[theme music]
DELICIOUS IN DUNGEON
[narrator] The third floor of the dungeon,
after you go through the graveyard in the tallest tower's forests,
you'll arrive inside the Golden Castle.
Once opulent,
the interior is now covered in dust and mold,
a shadow of its former glory.
Deep within, footsteps echo through the halls,
they could belong to another adventurer,
or to a former resident, now undead.
-[clanging footsteps] -That there's a skeleton.
[approaching footsteps]
That's a human.
-[thudding footsteps] -That's a ghoul.
You're weirdly accurate. But how?
The footsteps of people, skeletons, and zombies
all sound totally different.
-[heavy footsteps] -[Laios] Hmm?
We'll go left.
There are Golems down that other corridor.
[narrator] Golems, magical creatures made from mud, dirt, and stone,
and humanoid in shape,
puppets that follow their creators every order.
[Senshi] Wait.
Before you say it, we are not eating Golems!
They're 99 percent rocks and dirt.
They're not alive, they're magical.
-Heck, even I can make one of them. -[gasps]
-Teach me how! -No.
If she taught you how, we all know what you'd do with it.
If there's Golems down there, I need to get some things from 'em.
Follow me.
[door creaking]
[Senshi] My base camp.
It's not much, but make yourselves at home.
Whoa.
[Laios] Oh, do you live here?
[Senshi] Nah, I don't sleep here much.
I do my hunting on the second and fourth floors.
Around about every month or so,
I go to the village to get spice and other stuff I'm low on.
In fact, I ran into you on my way back from a supply run.
There's not much to eat here on the third.
Most of the monsters you find are either rotten away
or just bones walking around.
But…
we got Golems!
Whoo, boy, they are something special!
Their bodies are filled with nutrients,
and they maintain a consistent temperature and humidity.
A useful critter if there ever was one.
So what you're saying is…
you use them as a walking veggie patch?
That's an affront to farming!
And to magic scholaring too!
What's the harm?
I might not like magic much, but I dang well appreciate Golems.
They're a whole lot better than your average cropland.
[Senshi] Bugs are never a problem 'cause they kill 'em all.
They deal with vegetable thieves too.
[Chilchuck] Who'd steal veggies off a Golem?
[Senshi] They keep their water levels perfect
so they don't dry out.
And anything you plant on 'em is guaranteed to grow,
they do all the hard work for you.
[Senshi] But like any field of crops, they need tending now and again.
That's how come I set up my base camp here.
[loud rumble]
[whistles]
-[loud rumbling] -[all gasp]
[rumbling]
[intense music]
[Chilchuck] No way!
What are you gonna do?
-Should we help? -[Senshi] Nope!
[grunts]
[roars]
[epic music]
[grunts]
That's amazing.
-He knows how to handle 'em. -[Senshi grunts]
How does he know where the magic cores are to disable 'em?
I think I know how.
[Senshi] All done.
You mind helping me harvest all the veggies off 'em?
[Chilchuck] I couldn't even tell
these were gardens on their backs at first.
Since the plants live on the Golems,
are they like… parasites to them?
[Senshi] Nope, it's a symbiotic kind of thing.
Once the plants take root, they hold the dirt together
and make the Golem's body stronger.
[Chilchuck] Really?
[Senshi] Give me a hand pulling up these weeds.
[sighs]
[light music]
[Marcille] Now that's a harvest!
Finally, we get to eat some normal vegetables!
Set the weeds over here so they can dry out.
[Senshi] Dead weeds make great fertilizer.
In fact, I got a batch ready from last time
that I'll bury in the Golems now.
[Marcille] Huh?
[Senshi] These jars are filled with a different kind of fertilizer.
-I give the Golem a splash of it… -[yelps]
…and it's good to go!
[Marcille] I knew it!
Knew what?
That's how you knew where the Golems' cores were!
You plant them back each time yourself!
It is a crime, you know.
Tampering with magical creatures without permission.
What crime? I'm just tilling soil and tending a farm.
An illegal Golem farm.
[Senshi] Till the soil up good and dig some ridges.
Also, never plant the same thing in the Golem you got it from,
rotating crops keeps the soil working right.
[Marcille groans]
[Marcille] I'm so tired.
I felt like it took more effort than fighting monsters.
[Senshi] Thanks to all your help, it got done faster
than if I did it myself.
[Marcille] I drank so much water I need to pee.
[Senshi] All right, while the elf girl's in the bathroom,
do me another favor and help me sweep up this extra dirt.
[rustling]
[gentle music]
[Senshi] Taro, Jiro, Saburo.
[Laios] Do they revive right away after you bury 'em?
[Senshi] No, it takes a little while.
The roots need time to grow enough,
so the dirt doesn't come apart when the Golem gets up and moves.
[Laios] You really do care a lot about these Golems.
That's so amazing.
