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NETFLIX 原創影集
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保持幽默
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在葬禮或之後的派對
講講笑話
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我葬禮結束後最好要有派對喔
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你在派對上總是很幽默
每次都會喝醉，興奮過頭
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頂著紅紅的臉
像煩人的聖誕老人到處跑
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讓大家都開懷大笑
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隔天你就會有種精神上的宿醉
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很怕自己昨天冒犯到人
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不過從來都沒有
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你只是讓人歡笑
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繼續當個風趣幽默的人吧
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你是個好男人
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佐治，你好嗎？
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怎麼了？
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羅比打我
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為甚麼？
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他每天都打我
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哪一個是羅比？
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停手！
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手上拿樹枝的那個？
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你是羅比嗎？
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-是的
-羅比，過來
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聽好喔
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我是逃院的精神病犯
最喜歡謀殺你這樣的小胖
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如果你再打佐治或其他小孩
我就會去你家
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我知道你住在哪
我會趁你睡著
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用這個鐵鎚揍你的頭
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明白了沒？
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我剛剛用鐵鎚恐嚇一個十歲的小孩
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他們得要學乖
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他在霸凌佐治
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我說如果他再犯
我會趁他睡著時殺了他
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-噢…你好
-嗨
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如果孩子不聽話
他就會用鐵鎚把他殺死
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-那你後來有去約會嗎？
-有
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順利嗎？
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不順利，很糟…
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又尷尬，史上最爛約會
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我生命中只有一件好事
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-就是我不用再約會了
-我懂你意思
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知道我單身多快樂嗎？
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只有我和一隻狗
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-我和我的貓
-沒錯
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當我的狗和他都死去
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我絕對不要再擔起任何責任
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能隨心所欲
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嗯
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你永遠也不用再過來這裡
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-對了…
-好
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-我得走了…
-好…
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-再見
-再見了
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薇樂莉
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我女友到了之後，麻煩打電話通知我
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不過你也看得到她
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就打電話給我吧
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她要帶東西給我吃
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女人呀
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不過我喜歡
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約會怎麼樣？
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爛透了
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-不是吧
-就是
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-我還以為你們有很多共通點呢
-她也不想去約會
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喝酒如喝水，髒話連篇
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自戀又沒禮貌
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沒錯啊
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嗆得好，幸好我先表明自己也不想約
