Ready? Camera rolling.
Action...
How's it?
What are you guys shooting?
Hello, sir. Which country?
Baagadpur.
A small town on the outskirts of the industrial city of Mujeerabad.
For this story, my contact put me in touch with two reporters
who work for the local newspaper.
Mujeerabadi Zalzala!
Guys, camera!
Hello.
My name is Bhawra Pandey.
Civic and Crime reporter, Mujeerabadi Zalzala.
I like Kim Kardashian and...
This is...
Stop gawping and say something.
Myself Kattanni.
Writer, horoscope column.
My likes, space technology, moon, rockets, shuttles...
Okay, okay, now tell us why we're here.
- Hindi? - Yeah.
You are one smart cookie, huh!
You see Baagadpur very anti...
Anti...?
Old and anti...
Ahh...antique...ancient.
Yes, ancient.
I'll tell you about an old tradition of Baagadpur.
Catch Marriage.
- Bride kidnapping. - Yes.
See...it's like this... When...
When...boy...
Can I speak in Hindi?
- Of course. - So the thing is...
When a guy falls in love with a girl...
...he can get the girl kidnapped and then marry her.
Catch...marriage.
Let's take him to Babban's place.
Does he have a contract?
Do you want to see the catch marriage?
Do you want to see?
Yes, please.
Come, come. We'll show you...
During the heydays...
...the groom would kidnap the bride on his own.
But times are rough nowadays.
So now these are done on contract basis.
- Contract? - Contract.
Guniya Shakeel And Co.
Catch Marriage Experts. See...
- How are you, grandma? - All good, son.
They work around the clock.
Guys, is this a movie being made?
- Buddy, have you started dieting? - Yes I did.
Don't point the camera that way. He'll shoot you in the a**. Stop.
Kattanni.
He is the groom.
Facial for the special day?
He's congratulating you.
That is Pandit bhai and Riyaz bhai.
They do a good job.
Hey, Hollywood, there, not here.
That girl my wife...
To-be. Will-be?
Let's pray they kidnap her.
We're about to witness a bride kidnapping.
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Leave me.
Okay, best friend, goodbye.
This is how they catch and now marriage...
Catch Marriage.
Let us keep playing. It's a common routine.
Hello, they got the girl.
Why didn't anybody help her?
It's an age-old tradition that runs through the veins of Baagadpur.
People say that we're breaking the law.
But the law isn't above tradition.
It is said that India lives in several centuries at the same time.
- She is here. - Leave me.
Where is the camera?
Hi!
Aunty is here. Aunty is here.
Careful. Be gentle.
There you are, my child. You must be tired.
Drink some water.
Even we'll have some water.
It's okay. We all got married in a similar fashion.
It's okay.
Oh God!
You better show her, her place mom.
Or I'll beat the living daylights out of her.
Sisters-in-laws already got off on the wrong foot.
Aunty seems insecure.
Look at this beautiful necklace.
Made of pure gold. 24-carats.
My son's an engineer. He earns well.
He'll treat you like a princess.
Just say Yes, dear.
[Regional song continue]
Don't pinch, I won't fall asleep.
You can't fall asleep, son-in-law or else the witch will show up.
Remember, she has her eyes on the weddings.
If the groom falls asleep she will steal your bride away.
Ah! So the singing and dancing should continue through the night.
[Regional song]
Come and dance.
Come on.
'Remember, she has her eyes on the weddings.'
'If the groom falls asleep' she will steal your bride away.'
If you have a mean friend, life can still sail...
But if your girlfriend is mean, life is hell.
Wow!
So guys today I'll tell you about
three kinds of lovers you should stay away from.
The grumbling type... the failing type... the farting type.
[Ringtone playing on phone]
Boss.
Crime Reporter Bhawra Pandey reporting, boss.
What crime reporter?
My newspaper is called Mujeerabadi Zalzala.
Our newspaper has not reported a single good story since last month
Well...it's wedding season, boss.
So everyone's busy celebrating.
But don't worry, boss.
I have an inkling...
Something big is going to happen.
And when it does, you'll be the first to get the breaking news, boss.
That's why I am going to the city.
Bravo.
Is your sidekick with you?
Yes, he's here, boss.
I am sending you a picture on WhatsApp.
Pick her up at 12 o'clock from the railway hospital.
Pick her up?
Kidnapping?
We've never done it alone, boss.
- Send Pandit and Riyaz. - Huh...
Pandit-Riyaz.
Boss, if you could send Pandit and Riyaz...
It's wedding season.
Pandit and Riyaz are taking on four assignments in a day.
The girl will be alone with just her father in tow.
Get her straight to the community wedding hall.
Boss...
New trouble...
Who were you calling a sidekick?
The sidekick.
Sit straight.
I am just changing gears.
Don't get too excited.
Bhawra bro...
Don't you feel our life's meaningless?
I don't feel it, I know it
Everyone in Bagadpur has got someone.
But you and I have only got each other.
Same old Guniya Boss, Same old terrace of ours.
You know, Alam Mast is planning to send cars in space.
The Tesla kind.
And look at us, same old.
Alam. Do you mean Riyaz's uncle?
He's sending cars to space!
Incredible.
Try to dream beyond Bagadpur.
Kattanni, I always dream big.
After reporting a dozen sensational crime cases
I'll go straight to Noida.
And get my own primetime show.
