[Lucifer] Previously on Lucifer...
Still no sign of Lucifer?
[Chloe] I went by his place. He's gone.
Whose room is this?
[Lucifer] Meet Candy Morningstar, my wife.
[Chloe] The issue?
That would be Lucifer disappearing and then popping back up
with zero explanation and a ditsy bimbo on his arm.
[Amenadiel] I thought that she meant something to you.
-I had to save her! -From you?
You're not ignoring Chloe. You're protecting her.
Are you going to Paris?
Can I be your travel buddy? I love Paris.
This is the Paris Hotel in Vegas.
Not going there.
Vegas and me, not pretty.
[Lucifer] And I have held the real truth back from you.
Why is not working?
You know, I keep caring and you just...
No, Detective, I...
[all singing] ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday, dear Chloe ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
Aw.
[rap music playing]
No.
No, no.
Yes.
[all exclaiming]
Finally, an X-rated office party.
Leave it to you to steal my thunder, huh?
Much as I'd like to take credit for this, Daniel,
Officer Snake Hips is not my doing.
Right.
Make it rain, birthday girl.
[Chloe] Was this you? [Ella] Yeah.
I did not see that coming.
Hey, what can I say?
Big surprise, little package.
Big package by the looks of it.
-Slap it. -[phone ringing]
Slap it!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Lucifer Morningstar.
Las Vegas Police Department?
Candy? No, I'm gonna stop you there.
She's my ex-wife actually.
Can you believe it takes a year to annul something
that only lasted a couple of weeks?
No, I haven't spoken to her for a few months. Why do you ask?
What? She's missing?
Uh, yes. Yes, of course.
I'm in Los Angeles, but if you do hear anything, please contact me.
Don't worry, buddy. Look, I got more singles for you.
Oh, no, no, no. I'm all right for cash, thank you.
-[sighs] -You okay?
That was the Las Vegas Police Department.
It appears my ex, Candy, is missing.
Oh, my gosh. I hope she's okay, buddy.
Yes, as do I.
Candy was caught up in some rather nasty business.
But I thought I'd taken care of it.
-Nasty business? -Yes.
In exchange, she helped me with a delicate matter.
I'd hate to think I haven't fulfilled my end of the bargain.
All right. I'll kill the music. We'll all help find her.
No, no, no, no. Um...
I don't want to spoil the Detective's celebrations.
No, I'll just beat on over to Sin City and check on Candy myself.
Oh. Yeah, you know, I kind of have a thing with Vegas.
Otherwise, I would totally, totally offer to go with you.
Right. Good to know.
But then, can I tell that it's really important to you
and I do have the next couple of days off, so...
Okay, you've convinced me. I will help you.
-Help him? Help him with what? -Uh...
Please don't tell me you guys got another stripper.
-No, he got a... -No, no, no.
Nothing for the birthday girl to worry about.
I want you to focus on one thing only, Detective,
that is getting older.
Excuse me? Wait, you're leaving?
-Yeah, I'll call you later. -Wait!
But seriously, Detective, you just stay here.
Yeah, it's my birthday.
Shake your booty while you still can.
Oh, there you go. [chuckles]
[Ella] Mmm. You smell that?
That is pleather, cigars, and vomit, my friend.
[laughs] I have to say I didn't have a good Catholic girl like yourself
pegged as a fan of Sin City.
Not a fan exactly. More like a tiny, helpless space capsule
being sucked into a deadly black hole.
[phone rings]
-Anyway, shall we? -Uh...
Chloe again? You know what they say, fifth time's a charm.
Lucifer, you should really tell her what's going on.
It's still her birthday.
And you're still going with that. Okay.
Officer.
Either it's someone else's birthday...
Or this is an active crime scene.
Oh, no.
Candy?
Oh, Lucifer, I'm so sorry, buddy.
Man, her face is gone.
Hello.
Look at those dainty feet.
Okay, not judging here, but really?
Is this really the time for the pervy stuff? "Dainty feet?"
Um, debatable, but that's not what I was talking about.
No, Candy has ginormous feet.
I mean, regular boats, huge.
That means that this is not Candy.
Oh, man, that's awesome!
[shushes]
[chuckles nervously]
Sorry, my friend here,
not a fan of the deceased, I'm afraid.
Mean, she was just so mean.
-[shushes] -Women.
[theme music playing]
We should go.
