1 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:23,560 ♪ I love myself I want you to love me ♪ 2 00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:27,480 ♪ When I feel down I want you above me ♪ 3 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:31,040 ♪ I search myself I want you to find me ♪ 4 00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:35,840 ♪ I forget myself I want you to remind me ♪ 5 00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:36,840 ♪ I don't want ♪ 6 00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:39,480 My God! How? 7 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:42,320 By magic, of course. 8 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:49,160 ♪ Oh-oh-oh, I don't want anybody else Oh no, oh no, oh no ♪ 9 00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:57,200 ♪ You're the one Who makes me come runnin' ♪ 10 00:00:58,120 --> 00:01:01,000 ♪ You're the sun who makes me shine ♪ 11 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:04,240 ♪ When you're around I'm always laughin' ♪ 12 00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:08,120 ♪ I want to make you mine ♪ 13 00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:12,040 ♪ I close my eyes and see you before me ♪ 14 00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:15,920 ♪ Think I would die If you were to ignore me ♪ 15 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:19,440 ♪ A fool could see Just how much I adore you ♪ 16 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:24,080 ♪ I'd get down on my knees I'd do anything for you ♪ 17 00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:27,320 ♪ I don't want anybody else ♪ 18 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,080 Fuck! 19 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:34,320 ♪ Oh-oh-oh, I don't want anybody else ♪ 20 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:38,600 ♪ Oh no, oh no, oh no ♪ 21 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:42,120 ♪ I don't want anybody else ♪ 22 00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:45,240 ♪ When I think about you, I touch myself ♪ 23 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:51,960 ♪ I don't want anybody else Oh no, oh no, oh no ♪ 24 00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:57,800 I'll be ten minutes, love. 25 00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:14,440 Not now. 26 00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:20,800 ♪ I don't want anybody else ♪ 27 00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:23,840 ♪ When I think about you, I touch myself ♪ 28 00:02:23,920 --> 00:02:27,800 ♪ Oh-oh-oh, I don't want anybody else ♪ 29 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:31,360 ♪ When I think about you, I touch myself ♪ 30 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:37,720 -Ah! Mum! -Otis! 31 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:39,600 Oh, I'm sorry! Ah! 32 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:41,880 -What? -Fuck! Stop! 33 00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:46,680 I forgot my wallet. 34 00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:11,440 -What happened yesterday... -Mum. 35 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:14,640 ...is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. 36 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:18,560 Masturbating is normal and healthy, 37 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:23,320 and I am so proud that you are at this stage of your pubescent development. 38 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:26,760 Okay, great. Can we please not talk about it? 39 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:32,800 However, there is a time and a place for such a... 40 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:35,360 -private activity. -Mum! 41 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:38,880 And I'm not sure the car, it being a shared space, 42 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:43,400 is the most appropriate choice for such an event to occur. 43 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:44,760 Understood. 44 00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:51,520 Revealing one's genitalia in public is also a criminal offense. 45 00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:53,000 I will not do it again. 46 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:54,480 I promise. 47 00:03:56,280 --> 00:04:00,840 Also, I've noticed you've been taking very long showers lately. 48 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:03,600 Now, I know that the bathroom is a... 49 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:08,200 safe environment in which to enjoy oneself, 50 00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:09,640 but I live here too, 51 00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:11,800 and I also need hot water. 52 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:13,800 So if you could please... 53 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:15,560 keep that in mind. 54 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,840 -Will do. -Isn't it wonderful, 55 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:23,880 how we've been talking so much more openly and honestly lately? 56 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:27,080 -I have got to go. 57 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:28,440 Bye, darling. 58 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:31,680 Love you. 59 00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:35,760 The coast is clear. 60 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:37,280 Thank you. 61 00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:39,440 We have to tell them, Jean. 62 00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:43,000 We will, just not yet. 63 00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:44,320 Things have only just... 64 00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:48,000 settled down between Otis and I, and... 65 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:50,000 Well, he's not ready yet. 66 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:52,800 Okay, but soon. 67 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:54,320 Mmm. 68 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:01,280 I think I have a problem. 69 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:03,800 My body has complete control over me. 70 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:08,400 You have discovered the wonders of your own penis, my friend. 71 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:09,320 It's normal. 72 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:10,360 It's not normal. 73 00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:13,200 Last night I looked at some cheese, and I got an erection. 74 00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:14,520 What type of cheese? 75 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:16,720 -Brie. 76 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:18,880 But I swear, it could have been anything. 77 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:22,200 The other day, I was riding my bike, and I get a boner out of nowhere. 78 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:23,720 Nothing but trees around me. 79 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:25,200 Corduroy trousers? 80 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:28,440 -Yeah, how did you know? -Too much friction. 81 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:30,920 Why are you wanking so much? You've got a girlfriend now. 82 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:32,960 -Ola and I are taking things slow. -Dude, 83 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:36,760 you have the untapped sexual knowledge of a tantric master. 84 00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:39,080 -What are you waiting for? -I don't know. 85 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:41,440 It's a lot of pressure, all right? 86 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:44,640 I have all the theory, but in practice, I know nothing. 87 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:47,400 So what if Ola finds out about your wank problem? 88 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:49,080 I thought you said it was normal? 89 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:00,000 Oh, shit. 90 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:04,400 Enjoy the poverty shuttle! 91 00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:23,920 I know. I need to be better. 92 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,920 You want that sports scholarship, don't you? 93 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:28,160 Yeah. 94 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:30,680 Well, push yourself a bit harder, and we'll be halfway there. 95 00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:33,520 I need to get to assembly, okay? 96 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:06,080 Still no news from Maeve then? 97 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:08,640 Nope. That is okay. 98 00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:12,400 It's a new term. No more clinic, no more drama. 