-Mr. Mishra. -Yes?
Mr. Mishra, you seem very quiet today.
Wasn't your problem solved? What is it then?
I refused to sign Ansal's file. I said I won't do it.
So, what's the plan now?
Let's see.
-Ms. Lalita. -Yes.
What are the needs of a man?
The basics, food, clothing and shelter.
Dig a little deeper.
Someone who gets us. Someone we understand.
A connection of mind and body.
That's all a man needs.
And a woman too, right?
Yes, of course. Is this some research?
Something like that.
Forget all that, let's go for lunch now.
No, I have a lot of work. You go ahead.
Give me those mashed aubergines.
You sniffed it.
-Come soon. -Right behind you.
LET'S MEET TOMORROW…CA TOPPER?
Noida, Noida, Noida, Noida Spiral, Spiral, Spiral, Spiral Wheel
A gentleman sitting atop The yellow wheel of time cycle
This is his destiny Meet the common man
He was looking for sweets But all he got was a bitter pill
This is his destiny Meet the common man
In the exam called life He gets 0 out of 10
This is his destiny Meet the common man
Noida, Noida, Noida, Noida Spiral, Spiral, Spiral, Spiral Wheel
Where are you going all dressed?
Same place where I go everyday.
Well, it's a Saturday. Office is closed.
Yes…
Actually, I was going to get the fan fixed.
All decked up?
-No. -You want to marry the electrician?
The ceiling fan still works. Enjoy it.
These ceiling fans can't match the beauty of a table fan. I mean…
Isn't this amazing?
It's 800 for an hour, 1200 for two. You want for one or two?
-You came too soon last time. -I've had dates for stamina this time.
If you don't limp out of here tomorrow, I'll change my name.
We'll see.
Don't be shy. Many couples visit here. We fully cooperate.
Enjoy, and exit.
Why are you winking at me? I'm here for some office work.
There's no electricity at home.
So you brought a fan? What about the TV and refrigerator?
They also work on electricity.
No, I need to get this repaired. My fan is not working…
Book me for an hour.
Motherfucker.
-Is this a joke, asshole? -No.
You made a fake female profile to call me here?
-No. -You think I'm a fool?
Want my services?
-I can serve you right here. -No, no, no.
Please don't be upset, Mr. Wild Stallion.
I'm very new to this. I wanted to talk to someone experienced.
Have I opened a sex education school to give you lessons, asshole?
My profile clearly states, "women only."
If word got out that I was with a man, my reputation will be tarnished.
Getting clients is not so easy in this business.
Mr. Wild Stallion, that's what I want to know, how do you make clients,
and build a reputation?
Why should I tell you? You could be my potential competitor.
Be my teacher. Make me your disciple.
I'm a good man. I swear.
I swear on my mother and father.
Mr. Wild Stallion, hear me out… Okay.
I tried and I failed. What can I say?
Dammit! It must be my unlucky day. I'll charge for this.
I'll charge for this hour. Tuition fees.
Surely.
Point number one.
This is a serious business. Be punctual, be respectful.
-Professional. -Okay.
Point number two.
Offer something extra to the client,
something that is better in you than others.
Okay.
Women appreciate honesty. Always be honest.
Note the next one in all-caps.
"Customer is king."
Never say no. That's how you get repeat sales.
This is the only business with zero discrimination.
Caste, religion, race, age, weight.
All customers…
-Are equal. -Good.
Just follow this and the rest will follow automatically.
Because women talk to each other, right?
You're smarter than you look.
That's good.
Be my teacher forever.
It'll be great.
Eight hundred for an hour, 1200 for two.
Got your fan repaired, brother?
Is it well-oiled now? Nuts and bolts fine?
Your fan will work freely now. You won't feel the heat.
Do visit again. Many customers come here to repair their fans.
And listen, get a new sim. It's safer for business.
Sure.
-Great ride. -800 CC.
Motherfucker! Why did you hit the brakes so hard?
It's a car, not a horse. The brake plate will get fucked.
Why don't you drive with your broken leg?
Are you taunting me, asshole?
Bastard, this car's been under me. I handle all repairs and maintenance.
I love it more than my girlfriend. Ask Ehsaan Bhai.
Ehsaan Bhai?
You don't have a girlfriend to compare with. Do you?
Nadeem, you only have one feminine gender in your life, and it is this car.
I won't spare Raja Bhai's men.
