Order one!
Maciuś, break's over.
-Rookie, dishes! -Yes, chef.
Hurry up or all of this will get burnt.
Oliwia.
Oliwia, phone call for you.
For me?
I'll call them back.
Oliwka, he says it's a matter of life and death.
Come on. Take it. The duck won't fly away.
Hello? Oliwia Madej speaking.
Tell the waitress to hurry up.
What do you mean?
Damn.
-What do you want me to say? -It's just two days.
-Please understand. It's my grandma. -I know.
But you're still leaving me during our peak season,
while we're opening a new location, finalizing the menu.
Robuś.
You know I don't have a choice. I have to go. It's her funeral.
I can't make it without you. Who else is there?
Just come back in two days. I won't look for someone else.
I'll be back.
Hi, I'm Oliwka. But you know that already.
Mom chose this name for me to spite Grandma.
Grandma would have preferred something more traditional: Alinka.
They were always fighting. Eventually, they stopped talking to each other.
I'm sorry!
Crazy Grandma Halinka and crazy Mommy.
So I carry on that family tradition.
Mom went to the other side of the world again
and turned off her phone.
Thanks for your support, Mommy.
Bodźki, Podlasie.
How I used to love coming here.
One time, me and some local kids got drunk on fermented cherries.
Grandma wanted to strangle me.
I got my cooking talent from her.
Mom says that's also where I got my hot temper from.
Life is short. You never know when your time will come.
Jesus Christ.
I've killed a man.
Ambulance!
-Hello? -Hello?
Emergency service. How can I help?
-Hello… -Hello?
Can you hear me?
Why, you!
Do you know how long it took me to get here from Wrocław?
You almost killed me!
I killed you?
That sign should stand before the bridge.
Don't you know the phrase "I'm sorry"?
"I'm sorry"?
You should be the one who's sorry. You jumped right in front of my car!
What's going on?
What are you doing?
I'm taking a break for lunch.
You… What break?
Want a sandwich?
-I don't believe this. -It's healthy.
I can cut my break short. Just say "please."
"I'm sorry" would've been easier.
All right…
Patience is not my strong suit.
NO PRESSURE
I did not miss this.
Welcome to Bodźki!
There's no place like it anywhere in the world,
believe me.
This is the end of civilization.
Okay, Oliwka. Get a grip.
I'll be elegant for you, Grandma.
Really.
I won't embarrass you.
The heiress is here.
I'm sorry for using your lawn.
You can do it, Oliwka.
You'll manage.
You always do.
Perzyna Jan.
I'm the one who called, dear.
Hello.
Can I see my grandma?
Oh, it's such a sad end
This final hour
That thankless little wretch Running around town
There's no place better in the world
Than our county
Even God is weeping
Because a new soul comes to Him
Another mortal soul
We've wasted so much time.
Brought to Him in vain
I wasn't with you. I'm sorry.
I had to die to hear that from you?
Oliwcia!
What's this spectacle about?
I was wonderin' what you'd say over my coffin.
You've gotta be sick. Sick, to do something like that.
What's wrong with you?
Would you have come if I wasn't dead?
-Would you, eh? -Tell the truth.
-She wouldn't. -You wouldn't.
Aren't you ashamed to put on a show like this? You're adults!
Anything for Halina.
That's right. All for one, one for all!
Including me!
You should see the show we put on for the nativity.
People come from all around.
-This can't be happening. -Right.
And for every holiday, we provide a vocal performance,
so the priest lent us a coffin from the Lord's tomb.
The Housewives Club, girls of power!
The Cuckoos!
It's funny to you?
I'm all alone with my hens and goats. Everything's falling apart.
I had to get you here to help me.
I waited so long for you.
I've grown old.
Let's not waste any more time.
Let's not waste time
Let's not waste…
…time
All those years, I needed a grandma…
Where were you then,
Halina?
How could she? Always gotta have her own way!
Halina!
A marten ate the cable.
Why so nervous?
How could you lie to me?
Calm down, Oliwcia. Please.
We can tow the car and eat something good, eh?
Well?
It's getting dark. And wolves tend to wander through here.
Do you think I'm five years old?
You'll get used to it right away.
I won't have the chance to.
I'm sorry, Oliwcia. For the funeral thing.
All the tragedies that befell me made me completely crazy.
You're my only salvation.
No, no. Don't even try that.
Your mother turned you against me.
Now you've remembered that we're family?
When you need something?
Okay.
Ah.
Come on. Eat, Louise. Eat.
There, there.
Thelma, don't be a meanie. Stop eating your sister's food.
At least you can take care of your goats.
I've fallen into debt due to some
herb guy.
Local tycoon. Plantation owner.
Took me to court.
You've gotta help me.
Here you go.
He sicced the health department on me.
They banned me from making cheese.
Maybe you're too old for all this?
Ah, that's what I thought.
I need some young blood.
All of this will be yours someday.
Sell it.
It's not just a piece of land to me.
When you were a kid,
you also used to love this place.
Dumpling was still a foal when I bought him for you.
You didn't change his name.
We can do it together, sweetheart.
I won't help you.
Seriously?
New shoes!
Dumpling! Why so early?
Hey!
What are you doing?
Hello?!
Hey. Scram!
Halina!
Give the little ones some breakfast, lunch and dinner.
They need to be milked every morning and evening.
