[marker scribbles]
-♪ One, two, three ♪ -[upbeat music playing]
[Isla] As the only girl in my family, I've always been underestimated.
I know, you're like, "Stop being a little bitch and shut up about this."
But when your dad treats you like an adorable, useless little princess,
you're not included in a lot of rooms.
[Jack] What the hell is wrong with you? You're supposed to be the smart one!
Get out of my sight!
[Isla] Like, for instance, his office, or as we called it,
the Temple of Doom.
Jack Gordon loved setting ridiculously high expectations
for his sons.
[Jack] What is in your head? Do you have actual shit for brains?
[Isla] And then screaming at them when they didn't live up to them.
[sniffles, crying]
[upbeat music continues]
[Jack] I need you to think before you act.
I'm not raising a dumbass.
[Isla] Despite my issues with him, Dad never yelled at me.
But maybe he should have.
Because it would've prepared me for moments like this.
We suck, and you're the team president.
I wanna know what you're gonna do to stop the sucking.
Let's try to look at the positives.
The Sephora sponsorship is working great.
Sure, I left some money on the table in the streaming deal.
But remember, every morning when I wake up,
I am breaking a glass ceiling.
The fans love glass ceilings.
They go to the games, and they buy their kids little glass ceiling jerseys.
-What are you talking about? -We've lost five games in a row.
I'm at all of them, Ness. I know how we're doing.
This is the worst record we've had in years.
Viewership is slipping, ad dollars are down,
and now there's no Hoopli deal to help us.
I didn't realize I was walking into an ambush.
Is there anything else you'd like to criticize about me?
Certain angles of your ponytail makes you look bald.
We should talk changes.
I think we should cut Dyson. He's shooting 12% from the free-throw line.
-That's lower than Archie Chambers. -Archie Chambers from the '60s?
Yes, and he lost his eye in the Korean War.
-Thank him for his service. -But Dyson is shooting 45% from three.
But in the fourth quarter, they foul him, knowing he'll miss the free throws.
I still believe in Dyson.
This is a guy who was scoring 24 points a game earlier this season.
For the Long Beach Raccoons. They share an arena with a megachurch.
It's called the big leagues for a reason.
Even if we fix Dyson, this team is still a mess.
Right now, we're not making the playoffs, and the trade deadline is approaching.
Well, the nuclear option is to trade Marcus.
We'd probably get three first-round picks and a younger all-star for him.
Trade Marcus Winfield?
That's insane.
Ness, back me up.
Obviously, I love Marcus, okay?
He got me and the kids invited to a Simpsons table read.
But, if we're not gonna make the playoffs,
then maybe it's time we… talk rebuild.
First of all, we don't know we're not making the playoffs.
Second, we are not getting rid of Marcus.
I know the record doesn't show it, but this is a winning roster.
As much as I love getting berated by the three of you,
I have a team to run.
So, if you'll excuse me…
No, wait.
This is my office.
You get out.
And then I will work in here.
[upbeat music playing]
-Put your hair down. -Screw you.
For the record, I don't think it makes you look bald.
I just think it makes you look mean.
[upbeat music continues]
[woman] Hey!
Hey, wait up!
[music fades]
Oh, I'm sorry. I can't accept gifts for the players anymore.
Last time it was just a bunch of used underwear.
You're so funny, Jackie.
-You know who I am? -Duh. I'm friends with some players.
I'm Kyler. I saw you on Isla's Insta.
I was like, I didn't know the Gordons had a hot new baby brother.
They do?
Oh, me!
Oh, thanks, but I'm not a baby.
You're funny.
Give me your phone.
Sorry, I don't have any hands.
Oh, here.
[keypad clacking]
Now you're following me back.
-Yeah. -[chuckles]
[upbeat music continues, fades]
[Isla] Hey, Coach.
Yo.
Can we talk about Dyson for a second?
Sure. Is it about how he's the worst free-throw shooter in 60 years?
[sighs] Jay, what is up with this kid?
He can shoot threes for days, but can't hit a free throw?
It's the yips, all right? It's not a skills issue.
