Previously on Lucifer...
You're the Lord of Hell,
for crying out loud.
I'm retired, Maze.
I've got nothing but time.
How could you possibly help me?
I have the ability
to draw out
people's forbidden desires.
I got it. The name,
the whole Lucifer thing,
and desire's like
your superpower.
It's more like a gift
from God, really.
I saw Lucifer do some things
that I can't explain.
Is Lucifer a magician?
That's sort of
what I'm trying to figure out.
You were once the brightest
of all of God's angels.
And now,
your time here on Earth
is affecting you, dear brother.
You're changing.
My life is change.
What are you doing here?
Ooh, how's your ex?
Detective Douche?
You like working with
the detective, don't you?
I told you,
I'm good at punishing people.
Nay, I'm the best
at punishing bad people.
Yeah, well, I think
you don't just enjoy
punishing the bad guys.
I think you're
starting to like
seeking justice
for the good ones.
♪ ♪
♪ The trees stood like knives ♪
♪ And claimed us for their own ♪
♪ I'm sold down the river ♪
♪ Before I knew I had enough ♪
♪ Before I knew ♪
(gunshot)
♪ I'd sink deeper ♪
♪ Than where you'll stop... ♪
(grunting)
He's the Devil!
♪ Stop ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Stop ♪
♪ Stop, stop, stop. ♪
(clattering)
♪ ♪
(thump)
(gasps)
Lucifer?
Well,
good morning, Detective.
What the hell
are you doing here?
Setting the table.
You broke into my house?
Yes, well,
I hope you don't mind,
but I made a little brekkie.
You were taking forever
in the shower.
What do you do in there?
You are unbelievable!
Oh, thank you, but it's you
who should take the compliment.
Really kept things up since Hot
Tub High School, haven't we?
Ding-dong.
(sighs) I want to shoot you.
Tease. Do it.
I'm immortal, remember?
Uh, do you have any truffle oil?
Lucifer,
get out of my house now.
We haven't eaten yet.
Out.
Well, don't we need
to discuss the next case?
There is no next case.
What?
Out.
We're already late, so let's go.
Lucifer!
Yeah.
What in God's name
are you doing here?
Nothing in his name.
Here on my own, actually.
BEATRICE:
Did you and Mommy
have a sleepover?
CHLOE:
No. No.
Absolutely not, no.
What are you guys
doing here anyway?
She left her bird report here.
BEATRICE:
Want to see?
Um, not really.
Here, have a snack, child.
Are you sleeping
with this idiot?
She hasn't had the pleasure,
unfortunately, no.
Okay, everybody out.
Trixie has to get to school.
I got to get to work.
Come on, out, please.
No, no, no, no, no,
you can't throw me out again.
Again?
So this is a habit.
Yes, shocking, isn't it?
No.
Never been thrown out
of anywhere before in my life.
Well, except for Heaven,
of course.
Fine, fine, fine, fine.
But somebody please flip
the omelet
if it's not already ruined.
Hey, Dan, I'm...
Really, Chloe?
I'm disappointed in you.
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ Black is the Devil,
dark is the night... ♪
Good. Right, you're here.
Um, I need to chat.
Lucifer, we don't
have an appointment.
Something very
disturbing's just happened.
It's horrific, really.
Uh, for the second time,
I've been thrown out
of a woman's house.
Okay, sorry, uh, Lu...
I mean,
I'm starting to wonder
if the detective has some sort
of biological dysfunction.
Lucifer.
'Cause, I mean, I appeal
to the virile urge in all women.
Certainly, well, certainly you
can attest to that, can't you?
Uh, Lucifer, stop.
Yes, of course, sorry.
Payment first.
Uh, no. No, no, no,
no, no, no. No! No!
Hmm?
Lucifer, this
is George.
George, Lucifer.
Lucifer, George.
(chuckles softly)
Oops.
Dan, if you're here
to scold me...
No.
I just got off the phone
with the lieutenant.
There's a case.
Day four.
Down to three meat sticks,
a half a bottle of water,
217 miles to L.A.
I'm not sure
we're gonna make it,
'cause my brother drives
like a narcoleptic old lady.
Say hi, Grandma!
(laughs)
No, that's our
only nourishment!
DAN:
Her name's Lindsay Jolson.
Just turned 22.
She went missing
catering a Players' Club event.
Players' Club?
It's one of those skeezy
pickup artist groups.
