[upbeat dance music playing]
♪ You know I didn't come to play Everybody know that I won the game ♪
-[screams] -[horn honks]
♪ No time to waste ♪
♪ I'mma serve it up Let me give you a taste ♪
-[coughs] -♪ Zing, zing like sour candy ♪
♪ Make your tongue numb Can you handle me? ♪
♪ Let's go Now count it down ♪
♪ We're going three, two, one, go ♪
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪
-♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪ -♪ I like that ♪
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪
♪ Three, two, one, go ♪
♪ Move it like you can't stop, mm ♪
♪ Move it like you can't stop… ♪
Gloria.
♪ Move it like you can't stop, hey ♪
♪ I said don't stop Move it now! ♪
-Gloria! -♪ Move it like you can't stop, uh ♪
-♪ I said don't stop, move it-- ♪ -[Dad] Gloria.
There's no school today.
The negotiations with the teachers broke down, and they went on strike.
Family meeting in ten.
Oh, can you get your sister up? She's such a deep sleeper.
The only way to wake her is by shaking her, and she bites.
I hear you.
I have my own method.
[indistinct speech]
[man] Rusty, we'll have to do it running faster than a cheetah!
[young Rusty] Well, I kinda told him that I could run faster than a cheetah.
[man] I see. You were frontin'.
What is frontin', Manotaur?
What if I told you I can eat four chocolate cakes in ten minutes?
I wouldn't believe you. You're allergic to chocolate cake.
The last time you ate it, you died for five minutes.
-[laughs] -That's right!
Frontin' is when you say something, but the opposite is true.
I remember that day.
You really made a fool of yourself, Manotaur.
Excuse me?
Chill, man. I'm just frontin'.
[both laugh]
-Oof. I used to think Rusty was so hot. -Used to?
Uh, we had our moment at the Day of the Dead party,
and it didn't happen.
Plus, he peaked at seven.
And I'm not sure I can get over the visual of him riding the Manotaur.
There's no such thing as a Manotaur. Shouldn't it be a centaur?
You're failing algebra, and yet have time to look up this shit?
Mm.
[Manotaur neighs]
[chuckles]
[Rusty laughing]
[scoffs] So what's your deal? You crushing?
[scoffs] No. No, no, no, no.
We're friends. That's all.
And get up. Dad wants to chat.
[scoffs]
[sighs]
Please eat. I have some news.
Is it the cancer?
-No, baby, the cancer's still at bay. -[knock on door]
-Oh, come in! -[door opens]
I was just about to tell the girls about our trip.
Yay! Hi, ladies!
So, Lucia just won a landmark case.
And to celebrate, I'm taking her away for the weekend.
Actually, I'm taking him
if that's okay.
Oh, we don't have to ask for permission.
-Oh. -But is that okay?
-Totally. -Of course.
I hope you can get some rest from all the sneaking around.
Your ability to climb over a fence in a skirt, suit, and heels, ah…
Javi, I told you. They're smart girls.
-We see you come and go. -I hope you don't see too much coming!
Holla! [laughs]
-We're not there yet, Lucia. -You're right.
-I felt that right after I laughed. -It's not a biggie. You're adults.
Consenting adult extracurricular activity
should be performed and enjoyed at leisure.
-It's healthy. -[Ines] So healthy.
So, Lucia, what's your method of birth control?
We're not there yet, Ines.
Good talk! I'm pulling the plug. As I do with my wiener.
Tonio will be around if you need anything.
Have fun. And remember, intimacy is the key to good relationships.
-[Ines] Mm-hmm. -Okay.
-[door closes] -Good double reverse psychology play.
Dad's looking for opposition, so the more we pretend to like her,
the better chance we have of getting her to go away.
Okay, but what if Dad's not actually pulling out?
She doesn't look maternal. They'll definitely break up over a baby.
So, no school, no Dad.
-Time for a party. -No, we're not having a house party.
But what about a fundraiser for the teachers?
Or a fun-raiser without the D.
Or with it, depending on how crazy we wanna get.
Yes! Where have you been my whole life?
