[marker scribbles]
[upbeat music playing]
[Isla] I don't want to speak too soon,
but it seems like ol' Isla Gordon has turned the Waves around.
Since Marcus gave Dyson the confidence to shoot free throws granny-style,
our opponents can't foul us late in games.
We've won three in a row…
-Morning. -[woman] Morning.
[Isla] …and are now only three games out of making the playoffs.
-Hi. -[man] Morning.
Nico!
[Isla] Basically, I'm killing it.
I even finished my gallon of water before 9:30.
Jackie, can you refill my jug?
[Isla] Which means I have to pee.
[music fades]
Jackie?
[moaning, chuckling]
[chuckles]
[moans]
That's the greatest thing to happen to me.
Really?
Including finding out I'm in a family of billionaires.
[exhales]
Oh my God.
I'm so late.
Tell Travis I say hi. [chuckles]
[upbeat music playing]
Yeah, I'll let her know right away.
Oh man.
"Imagine fumbling this bag."
I did fumble that bag.
[Isla] Hey.
Where were you this morning? I had to make my own smoothie.
The kitchen's a mess. I just left it. I walked away.
Oh, sorry. I, um… [clears throat]
I had to stop on my way in and… vote.
Oh shit. We have to do that again?
Ah, no, it's just a local measure.
They're trying to ban…
stop signs.
Well, I hope you voted for it so you can get here on time.
Actually, Ness's assistant just called.
They wanna see you in the conference room right away.
Next time, tell me the urgent message before you do your online stalking.
-[whimsical music playing] -Oh.
-[man 1] Pick it up! -[man 2] Let's go! Let's go!
The Waves are facing an existential threat from inside the organization.
This is something I've never encountered before. Don't know how to get out of this.
Please do not tell me we have another secret brother.
I can't remember any more names.
No, it is much worse than that, and not nearly as adorable.
[Sandy] This is Travis's mom, Bonnie Bugg.
She is an opinionated northern Florida momager,
which normally, who cares?
None of these players' parents are a real walk in the park.
I can handle the overeager parent wanting to talk about their kids' playing time,
but Bonnie is built different.
She comes on the court during practice. She's calling plays.
She is criticizing my players.
She told Badrag he's getting fat.
The guy already has body-image issues. Now we're food journaling together.
Okay, so just tell Travis to send his mom back to Florida.
Do you not understand the relationship between pro players and their moms?
I guess not.
It's the most codependent relationship in the history of human relationships.
These young men come from nothing. Their moms have sacrificed their lives
to get their sons where they are today.
We're talking food stamps,
we're talking midnight shifts on Christmas Eve at the tire factory.
The point is, these guys trust these women more than anyone in the world,
and I can't get between them.
But you want me to. Why? Because I'm a woman?
No, this is your problem
because you refused to trade Travis back to Florida…
-Oh God. -…so she moved here.
Now, Isla, you are gonna have to deal with the consequences of your decision.
Isla, the playoffs are just around the corner,
and we can't afford any bumps. And she is bumpy as hell.
Okay, fine. I'll do it. No big deal.
Moms love me.
I mean, not ours, but others.
[indistinct chatter]
[upbeat music playing]
[Jackie] What are you doing tonight?
Want to come over for Shake Shack and…
Street parking is limited. I recommend a rideshare--
-Excuse me. -Sorry.
-Oh my God. Mr. Ramirez. -Jackie Moreno.
We've never been properly introduced. Nice to meet you.
It is an honor, sir.
Actually, I got my appendix removed
at the Stephen Ramirez wing at Children's Hospital.
My mom said it was the first time she'd seen a Latino name on a building.
Thank you. They were very helpful with my son's eczema.
Now, he has perfect forearms.
You're such a pillar of our community. I mean, you, Sonia Sotomayor, Fluffy.
Thank you.
I must say, I never approved of Jack Gordon's lifestyle,
but seeing you fit in here makes me think that some good came of his proclivities.
Keep up the good work.
-You too. -Thanks.
[door opens]
-[door shuts] -[zipper unzips]
[yells]
[Bonnie] Yes, there you go. It's open. Open.
There you go. That's what I'm talking about.
Good practice, everybody.
I'm telling you, that is what I'm talking about.
That was a great pass.
See how you're shooting? You don't need no analytics.