If you need help, go fetch Wojtek.
He helps me around the farm.
House number 15, at the end of the village.
If it's really your wish, sell your grandma's land.
I've gotta go.
I've signed everything over to your name. The documents are on the trunk.
That's all. Halina.
Hey, leave that!
Leave it.
NOTARIAL DEED DEED OF GIFT
That's my work phone. Give it back.
Why are you so stubborn, brother?
How many times do I have to tell you? Plum hooch is too sour.
My grandad used to make plum moonshine,
as did my father, so I will stay true to plums as well.
-Morning. -Our regards to Halina's granddaughter.
Hello, gentlemen.
Have you seen Halina?
What gentlemen? We're brothers-in-law.
-No, we ain't seen Halina. -We ain't.
We gotta brew the hooch using apples, eh?
People need sweetness.
My orchard bears such sweet apples, perfect for moonshine.
Over my dead body.
You're as stubborn as a mule, just like Waldek.
-What? -Yeah.
You're calling my old man a mule?
-Yeah. -Why, you!
Go to work, instead of screaming as if you're getting skinned alive.
-Oh, wifey, he's raging like a bull. -Get to work!
Dumb and dumber.
Can't you go one day without arguing?
It's because I've gotta look at his ugly mug every day.
I've gotta look at yours, and I cope.
Excuse me.
Have you seen Halina?
-Go home. -Go home.
-God bless. -Go, go.
Is this act two of your twisted show?
-Calling my father a mule? -Shut up.
-Hello. -Shove those apples up your ass!
Fighting over moonshine, huh?!
Hello?
Good morning.
Well…
No wonder my grandma's farm is failing,
since you're her employee.
You're Halina Madej's granddaughter?
I need help.
Can you grab your stuff now, Wojtek?
Oh, Wojtek.
-Um, since I'm Wojtek, then you are…? -Oliwka.
You've got style, Oliwka.
My car is over there.
Can you take care of Halina's animals?
I hope she'll be back before sunset.
Do you know what kind of conflict Halina's having with that herb dick?
Hey!
I can't handle this alone.
You have no mercy, girl.
Hey!
That's mine. Got it?
Thanks.
What's up, big guy?
Come on.
She's giving birth.
I'll help you, little one.
-Hold her by the horns. -What?
Hold her by the horns.
-How? -Go…
Go…
Get ready!
Are you sure you know what you're doing?
She's so cute.
A cutie.
-Hey. -Cutie.
Welcome to Bodźki, little one.
Easy.
No, leave it.
Her mother has to lick it off.
Look how happy they are.
They're bleating because they're hungry. And you have to milk them.
Me? I don't know how.
Aren't you Halina Madej's granddaughter?
-Thanks. -You're welcome.
What will you do with all that milk?
Ever heard of a dairy?
I'll fix it tonight.
I just have to go get some parts.
I have to be back at work by noon tomorrow.
Do you really…
plan to leave, even if you don't find Halina?
You'll take care of it all.
I've got another job.
No. You can't leave me with this.
I've got work to do.
I don't know…
Figure it out. Take some time off.
Big guy!
How are you? Good boy.
Yes, brave…
They say animals have a sense about people. Come here.
Hop in.
It's for good luck.
And remember to keep your little ones fed. Bye.
Oh.
The celebrity is back.
Hiya, Wojtuś!
Kubuś!
So? How was the capital?
-Gotta say… good. -Yeah?
Get outta here with that Sing for Poland show.
-They know nothing. -What did you sing?
A bona fide hit!
A girl sitting over there by the river
Love looked deep in her dark eyes
I'd have voted for you, Uncle.
Because you, Tolcia, have musical taste.
Unlike the jury back there. I've wasted a lot of money.
Your car guzzles so much gas.
Yeah.
Should've taken yours.
I couldn't take mine, because there were so many…
beautiful women there.
You know, I wanted to impress them.
And? Did any of them appreciate your efforts?
Tolcia, it's like this…
He who has no luck in music,
has no luck
in love.
At all.
You haven't told anyone where I…
Wojtuś.
A deal's a deal.
Thank you.
POLICE
Hello.
Bon appétit.
I'd like to report a missing person. Halina Madej.
As far as I know, your grandma is an adult.
-She can leave home whenever she wants. -What if something's happened to her?
What could happen to her in Bodźki?
I don't know.
You don't remember me?
Or us going apple-picking together?
Picking gooseberries? Don't you remember?
I know there's a bit more of me since I had kids,
but is it that bad?
-Matylda! -Of course.
-Hi. -Hi.
It's good to see you.
I've heard you're making waves in the culinary world.
Where did you hear that?
Your grandma likes to know how you are.
She has no cell phone, so she comes over to use my internet.
Oliwka, she misses you, you know?
Do you add flour to the mix?
Just a spoonful of potato flour. And the rest are raw and boiled potatoes.
Try it.
Good!
"Good." My old man says they're Podlasie's best.
The best.
-Oliwka. -Hmm?
How are the beefcakes in Wrocław? Tasty?
Not bad.
So,
can you say where Halina is?
First, have a bite to eat.
Okay, gimme a pickle.
Are you gonna chase me, you rascals?
Leave me alone!
I'm going!
Girls, time for dinner.
What?
Hey. Hello! Come back! Girls!
Okay, let's go back home. Now.
