Hello?
No, she's sleeping.
Okay, should I start? Okay, I'm doing.
"93.5 Red FM. Keep on playing."
"Keep on playing..."
'Greetings. You are listening to Radio Sky 94.6 FM.'
'We have MC Chingari live in the radio station,'
'who will take the calls of her fans.'
'And this is our first caller. Yes sir, your name?'
I'm Ankit speaking from Natti college.
'I want to dedicate a song to Akanksha.'
'And do you want to give Akanksha any message?'
'Yes, tell her to please pick up my call.'
'One minute, why isn't she picking up your call?'
'Actually, we had a fight.'
'A gutter bug like you,'
'who trouble girls, we have a song for them.'
'I'll play that.'
"Stop chasing me, creepy."
Here, your problem is solved.
Let's go.
And listen, stop eating porridge of hostel mess.
And you tell me,
why did you want that radio 92's number?
I wanted for sponsors.
Then it's okay. If you did that cringe things for girlfriends,
like dedicating a song, I will kick you out of the room.
Are you mad? I won't do anything like that.
What is this music playing?
Jhaatu.
What is this going on?
What the fuck?
What? Haven't you seen a clean room before?
And keep your shoes outside from tomorrow,
and don't even bother coming in without bathing.
Oh brother.
Oh brother, who dig a window in the wall?
Window was already there,
there was so much dust that it got mixed with the wall.
But why is this cleaning being done?
Did Jhaatu get a girl again?
Good morning, grandmother... lovers.
Jhaatu, is everything okay?
-I saw a doormat outside. -Jhaatu?
Jatin, not Jhaatu.
Who is this?
Brother, why are you roaming like a 30 rupees curd sorbet in this white shirt?
Only my shirt is loose, not my character.
Jhaatu, you haven't abused in the last 13 words.
It's not feeling right.
You can make this a habit guys.
"You guys".
Jatin, is this poster okay?
Yes, its okay. Works.
Oh, he's contesting election.
Whatever, it's still better than that cringe of girls.
Yes, you dumbs.
Shit.
I can't say even dumb.
Friends,
I, Jatin Kishore,
is standing for the post of GISHA.
-Did he said Disha? -No, he said Isha.
I said GISHA. I said GISHA.
General Secretary of Hostel Affair
The interviewer will ask as about the salary as soon as looking at the resume.
Should we discuss?
Enough of 'Jhaatu drinks', 'Jhaatu betrays',
'Jhaatu scratches his balls in front of everyone'.
O brother, when people will think so negative of me
then how can they vote for me?
That is why, from today till election day,
within my 5 meter radius,
no alcohol, cigarette,
abusing, and even my shadow should be far from me.
And remember,
I made you friends for this exact day.
Ankit.
Let's go.
Thank you. That was amazing.
You are the best.
I mean I know...
Last time we voted for a dumb guy,
and see, no one has got a job.
And he lost by 2 votes too.
Assholes, you voted for me.
And how will you get placed? The whole wing's resume is exactly the same.
And when the interviewer asks "where do you see yourself in five years?"
What do you say?
Stand-up comedian, filmmaker.
I landed all the three jokes at tech-fest.
And I have learned to use the camera in manual mode,
just wait for the art-cinema...
-We will take it this way. -Then you record his stand-up too.
Brother why don't you become my hero?
-Real hero is there. -GISHA sir, greetings, greetings.
You aren't even GISHA and you're ignoring us.
O my older brothers.
-Greetings, brother. -Do it nicely.
I have just ignored your abuses for the last seven years.
Now, if I ignore anything else than this then...
Brother, you will kill it. What are you saying?
We have full confidence that Jhaatu will win.
You have our full support.
And in the whole hostel, who can give competition to Jhaatu,
There's none as such.
And it's important to make a positive image in elections.
Wow, Chanakya is also with us.
Yes, stress is causing hair-fall.
Stress for what?
Jhaatu has almost won. Who else is there?
Brother has burnt cigarettes and other boy's butts.
But look at the symbol, you will win for sure Jhaatu.
Won't lose.
Shridhar brother, please teach me. I have my back exam tomorrow.
And if you won't teach us, we'll fail.
Sorry Shishupal,
I'm going to fill the nominations form.
Let's do one thing, you come in the afternoon.
What? You are going to fill the election form alone?
We will also come, for support.
No, no. Not at all.
It's not a right thing to show power during politics.
I'll go alone. You focus on your studies.
You wait brother, I'll call everyone.
Deshpandey, Katrej, Sambal, Lakshya, Pandit, everyone come.
Shridhar brother is going to fill the nomination form.
