[alarm chiming]
[grunts lightly]
[electronic instrumental music playing]
[sighs]
-[music escalates] -[measured breathing]
[Johnny] Ready?
Yes, Sensei.
[remote control beeps]
[gasps]
[remote control beeps]
Ow!
-[Johnny] What does a Cobra do? -[Miguel grunting]
What does a Cobra do?
[choking]
There's no tapping in karate.
[groans]
-[grunts] -Watch your arms.
-Get your arms up. -[Miguel] My arms were up.
[grunts]
Oh!
[measured breathing]
[ball machine fires]
-What does a Cobra do? -[gasping]
-Slither! -Not bad.
[remote control beeps]
-[remote control beeps] -Ah!
What? What the hell?
That… that wasn't fair.
You want a fair fight? Dream on.
Your enemies won't always play by the rules.
-Yeah, but… my ear. -What if that baseball
was your enemy's friend coming at you from behind?
You have to be prepared for everything.
[whimpers]
Let me look.
-No, it's fine. Don't be a baby. -[shop bell jangles]
Hello.
Aw, shit.
It's 5:00. Twilight is upon us.
Oh, right, right.
[Miguel] What's going on?
Uh, I had to sublet the dojo for a few hours.
Just till we get more students.
[woman] We need to change the energy in here.
[sitar music playing]
Center your energy.
And stretch.
[Daniel] Nice, right?
They ship the three-pounders in from Ogunquit.
Oh! I like the melted butter. [laughs]
So, listen.
I have to thank you, LaRusso, for inviting us.
My wife and kid, they love Lobster Night.
But this country club? They revoke my membership, son of a gun.
I know, and frankly, I don't like how they handled that, Armand.
-It's a stupid rule, if you ask me. -That's what I said.
I mean, this is the entire reason we wear flip-flops in the shower,
am I right?
Mm-hmm! Yeah!
Look, Armand, most of these people here,
their money comes from mommy and daddy.
You and me, we earned this.
So, when it comes to business in the Valley,
it's in our interest to look out for each other.
Oh, so it's not only the lobster that's being buttered up, huh?
[chuckles]
Tell me…
what can Armand do for you?
By the way, thanks for coming.
Thought you were gonna be out with your friends tonight.
Yeah, um… I don't know.
Yas and Moon haven't been returning my texts.
Oh.
We were supposed to go to a concert together,
and then I saw this.
Suck it, bitches!
Yeah, maybe it's better that you're not there with them.
Anyway, we're always happy to have… Anthony!
Stop drinking the butter!
I'm gonna…
Let's get your brother.
My dad owns buildings.
My dad owns cars.
My dad makes more money than your dad.
My dad knows karate and could kill your dad.
[Daniel] So let's talk real estate.
I might be looking to add a new location,
and if some land were to become available…
You want me to tell you before I tell Mr. Tom Cole, huh?
-[chuckles] -I heard you guys had argument.
You kicked a hot cup of coffee from his hand.
It was a boba.
It's like a tea. It's got these chunks of tapioca.
-[grunts disapprovingly] -It doesn't matter, really.
So you want me to scratch your balls.
How you going to scratch my balls?
That's not the expression.
But let's just say I might be able to get you reinstated here at the club.
All I want is first crack at any properties
you're looking to sell in Reseda.
Reseda?
I only have one strip mall in Reseda.
On Victory Boulevard.
Victory.
Oh, that's right.
The one with the, uh, karate dojo in it, right?
Yeah. "Snake Karate" or something. I don't know.
Ever thought of selling?
Hmm.
[Shan sighs]
-Hey, Mom. -Hey, babe.
I went to Vons and got those frozen pizzas you like.
You wanna make dinner and watch a movie?
Oh, that's so sweet, honey.
Um, I actually have to run a couple of errands,
but, uh, how about we do that tomorrow night, OK?
Yeah. Sure.
-If you're not too hungover. -Hey.
OK, you caught me. I am going out, but you know what?
It is Dine LA week, so, you know…
-OK. -Meeting that guy from the other night?
Oh God, that nerd?
No, he was all bark and no stick.
Sorry. I know, that's, like, super gross.
But listen, you don't realize how hard it is
to meet a good man.
I mean, just look at your father.
That's what we're working with here.
Oh, did I mention that that deadbeat came by to see me?
No.
What'd he say?
Just some BS about you moving in with him, as if he suddenly gives a shit.
I'm sure it's just a scam to get out of paying for child support.
-Well, I mean, how do you know that? -Trust me. I know your father.
Listen, I know that you're super bummed out about tonight,
but, um, you know, I'm trying to meet that special someone.
You're only getting older and bigger,
and sooner or later, you're gonna leave me for a life filled with excitement.
You don't wanna leave your mama alone, do you?