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很想念我的妻子…
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還有想自殺的事
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然後她嘲笑我連自殺都不敢
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不像她的亡夫
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-聽起來不錯
-是啊
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然後我嘗試把兩個搶犯打下機車
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偷了他們的鐵鎚
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你又被搶劫了？
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沒有
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有個女人…
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他們後來經過我身旁
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我一直想把那些討厭鬼
從機車打下來
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我最討厭他們無緣無故拉轉速
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是小偷就更好了
有正當理由拉他下車
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抱歉，你說偷了他們的鐵鎚
是甚麼意思？
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其實算沒收吧
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他們掉出來的，所以…
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就由我保管吧
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這是蠻好的鐵鎚
所以不算浪費了一整晚
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好
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我能跟你聊一下嗎？
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好
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有聽說朱利安的事嗎？
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-負責送報紙的那個人
-是
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他今早被發現身亡
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死因是服用過量海洛因
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是
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太可惜了，我完全…
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反應不過來
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是我把錢給他的
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給他幹嘛？
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買毒品
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對，但你不可能知道
他會吸毒過量吧…
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-天啊，東尼
-甚麼？
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別說出口，更別拿來開玩笑
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為甚麼？有甚麼…
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因為你是我兒子的教父
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-是的…
-因為你不是該死的瘋子
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-好
-你為甚麼會說…
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你為甚麼要那樣跟我說？
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你又不知道
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-說你不知道就好了啊
-對，我不會知道…
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-是嘛
-那樣真的…
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會成功
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成功？你他媽在開玩笑嗎？
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他有海洛因毒癮，他就是會吸毒
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這顯然也是他想要的
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-請你告訴我
-所以我…
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你本來不知道他會自殺
否則我不會再讓你見佐治了
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我本來不知道
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當然不知道
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好的
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對，你本來不知道
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她來了
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-誰？
-我女友
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-真肉麻
-過來坐吧
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-親自外送
-謝了，寶貝
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各位，這是我女友，阿瓊
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-阿瓊，我同事
-嗨
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-妳好
-阿瓊，妳好
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那和這東西約會…
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感覺如何？
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很開心
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-是嗎？
-是的
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那是甚麼意思？
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他和我兒子相處得很好
