1 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:12,400 -No, no, no! -Hear, hear. Tony, for fuck's sake. 2 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:13,640 It's just a discussion. 3 00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:16,480 Right. You say "God," but what do you think God is, exactly? 4 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:18,960 I don't know what God is, exactly, 5 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:22,200 but, you know, I-- I believe in something. 6 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:24,480 -Vague. Very vague. 7 00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:26,680 Well, we obviously go somewhere. 8 00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:28,120 -I mean-- - Yeah. 9 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:31,560 Yeah, like, maybe heaven's, like, just a peaceful dream or something. 10 00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:33,160 I don't know. You don't know. 11 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:35,760 I'll probably end up in the other place. 12 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:40,360 Hope so anyway. More fun. You can drink and have it away down there. 13 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:43,760 Yeah, but I'm not sure you'll enjoy how you'll be having it away. 14 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:45,520 Basically, you'll be Satan's bitch. 15 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:49,120 What-- What will you say when he's doing you from behind, Dad? 16 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,920 -Gay. -Yeah, that'll show him. 17 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:10,800 Good girl. 18 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:13,560 Yeah. 19 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:15,760 Here we go. 20 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:17,360 Here we go. 21 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:54,560 It's her paw-tograph. 22 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:05,400 Cheers. 23 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:09,440 -Did Brian have a word? -Yeah, yeah, he did. Yeah. 24 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:10,560 -Good. -Yeah, yeah. 25 00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:13,680 Yeah, he said I should stop being a worthless slug, and I should be a man. 26 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:16,960 Yeah. Yeah, so I gave Roxy an ultimatum, didn't I? 27 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:19,400 I said it's either being a prossie or being with me. 28 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:20,960 Right. 29 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,480 -She chose being a prossie. -Oh. 30 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:24,880 Obviously. 31 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:26,360 -Sorry about that. -Yeah. 32 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:28,640 So, uh, I'm young, free, and single again. 33 00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:32,440 So I was wondering 34 00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:38,560 do you fancy going on the pull sometime together? 35 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:42,880 -No, fair enough. -See ya later. 36 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:44,200 -See ya. -Cheers. 37 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:08,200 Oh, hello. 38 00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:11,480 Hello. Um, I just want you to have a copy of the paper. 39 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:12,640 Oh. 40 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:15,120 Look at my silly face! 41 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:16,960 "That takes the biscuit." 42 00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:20,960 Ooh. It's lovely. Would you like a cup of tea? 43 00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:23,160 I won't, thanks. But can I just use your toilet? 44 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:25,200 Yes, straight through the kitchen by the back door. 45 00:04:25,280 --> 00:04:26,840 Thank you. Won't be a second. 46 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:29,160 Oh. 47 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:35,200 What are you doing? 48 00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:38,480 Uh, you know, just, um, 49 00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:41,160 leaving this photo. 50 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:44,880 It's me and Lisa when we were kids. I never got round to it before. 51 00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:47,240 I know this is sort of your place. 52 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:51,120 I thought you were checking out a good spot 53 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:52,880 'cause of your really weak heart. 54 00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:55,920 -Brilliant. -Cheers. 55 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:09,760 It's okay to admit that you're a nice bloke, you know, Tony. 56 00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:12,320 -It's not a weakness. -Right. 57 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:13,240 I think, 58 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,040 in your own way, you've always cared. 59 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:20,160 You've always wanted people to feel better and happier. 60 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:24,320 You just really enjoyed 61 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:25,920 poking them 62 00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:27,880 until they start thinking. 63 00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:32,120 If it didn't kill them, you made them stronger. 64 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:34,560 I'm like an inoculation. 65 00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:38,200 More like the actual annoying virus. 66 00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:39,640 Yeah. 67 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:42,840 -Good. -See you later. 68 00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:45,200 -See you later. -Don't be late for work. 69 00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:46,760 I definitely will be late. 70 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:48,640 I know. 71 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:01,680 -Hello. -Hello. 72 00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:03,480 -I beat you here today. 73 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:06,480 Oh, what's that? 74 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:10,960 It's Lisa and her little brother when they were kids. 75 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:12,880 -Oh. -He just left it there. 76 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:18,280 How did you meet Stan? 77 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,640 I was on holiday with my mum. 78 00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:22,600 Hmm. 79 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:27,560 It was a caravan park, and we met in the club room at a dance. 80 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:29,800 And then we went for dinner. 