'Tonight...the world wants to know.'
It'll be awesome.
The American said that the news channels have gorgeous girls.
Means...
Of course! And you just see how I will lure them.
My leather boots, my black suit...
...and the James Bond like bowtie...
The girls will have to fall for me at first sight.
But I'll fall for only one.
The spiritual kind.
She will walk towards me in slow-motion. My space-beauty.
Only a witch will fall for you.
Space beauty.
She's here.
Who?
Your witch...
I'll distract the father while you bring the car around.
Then I'll get hold of the girl in an instant, and...
- and jump in the car immediately... - Stop. Stop. Get going already.
If she disappears in the crowd
the boss will beat us left, right, and centre.
Let's go.
[sanskrit shlok chants]
Star-sign?
Leave us alone. Let us go.
Come.
I'll leave you alone
but what about the one that's stuck to you like a glue.
Your daughter's stars are in serious jeopardy.
You behave like a Piscean.
Hear this...
The black hole's gravitational force is creating severe problems for Pisceans.
Birds might poop on you
and neighbours might coup on you.
Need a fix?
Avoid shampoos
and comb your hair seven times before leaving from home
and carry the comb in your pocket.
Do this and you will be blessed from the stars of Milky Way...
...also remember, Lucky Number's 5
Lucky colour purple.
Leave us alone.
Don't ignore this.
Hear me out.
Take this money and leave.
If you squander your wealth like this
then what will you save for your daughter's wedding?
Where the hell is Bhawra?
You're taking this prediction too lightly, uncle.
Papa!
- Come on. - Papa!
Leave her.
Come on.
Bring her in.
Rascal. Leave her.
- Leave my child. Leave. - Uncle, don't abuse.
- Now you're behaving rudely. - Papa!
- Bhawra, you also come.
Leave my child.
Come fast.
Stay back.
- Start the car. - Leave me.
- Hurry up! - Guys, what are you doing?
Mind your own business, bro.
Stay back!
Somebody stop them.
Speed up. Faster.
Take reverse.
Papa.
You took forever to show up.
She is strong like Dara Singh...
Bump your heads again. Or fate would get you bitten by a black dog.
Oh no!
Use this chloroform.
Hurry up.
Give it to me.
Done?
Oh, Jesus.
I guess, she knows martial arts.
One for the fate...
Bhawra...
Boss...
Catch Marriage specialists
Bhawra Pandey and Kattanni reporting, boss.
It's cancelled.
What's cancelled?
The wedding is cancelled.
The inspector accidentally shot the groom's uncle while doing snake-dance.
Can't we ban this snake-dance at weddings?
As such most things get banned here.
Gamchu's dad...
Always flirts with some aunty while doing snake-dance.
Not to forget Chandrabhan...
Tries to slip under any women's skirt while doing snake-dance.
Boss, you should cancel the snake-dance, not the wedding.
Shut up!
Now, listen carefully.
The groom's uncle is dead. The wedding stands cancelled.
It is postponed till his funeral.
Will you stop that bloody lightening?
Take the girl to our wood factory in Ambiyapur.
Keep her there for a week. Treat her well.
But boss, that place has no TV or cellphone network.
We'll even miss the next episode of Roadies.
And I won't be able to do my horoscopes out there...
We're not staying for a week in Ambiyapur.
Boss...
What if we abandon her outside Sheila Cinema...
...and next week Pandit and Riyaz can kidn...
- Hello? - Did he hang up?
- Boss? Hello? - He hung up.
WhatsApp him.
WhatsApp him now.
Send Pandit and Riyaz...
Ambiyapur.
Stupid uncle gets shot and we have to go to the graveyard.
What is this place?
Please...
Don't fall. Don't fall.
Here...
- Sit. - I want to go back to my father.
Sit here.
Careful.
Breaking news.
Tonight... boys peeing in the open encounter a vampire!
Dracula offers Bloodiest Mary!
Bhawra Pandey, reporting for Zalzala.
How is it?
Go offer your boss that Bloodiest Mary.
He totally embarrassed me in front of that lady.
As if you have some reputation amongst the girls...
I have seen your choices in women.
Some have ugly moles, some even have moustaches.
Remember watching Avatar.
You fell in love with the blue creature in it.
She was much better than your girl in Titanic.
What a selfish woman.
Took the wooden plank for herself and left Jack to drown.
Jack drowned in her love.
It's called sacrifice.
- Huh, sacrifice... - Where's the omelette?
Get a plate.
What a rubbish looking omelette
Do you want some rubbish scrambled eggs?
Roohi.
Roohi...
Roohi, I've got dinner.
Do you like eggs?
Roohi.
Playing hide-n-seek with me.
Don't be scared. It's just an omelette.
Roohi.
Don't do this please, boss will mash us up.
Kattanni! Kattanni!
Kattanni! Kattanni! Kattanni!
Come on.
Where are you taking me?
She...
crawling on the wall.
You got scared of a lizard.
Not a lizard.
She's a ghost. She will eat us, Kattanni.
Why? She doesn't like eggs?
I...I...did get her eggs.
But as I entered, the room was empty.
Windows were sealed, so darkness was plenty...
Just then I saw an image of an evil entity.
Like a devilish humpty dumpty.
The plate slipped from me seeing that monstrosity...
Seeing the ghost, I pissed in my pants with severity...
- A ghost? - Yes.
