[rock music plays]
[rock music plays through speakers]
[rapid panting through door]
[in Spanish] Miguel, set the table for dinner.
♪ You know you really want To lay it down ♪
[rapid panting]
♪ Right now ♪
[knocking on door]
[Grandma] Miguel?
[Miguel in English] I'll be right there. Almost finished.
-[scoffs] -[rapid panting continues]
-[in Spanish] Jerking off. -[Miguel exhales]
[door unlocking]
[in Spanish] Look who's here.
[in English] Hey, guys.
Mm, it smells good in here.
[In Spanish] I made chicken in chili sauce.
[in Spanish] Thank you, Mom.
[in English] I'm sorry I'm late again. [kisses]
Things are crazy at the hospital.
It's OK. You're short-staffed.
But we saved you some food.
So, did you decide what you're going as for the Halloween dance?
Well, I was thinking Deadpool, but the costume's a little pricey.
Well, how much is it?
-Oh, it doesn't have to be Deadpool. -You want a Deadpool costume?
-We'll make you a Deadpool costume. -[ironic chuckle]
[in Spanish] No. This isn't a sweatshop.
-Oh, Miggy! -Mm?
[in English] What happened to your hand?
-Um… -[in Spanish] You don't wanna know.
[in English] What?
[heavy metal music playing]
[rapid breaths]
[Johnny] Shit.
[rapid breathing continues]
Hey, you don't happen to have any friends who wanna learn karate, do you?
Aw, what am I saying? You don't have any friends. Sorry.
Hey, Sensei, when am I gonna learn to do some kicking?
I saw a YouTube video of a guy breaking boards,
and it looked badass.
Yeah, no shit. Kicking is badass. But you're not ready.
If I don't get more students in here, I won't be able to teach you anything.
You've thought about advertising, right?
Yeah, duh.
Of course.
OK, I gotta run into the office.
Apparently, your cousin Louie didn't show up again,
-so we're short-staffed. -OK.
[mom] I know your mother said that he cleaned up his act,
but it's just not working out.
Yesterday, I caught him sticking his bare hands
in the popcorn machine.
-It's disgusting. -Mm-hmm.
You know…
Louie opened an underground casino in the break room.
Yeah.
Wait. What?
Sam's gonna be fine.
We met Kyler.
Outside of wasting a few bucks worth of tuna, he seemed harmless.
Yeah, I've known plenty of guys that seemed harmless
that were real pieces of crap behind the scenes.
Come on. You're really gonna trust that Cobra guy over your own daughter?
[Louie] I say you show this punk who's boss.
The next time he's around, you corner him, and you whisper in his ear,
"If you get her pregnant, you're the one that's getting the abortion."
-What the hell are you talking about? -[Louie] Jungle Fever.
The movie. John Turturro says that to, uh…
What's his name? The Black guy with the tax problems.
Kills all the vampires. Blade.
I appreciate the parental advice,
but I don't think threatening a teenager is the go-to move here, OK?
Exactly. You're gonna drive Sam right into this guy's arms.
Trust me, I date girls with daddy issues. They're the worst. And the best.
OK, then. Maybe you should keep an eye on him.
-What do you mean, spy? -[Louie] Yeah.
Everything you need to know is in this thing right here.
All you need to do is get her passcode.
No, Daniel, don't listen to him. This is how porn stars are created.
We're in the Valley. She only has to drive five minutes to audition for Vixen Video.
-Vixen Video? Where's that? -On Magnolia.
Guys! It's my daughter here. I'll just talk to Sam and let her live her life.
That's the best I can do.
[school bell rings]
[counselor] Cyberbullying is no laughing matter.
Sending a cruel message to someone online
can be just as hurtful as saying it to their face.
I'm not gonna name names, but the other day a mother called me up
because her son was crying
after some kids online made fun of his facial deformity.
-[kid 1] It's the kid right there. -[kid 2] It's the kid with the weird lip.
[counselor] But today, our goal here
is to make this school a safe space for all students.
If you're sick of getting bullied, my karate dojo's looking for recruits.
[Demetri] Yeah, right. You hear that, Eli?
A little karate training, and you're gonna kick some major ass.
I'm serious, Demetri.
