[marker scribbles]
["I'm a Boss Now" by Beatnet playing]
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah I'm a boss now… ♪
[woman] We're ready for you, Ms. Gordon.
[Isla] In the last week, my life has certainly changed.
I was nearly overthrown by these two brothers.
Still can't believe I forgave them.
And if that wasn't enough, I find out I have another brother.
This little guy. Yep.
God knows what his deal is gonna be.
-Can I get you anything else? -I'm okay, thank you.
[Isla] And as my dad once said, when you show your ass in public,
go on TV and talk about it.
We are here with the Gordon family and their newest addition, Jackie Moreno.
Thanks to everybody for taking time to talk today.
Let's start with you, Isla.
What were your thoughts when you first heard that your father, Jack Gordon,
had a secret love child with the housekeeper?
Definitely shocked.
Honestly, Rich, it was devastating.
But then, very happy.
Okay, a lot of people in your position,
you would think would just pay him to disappear.
-No, that didn't work for us. -We're against it because we love Jackie.
[Ness] Isla's right.
We love our nuevo hermano mucho, mucho.
I'm using Duolingo.
And Sandy, you're no longer the youngest brother.
Yes, and that's fine. That is fine.
I'm the CFO. I don't need to be the cute little baby.
Now, Isla, this couldn't be coming at a worse time.
Your brother Cam's indiscretions have landed him in rehab.
You've inherited a team that's off to its worst start in a decade,
and I don't know if you're aware,
but Las Vegas has set the odds of an Isla Gordon meltdown
at three to one.
Oh, okay. Uh…
You're right, Rich. We are at a crossroads.
But as I see it, Jackie joining the family couldn't have come at a better time.
You know, Rich, if I may, when God puts one brother in rehab,
he brings you a new one from concessions.
[Rich] So, Jackie, what is next for you?
I got to keep my job, so I'll probably just do that.
Wait, so you find out you're part of one of the wealthiest families in Los Angeles,
and you just go back to selling peanuts?
And popcorn.
He is not gonna be a vendor. He's gonna be my intern.
An internship?
Not an intern. An assistant.
Executive assistant.
Senior Executive Assistant to the President.
Oh, that is one long job title.
And that is some nepotism I can get behind.
Congratulations, Jackie.
You see, this is nice.
Little bastard son accepted into family.
In Slovenia, he live in shed.
[Travis] Hold up.
Yo, what the fuck is this? Sephora?
I mean, first she doesn't trade me,
next she makes us wear this girly shit on our jerseys?
Marcus, are you cool with this?
Long as the check clears.
[Travis] If I sell out, I want to sell out on my terms.
I mean, what's she gonna make us do next?
Tape tampons to our heads?
You know what?
[snaps fingers] Get me a… a Sharpie.
[Badrag] What you gonna do?
Uh-oh!
[all laughing]
[upbeat music playing]
[music fades]
[jazz music playing]
[Isla] Ooh!
Jackie, how's it going? You ready for your first day at work?
Oh yeah, I woke up at 3 a.m. to make sure I had plenty of time to get ready.
-I'm actually really tired. -Yeah, don't be nervous. You'll do great.
-Look, you already found your desk. -Yeah.
-Okay, see you later. -Uh, wait.
Uh, is there anything I should know about, like, being your assistant?
Actually, I've never had an assistant.
But I'm super low-maintenance.
Okay.
[tranquil music playing]
[sniffles, groans]
Whoa, mama.
That's nuts.
We've got to talk.
Hold on. Jackie, you can't just let people barge into my office like this
because I could be doing something very private.
Like looking at your blackheads?
Yes, exactly. Thank you.
You can go now. And book me a facial.
-We've got a problem. -Look at this.
Hey, yo, shout-out our new sponsor.
But the only lipstick I'm interested in
is when it's rubbed off on my dick.
That little shit.
-[loud thud] -Ow! Ow!
What the hell? [gasps]
It's, uh, Cam's drug shelf.
[Ness] Someone should really get rid of that.
-[sighs] Jackie. -[Jackie] Oh, are you okay?
Get Gloria Shaw on the phone. She's the CMO of Sephora.
Oh, she's actually called twice.
What? Why didn't you put her through?
The first time, I didn't know how to transfer the call,
so I accidentally hung up on her.
