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‎NETFLIX 原創影集

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‎如果你在看這部影片
‎那就代表我已經不在人世

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‎由於太尷尬
‎我無法在你面前說這些話

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‎當然，是你尷尬而已

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‎從來不習慣聽我說你是小可愛

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‎不過你確實是個小可愛

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‎但你是無可救藥的生活白癡

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‎所以我留了這部影片給你
‎教你如何獨自過活

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‎早上記得要把防盜系統關掉

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‎因為你一開門就會觸發警報

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‎保全公司就會以為我們被闖空門

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‎萬一真觸發了警報
‎就得打電話過去

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‎電話號碼在你手機裡
‎名稱是“防盜系統”

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‎防盜器密碼是八、六、四、五

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‎就是你的個人識別碼

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‎你知道的

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‎記得開啟“周界保護”模式
‎不然狗狗經過會誤判

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‎還有記得餵狗

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‎一早要餵，下班回來也要餵

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‎還有甚麼？

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‎禮拜二晚上要把垃圾箱放出去

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‎黑色垃圾箱是家居垃圾

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‎綠色垃圾箱是回收…

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‎（坦伯里報章）

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‎（喬丹古玩店）

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‎（喬丹古玩店，營業中）

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‎（坦伯里報章）

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‎你的碗呢？

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‎有了

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‎討厭

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‎沒狗糧

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‎要烤豆還是蔬菜咖哩

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‎想也知道

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‎對不起

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‎晚一點給你買真的食物

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‎他媽的

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‎那我吃蔬菜咖哩吧

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‎-妳好
‎-妳好

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‎我今天開始

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‎我今天開始上班

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‎好，有名字嗎？

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‎有，珊迪

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‎不，我是指妳是要和誰見面？

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‎是誰僱用妳的？

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‎布頓先生

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‎過來吧，乖狗狗

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‎你的狗應該要繫狗鍊

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‎-甚麼？
‎-狗要繫上狗鍊

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‎你不會看字嗎？
‎公園是供大眾使用

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‎對耶…對不起

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‎謝謝提醒

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‎乖狗狗，過來吧

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‎甚麼？

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‎他才不是多毛又多嘴的死肥豬

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‎你壞壞，布蘭迪

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‎抱歉了

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‎-有夠噁心
‎-再見

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‎乖狗狗

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‎（莉莎珍約翰遜
‎於2018年2月26日逝世）

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‎好喔

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‎我要去上班了

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‎晚點見

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‎我會給你買狗糧的

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‎乖狗狗

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‎乖狗狗

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‎給你

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‎甚麼？

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‎你的信件

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‎從門口放進去

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‎你人都在了，我就不用走過去了