-No. -Thank you, baby. I love you.
-Bye. -Love you too.
-[punching sounds] -[measured breathing]
What's the second rule of the Way of the Fist?
-Strike hard. -That's right.
There's only one reason to hit someone.
To inflict pain.
Striking hard is about giving your all.
-[shop door jangles] -What the hell?
No yoga till five.
No matter how bad you need it.
Um, I'm actually here for karate.
I saw your website.
It said that there was supposed to be a session today.
I appreciate you coming in, but there are no girls in Cobra Kai.
Why not?
Same reason there aren't women in the Army. Doesn't make sense.
Uh, Sensei, I need to show you something in the office.
Don't give me this "sexist" bullshit. Women just aren't meant to fight.
-They have tiny, hollow bones. -Aren't you desperate for new students?
Yes, but this isn't a knitting class. This is a dojo.
Look, the kids at school call her names, make fun of her.
That's what happens when you eat a box of Twinkies every day.
Her dad is Isaiah Robinson.
Hall of Fame lineman for the Chargers.
So you're saying it's genetic? Her love for Twinkies comes from her dad?
No, I'm saying her family's loaded!
And she's a paying customer.
-But you don't need the money, right? -Hmm.
All right.
OK, take off your shoes. Hop on the mat.
OK, after further review, I've decided to allow female students.
But if you wanna be in Cobra Kai, you can't act like a girl.
-What do you mean? How do girls act? -[Johnny] Don't give me that.
You know, all emotional, loud, complain-y. Never letting you finish a sentence.
Well, I know a few guys who act just--
Quiet!
My student tells me you've been harassed at school.
[Aisha] Yeah.
Mostly online.
Um, I get mean texts and e-mails sent to me.
Makes me not wanna go.
And who sends you these messages?
Well, they're mostly anonymous.
These kids create fake accounts,
and they tell me things like I'm ugly and that I should kill myself.
Oh my God.
What a bunch of pussies!
Back in my day, if you wanted to tease someone,
you did it to their face.
There was honor, respect.
These geeks hiding behind their computers, what a bunch of spineless losers.
You're not afraid of these losers, are you?
-No. -You gonna take shit from these losers?
No.
Good, because when I'm done with you, you're gonna be sending a message back.
Only it's not gonna be with your keyboard.
It's gonna be with your fists.
[Daniel] Armand, come on.
I'll give you 10% over market rate. That's a great deal.
[Armand] Yeah, it's a great deal.
Maybe too great, huh?
I don't know what you see in the Reseda. It's a shithole.
Just call it nostalgia.
I grew up there.
Well, then, you know it's horrible.
Oh, and so is this boba-moba tea.
I don't like it.
The straw's screwy. I almost choke.
Look, if Reseda's so bad, why not sell me the strip mall?
I wanna invest in my old community.
I'm smelling some kind of bullshit, you know?
I think you have another reason you want it.
I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know why you care.
The mall down the street gets more than twice the rent.
You're not even charging market rate.
You calling me stupid, LaRusso?
I'm just letting you know the truth, Armand.
I'm…
scratching your balls.
Thank you very much, but I can scratch my own balls.
I didn't get this far trusting a car salesman, huh?
No deal!
Fine. Then enjoy pissing in your own shower, Armand.
-Everybody does it! -[line disconnects]
[both laughing[
My mom gave me this weed for my birthday,
and she says it's, like, lower in calories or something.
I felt that one.
[chuckles]
Ew, ew. A homeless person. Don't look.
I feel bad not looking at her.
Oh my God. We just made eye contact.
[Yasmine] She's coming over. See what you've done?
What do we do?
Just take out your phone and act like you're texting.
[woman] Hey, open up and give me money!
Oh my God.
[gasping]
I ain't gonna hurt ya.
Uh, lock the doors.
That'll look bad doing that right in front of her.
You want her in the back seat, smearing shit everywhere
and slicing our throats, be my guest.
[Moon whimpering]
-[door opens] -[screaming]
-What the hell, Sam? -We thought you were a poor person!
Why have you guys been avoiding me?
Why do you think?
Kyler told us what you said.
Wait, what did he say?
I didn't take notes, but pretty much that you think you're better than us.
You were no one before we let you in.
You didn't even electrolocize.
I never said a word about either of you.
That's not what went down.
Oh, Kyler told us what went down.
And who went down.
And in a movie theater?
That's yucky.
Whatever Kyler told you was a lie.
Sam, just say you're sorry, and we can all be friends again.
Or don't, and get the hell out of Moon's car.
Enjoy puking out your burritos, Yas.
Hey, don't leave the door open! You're gonna get us killed!
Wait, you've been purging and not telling me?
OK, let's see what you got, Ms. Robinson.
