1
00:00:13,833 --> 00:00:16,041
<i>[Erin] </i>Thank you
for getting me in before school.

2
00:00:17,333 --> 00:00:18,416
<i>Do we see her today?</i>

3
00:00:19,166 --> 00:00:22,000
<i>[Sarah] </i>Oh, it's a her?
I thought you didn't wanna know.

4
00:00:22,083 --> 00:00:24,500
<i>[Erin] </i>I don't. I just want you
to accidentally tell me.

5
00:00:24,583 --> 00:00:26,416
<i>Can you do that? Don't do that.</i>

6
00:00:27,458 --> 00:00:29,250
<i>[Sarah] We are just listening today.</i>

7
00:00:30,625 --> 00:00:32,250
<i>How are you feeling overall?</i>

8
00:00:33,291 --> 00:00:38,458
<i>Overwhelmed. Um, but otherwise,</i>
<i>you know, mostly excited.</i>

9
00:00:38,541 --> 00:00:42,083
<i>I'm excited to get huge</i>
<i>and slip into that elastic waistband,</i>

10
00:00:42,166 --> 00:00:44,833
<i>and eat everything,</i>
<i>and be comfortable all the time.</i>

11
00:00:45,833 --> 00:00:48,333
<i>I'm not gonna be</i>
<i>comfortable at all, am I? [chuckles]</i>

12
00:00:50,166 --> 00:00:53,375
<i>I keep waiting for all those weird</i>
<i>cravings everyone keeps talking about,</i>

13
00:00:53,458 --> 00:00:56,291
<i>but so far it's just</i>
<i>cottage cheese and grapes.</i>

14
00:00:56,375 --> 00:00:58,500
<i>And Lucky Charms right out of the box.</i>

15
00:01:00,541 --> 00:01:01,583
<i>Everything good?</i>

16
00:01:02,541 --> 00:01:04,958
<i>You know, maybe we will</i>
<i>take a look today after all.</i>

17
00:01:06,250 --> 00:01:08,916
<i>Is that okay? I thought we weren't</i>
<i>supposed to use that too much.</i>

18
00:01:09,750 --> 00:01:12,583
<i>It's okay today. How has movement been?</i>

19
00:01:12,666 --> 00:01:14,041
<i>Lots of fluttering, kicking?</i>

20
00:01:14,125 --> 00:01:20,083
<i>Um, yeah, like a butterfly</i>
<i>with little feet. "Not-So-Littlefoot."</i>

21
00:01:20,916 --> 00:01:22,833
<i>Any difference in the last 24 to 48 hours?</i>

22
00:01:23,541 --> 00:01:26,875
<i>I don't think so. I mean, even yesterday…</i>

23
00:01:26,958 --> 00:01:28,625
<i>[ultrasound machine gurgles]</i>

24
00:01:30,541 --> 00:01:31,958
<i>I think I want to know the sex.</i>

25
00:01:33,666 --> 00:01:36,291
<i>You can go ahead and tell me.</i>
<i>You can tell me. Just go ahead.</i>

26
00:01:37,125 --> 00:01:39,375
<i>[Sarah] Have you had any cramps? Bleeding?</i>

27
00:01:39,458 --> 00:01:40,458
<i>No.</i>

28
00:01:45,833 --> 00:01:48,041
<i>Where's the heartbeat?</i>
<i>We're supposed to hear the heartbeat.</i>

29
00:01:48,625 --> 00:01:50,583
<i>-Here, let me see. What do you see?</i>
<i>-Erin.</i>

30
00:01:50,666 --> 00:01:51,625
<i>Nothing.</i>

31
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,958
<i>[hesitating] I mean it. I see nothing.</i>

32
00:01:57,041 --> 00:01:59,375
<i>I mean, there's nothing here.</i>

33
00:02:01,333 --> 00:02:02,500
<i>I don't… I don't understand.</i>

34
00:02:04,083 --> 00:02:05,875
<i>There's nothing in your uterus.</i>

35
00:02:09,291 --> 00:02:12,166
<i>I don't… I don't understand.</i>

36
00:02:12,250 --> 00:02:15,375
<i>In early weeks, people sometimes</i>
<i>miscarry without realizing it,</i>

37
00:02:15,458 --> 00:02:18,000
<i>but as far along as you are,</i>
<i>you would have…</i>

38
00:02:18,083 --> 00:02:20,458
<i>It would have been noticeable,</i>
<i>very noticeable.</i>

39
00:02:21,333 --> 00:02:22,166
<i>Miscarry?</i>

40
00:02:22,250 --> 00:02:24,041
<i>And you wouldn't</i>
<i>have been the first person</i>

41
00:02:24,125 --> 00:02:26,958
<i>to go through something like this</i>
<i>and maybe block it out, Erin?</i>

42
00:02:27,041 --> 00:02:28,625
<i>But there's nothing…</i>

43
00:02:29,791 --> 00:02:33,458
<i>-I'm just incredibly sorry. I'm so sorry.</i>
<i>-No, I didn't miscarry.</i>

44
00:02:34,625 --> 00:02:37,125
<i>There's not much I can do.</i>

45
00:02:37,208 --> 00:02:40,458
<i>We can run a blood panel</i>
<i>and send it to the lab,</i>

46
00:02:41,541 --> 00:02:43,625
<i>but it seems you have miscarried.</i>

47
00:02:44,208 --> 00:02:46,041
<i>-You must have miscarried.</i>
<i>-I didn't.</i>

48
00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:48,708
<i>Where's my baby?</i>

49
00:02:50,083 --> 00:02:52,916
<i>I'm gonna put you in touch</i>
<i>with a colleague on the mainland.</i>

50
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:54,416
<i>She's a great counselor.</i>

51
00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:55,750
<i>Where's my baby?</i>

52
00:03:26,250 --> 00:03:27,291
<i>[door opens]</i>

53
00:03:29,625 --> 00:03:30,625
<i>How is he?</i>

54
00:03:32,375 --> 00:03:33,333
<i>Not sure.</i>

55
00:03:35,750 --> 00:03:37,291
<i>It's incredible, isn't it?</i>

56
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,291
<i>I mean, I'd seen old photos</i>
<i>for years and years,</i>

57
00:03:40,375 --> 00:03:44,291
<i>and still it didn't even cross my mind</i>
<i>the first time I saw him this way.</i>

58
00:03:44,375 --> 00:03:45,458
<i>It didn't even click.</i>

59
00:03:46,083 --> 00:03:47,875
<i>I suppose context is everything.</i>

60
00:03:47,958 --> 00:03:51,500
{\an8}<i>It's amazing how the scales fall</i>
<i>from our eyes, isn't it?</i>

61
00:03:52,041 --> 00:03:54,250
<i>Did Dolly and Wade finally head home?</i>

62
00:03:54,333 --> 00:03:55,458
<i>[Joe] Mmm-hmm.</i>

63
00:03:55,541 --> 00:03:58,500
<i>Good. They need sleep. We all need sleep.</i>

64
00:03:59,250 --> 00:04:00,333
<i>Day's just startin'.</i>

65
00:04:00,958 --> 00:04:04,666
<i>How's he doing?</i>
<i>Does he have a fever? Is he eating?</i>

66
00:04:06,458 --> 00:04:10,916
<i>I didn't… Well, I didn't get too close.</i>

67
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:11,916
<i>None of us did.</i>

68
00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:14,458
<i>All three of us, we, um…</i>

69
00:04:15,416 --> 00:04:17,791
<i>we were a little scared shitless,</i>
<i>truth be told.</i>

70
00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:19,458
<i>Scared?</i>

71
00:04:25,083 --> 00:04:26,416
<i>[knocking at door]</i>

72
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:28,416
<i>Father? Oh!</i>

73
00:04:29,250 --> 00:04:33,000
<i>[laughing] Good Lord!</i>
<i>Why is it so dark in here?</i>

74
00:04:33,666 --> 00:04:36,416
<i>-Look at you, up and about.</i>
<i>-[Father Paul] Mmm.</i>

75
00:04:36,500 --> 00:04:39,458
<i>Looks like God heard my prayers.</i>
<i>I was worried sick about you.</i>

76
00:04:39,541 --> 00:04:42,541
<i>Oh! Sorry. It just hurts my eyes.</i>

77
00:04:42,625 --> 00:04:43,500
<i>Oh.</i>

78
00:04:44,375 --> 00:04:45,333
<i>That's all right.</i>

79
00:04:46,666 --> 00:04:48,375
<i>-You had quite the night.</i>
<i>-Yeah.</i>

80
00:04:48,458 --> 00:04:49,958
<i>Quite the night.</i>

81
00:04:50,041 --> 00:04:55,250
<i>Here. I made you the chicken ginger soup</i>
<i>my mother used to make me when I was sick.</i>

82
00:04:55,333 --> 00:04:58,291
<i>That is very kind. I'm starving.</i>

83
00:04:58,375 --> 00:05:01,833
<i>I don't remember</i>
<i>ever being this hungry before.</i>

84
00:05:02,416 --> 00:05:03,500
<i>It makes sense.</i>

85
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:08,750
<i>Always starving after a long trip,</i>
<i>and you had quite the journey.</i>

86
00:05:08,833 --> 00:05:10,500
<i>[chuckles] That's for sure.</i>

87
00:05:10,583 --> 00:05:13,041
<i>Precious few have taken the road you took.</i>

88
00:05:13,125 --> 00:05:13,958
<i>[Father Paul] Mmm.</i>

89
00:05:14,041 --> 00:05:17,291
<i>Widow of Nain's son,</i>
<i>Jairus' daughter, Lazarus.</i>

90
00:05:18,166 --> 00:05:21,791
<i>Jesus Christ himself</i>
<i>took three days to walk that road,</i>

91
00:05:21,875 --> 00:05:23,625
<i>and you didn't have three minutes.</i>

92
00:05:24,416 --> 00:05:26,875
<i>-You canceled mass?</i>
<i>-I did.</i>

93
00:05:26,958 --> 00:05:30,708
<i>Sturge is waiting at the church to explain</i>
<i>to people if they miss the sign.</i>

94
00:05:31,958 --> 00:05:33,666
<i>But you're already looking better,</i>

95
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:36,833
<i>so I imagine you'll be ready</i>
<i>by tomorrow if you eat up.</i>

96
00:05:37,916 --> 00:05:39,416
<i>But you have to eat up.</i>

97
00:05:41,458 --> 00:05:43,750
<i>I will. Just not right now.</i>

98
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:54,625
<i>Maybe, uh, a quick checkup.</i>

99
00:05:54,708 --> 00:05:56,333
<i>-I could call Dr. Gunning--</i>
<i>-No.</i>

100
00:05:56,416 --> 00:05:59,583
<i>That's not necessary, ah, just yet.</i>
<i>I feel…</i>

101
00:06:00,541 --> 00:06:06,250
<i>I feel everything that is happening here</i>
<i>is a matter of faith, not science,</i>

102
00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:10,041
<i>so I don't want</i>
<i>to cloud this area with any doubt.</i>

103
00:06:11,666 --> 00:06:14,458
<i>You've always been</i>
<i>a woman of great faith, Bev.</i>

104
00:06:16,791 --> 00:06:20,291
<i>I've always tried.</i>
<i>I am blessed you noticed.</i>

105
00:06:21,083 --> 00:06:23,708
<i>I wanna, um, confide something in you.</i>

106
00:06:24,791 --> 00:06:25,666
<i>[grunts]</i>

107
00:06:38,916 --> 00:06:39,833
<i>Something…</i>

108
00:06:42,083 --> 00:06:45,250
<i>is happening, shifting inside of me.</i>

109
00:06:47,291 --> 00:06:48,833
<i>I remember when I was younger,</i>

110
00:06:50,291 --> 00:06:55,291
<i>I experienced times</i>
<i>of great spiritual growth.</i>

