[Lucifer] Previously on Lucifer...
You are my brother and my test.
So what's the plan?
We need to make the detective realize
that Pierce isn't the man she thinks he is.
If we don't get Chloe to love you, then I can't kill you.
And I need this to get back to Hell.
I like you, Charlotte. So, if you need time, I can wait.
You're worth it.
What do you desire?
I want her to choose me.
Then tell her.
Chloe Decker, will you marry me?
Yes.
[Tabitha on earpiece] Are you listening?
Get a move on.
What part of "she can't perform without it" do you not understand?
Great, just great.
This is agility trials in San Fran all over again.
[exhales heavily]
Run! Run!
Oh. This is an heirloom.
Only the best for Bootsy.
[growling]
[announcer] And now, introducing last year's grand prize winner,
Bootsy.
[applause]
Situation sorted.
[Tabitha] You wish. Cornelia is up next and no one's laid eyes on her.
[sighs]
Ms. Cornelia, showtime.
Ms. Cornelia?
[Ella screams] Oh, my God!
Wowzers! That is some rock, girlfriend.
It is exciting, isn't it?
Um, yeah, I mean, heart-melting, brain-exploding.
Wait, clock's ticking, how much time do we have
-before the big day? -Three--
-Months? -Weeks, actually.
What? That is not enough time to plan.
Well, Marcus and I thought, why wait.
-When you know, you know, right? -I'm not talking about the wedding.
No, I am talking about the bachelorette party.
Well, it's a second wedding, do I need one?
Uh, yeah, you do, it sets the foundation for your whole support system.
And trust me, you're gonna need one for the dark days to come
because, I mean, [sighs] sleeping with the same dude
[whispers] for the rest of your life?
Even hot gets boring, Chloe.
Dark days ahead indeed.
I may have to take my chances.
Decker.
All of my life,
I have been dreaming of the chance to plan a bachelorette party.
But four brothers, remember?
And you're the closest thing I have to a sister right now.
[sighing] Well, I guess if you're gonna play the sister card.
[claps] Yes!
Oh, wait, let's talk theme.
The bachelorette and wedding should match.
You know, color palette, dress, cake, venue, flowers...
Playlist, DJ, tuxedo, marriage license.
-[softly] Right. -We have the nice bottle
of single malt for the bar, which is going to be open.
Which means we need to get a couple of bartenders.
This is a lot, isn't it?
It's, uh... [chuckles]
Do you think we should maybe postpone the date?
Is that what you want?
No. No, totally and completely no.
Unless...
-Unless you do. -Absolutely not.
I've never been more sure of anything in my life.
Look, we solve murders.
How hard can it be to plan one little wedding?
Yeah. But I think I know what will help.
I recently discovered that a certain detective
has weeks of unused vacation days.
Couple of days away from the office might give you time to plan.
Chloe said yes?
-To marry Pierce? -It's mind-boggling, I know.
I mean, when I said I was at peace with the detective
making her own choices,
it didn't occur to me that she'd be capable of making
such a spectacularly bad one.
I mean, why on Earth?
Why is besides the point, Luci, we can't allow this to happen.
[sighs] Uh-oh.
I like this new you.
I wish you'd realized I was your test eons ago.
Luci, it is God's will that you--
Yeah, don't ruin it.
Just happy that we're on the same side for once.
So what's the plan?
The plan
is simple.
The plan is simple, I am going to try to understand
why the detective would want to marry that overstuffed man ham,
and then make her see she's deranged.
Or you could just tell her how you feel.
I already missed my window for that, unfortunately.
He's weaseled his way into her heart,
and I don't understand how, but I need to.
Well, good luck, and I will come up with a plan that will actually work.
Of course you will. [chuckles]
Ah, Detective, you look nice.
Thank you.
Uh, anyway, since changes are afoot, I'd like to address things head-on.
Oh. Well, that's oddly mature of you,
and it's nice to know that you're not going to start acting all weird.
[chuckles]
[exhales]
Aw. What's this? Is this an engagement gift?
It's much better than that, it's a personality test.
So that I can understand why you do the things you do
and decide the things you decide.
Personality test?
So much for not acting weird.
Well, you know, to help optimize our partnership.
