1
00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:11,240
‪電視播的划船好像很輕鬆，是吧？

2
00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:12,560
‪-妳說奧運嗎？
‪-對

3
00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:15,240
‪對，妳今年應該沒辦法入選了

4
00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:16,320
‪-沒辦法嗎？
‪-沒有

5
00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:19,240
‪-天啊
‪-真要命

6
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:20,960
‪-對
‪-我們只是在轉圈圈

7
00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:22,720
‪-大家都在看
‪-才怪

8
00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:25,160
‪大家看著我，表示同情

9
00:00:25,240 --> 00:00:27,000
‪他們是看著我，表示同情

10
00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:30,240
‪他們心裡想說
‪“看看他，他想幫她，但她…”

11
00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:31,800
‪他才沒有在幫她

12
00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:36,760
‪他是在邊笑她邊錄影，這不叫幫忙

13
00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:42,760
‪-嗨
‪-嗨

14
00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:45,400
‪後門開著，我就進來了

15
00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:46,720
‪-好，餓了嗎？
‪-對

16
00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:48,520
‪-想去哪？
‪-快一點的地方

17
00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:50,360
‪-我十點要上班
‪-好

18
00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:52,560
‪你想找時間去划船嗎？

19
00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:54,080
‪-划船？
‪-對

20
00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:57,040
‪在湖裡划船，說說笑笑？

21
00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:58,920
‪湖裡划船？為什麼？

22
00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:02,600
‪不曉得，我想說你可能會有興趣

23
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:04,680
‪不太算

24
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:06,680
‪再見了

25
00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:07,640
‪走吧，艾瑪

26
00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:54,960
‪（坦伯里報章）

27
00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:57,480
‪-早安
‪-早安

28
00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:01,360
‪準備好了嗎？

29
00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:02,480
‪先等一下

30
00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:09,200
‪你還好吧？

31
00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:10,480
‪-怎樣？
‪-先坐下

32
00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:13,200
‪“怎樣？”這是哪門子的問候？你好

33
00:03:14,640 --> 00:03:15,920
‪-你要晚點…
‪-不要

34
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:16,880
‪我還沒說完

35
00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:19,840
‪過來我家吃飯

36
00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:22,240
‪你可以帶艾瑪，四個人一起吃飯

37
00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:24,440
‪我跟艾瑪不是一對

38
00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:27,400
‪沒關係，我是說我們會是四個人

39
00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:30,080
‪那我會帶布萊恩
‪如果只是為了湊人數

40
00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:31,840
‪你很難搞

41
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:35,640
‪反正帶你戀人未滿的好友艾瑪過來

42
00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:37,680
‪我們來場美好的成人時光

43
00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:41,280
‪我說真的，這樣對我們很好

44
00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:42,240
‪我跟吉兒

45
00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:45,960
‪邀大家過來很好玩吧？
‪我們不太常出去…

46
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:49,760
‪我認為這是我們婚姻中的挫敗之一

47
00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:51,640
‪什麼挫敗？沒邀人回家？

48
00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:54,040
‪-不是，你明明聽得懂
‪-不懂

49
00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:56,840
‪好，你聽好了

50
00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:01,240
‪吉兒覺得我沒有冒險心，你相信嗎？

51
00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:02,160
‪對

52
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:04,120
‪但說真的

53
00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:07,600
‪說來荒謬，我有兩件防水登山衣

54
00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,120
‪如果我不愛冒險，怎麼會有那兩件？

55
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:11,440
‪你也可以說

56
00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:14,160
‪不愛弄濕頭髮的人，會有多愛冒險？

57
00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:17,360
‪我正在看露營裝備
‪有可能會買這雙靴子

58
00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:23,160
‪別這樣，過來吧，拜託你

59
00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:25,920
‪幫我證明她錯了，我覺得被誤解

60
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:26,880
‪繼續說，歐普拉

61
00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:30,320
‪證明她錯的方法
‪有哪個是我可以不用出現的？

62
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,840
‪這又沒什麼，你甚至不用久待

63
00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:36,200
‪你跟艾瑪只要過來
‪我們一起找樂子，這樣就好

