawler] Uh-oh, here we go, McMahon and…
-[Ross] Dude Love now-- -[Lawler] …McMahon Dude Love now.
[Ross] Dude Love challenged Vince McMahon.
[Lawler] Look at this, he's mocking him.
[Ross] I cannot believe Dude Love
has assaulted the WWE Champion.
[crowd chatter]
[Ross] Now he's-- Well, they're coming here now, coming around here now.
-[Lawler] Uh-oh. -[Ross] And Austin is gonna fight back.
-[Lawler] Look at this! -[Ross] The Rattlesnake strikes
with one arm! My god!
And Austin right into the security railing!
What a-- god almighty, what a chaotic night.
-Oh! -[Lawler] Look out.
[Ross] Good god!
What-- What's wrong with-- Get out now--
[crowd chatter]
[Ross] No! Stop that!
What the hell is wrong with you?!
[rock music playing]
[man 1] Come on, Austin, wake up!
[man 2] Let's go!
[man 3] Come on.
[crowd chatter]
[crowd cheering]
[Dude] I guess one thing is for sure,
Stone Cold is not that tough after all.
Awoo! Have mercy.
Get him untied or something, JR.
Help him.
[man] Come on, Stone Cold!
[Dude] Where's my music?
[crowd chatter]
[crowd booing]
[Lawler] Can you cut that with something?
["Dude Love" playing]
…over here.
He's not gonna be in a good mood.
[Lawler] Uh-oh.
There he goes.
[crowd cheering]
[Lawler] I'm afraid of that.
[crowd cheering]
[crowd chatter]
[crowd cheering]
[bell rings]
[crowd chatter]
[crowd cheering]
[cheering continues]
[both grunting]
[crowd cheering]
[bell ringing]
["I Won't Do What You Tell Me" playing]
[Chimel] Here are your winners, The Legion of Doom 2000,
The Undertaker,
and the World Wrestling Entertainment Champion,
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin!
[crowd cheering]
["I Won't Do What You Tell Me" continues]
[crowd cheering]
["I Won't Do What You Tell Me" continues]
[crowd cheering]
I came here to put the title on the line against Vince McMahon
and the chicken shit bastard didn't come out here to fight.
He came out here to dance around.
I didn't come to Philadelphia to get somebody's fingers
jammed down my damn throat.
If you think someone's gonna get their sorry ass
whipped by Stone Cold next week, give me a hell yeah.
[crowd] Hell yeah!
[Stone Cold] You're damn right!
["I Won't Do What You Tell Me" playing]
[crowd cheering]
[speaking indistinctly]