1
00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:11,240
‪在电视上看确实好像很容易 对吧？

2
00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:12,560
‪-奥运会？
‪-对

3
00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:15,240
‪是啊 我想你今年进不了奥运队了

4
00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:16,320
‪-是嘛？
‪-是的

5
00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:19,240
‪-神啊！
‪-神啊！

6
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:20,960
‪-嗯
‪-我们在转圈

7
00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:22,720
‪-别人在看
‪-没有！

8
00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:25,160
‪别人在看我 心想：“啊！”

9
00:00:25,240 --> 00:00:27,000
‪没有 是在看我 心想：“啊！”

10
00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:30,240
‪他们心想：“看看他
‪他想帮她 但是她…”

11
00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:31,800
‪你没想帮我啊！

12
00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:36,760
‪你是在笑我 给我拍视频！
‪而不是在帮我！

13
00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:42,760
‪-你好
‪-你好

14
00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:45,400
‪后门开着 所以我直接进来了

15
00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:46,720
‪-好的 饿吗？
‪-饿

16
00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:48,520
‪-你想去哪里？
‪-去吃个简餐就行

17
00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:50,360
‪-10点要工作
‪-好的

18
00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:52,560
‪你想不想什么时候去划船？

19
00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:54,080
‪-划船？
‪-对

20
00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:57,040
‪去池塘里划船开心开心？

21
00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:58,920
‪去池塘里划船？为什么？

22
00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:02,240
‪我想着你可能会想去

23
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:04,680
‪不太想

24
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:06,680
‪回头见！

25
00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:07,640
‪走吧

26
00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:54,960
‪（坦布里报）

27
00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:57,480
‪-早上好
‪-早上好

28
00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:01,360
‪准备好了吗？

29
00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:02,480
‪噢 等一下

30
00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:09,200
‪你好啊

31
00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:10,480
‪-怎么？
‪-坐

32
00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:13,200
‪“怎么？” 这算哪门子打招呼啊 你好

33
00:03:14,640 --> 00:03:15,920
‪-晚一点要不要过来…
‪-不要

34
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:16,880
‪我还没说完

35
00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:19,840
‪来家里吃晚餐

36
00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:22,240
‪你可以把艾玛带来 搞个四人晚宴

37
00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:24,440
‪我和艾玛都不是一对

38
00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:27,400
‪没事 我的意思是我们四个人

39
00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:30,080
‪好的 如果纯粹是数学计算
‪那我带布莱恩来

40
00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:31,840
‪你什么事都这么难搞

41
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:35,640
‪把你优雅的柏拉图式朋友艾玛带来

42
00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:37,680
‪我们好好过过成年人的生活

43
00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:42,080
‪说实话 这对我和吉尔会比较好

44
00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:45,960
‪有人来家里挺开心的 不是吗？
‪我们不太出去 而且…

45
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:49,760
‪我想这是
‪我们婚姻出现一点小问题的部分原因

46
00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:51,640
‪怎么？因为没人来家里？

47
00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:54,040
‪-不是 你懂我的意思
‪-不懂

48
00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:56,840
‪好的 听我说 好吗？

49
00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:01,240
‪吉尔觉得我不太有冒险精神
‪你能相信吗？

50
00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:02,160
‪能

51
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:04,120
‪但是说实话

52
00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:07,600
‪这很荒唐 我有两件带帽防风衣

53
00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,120
‪如果没有冒险精神
‪要戴帽防风衣干嘛？

54
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:11,440
‪或者也可以说

55
00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:14,160
‪一个不敢把头发弄湿的男人
‪能多有冒险精神呢？

56
00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:17,360
‪我在看露营装备
‪我很可能会买这双靴子

57
00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:22,640
‪拜托 来我家吧 求你了

58
00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:24,600
‪帮助我证明她说错了

59
00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:25,920
‪我觉得有点被误解了

60
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,440
‪去上《奥普拉脱口秀》

61
00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:30,320
‪你要证明她错了 能不能别带上我？

62
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,840
‪没什么大不了！你不用待很久

63
00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:36,200
‪就你和艾玛过来
‪我们开心地聚聚 完事

64
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,760
‪-你要提前和吉尔说吗？
‪-不用 自然会知道