- The girl is a ghost? - Yes.
She is.
- Come on, Bhawra. - No.
- Come on. - Where are you taking me?
She is very dangerous, Kattanni?
She will devour us. She looked at me cross-eyed...
- What are you blabbering? - Don't go. Kattanni. Kattanni!
Don't go, Kattanni.
She is very dangerous. She looked at me cross-eyed...
Kattanni...
She will devour us.
On the wall...
- Please... - Take a look first...
See...
Poor thing is just eating eggs.
And she'll devour us?
See, she's even scared of a cockroach.
Nothing happened.
It's just a side-effect of your brain.
You might be hallucinating, Bhawra.
Come, I'll give you a head massage and you'll feel refreshed.
Come on. Such a coward.
But...
Hallucination.
Excuse me.
Me?
Food...
Huh?
Food!
More?
I haven't eaten anything since morning.
Please...
"Take a sneak peek of your loved one."
"O heart, reveal gently to her."
"Don't tell her everything just yet"
"break it to her little by little."
"Take a sneak peek of your loved one."
"O heart, reveal gently to her."
Thank you.
Okay.
She has a lizard like body, but her diet is like of a dinosaur.
The whole egg basket is over.
What are we going to eat?
We will manage, come on.
Any suspects?
We live in a joint family.
All of us live together.
When I reached home, they were happy about her.
Happy on hearing about kidnapping?
Unfortunately, yes.
Here's another picture of her.
You got two daughters?
No.
Roohi sometimes looks like this.
Is this a joke?
What kind of a picture is this?
A year ago she was supposed to get married.
Look...your wife is here.
Isn't she pretty?
Yes, very beautiful.
Do something different for a change.
You can't always make the same facial expression.
Come up with a different expression.
Last month, boss was asking...
...why do all corpses of Baagadpur look familiar?
All the bulls in Baagadpur look familiar too, like your boss
Does that mean they are the same bulls?
Don't do this.
I'll come up with something.
I'll need more makeup.
You look more of a corpse without the makeup.
Such a thankless guy you are.
Hurry up.
"You've tried the lavish kind before"
"who gives you more tears than joys, a wrong deal."
"If you want to fall in love"
"then fall for someone closer to your heart."
"The more careless you were"
"the more careful you must be."
"You don't have to give all your love at once"
"love me in small instalments."
Kattanni!
Breaking news!
Werewolves create havoc in Mujeerabad!
Zombies run amok.
Ghost...
Zombie...International!
Ghost!
Guess, this was too terrifying for him.
Come on.
Show me the pic.
- Now show me. - Yes, boss.
I see...so that's the ghost's pic.
Lady...its a lady ghost.
Lady.
Show it to me, Kattanni.
Too much crossfit has blurred my eyesight.
Show him.
Well...
Boss...
I...I...
I think it's in zoom mode.
Is it, Bhawra?
Bravo. Now zoom out.
Show me where's the ghost!
It's in his mind, boss.
He's hallucinating about the ghost.
What are you blabbering, Kattanni?
Sorry, boss...
Boss... Boss... I could be hallucinating once but not twice.
I would've clicked a clearer picture
but her reflection jumped out of the mirror, Boss...
She glared at me like the movie Terminator...
Boss.
How could you leave her all alone?
Swear on your pecs, boss. She is a ghost.
I'll pull your souls out and put it on a leash.
For the last time...
...if you create any more hurdles, I'll pull your balls out!
Hold on a minute. The boss is busy.
- What? - Keep this money
and head straight to the wood factory.
- Boss... - Let's just go, Bhawra.
No...
My balls are stuck.
Mum, will you keep doing cardio or lift some weights too?
Lost 90 calories, son, just five more to go.
Why is this happening with me?
Kattanni.
See that, post mortem of a poor deer.
I can see that.
Someone's cast a spell on you.
Spell?
I'll go give a burger to the girl.
Kattanni.
Not burger, but burgers.
Bhawra!
Bhawra, come quickly. Bhawra!
Hurry up.
- What happened? - She escaped.
What?
Don't you see that? She escaped.
You check in the forest, I'll look in the factory.
Wait...
Don't be over smart.
Me in the forest, you in the factory...
What will she do in the factory if she wants to escape?
Might be waiting for the rain to stop.
She tore through the roof and escaped, you think rain will scare her!
Stupid.
She's showing some superpowers...
You are right.
She went through the roof.
No, no...
You're absolutely right.
But let's reverse roles.
I'll check in the factory and you check in the forest.
Okay?
And don't be scared. I am there.
But keep shouting my name.
Bhawra!
Kattanni!
Roohi!
Bhawra!
Kattanni!
Wow...
Didn't I tell you she will be in the factory?
I was chased by the crows for no reason.
And you both are playing games here.
I'll play too.
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, Catch a tiger by the toe.
If he hollers, let him go...
Tag. You're in.
Toilet.
Toi...
- Toilet? - Yeah.
Toilet.
I know it now...
...your plan is to scare Bhawra and give us the slip.
He's been scared since last night.
You must be thinking we will harm you...
...wait till you find out how kind we are...
You will be happy to know why we 'kidnapped' you...
You get it...
Look, I can't tell you clearly...
But since you're a special case...
...try and solve this riddle...
Guess why we brought you here.
Bells will ring aloud...
Fireworks will soar above...
