[theme music playing]
[woman] The big question is, how aggressive do you want to be?
[Leigh] Very aggressive. We don't want to lose any more time.
You've been trying for... two years?
And four months.
Uh, I have the app monitoring ovulation,
taking temperature and mucus levels,
we've been, uh, planning and pacing intercourse.
It's been very romantic.
So we're looking at IUI or IVF.
IUI is the least invasive. And outpatient.
IUI...?
Didn't you read the thing? I told you to.
[doctor] Intrauterine insemination.
The sperm are injected into the uterus.
-And yes, it's outpatient -Let's start there.
-[doctor] You're 39, Steven? -Mm-hmm.
Okay, we'll test your sperm for count and motility percentage.
And how far away are we from your period, Leigh?
It's unpredictable. A week, maybe ten days.
[doctor] Your cycle's unpredictable?
Is that a problem?
[doctor] Possibly, possibly not.
That and your age are all factors.
Over 35, the situation becomes more difficult.
But very often, it's manageable.
But it might be likely that, based on your test results,
we go straight to in vitro.
-[Leigh] Will Insurance help with that? -[doctor] Most companies won't cover IVF,
but very often, the genetic testing for the man will be covered.
-Oh, that sounds fair. -[doctor and Leigh chuckle]
[doctor] All right, so, Steven, when can we schedule your tests?
Which tests?
A blood panel for chromosomal diagnosis,
a sample of your semen.
When did you last ejaculate?
A week.
Maybe less.
No, it's two weeks.
When--
Ah.
[doctor] We'll need to reschedule it.
We need within three to five days after.
Homework, honey. [chuckles]
[sighs]
We gotta talk.
About what?
Steve?
Steve!
Steve.
Steve!
Oh. I'm sorry.
-I'll just put it there. -I can fix this.
[Shirley] No, I don't want to cancel it, I just wanted a usage alert.
So you'll text me next time it's used?
Okay. Thanks.
He hasn't used the credit card yet.
They're going to send me an alert when he does.
We can get a location from that.
God, I hope he...
just tries an ATM and doesn't trade the card for dope.
Does he have your PIN?
Are you kidding?
Why would he try an ATM?
I'm sorry, Steve. Do you have a better suggestion?
He took the card to use the card,
and now we'll know if he does.
He didn't have to break the house.
[Hugh] No, I don't think he did.
Me neither.
Someone ask you what you think, Theodora?
Sorry.
-[Shirley] If it wasn't Luke, who was it? -[Steve] Maybe one of your kids.
[Shirley] Yeah, that makes sense. It was probably my kids.
Or maybe it was the guy who just stole a car
to put a needle in his arm.
I'm worried about a lot more than that.
What do you mean?
I mean, that suicides can cluster in families,
especially twins.
If they lose a twin,
the odds go up.
He may not be planning to come home.
-Where-- Where would he go? -[Shirley] He could be anywhere.
He was picked up off Mass Ave a few times when he was living here.
Methadone Mile.
-What's that? -Mass Ave, south of downtown.
It's basically an open-air drug market.
I remember it.
-I'll go look for him. -[Shirley] It's a waste of gas.
-He could be anywhere. -Yeah, I'll-- I'll go with you.
-I got this. -[Shirley] Just wait a bit.
-We'll see if he's using the card. -[Steve] Call me if he does.
[Shirley] Are you gonna drive in circles?
-Hope he's standing on some corner? -[Steve] Maybe, I don't know.
We're really not gonna tell them what we saw?
[scoffs]
Damn it, Luke.
[sighs angrily]
We going or what?
I just want to help.
[young Steve] I just want to help.
Look, bud, I know you do,
but I'm gonna start using some really strong chemicals down here,
and it just isn't safe.
I can help with something else, then.
Look, pal,
I've already hired all the help I can afford
just to get everything else finished by the end of summer.
I could use your help with something, though.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
See, your mom's gonna go to your Aunt Janet's in a few days...
and stay a bit.
Maybe a week.
How come?
Well, you know, she's been cooped up in this house all summer, and...