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‎-我不想拿著信件走
‎-為甚麼？

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‎你新來的吧？

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‎對，我剛調職…

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‎別說了，我不在乎

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‎不過你之前送信

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‎都要從門口把信件放進去吧？

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‎朋友，沒必要這樣吵鬧吧

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‎你為何這種態度？

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‎-你要客訴我喔？
‎-是的

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‎你叫甚麼名字？

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‎說完你會笑的

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‎儘管說

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‎我叫派特

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‎-卡通上的郵差叔叔派特？
‎-是的

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‎從門口放進去吧

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‎不是很簡單嗎？

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‎-明明你可以拿著走
‎-不行

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‎-為甚麼？
‎-我不是郵差

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‎走吧

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‎嗨，佐治

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‎嗨

92
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‎他是誰？

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‎他是我姑丈

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‎戀童癖！

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‎-甚麼？
‎-戀童癖！

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‎我不是戀童癖

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‎就算我是，也不會碰你
‎你這個紅髮肥雞掰

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‎歡迎妳

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‎很榮幸請到妳來

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‎我記得自己第一天上班
‎很興奮吧？

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‎-是的
‎-嗯，這裡工作環境很好

102
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‎大家都很有活力，人們出出入入的

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‎一個非常棒的團隊

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‎辛勤工作

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‎獲益良多
‎可以出去接觸這個社區

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‎範圍會從本地新聞

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‎到娛樂和財經新聞

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‎嗯

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‎凱絲負責廣告

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‎對她好一點

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‎她可能會帶妳免費去試新開的餐廳

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‎蘭尼負責拍攝

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‎如果妳對攝影有興趣…

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‎大家都各司其職

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‎那妳最有興趣是甚麼？

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‎寫專題報導

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‎那太好了

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‎在報社肯定會做到

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‎很多專題報導，可能性無窮盡

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‎東尼是總編

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‎他目前不在

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‎他是個很棒的作家

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‎聰明絕頂又經驗豐富的好傢伙

124
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‎老實說，他目前不在最佳狀態

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‎他遇到一些狀況

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‎他…東尼是我的妹夫

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‎他娶了我妹妹，莉莎

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‎而她離世了

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‎癌症

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‎-嗯
‎-很遺憾

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‎他顯然是傷心欲絕

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‎有自殺傾向

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‎嗯

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‎我提醒妳一下

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‎他有時候說話…

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‎有一點…

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‎苛刻

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‎不要往心裡去

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‎妳和他會密切合作

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‎說來說去

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‎盡情享受

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‎謝了