111
00:06:57,166 --> 00:06:58,750
<i>But that was just…</i>

112
00:06:58,833 --> 00:07:01,291
<i>It's nothing like this.</i>

113
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:03,625
<i>It's like I can feel God…</i>

114
00:07:06,250 --> 00:07:08,250
<i>-move inside me.</i>
<i>-[Bev exhales]</i>

115
00:07:10,083 --> 00:07:11,333
<i>[softly] That's wonderful.</i>

116
00:07:20,250 --> 00:07:21,958
<i>I think I should be left alone</i>

117
00:07:23,125 --> 00:07:24,375
<i>for the rest of the day.</i>

118
00:07:25,583 --> 00:07:26,416
<i>To pray.</i>

119
00:07:32,500 --> 00:07:33,375
<i>[Bev] Mmm.</i>

120
00:07:48,958 --> 00:07:50,541
<i>Dolly and Wade are good people.</i>

121
00:07:51,458 --> 00:07:52,791
<i>They can keep a secret.</i>

122
00:07:53,875 --> 00:07:58,291
<i>Sturge is gonna answer the call,</i>
<i>be a good apostle to you.</i>

123
00:07:58,375 --> 00:08:00,250
<i>He just needs some guidance.</i>

124
00:08:00,333 --> 00:08:03,208
<i>We can keep this quiet for a moment.</i>

125
00:08:05,458 --> 00:08:06,666
<i>But, Monsignor…</i>

126
00:08:09,041 --> 00:08:10,208
<i>we should show 'em.</i>

127
00:08:12,666 --> 00:08:14,916
<i>Tell them who you are.</i>

128
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:17,083
<i>Don't hide your light under a bushel.</i>

129
00:08:17,166 --> 00:08:18,291
<i>That's one of the parables,</i>

130
00:08:18,375 --> 00:08:22,916
<i>and it was important enough that</i>
<i>Matthew, Mark and Luke all wrote it down.</i>

131
00:08:23,916 --> 00:08:25,916
<i>We'll do what you ask, of course.</i>

132
00:08:26,791 --> 00:08:29,208
<i>And if you don't think they're ready,</i>
<i>well, that's okay.</i>

133
00:08:29,916 --> 00:08:32,958
<i>Jesus revealed himself slowly</i>
<i>after the resurrection,</i>

134
00:08:33,041 --> 00:08:37,166
<i>but what a wonderful revelation it will be</i>

135
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:42,791
<i>to know their own dear Monsignor Pruitt</i>
<i>was restored by an angel of God.</i>

136
00:08:44,041 --> 00:08:45,000
<i>Think about it.</i>

137
00:08:45,708 --> 00:08:46,666
<i>It will be.</i>

138
00:08:48,125 --> 00:08:49,458
<i>In God's time.</i>

139
00:08:52,291 --> 00:08:53,958
<i>There's no other kind, is there?</i>

140
00:08:55,833 --> 00:08:57,083
<i>[door closes]</i>

141
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:03,416
<i>[grunts]</i>

142
00:09:12,208 --> 00:09:13,750
<i>[breathes deeply]</i>

143
00:09:38,375 --> 00:09:39,833
<i>[Ed] Thanks for helping out this morning.</i>

144
00:09:39,916 --> 00:09:42,250
<i>[Riley] Yeah. I'm starting to think</i>
<i>you don't really need help.</i>

145
00:09:42,333 --> 00:09:44,208
<i>Your back, and you're right as rain.</i>

146
00:09:44,291 --> 00:09:46,291
<i>[Ed sighs] Maybe.</i>

147
00:09:46,375 --> 00:09:48,416
<i>That why you told Warren</i>
<i>he could take the day off?</i>

148
00:09:49,333 --> 00:09:50,916
<i>No, not really.</i>

149
00:09:53,083 --> 00:09:56,208
<i>I thought maybe we could talk, just us,</i>

150
00:09:56,916 --> 00:09:58,000
<i>man-to-man.</i>

151
00:09:59,041 --> 00:10:01,291
<i>Oh. Uh…</i>

152
00:10:02,916 --> 00:10:03,833
<i>Okay.</i>

153
00:10:04,875 --> 00:10:07,083
<i>[Ed] I made a confession few days ago,</i>

154
00:10:07,625 --> 00:10:12,583
<i>and Father, well, he encouraged me</i>
<i>to talk about a few things with you.</i>

155
00:10:14,125 --> 00:10:15,583
<i>So here goes, I guess.</i>

156
00:10:17,416 --> 00:10:21,166
<i>I guess I've harbored</i>
<i>some resentment for you.</i>

157
00:10:23,291 --> 00:10:25,250
<i>Okay?</i>

158
00:10:27,041 --> 00:10:29,166
<i>And I chalked it up</i>
<i>to just normal friction.</i>

159
00:10:29,250 --> 00:10:30,958
<i>I didn't take it personal when,</i>

160
00:10:31,875 --> 00:10:35,000
<i>you know, you acted like</i>
<i>all this was beneath you.</i>

161
00:10:35,083 --> 00:10:36,291
<i>No, it wasn't that.</i>

162
00:10:36,375 --> 00:10:38,750
<i>Well, you acted like it anyway.</i>

163
00:10:39,750 --> 00:10:41,166
<i>And then you were gone.</i>

164
00:10:42,541 --> 00:10:45,791
<i>Hell, I didn't even know what</i>
<i>to tell people it was that you were doin'.</i>

165
00:10:45,875 --> 00:10:48,791
<i>What the hell do I know</i>
<i>about starters and what have you?</i>

166
00:10:48,875 --> 00:10:49,791
<i>Start-up.</i>

167
00:10:50,958 --> 00:10:52,666
<i>I guess I resented that too.</i>

168
00:10:53,833 --> 00:10:58,291
<i>Like it weren't worth it for you to</i>
<i>explain to your dumb old blue-collar dad</i>

169
00:10:58,375 --> 00:11:00,291
<i>exactly what it was</i>
<i>you were doin' out there.</i>

170
00:11:00,375 --> 00:11:02,708
<i>I tried to explain it to you,</i>
<i>but I didn't get very far.</i>

171
00:11:02,791 --> 00:11:04,291
<i>You said you didn't care</i>
<i>about the Internet,</i>

172
00:11:04,375 --> 00:11:05,916
<i>or about tech or anything else that--</i>

173
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,458
<i>Look. The point is…</i>

174
00:11:09,625 --> 00:11:11,750
<i>I already had resentment in my heart.</i>

175
00:11:12,791 --> 00:11:14,000
<i>And I shouldn't have.</i>

176
00:11:18,333 --> 00:11:19,291
<i>I shouldn't have.</i>

177
00:11:22,458 --> 00:11:24,208
<i>But then all the rest happened.</i>

178
00:11:25,125 --> 00:11:26,708
<i>And, man, I resented that.</i>

179
00:11:28,541 --> 00:11:31,916
<i>Not just the embarrassment of it all,</i>
<i>or the stigma of it all.</i>

180
00:11:34,125 --> 00:11:37,250
<i>But the money</i>
<i>we had to spend on your legal fees.</i>

181
00:11:38,583 --> 00:11:42,916
<i>The cost of you living</i>
<i>here with us now. A grown man.</i>

182
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,208
<i>Gee, I'm really glad</i>
<i>we're havin' this talk.</i>

183
00:11:45,291 --> 00:11:46,375
<i>[Ed] Let me finish.</i>

184
00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:49,833
<i>I know I should be grateful.</i>

185
00:11:49,916 --> 00:11:53,375
<i>I… I should be grateful</i>
<i>that my son is home and free.</i>

186
00:11:53,458 --> 00:11:56,208
<i>Lord knows your mother</i>
<i>is grateful every day.</i>

187
00:11:58,333 --> 00:12:02,666
<i>Children just don't do</i>
<i>what you did on their own,</i>

188
00:12:02,750 --> 00:12:06,291
<i>not unless one of their parents</i>
<i>has failed them somethin' awful.</i>

189
00:12:06,375 --> 00:12:09,458
<i>And your mother's a saint,</i>
<i>so I guess that just leaves me.</i>

190
00:12:11,250 --> 00:12:12,875
<i>So I apologize, son.</i>

191
00:12:14,416 --> 00:12:15,875
<i>For whatever I did.</i>

192
00:12:22,291 --> 00:12:23,333
<i>I love you.</i>

193
00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:25,583
<i>I really do.</i>

194
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,916
<i>It's just, somehow it's hard for me…</i>

195
00:12:34,083 --> 00:12:36,500
<i>It's hard for me</i>
<i>to show that when you're here.</i>

196
00:12:38,541 --> 00:12:40,291
<i>So I apologize. That's all.</i>

197
00:12:44,541 --> 00:12:45,708
<i>[clicks tongue]</i>

198
00:12:45,791 --> 00:12:46,791
<i>[exhales]</i>

199
00:12:46,875 --> 00:12:48,125
<i>We should head back.</i>

200
00:12:49,166 --> 00:12:50,458
<i>Before it gets too late.</i>

201
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:13,375
<i>What are you up to?</i>

202
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:16,500
<i>[Sarah] Mom. You're up again.</i>

203
00:13:17,375 --> 00:13:18,708
<i>Felt like a walk.</i>

204
00:13:19,625 --> 00:13:21,958
<i>-Let's do it again.</i>
<i>-[Mildred] Okay.</i>

205
00:13:22,041 --> 00:13:23,791
<i>What chores did you have to do growing up?</i>

206
00:13:23,875 --> 00:13:29,833
<i>I, uh, kept the house clean</i>
<i>and I always did the dishes.</i>

207
00:13:29,916 --> 00:13:32,500
<i>When you were a teenager,</i>
<i>what did you and your friends do for fun?</i>

208
00:13:32,583 --> 00:13:34,875
<i>Not much to do in the Crock Pot.</i>

209
00:13:35,583 --> 00:13:36,958
<i>Still isn't, I suppose.</i>

210
00:13:38,541 --> 00:13:43,541
<i>But Uppards for booze and boys.</i>

211
00:13:43,625 --> 00:13:45,000
<i>What was my dad's name?</i>

212
00:13:47,541 --> 00:13:48,416
<i>Mom?</i>

213
00:13:48,500 --> 00:13:51,625
<i>Uh, your father's name was George.</i>

214
00:13:51,708 --> 00:13:52,833
<i>What did he do?</i>

215
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:57,583
<i>He was a fisherman,</i>
<i>and then he joined the Navy.</i>

216
00:13:57,666 --> 00:13:58,750
<i>And how did you meet?</i>

217
00:13:59,416 --> 00:14:02,250
<i>Oh, we met at a dance on the mainland.</i>

218
00:14:02,333 --> 00:14:03,291
<i>And who am I?</i>

219
00:14:05,333 --> 00:14:06,833
<i>You are my world.</i>

220
00:14:07,666 --> 00:14:09,125
<i>My heart and soul.</i>

221
00:14:10,333 --> 00:14:11,791
<i>My daughter, Sarah.</i>

222
00:14:12,875 --> 00:14:13,791
<i>The doctor.</i>

223
00:14:15,583 --> 00:14:19,875
<i>Would you like a cup of tea?</i>
<i>I'm going to make some tea.</i>

224
00:14:26,208 --> 00:14:27,458
<i>[sizzling]</i>

225
00:14:39,125 --> 00:14:40,208
<i>[tube shatters]</i>

226
00:14:51,208 --> 00:14:53,916
<i>Been meaning to</i>
<i>pack up her things since I got back.</i>

227
00:14:55,875 --> 00:14:58,166
<i>I just couldn't start for whatever reason.</i>

228
00:14:59,791 --> 00:15:02,583
<i>Weeks became months,</i>
<i>and it was never really a priority.</i>

229
00:15:02,666 --> 00:15:06,166
<i>And then today I get through</i>
<i>two rooms and half the attic.</i>

230
00:15:07,791 --> 00:15:09,291
<i>Whatever you have to do.</i>

231
00:15:14,875 --> 00:15:15,875
<i>[sighs]</i>

232
00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:20,666
<i>A lot of people cross-stitch Bible verses.</i>