Protecting you. We can't have a party.
I know. I'm gonna die without ever having had a party in this house.
Stop! You're not gonna die.
We're having a party.
Yes! No take-backs, bitch!
Memorialize it. Text the crew.
[car horn honks]
[man] On top of that,
we've been paying for our own supplies. I'm a chemistry teacher.
-Beakers and Bunsen burners. -[phone chimes]
They're expensive and break easily. What we need is a--
A party! [gasps]
This just in. Teacher fun-raiser tonight at the Salazar house!
-[Andre screams] -[Demi chuckles]
-Are the kids really holding a fundraiser? -Oh, I don't think for money.
-Just for support. -[car horn honks]
Actually, it might just be a theme. I gotta go.
Gloria wants me to help set up.
I gotta dip too. I need to pick out an outfit for Cam.
Oh my God, Demi. I'm so sorry I'm talking about Cam.
It's okay. I'm so happy you're happy.
Just don't want him to be happy.
It breaks my heart my two favorites are beefing. I wish you'd be friends.
[angrily] Well, thoughts and wishes are for chumps and bitches.
See you at the fundraiser!
[nicely] Okay, that sounded a little mad. See you at the fundraiser!
Bye!
[woman] Ladies, can I get your signature?
We support you.
Take your time and really hold out for what you deserve,
even if it takes the rest of high school.
-[door chimes] -My goal is to get drunk but not throw up,
'cause I don't want barf breath for my make-out sesh.
Who are you gonna make out with?
Hm, I don't know yet,
but someone is definitely coming back to my room tonight.
Ooh, here's the contenders.
Eddie, for obvious reasons.
-Hm. -Leo, 'cause he can roll his R's.
And Carter, 'cause of his face.
We need Jell-O.
And alcohol.
How we gonna get that?
[Tonio] Paws off the Claw.
Put it on our tab.
Fine. I'll only up-sell you the family rate. 20%.
That's too much. Ines, let everyone know it's a BYOB sitch.
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. You're throwing a house party?
Then the Claw's free.
Man, am I happy to hear that my nieces aren't little losers.
We're definitely still little losers, but we're ready to be among the winners.
And I wanna get fingered!
Ooh, okay!
Oh, the Claw stays.
We're not gonna hit up that children's theater aftershow as planned,
so just take the night off. Come to the party.
Tonight will be better as a solo job, working some fees at the door.
Tonio, this is our party. You can't charge kids to come in.
I'm not going to. You don't make money charging to enter.
You make money charging for the bathroom.
Free booze means full bladders.
-You know what I'm saying? -[knock on door]
[upbeat pop music plays]
-Oh! Oh! -Are you kidding me? [laughs]
[Ines laughing]
What's up with you and Rusty?
Nothing… yet. But what do I want to happen?
I want him to bone my zone, spread my tread, plunder down under.
I want him to plow my flower without the fertilizer.
-What does Ines think? -Nothing. I don't want her in my biz.
Don't you think she should? She clearly has a crush on him too.
[both laughing]
I thought so, but she says no.
Well, then all signs point to clear. Pursue him!
Unless the curse blocks me.
Hold up. The curse? You're not a believer.
I'm a recent convert.
I saw my mom at the cemetery. We talked. It was real.
I mean, I was a little drunk, but it seemed real.
You saw her. It's real!
That's amazing, Glo.
We gotta find Mariluna and give the box back,
because the box led us to Cinnamon,
and those premonitions might not be bullshit
and probably aren't good news.
And I'll fully admit
I think there's a curse to reverse, and the box is the link.
Well, not all curses came with the box.
Some may or may not have been brought on years ago.
This may come as a surprise,
but Cam and I have been crushing on each other.
-I know. -You do?
Everyone does.
But why isn't Cam dumping Andre and making you his queen?
'Cause for some reason, he thinks I once said
I could never be with a guy who had been with a guy.
-What? -You said it.
-No, I didn't. -I was there.
-Oh shit. -Mm-hmm.
That is so messed up.
♪ Throw music, uh… ♪
Two for pee. Four for poo-poo.
