Previously on Lucifer...
MAZE: You're the Lord of Hell,
for crying out loud.
Shouldn't you be spending
your valuable time
doing something
more significant?
I'm retired, Maze.
I've got nothing but time.
Your return to the Underworld
has been requested.
Remind Dad that I quit Hell
because I was sick and tired
of playing a part in his play.
We should be out there
solving a homicide
and punishing
those responsible.
We? How could you possibly
help me?
I have the ability
to draw out peoples'
forbidden desires.
I got it. I got it.
The name,
the whole Lucifer thing.
And desire is like
your superpower.
Mm, it's more like
a gift from God really.
You're thinking
about it, aren't you?
See, I wouldn't recommend it.
I'm like walking heroin.
Ah, you're the Devil. (laughs)
Mm, correct.
(gunshot, Chloe gasps)
(gunshots, Lucifer grunting)
Give me one second.
Please. Please
don't kill me.
You're gonna wish
that's all I did to you.
MAZE:
I just can't understand
why you would save
a human life.
Something different about her
that I don't quite understand,
and it vexes me.
Maybe it's not her
that's different.
LUCIFER:
Right. Here's the deal.
We can have as much
naked cuddle time as you desire,
but you're gonna have
to listen to me, too.
You know, just an existential
dilemma or two. Deal?
LINDA:
Yes.
♪ ♪
♪ I ain't go no soul,
the preacher told me so ♪
♪ I'm out... on my own ♪
♪ I ain't got no soul,
the preacher told me so... ♪
MAN:
Save your soul!
It's up to you!
I ask you to repent!
Repent your sins
before it is too late!
It is the end
of times!
The Devil walks among us!
Padre, you have no idea how
right you are. (chuckles)
But there's no need
to be angry about it.
Enjoy the ride.
MAN:
Bless you.
Have you seen the face
of the Devil?
Oh, every morning
in the mirror, pal.
Exactly!
He's in all of us!
In our every moment
of weakness.
Look at this world!
The sin, the lust!
It is the Devil's touch.
N-N-No, don't give me
credit for all that.
You humans do plenty
all on your own.
(microphone feedback squeals)
(sighs)
What's your problem, pal?
Excuse me?
Yeah, uh, why don't you move
your shtick along.
Okay, I'm not sharing
my tips with you,
if that's what you're
angling for.
Oh.
Right. Is this
a performance?
Are you like the Chewbacca and
the Spider-Man down the street?
I have to say,
you're very good.
Yeah, so why don't you
go bother them.
You're bad for my business.
Repent! The Devil...
Isn't finished with you yet.
You see, what I hate
more than anything is a liar,
a charlatan, someone who doesn't
believe in what they say.
So what are you gonna do
about it?
Why, make you a believer,
of course.
(screams)
S-S... uh, stay away!
He's the Devil!
You don't understand!
This isn't a performance!
He's the Devil!
(crowd clamoring)
It's true. It is true.
(applause)
(chuckles)
Yes, thanks, everyone.
I'm, uh, here till, well, the
end of time, actually. (laughs)
LINDA: So you're the Devil.
LUCIFER: Yes.
Yes. Well, Satan, Beelzebub,
Old Scratch.
Actually, I like that one
in particular.
But, uh, those were
the old me.
These days, you just have
plain old Lucifer.
And you've left Hell behind to
take a vacation in Los Angeles.
Well, where else would I go?
You don't seem too bothered
by my being
the Prince of Darkness.
I'm willing to work
within your metaphor.
Right.
Sometimes it's easier
to make intimate issues
about something
bigger than yourself.
Well, there are few things
bigger than myself.
I'm well aware.
(chuckles)
(sighs):
Ah.
Last we spoke, you were bothered
about feelings of humanity.
I was, yes, but I have good news
for you on that front.
I'm healed.
Is that so?
Yes. Yes, back to my normal,
devilish self.
No pesky empathy to be found.
I'd kick a puppy
if one waltzed by.
I'm joking.
Puppies don't waltz.
You like to hide insecurity
in humor,
don't you?
(laughs):
I don't have insecurities.
Mm. Everyone does.
(sighs) Very well.
I'll play your game.
What do you think
I'm insecure about?
That you are changing,
but that you don't know
what's causing the change.
Or who.
We'll pick this up next time.
What? Oh, very well.