Matches are made in heaven but what causes that match to happen?
Can you hear me?
Bells will ring aloud...
Fireworks will soar above...
Matches are made in heaven...
...but what causes that match to happen?
Marriage!
"I am your...Superman."
"Superman."
"You are my...lady."
"Lady..."
"We're in love...already."
"Super...Super...Super...Superman!"
Glory to Goddess!
What are you doing, Bhawra?
Glory to Goddess!
Can you see her now?
She's a Lady-Hulk. Two in one!
Glory to Goddess!
If I hadn't arrived on time she would've blown your candles out for good.
You said I was hallucinating.
You got my balls crushed from boss too...
Now shall I unleash her on you?
Shall I?
Do you still want to take her to pee?!
Glory to Goddess!
Unchain her.
Careful.
It's alright. Everything's alright.
Poor thing.
Who?
Who else?
Are you blind?
Weren't you too harsh on her in the forest?
She is a woman, after all.
She isn't a woman.
She is a vicious soul who has possessed poor Roohi.
Remember, when those old ladies would get possessed in our town...
...they used to fall unconscious in seconds...
...but Roohi is gravely possessed.
She's in a lot of trouble, Kattanni.
We must do something.
Right, bro...
We must do something.
What's all this?
Breakfast...
Lunch, dinner.
But I'm a vegetarian.
Don't be so selfish.
The other one prefers non-vegetarian food.
Abracadabra...
What are you doing?
This book has all the spells to recall 'the other one'
The summoning spell first.
Abracadabra...
For what?
Introduction.
See, we both have met...
...but I couldn't introduce myself to the other one...
Please cooperate.
Abracadabra...
What is this way... to introduce yourself?
Ah...ya
I too had doubts on this technique.
Let's try the Hollywood way.
As in Exercise of Imli.
When they hold the cross like this, the girl transforms.
Power of Holy!
You're crying.
- Untie me. - Wait, I'll untie you.
By the way, you're such a snub.
You turn into a Wonder Woman in front of Bhawra.
Would he have untied you?
Why did you untie her?
Last night we had a little trouble, so...
...he tied you up
Sorry.
No need to worry.
Paan?
Not too sweet, not too spicy,
flavorful, dates, aniseed, cloves, and nuts.
How polite?
Why don't you offer her booze too?
Offering betel leaf to a young girl that too at breakfast.
She might get ulcers.
Look at that.
Who is he?
Spitting as if this is some government office.
Come outside, I'll tell you.
- Why? - Come out.
No spitting allowed here.
Shut up for God's sake, I'll be back.
Come.
What?
Who on earth is he?
Giving betel leaf for breakfast?
Control your tone.
The father of all exorcists...
...he is an expert witch hunter.
Open your mouth, dear.
Don't be scared.
Be brave.
Do witch hunters look like him?
What are you getting into?
How cliched are you?
Google him
He's exorcized 135 ghosts.
And has got 250 followers on Instagram.
Chew it.
He's known for his magical concoctions.
As soon as the paan goes in, the possessing spirit comes out.
His paan is the solution for Roohi's all problems.
Thanks.
What solution!
What have you done?
She has already spat it out.
No Kattanni, don't disturb him.
Dare you use that concoction?
Why are you getting in the way?
How could you just spit her out like that?
Calm down, it will be all fine.
No!
I couldn't even meet her properly.
But she has spat her out now...
Now the other one can't come out.
What a terrible concoction!
Sorry...
"Run, run, run like a fire in the mountain."
"Run, run, run."
"Go, go, go..."
"Run, run, run like a fire in the mountain."
"Run, run, run."
"She will come after you...
"...she will eat you alive" Run away."
"- Run, run, run. - You run away."
If you get scared of her
then who will exorcise the ghost out?
She isn't a normal ghost...
...she's a special witch,
The Mudiyapairi. The most dangerous kind of a witch.
Great, so now you have caste system amongst the witches too.
Run!
Kattanni, let's go.
The witch kingdom has several types...
...this one is a Mudiyapairi...
Meaning?
The one with the inverted feet...
...the most dangerous kinds...
Their only dream was to get married.
And since they couldn't...
...they possess unmarried young girls to fulfill their dreams.
I can exorcise ghosts, witches, but not this kind...
Then who's an expert on this kind?
No one.
Getting this witch off our back is next to impossible.
Same to same...
My father, your uncle, Zuber's father...
...they all say the same about their wives... as if they are also...
- Witches? - Yes.
Babaji, there must be some way to make this witch leave Roohi.
The only way to get rid of her is when the girl will get married.
But her wedding wont be her wedding alone...
...it'll be Mudiyapairi's wedding too.
And once Mudiyapairi gets married, she will never leave you.
Whose wedding? How many weddings? What are you saying?
The full moon's upon us.
No one can save her now.
Forget about the girl and save your own life.
- Hurry up. Quickly. - Keys...
You can't find the keys!
What a bunch of idiots!
Baba...
Oh, shit!
Kattanni.
Van keys?
Keys?
- Hurry up or else... - I don't have it.
You don't...
But you had it.
What are you doing?
"I wish there's no clamour, but only spells of silence all around."
"No one's in this world, except for the two us."
"I am lost in your dreams, what better can I do?"
"O dreamy-eyed one do tell what's your name?"
Your star-sign?
You seem like a Leo from your personality.
Why so short-tempered?