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‎那你怎麼樣？

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‎一樣

145
00:09:02,725 --> 00:09:03,885
‎所以很糟囉？

146
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‎我都說不出是怎樣糟了

147
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‎我猜就是狀況好的話
‎走在路上不會想要

148
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‎隨機對路人開槍

149
00:09:12,925 --> 00:09:14,525
‎然後舉槍自盡

150
00:09:21,045 --> 00:09:22,205
‎我有個病人

151
00:09:22,965 --> 00:09:25,565
‎會幻想殺害自己前妻

152
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‎還是邊打手槍邊幻想

153
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‎幹嘛跟我說這個？

154
00:09:30,125 --> 00:09:31,245
‎我沒有說他名字

155
00:09:31,325 --> 00:09:33,765
‎我知道，但這對我有什麼幫助？

156
00:09:35,445 --> 00:09:36,565
‎我也不知道

157
00:09:37,325 --> 00:09:40,125
‎我猜就是讓你知道，不是只有你

158
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‎只有我什麼？

159
00:09:42,045 --> 00:09:43,845
‎只有你有精神病

160
00:09:44,565 --> 00:09:45,845
‎你知道

161
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‎不是只有你有精神問題

162
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‎-我也有自己的問題
‎-繼續說

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‎天啦，該從何說起？

164
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‎既然我在付錢，就從我講起吧…

165
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‎-早上好
‎-早安

166
00:10:01,885 --> 00:10:03,245
‎很可怕吧？

167
00:10:03,325 --> 00:10:04,525
‎留下一生的陰影

168
00:10:05,445 --> 00:10:06,965
‎說不上一生的陰影吧

169
00:10:07,045 --> 00:10:08,165
‎她都93歲了

170
00:10:08,325 --> 00:10:11,525
‎如果她活到一百歲
‎一生也才百分之七有陰影

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‎（坦伯里報章）

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‎你遲到了

173
00:10:22,725 --> 00:10:23,605
‎妳無聊死了

174
00:10:24,005 --> 00:10:26,685
‎-你開玩笑的吧？
‎-沒有，但繼續來，甚麼情況？

175
00:10:26,925 --> 00:10:28,165
‎今天是發行日

176
00:10:28,325 --> 00:10:31,205
‎不是，我是說妳為何覺得
‎說妳無聊死了是開玩笑？

177
00:10:31,285 --> 00:10:33,765
‎妳要反駁還是…

178
00:10:35,485 --> 00:10:37,965
‎-為甚麼你還會縱容他？
‎-我沒有

179
00:10:38,125 --> 00:10:39,685
‎東尼，別這樣，怎麼了？

180
00:10:40,565 --> 00:10:43,285
‎我們免費發送
‎沒人在乎的本地報章

181
00:10:43,365 --> 00:10:45,245
‎不，這不是真的

182
00:10:45,325 --> 00:10:47,045
‎我也不是問…
‎可以來我辦公室嗎？

183
00:10:47,445 --> 00:10:48,285
‎好

184
00:10:48,365 --> 00:10:49,765
‎很多人依靠我們報章

185
00:10:49,845 --> 00:10:51,485
‎不是每個人都用推特

186
00:10:52,165 --> 00:10:53,405
‎大家繼續工作吧

187
00:10:55,965 --> 00:10:57,085
‎你要我說甚麼？

188
00:10:57,165 --> 00:10:58,765
‎要我道歉，保證會更努力工作？

189
00:10:58,845 --> 00:11:00,445
‎我絕對不會，因為沒意義

190
00:11:01,125 --> 00:11:03,205
‎東尼，我知道莉莎過世後

191
00:11:03,285 --> 00:11:05,485
‎-你有狀況
‎-你是認為…

192
00:11:05,565 --> 00:11:07,165
‎我妻子死掉，對我有一點影響？

193
00:11:07,245 --> 00:11:10,045
‎當然，我也明白，我還跟珊迪說明了

194
00:11:10,125 --> 00:11:11,165
‎誰是珊迪？

195
00:11:11,565 --> 00:11:12,485
‎新來的女同事

196
00:11:12,565 --> 00:11:14,325
‎我不想她覺得這裡是瘋人院

197
00:11:14,725 --> 00:11:15,885
‎我得說些甚麼

198
00:11:16,925 --> 00:11:19,485
‎東尼，我需要你在這裡拿出專業精神

199
00:11:19,565 --> 00:11:20,405
‎-求你了
‎-不要

200
00:11:20,565 --> 00:11:21,965
‎我應該不用跟你解釋這個

201
00:11:22,045 --> 00:11:23,965
‎你不能到處對人開罵

202
00:11:24,125 --> 00:11:26,605
‎其實可以，也就是妙在這裡

203
00:11:27,045 --> 00:11:29,885
‎對人友善、體貼、關懷和有誠信

204
00:11:29,965 --> 00:11:32,005
‎根本沒有任何好處

205
00:11:32,085 --> 00:11:33,925
‎真要說的話，只有壞處

206
00:11:34,005 --> 00:11:35,565
‎如果你繼續這樣子

207
00:11:35,645 --> 00:11:36,645
‎我可能要把你開除

208
00:11:36,725 --> 00:11:38,565
‎你不會的

209
00:11:38,645 --> 00:11:40,645
‎我就是在說這個，因為你是好人

210
00:11:40,725 --> 00:11:44,005
‎所以我能像這裡的人一樣佔你便宜

211
00:11:44,125 --> 00:11:45,805
‎你警告我，我無視你

212
00:11:45,885 --> 00:11:47,725
‎你再給我警告，我繼續無視你

213
00:11:47,805 --> 00:11:49,445
‎我繼續隨心所欲

214
00:11:49,525 --> 00:11:51,885
‎最後你只會放棄，我不戰而勝

215
00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:57,405
‎這裡的女職員已經發現
‎你對女性問題不會去質疑

216
00:11:57,565 --> 00:11:59,405
‎凱絲這個月請了三次生理假

217
00:11:59,485 --> 00:12:01,685
‎她週五就愛請假，你卻視若無睹

218
00:12:01,765 --> 00:12:04,125
‎她能隨心所欲，因為她是個混蛋

219
00:12:04,245 --> 00:12:06,565
‎既然如此，不如我也試試

220
00:12:06,765 --> 00:12:07,765
‎為甚麼你會想試試？

221
00:12:07,845 --> 00:12:10,205
‎你怎麼不想好起來開心過活？

222
00:12:10,285 --> 00:12:12,205
‎世上只有一件事
‎能讓我好起來開心過活

223
00:12:12,285 --> 00:12:14,685
‎就是有莉莎的陪伴
‎那已經不可能了

224
00:12:15,045 --> 00:12:17,805
‎所以我幾乎馬上就自殺

225
00:12:17,885 --> 00:12:20,485
‎好，不過你並沒有自殺吧？

226
00:12:20,845 --> 00:12:23,685
‎所以顯然有甚麼阻止了你

227
00:12:23,765 --> 00:12:25,125
‎我家狗狗的表情

228
00:12:25,845 --> 00:12:26,725
‎牠當時餓了

229
00:12:26,805 --> 00:12:28,085
‎所以我想說最好要餵牠

230
00:12:28,485 --> 00:12:30,885
‎讓我想到：“我本來就應該死了”

