Dubey!
- Dubey! - [ In Hindi] Not here.
[ In Hindi] Not here yet? He's an impossible fellow!
Nearly 11:00. How to fix this?
[ Mutters]
[ In English] Pimmi, please bring the phone.
- [ Groans] - Darling, you want something else, huh?
- Tea? N/mbu pani? - No, no.
That bloody bastard Dubey hasn't come yet.
- [Speaks Hindi] - [ Phone Beeping]
[ In Hindi] He wants money but doesn't want to work.
Dubeyji? Lalit Verma, who else?
Very kind ofyou to answer.
What's going on? No sign ofanyone.
Alice? Alice? [Hindi]
[ In Hindi] Fry the pakoras Tea for the master. Hurry!
[ In English] Pimmi, l'm sorry to say, but Lalit takes on too much tension.
It's not good.
You 've seen a/l these young young men getting heart attacks these days.
[in Hindi] G00' forbid it! The wedding is 50 soon.
[ /n English] And La/it is doing everything sing/e-handedy.
[In Hindi] Hundreds ofthings to get tense about.
The marigold gate is falling apart.
The flowers are everywhere. What's going on?
[In Hindi] No need to get so upset, sir.
Flowers? What's a few flowers?
Foryou, l'll bring Kashmir's Mughal garden.
Just say the word.
L'm stranded in a trafficjam.
Enough! Get here on the double.
- Ten minutes, exactly and approximately. - Uh-huh.
I can't phone and drive.
- [ Hindi] ' ♪♪ [Car Stereo: Hip-hop]
- [Horn Honks] - What's the idiot up to?
[ In English] ♪ Everything you've ever told is a lie ♪
[ In English ] Turn it left, left, left. [Hindi Phrase]
- Idiot! You want to spoil the - Stop the car! - ♪♪ [ Ends]
You'll spoil the decorations also.
- Don't even know how to drive? - l've only got one hand to drive with.
Who told you to break your hand at this time? Idiot.
- [ In Hindi] Where were you? - [ In English] I went to the airport to get your sister and her husband.
- So where are they? - I didn't see them.
[ In Hindi] You're incredible.
- Didn't see them? What do you mean you didn't see them? - I don't even know what they look like.
So why couldn't you hold up a placard saying “Mr. and Mrs. Tej Puri from U.S.A.”?
They could have seen you.
- Why are you yawning so much? - 'Cause /'ve hard/y slept...
and not to mention I got back from Australia just yesterday.
Ah, you young people.
What do you need to sleep so much for?
- Have you found out what time the flight is coming? - Yeah, about 9:00.
- So make sure you're there on time. And take this car only, okay? - Okay.
- And don't put on the A.C. when you're going to receive them. - Yeah. Chill.
Only put it on when you have received them. And park this car somewhere else!
- Chill. - And take offthat stupid topee.
[Man 0n TVSpeak/ng H/ndi/Engl/kh ]
[Hindi/English Continues]
[ P/mm/j In English] Where are those girls? Oh.
Oh, God, Varun. What are you doing, beta?
Why haven't you got ready? Didn't you hear Papa?
- He's getting so angry. - Ma, it'; the last step.
Last step. Coconut curry, Ma.
No, no, beta. Come on. Hurry up. Now don't give me a hard time. Come on.
And this TV - You know, l'm so sick of it. Take this off.
- Come on. Hurry up. - Ma, what are you doing? l'll do it myself.
What “wear it yourself”? l'll wear it myself.
[ In Hindi] The guests are on their way.
- [ In English] Did you change your underwear? Hmm? - Ma!
What “Ma”?
[ In Hindi] Did you? Out with the truth!
- [ In English] Or you're wearing dirty ones from yesterday? - Ma.
Ijust hope they're not smelling. You're such a silly little boy.
- “Little”? - Oh, God!
[Horns Honk/mg ]
[ Man, /n English] [ust because Ind/a has gone global...
should we embrace everything?
What about our ancient culture?
Our tradition? Our values?
You are saying censors/up is unnecessary.
- Absolutely unnecessary. - So what is your response, Mr. Bhatt?
Let's take the example of America. The First Amendment -
This is not Amer/ca. This 13 Ind/a.
[ Woman, /n Hindi] These are our laws.
Change the constitution, then censorship will follow.
What do you think?
[ In English ]just because you wear handloom and you speak in Hindi...
that you represent the common man?
Well, you don't.
[H0511 /n Engl/kh ] Lad/es and gentlemen, please welcome...
one ofour top dubbists in Delhi, Shivani Tanakiya.
[ In Hindi] Shiva/vi /et's hear some dialogue from the new script.
Go ahead, please.
[Woman On TV Moaning]
[In Hindi] Give it to me.
- [Audience C huck/ing ] - Come on.
More, big boy. More.
L/i/(e it like that.
Big boy, I like it.
Give me more.
Come inside me.
Give it t0 me.
[Breathing Heavily]
Come!
- [ In English ] This is what the common man hears. - So, somebody enjoying sex.
- So what's the problem? - [All Laughing]
We have to take a short break, ladies and gentlemen...
but please stay tuned to Delhi.com.
-,/',/' [Program Theme Plays ] - [Applause]
[Audience C hatter/ng ]
[Cell Phone Beeping]
- Hi. - Hi.
- How have you been? - Fine.
Are you happy?
Yeah.
I miss you.
- [Door Opens] - Oh, hi, Aditi.
I 'm sorry. We 're sta/T/hg in 20 seconds.
- l'll be right there. - Okay.
50W-
I have to go.
Call me.
[Door Closes]
- [Woman ] Aditi, why are you doing this? - Doing what? What am I doing?
I don't think you're ready for marriage.
- I just want to settle down. - 50 what do you 0'0?
Get married to some guy selected by Mummy, Daddy?
You 've bare/y known him fora coup/e 0f Weeks.
You are so mature, Aditi.
I can't wait around to see if Vikram's wife is ever going to agree to divorce him.
L've read too many magazines, Ria. I know it may never happen.
D0 you get al/ your l/fie' 's directions from fucking Cosmopolitan?
Don't get so superior with me.
But we're family, and I can tell you what I think, and I will.
That's right.
My older, unmarried Cousin Ria.
[ C huck/es ] Now, what would she know about pass/on?
I didn't mean that, did/I
For all this talk of passion, how about marrying for love, Aditi?
[All Laughing]
[ In Hindi] If he wants the works...
- then he must get the cash out. - [ Chattering]
The one-rupee era is over.
[ Mutters]
Tea anyone?
Fourteas.
- King Dubey! - At your service.
Gracing us with your presence?
Your daughter is my daughter. Why worry?
- The wedding is in four days. - [ Cell Phone Rings]
Today, the engagement.
The groom is on his way.
- Want me to lose face? - Important call. Call my pager, damn it!
More important things to do?
Now you're an event manager.
- Fix this now! - Yadav!
Tameez-ud-din!
- Lottery! ' [ Hindi]
Get down. Fix it!
Insolent bums! Want tea, do you? To work!
- [ In English ] I want this done now! - [ In Hindi] Right away!
- I want it fixed just now! - [ Hindi]
- [ R/a, /n H/hdi/Eng/ish ] H/j Uncle! - Hi, beta.
[ In English ] There's a Tempo right in the middle ofthe driveway.
- [ In Hindi] King Dubey, move your van. - [Dubey] Move the van!
- Where have you been? - [ In English ] We had to go to the tailor, and then we had to give cards.
- Those people are about to arrive. You haven't even got dressed yet! - Two seconds, Papa.
- Come on. Hurry up. - You're looking very handsome today.
- Yes, I know. Handsome. - Papa!
- Hurry up and get ready. - fDubey, In Hindi] How/0 ve/y/
Take it easy.
- What are you doing here? -just chillin'.
- [Pager Beep/hg] - [La/it] “just chi/ling". ” Idiot.