A deal's a deal.
Though, why do I feel
like you're getting more
out of our bargain than I am?
(gasps)
Ooh! Hello!
Thank you. Here.
Donald.
How are you, sir?
♪ Hear voices through the wall ♪
♪ Whole room
comes to their feet ♪
♪ I know it's never enough ♪
♪ Rendered obsolete ♪
♪ Just a shot in the dark ♪
♪ My God, what have you done? ♪
♪ Spills out into the streets ♪
♪ All bows down to ♪
♪ Valkyrie ♪
♪ Tell me everything
and, baby, I'll believe ♪
♪ Dancing with the Devil,
sweating gasoline ♪
(camera clicks)
♪ Rolling down the river ♪
♪ 'Cause it's automatic ♪
(camera clicks)
♪ So dramatic ♪
♪ Every time guaranteed... ♪
Oh, I didn't order a drink.
MAZE:
Courtesy of the owner.
This is from Lucifer?
He asked me to make you
something you'd like.
Did I get it wrong?
You and Lucifer
seem really close.
I followed him
through the gates of Hell.
I'll take that as a "yes."
(laughs)
(piano playing gentle melody)
(sighs)
Hello, Detective.
How has your
undercover surveillance
of my activities
gone so far?
I've looked into you.
Your name really is
Lucifer Morningstar.
And as far as I can tell,
you didn't exist five years ago.
On the earthly plane, no.
People don't appear
out of thin air.
Who were you?
How did you survive getting shot
six times by Jimmy Barnes?
Is that your normal reaction
to someone saving your life?
Investigating them?
When I see something
I can't explain, yeah,
I look for answers.
Well, I've given you the answer,
Detective. It's not my fault
you won't accept it.
Do you know what I think?
I stopped trying to guess.
I think you like me.
What part of the look on my face
gives you that impression?
No, no, no, it's not about
the face. It's about the eyes,
what's behind them.
I think you see
something that you truly desire,
and you...
you don't know
what to do with yourself,
do you?
Really?
Uh-huh.
(chuckles)
(laughs)
Hmm. (laughs)
That's more like it.
(sighs)
Detective, I never knew
you cared. (chuckles)
Mm.
Ooh. (laughing)
(sighs)
(both sigh)
No bulletproof vest.
What?
I just couldn't imagine
how you'd get it
under that suit,
but I had to check.
What is it? What is it?
What is it?
I'm gonna figure out
your secret, Lucifer.
Not a secret if I'm
telling you the answer!
It's...
Why don't I affect
you, Detective?
What makes you
different?
I guess we both
have our mysteries.
Ah. Well, I'll show you mine
if you show me yours.
(phone ringing)
Oh, God, not
that again.
Decker.
Are you sure?
Yes.
Yes, um,
please send me the address.
I... I owe you one.
(sighs)
Oh, finally.
Now that affected you.
What was it?
Detective?
Detective?!
(indistinct police radio
chatter, camera clicking)
Come on. Active scene.
The victim was being
followed by a paparazzo.
Tried to lose his tail.
Instead, lost
control of his car.
Died on impact.
The paparazzo
following him was...?
Was Nick Hofmeister, yeah.
Who's the victim?
Robbie Russell Jr.
The son of the movie star?
He wasn't
in the business, was he?
Didn't stop everyone from
wanting pictures of him.
They're vultures.
You get a statement from Nick?
You can't be involved
in an active case
until you're off
medical leave.
Listen, I get why you
wanted to be here, I do.
But you have
to bring him?
You've got to be kidding me.
What are you doing here?
Oh! How's your ex?
He's not the reason
you rushed over here, is he?
Answer the question.
I'm trying to solve
my mystery, Detective.
If I don't affect you,
I'm curious as to what does.
Oh, and I think
I've just found my answer.
Who's that?
He's a paparazzo.
Oh. Had a little
run-in with him
during your Hot Tub High School
days, did you? Huh? Is that it?
Yeah, you could say that.
He's a cockroach.
But he'll figure a way
out of this. He always does.
You want to talk
to him, don't you?
Well, go on, then.
What's stopping you?
The rules? Huh?
Detective Douche?
If you desire something,
just take it.
CHLOE: Lucifer,
what are you doing?
Hello.
(grunts, groans)
CHLOE:
You finally did it, Nick.
You finally wanted a photo
so bad that you killed someone.