And just now, you were talking to Ness and Sandy,
so I said we'd call her tomorrow or something.
Jackie, Sephora pays the Waves millions of dollars.
If Gloria Shaw wants to talk to me, you drag me out of brain surgery, okay?
Of course. I'm so sorry.
Well, go get her on the phone right now.
Oh, one thing.
How do I get an outside line, and how do I turn my computer on?
Okay, fine, I'll call her.
Gloria, you have every right to be upset. I'm gonna take care of this right now.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, how's it going?
Great.
I just got ripped a new asshole by a woman on the Forbes Under 40 list.
I take it Sephora saw the Travis video?
Yeah, and now I must kill him.
Whoa, whoa, that's your plan?
No, I'm going to scream at him in front of everybody,
dehumanize him, and then I will force him to make a public apology.
Okay, so I see you're running things from the Jack Gordon playbook.
Hey, he won a lot of championships screaming at people.
You know, when your father acted that way, the players feared him.
If you do the same, they will hate you.
The world is a sexist place. I know this already.
I'm just saying, I know these guys, and I know how they act.
Oh, and you're telling me to just smile and take it?
No, no, but we can't afford any more missteps this season,
and there are other less volatile ways to get the same result.
[sighs] Fine.
Can you call Travis over here, please?
Yes, I can.
-[whistle blows] -Travis.
Travis.
-[Travis] Sub, sub. -Sub. Somebody get in.
What's up?
Yeah, what's up with you, dawg?
Anyways, I feel like we got off on the wrong foot.
So maybe we should get to know each other better.
-For real? -Yeah, for real.
How about dinner. You free tonight?
Uh, I was supposed to go to the stu to cook up with Smokepurpp,
and then Bad Baby was gonna come by to spit.
But, uh, yeah, I can do that.
Great, I'll be in touch. I'll see you later.
[all] Ooh!
[Travis] Damn. You just ate it.
-[Isla] Fuck. -[Travis] Are you all right?
Just too clean.
Smudge 'em up or something.
[telephone rings]
Good morning, Los Angeles Waves.
Isla Gordon's office. This is Jackie Moreno speaking.
How may I assist you today?
Uh, that is way too long.
-Just say "Isla Gordon's office." -Got it.
I need a dinner reservation for me and Travis tonight. Somewhere nice.
I'm on it. Buca di Beppo, Universal CityWalk.
What? No, I don't wanna look at Optimus Prime at my business dinner.
Someplace nice, like in Beverly Hills.
Okay, no Optimus Prime.
What about Bumblebee?
[upbeat music playing]
Nice.
New Highlights for the office.
Always good to get a look at it before it gets covered in strep.
[Isla] Oh God! Ow!
-Shit! Shit, shit, shit. -You okay? What's going on?
-It's stuck. It's stuck. -Okay. All right.
-Wait, wait, hold on. -You've gotta calm down. I'm a doctor.
Well, you're not a surgeon.
-Well, do you want me to help you? -Just open the…
-I can't. I'm scared. -Take your finger out. Open it.
-There you go. -Are my lashes gone?
-Are they gone? -All of them.
You seem so stressed out. What is going on?
I've got my first dinner with a player.
And it's Travis, and he's the most annoying one.
So, yeah, I'm a little scared I'm gonna stab him with a fork.
All right, well, let's talk it out.
What would your dad do?
He'd order two giant steaks, do some coke,
get a couple hookers, and then go have sex with them or something.
All right, well, that's not you, except for maybe the hookers.
Sorry, sex workers.
Look, you have nothing to worry about.
You are so good socially.
You talked to my cousin last week for 45 minutes about her Etsy store.
And she sucks.
-She sucks. She sucks. -Yeah, she does.
Yeah, it's nothing but yarn.
Look, be yourself, and most importantly…
-No spaghetti. -No, or any long noodle.
-You just-- You don't eat pasta pretty. -Yeah.
[jazz music playing]
Yo, yo.
Hi, you're late.
Yeah, my bad. I left late.
Is it cool if I vape?
Not really.
Good evening, I'm the sommelier. Do we have any questions?
Oh, yo, I'm actually going there next summer.
Going where?
Somalia.
Yeah, I'm going on tour with Kodak Black and Sniper Gang.