- [Ria- ] We 're back. - [A d/Ti] H/Q Mom. We 're back.
[ G/gg/ing ]
- [Coughs] - [ Flushes]
♪♪ [ Trad/T/ona/ Indian ]
♪♪ [Man Singing /n Hindi]
[Dubey C flattering ]
♪♪ [Continues]
[In Hindi] No, Ma.
L'll stop at the temple. It may get late.
No, I won't eat at home. l'll come late.
You can pack the food in the t/ffin.
Forgive me.
♪♪ [Continues]
Ah? Ah.
[ C flattering]
/I/la, leave the wor/y/ng about the stock market t0 me.
I can deal with it.
Twelve rupees a minute calling me on the mobile. Hang up.
- ♪♪ [Continues] - [ Chatter/ng Continues]
♪♪ [Continues]
♪♪ [Singing Continues]
i.” [Fades]
[ G/r/ G/gg/ing]
- Aliya? God, what are you doing here? - You know -
[ In Hindi/English] I saw cousin Aditi naked, and I almost saw you naked too.
[ In English] You're so disgusting. Get out now. Out.
- Out! - What does this word mean?
- How come you're so irritating? - How come you're still unmarried?
[ In Hindi] Enough. Get dressed for the engagement.
♪♪ [ Humming]
Hello, sweetie.
[In Hindi] What is it, my child?
[ In English] What does this word mean?
[ In Hindi] In God's name...
what on earth is written here?
- [ In English] lt's “uxorious.” - Huh?
- It's “uxorious.” - Uxorious?
[ In Hindi] There is no such word, my child.
It's a spelling mistake.
There should be an “L” here. lt's “luxurious.”
[Chuckles]
♪♪ [ Humming]
[ In English] Oh. So that you are facing this way as barman?
L'm facing - l'm the barman. l'm facing this way, and this acts as a roof.
Yes. No need to be so happy about being a barman.
You're not supposed to touch even one drop ofthe stuff. Understand?
- Okay. - Barman should be absolutely sober.
- Keep this list. Make sure the servants don't swipe anything, huh? - All right.
And make sure all these bottles are there, and make small drinks for everybody, not too large.
- Okay. - The white wine and - The whiskey hasn't come yet! Uday was supposed to bring it.
- Here he comes. My unpunctua/ brother. - ♪♪ [Traditional Indian On Car Stereo]
- Good morning. - ♪♪ [ Stops]
- [ In Hindi] Brought the whiskey? - [ /n English ] What do you think?
We got real scotch from Uday's client.
Thank you, Sona. So nice ofyou.
- Hi, la/u Uncle. - He//0, beta. Why aren 'z' you staying with us?
- I have to study for my exams. - I hope my little Aliya didn't trouble you.
[ Lal/t ] N0, she 's such a little delight.
- [ Hindi] - [ In Hindi] Anyone about?
[ La/it ] Lez"s take the whiskey in.
Australian idiot -you!
[ In English] Pick it up and take it in.
- Kuku, this is too much. This is no time for family members to arrive. - lt's only 4:00.
[ In Hindi] We're hardly late. You get tense for nothing.
[ In English] [ust relax! A yesha...
this is C.L. Uncle and Shashi Auntie's son Rahul, yeah?
- They live in Dubai. Yeah. - Masqat, actually.
Yeah, Masqat. Masqat. Okay.
- You have a tattoo. - Yeah.
[ In Hindi] Huh? Talk fast. Can't catch the network.
Huh? Let me come down.
[Grunting] One minute!
- Speak. No, no, no. - [Watch Beeps]
Yes, l'll be there.
That's correct. Take the advance.
[ In English] Okay. Bye.
[ In Hindi] Life's such a comedy.
No signal up there. But there's one down here.
You know-
[ In English/Hindi] The virtuous virgin look really suits me.
[In English] I think your cousin Rahul would really like it.
You have to know this.
I heard your mother tell him and sister that your bra size was 36
- Why would she do that? - Sony t0 say, but /'z"s 32 'i4. ”
I know that, but we can't tell them it's 32
[ In Hindi] Breasts like baby mangoes.
- [ G/gg/ing ] - [La/it] P/mm/L come 0n.
[ In Hindi] The groom!
[ G/ggl/hg Continues]
The groom's here!
[ In English] Oh, shit.
[Chattering In Hindi]
[La/it, In English] Welcome. Welcome.
[ In Hindi] Congratulations, Mr. Rai!
[ In English] Thankyou. Thankyou.
[Chattering]
Varun! This is Pimmi's brother from Masqat.
- Oh! - Rahul. Idiot. Come here!
- Welcome. Welcome. - [ Woman] H1; everybody!
[All Chattering]
It's okay. lt's okay.
- [Man] Hel/o, ji! - Namaste/
[Man] Ah. Namasre. Namaste.
[Hindi]
[In English] Hello, young man. How are you?
- Have you got the blue box? - [ P/mm/ ] Alice? Alice?
[Chattering]
- 50, excited huh? - [ P/mm/ ] Alice!
Soon to be in family way!
- [A// Laughing] - [Woman Clears Throat]
[Chattering]
- So, you like India? -Yeah.
Better than Houston, no?
Good, good, good. India needs young men like you.
Yes, yes 0f course. Computer engineers are Ind/e 's biggest expo/T.
[Clicks Tongue] Am I a coolie or what?
Rai-sahib, what would you like to drink?
Scotch, please, on the “r0ckiolis.”
- “Rockiolis” means ice? - Two lumps, exactly.
- Exactly. - Thank you.
_Uh_ - l'll have the same, thanks.
Uh, “rockioli.” [Chuckles]
Uh, Rahul. Two whiskeys here. Huh?
Two cubes 0f ice exact/y.
Oh, my goodness. Look at you!
Oh, how lovely you look.
- Namaste. - Namaste.
Rockioli, rockioli. Here. Mrs. Rai over there. Rockioli.
[ In Hindi] Pay your respects to Grandmother.
- [ In English] Hi. Congratulations. - Hi.
[ In Hindi] Look what I have for you.
Know why God arranged your marriage in a hurry?
I told him I had to see a great-grandson before dying. He heard me!
-[Laughs] -[ChaflPnhg]
How beautiful!
S0 fé/r and love/y.
Say hello to Hemant.
- [ In English] Hi. - Hi. How are you?
Fine.
[Shash/j /n Hindi] Enough!
[ In English] Give them some privacy, na?
[ In English/Hindi ] You know, I met C.L. only once, and we got married right away!
[A // Laughing]
[ In English] I must have another drink.
[ In Hindi] Don't you feel like getting married?
[La/it, In English] Rahui, idiot, come here.
Here. Come here and ho/d the camera. Listen.
Look at them. How handsome Hemant is.
[Chattering]
Come on. Put it on. Camera on!
[A // C flattering Excited/y]
[ Man Speaks Hind/j C huck/es ]
[La/it] On the ring"! 0n the r/hg/
[ In Hindi] Sweeten your mouths, my dears.
[ Camera Shutter Clicks]
[ C flattering]
Thank you.
[La/it, In Hindi] [ust in time!
My dear brother-in-law!
Look at him.
[ In English] This is Varun? He's almost a young man.
How did you manage? I sent this Rahul to fetch you at the airport.
- He told me the flight was late. - No, it was not late.
Nobody was there at the airport, so we took a cab and came.
- You had to take a cab? - lt's okay.
Rahul, you idiot, I sent you to the airport to receive them.
You come back and te/l me the fi/ght was late?
[ In Hindi] What a complete idiot!
[ In English] He's been working day and night. He doesn't know India.
Bloody number one most stupid duffer.
- L'm sorry to say, but I don't like this. - [ Mutters]
[ In Hindi] Calls my son an idiot, then calls him a duffer.
Who does he think he is? l'm not coming back to India.
[Lalit] Rai-sahib, this is Mr. Tej Puri, married to my sister Vijaya.