Excuse me. I'm Detective Long. And you are?
Um, Lucifer Morningstar. Pleasure.
-You're Candy's husband. -Ex-husband.
Right. Talked to you on the phone.
You said you were in Los Angeles.
Oh, yes.
And you don't seem very broken up about your ex-wife's death.
Well, that's because this woman is not my wife.
Right 'cause she's your ex-wife.
Think you made that pretty clear, buddy.
Hi, how you doing? Ella Lopez, L.A.P.D. CSI.
For the record, we just got into town.
Arrived at 1300 hours and 14 minutes to be exact.
And based on a visual assessment of the victim's lividity,
she's been deceased for,
oh, I'd say 2100 hours yesterday.
So, my travel buddy here, not a suspect.
[chuckles]
Also, I know, none of my beeswax,
but I saw that you were going with an ultraviolet light on the couch.
I would've gone with the straight old bleep, man,
but you know what? To each his own.
-Thanks for the advice. -You got it, Detective.
[speaking pig Latin]
Sorry, is that German?
'Cause if it is, it's absolutely awful.
Trust me, I should know. Hitler was a talker.
Well, a screamer actually.
I'm saying that for now,
we shouldn't let L.V.P.D. know that that's not Candy.
If this gets back to the killer, he might try to kill her again.
Oh. Right. Yes, good idea, Ms. Lopez. Good idea.
What's a good idea?
[both] Um...
-To give you my card. -Her card.
In case you want any more advice.
-Always happy to help. -She's very good.
-Very. -Right.
I have a feeling I will be talking to both of you again
before the investigation's over.
I doubt that. I mean, hanging out with a cop in Las Vegas
is like bringing your grandma to an orgy.
[chuckles] Am I right?
-No. -Okay.
-Bye. -Bye.
Hi.
So...
Hey, sorry to interrupt. Have you heard from Lucifer?
No, why? Has something happened?
No, not really. I just, I...
I had a question about a case and I can't get a hold of him.
Yeah, we were celebrating my birthday at the precinct
and then all of a sudden, he just bailed
and now he's not answering my calls.
Would you like to have a seat?
No, no, it's not a big deal.
You sure?
Mmm-hmm. Yeah, I'm fine.
I'm fine. It's probably just Lucifer being Lucifer, you know?
Probably.
Please, have a seat.
I'm not really... I know you're busy. I don't wanna take up...
[stutters] I checked Lux, and he wasn't there.
And I thought I'd go up to the penthouse to check,
but last time he went AWOL, I went up there to check on him
and all of his furniture was covered in sheets,
and he had run off to Vegas. [laughing]
Of course, that's when
we were getting together, which we totally are not anymore.
Nor will we. But you know, it's my birthday.
Mmm-hmm.
Wow. Good couch.
I know.
And I understand.
Birthdays can be emotional.
I guess. No, I'm good. I'm good.
He's, um... He's probably just in the penthouse, passed out or something.
Emphasis on "Something".
How about I go with you?
Please.
Seems Candy dodged a bullet quite literally.
Shotgun blast, anyway.
Yes. So, we need to find this killer
before he or she realizes their mistake.
[Ella] Detective Nosy in there could get DNA back on that body within 24 hours.
So we gotta find a lead, stat.
Right.
Okay, so you were married to Candy for a week.
-Uh. Two weeks. -Mmm-hmm.
I mean, any idea who would want her dead?
♪ Never know how much I love you ♪
♪ Never know how much I care ♪
♪ When you put your arms around me ♪
♪ I get a fever that's so hard to bear ♪
♪ You give me fever ♪
♪ When you kiss me Fever when you hold me tight ♪
♪ Fever ♪
Psychic bartender, my favorite.
[bartender] Who is she? Not the one singing, the reason you're drinking.
Not who I thought she was.
Hardly her fault then.
Never is.
Huh?
Everyone's reading my mind today.
♪ When you kiss me Fever when you hold me tight ♪
♪ Fever in the morning ♪
Don't mind if I do. [chuckling]
♪ What a lovely way to burn ♪
Who was that?
That was Candy.
I think I'd quite like to continue my chat with Candy.
[applause]
Where's my money?
And my ring.
Bravo, Candy.
Emergencies.
[Candy] Ow. You're hurting me.
Just give me some time. Please, I'll have it for you.
[Lucifer] His name's Louie Pagliani.
He's a local loan shark and all around dirtbag.