233
00:15:22,166 --> 00:15:23,166
<i>But my mom…</i>

234
00:15:24,208 --> 00:15:29,041
{\an8}<i>My mom goes with the passage</i>
<i>from Lamentations.</i>

235
00:15:31,125 --> 00:15:32,875
<i>It's a special kind of self-pity</i>

236
00:15:32,958 --> 00:15:35,375
<i>to identify with</i>
<i>the destruction of Jerusalem.</i>

237
00:15:43,208 --> 00:15:45,500
<i>We kept birds when I was a kid.</i>

238
00:15:46,708 --> 00:15:47,708
<i>Doves.</i>

239
00:15:49,458 --> 00:15:51,125
<i>My mom spent weeks, weeks,</i>

240
00:15:51,208 --> 00:15:54,500
<i>building this ridiculous coop</i>
<i>outside our kitchen window.</i>

241
00:15:55,625 --> 00:15:57,666
<i>Ordered pet doves from the mainland.</i>

242
00:15:58,583 --> 00:15:59,916
<i>When they finally got here,</i>

243
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:03,041
<i>the first thing she wanted to do</i>
<i>was clip their wings.</i>

244
00:16:05,791 --> 00:16:08,833
<i>When she called me over,</i>
<i>her seven-year-old daughter,</i>

245
00:16:10,958 --> 00:16:14,291
<i>she told me I had</i>
<i>to hold them while she did it.</i>

246
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:19,958
<i>I asked her why she did it</i>
<i>and she said, "So they wouldn't fly away."</i>

247
00:16:20,625 --> 00:16:22,000
<i>And she told me… Now get this.</i>

248
00:16:22,083 --> 00:16:25,583
<i>Again, this is her</i>
<i>seven-year-old daughter she's talking to.</i>

249
00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:27,333
<i>She said,</i>

250
00:16:28,875 --> 00:16:31,291
<i>"Everyone gets</i>
<i>their wings clipped at some point."</i>

251
00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:34,708
<i>And I asked the next question.</i>

252
00:16:34,791 --> 00:16:38,500
<i>It's the only question a kid's gonna ask</i>
<i>when they hear something like that.</i>

253
00:16:38,583 --> 00:16:41,833
<i>I said, "Mom,</i>
<i>did you get your wings clipped?"</i>

254
00:16:43,416 --> 00:16:45,416
<i>And she said, "Yep. Oh, yes."</i>

255
00:16:46,041 --> 00:16:47,041
<i>"Day you were born."</i>

256
00:16:50,125 --> 00:16:51,291
<i>"Day you were born."</i>

257
00:16:55,041 --> 00:16:58,833
<i>She's holding those clippers,</i>
<i>and I have this bird in my hand.</i>

258
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:04,083
<i>And it's cooing in my palm</i>
<i>and it feels like a cat purring.</i>

259
00:17:04,166 --> 00:17:06,000
<i>And it trusted me.</i>

260
00:17:07,083 --> 00:17:09,875
<i>And something came over me</i>
<i>and I let it go.</i>

261
00:17:13,375 --> 00:17:14,708
<i>And then she hit me.</i>

262
00:17:18,666 --> 00:17:20,000
<i>Her behavior would change.</i>

263
00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:26,583
<i>Drinking, yelling, hitting,</i>
<i>something more nuanced,</i>

264
00:17:26,666 --> 00:17:31,125
<i>something passive-aggressive,</i>
<i>but the message behind it was clear.</i>

265
00:17:33,541 --> 00:17:35,041
<i>I ruined her life.</i>

266
00:17:37,791 --> 00:17:38,833
<i>But Littlefoot?</i>

267
00:17:40,833 --> 00:17:43,708
<i>You see, that baby saved mine.</i>

268
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:48,916
<i>Because I did it.</i>
<i>I did what I said I was gonna do.</i>

269
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:52,166
<i>I ran away at 16.</i>
<i>I was gonna be an actress.</i>

270
00:17:52,250 --> 00:17:55,541
<i>I was gonna be a star.</i>
<i>And I traveled, and I lived.</i>

271
00:17:55,625 --> 00:17:58,500
<i>And by the time I woke up</i>
<i>and the drugs had worn off,</i>

272
00:17:58,583 --> 00:18:01,083
<i>I looked up and I had married my mother.</i>

273
00:18:02,416 --> 00:18:04,708
<i>At first he was clingy,</i>
<i>and then he was mean.</i>

274
00:18:05,375 --> 00:18:06,791
<i>And then he was drunk all the time.</i>

275
00:18:06,875 --> 00:18:10,166
<i>And then he hit me.</i>
<i>And I knew that posture. I knew it.</i>

276
00:18:11,083 --> 00:18:12,666
<i>I would have stayed with him.</i>

277
00:18:13,541 --> 00:18:15,833
<i>[sniffles] I would have died</i>
<i>in that house.</i>

278
00:18:18,500 --> 00:18:21,625
<i>But I woke up one day</i>
<i>and I felt different, I felt sick.</i>

279
00:18:23,750 --> 00:18:25,083
<i>And so I took a test.</i>

280
00:18:26,291 --> 00:18:31,083
<i>And I saw that little plus sign,</i>
<i>and I stared and I stared and I stared.</i>

281
00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:36,208
<i>And I packed my bags.</i>
<i>And I never looked back.</i>

282
00:18:38,458 --> 00:18:40,000
<i>[sobs] She saved me.</i>

283
00:18:40,750 --> 00:18:42,291
<i>And now she's just gone.</i>

284
00:18:43,916 --> 00:18:45,625
<i>And how is that possible?</i>

285
00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:47,791
<i>How is that possible?</i>

286
00:18:50,750 --> 00:18:52,291
<i>I have this, um…</i>

287
00:18:55,166 --> 00:18:56,000
<i>dream.</i>

288
00:18:58,041 --> 00:19:01,041
<i>This recurring dream,</i>
<i>I've had it since I was inside.</i>

289
00:19:02,625 --> 00:19:04,625
<i>I'm floating out in the middle of the bay.</i>

290
00:19:04,708 --> 00:19:07,791
<i>Middle of the water. Just gray water.</i>

291
00:19:07,875 --> 00:19:09,041
<i>Morning water.</i>

292
00:19:09,125 --> 00:19:12,666
<i>The sky lightening</i>
<i>as the sun's about to rise.</i>

293
00:19:13,458 --> 00:19:16,916
<i>And if I could just point the bow,</i>

294
00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:21,916
<i>find a wind or an oar,</i>
<i>paddle with my goddamn hands if I had to,</i>

295
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:24,208
<i>to a different shore.</i>

296
00:19:25,083 --> 00:19:26,208
<i>Start a new life.</i>

297
00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:29,708
<i>That dream always ends with the sunrise.</i>

298
00:19:30,791 --> 00:19:32,041
<i>Always.</i>

299
00:19:32,541 --> 00:19:34,666
<i>I never get further than that sunrise.</i>

300
00:19:37,041 --> 00:19:39,666
<i>That part I can see,</i>
<i>clear as day. That part is…</i>

301
00:19:41,791 --> 00:19:45,875
<i>That part is real, but the rest,</i>
<i>whatever life I'm supposed to have after?</i>

302
00:19:45,958 --> 00:19:47,291
<i>That I can't see.</i>

303
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:50,333
<i>And the more I have that dream,</i>

304
00:19:50,416 --> 00:19:53,750
<i>the more I just know</i>
<i>that it's not in the cards for me.</i>

305
00:19:56,750 --> 00:19:58,416
<i>I'm not getting off this island.</i>

306
00:19:59,916 --> 00:20:01,083
<i>I know it.</i>

307
00:20:01,791 --> 00:20:04,708
<i>Late at night,</i>
<i>no matter what I might let myself hope…</i>

308
00:20:04,791 --> 00:20:05,625
<i>[sniffles]</i>

309
00:20:06,416 --> 00:20:08,666
<i>or what I might tell my mom or my dad.</i>

310
00:20:10,625 --> 00:20:11,708
<i>I know it.</i>

311
00:20:13,291 --> 00:20:14,458
<i>But you…</i>

312
00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:18,625
<i>You can do anything.</i>

313
00:20:20,625 --> 00:20:22,083
<i>You always could do anything.</i>

314
00:20:24,458 --> 00:20:25,541
<i>Pray with me?</i>

315
00:20:29,208 --> 00:20:30,208
<i>[sniffles]</i>

316
00:20:32,666 --> 00:20:33,666
<i>Yes.</i>

317
00:20:35,666 --> 00:20:36,791
<i>Please, God.</i>

318
00:20:40,250 --> 00:20:41,708
<i>Help me to understand.</i>

319
00:20:47,458 --> 00:20:48,541
<i>Mercy.</i>

320
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:53,125
<i>Please have mercy on us.</i>

321
00:20:54,375 --> 00:20:58,041
<i>Our sorrow is too much. It's too much.</i>

322
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:01,875
<i>Mercy.</i>

323
00:21:07,958 --> 00:21:10,458
<i>Our Father, who art in Heaven…</i>

324
00:21:10,541 --> 00:21:12,125
<i>[both] Hallowed be Thy name.</i>

325
00:21:12,208 --> 00:21:16,916
<i>Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done,</i>
<i>on Earth as it is in Heaven.</i>

326
00:21:17,458 --> 00:21:20,125
<i>[Father Paul] Give us this day our daily</i>
<i>bread and forgive us our trespasses</i>

327
00:21:20,208 --> 00:21:22,541
<i>as we forgive those</i>
<i>who trespass against us.</i>

328
00:21:22,625 --> 00:21:25,500
<i>And lead us not into temptation, but…</i>

329
00:21:27,916 --> 00:21:28,791
<i>[groans]</i>

330
00:21:34,666 --> 00:21:36,708
<i>[breathes deeply]</i>

331
00:21:36,791 --> 00:21:38,625
<i>Deliver us from evil. Amen.</i>

332
00:21:40,208 --> 00:21:43,958
<i>Hail Mary, full of grace,</i>
<i>the Lord be with you, blessed art thou…</i>

333
00:21:45,125 --> 00:21:46,083
<i>[grunts]</i>

334
00:21:52,916 --> 00:21:54,375
<i>[breathing heavily]</i>

335
00:22:02,666 --> 00:22:03,625
<i>[grunts]</i>

336
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:15,958
<i>[licks]</i>

337
00:22:28,750 --> 00:22:29,750
<i>[groans]</i>

338
00:22:34,625 --> 00:22:35,625
<i>[sucks]</i>

339
00:22:54,583 --> 00:22:55,625
<i>Blessed art thou.</i>

340
00:22:56,791 --> 00:22:59,208
<i>Blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.</i>

341
00:23:03,125 --> 00:23:04,708
<i>Holy Mary, Mother of God,</i>

342
00:23:06,583 --> 00:23:08,000
<i>pray for us sinners, now…</i>

343
00:23:08,083 --> 00:23:10,916
<i>And at the hours of our deaths. Amen.</i>

344
00:23:15,958 --> 00:23:17,208
<i>[exclaims]</i>

345
00:23:17,291 --> 00:23:18,416
<i>Fuck. Fuck.</i>

346
00:23:19,083 --> 00:23:21,166
<i>Whoa. Come on. Come on, come on.</i>

347
00:23:22,125 --> 00:23:23,041
<i>Hey, Joe.</i>

348
00:23:24,166 --> 00:23:26,083
<i>Sheriff. How are you today?</i>

349
00:23:26,166 --> 00:23:27,166
<i>I'm okay.</i>

350
00:23:27,875 --> 00:23:29,041
<i>Day's young, though.</i>

351
00:23:30,500 --> 00:23:32,083
<i>How's my night gonna be, Joe?</i>

352
00:23:32,750 --> 00:23:34,791
<i>Well, shit, how should I know?</i>

353
00:23:37,041 --> 00:23:38,000
<i>You okay?</i>

354
00:23:38,083 --> 00:23:39,666
<i>I'm workin' on it, man.</i>

355
00:23:40,666 --> 00:23:43,000
<i>[hesitating] I'm workin' on it.</i>

356
00:23:45,958 --> 00:23:48,166
<i>[breathing heavily] Fuck you.</i>

357
00:23:52,291 --> 00:23:53,291
<i>[bell chimes]</i>

358
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:03,083
<i>[chanting prayer indistinctly]</i>