Fuckers broke my leg. Just let this plaster come off,
I won't let you near my car Asthana.
What is it?
Insurance Fucker.
Insure all their limbs, Mr. Shambhu.
Insure the full body, Ehsaan Bhai. They could get hurt anywhere.
Do it. I shouldn't pay a penny at the hospital.
Men keep getting injured in our line of work.
Probably die too.
There must be casualties if you use this.
You should get their life insurance, Ehsaan Bhai.
You'll save pennies when they get hurt, small benefit.
You'll make a fortune when they die, big benefit.
You can be their beneficiary, Ehsaan Bhai.
But what do I know, I'm only a woman. You men should take the call.
Do it. Draw life insurance policies for each of my men, Mr. Shambhu.
What about you?
You should get one too. Think about your family's future.
A bullet has no friends. It could kill anyone.
Do it.
SUSHILA69 TOMORROW? 11 A.M.
CA… CA Topper.
Actually, I'm…
I'm married.
Me too.
How can I take if I didn't give anything?
MR. ANSAL HOW ARE YOU, MR. MISHRA?
JUST A CASUAL HELLO.
NO PRESSURE.
It's common for newbies.
Nervousness.
One feels shy.
It's different for different people.
Some think from their heart and mind. Like you.
And others think from there.
So?
Do you want to continue?
Yes.
-You're a CA, right? -Yes.
-You understand balance sheets? -Yes.
Debit. Credit.
The client gives you money, and you give her joy.
That's all there is. Debit-credit.
You can do it if you treat it this way. That's how I did it.
And I'm famous now.
-Thank you, Mr. Wild Stallion. -Vineet. Vineet Kumar.
I'm Wild Stallion only for the ladies.
You're helping me so selflessly.
It's not selfless. I'm charging a fee.
You start working, I'll take my cut.
I'll definitely pay.
You have to start first.
-Got a new number? -Yes.
-I'll message it to you. -Sure.
One last thing.
Always carry protection.
I always do.
That's an obvious thing. But this too.
You never know who the client is.
What if she's a maniac? A criminal? She could be dangerous.
I carry this for every client meet.
-Safety. -So…
Did you have it when you came to meet me?
Of course. I would've used it if I sensed anything fishy.
But you seemed like a simple man.
Why are you doing this, for money, or for fun?
Only for money.
I figured.
You seem like a man who…
desperately needs this.
That's why I'm helping you. Get it? CA Topper.
Don't worry. You can do it.
-Yes, Mr. Ansal. -Mr. Mishra.
First installment is due this week. Hope you remember.
And you should reply to my messages. Stay in touch.
How is the family? All good?
-You understand me, right? -Yes.
Was that okay?
Yes. Continue.
Just wait till your father gets home. I'll speak with him.
What happened?
There's a knife missing from the kitchen.
It must be one of them. Who else will take it?
They keep losing stuff at school, and now at home too.
I'll check.
Who pays for it?
No cake in your tiffin from tomorrow.
-No, Mom. -What? No, Mom.
-No, that's important. -What?
-Otherwise… -Stop arguing.
-No cake for you. -What?
Why are you blaming them? I found it.
You'll get cake. Don't worry.
-Where was it? -Hidden under the other utensils.
I'm very hungry.
-Me too. -Right?
Burgers?
-Yes! -Hey.
Hey, it's okay. Didn't I tell you about those freelance CA services?
-Yes. -They are going well.
And you see, I'll have many clients soon.
Keep the money.
I'll pay off our loans very soon.
Didn't I tell you, I've found a solution to our problem?
Why are you still sitting?
-Let's go, guys! -Come on!
-Let's go! -Burger time!
Peeing on the streets!
Should I cut your dick? Peeing on the streets, idiot!
-Come. -Hey, catch him. He's littering.
Everyone who litters, spits, or pees in public,
-we'll fine them all. Come on. -Sir!
-What? -I've got no money.
Littering fine, 5000 rupees.
For spitting it's 7500, 8250 for peeing. Pay up!
-Sir! -5000 rupees for you.
-Hey… -Pay up!
You're littering all over the government's work.
Pay up or prepare for a beating.
Sir, I don't have 5000.
-How much do you have? Give 70. -70 rupees.
-Everyone who litters will be fined. -Hey, fucker!
Catch him! Asshole!
Hey, dickhead, come here!