After my older brother Surinder bhai-sahab passed away...
Tej Puriji has been the head ofthe family.
He has really looked after us. Come and meet Hemant.
- Yes. Excuse me. - [ Rai] Uh-huh. Please.
Excuse me.
[ Woman] It's such a pleasure to meet you.
[ In English/Hindi] My naughty niece, couldn't you wait?
[ In English ] You know how difficult it was to get tickets at this time of the year?
Difficult or not, we would have brought you here first-class ifwe had to.
We couldn't have had the shaadi without you, my darling sister.
- Nothing would have stopped us. - [ Mumbles]
' [ Hindi] ' [ Hindi]
Ria.
[In English] ls that you? Come here.
Come here. Come here.
Hmm.
[ Kisses]
[Sighs] God bless. Very good.
Hmm? Hmm.
[ In Hindi] The motherfucker doesn't have a dime to his name...
and he wants the White House theme for his daughter's wedding!
- [All Laughing] - How the fuck will that happen?
The swine hasn't any shit in him...
and he invites other pigs for dinner!
[Chattering]
[In Hindi] What?
- We need more ice. - What?
[ In English] Ice.
[ In Hindi] l've told them once.
L've told them a thousand times they'll need ice.
They never listen.
Now what?
Do you need some water?
Huh?
Water?
Okay.
Fridge water or tap water?
Fridge water.
[ In English] Thank you.
[Chattering, Chuckling]
[ /n H/hdi] ,/' Our eyes made the r/ght signal,»
♪ And I found a partner for life ♪♪
♪♪ [All Singing]
Shut up, you assholes!
[All Laughing]
[ La/iz' ] Pur/j/j would you like a cigar?
- [ In Hindi] I quit. -Quit?
America makes everyone quit smoking.
F V/Jaya J The Ra/s are so cultured
- [ In English ] Very cultured family. - Uh-huh! [Chuckles]
[In Hindi/English ] Speak a little English and you become a very cultured family.
- [ In English] Mr. Mohan “Rao”! - [All] Rai!
[ C flattering]
[ In English ] Tej bhai-sahab, I wanted to talk to you about Ria's plans.
Ria, come here a minute, beta, please.
[All Chattering]
- [La/it] R/a wants to study in Amer/ca. 50 - -lsthatso?
- We're hoping you could perhaps give her some advice. - What do you want to do, beta?
//j l'm applying for creative writing programs.
- She wants to be a writer. - Very good.
Have you thought ofthe budget? Where do you think the money will come from?
From my teacher': sa/a/y?
[ In Hindi] Make her understand.
[ /n English ] Why can 't she be like A diti and do the right thing at the right time?
- But - - [ CL, /n Hindi] Lots 0f money in wr/T/hg these days.
That girl who won the Booker Prize...
became an overnight millionaire!
[ In English ] Absolutelyljust one book. And who knows? It might happen.
[Shashi] R19, you must g0 t0 the States.
- You know Umang is also there. - Ah! Oh.
- You must give us his phone number. - He's coming here tonight.
We are hoping that Ria and Umang will like each other.
[ In Hindi] Two weddings in one!
- What are the chances of getting hooked? - Bad. Bad.
[ In Hindi] I have anotherjoke. Nonvegetarian!
[All Groaning]
Save the jokes for the sangeez'. He'll be the M.C., na, at the sangeet.
Very good.
[ /n Hindi] L ez' me sta/T rehearsing then.
[Laughing]
J'J'[Singing In Hindi]
[Hindi]
♪♪ [Continues]
- [ Chattering] w? [ Droning]
♪♪ [Singing In Hindi, Up-tempo]
♪♪ [All Singing In Hindi]
Oh! See? Oh!
♪♪ [Continues]
- ♪♪ [ Rhythmic Clapping ] - ♪♪ [Singing Continues]
♪♪ [Singing Continues]
Papa!
- ♪♪ [Pop 0n TV] - Varun, out!
What's your problem anyway?
Just go! Can't I have some bloody privacy in my own house?
[All Shouting]
- [ Varun ] It's my house too, you know. - [ Phone Beeping]
- [La/it] Hey. Varun, what happened to you? - Nothing.
- Mrs. Mehta speaking. Who's this? - [ Beeps]
[ Tel] Okay, okay I have an announcement to make.
l'm thinking that if Ria wants to study in America...
I will fund her entire education.
[In Hindi] No, no.
[ Te]; /n English] N0, no, no, no. No arguments. No arguments.
This is my family.
[ In Hindi] I won't listen to you or to Ria's mother.
[ In English] See, Lalit, Ria is a sensible girl.
Ifshe wants to write, we must encourage her
But that's not what I meant. [In Hindi] I can still work.
[ In English] This is final! We'll talk about it later, okay?
Now you tell us what needs to be done for the wedding.
Absolutely. Now, you don't have to worry about anything.
- We are here. We '// take care 0f e veg/thing". - Anything. Anything.
Huh?
[ C huck/es ]
Oh, my God. I don't know what to say.
But this is enough for rne that we are all here together.
My God, huh? Pimmi, it's wonderful, na? After so many years.
After Surinder bhai-sahab passed away...
I think this is the first time the who/e fivmi/yis here together.
Ria. Ria, Ria. [Speaks Hindi]
[ In English] Huh? Hey. Come.
Don't cry. I know you are missing him.
We are all missing your zivther.
But he's here with us. [Chuckles]
Your papa's hand will always be on this family. Always.
[All Grumbling]
Always goes only in our house!
- [ CL, /n H/hdi] 772/313/007}? 3' b/g prob/em. - Du bey!
" DU/JGJ/j -[IO/IO/76:R/'ng$_]
[La/iz', In Hindi] Alice, has the fuse blown?
[ In Hindi] Alice! Get the phone.
- [ R19, /n English] /'//get the phone. - [La/it] Rahul. Hey, Rahul.
- Go and start the generator. - I don't even know where it is.
- Behind the house, idiot. - Come, l'll show you.
Hel/o? Umang? Yeah, yeah. just ho/d 0n a sec.
- lt's very unclear. - Hello? Hello, Umang?
[ In Hindi] When are you arriving?
Yes, yes. She's here, swinging on my shoulders.
[In English/Hindi] Hello? Hello? The line's cut.
[Dog Barking /n Distance ]
[ Object C latters ]
[Gasps]
[ In Hindi] Sisterfucker, what a pain!
[Match Scratching]
/4_y_l
- [Scratching Continues] - [Clears Throat]
[ In Hindi] All the fuses have blown.
- Pardon? - Pardon?
Which is the house fuse?
This one?
[ Mutters]
L'll fix it right away.
The light, a little closer, please.
A little to this side, please.
A little lower.
Your shadow is in the way.
A little closer.
- [ In English ] You think you can handle it? -Yeah, sure.
[ Motor Starts]
[Muttering]
[Alice Clears Throat]
Trying to say something? lt's hot today.
Switch it on. The power is back.
What a silly asshole I am.
♪♪ [ Humming]
[ Thunder Rumbl/ng /n Distance ]
- i.” [P0P] - ♪♪ [Man Singing /n Hindi]
- [ Men Chattering] - ♪♪ [Singing Continues]
i.” [Fades]
- Hi. - Hi.
[ Kisses]
Well, l'm glad I got some exercise.
- All l've been doing is eating and eating and eating. - [Chuck/es]
[ In Hindi] “Eat, Son. Eat!”
[ In English] l'm sorry I had to wake you up this early though...
but this is the only time we're gonna have on our own.
There Zjusz' s0 many ceremonies.
I don't even know who 's who half the time.
[Chuckles] I know what you mean.
- I wanted to talk to you about our- - Here's the coffee, ma'am.
[Aditi] Thank you. Do you want something?
- L'll have a salt lassi, please. - Yeah. Sure, l'll get it.
Thank you.
I want t0 know what's on your m/no'.