You're not gonna
get away with this.
I'm gonna make
sure of it.
You're right.
Say that again?
You're right.
I went too far.
I'll confess.
Okay.
Maybe he's less cockroach,
more dung beetle?
Police work
always this easy?
No. That's the problem.
Right. Well, do you mind
if I give it a whirl?
Tell me, dung beetle,
what is it you desire?
I... would like to confess.
Yes, yes, yes, but why?
Because I deserve it.
I've just done...
(laughs)
...so many terrible things,
you know?
I see it as my chance to-to...
Chance to what?
No. I...
I... If I tell you,
he's just gonna...
No. Just...
He? Who?
Would you please make him stop?
Who? He who?
Him.
Tell him.
What are you hiding?
What are you doing? Hey.
You said "he." Who?
Neither one of you are supposed
to be here. Especially you.
(laughs)
Come on.
All right. Temper, temper.
Right. Well, that's done.
(car engine starts)
(sighs)
No.
If Nick's covering for someone,
that means the real murderer
is still out there.
Yes, plenty of murderers
are out there, Detective.
You heard the man.
He deserves the punishment.
At least he's
getting it.
But that's not enough
for you, is it?
You hate that
dung beetle.
Are you really gonna try
and prove his innocence?
I'm gonna find out
who really killed this kid.
(gasps)
So that's a yes.
Wow, aren't you
full of surprises.
Well, where do we begin?
♪ ♪
(indistinct police radio
chatter, camera clicking)
You think Nick Hofmeister
is innocent? You?
He confessed, Dan.
Nick wouldn't confess
to a parking ticket,
let alone a murder.
It just sounded like
he was covering for someone.
So wait.
First he confessed, then he
told you he didn't do it?
Well, he didn't want to.
You know, Lucifer, um...
...made him.
Do I even want to
know what that means?
Look, he was about
to tell us more
before you came
and took him away, Dan.
You know what, his
car is at the scene.
He confessed.
I know.
Is this the fight
that you want to pick?
Just promise me
you'll look into it.
I'll do my job.
Go home.
Okay.
And take your weird
club-owner sidekick with you
before I arrest him.
For what?
Let's start with smoking
pot at a crime scene.
Uh, sorry, do
you want a hit?
N-No.
It's "puff, puff, pass," not
"puff, puff, stomp angrily."
You brought pot
to a crime scene?
I most certainly did not.
I found it here.
You found it?
You found it here
at a crime scene?
Yes, in the dung beetle's car.
You smoked evidence?
Well, it would've gone
to waste otherwise.
That's really good stuff
you just ground under your heel.
Wow.
Any sign he'd recently lit up?
Well, there was a... a roach
from another joint,
freshly smoked.
Nick's pupils
weren't dilated.
He didn't seem high.
Maybe he wasn't alone.
Where's the roach?
Well, I added it to my joint.
(sighs)
Well, it's the best part.
So our only evidence is
currently in your lungs?
Uh, you really wanted to say
"up in smoke" then, didn't you?
No. No, I most definitely
did not.
Right, so what should we do now?
I mean, we could
head back to Lux.
I'm sure there's some stragglers
we could get
into trouble with, huh?
I'm good, thanks.
More for me, then.
♪ ♪
(sighs)
♪ Well, the Devil
got my number ♪
♪ And the Devil got my size ♪
♪ And the Devil got my head
and the Devil got my eyes ♪
♪ I'm a-tryin' hard to get up
lest he make it to my heart ♪
♪ 'Cause I wanna make it back
from the dark, dark, dark... ♪
Hello, old friend.
(sighs)
Bloody hell.
Brother,
I'm disappointed in you.
What?
It's called a devil's
threesome for a reason.
You were once
the brightest of
all of God's
angels, Lucifer.
And now, look at you.
Look, if you've come
to lecture me,
can you just save it for later?
I'm annoyingly sober
right now,
and it takes ages to pour
a drink when you're around.
Actually, I'm here
with an offer.
Really?
Go back to Hell, Lucifer,
and I will speak to Father.
You're scared, aren't you?
That if I don't go back to Hell,
you're gonna
have to take over.
Oh, that would never happen.
Oh, no, no, I mean, it's not
like God sent his favorite son
to reign over Hell before,
is it?
Oh, wait, sorry.
Forgot.