And you've been doing this all by yourself.
Hasn't that been difficult?
Nothing hard about it at all.
It's a thing I like doing.
[gasps]
[Senshi] We're all done!
Now, let's have a feast of all the stuff we worked so hard to get.
What a beautiful color.
Guess I'm the expert at peeling things now.
You want it smaller or is it okay?
Nah, that's perfect.
Need to light that fire? I can do it.
[Senshi] I got my striker and flint for that.
You don't have to light it that way all the time.
It'd be faster with magic.
How can you like Golems and be anti-magic?
[Senshi] Every time you do a thing the easy way,
it dulls your skill for doing it.
Convenient and simple ain't the same.
Doing things your way with magic
is the same as buying veggies at the store.
Hmm.
[crackling]
[Laios inhales sharply, blows air]
[Senshi] This is the last of the Basilisk bacon.
[slurps]
[Senshi] It's ready.
FRESH VEGETABLE LUNCH FROM THE GOLEM GARDEN
[all] Thank you for the meal!
[happy gasp]
[Marcille squeals]
[Marcille] This is so good!
How can something that grows underground be this delicious?
Maybe the veggies taste so good 'cause there's something in the Golem.
[Marcille] Shut it!
I don't care if it walks, it's just a veggie patch.
Oh, by the way, if a Golem's body is 99 percent dirt,
what's the last 1 percent of it?
-[tense sting] -That's secret.
[loud clang]
Oh, that hit the spot.
[Chilchuck] I'm so stuffed.
[soft groan] I feel like taking a nap now.
[Senshi] Go on and take one.
I got a few chores I need to do anyway.
Help clean up.
[Senshi] Gonna hit the head.
I appreciate having a nice, clean bathroom way down here.
It's so much better than your typical hole dug in the ground.
[narrator] In a dungeon where there's a lot of foot traffic,
there are designated areas for restrooms.
They're always so well-maintained,
some of them even have fresh flowers in them.
I wonder who goes to all the trouble?
[Marcille] Mm?
Senshi!
[Senshi] What is it?
[Marcille] What are you doing?
[Senshi] I'm gonna fill up my fertilizer pots
with the slop from the toilets.
I can't believe you can do that after eating.
[Senshi] This is the best fertilizer we have down here.
Then the veggies we ate were… [groans]
Get a grip. That's how it's done up top too.
Yeah, I know. It's still gross.
Hey, Senshi. Hang on.
Why do you go to all this trouble to live down here?
No offense, but life's easier up top.
You can still be self-sufficient
and do all your farming and hunting and stuff like that.
If I lived up there,
who would keep the bathrooms clean and stock down here?
[gasps]
[Senshi] When a zombie's stuck in a toilet, who'd pull it out?
Who'd fix the Golems if they fell apart?
You know, there used to be ten walking around,
but now, there's only three.
If they're gone,
the monsters from the lower floors would find their way up here.
That'll force the monsters that live here now
to go who knows where.
And those monsters will force other monsters out of their homes.
If that happens, this place will change in a bad way.
You won't be able to hunt or even walk around.
[Senshi] The dungeon is the same as a field.
If you don't take care of it right, you can't enjoy what it brings you.
My thinking is,
in here, I eat what I grow or hunt,
but I always give something back to it.
Living like that makes me appreciate the dungeon,
makes me feel like when I step foot in here,
I'm a part of it all.
And that makes me happy.
[gasps]
But if that's the case,
is it okay to leave here to help us on our journey?
Won't this fall apart without you?
[Senshi] Nope, I don't have to be here all the time.
The Golems can take care of things for a month or two.
Besides, if you folks up and died of malnutrition,
I'd feel terrible.
Wait here for me.
I'll be done in a bit.
[all exclaim]
[Laios] Senshi is so amazing.
What are we doing carrying all of this?
[Senshi] I use them to barter with.
Used to sell 'em from a stand where I'd leave 'em,
but that didn't work out.
[Laios] You just left them there?
[Senshi] Honor system.
I had a treasure chest there to drop your money.
[Senshi] But the cash got stolen, so I stopped doing that.
[Marcille] No wonder that treasure chest…
[Chilchuck] Always had money in it.
Is this floor the only one you do your bartering on?
My usual customers are down a few floors,
we set up a time to meet, so they won't be there now.
I didn't want to leave these rotting on the Golems,
but if we can't trade them off, we'll just have to toss 'em.
Oh, well.
That is out of the question! We can't waste this food!
After all the work it took to grow,
it's perfect and shiny and delicious.
[Chilchuck] Veggie lover.
Let's keep going.
With any luck, we'll find someone on this floor who wants 'em.
[all] This will take forever.
[narrator] Even in a dungeon, there are merchants.
[man] Enter.
[indistinct chatter and laughter]
[narrator] Their customers are adventurers,
and those who cannot return to the surface
for… various reasons.
