Guess who found 500 yen under the vending machine, yo?
Piisuke wants something tasty, huh?
[exclaims]
I was really excited to tell everybody about Parents' Day,
[crying] but when I got home this afternoon,
Daddy and Lu and Shin were gone!
[exclaims, chuckles nervously] Don't cry, lookie here!
You can have my acorns. And some candy, too!
[wails]
Ah…
- Pi, Pi, Pi! - Oh.
All right!
Don't worry. I'm gonna go find those guys for you.
Hm? Do you mean it?
Piiii!
We're counting on you, Piisuke!
[laughs]
BASEMENT LEVEL FOUR
[Lu] I'm sorry. Who are you?
I'm Asakura, head researcher of the Lab.
Nice to meet you. Would you like to break out of here with me?
Huh? "Head researcher"?
If that's the case…
[grunts]
You must be the one who had me kidnapped, huh?
What, no! You've got it all wrong!
What's the matter with you? I'm locked up, too!
Hm. You got a point there.
Okay, then. You're gonna tell me everything you know, mister.
[opening theme song playing]
[Horiguchi laughing]
SAKAMOTO'S VS. THE LAB
You must be the legendary assassin. Taro Sakamoto, was it?
Such incredible power and speed!
But, it's too bad you're so overweight.
Even I'm quick enough
- to get the jump on you. - Hm?
Now, I wonder…
what's going to happen next?
Doesn't matter.
[groans]
[Sakamoto] Hm?
[speaks backwards] Mr. Sakamoto! Why?
[quirky music playing]
I was trying to hit the enemy. Body didn't listen.
[Horiguchi giggles] That's the needle injected in your neck.
Isn't it fun?
It can invert who your brain perceives as friend and foe!
Science is beautif-- [groans]
Okay. If I try to hit Shin, I can hit the bad guy.
HUH?
But you tried way harder with that one!
[Horiguchi] Isn't this nice?
- [bones crack] - Mm. Mm.
The lively guinea pigs are fun.
[quirky music ends]
And, ultimately, after I'd raised objections to one too many orders,
they locked me up in here. Make sense?
But what did they throw me in here for?
Your story's got a lot of holes, mister!
How should I know? I don't even know who you are!
[gasps] Now that I think about it…
This all started when you thought I was Shin
- and kidnapped me, you stupid jerk! - [grunting]
Hold on. You said Shin.
As in the clairvoyant?
That's the one.
Do you know him, mister?
I'd like to think I do.
Shin got his telepathic abilities because of me and my research.
[Lu] Huh? I always figured he was just born that way.
Shin used to be an ordinary, bratty little kid.
It wasn't until he got mixed up with me and my work
that his life was changed forever.
This sucks!
This meat is too tough and rubbery to eat.
[straining] Hey, what…
No sense wasting nutrients on a fool.
The magnesium and protein that are in this meat
help to prevent malnutrition.
When will you learn, you little brat?
I don't need your stupid meat. I'll just drink a whole bunch of juice!
[Asakura] Why did I get stuck with babysitting this twerp?
[emotional music playing]
At the time, I was here at the Lab researching supernatural powers.
One day, an old friend of mine named Ando suddenly disappeared,
and left the boy with me.
- [gulping] - Huh?
[screams] That's my special focus smoothie!
Ah!
[keyboard clacking]
This won't work. There has to be another way.
- [Young Shin] Hey, old man. Whatcha doin'? - Huh?
Uh… I'm researching how to expand the thresholds of the human brain.
Uh…
[Asakura] I mean I'm studying the potential of superhuman powers.
Is that a fun thing to do?
What? Nothing could be as much fun as this is!
If my work is successful,
it will be opening the door to unprecedented possibilities for mankind.
Are pastabilities a good thing?
Essentially, this work has the potential to make everyone very happy.
Huh?
[chuckles]
[emotional music continues]
[groans]
Just look at him. He's an absolute wreck.
All he ever does is research the impossible.
Wish I had that kind of time.
[Young Shin] Who are you to say it's impossible?
Least he's trying.
And when it does work, he's gonna make everyone in the world really happy!
[exclaims softly]
I've never seen this reaction! Now, let's see.
I just need to verify against past data.