So you can take your ultimatum
and shove it
up your feathered hole.
You can't see it yet, can you?
What's that?
You saved a human life, Luci.
And not for
any selfish reasons.
No, you did it simply because
you cared about that detective.
(scoffs, laughs)
Your time here on Earth
is affecting you, dear brother.
You're changing.
My life is change.
"The same thing over and over,"
that's your boring motto.
True, but usually you're the one
controlling the change.
This time, you're not.
Now, does that
scare you?
Because it should.
You know, I am tired of
your dire warnings, all right?
So just go rattle your saber
in someone else's face.
You think about my offer.
When you've made
a decision,
you know how to find me.
♪ ♪
MAN: Hey, Robbie,
where you been?
If you're gonna follow me,
maybe I can do
something good with this.
This... is the Web site
for the Red Cross.
Give blood, volunteer.
Don't be like
the asshat filming this.
Good job, kid.
Better than I did.
TRIXIE: Mommy?
Yeah, baby?
Are you looking at a no-no site?
No. Why would
you think that?
Because you put it away
so fast,
and you look
really, really guilty.
No, baby, I'm just
doing police work.
I thought you weren't
supposed to be working.
And I thought you were
supposed to be getting ready
to hang out
with your dad.
(doorbell rings)
Who is early,
apparently.
Do you really
live here?
I thought I must have gotten
the wrong address.
How do you afford
this place?
Do you take bribes?
I don't.
And what are you doing here?
Lucifer!
Ah, hello again,
small human.
(chuckles nervously)
Uh, this-this
is yours, yes?
Yeah, that's Molly McDowell.
She's a ballerina by day,
but a ninja chemist by night.
When a simple yes
would've sufficed.
Right, on you go, then.
Go on, fetch away.
(whistles)
Well, go on, then.
Uh, is this too
advanced for her?
You're funny.
Trixie, babe, come on.
Get ready.
You need to leave now.
I had no idea that Hot Tub
High School paid so well.
It didn't. And can you
shh on the Hot Tub?
(whispers):
She doesn't know.
What, that her mom
was a giant star?
Why not?
Not 'cause of the old...?
(imitates fanfare)
Yeah. And can you
never do that again?
Right, sorry.
So how do you afford this place?
I don't; it's my mother's.
I moved in after Dan
and I separated, okay?
LUCIFER:
Penelope Decker?
Hold on a minute.
Your mother's
Penelope Decker?
Queen of '80s
cheeseball sci-fi?
Yeah.
(gasps) You have
to introduce me.
Mm, I don't.
And I probably won't.
So you're part of a
family dynasty like me.
No wonder we
get on so well.
How did you rebel?
What do you mean?
Well, you're mad
at the dung beetle.
You must have done something
salacious in your youth.
What was it?
Did you kiss a
girl and like it?
I don't want to talk about it.
Oh, so there
is something.
Two girls?
Okay.
An Eiffel Tower?
What's an Eiffel Tower?
It's marvelous. It's when two
chaps high-five at the top,
then the young lady...
Okay, there is
an eight-year-old in the room
who doesn't need to hear
about an Eiffel Tower.
What...? What
about the case?
If I were secretly working
on it, having you around
drawing attention wouldn't
be good, would it?
Well, maybe not,
but be much more fun,
wouldn't it, Detective,
if we carried on
working together?
Detective?
Mm-hmm.
I understand.
Mm-hmm.
Hello, there.
I'd very much like to
see Nick Hofmeister.
I'm afraid I can't... Oh.
Hello.
Hello to you.
MAN (over phone): Hello?
(chuckles)
(door opens)
LUCIFER:
Afternoon, dung beetle.
We need to talk.
(chuckles)
I, um, I'm not gonna
tell you anything, man.
No, no, no, I don't want
to know about the case,
so you can keep your
dirty little secrets.
No, I'd like to know
about Chloe Decker.
And you're gonna
tell me everything.
I have an effect
on people.
It's a way of
pulling out
their deepest desires,
revealing the truth within.
It works on everyone.
Everyone except
for Chloe Decker.
And I suspect it's
somehow related
to my recent bouts
of humanity.
What does this
have to do with me?
Well, you know everything
about her, don't you?
All her sordid secrets.
I'm hoping they'll
help me understand
why she's so frustratingly
immune to my charms.
Chloe doesn't have
any sordid secrets.