We have him working with shooting coaches.
I hate psychological shit. It's so boring.
What do I do? I called him up here. I have to make this work.
Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I don't know how long we can play him.
I hear you.
I sound like my mother with vaccines, but I will do my own research.
[upbeat music playing]
-Hey, Marcus. -Hey.
Hey, man. How's it going?
So, uh, I don't know if you noticed, but I've been having trouble at the line.
Yeah… it's pretty obvious.
Has it ever happened to you?
No.
All right.
Well, you have any tips?
Yeah. Don't sign a long-term lease.
[upbeat music playing]
[upbeat music continues]
[Jackie] I'm happy you agreed to have dinner with me,
even though it took asking you out, like, five times.
Well, don't get too excited. I mostly just needed a ride back from work.
Don't think you're forgiven for bumping our halftime show.
Again, I'm really sorry about that.
And to make up for it, I read all about Celia Cruz.
Did you know that she was born in Havana, Cuba?
You're different than most guys who go after Waves dancers.
-Oh, thank you. Really? -Mmm.
-Well, what are they like? -Oh, you know.
Rich, tall, jacked dudes who think they'll impress you by paying off student loans.
That is incredibly kind. Maybe you should be dating them.
[chuckles]
[woman clears throat]
I know you're from a rich family, but I can't be bought.
Oh, I have no money.
I famously turned down $2 million to become my sister's assistant.
[in Spanish] You're an idiot.
[in Spanish] Listen to you.
You really think I can't speak Spanish?
[in English] I was born rolling my Rs.
[in Spanish] Cute accent.
So, you're Mexican.
-Yeah. From Boyle Heights. -Mmm.
And you're…
El Salvadoran?
Born and raised in Lincoln Heights.
No way!
I used to go there with my mom all the time.
Her favorite restaurant was Maya's Grill.
[in English] Maya's my grandmother.
[in English] No way!
She is so mean.
She literally charges me a different amount every time
depending on how I'm dressed.
Don't talk about my grandma that way.
Also, yes, she's very mean.
[woman chuckles]
["Float Back To You" by Holy Hive playing]
I had a really nice time. Thank you for letting me eat all the brown bread.
That was a strategic move.
That way, I had more room for the cheesecake flan.
I'd maybe go out with you again.
[in Spanish] Slow down.
[in English] Maybe next time.
["Float Back To You" continues]
♪ My heart beats when I stand in line ♪
[Kyler] What're you up to?
♪ Waiting on the sun… ♪
[Jackie] Headed home for the night.
[phone vibrates]
♪ Moving to the place where we unwind-- ♪
[upbeat music playing]
[Jackie grunts]
[chuckles]
Oh, that's hot.
[upbeat music continues, fades]
[upbeat music playing]
-Good morning, Dyson. -Oh, hey, Ms. Gordon.
I got here early to practice my free throws.
I've been having some trouble at the line.
Yeah, no shit.
Dyson, you're really making me look bad.
So, we're gonna have to think outside the box.
I will do anything. Truly.
Do you know what team has the best free throw percentage?
Not off the top of my head, no.
The Indian Women's National Team.
They're incredible. Lights out from the line.
And it's all because of this person.
[whimsical music playing]
You're talking about this old lady?
Dyson, this is the shooting coach.
Isha Aman.
Isha Aman to you too.
Dyson, that is her name, dude.
Respectfully, I don't see how this lady can help.
Respectfully, you suck. And I used all of my Delta miles to get her out here, okay?
First class.
So you will listen to her,
or you will find yourself back on the Long Beach Raccoons by lunch.
I don't know. She's really old.
And in the last 30 seconds,
she's hit more free throws than you the entire season.
Now, go and do this.
Uh, we've got a situation here.
Sean Murphy is at it again.
[Sean] Well-placed sources say the Waves plan to trade MVP Marcus Winfield.
What the hell is Isla Gordon thinking?
That dick.
-[loud thud] -[Isla grunts]
[whimsical music playing]
I want this removed!
Let's see if we can do that.
Who would have told Sean Murphy this?