[groans] Hey, old man, I'm thirsty.
Yes, this is it!
I've done the impossible!
Look, Shin! I've done--
[screams] No! What the hell are you doing?
What do you mean? [hiccups]
Shin! Talk to me, are you okay?
[Asakura] He doesn't seem any different. Did it not work?
Oh, well. I'm just glad he's all right.
- [Young Shin] I'm not all right. - [gasps]
Do you know how nasty that stuff was, old man?
[Asakura] Uh… Did… did I say that out loud?
[emotional music ends]
Hey, Mr. Tada.
You're thinking about Ms. Namiki in her panties, huh?
[all gasp]
[Tada chuckles nervously]
Oh, and Ms. Namiki, you think he's gross.
[all gasp]
[gasps]
- Poopy! - [exclaims nervously]
A star!
- Wig! - [exclaims nervously]
Hey! Does anybody wanna play?
[Ishikawa] Uh, I'm busy right now.
- [Namiki] Maybe later. - [Tada] No, thanks.
Fine.
- I can't relax around him. - It's kinda scary.
- What a freaky ability. - I feel sorry for him, but it's creepy.
It's bad luck for the poor boy.
[Asakura] Just you wait, Shin.
If I can figure out a cure, I can reverse the effects.
I'm fine the way I am!
You finally did it. Why aren't you happy, old man?
I'm sorry!
I never should've let you get mixed up in my stupid research.
Your research isn't stupid, you stupid old man!
[sniffles] I've had enough!
You're always moping! I'm sick of you and this crappy lab!
I'm outta here, old man!
And I haven't seen or spoken to him since he left.
I don't even know if I can ever face him again.
[both crying]
That story was so sad!
But I'm sure Shin doesn't hold it against you.
How would you know?
Because I know Shin really well, and he wouldn't do that.
He likes being a clairvoyant a lot.
And since the Boss Man doesn't talk much, I'm honestly kinda jealous.
[Asakura] Boss Man?
I've got it! We can apologize to him together!
It's pretty great timing for me, we're in a fight right now.
And according to Sakamoto Family Rules Article Eleven,
"When you fight, you make up by the end of the day."
Since your apology's coming a little late,
you might wanna bribe him with some candy or something.
[chuckles] I feel rather foolish all of a sudden.
If you had a way to break out of here, why didn't you do it sooner?
Because as long as I'm in here,
I don't have to help them with their terrible research.
Young lady, is Shin any taller?
Uh…
Huh? Who's there?
[grunts] Huh? Huh?
[groans]
[thuds]
Well, mister, let's find him, and you can see for yourself.
[gasps softly]
What do you say? Shall we start our escape mission?
[exhilarating music playing]
[speaks backwards] What the hell?
Oops. Sorry.
Nifty, eh? I can toggle the effect off and on with this switch.
And that's not all.
Watch closely. Ready?
- Huh? - [Sakamoto] Tacky.
I've got another trick up my sleeve!
Don't get cocky now!
[grunts]
[Sakamoto] That was a nice kick.
[speaks backwards] Oh, thanks, Mr. Sakamoto.
Ooh! [giggles]
[grunts]
Whoopsie-daisy!
You're so lightweight that you went straight through the window.
That was a delightful try.
When your brain thinks you're attacking a friend,
it instinctively pulls your punches.
The legendary assassin,
rendered utterly helpless by the might of science!
[speaks backwards] But I can read your mind, so it doesn't matter.
[laughs]
[grunts]
[Horiguchi laughing maniacally]
You can read my mind.
But if your body can't keep up with me, so what?
[exhilarating music ends]
I have no idea why the leader of our organization
has any interest in such a worthless ability.
[Shin] Hm?
Pitiful!
I'm not impressed.
I find it terribly dull!
[grunts]
[speaks backwards] You think my ability's worthless?
[upbeat music playing]
Don't get your clothes too dirty. Laundry's hard enough.
Hm?
[Sakamoto] And you.
Shin's ability is a long way from worthless.
We're gonna prove that to you right now.
[speaks backwards] Mr. Sakamoto…
Oh. You have no idea how hard it is
to relate to someone whose IQ level is so much lower.
Time to die.
