[marker scribbles]
[upbeat music playing]
[Isla] Is it offensive if I say I feel like a Korean princess?
[Ali] Yes, people would be offended.
It is so nice of you to do this for your husband and your in-laws.
I kind of had to. They're still mad that Gene didn't marry a Korean,
but at least I'm not white. No offense.
And, seriously, thank you so much for doing Milton's Doljanchi.
And thanks for hosting it at the facility.
My in-laws love basketball and wealth.
Look, I know it's not as glamorous as you're used to,
but there will be a signature cocktail, the Miltini.
[Isla] As his godmother, it is my honor.
Now, what is it?
[chuckles]
The Doljanchi is a rite of passage on a Korean baby's first birthday.
I mean, you would've been to Michael's, but you and Lev were at Coachella.
-Okay, it was to see Kanye. -[Ali chuckles]
I mean, before… Obviously.
Look, I know you have that owners' conference,
but if you don't show up, Gene's sister gets to hold Milton,
and I can't stand her.
You know, she drives an Audi and also wears Audi clothes.
It's her whole personality.
Hey, I know you hate Grace.
-I will be there. -Thank you.
["Gravy" by Tolliver playing]
♪ Time’s up, this a late fee ♪
♪ Hand over your savings ♪
So, owners' conference is tomorrow. How are you feeling?
Oh, I mean, can't wait. I mean, Dad was a legend at these things.
It's where he did some of his biggest deals and rigged the '88 draft.
I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the Hoopli deal.
[Sandy] Hoopli is a new streaming app for exclusive content
from the four biggest markets in the league.
I'm talking LA, New York, Chicago, and San Francisco.
These four teams drive the majority of basketball viewership.
Our ratings are more than the rest of the league combined,
but that's never been reflected in the ad revenue we see.
Until now.
Hoopli will televise our games exclusively,
and the Big Four gets to keep the profits.
It's gonna make us a shit ton of money,
which would be nice because it has been an expensive year.
Those Dutch tourists that Cam ran over are shopping their life rights.
You'll meet with the New York, Chicago and San Francisco owners
and sign the deal.
-They want to announce it tomorrow. -How do the smaller teams feel about this?
[laughs] Oh, they don't know about it yet.
Oh, is that cool?
Well, uh, don't worry about them.
It's their fault for being from, like, Rhode Island, or whatever.
Do you need me to join you?
Did you join Cam or Dad?
No, but that's because they liked doing drugs and prostitutes.
Well, I can go to meetings and sign papers.
I'm just like them, except I won't do either of those things.
Might have a Xani on the plane.
It's a 45-minute flight to Phoenix.
[upbeat music playing]
[upbeat music continues]
[Sandy] Ness!
-What the hell? -Oh my God. What time is it?
You just missed a huge meeting.
Did you sleep here? And why are your underwear so small?
They're European cut.
Can you tell me what's going on before I throw up?
Bituin kicked me out.
Did she leave you for her trainer? I get that. I get it.
What? No. I'm as hot as Reginald. We're both nines.
Okay, you have to put some pants on.
-Right. -So, what happened?
I don't know. We were out at dinner,
and she started pitching me one of her businesses.
"Thongs for Moms."
She said it's an underserved market,
but I've financed so many of her ideas, and none of them make money.
Anyway, I step away to take a call,
and then I come back to the table, and the busboy says,
"Your wife has left, and you're no longer welcome at home."
So I'm gonna have to crash with you.
No. No, you don't have to crash with me.
You have to crash at The Peninsula
like every other rich guy with marital problems.
Sandy, I should not be alone right now, okay?
I could just picture myself on some hotel balcony,
wondering what it's like if a 210-pound man comes crashing down
on the roof of a Maserati. That'd be on you.
That is so manipulative.
Hmm.
Fine. You can stay in my guest room.
Oh yes!
Thank you. I need this.
What you need is some mouthwash.
[exhales] Oh my God.
[upbeat music playing]
[phone ringing]
Hey, I was just thinking about you.