65
00:04:41,840 --> 00:04:43,840
‪好吧 我会现在给她打电话告诉她

66
00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:46,000
‪否则她会有点搞不清楚状况

67
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:47,560
‪她会想要有所准备

68
00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:49,680
‪我们通常不会坐下来好好美餐一顿

69
00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:53,880
‪这样吧 你们吃了之后再来
‪我们就喝几杯

70
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,680
‪放点音乐 说说笑笑

71
00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:57,600
‪不会有人笑

72
00:04:58,280 --> 00:04:59,200
‪七点半？

73
00:04:59,280 --> 00:05:01,360
‪到那个点 我通常在喝第二瓶了

74
00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:03,280
‪非常好 你可以在我家喝一些

75
00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:04,560
‪-好的
‪-好吧？

76
00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:05,480
‪-好的
‪-太好了

77
00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:06,760
‪如果艾玛愿意的话

78
00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:08,320
‪谢谢

79
00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:11,200
‪真他妈的！

80
00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:13,120
‪-我能听见你说话
‪-我知道

81
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,280
‪-你等走出办公室再说…
‪-走吧

82
00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:19,080
‪今天居然刚来就这么不爽

83
00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:29,040
‪（秋叶养老院）

84
00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:32,840
‪-你好
‪-你好

85
00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:35,160
‪你和你朋友托尼怎么样啊？

86
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:39,080
‪还真被你说对了 我们只是朋友

87
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,480
‪连这有时候都还有点紧张 说实话

88
00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:45,080
‪我们甚至没一起自拍过

89
00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:50,000
‪他没有更关注你 一定是疯了

90
00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:52,000
‪对

91
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:56,880
‪我想着应该记录下我第50本小说

92
00:05:56,960 --> 00:06:00,480
‪50本？哇！你写作多久了？

93
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,880
‪写了一辈子了 亲爱的
‪这是我唯一想做的事

94
00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:06,680
‪我15岁时写了第一本出版的小说

95
00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:09,480
‪自此之后 我每年至少写一本

96
00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:11,160
‪哇！你的出版商是谁？

97
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:12,840
‪自行出版 亲爱的

98
00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:15,680
‪封面等等都是我设计的 非常专业

99
00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:19,760
‪并不是从金钱角度说

100
00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:22,720
‪我其实是赔钱的
‪但这是一种热情 不是吗？

101
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,560
‪-对
‪-我得留下一些东西

102
00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:27,520
‪我终身未婚 没有孩子 所以啊…

103
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,240
‪那你是怎么赚钱的呢？

104
00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:31,440
‪我是灵媒

105
00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:32,640
‪好的

106
00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:35,240
‪我会看别人的气色或者掌纹

107
00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:37,280
‪还会看水晶球、茶叶等等

108
00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:41,040
‪但这才是我的热情所在

109
00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:44,960
‪都是写的同一个人 是吧？

110
00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:45,920
‪是的

111
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:48,240
‪医学博士巴纳比·洛弗医生

112
00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:51,280
‪我把医学剧情与色情小说结合在一起

113
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:55,320
‪“《医学博士巴纳比·洛弗医生
‪之二人临终》”

114
00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:59,400
‪为什么取这个书名？

115
00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:04,360
‪我一直希望它被选中
‪拍成《神探可伦坡》这种长篇连续剧

116
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,760
‪可惜事与愿违

117
00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:09,600
‪我曾经的首选是罗杰·摩尔

118
00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:12,480
‪但是现在大概找
‪像乔治·克鲁尼这样的人更合适

119
00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:16,000
‪他演过医生 不是吗？他很在行

120
00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:17,480
‪很可能比我都懂

121
00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:19,760
‪你没有接受过医疗训练？

122
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:20,840
‪没有

123
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:23,160
‪你怎么写对那些技术用语的？

124
00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:25,120
‪日常生活中学嘛

125
00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:26,920
‪好的

126
00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:29,600
‪要不要我读一段最新的这本？

127
00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:31,320
‪好的

128
00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:33,600
‪《张大嘴巴》

129
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:36,840
‪不是读这部分 有点太露骨了

130
00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:38,680
‪我们看一下 这一段好

131
00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:41,280
‪巴纳比医生在给一位病人做手术