I thought I'd dealt with that human stain last time I was here.
Yeah, well, this is Vegas.
This town is always up for an encore.
Here we go.
They teach lock picking in forensic class?
-No. Middle school. -[chuckles]
Miss Lopez, you are an enigma
wrapped in a hoody under a jaunty ponytail.
Oh, no. The annihilation.
Oh!
Even if Louie didn't kill fake Candy
this decor alone is enough for immediate execution. I mean...
[laughing] What was he thinking?
Well, looks like someone beat you to the execution part.
-Louie. -Oh...
Definitely. I'd know those hairy ham hands anywhere.
[Ella] The trajectory of the blood spatter
in relation to the stiff makes zero sense.
There is no way Louie pulled the trigger.
Typical Vegas. Even a suicide's a fake.
Yeah, and so is the hair color.
Look at this. It's pink.
Candy.
What? She was here.
You think Candy would've killed Louie
and then faked her own death to disappear?
[scoffs] No, no, no. Candy's not a killer.
No, just a thieving con-woman.
-You knew her one week. -Two weeks.
Well, you don't know what she's capable of.
Candy did owe Louie money once upon a time, but I paid him off.
Perhaps he wanted more.
Oh.
This must be Mrs. Ham Hands.
Oh, dearie me.
Someone's sending a painful message.
If Louie was after Candy's candy...
Maybe his old lady found out,
followed who she thought was Candy, home from the club,
shot her and then framed/finished off Louie.
And we need to find this murderous ginger
before she finds the real Candy.
Ah. Roxie Pagliani. I suppose she's the missus.
Just block the caller ID.
You can't just call her. What're you gonna say?
I'm gonna ask her if she's the killer, of course.
No, terrible plan. I'm gonna need that.
-What are you doing? -[Roxie] Hello.
Hi, yeah, this is Marsha calling from Sensational Statues.
-Who? -Sensational Statues?
Yeah, we got that new, um... You know, that new
bust of Caesar you ordered.
It came out real sexy.
-Sexy? -Yeah.
Thirty percent off if we can drop it wherever you are,
right now.
I'm sorry. I didn't buy any bust.
You sure? Because I...
[machine] Badabing...
Whoopsie, my mistake, doll, my mistake.
See? The truth would have been much more expedient.
Nope. I know exactly where Roxie is.
I heard the sound of the Guidos Rainbow slot machine
in the background of that call.
It's a vintage machine
and only one casino in Vegas has it.
The Moonbeam.
Wow. Ka-ching, Miss Lopez.
[elevator bell dings]
[Linda] Well, no sheets on the furniture. That's a good sign.
And it looks like...
Yup, the overnight bag is missing. So maybe he did go out of town.
On my birthday.
You know, speaking of, this is stupid.
What are we doing here? We should be celebrating.
Yes. We should be celebrating.
Yeah. So, where to?
[Linda] Hmm.
Actually, I do know this place with an awesome sound system
and all the top shelf you can drink.
Best views in the city?
Seems a shame to let that sunset go to waste.
[upbeat music playing]
[mouthing]
Hamlet!
Huh?
Hamlet.
"Thanks for the punch-up. Love, Will."
-Wow. -What you looking at?
[chuckles]
Nothing exciting.
[Chloe] I'm Lucifer Morningstar!
I can play the piano and I'm a fancy British man.
Let's go take a peek at his sock drawer.
But Dr. Martin, you're his therapist.
Aren't there rules against that?
Trust me, there's nothing I don't know about Lucifer Morningstar.
Except what's in his sock drawer.
-It's not like he can see us. -Let's do it.
[cell phone ringing]
-Oh. -Oh.
[humming]
Oh, oh, oh.
-It's Lucifer. -That's Lucifer.
Yeah, I can see that.
Officially, officially creeped out!
Okay, don't answer. No, wait, answer it, answer it.
-Just don't say we're here. -Okay.
Hmm. Hello.
[Lucifer] Ah! Doctor, I didn't think you were going to answer.
I'm just calling to reschedule my therapy appointment.
I'm on a quick trip out of town.
Oh, oh.
Out of town.
[stammering]
-Where? -Nowhere special.
-Just Vegas. -Vegas? Again?
What you doing in Vegas?
Oh...
Don't you look ravishing?
[Linda] Lucifer?
Sorry, I've gotta go, Doctor. Speak soon.
