["Le reveur (Der Träumer)" by Peggy Brown Singers playing]
[singers vocalizing]
Oh! Fuck. [sighs]
Shit. [exhales]
[zipper sticks]
No, no.
[scoffs] No, not again. No.
[grunts]
[exhales]
[taps buttons]
[elevator bell dings]
-[woman on TV] The environment's… -[Jen] Hey, Char, what is this?
-What are you watching? -[woman] I'm different. I wanna go home.
That's my only objective. Get home.
-It'll be five years and nine months. -[sighs]
I'm more than ready to go home.
You don't appreciate what you have until you don't have it.
You shouldn't have gotten caught, Connie.
-[clicks] -[TV turns off]
I was watching that.
No, you weren't. Nobody should be watching that.
[sighs] Okay.
[exhales] All right.
What-- what are you doing?
My zipper is stuck, so I need some help, please.
[hesitates] Well, uh, you… you can--
OMG, don't make this awkward, Charlie. Just zip up the dress.
-[sighs] -Okay.
[Charlie sighs]
Are you sure you don't want me to come to the funeral?
Uh, I don't wanna go, so why would I make you go?
I'm just going to say goodbye.
To Steve?
No, to Ben.
I mean, he doesn't live here.
So, after today, I won't-- I won't need to see him anymore.
[Charlie huffs]
-Which is good, honestly. -[zipping]
Because… that family is just… [chuckles]
[sighs] They are… a riptide.
It's just really hard to be-- [scoffs]
It's just-- oh, fu--
Good talking with you, kid.
So glad I'm raising an empath.
What?
[doctor] Unfortunately, the biopsy confirmed
that it is cervical cancer,
and it has spread to your liver.
And when we see these masses so far from where they started,
it means we're looking at a stage four diagnosis.
[melancholy music plays]
[doctor's voice fades] I know this is hard to hear,
but there is a path forward.
Surgery isn't an option, but we will start with chemotherapy,
and if that is successful, you'll move on to radiation.
[sound of waves lapping]
[doctor, faintly] One step at a time.
[doctor, faintly] Judy?
-Judy? -Is that your boat?
Yeah. Yeah, it is.
It's beautiful. I always wanted a boat.
-That's a catamaran, right? -[doctor] Yeah.
-I know this is a lot to process. -Hmm.
[doctor] So, if you have any questions, I'm…
[inhales, exhales]
What if I had never gotten those scans?
What do you mean?
I just mean that if I had never gotten in that accident,
I wouldn't even know that I have… it.
Well, then it's a good thing you did.
Because now you do know,
and we can get started treating it as quickly as possible.
Right, but I just-- I feel fine.
I mean, I feel a little sore from the accident, but…
I definitely don't feel anything
like what you're say-- saying that it is.
I get that this is hard to accept.
No, it… it's not that. Really, I… Thank you. [chuckles]
But I just-- I th-- I think I need another scan.
I just-- I feel like maybe the biopsy was faulty
or maybe, like, the needle lady did something wrong.
Because, honestly,
this whole thing just, like, came out of nowhere.
So I think maybe it's… just like a mistake, right?
Death comes for us all.
But our ability to live fully
lies in our willingness to accept
that death is a part of life.
When the unspeakable happens, when someone is taken too young
or by unthinkable violence, as Jesus himself was,
it shakes our very foundation.
[Pastor Wayne] In these darkest of times,
we must look to God's light and to one another
for comfort and community so we may begin to heal together.
Amen.
Let's go say goodbye to Ben and then get the fuck out of here.
[sighs]
-Oh, do I have to take you to work? -What?
What did the mechanic say?
-What? -About your car?
Oh. Oh, yeah, right. He said it's fine. It's totally fine.
-Are you okay? -No, this is really intense.
Yeah, this is a fuck ton of awful.
All right, why don't I just slip out,
and we can send them some flowers and a nice note?
Don't you think that's a little impersonal?
Look, that's kind of the point.
I mean, I'm the last person who should be personal--
-[Ben] Hey. -[Jen gasps] Hey.