359
00:24:13,166 --> 00:24:14,833
<i>Ever this day, be at my side,</i>

360
00:24:16,500 --> 00:24:17,791
<i>to light and guard,</i>

361
00:24:19,291 --> 00:24:20,541
<i>to rule and guide.</i>

362
00:24:21,375 --> 00:24:24,666
<i>Angel of God, my guardian dear,</i>

363
00:24:25,250 --> 00:24:27,833
<i>to whom God's love commits me here.</i>

364
00:24:28,625 --> 00:24:30,416
<i>Ever this day, be at my side,</i>

365
00:24:31,750 --> 00:24:33,666
<i>to light and guard, to rule and guide.</i>

366
00:24:34,250 --> 00:24:35,833
<i>Angel of God, my guardian dear,</i>

367
00:24:36,791 --> 00:24:38,541
<i>to whom God's love commits me here.</i>

368
00:24:39,208 --> 00:24:42,333
<i>Ever this day, be at my side,</i>
<i>to light and guard, and to rule and guide.</i>

369
00:24:43,333 --> 00:24:45,166
<i>Angel of God, my guardian dear,</i>

370
00:24:46,625 --> 00:24:48,750
<i>to whom God's love commits me here.</i>

371
00:24:48,833 --> 00:24:51,791
<i>Ever this day, be at my side,</i>
<i>to light and guard, to rule and guide.</i>

372
00:24:53,208 --> 00:24:54,708
<i>Angel of God, my guardian dear…</i>

373
00:24:56,541 --> 00:24:57,458
<i>Father Paul.</i>

374
00:24:57,541 --> 00:25:01,583
<i>Hi. Sorry to call after dark.</i>
<i>I was a little ill, held up all day.</i>

375
00:25:01,666 --> 00:25:06,708
<i>But now I'm up and about again,</i>
<i>and I thought I owe your mother her mass.</i>

376
00:25:09,333 --> 00:25:10,541
<i>[knocking at door]</i>

377
00:25:16,291 --> 00:25:17,208
<i>John?</i>

378
00:25:22,583 --> 00:25:24,875
<i>Sarah let me in. She said that you…</i>

379
00:25:28,041 --> 00:25:29,541
<i>That you're feeling better.</i>

380
00:25:30,416 --> 00:25:31,416
<i>How?</i>

381
00:25:32,958 --> 00:25:34,250
<i>How?</i>

382
00:25:34,333 --> 00:25:37,208
<i>"Well, truly, I say to you,</i>
<i>if you have faith and never doubt,</i>

383
00:25:37,291 --> 00:25:40,916
<i>even if you say</i>
<i>to this mountain be taken up</i>

384
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:44,458
<i>and cast into the sea, it will be done."</i>

385
00:25:45,666 --> 00:25:47,416
<i>With God, all things are possible.</i>

386
00:26:03,833 --> 00:26:05,666
<i>I thought it was a dream.</i>

387
00:26:08,250 --> 00:26:11,375
<i>When I saw you at my bedside.</i>

388
00:26:13,791 --> 00:26:15,250
<i>So young.</i>

389
00:26:16,041 --> 00:26:17,791
<i>[both exclaim]</i>

390
00:26:19,250 --> 00:26:20,958
<i>Maybe it is a dream.</i>

391
00:26:22,750 --> 00:26:24,958
<i>But if it is, we're all having it.</i>

392
00:26:26,583 --> 00:26:27,583
<i>All of us.</i>

393
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:33,458
<i>I have so much to tell you!</i>

394
00:26:33,541 --> 00:26:34,583
<i>[both chuckle]</i>

395
00:26:37,125 --> 00:26:38,125
<i>But…</i>

396
00:26:39,041 --> 00:26:43,375
<i>But first… your mass.</i>

397
00:26:44,625 --> 00:26:45,791
<i>Your Communion.</i>

398
00:26:48,500 --> 00:26:52,958
<i>In the name of the Father,</i>
<i>and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.</i>

399
00:26:58,375 --> 00:26:59,291
<i>Amen.</i>

400
00:27:02,958 --> 00:27:05,541
<i>I'm just realizing</i>
<i>that you must think I'm foolish.</i>

401
00:27:06,916 --> 00:27:07,875
<i>No.</i>

402
00:27:08,750 --> 00:27:10,125
<i>You prayed with me all day,</i>

403
00:27:11,250 --> 00:27:13,416
<i>and I love you for that. [sniffles]</i>

404
00:27:14,208 --> 00:27:15,375
<i>But you don't…</i>

405
00:27:16,916 --> 00:27:19,416
<i>You don't believe it. Any of it.</i>

406
00:27:20,416 --> 00:27:21,416
<i>I understand it.</i>

407
00:27:23,208 --> 00:27:25,833
<i>I do. The appeal of it. The comfort of it.</i>

408
00:27:27,416 --> 00:27:29,083
<i>Everything happens for a reason.</i>

409
00:27:29,166 --> 00:27:31,708
<i>There's good in everything.</i>
<i>There's a plan. It's…</i>

410
00:27:36,375 --> 00:27:37,625
<i>I don't know.</i>

411
00:27:39,916 --> 00:27:44,208
<i>I guess I just lived</i>
<i>a moment at complete odds</i>

412
00:27:44,791 --> 00:27:46,833
<i>with the existence of a loving God.</i>

413
00:27:48,625 --> 00:27:49,750
<i>So what do you think?</i>

414
00:27:50,375 --> 00:27:53,250
<i>-You think I'm delusional?</i>
<i>-No.</i>

415
00:27:55,666 --> 00:27:57,916
<i>-You think I'm naive.</i>
<i>-No.</i>

416
00:27:59,333 --> 00:28:00,583
<i>No, I think…</i>

417
00:28:02,916 --> 00:28:04,416
<i>I think we all want…</i>

418
00:28:06,583 --> 00:28:09,708
<i>so badly for there to be a reason.</i>

419
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:14,958
<i>For everything. And some justice,</i>
<i>and some comfort when we die.</i>

420
00:28:15,041 --> 00:28:18,416
<i>Yeah, that's where religion comes from.</i>
<i>That's the whole question.</i>

421
00:28:19,708 --> 00:28:20,916
<i>It is.</i>

422
00:28:22,500 --> 00:28:24,041
<i>What happens when we die?</i>

423
00:28:24,125 --> 00:28:25,791
<i>What the fuck happens?</i>

424
00:28:25,875 --> 00:28:27,166
<i>So what do you think?</i>

425
00:28:28,625 --> 00:28:30,458
<i>What happens when we die, Riley?</i>

426
00:28:32,500 --> 00:28:33,708
<i>I don't know.</i>

427
00:28:34,708 --> 00:28:37,541
<i>And I don't trust anyone</i>
<i>who tells us they do, but…</i>

428
00:28:41,208 --> 00:28:43,166
<i>I can speak for myself, I guess.</i>

429
00:28:44,083 --> 00:28:45,375
<i>Then speak for yourself.</i>

430
00:28:46,375 --> 00:28:48,333
<i>What happens when you die?</i>

431
00:28:49,458 --> 00:28:50,458
<i>[sighs]</i>

432
00:28:55,166 --> 00:28:56,291
<i>When I die…</i>

433
00:28:59,666 --> 00:29:02,000
<i>my body stops functioning.</i>

434
00:29:03,375 --> 00:29:06,125
<i>Shut down. All at once, or gradually,</i>

435
00:29:06,208 --> 00:29:09,041
<i>my breathing stops,</i>
<i>my heart stops beating.</i>

436
00:29:10,333 --> 00:29:11,458
<i>Clinical death.</i>

437
00:29:12,666 --> 00:29:16,708
<i>And a bit later, like,</i>
<i>five whole minutes later…</i>

438
00:29:18,875 --> 00:29:20,291
<i>my brain cells start dying.</i>

439
00:29:24,791 --> 00:29:28,541
<i>But in the meantime, in between…</i>

440
00:29:30,958 --> 00:29:33,958
<i>maybe my brain releases a flood of DMT.</i>

441
00:29:34,458 --> 00:29:37,583
<i>It's the psychedelic drug</i>
<i>released when we dream, so…</i>

442
00:29:39,416 --> 00:29:40,333
<i>I dream.</i>

443
00:29:42,125 --> 00:29:46,166
<i>I dream bigger</i>
<i>than I have ever dreamed before,</i>

444
00:29:46,250 --> 00:29:50,291
<i>because it's all of it.</i>
<i>Just the last dump of DMT all at once.</i>

445
00:29:50,375 --> 00:29:52,750
<i>And my neurons are firing</i>

446
00:29:52,833 --> 00:29:56,583
<i>and I'm seeing this firework display</i>
<i>of memories and imagination.</i>

447
00:29:56,666 --> 00:29:59,708
<i>And I am just… tripping.</i>

448
00:30:00,250 --> 00:30:05,083
<i>I mean, really tripping balls because</i>
<i>my mind's rifling through the memories.</i>

449
00:30:05,166 --> 00:30:09,333
<i>You know, long and short-term,</i>
<i>and the dreams mix with the memories, and…</i>

450
00:30:12,250 --> 00:30:13,458
<i>it's a curtain call.</i>

451
00:30:15,708 --> 00:30:18,250
<i>The dream to end all dreams.</i>

452
00:30:18,333 --> 00:30:24,208
<i>One last great dream as my mind empties</i>
<i>the fuckin' missile silos and then…</i>

453
00:30:29,583 --> 00:30:30,500
<i>I stop.</i>

454
00:30:33,666 --> 00:30:38,708
<i>My brain activity ceases</i>
<i>and there is nothing left of me.</i>

455
00:30:40,958 --> 00:30:41,916
<i>No pain.</i>

456
00:30:44,416 --> 00:30:47,958
<i>No memory, no awareness</i>
<i>that I ever was, no…</i>

457
00:30:51,083 --> 00:30:52,333
<i>That I ever hurt someone.</i>

458
00:30:59,791 --> 00:31:01,500
<i>[voice breaking] That I ever</i>
<i>killed someone.</i>

459
00:31:05,041 --> 00:31:08,500
<i>Everything is as it was</i>

460
00:31:09,666 --> 00:31:10,750
<i>before me.</i>

461
00:31:13,416 --> 00:31:17,333
<i>And the electricity disperses</i>
<i>from my brain till it's just dead tissue.</i>

462
00:31:19,041 --> 00:31:19,916
<i>Meat.</i>

463
00:31:21,750 --> 00:31:22,833
<i>Oblivion.</i>

464
00:31:27,125 --> 00:31:29,833
<i>And all of the other little things</i>
<i>that make me up, they…</i>

465
00:31:31,333 --> 00:31:34,708
<i>The microbes and bacterium</i>
<i>and the billion other little things</i>

466
00:31:34,791 --> 00:31:39,083
<i>that live on my eyelashes and in my hair</i>
<i>and in my mouth and on my skin</i>

467
00:31:39,166 --> 00:31:41,458
<i>and in my gut</i>
<i>and everywhere else, they just</i>

468
00:31:43,208 --> 00:31:44,125
<i>keep on living.</i>

469
00:31:46,333 --> 00:31:47,333
<i>And eating.</i>

470
00:31:49,041 --> 00:31:49,875
<i>Uh…</i>

471
00:31:53,166 --> 00:31:55,166
<i>And I'm serving a purpose.</i>

472
00:31:58,208 --> 00:31:59,500
<i>I'm feeding life.</i>

473
00:32:02,708 --> 00:32:03,833
<i>And I'm broken apart,</i>

474
00:32:03,916 --> 00:32:07,833
<i>and all the littlest pieces of me</i>
<i>are just recycled,</i>