Okay, well, it's going to have to wait
because I am taking some time off to plan the wedding.
I...
Well, how am I supposed to get inside your head
if I can't watch you at work? The job is who you are, Detective.
Well, how about you watch Dan?
Because my cases have been reassigned
and I'm sure he'd appreciate the help.
Well, looks like it's you and me, Lucinda.
Yippee.
And then there's potential reason number 54.
-Fifty-five. -Fifty-five,
the detective would accept Pierce's proposal drugs,
EUI, engaged under the influence.
Or the craziest reason yet, maybe Chloe said yes
because it's what she wants.
Or maybe it's what she thinks she wants,
but does she know what she truly desires?
'Cause few do unless I help, and that, unfortunately,
I can't do that with her.
Not "peony." Penis.
Penis...
Yeah, sure, I'll hold.
Vic is Francis Hoffman,
time of death roughly 9:00 a.m., husband's on his way now.
Right.
Well, aren't you going to ask about the suspicious paw prints?
The detective certainly would.
The prints belong to Cornelia, the vic's prize-winning mastiff.
Currently AWOL though.
Ah, right, a canine killer.
Seems they can't trust you with a real homicide, Daniel.
Nope, the bitch is innocent.
Cause of death was blunt force trauma,
so the killer is human.
You can rush the order? Awesome.
Okay, it's all in here.
I've got me a penis piñata to pick up.
[clears throat]
Right, well, by now,
the detective would've formulated a working theory. So...
Listen, dude. I know you're going through stuff
with this whole Chloe-getting-engaged thing,
but I can't have you second-guessing my every move.
Chloe has her reasons for making the decisions that she makes
and I have mine.
Only one of us can be detective.
You're right.
That is the perfect way to understand the detective.
I'm gonna take the lead and be her.
Right.
[underbreath] That's not what I meant.
[theme music playing]
[Frederick] Francis loved the beach.
We just celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary in Malibu.
Two daddies and one fur baby.
Has there been any sign of her?
Cornelia's all I have left.
Not yet. But my job means everything to me.
Solving murders is my one true passion.
And as such, I promise you that I will find Cornelia
and get justice for your slaughtered husband.
Because I am empathetic.
-I care. -Yeah.
Will you excuse us for just a second, please?
-Thought you never lied. -What? I do care.
About channeling the detective, so I can find out why she does
the things she does and makes the decision she makes.
Okay, look, whatever it is, we still have to do our job.
You know, like asking questions relating to the crime, okay?
-[sighs] -Just let me handle this.
[clears throat] Uh, Frederick.
Do you know of anyone who had a beef with Francis,
anyone who would want to hurt him?
Right, that is exactly the sort of futile question
the detective would ask.
-Do you? -I mean, everyone loved Francis.
[indistinct chatter]
But he did get into an argument with someone in the parking lot
of the training center last week.
Did you get a name?
No. I thought they were just arguing about a parking spot.
But I did take down the license plate,
in case he came back to key the car.
-That's helpful? -Is that helpful?
-Yeah. -Right, thank you.
I got your message about the engagement.
Plan's back on, right?
-Whoa. Easy there. -Oh, relax, I'm not gonna do it here.
Man, I remember the plan.
Kill you, frame Lucifer, blah, blah, blah.
[inhales deeply] I'm just really excited.
Oh, that's not why I called you.
-I called to apologize. -Apologize about what?
I don't wanna die anymore.
I'm in love with Chloe, I wanna be with her.
I know you don't understand, I hardly do myself.
You know, I've never felt like this before.
We had a deal.
And I will honor it. I promise to find you another way back to Hell.
-Show me your arm. -Really?
[sighs]
I don't get it.
If Decker loves you, then the mark should be gone.
Unless she's having second thoughts about you.
-Well, let's not-- -Oh, my God, Maze.
Super psyched you're here.
I got me what you might call an "all hands on Decker" emergency.
-Would you... -Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Conference room. -Yeah.
I'll work on Chloe and get her back on board.
In the meantime, you better figure out that other way,
fast.
Is that a wedding murder board?
I am just trying to stay organized here.
Wow. Mugshot for the caterer. Nice work, Decker.