-I think you should know it wasn't me. -Jackie, I know it wasn't you.
You can't even dial an outside line.
-That, and I'm hella loyal. -[Ali] Oh shit.
It's Marcus's agent. Do you wanna pick it up?
I mean, are you emotionally sound enough to be ripped a new asshole?
That is too vivid. Give me the phone. [sighs]
Hey, Clint. How's the Big Apple?
Seen any Broadway shows lately?
Listen to me, you dumb C.
You are so lucky it's Take Your Daughter to Work Day.
C means cutie, Abigail.
I don't know what that is, honey.
Are you out of your fucking mind trying to trade Marcus?
Clint, this is 100% bullshit. We love Marcus. He's not going anywhere.
-Are you trying to tank your own team? -No, Clint.
Because if you are, I think I may have a good shooting guard to fill your needs.
-Just signed him. Super cheap. -I'm not trying to tank the team.
Okay, well, Marcus feels very disrespected.
He's upset.
He's settled in LA, okay?
His wife just agreed to co-chair the Baby2Baby Gala with Jen Garner.
We bought a table.
And now he's worried you'll ship him off to Salt Lake City or some other shithole.
I mean, Park City is nice.
Park City is an hour away!
Have you ever been skiing once in your life?
Look, you need to find the leak,
and you need to plug it, or Marcus is done.
And if that is the case, Carl Andrews couldn't be a nicer guy.
He can play the two or the three. He's very unhappy in Dallas.
Goodbye, Clint.
-Would you say that went well? -I'd say it went…
Badly.
[Ali sighs] We are so fucked.
Thank you for your support, both of you.
[upbeat music playing]
What is this?
Please sit down.
My ancient grains bowl is on my desk getting cold.
[Ness, Sandy groaning]
-[Sandy] Hey! -[Ness] Ow!
What is wrong with you?!
[grunts, straining]
Which one of you is the leak? Hmm? Which one?
Is that a paintball gun? Where did you get that?
From Lev's bachelor party.
[distorted voice] Are you serious?
Why wasn't I invited? I thought we were boys.
Answer the question! Which one of you talked to Sean Murphy?
-Not me! -It wasn't me.
[groaning continues]
Stop it! Are you crazy?
This is Troye Sivan for Bonobos!
You said, trade Marcus.
I shot it down.
And then it just mysteriously shows up on The Sean Murphy Show? What are the odds?
What would we even get from that?
It's all part of your big plan.
You start the rumor, make Marcus not trust me,
have the board push me out so you little fuck twins
can take over my office and have your fun little circle jerk.
[Sandy] Hey, hey, hey!
This is offensive, and it's bordering on homophobic, okay?
Neither of us is the leak, and you need to get a grip.
[Ness] He's telling the truth.
We love Marcus, and when I told him it's all bullshit,
he was so mad he wouldn't even look at me.
Stop! I'm calling HR.
If this ruins my couples' karaoke, Bituin's gonna kick your ass.
[upbeat music playing]
[sighs]
[gasps, shrieks]
[music fades]
-Now shoot. -Shoot?
No!
Underhand.
[scoffs] What?
You want me to shoot granny style?
What's wrong with that? I'm a granny.
Right, but you can't expect me to shoot like this in front of all my teammates.
-Some of them are really mean. -Don't forget all the fans.
They are the most cruel.
Okay.
[faint thud]
Hey, how's it going?
Isla wanted me to check in on you as her job is kind of riding on this.
He's a waste of my time. He won't shoot underhand.
Do you wanna go back to the D-League? I mean, didn't you wash the team uniforms?
I'm not shooting my free throws underhand. It's humiliating.
More humiliating than getting fired because you suck?
I don't know, maybe.
Once you sit in the worst thing you could imagine,
then you can finally let go of fear and move on.
That is so beautiful.
I'm ordering you to take this wise woman's advice.
[sighs] Okay, fine.
[whimsical music playing]
-[sighs] -[Ali sighs]
[music fades]
[gasps]
Wow, that… that didn't feel too weird.
