Do that... Cat one.
Meow!
Show us when cat gets her ass kicked.
Meow, fucker!
Divya!
I've just installed anti theft software today.
If anyone tries to steal it, live location will get activated
and I'll go and beat them there.
Great.
Let's walk proudly, should we?
Let's go.
After all...
He took the tempered glass and left the phone and charger, asshole.
You wait.
I'll tell him now.
Your loss, there was no aloe vera in that facewash.
It wasn't there.
What could I have done, my vision already got blurred.
I mistakenly washed my face with phenyl.
What did you do about the thief? Tell that.
I kept finding the thief and the remaining 0.1% germs all night.
I couldn't find both.
But I have checked the CCTV footage of main entrance.
No one came to our wing from the other wing.
This means that the thief is someone from our wing only.
And whoever took my face wash,
I just want to tell that thief only one thing.
For best result, use moisturizer of same brand.
Hey, what face wash?
Pimples are a sign of manlyhood.
Look they are on my cheeks, butt cheeks. I'll show you later.
I think that Rakhi stole your underwear.
He doesn't have underwear.
That is why he wears that string bikini.
Hey, Ankit brother. First of all, it is a 'langot,'
And second, if I have came here from village to steal something,
that would be an inter-caste girl's heart.
Only Jhaatu, Teja and Rakhi's room are safe from theft.
What do you think? Stealing of a tempered glass is a joke?
I laughed now. Happy?
It's okay.
Look, the stuff of hostel
is like Bollywood songs.
It doesn't get stolen,
whoever likes whichever part, he takes it.
He's right.
Is it? Then tell me my Preetam,
when did I give you these earphones?
I have bought these with my money.
Brother, the money you have,
are just 'paise', not rupees.
Don't get distracted.
The thief is Teja. Where is the stuff?
What stuff? I'm not the thief.
Look at his face and his sheet, he's the thief.
[Regional language]
You guys,
every person with a personality like Hritik isn't a thief.
Aren't you guys ashamed, blaming a future election candidate?
Brother, there is no bigger thief than politician.
-You're right. -Then tell us.
Who thinks Rakhi is a thief?
And who thinks, it's Teja?
And who know Jhaatu is a thief?
My hands are long just like the law.
But my eyes are not blindfolded.
I will find out about the thief, Jhaatu.
They brush their teeth at 6 in the morning.
Greetings mother.
What greetings? Why is your last seen coming at 3.30 am at night?
Are you even a little bit ashamed?
Mom, yesterday, we were having group study till night 3 am.
I didn't want to, but my friends forced to study the first chapter.
We didn't even know when we studied second, third or fourth.
I passed out till the fifth.
Is it? Then the green bottle behind you
must be used to check pH value, right?
Mom, I was having pain in kidney, so,
doctor gave this medicine.
Oh? So your father has had kidney problems since 20 years.
Do you think I'm an idiot?
No, not mad...
I sent you to college to pass out,
-not to drink and pass out. -Nabo, hand me my beer bottle.
Oh, hello aunty, how are you?
Akanksha, like her father, you start in the morning too?
Yes, the beer makes the hair silky,
that is why I brought it for Nabo,
but she doesn't have the time apart from studies.
That means, she wasn't partying and studying?
Party? And her?
No, aunty. She studies so much,
that college has offered her the job of faculty twice.
But I rejected, because I didn't come here to get distracted.
And you called me in the morning and wasted my 3 minutes.
I could have solved three theorems.
I want to study in the morning sunlight. It's good for me.
Okay, I'll hangup now.
-Bye, aunty. Farewell. -Bye mom.
Fuck, thanks.
This is the last time, Nabo.
Okay.
Did the prime suspect confess?
Jhaatu said that if you want confession, then become a father
And he abused you too.
I can take the abusing,
but can Jhaatu eat the Roti of Tihar jail.
To find out, keep watching.
Let's go.
That's why, I'm sitting with you guys.
Otherwise I would have been sitting in class and studying.
Yes, tell.
What? Theft again?
-The water tank... -It's all mud.
Where?
Their nuisance is still going on.
Whatever,
hostel's theft system is like country's tax system.
Two types, one direct and the other indirect.
Indirect means tax that you pay on tea,
or biscuits.
If it gets deducted, then you won't know.
And even if you do, you say, never mind.
Like in hostel, if someone steals your soap,
tumbler, or the toothbrush.
Then you say that never mind.
But in direct tax,
without asking you,
deducts TDS from your personal account,
that 10% hurts a lot.
Like someone stole money from your hostel room,
or your phone, took your home made food,
stole night's sleep or day's calm.
So, to summarize, direct theft scares a students as much as,
announcement of Dhoom's sequel scares the audience.
And Ali and Jai Dixit are dumber here.
Because they can't catch the thief even in the second half.