You know, I can't wait to jump back into The Crown tonight.
Hey, did I tell you I heard the corgis kept biting Dominic West on set?
It was all over DeuxMoi.
About that, um…
I have to cancel. [coughs]
I have COVID.
Oh my God. Uh, okay, well then I'm coming over to take care of you.
No, no.
Uh, there's a really bad strain going around.
Um, I hear even Joe Rogan's masking up.
Are you sure?
Yeah, yeah, don't come over.
I love you. I'm gonna call you as soon as I'm feeling better, okay?
[coughs]
[upbeat music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
Well, we did it, boys.
-[all] Yeah. -Dom, Henny, potatoes lyonnaise.
-[all laugh] -Hey, you know what, y'all?
Since I'm feeling generous, this one's on me.
[all cheer]
Thanks, Trav.
Psyche!
[all laugh]
Let's see. Whose turn is it?
Tradition is, rookie has to pay.
-[man] Okay. -Thompson?
No, no, you had the last one.
[sighs]
Wait a minute.
Victor, you haven't gone yet.
Dinner's on you, rookie.
-[all] Ooh! -[clapping]
Twenty-five stacks? Damn.
Twenty-five thousand dollars?
[scoffs]
Thank God for first-round signing bonuses, right?
[indistinct chatter]
Oh wait, you ain't get one of those.
Hey, you're next, D-League. Ooh!
[all laughing]
[upbeat music playing]
-Hi, uh, is Ms. Gordon around? -Nope, she's in Phoenix for a conference.
Oh, okay.
-Uh, could I have her cell or something? -Not giving you that. What do you need?
Could you maybe tell me ballpark how much I make?
Uh, yeah, sure.
Let's see… For a rookie call-up non-guaranteed deal…
Uh, $55,000.
Damn, my kid's preschool's more than that.
Oh, could I get an advance?
Like, maybe all of it in one lump sum?
By dinner, if possible?
I'm sorry, Dyson, but we're not Wells Fargo.
No, they were much ruder to me when I called them.
What about a loan?
We used to do that with players, but it's a slippery slope.
It starts off with a mortgage payment, then we're paying for your mistress' BBL.
-[sighs] -Sorry. Is everything okay?
Not really.
[upbeat music playing]
[upbeat music continues]
[Isla] The owners' conference, baby.
Time to step up, sign that deal,
and announce to the world that Isla Gordon has arrived.
Nothing can stop me from…
-[gags, coughs] -…shrimp tail.
[Isla] Shrimp tail. That was a shrimp tail.
[man 1] Did you just eat garbage?
I did that my first time here too.
[Isla] Malkeet Dasari, San Francisco owner.
Made billions in tech.
He said he will eliminate homelessness by 2030.
Not sure how that's possible, but he's got an incredible head of hair.
Isla Gordon, you make a hell of an entrance.
-Malkeet, so nice to finally meet you. -[chuckles]
I love what you're doing in San Francisco.
I-- I hate the homeless…
problem, you know?
-Ugh, it sucks. -Mmm.
I know, and I was pleased to hear that you got your start in charities.
You know, when I made my fifth billion,
a man told me it's not about how much money you have,
it's about who you help.
It was Bono.
[man 2] Who let that Gordon kid in here?
I'm just joking.
[Isla] Irv Plotkin from Chicago.
Made his fortune in deli meats. Good friend of my dad's.
He had a heart attack at my Sweet 16.
-Isla Gordon. -Aw!
-Really good to see you. -You too, sweetie.
The last time I saw you, I had my old heart.
-Yeah, this one belonged to a pig. -Oh.
And get this, since the operation, I can't eat pork.
I mean, I still eat ribs.
-Oh, you gotta eat ribs. -Yeah, yeah.
Oh, and I was so sad to hear about Cam.
-Yeah. -All my boys have been through rehab.
Two for booze, one for an addiction to anime porn.
Whatever the hell that is.
[man 3] Irv, no one wants to hear about your wacko son.