132
00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:44,760
‪之前世界上最顶尖的外科医生全都说
‪这个病人救不了

133
00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:46,680
‪但是巴纳比医生有不同意见

134
00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:49,320
‪好的 “斯黛西护士擦了擦他的额头

135
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:51,720
‪‘这样好一些了吗？’

136
00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:55,080
‪他们俩戴着手术室必须戴的口罩
‪四目相交

137
00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,160
‪‘请叫我巴纳比’

138
00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:00,200
‪她的微微泛红
‪医生说：‘好的 我们开始！’

139
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:03,000
‪他把药物注入病人的大动脉

140
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:06,080
‪‘这样应该就能搞定’ 巴纳比说道
‪‘好的 给他缝针 护士’

141
00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:08,880
‪‘晚点一起吃晚餐？’
‪‘好啊’ 她说：‘八点见’”

142
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:11,000
‪好了

143
00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:16,200
‪-他活下来了吗？
‪-谁 亲爱的？

144
00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:17,400
‪病人

145
00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:19,560
‪我没写 别在意这个

146
00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:23,640
‪他肯定没事 毕竟药物打进了大动脉

147
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:24,560
‪可不是嘛

148
00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:28,360
‪不知为什么世界最顶尖外科医生
‪全都没想到这个办法

149
00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:30,680
‪巴纳比医生非同凡响 不是吗？

150
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,440
‪他是世界上最出色的

151
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,200
‪也是一个色鬼 这从来也没坏处

152
00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:38,960
‪-好的 拍一张照片
‪-好的

153
00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:41,280
‪微笑

154
00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:43,760
‪非常好

155
00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:47,280
‪-会在下周见报吗 亲爱的？
‪-会

156
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,760
‪能不能你麻烦提一下

157
00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:51,280
‪我会在坦布里集市
‪做现场读书和签售活动？

158
00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:52,520
‪好的

159
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:56,240
‪太好了 一定要带你太太来
‪主要是写给女性看的

160
00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:58,680
‪我没有太太

161
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:00,400
‪同性恋？那更好了

162
00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:02,040
‪我不是同性恋 只是…

163
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:04,720
‪我…

164
00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:05,880
‪我太太去世了

165
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:06,920
‪我真难过

166
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:09,120
‪你想不想联系她？

167
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:10,360
‪特别想

168
00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:12,800
‪-好的 那…
‪-不是 我是说…

169
00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:17,440
‪我不相信那些东西 不过谢谢你

170
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:19,600
‪这本给你

171
00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:22,880
‪《张大嘴巴》

172
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:25,560
‪在这种语境中 只可能有一种意思

173
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:26,720
‪-是啊
‪-不是吗？

174
00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:32,320
‪真是讨厌

175
00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:36,080
‪他知道我们要过马路
‪但他就是得省这十秒钟

176
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:38,840
‪因为他全职贱人的这份工作太重要了

177
00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:43,200
‪我总是想
‪如果带着块砖头能砸他妈车窗就好了

178
00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:45,160
‪这样就圆满了

179
00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:47,400
‪你随身带一块砖头

180
00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:48,960
‪在斑马线附近徘徊

181
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:51,280
‪那简直是为人民服务
‪到时候我就像蝙蝠侠那样

182
00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:52,280
‪有神经病的蝙蝠侠

183
00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:54,280
‪没错 也许我不是在悲痛

184
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,920
‪也许只是因为我混蛋罢了
‪就是喜欢惩罚别人

185
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:59,080
‪典型的义勇军啊？

186
00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:01,520
‪我就像蝙蝠侠或者德克斯特

187
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:05,120
‪他是一个连环杀手
‪但他爸教会他只杀坏人

188
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:06,640
‪但他确实很神经

189
00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:07,880
‪或者蜘蛛侠

190
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:11,800
‪他的叔叔被杀
‪于是他就他妈出去解决坏人

191
00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:14,440
‪他是不是被蜘蛛咬过？
‪我不记得叔叔那段剧情了

192
00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:17,600
‪对 然后他给自己做了套浮夸的外衣