You know, that teach geeks
how to be sex gods.
Got it.
Lindsay was last seen
talking to the lead scumbag.
The founder,
Carver Cruz.
So he was interrogated?
Yep, but his lawyer
did all the talking.
And with no proof, we're stuck.
But there's a Players' seminar
and after-party today.
And you need to go undercover.
Why me? I'm homicide.
Because you're our best way in.
I am?
Apparently these events
are pretty exclusive,
and when I saw the guest list,
I recognized one of the names.
I guess a lot
of high-end club owners
are invited.
Oh, come on.
No. You're kidding.
(chuckles) I wish I was.
Lucifer's on the list?
Yeah.
Yeah, of course he is.
(sighs)
Look...
the last thing I want
is the guy I found
making my half-naked wife
breakfast this morning
spending more time with her,
separated or not.
But...
This is the best option.
I wouldn't ask,
but I just keep thinking,
what if this was
our daughter?
The detective seems like
a very lovely woman.
Well, I suppose,
but still, she's human.
Why is she able
to refuse my charms?
I mean, is this thing on?
Yes, yes.
Definitely on.
(sighs)
It's not that you're afraid
that you don't have power
over Chloe.
It's that you're afraid
that she has power over you,
but neither
one is true.
No?
No.
People don't have
power over us.
We give it to them.
You have to take
your power back.
Right, go on.
You say she's nothing special,
but I think you've put her
on a pedestal.
You need to really
get to know her,
warts and all.
(chuckles)
I'm sure she has some.
(chuckles)
So, (clears throat)
demystify her
by bringing her back
down to your own level.
You're right.
It's not her, it's me.
I need to take back control.
I need to behave
like I always have.
Good. So you understand.
Yes.
Yes. (chuckles)
I mean,
it seems obvious now, actually.
I need to have sex with her.
Uh... no, uh, that's
not what I said.
No, no, no, you're a genius.
I mean, that's the best way
to lose interest, right?
Right. Good-o.
Hmm.
Thanks, love.
Oh, sure.
Payment next time, okay?
Uh...
Um...
CHLOE:
Her name's Lindsay Jolson.
Mm-hmm.
She's been missing
almost three full days.
Right, so just ask
me one more time.
Lucifer,
there's a girl missing.
(chuckles) Yes, it's
just not every day
someone kicks you out of your
house, then three hours later
asks you on a date.
It's not a date.
It's a work thing.
Oh.
And are you gonna
help me or not?
All right.
But only 'cause
it coincides perfectly
with my own plan.
And what plan is that?
Well, to have sex with you,
of course.
(laughs) Okay.
Wait, you and I...
well, there is no you and I.
There's a professional
situation,
and I just need you...
See, you need me.
The department needs you,
because you're the one...
I'm the one?
On the list
for the Player thing.
You're quite adorable
when you're flustered.
I... I'm not flustered.
I'm nauseous.
Now you're blushing;
I'd say I'm making headway.
Okay, look, let me make myself
perfectly clear.
I will never,
ever, ever sleep with you.
Never.
Okay? Got it?
Playing hard to get,
I like it.
When Hell freezes over, Lucifer.
I can arrange that, actually.
Get in the car.
♪ ♪
LUCIFER:
Well, hello.
♪ Ain't nothing wrong
with this chemistry... ♪
Here you are, Mr. Morningstar.
Well, thank you, lovely.
And here's something else
you might need.
(chuckles)
Well, yes,
that might come in handy.
Pardon the pun.
Whoa.
Did you just number close
the nametag girl?
Oh.
Use this wisely.
You're welcome.
♪ What makes a good man... ♪
I can't believe you.
Don't worry, Detective.
I'm more of a leg man myself.
Soon as you say the word,
you'll have your turn.
Wow, you've never been
rejected by a woman, have you?
No.
MAN:
Get your hands off me!
I want to talk
to Carver Cruz!
I need you to leave
right now, sir.
Carver!
Carver, can you hear me?!
It's the missing
girl's brother.
What'd you do
to my sister?!
Get out here, you coward!
It's okay. I got this.
I know him.
No, you don't.
Look, I'm sorry.
He has to leave the premises.
Oh, I don't think
that'll be necessary,
Officer.
Besides, isn't this
quite boring?
I mean, there are
several lovely ladies
milling around out there.
Which one do you desire?
You.
I'm gay.
Oh!
Right.