64
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,760
‪-不用警告吉兒嗎？
‪-不用，一時興起嘛

65
00:04:41,840 --> 00:04:44,440
‪我現在就要打給她，跟她說

66
00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:46,000
‪不然她會有點緊張

67
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:49,680
‪她會想要做好準備
‪我們不常搞什麼大餐

68
00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:53,880
‪先吃點東西再來
‪然後我們會喝點東西

69
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,160
‪播點音樂，講些好笑的

70
00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:57,600
‪不會有好笑的

71
00:04:58,280 --> 00:04:59,200
‪七點半？

72
00:04:59,280 --> 00:05:01,360
‪那時候我通常在喝第二瓶酒了

73
00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:03,280
‪太好了，你可以到我家喝

74
00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:04,560
‪-好
‪-行嗎？

75
00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:05,480
‪-好
‪-太好了

76
00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:06,760
‪如果艾瑪願意的話

77
00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:08,320
‪謝謝

78
00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:11,200
‪真要命

79
00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:13,120
‪-我聽到了
‪-我知道

80
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,480
‪-等你離開辦公室再…
‪-走吧

81
00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:19,080
‪今天出師不利

82
00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:29,040
‪（秋葉安老院）

83
00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:32,840
‪-妳好
‪-妳好

84
00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:35,160
‪妳跟朋友東尼進展得如何？

85
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:39,080
‪就是那樣，真的，我們只是朋友

86
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,480
‪即使偶爾會有點緊張，老實說

87
00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:45,400
‪我們甚至沒一起自拍過

88
00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:50,000
‪他肯定是瘋了，才沒多注意妳

89
00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:52,000
‪對

90
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:56,880
‪我覺得記錄我第50本小說應該不錯

91
00:05:56,960 --> 00:06:00,480
‪第50本？真厲害，妳寫書多久了？

92
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,880
‪寫一輩子了，親愛的，這是我的志業

93
00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:06,680
‪我15歲時出版第一本小說

94
00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:09,480
‪自此之後，至少每年一本

95
00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:11,160
‪厲害，妳的出版社是哪家？

96
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:12,840
‪自己出版的，親愛的

97
00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:15,680
‪我設計封面，包辦一切，非常專業

98
00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:19,760
‪不是為了賺錢

99
00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:22,720
‪我其實在賠錢
‪但這是一種熱忱，對吧？

100
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,560
‪-對
‪-我總得留下點東西

101
00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:27,520
‪我未婚，膝下無子，所以囉

102
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,240
‪妳靠什麼為生？

103
00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:31,440
‪我是靈媒

104
00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:32,640
‪好

105
00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:37,280
‪我看氣場、手相
‪或水晶球、茶葉之類的

106
00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:41,040
‪但出書是我的熱情所在

107
00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:44,960
‪書的主角都是同一人，對吧？

108
00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:45,920
‪對

109
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:48,240
‪巴納比樂福醫生

110
00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:51,280
‪我結合醫療劇和情色小說

111
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:55,320
‪“巴納比樂福醫生，病榻上的兩人”

112
00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:59,400
‪為什麼是“巴納比樂福醫生
‪病榻上的兩人”？

113
00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:04,360
‪我一直希望書被改編成
‪《神探可倫坡》那樣的長壽劇

114
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,760
‪但很遺憾沒有

115
00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:09,600
‪我以前的第一人選是羅傑摩爾

116
00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:12,480
‪但現在可能是像喬治克隆尼那樣的人

117
00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:16,000
‪他演過醫生，一定不會手足無措

118
00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:17,480
‪可能懂得比我還多

119
00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:19,760
‪妳沒接受過醫療訓練嗎？

120
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:20,840
‪沒有

121
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:25,120
‪-妳怎麼寫出對的醫療資訊？
‪-從日常生活學

122
00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:26,920
‪好

123
00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:29,600
‪你們要我唸一段新作嗎？

124
00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:31,320
‪好

125
00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:33,600
‪《大開眼界》

126
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:36,840
‪這段不要，太下流了

127
00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:38,680
‪來看看吧，這段很好

128
00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:41,280
‪所以巴納比醫生正在幫人開刀