231
00:12:31,245 --> 00:12:32,165
‎我毫不在乎

232
00:12:32,245 --> 00:12:33,805
‎所以一切對我來說都是多出來的

233
00:12:34,685 --> 00:12:36,205
‎如果我當一個混蛋

234
00:12:36,285 --> 00:12:39,005
‎為所欲為，暢所欲言

235
00:12:39,085 --> 00:12:40,445
‎想要多久都隨我

236
00:12:40,525 --> 00:12:42,045
‎等到一切都太過火

237
00:12:42,125 --> 00:12:43,445
‎我再自殺都可以

238
00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:44,965
‎像有了超能力一樣

239
00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:47,605
‎這是我聽過最爛的超級英雄

240
00:12:48,525 --> 00:12:49,685
‎現在就是如此

241
00:12:49,765 --> 00:12:50,845
‎所以…

242
00:12:52,245 --> 00:12:55,565
‎所以我現在的工作
‎是在你自殺前，讓你開心過活？

243
00:12:55,925 --> 00:12:58,525
‎對我而言就像一個定時炸彈嗎？

244
00:12:58,685 --> 00:12:59,605
‎隨你怎麼想

245
00:12:59,805 --> 00:13:00,885
‎我不想

246
00:13:01,125 --> 00:13:03,205
‎說來說去，就是這樣了

247
00:13:03,645 --> 00:13:05,565
‎好，很高興能和你聊天

248
00:13:05,645 --> 00:13:06,885
‎嗯，很有建設性

249
00:13:08,725 --> 00:13:09,845
‎好了…

250
00:13:10,645 --> 00:13:12,645
‎這位是珊迪

251
00:13:12,725 --> 00:13:15,045
‎她今天第一天上班

252
00:13:15,125 --> 00:13:17,005
‎東尼，她會當你的下屬

253
00:13:17,125 --> 00:13:19,885
‎你就教她怎麼做事吧

254
00:13:21,645 --> 00:13:23,325
‎我告訴妳怎麼做

255
00:13:23,725 --> 00:13:25,005
‎人性如瘟疫

256
00:13:25,245 --> 00:13:29,165
‎我們都是噁心、自戀和自私的寄生蟲

257
00:13:29,565 --> 00:13:31,525
‎世界上少了人類會更美好

258
00:13:31,605 --> 00:13:33,805
‎每個人都應該有道德責任去自殺

259
00:13:33,885 --> 00:13:36,445
‎我很樂意現在就自殺，就跑上樓

260
00:13:36,525 --> 00:13:37,765
‎從屋頂跳下去

261
00:13:37,845 --> 00:13:39,885
‎最好確保跳在業務部的賤人身上

262
00:13:41,005 --> 00:13:43,965
‎你是指教她這些嗎？

263
00:13:44,685 --> 00:13:45,685
‎不是

264
00:13:46,605 --> 00:13:47,965
‎妳不用理會他

265
00:13:48,445 --> 00:13:50,765
‎蘭尼，你可以教她做事嗎？

266
00:13:50,845 --> 00:13:51,805
‎沒問題

267
00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:53,645
‎我要去盯送報了，謝謝

268
00:13:53,845 --> 00:13:55,845
‎-你要教她怎麼做事嗎？
‎-沒錯

269
00:13:56,165 --> 00:13:57,405
‎能猜猜你會教她甚麼嗎？

270
00:13:59,125 --> 00:14:02,045
‎來上班，在電腦前吃東西

271
00:14:02,125 --> 00:14:04,485
‎去酒吧，在猜謎機前吃東西

272
00:14:04,885 --> 00:14:07,125
‎回家，在電視機前吃東西

273
00:14:07,205 --> 00:14:09,205
‎去睡覺，你會在床上吃東西吧？

274
00:14:09,605 --> 00:14:11,565
‎我在床邊有緊急零食，對

275
00:14:16,245 --> 00:14:17,245
‎我要走了

276
00:14:18,325 --> 00:14:20,005
‎胖子，要我給你帶甜甜圈嗎？

277
00:14:20,085 --> 00:14:21,005
‎好啊，謝了

278
00:14:26,125 --> 00:14:28,205
‎你不介意他這樣跟你說話嗎？

279
00:14:28,325 --> 00:14:29,565
‎不會，他是朋友嘛

280
00:14:30,005 --> 00:14:31,205
‎這樣可以讓他分心

281
00:14:32,445 --> 00:14:34,845
‎妳千萬不要受他的氣，行嗎？

282
00:14:35,205 --> 00:14:37,805
‎我就不會，因為我沒他那麼懦弱

283
00:14:38,685 --> 00:14:39,965
‎-朱利安？
‎-嗯

284
00:14:40,525 --> 00:14:41,765
‎有人打電話過來

285
00:14:41,845 --> 00:14:44,405
‎說他們的公寓沒有收到報紙

286
00:14:44,485 --> 00:14:48,965
‎好，那就奇怪了
‎因為我全都有送到

287
00:14:49,765 --> 00:14:52,965
‎你知道進大樓要先按鈴吧？

288
00:14:53,045 --> 00:14:54,365
‎不能直接放在路邊

289
00:14:54,445 --> 00:14:57,045
‎因為很多老人家不能上下樓梯或出門

290
00:14:57,125 --> 00:14:58,325
‎老闆，我知道

291
00:14:58,405 --> 00:15:00,165
‎這些我會更小心處理

292
00:15:01,765 --> 00:15:02,605
‎好的

293
00:15:03,885 --> 00:15:05,525