[Isla] Ugh! Frank Shaughnessy.
Even for a New York City slumlord, he's a real piece of shit.
But I can put that aside. This is business.
-Isla, how are you, honey? -Hi.
Hey, Frank.
Ooh, it's not very awake of me to say, but you are one tight package.
-[gasps] -And you're not young, neither.
-Thank you. -Hey, Malkeet. How are you?
Take that as a compliment, I guess?
All right, so now that we're through jerking each other off,
can we talk Hoopli?
Hmm? Because I want this press release out tonight
so I can bend Irv over on the golf course in the morning.
-Unless I bend you over first. And I will! -[Frank] Oh!
[laughs]
So good!
-Assault! -[laughing continues]
Yes, um, I need a significant credit line increase.
-Uh, from $1,000 to $50,000? -[banker] Yeah, we can do that.
-What are the terms? -A 37% interest rate.
37% interest? That seems really high.
-No, it's not high. -Oh, it's not?
Hey, yo. Remember, we're going to dinner at Mastro's tonight on Dyson.
Yeah, we got the paperless post.
Why you reiterate our plans all the time?
I got ADHD, bitch.
Yeah, dinner tonight.
So, I was thinking, we could do steaks again.
But have y'all been to Souplantation?
It's not just soup. They got this big ol' baked potato bar.
Put some bacon, chives, sour cream on that thing.
Fire, right?
No, that is closed since pandemic.
Yeah, yeah, we're going to Mastro's, dude.
I need that Wagyu and that bomb-ass butter cake.
So, uh, cha-ching!
Swipe, swipe, swipe! Swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe!
[all laughing]
[upbeat music playing]
[Ness] Sandy?
Sandy, is that you?
I can hear you sneaking around out there.
Sandy, could you come in here, please?
-Ugh, Ness. -What?
God, what the hell? It's like you've been in here for months.
What is… It stinks!
Did you get In-N-Out and McDonald's?
Yeah, I wanted an In-N-Out burger,
but everybody knows McDonald's fries are better.
This is pathetic.
And my Tom Ford coffee table book is not a tray.
God! And what is that smell?
Yeah, I've got to see a doctor.
Okay, I am just gonna go to the gym.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the plan tonight?
We are gonna do what we do every night, which is our separate thing.
What? I moved in here so we could spend some time together.
N-- To be clear, you are staying here because your wife kicked you out.
You did not move in.
I thought the one good thing that could come of this was hanging with brother.
You know what?
I'll just put some vodka in my Frosty and drink myself to death.
Jesus, you got Wendy's too?
-Mm-hmm. -Oh my God. Okay, fine.
Fine.
-We can hang out. -Oh yes.
All right? But we are going to do what I had planned on doing.
Anything you want. Anything. Can I choose dinner?
I'm thinking we go Taco Bell and then hit Cinnabon on the way home.
You have to eat a vegetable.
[upbeat music playing]
[man 4] Isla.
[Isla] Charles Tracey, from the fancy-ass Boston Traceys.
They're so blue-blood, they got here before the Mayflower.
Fuck Boston.
I'm Charles.
Hi, Charles.
Can I call you Charlie or Chuck?
-No. -Cool.
I'm sorry to hear about your dad.
Yeah, thanks.
He was, uh… far from perfect.
I know exactly what you mean.
Yeah, nepo recognize nepo.
Eh. You're classy old money. I mean, you guys built a wing at the Met.
The only charity my dad ever gave to was lung cancer,
and that's after he got it.
Well, it sounds like you're about to get some more new money.
-I heard about the Hoopli deal. -I don't know what you're talking about.
Frank told me all about it last night,
bragging about how it'll screw the rest of us.
It's a way to reward the bigger markets for, frankly, bringing in more viewers.
Oh, you'll get more viewers, and we'll lose 'em.
Almost 20% in the first two years, by our research.
And then, a year or two after that,
we'll just have a two-tiered league with a few super teams and poverty franchises.
There's a lot of people who worked really hard at this.