Thank you both so much for coming. It really--
-Yeah. Oh, gosh. -It really means a lot.
-We wouldn't have missed this. -Of course, no, yeah.
-We had to be here. This is what we do. -We wanna say goodbyes and stuff.
[groans] I'm so sorry. I love you.
[groans, sighs] Thank you, Jude.
-All right, me… -[Ben] Aww.
Oh, I'm sure my mother would love to see you.
Oh, she would?
[Eileen screaming]
[Eileen sobs]
Might wanna give it a beat.
-Yeah. -[Eileen continues screaming]
We're gonna say goodbye to Eileen, and then we are out of here.
I don't know if you've noticed,
but Eileen is standing right next to the casket.
Yeah, I noticed that. It's not sitting well.
-Who's the guy in the wheelchair? -[Judy] That's the dad. Jim.
What? The dad's in a wheelchair?
-What happened? -They never talk about it.
I've never seen him without that blanket, so it can't be good.
Oh, gosh. Yeah, well, it can't be as bad as an open casket.
Why would you do that? It's like, no one wants to be remembered
looking like yourself, but make it marzipan.
[Judy groans]
You know what? If I die before you, keep my shit locked down.
You're not dying. No one is dying.
-[Kaley] Hey, girl. -Hey, girl.
So tragic, right, girl?
Right, girl.
He never got to see the Northern Lights or open that hotel.
Or go on safari to Africa and…
-And kill an elephant. -Ah!
That is so awful.
-He just had so much life left to live. -[Jen] Mm-hmm.
Makes you really wanna carpe diem the day, right, girl?
-Right, girl. -[man] Right this way, girls.
Okay.
-[groans] -[Judy] I know.
-[Judy groans] -[Jen] I know.
[Judy] Oh, God.
-Okay, we don't have to look. -[Judy] I can't.
-I'm looking. -Me too.
-I'm so confused. -[Jen] What is happening?
-Isn't it horrible? -[Jen yelps]
The body was NSFF.
What the-- what does that mean?
-Not suitable for a funeral. -[Jen gasps]
You can't pour soup into a suit.
[Jen groans]
Apparently, the FBI is still scrubbing the body,
well, the husk of it, for evidence.
-God, really? -[Lorna] Mm-hmm.
-[Judy whimpers] -Judy, I see you came.
Of course, Eileen.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
[Eileen groans, gasps]
-It doesn't feel real. -None of it does.
-I always loved this suit on him. -Hmm.
He looked so good in blue.
Oh, he does, doesn't he?
[laughs softly]
[Eileen murmurs, chuckles]
Poor thing.
Such a devastating time for her. And for me.
Mm. Here we go.
-She decided not to sell the mansion. -Oh.
Said she couldn't let go of one more thing,
which of course I understand.
-I wrote the book on loss. -Actually a lot of books on loss.
-But it would've been so much money. -Mm-hmm.
I could truly have had systemic wealth.
God, I'm so sorry for your financial loss.
Thank you. [murmurs]
-I have to get out of here. -I'm right behind you.
Oh, Jen, so kind of you to come.
-[whispers] Save yourself. -[mouths] Thank you.
-[Eileen groans] -Eileen.
[sighs] My condolences, really, just all of the condolences.
Thank you, dear.
We're going to be heading back to the house with a small group.
I-- I was hoping you'd care to join.
Oh, no, I really can't.
-I have-- -I know it'd mean a lot to Benji.
He's having such a hard time.
[voice breaks] He could really use a good friend.
[Jen] Oh, Eileen, come here.
[Eileen sobbing]
[Jen] Okay.
[Eileen blubbers]
-[continues sobbing] -Let it out.
[emotional music plays]
[exhales]
[sniffles]
Oh, shit.
[Flo] Ay, Dios mío.
-Give me a break. -You just got back from the hospital.
You're supposed to be on bed rest. You cannot leave.
Those doctors don't know what they're talking about.
I can't get fresh air? This place smells like death.
Why don't you watch some TV or something?
I mean, we can find you a telenovela.
-That's racist. -Really?
Hey! Teri, I can tap you out if you want.
