Thank you. Come again.
[door chime rings]
[chuckles softly]
[opening theme song playing]
SAKAMOTO'S
VS. SON HEE AND BACHO
[Shin] Mr. Sakamoto, I can't get over how badass you were that day!
I've never witnessed close-quarter combat as flawless as that before!
Even this far into retirement, there's nobody who can match you.
You showed up, and you were like, "Pow!" [chuckles]
[Sakamoto] Get back to work.
And you iced pretty much all of them in one hit!
[Aoi] What? "Iced"?
Beloved, I know you're not about to tell me
you've gone back to killing, right?
- [whimpering] - Huh?
[Shin] Uh, but you, like, killed all those dudes, didn't you?
None of their wounds were lethal.
[Aoi] Because, sweetie, and I know you know this,
break the family rules, and I'll divorce you!
- [Sakamoto exclaims] - Di-vorce. Hmm.
[exclaims]
[grunts]
I'm glad we understand each other.
Now then, I'm gonna go sweep the sidewalk.
[door chime rings]
So, uh… what are these family rules?
[groans]
Why are you always daydreaming about ways to take me out?
[Sakamoto] You talk too much.
NIIKITA CHINATOWN
Wow, Niikita Chinatown is so big!
This place is great.
But there must be some place closer to home
we could've stocked up, right?
Oh.
[shopkeeper] Thank you!
[coins jingle]
[Sakamoto] Can't buy more than 50 per day.
HEAVENLY PORK BUNS
[Shin] Meat buns? That's what we came all the way here for?
[Sakamoto] To share with Aoi and Hana.
Huh?
[gasps, exclaims]
[Shin] Oh, man. He loves his family so much.
Say, what were those family rules Mrs. Sakamoto was talking about?
[Sakamoto] Shut up.
[Shin] All you have to do is think about it.
Then I can stop asking.
- Huh? - Hey, get out of the way!
[Sakamoto grunts]
[coughs]
Mr. Sakamoto!
[gasps]
The meat buns are crushed…
Maybe we could just dust them off a little bit.
Nope, no, we can't.
- [gangster 1] There she is! - [gangster 2] You're in for it!
- [gangster 3] Come back here! - [grunts]
MYSTERY GIRL LU SHAOTANG
You're not getting away. So quit running, you scared little cat.
You're not good enough to get your hands on me.
Oh, boy. Mr. Sakamoto, this looks like it could be trouble.
[Sakamoto] The meat buns…
[gasps]
- [crying] - [gasps]
Wait, this isn't the time to be worried about that!
[gangsters grunting]
[groans]
[Shin] Whoa. Is that tai chi?
We gotta surround her!
[grunting, panting]
[captivating instrumental music playing]
[groans]
[grunts, groans]
Come here! [screams]
[gangster grunts]
- [exhales] - [grunts]
- [Lu gasps] - Ha! I've got you now.
Let go of me!
[gasps]
- [grunts] - We can't kill her, but we can hurt her.
[straining]
I'll start with her legs so she can't run anymore.
[gasps]
[groans, thuds]
[exclaims] How'd he do that?
[groans]
- Don't move, you piece of shit! - [gasps]
- Watch out! - You're gonna die, you-- [gasps]
[grunts]
[groans]
[Shin] What the hell? She's good.
[gangster 4] Look! She's over there!
And she's got her gang with her! After them!
We're not a gang.
But we should run anyway!
- Slow them down! - You're gonna die!
- [Shin screams] - Who the hell are you guys?
[gangster 4 pants] Dammit.
[panting]
[music ends]
DANSHOKAI
[Danshokai chairman] What happened to the girl?
[gangster] I'm afraid she gave us the slip.
She's on the run with a pair of men we didn't recognize.
We'll figure out who they are. Then we can track them.
So you lost her again?
DANSHOKAI CHAIRMAN
We already killed her entire family. We had her cornered!
What was the point of that if she gets away from us?
- [whimpers] - You're worthless!
[gangster] I'm sorry, sir!
Oh, yeah? Well, I'm done with you.
Get out of my sight.
Sir--
[all gasp]
[man screaming]
[Bacho chuckles] Check it out, Son Hee.
He's still trying to breathe like he doesn't know he's already dead.
[Son Hee] Little brother, stop playing around with corpses.
It's undignified, Bacho.
[Danshokai chairman scoffs] These two are insane.
Listen up.
That girl has a key, and I need you to bring it to me.
Once I get my hands on it, I'll have control of the black market.
You must catch that girl, whatever it takes!
[Bacho] We can do that, if we can kill anyone in our way.
Hmm. Whatever it takes.
[both chuckle]
[Shin] What? You're from a mafia family?
The Lu family? Wait. They're famous!
Can you please keep it down?
Why are they chasing you?
To get their hands on this.
[Shin] What's that?
It's a key to my family's secret safe.
My parents entrusted it to me.
[Shin] Well, it's not worth dying over, is it?
I'd get rid of that thing.