Sleep. That's all that's on my mind right now.
I saw you with your family yesterday.
You guys are so close.
Sometimes...
I worry about how it will be for you in Amer/ca.
You mightjust feel so alone.
L'm sure I can handle it.
It'll be really nice to get away from this damn place.
- Why? You don't like Delhi? - No, I love India.
[Chuckles] I mean, I don't care. America's gonna be new for rne anyway.
[Hemant] My fiancée.
Sorry. / 'm just n01' a morning person.
Vicky, is it okay if I join the four-ball today?
No, no, no. l'll be there 100%.
L'll be there. Yeah. Don't wony.
Okay, bye.
Pimmi.
- Pimmi. - [ Toilet Flushes]
- [P/mmi] Huh? - What are you doing inside?
- Nothing. - [A eroso/ Spraying]
“Nothing.” I know very well what you're doing.
- Come on now. Come on now. I have to get ready. - One minute.
[In Hindi] What is it?
[ In English] lfyou must hide and smoke, at least use a better air freshener.
I was a little tense.
Tense? What are you tense about? You 're going shopp/ng /'m the one who shou/o' be tense.
Well, l'm doing it for our darling daughter, na? You saw how much they gave us.
We can't look bad in front ofour in-laws.
We'll look very good with you smoking in front ofthem.
Well, doesn't Saroj drink?
Anyway,just let me go and do it, okay?
Well, P/mm/JY" goes shopping again.
And l'm telling you, it's gonna cost us.
S0 what? /'// arrange the money, na, like I 've been organ/z/ng eve/ytn/ng e/se.
Acha.
[ In English ] You 've organ/zed eve/yth/ng else?
Who's been nonstop on her toes for days? just tell me that.
[ In Hindi/English] Some gratitude.
[In Hindi] Oh, we are so grateful, dear Pimmi.
[ In English ] Thank you so much for working so hard for your daughtefs wedding.
Wait! Take of)' your curlers at least.
[Clicks Tongue, Mutters In Hindi]
[ In Hindi] This wedding is driving me crazy!
[ In Hindi] Today will be a long day.
It's hot, too, after all that rain.
May I have...
a glass 0f water?
l'm very thirsty.
What is your good name?
- Alice. - Alice.
It's an English name.
- Where are you from? - Bihar.
[Slurping]
What's your name?
Parbatlal Kanhaiyalal Dubey.
L/I
But l've changed it to P.K. Dubey.
But it makes people laugh. In the city, they call me Dubeyji.
Parbatlal is a nice name.
Uh-
They're newly printed.
L'm into event management.
It has the address to send mail through the computer.
Mmm. E-mail?
You know about it? Yes. Yes.
Keep it. Take some more.
This is fine.
: //j //j
- Tell me you love me. _!/'_7
Have you seen the movie Tell Me You Love Me?
Yes.
- What happened? - Nothing happened.
I must be going.
[Slurping]
♪♪ [ Lottery Humming]
Tell me something.
How many weddings have I organized so far?
At least 150 or 175.
How come l'm not married yet? Hmm?
My poor mother has grown old saying...
“Son, get rne a daughter-in-law.”
Now l've done my thinking.
L'll put an end to my lonesome, vagabond life.
L'll find myselfa decent, simple girl...
and begin life as a family man.
The hope now is that the next tent Dubey puts up...
has Dubey entering as the groom.
Bravo!
I swear, pure genius!
Motherfucker.
Do I pay you to sit on your ass? Get to work!
[La/it] D Ube y]
Shit! Dubey!
[ In Hindi] Coming, sir.
Not a minute of peace.
Yes, sir?
[ In Hindi] This is the limit. A white tent?
- Yes, sir? - Dubey.
[/n Hindi] A white tent?
- Yes, sir. - What's this “yes, sir”?
What's with the white tent?
This is the fashion these days. Millennium style. Y2K dot.
Smart-ass!
Awhite tent! ls this a wedding or a funeral?
I only have one daughter. I don't want a white tent.
Put up a colorful tent.
- Red, yellow, green, blue. - Okay. Yadav!
- Huh? - Get this down. lt's not wanted.
- He wants the old look. - Get it down.
What about the waterproofing?
It was never discussed.
What do you mean, Dubey?
The peacocks have stopped dancing. It won't rain.
- [Chuckles] - Peacocks? You've been smoking pot?
- Huh? - Okay, sir. Advance.
- [Shouts] - [ In English ] Advance? What for?
For waterproofing, meaning more money.
[ In Hindi] In foreign countries, deal is deal.
[Arguing]
Look, sir.
See, everything in foreign style. In writing.
The number of plates and spoons.
But no waterproofing.
You want more? Pay more.
[In Hindi/English] Deal is deal.
[In Hindi] How much?
Ah.
[Beeping]
[Muttering]
- [ In Hindi] $5,000. - Huh?
[ In English] Exactly and approximately.
[In Hindi] l'm not a nonresident Indian.
Your garden is huge. Well, your daughter is my daughter.
Advance, sir.
Today we work. Tomorrow, holiday. Strike, day after.
- Then our wedding. - This is all I have now.
L'll give you the rest later.
This won't pay for a thing.
[Horns Honking]
[Chattering]
[ In English] Thank God it's air-conditioned.
- Everything is air-conditioned. - l'm just going to have a -
- What does she want? - Ma,just one.
[ /n H/hdi] You '// flvl/ sic/c A Popsicle, now?
[ P/mm/j /n H/hdi] This one '5 for Hemant 's sister.
You bought one for his cousin in Bangalore?
So many cousins!
Look at this silk sari.
So smooth, even a fly could slide on it.
Once your eyes behold its beauty, the fly has gone.
It's too gaudy.
[In Hindi/English] By God, fabulous.
- Who's the bride? - She's having a Popsicle outside.
Aditi.
[ In English ] What are you doing? They're waiting for your approval inside.
- [Whimpers] - [ In Hindi] Come!
[ In English] I don't really know how Hemant thinks, what he expects of me.
So then call him instead ofVikram.
Now please go inside before those aunties come out and start dancing on our head.
Thank you.
[Bicycle Bell Ringing]
Hey, you want a lift, baby? [Loud Kiss]
♪♪ [ Stereo: Pop ]
Aliya, go and sit.
♪♪ [ Woman Singing /n H/ndi]
Now maybe, dial/j we can try the sitting step, and then the turn and -
♪♪ [ Lip-synching]
- Whoo! - ♪♪ [Singing Continues]
Hi, sexy.
- Hey. - So, Sydney boy, can you move to this?
♪♪ [Man Singing /n Hindi]
What's going on, QUYS?
Come on, did/I That's enough.
[Varun] God.
Not more interruptions! We'll never get this right.
What is it Rahul? We 're rehearsing for the sangeet. What do you want?
[ /n H/hdi] Put them proper/y. Over there.
All right.
Not a single flower in place yet.
[Speaking Hindi]
[ In Hindi] I knew it. She's a thief!
[All Shouting]
[Muffled Shouting]
Motherfucker.
[Arguing]
Motherfuckers! She's not stealing. Fucking assholes!
[ In English] Lalit and Sam are partners, and Vicky and me.
Lefs take them 0n, partner.
That'; a great shot, partner.
- Thanks, Rajeev. - Great shot there. G000' shooting.
- Thank God we're partners. - [Hindi]
I have to talk to you about something, Rajeev.
[ In Hindi/English ] You don't come to golfthese days. Where have you been?
[ In Hindi] l'm busy with my daughtefs wedding. Uh -
- [ In English] Rajeev, I was wondering if, uh - - How's Pimmi?
- Huh? - How's Pimmi?
- Pimmi's fine, fine. - How are the preparations going?
Preparations? First-class.
But, uh, Sam, l'm having a cash-flow problem.
I was hoping to borrow some money just to tide over this wedding expense.
- [ In Hindi] How much do you need, pal? - $12,000.