-We're going around the Horn of Africa. -It-- It's sommelier.
He-- He's a-- Never mind.
The fastest bottle of red wine you have, please.
They have white people in Somalia?
[Travis beatboxing]
♪ I tell these hoes I like ya But I don't need ya ♪
♪ Got to be out by six, I can't feed ya ♪
Then the gospel singers are like…
♪ "He can't feed ya, he can't feed ya" ♪
It pulls out, and I'm wearing all white, but with a chef's hat--
Stop, please.
It's a good rap, but you must stop.
-All right. -Listen…
I wanted to have dinner tonight because I think you're so important to this team.
Not because you're a great player,
it's because I believe you have the potential to be a great leader.
Oh, um… [chuckles]
Well, Cam definitely never took me to a nice dinner,
but him and Marcus got their own table at Mastro's.
Who's Marcus?
[laughs]
[chuckles]
Look, Travis, you're an integral part of this organization,
and when you disrespect one of our partnerships,
that affects all of us.
So I'm gonna need you to issue a public apology.
Fuck it.
Okay, is that like a good "fuck it"?
Yeah, I'll apologize.
Oh.
Thank you.
I'm so happy. Thank you, Travis.
I can't even tell you, like, the stress that I've been--
[gasps, shrieks]
Oh shit.
[puffs]
-[Travis] You all right? -[Isla] Oh.
What the fuck?!
I'm sorry, I-- I didn't, um--
Sorry.
-What the fuck? -Sorry.
Jackie, what was that restaurant?
I knew you'd like it.
I did a Google search for fancy restaurants
plus Los Angeles plus intimate conversations.
Yeah, yeah, it got real intimate when he shoved his tongue down my throat.
Oh my God, I'm sorry. Do you want me to leave a bad review on Yelp?
No, I don't want you to leave a Yelp review, Jackie.
I want you to do something right.
[calm music playing]
Morning, fuck-up.
[Jackie] Hello, Mrs. Lee.
Whoa, whoa. I'm-- I'm sorry. Wait, wait, wait, did she fire you?
No, but I'm quitting. I suck at this job.
Isla gave me this amazing opportunity, and I'm blowing it.
-You're not quitting. -[Jackie] I am.
Before I bring down the entire organization.
Okay, first of all, you're not that important.
Secondly, when I started here, I sucked like you,
and I was Jack Gordon's assistant.
He threw so many ashtrays at me, I still smell like Chesterfields.
But I don't know what I'm doing.
I have to go before I disappoint Isla again.
[sighs]
-All right, goddamn it, I'll help you. -Really?
-Yes. -Oh, thank you, truly.
Can you show me how to turn on my computer?
[chuckles softly]
I'll do more than that. I'll show you how to deal with rich people.
Ah, here she comes.
I think I'm gonna throw up.
No, you're not. Okay, first up, breakfast.
Red Bull, strawberry Pop-Tart, no frosting, go.
[upbeat music playing]
Uh…
-Hi. -Hi.
[sighs] Is he afraid of me?
We're working on it.
[Ali sighs]
Okay, look, I need to know.
As a horny 35-year-old mom who's been married for 12 years,
was there any part of Travis kissing you that was hot?
No, he tasted like mango vape juice,
and I could still feel the hole from where his tongue stud used to be. Ew!
Well, the good news is I wrote Travis an apology, and it is stunning.
I kept it simple. The sponsor will love us again, crisis averted.
Thank you. And I'll never talk to another player ever again.
I just hope no one saw us.
-Did you hook up with Travis Bugg? -What? Why are you saying that?
-'Cause it's all over Twitter. -You mean X.
-I'm not calling it X. It's Twitter. -Just read her the X you showed me.
I will show her the tweet.
"I was at Verdel last night
and Saw Isla Gordon hooking up with Travis Bugg."
Shocked face, drool face, water spouting?
-That's ejaculate. -Cum.
Travis
got the wrong idea and kissed me.
Nothing el--
-Oh my God, there's 500 retweets? -Re-Xs.
How do we deal with it? What do we do here?
Okay, listen. No one knows this except for Sandy.
But in addition to my official Twitter account,
I have a burner account.
Dirtyboywave69.