Anyway, I know it's not the most exciting thing,
but I could really use your help
watching your brother and your sisters while she's away.
Yeah.
Yeah, I got you.
Okay.
[indistinct chatter]
[hammering]
[gentle tapping]
Mom?
[Olivia] What do you mean, sweetheart?
Of course you're safe with me.
-Mom. -[gasps]
Are you okay?
Where...
Where are the twins?
Downstairs.
[sighs]
Of course.
-Are you sure--? -I'm fine, sweetie. I'm fine.
[zapping]
[beeping]
[upbeat melody playing]
Okay, thanks.
Well, he's-- he's not at Holy Family.
Well, he's probably not gonna instantly OD.
You're gonna call every hospital in Boston? That the plan?
What, you're gonna just drive around, hope we spot him in a city of 700,000?
I'm not looking for him. I'm looking for a beat-up green Jeep
with not one, but two, Ani DiFranco bumper stickers,
and I'm looking for it where I know he used to score.
Gotta do something.
Yeah, we do.
-So, um... -[Steve sighs]
What's going on?
-Hmm? -What's going on with you and Leigh?
What do you mean?
Well, I mean...
-how's your marriage? -[chuckling] You're kidding, right?
You're not living at home,
and I couldn't help but notice at the funeral--
-You aren't seriously doing this. -Well, yeah, I am. I--
Jesus Christ, Dad, you're out of line.
We might be in the car for a while, and so I thought to myself,
"I'm going to ask my son about his life." What's wrong with that?
Doesn't work that way, Dad.
Your mom and I were married 15 years.
Together five before that.
She used to say she was the kite and I was the line.
She was a... creature of the clouds
and... and I was a creature of the earth.
And she'd say that, without me, she'd become untethered
and she would float away up into the...
And then, without her, I would just, you know,
crash, just drop right down to the ground,
and, you know.
But... together... [chuckles]
...we...
You know, we separated.
You... You didn't know that, probably.
Briefly, we separated. You were one year old.
Stupidest thing I ever did.
You know, I made some stupid proclamation, and that was it.
Two weeks.
Two weeks. I don't even know how we got there. I just know we fought.
I don't know what we fought about, but I finally came to my senses, and...
[sighs] I thought, "What the hell, you stupid asshole. What are you, insane?"
So, you know, I came back and knocked on the door,
she answered it, she put her arms around me,
she kissed me, she forgave me with her eyes, and...
She handed you to me.
I had you in one arm and her in the other, and that was it.
[chuckles softly]
We were back at it.
And Shirley came along, and...
from that moment on, we were on the same team.
You know, we still fought sometimes,
but it was...
it was different. We fought with love. She taught me that.
You fight with love.
Yeah, when you're...
You're on the same team even when you're in the middle of a fight.
During the fight,
you're... you're forgiven.
There's no fear. There's no danger. You're safe.
I hope, really, you get to experience that sometime.
It's a...
It's a beautiful way to be.
You know, look, we weren't perfect...
but we were always kind.
And we loved each other hard.
And I love her today just as much as I did in the beginning.
The kite and the line.
So whatever you need to fix between you and Leigh...
I really-- I really hope you do.
And, uh...
That's all I... That's all I really wanted to say.
[Allie] Candy, candy, candy, candy!
Sure you won't come with us?
You guys have fun.
Come on, Mom, candy!
We'll bring her back some. Mom's had a very hard day.
Would you stop that?
I'm still disappointed you're not going as Captain Lame.
[sighs] I swear to God, Dad.
[Allie] Candy, candy, candy!
Hey.
Can we talk when I get back?
How? You'll be back at the hotel.
Okay.
Okay, Shirl.
Stop.
-Let's go. -[Shirley] Turn off the porch light.
I can't handle trick-or-treaters tonight.
I love you.
You guys have fun.
-[pieces clattering] -[sighs]
What the hell?
[doorbell rings]
Sorry, no candy here.
[doorbell rings]
Goddamn light's off.