Well, my dance
card's full
with this one,
I'm afraid.
But the odds are definitely
in your favor out there.
Probably not batting
for the same team,
but you never know...
So go on, then.
Go forth and conquer.
I know you want to.
Yeah.
Right.
Off you pop.
(sighs)
You're Lindsay's
brother.
How'd you know that?
Because she's a cop.
Great.
Say that louder.
I don't think
everyone heard you.
(whispering):
Right.
Sorry, yes,
we're here undercover
to find out what happened
to your sister.
MAN:
If you can help me,
I'll tell you what happened.
Carver killed her.
Killed her? You sure about that?
No, but...
look, I know my sister.
She's a good person.
She's sweet.
She wouldn't just run off.
She's not even from L.A.
I'm all she has out here.
She's all I have.
Kevin, I promise you,
if anyone here hurt your sister,
I'll find them.
LUCIFER:
And I'll punish them.
Any method you prefer.
Nice solid flogging.
Get the ol' swamp nuts
in a vice, you know.
Okay.
It's time to go now.
Let us handle this,
and if we hear anything,
we'll be in touch.
Okay. Thank you.
Yeah.
We've got this.
You have to admit,
we're quite a good team.
If you weren't so
pent-up sexually,
we'd be firing on all
cylinders, I'd say.
I'm assuming you learned
most of your moves
at events like these.
I've never been to something
like this before in my life.
I certainly don't need any help
getting women into bed.
Till...
Were you hit on the head
when you were small?
(sighs)
No?
("Eye of the Tiger"
by Survivor playing)
(crowd cheering)
We are biological machines.
We... are warriors.
We... are players!
(crowd cheering)
Gentlemen, we are animals.
Men are the wolves, and women...
...are the fluffy bunnies.
(laughter)
So we must prepare ourselves
for the hunt. How?
ALL:
"Follow the list."
Yes!
The C.K.C.
The Conduct of Kick-ass Cavemen.
One: Be seen.
People pay for this?
Yeah, 5,000 bucks.
CARVER:
Stand out.
The peacock,
the lion with his mane.
Two: Be a protector.
Duh.
Women are hardwired
to hook up with someone
who can help them survive.
It is simple biology, man.
Three: Be brave.
Take risks.
Oh, maybe you should take notes.
CARVER:
Four: Be a leader of men.
And the most elusive.
Five: Be confident.
You... are...
a player!
Own it!
(crowd cheering)
Excuse-excuse me!
Excuse me, question!
CHLOE:
What are you doing?
CARVER: The Q&A's after
the speech, buddy.
LUCIFER: No, but
it's quite pressing.
What if you have all
those manly whatnots
and a woman still
doesn't respond?
You may think you have them,
but you don't.
Yeah.
That's why
you're here, right?
So, gentlemen,
you follow these rules,
and you will bed any Betty
you desire, guaranteed.
LUCIFER:
No. No.
No, no, no. I'm certain I've got
everything on your little list,
and more, actually,
yet this woman here
won't have sex with me.
(laughter)
Just listen to the speech,
buddy.
The system works.
No, but I doubt that.
Because... because if
I can't "bed a Betty,"
then how do you
possibly expect
any of these poor miscreants
to succeed?
(crowd grumbles)
Especially when
they're taking advice
from a-a wanker such as you?
All right, just sit down, man.
Yeah, Lucifer, sit down.
I-I just... could we get
the spotlight over here?
(chuckles)
Do we have that?
Yeah, yeah.
But on-on her.
Good. Right.
Now, you're the expert.
You tell me
what's wrong with this picture.
I mean, I'm me.
Right?
And she...
Well, she's a cop,
for starters.
(crowd grumbles)
She's a cop?
Yes. I mean, talk about
the shallow end of
the dating pool.
This is private property.
Unless you have a warrant,
you need to leave here
immediately.
Security!
Security, her, out.
Okay, we're gonna take
a ten-minute intermission.
All right? Thank you.
I haven't finished.
All right.
Oh, it's you again.
Have you two...?
I know.
I'm-I'm sorry,
Lieutenant.
I... No. No.
I've got it
under control.
And Mr. Morningstar,
too, yes.
Let me talk to him.
It's a her, and no.
Really? Your boss is a she?
Even better.
Give me the phone, I'll fix it.
No, you can't
fix this!
You've already
said enough.
Sorry!
Not you.
Yes, I-I'll figure out
a way into the party.