81 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:33,400 And he told me a rude joke, and I didn't laugh, 82 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:34,960 and it made him feel bad. 83 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:40,640 Fifty years later, it still eats me up that I didn't laugh. 84 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:42,160 What was the joke? 85 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:47,080 What's the difference between a Rolls-Royce and a dead prostitute? 86 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:48,800 Dunno. 87 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:52,880 -I haven't got a Rolls-Royce in my garage. 88 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:55,080 Oh, good old Stan. 89 00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:58,520 I wish I'd laughed. 90 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:02,720 I'm sure he never gave it a second thought. 91 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:04,680 No, you're probably right. 92 00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:09,880 What's that, uh, Mark Twain quotation? 93 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:14,000 "I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which have never happened." 94 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:16,640 Yeah. 95 00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:18,600 How did you meet Lisa? 96 00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:20,720 Uh-- 97 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,480 Uh, it was the early '90s. 98 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:24,440 Um, 99 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:27,480 I thought I was a writer, 100 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:30,440 but I was actually on the dole, telling people I was a writer. 101 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:33,120 Lisa was an artist. 102 00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:38,200 Fresh out of college. And she had a little exhibition at the Tambury Fair. 103 00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:40,880 And I was looking round, mainly at her, 104 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:45,640 and, uh, she thought I was interested in one of her works. 105 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:48,760 So I said I'd like to buy it. 106 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:52,960 And she said, uh, "How would you like to pay?" 107 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:56,600 -And I thought, "Good question. I can't." 108 00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:58,160 So I said, uh, 109 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:03,400 "I could marry you and pay you back by doing odd jobs around the house." 110 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:07,280 And, uh, then I just said, "I haven't got any money." 111 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,640 -She went, "What, on you?" -I went, "No. At all." 112 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:14,440 And she realized it was her I was interested in, 113 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,200 and she said, um, 114 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:18,480 "So I have to buy you dinner?" 115 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:19,960 And that was it. 116 00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:24,000 We went out, and, uh, we hit it off. 117 00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:27,200 We talked about music and stuff. 118 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:29,920 Our love of David Bowie 119 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:31,960 and Joni Mitchell. 120 00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:33,520 -That was her favorite. -Hmm. 121 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:37,680 We even played, um, "Both Sides Now" at the wedding. 122 00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:42,520 And I just thought I was the luckiest man in the world. 123 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:53,760 I wish I hadn't teased her about there not being an afterlife now because, uh, 124 00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:57,560 I think she wanted to believe, deep down, 125 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:00,920 in, like, Heaven and angels and stuff. 126 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,080 I hope she wasn't-- 127 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:06,440 I hope she wasn't scared. 128 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:13,960 All she'd have wanted was you with her at the end. 129 00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:19,640 Oh, and there are angels by the way. 130 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,920 They don't have wings and live in clouds. 131 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:28,000 They wear nurse's uniforms and work hard to pay the rent on their houses. 132 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:33,040 Some work for charities because they can't look the other way. 133 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:37,640 Some have four legs and bark. 134 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:42,240 But whatever they look like, they all save lives. 135 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:45,880 Sometimes you bump into them. 136 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:48,920 Like Lisa. 137 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:53,440 And Stan. And you-- And you marry them. 138 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:58,920 I know that Lisa and Stan aren't angels now. But they were. 139 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:04,480 If you want to be an angel, you've got to do it when you're alive. 140 00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:06,160 Be good. Do good things. 141 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:12,120 Introduce a lonely woman to a nice man. 142 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:13,240 Hmm. 143 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:18,760 You're my angel, Tony. 144 00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:23,480 -Not sure about that. 145 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,360 So, 146 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:40,040 why did you shave your head? 147 00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:44,280 Because my sister's hair fell out when she was getting rid of the cancer. 148 00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:46,720 And now we look the same again. 149 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:48,320 You do. 150 00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:53,160 -Why do you want to look like your sister? -Because she's lovely. 151 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:55,840 She is. And I think you're lovely too. 152 00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:59,920 She got sponsored and raised £1,200 to help me. 153 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:05,560 Amazing, £1,200. Wow. 154 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:09,280 Well, I need your names to put 'em in the paper 155 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:11,880 so everyone knows how brilliant you are. 156 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,600 -I'm Milly. -Milly. 