1 00:00:16,080 --> 00:00:21,120 The plan was to move forward to Alaska 2 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:26,280 and just finish our lives up there. 3 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:28,040 That was it. 4 00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:36,840 We always assumed we'd just be together for the rest of our days. 5 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:57,160 I didn't know what happened to Leslie. 6 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:11,720 I thought, "Well, maybe she's okay, maybe something…" 7 00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:15,000 "It wasn't as bad. Maybe it was a bad dream." 8 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:21,960 The nurse, she says, "Well, honey, she's deceased." 9 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:24,400 "She's been dead for a while." 10 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:30,840 And then it all kind of sunk in. 11 00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:58,960 Well, the bullet had gone in right here 12 00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:03,720 and came out around here. 13 00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:08,240 You can see a scar all the way across where they had opened it up. 14 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:13,000 But it looks really odd. 15 00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:17,520 And they said, "You'll probably never be able to speak again." 16 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:35,280 My name is Daniel John Paulsrud. 17 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:40,480 I grew up in Neihart, Montana. 18 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:47,960 It was a town of 35 people back then. 19 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,400 Everybody knew everybody and their dogs. 20 00:03:55,800 --> 00:04:00,120 I fly fished from the age of five on up. 21 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:08,000 Did a lot of camping and hunting. A lot of hunting. 22 00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:10,720 I-- I loved it. It was great. 23 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:13,520 We didn't have a whole lot of money, but I didn't care. 24 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:34,880 I was an infantryman, in the Airborne Infantry. 25 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:41,480 Uh… We ended up going to Desert Storm and Kuwait Liberation as well. 26 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:45,920 Yeah, it prepared me for a little bit… 27 00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:48,400 of life. 28 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:55,000 It wasn't all, um, blood and guts. It was… 29 00:04:55,680 --> 00:05:00,600 I think the more horrific things that-- that I saw 30 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:03,840 was the treatment of people. 31 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:09,120 I've seen some women that were beaten almost to death. 32 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:15,120 Kids that didn't have nothin' to eat, you know. 33 00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:22,800 Going to combat with people you've been with… 34 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:27,840 I don't know how to describe it other than a brotherhood. 35 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:32,600 There's a trust. Yeah. 36 00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:39,240 Kept going until it was time to go home. 37 00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:01,040 I always wanted to be involved in artwork. 38 00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:06,640 So I ended up in Durango, Colorado as a sculptor. 39 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:13,240 And boy, that lasted for about five years or so. 40 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:17,080 I ended up moving back to Montana. 41 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:20,440 You know, and then that's where I met Leslie. 42 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:25,160 She was very good-looking, 43 00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:29,440 and, uh, her personality was, uh… 44 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:31,120 wasn't so standoffish. 45 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:32,200 It was more… 46 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:34,960 more of a friendly type of person. 47 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:42,760 She had never been the outdoors type, 48 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:46,000 and I introduced her to that. 49 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:51,160 And she took to it. She really enjoyed it. 50 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:57,120 And started hunting… 51 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,280 She was spot on. 52 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:04,360 She was very safety-conscious. 53 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:09,080 Uh, she wouldn't shoot unless she was absolutely sure. 54 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:12,440 She was great. 55 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:31,200 Oh, there was 56 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,920 nothing but love at that time. 57 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:42,960 She has one son and three daughters from her ex-husband. 58 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:49,200 Leslie, she had a-- a style of raising her kids 59 00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:53,960 without discipline or… or consequences. 60 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:56,680 If we ever had an argument, 61 00:07:57,320 --> 00:08:00,400 it was about her children, usually. 62 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:10,840 Her oldest daughter liked to take her to the bars all the time and… 63 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:14,360 She didn't like me a whole lot 64 00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:20,560 because Leslie was spending her time with me instead of out with her. 65 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:25,520 Uh, the youngest, Kailee, was always with us. 66 00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:29,840 She's a good kid. She, uh… She is very smart. 67 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:50,000 So Leslie went ahead, and then I-- I followed. 68 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:54,720 Did as much moving as I could. 69 00:08:56,200 --> 00:09:00,680 Then right before we were almost done moved in 70 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:03,040 is when all this happened. Yeah. 71 00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:19,200 We were hunting that day right out of, uh, Fort Benton. 72 00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:25,040 But yeah, it was just after daybreak, I think we went out. 73 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:29,800 I think she'd gotten several phone calls from the kids, 74 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:32,560 and like, "Well, we better just go home." 75 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:37,080 Started making plans for dinner. 76 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:40,600 She got a phone call from her oldest 77 00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:43,920 and immediately started arguing. 78 00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:53,600 So I went to the apartment we were fixing up… 79 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:59,800 and unloaded the tools and put the-- 80 00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:02,400 the guns in the… 81 00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:03,600 in the apartment. 82 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:09,880 I always unload the guns before I bring them in. 83 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:13,080 I just assumed that day I did. 84 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:20,240 Oh, couldn't have been an hour and a half later or so, 85 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,280 she came in 86 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:25,000 and she brought beer. 87 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:31,760 We sat down and started enjoying the evening. 