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‎NETFLIX 原创剧集

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‎你如果在看本片
‎就意味着我已经不在了

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‎我没法当着你的面说这些 太丢人了

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‎对你来说丢人 不是对我来说

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‎你从不擅长听我夸你有多么的好

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‎但你真的很好

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‎你是 你很好

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‎但你可真够他妈的没用

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‎所以我想给你留下一个
‎没了我的生活的小指南

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‎早上得把警报器给关掉 知道吗？

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‎因为你一开门就会触响警报器

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‎那警报器公司就会以为我们家进贼了

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‎如果警报器响了 你得给他们打电话

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‎号码就在你电话里 备注“警报器”
‎警报器密码是八 六 四 五

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‎那是你的密码

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‎这你知道的

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‎记得将它设置为周界防区
‎要不然狗会触响它

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‎还有记得喂狗 知道不？

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‎早上一次 下班后一次

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‎还有啥？

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‎星期二晚上记得把垃圾桶放外面去

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‎黑桶是家居废物

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‎绿桶是回收…

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‎（坦布里报）

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‎（乔丹斯古董中心）

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‎（乔丹斯古董中心营业中
‎内有有趣物品）

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‎（坦布里报）

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‎你的碗在哪儿？

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‎啊 有了

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‎哦 操！

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‎没狗粮了

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‎茄汁豆还是蔬菜咖喱？

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‎就知道

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‎真的很抱歉

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‎我等下去给你搞点像样的食物

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‎他妈的

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‎那我只能吃蔬菜咖喱了

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‎-你好
‎-你好

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‎我今天在这里开始

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‎我今天开始在这里上班

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‎好 有名字吗？

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‎有 珊迪

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‎不 我的意思是 你是来见谁的？

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‎是谁雇用你的？

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‎布雷登先生

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‎过来吧 乖丫头

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‎你的狗应该被拴着

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‎-啥？
‎-狗应该被拴着

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‎不识字吗？这是大家的公园

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‎噢 对 真不好意思

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‎谢谢你

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‎来吧 丫头

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‎你说啥？

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‎他才不是个多毛的鸡婆胖王八

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‎布兰蒂 你个坏丫头

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‎真不好意思

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‎-恶心
‎-回见了

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‎乖丫头

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‎（丽莎简约翰逊
‎1972年3月4日至2018年2月26日）