157 00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:15,680 I'm Lisa. 158 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:18,480 Lisa. 159 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:21,320 My wife's name. 160 00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:24,160 Where is she? 161 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:32,880 She's at home. 162 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:36,000 -Making your tea? -Yeah. 163 00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:40,960 -Why are you crying? -Because I'm happy. 164 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:44,720 -Why are you crying if you're happy? -Because I'm mental. 165 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:47,960 Can we take a picture? 166 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,120 Smile. 167 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:54,040 Brilliant. 168 00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:54,960 That's it. 169 00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:58,040 Thank you. Bye-bye. 170 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:02,440 Are you having chemo? 171 00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:04,240 -No. 172 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:10,720 His hair fell out 'cause he ate nothing but crisps and biscuits for 30 years. 173 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:12,960 I wish I could just eat those. 174 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:15,560 Yeah, but this way, your hair will grow back. 175 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:19,080 But Lenny will just keep getting balder and balder, 176 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:21,200 and that's not even his worst characteristic. 177 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:23,040 Do you think he looks like Shrek? 178 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:25,320 -He's your friend though. -He is. 179 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:28,360 He is. And it doesn't matter what you look like. 180 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:31,440 It's what's on the inside that matters. 181 00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:34,240 And as we all know, what's inside Lenny 182 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,640 is just loads of crisps and biscuits. 183 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:38,760 Will you come again? 184 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:42,560 I don't know. 185 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:44,040 Okay. 186 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:47,680 -Why do you ask? -You're funny. 187 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:48,800 Am I? 188 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:51,400 Um-- 189 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:53,760 Okay, I'll-- I'll pop in and say hello. 190 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:54,720 Tomorrow? 191 00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:58,280 -All right. -And the day after? 192 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,800 I'll come in every day until you're better. 193 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,840 Or until I go to Heaven? 194 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:11,160 Do you believe in Heaven? 195 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:18,840 Definitely. 196 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:25,680 It's me again. 197 00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,640 Running out of things to say, to be honest. 198 00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:32,360 Found a poem that says what I want to say. 199 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,520 "Do not stand at my grave and weep" 200 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:40,280 "I am not there, I do not sleep" 201 00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:43,360 "I am a thousand winds that blow" 202 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:45,320 "I am the diamond glints on snow" 203 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:48,600 "I am the sunlight on ripened grain" 204 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:50,960 "I am the gentle autumn's rain" 205 00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:54,760 "When you awaken in the morning's hush" 206 00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:57,400 "I am the swift, uplifting rush 207 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,320 "Of quiet birds in circled flight" 208 00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:03,480 "I am the soft starshine at night" 209 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:08,120 "Do not stand at my grave and cry" 210 00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:10,800 "I am not there" 211 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:12,400 "I did not die" 212 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:17,840 I want you to enjoy life. 213 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:19,600 Mm. 214 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:24,840 I don't want you to worry about money or-- Don't worry about me. 215 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:28,280 Just worry about you, yeah? Be-- 216 00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:30,040 Be happy. 217 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:32,640 And be kind. 218 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:35,440 Be Tony. 219 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:50,360 What's this? 220 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,320 Oh, no, Tony, I can't accept this. 221 00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:57,600 She was your sister. 222 00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,760 -I know, but-- -You lost her too. 223 00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:05,320 I thought not caring was a superpower. I was wrong. 224 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:07,040 Caring about stuff, 225 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,200 that's what really matters. 226 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:13,120 Kindness. Making other people feel good. 227 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:15,440 That's the real superpower. 228 00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:17,360 And we've all got it. 229 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:19,240 Sometimes, 230 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:22,040 I feel happy. 231 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:24,080 Not happy like normal people, 232 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:26,320 or like I used to 233 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:31,600 feel happy when I didn't appreciate it, but content, you know? 234 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:37,000 A sort of feeling washes over me like the world's all right. 235 00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:39,200 In fact, life's pretty fucking amazing. 236 00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:44,120 You know, I think how lucky was I to exist at the same time as Lisa? 237 00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:46,400 Spend all my time with her. 238 00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:47,760 All my love. 239 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:52,680 Then it all comes crashing down, and I remember she died, and I'm alone. 