‎我可以領薪水了嗎？

294
00:15:08,885 --> 00:15:11,845
‎-你會做好本份吧？
‎-你可以信任我

295
00:15:12,805 --> 00:15:14,485
‎-35英鎊，對嗎？
‎-沒錯

296
00:15:14,845 --> 00:15:15,885
‎-好
‎-謝了

297
00:15:15,965 --> 00:15:16,925
‎好的

298
00:15:26,245 --> 00:15:27,325
‎佳人有約？

299
00:15:29,525 --> 00:15:30,445
‎甚麼？

300
00:15:31,005 --> 00:15:34,085
‎我看到你用排水管流出的水坑梳洗

301
00:15:34,165 --> 00:15:36,245
‎想說是不是有特別的場合

302
00:15:36,805 --> 00:15:37,805
‎其實沒有

303
00:15:38,925 --> 00:15:41,885
‎是要拿錢買毒品
‎然後把報紙丟進垃圾車嗎？

304
00:15:43,485 --> 00:15:46,685
‎我八成應該先丟報紙再買毒

305
00:15:46,765 --> 00:15:48,605
‎不然吸嗨就會忘記丟了

306
00:16:00,165 --> 00:16:07,165
‎（秋葉安老院）

307
00:16:19,365 --> 00:16:20,525
‎莉莎呢？

308
00:16:23,245 --> 00:16:24,245
‎爸，她過世了

309
00:16:25,365 --> 00:16:26,325
‎還記得嗎？

310
00:16:27,125 --> 00:16:28,405
‎她年初過世的

311
00:16:29,925 --> 00:16:31,525
‎她今早才來過

312
00:16:32,605 --> 00:16:33,805
‎不，並沒有

313
00:16:35,965 --> 00:16:36,805
‎嗨

314
00:16:37,525 --> 00:16:38,365
‎嗨

315
00:16:39,325 --> 00:16:40,485
‎好的

316
00:16:42,205 --> 00:16:44,205
‎幫你護理一下吧，阿瑞

317
00:16:46,925 --> 00:16:48,805
‎如果它是一隻狗，早就安樂死了

318
00:16:49,925 --> 00:16:50,805
‎它？

319
00:16:51,045 --> 00:16:52,805
‎我這是客氣的說法…

320
00:16:54,365 --> 00:16:55,645
‎表達我替他感到難過

321
00:16:58,925 --> 00:17:01,005
‎難道妳不會替他們感到難過嗎？

322
00:17:02,045 --> 00:17:03,605
‎我會擔心他們哭喪著臉

323
00:17:05,685 --> 00:17:07,605
‎我們表面上說沒事

324
00:17:07,685 --> 00:17:10,925
‎想讓自己好過一點
‎不過心裡肯定不好過的

325
00:17:11,005 --> 00:17:11,845
‎對嗎？

326
00:17:15,925 --> 00:17:17,005
‎妳結婚了嗎？

327
00:17:18,925 --> 00:17:19,965
‎沒時間談情說愛

328
00:17:21,445 --> 00:17:23,005
‎我可以讓妳欲仙欲死

329
00:17:23,445 --> 00:17:24,365
‎對不起

330
00:17:24,805 --> 00:17:25,725
‎沒事

331
00:17:27,525 --> 00:17:29,165
‎從未聽過有抱怨

332
00:17:30,325 --> 00:17:31,725
‎讓妻子過得幸福

333
00:17:36,325 --> 00:17:37,685
‎我得走了

334
00:17:40,245 --> 00:17:41,165
‎回頭見

335
00:17:41,525 --> 00:17:42,485
‎爸，再見了

336
00:17:43,805 --> 00:17:45,125
‎把莉莎帶過來吧

337
00:17:45,485 --> 00:17:46,525
‎見鬼了

338
00:17:46,925 --> 00:17:47,925
‎好吧

339
00:17:48,165 --> 00:17:49,525
‎要死了

340
00:17:51,485 --> 00:17:52,325
‎乖狗狗

341
00:17:59,445 --> 00:18:00,765
‎可惡

342
00:18:03,765 --> 00:18:04,765
‎沒乾淨的碗了

343
00:18:04,845 --> 00:18:06,405
‎他媽的

344
00:18:24,685 --> 00:18:26,205
‎媽的，連牛奶都沒有！

345
00:18:48,645 --> 00:18:49,645
‎別醉生夢死

346
00:18:50,165 --> 00:18:51,365
‎多到外面走走

347
00:18:52,045 --> 00:18:53,725
‎還要保持家裡整潔

348
00:18:54,085 --> 00:18:55,165
‎我們溫馨的小窩

349
00:18:57,045 --> 00:18:58,925
‎也不要老是喝到醉醺醺

350
00:18:59,325 --> 00:19:01,525
‎長遠來說，只會讓你感覺每況愈下

351
00:19:02,125 --> 00:19:03,165
‎我並不是醫生

352
00:19:03,285 --> 00:19:05,685
‎但我過去幾個月和很多醫生聊過

353
00:19:05,765 --> 00:19:09,445
‎他們都認為不要當一個
‎又肥又懶又自憐的人

354
00:19:12,125 --> 00:19:14,085
‎碗盤用完直接放進洗碗機

355
00:19:14,165 --> 00:19:15,445
‎就不會累積一堆在水槽了

356
00:19:15,645 --> 00:19:17,605
‎記得偶爾要換軟化鹽

357
00:19:17,685 --> 00:19:19,365
‎軟化鹽就在車庫裡

358
00:19:19,445 --> 00:19:22,325
‎車庫就是我們家旁邊那個大建物

359
00:19:28,765 --> 00:19:30,765
‎討厭

360
00:19:32,325 --> 00:19:33,525
‎你還好嗎?