And yes, I'm not the thief.
Guards are defamed from years.
My new laptop!
I didn't even watch porn yet.
Should have took the charger too.
Where should I put this now?
Who gave me the first call?
I did.
Scoundrel, we are in third year and you haven't even saved my number yet.
Did the theft happen here?
What, laptop?
[Regional language]
I didn't do this. I can prove this totally.
This is my bus ticket, and this is the CCTV footage.
I can testify this in any court of India and Sri Lanka too.
And here are my two witnesses.
If none of you is a thief,
then who is this thief?
Interrogation room is set?
Tell everyone, Byomkesh Sir has called.
You should work as a bouncer.
I'm going to throw the javelin.
What is happening?
Ribbon?
They have put ribbon and we didn't bought scissors to cut.
-We will tear it with hands, no problem. -Hey!
You can't come inside like this.
Have you not been to any murder scene?
But, it is a theft!
Exactly.
Someone has killed my soul, Ankit.
Ankit.
These substances are very cheap in our hostel.
Look at him, he's pretending to be a bengali.
Very nice!
Now, tell me this?
When did you come back to hostel yesterday, Ankit?
Around 7.30 pm. I was with Akanksha.
Okay, so while theft was happening here,
and there lovey dovey.
What were you doing?
Shopping. Akanksha...
Akanksha's leg got stuck in escalator,
so they have to close the mall soon. So we came early.
That escalated quickly. Very nice.
Akanksha's hand,
Hey, asshole. This is a crime scene.
Not Chirag's soft cheeks that you can touch anytime.
He's become mad.
-Get out. -We are leaving.
On a crime scene.
We get only one sweet in mess.
I asked you to bring 2 sweets, asshole.
-Shut up! -Sorry.
Show torch in his face. No joking with police.
You were the thief, right?
You were pretending to be Bengali, right?
And they were saying, Chirag brother has gone mad.
You mad guy, I'll beat the shit out of you.
I have everyone's parent's number.
Accept your mistake, otherwise I'll complaint to your dad.
Chirag brother, why are you abusing?
Today is odd day, that is why.
When it's even, I'll compliment you too.
Mad fucker!
Wasn't it a bit too much?
-Sorry, sorry. Keep eating. -Keep eating.
Come.
What you're having, Jaat?
What?
Your right shoulder is is tilted just like Pushpa,
but you're Srivalli's fan.
So your shoulder tilt is due to
the wallet kept 79 degrees beneath your shoulder
which has your father's photo because your mom is camera shy.
Wallet's thickness is more, because big notes is closed,
that is why you came to eat in mess, and at this time at 6.30 pm,
there is only one thing served in mess which is in your mouth, Idli.
Am I speaking the truth, Mr. Rupesh Bhati?
Wow, how do you know all this?
So Bhati, tell me?
When the theft took place, where were you?
This all doesn't happen in my village.
I'm not talking about girl, I'm talking about theft.
Yes that keeps happening.
At that time I was busy in hostel 2's boys fight.
Let me go to my mind palace.
'To go to a dangerous place like Hostel 2 and come back so soon is impossible.'
'What am I missing?'
Crashed. I think there is very much traffic.
I have to go to H2 myself and look around.
I'll speak to you later.
Move. Move.
Dumb.
Come, come. The whole H2 is here to welcome you.
You, veg kebab?
Should I eat you raw? Get grilled fast.
Don't be scared.
We take butt, not laptop.
Yes, I came to ask about that only.
Oh, so Mr. Duggal has become a detective today.
-Yes. -Then tell by looking at his dark circles,
which branch is he from?
Tell.
Guys, please be serious.
It's the matter of our hostel's safety. Please cooperate.
We should cooperate with you, asshole?
Okay we will cooperate with you.
But before that, you have to do a small thing for us.
What?
H3's mother's *****.
H3's kids are...
mother-fuckers.
If you abuse me in Chirag's voice, then why would I be scared?
Come to H3 at night, I'll beat you up consensually.
Sorry guys.
Come here, go ahead.
Yesterday, who won in hostel abuse fight?
You want to know everything?
We won. We won.
But we didn't reach till farm animal sex.
-Why? -Because...
No one was there to abuse in Haryanvi.
Jaat?
So Jaat is also lying?
Okay guys, thanks for your cooperation guys.
Where are you going? Say 'bha bha' one time.
-Next time. -Say it.
Say it, say it.
Mom, I'm a little busy. I have to make the project, I'll call you later.
Project? I know what you're doing.
What am I doing?
You stay all night at friend's house, bunk lectures,
and did you start smoking too?
Cigarette...
How can I smoke mom, I...
I will get asthama, You know it runs in family.
Learn something from Akanksha.
And thank her please, her beer idea was very good.
The hair gets very silky from beer. I tried and it's looking great.