193
00:10:17,680 --> 00:10:21,880
‪我懒得去弄那些 我就穿自己的衣服

194
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:24,400
‪而且我会他妈揍蜘蛛侠

195
00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:27,560
‪小贱人穿着孩子紧身睡衣？

196
00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:31,480
‪-但是他有蜘蛛感应
‪-是嘛？跺一脚！踩扁了！

197
00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:37,840
‪“巴纳比医生躺在他的真皮办公椅上
‪陷入深思

198
00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:39,360
‪他担心一个病人的情况

199
00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:42,200
‪这位病人得的脑肿瘤
‪是他见过最严重的

200
00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:45,600
‪有人敲门 ‘请进’ 巴纳比医生说

201
00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:48,880
‪门开了 是辛迪护士

202
00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:50,600
‪她是医院最漂亮的护士”

203
00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:51,520
‪当然了

204
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:55,200
‪“‘噢 抱歉’ 她说
‪‘女更衣室现在用不了

205
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:58,000
‪所以不知我能不能在这里换衣服
‪反正你也是医生’

206
00:10:58,080 --> 00:10:59,760
‪‘没问题’ 巴纳比医生说

207
00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:01,160
‪‘我是外科医生

208
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:02,560
‪所以女性裸体在我眼中

209
00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:05,560
‪与一般血气方刚的男性眼中不同’”

210
00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:06,880
‪读不下去了

211
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:08,280
‪-读啊
‪-不 你读吧

212
00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:09,720
‪神啊！

213
00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:14,800
‪“辛迪护士开始慢慢地脱衣服
‪她太性感了

214
00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:17,320
‪她注意到
‪巴纳比医生看她的眼神不一样了

215
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,320
‪如果是给她做手术
‪一定不是这种眼神

216
00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:21,520
‪‘你看我还好吧 医生？’

217
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,960
‪‘很好啊’ 巴纳比医生说

218
00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:26,640
‪‘你最好量一下我的脉搏 护士’”

219
00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:30,000
‪其实还挺不错的 有点老派 充满希望

220
00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:31,560
‪她还是一个算命先生

221
00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:34,040
‪-她是这么说的 没错
‪-她为什么要说谎？

222
00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:37,000
‪-因为这是不可能的
‪-没什么事是不可能的

223
00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:38,160
‪我投降了

224
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:42,040
‪你没见过不代表不是真的

225
00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:43,440
‪要是没人见过呢？

226
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,000
‪可能是不可见的

227
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:47,760
‪-对
‪=我能去见见她吗？

228
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,120
‪去调查一下？

229
00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:53,080
‪-如果你愿意的话
‪-我会保持一个开放的心态

230
00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:56,040
‪如果你一开始就认为不是真的
‪那你永远都不会相信

231
00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:57,520
‪那要不要我安排？

232
00:11:58,040 --> 00:11:58,880
‪好的

233
00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:01,360
‪要是我来报道这个故事就好了

234
00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:04,800
‪噢 他来了

235
00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:07,680
‪我让你在外面等的

236
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:11,000
‪他要送我去参加一个会

237
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,160
‪很明显我们不是情侣

238
00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:16,240
‪我只是喜欢坐着劳斯莱斯出现
‪他知道的 是吧？

239
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:18,240
‪-是的
‪-是的 这样挺好

240
00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:21,040
‪这对你有什么好处 科林？

241
00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:22,320
‪别人以为他有女朋友

242
00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:26,680
‪但他知道这永远都不可能 真可惜

243
00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:29,960
‪他有劳斯莱斯
‪白手起家成为百万富翁

244
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:30,960
‪而且人也不错

245
00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:33,400
‪原本是挺完美的
‪可惜有一个明显的短板

246
00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:37,000
‪-什么？
‪-脸啊！看！

247
00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:41,080
‪对 脸难看 连我妈都说我丑

248
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:43,480
‪你不介意吗 科林？

249
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,240
‪很伤心

250
00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:47,640
‪我人都垮了

251
00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:49,920
‪我小时候都希望自己死了算了

252
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:51,440
‪但有什么办法呢？

253
00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:53,400
‪没错

254
00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:56,240
‪所以我要大家知道他不是我男朋友

