Hi, my name is Dhruv Vats. I hope you are enjoying my math lessons.
Today, we will talk about calculus.
Calculus is made up of two parts.
Differentiation and integration.
Teacher, give me some knowledge, too.
Where did you come from, bro? How are you doing, bro?
-How are you? -Great.
-I'll have to do this again, you jerk. -Do it. Who is stopping you?
-What is this? What have you got here? -It's mine.
You've gotten so fat!
-Yes, you jerk. -Sit, sit.
When you meet after four years, it becomes mandatory to say that.
-That's true. It's good to see you. -Here you go. Something to eat?
-What did you eat? -Dude, sorry.
I had two chickens on the flight, dude.
-Do you have beer? -Beer? At this time?
Bro, it's 2:50 at night.
So one can't kid around at 2:50 at night?
-Were you kidding? Tell the truth. -Let it go.
-You two, tell me something. -Yes.
-How can you live here? -Why?
-The city stinks and its humid. -We're used to it.
Yeah, it's home now.
Sister-in-law,
I've got a gift for you for Liverpool's 4th defeat.
You're really enjoying this, huh?
Guys, stop it. Don't start with this now. Really.
Also, please don't address me as sister-in-law.
-Why? Don't you guys plan on marrying? -Hari Om?
You got it from Hari Om? Oh, bro. Milk cake?
You are a real bro.
You fucking love it.
His son opened Harry's Hookah Bar and Hari Om Gym, bro.
One place to make you fat and another to help you lose weight.
It's wonderful. I love it, bro.
-Sister-in-law looks really sleepy. -Please, dude.
I really have a very long day tomorrow and a very important meeting.
I'm going to sleep. You guys have fun.
You go to sleep. We'll have fun the entire night.
-Right? -To tell you the truth, dude,
I'm also a bit sleepy. I'm tired, dude.
How are you tired? You were sitting here tutoring.
It takes effort. It's work, too.
-Good night. -Good nuts.
-What? -Nothing.
-Tell me. -I'll tell you later. Chill.
He will tell you later.
Silly boys. Good night.
So? What are you doing? Shall we watch FTV?
-If you're watching that, I'll join you. -Okay.
Fucking hell. She's great. Where did you find her?
What do you mean where did I find her?
Why does everyone ask me that? "Where did you find her?"
I won the lotto, you jerk.
Karan said exactly the same thing. "Where did you find her?"
What is it? Am I nothing? It's too much, dude.
He was the one who told me to ask you.
You guys are bastards. All of you are real bastards.
Dude, we'll meet tomorrow. I'm tired.
-Okay, then, good nuts. -Good nuts.
Sleep well.
Listen, the toilet is here.
Lift the seat, okay?
What do you mean by "lift the seat"?
Am I am a caveman and I don't know I should lift the seat?
Or we don't have toilets in our homes? Or the toilets don't have seats?
Don't we know? Or that I only go Indian style?
I was just saying, dude.
Take it as a joke. What's the big deal? Shall I get some cold water?
I know it's in the fridge, I'll take it.
Also, sister-in-law has left some. Thank you.
-Let me know if you need anything. -Go away!
Once you go, I'll check Tinder.
You jerk, that's why you've come to Bombay, right? To check Tinder.
Seriously, tell me. Do you need anything?
-Two things. -Yes, tell me.
First, give me your loosest pair of shorts because I forgot mine.
Sure. And?
And, secondly, where does one masturbate here?
-What are you saying? -I'm serious, bro.
-Naturally. -Naturally. It's a bodily need.
-Otherwise I'll mess up your home. -Yeah, right.
Look at your face!
-Good night. -Good nuts.
Okay.
It's a good restaurant, Dhruv.
I know people there. We'll get a reservation also.
Let's try that new pizza place in Bandra.
-Pizza? He's going to eat pizza? -German street food place!
-It's okay. It's not that good. -Actually, you know what?
-Let's go to a nice salad place. -Sister-in-law,
-I can't eat salads. -Salad.
Why are you laughing? When are you leaving?
Make him understand. He's skipping work again.
-Skipping? -He's like a house husband.
I'm not skipping. I'll work from here.
It's very boring in the office. I'm not going.
By the way, when did you get so excited about food?
You eat the same thing everywhere: pizza, pasta or Thai.
I'm being experimental with my food. Let me be!
Don't do it today. Let's eat mutton cutlet gravy with bread. Simple.
Dhruv, he's from Delhi. He must have eaten better--
Even I'm from there. But trust me when I say it.
-This is special. I'm telling the truth. -Okay, do what you want or ask him.