And it's a big deal for me personally.
I get it. You've got to do what you think is right.
Well, no hard feelings.
If I were you, I'd do the same.
Absolutely. Really nice to talk to you.
-Hey, can I call you Chucko? -Nope.
[upbeat music playing]
-[phone ringing] -[music fades]
[Ali] Hey, what's up?
Can you send me the earnings reports
from the league's TV deals in the past 10 years?
I'm supposed to sign this Hoopli deal, but something isn't sitting right with me.
Sending all the reports to you now.
This seems like a lot of work for someone
who should be heading back to LA in a few hours for Milton's Doljanchi.
Don't worry. I will be at that thing that I can't pronounce.
-[line ends] -[sighs]
[upbeat music playing]
I discussed it with my family.
Believe it or not, for my first child…
These people are so hard to understand. Can we use subtitles?
They're British.
They're speaking English.
Can we just watch quietly?
My father put a stop to it…
-Real quick, who's that guy? -Tony Blair. He's the Prime Minister.
-Okay. -…and where to draw the line…
You know who's a good Tony? Tony Stark. Have you seen Iron Man?
-Yes. -Have you seen Iron Man 2?
Yes, seen 'em all.
-Tony Soprano. Did you see The Sopranos? -Mm-hmm.
-Yep. -It's amazing.
Tony Danza. Charles in Charge.
That's Who's the Boss?
Listen, watching my shows is my way of decompressing
after an incredibly stressful day at work, all right?
So, could you just do me a favor and not talk for the next 43 minutes?
Yeah. No problem.
[chips crunching]
…Ruritanian titles…
Is that the same guy or a different guy?
Oh my God, you are so annoying.
You are literally incapable of not being disruptive and obnoxious.
I get why Bituin kicked you out. Look at you.
This is insane.
…is the Crown.
The spell recast…
Look, I didn't mean that.
-No. No. -Last part was a little tough.
I get it. You're right.
-No. -No, I suck, okay?
I don't get prestige television, and Bituin was right to kick me out.
[grunts]
Ah, easy. That's…
I'm taking it with me.
Maybe I will go to The Peninsula and see if I can fly!
[upbeat music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
-[waiter] Will there be anything else? -Uh, yeah, we're good.
You can just drop it off with that sad-looking teenager over there.
-[waiter] The check, sir. -Thanks, rookie.
[all laugh]
-I told you you were up next. -Ooh.
-$32,000? -[scattered chuckles]
I think there might be a decimal error or something.
Oh, uh, you're right, sir. This is not correct.
It doesn't include the valet and coat check.
Who checked coats? It's LA.
I wore a parka. I cannot get sniffles.
Oh, hey, garçon, don't close that out
'cause we need a bottle of vintage Dom for Marcus Winfield in the house.
[all cheering]
No, no, no, no, no, no, check's already closed.
Run-- Run the card. Run the card.
Man, put that flimsy-ass debit card away.
[Travis] Hey, hey, man.
Rookie's gotta pay. It's part of the fun.
Yes, we enjoy watching the young ones suffer.
[Travis] Wait, Marcus, you're buying?
What?
When I was a rookie, I had to take the team to French Laundry.
That shit was transcendent, don't get me wrong, but pricey as hell.
Yeah, we not doing that no more. Can't you see how broke this brother is?
He's on the scrub league.
Got no endorsements, no girls, and drives a Prius with a Lyft sticker on.
I-- I bought it used. I can't-- I can't get it off.
[Marcus] Look, the rest of you guys got money.
Bo, you own a Formula One team.
-Travis, you bought that alligator farm. -Yeah.
Badrag, you're wearing Michael Jackson's "Beat It" jacket.
From now on, everyone pays for their own dinner.
I'mma drop my card this time… 'cause I want the SkyMiles,
but you better cash-app me 3K each, or it's your ass.
[player] What?
Except you. I got you.
I could chip in. I don't mind.
Negro, don't you live in Bakersfield?