Goodbye. Let's go, ladies. Back home.
Let's go. Back home.
Perfect.
You've got Halina's stubbornness.
Girls, go home. The other way. Hey!
Hello.
Hello!
Hello.
I was in the vicinity, so I thought, "Let me check how it's going."
-Mr. Perzyna… -You can call me by my first name, angel.
Can you tell me where Halina is, Jan?
Why?
Lost your grandma, eh?
-Not great. -Not great.
Of all people, she must have told you what she was planning.
I don't know anything. I swear, I know nothing.
You already lied to me once, Jan.
Oh, big deal.
Sometimes you gotta do something bad to get something good.
Halina has really…
You're the only one she has left.
Only you.
Oh, you dumbbell! That wasn't our signal.
What?
The knock is
two short, two long, three long, two short.
Something like that.
Right. Are the animals taken care of?
They are. And Czerka gave birth successfully.
I bet you Polish zlotys that Oliwcia will learn to love this place.
She'll leave. She'll sell the farm.
And you'll have to move in with me for good.
Stop talking nonsense. She'll stay on her grandma's land.
You can't beat the genes out of her, and that's that.
And if she sells it?
Spit those words out of your mouth!
Pour us some liquor.
To good luck
for my granddaughter.
Are you sure you know what you're doing?
Here you go.
-Got a rag I can wipe my hands with? -In the trunk.
What's with the boxes?
Whenever I've got leftovers at work, I give them away.
Purrs like a kitten.
Thank you.
What now?
Nothing. I'll go back home.
You'll take care of it all, won't you?
Help me, please.
Halina won't forgive you.
Too bad.
I'll go say goodbye to Dumpling and have a chat with him.
Thanks!
Wojtek!
Quick, something's wrong with the little one!
She's weak.
She isn't drinking her mom's milk.
-We've gotta feed her somehow. -But how?
With baby formula.
-I'll get the neighbor. -Don't.
I've got what we need in the car.
Shh…
It was for my daughter.
-Take her in your lap. -What?
It'll be easier for you to feed her.
Now, take your hand…
Take the milk in your hand.
And now…
Come on. Eat.
Eat, little one.
So what do you do out there in Wrocław?
I cook.
Oh, and I'm starving. Will you feed me?
Don't you have to get back to your daughter?
She's with her grandpa.
And her mom?
We're not together.
So?
You look good when you cook.
Slice the bread.
I also make sandwiches with tomatoes, but this…
tastes different.
What are you doing here?
It's past your curfew. Off you go!
Excuse me.
Come on, ladies. Let's go.
Goodnight. Come on.
You caught me by surprise this morning.
I've only complicated things between us. You think I'm Wojtek, and my name is Kuba.
Shh…
Really?
I was starting to like you, but you can't come along.
Goodbye. You're staying here.
Get out!
You're not coming with me.
You're getting out too, ladies.
Martens again?
My face scrunches up just looking at those plums.
You're so prejudiced, like always.
It's you.
-It's us, yes. -Right.
What are you doing here?
Brewing the national drink of Podlasie.
What?
Halina can't make her cheese. She let us pursue our hobbies here.
-You're not against it, are you, heiress? -Well, we could strike a deal.
That's it.
I need a mechanic. Do you know anyone?
My Wiesia's brother-in-law's cousin's husband has a garage.
Well then, bring him, eh?
I mean, won't you? ASAP.
Yeah, right. He had a christening after-party yesterday.
You won't get him out of bed before noon.
Right. But you'll bring him today?
We can, but there should be something worthwhile in this deal.
Okay, how much do you want?
What? Money?
We're talking about sugar.
-Sugar? -Halina has a stockpile of sugar.
Pantries full of it.
Okay, take it.
-Halina's sugar! -Heiress!
Hey, hold up, Oliwka!
-Sit yourself down. -Sit down.
The thing is, maybe you could help us settle a dispute.
Who brews better moonshine, eh?
We're starting a business, and we gotta choose what to sell.
-That's right. -Fine.
Yeah?
Plum.
Good.
Apple.
Also good.
But when mixed together,
it has power.
Mixed together. Let's go!
-What are you pouring me? -We're mixing them. Drink.
Why, you!
I'll be damned!
What a mixture!
It's… fire!
We'll mix it.
-We'll mix it. -Brother, I love you!
And I love you too.
Look how they're hiding.
When I catch 'em under the influence, I'll show 'em!
-Brother. -Eh?
With that much sugar, we can brew, like, ten liters.
Did you sleep through math class in school, eh?
-What's with you now? All you do is argue. -It's fine.
Just whining.
They've lost their minds. You're stealing from Halina now?
No way! The neighbor's agreed to help us.
Yeah, we've managed to achieve an empathetic connection in there.
Yeah. Empa-what?
What?
Read more, do some crosswords,
and then maybe your word stock would expand as well.
Dumb and dumber.
If only your empathy would expand with your brains.
Talk to me. Where are you taking that sugar?
-Well? -My little dove, my heart and soul.
I can explain everything--
Well, I'm waiting. Just don't play dumb with me, you two.
You're mixing it too slow. Gotta do it quicker.
-Like this. -Right.
-Yes. -Quiet!
One more.
What's wrong?
Is Halina here?
Halina!
Is something wrong?
-Yeah. That dumb husband of mine-- -And mine.