88 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:35,800 I had the pistol on the table. 89 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:39,160 It was a .357 Magnum. 90 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:43,440 I carried it, uh… for hunting season, of course. 91 00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:48,840 You know, if you wound an animal, you can dispatch them quick and easy 92 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:51,680 without them suffering and whatnot, but… 93 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:55,680 And as I was playing with the pistol, 94 00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:58,600 I cocked it. 95 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:02,480 Let it down, cocked it, and let it down. 96 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:05,920 She had come back from the refrigerator. 97 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,840 I was sitting down. 98 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:11,880 I cocked it and was playing with it, 99 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:13,280 and it went off. 100 00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:24,360 She immediately fell back into the chair and down on the floor, so… 101 00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:28,080 I knew it hit her. 102 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,680 And it was so fast. 103 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:42,280 It died… She died so fast. 104 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:45,480 And it was… 105 00:11:45,560 --> 00:11:48,760 All I could say was "I love you" and "I'm sorry," and… 106 00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:53,240 There was nothing that could be done at that point. 107 00:11:57,640 --> 00:12:03,480 I sat back in the chair and thought, "Well, I'll just have to shoot… 108 00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:07,280 shoot myself in the head and be done with it." 109 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:11,000 And I tried. 110 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:15,640 I couldn't at first, and so I… 111 00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:22,680 I went to the refrigerator and got a vodka we had in there. 112 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:25,520 I just drank it 113 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:28,600 and I was able to pull the trigger. 114 00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:34,520 Well, I guess I don't remember a whole lot after that. 115 00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:02,880 Because I shot myself, it was assumed after that, that it was deliberate. 116 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:10,640 I was convicted of deliberate homicide 117 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:15,400 and given life without parole, plus ten years. 118 00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:31,040 I never got the chance to, to tell the kids, 119 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:33,560 "Hey, this was not deliberate." 120 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:37,640 "This was a horrific accident." 121 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:43,240 And I'll never lose the guilt and the pain 122 00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:46,680 that goes with losing her, 123 00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:50,040 and especially being my fault. 124 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:58,280 Well, I… I lost my future. 125 00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:00,920 I lost her kids' future and… 126 00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:06,120 …I lost the rest of my life 127 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:08,160 that day. 128 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:14,160 I think of Leslie all the time. All the time. 129 00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:25,920 And as I was playing with the pistol, 130 00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:31,120 I cocked it and let it down, cocked it, 131 00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:32,600 and it went off. 132 00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:37,960 And she was gone, 133 00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:41,160 almost immediately it seemed like. 134 00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:49,200 We were hunting that day. 135 00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:52,120 Yeah, it was just after daybreak I think we went out. 136 00:39:52,720 --> 00:39:55,520 I think she'd gotten several phone calls from the kids, 137 00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:58,200 and like, "Well, we better just go home." 138 00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:01,040 Started making plans for dinner. 139 00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:03,920 She got a phone call from her oldest 140 00:40:04,520 --> 00:40:07,160 and immediately started arguing 141 00:40:07,240 --> 00:40:09,680 'cause she had been at the bar and… 142 00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:13,520 "All right. Just come over whenever and tell me--" 143 00:41:59,920 --> 00:42:02,320 Leslie is the love of my life. 144 00:42:05,160 --> 00:42:06,600 I miss her a lot. 145 00:42:09,560 --> 00:42:14,360 I have to drudge forward with her in mind 146 00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:19,680 without being stuck in that pit 147 00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:24,240 of grief and shame 148 00:42:25,560 --> 00:42:27,160 for causing that. 149 00:42:31,080 --> 00:42:34,160 I do believe we would still be together 150 00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:37,920 had she not been hit, 151 00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:41,720 or if she had survived, or any of that. 152 00:42:41,800 --> 00:42:44,240 Yes, I think we'd still be together. 153 00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:13,520 That sounds like something that was written right when… 154 00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:15,760 before I pulled the trigger, I'll bet. 155 00:43:16,240 --> 00:43:19,080 And I had vodka by then. 156 00:43:20,680 --> 00:43:24,480 I'm trying to think what I was thinking at the time and… 157 00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:28,440 I'm drawing a… a blank. 158 00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:34,040 Oh, ma'am. No, no, no. 159 00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:36,040 No. 160 00:43:37,720 --> 00:43:42,800 I wonder if it was more for closure, but I wouldn't… 161 00:43:42,880 --> 00:43:46,680 I wouldn't say I killed her deliberately and then wrote that, no. 162 00:44:04,880 --> 00:44:06,960 I don't think the car was running. 163 00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:10,480 That doesn't sound right to me, but… 164 00:44:10,560 --> 00:44:11,400 I wish-- 165 00:44:11,480 --> 00:44:14,280 I wish I could've talked during the trial. 166 00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:18,960 It seems to escalate every time with her, but… 167 00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:22,920 I never really got along with Amanda. 168 00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:26,760 I wish I could help her to move on. 169 00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:01,440 That's too bad. 170 00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:06,680 No, we weren't fighting that entire day. 171 00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:08,920 We did go hunting that day. 172 00:45:11,040 --> 00:45:14,000 I feel like she's being influenced 173 00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:16,240 as far as what she is 174 00:45:17,920 --> 00:45:19,080 told to say. 175 00:45:25,160 --> 00:45:27,960 It's not nearly as, uh, horrific 176 00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:31,440 as what some have explained. 177 00:45:36,440 --> 00:45:38,240 It was not intentional, 178 00:45:39,720 --> 00:45:40,960 and that's the truth.