240 00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:54,360 I can't wait to die. 241 00:15:57,760 --> 00:16:01,480 It all happens in seconds, and constant, you know? 242 00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:04,200 And then today, at the hospice, 243 00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:07,080 I met a little kid. 244 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:10,560 So sweet and innocent. 245 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:15,000 And all my own troubles… 246 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:18,840 are put on hold. 247 00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:20,240 They were still there, but 248 00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:23,440 he became my troubles, you know? 249 00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:27,560 And, uh, it sort of stopped the cycle, 250 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,480 the descent into darkness, 251 00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:32,400 because I had a cause. 252 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:35,360 It's like 253 00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:38,960 if the kid lives, then so do I. 254 00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:43,000 Thank you. 255 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:51,720 Wedding present. 256 00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:54,360 Fucking hell. Are you sure? 257 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:56,480 That is so kind. 258 00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:58,680 You all right, Kath? 259 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:01,800 Yeah. Yeah. Going to laughter yoga tonight. 260 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:06,080 That's where I am now. Going to a class to learn how to smile. 261 00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:09,760 That's to help you get a better flat. 262 00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:13,160 -Well, thank you. -No worries. 263 00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:16,320 Sorry, I just-- Nothing like this ever happens. 264 00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:18,080 Okay, everybody, so we've got a new member today. What's your name? 265 00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:21,480 -Kath. -Kath. Okay, Kath, so just loosen up. 266 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,800 Get those funny bones shaking. 267 00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:25,280 Okay. 268 00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:28,280 And big smiles, yeah? 269 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:30,680 Yeah. 270 00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:32,520 -Love life. 271 00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:39,240 Feel those endorphins. Yeah? 272 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:45,120 Funny old world. Funny old world. 273 00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:50,040 Sorry, hold on, everyone. Can we just-- From you? 274 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:02,200 I'm so lonely. 275 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:09,840 I think you'd better leave 'cause you're bringing the whole vibe down. 276 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:14,880 Oh! 277 00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:16,200 -Hi. -Hi. 278 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,400 Uh, this is Jack. 279 00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:19,320 -Hi. -Hello. 280 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:20,760 And this is Tony. 281 00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:22,320 My friend. 282 00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:24,680 Always. 283 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:28,640 -Nice to meet ya. -Yeah, likewise. 284 00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:30,680 -See ya later. -See you. 285 00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:31,600 Come on. 286 00:20:58,280 --> 00:20:59,920 -Yes! Well done! 287 00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:03,000 Hi. 288 00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:06,400 Oh. You okay? 289 00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:07,360 Yeah. 290 00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:09,880 More than okay. 291 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:12,080 Oh, good. 292 00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:15,680 I couldn't stand to lose another wonderful man. 293 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:18,440 Oh, and by the way, uh, 294 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:21,920 -thank you. -Mm-hmm. 295 00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:23,280 My pleasure. 296 00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:26,000 See ya later. Come on, girl. 297 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:30,520 "Dr. Barnaby flung open the operating theater doors." 298 00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:32,480 "As he walked down the corridor, 299 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:35,760 he saw a pretty, young Afro-Caribbean nurse crying." 300 00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:38,840 "She'd straightened her hair so looked like Beyoncé." 301 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,280 "'What's the matter, Nurse? Why do you cry?'" 302 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:44,080 "'Racism, Doctor.'" 303 00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:46,600 "'Racism?'" 304 00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:48,600 "'I hate racism.'" 305 00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:52,520 "'I think we are all equal, and I judge people by their character 306 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:54,200 and not whether they're colored or not.'" 307 00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:59,080 "'I made love to a Chinese lady once. Beautiful eyes.'" 308 00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:00,280 I love this. 309 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:02,280 What, the fair? 310 00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:04,880 Everyone comes together for a few hours. 311 00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:07,840 They swap ideas and recipes and junk, 312 00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:10,400 and they create memories and photos. 