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‎好

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‎我得去上班了

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‎一会儿见

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‎我会给你带吃的回来的

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‎乖丫头

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‎乖丫头

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‎给你

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‎啥？

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‎你的邮件

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‎投到门里去

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‎你人在这儿了 省得我多走一趟

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‎-我不想带着它走 不是吗？
‎-为啥？

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‎你是新来的吧？

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‎对 我被调过来…

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‎那不关我事

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‎但想必在你之前工作的地方

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‎你会把东西投进门里去的吧？

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‎伙计 没必要一副找碴儿的样子

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‎你干嘛这样跟我说话？

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‎-干嘛 要投诉我呀？
‎-没错

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‎你叫啥？

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‎你会取笑我的

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‎相信我

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‎我叫帕特

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‎-像电视剧《邮差叔叔》一样？
‎-对

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‎投到门里去

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‎非常简单 对吧？

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‎-那你来做也行
‎-我不行

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‎-为啥不行？
‎-我不是邮差

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‎走吧

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‎嗨 乔治

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‎嗨

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‎他是谁？

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‎他是我叔叔

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‎恋童狂！

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‎-啥？
‎-恋童狂！

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‎我不是个恋童狂

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‎就算我是 也看不上你这个
‎矮胖的红毛小傻逼

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‎欢迎

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‎很高兴你能加入我们

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‎我还记得我的第一天
‎很令人兴奋吧？

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<i>‎-</i>‎是啊
‎-这里是个很棒的工作场所

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‎非常有活力
‎一直都有很多人进进出出

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‎非常优秀的一群人

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‎勤奋

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‎而且会让你受益匪浅
‎你有机会走出去 接触社区

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‎报导的可以是本地故事、

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‎娱乐、金融

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‎对

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‎凯思负责广告

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‎对她好一点 她或许会

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‎带你去参加新餐厅的开业
‎让你免费吃一顿

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‎兰尼负责所有的摄影

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‎所以你若对那有兴趣…

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‎在这里大家都为所有事情出一份力

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‎那你会说你自己对什么最感兴趣？

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‎写特稿

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‎太棒了

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‎这里肯定有你发挥的空间

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‎大把特稿 天空海阔任你写

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‎托尼是特稿的负责人

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‎他不在

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‎他是一位非常优秀的作家

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‎非常聪明 非常有经验 是个好家伙

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‎他最近有点失常 老实说

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‎他承受了些坏消息

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‎他…托尼是我的姐夫

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‎他娶了我姐姐丽莎

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‎她死了

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‎癌症

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‎-是啊
‎-很抱歉

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‎他显然很沮丧

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‎有自杀倾向

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‎嗯

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‎我得先跟你说 他可能

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‎有时会说一些…

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‎刺耳的狠话…

137
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‎那你就…

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‎别太往心里去

139
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‎因为你将会和他密切合作嘛

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‎不管怎样

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‎祝你工作愉快

142
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‎谢谢

143
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‎你感觉怎么样？

144
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‎没差

145
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‎就是不好咯？

146
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‎我真的是没东西可以拿来比较了

147
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‎但我想 当我没那个冲动
‎想到处开枪轰烂陌生人的脸

148
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‎之后再把枪口对准自己

149
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‎那就算是好的一天

150
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‎我的一位顾客

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‎会幻想着杀死他前妻

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‎打飞机

153
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‎你告诉我那干嘛？

154
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‎我可没提他名字

155
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,760
‎我知道
‎但是告诉我这个对我有什么帮助？

156
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‎不知道

157
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‎也许是想让你知道 你不是唯一一个

158
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‎唯一一个什么？

159
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,840
‎唯一一个神经病的

160
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‎我是说

161
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‎唯一一个有精神问题的人

162
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‎-我也有问题啊
‎-继续说

163
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‎天啊 从哪里开始说好？

164
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‎既然我付你钱 要不从我开始吧
‎不过…

165
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‎（93岁女性被抢劫）

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‎-早安
‎-早

167
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‎糟透了 对吧？

168
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‎终生创伤

169
00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:06,960
‎算不上是终生创伤吧

170
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‎她都93岁了

171
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‎如果她活到100岁
‎不过也才创伤了终生的百分之七

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‎（坦布里报）

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‎你迟到

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‎你真无聊

175
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‎-你在开玩笑吧？
‎-不是 但请继续 你想说什么？

176
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‎今天是分派日

177
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:31,200
‎不 我是指你为啥会觉得我说你无聊
‎是在跟你开玩笑？

178
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:33,760
‎你是有啥反驳的论点还是…

179
00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:37,960
‎-你为啥就让他这样为所欲为？
‎-我没有

180
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:39,680
‎托尼 别这样 怎么了？

181
00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:43,280
‎我们做的是一份
‎无人问津的免费的当地报纸

182
00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:45,240
‎不 那不是真的

183
00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:47,040
‎而且那不是我… 进我办公室好吗？

184
00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:48,280
‎当然

185
00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:49,760
‎很多人都依赖我们报纸

186
00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:51,480
‎也不是每个人都玩推特 是吧？

187
00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:53,400
‎继续干 大家

188
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:57,080
‎你想要我说些什么？

189
00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:58,760
‎说我很抱歉 说我会积极点儿？

190
00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:00,440
‎因为我不会的 因为根本没意义

191
00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:03,200
‎听我说 托尼 我知道自从失去了丽萨

192
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:05,480
‎-你有了一些问题
‎-你这么觉得？