Bye.
What did he say at the end there?
Um, something about radishes.
Oh, you are stunning, aren't you?
I almost didn't recognize you. No offense.
Nah.
It's hard to get your glitter on when you're stuck in a lab all day.
But I mean, Vegas.
Where else can I bust out the booty?
There's no reason we can't look fabulous
and catch a homicidal redhead.
Exactly.
He didn't say "Radish." He said, "Ravishing" didn't he?
He's in Vegas with someone ravishing
on my birthday.
You know what? Why-- Why do I even care?
Why do I care? This is stupid.
Okay, feelings... Feeling are not stupid.
Well, this one is, okay?
This feeling is stupid.
-Okay. -Okay, Lucifer and I are friends,
partners, that's all.
I'm totally past anything romantic.
Full on rearview in the past.
Okay, it is completely reasonable
for something like a trip to Vegas
to trigger old emotions.
Emotions that maybe you haven't completely dealt with.
There's no expiration date on the process of healing.
We should go.
you're welcome.
Where are my pants? I was wearing...
[gasps] Are you okay?
Oh.
[Linda] Oh.
Screw the sock drawer.
Oh, that is definitely her.
Yeah. Mrs. Ham Hands.
Looks like she's the casino's pit boss.
Right, let's go and chat up our killer.
Uh, could be a problem.
Pit bosses are notoriously hard to flush out.
Only clients they pay attention to are the whales,
the serious high rollers.
So, how about blackjack?
-More of a poker man myself. -Poker?
No, poker involves bluffing, also known as lying.
Something you claim you don't do.
Bluffing and lying, two totally different things.
So I guess what you do with Chloe and the whole,
not-telling-her-you're-in-Vegas thing, also not lying?
No, that's selective omission. Get it straight, Lopez.
Po-tay-to, po-tah-to, potudo.
You, my friend, are compartmentalizing.
I don't even know what that means.
Anyways,
ooh,
it looks like Roxie's working the blackjack floor.
So let's get you at the table.
What, me? What about you?
Best I just watch.
[shouts]
Again? Beginner's luck.
[laughing]
Right. Let's see if this gets Roxie's attention.
Oh, booyah.
That's what I'm talking about.
Well, it's so much fun to bet lots and lots of money.
And there's plenty more where this came from.
Nice! You have an 11. Double down. Double down.
Right-o. Doubling down. Doubling down.
Mo' money, mo' money, mo' money.
[chuckles]
-Yes! -[cheering]
Very good, Miss Lopez. You're very good at this, aren't you?
Teamwork makes the dream work.
Look at all that money, eh?
Do you know, actually, I'd fancy a drink, act... Oh!
-Here you are. -Wonderful service.
Thank you. What's your name?
Mmm.
Oh, that is perfect. Thanks.
What would you like, Miss Lopez?
I would like for you to focus on the game.
You just got two aces.
But... Oh, right.
-Well, maybe you would like... -Split!
It's working, Miss Lopez. Whatever you're doing, keep doing it.
Yeah, order me one, too.
-[dealer] And 20. -[cheering]
Well done, Miss Lopez. Well done indeed.
Excuse me, sir. Come with us, please.
Oh. Excellent. It's worked.
Right, off to the high roller's suite, are we?
Yeah, I don't think that's where they're taking us.
What sort of casino back room is this anyway?
-[camera clicking] -I mean, where's the dangling
light bulb and blood stained floor?
Where's Joe Pesci?
Hey, go easy! Going blind here.
This seems maiming, this isn't even our agenda.
Quite frankly, I'm disappointed, gentlemen.
Oh. Actually, slightly less disappointed now.
[chuckles]
Oh.
It's you. So maybe this wasn't a total waste of time.
Maybe we should stop talking, and by we, I mean you.
So I guess the disguise didn't do it for you.
Very few people can count cards like you, Miss Lopez.
Count cards? Oh, I'm impressed.
So am I. Your technique's so infamous
we were able to spot you in, what was it, half an hour.
Forty three minutes.
-You guys are getting lax. -[chuckles]
The question is, what do I do with you?
If banning you from the casino didn't work,
maybe I should call your new friends
at the L.A.P.D.
Okay. Fine. Go right ahead.
And you know, while you're at it,
why don't you tell them about your crimes?
-What? -Yes.
J'accuse.
First of all, of mixing Corinthian and Doric columns
in your McMansion. I mean...