Even dumber.
They're conspiring with Oliwka.
-And I don't know-- -We don't know.
We don't know if that's good for you, Halina.
Start talking.
We've reached the conclusion that we don't actually know any mechanics.
-Goodbye. -Goodbye.
Hold on!
Gentlemen.
You promised me something.
We don't want a fight with our wives.
Higher power. God bless.
Did you get that, Dumpling?
Come on!
Get in line, all of you!
Thelma.
Louise.
I'm begging you.
Work with me, girls.
Dear ladies!
Follow me.
There. Come on.
On the ground!
Jesus Christ!
Morning laughter, always sought after!
Give it here. I'll take it to the dairy.
I'm going there for an intervention anyway.
What could you have to do here?
Women in Wodniczki got into a fight over bees.
They can't figure out which ones are whose.
Do you have taxis around here?
You're crazy.
You wanna throw your money away?
I haven't used a taxi in my life.
Nobody's going to come out here.
Then how do I get to Białystok to catch the train?
I can call a tow truck, but I have to work tomorrow.
Maybe you don't. There are no kids crying for you at home.
You just got here. Stay awhile.
Why are you in such a hurry?
Oliwka,
I watch those cooking shows.
Some people say it's too salty. Some say it's too peppery.
People are picky, Oliwka.
It's hard work.
You're right. I haven't had a vacation in a long time.
See? There you go.
-Call your boss. -What boss? Where do you want me to call?
Tell him that you're sick with the flu.
My Jagódka tries it with me sometimes.
It works. Sometimes it works.
Wait.
I almost forgot why I came here.
The mailman came for coffee and left this.
But it's for Halina. I can't open it.
Your grandma told me I should leave everything with you,
'cause you're the lady of the land now.
Hold on. Stop. When did she tell you this?
In advance.
"We hereby request the immediate payment of 25,000 zlotys
to the creditor, Herbal Hamlet,
within 30 days of receiving this notice."
That herbal fucker!
Jesus. What are you trying to pull?
I'm sorry, Robuś, but I must have caught some bug.
I'm just completely exhausted.
It's gotta be some local strain of the flu.
I knew you wouldn't be back in time.
I felt it.
I know. You have every right to be mad. I didn't plan this. I'm sorry.
I'll find a replacement.
Oli, I miss you here.
For the past five years, you've been… close.
Stop it, or I'm gonna cry.
Just say the competition wants to poach you.
Admit it. How much did they offer you?
Robuś, where else would I find such an understanding boss, huh?
Stop trying to appease me with compliments.
I'll work it all back. Really.
You've got a week.
Thanks, boss. And sorry for the flu thing.
Grab the shovel and go get some water.
-Hello, Mr. Jakub. -Hello, Mrs. Alicja.
Oh, how's little Michaś?
Healthy, fortunately, thank you.
Where's the basil plot? 'Cause I can't find it.
Someone rake those leaves You can't get through here.
How'd it go?
Tragic.
No…
We've got it.
The Varsovians will put up money
for the herbal cafe in Białystok, in the capital, and Lublin.
-Wonderful! -Before we sign, they want to visit us.
Well… then,
we should drink to that.
Why, you!
-I won't give up without a fight! -Yeah?
No!
You're wasting water! Aren't you ashamed?
We are.
Global warming's getting worse.
In ten years, the Narew's water level will drop by a meter!
Don't you care about our planet?
Are you sure he's your father?
-You inherit intelligence from the mother. -Ah!
But looks from the father.
-So you're not my father? -Why, you little…
Did you buy me milk and a bottle?
I had to lend it to a friend.
Our little ones already feed on their own.
So how do I feed Anielka?
We'll find a way.
INN
Boss!
I think the goose got burnt.
-You think? -Well…
You said goose was your specialty.
Well, the stressful atmosphere makes it harder for me to cook.
There's nothing to stress about anymore. This is your last day.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
Well, good.
A pizzeria
in Białystok is seeking help.
That's perfect.
I'll defrost Margheritas and things like that, stress-free.
Capricciosas, yeah.
He fired me!
Another one?
Yeah, another one.
Oh, I have no luck with cooks.
Maybe it's time to hire a girl?
-Hello. -Hello.
Oh, hello.
I'm looking for the owner.
I manage the inn. My son manages the herbs.
So I'm here for the son.
You'll find him over there.
Thank you.
-Goodbye. -Goodbye.
-Do you know that girl? -No.
Wojtek!
I'm looking for your boss.
What's wrong?
How can someone harass an old woman like this?
-There's an explanation for all of this. -You're defending him?
-No, I just-- -Take me to him.
He left for business.
You're covering for that dick? His father told me he's here.
-Good, isn't it? -Wojtek.
You have to pretend you're me.
-That's not how it's done. -You don't understand.
I've messed up. I'll sort it out. But for now, help me.
You're Kuba Wolak,
the owner of Herbal Hamlet.
Just keep saying "yes."
"Yes"?
Yes.
Aren't you ashamed? Taking an old woman to court!
Yes?
Don't you have enough money? You've gotta take more from Halina?
Yes.
-You find this funny? -Yes.
Boss.
Maybe you could meet with Ms. Oliwia at the inn to talk things over.
You wanted to offer a settlement deal to Ms. Halina after all,
but now you have a very important call.
Yes.