Cleanness Task Force. Government volunteers. Pay your fine.
-Spitting on the street? -Sorry, sir.
Spit in your mouth!
What good will your sorry do? Pay!
-What? -I can't pay.
Let's call your parents.
Earth is my mother, you'll spit on my mom?
Give more.
Fucker, you're out romancing with 500 bucks?
Get lost!
More. Yeah? Pay more.
Listen, don't fuck with us.
This side of the Noida line will be ours. And the other side will be yours.
Ehsaan Bhai and Raja Bhai have already agreed.
And what about the road on the line?
We don't know, asshole!
The people here will pay us. This is our area, asshole!
It's the government's area, fucker! We are just fooling everyone.
The people will pay us, get it?
But where are the people?
Everyone ran away while you stood staring at the map.
And what were you doing?
You are absolutely useless. Listen up! This is our street.
Over our dead body.
Olees! Run! Olees! Run!
What's up with this fucker?
He is saying the cops are here.
Run, motherfuckers! Run!
How did the fucking cops know?
-Motherfucker! -Fuck your mom!
Never call me useless again.
Run, motherfuckers!
Where are they, sir?
You go here, I'll go this way.
Okay, sir.
-Move! -Hey, Nagori, move!
Hey!
Move aside, fucker!
-Where did they go? -This way.
I'll fuck them today.
Where's my second crutch?
You, mother…
Hey!
-Run, fucker! -Faster, Pinky!
Run, asshole!
I am running.
Run.
Yes.
Mother, save me today. Just save me today. Come outside, my child.
Move, move!
Dammit!
The bloody slipper came off!
Motherfucker!
Watch the cartons, dumbfuck. Move, asshole!
Move, motherfucker.
Hey, move aside, idiot!
They just vanished, sir.
Take it easy, Mr. Haider. Your lungs are in overdrive.
The fuckers just vanished.
Whenever there's a fuckup in our area,
yeah, no matter whom we're chasing, we always end up here, Mr. Jain.
And there will come a day when we will nab you here.
Keep that in mind.
You're doubting me for no reason, Mr. Haider.
I'm a simple confectioner.
Then call for some snacks.
What will you have, Mathew?
I'll have some jalebi. You know I have a sweet tooth.
Dhaincha?
Man, it's so yummy!
Hey, it's Raja Bhai's shop.
Bring it.
How I wish these tasty treats would not make me gain weight.
This bloody 50-gram samosa will make me gain half a kilo.
You're friends with Mr. Gaur, right?
He's missing since a few days.
Raja Bhai, the cops visited me in the office.
They interrogated me for hours.
I'm very scared.
Listen.
Mr. Gaur, I got a rating from you after completing your work.
Five stars. You signed this, didn't you?
So why are you coming to me now?
You were also involved. Where else should I go?
Raja Bhai, please find a solution. I'm shit scared!
Has the sun set, Dhaincha?
No, Raja Bhai.
You shouldn't have repeatedly said that you're scared.
In our line of work, a scared client is a ticket to hell.
No, what friendship?
Mr. Gaur…
visited the shop occasionally to buy snacks.
That's all.
Who told you that we're friends?
We have our informers.
Don't you watch Crime Patrol, Mr. Jain?
And has Crime Patrol ever shown a criminal confectioner?
Stop joking, sir.
How was the jalebi?
It's great.
Sir.
I won't take money from you, sir.
I wasn't even offering. Just fetching my hanky, Mr. Jain.
It was too spicy today. Be careful with the spices next time.
We'll let you know if we hear from Mr. Gaur.
He might not be your friend, but he's still a loyal customer.
Right?
And jalebis could be crispier next time.
Hey, you! Get out now!
Come on, get out. Out.
We're leaving, asshole.
Dhaincha!
Yes, Raja Bhai.
Go get another plate from the storage. The fucker took the steel plate with him.
Dhaincha, what's fresh today?
Ma'am, gourd dessert.
Pack half a kilo.
New movie in the theatres, Bindi. How come you didn't insist on going?
Will you come? Evening show, just the two of us.
No. I was just testing your childishness.
Look. Didn't I tell you guys?
This is all she cares about.
I've got work here, my business.
Should I handle this or follow you around?
You handle this. No problem.
I won't stop you.
CA Topper.
My Lover is illegal, lover is illegal
He is digital, becomes physical
Lover is illegal
CA Topper.