I am so happy for you. Now just keep shooting.
["So Good" by DijahSB playing]
-♪ It's about to get hot in this… ♪ -Ooh!
There it is. Whoo!
[Isla] Wait, Marcus.
Can we talk?
Roy, would you mind moving to the back seat?
[sighs]
[Roy] Can you move the seat?
More.
-Look, I-- -[Roy] More.
[Isla] I don't know how this rumor started,
but it's 100% not true.
Marcus, I would never trade you.
I get it. It's just business.
No, it's not business. It's not anything.
Not so long ago, I was the second pick for Seattle.
They brought me to the stadium.
The whole arena was covered in pictures of me holding championship trophies.
I was their cornerstone player for life.
I bought a house, moved my mom there, even gave away all my sunglasses.
A year later, I was gone.
Business.
[Roy] It was brutal.
You know, I adopted a dog. I had to leave it in Seattle.
-Couldn't bring it? -She was a Scottish Terrier.
They need a wet climate, or she'll get sick.
Roy, you can't bring up Gracie every time we talk about Seattle.
I'm gonna find out who started this rumor.
I'm going to squash it even if I have to waterboard Sean Murphy.
Man, get your ass in the front seat. I ain't no chauffeur.
Can't tell you how excited we are to have you on the show finally.
Like, this is a dream for me.
-I played tennis at summer camp. -Ding-dong, bitch.
Uh, Isla Gordon?
-Wow. Hi. What are you doing here? -Tell me who's the leak? Hmm?
I don't know what you mean, and I'm in the middle of an interview, so…
Just tell whatever wife-beating Dagestani MMA fighter they can wait,
and turn this off! Turn it off!
It's cool, guys. It's all right.
It is one thing for you to hate me on your podcast,
which I suspect is 'cause you're still mad I didn't go home with you
after the Red Bull Christmas party in '08.
Time out. There were much hotter girls there.
But to make shit up
and jeopardize a relationship with my Most Valuable Player?
You really think I would trade Marcus Winfield?
Tell me who told you this bullshit!
I am a journalist, and I would never reveal my sources.
A journalist? You are not a journalist!
You little fucking sports Frasier!
-[chuckles] You… you mean Mad Dog? -What?
Mad Dog was the guy that had the sports show on Frasier.
-Did you ever even watch the show? -God, you would know. You incel.
Look, I'm sorry that you are so unpopular in your own organization
that someone you know would come to me.
Maybe if you took a masterclass in leadership…
Oh, eat my ass!
[woman] Hello?
Oh God.
Did someone just tell me to eat their ass?
Uh, yeah, that would be Isla Gordon.
[Isla] I am so sorry, Ms. Evert.
Yeah, so am I.
[Sean] You happy now?
You just crushed a legend.
[woman] Hey, Jackie.
Hey, Jackie, right?
Can I help you guys?
Oh, they're just waiting for some players, but I'm mad at you.
Whoa, why?
You follow my friend Kyler on Instagram, but you don't follow me.
You, like, so hate me.
What?
No, I don't hate you.
Well, then, show me.
[upbeat music playing]
[upbeat music continues]
[moans]
[Jackie breathing heavily]
[Jackie] Sorry if my breath smells like chips.
Get through, get through, get through.
Get around.
Marcus, you want to join us?
Nah, I think I got that long COVID.
[coughs]
[indistinct chatter]
Hey.
-Is he still really mad? -No, no, no, he's, uh, really sick.
He's not gonna be active tonight, but good news.
You got this cute grandma to fix Dyson, right?
Yes, at least that's what Ali said.
You guys are not gonna believe this shit.
-Let's find out. -[whistle blows]
Dyson, let's see it.
-Oh, here we go. -[Dyson] You ready?
-[Victor] Give this man the ball. -[chuckles]
["It's All On Me" by BAER playing]
♪ Spotlight shine bright all on me ♪
♪ Yeah, it's all on me ♪
♪ Anything you want, get it All on me ♪
♪ Yeah, it's all on me ♪
No, no, no. Dyson, this is not the shot of a man.