It's not a problem.
And-and again,
I...
So we're going
to the Player after-party.
Not you. I am.
Well, I'm not sure
how that's possible,
now that you've
blown your cover.
Well, that was 100% your fault.
I beg to differ.
None of that would have happened
if you'd just complied
with my request.
Do you honestly think
you can just ask people
to have sex with you
and they will?
Well, I usually don't
have to ask, actually.
But trust me,
it'd be a win-win.
And probably
another win after that.
I mean, I have
tremendous stamina.
There's a girl missing, Lucifer.
She's probably in some
hellhole somewhere,
scared out of her mind,
if she's even still alive.
And I found out the party
is a cash-only event.
That's a first for Carver.
So our only suspect's
probably about to run off
to Mexico,
and you're worried
about boning me?
You're right. Sorry.
Let's find the girl. Okay?
Yes.
Sex later.
Kidding.
Sort of.
(sighs)
So where's the party?
Cold Bar.
Really?
Well, that place is notoriously
overpriced to rent.
If Carver wants cash,
he shouldn't have it there.
No, he shouldn't.
I think I just figured out
how you can fix this.
Oh?
Do tell.
(wings whooshing)
Miss me?
I know why you're here.
I won't help you, Amenadiel.
One way or another, Maze,
I am gonna change
your mind, so...
You're gonna help me
get Lucifer back to Hell.
Don't make it painful.
(laughs)
You forget.
I love pain.
♪ ♪
(grunting)
I'm an angel.
You can't beat me, little demon.
Stop and hear me out.
(chuckles)
Men...
...they always want to talk.
♪ ♪
(grunts)
Enough!
We want the same thing!
Oh, do we?
Let's see.
Uh-oh.
Did I hit a nerve?
Mazikeen,
we both know
that something has fundamentally
changed in Lucifer.
Now, aren't you even
the least bit concerned?
No.
It's a phase. It'll pass.
You're lying to me.
You're lying to yourself.
Now, we can help each other.
We can get him back
to where he belongs,
if you could just provide me
with a weak spot.
Some insight.
No...
means no.
♪ ♪
Uh... hello?
Uh, Lucifer?
LUCIFER: Be out in a moment.
Just getting ready.
Okay.
Uh, did you do
what I told you to do
and call Carver
about the Player's Club?
LUCIFER: Make yourself
a drink, Detective.
No. No. No more drinks.
No more blurred lines.
No more breaking into my house
or trying to sleep with me.
Look, this is
a professional relationship.
I'm a police officer, and you...
(gasps)
(laughs)
...are naked. Oh...
Speaking of my surprise visit
yesterday,
I decided turnabout's fair play.
You know, tit for tat
sort of thing. (chuckles)
This is beyond inappropriate.
And brave,
wouldn't you say?
Number three on the C.K.C. list:
take risks.
(clears throat)
Okay. Just...
Lucifer, put some
freakin' clothes on.
All right.
But seriously, darling,
are you well?
The berries are ripe and
ready to be harvested.
I mean, look at me.
Huh?
Now, you can't argue with that,
can you?
What happened to...
My God.
Oh, oh.
Well, yes, I suppose
it is his fault.
Whose fault?
My father.
Your dad did that to you?
No, no, no. That's where
I cut my wings off.
(sighs) What?
Well, I didn't.
Maze did. I told her to.
N-No.
Seriously.
What is that?
Don't, please.
Okay.
I should get dressed.
Otherwise, we'll miss the party.
So you did make the call?
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Party's at Lux.
Turns out, the words "open bar"
are indeed effective.
So good on you.
Okay.
Can't go wearing
that scruffy little getup.
You'll stick out
like a sore cop.
♪ ♪
Where did you get
this dress anyhow?
Oh, it was left behind by
one of my overnight guests.
What was she wearing
when she left?
A smile.
Mm.
If I get an STD from this thing,
I'm gonna kill you.
Oh, there he is.
CHLOE: Oh, he doesn't
look suspicious at all.
Hmm, so what's the
plan, Detective?
Avoid him for now.
Mingle, find people who were
at the party last week.
See if anyone saw Carver
with our missing girl.
Hey.
Hi.
Are you from Tennessee?
No.
Because you're
the only ten I see.
LUCIFER:
Oh, you poor soul.
Does that actually work?
No.
No, I didn't think so.
(laughs) It's cute.
It-it is?