[insects chirping]
[Hugh] I'm gonna call the hospitals again.
-Maybe he just forgot his ID. -[Steve] And ask them what?
If they've seen a junkie in a funeral suit?
He's 90 days clean and he's your brother.
He's a good man, Steve.
They're not mutually exclusive. He's my brother, but he's a junkie.
We're not gonna find him like this.
-You didn't have to come. -Yeah, I did.
-No, you really didn't. -Yeah, I did, Steve.
He's my son. You know? My...
I don't know what I'd do if I lost him, any of you.
[scoffs]
Yeah, I had to come.
I can't... I can't lose...
I can't lose anyone else. [sighs]
One day, when you have children, you'll understand.
[scoffs] I'm never having children.
Well, that's... that's a shame.
'Cause you kids are the best thing in my life.
You mean Aunt Janet's life?
She's the one who raised your kids, didn't she?
-You don't know what it was like. -You never told me.
Everything I did, I did to protect you.
To protect us, I know, yeah.
Just like you protected Mom.
Here we go.
I saw the police reports.
-Her skull cracked like a melon-- -All right, Steve, why don't you just--?
There was blood all over the library carpet.
There were bruises on her upper arms
because someone grabbed her pretty hard.
Okay, Steve--
And a contusion on the back of her head from being shoved into a wall?
Her ankle was twisted, so she was limping,
she was bruised to hell, depressed out of her mind,
unmedicated, untreated, and abandoned.
It wasn't like that.
I did my best. You have no idea--
You threw us in a car, you left her there alone,
and she threw herself off the goddamn staircase,
and that was your best?
All right, well, she should not have been left alone in the house--
Fuck the house. It wasn't the house. She was sick.
She was sick in her mind, and the one person,
the one person that was supposed to take care of her
didn't do a goddamn thing to get her help.
[sighs]
I miss her.
I miss my mom.
I miss her too.
It's certainly beautiful. Where did you find it?
The game room.
-The what room? -Upstairs.
You know, I think a little paint, maybe fix those doors,
-and she might really love it. -I'm sure she will.
So do you know where the paint and stuff is?
-Why don't you ask your father? -I did. He's busy.
He said if it wasn't tagged for sale, I could do whatever I wanted.
And it's not tagged for sale.
Well, I do know where some paint is.
[sighs] I thought so.
This must have been Poppy's.
Poppy?
Poppy Hill.
She was William's wife.
She was insane.
Yeah, she looks kind of wild.
No, I mean clinically.
So was he.
William's parents sent him to an institution when he was a kid.
They called it private school, but it wasn't a school, though.
It was just a place where rich parents hid their embarrassments.
They met in the mental institution.
They fell in love in an asylum.
She was insane.
Did you know her?
Oh, yes.
She was just as crazy, just older. [scoffs]
She was a beautiful young woman in her time, though.
No doubt about that.
If you really want this to be a surprise for your mom,
I'd suggest you don't work on it in your room.
[video game zapping and beeping]
[doorbell rings]
[breathing deeply]
[doorbell rings]
Just take the fucking candy and go.
[knocking at door]
[inhales sharply]
[door closes]
You're very clever.
How about you try another house?
I'm not in the fucking mood!
[sighs]
[gasps]
[knocking at door]
[urgent knocking]
[sighs]
What the fuck do you want?
Um... Oh.
I was just coming to apologize.
Who are you yelling at?
Some fucking kids are...
Just forget it.
-Wait. -Not now.
-I can explain. -I doubt that.
-Shouldn't you be packing? -I know what it looked like last night.
-You were making out with my husband. -No. No, there was no actual...
Okay, so from what I can remember, which isn't a lot actually,
he pushed me away.
-Is that supposed to make this better? -It wasn't even him.
It wasn't... I didn't see him. It wasn't about him.
It's about you getting out of my guest house
and off my fucking property.
-If you would just let me talk. -I don't care what you have to say.
Don't you understand? Get out!
You are impossible. Do you know that?
I'm sorry, have I offended you?
You are always throwing it in my face that I live in your guest house.