313 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:14,080 My dad used to say life's like a ride at the fair. 314 00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:16,360 Exciting, scary, fast. 315 00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:18,840 And you can only go round once. 316 00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:22,880 You have the best time till you can't take any more. 317 00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:27,200 Then it slows down, and you see someone else waiting to get on. 318 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:29,440 They need your seat. 319 00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:52,120 -Hey, happy Christmas, son! -Mind out! 320 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:53,880 Okay, guys, please, it's for kids. 321 00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:56,640 -Boom! Balls deep! -Pick on someone your own size! 322 00:22:56,720 --> 00:22:58,600 -You get in, then! Get it! -That 's not-- 323 00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:01,400 You jump in. We'll do it in front of your son! 324 00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:04,200 -That's not what I meant. -Show how weak you are. 325 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:05,920 Your child. Do it! Do it! Do it! 326 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:07,800 Come on. Go on, big man. 327 00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:08,760 Ah! Ah! 328 00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:11,200 -Wanna do this in front of your kid? -Hey. 329 00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:12,920 -That was too close. 330 00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:15,480 That's-- 331 00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:18,760 -Oh! -Prat! 332 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:21,160 "Oh, you're good at football, aren't you?" 333 00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:25,480 Oh, I was rubbish. 334 00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:27,720 I don't think sticking up for someone's rubbish. 335 00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:29,040 -Do you, George? -No. 336 00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:30,480 My hero. 337 00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:32,560 And you saved one. 338 00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:34,800 -I did save one. -You definitely saved one, didn't he? 339 00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:36,760 -Daddy's really good at football. -With my bum. 340 00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:40,080 Hey. Remember me? 341 00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:42,480 Oh, yeah. Dog shit man. 342 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:44,360 Oh, Marvel missed a trick there. 343 00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:47,160 -You still refuse to have a relationship? -No. 344 00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:50,400 No, I changed my mind. I'm desperate now. 345 00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,200 I'm here on the pull. No offense. 346 00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:55,800 And not with you either. No, no. You're out of my league. 347 00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:57,560 I'm not being sexist, but, you know-- 348 00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:00,160 -Well, you're saying all the right things. -Really? 349 00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:01,280 Absolutely. 350 00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:05,520 Desperation, flattery, begging. I mean, what's not to love? 351 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:08,640 Well, I don't know what to say. 352 00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:13,160 I'll be honest with you. I lost my mojo over the last year and a half. 353 00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:17,320 But I'm over the moon that a woman of your class, well, any woman, really, 354 00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:18,960 would consider doing it with me. 355 00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:19,880 But you need-- 356 00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:24,320 You need to know I'm not the stallion I once was, you know. 357 00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:25,480 Oh, I get the urge. 358 00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:27,840 I think, "Ooh, let's have a bit of me time." 359 00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:29,520 I go upstairs and close the curtains. 360 00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:32,560 Harry the five-legged spider, he comes out to play. 361 00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:36,560 After a couple of minutes, I think, "Nah, can't be bothered with this." 362 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:40,760 I remember the slice of mature cheddar and crusty cob I got downstairs, you know. 363 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:42,720 -Is this foreplay? -Hey. 364 00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:44,960 -No strings attached now. -No. 365 00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:49,280 Oh. Just dirty, sweaty, ugly sex. 366 00:24:49,360 --> 00:24:52,080 Well, I'm your man, then. In fact, I'm sweating already. 367 00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:54,040 -And you're ugly. -I got feelings as well though. 368 00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:55,480 All right? 369 00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:58,920 -See ya later. -See ya. 370 00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:01,960 -So what sort of sex do you like? -Quick. 371 00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:03,320 -Quick? -Yeah. 372 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:04,240 Go on. 373 00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:08,160 Nearly. Better luck next time. Farewell! 374 00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:09,280 See you later, buddy. 375 00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:11,320 Everyone seems to be having fun. 376 00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:13,360 -Yeah, lovely day out, innit? -It really is. 377 00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:16,800 Here he is. Knobby the Dickhead Elf. What you come as? 378 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:18,480 -A jester. -Jester? 379 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:20,120 More like a fucking molester. 380 00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:21,360 -Jester Molester! 381 00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:23,440 Fucking Santa's little cunt. 382 00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:25,240 -Leave him alone, mate. 383 00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:27,040 Oh. 384 00:25:27,120 --> 00:25:29,320 Kiddy-fiddler on the roof's piped up, inn't he? 385 00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:31,760 Fucking hell. You're telling us to leave kids alone? 386 00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:35,360 -You should've left them alone. -You little fucking nuisance. 387 00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:36,520 -You pig! -You nuisance. 388 00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:38,840 Listen, stick your arse in his face, Nonce. Go on. 389 00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:41,920 -No, don't stick your arse-- -Look at this. Human centipede! 390 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:45,840 Listen, I'll get 'round here and bum him, turn him into a fucking human bentipede. 391 00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:47,360 Oh, he likes that. 392 00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:50,360 Clean that up. You hungry? I had sweetcorn for lunch. 393 00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:53,640 -Really? I wish I was dead. -I wish you were dead and all, darlin'. 