Bro, what do you want to eat?
Mutton cutlet gravy with bread,
or some posh Italian or Mexican from some random place?
-Dhruv! -It's simple.
-Let's go where the hot girls are. -That's it. Finished. This was easy.
-You are going where I'm taking you. -You are a fucker.
Why? Everyone has their preference.
If I come to Bombay, I'll check out the scene, right?
Fair enough.
You've been struggling with your shoes for two hours. Wear mine.
No, dude. I bought these especially for this event.
It's a very big event. People are coming from Spain, Italy, China, even Tunisia.
Even from Tunisia.
-What is the event? -NCPTM.
Yes, but what is NCPTM?
National Conference for Polyester Traders and Manufacturers.
Wow, sexy. You've become hot stuff, Sandeep Goyal.
And you've become a data analyst in a stripper club.
You remember what we said as kids? I'm going to be a professional footballer.
I'll be a car racer, a fighter pilot--
You guys are getting late. Listen to me.
Take the train, you'll get there sooner.
-The train is for the poor, right? -What?
-Yes. -Don't say stuff like that.
You can say it with us, but don't say it outside.
-Why? Do you remember Simran? -Come on, guys.
Stinky Simran.
-Dhruv, dude, what the fuck! -I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
It's not that bad. I'll clean everything.
You know what happened?
-Listen we need to hurry up. -Sister-in-law, one sec.
-Sit down. -Sit and listen. Just this once.
-It's cool. -We were going to
Udaipur, it was Udaipur, right? For a school trip.
Someone locked our classmate Simran in the train's toilet.
The whole night. The whole night in the train's toilet.
That's horrible. Who did that?
We don't know. But we thought it would be our Hindi teacher.
Because he complained about the Hindi teacher.
-Yes. -The whole night?
-The whole night. Locked. -He stank so badly.
And he's been called Stinky Simran since then.
-Simran was a boy? -Yeah.
He was Sikh. Simran Singh.
-His mother's name. -You tell it.
-Gurmeet. His dad's name. -Dimple Singh.
-You guys are horrible. Let's go. -It could have been Dimple Kapadia.
This lift is so bloody slow, dude.
-What happened? -Nothing.
No one sat with Simran on that trip, right?
Stinky Simran.
I think he was alone in all his photographs from the trip.
We were so bad, dude, right?
I swear.
-Bye, baby, have a nice day. -Bye.
-Okay, Bindu, bye-bye. -Good luck.
-And... -Go on, leave.
No, everyone talks about it. But nothing happens.
Bro, what's the scene? What are you looking at? I'm sitting here.
Talk to me. Give her attention later. Okay?
My ears are with you, bro, right?
Anyway, you know nothing will happen. And no one cares.
-Delhi Metro did the same thing. -No.
This is the misconception.
I've researched this. Go to the Internet, you'll find all the papers there.
They didn't do anything.
Tell me, is this chicken or beef?
It's chicken. I ordered it in front of you.
What's wrong with beef? It's pretty tasty.
Since when have you started eating beef?
As a kid, you fasted on Tuesdays.
-Actually, man. You remember? -Yes.
-And ate water chestnut during Navratri. -Guys, I'm so sorry!
I'm really, really, really sorry.
Some work came up. Have you been here long?
Yeah, obviously. Kavya, you are late by 40 minutes, dude.
He just blabbers. Everything is wonderful now that you are here.
Bombay trip is incomplete without vada pav.
-Wow. -How cool.
Thanks a lot. You've won my heart.
-It's cool. -Don't serve me.
-What? Why? -I'm not hungry.
We came here because of you.
No, Dhruv, we're here for him. I ate sev puri on my way.
It's okay, nothing great. I don't know why people rave about it.
It's just bread with fried potatoes inside.
Yes. Sorry, dude. It doesn't have a BMW in it.
Would I eat a BMW?
Okay, Delhi boys, what's been up?
Nothing, sister-in-law we were complaining about the Metro.
We weren't complaining. We were talking.
Discussion. Talk. Debate.
He's been stuck on that for the last four days.
Even in my office, everyone is talking about the Metro just because of him.
Look, it's a good thing.
They are planning to cut over 5,000 trees.
What kind of a dumb fuck do you have to be to not give a fuck about climate change?
-I'm not getting it. -Bro, bro.
Do you eat non-veg?
No, we're having cauliflower Manchurian here.
Then you must know that the meat industry is the third biggest
-cause of global warming. -You're eating as well!
When did I say that I believe in global warming?
-Fuck! -What?
You're the one who's been saying global warming is happening.