129
00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:44,760
‪全球頂尖外科醫生都說這病人沒救了

130
00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:46,680
‪但巴納比醫生不這麼認為

131
00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:49,320
‪好，“史黛西護理師擦了他的額頭”

132
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:51,720
‪“這樣好多了嗎，醫生？”

133
00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:55,080
‪“他們的眼神
‪交會在手術房要戴的口罩上”

134
00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,160
‪“別這樣，叫我巴納比就好”

135
00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:00,200
‪“她臉紅了“，“好，要注射了”

136
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:03,000
‪“他將藥物注入病患的主動脈”

137
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:06,080
‪“這樣應該就行了，巴納比醫生說“
‪“進行縫合，護理師”

138
00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:08,880
‪“等下一起吃晚餐？”
‪“好啊，她說”，“八點見”

139
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:11,000
‪好了

140
00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:16,200
‪-他有活下來嗎？
‪-誰，親愛的？

141
00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:17,400
‪那個病人

142
00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:19,560
‪我沒提，那不重要

143
00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:23,640
‪如果他們都把藥打進主動脈了
‪我相信病人一定不會有事

144
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,040
‪沒錯

145
00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:28,360
‪不知道全球頂尖的醫生怎沒想到這招

146
00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:32,440
‪巴納比醫生很特別吧？
‪他是世上醫術最精湛的

147
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,200
‪還是猛男，這總是好事

148
00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:38,960
‪-很好，拍張照
‪-好

149
00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:41,280
‪笑一個

150
00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:43,760
‪好極了

151
00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:47,280
‪-這會上下週的報紙嗎，親愛的？
‪-會

152
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,280
‪可以提到我會在坦布里市集

153
00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:51,280
‪舉辦現場讀書及簽書會嗎？

154
00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:52,520
‪好

155
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:56,240
‪那就好，一定要帶太太來捧場
‪這主要是為女性辦的

156
00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:58,680
‪我…我沒有太太

157
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:00,400
‪同志嗎？這樣更好

158
00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:02,040
‪我不是同志，只是…

159
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:04,720
‪我…

160
00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:05,880
‪我太太走了

161
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:06,920
‪真遺憾

162
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:09,120
‪你要跟她聯繫嗎？

163
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:10,360
‪我很想

164
00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:12,800
‪-好，那…
‪-不是，我是說

165
00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:14,880
‪我不…

166
00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:17,440
‪我不信這套，不過謝謝妳

167
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:19,600
‪這送你

168
00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:22,880
‪《大開眼界》

169
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:25,560
‪在這樣的情況下，只會有一種意思

170
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:26,720
‪-對
‪-是不是？

171
00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:32,320
‪我就討厭這樣

172
00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:36,080
‪他明知我們要過馬路
‪但他就是要省這十秒鐘

173
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:38,840
‪因為他自己在做大事業，全職人渣

174
00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:43,200
‪我每次都希望自己有磚塊能砸破車窗

175
00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:45,160
‪只差這件事就完整了，對吧？

176
00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:47,400
‪你真的隨身帶著磚塊

177
00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:48,960
‪在斑馬線附近徘徊

178
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:51,280
‪那會是社區服務，我就像蝙蝠俠

179
00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:52,200
‪只是神經不正常

180
00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:54,280
‪對，也許我不是傷心

181
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,920
‪也許只是為人機車，喜歡懲罰人

182
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:59,080
‪經典的私刑故事，不是嗎？

183
00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:01,520
‪我就像蝙蝠俠或《夢魘殺魔》主角

184
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:05,120
‪他是連環殺人犯
‪但他的父親教他只能殺壞人

185
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:06,640
‪但他神經不正常

186
00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:07,880
‪或蜘蛛人

187
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:11,800
‪他的叔叔遇害
‪結果他跑去殺光壞人，不是嗎？

188
00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:14,440
‪他不是被蜘蛛咬嗎？
‪我不記得什麼叔叔

189
00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:17,600
‪對，然後他幫自己
‪做了一套做作的服裝