Is he a bit crazy?
He's working on a new shampoo. Spent too much time inhaling sage vapors.
But do come to the inn in the evening, at eight.
It'd be good to put this fire out.
I think so.
-My car's not working again. -Yeah?
I mean, so you're staying longer?
Cool.
Hello!
Praised be.
Hello.
My brother and I
wanted to say sorry.
We don't like how things turned out.
Oliwka might think that people in Podlasie have no honor.
We would have kept our word, but our women…
-We're wrapped around their fingers. -I have to agree with my brother-in-law.
So? How about it? Are we good?
We're good. Come on in.
-Oh! -We're good.
Oh! To clear the air.
You shouldn't have.
Should, shouldn't. Take it. Put it away.
Thank you. Sit down.
Why not?
A little reminder for those who like to party.
Bodźki village festival! We warmly welcome you.
And now a tune from everybody's favorite, the Songbirds from Bodźki.
Have some.
Don't you like it?
It's good.
It's…
More sophisticated-like.
But with cheese and ketchup, it would be even better.
Tell me, gentlemen,
do you know what the conflict between Halina and Herbal Hamlet is about?
It all started with Wolak Senior. Kuba's father, I mean.
-He became the owner of Halina's meadow. -What do you mean?
Where Kuba is now growing his herbs, that used to be your ancestors' land.
And your mother sold that land against Halina's wishes.
I remember
them fighting.
Mom never said what it was about.
She said we wouldn't be coming to Bodźki anymore.
Halina should sell the rest of that meadow to Kuba
to pay off her debts, and that'd be that.
Very true.
These lawsuits only caused her more and more distress.
Make her an offer.
You'll forego the damages
if Halina stops sending complaints against you, meaning me, got it?
Kubuś, so do I call you "Wojtek" today?
-Yes. -And you call me "boss."
"Director" suits you better.
-Hello. -Hello.
-You're a waiter here as well? -Gotta make ends meet somehow.
Wojtuś.
Take a seat.
I have an offer.
You never
talk business here without having a drink first.
Am I right, Wojtuś? Wojtuś.
I keep him here because
he's a decent guy.
Just a bit slow sometimes.
Why are you standing there?
Go grab us some menus.
On it, boss.
-Director. -Director.
Thank you, but I didn't come here to eat.
I will sell the rest of Halina's meadow. My offer is 150 thousand.
Do you agree?
Yes. I like that offer. We have a deal.
Are you crazy?
He hurt your grandma, and you want to sell him the land?
Where's your honor, girl?
I went crazy like that once, while testing some questionable hooch.
Come on!
Now!
Hold on! Halina needs money.
Earn it. I don't know. Start selling cheese again.
She's been shut down.
Oh, everything can be worked out.
Kurek?
Wojciech Kurek.
Apologize for calling me a dick, or I'll find someone else.
Director, not now.
You're really letting him treat you like a pushover?
Don't exaggerate.
Wojciech is a footstool at best.
Not good.
I see you managed to make a deal with my son.
Hi, Dad.
Wojtuś, I love you like a son, but one more word out of you…
Wait, so this is your son?
Yeah. Doesn't look like me, huh?
I wanted to tell you--
Dad! Look at this little guy Grandpa and I managed to save.
He was lost, wandering by the road.
-Do you want to adopt Maciuś? -Tola, I've gotta talk to Oliwka.
No, you don't have to. Everything's clear.
He's cute.
But I can't.
I have a little goat to look after.
A little goat? May I see her?
Of course. Come over.
Halina Madej's farm.
Hold on.
So,
who are you to Halina?
Why don't you ask your son?
What have you two done now?
Bunch of jackanapes!
Jan!
What?
-Is there a fire? -Are you alone?
What else at this hour? I go to bed with the chickens.
I saw a woman through the window.
Things like that at my age?
That could put me in an early grave.
But…
Around here, it's inappropriate to visit people at this hour.
I won't be a minute.
Why was Halina banned from making cheese?
There was an inspection.
We ended up with some nasty harpy.
She started yammering
that your grandma's paperwork was wrong.
To them, documents are sacred.
That's my mother.
She haunts me for failing to extend the family line.
Halina!
I've only ever loved one woman in my entire life.
Goodnight.
Looks like I'll have to put lotion over your bare skin, huh?
Yeah, sure. Keep dreaming. All for my benefit…
-Did you hear that? -What?
She's becoming interested in cheese.
She's soaking up country life like a sponge.
Come on. Let's have a drink.
Do you need to be scratched from behind, huh?
You old lecher, you. Come on in.
My intentions toward you are pure, Halina.
I'd take you to the altar.
Oliwka!
Come by my place.
No, I don't want to be a bother.
No arguing!
Daniel! Kids!
Set the table. We've got a guest.
Could I visit you in Wrocław, Auntie?
Of course you can. You all can, the entire family.
And who'll take care of the farm?
With all this farming, we never go anywhere.
But we're happy here, and we have all we could ever need.
The only fun thing around here is the festival.
-Backwater. -Girls!
Excuse me, ladies, but it's time to put our children to bed.
Little geese, go inside.
Go!
-Bye, Mom. Bye, Auntie. -Bye-bye.
-I love you. Bye. -Goodnight.
Tea?
Pour some wine.
Now, tell me what's going on.
I don't even know where to start.
From the beginning.