255
00:12:58,080 --> 00:12:59,760
‪也许你应该戴一顶司机帽

256
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,400
‪或者司机口罩

257
00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:06,320
‪-她有点喜欢他 是不是？
‪-是的 科林 是的

258
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:07,840
‪她明显有自己喜欢的类型

259
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:12,040
‪不说了 走吧 我们要迟到了

260
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:15,120
‪走吧

261
00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:16,400
‪像一条狗

262
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:18,760
‪麻烦你继续工作吧？

263
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:20,400
‪不可能 不值得

264
00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:23,000
‪拜托了 已经浪费了够多的时间

265
00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:35,840
‪有一个新笑话

266
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,400
‪有什么比你的苹果里有一条蛆更糟？

267
00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:39,320
‪不知道

268
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:44,360
‪发现你前妻在超市停车场
‪被一群荷兰卡车司机轮奸

269
00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:47,880
‪在这之后
‪苹果里有蛆再也不算什么事了

270
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:48,800
‪相信我

271
00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:53,160
‪不管怎么说
‪我要开始更严肃地对待我的喜剧了

272
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,640
‪最近这几年 我的日子真的不好过

273
00:13:57,200 --> 00:14:00,320
‪但是我已经跌到谷底
‪只可能向上走了 对吧？

274
00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:04,000
‪对 我这边的话
‪肯给我这里那里找了几个试镜

275
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:05,520
‪小角色这些

276
00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:06,520
‪-妈的！
‪-怎么了？

277
00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:08,400
‪真不敢相信

278
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,800
‪我前妻和吉普赛人米奇在一起

279
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:12,160
‪他暴力吗？

280
00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:14,160
‪绝对的疯子

281
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:17,360
‪提醒你 我见过她用瓶砸交通管理员

282
00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:19,640
‪自己想

283
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:23,360
‪你好

284
00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:26,240
‪-还好吗？
‪-挺好的

285
00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:28,120
‪还好吗 米奇？

286
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:32,720
‪詹姆斯 这是米奇
‪这是我前妻伊丽莎白

287
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:33,920
‪你好

288
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,120
‪-你好
‪-还在一起啊？

289
00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:37,400
‪嗯 断断续续

290
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:40,240
‪她之前和一个白痴搞了一阵子

291
00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:43,200
‪被他抓了个现行 对吧？

292
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:45,800
‪好尴尬

293
00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:48,120
‪不尴尬

294
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:52,400
‪给了我借口把那贱人胖揍一顿

295
00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:54,600
‪鲜血淋淋 对吧？

296
00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:56,120
‪够惨的

297
00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:58,920
‪-现在挺不错嘛
‪-你了解我的

298
00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:01,920
‪我喜欢乐观地看事情

299
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:03,280
‪没错 兄弟

300
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:06,720
‪我的问题是喜欢尽量讨好每一个人

301
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:09,360
‪她是荡妇 兄弟

302
00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:10,600
‪他知道的

303
00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:12,920
‪你还好吗？你呢？

304
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:14,920
‪还不错

305
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,520
‪不管怎么说 见到你们总是很高兴

306
00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:22,280
‪回头见

307
00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:23,240
‪-祝你好运
‪-嗯

308
00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:24,160
‪再见

309
00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:29,320
‪我们慢慢地绕过伊丽莎白的屁股

310
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,960
‪嗯 单轮移动 行了

311
00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:39,440
‪你最好的朋友就是这么可悲 詹姆斯

312
00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:42,000
‪-你不可悲 先生！
‪-太失败了

313
00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:44,320
‪-和我比可不失败
‪-你开玩笑吧？

314
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,800
‪-没有
‪-你会唱歌 跳舞

315
00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:52,320
‪你会用鼻子吹两根笛子
‪会织毛衣 对羊毛很有一手

316
00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:56,160
‪如果说你失败的话
‪我们其他人还有什么机会？

317
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:57,240
‪谢谢 兄弟

318
00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:00,320
‪去不去垃圾堆？
‪看看那里有没有什么好东西？

319
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:01,680
‪-一定要去！
‪-嗯

320
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,080
‪但如果可以的话
‪我得先去我的经纪人那里一趟

321
00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:05,680
‪-我跟你一起去 小伙子
‪-好的