193
00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:07,160
‎我老婆的死对我有一点影响？

194
00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:10,040
‎当然 而且我明白的
‎我甚至告诉了珊迪

195
00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:11,160
‎珊迪是谁？

196
00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:12,480
‎新来的女孩

197
00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:14,320
‎我不想要她觉得这是间疯人院

198
00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:15,880
‎所以我得说点什么

199
00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:19,480
‎听着 我需要的只是些许专业态度
‎好吗 托尼？

200
00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:20,400
‎-拜托
‎-不

201
00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:21,960
‎我不该非得和你解释这一点

202
00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:23,960
‎你不能就这样傲慢无理地对待人家

203
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,600
‎你可以 这就是它的妙处

204
00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:29,880
‎为人善良、体贴、有爱心、正直

205
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‎是没好处的

206
00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:33,920
‎硬要说的话 这些其实是缺点

207
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,560
‎你若这样持续下去

208
00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:36,640
‎我或许得解雇你

209
00:11:36,720 --> 00:11:38,560
‎不 你不会的

210
00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:40,640
‎那正是我想说的 因为你是个好人

211
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:44,000
‎所以我会占你便宜
‎就像这里的每个人一样

212
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,800
‎你会警告我 我当作没听见

213
00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:47,720
‎你再警告我 我当作没听见

214
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,440
‎我继续他妈的想干啥就干啥

215
00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:51,880
‎最终你会放弃 那我就赢了

216
00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:57,400
‎这里的女孩们已经发现
‎你从来不会质疑女性问题

217
00:11:57,560 --> 00:11:59,400
‎凯思这个月来了三次大姨妈

218
00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:01,680
‎她喜欢星期五拿假 你啥都不说

219
00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:04,120
‎她混得过去 因为她是个混蛋

220
00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:06,560
‎所以我想 好吧 那我向她学习一下吧

221
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:07,760
‎你为什么要那样做？

222
00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:10,200
‎你为什么不选择好起来
‎然后开开心心的？

223
00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:12,200
‎只有一样东西能让我好起来
‎让我开心

224
00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:14,680
‎那就是丽萨回到我身边
‎而那是不可能的

225
00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:17,800
‎这也就是为什么
‎我差点就立刻自杀了

226
00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:20,480
‎对 没错 但最后你没自杀 对吧？

227
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:23,680
‎所以很显然的 某些事情阻止了你

228
00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:25,120
‎是狗脸上的表情

229
00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:26,720
‎它肚子饿了

230
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:28,080
‎所以我想我应该喂喂它

231
00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:30,880
‎那给了我时间思考：
‎“我现在应该已经死了才对”

232
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:32,160
‎我根本不在乎

233
00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:33,680
‎所以一切都是额外收获

234
00:12:34,680 --> 00:12:36,200
‎如果我成为一个混蛋

235
00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:39,000
‎我他妈想干啥就干啥 想说啥就说啥

236
00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:40,440
‎直到我爽为止

237
00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:42,040
‎而当一切变得让人承受不住时

238
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:43,440
‎我总能自我了断

239
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:44,960
‎就像是种超能力一样

240
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:47,600
‎这可是我有史以来听说过的
‎最糟糕的超级英雄

241
00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:49,680
‎现在情况就是这样

242
00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:50,840
‎所以是说…

243
00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:55,560
‎我现在的工作是让你开心
‎直到你自行了断吗？

244
00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:58,520
‎那对我就像是个
‎不停滴答作响的倒数时钟吧？

245
00:12:58,680 --> 00:12:59,720
‎你喜欢的话可以这么想

246
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:00,880
‎我不喜欢

247
00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:03,200
‎总之情况就是这样

248
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:05,560
‎好 很高兴和你进行了这次对话

249
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:06,880
‎是啊 太有建设性了

250
00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:09,840
‎好…

251
00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:12,640
‎这是珊迪

252
00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:15,040
‎今天是她第一天上班

253
00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:17,000
‎托尼 她将会在你手下工作

254
00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:19,880
‎那就请你给她指点指点
‎说说具体情况