My sensei's the real deal. I'm sure I could get you both discounts.
As enticing as that sounds, I think we'd rather spend our afternoons
playing Crucible Control than getting hit in the face.
[counselor] One last thing.
While we're all looking forward to the Halloween dance,
-let's make sure… -[phone buzzes]
…our costumes are culturally sensitive.
For example, instead of "sexy nurse,"
maybe try "gender-neutral hospital employee."
-[students laughing] -Instead of a geisha…
Hey! I got a great idea for our costumes this year.
-Um… -I was thinking
I go as sodium, and you go as chloride.
And when people ask what we are, we do this.
[laughs]
What is that, some dumb inside joke you guys have?
I mean, it's not really "inside."
Sodium chloride is table salt. [chuckles]
Yeah, I was kidding.
We actually decided to go as Laker Girls.
Oh.
But maybe we could order another.
They're one-size-fits-all,
which suddenly seems like false advertising.
-[Yasmine snickers] -[girls giggling]
I just need you to bring attention to the dojo.
I want everybody to see this sign.
Do you want me to flash my bits? That'll cost you extra.
No, that's the opposite of what I want. Nobody wants to see your bits.
Just take the sign, hold it up in the air, and spin it around, all right?
Do that all day, and you'll get your money.
Well, I want meth and a burrito.
You can spend it on whatever you want. That's how money works.
Just do your job, spin it around. I'll be back later, got it?
Got it.
Hold the sign up!
[heavy metal music plays]
Hey, how you doing? It's never too late to learn how to kick ass.
What's up, fellas? Here you go, one for you.
[boys chatting indistinctly]
[indistinct chatter]
[boys' chatter continues]
Hey, brohams.
Hey.
Wanna score those hot babes?
Try karate.
Kicks get chicks.
Well, we were just gonna go talk to them, but, uh…
Yeah, maybe taking karate lessons from a stranger in the park
is a better strategy, right?
[laughing]
Hey, nice headband, broham.
-Let's go. Outside, outside. -Yeah.
[Daniel] Sam?
Hey, Sam, I wanted to…
I'm in the shower. I'll be out in a minute!
[laptop chimes]
[sighs]
"Something big"?
-[mom] What are you doing? -Huh?
Oh, I was, uh, just having trouble with my Wi-Fi.
I wanted to see if Sam was, too, or if it was just my phone,
but I got it working though, so we're all good.
Thought about what you want for dinner? I'm thinking about making broccoli rabe.
Is Shark Tank on tonight?
Hey, Sensei, you told me to be here at five, right?
Yeah, but today's training's canceled.
What? Why?
'Cause I said so.
Sensei, there's something that I wanna show you.
Look, I'm really not in the mood.
[Miguel] But I think you'll like it.
It's a Cobra Kai web page, right?
I made it in study hall. Click on the snake.
OK, this is the sign-in page.
I was thinking, we can make an app where you track your progress,
get a social media campaign going, get it out to the whole school.
The possibilities are endless!
["Round and Round" by Ratt plays on ringtone]
That was my mom.
-I'll, uh, call her back later. -Hey, was that just…
Ratt? Awesome, right?
-Yeah. -I went online and looked up Guns N' Roses
and ended up going on this whole '80s-rock rabbit hole.
That shit is dope.
[clicks computer]
All right.
Meet me at the high school at midnight. Don't be late.
W-What for?
You wanna learn how to kick ass?
First, you gotta learn how to kick.
I mean, I feel bad for Aisha, but at the same time,
I don't wanna dress up as a molecular compound.
I totally get it, but just because you guys aren't wearing the same costume
doesn't mean you can't hang out at the dance together.
Speaking of the dance, I got an e-mail from the school.
They're looking for chaperones. They seem desperate.
[mom] Yeah, no kidding.
Who wants to spend their Friday night in a sweaty gym?
You're off the hook. I said I'd do it.
What? Come on. Counselor Blatt and I go way back.
I couldn't leave her hanging.
Mom?
Uh…
Come on, Daniel.
Would you want one of your parents at your high school dance?
My mom drove me on dates, OK?
Yeah? And how'd that go?
This is so not fair.
-You won't notice me. I'll be a ghost. -Ghosts are lame.