Your spots are the same as in high school.
-Left elbow, middie, right corner, three. -Left elbow, middie, right corner, three.
Ooh, that's what I'm talking about. [kisses] I love this boy.
I love you so much. I'll see you at home.
And don't eat. I'm making your favorite. Trash bag chicken.
-Thanks, Mom. -I love you.
-Oh, trash bag chicken. Save me a piece. -[Bonnie] Oh!
-Isla Gordon. -I know who you are.
I have you on my vision board of my favorite feminists.
It's you, Paula Deen, and the brave Megyn Kelly.
Here, give me a hug. Bring it in. Ooh!
Oh, that's so kind. It's so nice to meet you finally, Mrs. Bugg.
That is too formal. You call me Bonnie or Lady Bugg.
I'm trying to get that going.
-I'll stick with Bonnie. -Perfect.
I just wanted to say it's amazing to see your commitment to Travis.
Well, thank you.
Not a lot of people know the determination it takes to get to this level, but you do.
-You are so kind. I just wanted to ask-- -When Travis's daddy left, it was tough.
Fun fact, he was the last man in Florida to get the electric chair.
Oh my God.
-No, on't worry. He deserved it. -[sighs]
The point is, after they crisped him up, I said to myself,
"I'mma do anything for that boy."
And that's why I turned to stripping.
Oh, dancing to pay the bills. That is an admirable thing to do.
Oh, no. There was no dancing involved.
Just getting naked in front of a bunch of rednecks and Air Force pilots.
But it let me raise my boy and encourage his gifts.
That's great.
You get it.
You know, it's funny, when I first learned
you were the reason my Travis is not gonna be traded back to Florida,
well, pfft, I wanted to kill you.
-Oh. -I was fixing to murder you, you know?
Just dig a hole in the desert and throw you in there,
and make it look like your fiancé did it.
But now Travis is playing better than ever.
You did not make it easy on him, so he had to grow.
And so did I.
Look at me in California. And I am eating salads that are not mayonnaise-based.
I appreciate you.
-I love the end of what you just said. -Mmm, came from the heart.
Bonnie, listen, I'm just gonna give this to you straight.
I need you to be more of an observer
and less of a participant during practices.
[inhales sharply]
[Bonnie] Mm-hmm. Mm-mm.
Okay.
Because it's you asking, I'mma go ahead and say yes. [laughs]
Look at us, see?
A couple of ex-strippers talking. What can't we do?
-I was not a stripper. -Oh, of course you weren't.
She was not a stripper, ever. [laughs] Come on, bring it in. Let me feel it.
Yeah, that's money right there. Ooh!
-All right. Off you go. -Okay.
Boy, those pilots would have loved you.
Full thrusters all ahead. [laughs]
Yes, there she goes.
[phone line ringing]
Hey, it's Charlie. I can't come to the phone.
-I'm with a very important client. -[dog barks]
But I'll return as soon as I can.
-[voicemail beeps] -Hey, Charlie, it's me… Sandy. Um…
I know we're not technically, uh, talking,
uh, but found that AirPod you were missing.
Is it AirPod? EarPod? Air Bud?
Nope. No, that is a… That's a movie about dogs,
which you love.
Uh, but I… I have it if you need it.
Um, I could drop it off anytime.
Uh…
Hope you're well. Love you.
[inaudible]
Uh…
Uh, goodbye.
Damn it.
-[whimsical music playing] -[knocks on door]
Hey, you got a minute?
Yeah. Three forty-nine, three fifty.
I can do that later. What's going on?
Oh.
I just-- I need some advice. I'm… I'm having problems with my…
you know, down there.
When I pee, it feels like fire is coming out.
Oh yeah. You got chlamydia, dawg.
Are you sure it's not kidney stones?
Have you been eating too many beets lately or fucking?
-I never had a beet in my life. -There you go.
You're gonna be fine, okay?
I won't get into specifics, but I've been down that road.
Got the clap in Amsterdam, '98, Fatboy Slim concert.
I got crabs hooking up in the Hard Rock pool in Vegas.
Chlamydia? That's like the sniffles.
What does this mean? What do I do?
What you're gonna do is see the team doctor, Dr. Haber, okay?
-He's discreet. He's a wizard with this. -Doesn't he just handle player injuries?