475
00:32:07,916 --> 00:32:09,916
<i>and I'm billions of other places.</i>

476
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:14,416
<i>And my atoms are in plants</i>
<i>and bugs and animals,</i>

477
00:32:14,500 --> 00:32:17,083
<i>and I am like the stars</i>
<i>that are in the sky.</i>

478
00:32:19,833 --> 00:32:23,791
<i>There one moment and then just</i>
<i>scattered across the goddamn cosmos.</i>

479
00:32:37,125 --> 00:32:38,041
<i>Your turn.</i>

480
00:32:39,083 --> 00:32:42,000
<i>[chuckles] What happens when you die?</i>

481
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:46,083
<i>Speaking for myself?</i>

482
00:32:47,541 --> 00:32:48,750
<i>Speaking for yourself.</i>

483
00:32:53,500 --> 00:32:54,416
<i>No.</i>

484
00:32:56,416 --> 00:32:57,500
<i>Not for myself.</i>

485
00:32:59,791 --> 00:33:01,416
<i>I'm not the one that died today.</i>

486
00:33:07,041 --> 00:33:08,375
<i>She was never awake.</i>

487
00:33:10,458 --> 00:33:13,000
<i>When she came down into this little body,</i>

488
00:33:14,500 --> 00:33:16,750
<i>this just-forming little body,</i>
<i>it was asleep.</i>

489
00:33:17,458 --> 00:33:19,250
<i>So all she ever knew was dreaming.</i>

490
00:33:22,041 --> 00:33:25,208
<i>She only ever dreamed.</i>
<i>She didn't even have a name.</i>

491
00:33:27,125 --> 00:33:28,375
<i>And then in her sleep,</i>

492
00:33:29,791 --> 00:33:32,833
<i>that perfect little spirit just lifted up.</i>

493
00:33:34,625 --> 00:33:37,958
<i>Because God didn't send her</i>
<i>to suffer through life on Earth. No.</i>

494
00:33:39,166 --> 00:33:40,208
<i>This one?</i>

495
00:33:42,041 --> 00:33:43,541
<i>This special little soul…</i>

496
00:33:45,458 --> 00:33:47,791
<i>God just sent her down here to sleep.</i>

497
00:33:50,916 --> 00:33:53,750
<i>Just a little nap. A quick dream.</i>

498
00:33:55,666 --> 00:33:57,833
<i>And then He called her back.</i>
<i>He wanted her back.</i>

499
00:33:59,333 --> 00:34:00,500
<i>And so she went back.</i>

500
00:34:01,125 --> 00:34:04,916
<i>Same as she floated down,</i>
<i>she rose up above the Earth.</i>

501
00:34:06,250 --> 00:34:08,208
<i>Past all the souls in the atmosphere</i>

502
00:34:08,291 --> 00:34:12,041
<i>and all the stars in the sky</i>
<i>and then into a light so bright.</i>

503
00:34:15,500 --> 00:34:17,208
<i>And then, for the first time…</i>

504
00:34:19,416 --> 00:34:20,875
<i>she starts to wake up.</i>

505
00:34:26,416 --> 00:34:28,958
<i>She's wrapped in a feeling of love.</i>

506
00:34:29,625 --> 00:34:33,083
<i>Just pure, amazing love.</i>
<i>Of course she is. [laughing]</i>

507
00:34:33,166 --> 00:34:34,375
<i>She's pure.</i>

508
00:34:36,708 --> 00:34:38,000
<i>She has never sinned.</i>

509
00:34:38,708 --> 00:34:41,583
<i>She never hurt a single living thing,</i>
<i>not even an ant.</i>

510
00:34:42,375 --> 00:34:45,875
<i>And she's not alone. She's home.</i>

511
00:34:47,416 --> 00:34:49,166
<i>There are people there,</i>
<i>she doesn't know it,</i>

512
00:34:49,250 --> 00:34:50,583
<i>but they're her family.</i>

513
00:34:51,250 --> 00:34:56,250
<i>Her grandfather and her great-grandfather,</i>
<i>and they love her. And they name her.</i>

514
00:34:57,916 --> 00:35:00,500
<i>And then when God reaches down</i>
<i>and kisses her head,</i>

515
00:35:00,583 --> 00:35:03,541
<i>and the second He says her name,</i>
<i>she grows up.</i>

516
00:35:04,375 --> 00:35:05,416
<i>In a blink.</i>

517
00:35:10,541 --> 00:35:11,625
<i>And she's perfect.</i>

518
00:35:14,916 --> 00:35:18,000
<i>Her body as it would have been</i>
<i>on her best day on Earth.</i>

519
00:35:18,583 --> 00:35:22,291
<i>Her perfect age. The peak of herself.</i>

520
00:35:25,583 --> 00:35:27,791
<i>And they tell her</i>
<i>about her mom down here on Earth,</i>

521
00:35:27,875 --> 00:35:29,500
<i>and how I'll be there soon enough.</i>

522
00:35:29,583 --> 00:35:31,708
<i>[breathes deeply]</i>

523
00:35:32,625 --> 00:35:37,125
<i>And she's happy.</i>
<i>And nothing but joy for all eternity.</i>

524
00:35:39,583 --> 00:35:40,708
<i>And she's loved.</i>

525
00:35:41,875 --> 00:35:43,375
<i>And she isn't alone.</i>

526
00:35:48,041 --> 00:35:50,250
<i>And that's what we mean</i>
<i>when we say Heaven.</i>

527
00:35:51,208 --> 00:35:56,500
<i>No mansions, no rivers of diamonds,</i>
<i>or fluffy clouds or angel wings.</i>

528
00:35:57,750 --> 00:35:58,958
<i>You are loved.</i>

529
00:36:00,333 --> 00:36:01,541
<i>And you aren't alone.</i>

530
00:36:08,208 --> 00:36:09,333
<i>That is God.</i>

531
00:36:10,958 --> 00:36:12,375
<i>That is Heaven.</i>

532
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:16,541
<i>That's why we endure</i>
<i>all that we endure on this…</i>

533
00:36:19,125 --> 00:36:21,875
<i>big, blue, sad rock.</i>

534
00:36:26,416 --> 00:36:27,916
<i>I'll be there soon enough.</i>

535
00:36:31,666 --> 00:36:33,166
<i>And I'll see my father.</i>

536
00:36:35,208 --> 00:36:36,583
<i>And my grandmother.</i>

537
00:36:37,708 --> 00:36:42,500
<i>And I'll see my little girl,</i>
<i>and she will be happy and safe.</i>

538
00:36:45,291 --> 00:36:48,416
<i>And I will be so glad to meet her.</i>

539
00:36:57,791 --> 00:36:59,166
<i>I really hope you're right.</i>

540
00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:14,125
<i>[Father Paul inhales]</i>

541
00:37:14,208 --> 00:37:16,875
<i>Angel of God, my guardian dear,</i>
<i>to whom God's love commits me here.</i>

542
00:37:16,958 --> 00:37:20,458
<i>Ever this day [inhales] be at my side,</i>
<i>to light and guard, to rule and guide.</i>

543
00:37:20,541 --> 00:37:23,291
<i>Angel of God, my guardian dear,</i>
<i>to whom God's love commits me here.</i>

544
00:37:23,375 --> 00:37:26,125
<i>Ever this day be at my side,</i>
<i>to light and guard, to rule and guide.</i>

545
00:37:26,208 --> 00:37:28,583
<i>[continues muttering indistinctly]</i>

546
00:37:32,666 --> 00:37:34,375
<i>[breathing heavily]</i>

547
00:37:34,458 --> 00:37:36,000
<i>[continues reciting prayer]</i>

548
00:37:46,583 --> 00:37:48,291
<i>[groans]</i>

549
00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:56,500
<i>Where are you?</i>

550
00:37:57,708 --> 00:37:59,125
<i>[sobs]</i>

551
00:38:04,833 --> 00:38:06,875
<i>Why won't you come?</i>

552
00:38:09,458 --> 00:38:11,666
<i>Angel of God, my guardian dear, to whom…</i>

553
00:38:12,833 --> 00:38:14,375
<i>[continues reciting prayer]</i>

554
00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:35,875
<i>[knocking at door]</i>

555
00:38:35,958 --> 00:38:36,958
<i>[Joe] Father?</i>

556
00:38:41,875 --> 00:38:43,875
<i>[hesitating] I'm sorry to disturb you.</i>

557
00:38:44,625 --> 00:38:45,625
<i>I'm sorry.</i>

558
00:38:46,416 --> 00:38:47,708
<i>Hello, Joe.</i>

559
00:38:48,333 --> 00:38:52,375
<i>-Hello.</i>
<i>-I was just… I, um… I had a hard day.</i>

560
00:38:53,416 --> 00:38:55,541
<i>But I did good. I didn't drink.</i>

561
00:38:55,625 --> 00:38:56,875
<i>Yeah, that's excellent.</i>

562
00:38:56,958 --> 00:39:00,125
<i>But it's a real struggle.</i>
<i>You know? And you said come by here</i>

563
00:39:01,083 --> 00:39:02,375
<i>if I ever felt like…</i>

564
00:39:03,333 --> 00:39:07,083
<i>If it got too much.</i>
<i>But you're… you're busy.</i>

565
00:39:07,166 --> 00:39:09,708
<i>No, not at all. Here.</i>
<i>You come in here. You sit.</i>

566
00:39:09,791 --> 00:39:10,666
<i>[sniffs]</i>

567
00:39:13,291 --> 00:39:16,333
<i>I've been there.</i>
<i>I can tell you that. [chuckles]</i>

568
00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:17,833
<i>[groans]</i>

569
00:39:19,958 --> 00:39:22,250
<i>-Are you okay, Father?</i>
<i>-Um…</i>

570
00:39:23,166 --> 00:39:24,791
<i>Truth be told, I…</i>

571
00:39:26,958 --> 00:39:30,958
<i>I'm not really feelin' myself today,</i>
<i>and I am at a bit of a loss.</i>

572
00:39:39,750 --> 00:39:41,000
<i>Well, that's uncanny, ain't it?</i>

573
00:39:47,833 --> 00:39:49,166
<i>You could be his son.</i>

574
00:39:50,291 --> 00:39:52,375
<i>You know, that was a rumor</i>
<i>when I was a kid,</i>

575
00:39:52,458 --> 00:39:55,833
<i>that the old man wasn't exactly celibate.</i>

576
00:39:55,916 --> 00:39:57,833
<i>I mean, who can blame him?</i>

577
00:39:57,916 --> 00:40:00,708
<i>I mean, who am I</i>
<i>to judge a man for his vices?</i>

578
00:40:00,791 --> 00:40:01,958
<i>I mean, me? Shit.</i>

579
00:40:03,666 --> 00:40:05,750
<i>None of my business. Really.</i>

580
00:40:07,166 --> 00:40:08,875
<i>Kinda my motto my whole life.</i>

581
00:40:10,916 --> 00:40:12,125
<i>I'll, uh… I'll…</i>

582
00:40:13,125 --> 00:40:14,916
<i>I'll see ya tomorrow at, um…</i>

583
00:40:16,875 --> 00:40:19,625
<i>-At the… at the meeting.</i>
<i>-Hey, wait, wait, Joe.</i>

584
00:40:26,541 --> 00:40:28,833
<i>I'm proud of you, Joe.</i>

585
00:40:29,416 --> 00:40:30,375
<i>Thanks, Father.</i>

586
00:40:30,458 --> 00:40:35,583
<i>[hesitating] I'm sorry. I wasn't</i>
<i>expecting anyone, but I'm proud of you,</i>

587
00:40:35,666 --> 00:40:38,541
<i>and I'm glad</i>
<i>that you found strength today.</i>