Mmm. [laughs]
It hurts so good!
[yells]
[speaks backwards] Okay, Mr. Sakamoto, what do we do?
[Sakamoto] Pretty straightforward.
[speaks backwards] Huh?
Are you for real?
Let's begin the final experiment! Huh?
I wouldn't do that if I were you!
[Sakamoto] Right jab.
[upbeat music climaxes]
Left hook. Right jab. Right cross. Right roundhouse kick.
Right uppercut. Right hook. Left hook. Right jab. Left jab.
[Horiguchi] How is he dodging? Ow! And I'm the only one getting hit?
Ow! Sakamoto must be thinking about his attacks. Ow!
So he can dodge them all! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Damn you!
You can't beat science!
[grunts]
Hurts so good!
[Shin] I thought I was gonna die.
LEADER, MAD HORIGUCHI THROWING IN THE TOWEL
- Sit still, okay? - That's easier said than done.
- There! I got it. - Thanks.
- [Ishikawa] Shin, thank you. - Mm?
You saved us. We owe you an apology.
Uh, that's all water under the bridge.
Besides, I like my power, and where I'm at now.
So it's all good!
That's great! Glad to hear you're doing well.
You know it.
I'm working at Mr. Sakamoto's convenience store these days.
I've gotten pretty quick at the cash register.
Thank you for taking such good care of him.
[Sakamoto] Mm.
[Shin] Damn, Mr. Sakamoto, I know you're retired,
but I'm still pretty proud of myself for dodging the legendary assassin!
Now that you're so fat, your punches are even heavier, so I--
[groans]
What are you thinking about killing me for this time?
[Sakamoto] No need to bring my weight into it.
[Shin] According to the researchers,
Lu's probably in a holding cell on floor B4.
[Sakamoto] Let's be quick.
That fight just reaffirmed it for me, nobody can beat Mr. Sakamoto in combat!
[Sakamoto] Never underestimate an enemy.
Nagumo said that you used to be a member of The Order.
Are they all as strong as you are?
[Sakamoto] Well, strong in different ways.
But say there were ten of you against one member of The Order.
You'd all be annihilated in six seconds.
[Shin] That's not even one second per person!
Nagumo sure didn't seem like he was all that great to me.
I'd like to think I'd last a little bit longer.
[Sakamoto] If you're ever up against someone from The Order, just play dead.
[Shin] Huh?
[exclaims, screams] Mr. Sakamoto!
[Kashima] What a nuisance. Everything was going so smoothly.
BASEMENT LEVEL FIVE SERVICE CORRIDOR
But, on the plus side,
I have some very dependable teammates in my corner.
Right, Mr. Onigahara and Mr. Takamido?
LEADER, ONIGAHARA LEADER, TAKAMIDO
Now, then.
[Shishiba] See? Didn't I tell you, Osaragi?
We just caught three big ones.
Causing a scene down here did the trick.
It's a reindeer…
[Kashima] The Order…
What do the Association's lapdogs want with us?
Someone ought to teach you better manners.
No need to get your knickers in a twist.
This place is so big, it's like a maze, and we just got a little lost.
[Kashima] My apologies.
Allow us to escort you to the nearest exit.
There's somewhere else we'd like to go, actually.
Could you take us to Slur?
'Cause I'd really like to kill that guy.
[Kashima] I have no idea what you're talking about.
[snickers]
[Shishiba] Well, too bad.
In any case,
you're in violation of JAA policy for manufacturing illegal weapons.
And taking hostages for extortion.
Sorry, but you'll all have to die.
[Kashima yawns]
But, uh, before we do that, can I use your restroom?
[Onigahara] Boss. Can I kill this guy?
Whoa, personal space.
[Kashima] Do as you please, Mr. Onigahara, Mr. Takamido.
[Osaragi] Are you finished with these people, Mr. Shishiba?
Oh, Osaragi, just gimme a--
Wait. Was that too fast?
[Shishiba] I just wanted to move out of the splash zone first, but never mind.
Oh, I'm sorry.
[Shishiba] Don't worry, I'm not angry or anything.
There's a reason I wore a cheap suit.
But Mr. Shishiba, that suit was already bloody.