-[man chuckling] -[Laios] Hmm?
Welcome, good folk, welcome.
Will we be dining in or staying the night?
[Laios] We're here to trade.
Ah, splendid, splendid. [chuckles]
And what are we trading today?
Vegetables.
Get out! Go on! Get!
But sir, just listen…
If you want to trade something, bring gold!
Understand? You do know what gold is?
It's round and shiny, and glitters!
We don't want gems or anything valuable.
Just some food and spices from your kitchen.
Look, isn't this round and shiny?
Show this here carrot to your cook.
They'll want to make something good out of it for sure.
[man] That's disgusting!
-Who the hell would want to eat that? -[gasps]
You rotten little--
If you treat food like that, I swear you'll get yours in the end!
[angry growl]
[man] What are you waiting for? Throw these idiots out of here already!
Just listen!
-[guard groans] -[yelps]
Uh?
[guard groaning]
[tense music]
-[all whimpering] -[man] Orcs!
First ones to die are the ones with the weapons!
Go, kill 'em! Kill every one of 'em!
[people screaming and groaning]
-[glass shattering] -[scared grunt]
Why are orcs here?
They're supposed to live on the lower floors.
Who cares about that? We have to-- Uh?
[whimpers, grunts]
-Marcille! -Wait.
[Marcille groans] Uh?
What'd you think you're doing hanging around a dump like this, Senshi?
[grunts] I was gonna ask you the same thing.
[man whimpers, groans]
[orc leader] You in a party with this lot?
[Senshi] That's right.
[orc leader] Humans and elves. Ugh.
Don't tell me your usual customers…
[Senshi] Yep, it's them.
[Marcille groans]
[Chilchuck] I had a feeling he did business with a rough crowd,
but orcs?
I thought they'd be goblins.
Really? I was sure they'd be Kobolds.
I'd seen the Red Dragon.
[gasps]
[orc leader] The damn thing used to keep to itself.
Not anymore.
He's been showing up near our village, sniffing around and blowing fire all over.
We gots kids and old orcs to take cares of.
They can't fight,
so we came up to this floor till the Dragon left.
You think that could be our dragon?
Tell me, where did you see it?
[orc leader] You think I'd tell you, a human, where our village is?
Fat chance.
[orc 1] Chief, we're done killing everyone.
Ah, great.
Pack up whatever's not nailed down then.
What is this? Milk?
[sniffs] Yuck, it's rotten!
[orc 2] Chuck it.
[orc leader] Them veggies be something you grew, I guess?
We're on a supply run looking for food.
Appreciate it if you share that with us.
[Senshi] Sure, be happy to.
What you got to trade for it?
No trade.
The tribe's desperate.
We barely got up to this floor alive.
You've been a good friend and I hate to do this, but…
hand over everything you got, right now.
-[Marcille whimpers] -[Senshi] Hmm…
Can't you reason with him?
[Senshi] All right.
[orc leader] Glad to hear that.
[Senshi] I want to ask you for a favor in return though.
Let me and my party spend a night with your tribe.
[Laios, Marcille and Chilchuck] What?
[Senshi] Do me that favor and you can have my veggies,
my life, hell, anything you want.
[orc leader] Huh?
-[Senshi] Also, you there! -[orc] Me?
[Senshi] That stuff's not rotten, it's fermented!
Don't you dare throw it away! Bring it!
[quirky music]
They took all our weapons away.
How could you put us in this position?
If we find out where they set their camp up,
we'll never see the surface again.
Tell me you have a plan. Please tell me you got a plan.
[Senshi] Mm-hmm.
That jar I told the orc not to throw out has got yeast in it.
Yeast is a leavening agent.
And I don't know if you noticed,
but the orcs also grabbed every sack of flour in the kitchen.
You know what that means, don't you?
[Laios] Uh… no.
-[fanfare] -We can make bread!
-Dummy! I can't believe… -Wait, so you don't have a plan?
-…how stupid you are! -Nothing?
-You're an idiot! -Not one plan?
[orc] Pipe down, you savages!
Is that an elf?
[female orc] What a barbaric face.
You has to stay in this pen.
[gasps] Dad's back from pillaging.
[Chilchuck] We won't end up as ingredients on their dinner, will we?
[Senshi] What did you do with that jar of leavening agent? Huh?
You don't know what it is,
you don't know how to use it, so give it to me!
Come on! I can make bread with it!
Bread! Bread! Bread! Bread!
[muffled] Bread! Bread!
[Senshi] Put flour, salt, sugar, leavening agent, and water in a bowl.
Then knead it.
Work that sucker till it's nice and firm.
[orc baby] Are you playing with mud?
Uh? Huh?
[orc leader] Time for your history lesson, kiddo.
In the old days, we lived up top,
not here in the underground like the bugs.