-You see what I'm dealing with? -[Maze] Mmm-hmm.
Guys, solving crimes makes sense to me.
Wedding stuff? Not so much. Why do you think Dan and I
got married at the courthouse and then went right back to work?
Decker, trust me, we will help you deal with all the wedding details
the normal way.
Blind drunk at your bachelorette party...
-Hmm. Mmm-hmm. -...which needs to be awesome.
That's where you come in, while I deal with the new lead in this case.
Oh, the case, right. What's going on with that?
I ran a partial license and got a match.
Security footage shows the suspect's car at the location of the murder.
Okay, who is it registered to?
You will never know that because you are on wedding vacay.
-Oh, my dress. I need to get a dress. -Yep. Mmm-hmm.
And while you do that...
We will seal this wedding dealio by throwing you a bachelorette party
you won't forget.
Thanks, I think.
Perfect. Okay, so you plan the pregame until I get off of work.
Mmm-hmm.
Oh, my God, with you on this case, this night is gonna be insane.
[squeals]
Yes, we're heading there right now.
Actually, we would've been there 20 minutes ago
if someone didn't have to stop for a wardrobe change.
-I'm committed, Daniel. -Okay.
So Ella tracked the plate of the guy Francis fought with
to an ex-con named Vincent Walker.
Car was spotted on 3rd and Main, so we should, you know, hurry.
I'm going as fast as I can.
-You're going 34 in a 35, man. -[car horn honks]
I can't risk accidentally going over the speed limit,
-the detective wouldn't. -[cars honking]
Why don't you just ask Chloe why she said yes to Pierce?
No point bothering the detective on her time off.
But speaking of baffling unions, how are you doing?
You and Charlotte, still a thing?
Oh, uh...
Yeah, she's kind of going through some stuff right now.
Mmm-hmm.
And I'm just... You know, I'm giving her space.
-Right. Mmm. -I'm trying to.
But thank you for caring, man.
Oh, no, I don't care.
Oh, right, right, but Chloe would.
Now, you are getting it, Daniel.
-Just drive, man. -[exhales]
Hey, Amenadiel.
This a bad time?
I could use a break from prosecuting the Malibu State water polo team.
Well, I was hoping that you might be able to help me out again.
I know we failed to prove Pierce is the Sinnerman.
But I've still been digging, and I am confident
-that eventually-- -Actually,
I'm taking a different angle this time, Charlotte.
I need to split up the engagement between him and Chloe.
Any chance to get in His good graces?
-I'm in. -The thing is,
Pierce seems to genuinely be in love.
To stop this, we would have to understand him,
and that guy is impenetrable.
Well, if being a trial lawyer has taught me anything,
it's that there's always a way to get inside someone's head.
Get them to have a change of heart.
Go on.
You're both former immortals that became mortal.
You could dig into your own fears and insecurities.
Weaponize them.
Not the easiest, I know.
But worthy of a test. Hmm.
While I'm doing that, perhaps you can work on Chloe.
Guess who just got invited to Chloe's bachelorette party?
Co-hosted by Maze, of all people.
Bring singles.
Exactly.
Chloe will be drunk
in some stripper's arms, questioning her life choices in no time.
All I have to do is water the seeds of doubt.
Okay, so Vincent Walker's record's chock-full of violence, man.
Worked as a leg-breaker for the mob.
-You gonna pay attention or what? -Hmm?
Oh, yes, whoever wanted Francis dead probably hired this Vincent chap
to kill him.
And I'd say, based on the security around that doorway over there
and the fact that I've been here many times before,
that is an illegal gambling den, as such it's a reasonable assumption
that our devious murderer is in there.
Nice work, you actually have this whole Chloe thing down pat.
And yet, I'm still no closer to understanding her.
I mean, I'm following all the rules.
I'm actually paying attention to the leads,
I'm covering all the bases like she does.
It gives me no time to do the foolish, impulsive things
I normally do that help solve a crime.
[chuckling]
Hold on.
That's it, that's what's missing, I need a me.
-A you? -Yes.
Well, to truly go full Detective,
I require a partner who's clever and unpredictable,
handsome, sexual.
Suppose one out of four will suffice.