394 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:56,160 Fucking hell. Show us your feet. I'm almost there. 395 00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:58,400 That's enough, boys. Leave him alone. 396 00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:02,640 Fucking hell. It's fucking dumb and dumber, innit? 397 00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:03,560 Come again, mush? 398 00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:06,560 Fuck it. They got buy one, get ten free on the fucking doughnuts, hey, son? 399 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:08,960 -Ooh. 400 00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:13,920 You bring it on yourself. 401 00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:19,840 Bloody hell, that's awful. 402 00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:24,320 Got it. 403 00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:27,880 Thank you. 404 00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:31,240 Time and again throughout my miserable life, 405 00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:33,600 I thought I'd reached my lowest ebb. I never have. 406 00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:36,160 Ah. 407 00:26:37,120 --> 00:26:39,960 Thousands of times I've thought, "The only way is up." Nope. 408 00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:43,560 "Wrong again, Brian. We've got a surprise for you." 409 00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:50,480 Surely giving the assistant manager of Tambury FC a blow job in a car park 410 00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:53,800 is the depth of depravity? 411 00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:54,960 No. 412 00:26:57,080 --> 00:26:58,000 Getting bummed 413 00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:03,000 in front of my ex-wife and the whole town is. 414 00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:07,640 And then Micky the Gypsy comes in, who's actually shagging my ex-wife, 415 00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:09,320 and he saves the day. 416 00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:14,880 Tell me a joke. 417 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:24,080 Why did the little girl fall off the swing? 418 00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:26,520 -Dunno. -She had no arms. 419 00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:31,240 That's-- That was funny. 420 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:33,360 -Really? -Yeah. 421 00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:35,160 Oh, cheers. 422 00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:38,000 You've got, like, 423 00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:40,320 shit on you. 424 00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:41,920 -Um, yeah. -Tomato. 425 00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:42,920 Yeah. 426 00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:48,920 -Do you want to get a coffee? -Yeah. 427 00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:50,920 Yeah. 428 00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:51,840 I'll pay. 429 00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:53,920 -Good. -Come on, then. 430 00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:55,120 -Okay. 431 00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:02,280 -Are they nice? -What do you mean? 432 00:28:02,360 --> 00:28:04,000 Well, they're not here 'cause they're bad? 433 00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:06,160 There are no bad dogs, just bad owners. 434 00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:09,040 You like having a dog, don't you? 435 00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:11,040 She saved my life. 436 00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:14,840 She knows when I'm sad. 437 00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:18,560 I mean, I'm always sad, so it's hard for her to be wrong, but-- 438 00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:21,200 At night, when I'm drinking, 439 00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:23,640 she's right there, 440 00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:25,560 on duty. 441 00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:29,520 She recognizes Lisa on video as well. 442 00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:35,920 And we sit there missing her, but at least we're missing her together. 443 00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:40,480 I don't believe in a soul, but 444 00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:43,600 if there is such a thing, dogs have got one. 445 00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:47,000 -Oh. -Oh. He likes you. 446 00:28:47,080 --> 00:28:48,800 -Does he? -Oh yeah. 447 00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:53,680 Can I keep him? 448 00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:55,800 Well, yeah. 449 00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:58,240 Pending a home visit and a few details. 450 00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:01,360 I'll do it. 451 00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:06,920 Um, is she all right? She's not unstable? 452 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:08,080 Just a bit lonely. 453 00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:11,160 We just need to make sure the dog goes to a good home. 454 00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:15,280 She's fine. Remember, there are no bad dogs, just bad owners. 455 00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:19,760 If you treat a dog bad and show 'em no love, that's what they act like. 456 00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:23,280 If you show 'em kindness and hope, they're fine. 457 00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:27,360 -It's the same with people. -What do they eat? 458 00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:32,840 Anything. Slippers, sticks, toys, vomit. 459 00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:36,040 And dog food. 460 00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:37,680 It's easy. 461 00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:40,400 All right? 462 00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:42,800 -Hiya. -What are you up to? 463 00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:44,840 Kath's adopting a dog. 464 00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:49,640 -Dogs don't usually like me. -Why? 465 00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:52,000 -Well, my job. -What's your job? 466 00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:54,200 Postman. 467 00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:55,160 Oh. 468 00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:57,640 -You? -I sell advertising. 469 00:29:57,720 --> 00:29:58,560 Oh, nice. 470 00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:03,320 So… 471 00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:10,080 I'll, uh, see you later. 472 00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:11,480 -See you. -See ya. 473 00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:52,760 -You come in too! 474 00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:55,200 Come in, Tony! 475 00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:11,960 -Tony! 476 00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:14,640 -Smile.