255
00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:23,320
‎具体情况是这样：

256
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,000
‎人类是个瘟疫

257
00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:29,160
‎我们是一群恶心、自恋、
‎自私的寄生虫

258
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:31,520
‎没了我们
‎这世界会是个更美好的地方

259
00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:33,800
‎把自己给解决掉
‎应该是每个人的道德义务

260
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:36,440
‎我很乐意现在就去做
‎只需要上楼

261
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:37,760
‎从屋顶往下跳

262
00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:39,880
‎然后确保
‎我摔在会计部的某位傻逼身上

263
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,960
‎你是指这些情况吗？

264
00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:45,680
‎不是

265
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:47,960
‎请你当作没听见

266
00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:50,760
‎兰尼 你能给珊迪指点指点吗？

267
00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:51,800
‎没问题

268
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:53,640
‎我得去把报纸送出去 谢谢你

269
00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:55,840
‎-你给她指点指点是吧？
‎-一流的

270
00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:57,400
‎我能猜猜要点是啥吗？

271
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:02,040
‎进来 坐在电脑前吃东西

272
00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:04,480
‎去酒吧 坐在游戏机前吃东西

273
00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:07,120
‎回家 坐在电视前吃东西

274
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,200
‎上床睡觉
‎我想你也在床上吃东西吧？

275
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,560
‎或者有紧急零食放在附近 对

276
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:17,240
‎我得撤了

277
00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:20,000
‎要我再给你带点甜甜圈吗 肥仔？

278
00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:21,000
‎要 拜托

279
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:28,200
‎你不介意他那样跟你说话吗？

280
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:29,760
‎没事 兄弟嘛

281
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,200
‎那能转移他的注意力

282
00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:34,840
‎别白受他的屁 知道吗？

283
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,800
‎我从不 因为我不像他一样软弱

284
00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:39,960
‎-朱利安？
‎-是

285
00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:41,760
‎我们接到了一些电话

286
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,400
‎说他们的大楼没有收到报纸

287
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:48,960
‎哦 那就奇怪了
‎因为我的确全都送出去了

288
00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:52,960
‎你知道你得按电铃
‎然后进到大楼里面 对吧？

289
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:54,360
‎你不能就把报纸留在街上

290
00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:56,120
‎因为很多老年人没办法上下楼梯

291
00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:57,040
‎或出去

292
00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:58,320
‎是 老板 我知道

293
00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,160
‎我会对这些格外小心的

294
00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:02,600
‎好吧

295
00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:05,520
‎我能现在拿工钱吗？

296
00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:11,840
‎-你会好好干的 对吧？
‎-会 相信我

297
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:14,480
‎-35英镑 是吧？
‎-对

298
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:15,880
‎-好吧
‎-谢了

299
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:16,920
‎好

300
00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:27,320
‎性感的约会对象？

301
00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:30,440
‎抱歉 什么？

302
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:34,080
‎刚看见你在排水沟流下的水坑里梳洗

303
00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:36,240
‎所以在想是不是什么特别的场合？

304
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:37,800
‎不是

305
00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:41,880
‎打算用那买毒品
‎然后把报纸全扔进垃圾桶？

306
00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:46,680
‎我该先扔了它们 然后再去买毒品

307
00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:48,600
‎要不然我会把它们给忘了的 对吧？

308
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:07,160
‎秋叶养老院

309
00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:20,520
‎丽萨呢？

310
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:24,240
‎她死了 老爸

311
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:26,320
‎记得吗？

312
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,400
‎她今年年初过世了

313
00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:31,520
‎她今天早上才来过

314
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:33,800
‎没 她没有来

315
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:36,800
‎嗨

316
00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:38,360
‎嗨

317
00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:40,480
‎好

318
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,200
‎咋们来给你处理一下吧 雷

319
00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:48,800
‎如果它是只狗 就给安乐死了