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-是
-有很多共通點
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我的兩個小胖胖
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我很喜歡看他們搶零食
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-我才沒有搶
-明明就有
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只是他…有點貪吃
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他說妳是先被他衣著風格吸引
然後才是他的為人
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-是啊
-哇喔
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-愛他的一切
-好
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特別是他的身材
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真假？
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為甚麼？
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-為甚麼？
-他很火辣
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火辣？
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他的體溫很暖，摸起來熱熱的
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-原來如此
-他裸體時，我這樣抱下去
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像是在抱一個大寶寶
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他洗完澡之後，皮膚會很滑溜
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簡直神一般
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妳有沒有注意到
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他脖子上的肥肉？
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-背部脂肪？
-不是
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不過這可以稍後再談，謝謝妳提起
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不，下次他裸體躺著的時候
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捏一下他脖子後頭
要的話騎上去都行
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騎在他身上，抓著那圈肥肉
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把他當成彈跳球那樣騎著跳
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肯定很好玩吧？
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-不好傷到他吧
-不會，我知道肥肉讓人想要抱抱
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想看他剛洗完澡的性感照嗎？
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-當然不要
-好啊，謝了
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不，寶貝，妳也該走了吧？
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-是啊
-歡迎隨時再來
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我們是地方報章，所以需要…
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需要一些這樣的地方趣事
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-我忘了加卡士達醬
-沒關係
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那就下次記得囉
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-算了
-好，再見了，寶貝
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-謝謝妳…
-再見了
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各位幸會了
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-幸會
-幸會了，再見
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-掰了
-謝謝妳的食物！
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不客氣！
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你們是天生一對
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謝了
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誰都會找到愛情，對吧？
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謝了
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老兄，她很棒
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謝了
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（秋葉安老院）
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-噢
-嗨
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嗨，一天來兩次？
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-有人很受歡迎喔
-今天比較閒…
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-我也希望能閒下來
-妳在忙嗎？
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是的，有點忙吧
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過來坐一下吧
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我只想到這句
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天啊
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好，繼續工作吧
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-再見！
-再見
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這次我沒有餵母乳
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因為不太方便
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不過我還在哺乳期
所以我想說不浪費就不會缺
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就把母乳擠出來做成米布丁
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-用妳的母乳做？
-好點子
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00:10:20,045 --> 00:10:22,085
想來這樣也比較自然吧？
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00:10:22,525 --> 00:10:24,725