361
00:19:34,005 --> 00:19:35,205
‎我很擔心你

362
00:19:35,765 --> 00:19:37,405
‎-為啥？
‎-甚麼意思？

363
00:19:37,605 --> 00:19:39,325
‎因為你總是把自殺掛在嘴邊

364
00:19:40,085 --> 00:19:42,645
‎另外你應該要去公司上班
‎不過我就放你一馬吧

365
00:19:43,725 --> 00:19:45,485
‎過來酒吧，我和蘭尼在那邊吃午餐

366
00:19:45,565 --> 00:19:46,845
‎不，我吃過了

367
00:19:46,965 --> 00:19:47,885
‎別這樣

368
00:19:48,085 --> 00:19:49,765
‎-我們以前很常去酒吧
‎-不去！

369
00:19:49,845 --> 00:19:52,245
‎有人會把我惹毛
‎然後一天就毀了

370
00:19:52,365 --> 00:19:54,365
‎對，我願意賭一把，浩克

371
00:19:54,925 --> 00:19:56,085
‎對你有幫助的

372
00:19:56,365 --> 00:19:58,565
‎求你了，記者都會去酒吧吃午餐

373
00:19:58,645 --> 00:19:59,805
‎我們不是記者

374
00:19:59,885 --> 00:20:01,805
‎我們就是，我們幫報社做事

375
00:20:02,165 --> 00:20:05,205
‎對，而這份報紙
‎只會每個禮拜被老太太

376
00:20:05,285 --> 00:20:07,005
‎用來鋪在貓砂盤下

377
00:20:07,605 --> 00:20:09,165
‎她們看過才會拿去鋪

378
00:20:09,245 --> 00:20:10,485
‎-我們不是記者
‎-明明就是

379
00:20:10,565 --> 00:20:11,805
‎-我們當然是記者
‎-並不是

380
00:20:11,925 --> 00:20:12,925
‎-就是
‎-並不是

381
00:20:13,005 --> 00:20:14,365
‎-別再這麼說了
‎-根本不是

382
00:20:14,445 --> 00:20:15,885
‎欠揍

383
00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:17,005
‎你聽得到嗎？

384
00:20:17,765 --> 00:20:19,525
‎媽的死胖子

385
00:20:19,605 --> 00:20:21,645
‎吃東西像豬一樣吵

386
00:20:22,645 --> 00:20:25,045
‎都快把我搞瘋了

387
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,245
‎不如你想想工作上的事吧？

388
00:20:27,325 --> 00:20:29,085
‎抱歉，這樣我沒辦法專注

389
00:20:29,205 --> 00:20:31,085
‎-他媽的
‎-他在吃洋芋片，脆脆的

390
00:20:31,365 --> 00:20:32,805
‎但有必要這樣嗎…

391
00:20:36,285 --> 00:20:37,325
‎可真有趣

392
00:20:37,405 --> 00:20:38,325
‎早就說了

393
00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:39,845
‎你早說了？真棒

394
00:20:40,205 --> 00:20:41,845
‎總有人會破壞氣氛，對吧？

395
00:20:41,925 --> 00:20:43,845
‎對，不覺得這次或許是你嗎？

396
00:20:43,925 --> 00:20:45,085
‎不覺得

397
00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:47,805
‎無視他就好，可以嗎？

398
00:20:47,885 --> 00:20:48,885
‎如我所說

399
00:20:48,965 --> 00:20:50,365