-[Victor] He can't be for real. -Hey, yo, D, do that again, bro.
I'mma put it on TikTok.
[Travis laughs]
♪ Give it up For the baddies on the Internet ♪
♪ Go girl, go girl ♪
♪ Rule the world… ♪
[Travis laughs] There you go. You're doing the Mother Goose.
-[Badrag] Aw! -[Travis] Oh my God.
Come on, bro.
-Come on. -[Victor] That's no good.
[Isla] What the hell was that?
He literally made 100 of these motherfuckers yesterday.
He's just embarrassed.
[Isla sighs]
I'm still getting paid, right?
[siren wailing in the distance]
[door opens]
Hey, babe, sorry to barge in like this, but I have to vent.
[Lev] Okay, Isla--
Maybe my dad was right to keep me out of the front office.
Am I even built to handle a job like this?
-Isla, I-- -I know what you'll tell me.
My dad was an emotional tyrant,
treated his family like employees, his employees like dogs,
but maybe that's how you need to act to fucking make it in this business.
[boy] You just said a bad word.
That's Wes.
That's why I was gonna say maybe we should have this discussion later.
No, no, I have to have it right now.
I'm sorry, kid.
Okay, Isla, please.
You are the opposite of your dad, okay?
You are caring, and you are thoughtful,
and you can admit when you are wrong,
and that is what makes you a good boss.
[Isla sighs]
You're right.
[scoffs] I gotta drive back to the office and apologize to my dumbass brothers.
[Wes] That's two bad words.
He can count.
[Isla] Sorry.
[Lev] Goodbye.
-Bye. -Yeah.
[soft music playing]
What's up, Isla? Anything else you want to blame us for?
Or do you want to physically maim our older brother again?
-Did I shoot you in the eye? -No, that was a Popsicle stick.
I don't wanna talk about it, but the throat is all you.
And I have a giant welt on my groin, not that anyone's been down there lately.
The man already had a broken heart, and you bruised his ball bag.
-Are you happy? -[Isla] No.
Guys, sit down.
Please?
[sighs] I'm sorry. I should have known better.
But if you are the leaks…
-We aren't! -We aren't!
Okay, I believe you.
I just assumed the worst because you haven't always had my back.
You know, like when you tried to overthrow me with the board.
We have been loyal and supportive ever since,
which can be tough sometimes because you are a real asshole.
I mean, how long is it gonna take for you to trust us again?
I promise on the life of my fiancé, I trust you.
It's just killing me not knowing who this leak is.
Hey, one time, there was a rumor online that I had HPV.
And I do have it, but I didn't know who spread it.
The rumor, not the HPV. I spread the HPV.
But guess what?
-I'm at peace with that now. -It's a great story, Ness.
When you're in charge, this shit happens, okay?
You've got to get over it.
So, are we good?
Almost.
[upbeat music playing]
I'll give you both $10,000 if we don't do this.
Ten thousand dollars.
Hold on, don't do anything. [sighs] Oh God.
You know what? I should change my outfit because…
[screaming]
No! Ow! Ow! That hurts!
Ow! Ow!
[screams]
No! Fuck you! We're even!
[upbeat music continues]
Hey, yo, rookie.
You about to do those Betty White-ass free throws tonight?
[all laugh]
She was the best Golden Girl. Until the end, I would still hit.
Yo, yo.
Isla's on Sean Murphy.
Not once in my entire journalism career
have I ever been so egregiously accosted.
I'll let the footage speak for itself.
Have a look.
[Isla] Who's the leak? Tell whatever wife-beating Dagestani MMA fighter
that they can wait, and turn this off! Turn it off!
To make shit up and jeopardize a relationship
with my Most Valuable Player?
You really think I would trade Marcus Winfield?
Eat my ass.
-[Travis] Damn! -[players chuckle]
Damn, Marcus.
Boss lady ready to throw down for you, bro.
[Jay] All right, fellas, listen up. Starters tonight.
Travis, Badrag, Owens, Lewis, you're in for Marcus,
and Victor, you're in for Dyson.