人吃人類哺乳做成的布丁
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我們以前就是如此，對嗎？
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嬰兒的時候吧
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00:10:28,365 --> 00:10:29,725
所以我繼續擠奶
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用來做米布丁
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有其他人會吃嗎？
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有，他們還很喜歡
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也知道是用妳的母乳做的？
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是啊
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誰會吃？
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住五號的柯斯比先生
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他就吃不夠
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-我又做不出大份的米布丁
-當然
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有時候我會混入牛奶
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是的
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對了，你想試試嗎？
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我們不用了，謝謝
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-天啊
-你還好嗎？
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不舒服，是因為他…
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吸布丁的聲音…
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像肥狗一樣
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天啊
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天啊
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換個話題
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麵包的部分
我用自己陰道的酵母製成
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謝謝妳
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根本不需要
用到自己陰道的酵母來做麵包
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如果你在做麵包
突然發現酵母用光了
227
00:11:27,045 --> 00:11:29,605
拜託不要用陰道酵母
去店裡買就好
228
00:11:29,685 --> 00:11:30,765
也能做出好麵包
229
00:11:31,125 --> 00:11:33,365
你嘴邊還沾著那些奶
230
00:11:33,885 --> 00:11:35,005
你這頭豬
231
00:11:36,685 --> 00:11:38,525
我要去遛狗了，回頭見
232
00:12:17,125 --> 00:12:17,965
你好嗎？
233
00:12:18,245 --> 00:12:19,725
-很好
-我在等你
234
00:12:19,925 --> 00:12:20,845
為甚麼？
235
00:12:21,685 --> 00:12:22,525
明信片
236
00:12:23,005 --> 00:12:24,645
-誰寄的？
-顯然是你寄的
237
00:12:25,325 --> 00:12:26,165
上面寫甚麼？
238
00:12:26,365 --> 00:12:27,965
-你明知故問
-說吧
239
00:12:30,125 --> 00:12:33,365
“致派特，別再看我的明信片了
你個邋遢又多管閒事的賤人”
240
00:12:35,325 --> 00:12:36,205
不是很厚道吧？
241
00:12:36,685 --> 00:12:38,325
但這不是寄給你的吧？
242
00:12:38,405 --> 00:12:40,205
-是寄給我的
-對，但你知道我會偷看
243
00:12:40,285 --> 00:12:41,285
所以叫你別偷看了
244
00:12:42,725 --> 00:12:44,445
乖狗狗，走吧
245
00:12:45,845 --> 00:12:47,845
我一直很不爽
246
00:12:47,965 --> 00:12:48,805
對
247
00:12:49,085 --> 00:12:50,805
我很討厭大家都認為
248
00:12:51,525 --> 00:12:54,165
當個爛人沒甚麼大不了
249
00:12:55,125 --> 00:12:56,525
我前幾天就被搞得很煩
250
00:12:56,605 --> 00:12:58,805
有個女人在街上走我旁邊
251
00:12:59,085 --> 00:13:00,885
她就拖著腳走路，不願意…
252
00:13:01,245 --> 00:13:02,285
走路要把腳抬起來啊
253
00:13:02,405 --> 00:13:04,245
沒有人教過妳怎麼走路嗎？
254
00:13:04,445 --> 00:13:05,285
妳都成年了
255
00:13:05,365 --> 00:13:07,445
昨天我在咖啡廳想揍一個傢伙
256
00:13:07,525 --> 00:13:08,645
他打呵欠太大聲
257
00:13:08,765 --> 00:13:09,605
他一直這樣…
258
00:13:11,525 --> 00:13:12,605
他媽的閉嘴
259
00:13:12,845 --> 00:13:13,685
沒有人要聽
260
00:13:13,925 --> 00:13:16,005
活像在慶祝自己很累那樣
261
00:13:17,125 --> 00:13:20,725
我們都會被惹毛
262
00:13:20,885 --> 00:13:23,405
我最討厭會把酒裡冰塊都吃掉的人
263
00:13:23,485 --> 00:13:24,365
我也是
264
00:13:24,565 --> 00:13:27,765
不過你的第一個想法
肯定不是希望他吃冰塊噎死
265
00:13:27,965 --> 00:13:30,165
等他倒在地上，吸不到空氣
266
00:13:30,245 --> 00:13:32,005
我會想要靠過去說
267
00:13:32,085 --> 00:13:35,325
“這就是你吃冰塊的後果，智障”
268
00:13:36,005 --> 00:13:36,845
我沒有這麼想過
269
00:13:37,725 --> 00:13:39,405
歡迎收聽我腦袋裡的想法
270
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,285
不好意思
271
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,405
-花點時間了解無家可歸的小孩？
-不用了
272
00:13:54,485 --> 00:13:56,245
所以你不在乎貧困的兒童啊
273
00:13:56,765 --> 00:13:58,885
現在不行，我自己有更嚴重的問題
274
00:13:58,965 --> 00:14:01,725
真有比絕望的貧困兒童
更嚴重的問題嗎？
275
00:14:01,805 --> 00:14:04,365
抱歉，我說有事忙還不夠嗎？
276
00:14:04,445 --> 00:14:07,765
你幹嘛想讓我內疚？
也少給我來利他主義這套
277
00:14:07,845 --> 00:14:10,565
你又不是志工
大家都知道你有拿薪水
278
00:14:10,765 --> 00:14:13,245
你根本不在乎慈善團體或貧困孩童
279
00:14:13,325 --> 00:14:14,365
你只想要錢
280
00:14:14,605 --> 00:14:16,045