588
00:40:40,416 --> 00:40:42,000
<i>Because I know that compulsion.</i>

589
00:40:43,458 --> 00:40:44,875
<i>That hunger, and…</i>

590
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:49,500
<i>I know how hard it is to fight against.</i>

591
00:40:50,750 --> 00:40:53,125
<i>So I'm proud of you. God is proud of you.</i>

592
00:40:54,750 --> 00:40:55,833
<i>Thank you.</i>

593
00:41:01,750 --> 00:41:03,625
<i>God bless you.</i>

594
00:41:05,166 --> 00:41:07,125
<i>Better late than never, right? [chuckles]</i>

595
00:41:08,416 --> 00:41:09,416
<i>All right.</i>

596
00:41:10,500 --> 00:41:12,791
<i>-[Father Paul] God bless you.</i>
<i>-Oh, thank you. I'm gonna…</i>

597
00:41:12,875 --> 00:41:15,916
<i>Um… I'm just gonna… I'm gonna go.</i>

598
00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:17,625
<i>[Father Paul sniffs]</i>

599
00:41:18,541 --> 00:41:21,000
<i>[Joe] I'm gonna go, okay?</i>

600
00:41:21,083 --> 00:41:23,833
<i>-I'm just… I'm gonna go, all right?</i>
<i>-God bless you.</i>

601
00:41:23,916 --> 00:41:25,666
<i>What is wrong with you?</i>

602
00:41:27,666 --> 00:41:31,666
<i>The fuck is wrong with you?</i>
<i>Stop it! [grunts]</i>

603
00:41:35,833 --> 00:41:37,916
<i>I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.</i>

604
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:40,041
<i>-[Joe gasps]</i>
<i>-I'm so sorry.</i>

605
00:41:40,791 --> 00:41:41,750
<i>Are you…</i>

606
00:41:42,750 --> 00:41:43,875
<i>Are you okay?</i>

607
00:41:44,791 --> 00:41:45,750
<i>What happened?</i>

608
00:41:45,833 --> 00:41:47,041
<i>[Joe gasping]</i>

609
00:41:47,125 --> 00:41:49,625
<i>Are you all right? Are you all right?</i>

610
00:41:49,708 --> 00:41:51,166
<i>[Joe grunts]</i>

611
00:42:06,458 --> 00:42:07,583
<i>What?</i>

612
00:42:10,958 --> 00:42:13,250
<i>-[Joe exclaims]</i>
<i>-[Father Paul shushes]</i>

613
00:42:14,750 --> 00:42:16,250
<i>[slurping]</i>

614
00:42:57,833 --> 00:43:00,208
<i>-Hi.</i>
<i>-Hi.</i>

615
00:43:06,375 --> 00:43:08,083
<i>I had that dream again last night.</i>

616
00:43:09,500 --> 00:43:12,500
<i>-The one on the water?</i>
<i>-Yeah, that's right.</i>

617
00:43:13,875 --> 00:43:17,458
<i>It was all different this time.</i>
<i>You know that happens sometimes?</i>

618
00:43:18,125 --> 00:43:19,833
<i>I never remember my dreams.</i>

619
00:43:21,458 --> 00:43:22,625
<i>What was different?</i>

620
00:43:22,708 --> 00:43:23,625
<i>I'm on the water,</i>

621
00:43:25,041 --> 00:43:26,125
<i>just like always…</i>

622
00:43:28,166 --> 00:43:30,000
<i>waiting on the sun. But this time…</i>

623
00:43:38,541 --> 00:43:39,750
<i>you're there too.</i>

624
00:43:42,041 --> 00:43:43,500
<i>What do you think that means?</i>

625
00:43:50,916 --> 00:43:52,208
<i>I should go.</i>

626
00:43:55,500 --> 00:43:57,083
<i>Unless you want me to walk you?</i>

627
00:43:58,500 --> 00:44:00,375
<i>-Hmm?</i>
<i>-Church.</i>

628
00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:02,875
<i>Oh.</i>

629
00:44:04,666 --> 00:44:06,583
<i>I don't think I'm gonna go to church.</i>

630
00:44:08,250 --> 00:44:10,291
<i>I think I'm gonna go to the mainland.</i>

631
00:44:12,083 --> 00:44:15,291
<i>You know, not to, like,</i>
<i>get a second opinion or anything, but…</i>

632
00:44:18,416 --> 00:44:19,750
<i>To get a second opinion.</i>

633
00:44:20,625 --> 00:44:21,958
<i>Of course.</i>

634
00:44:22,041 --> 00:44:25,000
<i>I wouldn't blame you if you didn't</i>
<i>leave this house for a month.</i>

635
00:44:25,083 --> 00:44:26,083
<i>Nobody would.</i>

636
00:44:29,041 --> 00:44:30,583
<i>You could come back though.</i>

637
00:44:31,958 --> 00:44:32,875
<i>Later.</i>

638
00:44:34,708 --> 00:44:35,791
<i>Maybe tonight.</i>

639
00:44:37,208 --> 00:44:40,208
<i>You could come back tonight, maybe.</i>

640
00:44:43,333 --> 00:44:44,541
<i>I can do that.</i>

641
00:44:46,375 --> 00:44:47,291
<i>Okay.</i>

642
00:45:11,041 --> 00:45:12,291
<i>[sighs]</i>

643
00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:16,833
<i>-I'm not gonna do Communion or anything.</i>
<i>-I know.</i>

644
00:45:18,208 --> 00:45:19,208
<i>You can't.</i>

645
00:45:20,791 --> 00:45:23,166
<i>They won't let you,</i>
<i>because you're not a Christian.</i>

646
00:45:23,250 --> 00:45:25,500
<i>-Dad. Please, we've been over this.</i>
<i>-I know.</i>

647
00:45:25,583 --> 00:45:27,041
<i>-You said I could--</i>
<i>-I know.</i>

648
00:45:32,916 --> 00:45:33,791
<i>Look.</i>

649
00:45:35,291 --> 00:45:36,916
<i>I understand you're curious.</i>

650
00:45:38,833 --> 00:45:42,833
<i>I will not tell my son</i>
<i>not to look for God.</i>

651
00:45:44,833 --> 00:45:46,041
<i>But, son…</i>

652
00:45:46,916 --> 00:45:47,875
<i>Ali.</i>

653
00:45:49,708 --> 00:45:51,041
<i>We already have Him.</i>

654
00:45:52,583 --> 00:45:53,875
<i>Well, thank you, Dad.</i>

655
00:45:53,958 --> 00:45:58,333
<i>I know this isn't easy for you,</i>
<i>so… thank you.</i>

656
00:46:06,125 --> 00:46:07,000
<i>[door opens]</i>

657
00:46:10,833 --> 00:46:11,708
<i>[door closes]</i>

658
00:46:21,875 --> 00:46:23,375
<i>[choir music plays]</i>

659
00:46:42,916 --> 00:46:44,625
<i>You didn't come home last night.</i>

660
00:47:00,208 --> 00:47:01,583
<i>[sighs]</i>

661
00:47:09,916 --> 00:47:11,125
<i>[knocking at door]</i>

662
00:47:11,208 --> 00:47:12,041
<i>[Bev] </i>Father!

663
00:47:14,041 --> 00:47:16,041
<i>Father! We're all waiting.</i>

664
00:47:28,833 --> 00:47:31,083
<i>Father, you're almost</i>
<i>a half-hour late, you…</i>

665
00:47:47,833 --> 00:47:48,791
<i>Okay.</i>

666
00:47:51,833 --> 00:47:52,708
<i>Okay.</i>

667
00:48:08,458 --> 00:48:12,125
<i>I don't know why… I don't know why…</i>
<i>I don't know why--</i>

668
00:48:12,208 --> 00:48:15,958
<i>Hush, now. You don't have to say a thing.</i>
<i>Not you. Not to me.</i>

669
00:48:16,833 --> 00:48:17,916
<i>We've got to, uh…</i>

670
00:48:21,625 --> 00:48:22,708
<i>[clears throat]</i>

671
00:48:23,666 --> 00:48:24,833
<i>We've got to…</i>

672
00:48:28,666 --> 00:48:29,958
<i>get you cleaned up.</i>

673
00:48:31,083 --> 00:48:32,583
<i>Get you to the church.</i>

674
00:48:37,166 --> 00:48:38,125
<i>Okay.</i>

675
00:48:40,041 --> 00:48:42,333
<i>Um, here's the thing.</i>

676
00:48:46,458 --> 00:48:47,541
<i>Okay.</i>

677
00:48:48,625 --> 00:48:50,250
<i>Lord, Lord, Lord. Okay.</i>

678
00:48:52,208 --> 00:48:54,500
<i>You're gonna stay here. You are…</i>

679
00:48:55,791 --> 00:48:57,583
<i>You are gonna stay right here.</i>

680
00:48:59,958 --> 00:49:01,625
<i>Here's what we're gonna do.</i>

681
00:49:06,541 --> 00:49:08,583
<i>He's fine. Everything is fine.</i>

682
00:49:11,583 --> 00:49:13,375
<i>[indistinct chatter]</i>

683
00:49:25,541 --> 00:49:27,708
<i>Excuse me. [clears throat] Excuse me.</i>

684
00:49:28,375 --> 00:49:29,625
<i>Good morning.</i>

685
00:49:29,708 --> 00:49:31,583
<i>Let me tell you, it is such a delight</i>

686
00:49:31,666 --> 00:49:34,833
<i>to see this church</i>
<i>so full every day. God bless.</i>

687
00:49:35,500 --> 00:49:39,375
<i>I'm afraid this morning,</i>
<i>though, we'll have to…</i>

688
00:49:42,541 --> 00:49:44,291
<i>I think we'll have to cancel mass.</i>

689
00:49:44,375 --> 00:49:45,291
<i>[indistinct chatter]</i>

690
00:49:45,375 --> 00:49:48,500
<i>Father Paul is bouncing back</i>
<i>from a stomach bug.</i>

691
00:49:49,125 --> 00:49:50,375
<i>Poor thing.</i>

692
00:49:50,458 --> 00:49:54,375
<i>I just had to physically restrain</i>
<i>the dear man, put him to bed.</i>

693
00:49:54,458 --> 00:49:57,125
<i>He was so determined to be here.</i>

694
00:49:57,208 --> 00:49:59,625
<i>He'll be back on his feet</i>
<i>in just no time at all.</i>

695
00:49:59,708 --> 00:50:03,250
<i>But this morning, at least, maybe, uh,</i>

696
00:50:04,250 --> 00:50:06,791
<i>our dear Dolly Scarborough…</i>

697
00:50:08,125 --> 00:50:09,208
<i>Come up here, Dolly.</i>

698
00:50:10,291 --> 00:50:11,541
<i>Come on up.</i>

699
00:50:11,625 --> 00:50:16,208
<i>Maybe Dolly can lead us in some singing</i>
<i>and some reading and some prayer.</i>

700
00:50:16,791 --> 00:50:20,625
<i>And we can still celebrate</i>
<i>like the Christians of old</i>

701
00:50:20,708 --> 00:50:24,666
<i>who sang praises to God long before</i>
<i>there were priests to lead the way.</i>

702
00:50:24,750 --> 00:50:28,500
<i>-Uh, let's start with hymn number 473.</i>
<i>-Sure.</i>

703
00:50:28,583 --> 00:50:31,750
<i>"We Gather Together."</i>
<i>Dolly, will you lead us?</i>

704
00:50:31,833 --> 00:50:32,791
<i>[Dolly clears throat]</i>

705
00:50:32,875 --> 00:50:34,625
<i>[choir music starts]</i>

706
00:50:37,208 --> 00:50:38,250
<i>Excuse me.</i>

707
00:50:39,416 --> 00:50:46,208
<i>♪ We gather together</i>
<i>To ask the Lord's blessing… ♪</i>