Humans and elves like those ones
murdered most of our kin and stole the land we had up there.
I seem to remember orcs did a whole lot of murdering too.
What's that?
[Senshi] Now's a good time to add the olive oil.
Hmm.
Anyway, they chased us down to the underground,
and our tribe found a new home.
For a long time, we lived in peace.
[orc leader] Till their kind found us again.
To knead, you hold the edge,
-and smack it down, again and again. -[thudding]
[orc leader] They poured oil in our caves and set fire to it.
[Marcille] That's because your people wouldn't stop raiding the villages
-of every other race in the land! -[thuds]
We was doing what we had to to survive.
All orcs ever did was rob and kill and terrorize everyone!
That's why you were chased here!
Come on, Marcille, stop it. We're their guests--
Shut your hole, you damn half-foot!
[Senshi] Get your fingers in there and work that dough!
[Chilchuck] Sorry.
[orc leader] Give me that. I'll do it!
Your kind chased my tribe underground.
We found this dungeon and made it our home,
and you come here to steal it!
It was the villagers who were the first to discover the dungeon!
But us orcs were the first to come down this deep!
If that's where you want to go with it, then zombies were here first!
Once you get it stretching easy, it's time for the first proofing.
[Marcille and orc leader sigh]
[Senshi] When the dough gets twice as big, cut it into equal pieces,
then shape with your hands.
-Why you've been so quiet, tall-man? -[Laios] Huh?
Don't you have no opinion on things?
[orc leader] Rumors say if a body defeats the mad mage that built this dungeon,
a body gets to rule the castle.
You must be here to get to the bottom of this dungeon?
Oh?
[orc leader] When you get your kingdom, what you gonna do then?
I know all about that rumor too,
but I never thought about it that much.
[orc leader] Typical adventurer.
If I cut down to the bone, you're all the same.
A bunch of greedy idiots.
All you care about is gold and power.
The thought someone like that could rule this place
-makes my hair stand up all prickly-like. -[orc baby giggles]
That's how come if we see a surface dweller down here, we kill 'em.
Okay, that does it!
If you're so noble, take over the castle yourself!
Or is stealing stuff the only thing orcs are good at doing?
You got guts, elf girl.
I like you.
I'm gonna throw you in the fire myself!
See? The only thing you know how to do is violence!
Let it proof some more.
[Marcille and orc leader grunt angrily]
[Senshi] Then, once it finishes rising,
set it down over some low heat.
-[sniffing] -[Senshi] Steam it for a little bit,
and when you open the lid…
[Marcille] Ah!
…we got ourselves some bread!
[Marcille] It smells amazing!
[Senshi] Let's have a taste.
Hold it! That bread belongs to my tribe.
And we're not giving you any.
What?
[orc leader] You said you wanted to make bread and we let you make it,
but we decide what to do with it.
[annoyed groan]
-[annoyed groan] -[orc baby] Daddy?
Hmm?
We all made it together,
why can't we all eat it together too?
[orc leader grunts, sighs]
It's not a proper meal if you only have bread.
Main dish, side dish, and veggies,
you need all of those for a balanced meal.
Your daddy there,
he just wanted to wait until all the other dishes were ready.
Hold your tongue, elf!
[Senshi] She's right.
Your pop said we could stay with your family
-if we let him have our vegetables. -[orc leader] Uh?
[Senshi] And your daddy's an orc who always keeps his word.
[groaning, sighs]
[orc leader] Hey! Get them whatever they need!
[sighs]
[light music]
FRESHLY PICKED STEWED CABBAGE
[orc leader] There. It's ready.
-Eat up! -Yep.
It looks yummy.
Oh, it's good--
[grunts, groans]
It's good and spicy!
We used the same ingredients as we did for your stewed cabbage,
but this tastes totally different.
Before, I said orcs are only good at stealing,
but you're pretty good cooks too.
Shut your hole.
[Laios] Um…
earlier, you asked why I wanted to get to the bottom of the dungeon.
My sister was eaten by a Red Dragon.
And we're just trying to find it.
But if you can tell us where you saw it, we can go find it and kill it.
We won't go near your village or tell anyone about it.
[orc leader] Hmm.
[Laios] I swear.
Hey, get me that map.
-[orc] On it! -[Marcille sighs]
[orc leader] We saw it two floors down from here.
Near the living quarters on the west side.
Thanks a lot.
From now on, I promise I'll think hard about what to do
if I end up ruling the castle.
Ha! To think a guy caught by orcs and forced to make bread
-could ever be a king of anything. -Uh?
Well, good luck to you.
[indistinct chatter]
This is so good.
Did you know that cabbage was grown on the back of a Golem?
-Hmm? -[Marcille giggles]
[narrator] Opinions may differ,
but we can all agree, we get hungry.
Delicious dungeon food brings folks together.
Delicious in dungeon.
[closing theme music]