Okay, I'll tell her.
-Should I go now for group study? -Yes. Okay, listen?
Mom, I'll call you later, bye bye.
-What did you tell to my mom? -Huh?
What huh? Tell me.
Hey, when did you start smoking cigarette?
Why do you care? I'll do whatever I want.
You tell me. Listen, why do you talk to mom on everything.
Wait a minute, I didn't talk to mom... sorry aunty.
I don't get the time to talk.
I'm with you all the time.
Just yesterday I was with Ankit till 6.30 pm.
After that I was with you all the time at room.
-But... -Wait a minute.
You were with Ankit till 6.30 pm?
Yes.
Why did he tell me 7.30 pm then?
Listen, listen. If you ever talk with her, then tell me.
Jhaatu?
-I don't know he was talking very weirdly yesterday. -Yeah!
He was telling us to act as if we're talking to him.
Fatty is looking.
Don't know about whom he was talking.
This is all right,
I got suspicious, when he asked me for the deck of cards
to solve a probability sum.
Otherwise, everyday with the deck of cards
he used to do this.
If it isn't Jhaatu, then who is it?
'Ankit and Jaat are lying to me.'
'And Jhaatu is also being mysterious.'
'How can I find out about the wing thief?'
'Am I a good detective? Should I quit?'
Enough, sir. How much will you drink?
This is mine.
That thief also thinks that everything is his.
I just feel like Manoj Bajpayee from Special 26.
Don't worry.
Like Manoj Bajpayee was alone and there were 26 thieves.
And Akshay Kumar overacted in the movie.
-And that film's... -Wait a minute.
What did you say? How many thieves were there?
-Yes. Let's go, I found it. -What happened?
Come soon. Come!
Did everyone come?
Where is Rakhi?
He has gone to meet his step-uncle.
Interesting, short attendance.
However, I have found out,
that how did the theft happen.
Ankit, I didn't expect that you would lie.
And Jhaatu, I didn't expect that you will tell the truth.
Come to our wing, I'll tell how the theft happened.
But?
Why did you call us here? You should have told us there only.
I'm investing this case, Lakdi.
I'll decide the location for revelation.
Let's go.
You had to steal in this room.
But you knew,
that as much Chirag's left profile is sexy,
as is his right brain sharp.
Then you diverted my focus.
And, cut to...
-You guys asked Jhaatu... -Hello?
Your spectacles are nice. -Yes, wait a minute.
-You guys... -Show me your spectacles.
Huh.
You sent Jhaatu here, so that I can chase him.
And the real theft...
Cut back to...
could take place here.
Smart move. I'm impressed.
Asshole.
If you had to come back here, then why did you took us there?
Thanks Chirag. My 10000 steps got completed.
Shut up.
But Ankit made a mistake here.
He didn't gave Akanksha good time.
Her words, not mine.
-What? -Yes.
-And? -And then you all...
No not that, tell me what else did Akanksha said?
-Let me explain the case. -No, we confess.
Rakhi stole in the wing. You tell what else she said?
We were about to go to the top floor after theft and do blaming.
Yes brother. Rakhi stole from us,
so to teach him a lesson, we stole his laptop.
What? Rakhi? How?
Brother, I'll beat up this Rakhi asshole.
All right. Take his laptop.
Yes brother.
Hail!
Yes brother, and we had to take the revenge for your fuck-vera face wash.
And tell him, that if he tried to steal from us,
then we will steal everything from him.
Everything.
Wow!
He will steal from you, you will steal from him.
Like this, one day there will be no theft happening in the hostel.
Your parents must be ashamed of you.
Oh, Rajat Sharma!
Thankfully,
Teja saw Rakhi stealing the things.
We decided then only,
if he thinks himself as Ali Baba, then we are also 40 thieves.
But we are 8 only.
I'm seeing 40 though.
I used to think that you are such dogs,
but just like dogs, you guys turned out cute and loyal.
But why didn't you involve me in this heist?
Would you have been able to steal?
You would have gone to warden after hearing Rakhi's name, to complaint.
Then how we would have taken our revenge?
And you are dumb too.
-Idiot too. -Agree to disagree.
But agree.
Thank you guys. Thank you for handling this case.
Now I can rest this case.
Chirag, tell me, what did Akanksha say?
Oh brother, tell me.
Take me, brother.
With that langot like bag?
I heard that the thief of your hostel got caught.
Who was it?
The boys are all waiting to beat him
and you are filling the register here. Move.
I will beat him up and put indigo in his butt.
Thank you brother.
Go.
You saw that? When jackal's death comes close,
then he runs toward his wing.
The thing is, when the thief is unknown, then it doesn't feel so bad,
as much it feels bad when the thief is your friend.
I mean, you feel very angry.
Take cricket for example,
you don't feel bad about the sixer of the opponent team,
as much as you feel bad about the six of your team.