Well done, Daniel.
[grunting]
-Ha! -Wow. [chuckles]
Which one of the four am I?
[chuckles] Come on.
-Yo, Lucifer. -[chuckles]
Hey.
[Dan clears throat]
Thank you.
Right, remember, just be me, Daniel!
[rock music playing]
Hey, everybody.
Who the hell are you?
I'll show you who I am.
What the heck happened to my, uh...
[imitates gunshot]
-Uh... -What are you looking for, buddy?
Trouble? Your lost teeth?
How did you even get in here?
Right.
Just be Lucifer.
I'm here for your money.
And your women.
[snaps fingers] Teeth it is.
[grunts]
You buried the lead.
Maze, this is really sweet,
you helping me with all this traditional bride stuff.
And for me, it's gonna be really nice hanging out again.
Nice is exactly what I was going for.
Yeah. Yeah, right.
Wait, where are we going? There better not be male strippers.
[Maze laughs]
You underestimate me, Decker.
-Careful. All right. -Okay, okay.
-You ready? -Yeah, yeah, I'm ready.
[both giggling]
Wow. I...
Yes, I definitely never would've guessed this.
Surprise! [chuckles]
Certainly was for me.
Care for some non-alcoholic punch?
[party horn toots]
Come on.
Sorry, not sorry. Loser.
You know what, maybe this chair will be luckier.
So, hitman's greatest hits.
What's the latest, Vince?
I don't know who you are, but that stuff was a long time ago.
Man of your reputation and skill, can't imagine you'd retire.
New time, new tune. Not what I want anymore.
-So then, tell me... -[sighs]
What do you want?
Or, uh,
desire.
I'm married, pal.
Oh. [chuckles]
No, no, I mean... [clears throat]
What do you want, want?
Not, like, me. [chuckles]
Like in life, what do you want? [clears throat]
I want to play. Are you in or are you out?
Yeah.
Is that a dog bite?
Don't tell me, scars turn you on?
[chuckles]
No, man, it's just that when I was a kid, I got bit.
She was a rescue.
Chihuahua.
She had been abused, but, um, we kept her.
Pebbles.
Turned into a little friend, you know.
Well, this was no chihuahua.
-What kind of dog was it? -Well--
-[helicopter blades whirring] -Huh?
[officer] Go, go, go!
LAPD, hands in the air!
I don't want any heroes.
[officer] Hands up!
Lucifer, come here.
What the hell, man?
-SWAT? -Yes, well,
this is when I normally get into a spot of danger,
so I called in for backup like a responsible detective would.
The suspect was just about to give me incriminating evidence, man.
Daniel, would you quit making this about yourself?
[Dan scoffs]
[bottles clink]
Looking for booze?
Yeah, and Maze's bong.
And decent music and a strapping naked dude
with student loans and a dream.
-Not on Maze's itinerary. -Maze has an itinerary?
Yep, and I stole it.
"Nail art, mahjong, silent meditation"?
Did you guys find the booze?
Exactly, we should be nipple-deep in Jäger by now.
And playing "pin the tail on Ryan Gosling."
I can't believe that Maze legit hijacked my bachelorette party.
You mean, Chloe's bachelorette party?
-That's what I said. -This is odd.
What is Maze up to?
[Maze] Okay, all the things that you love about Pierce, go.
Oh. He does this really adorable scrape-y thing
-when he burns the toast. -Aw.
-And do I really have to do 100 of these? -Yes.
Oh, man.
I promised Chloe the moon.
And I gave her burnt toast.
[conversation continues indistinctly]
Please, we've gotta do something.
Yeah.
I've got an idea.
I'm not gonna bite you, Pierce.
Says the guy who's tried to kill me numerous times.
And now can succeed.
Relax.
I asked you here to celebrate.
[rock music playing faintly]
So, you're not mad that I got rid of my mark?
I feel this odd kinship actually.
I mean, this is like the first official meeting of
the immortals-turned-mortal club.
In that case, the beer's on you.
It's all my father's plan, I have to assume.
Maybe, but for now I need to keep it quiet from certain people.
Till I know it's gonna stick.
First club rule, cone of silencio. [chuckles]
I've wanted this to happen for so long, it's hard to believe it actually is.