320
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:50,800
‎它？

321
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:52,800
‎我只是用个较好的方式表达…

322
00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:55,640
‎我替他感到可怜

323
00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:01,000
‎怎么
‎你从来都不替他们感到可怜吗？

324
00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:03,600
‎他们哭了我会担心

325
00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:07,600
‎我们总说自己内心没什么感觉

326
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:10,920
‎让自己好受一点 但那都是骗人的

327
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:12,080
‎对吧？

328
00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:17,000
‎你结婚了吗？

329
00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:19,960
‎没那个时间

330
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:23,000
‎让我来服务服务你

331
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:24,360
‎非常抱歉

332
00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:25,720
‎没关系

333
00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:29,160
‎从未有任何抱怨

334
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:31,720
‎老婆一直都心满意足

335
00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:37,680
‎我得走了

336
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:41,160
‎回见

337
00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:42,480
‎再会 老爸

338
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:45,080
‎带丽萨一起过来

339
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:46,520
‎我操！

340
00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:47,920
‎好吧

341
00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:49,520
‎天呐！

342
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:52,320
‎乖丫头

343
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:00,760
‎啊 操

344
00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:04,760
‎没碗

345
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:06,520
‎真他妈的

346
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:26,200
‎没他妈的牛奶！

347
00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:49,640
‎别自暴自弃 好吗？

348
00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:51,360
‎保持活跃

349
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:53,720
‎还有保持房子整洁

350
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:55,160
‎我们美丽的房子

351
00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:58,920
‎还有别老是喝醉！

352
00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:01,520
‎因为长期下来那只会让你觉得更糟

353
00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:03,160
‎我不是个医生

354
00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:05,680
‎但在过去的几个月里
‎我与一堆交谈过

355
00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:09,440
‎而他们都认为
‎成为一团自怜的懒肥肉是不理想的

356
00:19:12,120 --> 00:19:14,080
‎如果你把脏碗碟马上放进洗碗机里

357
00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:15,440
‎它们就不会堆起来了

358
00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:17,600
‎还有时不时换一下洗碗盐

359
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:19,360
‎盐在车库里

360
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:22,320
‎车库是房子旁边那个巨大的东西

361
00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:30,760
‎唉 去他妈的

362
00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:33,520
‎-你还好吧？
‎-好啊

363
00:19:34,120 --> 00:19:35,320
‎我很担心你

364
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:37,400
‎-为啥？
‎-什么叫“为啥”？

365
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:39,360
‎因为你老是说要自行了断

366
00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:42,640
‎而且你现在应该在上班
‎但这个我不跟你计较

367
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:45,480
‎来酒吧吧 我和兰尼要去那吃午餐

368
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:46,840
‎不 我已经吃了

369
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:47,880
‎走吧

370
00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:49,760
‎-我们以前常一起去酒吧
‎-不！

371
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:52,240
‎有人会惹我生气 那我的一天就毁了

372
00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:54,000
‎我愿意冒那个险 布鲁斯班纳

373
00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:56,080
‎会对你有好处的

374
00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:58,560
‎走嘛 拜托 记者都去酒吧吃午餐的

375
00:19:58,640 --> 00:19:59,800
‎我们不是记者

376
00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:01,800
‎我们是记者 我们在一家报社工作

377
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:05,200
‎是啊 然后那报纸
‎每周都会被老奶奶们

378
00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,000
‎拿来铺猫砂盘

379
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,280
‎她们是读了才拿去铺的

380
00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:10,480
‎-我们不是记者
‎-是

381
00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:11,800
‎-我们当然是记者了
‎-不是