我捐錢等於是在付你薪水
281
00:14:16,125 --> 00:14:17,485
你這個小王八蛋
282
00:14:24,565 --> 00:14:25,525
四眼小子！
283
00:14:44,045 --> 00:14:45,245
拜託，我可以上報嗎？
284
00:14:46,045 --> 00:14:46,885
為甚麼？
285
00:14:46,965 --> 00:14:47,845
為了我
286
00:14:48,565 --> 00:14:49,405
我的故事
287
00:14:49,485 --> 00:14:50,565
甚麼故事？
288
00:14:50,805 --> 00:14:51,645
我有故事
289
00:14:51,805 --> 00:14:53,765
你們這兒甚麼故事都報導，不是嗎？
290
00:14:53,845 --> 00:14:55,805
上週的是甚麼
“女士在樹上找到帽子”？
291
00:14:56,925 --> 00:14:59,005
求你了，來我家走一趟
292
00:14:59,645 --> 00:15:01,445
-為甚麼？
-我的怪誕只是冰山一角
293
00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:02,405
你不知道其他的
294
00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:03,725
我相信你
295
00:15:03,925 --> 00:15:05,565
簡直有如無主珍寶
296
00:15:05,965 --> 00:15:08,405
-你說得簡單
-多年來收集不同的東西
297
00:15:08,485 --> 00:15:12,005
紀念品、戰利品和我搜刮的寶貝
298
00:15:12,525 --> 00:15:15,925
如果你看完不服氣
我保證以後不再來煩你
299
00:15:16,245 --> 00:15:20,125
只要我們去你家一趟
你就永遠不會再煩我們？
300
00:15:20,205 --> 00:15:21,045
絕不
301
00:15:23,165 --> 00:15:24,165
那樣我今年都夠本了
302
00:15:26,405 --> 00:15:27,565
你要去看看嗎？
303
00:15:28,485 --> 00:15:29,445
好
304
00:15:30,205 --> 00:15:31,485
拜託帶新來的女孩一起
305
00:15:31,685 --> 00:15:33,565
妳要來看我們採訪嗎？
306
00:15:34,485 --> 00:15:35,645
-好啊
-好嗎？
307
00:15:42,965 --> 00:15:44,205
到了
308
00:15:47,765 --> 00:15:48,605
這就是了
309
00:15:51,565 --> 00:15:53,285
-要死了
-請進
310
00:15:53,885 --> 00:15:55,405
那是飯廳
311
00:15:57,125 --> 00:15:58,445
好，這邊走
312
00:16:03,845 --> 00:16:05,685
這就是我一直說的…
313
00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:11,685
有問題嗎？
314
00:16:12,525 --> 00:16:13,685
那是甚麼氣味？
315
00:16:13,765 --> 00:16:14,605
哪種氣味？
316
00:16:14,725 --> 00:16:16,725
就像喉嚨後面有東西在爬一樣
317
00:16:16,805 --> 00:16:18,925
-喉嚨後面，那是死老鼠
-就像…
318
00:16:19,005 --> 00:16:20,245
在後面的角落
319
00:16:20,365 --> 00:16:23,885
我幾年前佈下的老鼠夾
但我處理不到…
320
00:16:25,005 --> 00:16:25,965
還有問題嗎？
321
00:16:28,125 --> 00:16:29,565
-那是甚麼？
-蟑螂
322
00:16:30,485 --> 00:16:31,325
我收集蟑螂
323
00:16:31,405 --> 00:16:33,045
這些傢伙到處跑
324
00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:34,525
-別打開
-好
325
00:16:36,285 --> 00:16:39,045
我的規則是只要踏入我的領土
就是我的了
326
00:16:39,485 --> 00:16:40,325
懂嗎？
327
00:16:41,365 --> 00:16:42,285
還有第三題嗎？
328
00:16:42,685 --> 00:16:44,085
你囤積垃圾多久了
329
00:16:44,645 --> 00:16:46,685
我妻子何時離開我的？
330
00:16:47,765 --> 00:16:48,645
七年
331
00:16:48,805 --> 00:16:49,645
七年前
332
00:16:49,725 --> 00:16:51,605
我覺得自己可以在家裡為所欲為
333
00:16:52,725 --> 00:16:53,605
所以就變這樣了
334
00:16:53,685 --> 00:16:55,685
對，這讓我想到下一個問題
335
00:16:55,805 --> 00:16:57,565
-別誤會我的意思…
-不會
336
00:16:57,925 --> 00:16:59,405
你為何沒考慮過自殺？
337
00:16:59,645 --> 00:17:00,525
我有考慮過
338
00:17:01,325 --> 00:17:03,205
那你為甚麼沒有自殺？
339
00:17:03,285 --> 00:17:05,205
因為自殺太便宜我了
340
00:17:07,605 --> 00:17:08,925
你現在就是這種狀況吧
341
00:17:09,765 --> 00:17:10,925
-要喝茶嗎？
-絕對不要
342
00:17:11,005 --> 00:17:11,885
好吧
343
00:17:12,685 --> 00:17:15,765
布萊恩，地方報章不能報這種新聞
344
00:17:16,645 --> 00:17:17,845
沒有故事可言
345
00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:19,885
我能留下來找故事嗎？
346
00:17:20,885 --> 00:17:21,805
-真的？
-對
347
00:17:21,925 --> 00:17:22,765
好吧
348
00:17:24,325 --> 00:17:25,285
再見了
349
00:17:26,325 --> 00:17:27,285
掰了，布萊恩
350
00:17:27,805 --> 00:17:28,885
-謝謝
-再見
351
00:17:29,285 --> 00:17:30,925
-你要去哪？
-我跟你一起走
352
00:17:31,005 --> 00:17:31,845
想得美
353
00:17:32,765 --> 00:17:33,885
不能放她跟他獨處
354
00:17:34,005 --> 00:17:35,245
-這裡很臭
-對
355
00:17:35,365 --> 00:17:37,205
妳想知道甚麼？想看甚麼地方？
356
00:17:37,725 --> 00:17:39,485
給我看一下你有甚麼吧
357
00:17:39,885 --> 00:17:40,725
我有甚麼？
358
00:17:41,605 --> 00:17:42,525
我甚麼都有
359
00:17:47,565 --> 00:17:48,525
好，謝了
360
00:17:49,405 --> 00:17:50,645
謝謝你通知我
361
00:17:56,925 --> 00:17:59,925
大家好！
362
00:18:00,005 --> 00:18:01,925
大家好！你好
363
00:18:02,005 --> 00:18:03,165
大家打個招呼吧
364
00:18:03,285 --> 00:18:04,885
-你好
-你好
365
00:18:04,965 --> 00:18:06,165
拳拳先生，你好
366
00:18:06,245 --> 00:18:08,085
拳拳太太，妳好，最近在做甚麼？
367
00:18:08,165 --> 00:18:10,165
沒甚麼
368
00:18:10,445 --> 00:18:12,885
明明就有
妳跟吉普賽米基搞在一起
369
00:18:12,965 --> 00:18:14,085
我才沒有
370
00:18:14,165 --> 00:18:15,445
明明就有
371
00:18:15,685 --> 00:18:17,285
冷靜點吧，布萊恩
372
00:18:17,405 --> 00:18:19,565
冷靜？妳叫我冷靜？
373
00:18:19,965 --> 00:18:21,965
他讓我成為村子裡的笑柄
374