708
00:50:46,291 --> 00:50:49,000
<i>[Bev] Wrap it up in the carpet,</i>
<i>put it in your truck,</i>

709
00:50:49,083 --> 00:50:51,250
<i>take it to one of the empty houses</i>
<i>on the west bank.</i>

710
00:50:51,333 --> 00:50:53,416
<i>Do it now,</i>
<i>while most of the island is at church.</i>

711
00:50:53,500 --> 00:50:57,958
<i>And then tonight, late, tie an anchor</i>
<i>to it and drop it five miles out.</i>

712
00:51:01,041 --> 00:51:02,958
<i>But, I… We…</i>

713
00:51:03,791 --> 00:51:05,250
<i>[hesitates]</i>

714
00:51:05,333 --> 00:51:07,416
<i>Yes. Wade, what would you like to say?</i>

715
00:51:08,166 --> 00:51:09,125
<i>I mean…</i>

716
00:51:11,750 --> 00:51:14,041
<i>We're not… We're not really…</i>

717
00:51:14,125 --> 00:51:17,500
<i>That's Joe Collie, Bev. This is…</i>

718
00:51:19,833 --> 00:51:22,875
<i>This is… This is…</i>
<i>What the hell did you do?</i>

719
00:51:25,958 --> 00:51:29,375
<i>"The man who acts presumptuously</i>
<i>by not obeying the Priest</i>

720
00:51:29,458 --> 00:51:32,208
<i>who stands to minister there</i>
<i>before the Lord, your God,</i>

721
00:51:32,291 --> 00:51:33,958
<i>that man shall die."</i>

722
00:51:35,833 --> 00:51:36,875
<i>Deuteronomy.</i>

723
00:51:38,583 --> 00:51:39,750
<i>You are correct.</i>

724
00:51:41,458 --> 00:51:42,666
<i>This is Joe Collie.</i>

725
00:51:42,750 --> 00:51:47,750
<i>This isn't Ed Flynn</i>
<i>or Leeza Scarborough or you, Wade.</i>

726
00:51:47,833 --> 00:51:50,333
<i>This is the man</i>
<i>that put your daughter in a wheelchair.</i>

727
00:51:50,416 --> 00:51:55,000
<i>This man has been a scourge</i>
<i>to this community his entire life.</i>

728
00:51:55,083 --> 00:51:59,166
<i>He's a sinner, a letch,</i>
<i>and a heathen of the first order.</i>

729
00:51:59,250 --> 00:52:01,750
<i>He's a maimer of children</i>
<i>and a blessing to no one,</i>

730
00:52:01,833 --> 00:52:03,833
<i>and God has called in his debt.</i>

731
00:52:04,500 --> 00:52:09,083
<i>Father. Monsignor. Tell them.</i>
<i>Tell them why you did what you did.</i>

732
00:52:09,166 --> 00:52:12,250
<i>I don't know. Something came over me,</i>
<i>and really, I don't even--</i>

733
00:52:12,333 --> 00:52:15,083
<i>Because something moved through you.</i>

734
00:52:15,166 --> 00:52:17,125
<i>You forget. Wade, you forget.</i>

735
00:52:17,208 --> 00:52:19,666
<i>Our Lord is a warrior,</i>
<i>and so are His angels.</i>

736
00:52:20,250 --> 00:52:23,500
<i>Our Lord sent angels to Egypt</i>

737
00:52:23,583 --> 00:52:26,791
<i>to slaughter the firstborn</i>
<i>of the Egyptians,</i>

738
00:52:26,875 --> 00:52:30,583
<i>turned cities to salt,</i>
<i>women and children alike,</i>

739
00:52:30,666 --> 00:52:35,416
<i>and drowned the world</i>
<i>when we were too lost to our sins.</i>

740
00:52:36,333 --> 00:52:41,166
<i>Monsignor Pruitt himself</i>
<i>is a miracle of God.</i>

741
00:52:42,416 --> 00:52:45,041
<i>And a performer of miracles,</i>

742
00:52:46,125 --> 00:52:49,166
<i>as you damn well know yourself, Wade.</i>
<i>He is a miracle.</i>

743
00:52:50,041 --> 00:52:52,375
<i>God has a plan. He's working through him.</i>

744
00:52:52,458 --> 00:52:56,791
<i>"And we are to do our part</i>
<i>to witness and do our part."</i>

745
00:52:56,875 --> 00:52:59,958
<i>"And do not think</i>
<i>that I have come to bring peace."</i>

746
00:53:00,041 --> 00:53:03,250
<i>"I have not come</i>
<i>to bring peace, but a sword."</i>

747
00:53:03,333 --> 00:53:07,208
<i>It was Jesus who said that!</i>
<i>Jesus Christ himself!</i>

748
00:53:07,291 --> 00:53:10,166
<i>So if you wanna question him now, Wade,</i>

749
00:53:10,250 --> 00:53:15,083
<i>if you want to pick and choose which one</i>
<i>of his works are palatable to you…</i>

750
00:53:16,250 --> 00:53:19,625
<i>Return all his graces to sender then,</i>

751
00:53:19,708 --> 00:53:24,541
<i>and let your little girl</i>
<i>sit back down in that wheelchair.</i>

752
00:53:25,708 --> 00:53:31,333
<i>But do not cherry-pick the glories of God!</i>

753
00:53:32,625 --> 00:53:35,833
<i>Now wrap it up</i>

754
00:53:37,541 --> 00:53:38,625
<i>in the carpet.</i>

755
00:53:42,916 --> 00:53:44,625
<i>I… I… I…</i>

756
00:53:51,750 --> 00:53:53,208
<i>Is your conscience heavy?</i>

757
00:53:54,875 --> 00:53:58,208
<i>Do you have guilt in your heart</i>
<i>for doing what you had to?</i>

758
00:54:00,125 --> 00:54:01,083
<i>No.</i>

759
00:54:05,291 --> 00:54:06,416
<i>Not at all.</i>

760
00:54:06,500 --> 00:54:10,125
<i>Then ask yourself</i>
<i>why God let that cup pass you by.</i>

761
00:54:12,166 --> 00:54:13,416
<i>And carry on.</i>

762
00:54:16,333 --> 00:54:17,500
<i>[Wade mumbles indistinctly]</i>

763
00:54:19,458 --> 00:54:21,541
<i>His arms. Sturge, his arms.</i>

764
00:54:27,000 --> 00:54:28,333
<i>Get the… And…</i>

765
00:54:29,541 --> 00:54:30,458
<i>[knocking at door]</i>

766
00:54:34,708 --> 00:54:40,125
<i>Okay. Sorry to keep you waiting.</i>
<i>We've, um… We've run your labs.</i>

767
00:54:41,083 --> 00:54:43,916
<i>I wonder if perhaps</i>
<i>the information you've given me</i>

768
00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:46,125
<i>might not be entirely accurate.</i>

769
00:54:46,208 --> 00:54:48,375
<i>I'll put you in touch with my doctor,</i>

770
00:54:48,458 --> 00:54:51,166
<i>and she can make sure</i>
<i>you have the correct information.</i>

771
00:54:51,250 --> 00:54:53,125
<i>I just wanna know how this could happen.</i>

772
00:54:53,208 --> 00:54:56,000
<i>Well, I don't believe anything has.</i>

773
00:54:58,250 --> 00:55:01,666
<i>-What does that mean?</i>
<i>-I mean, your tests are all negative.</i>

774
00:55:02,500 --> 00:55:04,000
<i>I know. I lost the baby.</i>

775
00:55:04,083 --> 00:55:07,291
<i>No, I mean your hCG levels are normal.</i>

776
00:55:07,375 --> 00:55:08,208
<i>Okay?</i>

777
00:55:08,291 --> 00:55:12,875
<i>And even after a miscarriage,</i>
<i>they'd stay elevated six weeks or so.</i>

778
00:55:12,958 --> 00:55:18,166
<i>Right, I didn't have…</i>
<i>There was no evidence of miscarriage.</i>

779
00:55:19,500 --> 00:55:23,916
<i>Um, I don't see any evidence</i>
<i>you were pregnant at all.</i>

780
00:55:27,208 --> 00:55:28,541
<i>I had an ultrasound.</i>

781
00:55:28,625 --> 00:55:32,125
<i>Look, I don't know anything about that.</i>
<i>I'm just looking at your tests.</i>

782
00:55:32,208 --> 00:55:33,708
<i>I heard the heartbeat many times.</i>

783
00:55:33,791 --> 00:55:36,125
<i>I saw her move.</i>
<i>I saw her sucking her thumb.</i>

784
00:55:36,208 --> 00:55:38,583
<i>I am happy</i>
<i>to call your doctor on the island,</i>

785
00:55:39,125 --> 00:55:41,708
<i>and maybe she'll share some of her…</i>

786
00:55:42,958 --> 00:55:46,833
<i>But your body isn't the body of a woman</i>
<i>who's been pregnant. It just isn't.</i>

787
00:55:47,416 --> 00:55:52,083
<i>-I was pregnant. I was.</i>
<i>-Not according to your blood or your body.</i>

788
00:55:52,833 --> 00:55:55,375
<i>And the human body, it can't, well…</i>

789
00:55:56,083 --> 00:55:58,458
<i>It just can't pull a rip cord</i>
<i>on something like that</i>

790
00:55:58,541 --> 00:56:01,083
<i>and pretend nothing happened.</i>
<i>It's just not possible.</i>

791
00:56:03,500 --> 00:56:06,166
<i>I was wondering</i>
<i>if perhaps we could arrange</i>

792
00:56:06,250 --> 00:56:08,625
<i>for you to speak with someone</i>
<i>in our psych department.</i>

793
00:56:36,500 --> 00:56:37,708
<i>[sighs]</i>

794
00:56:52,333 --> 00:56:53,291
<i>[Riley] You feeling better?</i>

795
00:56:55,666 --> 00:56:59,083
<i>I wasn't sure if this was happening.</i>
<i>No one answered when I called the rectory.</i>

796
00:57:00,041 --> 00:57:03,166
{\an8}<i>[Father Paul] Nothing to worry about.</i>
<i>Feelin' much better as the day went on.</i>

797
00:57:03,250 --> 00:57:04,375
<i>Come on in.</i>

798
00:57:04,958 --> 00:57:05,916
<i>I'm so sorry to hear that.</i>

799
00:57:06,000 --> 00:57:09,166
<i>I'll have to visit her</i>
<i>and make sure she's all right.</i>

800
00:57:09,250 --> 00:57:10,916
<i>Yeah, she's takin' it easy.</i>

801
00:57:11,000 --> 00:57:13,458
<i>I don't think she'll really</i>
<i>be up for visitors any time soon.</i>

802
00:57:13,541 --> 00:57:14,416
<i>No, of course.</i>

803
00:57:15,625 --> 00:57:21,083
<i>Out of curiosity,</i>
<i>what would you have said to her?</i>

804
00:57:24,333 --> 00:57:26,583
<i>That's the thing, isn't it?</i>
<i>What do you say?</i>

805
00:57:26,666 --> 00:57:28,833
<i>You say, "I'm so sorry for your loss."</i>

806
00:57:28,916 --> 00:57:31,125
<i>Or, "God works in mysterious ways."</i>

807
00:57:31,208 --> 00:57:33,041
<i>"If there's anything that I can do."</i>

808
00:57:33,125 --> 00:57:35,416
<i>It's so hollow, isn't it?</i>

809
00:57:35,500 --> 00:57:37,000
<i>I don't… Will not…</i>

810
00:57:40,083 --> 00:57:43,750
<i>We can never understand the will of God,</i>

811
00:57:43,833 --> 00:57:47,708
<i>and I wouldn't presume to know what to say</i>
<i>to Erin Greene, other than that.</i>

812
00:57:53,541 --> 00:57:56,208
<i>We must trust in the Lord</i>
<i>with our whole heart.</i>

813
00:57:58,458 --> 00:58:00,833
<i>And not rely on our own insights.</i>

814
00:58:00,916 --> 00:58:03,750
<i>Give yourself over</i>
<i>whether you understand it or not.</i>