Yeah, I'm really happy for you, Pierce, truly.
-Thanks, bro. -I mean, becoming mortal
is the best thing that ever happened to me.
Everything is so much better
when you know that you can die at any moment.
How much time do we have left, 30-odd years?
Forty if we lay off the sauce.
I mean, that's a drop in the bucket for a former immortal.
Hadn't thought of it that way.
Every sip of beer, every blue sky,
every motorcycle ride.
[sighs] Every kiss.
I mean, it's so much more precious when you realize it could be your last.
That any random act could just...
[exhales heavily]
take it all away.
[Chloe sighs]
[shooing]
Oh, come on.
Oh!
Definitely strapless. Mmm.
And with a bow, yes, yes, a big one.
Okay. I'm gonna get another roll.
I did this two-ply wedding dress garbage at my cousin Rita's bachelorette party.
You know what happened?
Not drunken pole dancing.
You know what else isn't happening? Us, here.
-This is torture. -[sighs]
Of course, Maze.
This all makes sense.
[muffled upbeat music playing]
Oh, my gosh, what could that be?
It's probably just Trixie and her stupid little friend next door.
-Hang on. -Chloe.
-Is that... -Do you see it?
[all exclaiming and laughing]
Oh, my God. Okay, now this is what I'm talking about right here.
You didn't really think we'd stay home, did you?
-You guys, you shouldn't have. -Honk, honk!
[Ella] Honk for "Fun! Fun! Fun!"
No, they really shouldn't have.
[Lucifer] The detective always goes first.
So, Vince, let me guess,
you were hired to take out Francis, so Cornelia couldn't compete in the show.
Or was the dog the target and she attacked,
so you killed the owner instead? Hmm?
This is where I'd make a clever pun about the underdog.
I wasn't hired to take out the competition.
-I am the competition. -What do you mean?
I got into dog training through the Pups and Parolees program in jail.
That's how I got this bite.
I fell in love with one.
Elliot.
I found out later he was a purebred mastiff.
So I started taking him to all the shows.
He loves the shows.
You're not in the competition database.
Daniel, that's my line.
You're not in the competition database.
If those snobs ever saw me with my Ellie, they'd never give him a fair shake.
So I pay someone to pretend to be his owner.
Then why were you fighting with Francis?
Look, I don't want to talk about it, all right?
Daniel, time to slam the suspect up against the wall
to elicit a response.
Now, come on, practice with me.
Look, look, look, the fight with Francis was over puppy custody.
Cornelia was pregnant with my Ellie's babies.
I could never murder the puppy's maternal grandfather.
I'm not some monster.
A litter of purebred mastiff puppies is worth tens of thousands of dollars.
Oh, right.
Who else knew about the puppies?
-[excited chatter and laughter] -[upbeat music playing]
[camera shutter clicking]
[Ella] Put them up, put them up.
"L'il Miss Can't Behave."
[Linda] Oh, my God.
[all exclaiming]
-Maze. -Don't worry, Decker.
There's lots more where that came from.
-Really? -There really is.
Did you see that bar?
Is it cool?
What the hell is this?
Uh, the best bachelorette party ever.
Hells yeah, this bus really amped things up a notch.
Yeah, and now, I need you to de-notch.
Are you nuts? This is everything I ever dreamed of.
And genuine pleather.
Ella.
I really need this wedding to happen.
That means no surprises, no problems
and definitely no drunken change of heart.
You all know Decker can't handle her booze.
I don't know, she seems to be handling it just fine.
[Chloe exclaiming]
Yeah, it looks like marrying Old Reliable is letting her bust out her inner Lucifer.
Yeah? And we all know he isn't the marrying kind.
Come on, Maze, it's one night.
Just let her have some fun, what could possibly go wrong?
-[tires screeching] -[brakes squealing]
[men exclaiming]
No!
[all cheering and whooping]
Charlotte.
What is happening?
I agreed to waive the charges on the Malibu State water polo team
if they agreed to wave some other things.
[laughs excitedly] Amazing!
[all cheering and whooping]
The Barkley. Owned by Dr. Valerie Haynes,
veterinarian to the stars and SoCal Dog Show.