You can do a scam of crores outside, maybe you can bail out of it.
But this is hostel.
If you get caught while stealing a half burnt cigarette,
then they don't beat you, they beat you up.
-Everyone must have seen snake? -Yes.
Now imagine, if the snake has mustache on his face.
It will look like him.
Asshole.
I didn't steal.
I swear on my step-uncle.
-Will I swear wrong on him? -Move.
Everyone will give their share
not to brother, but Rakshendra Chor Gupta.
So that he doesn't steal from now on.
People like Rakhi keep stealing, and there Teja met a girl.
Guys, did you saw the glow on his face?
Yes, it reflected on my face.
I'm thinking that the girl has did charity.
'What face wash?'
'Pimples are a sign of manly-hood.'
'Look there are on my cheeks, butt cheeks.'
Jhaatu?
When Teja told you that Rakhi is the thief,
how did you believe him?
The teacher beats the guy from whose pocket the chits get out, right?
But after cheating, the chits get thrown on my desk right?
So?
Shit.
Teja!
Hold my hand.
What happened? Tell fast, we are already getting late for blowing.
Bowling.
-Yes, same. -You can go.
What's the rush?
First you give Ankit his money back.
Hey, what money?
The same 2000 rupee note, with which you paid the bill right now.
Yes.
When you got to know that I'm looking for the thief,
then you hid all the stolen stuff in Rakhi's room.
So that the doubt goes on him.
And you told everyone that the thief is Rakhi.
And you get out safe.
Am I right, Mr. Teja?
Your theory is very good, but how will you prove?
When did you buy your underwear last time?
Yes, ask him.
What kind of a nonsense question is this?
Are you telling or should we check?
Okay, 6 months ago.
Jaat, you can do the honours.
Because, in the last 2 minutes he has adjusted his pants 3 times.
And you only do that
when your underwear is new or someone else's.
Or that your thing is big.
And today is your blowing plan too, right?
Bowling.
Exactly, you must be wearing a new one, of someone else.
To show off the brand.
I will check by removing the pant.
What are you doing? I have found a girlfriend after so much struggle.
She was.
What should we do to him?
Gather this Anna-konda's stuff.
Why stuff?
-Let's go brothers. -Why stuff?
Move.
Computer science.
All the lectures of a famous professor.
Do the auction.
-What are you guys doing? -40 rupees.
It is very high.
-10 rupees? -Very nice
I'll give my kidney but not my notes.
4 rupees?
Ravi Teja's all year's hard work for only 4 rupees?
Sold.
Next item please.
-This bag is new and beautiful. -Not the bag.
This bag looks very beautiful and new.
-It's price... -Should be very less friends.
So we should start from 10 rupees.
I have 8 rupees, give it to me.
Yes, mom? I'm a little busy, I'll call you later.
Oh aunty? Yes Nabo is here. Nabo, mom.
Hello, yes mom?
Why did my mom call on your phone?
She must have called for the updates of 7 pm zumba classes.
Oh hello? When did you start talking to my mom?
Oh hello, who else would?
Uncle lives outside for 6 months a year.
Her only daughter who is lying drunk in hostel.
If anyone who is her own, then it's me only.
You told mom about the alcohol?
Why are you shouting? You should thank me.
Due to me, you are not wasting time in going to party.
-Chirag. -You're welcome.
Wait a minute, because of you she removed me from her close friends.
No, that was from before.
Sorry Akku.
And you, stay away from my mom, understood?
He won't be.
He called at my home too and told that I roam outside the hostel.
Because of him, I can't be myself.
All day I'm thinking about home.
Akku, that is why you are bored from me.
It's not my fault. It's his.
Yes, he told at my home too that I have a girlfriend.
When I don't have one. Now I have the pressure of finding one.
Yes, he told my dad too that my mom is having an affair.
That was good for their relationship.
One second,
now I remember why dad stopped giving me money.
Because this guy called him and told that I'm spending a lot of money.
Did you? Did you?
Yes, because you were taking money by lying at home.
I just couldn't mind my own business.
Whatever, he stopped giving me money after this.
That is why, I had to steal everyone's stuff.
I came here to be Munna Bhai but because of you I had to become Bunty & Babli.
This means, thefts in hostel were happening due to your tattling.
That means.....
Take it, take it. My whole year's hard work.
Only 3 rupees, 3 rupees, 3 rupees. Take it.
Brother, only 3 rupees.
Take it. I'll feel less guilty.
Take this Sherlock's coat, this Delhi police's coat.
But please forgive me.
Teja, all my notes. 3 rupees.
-I already have this. -Take it.
-Teja, Teja. -Hey!
Leave my underwear.
Teja, I'll give you pocket money.
Take it, please forgive me friends.
I'll feel less guilty. me friends.