190
00:10:17,680 --> 00:10:21,880
‪我不用這麼麻煩
‪穿自己的衣服就行，那就…

191
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:24,400
‪還有，我會狂毆蜘蛛人

192
00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:27,560
‪死小鬼穿著緊身兒童睡衣？

193
00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:31,480
‪-但他有蜘蛛的感官
‪-是嗎？踩一腳就掛了

194
00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:37,840
‪“巴納比醫生
‪靠在他的辦公室皮椅上沉思”

195
00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:42,200
‪他很擔心一個病人
‪他長了史上最嚴重的腦瘤”

196
00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:45,600
‪“傳來敲門聲”
‪“進來，巴納比醫生說”

197
00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:48,880
‪“門一打開，辛蒂護理師站在那

198
00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:51,520
‪她是全院最有吸引力的”，想也知道

199
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:55,200
‪“抱歉，她說，女更衣室壞了

200
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:58,000
‪因為你是醫生
‪不曉得我是否方便在此更衣”

201
00:10:58,080 --> 00:10:59,760
‪“當然可以，巴納比醫生說”

202
00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:01,160
‪我是外科醫生

203
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:02,560
‪所以女性裸體

204
00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:05,560
‪跟一般血氣方剛的男性不同”

205
00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:06,880
‪我唸不下去了

206
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:08,280
‪-繼續唸
‪-不要，妳來唸

207
00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:09,720
‪真要命

208
00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:14,800
‪“辛蒂護理師開始慢慢脫掉衣服
‪她性感得要命

209
00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:17,320
‪然後她發現
‪巴納比醫生看她的眼神變了

210
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,320
‪不像要幫她開刀那樣”

211
00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:21,520
‪我美嗎，醫生？”

212
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,960
‪“當然，巴納比醫生說”

213
00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:26,640
‪“妳最好檢查一下我的脈搏，護理師”

214
00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:30,000
‪其實挺甜蜜的，有點老派但帶有希望

215
00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:31,560
‪而且她還是算命師

216
00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:34,040
‪-她自稱是
‪-她何必騙你？

217
00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:37,000
‪-因為這不可能
‪-沒什麼事是不可能的

218
00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:38,160
‪我沒話說了

219
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:42,040
‪你看過的事不代表不是真的

220
00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:43,440
‪要是沒人看過呢？

221
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,000
‪那可能是隱形的

222
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:47,760
‪-好
‪-我可以去找她嗎？

223
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,120
‪調查這件事？

224
00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:53,080
‪-妳要的話可以啊
‪-我不會帶有任何成見

225
00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:56,040
‪如果抱持著懷疑心態
‪那你永遠也不會相信

226
00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:57,520
‪要我安排見面嗎？

227
00:11:58,040 --> 00:11:58,880
‪好

228
00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:01,360
‪我現在希望我能報導這件事

229
00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:04,800
‪他到了

230
00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:07,680
‪我叫你在外面等

231
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:13,160
‪他要載我去開會，我們很明顯沒交往

232
00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:16,240
‪我只是喜歡搭勞斯萊斯出現
‪這點他很清楚，對吧？

233
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:18,240
‪-對
‪-配合得很好

234
00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:22,920
‪-你有什麼好處，科林？
‪-大家以為他有女友

235
00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:25,520
‪但他知道這永遠不可能

236
00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:27,440
‪可惜啊

237
00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:30,960
‪開著勞斯萊斯
‪白手起家的百萬富翁，心腸又好

238
00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:33,400
‪這種人會是理想對象
‪如果不是的話，原因很明顯

239
00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:37,000
‪-什麼？
‪-那張臉，這還用說

240
00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:41,080
‪對，那張臉，連我媽都說我醜

241
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:43,480
‪這樣你可以接受，科林？

242
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,240
‪這讓人心碎

243
00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:47,640
‪我被毀了

244
00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:51,440
‪我從小到大都希望自己死了
‪但還能怎麼辦？

245
00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:56,240
‪沒錯，所以我才要大家知道
‪他不是我男友

246
00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:00,360
‪也許你該戴司機帽

247
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,400
‪或司機面具

248
00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:06,320
‪-她對他有點好感，對吧？
‪-對，科林，以前是