You have a hard time making friends, huh?
- [Kashima crying] - Huh?
[Kashima] What's wrong with you people?
Don't you have any regard for human life?
Uh…
[Kashima] All those poor souls you've slaughtered indiscriminately…
They could've had family or friends.
Don't you care about their feelings?
[continues crying] It's so sad.
Those poor, poor souls!
Now I have to exterminate you.
- [squelching] - Oh, wow.
Those who have no respect for the sanctity of human life
have no right to call themselves assassins.
It was my understanding that you were killing a lot of people as well.
It takes a special kind of creep not to recognize that double standard.
And the guy calling the shots probably isn't the best--
[slashing]
My life belongs to the master. Every action I take follows his will.
Therefore, the lives I claim are justified in service of a higher purpose!
[Shishiba] Is that so?
[neck cracks]
See? I knew you were working for Slur.
Are you all right, Mr. Shishiba?
Don't be silly. I was just sizing him up.
A good batter doesn't swing at the first pitch.
[bones cracking]
Uh, shouldn't you be dead?
Apologies, but my artificial spine appears to disagree.
[grunts]
- [thudding] - Huh?
Why, hello there. Looking good, Mr. S.
[Sakamoto] Been a while, Shishiba. How is everyone?
Well, we really can't complain.
Oh, by the way, this is our new member, Osaragi.
You haven't met Mr. S, have you?
[Osaragi] He's like a teddy bear.
[Kashima] Sakamoto. So you're the legendary assassin.
And you are?
He's the leader of the group that took control of the Lab.
And he's a stubborn bastard.
You're the only person that's ever been able to injure the master.
Huh? Does that mean you know Slur?
I don't know how you got here or why you came,
but I must kill you as quickly as possible and present you to the master! [grunts]
Even I'm getting grossed out by this guy.
Now then…
[groans] If you'll excuse me…
A man made of weapons. Could be tough.
Hm? What's the matter, Osaragi?
[Osaragi exclaims]
I've gotta find Lu so we can regroup with Mr. Sakamoto.
Don't wanna be late for dinner!
Huh?
Invisible prick.
- What do you want? - [electricity discharges]
Man, it's so much easier when they don't notice. Guess we gotta fight.
LEADER, SEBA
You people better not have hurt Lu.
I wouldn't know. I just do what they tell me to do.
And I get a bonus if I kill you.
Wait, or was it capture? Ah, whatever.
Sorry, but I need you to step aside.
My schedule's too busy to help you earn spare change.
I'm aiming to save 20 million yen before I retire.
- But I hate working overtime. - [electricity charges]
Let's finish this during business hours, okay?
This'll be quick.
[Shin] Hm? There you are!
[grunts]
Dammit!
Reading his thoughts can tell me where he is,
but if I can't see how he's attacking, it's no use!
[Shin groans]
- Oh. I also don't like to clock out early, - [electricity discharges]
so hang in there 'til my shift's over.
[grunting]
[Sakamoto] Is this guy…
even human?
Huh?
[Shishiba] Sorry. We've got other errands to run, so we're leaving this one to you.
Okay. Say hi to the others for me.
[grunts]
[Osaragi] Are you sure the teddy bear will be all right on his own?
[Shishiba] Of course, he will.
Our main target is this way, so just keep moving.
The teddy bear didn't look like he was particularly strong to me.
I think he's going to die.
Honestly, that patched-up psychopath is a lot better than I expected.
And Mr. S isn't in the best shape.
But after knowing him as long as I have,
I just can't imagine how he could ever die.
[groans]
[Seba sighs] Fighting a clairvoyant sucks.
You keep blocking at the last second.
The invisibility thing's a way bigger pain in the ass!
This has been fun, but it's just about quitting time, so let's wrap it up.
[Shin groans]
[Shin thuds]
Aww, you got blood all over me.
[groans, chuckles] You can't miss that target.
[Seba] Huh? What's that mean?
[gunshots]
- [gasps] - [electricity discharges]
[groans softly]
[Heisuke] Hey, yo, Piisuke, look! An invisible man!
Sure are a lot of interesting people in the world, huh?
Pi!
Good to see you, Heisuke. Nice timing.
[closing theme song playing]