Yeah, I'm not talking about a costume. It's just an expression.
Just promise me you won't embarrass me.
I promise.
[Miguel] Sensei, what are we doing here at midnight?
You sure we're supposed to be here?
Yeah, don't worry. My buddy's the night janitor.
[Miguel] OK.
All right, let me see your hands.
Here you go.
Hey, wh…
What are you doing?
When you're in a fight,
your first instinct is to use your hands, right?
You gotta unlearn that…
and think with your legs.
Uh, how do I think with my legs?
Well, you just, uh…
[Miguel] Whoa!
[tense music plays]
Use those legs. Kick your way out.
[water gurgling]
Shit.
I'm drowning.
Drowning is for pussies, all right? Don't be a pussy! Use your legs!
[gasps]
[tense music plays]
I should've asked him if he knew how to swim.
Please not again. I'll die!
"Cobra Kai never dies." Say it.
-Cobra Kai never dies. -Like your life depends on it!
Cobra Kai never dies!
I'm not gonna help you this time. You have all the power in your legs you need.
Use it to kick your way up. Do you understand?
Yes, Sensei!
[tense music plays]
Come on, come on.
Yes, that's it! Keep kicking!
[heavy metal music plays]
-[shouts] -Harder!
Come on, princess!
[repeated shouts]
Harder!
[strained breathing]
-[shouts] -Keep that leg up, like a man!
Kick your enemy in the face!
No mercy!
Three minutes. Keep going.
[repeated shouting]
Yeah!
-[breathes heavily] -That's it.
Ten minutes!
Yeah!
-[man] Hey! What the hell are you doing? -Oh shit.
-We gotta go. -You're not allowed in here!
[Miguel panting]
-I thought you knew this guy. -Of course not. I lied.
-Aww! -Run!
I wish I could show my mom what I did to those boards,
but if she knew where I was right now, she would kill me.
[groans]
What's wrong with you?
Nothing.
Put your costume on.
I'm driving you to that dance. We're gonna pick up more students.
-What the hell is that? -It's my Halloween costume.
My yaya made it. It started off as Deadpool.
Then I think it was Spider-Man,
and then it just kind of became some generic superhero.
Yeah, a poor one at that.
You're Poor-Man. [chuckles]
-[sighs] Yeah. -Well, I can't let you go out like that.
-We have a reputation to uphold. -What do you suggest?
[evil laughter plays]
[electronic music plays]
[girls laughing]
[eerie screaming plays]
Oh, skeleton. Classic.
Nice.
Thanks. I like your sorcerer costume.
Sorcerer?
[scoffs] Please. I'm a necromancer.
[Miguel] What?
Didn't you see the amulet?
So, are you a regular doctor or--
[Eli] Plastic surgeon. I fix lips.
Nice.
All right, y'all, we're about to switch it up.
[spooky electronic samples playing]
Thanks for reaching out to chaperone. That was so kind of you.
Well, I just wanna make sure the kids are having a good night.
Aww!
[soft rock music plays]
[indistinct chatter]
♪ I like the way ♪
♪ You're looking at ♪
♪ You're looking at me that way ♪
♪ I like the way ♪
♪ You come across ♪
Hey, guys, check out this rad Internet site.
W-W-W, period, Cobra Kai, period, C-O-M.
All lowercase.
-[boy] Uh, thanks? -[girl laughs]
[pop music plays]
-Hey, just… I'll be right back. -OK.
-Hey. [chuckles] -Hey.
I like your costume.
Thanks. Ditto. It doesn't really work without the chloride.
I don't know. Sodium's pretty badass.
It's the silent killer.
[both laughing]
Hey, look, I--
It's OK. I'd rather go as sexy than funny too,
if I had that option. [chuckles]
Don't say that.
-Hey, Sam, come over. We're gonna go live. -Get your ass over here.
One second.
Can we make plans to hang out soon? It's been way too long.
I'd love that.
Stay salty, my friend.
-Hurry up. -Let's go.
-Punch? -Oh, hey, thanks.
I was kind of hoping you would show up in costume.
Maybe a karate gi?
No. Oh God. I haven't worn one of those in a while.
You know, I still can't believe you and Ali broke up after high school.
Things change…
sometimes.