I'd never do that!
[inhales deeply] My mama and papa,
they gave their lives to protect it.
[melancholy music playing]
[Lu's father] Shaotang! Run, now!
Hurry. There's no time!
What kind of daughter would throw it away now?
How could I look them in the eye when I meet them in the afterlife?
Anyway, my sob story is none of your concern.
Sorry I got you involved in this.
[music ends]
[grunts]
[Lu] Here's where we say goodbye.
- [Shin coughs] - [Sakamoto] Do you, uh…
You don't know how to make meat buns, do you?
[Lu] What? Meat buns?
Yeah, I think Papa had a recipe.
So I should know the basic flavors anyway. Why?
Mr. Sakamoto, are you sure this is what you want to do?
Hanging with her could be dangerous.
[Sakamoto] Restocking the store can wait.
We're helping the girl.
[both] Huh?
When it's over, you can thank us by making your dad's meat buns.
Those are our conditions.
Huh? Who are you people?
[gasps] Mr. Sakamoto!
Mr. Sakamoto!
We wasted too much time talking to each other.
These two…
Great. Now we're in real trouble.
[Son Hee] Bacho, have I ever told you that you have no style?
[Bacho] Gimme a break.
Why should an assassin be worried about style?
Kill the target on sight.
You can always arrange the corpses nicely afterward.
But the problem is how you kill the targets.
I swear, it's like talking to a monkey.
I take it you know these guys?
Son Hee and Bacho.
The twin assassins.
For a fee, they'll kill anyone.
And they don't ask questions.
They're serial killers who take pleasure in taking lives.
Disgusting creeps who bring the heads of their victims home to sketch them.
Wow, I didn't know we are famous.
Isn't that great, Son Hee?
No, you fool.
Hit men should live in the shadows. You should be ashamed if you stand out.
Couldn't have said it better myself!
Did we upset you by killing your friend?
Well, aren't you a sensitive little flower?
What the hell are you talking about?
You think that was enough to kill him?
If you don't know Mr. Sakamoto, then you're an amateur at best.
[Son Hee] Yap all you like, little dog.
[Bacho groans softly] Son of a…
Who do you think you are?
[Lu exclaiming]
[neck cracks]
[Sakamoto] A red bean bun would be nice too.
[tense music playing]
[grunts]
[Lu] Where are we?
CLOSED
[Son Hee] Impressive.
He must be a rather powerful man. Don't you think?
[scoffs] The roof was rotting, so what?
Just another asshole we get to kill.
[Son Hee] Woman.
[gasps]
Hand the key over to us now, and your death will be a beautiful one.
Sound fair?
My parents trusted me with this key.
I'll gladly give my life to keep it safe!
Ridiculous.
But your parents said the same thing right before we killed them.
[gasps]
You fools.
Caring more about your trinkets than your own lives.
That only proves how worthless you are.
- Shut your mouth! - No!
[gasps, screams]
[grunts]
What are you doing?
Moron.
You can't let them get under your skin so easy.
[Lu sighs]
They can't get in that safe.
Everything my family's ever cared about is in there.
Mama and Papa were protecting it when these monsters…
- [Son Hee] Let me help. - Hmm?
[gasps]
[Son Hee] Now what would you do that for?
Sounds to me like she wants to be with her parents again.
You can't choose what's important to others.
That's their decision to make.
[gasps]
I don't get it.
Why are you trying so hard to protect somebody you don't even know?
- [gasps] - [music stops]
[slow instrumental music playing]
[young Aoi] You're covered in blood again.
I just got back from work.
You mean you just got back from killing people, huh?
How can you bear to do something so awful?
I couldn't afford to buy you a present if I didn't work.
Well, I don't want a present
that's been stained with blood money like that.
[grunts]
- I've had enough. - What?
[young Aoi] If I can't convince you to change, then I…
then I can't be with you.
- Goodbye. - [gasps]
- [woman screams] - What's going on?
Someone just fell!
[grunts] That was higher than I thought it was.
I'm glad there's snow on the ground.
Don't you see?
When I was falling,
you were thinking about how sad you'd be if I died, weren't you?
- [gasps] - Do you get it?
You wanted to save me because of how much I matter to you.
Everyone has someone that cherishes them the way you cherish me.
[gasps]
Right now, I need you to make a promise.
Promise me you won't kill anyone.
This is our number one rule.
And to make up for the lives you've already taken,
from now on, you'll devote yourself to helping people instead.
[sniffles]
[music ends]
[Sakamoto] Bleeding stopped.
[exclaims]
No killing, Shin, right?
[grunts] Right, Mr. Sakamoto!
[Bacho] Quit acting like you're so cool, amateur!
[grunting]
[intense music playing]
Hmm?
[grunting]
Hmm?
[grunts]
[chuckles] Turns out you're not half bad.
Bacho, time to use it.
All right, big brother. Let's do it.
[both] Iron Pot Special Technique! Tofu Scramble!
[yelling]
[Bacho] Prepare to be shredded!