And Kashyap, you bring the 'gulaal'. Let's go.
Jatin, you move forward.
We are with you.
Jatin, you move forward.
We are with you.
Jatin, you move forward.
We are with you.
Jatin, you move forward.
-We are with you. -Hey, hey.
Jatin! Vote for Jatin.
Mom, I'm studying to become PhD doctor, someone else will treat your arthritis.
Yes, I'll reach in the evening. S4 Bogie.
Just hang up.
Jhaatu, at least you should have got the print out. That too you took from me.
Sorry, Rishi brother. The website froze, that is why.
The server was down.
Where is this noise coming from?
They might be drinking alcohol and partying during study time.
Everything will be stopped.
Chirag, add this issue to our manifesto too.
-I added. -Very nice.
Manifesto's spelling is wrong in your manifesto.
They will become politician.
Chirag,
In Jatin Kishore, the spelling of Kishore is of Kishore Kumar,
or of Prashant Kishor?
Just write Jatin, like Rajnikanth.
Just like Dhanush.
Wow. You see.
But what can we do? It's hostel election.
Don't underestimate hostel election.
This is much more intense than a housing society elections
and a little bit less that US president elections.
If in US president election,
someone says, I'll bring immigration laws, make me president,
then the number of votes he'll get,
he will get more by saying,
that from tomorrow sweets are free after food, come to mess everyone.
The enthusiasm is the same at both places.
There are two common things in Indian election and hostel election.
False promises and true threats.
And let me tell you, the biggest difference?
A true politician knows his politics,
and they don't even know their syllabus.
Who will lose? A jackal. Who will win? Shridhar.
Bullock, chicken, goat, cow, only Shridhar brother will win.
Gangadhar is Shaktiman, Shridhar is everyone's heartbeat.
Sir, form.
Wow, Shridhar.
The website was working?
All the best, Shridhar.
All the best to you too, Jatin Kishore.
May the best win.
Democracy means,
not only me, you all have to equally participate.
So from today, if anyone has any problem or doubt,
everyone will put it in this suggestion box.
One more thing guys, "is Ankita more hot or Divya?"
don't ask questions like these.
Because everyone knows that Ankita is hotter.
No one will ask.
Thank you.
I know what are your problems.
Exam pressure, right?
Anmol, open up, there is a lot of pressure.
Jatin will help.
From today, till the date of exam,
there will be a guy like Chirag in all of your groups.
Sachin!
-Here. -Take this, these are semester notes.
All important questions are marked in this.
Vote for Jatin.
Don't you wipe with it.
So friends, don't forget.
Vote for...
Jatin.
-Vote for! -Jatin.
Vote for Jatin.
Sorry, can I get one more?
Friends, two things irritate us on the night of exam.
First, the hunt for study material,
and second, the quest to jerk off.
Now, I can't do anything for the second one,
but if I become GISHA then,
on the night of exam, tea stall and xerox shop will be open all night.
Applause!
So, if we all drink alcohol in the day,
and tea at night, won't we get acidity the next day in exam?
We shouldn't pick such a careless GISHA.
We should choose a GISHA, who can understand our pain,
who considers us friends, whose name should start with Shri,
and end with 'Dhar'. Vote for Shridhar.
Vote for Shridhar.
-Vote for Shridhar. -Vote for Shridhar.
Asshole.
Vote for Shridhar.
If anyone asks, then tell us,
I taught you to prove Pythagoras theorem in first year.
But that is taught in 8th standard.
What are you talking about?
Not so fast.
Slowly breathe in.
Like, when you smoke a cigarette,
like that, slowly.
What is going on here? I gave you notes and told you to study. Exams are coming.
And I told them not to.
Students are so stressed before the exams.
How would you know?
To get rid of that stress, we need to do yoga.
So stop entering like plastic in this ocean of knowledge.
Hey, Jatin. What kind of notes did you gave?
I'm a Civil student, why did you gave me the notes of mechanical.?
On top of that, all the pages are stuck together.
I separated them all night by licking. My saliva has dried up.
You haven't been elected and you have started doing dumb things.
Jhaatu, get lost otherwise I'll beat your butt in this pose.
No.
Peace.
Jatin, please pass away.
Otherwise I'll complaint to your mom.
Is it tight?
Don't worry, this will show off my body.
Okay, Jatin Kishore, what are your strengths?
I'm very hardworking, I pay attention to minute details,
and I'm very persistent till I attain my goals.
-Exceptional. -Thank you very much.
No, no. With words like exceptional, consistency, team work
say anything with 'and' or 'to', and the rest we will take care of.