249
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:07,840
‪她顯然有特定的菜

250
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:12,040
‪隨便，走吧，我們快遲到了

251
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:15,120
‪走吧

252
00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:16,400
‪像叫狗一樣

253
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:20,400
‪-可以回去工作嗎？
‪-不行，這不值得

254
00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:23,000
‪拜託，別這樣，浪費夠多時間了

255
00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:35,840
‪有個新笑話

256
00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:39,240
‪-比蘋果長蟲還慘的是什麼事？
‪-不知道

257
00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:41,760
‪在喜互惠超市的停車場發現你前妻

258
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:44,360
‪跟荷蘭卡車司機群交

259
00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:48,760
‪在蘋果發現蟲完全沒得比，相信我

260
00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:53,160
‪總之，我要開始嚴肅看待我的喜劇

261
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,640
‪這幾年的人生實在太不順遂

262
00:13:57,200 --> 00:14:00,320
‪但我已經到了谷底
‪所以現在只能往上了，對吧？

263
00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:04,000
‪對，我呢，肯幫我四處找了試鏡機會

264
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:05,560
‪小型表演之類的

265
00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:06,520
‪-可惡
‪-怎麼了？

266
00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:08,400
‪真不敢相信

267
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,800
‪我前妻跟吉普賽人米基

268
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:12,360
‪他會打人嗎？

269
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:14,400
‪無庸置疑的瘋子

270
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:17,360
‪提醒你，我看過她拿酒瓶砸交通警察

271
00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:19,600
‪你自己想想

272
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:23,360
‪嗨

273
00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:26,240
‪-過得好嗎？
‪-不錯

274
00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:28,120
‪你好嗎，米基？對

275
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:32,720
‪詹姆士，這位是米基
‪這位是我前妻伊麗莎白

276
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:33,920
‪妳好

277
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,120
‪-好嗎？
‪-還在一起嗎？

278
00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:37,400
‪斷斷續續的，對

279
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:40,240
‪她有陣子在睡彈頭

280
00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:43,200
‪被他抓姦在床，對吧？

281
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:45,800
‪真尷尬

282
00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:48,120
‪一點也不尷尬

283
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:52,400
‪這給了我藉口好好痛扁他一頓

284
00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:54,600
‪浴血之戰，對吧？

285
00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:56,120
‪亂成一團

286
00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:58,920
‪-結果挺不錯的
‪-你懂我

287
00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:01,920
‪我喜歡正向思考

288
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:03,280
‪我知道，兄弟

289
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:06,720
‪我的問題是想取悅每個人

290
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:09,360
‪她誰都睡

291
00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:10,600
‪他知道

292
00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:12,920
‪你過得好嗎？

293
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:14,920
‪沒什麼好抱怨的

294
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,520
‪總之呢，很高興見到你們

295
00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:22,280
‪那就…再見囉

296
00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:23,240
‪-祝你順利
‪-好

297
00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:24,160
‪再見

298
00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:29,320
‪我們會小心繞過伊麗莎白的屁股

299
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,960
‪對，使出單輪特技，就這樣

300
00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:39,440
‪你最好的朋友就是這麼可悲

301
00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:42,000
‪-你不可悲
‪-標準窩囊廢

302
00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:44,320
‪-沒比我慘
‪-你在開玩笑吧？

303
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,800
‪-沒有
‪-你會唱歌、跳舞

304
00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:52,320
‪用鼻子吹兩支直笛
‪會打毛線、很會用羊毛

305
00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:56,160
‪如果你這樣還窩囊
‪我們其他人還有什麼機會？

306
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:57,240
‪謝了，兄弟

307
00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:00,320
‪你想去垃圾場嗎？看看有沒有好貨？

308
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:04,080
‪一定要，可以的話，我先去找經紀人

309
00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:05,680
‪-我跟你一起去，小子
‪-好

310
00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:16,800
‪還好嗎？

311
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:18,360
‪很好

312
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:22,160
‪我在跟斯坦說你很快就會過來

313
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:23,160
‪對

314
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:24,960
‪-工作順利嗎？
‪-順利

315
00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:28,240
‪-妳還是會跟他說話？
‪-每天都會