(chuckles)
I've seen the hatred in her
eyes when she looks at you.
Come on.
You must have
something.
Do you know what happened
when she was 19?
She starred in Hot
Tub High School
and revealed her rather
spectacular assets to the world.
Right.
And two weeks later,
her father died.
Oh.
Yeah, so I knew,
of course,
everyone in the world
was gonna try to get
a... shot of them
leaving the funeral.
And I really... (chuckles)
I really wanted to be first.
Oh, dung beetle,
tell me you didn't.
Yeah, I crashed
the funeral.
And... she...
oh, she flipped out.
But I got my photo.
Right when
she punched the lens.
I mean, right then-- it cracked
the lens right in half.
I made so much money
off that photo.
I'm sure.
Yeah, but at what cost
to my soul, right?
(chuckles)
And that'll be
for someone else to decide.
(chuckles):
Yeah.
Well, that someone else
is sitting opposite you,
and it's not looking good.
I crossed a line.
And I knew it.
And after that,
I just did everything I could
to keep others from making
the same mistakes I did.
That's why I...
Why what?
No, it's...
You want to tell me.
It's nothing.
Who are you protecting
from following
in your footsteps?
I can't.
It's... I just...
I can't.
You want to tell
me, don't you?
I really can't.
You want to tell me.
Who are you protecting?
Who are you
protecting?
How are you doing this, man?
Look at me.
Who are you protecting?
Please, just...
Look at me. Look at me.
I won't. I won't.
I can't.
Look at me!
Leave me alone!
(door closes)
MAN: I already spoke
to the police about Robbie.
I don't know what
else there is to say.
I'm just following up.
I want to make sure there aren't
any suspects we overlooked.
But I was told Nick
Hofmeister confessed.
He did.
Mr. Russell,
I, um...
I don't think
Nick killed your son.
What?
Are you... Is this a joke?
I'm sorry.
Y-You just don't know
what Robbie went through
because of my work.
Now he's dead because of me.
No.
You know, my mom is
Penelope Decker.
So I was followed by paparazzi
all my life,
just like Robbie.
But, you know,
that wasn't my mom's fault.
And you got to know,
it's not your fault either.
The only person you can blame
is whoever ran your son
off the road.
I want to make sure
we get the right guy.
And I'm telling you,
I don't think Nick is him.
There was one other paparazzo.
Did you get a name
or a description?
No, I didn't.
Because Robbie
only noticed him once.
That's why I never
mentioned him before.
Thank you.
(phone ringing)
Excuse me.
(sighs)
Decker.
He did what?
What is wrong with you?
(sighs)
Nothing is
wrong with me.
I was hoping for sexy,
salacious details,
and instead I got taken on
a trip down depression lane.
You feel bad
for invading her privacy?
You're the Lord of Hell.
I can't believe I'm saying this,
but Amenadiel is right.
You are changing.
I don't mind
the odd smart-assed remark,
Maze.
They can be quite amusing.
But don't you dare
disrespect me.
Or what?
You'll cry really hard
on my shoulder?
You will not speak to me
this way!
(whispers):
There he is.
CHLOE: How did you get into
Nick's holding cell?
And there he goes.
Oh, sorry.
Am I interrupting some
creepy foreplay you two have?
How did you get into
Nick's holding cell?
Why, by asking
very nicely, of course.
Something you should
try sometime.
This case has nothing
to do with you.
Why won't you
leave it alone?
Why won't you?
Did you learn something,
at least?
Yes. I did, actually.
Our dung beetle
is protecting
someone who's following
in his footsteps.
Protégé, perhaps.
I found out someone else
was following Robbie,
and someone's been
uploading photos online
today from Nick's company.
Last one was posted
an hour ago
from a party
that's still happening.
Our killer could be there.
Right.
Are you coming or what?
Oh, sorry, I thought this was
the part where you
leave me behind
and say something like,
"Lucifer, stay.
Good devil."
I'd rather
keep my eye on you.
♪ Tell me what you like ♪
♪ Tell me
what you like ♪
♪ Tell me what you like ♪
♪ Tell me
what you like... ♪
(paparazzi clamoring,
cameras clicking)
LUCIFER:
So how do you plan on catching
our murderous protégé anyway?
Well, I was thinking,
what if he never left
the scene of the crime?