My sweet little angel.
I mean, STDs are like 80% of what team doctors deal with.
Thank you, Ness.
Yeah. Hey, you know what?
["Baby, Let Me Love You" by MacKenzie playing]
Congrats on all the sex.
♪ Can't seem to get you out of my head ♪
[Bonnie] You know, I really like that Isla lady.
She's smart, she's a straight shooter, and I did a little research.
I think her boobs are real.
Well, she really won me over.
Yeah, she's cool.
Oh, and good news. I got you a fancy new brand deal.
Yo!
-Did Old Spice call back? -Oh, better.
Pensacola Springs Car Wash and Mini Golf.
Regional?
Mama, I thought we said we were gonna hold out for something national.
Honey, we got to make money while we can.
Those Mormons are putting $15,000 in our pockets.
Plus, they threw in some free car washes.
With blackout dates, mornings only, no SUVs.
Whatever. Can I get some pills?
My knee's been yelling at me for hours.
Not pills.
One pill.
Can I get two tonight?
Do you want to make it no pills or do a three-peat at rehab,
and this time everyone finds out?
Look, honey, you are playing better than you ever have.
But if they find out that your knee's messed up,
you're not gonna get that extension, okay?
We've just got to hang tough for a little while longer.
-Okay? -Yep. Yeah, fine.
Why don't you go on the porch and swing this bag of chicken around for your mama?
And don't worry about salmonella. That's a deep state lie, honey.
[upbeat music playing]
♪ Ooh la, la, la Ooh la, la, la ♪
♪ Ooh la, la, la… ♪
Good morning, dickheads.
So how'd it go with Bonnie?
We had a long conversation, and I drew two conclusions.
Which are?
She's a hero, and you three are sexist pigs.
-I'm not. -I'm not.
Wait, Malala married my ex-wife and me.
I don't know who that is,
but what Bonnie has overcome is nothing short of a miracle.
Single, working mom, husband was some BTK killer,
and she still got her son into the pros.
Okay, so did she agree to back off?
Yeah. All it took was a little kindness, gentlemen.
-Maybe you could learn from that. -You just called us dickheads.
Um, you're welcome.
You'll remember this when Charlize Theron gets ugly to play her in a movie.
I'd see that.
So, uh…
where you from, Doc?
Right outside Pittsburgh. Anyway, let's see your penis.
[zipper unzips]
-Can you say "ah"? -Ah.
I'm fucking with you. You have chlamydia.
Are you-- Are you serious? Can we maybe, like, run a blood test?
We could, if you want to waste a good needle.
I've seen dongs of every size, shape, color, affliction.
At this point, I can diagnose chlamydia by sight.
And gonorrhea by smell, which… [sniffs]
Nah, you're good on that front.
All right.
What am I gonna do?
You're gonna take a round of doxycycline, and it's gonna clear up.
-All right, playboy? -Wait, really?
Yeah, you're good.
But you should call any sexual partners you've had in the last 30 days or so
and let them know they should get tested.
Any way you could you do that for me? Like, as part of my health plan?
No. You can put your dick away.
Have a good one.
[upbeat music playing]
Hey, it's Jackie from…
sex.
[phone chimes]
[upbeat music continues]
[Isla] Ouch.
[gasps] Jesus, Bonnie!
Oh, Isla, I'm sorry.
I had a couple of breakfast Whoppers and had to take a little nap.
Oh, and you chose my office and took your shoes and socks off.
Mmm, well, whenever I have Burger King, it always gets my gout going.
Actually, I'm glad you're here. Have a seat.
Um, okay.
Is that one of them drinks from Erewhon?
I've heard about them.
Yeah. Do you want it?
Yes, please.
Oh gosh.
Look out, Hailey Bieber, here I come.
Mmm.
-Mm-mm. [gags] -Oh.
-Oh.
That's gone bad.
Do you want a napkin?
Bonnie, what can I help you with?
Well, I was thinking about our conversation, and you're right.
I can't just be waiting around for Travis all day.
I need my own thing.
I love that for you, Bonnie. Congratulations.
Great. So I can work for you.
Oh.
Not a lot of availability right now with the recession, the economy, COVID.
I get it, I get it.
It was a stupid idea. My husband always said I was a dumb bitch.