It will happen. Our brothers are sitting in soap box.
They won't ask anything hard, I'll handle it.
Jatin!
Come on.
Jatin! Jatin! Jatin!
Welcome to the Soapbox.
Candidates, please proceed and give your statement of purpose.
Come on Jatin.
Jatin! Jatin! Jatin!
I am Jatin Kishore,
from Hostel 3, contesting for General Secretary Hostel Affair.
Jatin! Jatin!
Hello everyone.
My name is Shridhar Vatsa.
Former mess secretary, present PPO holder and your future GISHA.
What will you do for the hostel if you are made GISHA?
We have the student's concern.
They all put their concerns in the suggestion box.
For example sir, someone is not getting hot water at 8 in the morning.
There is network issue from room number 403 to 412.
True.
Someone is finding Divya hot,
I'm really sorry Sir.
He said Divya, right?
Sir, I mean, me and my team will give their 100%
and resolve everyone's concerns
What will you do for the hostel if you are made GISHA?
Not just for the hostel, I will do it for the whole college.
Not for the college, for the whole university... pardon me.
I will die for my country.
Great!
Quiet! Quiet!
O hero? First you give this interview properly.
I'm saying this for everyone,
either take this seriously or get the fuck out of here.
What are your weaknesses?
Sir, I'm over-ambitious.
But I think, looking at the condition of hostel,
that I should remain over-ambitious.
I'm hard-working, I pay attention to minute details
I'm persistent till I attain my goals.
Hello, I'm asking for weaknesses.
Oh, weakness.
Physics, chemistry, and sometimes my knees hurt.
Tell me that why should I vote for you?
With all due respect Sir, I think I don't need to tell you.
Because you are not eligible to vote.
But sir, the eligible very well know that why to vote for Shridhar Vatsa.
Shridhar! Shridhar!
How many students are there in H3?
-250. -250?
-275. -275?
Trick question,
No one studies in H3, sir.
Asshole,
you don't even know the strength of H3 and you want to become GISHA?
378, Sir.
Actually, I'm very surprised Shridhar that you gave a wrong answer?
Because the answer is 379.
I know that Sir,
actually I haven't involved Jatin Kishore in this,
I think he does not deserve to live in this hostel.
Shut up!
How will you defeat H4 in fest?
I will work hard and pay attention...
Get lost!
Listen, shut up for a moment.
Think about this, if your hostel's GISHA
will be called as "Hey Jhaatu!" how will you feel like?
I'm trying to change my image Sir.
You will change your image?
Brother, in 1947 Veenu Mankad did one run out.
Even if today Ashwin does a run out, it's known as Mankading.
And you asshole, you will change your image in 2 days?
You haven't changed your inner since 3 years.
Jhaatu! Jhaatu!
Brother, what happened? You're not feeling bad are you?
No Sir, what to feel bad with friends?
You should feel bad asshole. Are we dumb to be sitting here?
Do one thing, put this sad back story in your butt
and go to any reality show and beg for sympathy.
Because we are not going to vote for you. We are not dumb.
I'm not going to vote for him.
Shridhar! Shridhar!
Shridhar?
What is the bother?
-Brother! -Asshole!
-My new rules. -Yes.
What Keeda?
Stand straight. Stand straight.
Asshole. You were crawling behind me on the day of nomination.
Betrayed me?
I did? You were talking like that.
-Did you listen to yourself? -Eyes down.
Eyes down when you talk to me.
I'm not dumb.
Asshole, If I lose then it will be because of dumb defector supporters.
Do you understand?
I was not the only one to change my colors.
You are not fitting in this shirt, and this clean image.
I don't know why are you trying to
become what Shridhar is already since 20 years.
Maybe the hostel doesn't know that how big of an asshole you are,
but how big Jhaatu is in the hostel, everyone knows.
And yes, not every bug is bad.
Some become superheroes after getting bit by one.
Good morning, great grandmother fuckers.
Whatever happened before interval, flush it down. Because now, I
pee fire.
Chirag, you will target Nerds.
Jaat, you will target sports people and Ankit you, jerk offs.
That means everyone.
But before that, I want to improve my image again.
I mean, worsen it.
Wow, today everyone started before me.
Shridhar, your yoga is best. Best.
Everything feels easy.
Now, everyone open your eyes slowly.
That is hard.
That party animal gave us two drinks to reduce stress.
Aren't you ashamed coming here drunk?
And who is that uncouth guy who is showing his foot's middle finger?
He is the party animal.
Will you drink?
Slowly take a sip,
and drink fast.
Like you drink your anger.