But if I can smell it on the way out, that's a buck more.
I wanna touch up my makeup.
-Ten dollars. -Ten?
For lying, bish! That face has poo-poo written all over it.
[scoffs]
♪ It's a lie… ♪
-I can't believe you convinced me to come. -Relax.
You two can be in the same space for one night.
Just be present and have fun.
Jell-O shot?
Ooh!
-They're liquid. -Didn't have time to Jell-O.
Time to think about the hurt they caused?
-Cam, can we talk real quick? -I'd rather not.
Thanks for getting him here. Now I need to figure out how to get him to listen.
I may have an idea.
-What's up? -Nothing.
Like, literally nothing. This party sucks.
Nah, the crowd's just chill.
That kid is asleep.
♪ How real boys do… ♪
I've got an idea that'll turn this party around.
Cocaine? Tell me you have cocaine.
[laughs] What?
[groans]
What do you have?
Moves.
We're gonna have a dance-off, and you're my partner.
[Spanish hip-hop music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
[boy] Yeah! All right!
[girls] Get it! Get it!
[Rusty] Come on!
Let's show 'em how it's done.
So, what is this?
It's usually called Edward 40-Hands, but we work with what we got.
These are Edward Claw-Hands.
-What are the Claw hands for? -A good time!
Now shut your mouth and follow me.
And don't come out until you're friends again.
This is a terrible idea.
Trust me. It'll work. I do this to my parents all the time.
♪ Yeah, hold up, man Wait for it ♪
♪ I remember all night I used to pray for it ♪
♪ Me and 'De was on the grind Like a skateboard ♪
♪ We ain't even know We was headed straight for it ♪
♪ Hold up, got a message Kinda rando ♪
♪ This one for the people From the burbs to the bando ♪
♪ Ain't no problem big enough That God couldn't handle ♪
♪ Came through, can't lose Fully loaded with the ammo ♪
♪ So don't worry 'bout it ♪
♪ See a hater, do the swerve Know you heard about it ♪
♪ We been puttin' in this work ♪
♪ When you talk this big And you wins this big ♪
♪ Everybody 'bout to know about it ♪
Why is no one hearing us?
Why is the tape so tight?
-Andre's a Boy Scout. -Eagle Scout.
-Same diff. -No, it's not.
It's more time, more commitment. Have you ever seen him gut a fish?
It'd be easier to chew through the tape.
-Do it. -[Cam] I can't.
My teeth chip easily, and I'm a bleeder.
But you, on the other hand, have no heart, so you probably don't have any blood.
You didn't say that.
Oh, like that comment you're pretending you didn't say when we were 12?
-I need a drink. -[Cam] Same.
-Just un-tab me. -No, not until you own what you said.
No, I'm not gonna own what I said just because you demand it.
I'll un-tab myself. I'm not afraid to use my teeth.
♪ And the man look at you ♪
♪ Out with the man And the man wants you ♪
♪ If you are true ♪
[chuckles]
[Rusty] I guess we won.
You wanna get some air?
We're outside.
Right.
Inside's so loud.
Maybe we could find a way to get away from the crowd somehow?
How about outside in the front?
Let's go!
I'll meet you there!
[chuckles nervously]
First, I gotta reset the pits and wring out the panties.
I can't dry hump if I'm snail-trailing.
[Demi] ♪ Too bad ♪
♪ Too bad for Cam ♪
♪ He's saying, "Damn" ♪
♪ 'Cause he's got no Claw ♪
[dance music playing in background]
What? I'm funny, right?
It's all fun and games until you have to pee.
-[door opens] -Oh my God! You guys!
Rusty and I just won a dance-off, and now he wants to go somewhere and talk!
Is he just being nice? Or could he be as into me as I'm into him?
I mean, I wasn't always sunshine and roses,
so maybe this is his way of making his work environment more palatable?
Those moves!
We have chemistry. Oh my God. What do I do?
Stop thinking.
Yeah, thinking always ruins the moment, which is why I never do it. So go!
-Yeah, go! Go! Go get him! -Go!