Yeah.
Y-You're cute.
You're really cute.
Hey, were you at that party
last week?
Uh, no, actually,
this is my first.
Okay.
MAN: I love this song!
Okay.
Hey, oh, were you
at the party last week?
Uh, I think the dress may
have backfired, actually.
I think we've
been spotted.
Clearly a man with
nothing to hide.
Move!
Get out of the way!
(people screaming)
Just...
get out.
Move!
Just come...
Give me the gun, Carver.
Just-just let me go, okay?
I need to go!
I'm afraid that's
not possible,
but I do have another
option for you.
How about a broken back, hmm?
(groans)
You don't understand,
I have to go!
They're gonna
kill her now!
You just killed Lindsay!
They? They who?
The people who took her.
Where's Lindsay?
I don't know, okay?
I swear to you,
somebody kidnapped her.
If that's the case, then why
wouldn't you go to the cops?
Because they said
they'd kill her if I did.
Maybe they already have.
Excuse me, dear,
I don't know why we bother
with all these pithy
little police questions.
Tell me...
...what game's
the player playing, eh?
What are you after?
I just want Lindsay back.
I swear,
I would never hurt her.
I love her.
But she's a fluffy bunny.
You're a wolf.
You-You've built an empire on
the objectification of women.
Yeah, I know.
I'm a complete hypocrite.
But I-I would give anything
to get her back.
You humans.
(chuckles):
You never cease to amaze.
Okay, Carver,
say what you're saying is true.
How long have you and Lindsay
been together?
Four months.
Next Tuesday.
I tried to keep it quiet,
'cause, you know,
I'm the man and everything.
I guess it got out.
So you're saying
you slept
with Lindsay on
multiple occasions,
but you still want
to be with her?
Yes, and for the rest
of my life.
Well, after
four months,
you haven't got her, you know,
out of your system? (chuckles)
How's that possible?
CHLOE:
Okay.
You have no idea
where they're holding Lindsay?
No. But they did
send this to me...
...after the seminar.
Said no more cops or she's dead.
So the kidnappers were there
yesterday watching you.
CARVER: I just hope
they weren't at the party.
If they hurt her, I...
CHLOE:
It's okay.
Is there anyone
you suspect
that might do this to you?
Enemies?
Uh, I'm kind of
a polarizing guy.
Okay, the hater
list is long.
Hello there,
this is Lucifer Morningstar.
Who are you
talking to?
Shh.
Do not shush me.
Who's on the phone?
All one word, that's right.
Yes, I'll be speaking
on Carver's behalf
from now on.
(chuckles)
No, I'm not a cop.
I assure you.
Is that the...
Yes, it's the kidnappers.
What are you doing?
Of course we have the money.
Just give me a time
and location.
(tutting)
Give me the phone.
No, I promise you, no police.
All right?
Okay, then.
See you shortly. Bye-bye.
Wait, wait.
Wait, we need proof of life.
Oh.
Um, just a minute.
How do we know
Lindsay's still alive?
No, they've hung up.
What are you doing?
Not to worry.
I've handled it.
I'll be making an exchange
on your behalf this evening.
Cash for your lady love,
all right?
Really?
Uh, but why would
you do that for me?
Well, (chuckles)
isn't it obvious?
Number two on your list:
be a protector.
Is it working?
You're not doing
this alone.
Afraid so.
I promised, no police.
A deal's a deal, especially one
with the Devil. (chuckles)
Besides, I'm the only one
not risking his life on this.
Immortal, remember?
(phone chimes)
LINDSAY (crying):
Carver,
I'm all right.
I'm a...
I don't know where I am.
Please come get me.
I love you.
Please. (sobbing)
I'm coming with you.
No, I can't let you do that.
I'm not gonna call this in,
but you have to stay here.
No discussion.
I'm coming with you.
Fine.
You'll have to wait in the car.
♪ ♪
Ten more minutes.
Patience.
Something doesn't feel right.
Well, of course it doesn't.
It's a kidnapping.
Cool ranch puff?
No, thanks.
No?
Mm.
It's funny, isn't it?
You'd think the king of hellfire
would be more of a flaming hot
guy, but love these bad boys.
Okay, let's say
you really are the Devil.
All-powerful, immortal,
blah, blah, blah.
Does that mean
you don't feel pain at all?
Hmm.
I like this line of questioning.
Does this mean
you're finally coming around?
No. Just answer
the question.