00:18:22,045 --> 00:18:23,365
她還好意思叫我冷靜
375
00:18:23,445 --> 00:18:25,165
她一直見人就搞
376
00:18:25,565 --> 00:18:28,605
這一年半她都跟住在綠巷的
吉普賽米基搞在一起
377
00:18:29,165 --> 00:18:31,525
我妻子是個蕩婦，用這句當標題吧
378
00:18:31,605 --> 00:18:32,645
我妻子是個蕩婦
379
00:18:33,525 --> 00:18:35,485
這個女人毀了我一生
380
00:18:36,965 --> 00:18:38,685
麻煩你，拍張照吧，謝了
381
00:18:40,805 --> 00:18:43,165
（坦伯里報章）
382
00:18:43,245 --> 00:18:46,005
（把過期蘇格蘭蛋賣給青少年）
383
00:18:49,005 --> 00:18:50,245
東尼，能借一步說話嗎？
384
00:18:50,325 --> 00:18:51,605
-現在？
-對，現在
385
00:18:55,365 --> 00:18:56,205
把門關上
386
00:18:57,245 --> 00:18:58,205
坐下吧
387
00:19:00,725 --> 00:19:02,325
剛剛學校打電話來
388
00:19:02,405 --> 00:19:04,925
不是有事要報導，而是找我這個家長
389
00:19:05,125 --> 00:19:06,725
原來今天有一位中年男士
390
00:19:06,805 --> 00:19:08,445
用鐵鎚恐嚇十歲的小孩
391
00:19:10,685 --> 00:19:12,725
你用鐵鎚恐嚇一個十歲小孩
392
00:19:12,845 --> 00:19:13,925
誰說是我做的？
393
00:19:14,245 --> 00:19:15,805
沒有，他們不知道是你
394
00:19:15,885 --> 00:19:18,005
但我知道，因為我看到你拿著那鐵鎚
395
00:19:19,605 --> 00:19:20,685
他欺負佐治
396
00:19:20,765 --> 00:19:22,925
東尼，你到底在搞甚麼？我…
397
00:19:23,525 --> 00:19:26,725
我可以忍受你的侮辱，遲到早退
398
00:19:27,085 --> 00:19:29,085
這些我都算了，但你不能…
399
00:19:29,165 --> 00:19:32,125
如果你繼續這樣，一定會有人受傷
400
00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:33,325
也不會是佐治
401
00:19:33,525 --> 00:19:35,325
我知道，因為我在阻止佐治受傷害
402
00:19:35,405 --> 00:19:37,005
吉兒已經一直在怪我了
403
00:19:37,085 --> 00:19:40,965
我繼續讓佐治見你
是因為我知道他能讓你開心
404
00:19:41,325 --> 00:19:44,445
但我不能再冒這個險
你明白嗎？
405
00:19:49,685 --> 00:19:51,965
-我是個爛人
-不是…這樣不行
406
00:19:52,125 --> 00:19:53,925
你這樣做人不行，東尼
407
00:19:54,045 --> 00:19:56,005
那樣只是讓自己再一次解套
408
00:19:56,565 --> 00:19:58,925
爛人都不是自己選擇的
409
00:19:59,005 --> 00:20:01,165
而你是故意的，你心知肚明
410
00:20:01,245 --> 00:20:02,645
這也是你做過最糟糕的事
411
00:20:02,805 --> 00:20:05,285
我都不知道你是在對抗甚麼了
412
00:20:05,365 --> 00:20:08,445
我搞不懂啊，故事裡根本沒有敵人
413
00:20:08,525 --> 00:20:10,245
你只是一直自我放棄
414
00:20:10,325 --> 00:20:12,925
我很悲痛，好嗎？
我時時刻刻都處於悲痛之中
415
00:20:13,245 --> 00:20:14,885
我做這樣的事
416
00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:16,845
會讓我稍微舒服一下子
417
00:20:17,245 --> 00:20:20,045
其實很多人也在悲痛之中
也有一堆鳥事
418
00:20:20,205 --> 00:20:23,525
-也有自己要應付的事
-我只是想要脫離悲痛
419
00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:26,045
無論是不再悲痛地活著還是死亡
420
00:20:26,325 --> 00:20:27,525
只要能不再悲痛
421
00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:29,965
-我生和死都沒差
-好，聽我說
422
00:20:30,245 --> 00:20:33,685
如果你是說，你不能被信任
423
00:20:33,765 --> 00:20:35,685
你不能為自己的行為負責
424
00:20:35,845 --> 00:20:38,405
如果你是這個意思，那沒關係
425
00:20:38,605 --> 00:20:40,445
但這樣我就不會再讓你見佐治
426
00:20:40,925 --> 00:20:45,605
因為如果你要我在你
和我兒子的安全之間做出選擇
427
00:20:45,885 --> 00:20:49,245
我絕對會選我兒子，你明白嗎？
428
00:20:49,325 --> 00:20:50,365
想也不用想
429
00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:54,765
-我絕不會做傷害佐治的事
-看你都做了甚麼好事
430
00:20:54,845 --> 00:20:55,805
我知道
431
00:20:56,925 --> 00:20:58,325
我不會再這樣做了
432
00:20:59,285 --> 00:21:00,405
那就拭目以待吧
433
00:21:11,045 --> 00:21:11,885
怎麼樣？
434
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:15,045
-瘋得很徹底
-為甚麼？
435
00:21:16,245 --> 00:21:17,285
他滿嘴屁話
436
00:21:17,445 --> 00:21:18,525
全都是屁話
437
00:21:19,365 --> 00:21:20,605
他還演了布偶戲
438
00:21:21,245 --> 00:21:23,565
-布偶戲？
-對，真正的布偶戲
439
00:21:23,685 --> 00:21:26,485
-這篇報導是要怎麼寫？
-是蠻可悲的
440
00:21:27,445 --> 00:21:28,525
但我很興奮能開始寫
441
00:21:30,245 --> 00:21:31,365
為甚麼裡面是空的？
442
00:21:32,125 --> 00:21:33,085
甚麼意思？
443
00:21:33,165 --> 00:21:36,445
雪花球裡面通常不是會有浪漫場景
444
00:21:36,525 --> 00:21:37,805
或是城堡嗎？
445
00:21:37,885 --> 00:21:40,365
對，這是用來放愛人的照片進去
446
00:21:40,445 --> 00:21:43,525
不過我還沒遇到好男人
447
00:21:44,485 --> 00:21:45,405
真是的
448
00:21:46,045 --> 00:21:47,005
隨便放點東西進去
449
00:21:47,925 --> 00:21:48,965
妳的貓貓照
450
00:21:49,685 --> 00:21:50,685
放些妳愛的事物
451
00:21:51,605 --> 00:21:52,725
妳愛甚麼？
452
00:21:55,245 --> 00:21:56,125
很多喔
453
00:21:56,205 --> 00:21:57,125
願聞其詳
454
00:21:58,445 --> 00:21:59,285
甚麼吉祥？
455
00:22:01,725 --> 00:22:02,885
妳在說甚麼？
456
00:22:03,565 --> 00:22:04,405
甚麼？
457
00:22:05,445 --> 00:22:06,485
我說願聞其詳
458
00:22:07,925 --> 00:22:09,245
妳又問我說甚麼
459
00:22:10,445 --> 00:22:12,125
妳沒有聽過“願聞其詳”嗎？
460
00:22:12,925 --> 00:22:14,605
意思是詳細說明
461
00:22:15,045 --> 00:22:16,405
給我一些例子
462
00:22:17,965 --> 00:22:19,205
-沒有
-沒有?