‎不如你專注在工作上頭？

400
00:20:50,445 --> 00:20:51,765
‎消沉的人都會這樣

401
00:20:51,925 --> 00:20:52,765
‎有時候吧

402
00:20:52,885 --> 00:20:55,565
‎我很難專注在工作上頭
‎尤其是我的工作…

403
00:20:55,645 --> 00:20:57,285
‎常是訪問

404
00:20:57,365 --> 00:20:58,285
‎公宅的水管工

405
00:20:58,445 --> 00:20:59,485
‎他種出一顆馬鈴薯

406
00:20:59,565 --> 00:21:00,965
‎長得很像萊諾李奇

407
00:21:01,045 --> 00:21:02,285
‎還能上頭版

408
00:21:02,365 --> 00:21:03,525
‎確實長得很像

409
00:21:03,685 --> 00:21:04,765
‎其實時機點很不錯

410
00:21:04,845 --> 00:21:06,525
‎目前有蠻多讓人興奮的線索

411
00:21:06,605 --> 00:21:07,725
‎-線索？
‎-是的

412
00:21:07,805 --> 00:21:09,445
‎揭穿水門事件的那種線索嗎？

413
00:21:09,525 --> 00:21:10,925
‎-就是線索
‎-說，甚麼線索？

414
00:21:11,005 --> 00:21:12,645
‎-我們有甚麼線索？
‎-好的

415
00:21:12,725 --> 00:21:14,605
‎有位女士前幾天來電說
‎她拉動垃圾筒

416
00:21:14,685 --> 00:21:16,045
‎聲音跟丘巴卡很像

417
00:21:18,445 --> 00:21:20,045
‎-不行
‎-不行？好吧

418
00:21:20,325 --> 00:21:22,285
‎布拉登路有個女人
‎醒來後變中國人

419
00:21:24,325 --> 00:21:25,485
‎她之前並不是中國人

420
00:21:26,405 --> 00:21:27,605
‎不是，我懂這個切入點

421
00:21:27,725 --> 00:21:31,005
‎有個男人收到五張一模一樣的生日卡

422
00:21:31,125 --> 00:21:32,325
‎-真假？
‎-真的喔？

423
00:21:32,525 --> 00:21:34,685
‎-真的
‎-好，我們去查個水落石出

424
00:21:34,765 --> 00:21:35,845
‎馬上去

425
00:21:36,925 --> 00:21:38,365
‎對，不如你去一趟吧？

426
00:21:38,445 --> 00:21:39,685
‎這是你的本份

427
00:21:39,965 --> 00:21:41,045
‎-我知道
‎-是啊

428
00:21:48,045 --> 00:21:49,045
‎按門鈴吧

429
00:21:54,325 --> 00:21:55,205
‎你也太噁…

430
00:21:55,285 --> 00:21:56,685
‎總不好進他家裡才放屁吧

431
00:21:56,765 --> 00:21:58,645
‎去看醫生啦，你肯定有大腸癌

432
00:21:58,765 --> 00:22:00,085
‎-你好
‎-別出來，這死胖子

433
00:22:00,165 --> 00:22:01,725
‎-大到褲子上
‎-你是報社的人嗎？

434
00:22:01,805 --> 00:22:03,125
‎對，讓他在外面待一會吧

435
00:22:03,205 --> 00:22:04,445
‎你這個死肥豬！

436
00:22:10,645 --> 00:22:14,405
‎當我收到第一張生日卡
‎想說：“這張卡不錯”

437
00:22:14,845 --> 00:22:18,325
‎然後收到第二張就想：
‎“真巧，兩張一樣”

438
00:22:18,965 --> 00:22:20,965
‎但當我收到第三張

439
00:22:21,405 --> 00:22:23,485
‎我想說：“這機率有多大？”