-I do. -[all laugh]
Now, where that champagne at?
[upbeat music plays, fades]
[knocking on door]
Hey, Bituin. Been too long.
You are slaying that lob, Mama.
Mm-mm. Don't do that gay bestie thing. We don't have that kind of rapport.
-Right. -What do you want?
I need you to take Ness back, or I may kill him.
Also, I have come to realize that you are a saint.
No shit.
Come in.
I know you're mad at Ness for not investing in your new business,
but if you take him back,
I will personally give you seed money for your MILF undies.
It is "Mom Thongs by B."
-I'm sorry. -But I didn't kick him out for that.
-Is it your trainer? -No, it's not Reginald.
Ness and I were at dinner, and he got a call from you.
I've asked him to turn his phone off during meals, but he never does.
He spends more time texting you and Isla than he does talking to his own wife.
Well, it is a family business.
I am his family.
When I gave birth to Mani, guess where he was?
In the hallway, on his AirPods,
while Cam screamed at him about the whole salary cap.
To be fair, that is the price you pay when you marry into a rich, famous family.
Please. My family in Manila is way richer than yours.
I had three women whose only job was to get me dressed in the morning.
Sorry, and you left all that for Ness?
Yes. He is my person.
And all I want is an occasional uninterrupted dinner.
Or like an hour for us to watch The Golden Bachelor
because it's the only show that doesn't confuse him.
Yeah, he really does struggle with scripted television.
[groans] Seriously.
[man] The light in people's faces when they look at you makes me realize
I'm the luckiest man in the world. We're the luckiest family in the world.
[Charlie] Hello?
[pensive music playing]
Hello? Anyone here?
Not tonight, Dahmer.
[Charlie grunts]
[Charlie yells]
[grunting] Please, please stop! I'm Charlie. I'm Sandy's boyfriend!
What?
[Isla] Thanks for meeting me.
What if I were to tell you that I was considering alternatives
to the Hoopli deal, something more equitable for everyone?
[groans] Then I'd tell you that the smaller market owners
would love to hear what you're thinking.
Right, because if I were to negotiate a league-wide TV contract…
You'd need at least two-thirds majority to agree.
Hypothetically.
At the end of the day, I want what's best for all of us.
Parity is what makes this league great.
A competitive league means great ratings.
Now, I know we haven't worked together before,
but trust me, I get down and dirty…
in negotiations.
Everyone on an equal footing, it's how we're all gonna win moving forward.
Yes!
Oh no, no, no!
-So, you guys in? -Yeah.
Great! I'll make a phone call.
Do you mind looking away so I can get out?
Because they only had kid-sized bathing suits in the gift shop.
[upbeat music playing]
[upbeat music continues]
[music fades]
Oh man.
I had no idea that Sandy was seeing somebody.
Are you serious? We've been dating for a year.
A year?!
[scoffs]
Well-- Well-- Well, you know what?
Now that I think about it, he-- he did mention his boyfriend.
He can't shut up about you. He's always talking about your chin
and… ears.
Please, please stop.
Wow. I, uh, can't believe he's kept me a secret.
He's met my family, he's met my friends, he's met my favorite pug.
I'm a dog groomer, not that you would know that.
I'm sorry, man. You seem like a really good guy.
I'll definitely tell him you stopped by and that he has a lot of explaining to do
to both of us.
You know what? Please don't tell him that I was here.
It's too embarrassing.
[phone vibrating]
Sorry. Oh shit.
-What? -It's Sandy.
Hey, Sandman. What's up?
Just hanging out alone, jerking it.
[Sandy] Uh, well, please stop.
Look, I talked to Bituin. She's gonna take you back.
What? Yes!
Oh my God, thank you.
Oh my God. I'm not gonna lose the love of my life.
I am not gonna be alone. God, it was good to meet you, man.
Good luck with your shit. I got to go pack.
Whoo!
[upbeat music playing]
[Frank] What time you got?
-Hi. -Where the hell you been?
We've been trying to close this deal all night.