Won't happen again.
I choose to live there, Shirley.
-With you, for you. -Oh, I can't thank you enough.
You ice people out.
You always have.
I ice people out?
Have you met yourself?
And so I chose to live there to help try and keep you warm.
You fucking suck at apologies.
I don't have to live in your guest house. I'm not some bohemian weirdo.
I'm an adult.
I am a fucking doctor.
You're a fucking slut.
I just need you to know
that it wasn't Kevin's fault and he didn't do anything--
Don't you fucking dare defend my husband.
All of us, all of us are just always helping you
keep up this idea in your head that you're perfect Shirley,
and we're just a bunch of fuck-ups fucking up.
-Perfect Shirley's perfect fucking life-- -Out!
No!
You do not just get to shut me out of your--
[gasps]
Did you just punch me in the boob?
Yeah.
Yeah!
If you kiss my husband, that's what you get.
You get punched in the fucking boob.
And you get evicted
-from my fucking house. -[knocking on door]
[pounding on door]
[pounding at door]
[gasps]
[knocking at window]
[banging on window]
[rhythmic banging on window]
[loud banging on door and windows]
[crashing at door]
[banging stops]
[cell phone ringing]
[car horn blaring]
[cell phone ringing]
Shirl?
What's up?
[Shirley] They...
Sorry, they...
They got a hit.
He used the card at a gas station.
202, just east of Amherst.
Amherst?
Um...
Can you text me the address?
-Shirl? -Yeah.
I'm here. Sorry. Uh...
Yeah, I'll... I'll text you the address.
-Amherst is on the way-- -[Hugh] Yeah, I know where it is.
You guys are gonna stay there. We're gonna go to Amherst.
I'm saying, if he's stopping in Amherst, he's heading--
Shirley, listen to me, you're gonna stay put.
-You hear me? -Tell them what happened.
Tell them what just happened.
I'll text you.
Some fucking kids playing a prank is what happened.
You know it wasn't.
You know that.
That's not the only thing like that that's happened here tonight.
I think Luke is going to the house.
[Steve] Of course he is. [sighs]
The goddamn house.
It was a good enough spot for Nell, it's a good enough spot for Luke.
He always wanted to do what she did his whole life.
-You think you know. -Uh-huh.
And you just don't, you don't understand.
Last time I saw Mom,
the look in her eye,
I've seen that look.
In Nell over the years, and Luke, from the start,
from when he'd sit there drawing crazy ghouls in his tree house.
And, hell, I've seen that look in the mirror.
Our family has a disease that's never been treated,
because it was easier to listen to your crazy stories
about an evil house.
You think you saw it in the mirror?
That's why you think you'll never have kids?
Oh, I know I'm never having children.
Because you think that they'll just have the same imaginary sickness?
They would. We all do.
Nell was delusional, depressed.
Luke's an addict, Shirley is a control freak,
and Theo's basically a clenched fist with hair.
The whole fucking family is on the brink of a breakdown
and seeing things that aren't there, hearing things that aren't there,
and that shit happened after the house.
It's not the house.
There's something wrong with our goddamn brains.
So yeah, I'm never having children.
I made sure.
A vasectomy.
Right out of college.
And it was the right call, believe me, because if I ever doubted it,
some of the bullshit I've been hallucinating this week...
You really did?
Yeah.
Before you met Leigh?
[sighs deeply]
Boy.
You didn't tell her?
You didn't tell her.
No.
She wanted kids, I knew that.
And I kept thinking, "I'll tell her later, now's not the time."
[sighs] But then we were engaged, and then we were married,
and then we were trying, and she was upset it wasn't working.
I couldn't say,
"I can't. My genes...
My genes are rotten, Leigh."
[stammers] So I... I...
I didn't tell her.
And I thought I was being kind, I really thought that.
[sighs] See, we're all fucking crazy.
The crazy Crains.
This sickness already killed two of us, might kill a third tonight.
That's...
almost half.
It'd be almost half of us.
[sighs]
So, you want to tell me more about the kite and the line?