And secondly, of killing your husband and who you thought was his mistress.
Louie's dead?
[scoffs] Hello, yes, Louie's dead. Savagely murdered by you.
Hm.
[Lucifer] Wow...
Her poker face is amazing. Take note.
My husband was a crook.
I knew it was only a matter of time before his ticket got punched.
But I certainly didn't kill him or anyone else.
Okay. Very well, Roxie.
If you didn't want Louie dead then tell me, what do you want?
-I... -Yes?
I want the pro-golfer on table four. Bad.
I've been trying to pick up his sweet ass for two days straight.
I worked a triple shift just to keep him in my sights
and I think I'm really close to getting a hole in one.
-You know what I mean? -Oh, dear.
Well, as the detective would say in this situation,
that means no motive.
Or opportunity.
Damn it! 666 didn't work either.
Try 8008.
8008?
Spells "Boob".
Ah.
[beeping]
No. You know, normally I wouldn't be so concerned
about trying to get into this thing,
if I didn't think there is some real clues as to where Lucifer is.
'Cause wherever he is, maybe he's in danger.
Right. Maybe "ravishing"...
I mean, radish is code for "Help!"
Yes. Maybe... Maybe that's why he skipped town.
'Cause someone's after him
and it'd be irresponsible for us not to open this thing.
Or maybe you two just had too much to drink.
You're too curious to leave well enough alone.
Which is why you hauled my ass out here.
Does that mean you're not gonna help us?
I didn't say that.
[machine whirs]
Really have quite the grip, don't you? Mmm?
You have a good time on your own?
Okay!
You're just full of surprises, aren't you, my little Rainman?
What can I say?
We all have coping mechanisms
and mine just happens to be counting cards.
Or was, anyway.
Coping mechanisms? For what, poverty?
No.
Helped quiet the voices.
What voices?
Nevermind. Forget I said that.
The point is that
everyone has stuff that they wanna avoid.
You know, like... Like the way you are avoiding Chloe.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not avoiding
or lying to the Detective. I'm...
Protecting her.
Ah. You're protecting her or you're protecting yourself?
Look, why are we even discussing this?
Right now, Candy is the one who needs protecting
and we've just hit a dead end.
Right, okay, but hold on. I mean, if we are gonna find a new lead,
how about we start with how you two ended up married.
[chuckles]
[sighs]
-Hello, Candy... -[gasps]
...my thieving vixen.
I don't know what you're talking about. How'd you get in here?
Impressive grift you've got going.
But, uh, I'm afraid that you can't keep this little beauty.
Please, please, I'm sorry.
Sentimental value.
But you're welcome to keep the cash.
Goodness knows where you've hidden that.
[sobbing]
I'm so sorry. Please don't call the cops. It's just...
My dad died recently,
and he used to own the club I was singing at.
-You know, Fletcher's. -Mmm.
But we owe this ginormous amount of cash to this super scary loan shark,
Louie Pagliani, and he used the club as collateral
and if I don't come up with 300 grand, like now,
Louie's gonna take it.
Who knows what else?
I didn't know what else to do.
Bravo. You really are quite the performer, aren't you?
You don't believe me?
What, the weepy waterworks? Not a chance.
But your story seems legit, though.
[sighs] It is.
And so is my apology.
[chuckles]
I actually felt bad.
From the looks of you at the bar,
you got your own problems to deal with.
Nothing I can't handle on my own.
You sure about that?
And so, you see,
I had to leave.
Mmm. I get it.
The part about your dad putting the detective in your path is kind of fuzzy.
But seems like you genuinely care about her.
Yes, I do.
-A lot. -Mmm.
Then isn't you going AWOL gonna kinda throw a big flag on that play?
Well, I said that I care about her.
Oh, unrequited love.
Yeah, I get that, too.
No, no, it's not unrequited, it's...
Well, the Detective has feelings for me
but she has no control over those feelings.
-Okay, I don't get that. -It's difficult to explain, but...
I just...
I just wanna do right by her.
I believe you. Here, swap.
Do you ever ask yourself,
"How the hell did I end up here?"
What, eating mint chocochip ice cream wrapped in a pink snuggy?
Pink's a good color for you, actually.
Ah. You are a good liar, aren't you?
I don't lie.
Forgive me but you are a con-woman.