316
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:30,640
‪不只是在這，到處都會

317
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,920
‪不過在家不會有人笑我

318
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:38,840
‪這真的有幫助

319
00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:41,480
‪我是說大聲說出來

320
00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:44,160
‪你會聽見自己說的

321
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:51,520
‪對，我從來沒有自言自語
‪可能會吵起來

322
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:54,240
‪你不會自言自語

323
00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:57,040
‪不會

324
00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:59,600
‪我仍覺得她還在人世

325
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:02,600
‪好像有兩個我

326
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:05,560
‪一個知道真相

327
00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:07,720
‪她死了

328
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:09,640
‪邏輯上來說

329
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:14,000
‪沒有天堂、沒有輪迴、沒有鬼魂

330
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:16,240
‪這我知道

331
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:20,840
‪但後來我感覺到她

332
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:22,480
‪在我心裡

333
00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:24,360
‪一直都是

334
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:29,160
‪她還是我的一部分，引導著我

335
00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:32,160
‪超怪的

336
00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:36,160
‪那是因為你是人

337
00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:39,160
‪而且沒什麼事有道理

338
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:42,680
‪講不過妳，齊克果

339
00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:47,360
‪其實有感覺也沒關係

340
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,000
‪不合邏輯的事情

341
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:55,520
‪科學讓我們知道怎樣更長壽

342
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,480
‪感覺給我們盼望的理由

343
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:03,640
‪或不期不待

344
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:06,440
‪我剛講的很有道理

345
00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:09,200
‪我沒事

346
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:23,080
‪-媽
‪-嗨，親愛的，你怎麼來了？

347
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:24,960
‪我來開會

348
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,480
‪-祝福你
‪-妳在這做什麼？

349
00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:30,120
‪-她在幫我挑染
‪-幫個忙

350
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:32,480
‪這不重要，我們要拿你怎麼辦？

351
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:35,600
‪還在送地方報紙？成何體統？

352
00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:39,120
‪我不是有賺錢嗎？
‪媽說我到了要付房租的年紀

353
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,200
‪這樣不是才公平嗎，肯？

354
00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:43,200
‪跟這個廢物一起混？

355
00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:44,640
‪-我沒惡意
‪-沒關係

356
00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:46,000
‪我跟布萊恩是一隊的

357
00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:47,880
‪-他也想找經紀人
‪-何必呢？

358
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,760
‪-追求他的脫口秀事業
‪-非常想

359
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:52,160
‪我準備好了，我要向前衝

360
00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:55,440
‪我不想再被打擊自信

361
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:57,720
‪一無是處

362
00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:58,760
‪你就是一無是處啊

363
00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:02,160
‪你在喜劇界肯定沒機會出頭天

364
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:06,240
‪-我的勇氣好像消退中
‪-你說你誰都捧得紅

365
00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:07,600
‪我又不是魔術師

366
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:10,080
‪-他不是魔術師
‪-捧他是浪費我的時間

367
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:11,800
‪-沒意義
‪-這種態度不行

368
00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:13,160
‪-不行嗎？
‪-不行

369
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:14,840
‪-那你去啊
‪-好啊

370
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:17,720
‪很好，讓你有事做
‪反正我沒辦法幫你找到工作

371
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:18,640
‪好極了

372
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,640
‪-不過沒關係
‪-什麼沒關係？

373
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:22,840
‪當個窩囊廢

374
00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:25,400
‪我還是愛你

375
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:27,600
‪真溫馨

376
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:47,800
‪-好嗎？
‪-很好，你呢？

377
00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:50,800
‪對，咬緊牙關撐著

378
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,440
‪-撐著什麼？
‪-蘿絲

379
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:58,040
‪蘿絲怎麼了？

380
00:19:58,120 --> 00:20:00,000
‪-明知故問
‪-我不知道，怎麼了？

381
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:02,920
‪-她不是我女友嗎？
‪-對

382
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:05,720
‪然後呢？

383
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,480
‪她到處幫人口交，不是嗎？

384
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:09,400
‪好喔

385
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:11,320
‪我不知道

386
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,480
‪-你知道啊，我正在告訴你
‪-幹嘛跟我說？