Done in two.
Cheers!
Now, let's talk.
I am a girl from Podlasie
With an apron to my knees
Down with the herbal dick!
And down with all dicks around the world!
Hey. But he was quite a hunk.
-Nothing special. Right, Dumpling? -Nah, come on.
I know he caught your eye.
What about the mother of his child?
I don't know.
I don't know, because that Kuba, he's like…
He grabs hold and won't let go. Keeps everything to himself.
Hey,
can you sell cheese at the festival?
You can.
I'll wink at one of them
And nudge the other one
Amanda says hi.
Maciuś says hi to you too.
How did the surgery go?
It went according to plan. She feels better.
You're the best. I kept my fingers crossed.
I know, sweetheart. I felt it.
-Hi. -Hi.
Hi! Tolcia, I'll see you the day after tomorrow. I can't wait.
Me too. I love you, Mom.
I love you too. Bye!
Amanda, say "bye."
-Bye! -Bye!
Did you make things right with Oliwka?
It's not that simple.
You know about herbs.
You make mixtures that help others, but you can't deal with your own problems.
I need to prepare a mixture to make you less of a smart aleck.
Oliwka is cool. No wonder you like her.
How do you know about that?
What kind of witch are you? Grandma's rolling in her grave.
Wizard! You smart aleck!
What's going on? It's your bedtime.
What now?
Why, you!
FILL OUT JOB OFFER CHEF
I've made a new pipe herb mix for you.
Are you looking for a new cook?
Mind your own business, okay?
The investors are coming. It would be nice to show them a good time.
Did you make up with Halina's granddaughter?
-What do you mean? -You lied to her. Am I right?
Well?
Yeah.
Right.
Act like a man and apologize to her.
Give me this night
Only one night
Give, give, give… and gesture… this night
Only one night!
Wojtuś?
You'll send me to her as a musical telegram to apologize.
-Wojtek, are you insane? -Not today.
I saw it in a movie.
Kuba, it works.
Well,
Tola could use some siblings.
Jeez, come on!
It would be a shame for genes like yours to go to waste, Pop.
You hear that?
Wojtuś, you're capable of making sense when you put your mind to it. Fist bump!
Buddies.
RECIPES MINE AND GRANDMA'S
WHEY RECIPE
Oliwcia, my beloved granddaughter. I've sent so many letters to you.
It's the same old story with me, sweetheart.
I only have one granddaughter, and my heart breaks with regret
that you weren't with me for another summer.
Winter is just around the corner, and Christmas is coming.
And I'm sad that you're not with me.
Santa will probably stop by with a gift for you.
RETURNED TO SENDER 04.27.2006
I will have it delivered to you.
The storks arrived when spring started.
Dumpling has grown up. He told me to send you his best wishes.
We're waiting for you here.
There is joy all around, except for me, my darling.
I miss you.
And I keep looking forward to a letter from you.
Scribble a few words for your old gran.
I love you, my little goat.
My little star. My deepest love.
Gran.
I never got these letters.
What are you doing here?
We have matters to discuss with Oliwka.
Halina won't be pleased to know that you visit her granddaughter. At night.
I think people should be sleeping by now.
In their own beds.
Goodnight, Ms. Ela.
Goodnight.
-Got something for me? -I've got news for Halina. Not good.
Tell me.
Her granddaughter is fraternizing with her greatest enemy.
Oh, my word!
Not a word to Halina.
-Why? -What if she can't take it?
We'd have a real funeral, then.
I'll take care of it.
-Hello. -Hello.
SANITARY STATION
Who did you snitch on this time, you rat?
I'm glad to see you too. You'll be able to sell your cheese again.
What's this?
Read it.
You must have good connections
to order an inspection at Halina's, then lift the ban with one word.
I sell the Chief Inspector herbs. I didn't make the complaint.
Sure.
-Hi, Oliwka. -Hi!
I'll drive this time.
Fine.
A liter of milk will yield about a quarter of cheese.
It's better when the milk is salted.
When the fire starts to bubble, grab the pot from the burner.
To make sure it's tasty, pour some lemon juice over it.
Just a little, no more.
And the most important part…
Give him this night Only one night
Excuse me?
It's an apology from Kuba.
He sent you here?
-It worked, didn't it? -Well…
Not really.
I had some trouble choosing the right song.
Not with your finger!
No salt?
Not salty at all.
Because you didn't add salt.
What do you want with Oliwka Madej?
She doesn't want to see me. You don't need to worry, Jan.
I can see that she's caught your eye.
I really screwed up. Big time.
Our Oliwcia has really made your heart flutter.
Because she's a great girl.
Really great.
You're a bonehead.
You had a chance to make things right.
I don't know if Ms. Halina would like that.
You know, she's the one who started this! She sued me. I wanted to settle.
That damn woman chased me away.
I will not have you disparage my little dove.
But she is a firecracker. That's true.
Maybe there's still hope
for something to happen between you and Oliwka, eh?
Two are needed to tango
Bodies in unison and eager heart
Two are needed to tango
That's how this world was designed
This cheese can't hold a candle to Halina's, eh?
And you're supposed to be this big-city cook.
Gentlemen,
goat's cheese is not my specialty.
-I'm still learning. -I know. Fine, whatever.
Take me It will be wonderful
I'll take you!
Shower me with gold
I'll take you.