Oh God. I miss him so much.
Don't say that.
You are not a dumb bitch.
I just don't know what my i-den-tittie is.
What?
My i-den-tittie.
You know, the set of characteristics that makes one different from someone else.
-Oh yeah. Your identity. -That's what I said.
You know, my whole life, I've just been Travis Bugg's mama,
or the wife of the Kissimmee Killer.
I suppose that's all I'll ever be.
You know, maybe I'll go back to stripping.
Are there any Marine bases around here?
I don't know. I think that's more San Diego.
Look, Bonnie. You are so much more than Travis's mom.
Before I was the president, I was just Jack Gordon's daughter.
And this was not a place where women were given opportunities.
[soft music playing]
Until now.
Which is why you're gonna come work for me.
[laughs] I'm gonna be the vice president of the Waves!
Oh, no, that's not possible. But I'll find you a job.
God bless you, Isla Gordon.
You are my guardian angel.
So, what is it I'mma be doing?
[dramatic sting]
Absolutely fucking not.
Hear me out. This is an opportunity for you to mentor a strong woman
from a protected class.
Being the mother of a terrible rapper is not a protected class.
Come on. She's a nice old lady.
I thought Asian people respected their elders.
Yeah. Our elders.
Old white women are not my problem.
Well, it's happening. I'm sorry.
Bonnie, come in!
This is Ali Lee, the Waves Chief of Staff and my best friend.
-Best friend for now, am I right? [laughs] -Ow!
[all chuckle]
Isla, please don't do this.
Ali, you have lots to catch Bonnie up on. Bonnie, do everything she says.
I will. I'mma be real helpful.
But first, I'mma take a quick smoke break, okay?
Watch that for me.
[whimsical music playing]
[whimsical music continues]
-[Stephen] We need to talk. -[music halts]
Stephen!
Everybody's scaring me today.
Last night, after a long day at work,
I was looking forward to coming home and having some chicken parm
and watching The Masked Singer.
Instead, I was greeted by a sobbing wife who informed me that our precious daughter
needs to be tested for a sexually transmitted disease.
Oh, Stephen, I'm so sorry to hear that,
but this does feel more like a personal issue.
It was your brother who gave it to her.
What? Was that rehab, married, gay? No, Jackie. No, not Jackie.
Yes, Jackie.
-Stephen, I don't know what to say. -I need you to make this situation right.
So, uh, Jackie needs to marry Daniella?
What? No, no, she's a junior at USC.
How ethnic do you think I am?
I want Jackie gone.
-You want me to fire my brother? -Yes.
As chairman of the board, I've supported your family through thick and thin.
The least you can do is make sure I never see his face in here again. Ever.
Jackie!
He's not out there. He's been in the bathroom for 20 minutes.
Stephen said Jackie gave his daughter an STD.
-What? -Yeah.
Wait, that sweet little Disney mouse that sits outside the door?
-Yes. He wants me to fire him. -That's funny. I want you to fire someone.
-Ali, she can't be that bad. -She put Gatorade in the Keurig.
Drink it! It's fine!
I need to get to the game.
[whimsical music playing]
So, once again, I'm so sorry about this.
I-- I really hope you can forgive me.
-And if you do, I'd love to see you again. -[Isla] Hey!
-Ow. -Where have you been?
It is one thing for you to be late and MIA when I need a Diet Coke or M&M's.
It's another thing for you to be a disease-ridden skank!
Oh. N-- Did Ness tell you?
No, Stephen Ramirez did.
He thinks you gave his daughter chlamydia.
-I don't even know his daughter! -Apparently you do. Her name is Daniella.
Oh, D-Train?
-Yeah, I hit that. -How many girls have you slept with?
A lot. I'm sorry. Is Stephen gonna murder me?
Look, everyone is horny for everyone they work with,
but you don't do anything about it!
Especially with the chairman of the board's daughter!
Jackie, he wants me to fire you.
You're gonna fix this,
take accountability, handle it like a grown-up.
Okay, I can do that.
I'm so sorry. I'm not used to having this many girls interested in me.
Jackie, this is your life now.
You are a smart, good-looking guy who's a Gordon.
There'll be lots of opportunities to board lots of different trains.
-Wear a condom, you idiot! -I will. Always.
I'm-- I'mma go put one on right now.