-Wait, why? You're not famous. -Yeah, but I'm not not famous, you know?
I can get 40 bucks for a B-day message on Cameo, some of which goes to charity.
Get to the point, Ness.
Point is, I use it to plant stories
and call bullshit on stuff that I can't as a GM.
It has been helpful in some contract negotiations.
Thank you. So I reply to the tweet, call it bullshit, and viola, it goes away.
-Voilà. -I don't know. Sounds sneaky and… lame?
Yeah, no. Travis just needs to apologize to Sephora,
and we move on. Ignore the noise.
Yeah, so, uh, yesterday I posted a very hurtful and inappropriate picture
of the venerated Waves jersey…
[journalist 1] Travis, were you and Isla Gordon
at a romantic dinner last night?
Uh…
I don't know what you're talking about.
[journalist 1] A witness posted online that they saw you two kissing.
Look, I'm just finna focus on this--
[journalist 1] So, you're not refuting it?
-I'm not what? -[journalist 1] You're not refuting it.
Oh no, he does not know what refute means.
Refuting it? No, I'm not refuting it.
I'm not refuting it in the strongest manner possible.
Oh my God, we've got to stop him.
-[loud thud] -Ow!
Fucking drug shelf!
Is she a beautiful woman? Yes.
Would I hit? I refute to say I would indeed.
-There he is. What a guy! -[journalist 1] Isn't she engaged?
-That's it. Getting ready for Phoenix. -[journalist 2] Is it serious?
No, nothing serious. All fun, basketball. Best game in the world.
What the hell was that?
I mean, yo, they surprised me.
Travis, go back out there and tell them nothing happened between you and Isla.
Well…
something happened.
I've tried it your way. Sorry, Jay.
I would rather lick a dead possum than kiss your clown ass.
Now, you are going to go back out there and tell them the truth,
or you'll be suspended.
What?
You're the one who invited me to that restaurant, Verdel.
Wait, Verdel downtown? Me and my ex used to go there for our anniversary.
Okay, it was all a mistake. Jackie made the reservation.
Then you said all this nice shit to me, you put your hand on mine,
your titties was out.
What? Okay, I…
It was a button-down blouse.
I have worn that to funerals.
-Oh, I've seen that one. -How many-- How many buttons were undone?
-I don't know, two? -[Sandy sighs]
This was not my fault.
Are you going to go out there and fix this?
No.
One-week suspension. Get out.
[upbeat music playing]
Get out.
I have a very important phone call to make, so no one follow me.
Motherfucker, goddamn piece of shit!
[grunts] You stupid, ungrateful, useless moron!
I'm gonna kill you, you son of a bitch!
We need to get her office soundproofed. Look into that.
Which is a perfect segue to our first lesson.
Don't just anticipate what she needs, but also what she doesn't know she needs.
Like what?
Like when Isla tells you she's starting a cleanse,
you hand her a cheeseburger by 2 p.m. because she will be starving.
Cheeseburger, got it.
And don't eat Cheetos at your desk. You're getting orange dust everywhere.
Isla is a blonde white woman. She stains very easily.
I'm-- I'm sorry, okay. Uh, anything else?
-[Isla grunts] -Current event podcasts.
Listen to them every morning and give her the CliffsNotes.
She thinks NATO is a European basketball league.
Hmm.
-Why aren't you writing this down? -[loud thud]
[Isla] Go back to Florida, you piece of crap!
Let's see if we can get this, uh, glass frosted too.
[Isla] No one wants to see your cheap-ass tattoos.
[announcer] Welcome to Copilot Arena, home of your Los Angeles Waves.
I understand, Mitch, okay? I understand.
I know it's your right, but you're wrong.
Travis's agent says they're gonna appeal the suspension of the league.
Great. The longer this drags on, the worse it looks.
And this is cute.
It's now being called a lovers' quarrel.
What?
Who's saying that?
Oh, just a little company called ESPN.
If we don't nip this in the bud, you just gotta commit to dating him.
I am engaged to Lev.
May I once again propose using my burner account to shut this down?
No one is out there denying this.
No, no, it's too ridiculous to even discuss.
If we deprive it of oxygen, it will die.
[scoffs] Yeah. Well, at least Cleveland's the worst team in the league,
so we should beat 'em even without Travis.