Are you sure?
Happy to.
[gasps, mouths] Thank you.
By the way, great top. I love that neckline on you.
Are you serious? I got this on sale.
-What? -[Teri] Mm-hmm.
-Look at you, smart shopper! -Thank you.
Yeah! Thank you!
[forced laughter]
-What the hell are you doing? -Getting you out of here.
-This place does smell like death. -It does, right?
-Heard it was a crime of passion. -Yeah.
They're saying he was stabbed in the head.
Can you imagine a more painful way to go?
[Jen, under breath] Get me the fuck out of here.
Hey.
Hey! Did my mother guilt you into coming to the after-party?
Oh, God, no. No, no. No, I mean, that's not the--
No, there's no guilt.
-No, I'm-- I'm happy to be here. -Yeah, not guilt…
-I'm not happy to be here. [chuckles] -Yeah, no. Well-- yeah.
-Of course you're not happy. -Because it's, uh--
Yeah, who's happy?
Not me! [groans]
-Yeah. Anyhoo, I, um… -[groans]
I'm assuming you're gonna be going back to San Fran now that-- that--
No, actually, um,
they asked me to stick around while the FBI,
uh, do their thang.
-Oh, yeah, sure. -So…
-That thang. -Who's this?
Oh, sorry. Uh, this is my father Jim. Dad, this is my…
My friend Jen.
[Jen gasps]
Happy to meet you.
I'm so sorry for your loss, Jim.
Me too.
Your children aren't supposed to go before you.
It's… not right.
No, it's not.
Ben, would you take my plate for me?
Sure, Dad. [chuckles]
He's a good boy.
Yeah, he is.
I'm so happy he finally met a nice girl.
Oh, no, no. I'm not, um--
No, we're just friends.
Friends are good too.
Oh, no. That is my butt. That is my butthole.
Would you excuse me? I just--
I just need to, um, get the fuck away from you.
[melancholy music plays]
Where the fuck is the bathroom?
What the fuck?
What-- oh!
[grunts] No, no. Oh, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
[whimpers]
[sighs] Okay…
[sighs] Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben.
-[inhales] -[line ringing]
Okay. Okay, okay, okay.
[gasps]
-You've reached Ben. Leave a message. -Oh, fuck.
Okay.
I'm in hell.
None of you move, please.
Oh, come on now. You don't know Celia Cruz? [chuckles]
-The Queen of Salsa? -I gotta get into that. I love salsa.
Jesus, Mom. We've been looking for you all over.
-Hi, Michelle. -Judy, where were you?
Oh, we just took a stroll on the boardwalk. She's fine.
You could have fucking told somebody.
You're right. Sorry. Your hair looks longer. It's nice.
Thanks. I gave up.
What is this? What are you-- [sniffs]
Mom, are you drinking a margarita?
I was.
She cannot mix alcohol with her meds, Judy.
-She told me she wasn't taking any meds. -She lied.
-Really? -Great. Now she's wasted.
[Judy grunts]
Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
I just wanted to take her for some fresh air.
She's been in the hospital for so long.
Yeah, because she's immunocompromised.
She just had her second stroke, Judy.
What? I… [sighs] I had no idea.
I'm so sorry. I will-- It-- it won't happen again.
No, it won't.
Hey, Judy, wait.
Can you just tell me if she had anything else to eat or drink?
Oh, um… [clicks tongue]
Just the one weak margarita. No salt.
And I did buy her one very small cup of soft serve.
'Cause it's soft serve.
[sighs] She loves soft serve.
Who doesn't? Right?
She also asked for a cherry on top, but I said no.
'Cause I know that they never wash those cherries.
-Yeah, those cherries are toilet fruit. -Oh, the grossest.
Don't they, like, stay in your stomach for, like, 200 years?
I'm so sorry, Michelle.
I know you must think I'm a horrible person
after everything that Perez-- I mean, uh, Ana, said.
I texted you a bunch. I don't know if you got 'em.
I did.
Oh, okay. Okay.
Cool.
I really hope your mom is okay.
It was nice to see you.