382
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:12,920
‎-是 我们是
‎-不是

383
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:14,360
‎-别说了 我们是
‎-不是

384
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:15,880
‎操他妈的！

385
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,000
‎你听到了吗？

386
00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:19,520
‎死肥猪

387
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:21,640
‎吃相像个他妈的鼻涕虫

388
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,040
‎快把我他妈的搞疯了

389
00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:27,240
‎不如投身于自己的工作中吧？

390
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:29,080
‎不好意思 那让我无法专心

391
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:31,080
‎-该死的
‎-那些是薯片 薯片是脆的

392
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:32,800
‎但他为啥得做那些…

393
00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:37,320
‎真是愉快的午餐

394
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:38,320
‎老早告诉你了

395
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:39,840
‎老早告诉我了？真行

396
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:41,840
‎总是有个坏好事的人 对吧？

397
00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:43,840
‎你会不会觉得这次坏事的人是你？

398
00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:45,080
‎不觉得

399
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:47,800
‎听着 别理他 好吗

400
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:48,880
‎正如我说的

401
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:50,360
‎投身于自己的工作中吧？

402
00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:51,760
‎抑郁的人都是这么做的

403
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:52,760
‎有时候

404
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,560
‎我很难投身于我自己的工作中
‎当我的工作很多时候是

405
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:57,280
‎到庄园里

406
00:20:57,360 --> 00:20:58,280
‎采访一位水管工

407
00:20:58,440 --> 00:20:59,480
‎因为他种的一颗土豆

408
00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:00,960
‎长得像莱昂纳尔里奇

409
00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:02,280
‎那登上了封面

410
00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:03,520
‎那的确长得像他

411
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:04,760
‎其实这正是个好时机

412
00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:06,520
‎我们目前有很多令人兴奋的线索

413
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:07,720
‎-线索？
‎-是的

414
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:09,440
‎我们是伍德沃德和伯恩斯坦呀？

415
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:10,920
‎-是线索没错
‎-继续 啥线索

416
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,640
‎-我们有啥线索？
‎-来瞧瞧

417
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:14,600
‎那天有位女士打进来
‎说她的垃圾桶

418
00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:16,040
‎被拖着走时听起来像楚巴卡

419
00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:20,040
‎-不
‎-不？好吧

420
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,280
‎布拉格登路一女士
‎一觉醒来变成中国人

421
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:25,480
‎但在那之前她并不是

422
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:27,600
‎我知道 我看得出切入点

423
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,320
‎男人重复收到

424
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:31,000
‎同样的生日卡五次

425
00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:32,320
‎-真的？
‎-真的假的？

426
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:34,680
‎-没错
‎-好 那我们得刨根问底

427
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:35,840
‎越快越好

428
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:38,360
‎嗯 好 那你去吧？

429
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:39,680
‎因为那是你的工作

430
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:41,040
‎-我知道
‎-对

431
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:49,040
‎按门铃

432
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:55,200
‎你这恶心的…

433
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:56,680
‎我不想在他的屋里放 好吗？

434
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:58,640
‎去看医生吧你 肯定是得了肠癌

435
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:00,080
‎-嗨
‎-别出来 这肥胖的臭傻逼

436
00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:01,720
‎-拉裤子了
‎-你们是报社来的吗？

437
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:03,120
‎对 让他在外待一会儿

438
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:04,440
‎你这臭蠢猪！

439
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:14,400
‎当我收到第一张的时候
‎我想：“这卡还真不错”

440
00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:18,320
‎然后我收到了第二张 这时我想：
‎“太逗趣了 两张一样的！”

441
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:20,960
‎但当我收到第三张时

442
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:23,480
‎我想：“这发生的几率有多大啊？”

443
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:24,800
‎天大

444
00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:25,800
‎然后第四张…

445
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:27,520
‎哇

446
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:28,840
‎哇

447
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:30,320
‎可是五张…

448
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:32,880
‎我敢打赌那从未发生过

449
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:34,680
‎至少在记录上是没有

450
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,840
‎-你有在做笔记吗？
‎-有 全在里面