[ In English ] When do you think you'll be able to return it, partner?
Next month. I have a huge shipment going to Macy's next month.
Hey, guys, Mr. Verma here has got some serious cash-flow problems.
[ In Hindi] A daughter's wedding, that's what happens.
[ In Hindi/English ] Thank God I don't have any daughters. Or l'd be wiped out.
- But you've got a high-maintenance wife. - But at least she's a self-financed maharani, huh?
[All Laughing]
I.” [ Tab/a ]
[In Hindi] ♪ O women ofthe house ♪
♪ Decorate rne with henna ♪
[All]; 0 women 0f the house decorate me w/Th henna ♪
,/' Make these lair hands beautiful with henna ♪
♪ Make these fair hands beautiful with henna ♪
♪ Madhorama asks Which one shall we marry ♪
J*Which one shall we marry ♪
♪ Madhorama says The Fat One ♪
♪ The Fat One ♪
♪ The Fat One needs too large a bed to sleep on ♪
♪♪ [Continues]
- ♪ Let'; drop her by the wayside,» - ♪ Right on ♪
♪♪ [Continues]
-;We want another; - ♪ Right on ♪
- ♪ We are fancy gentlemen ♪ - yR/ght on,»
- ♪ Brimming with lust and desire ♪ uwk/ght on,»
- ♪ Life intoxicates us ♪ - yR/ght on,»
♪♪ [Continues]
_J~DOlli€J' -;NowayJ'
♪♪ [Continues]
♪ Madhorama asks Which one shall we marry ♪
J*Which one shall we marry ♪
,/' Madhorama says The Fair One ♪
J~The Fair One ♪
,/' The Fair One has the color 0f butter;
♪ She sleeps alone on the roof as her lover pines for her below ♪
- ♪ This is the one we '// ha vej - ♪ Right on ♪
- ♪ This is the one we like ♪ -,/'Rllg'/7t on,»
- ;We will marry her; -;~ Right on ♪♪
Shashi, remember when we were newlyweds?
Lalit and my brother would sleep.
You'd come to my room and tell me dirtyjokes.
Your Lalit may have gone to sleep...
but my C.L. would never sleep, nor would he let rne sleep!
♪♪ [Continues]
[La/iii /n English] Hey, idiot, come 0n. Come 0n. L ez' 's enter the harem.
- ♪♪ [Continues] - [La/it Laughing]
- Are, ladies! Are! - [All Shouting]
[In Hindi] Go! No men allowed!
[In English] C.L. has a very good -
C.L. has an item which is most suitable for ladies. Please, please.
[ In Hindi] Stick with me. You'll have fun with me!
Cash in on the pleasures oflife with me.
L'm giving birth!
[ In English] So,Varun, enjoying yourselfamong all the women, huh?
[ In Hindi] Lemon juice. The henna's drying.
♪♪ [S/hg/hg In Hindi]
[Hindi]
[Al/ya] Come on, Uncle. Thafs enough.
- [ Tej] Be a good girl. Don 't say no. - N0.
Open yourmouth. D0 you like it?
- And be a good girl and open your mouth. - N0, Uncle.
[ Tel] There 3 only this much lefl'.
No.
- Hi. - [ Ria] Hi. What?
Hi. Nice mehnd/j Ria.
She's angry, huh?
Okay. Ria d/di will give you samosa, okay?
- What were you doing here? - Eating a b/g samosa.
- [R/a ] Why? - Because /'m hung/y.
- No, why are you eating it here? - Because the samosas were in here.
- Why was he with you, Al/j/a? - Who?
- TejUnc/e. - Alice said the samosas were on the top shelf...
and Tej Uncle came to get the box down for me.
[Sighs]
Okay, let's do a - [ Hindi Word]
- Okay. - Okay. Mmm.
- I love you, Ria did/I - I love you too, my baby.
♪♪ [Continues]
Alice.
J'J'[Singing In Hindi]
[ In Hindi] ♪ As I leave for my father-in-law's house ♪
♪ I will take your dreams with me ♪
♪♪ [Continues]
,/' The g/fl' 0f bracelets ♪
♪ Binds me in marriage ♪
,/' My lather, I /ea ve the palace of your /0 ve ♪
♪ To become a stranger to you forever ♪♪
[ Bel/s Ringing, Faint ]
[Horn HON/Ci Faint]
[ In English] You know, Pimmi...
sometimes when I look at them...
I feel...
love which I almost cannot bear.
[ In Hindi] How did they grow up so quick/y?
[Sighs]
[ In English] And when did we grow old?
Hmm? [ChucHes]
Ifonly their lives are happy.
And for that, l'm willing to take on every trouble, every sorrow in the world.
- [Door Opens] - [ Gasps]
Oh!
- Need anything, beta? - l'm all right, thanks.
Good night.
Good night, idiot.
I thought you weren't staying here.
I changed my mind.
ReaHy?
How come you're not asleep as yet?
Just thinking.
About what?
About good Indian girls.
- [ Rahul] ls this a scorpion? - Yeah. lt's my sign.
- I should go. - lt's okay.
[Dog Barking /n Distance ]
- I should really go. - Don't go.
Please don't.
[ Rahu/ Exha/es ]
[ In Hindi] The Betrayal ofyour Erect Dick- How does it feel?
Idiot.
♪♪ [ Woman Singing /n H/ndi]
[Door Closes]
Where would you like to go?
Ijust want to drive and drive and drive.
♪♪ [Continues]
♪♪ [ Thunder Rumb/ing ]
Why did you come to see me?
'U.
wanted to be reminded why I broke up with you.
[ Thunder Rumb/ing ]
Somehow...
I can't remember.
- Hello! - [Tapping On Window] - [ Gasps]
- [ L/ikram ] What is it? - [/n Hindi] Ro/l down the Window.
- What is it? - [ In Hindi ] What are you doing here so late?
- [ In Hindi/English] None ofyour business. - [ /n Hindi] Big Words in English, eh P
Should we take you to the station?
Out. Out you come!
[ In English] Take me to the police station? On what basis?
Indecent exposure. Obscenity.
- [ In Hindi ] Who do you thinkyou are? - You may have a bomb. Who knows?
[ In English] Don 'z' be r/d/cu/ous D0 we look like terrorists?
[In Hindi] Get out right now.
- [A d/Ti] I/ikram! - [ In Hindi] You too.
[ In Hindi] Hands up. Bastard'
[Speaking Hindi]
[Cell Phone Ringing]
- Your time's up. - Hands up, fucker!
Home. [ In Hindi ] Give it to me.
- Vikram! - [ In English] Hello? Hello, darling.
[ In Hindi] A bride's henna-painted hands! [Laughing]
- You couldn't wait, eh? - Vikram!
Yes, I know that. l'll be home soon.
[In Hindi] lfyou are in such a hurry, come with me.
- You'll be in for a treat. - [Crying] Vikram!
Well, there was an emergency. Yes.
- L/ikram/ - Yes.
No, don't worry. That'sjust a television show in the background.
- Don 't War/y about that. - Vikram, don't leave rne with them!
[ In Hindi] Shall I call your lover? Go get him.
- O hero! - Yeah. Exactly.
- [ In Hindi] Madam, stop! - [ Engine Starts]
[Speaking Hindi]
- [Vikram] Hey! - [ In Hindi] The bird has flown.
Hey!
- [ Policemen Laughing] - What are you doing?
[Birds C a/l/ng /n Distance]
[Whispering] Lalit.
[Groans Quietly]
Let me sleep, will you?
[Snofing]
[In Hindi] Grab this, Lottery.
- Catch! - Th row it!
[Se wing Machine Wh/rr/ng ]
How should I arrange the colors?
Any way you want.
L'll nail it.
Brothers, l'm going.
- Do without me. - Whatk up?
l'm not feeling well.
[Watch Beeps]
/'ve worked with Dubeyji five years.
l've never seen him like this.