What are these guys doing?
-How can they be so loud? -Shall I tell you?
They must be measuring.
What?
-Nothing. Old memories. -You don't want to know.
-But I'm asking! -No, you're fine the way you are.
Dhruv, tell me.
Don't look like that. You are not telling her.
No! Don't tell her.
Let's try it. She's cool. FTV.
Since you asked for it. Basically,
in the third standard all the boys would go to the last bench
after every class, remove their shorts,
and measure their penis with a ruler.
-What? -Sorry.
Why would you tell me this?
My stomach is really feeling weird right now.
Shit, dude. Do you remember Keshav?
Keshav died, dude.
What?
Kaku? Keshav? Our Keshav?
-What do you mean he died? How? -He died because of stomach cancer.
Why are you telling me now?
You will find out if you get in touch with people.
you have to really tell him.
When he's in Delhi, he needs to get in touch with his old school friends.
People aren't going to chase you.
I will.
-He played football really well, right? -Yes.
Sandeep, how was your conference?
It was good.
If you rent out your stuff...
it feels second-hand. That's why.
-Why? -Why?
We live in a rented place, too.
That's right. It's a different thing when it comes to you.
There's the film industry here. Okay?
Shady things happen here. I shouldn't say this, but...
To sum it up, I don't want to give my house to gays. That's it.
How does it matter? What difference does it make if they are lesbian or gay?
You're right. I don't mind if they are lesbians.
They can take the house, dude.
Bro, gays. Gays make me want to throw up.
-What is this thing? -What are you saying, dude?
You're talking like this in 2018.
What's the problem with talking like this in 2018?
-How much is it? -Don't worry.
-Are you mad? -Why are you paying?
-What are you doing? -Wait. I'll pay.
-Listen, it's okay. -Where is my wallet?
-Getting my wallet. -Are you mad?
It's okay, Sandeep. It's done, Sandeep.
-Finished. Have the cake. -It's done.
By God, you are a shameless man.
What?
Sister-in-law paid. You should have paid.
I don't have money right now so I didn't pay. What's the big deal?
If you had asked me, I would have paid.
Listen, it's really okay. It's not a big deal.
-It's not good. -What's the problem? Just chill.
The problem is, motherfucker,
it's basic courtesy not to take money from women.
-Why are you acting like a fucker? -Please. Please don't say that.
Which century are you living in, fucker? Why are you talking like this?
-Why are you talking like this? -Which century am I living in?
And it's okay that you are living so shamelessly?
Shut the fuck up! What are you saying? Talk decently.
She is here, that's why I'm not saying anything. Understood?
What a weird, shameless man.
Put it in a box.
What time is Sandeep leaving?
His flight is at 5:00. He'll leave around 3:00.
He went to his uncle's place, I think, because he was upset.
This wasn't his plan earlier.
Dude, I don't think Sandeep and I are really friends, you know?
-Right? -No, that's not true.
You've just met after a really long time and it happens.
-He's a little different, you're a-- -Little?
I mean, a lot.
I mean, if we happened to meet right now, as complete strangers,
I'm sure we wouldn't become friends.
Everything is different.
He looks at the world so differently. I look at the world differently.
How can we be friends? And why are we even trying to be friends?
Kavya, what are you doing?
I'm trying to have a conversation here, no?
Do it later. Come and sit for two minutes.
Okay.
Tell me.
I don't know. I feel like we're pretending to be friends. Why?
Because we went to the same school and lived in the same neighborhood?
-That means something, Dhruv. -Means what?
He's a part of your childhood. He's a part of you.
You can't just give up on friends just because--
Yeah, you can.
Like, why is it important for me
to be friends with 100 people and not just 10 people?
You can have 10 really good friends and 100 friends in general.
Imagine how fun it will be to grow old together.
You can tell your grandchildren your stories.
Like, we beat him a lot in the third standard and all that.
It'll be so nice.
I don't know, man. It's just that...
You have to figure this out.
That what value is this person adding to my present.
Dhruv, is this the stock market?
Stop looking at everything like a math equation.
I'm not looking at it mathematically. It's a simple question.
Why are he and I friends?
You care about him, Dhruv, and so does he. It's obvious, right?
-I don't know. -He got you sweets, right, Dhruv?
That's just Delhi manners or manners in general.
Doesn't mean anything.
-Where is the sweets vendor? -Near the school.
He went all the way there to get you sweets?
The shop is just ten minutes away.
Dhruv, stop being so negative, dude.
He got you your favorite sweets from your favorite sweets vendor.
It's not just manners. There is a thought behind it.