[grunts]
Huh?
Mr. Sakamoto, are you okay?
[Sakamoto] Pulled a neck muscle.
Here, this should help.
[Son Hee] What? How did he dodge us?
No one's ever escaped our Tofu Scramble.
And he's huge!
How can he be completely unscathed?
Bacho, time for the other one.
[Bacho] All right, big brother. This will get him!
You're only the third person to witness this one!
[yells]
[Bacho] Iron Pot Special Technique!
[music stops]
Wha…
[thuds]
[Son Hee] You bastard!
[upbeat music playing]
My chakram's supposed to be unbreakable,
and he shattered it.
It's impossible!
[grunts]
[Sakamoto] Been a while since I held something that heavy.
Kinda hurt.
Your hand. Let me bandage it.
[Son Hee] Dammit. I'm not going to worry about them anymore.
I'll just kill the woman!
I can hear everything!
[groans]
[gasps]
COOL IMPACT REFRIGERATOR SMASH!!
[music ends]
Okay, I'm gonna ask again, who the hell are you guys?
Just shopkeepers.
[chuckles] I don't get it, but I guess I don't have to, huh?
[Danshokai chairman] Come on! What the hell are Bacho and Son Hee doing?
The treasure is right behind these doors, and yet…
I can't get in until those two maniacs bring me the key.
- [Shin] Special delivery! - Huh?
- [bodies thudding] - [gasps]
Bacho! Son Hee!
Wh… Who the hell are you two? What's my security doing, letting you--
- Shut up. Don't say another word. - [gasps]
I… Who's that?
[gasps]
I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have done it!
I'll do anything you ask! Anything! Please, forgive--
I want my mama and papa back, but you can't do that, can you?
Ask for forgiveness in hell.
[whimpering]
[groans softly]
- [Lu grunts] - [Danshokai chairman groans]
- [Lu] Hmm. - That's all you're doing?
You sure that's enough?
How about a little more just in case?
[grunts]
Why do you have to think about killing me all the time?
[Sakamoto] Don't get carried away.
[Lu] This is plenty.
[both] Hmm?
If I killed every person who'd done me wrong, it'd never stop.
Papa always said to live a happy life.
That's the best revenge.
[Shin chuckles softly]
[sentimental music playing]
[Shin] Hey, lady, how long's it take to open a door?
Don't be so rude! And don't call me lady.
I have a name. It's Lu Shaotang.
This lock is tricky because it's such an old key.
- [lock clicks] - Oh.
- Hey, look at that, you got it. - [Sakamoto] What's inside?
Why are you going in before I do?
- [beeping] - [Lu and Shin] Oh.
[Shin] Treasure! Gold and silver and… Huh?
Books, CDs, and stuffed animals?
There's all kinds of stuff here.
Oh. An inventory?
What do we have here?
"Every generation's family head
must offer their greatest treasure to the Lu family vault."
Okay, so everything in here came from a different family head.
I wonder what Papa left behind.
Oh.
Care to share with the class?
[Lu] "Sake to drink with Shaotang when she comes of age."
[gasps]
He always put me first.
[Shin] Hello? What does it say?
[Lu sighs]
It says that this is the most delicious bottle of sake in the world.
Have some as thanks for your help.
[gasps]
Okay, but it better be as good as you say.
I can't believe you held on to those, Mr. Sakamoto.
What are they?
They all got smashed.
Yeah, because you jumped on them.
[Sakamoto] Didn't hurt the taste.
Wow. Japanese meat buns aren't too bad, are they?
[closing theme song playing]
[radio announcer] Shots fired in Niikita Chinatown yesterday
in what is believed to be a dispute
- between members of the mafia. - [chime rings]
- Witnesses report-- - Hey, good morning!
[Sakamoto] Keep it down.
Head hurts.
Hangover.
Here you go. Something to drink.
MIKAN JUICE
- [door chime rings] - Hello.
- [Shin] Uh… - Boss man, the apron's a perfect fit.
[Shin] Wait, what the hell are you doing here?
Where else am I gonna work? He hired me to make meat buns.
You have a mountain of treasure. Why do you need to work?
I can't just sell off my family heirlooms like that.
You dumbass.
- [Shin] What'd you call me? - [Lu] Would you prefer "dipshit"?
[Sakamoto] Keep it down. I'm begging you.
Oh, I almost forgot!
Hey, Mr. Sakamoto?
I heard your story, about why you quit killing.
[Sakamoto] Who told you?
You were thinking about it during the fight yesterday.
I just wanted to tell you that it really moved me.
Huh?
You're part of the family now. You need to follow the rules too.
SAKAMOTO FAMILY RULES
[gasps] Okay!
[both] Huh?
[Shin] "Rule number one: Never kill anyone."
[Sakamoto] I'll kill you if you break them.
- You can't! It's against the rules! - Hmm?
[boss] This came from the JAA.
WANTED
[boss] They've put a substantial bounty on the big guy.
A billion yen.