- He isn't even eating marigolds. - We must do something.
[ Pimmi] A/icePA/ice? [Speaking Hindi]
[Horns Honking]
♪♪ [ Backgrounof Ind/an Pop]
So what are you going to say to Hemant?
- Everything. - Oh, God. Then?
He's gonna tell rne that l'm a slut and that I should get lost.
Adu.
How could I have been so stupid?
Are you sure you want to tell Hemant everything?
I mean, everything'; 0l/er between you and l/ikram now.
- [ A yes/Ia, Varun Shout/ng /n Distance ] - Ria, I don't want to lie.
I don't want to start something new based on lies and deceit.
- ♪♪ [ Ind/an Pop Resumes] - lt'sjust so wrong.
- You liked Hemant, no? - Yeah.
He's nice.
He's good for you.
I can't do this to him.
♪♪ [Continues]
l'm going mad! What is this music?
It's Ayesha practicing for the sangeet tonight.
- Maybe she shouldn't bother. - What?
- Maybe she shouldn't bother. - Adu!
♪♪ [Man Singing /n Hindi]
l'm really glad you called, though, you know, because I was gonna call you myselfthis morning.
- Why? What happened? - Nothing happened.
It was great to see you alone yesterday, so I thought l'd try my luck again.
- You look really nice when you laugh. - Oh, yeah?
- I need to tell you something. - Mm-hmm.
You'll probably hate me by the end of it, but -
I really need you to know.
It's okay. l'm not gonna hate you though.
This used to be my favorite haunt during my IIT days.
Best chai in the world.
- It's nice. - Oh, yeah? I was hoping you'd like it.
- Jaichandji! - [ In Hindi] How's life?
I recognized you at first glance, my friend.
- I haven't seen you around. - l've been away for fouryears.
- What will you have? - Two ofyour special teas.
No sugar in mine.
[ja/chand] You 've been bra/n washed b yAmer/ca. N0 sugar, if you please.
Yesterday, Naresh Sharma was here from America.
He wanted Sweet'N Low. Can you imagine?
- We'll chat another time. - Absolutely.
[Laughs]
[ In English] So, what was so important?
You don't want to marry me anymore?
[ TV: People Laughing, Chattering]
[ In English ]just look at these. Mama gave these to me when I got married.
- Hmm? - Still so shiny and beautiful.
I never used them once.
Ijust hope Aditi will use them.
P/mm/j what ha ve you spread al/ 0 ver?
I have to do my accounts, and I can't even find my papers.
- Please don't keep this stuff here. - Then get a computer, na.
You won't need any paper.
Computers can do everything for you these days.
L'm too old to learn all this computer nonsense.
And you know how much money has already got spen t?
Huh? You know how long it will take me to repay all this?
Don't worry so much, Lalit.
Our only daughter's getting married.
Noth/hgk a waste.
Look at these saris.
Do you know I bought this one in Madras 22 years ago?
L've been collecting these since the day Aditi was born.
- This one is lovely. - Mmm.
[Sighs] And tomorrow she'll be gone.
Just like that, in one day.
L'm sorry.
Yeah, l'm sorry too.
- [ Both Chattering In Hindi] - [ In Hindi] Move your bike, man.
Move your bloody bike!
[Chattering Continues]
[Engine Starts]
[Horn Honking]
[ In English] Couldn't help yourself, huh?
You had to drag me into your mess as well. What am I supposed to do now?
“Mr. Verma, your daughter's such a rosebud.
“We'll have a wonderful family in Houston, Texas...
“be fi/Pndg take our kids to Disney/and send you a coup/e 0f tickets eve/y year.
“lt'll be lovely!
“But, hey, wait a minute.
“You didn't tell me she's still screwing her ex-boyfriend while you were fixing our marriage.
“Huh? But that shouldn't be such a problem.
L'm from America. We shall fit right in!”
You know, l've been thinking, Lalit.
I don't want to send Varun to boarding school.
- Come on, Pimmi, don't start this again. - I don't want to lose both my children.
Pimmi, don't start up again, huh? We've been through all this.
He's going to boarding school. That's final.
Just wasting his life, staying here watching TV the whole day.
There '5 no one here to discipline him. [ /n Hindi] He doesn '1' listen. I give up.
- [ In English] ljust don't know what to do with this boy. - But he also needs love and affection, na.
- Huh? He's such a sensitive boy, Lalit - - [ Mutters]
And he's so wonderful with all these creative things.
“Creative things” - like singing and dancing, cooking sesame chicken.
[ In Hindi] Let's find him a nice boy.
[ In English] Don't say that, huh? Why do you always look at everything like that?
You know what I heard him telling Tej bhai-sahab he wants to be when he grows up?
- What? - He said he wants to be a chef.
[Laughing]
Itellyou- [ In Hindi] Our son will be a cook.
[ In English] Tej bhai-sahab nearly fainted with surprise.
- [In Hindi] A cook! - [ In Hindi] He'sjust a kid.
- [ In English] It doesn't mean anything. - He's a fool.
My son will be a man when he grows up, understand?
He'll be an educated professional.
He won't be singing and dancing in people's shaadis
- Mama? - [ In Hindi] Yes, darling?
[ In English] Can you do this for rne - make a much/j and on my eyes?
- Why, beta? - For my dance with Ayesha tonight.
[P/mmi] Acha. Okay.
Why can 't you 0'0 something useful? Huh?
Like some exercise or reading your schoolbooks for a change, huh?
Look at you - a big, huge hulk.
Can 't spend your who/e life s/hg/hg and dancing.
- Why not? - What do you mean why not?
[ In Hindi/English] You want to be an entertainer?
[ In English ] You don't do any exercise. You don't even play cricket.
You don't read a book. just sleeping all day and watching TV.
And now this new nonsense - dancing.
Why? You also took Mama's dopatta and danced the other night.
Don't compare yourselfwith me. You'rejust a kid, understand?
But right now, you said l'm big now.
That's it. You're going to boarding school. Decided!
- Since when? - Beta. Beta, Papa and I only talking about it.
- No, no, no. I have made up my mind. - Shh! Please, let me talk to him.
It's going to be good for you, Varun. Beta, soon, Adit/ didi is going away
You'll be so lonely at home.
So we thought you'll go to boarding school. You'll have so much fun.
You've also been trying to send me away to boarding school.
- No, beta. - Now listen, beta. We arejust -
Shh! [ In Hindi] Nothing has been decided.
[ In English] That school is much better than this school.
We thought you'll go there, and there'll be so many boys your age.
- You'll really enjoy yourself. - No, I don't want to go.
I won't go. You do what you want.
Beta, we 're just doing this for your own good
lt'll make you a bit tougher. I think it'll be good for you.
I hate you! I hate you both!
You don't even understand one thing about me.
Don't you talk to rne like that! You understand?
Fine! I just won't talk to you at all.
- Varun? - No!
Beta, please. [ In Hindi ] Son, listen to me.
- [ Varun, /n English ] Leave me alone! - [Door Slams ]
Happy na? Happy with what you've done?
I didn't mean to upset him like that.
Why couldn't you say something?
Don't talk to me, okay? just don't talk to me.
[Door Slams ]
[ In Hindi] Alice. Alice. Alice, one minute.
We wanted to talk to you.
- We're sorry. - We made a big mistake.
We didn't do it on purpose.
We couldn't see clearly.
We made a mistake, Alice.
- [ In English ] Alice, please. - [ In Hindi] We're sorry.
It won't happen again.
[Bicycle Bell Rings]
[Engine Stops]
- [Door Closes] - [Footsteps Receding]
Aditi.
L'm sorry I lost it out there.
I didn't have any right to talk to you like that.
You had every reason to be angry. [Sniffles]
Someone broke my heart, too, a few years ago.
I know how hard and confusing it can be.
I really appreciate your telling me about Vikram.
You didn't have to, but you did.
That honesty means a lot to me.