Face me. Bow.
Face each other. Bow.
Mr. Diaz, show her everything you've learned.
Wait, wait. I don't think this is right, Sensei.
You don't think what's right?
She's a girl. I'm not gonna…
And? I thought you said women were equal to men.
I did say that. I didn't mean it like that. I meant--
Then show her women are equal, and give her everything you got.
Wait. I just wanna remind everyone this is my first day.
Your enemies don't care what day it is.
-Uh… -They prey on weakness.
If you wanna beat them, you gotta conquer your fears
and jump face-first into the fire.
Are you ready, Ms. Robinson?
I guess.
Mr. Diaz.
Uh…
Fight!
Don't just stand there.
Fight!
[Miguel exhales]
I'm sorry.
[Aisha grunts]
Oh my God! Aisha, are you OK?
I'm so sorry.
Come on.
-[both grunting] -[Aisha yells]
-[Aisha screams] -Ooh!
[Miguel groaning]
My ribs… [wheezing]
-Girl's a natural Cobra. -[man] This is wrong!
-You can't do this! -[Armand] Well, I am landlord.
All right. Students, wait here. Diaz, you're in charge.
-[Armand] You are tenant. I am landlord. -[man] This is bullshit! This is wrong!
I've been a tenant here for ten years!
-And ten years you don't pay more rent! -Shut up, you old goat!
-I can't even believe you're doing this. -Quiet!
I'm trying to run a karate dojo next door!
Oh?
Look, this cabrón's trying to double our rent.
I just trying to make the market value, that's all.
How am I supposed to pay double rent?
Well, I don't know. You can't pay, I get other tenant!
Ah, f…
Come on, Roland. Let's go. You see? You have to be tough.
You're a big man, Dad.
-[Armand] Thank you. -[door chimes]
[heavy metal music through headphones]
-[Shan giggling] -[door opens]
[both laughing]
OK, shh! Be quiet.
-You be quiet! -[Shan gasps]
You be quiet.
You be quiet!
OK, boss man. I like how you take charge.
Hey, gotta be an alpha to work at TBS biz affairs, right?
Yeah, you do. Be quiet, my son is sleeping.
-[man] OK. -OK.
-[man laughing] -[Shan squealing, giggling]
[heavy metal music plays]
Yeah. This is all pretty much trash.
You wanna throw it away here or take it home and toss it?
This is a classic swimsuit edition. Elle Macpherson in her prime.
Yeah, if it were mint, I'd throw you five bucks,
but this is, uh…
Let's just say, "well-loved."
[sighs]
All right, what about the Nintendo?
It's an Atari.
Normally, I'd offer you 20 bucks
and flip it to some douchebag hipster who wanders in,
but my rent just went up,
so I'll give you a ten-spot if it helps you out.
All right.
I didn't wanna have to do this.
I know gold's been going up.
And I don't wanna sell them all.
Just tell me how many I need to part with to get 1,200 bucks.
OK. Let's see. How many you got?
Six, 12, 18…
[calculator beeping]
Twelve hundred…
[beeping continues]
OK, yeah.
If you happen to have 60,000 more of these lying around somewhere,
I think we can work something out.
What? This is solid gold.
[trader] Gold-plated.
[Johnny] Got a certificate of authenticity.
Ooh.
That's a nice one.
They even put an eagle on there and everything.
All right, you know what?
You just lost an opportunity of a lifetime.
[shop bell jangles]
[car engine humming]
-[door chimes] -[car engine stops]
[car door opens]
[car door closes]
-[door chimes] -[Daniel] You got any red spray paint?
[shopkeeper] Yeah. Keep it in the back. Otherwise, the kids will steal it.
I got a little art project. Big canvas, right on Ventura Boulevard.
[shopkeeper] Yeah, uh, watch him for me, will you?
[Daniel] Yeah, no problem. Thank you.
What's going on?
Oh, just checking out the neighborhood.
I was actually considering opening up a dealership on this side of town,
but… now I don't know, man.
The rent seems to be going crazy out of control.
Frankly, I don't know how you afford it, small business like yours.
More… more power to you.
You know, on second thought, I don't need the paint.
I'm sorry. I'll just take the gum here, and, uh, put that guy's beer on my tab.
Looks like he's had a rough day.
[door chimes]
-[jazz music playing] -Ooh! The 2013?
-Yeah. -Somebody's in a good mood.
Well, somebody got some payback.
Oh, Daniel, do you really think it's a good idea
to start a war with Tom Cole?
What? Oh no.
It turns out Tom Cole was not the one who messed with the billboard.
It was Johnny Lawrence.
After 30 years, I thought that guy might've changed,
but he's still the same prick he was back in high school.
Guy thinks he can bring Cobra Kai back to the Valley?