As a substitute for Halina. To sing, during the festival.
I don't think so.
There's a prize.
How much?
Ten thousand Polish zlotys.
-To split. -Ah…
Five ways… Six.
Six ways…
Okay, then. That sounds much better to me.
Got it. Good!
Matylda.
What's up?
Do you know who sent the complaint to the health department?
Oliwka.
I'm working on it.
-Hi, Uncle. -Sweetie-pie!
How is the cheese?
Try it.
Not exactly mind-blowing.
My dad could season it with herbs.
Kuba's herbs are the best around here.
Yeah, the best.
The best.
I'm not asking your father for anything.
You don't have to.
You can buy all you need.
Ah! Words of wisdom from the little one.
I get why you're angry with Dad. I would be too.
He made a fool out of me.
He fell in love. And you know what serotonin can do to a person.
Your dad seems to fall in love a lot.
More often, girls fall for him.
No wonder. He's a cool guy.
Maybe you could take it easy on him? A favor from a feminine person to another.
I've been telling you we shouldn't do business in Podlasie.
Even GPS doesn't work out here.
Darek, I don't even know what we're doing here.
Nature hates me. You'll see. Something will swallow me up.
Last time, in the countryside, a mosquito bit me hard.
My face swelled up like a balloon. I almost died, man.
Look.
-A stork. -I can see.
Relax. There are no mosquitoes out here.
Hey. Look at those two.
If a mosquito bit them, it'd get totally hammered.
Gentlemen.
Hello.
We've got a question.
How do we get to the Herbal Hamlet?
The GPS
went haywire.
A bit further straight on, then left, take the dirt road all the way down.
That's the quickest route.
Thank you, gentlemen.
You're lifesavers.
Ask, and you shall receive.
The Varsovians will be here soon.
I'm gonna show them the herbs, then bring them here for dinner.
What's the new cook making?
Cook?
There's no cook.
-Grandpa's making potato pancakes. -Excuse me?
"Excuse me" what? Tola loves them. Don't you?
-That's true. -There.
Tolcia, do you know how to make potato pancakes?
I've got a huge favor to ask.
What exactly do you mean?
I need you.
For starters, we'll make tomato carpaccio.
Then, gazpacho. And for the grand finale, mushroom dumplings.
And for dessert?
For dessert…
-Cheese. -Cheese? For dessert?
-Smells fantastic. -Don't disturb me.
Where are those Varsovians?
Stop nibbling!
Yeah, Dad. Stop nibbling.
I don't know. They don't have reception.
I've done 3,248 steps.
-A six-month record. -To get to a barn.
-But it's nice, isn't it? -Yeah, it is.
Gentlemen, this isn't some local dive.
You should dress up for a nice restaurant.
There's nothing nice around here.
Hello!
-I see that you've had quite a journey. -Nah. What makes you say that?
Nothing but a nightmare. We will never set foot here again!
Have a seat, gentlemen. Relax.
How about you get us a tow truck? We can relax back in Warsaw.
And our business?
Look for some other suckers.
I am strongly against you and this whole "Spud-laces" region!
Why don't you have something to eat?
No way. I won't touch a thing. Marek.
Maybe a little nibble, so we don't go home on an empty stomach.
If I wasn't starving,
I'd have walked out of here a long time ago.
Trust me.
Well,
nice.
Thank you.
And this is the chef's specialty.
We could use it.
Send her our regards.
And give her a generous bonus,
because she's given us a better opinion of this whole region.
We even decided that we can have a look at your herbs.
If everything around here works,
like your kitchen…
-I think we can reconsider our plans. -Yes.
Mareczek.
-It's the taste of my childhood… -Exactly.
…in this incredible presentation.
Amazing!
-Have the Varsovians left? -I called them a taxi to the station.
-Their car will be towed back. -Are we in business?
Yeah! Couldn't have gone better.
You should thank someone. Properly!
Okay! Where's Oliwka?
She left a moment ago.
Run after her.
I wanted to say thanks.
Thank you.
It's so quiet here.
It's what I love about Podlasie.
Kuba!
Kuba, sorry!
I need you.
Give me a moment.
What's wrong?
Your Dad took a shortcut and got stuck in the forest.
I can't get him out without your car.
Wait.
Why are you dressing up, my angel?
The festival's today. I wanna support Oliwcia in her cheese debut.
I told you that she can manage on her own.
I want to see my plan come to fruition with my own eyes, eh?
Always gotta have your way!
Won't let things go to avoid losing your grip on the reins.
-No. -No way!
-There. -Hey!
Hey, I'll only say this once: move that ladder back, eh?
Hey, put that ladder back right now!
Well?
Well, maybe you're right.
Why don't we have a good time?
Together.
-Huh? -Halina!
Yeah?
Halina.
Halina, I've been waiting so long for this, my angel.
Halina!
Halina, my dearest!
Oh, you! No…
Come here.
Come on.
Halina?!
Halina!
There.
Halina!
Relax, Jan. I'll be back.
Halina!
Now, that's a firecracker. How could I not adore her?
You only live once.
Oh, hay and water
Where did they go?
Where did my looks go?
My looks are wandering the world
All the pretty boys
All the pretty boys get seduced by them
You made a lovely billboard. Thank you.
-Come on. Let's go to the archery range! -Okay!
What about me?