322
00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:16,800
‪还好吗？

323
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:18,360
‪嗯

324
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:22,160
‪我刚才在和斯坦说你很快就来

325
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:23,160
‪嗯

326
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:24,960
‪-工作还顺利吧？
‪-嗯

327
00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:28,240
‪-你现在还和他说话？
‪-每天都说

328
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:30,640
‪不光是在这里 在哪里都一样

329
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,640
‪但是在家里不会有人投来异样的眼光

330
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:38,840
‪很有帮助

331
00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:41,480
‪说出来很有帮助

332
00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:44,160
‪你能听到自己说的话

333
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:50,200
‪对 我从来不和自己说话

334
00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:51,520
‪否则大概会吵起来

335
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:54,240
‪你不会和自己说话

336
00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:57,040
‪对

337
00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:59,600
‪我确实觉得她还在这里

338
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:02,600
‪就好像很犹豫似的

339
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:05,560
‪一方面知道事实

340
00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:07,720
‪她死了

341
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:09,640
‪有逻辑性

342
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:14,000
‪没有天堂 没有转世 没有鬼魂

343
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:16,240
‪我知道

344
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,480
‪但是我感觉到她在我身体里

345
00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:24,360
‪每时每刻

346
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:29,160
‪就好像她还是我的一部分 指引着我

347
00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:32,160
‪很奇怪

348
00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:36,160
‪这是因为你是人

349
00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:39,160
‪其实任何东西都没什么道理

350
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:42,680
‪看看你 大哲学家克尔凯郭尔

351
00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:47,080
‪有情感是正常的

352
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:50,720
‪事情并没有逻辑性

353
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:55,200
‪科学让我们明白怎么活更久

354
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,120
‪情感给我们想要活的理由

355
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:03,640
‪以及不想活的理由

356
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:06,440
‪我刚才说得那么好

357
00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:09,200
‪我没事

358
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:23,080
‪-妈妈
‪-亲爱的 你怎么来了？

359
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:24,960
‪我来谈业务

360
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,480
‪-噢 祝你顺利
‪-你怎么在这里？

361
00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:30,120
‪-她在给我挑染
‪-对 我来帮忙

362
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:32,480
‪别说这个了 该拿你怎么办呢？

363
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:35,600
‪还在送本地报纸？怎么这样？

364
00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:39,120
‪我得挣钱啊
‪妈妈说我大了 该付房租了

365
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,200
‪这样才公平嘛 对吧 肯？

366
00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:43,200
‪还和这么失败的人在一起玩？

367
00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:44,640
‪-无意麻烦
‪-没放心上

368
00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:46,000
‪我和布莱恩是一个团队

369
00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:47,880
‪-他也想找经纪人
‪-为什么？

370
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,760
‪-为追求他的单口相声事业
‪-大干一番

371
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:52,160
‪我准备好了 我要大展拳脚

372
00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:55,440
‪我已经厌倦了自信遭受打击

373
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:57,280
‪一无是处

374
00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:58,760
‪但你确实一无是处

375
00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:02,160
‪你在喜剧方面根本没有机会

376
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:04,680
‪我感觉到自己的虚张声势在逐渐变弱

377
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,240
‪你说你可以让任何人成为明星

378
00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:07,600
‪我又不会他妈魔法！

379
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:10,080
‪-他又不会他妈魔法
‪-那样就是浪费我的时间

380
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:11,800
‪-毫无意义
‪-这样的态度不对！

381
00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:13,160
‪-不对吗？
‪-不对！

382
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:14,840
‪-那你来好了！
‪-没问题！

383
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:17,720
‪很好！这样你也能忙一点
‪因为我完全没办法帮你找到活儿

384
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:18,640
‪太好了

385
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,640
‪-不过也没关系
‪-什么没关系？

386
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:22,840
‪做人失败没关系

387
00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:25,400
‪我仍然爱你

388
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:27,600
‪太好了

389
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:47,800
‪-还好吗？
‪-嗯 你呢？

390
00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:50,800
‪嗯 鼓起勇气面对如今的情况

391
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,440
‪-什么情况？
‪-萝西

392
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:58,040
‪萝西怎么了？

393
00:19:58,120 --> 00:20:00,000
‪-你知道的
‪-知道什么？

394
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:02,920
‪-她是我的妞 不是吗？
‪-是的