Lover is illegal
CA Topper.
My lover is like jasmine
He is old school
Holds on like a safety pin He is money's worth
He is like an expensive perfume, It's a full experiment
Is that okay?
Continue.
He is hotter than a hot pan
He is salty tequila shot
In summer he is ice
In winter he is like blanket
My Lover is illegal
Lover is illegal
My Lover is illegal
Lover is illegal
He is digital, Becomes physical
My lover is illegal
Shall we?
Lover is illegal
Tip.
Hello, Mr. Ansal.
Your first installment, with interest.
And you'll get the rest also on-time.
Okay? See you.
My lover is like silver door
He keeps spreading love
Every moment is festive Big hearted my lover is
Keeps spreading lots of happiness He means the world to me
He is pure gold He is not a fake
My lover is simple My lover is simple
Lover
My God! So many options?
Look at this! Ovens can do so much now.
You can handle all the buttons?
-Yes. Yes. -Yes? Look at this.
My God!
Ashoklata.
I'm very tired today. Not now. Not today. Okay?
Okay.
Mom, how come there are no earthquakes these days?
My son, even Japan doesn't face daily earthquakes.
Your father can make earthquakes appear magically.
But Dad is so busy these days, that he can't create them right now.
But he will, very soon.
Right?
-You want more? -No, I'm done.
You take a seat. I'll get you breakfast.
-Okay. -I have to go meet a friend.
Okay, take this cake with you.
-It's a bakery order. -Okay.
-Water? Will you have water? -No.
Or should I order room service? Tea or snacks?
No, don't worry, I'm fine.
Actually, it's my first time.
No… I mean, it's not my first time…
It's my first time paying for it.
Okay.
No, listen.
Keep that, please. You can pay me after the job's done.
Lights, on or off? Whatever you prefer.
Hey, will you dance for me first?
What?
Like the Indian movie heroes?
Dance? I mean…
I'll pay five times your fees.
Five times.
Hey, I'm yours for two whole hours. Your wish is my command.
I mean, I'll try.
He is very tall
With great physique
He is very tall, with great physique
One can spot him from afar Oh, that's my man, yes, yes, yes
O, that's my man
He looks strong Have caught him from the jungles
He charges like a wild bison
He meets me in the dream My man meets me in the dream
Oh red scarf girl At least tell me your name
Oh black kurta girl At least tell me your name
Tell me your name Tell me your name
I've traded heart for a heart
In this deal of love
I won the bet of love by losing my heart
Conjurer, o, conjurer
You are a great magician
-Actually… -Nose.
-What? -It's on your nose.
Once the body is satiated, stomach feels the hunger.
No problem. Enjoy it.
I couldn't stop myself after seeing the box. It's so tasty!
Finger-licking good!
Where is it from?
It's from my house. My wife made it.
She's a great chef. I mean, she bakes a lot of delicacies.
You should tell her
to add orange and saffron to this.
Two drops in half a kilo.
It'll be amazing. People will go crazy.
Okay.
Here. Five times.
Hey, it's not necessary. Pay only if you feel like it.
You're a great man, and not just in bed.
Thank you. Hope to see you again.
This is for you.
Your cake payment.
-I delivered it on-time. -Okay.
I have a suggestion.
If you add two drops of orange and saffron
in half a kilo of your cake,
I think the flavors will explode. Try it out.
Sure. No harm in trying something new.
I'll do it next time.
Okay.
Drinks, sir?
One RC, large.
Make it two.
So? You're a pro now.
If the teacher is good, the student excels.
Sir… Am I doing anything wrong?
I mean, since I'm married…
Don't think about right or wrong. Remember why you're doing this.
Is your family happier?
-Yes. -And your debt is going down?
-Yes. -That's it. Keep going.
Give me some more tips.
First, understand what the customer wants.
Be prepared.
For that hour, she's not a client.
She's a human, looking for something from you.
Just give her that.
That's your job. Get it?
I'm a man after all. What can I really tell you about women?
And you're a man too. What will you learn from me?
Ask the women directly. Just listen to them, that's all.
Get it, CA Topper?
Yes, the delicate heart Should not be burdened with worries
Tell me the desires of your heart
Musky perfumes really turn me on.
Let the eyes enjoy every moment of life
I bring the world to your feet
Wear a red underwear, just like Superman.
The V-shaped one. V for Victoria.