Yeah, I know it's a risk, but what marriage isn't a risk?
Whether our parents introduce us or whether we meet in a club...
what difference does it make?
[Sighs]
I know we can put this behind us. I really do.
I believe this can work.
I believe we can be happy.
As for the question ofwhether we should get married or not...
it's really for you to answer.
♪♪ [ Woman Singing /n H/ndi]
♪♪ [Continues]
[ Bleating]
[ Meows]
[B/eat/ng Continues]
[ In Hindi] Bravo! The stock has gone up.
I told you before the stock would go up.
But you thought your mother was a fool.
That'; what you had dec/deo'.
“What does she know about the stock market?”
I knew it. It's up, isn 'z' it?
N0 w you go tomorrow and se/l the shares -
0/1, G00'.
What is the use 0f this money?
/'// d/e before I see the fivce 0f a grandson.
Your fivtherk name will sink without a trace.
Listen.
Did you te// the neighbors about the toilet?
It's flooded again.
What sin did I comm/z'?
You don 't like any girl!
Don '2' you fée/ like settling down?
Ramesh 13 six months younger than you, and he has two children.
He earns ha/f what you do.
Her mother 5/10 W5 of)' her grandsons to make me jealous.
0/1, G00'! Have you gone mad?
Roaming about in your underwear.'
♪♪ [ Woman Singing /n H/ndi]
♪♪ [Continues]
[Rahul] Here. Here's yours.
- Yes, of course. - Especially my mom.
[Chattering]
Yeah, exactly. Sure.
- How are you? - Very well. How are you doing?
Ladies and gentlemen...
attention, please.
Welcome, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful ladies...
and gentlemen and, of course, lovely children.
- Listen to me. - Mama!
Todayk sangeet for our be/o veo' A d/T/L.
- and our dearson - - [ Woman ] Son-in-la W!
Son-in-lam eh?
And marriage will take place tomorrow.
-[App/ause] - Rahul! Rahul!
[Man ] Are you, like, the only bartender here?
I ordered a Bacardi Coke, like 20 minutes ago, man.
- Justa sec. - Rahul!
- Gin and ton/c - no ice, lots of gin. - Make that two.
Sure.
[ In Hindi] After Partition, we came here with nothing.
Nowhere to go, no future.
Tej's family looked after us.
He educated us, made us stand on our feet.
- [ In English] Move, man. - Sorry, man. l'm sorry. Chill.
[ In Hindi] There are no accounts between families.
Now you're one of us.
Welcome. Welcome.
[ In Hindi] “Your eyes brim with intoxication.
Your skin glows from the fragrance of rose petals.”
[ In English] Who's that clown?
[Chuckling] That's my dad.
Varun, you can't say no now. Please, Varun!
[ In Hindi/English] Listen. Don't take out your parents' anger on me.
Varun, please.
I told you, I don't care about anything anymore.
I don't care, and that's decided.
[ In Hindi] May this enchanted evening glow forever.
[Guests Applauding, Cheering]
[ In English] In my opinion, you Punjabis are way too ostentatious.
In my opinion,you Bengalis are way too pretentious.
[Laughing] Touché, Ria.
This isjibesh, Vandana.
This is Mrs. Rai, Aditi's ma-in-law to be.
♪♪ [ Backgrounof Man Singing /n Hindi]
- [ Woman Laughing] - [ Woman #2] Whafs s0 funny?
[ Woman #3] Yeah. What? s0 funny?
- Ria, get me a rum and Coke. - Vandi, please go get it yourself.
Please, please, please. I would, but I know so many people who know my parents.
- [Clicks Tongue] - Please, just get it. Please.
- [CL ] We will start this evening - - Okay.
W/T/7 a - [Hindi Word] ITEM...
by our own beloved Ayesha!
- [Guests Cheering, App/aud/ng] - Please, A yesha.
- What's the matter? - Varun won't do the dance anymore.
- Shit. l'm so sorry to hear that. - I don't know what to do -
I need tojust - Rahul,you can do it.
I mean, you've seen us rehearse the steps so many times.
- You crazy? - You can make up the steps as we go along.
You said that you love to dance. Please, l'm begging you. I really need your help.
I can dance, but it's not a nightclub in Melbourne.
I can't dance to this music.
[ In English/Hindi] Bloody foreigner!
[CL Continues /n Hindi]
ljust fell from grace.
My darling, you have to be standing up in order to be able to fall.
I mean, ifyou keep sitting on your ass, nothing's gonna happen.
[Sighs]
[ In Hindi] “Only brave warriors fall from their horses in battle.
How can kneeling cowards know what a fall is?”
[ In English] Meaning, sweetheart, the main thing is...
you have to fight the battle.
F c1. ] AyeS/Ia/
[ Guests App/aud/ng: Cheering]
- ♪♪ [Pop 0n RA, S/ow Tempo] - [ Woman] Oh, my Goo'! Whoa!
[Guests Shouting, Chattering]
[Chattering, Laughing]
♪♪ [Continues]
[Woman] More applause for Ayesha.
[Man ] Look at her, huh?
♪♪ [ Up-tempo ]
- [Cheering] - [Whistling]
",/',/' [Man Singing /n Hindi] - [ Woman] 0h, yeah!
[Chattering]
♪♪ [ Woman Singing /n H/ndi]
♪♪ [ Man, Woman Alternating]
♪♪ [ Lip-synching]
Come on, girl. That's it!
♪♪ [ Lip-synching]
[Cheering]
[ In Hindi] We're in-laws now.
[ Whistling]
[R129 ] Oh, my G00'!
f woman] Yea;
[Cheering]
[La/iz', /n Hindi] The idiot'; dancing'
Bra v0!
♪♪ [ Rhythm Clapping]
[Man] Come on, come on!
[La/it Shouting /n Hindi]
[La/it, /n English] Nobody is to sit. E veg/body come and dance!
[ In Hindi/English] I love you, brother!
♪♪ [ Lip-synching]
Come on.
♪♪ [ Continues, Faint]
[ Laughing, Chattering]
- [ Water Running] - [Dishes flattering]
- Let's stay up all night together. - [Chuckles]
Really. Let's talk.
[Chuckles] Talk? Why would you want to talk?
Alice.
[ Ria ] Ah! Here comes my kissing cousin, A dit/I
[ Woman] Please, Sister. Please.
- Hi, lovebirds. - [Hemant] Okay, okay, okay.
- [ Wolf Whistle ] - I can only handle one woman at a time.
Oh, really?
[ R/a ] Don 't tire yourself out. Tomorrow's the b/g might.
Oh, yeah. And don't corrupt my elder sister, huh?
[ In Hindi] You have listened to everyone but Shashi.
[All Chattering]
And now we present Shashiji!
[ In Hindi] My throat is sore, but l'll try.
[ In English] I don't like kissing.
Typical man. [ In Hindi] Head straight here.
[ /n English ] N0, real/y. / get/us!' so confused about what to do.
Does your tongue go right in? Does it move around? Does it stay still?
- Itjust makes me too nervous. - Don't think.just go with the flow.
Whoo! [Laughs]
Don 't think? [ Exha/es ] / wish lcou/d do that
[ R1}? ] I don '1' know. / mean, kissing could be great...
but my mind starts whizzing with the weirdest thoughts...
and sudden/y I 'm thinking 0f some banal, practical thing that needs t0 be taken care of
I don't know what the big deal is. I know all about kissing.
- Really, baby? -Ac/1a. Everything?
- Yeah. What's the big deal? - No big deal.
It's gross. You open your mouth, and he sticks his tongue in.
Yeah, don't you know? That's how older people kiss.
♪♪ [Shash/S/hg/ng In Hindi]
[Man] Sure, let 's g0. I'm rea/A/ exhausted
[Murmurs]
- Bye. Bye. - See you. See you, Varun.
Bye, Varun.
J'J'[Singing In Hindi]
Come on.