Wear a pearl
on your pinky.
Kattanni, let's go.
Glory to Goddess!
No one's going anywhere.
I can come anywhere.
Kattanni, please anywhere but here.
You got the keys.
I did.
I got the keys and the smileys.
Did you see how she flashed a smile at me?
I am in love, bro.
If she loves me too, then she will turn around.
Turn...
No.
Turn...
No.
Turn!
Kattanni.
Turn...
She is Emily Rose and not Rose from Titanic!
Kattanni.
Now that's my space beauty.
You saw how her face was glowing?
I could see the entire galaxy in her eyes.
And her face...
Her face resembled the moon.
This moon has measles on her face.
And not everything that has craters is the moon.
Despo...
Falling for a witch.
You've lost your mind.
A boy in love loses his peace, sleep, health, wealth everything...
I have just lost my mind...
Now hear me out...
...this is called hallucination.
All these talks about black holes have made you an as***le.
I see, you're not happy for me.
Happy?
She's two people in one body.
Your 'girlfriend' is living inside my girlfriend's body.
How can I be happy?
Girlfriend?
When did she become your girlfriend?
Nonsense...and you were trying to flee, right...
...then why did you come back?
For true love, Kattanni, you won't understand.
I came back for true love, why else would I come back?
Wow. So one of us has to sacrifice our true love now.
Well, this is what it has come to.
You've always supported me.
Remember, when my father challenged me...
...to either earn ten grand or sit at the butcher shop...
You helped me by robbing the dowry of our friend's wedding.
Poor guy thought he never got dowry...
The pervert deserved it, but what a slip I gave to him...
Whenever I have been in danger...
...you, my bro, have always protected me.
Remember when Naeem stuck that sharp compass on the desk?
You stuck your hand between my bum and the compass.
It left a big hole in the palm.
My palm still reeks of your bum.
People call us Jai and Veeru from the iconic Sholay.
Veeru gave his life for Jai.
Jai did...
Jai gave his life for Veeru.
And you're sacrificing our friendship for a girl!
Wait a second...
You were going to sacrifice...
Me? Why would I
Yes, you...who else?
You've been sacrificing since childhood, you cannot change now.
Don't be over sentimental...
To hell with this sacrifice...
I'm going to sacrifice you in this forest.
Show some manners.
Bhawra!
I'm a yellow belt in Karate. Come.
Kattanni, don't. No cheating.
No stones.
You want to hit your own bro?
Hit me. Hit your bro.
- Bhawra, now you're cheating. - Kattanni...
[Regional song]
Wait a minute.
- You check. - No, you check.
It's your girlfriend.
Roohi.
Slowly.
Are you okay, Roohi?
[Ringtone playing on phone]
I'll just take this call.
Wait.
Good evening, boss.
Take the girl back to Mujeerabad...
...dump her in some quiet place and return to Bagadpur.
Dump her?
You mean Roohi.
The Police came all the way to Bagadpur looking for the girl.
This can hamper business.
We won't get any more contracts.
The wedding's cancelled.
Take her back to the city.
That can't be done, boss.
Don't be square with me.
Boss, its a love triangle now... cant help it.
Like in the film Saajan...
I'll bring Roohi back respectfully as my wife.
Go to Ambiyapur.
Okay, boss.
So you've decided.
Decided what?
To leave...
To sacrifice...
Thank you.
Duffer...
If we weren't childhood friends...
I would have surely sacrificed you.
We're leaving
You, me, Roohi.
What about her?
Ok, all 4 of us.
But why?
You think our Boss will let us go...
Last time he only squeezed our nuts, this time he'll break it for good.
Oh no...I am still a virgin. I want my nuts intact.
Let's please elope...
But we'll have to find a safe place.
And if your Godzilla wakes up, we would be caught.
- Show some respect... - Consider it as a promotion.
From lizard to Godzilla.
If even one person gets to know, then try hiding from Boss.
I'll quickly find a safe place, and return soon.
You take care of Roohi.
Don't untie her. Just take care.
Good morning.
This...
So what if a cauliflower isn't a flower...
...it's love and fragrance will empower.
Sorry for keeping you tied up.
I know...
I don't mean to do what I do.
Yes...it's that...
See...
You scratched me last night...
It'll make a good tattoo.
nighT
Yes, starry night.
Ah nighT
nighT
I don't stutter.
That T is like t for me.
But I don't have a problem with tongue twisters.
Mr. Tongue Twister tried to train his tongue to twist and turn.
I don't stammer.
You've a pretty smile.
Keep smiling.
The other one scares me, by always screaming.
When it happens, darkness engulfs me.
What I see...is just chaos.
At home, no one even talks to me, except for my father.
They have tried many remedies.
Some say
it's a kind of split personality.
While some don't have an answer...
Don't cry, Roohi.
I miss my father.
But then I think you did the right thing bringing me here.
At least the burden got off from my family.
No, no, don't say such things.
Roohi...I'll get your father and find your best cure.
Wait and watch.
I won't rest until I don't get this other personality out of you.
Swear on this cauliflower.
You know, Roohi, even I saw a lot of tragedy as a kid.
When I was in school...
Kattanni!
Don't untie her.
Gudiya for Mudiya.
You...didn't tell me your name yet.
Afza.
Roohi possessed by Afza.
Roohi-Afza.
Take good care of it.
She has literally raised me.