[upbeat music plays]
And the Waves dropped another one tonight.
Notably absent from the game was Travis Bugg,
suspended by the team after being spotted canoodling with Isla Gordon.
On a personal note, I don't get to use the word canoodling a lot,
so thanks to Travis and Isla for that.
It goes without saying that this is complete bullshit, right?
Yeah, I… I know.
Wasn't great when my 10-year-old patient called me Dr. Cuck, but…
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It's not fair.
No, look, it's… it's okay.
I guess I just didn't think this was gonna be part of the job, but I'll be fine.
[sighs]
Thanks for understanding.
[sighs]
[pensive music playing]
-[keypad clacks] -[line ringing]
-[phone vibrating] -Oh.
Oh Jesus.
Oh, hold on, keep going. Keep going.
-Hey, what's up? It's not a good time. -[Bituin] Are you talking to your sister?
It's okay, she doesn't care.
No, that's gross, Ness!
Oh God.
Come… come on. I told you I have an emergency at work.
Isla, what do you want?
Use the burner.
Oh yeah.
Okay, I'm on it. Here we go.
My cousin is a waiter at Verdel
and literally served Isla Gordon and Travis Bugg last night.
And literally nothing happened between them but a normal dinner.
And literally, they left separately.
Think you're saying "literally" too much?
That's how my burner character talks. I gotta go. I gotta finish with Bituin.
[Isla] Oh, gross.
[Bituin] No way, Ness, you missed your chance.
[Ness] Oh, come on, please?
Thanks a lot, Isla.
[upbeat music playing]
Hi, this is the hottest restaurant in LA, Mother Wolf. How can I help you?
Yes, I'd like to make a reservation for two, please, at 7 p.m. tonight.
Fuck you, goodbye.
Wait, wait, it's for Isla Gordon, President of the Waves.
Um, I'm a gay guy from West Hollywood. I don't care. Call back when it's a Hadid.
Damn it!
I hate that guy.
Look, not everyone loves basketball, Jackie.
But everyone loves great seats to basketball games.
And your superpower? Unlimited access to them.
-[phone chimes] -That's crazy.
Wait, why did Ness just post that his cousin's a waiter at Verdel?
Maybe he meant to post it from a different account.
-Oh shit, he just deleted it. -[phone chimes]
And posted it on his burner account. Jesus Christ, Ness.
He did it really fast. Maybe no one will notice.
A fake burner account?
This is humiliating,
not just for Ness Gordon, but for the entire family.
You got to wonder, did Isla Gordon put her brother up to this?
How could you do this?
I was in the middle of having sex.
You spend most of your day on X. How are you so bad at it?
It's called Twitter, and at least my plan was better than your plan.
Which was nothing, as always.
This is so stupid. What is the plan?
-Here's a plan, don't kiss the players. -You know I didn't do that.
-I don't. I feel like you did. -[Isla] Are you out of your mind?
Excuse me, Isla, there is someone here to see you.
Can you give us a second, Jackie, please?
-Pretty sure you'll want to talk to them. -Whoever it is can wait.
[upbeat music plays]
Hey.
[music halts]
[Marcus] We need to talk.
Yep.
Please, sit.
[chuckles softly]
I would love to, but I can't.
My knees hurt too much.
-You know why? -'Cause you went on a long hike?
I played the entire second half last night.
I haven't done that in two years, all because you suspended Travis.
Well, if Travis needs to miss a game or two because he needs to grow up,
then that'll happen.
I'm 36 years old.
I can't be playing 40 minutes a night.
-So this is just about you? -Hell yeah, it is. This is my team.
No, you're just the best player on the team,
but you're so checked out, I'm surprised you noticed a player missing.
-What am I supposed to do about it? -This Marcus, nothing.
The old Marcus, the one who won two titles with us,
he'd step up, maybe talk to his teammate about respecting our sponsors.
I don't know. Sound crazy?
I get paid to play, that's it.
[upbeat music playing]
Well, if you want to play less, then you have to lead.
[murmurs] If you want to play less, you have to lead? Right.
[Ali] Okay, final scenario.
Isla tells you she ran into Gwyneth Paltrow
at the Brentwood Country Mart. What do you do?
I'd call Marissa, that's Gwyneth's personal.