Apparently every canine contestant is required to be examined
by Dr. Valerie before they can actually compete,
which means she definitely would've known Cornelia was pregnant.
And she would've been at the crime scene.
You know, I still don't think this is working.
-[sighs] Agreed. -But I think it's my fault.
-Also agreed. -See, the problem is
we rarely work this closely together, you and I.
And you can't be expected to just know
the delicate detective-consultant chemistry, so...
I think you clearly need an intensive hands-on tutelage
-on how to be me. -That I don't agree with.
Excellent, you might want to take some notes.
-Oh, yeah. -Hello, there.
We would love to see Dr. Valerie, if possible. [chuckles]
I can assure you, I know nothing about any murder.
Over puppies? I mean, who would do such a thing?
[Dan] Well, the rent in this part of town is pretty hefty
and those puppies were extremely valuable.
Especially on the black market.
Oh!
You think I need money?
Imagine how much people spend on their kids.
Peanuts, compared to what they spend on their pets.
Trust me, I have more than I could ever want.
Oh. Do you now?
Watch and learn.
Surely, there must be something that you desire.
I...
Hmm?
I'm...
Mmm-hmm.
-I'm really all good. -Come now,
there's really nothing you want deep, deep down?
I want the miracle of birth.
Trying to solve a murder here, love, but I'm sure you can find someone
to help you with that eventually.
You don't mean for you, do you?
[Cornelia whining softly]
Of course, I took the dog when I had the chance.
Do you know how little I get paid?
All the missed holidays?
Dr. Valerie spends most of her time in Hawaii.
So I took Cornelia and I hid her here.
And when Francis tried to stop you, you what, killed him?
No! I was backstage.
But he was already dead.
Cornelia was frantic.
She came to me, she's very particular,
and she knew that I would take care of her.
By selling her precious babies?
I know it was wrong.
But I was gonna return her right after she gave birth.
[Lucifer scoffs]
Look, I'm not a killer, I swear.
[sighs] They never are, are they?
Well, given motive and lack of alibi, you leave me with no choice
but to follow my trusty detective gut and arrest you
for the murder of Francis Hoffman.
-Tag her and bag her. -[sighs]
Well, suspect apprehended, canine found,
and that is how it's done, Daniel.
-[whooping] -[upbeat pop music playing]
[scatting]
[laughing]
Oh, my God.
That's definitely one way to sober up.
Charlotte! Oh, Charlotte, hi.
Getting your groove on?
Oh. My groove is on pause lately.
But forget about me, this night is all you.
I gotta say it's nice forgetting about the wedding stress for once.
Why stress?
It's all exciting.
And so bold.
First Dan, now Pierce,
marrying a second guy from your office?
But screw the professional optics, right?
You have a type. When you know, you know.
[men] Whoa, what are you doing? Whoa!
Um... Is it just me or are we short a couple of giant hot dudes?
-[Maze grunts] -Maze, what are you doing?
Hey, I liked that guy.
He smelled like chlorine and butterscotch fudge.
[inhales deeply] I am five feet nothing, a coiled live wire, Maze.
This means war!
Linda, Linda, Linda, please, maybe we can circle back,
and then pick them up again.
While we're on the topic,
I would love some relationship advice.
From me? Well, I'm not an expert, clearly.
I don't know. I mean, your fate in some pretty ruinous odds
is truly inspiring.
Did you know that LA has one of the highest divorce rates
in all of the US?
-Does it? Really? -Yeah.
My plan has nothing to do with you.
It is for Chloe, I want to get her exactly what she wants,
Pierce married to her, no drama.
-Yeah, totally agree. -[Linda grunting]
Total lack of drama, starting right now.
Cupid Maze, altruism? Pearls? No way!
-People get married multiple times. -[Linda] Not happening.
You're up to something.
I mean, I suppose there's nothing stopping you
from getting married again after Pierce.
I know you're not trying to freak Chloe out,
but it kind of seems like you're getting in her head.
-You really think so? -Wait.
Are you trying to freak her out on purpose?
-Oh... -[glass shatters]
-Let's go. -Bring it.
[whistles]
Stop the friggin' bus!