Hey, she-- she's gonna be fine. She had a really great time, by the way.
Really?
Yeah, I haven't seen her smile in forever. It's almost kind of jarring.
I had never seen her teeth before.
-[laughs] -They looked good! [chuckles]
-[Michelle chuckles] -You look good.
Think it's just the teeth. They run in the family.
The rest of me is falling apart at the seams,
I think is the medical term.
[sighs] I know it can't be easy with your mom.
It very literally keeps me up at night.
I never knew that I could be this fucking stressed out about anything.
If you're up for it,
I know somewhere we can get a weak margarita.
Don't you have to work?
Oh, no, I just got fired.
-Oh, God. Oh, God. I'm so sorry. -No.
-No. Don't be. -I can go talk to them.
-That's not-- -Do not be sorry.
I actually, um…
I actually think it's for the best.
Especially if it means that I get to have a drink with you.
Not a murderer, right?
No! God, no. [chuckles]
I mean, sometimes my jokes kill.
I'll go get my jacket.
[Ben] Do you know what room you're in?
Um…
Yeah, it seems like some sort of, um,
Victorian nightmare space?
[inhales] Ah. Okay. I'm coming.
No.
No. Oh.
[sighs] Okay, what…
This is the twin doll room.
-Because my mother collects twin dolls. -So there are two of them. Okay.
I just-- because I really thought I was, like, going… wah!
-[chuckles] -No, no.
-[chuckles] -And what… why…?
Excellent question. It all started when we were young.
Steve and I always had to have the same toy.
And then we grew out of dolls, and my mom… didn't.
Okay.
Just curious.
Uh, do they actually come as-- as a twin set,
or did she buy…
-No one actually knows. -Oh, got it. Got it.
[whispers] Uh, and are… are--
Excuse me, are they supposed to blink?
Because I'm-- I'm pretty sure a couple of them blinked.
[exhales] Yeah, I don't…
I don't know. Maybe.
Maybe.
[melancholy music plays]
How you doing?
Hmm?
I'm… [sighs]
I wouldn't say I'm living my best life, you know.
That makes sense.
Yeah.
I've just been trying to… [sniffles, clears throat]
…keep it all together for my parents, you know?
But I'm not sure how much longer I'm gonna be able to do that. [shudders]
Well, maybe you-- you need to let it out.
How do you do that?
[loud heavy metal music playing]
[indistinct death growl vocals playing]
-[Ben clears throat] -What do you think?
Uh, they're talented.
-Uh… -You hate it.
No, no, no. I ju-- I--
[exhales] Maybe I just don't get it? Uh, what? Do you just--
Do you just kind of scream along with 'em?
Yeah, or just have them scream for you.
-Maybe you just need, like, a deeper cut. -[music stops]
[Jen] Hmm. Let's see. Something good.
Yeah, you know, I-- I'm actually more of a classic country kinda guy.
-Ugh. -Oh.
-Really? -[laughs]
Willie Nelson? Dolly Parton?
I-- I mean, sure…
Here.
[heavy metal music playing] ♪ Die, motherfucker ♪
[indistinct death growl vocals]
♪ Die, motherfucker I will never be your slave ♪
♪ Die, motherfucker… ♪ [death growl vocals continue]
I used to listen to this a lot after Ted died.
Why?
I don't know.
It sounded like… like how I felt.
I was-- I was angry.
Can I play you something?
[Michelle sighs] Okay.
Let's see what the future holds.
Oh, the death card. [sniffles]
-That's weird. -I mean, it's not literal.
It's more like… about a big life change, you know?
Yeah, yeah, no, no, I know.
It's just, uh, whew! He looks a-- a little deathy.
[laughs] What, the, uh, skeleton on horseback holding a scythe?
Not comforting?
-Not so much. -[laughs]
-Okay… -Ooh, that's a lot of knives.
-Wow! -And a noose.
Yeah, that's a noose.
-You got a lot of shit going on right now. -Yeah.
Uh, that's an accurate deck.
-Do you wanna talk about it? -No, I wanna drink about it.
Okay, let's drink about it.