Wear a Hawaiian shirt.
Have some fun in life
-And underwear? -I don't care. It's gonna come off anyway.
Tell me your wish
Strawberry flavor.
Banana flavor.
I like the ribbed ones. Bring four.
This is a business of dreams
Lots of sympathy
A business of dreams
I distribute love to everyone
This is the business of dreams
At a crossroads I saw you
Our conversation started in gestures
When you come to meet Everyone likes you
This business of yours
The business of dreams
Business of dreams
I've got more clients.
You don't have to worry about money anymore. I promise.
I will buy happiness I will weigh the world
You have got the color As if there is marijuana in your life
With the master key Will open all the locks, locks, locks
I am Kashmiri saffron, get the milk Even if it gets blisters
I will cross the road at red light And will come to NCR
To be with you, with you, with you
If you pay the price, then I am Cupid
You will keep chanting my name
I will finish all your pain Don't be restless
Are you ready?
Superman, Noida's Superman
And you have so many Superfans
What is happening?
Superman, Noida's Superman
And you have so many Superfans
Oh, my God
Hey, Superman Yo, Superfans
O, stop
Hey, Superman Yo, Superfans
Listen to me girl See your superman has come
ROLE PLAY. BALL GAG. BDSM.
He shows the magic He has all the tricks and toys
He roams in the arena Keeps going in the winter
Break the bed, take the cot sometime
Enjoy fully My range is from 23 to 60
I do business in love, sometimes with one, Sometimes with four
True social worker
Comes like the fire brigade Puts out every house's fire
The fragrance of nights is in every corner He is Aladdin's lamp
Hey he is like hot fire The snake wrapped around you
Hey he is like stain on you And his eyes are killer
Hey your lover is full Superman
Are you ready?
Superman, Noida's Superman
And you have so many Superfans
Wow
Superman, Noida's Superman
And you have so many Superfans
Oh, my God
See your superman has come
You have a charm.
A big heart. And magical fingers.
You have magical fingers.
If he can sleep around, then why shouldn't I?
He treats me like a machine.
Is sex only for conceiving?
Hope to see you again. You won't forget about me, right?
That depends on you, CA Topper.
Oh, my God
Can you print CA Topper here?
Sure, sir.
An hour with me, and the remaining 23 with this.
This will remind you of me.
Thank you.
It's impossible to forget you.
It feels like, it feels like
It feels like, yes, it feels like
Happiness is embracing me with open arms
Nowadays it feels like Happiness everywhere
Pockets are getting deeper and deeper
Nowadays it feels like Happiness everywhere
Time is now supporting me so well
Even my milk has full cream now
We are also planning for future now
DELIVERY TO CP? 5 ORANGE-SAFFRON CAKES
RECIPE PLEASE ORANGE-SAFFRON AVAILABLE?
Come, play with us.
Those who used to taunt us Are embracing us now
It feels like happiness everywhere
Happiness is embracing me with open arms
YOU'RE A BULL
Nowadays it feels like Happiness everywhere
MADHU REFERRED YOU YUMMMYY!!!
YOU'RE FAMOUS IN THE COLONY
It feels like
It feels like, oh, it feels like
When our life has started moving fast
Even in the time of crisis
Then the journey has become enjoyable
Yes, in the blink of an eye
Boat has crossed the river And reached the city…
What's this? Sir, this is a government job.
I don't work after 5:30 p.m. Post that, I have my personal life.
I'll take it tomorrow.
Chaurasiya, this is for your mom. Her blessings have worked.
Everyday there is new success
Nowadays it feels like Happiness everywhere
Why problems are amazed When they look at me?
Nowadays it feels like Happiness everywhere
Happiness is embracing me with open arms
Nowadays it feels like Happiness everywhere
Did you not eat?
-Come… -I was waiting for you.
You come home quite late nowadays.
I'm sorry. Let's eat.
I brought you something.
What?
-You want to see? -Yes.
This looks expensive.
Take it off, then.
Of late…
you seem different.
Ever since you have started freelancing, everything has changed.
You must be doing the right thing.
Keep at it.
Okay.
That's the plan.
-Sir. -Yes?
We've got a tip for here. Shady activities are happening here.
-Let's raid it. -Come on.
-Get your head out of my ass. -Okay, sir.
Pull, Ms. Sudha, pull. Pull.
Subtitle translation by: Nidhi Thakur