What, and instead blended in
with the other paparazzi
taking photos?
That's quite clever.
Yeah, so if
we recognize anyone
from the crash,
it could be our guy.
Right.
LUCIFER:
Are you okay?
I'm fine.
Why?
Oh, Nick told you
what happened, didn't he?
He did.
Got to hear all about
your wicked right hook.
Oh, yeah.
He also told me
it was a low point for him.
Which I believe, actually.
Yeah, I think our dung
beetle, of all things,
desires redemption for
what he did to you.
Yeah, well, he's not
going about it the right way,
that's for sure.
Yes, well, we all know
what the road to Hell
is paved with, don't we?
Hello, hello, hello.
There's a familiar face.
CHLOE: Yeah, from the
crime scene this morning.
I remember him.
And he's spectacularly
creepy as well,
so that's a bonus.
Hey, everybody,
it's Chloe Decker!
Penelope Decker's daughter!
(paparazzi clamoring)
Chloe, look over here!
CHLOE: Guys...
Back off.
Chloe Decker!
Hey, show me your boobs!
Hey, show us your boobs, Chloe!
Back off,
you mouth-breathing scaven...!
Well, go on then, punch him!
Come on, let's punch them all!
It's not me anymore.
Well, it's still very much me.
You, Friar Tuck,
tell me, is this depravity
really all you want out of life?
Hmm?
I want to win a Pulitzer
for photography.
Pulitzer?
Really?
Do you hear that, chaps?
Yeah, they don't give out
Pulitzers for nip slips.
(paparazzi clamoring,
cameras clicking)
(tires screeching)
(sighs)
He's gone.
(Chloe sighs)
(whispers):
Oh, boy.
It's not that bad, is it?
Trixie's classmates
all have the Internet.
One of them's gonna
figure out that her mom is
the top story on their
favorite gossip site.
She's finally gonna find out
about Hot Tub High School.
Great.
If it's any consolation,
you look really good in it.
Thanks.
Why do I feel like
you're cheering me up
for even worse news?
Nick's sticking to his story.
It's an open-
and-shut case,
but I can't help it
if a rogue detective
won't leave well
enough alone.
Oh, you ran the plate number
I gave you.
Yes, ma'am, I did.
It was registered to Nick--
one of his company cars.
Like the one
that ran Robbie off the road?
Exactly.
Did a little
more digging.
Guy's name is Josh Bryant.
He freelances for Nick.
Thanks.
Why are you doing this?
Because I think
you're onto something.
So go figure it out while
I buy you some time.
And... be careful.
All right?
(camera clicking)
Oh, sorry. Did I ruin
your creepy little moment?
I am so happy to see you.
I felt so bad
about what happened.
I'm a huge fan.
Hot Tub High School
was my favorite growing up.
LUCIFER: Yes, we're really
not interested
in your formative
spank bank years, all right?
JOSH: I'm so sorry
about what happened.
I would've done something,
but I'm not good with violence.
(chuckles)
Mm.
Well, lucky for us,
we found you anyhow.
You were looking for me? Why?
Because she wants justice
for Robbie Russell Jr.
What is it you want, Josh?
Hmm?
To be first.
To always be first.
Really?
What, did Nick teach you that?
To be first?
Yeah. I learned a lot
working for him.
He's my idol.
He's the best pap out there.
So you took photos of your idol
being arrested for murder?
I didn't know what else to do.
Other than
what Nick would've done.
Which is to be first,
no matter what.
Of course.
Just a second.
(camera clicks)
You like smoking pot, Josh?
It's for my nerves.
I have a prescription.
(camera clicking)
Oh!
Hello.
(camera clicking)
Good timing on that photo.
Just lucky I guess.
(engine starts)
Far be it for me
to call someone's morality
into question, but...
I believe that
photo was planned.
Yeah.
Makes me wonder
what else was.
Look at this.
Celebrity
shouting matches,
fistfights.
Josh had the first photo
on every one.
It escalates.
Overdose. Suicide.
Or so it appeared.
Well, I suppose
the best way to be first is
to know it'll happen beforehand.
So he follows Robbie, intent on
running him off the road,
but doesn't count on his own car
running off as well.
This is cold,
premeditated murder.
Mm.
Nick's a slimeball.
I just... I don't think
he'd go this far.
Which means Josh maybe
convinced him to take the fall.