What's the holdup?
Uh, Isla, my PR team drafted the release. We just need your sign-off.
The Waves will not be signing with Hoopli
because I found a better deal for the entire league.
What? What the fuck are you talking about?
I looked into the Hoopli deal. It'll kill all smaller teams and eventually hurt us.
This was not the plan, Isla.
I know, but I just got off the phone with Dennis Haynes at ESPN,
and we have a deal, a deal that will benefit all teams equally
because it's not always about the money, right?
Of course it is. How do you think I became a billionaire?
Well, I'm sorry about the Hoopli deal. You will thank me one day.
Now, if you will excuse me, I have a Doljanchi to get to.
It's a rite of passage for little Korean babies.
["Unwound" by Michael Nau playing]
[doorbell rings]
♪ But her tune cannot be broken ♪
♪ Causes former clouds to drown ♪
♪ In her sky ♪
♪ And when tomorrow comes around ♪
♪ The road will be wide open ♪
♪ Straight through and unwound ♪
[Sandy] Hey, listen. We can't bother Ness from 9 to 10 every night.
He and Bituin need their private time.
♪ And we'll be coming on out Of the empty spaces ♪
♪ Baby ♪
[Sandy] Hey, I miss you.
Testing negative.
You wanna come over for sushi and Bake Off?
["Unwound" continues]
[music fades]
[indistinct chatter]
Where is she?
-Gene, not now. -Sorry.
So, I see your white friend hasn't arrived.
It's getting late. We want Milty to do his thing before the grandparents get drunk.
Look, Isla will be here.
[Grace] Just let me hold Milton.
Basketball Karen isn't coming.
Over my dead body.
-[gasps] -Sorry I'm late.
There's an Audi in my parking spot.
-[Ali chuckles] -[Isla sighs]
Oh my God. I love you. This means so much.
I'm happy I don't have to murder you.
Oh God, I wouldn't miss it for the world. Now, where's that fat baby?
[chuckles]
-[Isla] Hi. -[Ali] Gene!
-[Isla] Are you ready? -[Gene] Oh!
-[Ali] Milty! Milty! -[Isla gasps]
[all] Ooh!
[Isla] Ooh, look how green…
[gasps] Oh, you don't want this silly ball.
[gasps] What's this? Look at this. This is pretty money.
[Ali] Oh, look, look!
[all gasp]
[all applauding]
[Ali] He's gonna be an investment banker!
How do you say "short game" in Korean?
[Malkeet] This is a historic moment.
-Which is to say, going forward… -Sorry, can you turn this up?
…that we are very pleased to announce
that the San Francisco, Chicago, New York, and Boston teams
-will unite in a landmark deal… -What the hell?
…to create our own exclusive new streaming service called Hoopli.
[crowd applauding]
So excited that the Big Four have come together
to give the fans what they want.
Finally!
-[crowd continues applauding] -Oh, fuck Boston.
[upbeat music playing]
-♪ Party don't start till I walk in ♪ -♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Honeys turn around They all talkin' ♪
♪ I'm the man with the most And I do what I'm posed to ♪
♪ Around the globe I kill it coast to coast ♪
-♪ Whoo! ♪ -♪ Yeah, yeah! ♪
♪ Hands up one time ♪
♪ I'll rock the party and blow your mind ♪
♪ So slide and move Like Milly, just rock to the groove ♪
♪ Rock! ♪
-♪ One time, put 'em up for me ♪ -♪ Yeah! ♪
-♪ Two times, keep 'em up for me ♪ -♪ Yeah! ♪
♪ Three times, stay up for me ♪
♪ Jump up And get loo-- loo-- loose with me ♪
♪ Put your hands in the air! ♪
♪ Pick it up, pick it up ♪
♪ Put your hands in the air! ♪
♪ Everybody, don't stop ♪
♪ Put your hands in the air! ♪
♪ Pick it up, pick it up ♪
♪ Put your hands in the air! ♪
♪ Pick it up, pick it up ♪
[music fades]