440
00:22:23,605 --> 00:22:24,805
‎天文數字

441
00:22:24,885 --> 00:22:25,805
‎到了第四張…

442
00:22:26,685 --> 00:22:27,525
‎哇

443
00:22:28,925 --> 00:22:30,325
‎但又收到第五張…

444
00:22:30,405 --> 00:22:32,885
‎我敢說這肯定這是前所未有

445
00:22:32,965 --> 00:22:34,685
‎至少沒有報導過吧

446
00:22:35,245 --> 00:22:37,845
‎-你要寫下來嗎？
‎-我都記住了

447
00:22:39,445 --> 00:22:41,685
‎這會出現在下週的報紙裡嗎？

448
00:22:42,085 --> 00:22:43,645
‎對，我們會盡快報導

449
00:22:43,725 --> 00:22:44,805
‎超勁爆的獨家新聞

450
00:22:45,365 --> 00:22:47,885
‎丹妮絲知道肯定會很高興

451
00:22:47,965 --> 00:22:49,205
‎我的妻子

452
00:22:49,285 --> 00:22:51,205
‎她去年過世了

453
00:22:52,445 --> 00:22:53,525
‎我的生命之光

454
00:22:54,445 --> 00:22:56,805
‎我生活的大小事，都會告訴她

455
00:22:56,885 --> 00:22:58,365
‎然後才記起她過世了

456
00:22:59,285 --> 00:23:01,325
‎若不分享，不能盡樂

457
00:23:02,605 --> 00:23:04,165
‎我依然會難過

458
00:23:04,325 --> 00:23:08,365
‎不過生命又會讓你遇到一些有趣的事

459
00:23:08,965 --> 00:23:10,525
‎不能一直難過下去

460
00:23:11,085 --> 00:23:12,285
‎必須繼續前行

461
00:23:14,725 --> 00:23:15,765
‎生日快樂

462
00:23:17,605 --> 00:23:18,565
‎謝了

463
00:23:22,685 --> 00:23:24,205
‎要死了

464
00:23:29,605 --> 00:23:32,285
‎不好意思，請問狗糧放哪裡？

465
00:23:32,365 --> 00:23:33,765
‎就在貓糧旁邊

466
00:23:34,325 --> 00:23:35,485
‎好，那…

467
00:23:35,765 --> 00:23:37,365
‎我又有另一個問題了

468
00:23:37,445 --> 00:23:38,725
‎貓糧放哪裡？

469
00:23:39,165 --> 00:23:41,125
‎罐裝產品，第二走道

470
00:23:41,805 --> 00:23:43,525
‎謝了，不用帶路了

471
00:23:44,165 --> 00:23:45,045
‎好的

472
00:23:48,205 --> 00:23:49,685
‎-這樣就好了嗎？
‎-是的

473
00:24:06,005 --> 00:24:08,005
‎老兄，你身上有錢嗎？

474
00:24:11,325 --> 00:24:12,565
‎-有
‎-甚麼？

475
00:24:15,525 --> 00:24:17,085
‎有，我身上有錢

476
00:24:18,045 --> 00:24:19,125
‎那就交給我吧

477
00:24:25,085 --> 00:24:25,925
‎為甚麼？

478
00:24:26,005 --> 00:24:28,045
‎因為不給，我就把你殺了

479
00:24:30,285 --> 00:24:31,725
‎這招通常都會奏效吧？

480
00:24:32,165 --> 00:24:33,485
‎對於大部分人來說

481
00:24:33,565 --> 00:24:34,645
‎生命受到威脅

482
00:24:34,725 --> 00:24:36,885
‎會覺得乖乖給錢比較好

483
00:24:37,645 --> 00:24:38,565
‎不過…

484
00:24:38,645 --> 00:24:40,685
‎或他們擔心家人會受到傷害…

485
00:24:40,765 --> 00:24:42,045
‎不過我並沒有家人

486
00:24:42,805 --> 00:24:45,525
‎我就不講得太細
‎但我已經不在乎任何事了

487
00:24:45,765 --> 00:24:46,885
‎我不會把錢給你們

488
00:24:47,285 --> 00:24:48,325
‎你瘋了嗎？

489
00:24:48,405 --> 00:24:51,525
‎不是，只是很厭倦做自己不想做的事

490
00:24:51,685 --> 00:24:52,965
‎人總有選擇

491
00:24:53,045 --> 00:24:54,285
‎我沒理解錯誤的話

492
00:24:54,925 --> 00:24:57,285
‎我的選擇就是要嘛以暴力解決

493
00:24:57,765 --> 00:24:59,925
‎或是乖乖把錢

494
00:25:01,085 --> 00:25:02,765
‎交給你們這兩個廢柴

495
00:25:03,565 --> 00:25:04,525
‎你瘋了嗎？

496
00:25:05,085 --> 00:25:05,965
‎滾開！

497
00:25:06,045 --> 00:25:07,005
‎行嗎？

498
00:25:09,005 --> 00:25:10,885
‎滾開就是了

499
00:25:46,925 --> 00:25:48,485
‎我遇到的事並非誰的錯

500
00:25:48,565 --> 00:25:49,805
‎不要怪罪這個世界

501
00:25:50,325 --> 00:25:52,725
‎你也知道事情不順心
‎你會有多暴躁

502
00:25:53,405 --> 00:25:54,685
‎不過你有一副好心腸

503
00:25:55,565 --> 00:25:58,045
‎這是與生俱來的
‎你無法控制，你就是好人

504
00:25:59,925 --> 00:26:01,565
‎我一認識你就知道了

505
00:26:02,285 --> 00:26:03,885
‎像一道閃電讓我神魂顛倒

506
00:26:07,365 --> 00:26:09,045
‎我後來就一直愛著你

507
00:26:10,485 --> 00:26:11,445
‎你這個死胖子

508
00:26:28,445 --> 00:26:31,205
‎今天是禮拜天啊，混蛋！

509
00:26:32,365 --> 00:26:34,165
‎我看得出來，妳不是真的牧師

510
00:26:34,245 --> 00:26:35,885
‎東尼！

511
00:26:36,885 --> 00:26:38,325
‎天啊

512
00:26:38,405 --> 00:26:40,005
‎-怎麼了？
‎-為甚麼要這樣對我？

513
00:26:40,085 --> 00:26:41,805
‎對妳有益嘛，讓妳心跳上升

514
00:26:41,885 --> 00:26:44,165
‎-促進新陳代謝
‎-不對，你這個…