(chuckles) Well, I...
I do feel something,
but it's not pain
so much as, uh,
a pressure, a nuisance, really.
Okay, so what does it
feel like if you get shot?
Ow.
Well, you asked.
But that's it? Like, a
bullet just bounces off you?
Well, there's no wound or blood,
if that's what you mean.
Can verify with something sharp
if you like.
No, it's not necessary.
It's tempting though.
Huh.
So, does this mean
that you believe me?
I'm afraid
I can't offer
anything obvious
like a tail as proof.
And so no horns.
No, afraid not.
That's the stuff
of movies and TV.
Mm-hmm.
They always get it wrong.
Well, look,
I-I (laughs) have to admit,
I've seen some things
I can't explain,
but I don't believe
in all that Bible stuff.
So you're an atheist.
How ironic.
No, not exactly.
I do believe there's good
and evil and right and wrong.
But the whole
fiery damnation thing, no.
Does it scare you?
No, I mean, how could I be
scared of something
that I don't believe in?
Do I scare you?
No.
Is that Carver?
Hmm?
How did he get here?
Oh, he must have followed us.
Well done, Detective.
CHLOE:
No, he didn't follow us.
He must have gotten
the address somehow.
Or someone told him.
Either way, he's gonna
get someone killed,
probably himself.
This love thing makes you all
quite stupid, doesn't it?
(whispers):
Lucifer!
(whispers):
Lucifer!
(lock clicks)
Sorry, but I gave
my word-- no police.
Seriously?
Don't worry, Detective.
I'm immortal, remember?
I knew it.
(line ringing)
Hey, guys, I'm gonna need you
sooner than I thought.
Is SWAT ready?
♪ ♪
(screams)
(chuckles)
Manly as ever.
Why are you here?
We had a perfectly
good plan in place.
Well, after you left, the
kidnappers called back.
They said they
changed their minds,
and I come or
the deal's off.
Oh, that sounds sinister.
Just hand over the cash,
and no one gets hurt.
Yes, right. Got it here.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait! Where's Lindsay?!
I want to see her.
No. My rules.
Money first.
Now, Mr. Kidnapper, I believe
that's a fair request actually,
so just pop her around
and the money's yours.
(grunting)
Greedy little jackal,
aren't you?
Give it to me!
(chuckles)
Most certainly will not.
CARVER:
Hey, f-forget it!
Just-just give
it to him!
I just want her back.
LUCIFER:
Fine.
Now bring us the girl.
I'm sorry.
That's not gonna happen.
(chuckles)
What?
I will kill you!
Oh, it's gonna happen.
A deal's a deal.
I am not leaving here
without Lindsay.
No way.
(sighs)
Dearie me.
What is it about you
and guns, eh?
(gunshot)
Carver?
Oh, no.
(groans)
Lindsay?
LUCIFER:
Wait. Lindsay Lindsay?
Love of your life Lindsay?
Yeah, sorry, but I can't
let you shoot my brother.
What's up, jackass?
I don't understand.
Don't you though?
This foul woman and her backwood
brother played the player.
Lindsay kidnapped herself.
Hell truly hath no fury
like a woman scorned.
You did scorn her, didn't you?
No. No.
For the first time in my life,
I didn't.
I loved her.
I love you.
Love me?
Are you kidding?
You didn't even
remember my name!
What are you
talking about?
I met you two years ago, Carver.
We slept together.
And then you never
called again.
Guess I was research
for your stupid book.
No, no,
that's not possible.
No, I-I would've remembered.
Nope.
I met you at the library.
It's a good
place to score
desperate babes.
That's in Chapter 11, I believe.
Oh, that's bad.
I was a virgin, Carver.
That's worse. (chuckles)
It was just another
night for you,
but it was a big deal for me.
Oh, God, I'm...
I am so sorry, Lindsay.
I-I'm different now.
No, I don't think so.
But I am.
Okay, may I speak now?
Because I happen to be
an expert on punishment,
and I'm not sure
it fits the crime here.
I mean, Carver
made a mistake--
well, several really--
but...
you're different.
He's changed.
Doesn't that mean
anything to you?
KEVIN:
Shut up.
You shouldn't even
be here.
Now you're dead, too.
Shoot them, Linds.
Sorry, can't let you
do that, darling.
I mean, I'm indestructible,
but he's off limits as well,
I'm afraid.
No, she's right. I-I deserve it.