451
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:41,680
‎这会上下周的报纸吗？

452
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:43,640
‎嗯 我们会尽快赶完它

453
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:44,800
‎是劲爆的独家新闻

454
00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:47,880
‎我的丹妮斯一定会被这给逗坏的

455
00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:49,200
‎那是我老婆

456
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:51,200
‎她去年过世了

457
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:53,520
‎我的生命之光

458
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,800
‎不管发生什么事 我都告诉她

459
00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:58,360
‎然后我想起

460
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:01,320
‎有人与你一起分享的东西
‎才是最美好的

461
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:04,160
‎我还是有消沉的时候

462
00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:08,360
‎但人生时不时就给你送来这些
‎有趣的小玩意儿 对吧？

463
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:10,520
‎不能老是替自己感到可怜

464
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:12,480
‎得继续前进

465
00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:15,760
‎生日快乐

466
00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:18,560
‎谢谢

467
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:24,200
‎该死的

468
00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:32,280
‎不好意思 请问狗粮在哪？

469
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:33,960
‎在猫粮旁边

470
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:35,480
‎嗯 好…

471
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:37,360
‎那我有另外一个问题

472
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:38,720
‎请问猫粮在哪？

473
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:41,120
‎罐头产品 第二条货架

474
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:43,520
‎多谢 别起身

475
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:45,040
‎好吧

476
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:49,680
‎-只要这个吗？
‎-对

477
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,000
‎嘿 兄弟 有钱没钱？

478
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:12,560
‎-有
‎-说啥？

479
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:17,080
‎有 我有钱

480
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:19,120
‎有就给我

481
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:25,920
‎为啥？

482
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:28,040
‎因为不给我就要了你条狗命

483
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:31,720
‎这招通常都管用 对吧？

484
00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:33,480
‎对大多数人而言

485
00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:34,640
‎死亡的威胁

486
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:36,880
‎比没了钱来得可怕

487
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:38,560
‎但…

488
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:40,680
‎或者他们担心你会伤害他们的家人
‎或者…

489
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:42,240
‎我没有家人

490
00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:45,520
‎多余的就不说了
‎但我已不在乎任何事

491
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:46,880
‎我不会给你钱的

492
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:48,320
‎你神经病？

493
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,520
‎不 只是厌倦了做我不想做的事情

494
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:52,960
‎我们总是有选择

495
00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:54,280
‎而如果我没理解错

496
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:57,280
‎我的选择要么是暴力

497
00:24:57,760 --> 00:24:59,920
‎要么是乖乖地把我的钱

498
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:02,760
‎交给两个废材小傻逼

499
00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:04,520
‎你神经病啊？

500
00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:05,960
‎滚开！

501
00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:07,000
‎行不？

502
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:10,880
‎滚开 拜托

503
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:48,480
‎事情的发生并不是谁的错

504
00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:49,800
‎别去怪罪全世界

505
00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:52,760
‎你知道当事情不顺你意时
‎你脾气可以变得多暴躁

506
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:54,680
‎但你的心地是如此善良

507
00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:58,040
‎你天生就是那样 策划不出来的
‎你就是个好人

508
00:25:59,920 --> 00:26:01,560
‎我第一眼见到你时就知道了

509
00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:03,880
‎那像一道闪电般击中我的心

510
00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:09,040
‎从此我对你的爱就至死不渝

511
00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:11,440
‎你这胖娘们儿！

512
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:31,200
‎今天是星期天 你这王八蛋！

513
00:26:32,360 --> 00:26:34,160
‎看得出你不是个真正的牧师

514
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:35,880
‎哦 托尼！

515
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:38,320
‎我的天哪

516
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:40,000
‎-干嘛呀？
‎-你为啥要这样对我？

517
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:41,800
‎因为对你有好处 加快你的心跳

518
00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:44,160
‎-促进你的新陈代谢
‎-不！你…

519
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:42,640
‎字幕翻译：Chrystal