Get the Goop office address,
not her home address because Isla's not a stalker.
I send her a dozen white camellias with a note that says,
"So great running into you. Let's grab a lunch."
-Are you making the reservation? -No, that would be thirsty.
But I do add her to the Christmas card list.
That is correct.
Yes!
Nope. Never dab.
Ever.
[upbeat music playing]
Get ready for the second wave. Do you see the bear?
Shoot it with the crossbow. Shoot it with the crossbow.
Got him coming through the windows.
-Zeus, face that way, I need ammo. -[doorbell rings]
Oh shit, it's Katsuya, fuck. Keep playing.
Oh shit.
Sorry for the mess. Uh, my cleaning lady quit.
Snakes were scaring her.
Man, will you just sit?
[exhales]
I didn't know you were big on, uh…
visiting teammates.
I'm not.
I haven't been to a teammate's house since The Sopranos finale.
Cool, you want to, uh, watch something or…?
No.
You need to get your shit together.
All that shit talking and social media, that's not what we do.
All that matters is basketball.
[scoffs]
That's easy for you to say.
-What's that supposed to mean? -Man, you're headed to the Hall of Fame.
I've got no hops, I'm not that fast, and my jumper is mid.
I mean, best case scenario,
I grow my brand and get a Victoria's Secret model pregnant.
[laughs]
I mean, that's all I got.
No.
You also got good instincts.
On the court.
Off the court, your instincts are dog shit.
When you're playing, the whole team has energy,
and everybody gets easy buckets, especially me.
Let me remind you, it's still about me.
[upbeat music playing faintly]
Look, man, you got a good career ahead of you,
and nothing's better for your brand than winning.
Yeah.
Do not fuck my shit up.
-Can't be playing that whole game anymore. -Yeah, I got you.
And you need to Swiffer this place.
Sephora is a great company.
I was rude to call it Sephor-ass.
At first, I thought their stuff was mostly for women.
Then I remembered, my mom's a woman.
I only hope Sephora and the Waves can forgive me for my…
transgression,
which means "fuck up,"
and, uh, we can move on with our harmonious corporate partnership.
Look, I also just wanna say I did not have sex with Isla Gordon, okay?
Not even a little bit.
First of all, she's my boss, okay?
And for two, respectfully, uh… [laughs]
…that shit's old.
If she was much older, that'd be hot, like Helen Mirren.
Or younger, obviously.
But she's just kinda in that gray area that just doesn't do it for me, all right?
Um, but with that being said, I hope she finds love.
It's like watching Winston Churchill. Now I see why you're so attracted to him.
Whoa. Why do you look so hot?
Well, don't sound so shocked.
Sorry, I just didn't realize I was engaged to Jewish Chris Evans over here.
Could just say Chris Evans.
Uh, regardless,
I am taking you to Mother Wolf.
-How did you score that reservation? -I didn't. Jackie did.
[gasps]
-What? -The cocaine shelf is gone!
Jackie?
Did you do this?
Uh, I noticed you kept injuring yourself on there,
so I came in early, and I got rid of it.
Thank you. And thank you for the dinner reservation.
You know, maybe I'm a little more high-maintenance than I thought.
Oh, no, no way.
Oh, also, I promised the hostess floor seats when we're in the playoffs.
-What? -Should I not have done that?
We'll deal with it later. Good job.
-[upbeat music playing] -♪ Tell me what this world is coming to ♪
♪ Tell me 'bout this change The world is going through ♪
♪ Why can't we live as promised Like Jesus said to do? ♪
♪ Tell me what the world's coming to ♪
♪ So many people Out here dying everywhere ♪
♪ There's enough to go around But no one seems to care ♪
♪ Outcrowded cities And the poison in the streams ♪
♪ We've seen the world divided On our television screen ♪
♪ Tell me now what we're gonna do ♪
♪ Tell me what this world is coming to ♪
♪ Tell me what the world's coming to ♪
♪ Tell me 'bout the change The world is going through ♪
♪ Why can't we live as promised Like Jesus said to do? ♪
♪ Tell me what the world is coming to ♪
♪ Tell me what the world's coming to ♪
♪ Tell me 'bout the change The world is going through ♪
♪ Why can't we live as promised Like Jesus said to do? ♪
[music fades]