Not on my watch.
What did you do?
I told Zarkarian I wanted to buy that Cobra Kai strip mall.
What? Why would you do that?
What do you want with a crappy strip mall in Reseda?
This is… No, no, no. You're gonna love this.
I wasn't really gonna buy it.
I just wanted to tweak Zarkarian so he would jack up the rent,
and it worked 'cause now Cobra Kai is gonna have to shut down.
Can I have yours? This is delicious. It got this peppery…
Wait, you're telling me that the whole Zarkarian dinner
was just some convoluted plot
so you could raise the rent on your childhood karate rival?
I think you're oversimplifying things.
What about the other stores in the mall? Did you consider them?
Look, I don't know about Johnny Lawrence or Cobra Kai.
All I know is that my husband is acting like a mental patient.
I mean, embarrassing Sam at the Halloween dance,
kicking Tom Cole, and now this?
It's like ever since that dojo opened, you've been off.
The guy spray-painted a dick on my face.
So what? He's an asshole.
Don't let him turn you into one.
Look, I don't know what you need to work this out.
Therapy or acupuncture or some cross-country motorcycle trip.
All I know is, I want the Danny LaRusso that I married to come back.
Oi…
[sighs]
Oh, don't even think about it.
Come on. I need a place to sit.
You can go sit with Kyler.
I hear he doesn't mind that you suck.
[Kyler chuckling]
-Think it's funny to spread lies about me? -What are you talking about?
We saw a movie, and that's it.
Well, maybe I saw a little bit more than you.
[group laughing]
Yeah, we heard you got pretty "choked up."
[laughing]
[students] Oh!
[Kyler] Hey, guys.
You know that billboard with a big-ass dick on it?
-I guess Sam takes after her dad. -[students] Ooh!
[students laughing]
[Miguel] Hey, Kyler!
Why don't you shut the hell up and stop being such an asshole?
Want another beatdown, 'Rhea?
[Miguel grunts]
I'm ready for your lame-ass karate this time.
It's not lame-ass karate.
-[Kyler strains] -It's Cobra Kai.
-[Kyler grunts] -[students] Oh!
[students] Ooh!
[both straining]
[Brucks] Whoo!
[Kyler grunting]
No mercy!
[students clamoring]
[student] Get him!
[cheering]
Hey! Get down from there right now.
[students] Aww!
[cheering]
-[Johnny] All four of them? -[Miguel] Yeah.
Even that big dumb one?
Yeah, it all happened so fast. Everything just came together.
I was blocking. I anticipated. I slithered.
-Huh. Your mom's gonna kill both of us. -Well, she would if she knew.
When my school called, my yaya answered.
Never seen her so proud.
She won't talk.
All right, let me get this straight.
You took all the lessons I taught you…
and you used them…
to straight-up beat the shit out of those punks?
Well, yeah.
Follow me.
I wore this when I was training for my first tournament back in '81.
I want you to have it.
Are you sure?
Hell yeah.
You earned it.
That's it. It's the best thing I've got.
Thank you so much, Sensei.
[sighs]
Hey, Mr. Miyagi.
I know it's been a few months, but better late than never, right?
[sighs]
I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I, um…
You know, it's…
it's funny.
When I was a kid, you seemed to always have all the answers,
and I guess I thought when I got older, I'd have it all figured out too.
But now I just…
feel like I'm clueless.
Makes me wonder, was it different for you, or were you just better at hiding it?
Maybe that was it, huh?
[chuckles]
I feel like, lately, I've let my anger take control.
You know me. I've always been a bit of a hothead, so…
[sighs]
I really wish you could be here right now.
[car door opens]
[sighs deeply]
[Miyagi] Daniel-san.
You remember lesson about balance?
Yeah.
Lesson not just…
karate only.
Lesson for whole life.
Whole life…
have a balance.
Everything be better.
Understand?
Yeah.
I understand.
Look, you'll get your damn rent.
No, I don't have it now. As I'm saying, I'm working on it. I got a plan.
[indistinct chattering]
Hey, I'm gonna call you back.
[overlapping excited conversation]
-[girl] It's got like a million hits! -[kids laughing]
[boy] Yeah. Uh-huh.
That's the guy right there. Right there.
Looks like we're in business.
[traditional Japanese music playing]
Wow, this is an impressive high school transcript.
Why do you wanna sweep up around here? Shouldn't you be in college?
[Robby chuckles]
Just taking some time off to figure things out.
This is exactly where I wanna be.
OK. I'd love for you to meet my husband, but he's taking a personal day.
Can you start Monday?
Absolutely.
Well, welcome to the LaRusso family.
[traditional Japanese music plays]
[exhales slowly]
[music intensifies]
[sharp breaths]
[grunts forcefully]
[electronic music plays]