The question is: why?
Well, who cares?
We know Josh is guilty.
Let's punish him.
Ah, I could add an ironic twist,
like I used to when I ran Hell.
Yeah, no,
it doesn't work that way,
because I need evidence.
LUCIFER:
Well, you have plenty.
Circumstantial.
I need concrete proof.
(sighs)
I'm gonna talk
to Nick...
Boring, boring,
boring, boring!
You don't decide who
gets punished and how.
That's exactly what I do.
No, no, you don't.
This is how it
works, Lucifer.
(sighs)
Whatever speech
you have brewing, Maze,
I don't want to hear it.
I think I've said
everything I need to.
You're right.
And I agree.
Let's go deliver
some punishment.
(chuckles)
We believe Josh may be
a very disturbed individual.
(sighs)
God.
He caused all these?
Yeah. All of them.
I can't believe it. I...
Tell me what really
happened, Nick.
(sighs)
I took Josh in
when he was 16.
He was a runaway.
He was a little broken.
In him, I saw a little bit
of who I used to be.
At least, I thought I did.
So I took him under my wing.
He was a natural.
Taught him about all the lines
a pap can't cross.
You know, 'cause I just...
I just wanted him to stop
making the same mistakes
I did.
Mm.
And then, two days ago,
he calls me up, says he's been
in a really bad accident,
and said that
he totally understood
everything I was saying now.
But it was too late.
You know, someone was dead.
So you took the fall,
hoping that Josh would get
a chance at a new life.
Yeah.
Nick Hofmeister finally tries to
do something good with his life,
and he gets played.
You must really be
enjoying this.
I'm really not.
Believe it or not,
I forgive you.
This isn't about you,
this isn't about me.
This is about
Robbie Russell.
You know, he was a kid who
didn't ask to be famous.
He just wanted to
live a normal life.
Nick, if you don't testify,
Josh will do this again.
He'll do it again.
(phone ringing)
Excuse me.
Oh. Just a second.
Hey, Dan,
this better be important.
I think Nick's about to talk.
(sighs)
No, I'm not following Josh. Why?
What do you mean he's missing?
Desk Sergeant?
Yes, Detective?
Where did Nick Hofmeister go?
Did somebody get him?
Why, yes.
It was that tall,
handsome British fella.
Oh, no. I did it, too,
didn't I?
(sighs)
♪ ♪
Oh, I respect what
you do, dung beetle.
Much as celebrities hate you,
you know, they need you,
keep you in the limelight.
You're a...
a necessarily evil.
Something I understand
all too well.
But the-the trouble is
that you tried to change.
Yeah?
And you failed
spectacularly at it.
Because, well,
sometimes we are what we are,
and we should
embrace that.
What are we doing
back here exactly?
And do you need me to...?
Maze!
Did you bring me my gift?
(grunting)
(muffled panting)
I'll kill you,
you crazy bitch.
Just be polite to the lady.
She isn't your enemy tonight.
What is this?
Right, well, both of you have
committed terrible acts
worthy of punishment.
However, you
will not receive
said punishment
when you die.
It's my fault, really. Sorry.
So I'm here to fix that.
Right now.
Oh. Amateurs.
All right, very well,
in terms you'll understand.
You both get a gun.
Let's see
who shoots who first.
What's to stop us
from shooting you?
Well, despite the waste
of bullets, let's see.
He's about to rat you out
to the police.
And he tricked you into
taking the fall for a murder
he committed.
(chuckles)
Discuss.
You really did it, didn't you?
You killed people.
You lost your touch, Nick.
All this talk about
lines we can't cross.
Nowadays, the only way
to be first
is to realize that
there is no line.
And you were almost
begging to take the fall.
That one dramatic gesture.
As if that would erase the fact
that you've been a piece of crap
for the last 30 years.
You can't do this.
I treated you
like a son.
(gun clicks)
(laughs)
Oh, Maze,
you fiend.
Even I didn't see
that one coming.
You really would've killed me.
Nick...
(car approaching)
I made a mistake, okay?
I realize that now.
(car door opens)
And I'm sorry.
CHLOE: Stop!
Don't shoot him!
LUCIFER:
Detective,
you're interrupting
my punishment.
You, don't talk.
You're lucky
I figured out your insane,
ironic punishment
before anyone got killed.
Nick, you tried
to do some good,
to help someone.