She's like a mother to me.
Hey, don't expect a lamb for the cost of chicken.
That's the one for you.
That?
Yes, that.
Riddle, riddle, a groom on horse means...
Marriage.
Sisters-in-law pranking their brother-in-laws mean...
Marriage.
Getting high and dancing means...
Marriage.
"I don't care for an angel anymore..."
"I lost my heart to a ghost."
Are you ready?
Yeah!
Are you ready?
How's your kidney now?
Feels very good.
Run for us. Run for us.
Praise the lord.
Sir. Sir.
Are you ready?
Ready.
He's ready!
Cancer? Heart attack? Kidney problem.
Witch problem.
Can you get rid of a witch? I am ready to do anything you say.
Please, sir.
"Who cares about the beauty and allure anymore."
"I lost my heart to a ghost."
"Ghost."
Hold him, son! Hold him!
- Hey, hold his legs. - He wont bite?
No. Hold his legs.
What just happened?
Baba's job is to exorcise ghosts.
He has no control over who the ghost possesses the next.
Is this some bluetooth ghost transfer?
Hey mister...
"I lost my heart to a ghost."
You know everything.
Who labeled you as a ghost.
You seem like an alien to me.
I am a witch!
Then why don't you possess me?
Ah, feeling shy
"I've convinced myself for the moonless night."
"I'll eagerly await."
"My love story shall form, I'll date the queen of ghosts."
She's cured.
Glory to Swami.
Everyone, hear me.
Where is Swami?
There is no Swami.
It's all a sham, fake stories.
There is no such thing as a ghost.
All this is just to scare you, and mislead you.
She was cured by science.
Always believe in science.
Glory to Science Baba.
You'll realise when you actually see a Mudiyapairi.
Oh...Bull dogs...?
So we're bulldogs now...?
And you're a cute Pomeranian.
Busy taking cute pictures here and not reporting to the Boss?
Boss didn't install Wi-Fi, else I would send him a daily video report.
You heard their demand, Pandit?
One wants Wi-Fi, the other one wants a wife.
They underestimated us.
Boss said, the girl's wedding is cancelled...
He wants you back Now!
Roohi.
Kattanni.
Roohi.
Oh no!
Roohi.
Are...you okay?
This...
it's...it's okay.
Nothing happened!
Kattanni.
Are you okay?
We'll have to get out of here.
Where will we go?
There is a place.
Chimattipur.
Boss.
Sign these papers.
We've informed the Police.
They will come and take your statement.
You'll be shocked to see it.
Both have been beaten to pulp.
One couldn't take it
and the other one fell unconscious...here
Have you seen this girl?
Sir, show him the other picture.
Her?
Where is she?
Chimattipur.
The only place to exorcise ghosts, ghouls, spirits...
'Glory to Goddess Chimatti.'
'If you know of a person...'
'...who's been possessed by a ghost, ghoul, or a spirit...
...then hand him over to the Pandit at the reception.'
'Only the Pandits of Chimattipur can...'
Keys.
Where?
There.
Here.
'And yes, one special warning.'
'Smoking, drinking, and Mudiyapairi are banned in Chimattipur.'
Goodnight.
Go on.
This...
Suit.
Don't worry, I am right beside.
Next door.
And...
Goodnight.
[Sanskrit chants]
Hey... morning.
[Sanskrit chants continue]
Come on. Hurry up!
Get down.
Come on.
Pandey.
You traveled on the roof?
It was a blast, man.
Where is Kattanni?
Sleeping.
- I called you...urgently... - The suit you asked for.
Grey colour!
So what's the occasion?
Marriage.
Marriage?
You help me? One last catch marriage.
- Catch marriage? - Small one.
Who is getting married?
I met one girl. Roohi.
You?
And...
I'll tell you.
Long story.
- Glory to... - Swami!
He'll know when he runs into a Mudiyapairi.
- Glory to... - Swami!
Only 200?
How much more prepaid do you need?
One more.
Even the cougars don't ask for so much of recharge.
Are we good now or you want the latest iPhone too?
The only solution is to get the witch married...
...but then this wedding will be of both - the girl and the witch.
Again, the wedding...
Back there you showed me the overconfidence of Trump and here
you don't even have a proper solution...
This is not an election, so don't expect results so easily.
Do you know what kind of a witch, Mudiyapairi is?
Do you know what a Full Blue Moon does to her?
Full Blue Moon?
That bloody exorcist also said the same...
When the most auspicious constellation...
...and the Full Blue Moon come together...
...this group of witches set out on a hunt.
If they see the groom is sleeping the witch possesses the body of the bride...
...then she has to get married...
...within a year before the Full Blue Moon appears again.
And what if she can't get married within a year?
Death.
Both for the witch and the girl.
What kind of horror story are you making up, tell me what's the solution.
Tell me what to do.
Faux wedding.
What?
Faux wedding with the girl.
The witch is only focused on her only desire to get married.
This witch just wants to be someone's wife.
But what if the guy, she marries, is already married to someone else?
Then?
Then the witch won't be his wife...
She will be his mistress.
And a witch will never agree to be someone's mistress.
She will immediately forsake the body of the mistress.
Oh, so if I marry someone else first...
...and later marry Roohi, then the witch will quit her body? Wow.
That's perfect then.
There is a risk involved.
Risk?
The witch might get furious.