463
00:22:20,005 --> 00:22:20,845
好吧
464
00:22:21,405 --> 00:22:23,325
舉例一下妳喜歡的事物
465
00:22:29,445 --> 00:22:30,405
開懷歡笑
466
00:22:30,925 --> 00:22:32,245
-是嗎？
-是啊
467
00:22:32,725 --> 00:22:34,685
你看過我買給朋友的生日卡吧
468
00:22:35,605 --> 00:22:37,605
還有我在推特上分享的梗圖
469
00:22:39,685 --> 00:22:40,685
凱文哈特
470
00:23:02,365 --> 00:23:03,445
真高興看到妳在這兒
471
00:23:05,325 --> 00:23:06,445
-妳好嗎？
-是啊
472
00:23:07,445 --> 00:23:08,285
那好
473
00:23:11,925 --> 00:23:12,805
我需要一些建議
474
00:23:14,085 --> 00:23:15,285
我想要自殺
475
00:23:16,405 --> 00:23:18,085
當我沒辦法或還沒自殺
476
00:23:19,125 --> 00:23:20,405
我會對自己說：“好
477
00:23:20,725 --> 00:23:23,765
如果我要繼續活下去
478
00:23:24,205 --> 00:23:27,125
就必須照自己的規矩，隨心所欲
479
00:23:28,125 --> 00:23:30,085
而我總是有自殺這個退路”
480
00:23:31,765 --> 00:23:33,005
得要有備案
481
00:23:35,765 --> 00:23:36,605
沒錯
482
00:23:37,645 --> 00:23:38,925
但事與願違
483
00:23:40,805 --> 00:23:43,205
一開始感覺像是有了超能力
484
00:23:43,365 --> 00:23:46,125
我要幹嘛都行，管他去死
485
00:23:46,205 --> 00:23:47,605
最糟糕能怎麼樣？
486
00:23:47,685 --> 00:23:50,645
沒有什麼能夠傷害我
因為我隨時都能自殺
487
00:23:52,085 --> 00:23:52,925
但後來…
488
00:23:53,525 --> 00:23:54,885
我意識到…
489
00:23:55,605 --> 00:23:58,365
其實不能漠視一些自己關心的事
490
00:23:58,525 --> 00:24:00,445
不能自欺欺人…
491
00:24:02,525 --> 00:24:06,325
妳說過，地球不是繞著我旋轉
492
00:24:07,645 --> 00:24:09,045
即使我在悲痛之中
493
00:24:09,925 --> 00:24:10,885
這世界還值得
494
00:24:12,085 --> 00:24:14,005
多待一陣子
495
00:24:15,125 --> 00:24:16,005
讓我…
496
00:24:17,125 --> 00:24:19,885
所認識的世界，變得更美好一點
497
00:24:22,125 --> 00:24:23,405
就是這麼一回事
498
00:24:26,565 --> 00:24:28,005
幸福是很神奇的東西
499
00:24:29,405 --> 00:24:32,165
神奇到就算是旁人幸福也沒差
500
00:24:34,245 --> 00:24:35,485
美好在於
501
00:24:36,205 --> 00:24:37,925
社會變得美好
502
00:24:38,045 --> 00:24:40,485
因為前人明知自己沒機會乘涼
503
00:24:40,565 --> 00:24:42,285
也為後人種樹
504
00:24:44,245 --> 00:24:47,085
好人會幫助別人
505
00:24:47,365 --> 00:24:48,805
就這麼簡單
506
00:24:52,325 --> 00:24:53,605
而你是個好人，東尼
507
00:24:55,045 --> 00:24:56,325
你能給予別人很多幸福
508
00:24:58,525 --> 00:25:00,765
博學多聞、風趣幽默…
509
00:25:02,325 --> 00:25:03,325
還是個暖男
510