You need to come to the Captain's Lounge and see what your feminist icon is up to.
[sighs]
Come on.
[upbeat music plays]
Everybody in here has to sign a waiver!
Can I get a Chardonnay with a tequila topping?
Bonnie, what the hell is going on here? What happened to you?
The gout started creeping up my leg. Thank goodness I found this wheelchair.
She stole it from the medical center. It's for injured players.
What is with this camera crew? Are you filming something?
Don't be mad, Isla,
but there I was working in your bossy little friend's office,
bored out of my mind.
Then I realized I can't be behind the scenes.
I have a story to tell.
It's called A Bugg's Life.
It's a reality show based on a plucky, underestimated woman,
reformed party girl, making it work in the world of men's sports.
That's my story.
Okay, we gotta get her out of here. Scott Disick is judging us.
[Bonnie] Oh! Oh hi!
You gotta let me talk to Scott Disick. I want him to introduce me to Kris Jenner.
-I don't think so. Let's go. -Ow!
-Get your hands off me, gay man! -Shhh.
Now grab a drink and throw it in my face. It'll be really good for the trailer.
Get the cameras down. I want them down right now! Thank you.
-It's all right. -Do not call my brother "gay man."
Technically, not an insult, but didn't love the tone.
You need to take your camera crew, and you need to leave immediately.
I see what's happening.
You're jealous of me.
You say you want to support women, but at the end of the day,
you're just like your daddy.
You know what, Bonnie?
Everyone said you were a huge problem, and I tried to see the good in you.
But they were right, and I was wrong.
You're bad news.
So get your fucking camera crew and wheel your ass back to Pensacola,
or I will have you dragged there.
[dramatic music builds, fades]
[commentator] And that wraps up our coverage.
The Waves pull out a close one here in LA.
-Coming out on top versus Seattle… -[sighs]
…108-105.
[Scott] Hey, great game tonight, Isla.
[Isla] Oh yeah.
They played hard.
Are you okay? It was crazy when that lady punched you in the face.
-Yeah. Thanks. -Okay, have a good one.
Hey.
Hey, uh, are you all right? I heard Bonnie Bugg knocked you out cold.
Yeah, I was out for, like, two minutes, but I'm fine.
Glad to hear it, yeah.
So, um, look…
I would never be one of those people who says I told you so,
but seeing how events played out this evening…
Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I called you a sexist.
I will never trust a woman again.
-No, that's not what I was going for. -Too late. I hate women.
[chuckles]
Okay, well, um, are you allowed to have a drink?
Oh God, please.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
-[upbeat music playing] -[Isla sighs]
[music fades]
Thanks for, um, suggesting this. It's actually… This is nice.
Yeah.
I couldn't let you spend another night at home being sad, jerking it.
Will you please have one meal where you don't bring up masturbation
before the bread basket comes?
-Mm-hmm, yeah. -Thank you.
Oh my God.
-What, the tartare? -No. Charlie's here.
He's with someone. Do not look.
Don't, don't. Stop.
Don't. Stop looking.
[Ness] Who is the guy he's with?
[Sandy] Who cares? Stop looking.
-Quit looking. Will you… -[sighs] He saw me.
-So? -We've got to go over now.
-No, we don't. -Yeah, come on.
-He already saw me. -That doesn't--
It would be rude. Come on. Come with me.
God, I'll kill you.
Hey.
-Hey, Ness. Sandy. -[Ness] What's up, Charlie?
Hello. Hey.
Left you a voicemail earlier about your, uh, AirPod.
Never heard back. Just, um… Just need to know what to do with it.
You can just throw it out.
Uh, Ness, Sandy, this is Bryson.
[Ness] Nice to meet you.
Can I just say, you are in incredible shape.
-I should be. I'm a personal trainer. -So, what's, uh… What's going on here?
You guys just finished your workout, grabbing a quick bite as friends, or…?
This is a date.
Charlie signed up for a free session at my gym.
He said he wanted to get a revenge bod.
But by the time we were done stretching his hamstrings,
-which are perfect, by the way… -[laughs]
…I just knew I had to ask this sweet, sweet man out.
-That was like a month ago? -It was three weeks. Take it easy.
While I got you, no matter what I do, I got these flabby lats.