If you can laugh at same jokes, you can definitely have lot of fun together.
That's the starting point, right?
And this is bound to happen. You are not going to agree on a lot of things.
-It's part of growing up. -Yeah, but,
should I tell him?
That your point of view about certain things is absolutely shit.
Of course you should.
But you have to promise to keep in touch with him.
You can't treat this as a one-off argument with someone.
But you don't want to make the effort.
Why am I going crazy about this? I didn't even get the mutton cutlet.
You are just overthinking. I want those sweets now.
I'm going to get it. Give me two minutes.
You know when I was in the 12th grade after our basketball game,
our PT teacher, Indrani Ma'am,
she'd taken us all out
to eat ice cream sundae at this new place called Bharat Jalpan
-that had opened in Nagpur. -Bharat Jalpan.
Yeah. And she said something to us back then which has still stayed with me.
She said after school,
you're going to face a lot of times when you'll be confused and lost.
But during those times you should come home and talk to your old friends.
Because while everything around you is changing,
you will be happy to know that there are a few things that remain constant.
And it's important because these constants are comforting.
Also it works both ways, right?
Sometimes they need you, sometimes you need them.
Wait.
So she said all this while eating an ice cream sundae?
-Dhruv, dude. -The ice cream didn't melt?
Shut up! She said most of it.
I just added the other bit because I'm cool that way.
Hello? Yes, come!
No, we're awake. Wait, I'll open the door.
Hi.
-Did you manage to meet them? -Yes, I met them.
They live in a very small house.
You have to leave in three hours, right?
Why don't you go and sleep? I'll wake you up.
No. You sleep. I'll manage.
Are you sure?
Listen, want a drink?
Aren't you sleepy?
No, we can have a drink.
Listen, don't pour for me. I have to wake up early and go to work.
-You're sure? -Yes.
-Also I had that chamomile tea. -Yes.
-What? Which tea? -Don't even try.
-Even I can't say it. -Cha-mo-mile.
-Okay. -Yes, that one.
-Listen, do you have whiskey? -No, dude.
-Rum? -No.
-Beer? -No, dude.
Why are you doing this? Let's drink.
Okay, let's make do with this.
-Show me. -Here, look.
Check it out.
-What? -Nothing.
No, say it.
-Nothing. -Say it.
-No. Nothing at all. -Say it, you jerk.
I've known you since we were kids. Tell me what you're thinking.
Kavya must have brought this, right?
I knew you were thinking something like this.
Actually, she was the one who got it. Come, sit.
See?
There is so much traffic in the city. But that makes it lively.
This is the best thing. It's safe.
-Bombay people, right? -No, Delhi people.
-Good night, guys. -Good night.
Dhruv, what was it? Good nuts.
Good nuts.
I don't want to know. No. I don't want to know.
It's not like that. It's actually something...
-I'll tell you. -You are horrible.
This is good. Sister-in-law is learning from us.
-Your wedding will be great fun. -Right to the wedding?
-Good night. -Good night.
-Take care. -You, too.
It's good.
-So? -I'll get a glass.
Yes.
Yes, come. It's Ajmera Building. Zion Tower. Come.
Yes, Ajmera.
-Is it here? -It's slow.
Dude, Keshav had a younger brother, right?
Yes. Saurabh.
Why?
Let's take a selfie today.
I've forgotten my phone. We'll use yours. Come on.
Yes, take a selfie.
-One rarely gets to see you. -Enough, dude.
Yes. Come on.
-Set the phone. -Where is it?
-Yes. -Come on, bro.
You remember, okay? Tag me if you post it anywhere.
-We're taking it on your phone. Come on. -Yes.
-Shall we do that one? -Yes.
-Come on. One, two, three. -One, two, three.
-Motherfucker! -Motherfucker!
-The other one. You remember it? -Yes, bro. Come on.
-One, two three. -One, two, three.
-Fucker! -Fucker!
-Whatsapp them to me. -Yes, I will.
When you come to Delhi, call me!
-Yes, dude. -We'll all meet.
Ishu, Deepak, Shashank.
-Aman, Milind. -Aman.
Jerk.
-Okay then. Meet again. Bye. -Yes, see you.
-Tell me something. -Yes?
You are the one who locked Stinky Simran in the bathroom, right?
No, bro, why would I do that? You are the one who did it.
-No, I didn't do it. -What?
-Leave it. -Go on. You are getting late.
We'll meet again. Take care of yourself. And listen, Bindu,
-write me. -Go on, bro, or you'll be late.
You'll miss your flight. Go.
These walls will keep coming between us, but...