I am not a con-woman. I am a singer
forced to do some things that I'm not proud of,
but only so I can dig my dad's club out of debt.
I grew up on that stage, my home.
Drastic measures for the things we care about.
That I get.
I might pretend to be someone a little less threatening sometimes,
but I don't lie.
Call it bluffing. Totally different things.
Well, that I definitely get.
[chuckles]
We're quite similar, you and I, aren't we?
Yeah, we are.
Mmm.
Except for the fact that you have ginormous feet.
-Oh! -[both laugh]
Do you know,
there might be a way for you and I to dig each other out, Candy.
I'll pay off your debt
if you don't mind doing a little bluffing for me.
Marry me.
[laughing]
And so we got married. The end.
Hmm.
Okay, so you fake married Candy to avoid Chloe,
even though you cared about her.
Mmm.
Who's the enigma now?
[scoffs]
[woman] Excuse me.
Sorry, did I forget to tip? How rude of me.
Lucifer!
Candy!
What are you doing here? You're gonna ruin everything.
I...
Uh...
As much as I love the Bettie Page vibe
you've got a bullseye on your back. This is hardly a good hiding place.
But it is where my killer works.
You were on to Roxie as well?
Till you and your sidekick derailed things.
Not my sidekick, and I hate to disappoint,
but Roxie Pagliani did not kill your lookalike.
Ally. Her name was Ally.
She broke up with her boyfriend so I said she could stay with me.
I was just trying to be a good friend.
Oh, man, I'm so sorry.
Anyway...
Anyway, Roxie Pagliani did not kill Ally
or her husband in a jealous fit of rage.
I mean, the woman's about as passionate as a protein bar.
This has nothing to do with passion.
The killer wants my father's club.
Fletcher's. How do you know that?
After I found Ally dead,
I noticed there was only one thing missing from my apartment.
The pocket deed for Fletcher's.
Whoever possesses the deed owns the club.
It was used as collateral when my dad borrowed money from Louie.
But when I went to confront him, he was already dead.
Oh, that's why her hair was at the crime scene.
So, I thought, "Well, maybe Louie told Roxie about the deed.
and she's the one who got greedy..."
Sadly, no. Roxie was working at the time of the murder.
But who else could have known about that deed?
Well, not to worry.
There's a much faster way to flush out the killer.
Candy's still my wife, legally anyway.
Which would trump any sort of deed.
Exactly. Which means Fletcher's is now going to the grieving widower, me.
Yeah, but that makes you the killer's next target.
[chuckles] Well, I certainly hope so.
Right. Come on.
Showtime.
"Showtime"?
[applause]
♪ They call you lady luck ♪
♪ But there is room ♪
♪ For doubt ♪
♪ At times you have a very un-lady-like ♪
♪ Way of running out ♪
But not tonight.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Lucifer Morningstar,
new owner here at Fletcher's. That's right, owner.
Please, a warm welcome for the Morningstars.
♪ Luck be a lady tonight ♪
♪ Luck if you've ever Been a lady to begin with ♪
Oh!
♪ Luck be a lady tonight ♪
Are you buying any of this?
Well, Lucifer's certainly made his presence known.
So, any sign of the killer?
Any weird or suspicious activity?
Other than your high kick? No, sorry.
You try dancing with a .22 strapped to your thigh.
♪ Luck be a lady with me ♪
-Creepy hunched fellow, two o'clock. -Got it.
Blue track suit. Big guy. Big guy.
Yeah, yeah, that's the guy.
All clear. Only thing he cares about are the complimentary crab legs.
♪ Let's keep this party polite ♪
♪ Never get out of my sight ♪
♪ Stick with me baby I'm the fellow you came in with ♪
♪ Luck be a lady tonight ♪
♪ Luck be a lady ♪
♪ Tonight ♪
[applause and cheering]
Thank you!
Oh, thank you all so much. I'm here all night.
No, seriously, all night.
And now we wait for the real show to begin.
Mm-hmm.
-Whoops. -"Whoops"?
As in it worked?
Uh...
Oh. Oh, don't worry.
I've had a lot of experience with giant holes.
In walls.
Little spackle and you're good to go.
Well, it's a good thing I come packing.
-You came packing spackle? -Of course.
I'll be right back. Excuse me.
This... [sighs] Look at this.
-This is nuts. -Yeah.
But super fun.
This is...