-[tires screeching] -[brakes squealing]
Everyone but Chloe, out!
Now!
You know,
we could've sent the dog back with the rest of the guys.
Nonsense, the detective would never allow a pregnant lady
to ride in the back of a filthy police van.
How very sensitive of her.
[sighs] Some say predictable.
I mean, how can the detective's actions
be so easy to replicate and yet so hard to decipher?
I still have absolutely no clue as to why she said yes to Pierce.
Not to point fingers, Daniel, but I do wish you'd tried harder
to be, well, me.
If you weren't so afraid all the bloody time.
I am not afraid.
[scoffing] Really?
You say you're giving Charlotte time and space
because it's what she wants, but we both know
you're using it as an excuse to avoid telling her
-what you want. -Fine, okay, yeah.
Maybe I'm not great at admitting what I want.
And maybe it wouldn't kill me to
-Lucifer it up every now and then... -Mmm.
...but when it comes to understanding people,
I'm not taking any pointers from you, man.
[Lucifer scoffs]
In fact, I think you're the one who's afraid.
Excuse me?
The reason you won't ask Chloe why she's marrying Pierce
is because you're scared to hear the answer.
-[scoffs] That's absurd. -[chuckles]
That's why you're playing all these stupid little head games,
which aren't gonna work, by the way.
-[clears throat] -Because, first off,
you're only thinking about Chloe as her job.
I mean, you don't even call her by her name, which is "Chloe."
-Not "the detective." -It's endearing.
[chuckling] Oh, come on, you believe this guy, Cornelia?
-[Cornelia grunts] -Chloe is so much more than work, man.
She's a friend, she's a devoted parent to Trixie,
-she's the most amazing human being. -Daniel,
you ignorant, fearful genius, you're right.
-Really? -Indeed.
To truly understand the detective's motivations,
I need to experience the full spectrum of her life.
-Okay. -So what I need
is a defenseless, barely-verbal creature
who depends entirely on me for her every need.
-What are you talking about? -I need a Trixie! And...
Hello.
-[chuckles] -[Dan sighs]
Oh...
[Ella] Maze, what part of co-hosting a bachelorette party
-did you not understand? -Nobody asked me about any damn bus.
Yeah, so you throw my next best chance for a sex life off it?
And you, why are you freaking Chloe out?
Yeah. I should never have invited her.
I was trying to help.
You know, a little prenuptial conflict is healthy.
It's better to get it out of the system.
You want conflict?
-Done. -[Ella] Okay, ladies, please.
-There's still time to fix this, okay? -Come on, Maze.
-Two words. Matching tattoos. -[both] What?
Fake tattoos, fake.
Pierce tipped me off.
Pierce was looking into fake tattoos?
Yeah, I mean, he made me promise not to tell anyone,
-but you know what? -Lying bastard!
Where is Maze going?
Bigger problem, girls.
Where did Chloe go?
[Charlotte] Oh...
No, sit, child.
-Oh, goodness me. Sitzen! -[Cornelia whining]
Oh, my goodness.
This is ridiculous. I mean, at least the detective's
human dependent could be bribed with chocolate and cash.
But apparently, chocolate is toxic for Miss Picky here
and she ate my wallet.
-What is that smell? -Hmm?
Why is there crime-scene tape all around my desk?
Trust me, Daniel, Cornelia committed a very serious infraction over there.
Children are so needy. I mean, you wouldn't understand,
but being a single parent is exhausting.
Dude, it's been an hour.
Well, in dog years, that's an eternity.
Yeah, well, your parenting days are over, okay?
Francis' husband Frederick is here.
Frederick. Oh, good to see you again. What a pity, we were just bonding.
Thank you, Detectives. I had no idea she was pregnant.
Now, I can start to rebuild our family.
Well, if you'd just, uh,
sign the release form.
And she's all yours.
[sighs in relief]
There's my good girl.
[Frederick exclaims, chuckles]
-Girl. -[whining]
Oh, poor baby.
She's clearly feeling the strain.
Cornelia, come.
Bye, child.
Oh, really?
Goodbye.
Right, now that's...
Where's he gone?
[driver on speakers] How are you doing there, hon?
Can you see me?
I see a lot of things on this bus.