Or just...
Just tell me what a shitty husband I was.
Go ahead.
I'm so sorry.
I'm just...
I'm just so sorry, son.
[Olivia] You did this?
I mean, this is beautiful. You did this by yourself?
Thought it might cheer you up.
Dad said you've been...
What? What did he say?
I'm... I just...
I know you're taking a little vacation.
I wanted to cheer you up.
Oh, sweetie.
How long are you gonna be gone?
Oh, not long.
Not long, honey.
I just need a little time away. It's nothing more than that, okay?
Okay.
This is perfect.
[chuckling] Thank you. Thank you! I love it.
[panting]
Mom?
[grunts]
Oh, baby.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
This is an older picture. He would have been wearing a suit.
-About an hour ago. Did he come in? -Yeah, I think so.
Yeah?
Did he say anything weird or do anything... ?
He filled up his Jeep.
-Green Jeep? -That's right.
And then he filled up some cans, like, five cans.
Five cans, you say?
-[Steve] Was it him? -Yeah.
[Steve] What are you doing?
-I'm driving. -[Steve] No, no, no, this...
This is my rental.
[engine revs]
[Steve] Jesus, Dad, slow down.
He bought five cans of gasoline. He's not going to kill himself,
-he's going to burn the house down. -That's a relief.
He's in more danger now than he's ever been,
and if he tries to burn it, it will defend itself.
-You really didn't hear a word I said. -I did. Now you're gonna listen to me.
There's a lot you don't know.
I thought I could keep you kids safe if you didn't know, but for 20 years
I've been holding the door closed, 'cause I knew there were monsters
on the other side, do you understand me?
Not even a little.
Our family is like an unfinished meal to that house,
and your brother is walking right back into...
That house is the most dangerous place in the world for all of us,
but especially for you.
-For me? -Yeah, you.
What? Why?
Because I read your book,
and you are the last person that should ever step foot in that house
because of what you wrote and how you wrote it.
You think you know what you saw?
-You think you know what you wrote? -What?
I know you saw a ghost.
-[scoffs] -Yeah, chapter 19.
Yeah.
That little story about the vanity you painted for your mother.
That's a story about a schizophrenic woman
having a manic episode in front of a mirror.
You don't understand what you wrote--
No, I saw Mom smash that glass
-for no reason. -Before that.
Go to the beginning, that little bit, about the vanity and why you did it.
-You found the vanity in the game room. -Mm-hmm.
And you walked by the man repairing the clock,
and then you saw your mother looking into the twins' room,
staring at their empty beds.
Textbook dissociative episode. She was not well.
No, no, not her.
The man repairing the clock.
What about him?
Do you know what witness marks are?
They're scars.
Little marks inside the clock,
scrapes, lines, divots,
from tools, gears,
pieces removed from the clock.
They're basically evidence of repairs that have been done to the clock
and what the clock was.
And with antique clocks, you almost never have a repair record,
so you have to learn how to read the witness marks,
so you can understand what was done to the machine
-and how it is meant to function. -[scoffs]
Witness marks tell the story of the piece,
if you know how to read them.
What are you trying to say?
I had that clock evaluated by a professional
before we even moved into the house.
I just wanted to know its history, know its value.
That clock hadn't been touched since the '60s.
You hired a slew of workers toward the end...
Not for that clock, I didn't. Uh-uh.
No, and if I had, it would have taken a specialist.
There's only a handful in the world who know how to do it right,
and they take it off-site.
No. No one touched that clock. There was no man there,
and certainly not one in old overalls with a handlebar mustache.
That man wasn't there.
You probably just forgot.
You know, you think you're writing about your crazy mom,
your crazy brother making scary faces in the tree house.
You see the marks, but you don't know how to read them.
I never built you kids a tree house.
What? Luke was in there all the time.
-I used to go fetch him for dinner-- -We were there flipping a house.
We were gonna be there maybe eight weeks.
How would I even have the time to build you kids a goddamn tree house?
-Maybe it was already there. -There was no tree house.