00:25:06,885 --> 00:25:07,805
妳忘了說性感
511
00:25:08,165 --> 00:25:09,005
是啦…
512
00:25:10,245 --> 00:25:11,845
不好說得太直白
513
00:25:12,925 --> 00:25:15,285
-要是妳年輕20歲就跟我在一起？
-答對了
514
00:25:18,565 --> 00:25:21,565
但要是我年輕20歲
應該能找到比你更好的
515
00:25:23,325 --> 00:25:25,165
是啊，一定的
516
00:25:35,125 --> 00:25:36,205
好，我先下班了
517
00:25:37,645 --> 00:25:38,485
再見
518
00:25:39,045 --> 00:25:41,285
-明天見
-再見
519
00:25:52,565 --> 00:25:54,125
-再見
-再見
520
00:26:29,445 --> 00:26:30,845
-東尼
-怎麼了？
521
00:26:31,205 --> 00:26:32,565
活得開心點吧
522
00:26:33,245 --> 00:26:34,205
甚麼？
523
00:26:34,285 --> 00:26:35,645
你值得擁有幸福
524
00:26:36,045 --> 00:26:37,125
請你開心起來
525
00:26:38,445 --> 00:26:39,965
我很欣賞你有多深愛你的妻子
526
00:26:40,565 --> 00:26:45,125
我也等不及遇到一個
像你這麼愛妻子的丈夫
527
00:26:45,725 --> 00:26:48,125
不過你還是可以開心
528
00:26:48,485 --> 00:26:49,445
好
529
00:26:50,445 --> 00:26:51,445
你這麼風趣
530
00:26:51,965 --> 00:26:53,725
動不動就讓我開懷大笑
531
00:26:54,285 --> 00:26:55,845
東尼，你這樣都讓我心碎了
532
00:26:56,045 --> 00:26:57,085
好的
533
00:27:01,885 --> 00:27:03,365
布萊恩的報導寫得如何？
534
00:27:03,445 --> 00:27:04,405
我寫好了
535
00:27:05,365 --> 00:27:06,885
-你要看嗎？
-要
536
00:27:25,245 --> 00:27:26,685
這可以放頭版
537
00:27:27,845 --> 00:27:29,205
-真假？
-真的
538
00:27:30,445 --> 00:27:31,485
天啊，我好想哭
539
00:27:31,605 --> 00:27:32,445
別哭
540
00:27:32,525 --> 00:27:34,845
也別太受寵若驚
有看過我們的頭版多爛嗎？
541
00:27:35,165 --> 00:27:37,365
有，但也是頭版
542
00:27:38,085 --> 00:27:39,285
寫得非常好
543
00:27:40,005 --> 00:27:41,485
-非常棒
-謝謝
544
00:28:13,445 --> 00:28:14,605
不是吧
545
00:28:15,605 --> 00:28:17,245
東尼
546
00:28:19,165 --> 00:28:20,925
天啊
547
00:28:23,085 --> 00:28:24,205
你好啊
548
00:28:24,325 --> 00:28:25,725
嗨，你好
549
00:28:26,365 --> 00:28:27,685
你好
550
00:28:28,885 --> 00:28:31,005
這裡是你的新家
551
00:28:31,845 --> 00:28:33,205
天啊，東尼
552
00:28:33,325 --> 00:28:34,445
看看牠的臉
553
00:28:34,525 --> 00:28:36,805
好可愛喔
554
00:28:53,845 --> 00:28:55,045
-嗨
-妳好嗎？
555
00:28:56,845 --> 00:28:58,285
我就知道妳會在辦公室
556
00:29:02,005 --> 00:29:02,885
她是妓女
557
00:29:05,165 --> 00:29:06,085
性工作者
558
00:30:11,045 --> 00:30:12,405
字幕翻譯：李瑋樂