-Cheers, guys! -Cheers!
Come on!
You must be very happy today.
Man has made computer, not computer has made the man.
You want job?
How much you make us work? Sheru, bring biryani.
Enough, enough.
H3's boys, everyone whatsapp him your roll numbers.
He will put proxy in different voices for everyone.
And no professor will ever know.
-Roll number 5. -Present Sir.
-Roll number 6. -Present Sir.
-Roll number 7. -Present Sir.
-Roll number 8. -Students have stopped attending the lectures.
It's wrong what is happening with hostel's students.
We have to do something.
Is our beta version ready of 'Padha De Bhai?
Yes.
Release it.
-Shridhar Vatsa? -Present Sir.
Guys, Shridhar's study app.
The whole hostel is studying from here.
He's getting praised. What should we do?
It's okay.
If the whole hostel is at one place, then it's good.
Ankit?
Shridhar?
There are many videos getting uploaded from an ID named 'cooldude69'.
The entire attraction is on them.
Which lecture's videos?
Hot teacher teaching thermodynamics?
And why have you liked this?
There was BDSM in it. I couldn't do anything, my hands were tied.
We paid a lot of penalty of 500 rupees.
Now it's the time to have penalty kick of 500 rupees.
I have organized a football tournament for you all.
Every student will put 500 rupees in this box,
And whichever team wins, that team will take all of the money.
Let's start this program.
Shridhar! Shridhar!
Done.
Shridhar brother, I'm very sick, brother.
I want to go to hospital, please give me my 500 rupees.
Keep this money and I will take you to doctor, don't worry.
No brother, I'll go.
[Indistinct chatter]
Jhaatu?
I earned money by flipping policeman's vehicles in my village.
I was the boy in gaming parlour.
But there I learned, how to flip big elections.
By giving our support.
Do you want my support?
Vote for Jhaatu.
Vote for...
Vote for Jhaatu.
Jhaatu! Jhaatu!
Wait a minute, who Jhaatu? He has a small dick.
He doesn't even have a dick.
Jhaatu is small brother.
If he had a dick, we would have called him dickhead.
How can Jhaatu win?
What should we do about him brother?
Now he is at my level.
Let's go and meet his... mom.
Chirag, get his emergency contact from registry.
Sorry, I have stopped talking to parents.
Hello, is Shridhar there?
Who is this?
Uncle, I'm his friend. Actually, he's standing in election
so I wanted to congratulate him.
What?
That rascal is standing in election? He can't study properly.
I paid so much money to put him in college, and he's doing this?
You wait, I will tell him.
He won't be fighting any election, he's dead now.
Understood?
[Indistinct voice]
I will make sure...
I will make sure that each student excels in every field.
And such responsibility should not be given in such hands.
And I will make sure that such party animals are eradicated from the college.
I get that we all are animals,
but this hostel needs non veg eating animal lovers.
Not a ring master, Mr. Shridhar.
He is not the right candidate for you guys, he can only do hooliganism.
If I had done hooliganism,
would you have been able to reach this debate round?
As much you have hair on your head, I have more hands than that over my head.
Guys, guys. He is not even maintaining the decor... decorum of the stage.
At least try to speak in English.
Oh, My darling.
I have came here from Jhagua to do B.tech, not English Honors.
I'll not only be your leader, I'll be your best friend.
Has anyone felt the need for a friend in hostel?
No!
I got asked that what qualities were there in me to become GISHA?
I'll tell today,
I, Jatin Kishore, who's called Jhaatu here with respect.
I, will stand with you at every point,
while puking after drinking alcohol.
while making chits on exam night. While giving intro to a girl.
We need a family here in hostel.
For professors, we go to the college.
I will not make you study, I will make you have fun.
Jhaatu! Jhaatu!
Jhaatu!
Jhaatu won! Jhaatu won!
See? It's not necessary that only those win in election who are good at work.
Sometimes those win the election who are good at elections.
By the way,
we voters are not that innocent as much as we villainize the politicians.
Because, during a discussion with friends,
we give some reasons of why we supported a candidate.
But the real reason, for which you voted,
only you know that.
Sometimes, you can't even say these reasons in front of your friends.
Right?
So bottom line,
the people should be a part of politics in democracy.
Not of politics of democracy.
Tell me one thing?
Who did you support of these two?
Jhaatu! Jhaatu!
Move on!
Jhaatu!
Hey Ankit, you forgot?
Give me my 101 rupees.
I won the election, but you still didn't break up with Akanksha.
He's so cute, it's good that you didn't break up with him.
As if he'll break up with Akanksha. n't break up with him.