And she might attack in a fit of rage.
This rage can harm the girl, or her husband...
...or both.
Come on, isn't there some kind of assurance of the plan working?
How can an old woman like me give assurance?
It all depends on her mood.
You can take the risk of getting married...
But we must find a girl who has lost her will to live...
Got it?
Understood?
I understood.
I accept.
Accept what?
When you're prepared to risk your life, then even I am ready to marry you.
But only marriage, no hanky-panky.
Why would I risk my life for you?
I am offering you a solution, and you're offering me as the sacrifice?
Then its hardly a solution...
You made it sound like you are some James Bond...
...and now throwing me under the bus?
You also got to take some risk.
Why should I risk?
Its my age to enjoy and have fun and you want me to sacrifice for you?
Be practical, you don't have much time left anyway...
...put it to someone's use.
Life's so short already, and you wasted my time.
What a thankless idiot you are...
What?
You wont get a more handsome husband than me...
...marry me.
Marry me.
Even my dog wouldn't marry you.
I am asking you, not your dog.
What a wild one you are.
Wait a second.
When Manish had trouble with his stars...
...he got married to a dog first to trick them.
If we can trick the stars, then we can trick the witch too.
This is not some game...
Aunty...how about I marry a dog...and...
Forget it. Not a good idea.
Mind blowing idea!
Must appreciate your wild brain, but listen...
...the wedding will have to be with proper customs.
Nothing fake.
Okay.
Then find me a good dog.
Wait, how do you know all this?
What? You're getting too frank now...
It's been 40-years...
...but my feet are still not completely straight.
Faux wedding.
And your husband.
Even your life's in danger, son.
There is a place...Chimattipur.
Across its river, there's a pious place for dogs...
...that's where you can get married.
It's a different kind of wedding you're talking about.
Anything for my Roohi.
And you'll let me shoot it?
Let's go.
Where?
Someplace better than this.
Where is Bhawra?
Do you have a problem with me?
No, I don't have a problem with you.
He's just...more responsible.
You call him responsible?
Don't let his innocent face fool you.
He's the Casanova of old aunties and you think he's responsible.
Look...your stars are in disarray.
It often affects the mind.
Don't worry, I am friendlier than him.
Listen...please...go away.
I am already in a lot of trouble and...
...I understand what you two are up to.
But I won't let this wedding happen.
Whose wedding?
Yours with Bhawra.
Who said I am marrying him?
I see...
Why else has he got a tuxedo?
He can't marry without my permission.
Of course he can.
That's how we do it.
And what you're doing isn't right...
There is someone else inside you...
...and she too has desires.
So what if he has got the American as his best man...
...but let the bride be mine...
Please...
Come on.
[Regional song]
You got the flowers?
You forgot the sweets?
No, aunty, I got them.
[Regional song]
Hey, wait!
Call the groom.
I am ready. But the bride is taking long
[Sanskrit chants]
Wow!
Groom's name.
Bhawra Pandey.
Bhawra Pandey, son of...
Tataiyya Pandey.
No, Tat...ok...
What's the bride's name?
Preeti Kumari.
Let the bride and groom hold hands.
Grace her forehead.
Promise her every happiness be it, mind, body, or soul.
Body too?
Isn't he getting too genuine?
Wedding has to be genuine for the trick to work. Take an oath.
Congratulations.
There's still time.
Be calm, my dear. It's only for a day.
I'll find you a better partner.
Oh no!
Wow! So both of you happily married, uh?
Come on then.
- But what's the matter? - Get off the bloody boat...
- She might attack - Beat him.
Charge...
But what's the matter?
Come here.
Tell him what happened?
What happened?
You knew that Mudiyapari witch is banned in this town...right?
Didn't you read?
Chimattipur is blessed to exorcise ghosts...
...and the only source of income we priests have is...
...curing these possessed people.
Every morning, we offer the hair of the possessed to the Goddess...
...as the hair gets burned in the holy pit, the spirits get exorcised.
But today you got this girl in the town...
...and the girl was possessed by a Mudiyapairi witch.
And Mudiyapairi is banned in Chimmatipur.
I knew it.
Something's possessing you.
Come lets get rid of the ghost inside you...
- Please, no... - Come on. Let's go.
Come, give me your hair...
Offer the hair, come...
Come on. Let's go.
Hey barber, come here.
Its a mudiyapairi witch!
Glory to Chimmati Goddess. Have mercy.
I must see Roohi.
I know the cure...
I'll get rid of the witch.
I have a cure.
You cant exorcise her...
If you take a contract, then fulfill it...
Get us his bride, the wedding is right around the corner.
Is this a joke?
What happened to your 100% record?
Your to-be bride is possessed by a Mudiyapairi witch...
Oh please, tell these folklores to my grandma...
Why don't you accept that age has caught up with you?
Everyone, Guniya Shakeel is retiring from 'catch marriage contracts!'
If you're destined to marry a witch, then I'll get her for you.
This kind of silence is eerie.
Lets inform the groom...
...we can get her any other girl but this.
Lets not confront the witch.
I've taken a contract. I'll have to fulfil it.
No, please...
Why don't you let me die?
The full blue moon's in the sky.
Won't you get married even today?
I won't. I won't get married.
Its been a year with you and you still consider me your enemy?
You have destroyed me.
Finished me completely...
You are my enemy.
Strength. I am your strength...