It's pointless, cracking into this safe
because no matter what we find
it's not gonna change the fact that A,
there are things about Lucifer that I will never understand,
and B, spackle's not gonna help
the Assyrian antique wall.
I think you and I both know that this isn't about spackle.
[sighs]
He left on my birthday.
And I wasn't expecting a big party or anything huge.
Maybe a card?
You know, Lucifer is a non-traditional guy.
And he celebrates in
non-traditional ways.
Right, like going to Vegas with some radish.
Lucifer cares for you.
I'm sure he's gonna come back with some crazy explanation...
That I'll probably never hear about.
No, fine. It's fine.
I just hate that I sound jealous 'cause I'm not.
I'm not jealous.
I'm not. I just, um...
He's just my friend, you know.
I know.
What did I tell you?
I am the man.
[Linda gasps]
Cheers. To the weirdest birthday I've ever had.
[sniffles] And thank you for the party
such as it is.
Oh.
Dearie me. Rough night, old boy?
I'm sorry. But this place...
Is mine.
Well, well, well. It seems our bad guy is the good bartender.
You can forget the tip, by the way.
First of all,
excellent bluff, Mr. Killer Bartender.
But I do need to tell you...
I do need to tell you...
[yells] God!
What I was trying to tell you before you so rudely interrupted me
is that because I know you're the killer and you can't kill me,
you may as well just hand yourself in now.
But I just shot you.
Yes, I know. It's perplexing, isn't it, Juddy?
[Candy] Jud?
How could you?
Candy?
No, you can't be here. I...
I killed you!
What the hell is happening to me?
Who are you talking to?
You can't see her?
Hm?
Oh, God.
What the hell?
Well, interesting turn of phrase actually, Juddy,
because I am the devil.
And I believe that you're being haunted.
Perhaps if you repent your sins, all will be forgiven.
The truth will set you free and all that.
You were like a son to my father, a brother to me.
I was gambling again, I was drowning in debt.
Why didn't you just tell me you needed money?
Because you don't have any!
This place is worth crap, it's the land that's worth millions.
I tried to get your dad to sell and I knew you wouldn't either.
So you shot me in the back of the head.
Yes.
Yes, I did.
Now, go away!
-Oh! There we go, Juddy! -Leave me alone!
Fire away! That's it! You're like a kid in a candy store, aren't you?
That's it, Juddy, go on!
-[gunshot] -[groans]
My leg!
Excellent shot, Miss Lopez. Another hidden talent.
Thanks.
And don't worry,
I'll give you props for the arrest.
I'm cool like that.
Gee. Thanks.
Hey.
I just wanna say thank you for saving my ass,
again.
It's what any good husband would have done.
[chuckles]
Come on, drinks on the house.
Uh, much as I'd love to, once Layla over there finishes flirting,
we must get back to L.A.
Speaking of L.A.,
whatever happened with the detective?
Mess it up yet?
Not yet, but I fear I may be about to.
Then what the hell are you still doing here?
Go home, you devil.
[chuckles] Right.
You take care.
-Yeah. -[whistles]
Lopez! Get a wriggle on!
[alternative rock music playing]
[elevator dings]
[chuckles]
I'm sorry I missed it.
[sighs]
I could use a drink myself.
I'm not exactly sure what you're all doing here,
but I imagine it's something to do with the fact that I wasn't.
And the truth is...
I went to Las Vegas.
[chuckles]
And even though it was for a very good reason,
I didn't tell you because
last time I went on a Vegas jaunt,
there were some very unpleasant feelings involved.
For both of us.
And... Well, I didn't want to dredge any of those up again.
So, I bluffed. [chuckles]
But I've come to realize that perhaps
bluffing is the same as lying, and that's, as you know,
something I never want to do.
Especially to you.
[chuckles softly]
Hello.
Someone's been busy.
-[keypad beeping] -[yawns loudly]
Oh.
Perfect timing.
You've woken up just in time for your surprise.
A surprise? What surprise?
Well, forgive my tardiness but I thought it prudent
to deliver your gift in private.
Thank you.
Oh.
-It's beautiful. -Oh, it's...
-What is it? -[laughs]
It's the bullet.
From when you shot me. Remember, in the warehouse
early in our partnership?
Oh.
Yeah.
I remember.
Well, I thought since I'd never likely penetrate you
I'd commemorate the one time you penetrated me.
[both laugh]
So, happy birthday, Detective.
[theme music playing]