Don't throw it all away.
Nick, embrace
who you really are.
Stop fighting it.
Come on.
Don't listen to him, Nick.
You tried to change.
Yeah.
And look what happened.
Yeah.
You screwed up,
but you know what? It's okay.
You tried to change.
That's what's important.
Humans.
Fascinating, aren't they?
Do you know,
perhaps they're onto something.
Nick... don't.
I was surprised
to hear from you, Lucifer.
Well, not as surprised as I was.
But I wanted to tell you
you were right.
Hmm. Is that a joke?
(chuckles)
No, I wish it were.
But, no, you were right,
and I was wrong.
So you'll return to Hell?
What? No!
That is absurd.
No, you're right that
I've changed in my time here,
and that I have absolutely
no control over it.
And you know what?
That feels positively thrilling.
You asked me here
to tell me that?
No, no, no,
I thought
I'd use you to remedy a
situation that I've mishandled,
and annoy you in the process.
Kill two birds with one
prayer sort of thing, hmm?
Luci...
you should've taken the offer.
Oh.
(wings flapping)
(groans)
(gasps)
You're looking
for someone?
(gasps)
But...
you were just
over there.
That's... that's
impossible.
(indistinct
police radio chatter)
(siren whoops)
Yes?
I saw Nick pull
the trigger.
I heard the gunshot,
but Josh wasn't shot.
Did you put blanks
in the guns? Like...
Was this some staged thing to
get a confession out of Josh?
That's probably more plausible
to you than my angelic brother
slowing time while I pluck
a bullet out of thin air,
isn't it?
Even with all that,
you were standing
right in front of me.
I blink, and you're here.
Is there a question there,
Detective?
You... (sighs)
You know exactly
what I'm asking you.
And you know exactly
what I'll answer.
You know, um...
it's quite fun,
this police malarkey, isn't it?
TRIXIE: Are we going
to watch a movie, Mommy?
CHLOE: No, babe, I just wanted
to talk to you about something.
So, before I was a cop,
I was an actress.
And I was in a movie.
And... it was this movie.
In the movie,
I do some very silly things.
Things that, uh,
maybe some of your friends
might tease you about.
But it is what it is,
and-and that's not me
anymore, okay?
(whispers):
I know.
Hmm?
I've seen this
before, Mommy.
You have? Where?
I have the Internet.
Oh, right.
This isn't even in HD.
Mm. Hmm.
Well, what'd you think?
I thought it's hilarious!
You did?
My favorite part is when
you ate too much cake,
and then you puked in
that cute guy's hair.
(laughs)
That part is really funny.
Then you stop, and
we think it's all over.
Yeah.
But then...
Blah! Blah!
Oh.
(laughs)
Sorry, Mommy.
Didn't mean
to hurt you.
You didn't hurt me, baby.
I'm fine.
It's gonna get better soon.
I hope the guy who hurt you
got in lots of trouble.
You know,
I should go see him.
So, the Devil did
a good deed today.
(laughs):
Oh. Hmm.
There's no need
to call it that.
(chuckles)
I enjoyed
every minute of it.
(laughs)
You know what I mean.
Mm.
You know, I'm so very used to
being in control of everything.
Not knowing what's gonna
come next is...
Can be scary.
No. No, I'm finding it
quite exhilarating, actually.
Hmm.
(chuckles)
I think you were right,
by the way.
About what?
That it may be a "who"
that's changing me.
But now that begs the question:
what do I do with her?
WOMAN: I have to warn you,
he's heavily medicated.
I doubt he'll be able to string
two words together right now,
much less have
a conversation.
Thanks.
Hey, Jimmy.
So this is where
you ended up, huh?
I was so wrapped up in recovery,
I forgot to come visit.
You know, from when you shot me.
(sighs)
I have to ask you something,
Jimmy,
about that day.
What happened to you, Jimmy?
What happened
with Lucifer?
Lucifer?
What happened
when you shot at me?
Is he here?!
Tell me he's not here!
No.
No, Jimmy, he's not here.
He's not here, Jimmy.
I know he's here.
I can't get away.
I can't get away from him!
Jimmy, you're safe here.
(crying)
You're safe.
No, I'm not safe!
None of us are!
He's just a man, Jimmy.
You don't get it, do you?
He's the Devil!
He's the Devil! He's the Devil!