Let's see if coming off the bench helps you.
[upbeat music playing]
♪ The greatest competition Is the beast from within ♪
♪ And, yeah, I spend my time Trying all the deadly sins ♪
♪ Yeah, I know… ♪
Damn it, Isla. How could you forget about the audio?
Honestly, I'll be lucky to have my job by the end of the night.
[upbeat music playing]
[crowd cheering]
What's up, Coach?
You good?
All good.
[upbeat music continues]
[Jackie] Sofia!
Hey. I was wondering if you wanted to get dinner with me tomorrow night?
My friend works at Outback and can comp us a Bloomin' Onion.
Yeah, I'm not free.
Oh, that's okay. What about Friday?
No, I'm not free ever.
For scummy, ran-through little fuckboys.
[girl 1] ooh!
What are you talking about?
Look your name up on TikTok and lose my number.
[girl 1] Damn, girl.
That's hot. [chuckles]
[soft music playing]
You're not gonna believe this, but I just fucked a Gordon.
No cap.
[Jackie snoring]
[soft music continues, fades]
[announcer] Midway through the 3rd quarter and LA needs a boost.
Jonson fouls Badrag.
Dyson, in for Victor.
Victor, come on.
[commentator] Checking in number 6, Dyson Gibbs.
[announcer] And Dyson is gonna check in for the first time tonight.
-Winfield to the cup. And one! -[whistle blows]
[crowd cheering]
[commentator] Marcus Winfield, two-point field goal,
going to the line for one free throw.
[announcer] And look at this,
Winfield is shooting this free throw underhanded.
Why is Marcus doing a granny shot?
He's showing Dyson it's okay.
-And the granny shot is good! -[cheering]
I don't think anyone's shot one of those since Archie Chambers, folks.
-[man 1] Yeah! -[man 2] Yeah!
["I'm No Cassanova" playing]
Good win tonight. That's a good Portland team we just beat.
And you wanted me to trade Marcus.
[phone chimes]
[Sean] Everyone loved your appearance on the show. Insane numbers.
Gotta have you on again.
[Isla] I'll come on your show, but you gotta tell me one thing.
Who was the leak?
-[Sean laughs] Nice try. -[phone whooshes]
[exhales]
["I'm No Cassanova" continues]
-[Sean] Yo, she asked me again. -[phone whooshes]
["I'm No Cassanova" continues]
♪ Play time is over Remember what I told ya'… ♪
[phone chimes]
♪ Baby, I just go where my heart go ♪
♪ And I'm rolling through Cleaner than a car show… ♪
-[phone chimes] -[Sean] I'd be careful.
♪ Yeah, I'm no Rico Suave ♪
♪ Yeah, I just do it my way, uh ♪
♪ Do you copy, copy? You might not know that much about me ♪
♪ But I'm no Prince Charming, yeah I know it's quite alarming ♪
♪ And I'm just getting started ♪
♪ No need to comment I beg your pardon ♪
♪ Well, enough about me Let's get right into the program ♪
♪ We could run a play But I'mma be the go-to man ♪
♪ Head to the dope man Slap to the soul man ♪
♪ Get into it, old man We rockin' with the homie ♪
♪ You shakin' like you the man Like you confident ♪
♪ We do it every day And never turn it off and on ♪
♪ Till the sun dawn Even on a Sunday mornin' ♪
♪ We keep the motor runnin' Hotter than a fire ♪
-♪ Don't start nothin' ♪ -♪ Don't start nothin' ♪
-♪ Won't be nothin' ♪ -♪ Won't be nothin' ♪
-♪ Don't start nothin' ♪ -♪ Don't start nothin' ♪
-♪ Won't be nothin' ♪ -♪ Won't be nothin' ♪
-♪ Don't start nothin' ♪ -♪ Don't start nothin' ♪
-♪ Won't be nothin' ♪ -♪ Won't be nothin' ♪
-♪ Don't start nothin' ♪ -♪ Don't start nothin' ♪
-♪ Won't be nothin' ♪ -♪ Won't be nothin' ♪
[music fades]