815
00:58:03,833 --> 00:58:05,000
<i>That's right. That's right.</i>

816
00:58:05,083 --> 00:58:09,000
<i>That's just… Well, that's just true.</i>
<i>Isn't it? For you, for me?</i>

817
00:58:09,958 --> 00:58:12,375
<i>Give ourselves over, maybe for a moment.</i>

818
00:58:12,458 --> 00:58:17,541
<i>You know, stop presuming to know</i>
<i>the reason, to understand the meaning.</i>

819
00:58:18,208 --> 00:58:22,291
<i>Sometimes it's okay</i>
<i>to just look at the world and say,</i>

820
00:58:22,375 --> 00:58:25,791
<i>"Why? Why? Why? I don't understand."</i>

821
00:58:27,875 --> 00:58:29,166
<i>"And I will not."</i>

822
00:58:31,791 --> 00:58:33,250
<i>Yeah, sometimes that's okay.</i>

823
00:58:36,125 --> 00:58:37,791
<i>Yeah, I actually agree with that.</i>

824
00:58:39,125 --> 00:58:41,000
<i>It's hard not to, isn't it? [chuckles]</i>

825
00:58:41,875 --> 00:58:43,291
<i>How are your amends going?</i>

826
00:58:45,041 --> 00:58:48,000
<i>We gonna get into that now?</i>
<i>Shouldn't we wait for Joe?</i>

827
00:58:49,291 --> 00:58:50,541
<i>Oh. Uh…</i>

828
00:58:50,625 --> 00:58:52,875
<i>No. Joe isn't joining us today, actually.</i>

829
00:58:52,958 --> 00:58:53,875
<i>No.</i>

830
00:58:55,166 --> 00:58:57,708
<i>No, please don't tell me he fell off.</i>

831
00:58:59,250 --> 00:59:01,958
<i>I don't know why,</i>
<i>I just really wanted this to work for him.</i>

832
00:59:02,041 --> 00:59:04,416
<i>Like, I really, really did.</i>

833
00:59:04,500 --> 00:59:07,791
<i>No, no. I actually saw him yesterday.</i>
<i>He was…</i>

834
00:59:08,750 --> 00:59:11,375
<i>He was doin' well.</i>
<i>He was proud of himself.</i>

835
00:59:12,000 --> 00:59:14,875
<i>No, he's off-island today,</i>
<i>visiting his sister, I think.</i>

836
00:59:14,958 --> 00:59:18,500
<i>Uh, he's not sure when he's gonna be back.</i>

837
00:59:19,625 --> 00:59:21,375
<i>-His sister?</i>
<i>-Yeah, that's right.</i>

838
00:59:24,583 --> 00:59:25,541
<i>Oh.</i>

839
00:59:27,333 --> 00:59:31,250
<i>So, shall we begin with Serenity?</i>
<i>I'm sure he'll grace us next week.</i>

840
00:59:33,458 --> 00:59:36,166
<i>God grant me the serenity</i>
<i>to accept the things…</i>

841
00:59:36,250 --> 00:59:39,416
<i>[both] …I cannot change,</i>
<i>the courage to change the things I can,</i>

842
00:59:39,500 --> 00:59:41,916
<i>and the wisdom to know the difference.</i>

843
00:59:42,791 --> 00:59:43,666
<i>Amen.</i>

844
00:59:46,458 --> 00:59:48,625
<i>[Annie] I'm just glad to hear</i>
<i>that he's all right.</i>

845
00:59:48,708 --> 00:59:51,000
<i>I'm not surprised,</i>
<i>as hard as he's been working lately.</i>

846
00:59:51,083 --> 00:59:54,416
<i>Daily mass, packed,</i>
<i>and a full schedule, besides.</i>

847
00:59:54,500 --> 00:59:58,583
<i>Do you know that he's brought</i>
<i>Mildred Gunning the sacrament every day</i>

848
00:59:58,666 --> 01:00:00,500
<i>since he's been here? Every day.</i>

849
01:00:01,375 --> 01:00:02,500
<i>The man's a saint.</i>

850
01:00:03,125 --> 01:00:06,750
<i>I'm glad he's on the mend.</i>
<i>And your little friend Ali.</i>

851
01:00:06,833 --> 01:00:08,625
<i>I was so moved to see him in church today.</i>

852
01:00:10,375 --> 01:00:12,166
<i>I can't imagine how</i>
<i>that went over with his dad.</i>

853
01:00:12,250 --> 01:00:14,583
<i>The courage it had</i>
<i>to take to leave that behind,</i>

854
01:00:14,666 --> 01:00:16,583
<i>to come to church alone, at his age?</i>

855
01:00:17,208 --> 01:00:20,541
<i>With his upbringing?</i>
<i>All that tradition. It just shows you.</i>

856
01:00:21,166 --> 01:00:23,750
<i>God finds a way. God, find the way.</i>

857
01:00:27,958 --> 01:00:29,416
<i>Heading out for the night, huh?</i>

858
01:00:29,500 --> 01:00:30,416
<i>Yeah.</i>

859
01:00:31,333 --> 01:00:32,708
<i>[Annie] Well, give her my best.</i>

860
01:00:33,416 --> 01:00:36,083
<i>-Tell her I'm so sorry.</i>
<i>-I will.</i>

861
01:00:37,416 --> 01:00:40,541
<i>You know, when you were a little boy,</i>

862
01:00:42,583 --> 01:00:45,125
<i>you said to me, "If we're on an island,</i>

863
01:00:45,208 --> 01:00:48,416
<i>why don't we live in treehouses</i>
<i>like </i>Swiss Family Robinson?"

864
01:00:49,041 --> 01:00:52,541
<i>And I said to you,</i>
<i>"Well, we're not shipwrecked, Riley."</i>

865
01:00:53,166 --> 01:00:54,750
<i>"We're meant to be here."</i>

866
01:00:56,750 --> 01:00:57,791
<i>And you,</i>

867
01:00:58,708 --> 01:00:59,750
<i>you frowned.</i>

868
01:01:01,333 --> 01:01:04,500
<i>I know you never really felt</i>
<i>like this was home.</i>

869
01:01:05,541 --> 01:01:08,916
<i>Like Crockett wasn't</i>
<i>so much a place we lived</i>

870
01:01:09,583 --> 01:01:12,250
<i>as a place we lived through,</i>
<i>waiting for help to come.</i>

871
01:01:12,333 --> 01:01:13,250
<i>[chuckles]</i>

872
01:01:15,458 --> 01:01:19,125
<i>And, well, help is here.</i>

873
01:01:20,750 --> 01:01:23,666
<i>-Is it?</i>
<i>-I don't need my glasses anymore.</i>

874
01:01:24,666 --> 01:01:27,250
<i>And your father's better</i>
<i>than he's been in years.</i>

875
01:01:28,583 --> 01:01:30,250
<i>Something's happening here.</i>

876
01:01:31,000 --> 01:01:32,625
<i>And I can't pretend it isn't.</i>

877
01:01:34,375 --> 01:01:35,375
<i>Now, I know…</i>

878
01:01:37,625 --> 01:01:38,750
<i>you struggled.</i>

879
01:01:39,833 --> 01:01:43,000
<i>With your faith and with what happened--</i>

880
01:01:43,083 --> 01:01:44,416
<i>With what I did.</i>

881
01:01:50,208 --> 01:01:51,458
<i>With what you did.</i>

882
01:01:52,875 --> 01:01:54,458
<i>[voice breaking] My beautiful boy.</i>

883
01:01:55,458 --> 01:01:56,458
<i>Yes.</i>

884
01:01:58,083 --> 01:02:03,916
<i>But God isn't asking you to have faith</i>
<i>in something that you can't see.</i>

885
01:02:04,500 --> 01:02:07,333
<i>Not here. Not now.</i>

886
01:02:08,500 --> 01:02:10,083
<i>He's only asking that you look.</i>

887
01:02:11,583 --> 01:02:13,000
<i>Isn't that amazing?</i>

888
01:02:16,583 --> 01:02:18,125
<i>He's a liar, Mom.</i>

889
01:02:19,750 --> 01:02:20,875
<i>Father Paul.</i>

890
01:02:23,208 --> 01:02:24,375
<i>Maybe you're right.</i>

891
01:02:26,083 --> 01:02:27,291
<i>Maybe there is hope.</i>

892
01:02:28,375 --> 01:02:32,125
<i>And maybe there's something for me,</i>
<i>and maybe there is God and miracles.</i>

893
01:02:33,500 --> 01:02:34,416
<i>I don't know.</i>

894
01:02:36,875 --> 01:02:40,791
<i>But I know one thing.</i>
<i>Just one thing for a fact.</i>

895
01:02:42,416 --> 01:02:44,375
<i>Father Paul lied to me tonight.</i>

896
01:02:47,250 --> 01:02:50,625
<i>So believe and pray for me.</i>

897
01:02:52,250 --> 01:02:53,250
<i>But just…</i>

898
01:02:56,541 --> 01:02:58,916
<i>Please be careful. That's all I ask.</i>

899
01:03:01,500 --> 01:03:02,625
<i>[Annie] Oh.</i>

900
01:03:03,333 --> 01:03:04,708
<i>Oh.</i>

901
01:03:06,250 --> 01:03:07,125
<i>Yeah.</i>

902
01:03:09,125 --> 01:03:10,125
<i>Oh.</i>

903
01:03:23,833 --> 01:03:25,708
<i>…my guardian dear,</i>
<i>to whom God's love commits me here.</i>

904
01:03:25,791 --> 01:03:28,291
<i>Ever this day be at my side to light</i>
<i>and guard, to rule and guide.</i>

905
01:03:28,375 --> 01:03:30,416
<i>Angel of God, please, please, please.</i>

906
01:03:30,500 --> 01:03:32,416
<i>Where are you? Where are you?</i>

907
01:03:32,500 --> 01:03:34,958
<i>Please, please, please.</i>

908
01:03:35,041 --> 01:03:37,750
<i>Angel of God, my guardian dear,</i>
<i>to whom God's love commits me here.</i>

909
01:03:37,833 --> 01:03:40,708
<i>Ever this day, be at my side,</i>
<i>to light and guard, to rule and guide.</i>

910
01:03:42,125 --> 01:03:44,125
<i>[continues reciting prayer]</i>

911
01:03:53,000 --> 01:03:56,791
<i>Oh, thank God.</i>
<i>Where have you been? I've been…</i>

912
01:03:59,625 --> 01:04:00,708
<i>I'm sorry. I'm sorry.</i>

913
01:04:01,375 --> 01:04:04,541
<i>I'm sorry, I've just been lost.</i>
<i>I've just been lost.</i>

914
01:04:05,250 --> 01:04:08,416
<i>I don't… I'm out of the sacrament.</i>

915
01:04:09,958 --> 01:04:11,208
<i>[breathing heavily]</i>

916
01:04:20,083 --> 01:04:23,208
<i>Angel of God, my guardian dear,</i>
<i>to whom God's love commits me here.</i>

917
01:04:23,291 --> 01:04:26,166
<i>Ever this day, be at my side,</i>
<i>to light and guard, to rule and guide.</i>

918
01:04:33,750 --> 01:04:35,458
<i>Angel of God, my guardian dear…</i>

919
01:04:35,541 --> 01:04:36,833
<i>[continues reciting prayer]</i>

920
01:05:12,833 --> 01:05:13,791
<i>His sister.</i>

921
01:05:37,708 --> 01:05:38,958
<i>[reciting prayer]</i>

922
01:05:56,208 --> 01:05:57,125
<i>Oh.</i>

923
01:06:02,500 --> 01:06:03,750
<i>[creature growls]</i>

924
01:06:03,833 --> 01:06:04,833
<i>[Riley exclaims]</i>

925
01:06:06,500 --> 01:06:07,666
<i>[groaning]</i>