-Is that genetic, or…? -So, you've been dating for three weeks?
-We broke up a month ago. -No, it was actually five weeks ago.
At your sister's engagement party that I wasn't invited to.
Yeah, so my boyfriend of one year moves on after three weeks.
We'll just head back to the table. It was wonderful to meet you, Bryson.
Real quick, do you have a business card or Instagram handle?
Just, the lat-- You know what? Not the time. I felt that.
Good night.
Look, we've got our foot on the gas. We've just got to keep up the momentum.
It'll be easier now that that sociopath isn't up in your shit.
[both chuckle]
Did I tell you she slashed my tires?
Yeah.
How does it look now? Is it fine?
All right, well…
you know, you're gonna have a little shiner, but,
it'd take a lot to fuck up that face. It's a good one.
[soft music playing]
[phone chimes]
Oh, look. My Uber is here.
Anderson. He's arriving soon.
-Yep. -So, I should go.
Yeah, don't keep him waiting.
Have a good night.
I'll see you later.
[soft music continues]
[upbeat music playing]
Mr. Ramirez!
-Mr. Ramirez! -What the hell do you want?
This is for you.
It's an Edible Arrangement.
-It's the biggest one they had. -It's mostly honeydew.
I need to apologize for my behavior.
I have the utmost respect for you,
your daughter, your family, your ancestors.
I'm so sorry I dishonored her. Or you.
And?
And I'm also a shithead.
And I will go to church every week.
Day?
Listen to me.
You're a Gordon now, but you're not the same as them.
You can't act like they do. They can afford to make mistakes.
People like us are held to a higher standard.
You're so right, Mr. Ramirez. You've given me a lot to think about.
Well, not so fast, punk.
If you ever see my daughter again…
I will kill you.
And I'm a very rich man. I will get away with it.
Hmm?
That makes sense, sir.
That is all.
Goodbye.
[upbeat music continues]
[sighs]
[exhales]
[music fades]
[Jackie] Excuse me, Isla? There's someone here to see you.
[Isla] Oh, uh, come in.
Travis, I know you're probably mad at me, but your mother crossed the line,
and she had to go.
Look.
Have you ever heard that song by 2Pac, "Dear Mama,"
where he's talking about how amazing his mother is?
Well… [sighs]
I don't feel that way at all. [scoffs]
If I had to make a song about my mom, it'd probably be like…
♪ Yo, Bonnie, why you gotta be a pain? ♪
♪ Ugh, now I gotta throw Mama From the train ♪
Wait, you're okay with this?
What about the kisses?
What about the trash bag chicken?
Obviously, I love that old bitch,
but she's got some really bad ideas for my career.
And she's always all up in my shit. Like, I can't have girls over.
-Okay. -That is not sustainable!
-Okay. -I need to release, know what I'm saying?
-No need to paint such a vivid picture. -I just wanted to let you know.
["Dark Red" by Steve Lacy playing]
Hey, and, um, for real,
thank you.
You're welcome.
♪ Something bad is 'bout to happen to me ♪
♪ I don't know what But I feel it coming… ♪
All right, I'll see you guys out there.
♪ Might be so sad Might leave my nose running ♪
♪ I just hope she don't wanna leave me ♪
♪ Don't you give me up Please don't give up on me ♪
♪ I belong with you and only you, baby ♪
♪ Only you, my girl, only you, babe ♪
♪ Only you, darling, only you, babe ♪
♪ Only you, my girl, only you, babe ♪
♪ Only you, darling, only you ♪
♪ Something bad is 'bout to happen to me ♪
♪ Why I feel this way I don't know maybe ♪
♪ I think of her so much It drives me crazy ♪
♪ What if she's fine? ♪
♪ It's my mind that's wrong ♪
♪ And I just let bad thoughts ♪
♪ Linger for far too long ♪
♪ What if she's fine? ♪
♪ It's my mind that's wrong ♪
♪ And I just let bad thoughts ♪
♪ Linger for far too long ♪
♪ Don't you give me up ♪
♪ Please don't give up on me ♪
♪ I belong with you and only you, baby ♪
♪ Only you, my girl, only you, babe ♪
♪ Only you, darling, only you, babe ♪
♪ Only you, my girl, only you, babe ♪
♪ Only you, darling, only you ♪
[music fades]