Looks like something's eating at you.
[sighs]
Well, it just...
It all happened so fast and...
Everyone's wondering why I said yes and,
you know, I'm wondering the same thing myself.
I don't know, maybe I thought that marrying a safe,
steady guy would
somehow change me into a different person.
And that maybe this new, spontaneous me
would somehow inspire the person that I still am.
[sighing]
Hey, are you married?
Seventeen years.
He's my everything.
Hopefully, your guy is, too.
How does she even do this?
Well, that's odd.
Cornelia's prenatal examination was signed by Frederick.
He said he didn't know about the pregnancy.
And the signature's a match.
Which means he lied.
Ergo,
he's most likely the killer.
[chuckles] Well done, Detective.
Ah. Well done, Detective.
[door opens]
[Frederick] Get in here, you stupid mutt.
[Cornelia whining]
Come on!
[Dan] Is that how you treat a pregnant lady?
[Frederick] What the...
-How did you get in here? -I had a hunch you were the killer.
When your fur baby wouldn't go to you.
Cornelia only goes to people she trusts.
Not killers.
Only question now is
why, Frederick?
I'm more than happy to discuss this with you
after I tend to Cornelia.
-[whining] -[Frederick sighs]
[gun cocks]
Listen, you gotta understand.
A dog is supposed to be man's best friend, not man's best replacement.
Do you know what it's like to be kicked out of your own bed by a dog?
But
I could never get up the nerve to just tell Francis what I wanted.
You were scared of what the answer could be.
Then I found out about the puppies.
Six more reasons for him to neglect me.
And we fought.
And he fell.
And he hit his head.
It was an accident.
Why don't you just put the gun down?
Come back to the station
and tell your side of the story.
I should've just shot the dog!
But it's so hard to kill a creature with such intelligence in its eyes.
-[door bangs open] -LAPD!
[groans]
Ah. There you are.
[chuckles] Typical, you leave me with the paperwork
and run off alone, no thought of danger,
-no thought of protocol. -You really
don't see the irony, do you?
All I see, Daniel, is that I can't rely on you as my partner,
so perhaps I should find someone steady, someone responsible,
someone who can actually be there for me.
[exhales]
I get it now.
[Maze] So you thought I wouldn't find out your mark is fake.
You know, for a guy who's lived for a million years,
you're a real dumbass.
Shh. She's asleep.
Can't use the kid as a human shield forever, Cain.
Maybe not tonight...
but I am coming for you.
[door opening]
[door closes]
Hey, you're here.
[whispering] Why isn't Trixie at her sleepover?
I stopped by to check on her and she wanted to come home.
Um...
About all this wedding stuff...
-It's way too overwhelming. -Yeah, I agree.
[stammering] It's, uh...
Let's forget about the whole big-event thing, okay?
-Life is too short. -Too short.
[both] Yeah.
Let's elope, we don't need the whole circus.
It's about you and me.
[sighs] Yeah, and... and that's why I...
I can't marry you.
I'm sorry, Marcus.
[knocking on door]
Dan.
You okay?
Uh...
I don't know.
Got a lot of things on my mind.
Could be kind of serious.
[chuckling] Tell me about it.
I am [exhales] seriously wondering why I suggested that fifth shot of tequila.
[exhales heavily]
What is it?
Charlotte, I know that, um,
we've been keeping things kind of loose,
and I said that you could use your space.
And if that's what you want...
If that's what you truly want, then I respect that.
But I never told you what I want.
I want you.
All in.
The whole deal.
So, um...
So, there.
Okay.
Really?
Ah, Detective, good, you're back.
I am, yeah.
Excellent, because... Well, there's a few things I need to say.
-Hmm. -You see, I've, um...
Well, I... [sighs]
I've actually learned something, for once.
Oh.
No ring.
[sighs] Yep.
No ring.
Oh. [clears throat]
So you were saying you learned something? [clears throat]
Oh! Oh, it's nothing. Nothing. Completely irrelevant.
Right.
Well... a new case just dropped,
so I was thinking, back to work?
[chuckles] Back to work.
-After you. -Thank you.
-Should we take my car? -Yes.
[conversation continues indistinctly]
[theme music playing]