I think that card was meant for me anyway.
-The restaurant closed last week. -What?
Yeah.
-No! -Mm-hmm.
That place was so beautiful.
Thanks, but, you know, it's like how they always say.
When one door closes,
then God just flattens the fuck out of your town.
-Oh. -And you gotta move out west.
-Really? Is that what they say? -[laughs]
No, I don't know, probably not.
-I'm really bad at remembering quotes. -[laughing]
Okay, well, since God just fucking flattened your town,
what, uh, are you gonna do next?
Well… [clicks tongue]
It's, um, it's early days, but…
Um…
-What? What? -[blubbers]
I don't know. I'm having trouble saying this out loud. It's funny.
Um, okay.
There is an opportunity in Sonoma for me
to possibly open up my own restaurant.
What? Michelle!
-Judy! -[gasps]
I know. It's a really great space, and it's attached to an organic winery.
I love organic wine! I think. I don't know if I've ever had it.
[both laugh]
I mean, nothing's signed yet, but it feels good to say it.
It felt good to hear it. Ah!
So what about you?
[sighs, scoffs] What about me?
Well, your life is… kind of wide open now.
So, if you could do anything that you wanted to do, what would you do?
[Michelle] Mm.
[moaning]
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Do we know what we're doing?
Yeah, I don't know. I'm not really in a place to like…
Oh, God. No, no, no, not me either.
[both] Okay.
[laughing]
["I Fall to Pieces" by Patsy Cline playing]
So like, you just-- you just sit around
and just cry to this?
[laughing]
Are you kidding? Definitely yes.
Oh.
[both chuckle]
-No, it's not that I… always cry to it. -Mm-hmm.
Sometimes I…
-I sing along. -Oh.
[music continues]
[sings along to song] ♪ I fall ♪
♪ To pieces ♪
♪ How can I be just your friend? ♪
♪ You want me to act ♪
♪ Like we never kissed ♪
[Ben stops singing]
[song continues] ♪ You want me to forget… ♪
Yeah, I can see why you… why you like it.
Yeah.
♪ And I've tried and I've tried… ♪
Uh, you know what, um,
what else would help when… when Ted died was--
is-- is getting up and-- and moving.
-Oh, yeah? -Yeah. Mm-hmm.
I mean, any physical activity
can just be a… a release, you know?
In fact… [chuckles]
…one time,
I smashed a car with a golf club.
-That felt really good. -[gasps]
Really?
-Wow. -Yeah.
I hope it was your car.
Uh, no. No.
I thought it was the guy who hit Ted.
It wasn't. [chuckles]
But I mean, I didn't know that at the time.
Oh, got-- gotcha.
[Jen] Mm-hmm.
I know that's hard.
The not knowing.
Yeah, I know you know.
Sorry.
[exhales sharply] No, I'm sorry.
Why? You didn't hit him.
No, but I…
I hit you.
What? Uh…
-I don't understand. -[sighs]
-That's 'cause it doesn't make sense. -Hmm?
But… it was me.
I was--
I was driving the car
that hit you and Judy.
I-- I'd just gotten the call about Steve,
and I started drinking, and I--
I couldn't stop.
I got in my car, and I-- I took off.
And I didn't…
I didn't stop.
And I get it.
You never wanna see me again.
[inhales]
But I had to tell you.
♪ You want me to act Like we've never kissed… ♪
[Jen moans]
I don't wanna jinx it, but I think I might actually get some sleep tonight.
I'm so glad.
[Michelle chuckles]
You really are a happy-maker. You know that?
You're a happy-maker.
Seriously.
Thank you.
For what?
I didn't know how badly I needed tonight.
It's, like, weirdly cathartic.
Yeah.
[soft melancholy music plays]
I have cancer.
[scoffs]
[whispers] I have cancer.
["I Fall to Pieces" continues playing]
-[Jen moaning softly] -♪ You walk by and I fall to pieces ♪
[Ben whispers] Wow.
♪ You walk by and I fall to pieces… ♪
-[Jen moans, gasps] -[Ben shushes]
[theme music playing]
[cat meows]