[Daniel grunting]
Hold on a sec.
[sighs]
What do you think you're doing?
Promoting my business. Why don't you try minding yours?
Minding mine? Y… [scoffs]
You know what?
Look, this is… this is ridiculous, OK?
We can both be adults here.
I just don't know why you'd ever wanna bring back Cobra Kai
after what your sensei did to you.
'Cause I'm not Kreese.
And the lessons worked.
"Strike first, no mercy." Real good lessons.
If you think I'll let you fill these kids' heads with that garbage, you're nuts, man.
-Is that why you're following me around? -I'm not following you around.
-I'm here to… -[Samantha chuckling]
Kyler, where are we going?
[Kyler laughs] You'll see.
You know, you gotta get off school property, OK?
Listen, you… you can't be here!
I'm serious.
I know you're serious. [chuckles]
[dance music plays]
[slurping loudly]
OK, are we ready?
Let's ask the dragon queens to dance.
-[Demetri] Slow your roll. We got time. -[boy] Dance?
[girl] Yeah!
[Miguel] No…
Shit!
We just lost one to Doctor Who.
I have to go to the bathroom.
Yeah, me too.
That punch is going right through me.
[Yasmine] Oh my God, how pathetic.
[girls snicker]
-She's like a pig at a trough. -[girls snicker]
So, what did you wanna show me?
Um, it's in my pocket.
-Can you help me with the belt? -Yeah.
[indistinct chatter]
[Samantha] Oh my God.
It's so hard!
-[Kyler] Almost, right? You almost got it. -[Samantha laughs]
-Hey, that's enough! Come on! -Dad, what are you doing?
-No, no. no. You don't understand. -No, I understand plenty, OK?
I knew there was something off about you when you wouldn't eat the toro.
-Dad, you said you wouldn't embarrass me. -Sam, trust me.
This guy's bad news, OK?
I was gonna give her this.
This, uh, was my grandma's, and I wanted to give it to Sam.
-Sam… -Don't talk to me.
Sam!
Hey, can we get out of here, please?
Not yet.
Wait for it.
[cellphones chiming]
[Yasmine giggles]
-[cellphone chimes] -[girl 1 laughs]
[girl 2] We got it too!
-[cell phones chiming] -[students laughing]
[girl 3] Look at that!
[laughing intensifies]
[boy] Piggy, piggy!
[girl 3] Oh no, that is so gross!
[boy 2] Yo! Check this. Cheeto pig! Cheeto pig!
[Yasmine whimpers sarcastically, laughs]
First high school dance in the books, and we didn't make an attempt.
Well, statistically speaking,
zero-for-zero is better than zero-for-one, so it could've been worse.
[Kyler] Yo, so frustrated, man.
I was just about to give her the bracelet.
Like that cheap one you gave to that East Valley slut?
[Kyler] It worked on her, so might as well try it again,
but Sam's dad had to ruin everything.
I'm sorry, dude. You had her in the palm of your dick.
-[boys laughing] -[lacrosse sticks clattering]
Oh shit.
You better watch out, 'Rhea. That bum's not here to save you this time.
He's not a bum. He's my sensei.
[Brucks laughs] Watch out, guys.
'Rhea knows karate now!
[mimicking karate exclamations]
-[repeated grunts] -Yeah!
[boys laughing]
[overlapping grunts]
-[boy 1] Get him! -[Brucks] You're gonna pay!
Oh shit! [grunts]
[indistinct exclamations]
Hey. Grab him!
-[Miguel] No, no! -[Kyler] Grab him! Get him!
No. Let me go!
-No! -[Kyler] Hold him tight.
Pick him up.
[Miguel] No! No!
Come on, Ky. Get him!
You're a dead man.
Please! No, no, no!
[repeated grunting]
[boys laughing]
-[boy laughs] -[Kyler] Whoo!
-That was brutal, baby. -[Brucks] Ky, you broke 'Rhea off.
-[boy 2] Yeah, man. -[boys laughing]
-[boy 3] That'll teach him. -[boy 2] Ky, two, 'Rhea, zero.
He had it coming.
[wheezing]
♪ When everything is turned to black ♪
♪ You don't know where to go ♪
♪ You need something To justify your soul ♪
[electronic music plays]