No, you don't.
Chlamydia, the clap,
raging case of crabs--
that's what you deserve,
not death.
(chuckles softly):
And you...
...how are you any better?
Why do humans think
they can rectify
one evil with another?
(chuckles): I mean,
it's clearly the first time
this reptile has
truly loved a woman,
and this is his reward?
KEVIN:
Get away from her!
(grunts, coughs)
(gasps)
Oh, God.
I'm sorry.
Sorry?
Please don't hurt me.
(sobbing)
Why does everyone say that
before they're punished?
Don't kill me!
Lucifer.
Don't move.
LUCIFER: Detective,
you should leave.
Who are you?
(Lindsay crying)
What are you?
CHLOE:
Did you do this?
I've been trying to tell you,
I'm the Devil.
(panting)
That's... that's
not possible.
I assure you, Detective, it is.
I mean, you've said yourself,
there are things
you can't explain.
You need more proof? You've got
the gun. Come on, shoot me.
No.
I can't shoot you.
Sure you can. Go on, give her
a squeeze, we'll be good to go.
No.
Just shoot me, Detective!
Please! Because maybe
you'll finally realize...
(casing clatters on floor)
Good for you!
See?
Hardly hurts.
(distant sirens wailing)
I can't believe...
Gah. Actually,
no, it's hurting a little bit.
It's... Gah!
It's hurting a lot.
Son of a bitch,
that really hurts!
(sirens wailing,
tires screeching)
I'm bleeding.
You're bleeding.
I'm bleeding.
Oh, crap,
of course you're bleeding.
(indistinct
police radio chatter)
God, what have I done?
I don't... I don't bleed.
It's... (grunts)
Lucifer,
I'm so sorry.
Are you okay?
What does this mean?
Well, it means I shot you.
And I'm an idiot, and I'm sorry.
And I'm in so much trouble.
Ah! It really hurts!
(panting)
(indistinct talking)
What's happening to me?
(siren wails)
(indistinct chatter)
(talking indistinctly)
(talking, laughing)
Well, speak of the devil.
Mr. Morningstar here
was just telling me
everything you did in there.
Right.
Well, Lieutenant...
LUCIFER: I was just telling
your boss if you hadn't acted
in the way that you did, then,
well, all hell
would've broke loose.
Isn't that right?
Right.
Mm.
Absolutely. And, um...
But you caught the bad guys;
that's the main thing.
OLIVIA: Again, I'm sorry
that you got caught
in the crossfire,
Mr. Morningstar.
Oh, it's just a graze.
I hardly felt it.
(chuckles)
And call me Lucifer.
Lucifer.
(Olivia chuckles)
Thank you again
for all of your help.
You are so welcome.
Bye, now.
(chuckles)
I thought you
didn't lie.
I don't.
But I don't always tell
the whole truth. (chuckles)
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Come on, I'll
drive you home.
I should bloody hope so,
now you've crippled me.
Wuss.
(chuckles)
Thanks, Julia.
Have a good night. Drive safe.
Mommy!
(chuckles):
Hey!
What are you doing up?
Can't sleep when
you're not home.
Come on, I'll tuck you in.
What's that
on your shirt?
Oh. Um, that's, uh...
that's ketchup from lunch.
Nuh-uh. That's blood, Mom.
Right. You're right.
Well, um...
I may have hit someone...
with a bullet.
You shot someone? Again?
Barely.
Who?
It was Lucifer.
Is he okay?
He's fine.
It was nothing.
It was, like, a little graze.
Okay.
What, babe?
Remember last week, I
told you that boy Noah
kept throwing French
fries at me at lunchtime?
Mm-hmm.
And you said
it actually might mean
he likes me?
Yes.
Well, since you shot Lucifer,
it must mean
you really like him.
(sighs)
Hmm.
You know, it is bedtime,
you little weasel.
(both laugh)
You weasel. I'm gonna get you.
Story time! Story time!
(door opens)
(Lucifer groans)
(panting)
I know.
Tough day at the office.
What happened to you?
Oh, you'll never guess.
She shot me.
And I bled.
What?
That's not possible.
I know.
What's causing this?
Is there something
you're not telling me?
Don't think about it too much.
It's exciting.
No, it's dangerous.
We've had our fun here, Lucifer,
but this can't happen.
(chuckles)
Tell me we're going home.
On the contrary, Maze.
The fun's just begun.