I've gotta go. I'm the master of ceremony today.
Good luck, my… celebrity.
Look.
-Hi. -No, the other one is better.
Can we talk?
We'd better go.
You don't need to explain yourself.
He does.
I'll watch over your stand.
Come on.
Girls.
This is my family.
Wow.
Congratulations.
You still don't understand.
This
is my mom.
And this
is her girlfriend.
Welcome to our patchwork family.
Ta-da!
Welcome, everyone, to the Taste of Bodźki Festival!
We've got incredible attractions for you this year,
from alpacas
to village housewives singing in choirs.
And now, the choir…
The choir.
Songbirds. You did great. Great.
Is that Halina?
And Jan's coming after her.
Oh, my word.
This won't end well.
You're fraternizing with my enemy now?
Kuba helped me with the cheese.
He'll trick you!
-Halina! -You snitch! You monopolist!
It was a lady from the next village. Matylda found out!
Why don't we bury the hatchet?
Ha! Hear that? He wants to bury a hatchet in my head!
-Let go! -Give me that!
Quiet!
I'm talking now.
Youngsters, over there. Calm down!
I'll talk to Halina myself.
You!
You knew?
I knew and rooted for them.
Try this.
The youngsters made it.
Well?
It's good.
Almost like mine.
Oh, you silly woman, Halina. And stubborn, like an old mule!
If they fall in love with each other,
Oliwka will stay in Bodźki for good.
We'd have grandchildren.
We? What "we"? Come on!
There was once a golden-feathered hen
The neighbor's rooster Wanted to pluck her feathers
She wouldn't let him
The doggone thing…
I'm sorry about Halina.
I'm used to her.
There once was a duck She was a weird one
Instead of a mallard She preferred a turkey
She wouldn't let him
The doggone thing wouldn't let him
I've had enough of squabbles.
The goat thinks, what did I do To be coupled with this old billy goat?
And I'll keep my eye on you.
I don't doubt that.
She wouldn't let him
I'll leave you alone.
The doggone thing wouldn't let him
She tells the billy goat "You wretched thing"
"Get lost You're causing the barn to stink"
She wouldn't let him
The doggone thing wouldn't let him
Will you make peace with Mom too?
The ram goes "My dear neighbor"
"I won't let a woman rule over the world"
Is the land more important to you than your daughter?
It's not just any land.
It's the land of our ancestors.
He never stops jabbering at his woman "Go to hell with that old fart"
I'll give her a call, when she's back from her meditating.
She wouldn't let him
The doggone thing wouldn't let him
I really…
I really missed you.
I love you too, Gran.
Why, you!
Godspeed, brother!
Well said.
POWER-IN-LAW
And now, the harpies are coming!
-What? -Well!
Well!
Well, well.
Will you let us try it?
-Well… -Let us try your concoction.
Good.
That's a pretty good moonshine you've got there.
-Yeah. -Let's have another one. For courage.
-For courage. -Before the show.
Liquid courage.
There.
Now, you're gonna "mi-mi" like never before.
And now, our Naughty Narew Girls!
Somewhere in the forest, on an oak Pigeons are cooing
I've never known delight Years are passing me by
I've never known delight
-Halina. -Yeah?
I've got info from a reliable source
that Maryla Juraś lodged that complaint with the health department.
-Maryla? -Juraś.
-That Juraś? -That's right.
Juraś!
You're the one who sicced the health department on me? You snitch!
She's a snitch!
That's right.
I wonder who you bribed to win all those prizes.
Oh, you nasty shrew!
-Stop it right now! -You witch!
-Come on!
A girl was sitting over by the river
Love looked deep into her dark eyes
He asked her if she's willing If she likes him
Not that he cares
But he probably wasn't the one
Momma warned you
You'll be alone Braiding wreaths
Halina!
When the moon looks over everything
You bastard!
Your lover will not come again
Momma warned you
You'll be alone Braiding your wreaths
Beauty is like water
It doesn't wait, it just flows away! Opa!
Oliwka, let's go.
Easy!
My father's planning a kitchen renovation, so you could be a world-class chef.
Kuba.
I'm not staying.
Why?
My life is in Wrocław.
I don't want to leave behind everything I've worked so hard for.
You can cook here too.
It would be like me trying to drag you away from your herbs.
Your dreams are here. Mine are there.
Sorry, I don't believe in long-distance relationships.
I thought I was important to you.
You are.
POWER-IN-LAW
Why don't you stop her?
That's not how it works.
She has to understand on her own.
Couldn't you have made her a love potion?
She's immune.
I'm gonna miss Bodźki. But, you know…
I have to go home. It's better this way.
You get it, right?
Maciek, watch the onions.
Thanks.
What's wrong?
Podlasie?
It's still on your mind, huh?
Okay, I'll give you a raise.
And two weekends free each month.
I don't think that'll help.
Maciek! And we'll go for a chat.
Just don't mess it up for her.
Cooking!
That's your entire life. You love it.
-I do. -See? And?
I fell in love.
Well,
that'll pass.
You know how many times I've been in love. Cooking, that's our love.
Don't you regret being alone?
Maybe.
-Sometimes. -I don't want any regrets.
All right, then.
Maybe you could take a break for dinner?
And that's how I found my place,
my people,
and a true taste for life.
Subtitle translation by: Filip Karbowiak