387
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:16,400
‪-我滿腦子都這件事
‪-好

388
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:20,160
‪我不知道該說什麼

389
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:22,400
‪瓦斯費帳單

390
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:23,840
‪好

391
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:26,720
‪再見

392
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:29,600
‪再見

393
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:45,680
‪這不是很好嗎，就…

394
00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:47,880
‪坐下來

395
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:50,160
‪-下班之後
‪-對

396
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:53,560
‪我其實整天都坐著

397
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,200
‪不過你工作時沒穿粉紅毛線衣

398
00:20:57,280 --> 00:20:58,440
‪這是鮭魚色

399
00:20:58,520 --> 00:20:59,760
‪鮭魚粉，對

400
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:03,120
‪裡面沒穿衣服，真有意思

401
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:07,320
‪喜歡羊毛貼著你皮膚的感覺？

402
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,880
‪這是美利奴羊毛，所以很柔軟

403
00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:13,440
‪-你剛才覺得熱
‪-我裡面本來有穿，對

404
00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:14,400
‪所以我想說

405
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:18,080
‪“脫掉衣服，穿毛線衣就好”

406
00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:19,400
‪好

407
00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:20,560
‪不再回顧過去

408
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,600
‪-吉兒送你室內盆栽
‪-是送你們兩人的

409
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:31,200
‪單一個盆栽我們兩人怎麼分？

410
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:33,880
‪-我自己住
‪-我只是…

411
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,400
‪我去的時候可以欣賞

412
00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:38,800
‪她只是想展現善意，懂嗎？

413
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,800
‪-這樣艾瑪不會覺得被忽略
‪-對

414
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:42,360
‪謝謝

415
00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:47,080
‪別澆太多水

416
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:49,480
‪這是仙人掌，所以…

417
00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:52,520
‪我喜歡你們的畫

418
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:54,360
‪這是莉莎的作品

419
00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:57,960
‪-不是她最棒的畫作
‪-什麼意思？

420
00:21:58,040 --> 00:21:59,880
‪-我…
‪-你不喜歡的話給我

421
00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:03,000
‪我很喜歡，我只是要說她有多厲害

422
00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:04,560
‪但這幅畫她沒發揮功力

423
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:07,520
‪-對
‪-別這麼嗆，好嗎？

424
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:10,720
‪我該走了

425
00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:13,880
‪-我要跟你一起走嗎？
‪-不用

426
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:16,880
‪我沒心情
‪我早知道不會有，不過不用

427
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:18,960
‪我說真的，妳留下

428
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:21,640
‪我不會有事的

429
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:24,480
‪謝謝

430
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:29,240
‪我…

431
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:31,520
‪真的很不好意思

432
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:33,880
‪他還是不太好

433
00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:35,440
‪他沒事

434
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:40,640
‪他很明顯還愛著莉莎
‪我永遠無法取代

435
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:43,160
‪我認為他想要大家明白這點

436
00:22:47,360 --> 00:22:49,080
‪-我們認為妳很…
‪-酷

437
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,160
‪-很會…
‪-非常好

438
00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:52,520
‪-照顧病人
‪-又和善

439
00:22:53,120 --> 00:22:54,280
‪而且還是大人

440
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:16,480
‪別澆太多水

441
00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:19,520
‪賤人

442
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:54,000
‪覺得如何？

443
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:56,240
‪史上最棒的雪人

444
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:58,120
‪-中性的喔
‪-對

445
00:23:58,200 --> 00:23:59,320
‪-沒錯
‪-是我不好

446
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:01,080
‪-男女都有可能
‪-對

447
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:05,320
{\an8}‪以女的來說，它有胡蘿蔔大雞雞

448
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:08,800
‪-沒錯
‪-妳沒想清楚

449
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:10,840
‪想用性別用語挑我毛病

450
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:13,080
{\an8}‪這是可愛的雞雞

451
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:27,320
‪字幕翻譯：林佩孜