[Demi] Get out there!
-No! Wait, Gloria! -Wait, no! Stop! Gloria, please!
♪ Living it, living it, living it right… ♪
Which guy should I bring back to my room to jump on?
[Gloria] Is that Mr. Price?
Yeah. He brought the tequila.
Take a mustache ride.
Ah.
You're good. But I need a drink.
Hey!
So, where's your dad?
Uh…
Shacking up with his sidepiece.
Oh.
Sorry.
Oh, don't be. I need to get over it. My mom's been dead for ten years.
He's entitled to an STI and a life.
So are you.
I don't want one.
-You don't want more freedom? -Yes, that I want.
Crabs? Not so much.
Wait. Why do you think I need more of a life?
I don't mean to overstep, but I see how you feel responsible
for everything and everyone in your family, and it's a lot.
Speaking from experience, you gotta carve out some time for you.
What do you think this is?
[laughs]
Yeah.
So, are you feeling the pressure to take care of your family too?
It's me or nothing, at least for my grandma.
My mom's got the doll money doing whatever she's doing with it.
So you're on your own with your grandma.
I don't want her to worry, not after all she's done for me.
Sorry.
Not great party talk.
No! I really like hearing about your life.
I've wanted to know more about you for a while.
-You think about me? -A little.
What do you think?
The standard "are you getting enough sleep?" kinda stuff.
I don't.
Not with you always on my mind.
Come on. Shut up. [chuckles]
♪ Finally ♪
-Okay. -♪ We're alone ♪
♪ Finally, we're alone ♪
-[boy] Damn! -Um…
-Do you wanna go somewhere more private? -[indistinct chatter]
[hip-hop music playing in background]
I'm sorry you cut your tongue opening my cans.
Thanks. Sorry I said that thing when I was 12.
Look, I truly don't remember saying it,
but
I do remember feeling that way.
And I'm embarrassed.
And I'm so embarrassed that I was ever that judgmental.
You aren't gross, Cam.
I was gross.
You were 12.
I'm so sorry.
[sighs] I wish I could undo it.
You just did.
People can change.
I just needed you to own it.
[door opens]
Guys! He kissed me, and he wants to go somewhere private.
Probably in here, but that would be weird with you guys. What should I do?
Not be with us?
Oh shit! I just left him standing there.
I need to go tell him I'm in, right? Right? Okay.
-[Cam] Yeah! -[giggles] Whoo!
-Gloria! Wait! -Oh yeah! No! Uh…
♪ Run it up and run it back… ♪
Rusty!
♪ Run it back ♪
[Tonio] Hey! No puking in here! No puking!
-Swallow it! Swallow it! -[gags]
Swallow it! What--
Ah shit.
♪ Run it up and run it back ♪
How's your Claw?
Not bad.
But I'm not sure it complements the outfit that Andre styled for me though.
Boyfriend and stylist. Wow, you won the lottery.
Yeah, he's perfect.
But I don't want perfect.
I want someone--
Complicated.
Yeah. Who's against fur, except on old people.
Because old people are always cold.
Someone brave who bum-rushes strangers for the greater good.
Bum-rushing is fun and surprisingly effective.
Someone who can read my natal chart, my horoscope, and the room all at once.
I guess it's not me.
I can never read a room.
But can't you?
♪ And when they droppin' off All that drip for free ♪
-♪ You know you got power… ♪ -Drink this. Better for your skin.
Fail! Never take a red cup from anyone. It could be roofied.
[sighs] Now I feel obligated to tell you. Never get into a windowless van.
Too late. Windowless van rides are fun, especially when blindfolded.
Girl, you make it hard to do God's work.
And you make for an easy target, like a windowless van victim.
[both laugh]
So who's your victim tonight?
[scoffs] Who isn't?
I picked a target, but the timing isn't right.
Who?
You'll know when you see him coming out of my room with a smile and a wet face.
I'm a face licker too!
Hey! Sorry to eavesdrop. How do I not get roofied?
You came to the right person. I got some tips.