[WhimperS]
Mama, I want to sleep.
- Okay. - [WhimperS]
[Cell Phone Ringing]
- [ Mutters] - Hello?
Yeah, Mr. Culkin. Yeah, one moment. One moment.
[Chattering]
- L'll go help, huh? - Okay.
- [ In Hindi ] Aliya, come. - [ In English] She's so sleepy.
[In Hindi] Troubling your mother?
- [ In English] l'll take her out for a drive. - Okay, fine.
[Al/ya l / don '2' want ice cream.
[Whispering, indistinct]
- [ Tej ] Strawberry ice cream? - [ Uday] Absolutely no.
Oh, she's tired and cranky. I thought l'd take her out for a drive.
Thank you.
Yeah. Yeah, sorry.
- [Vandana] Ria? - [jibesh] Ria, what's happening?
[ In Hindi] Did you see Tej Uncle? That tall old man.
[Engine Starts]
- [ In English ] What's the matter, Ria? -Just let her go.
- Huh? ls anything the matter, beta? What is it? -just let her go.
- Let her go from what? - From you, you bastard!
- Are you all right? - [ Uday] Have you gone mad?
I don't know. Maybe she's had a bit too much to drink, huh?
- [ Laughing] -What happened?
It wasn't enough that he touched me when I was a girl?
That wash 'z' enough? You had t0 teach Al/ya how older people kiss?
- Ria, will you stop this nonsense? - What did you get out of it?
I didn't even have breasts, you sick man! [Gasps]
[ In Hindi] lnsolent, crazy girl!
[ In English] Seven afternoons.
Seven afternoons of how older people kiss?
- Ria. - You took my clothes off
- Ria, stop. - “Open your mouth, Ria.”
- Will you stop it! - Don't touch me!
Don't touch me! Don't touch me!
Now he's doing it all over again to Aliya.
She's lying, Lalit. She's lying.
[R/a ] You don 't want t0 believe me?
Then fine. l'm not a part ofthis.
L'm not a part ofyou.
Say something, La/it. She's lying'
- She's lying. - You know I don't lie, chachu.
You know it! You know I don '2' lie!
f V/Jaya] She 's lying", La/iz'.
- Unmarried girls like Ria - they make up all these fantasies. - Ria.
Ria. Ria.
- Ria. Ria. - [ Sobbing]
Ria, you can't go away like this. Ria, please. Ria.
She's mad.
The girl's going crazy.
Lalit.
[ Deep Breath]
[A l/J/a 3' Voice ] Please, Papa. P/ease.
[Sobbing]
- [ Sobbing] - Lalit. Huh?
Oh, God.
[ In Hindi] l'm falling, Pimmi. Hold me.
[Pimmi] Shh.
Ria?
[Crying]
Rig?
[In H/hdi] Don 'z' 0'0 this, my chi/a'.
Let's go home.
[/n English] Come. I want you to come home with me just now...
and I don 't want t0 listen to anything: please, huh?
just change your clothes and come home with me.
- L'll wait for you in the other room. - Don't pretend like nothing happened.
- Ria, l'm not pretending. - You are! You are!
- You are! - Beta, I don't even know how to console you, Ria.
What you have gone through, I can't even imagine it.
[ In Hindi] I don't understand. What can I do?
You can do nothing, Uncle.
[ In English] Ria, ifyou don't come home -
[ In Hindi] Without you, the wedding can't happen.
[ In English] Come home, R/Lv.
I don't even know what to do.
I don't know what to do, Ria. My hands are tied.
Tej bhai-sahab and our fémi/y goes back a ve/y long Way.
[ In Hindi] We are so indebted to them.
- Come home, I beg you. - lt's not your fault.
- [ In English ] Then why are you punishing me? - [Crying] l'm not.
And yours/star and your mother?
Listen t0 me, beta. / cannot break up my zivmi/y.
I cannot.
Please don 't ask me t0 make that choice.
I don't know what Surinder bhai-sahab would have done in my position.
I know I can never replace your father, but you're my child, na?
[In H/hdi] Aren 't you my little one?
[ In English] My family means everything to me, Ria.
Please don't leave us.
Please.
Ria, ifyou go -
[ In Hindi] everything will break.
[Tej Speaking Hindi]
[Speaking Hindi]
[All Chattering Quietly]
[ Photograph er] Okay.
- [ In English ] What's your name, little girl? - Aliya.
[Photographer Speaking Hindi]
[ In English ] Ve/y nice.
- Ve/y nice. - [Camera Shutter Clicks]
L 00k up. Smile.
Okay, smile.
Ve/y nice. Beautiful. What a /0 ve/y fémi/y.
[Speaking Hindi]
- Ma 2m?[H/'/70'/'] - Ria.
[Speaking Hindi]
[ In English] Come in front.
Here?
[ In Hindi] At the gentleman's feet.
[ In English] Hold it.
Eyes wide open.
And one, two -
Okay. Everybody now smile together and watch the birdie.
And three. Ve/ygooa'.
- Okay, last picture. B/g smile, please. - [ Camera Shutter Clicks]
[Lalit] Okay, thank you.
[ In Hindi] Come, darling. Be blessed by your elders.
[ In English] I miss you so much, Papa.
[Hindi]
[ In English] Come. Come.
[Hindi Word]
[ In English] Please.
ShashUL
- [ Car Doors Close] - [People Chattering]
- Ah. Lalit, l'll go out and receive the guests. - [La//'z']N0.
No.
[ In English/Hindi] You won't receive the groom.
[ In English] I can't do this. I can't. l'm sorry.
- Lalit. - I don't even want you here.
Please.
I cannot allow this, Puriji.
Icannot
Both ofyoujust leave my home and my family and go.
- Lalit, what are you say - - I don't want to say any more.
Please. Please don '1' make it worse.
[ln Hindi] For such a small thing-
[ In English] No, no. I don't want to say anything further. Please don't make it worse.
These are my children, Puriji...
and I will protect them from myselfeven ifl have to.
Please go.
[Birds C h/rping]
[ Car Doors Closing]
♪♪ [ March]
♪♪ [Continues /n Distance ]
[La/it, In Hindi] Ready?
[ In Hindi] The soaked in-laws are here.
[ In Hindi] Verma family, forge ahead!
Get drenched, bloody fools!
[In Hindi] Should I wear it?
[ In Hindi] Take the groom in. He'll get wet.
[Speaking Hindi]
[In Hindi] Be happy.
[Cheering]
[In H/hdi] Long live Mr. and Mrs. Dubey/
♪♪ [Band Continues]
[Speaking Hindi]
- ♪♪ [ Band Stops] - ,/',/' [ Stereo: Techno ]
[ Shouting, Cheering]
8h _ Drums]
Hey!
Hey, hey! Hey, hey!
[Laughing]
{Speaking Hindi] - [ Lalit] Dubey!
[ In Hindi] Dubey and his lovely bride!
It's your own tent. You won't get wet.
♪♪ [Man Singing /n Hindi]
[ In English] One, two.
[ In Hindi] Fabulous waterproofing, Dubey!
[Shrieking, Laughing]
♪♪ [Continues]
[In Hindi] The bride is coming!
[Chattering, Laughing]
I.” [Ends]
[Lalit, In Hindi] Watch out! The wedding garlands!
[Laughing]
[Guests Exclaiming, Cheering]
[Applause ]
[ Woman Speaking Hindi]
[In Hindi] My son, Umang!
My darling son, you're here!
[Speaking Hindi]
[Hindi]
[ In Hindi] Bring on the music!
[Laughing]
♪♪ [ Techno Resumes]
♪♪ [Man Singing /n Hindi]
[In Hindi] We finally made an Indian out ofyou!
[ In Hindi] Come on, Mrs. Dubey! Let's dance!
I.” [Ends]
♪♪ [Man Singing /n Hindi]
♪♪ [Continues]
i.” [Ends]