Now, when we get there, you can have a look,
but I have to tell you something: your mother, she was not sick.
She wasn't crazy, and neither was your sister,
neither is your brother, neither are you.
Whatever you saw this week,
and I'm very sorry you have to be taking all this in right now,
but you have to.
Do you understand me? You have to,
because your brother's life depends on it.
That house is the most dangerous place in the world for all of us,
and that's why I told your sisters to stay put.
You really think they will?
Do you think he's...?
You know...
going there like Nell went there?
Like going to kill himself?
I don't know.
No.
I guess I don't.
I'm not perfect, you know.
I know.
I'm really not.
So go ahead, tell me.
Try again.
Dad and I were in your office,
and the forever house was on the floor,
and we heard a noise under the desk--
Not that. You already told me that.
I was really drunk.
-I swear to God, Theo-- -And the lights went out
while we were down there, and I...
couldn't see. I was in the dark.
I mean, like I was in the dark
that whole night, and I just needed...
I-- I needed... I...
I couldn't see
him,
if that makes any sense.
You know what? Never mind.
-I'm trying to tell you-- -Forget I asked.
You just don't know what I'm dealing with.
We've all been dealing,
and we somehow managed not to try to fuck each other's spouses--
Hey, that's not what this was about. It just isn't.
So, you were drunk,
-and that's supposed to be okay? -I'm telling you.
I don't even know why I let you come with me.
I touched Nell's body the night before.
The fuck is wrong with you?
Why don't you listen?
-I don't-- No, no-- -I'm telling you.
-I'm trying to tell you. -I don't need to hear your excuses...
-I'm not making excuses. -...or your bullshit.
I saw--
[screaming]
[gasping]
[seat belt clicks]
[Theo wailing]
-[Shirley] Are you okay? -[Theo] That was her!
That was her! That was her!
Did you see that, Shirley?
Do you fucking believe that?
You ought to know why I did it.
I touched Nell because I had to know.
You know what I'm talking about.
Don't pretend that you don't.
You know what happens when I touch people.
A part of you knows, it always has.
I had to know, and I...
I touched her.
And I felt...
nothing.
Just nothing.
And it spread, it spread everywhere in me,
this nothing, until I couldn't feel anything anymore.
I was just this dark,
empty black hole.
And I tried to fill it up, I tried to fill me back up.
I called Trish, and she came right away, and I felt nothing.
And then I tried to mourn at the wake and I felt nothing.
And so I drank and I drank, and nothing worked.
I couldn't feel anything, Shirley.
After I touched her skin, I couldn't feel...
anything.
And then we're in the basement, and the lights go out.
And I can't see.
And I can't feel.
And I'm just... I'm just floating in this ocean of nothing,
and I wonder if this is it, if this is what death is,
just out there in the darkness, just darkness and numbness and alone,
and I wondered if that's what she felt and that's what Mom feels,
and it's just numb and nothing and alone.
What if that's what it is for all of us
when the time comes?
And then... And then the lights came on, and there he was, and I...
I didn't see him. I didn't see him.
He was a light in the darkness.
He was a life preserver in the ocean.
I just... I reached for him because I had to feel something.
I had to feel anything.
[panting] And I didn't see him.
I didn't... I didn't see him. I didn't see him.
I didn't see him!
And he stopped me. He stopped me.
He took my hands, and he said no,
and then I saw him, and then you walked in.
God, I'm so glad I did it, though.
Because it worked.
Oh, God, it worked.
I started feeling things again,
and I felt... I felt shame, and I felt grief,
and I felt... scared.
I felt so fucking scared
that I was gonna lose the only sister that I had left.
And I...
Honestly, I had to do it, because it felt better than nothing.
That thorough fucking shame
was so much better than that horrible, empty nothing.
I can't... Shirley, please.
I am... I am so...
I am so, so, so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Please, just please.
[Theo sniffles]
[insects chirping]
[liquid trickling]
[Luke] One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven.
[breathing hard]
One,
two, three,
four, five,
six...
[breathing hard]
[gasps]
Mom.