♪ Mami shows up And left you with the quickness… ♪
Let me write 'em down. So…
Oh God.
[music continues in other room]
[grunts]
[Gloria] Why is Dad writing a will?
♪ When they tryin' to throw The whole damn bag at me ♪
♪ Oh yeah, I know I got power ♪
[curious music plays]
Mariluna?
It's the lady! With the big reward!
-Stop! We wanna give you the box! -[cameras clicking]
[boy] Dude, it's her! I'm telling you! She's in here!
[girl] No, from the flyer, man!
That's my missing lady!
[girl 2] She was just here!
[phone chiming]
[indistinct chatter]
[scoffs]
Looks like Rusty's heading into Ines's splash zone.
-[Rusty] Which window can't close? -Oh, the wind must have closed it.
Cool. Done and done.
Actually, I have a kink in my neck. Would you mind giving it a rub?
Uh…
Sure?
Oh.
It's actually on the front.
-I feel like I'm choking you. -Then stop.
-Maybe a kiss would help instead. -I--
Don't be such a gentleman. It's okay. I consent.
Um, sorry, I don't.
If this is about those other guys tonight, I was just trying to make you jealous.
Look, I'm really flattered, but--
But what? Is this about your job?
-'Cause I'm sure it's not a-- -I like Gloria.
-Gloria Del Real? -No.
Gloria, your sister.
-I'm sorry if this makes you feel weird-- -Me feel weird? No.
You should feel weird.
-You're the one who'll get crushed. -What do you mean?
[scoffs] Rusty,
Gloria's not into you.
She likes the idea that you used to be famous.
But she talks about how pathetic you are now that you work for our uncle.
-Wait, she said that? -All the time.
She says you peaked at seven.
[breathing shakily]
So what are you saying?
-You know what I'm saying. -Yeah, but I want you to say it.
I'm not gonna say it.
Let me show you.
-♪ Say you let go ♪ -[door opens]
[Andre screams]
Cam! How could you?
[gasps]
Oh my Andre. Is Demi the scar?
[gasps]
[panting] I was pouring my heart out to you, and this whole time
you were drinking my blood and using it for fuel to steal my man?
How dare you screw Cam up? I am done with the both of you.
-We didn't mean for this to happen. -You are off the podcast.
[Gloria] Oh shit! What are you doing home?
I think I get to ask the questions, Gloria.
Mm…
[dog barking]
Ines! You have to help clean up.
Dad said we have to have everything cleaned up
before we go to bed, and I'm tired, so get up.
[crying]
-What happened? -Just…
Go away!
-[Gloria] I'm not gonna go away. -I don't wanna talk about it.
-[sighs] -[headphones beep]
What are you doing?
You don't have to talk, but I'm gonna be here if you ever want to.
[sniffles]
I know I said I didn't like Rusty, but I do.
Or I did.
But none of that matters now because…
there's someone else.
Ines, I'm so sorry.
Yeah, I'm sorry too.
I'm sorry that he likes…
that girl from his old school.
His old school?
He said they're talking about getting back together
and flirted with me as if his heart wasn't somewhere else.
He has a girlfriend?
Basically.
Screw him.
He's a piece of shit,
and he doesn't deserve an amazing girl like…
like you.
[dogs barking]
[upbeat music playing]
It's time to reverse your damn curse.
Where you at, bitch?
♪ Ding, I got the message clear ♪
♪ There's been a sudden change In the atmosphere ♪
♪ Now these dirt roads Have changed to stone ♪
♪ And the hole in my heart Is now filled with gold ♪
♪ True maybe ♪
♪ You've done you're share of wrong ♪
♪ And left some angels With a broken heart ♪
♪ Come what may ♪
♪ I'm standing with you ♪
♪ You are my one and only ♪
-♪ You make my gray sky blue ♪ -♪ Standing with you ♪
♪ I could be lost and lonely ♪
♪ In the worst place, I found you ♪
♪ You, baby ♪
♪ Will be tried and tested and true ♪
♪ Judged for all that you do ♪
♪ Take a mirror to your heart ♪
♪ I can't help you ♪