395
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:05,720
‪然后呢？

396
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,480
‪她到处给别人吹箫 不是吗？

397
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:09,400
‪噢 好的

398
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:11,320
‪我不知道

399
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,480
‪-你知道的 因为我在跟你说
‪-为什么？

400
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:16,400
‪-我很担心
‪-好吧

401
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:20,160
‪我不知道你要我说什么

402
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:22,400
‪燃气账单

403
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:23,840
‪好的

404
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:26,720
‪再见

405
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:29,600
‪再见

406
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:47,880
‪坐在这里就很不错嘛

407
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:50,160
‪-下班之后
‪-嗯

408
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:53,560
‪其实一整天我多数时间坐着

409
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,200
‪不过你上班的时候
‪没穿粉色套头针织衫吧？

410
00:20:57,280 --> 00:20:58,440
‪不是粉色 是三文鱼色

411
00:20:58,520 --> 00:20:59,760
‪三文鱼粉色 没错

412
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:03,120
‪里面没穿汗衫 有意思

413
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:07,320
‪你就是喜欢这种羊毛贴身的感觉？

414
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,880
‪是美利奴羊毛 特别软

415
00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:13,440
‪-你之前有点热
‪-我之前是穿了汗衫 没错

416
00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:14,400
‪于是我心想

417
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:18,080
‪“脱掉汗衫 穿上套衫”

418
00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:19,400
‪嗯

419
00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:20,560
‪也挺好看

420
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,600
‪-吉尔给你准备了一棵盆栽
‪-是送给你们两个的

421
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:31,200
‪一棵盆栽怎么送给我们两个人？

422
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:33,880
‪-我自己一个人住
‪-呃 我只是…

423
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,400
‪我来的时候可以欣赏它

424
00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:38,800
‪她是出于礼貌 好吗？

425
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,800
‪-免得让艾玛觉得被排除在外
‪-好的

426
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:42,360
‪谢谢

427
00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:46,480
‪不要浇太多水

428
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:49,480
‪是仙人掌

429
00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:52,520
‪我很喜欢这幅画

430
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:54,360
‪是丽莎画的

431
00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:57,960
‪-不过不是她最好的作品
‪-什么意思？

432
00:21:58,040 --> 00:21:59,880
‪-我…
‪-如果你不喜欢 那就给我

433
00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:03,000
‪我喜欢
‪我的意思是她是很出色的画家

434
00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:04,560
‪但这不是她最好的作品

435
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:07,520
‪-好的
‪-请你不要这样 好吗？

436
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:10,720
‪我还是走吧

437
00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:13,880
‪-好的 我和你一起走吗？
‪-不用

438
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:15,880
‪我没心情 我早知道会这样

439
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:18,960
‪但是不用 说真的 你待在这里好了

440
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:21,480
‪我没事的

441
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:24,480
‪谢谢

442
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:29,240
‪我…

443
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:31,520
‪我真的很抱歉

444
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:33,880
‪他的心情还没有平复

445
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:35,440
‪他没事

446
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:40,640
‪他明显还爱着丽莎 我永远无法替代

447
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:42,840
‪我想他希望大家都知道这一点

448
00:22:47,360 --> 00:22:49,080
‪-我们觉得你非常…
‪-非常棒

449
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,160
‪-很适合…
‪-非常好

450
00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:52,520
‪-很有耐心
‪-而且善良

451
00:22:53,120 --> 00:22:54,280
‪我是成年人嘛

452
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:16,480
‪不要浇太多水

453
00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:19,520
‪贱人

454
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:54,000
‪怎么样？

455
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:56,240
‪史上最棒的雪人帅哥！

456
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:58,120
‪-或者雪人美女！
‪-噢 对

457
00:23:58,200 --> 00:23:59,320
‪-对
‪-是我不好

458
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:01,080
‪两种性别都有可能

459
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:05,320
{\an8}‪插了一根胡萝卜作为她的大鸡鸡

460
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:08,800
‪-对！
‪-你没考虑周全啊

461
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:10,840
‪还挑我性别歧视语言的刺！

462
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:13,080
{\an8}‪很可爱的鸡鸡

463
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:27,280
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