...the strength you never had.
I know all your fears.
I've seen all your pain...
...and you want to destroy me?
See beyond the pain.
Feel this power.
The only cure to all your problems is...
Marriage.
Guniya boss, let's go.
Shut up.
You need to get married...
...and I have a contract to fulfill...
Tonight is important for both of us.
I have got a groom for you...
...and he too is desperate to get married.
Accept my deal, else your life is going to be in a jeopardy.
[Indistinct crowd chaos]
You know the cure?
How are you going to cure?
Bhawra...
Think about it, why let her break our friendship.
We can let things be how they are right now...
Can't we both marry her?
Are you nuts? How can we both marry one girl?
But they are two and not just one.
Ok, I admit body is just one, but I don't mind sharing her...
Don't be too kinky.
The body belongs to Roohi not to your Godzilli.
Stay away from her.
I don't want a physical relationship...
...this is platonic love like never before.
Kattanni, she isn't a mobile phone with two sim cards...
...that we use as per our network. Control.
Get this, Bhawra.
If you don't allow, I won't let her be yours...ever.
Then, I too wont let your Mudiyapari stay in my Katy Perry's body.
Know that too.
Hey, Kattanni. Pandey.
Check this out. Look who I ran into.
That's your boss, right?
Shakeel.
See that...
The witch is so desperate.
All she wants is to get married...
Doesn't matter if it is a Tom, Dick or some Kattanni.
Better than the boss using her for his own advantage...
...let us come together. You get married, I'll be fine.
Come on, Kattanni.
Put on my tuxedo.
We will bring your bride back together.
Let's go.
[Indistinct chatter]
It is your girl.
Fine. Just kidding, Guniya sir.
The couple will take nuptial rounds and the groom will take seven vows.
And you'll have to abide by every oath for the rest of your life.
Do you accept?
Of course I will. Come.
[Sanskrit chants]
Wait. The bride is breaking one vow to take another one.
I didn't expect this from you.
She broke my friend's heart.
Rascal, I'll crack...
My nuts...?
What will you do with all the nuts?
Get into the business of nut cracking and quit this marriage business.
No wonder most marriages you do are fake...
Absolutely fake...
Do not try to be smart.
What a dangerous henna style.
I know you're under a lot of pressure...
...but how can you forget me so soon?
This is not a marriage, it's a compromise...
...for yourself.
You will marry my groom. That's it.
Do not coerce me...
Let's see whose nuts crack now.
OMG.
Don't leave, the wedding isn't over yet.
- Leave me. - Be professional.
[Sanskrit chants]
Stop this faux wedding!
Who is she?
Faux wedding? What faux wedding?
This groom got married to a dog earlier...
...and now he's trying to do a faux wedding with you.
He is taking advantage of your desperation and betraying you.
Oh Kattanni, no.
I don't know this stupid lady.
Here is the proof of his betrayal.
This...and this.
Shame on you, Kattanni.
This proves nothing.
Baby, she's hacked my account.
He'll trick you into making a mistress, so you leave Roohi's body.
You as a mistress...
Kattani, you betrayed her?
Liar.
Baby, don't listen to her.
Sit down. For the sake of God!
You.
You'll marry me.
Me?
Ok, ok.
Don't beat me, I'll come.
Sorry, Kattanni.
Bhawra!
Coming. Coming. Just lower your hand first.
Let me take this...
Start with the nuptial rounds.
What happened? Are your feet heavy?
The moon will set. Hurry up.
You'll die. You'll die too.
Let this marriage happen.
Who'll die?
Roohi.
Roohi, I'll handle everything.
This is the only cure.
Let's get married now. Come on.
Come on.
How long will I depend on others?
Roohi... What are you doing?
Don't do this...
We shall live together and be together forever.
It's my promise.
You have given me strength, will protect and cherish it with you.
Today, Roohi will marry Afza and be happy together.
[Sanskrit shlok continue]
If you accept these promises... then even I...
...on this final night of Full Blue Moon...
...I accept the vows with you.
Whosoever love is true...
...his love will definitely turn around.
Turn.
That's them.
Namaste Dad.
Where is Roohi?
She ran away.
With whom?
Herself.
Hey, we're not really a couple...
Aunty, what about the dog...
Aunty?
Oh no!
"The path to the bank of the river is challenging"
"This night is quite tyrannical"
"My heart is clean"
"But my body is mean"
"I wish to unite with my beloved"
"The path to the bank of the river is challenging"
"Path to the bank of the river"
"The path to the bank of the river is challenging"
"Path to the bank of the river"
"The path to the bank of the river is challenging"
"I keep drinking at the bank of the river"
"I keep surviving without my lover"
"I keep drinking at the bank of the river"
"I keep surviving without my lover"
[rap song]
"O my beloved from Mumbai"
"I am your butterfly,"
"I eagerly wait for you every day."
"Our love boat,"
"Is stuck in a storm midway"
"Please take it across in any which way."
"My my sparkling babe,"
"Be a little patient."
"I am being patient From the hand pump my pots I keep filling"
"The path to the bank of the river is challenging"
"Path to the bank of the river"
"The path to the bank of the river is challenging"
"Path to the bank of the river"
"The path to the bank of the river is challenging"
"I keep drinking at the bank of the river"
"I keep surviving without my lover"
"The path to the bank of the river is challenging"
"Path to the bank of the river"