99 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:13,800 You can't give it up. 100 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:15,600 Think of all the status you're throwing away. 101 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:19,040 Knowing everyone's secret sex shame isn't going to make me popular. 102 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:20,840 No, it's going to make you all-powerful. 103 00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:23,320 Um, maybe don't mention the whole clinic thing to Ola. 104 00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:25,320 -She might think it's weird. -'Cause it was weird. 105 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:26,600 -Hey. -Hi. 106 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:31,080 Oh, you guys are super cute, but stop now, it's disgusting. 107 00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:34,040 How are you feeling? You nervous? 108 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,080 Yeah, a little bit. 109 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:38,480 -Is there anything I should know about? -Um, no, not really. 110 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:40,840 Nothing interesting ever happens around here. 111 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:47,440 There's a plague! 112 00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:49,320 Don't let them breathe on you. 113 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:54,600 Why does it look like The Walking Dead in here? 114 00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:57,680 -What is going on? -Chlamydia. Everyone's got it. 115 00:07:57,760 --> 00:07:59,520 One for a fiver, three for ten. 116 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:02,240 You can't catch chlamydia from the air. You have to have had sexual contact 117 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:03,280 -with a carrier. - Ssh! 118 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:06,720 They don't know that, do they? Don't kill my business, man. 119 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:09,200 Simon. Simon! That is highly unethical. 120 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:13,080 I've got to go and meet my chaperone, but I've got a free period after lunch. 121 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:14,840 -So do I. -Do you want to hang at mine? 122 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:16,440 Yes. Yes, let's hang. 123 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:18,200 -Okay, see you later. -Let's hang. See you. 124 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:19,680 -Bye. -Bye. 125 00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:23,600 -Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah! Yeah! -Stop that. 126 00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:25,600 We all know what "hang" is code for. 127 00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:28,360 It is time to put the theory into practice, my friend. 128 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:31,160 -You never know-- Oh, my God. -Sex kid! I think I've got chlamydia, 129 00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:33,480 and I read that I should rub bleach on my vagina, is that true? 130 00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:35,720 I'm not giving out advice anymore, but do not rub bleach 131 00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:37,200 anywhere on your body. 132 00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:39,800 -Go to your GP. -Excuse me. Otto. 133 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:41,760 Can one get chlamydia of the eye? 134 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:42,840 Okay, it's Otis, 135 00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:45,880 and if infected genital fluids got into your eye, then, yes, 136 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:47,800 you can have chlamydia of the eye. 137 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:49,160 But I've never had sex. 138 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:50,560 It's probably conjunctivitis, 139 00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:53,360 but I'm not giving advice anymore, so go to your doctor, please. 140 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:55,800 -Uh, you have to help them. -Why, it's... 141 00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:59,000 -It's not the same without Maeve. -Why? Her job is so easy. 142 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,920 It's just booking appointments and taking money. I'll do it for you. 143 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,800 I got a B plus in business studies last year. 144 00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:05,800 -You never did business studies. -That's irrelevant. 145 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:07,520 Let me guess, you think you have chlamydia? 146 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:10,200 No. My girlfriend says my cum tastes like kimchi. 147 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:11,800 Why do I have a fermented dick? 148 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:14,160 Well, the taste of semen varies from person to person. 149 00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:16,800 I can only suggest you have a healthy and balanced diet. 150 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:20,200 However, I'm not giving advice anymore, so you'll have to get help somewhere else. 151 00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:24,280 Admit it. You like giving advice. 152 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:27,720 Listen, Maeve has moved on, and so have I. That's it. 153 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:30,240 -Okay? End of story. -Oh! 154 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:32,360 Why are you running from your true calling? 155 00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:34,440 -I'm not running. -It's literally in your DNA, Otis. 156 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:35,600 Otis! 157 00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:38,080 Yes, we are fully aware of the outbreak. 158 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,440 I can assure you it's, uh... 159 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:43,640 Oh! My dick! 160 00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:45,560 ...under control. 161 00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:49,280 -Ah, can I call you back, Mrs. Hanratty? 162 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:50,320 Thank you so much. 163 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,720 The chairman of the board is here. She's heard about the situation. 164 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:54,920 Show her in. 165 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,480 Quickly! Quickly! And take that thing off. 166 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:04,040 -Ah! Maxine! What a pleasure to see you. -In a bit of a pickle, are we? 167 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:05,440 Pick... 168 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:08,080 No, no, no. Everything is completely under control. 169 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:11,080 I don't want to see "Moordale Chlamydia Outbreak" 170 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:12,960 as a headline in the papers tomorrow. 171 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:15,720 So, what are we doing to neutralize this? 172 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:17,520 W... 173 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:21,440 Hm. Well, I am organizing an... 174 00:10:22,560 --> 00:10:25,080 emergency parents' assembly tonight. 175 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:27,200 Uh, we will nip this in the bud. 176 00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:29,320 Very good. 177 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:34,640 I'm walking now. 178 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:40,160 Call all the parents, emergency assembly tonight. 179 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:43,600 I'm looking for my chaperone. 180 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:48,640 Hello, I'm Lily. 181 00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:50,960 Oh. I love Tank Girl. 182 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:53,720 Yeah. It's criminally underrated. 183 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:57,080 There's two black-hooded rats mating in the biology lab, 184 00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:59,160 if you wanted to go and see after assembly. 185 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,920 They have surprisingly large phalluses. 186 00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:05,040 Okay. 187 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:12,120 ♪ Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah Bah, bah ♪ 188 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:13,440 ♪ Whoa-oh ♪ 189 00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:15,440 ♪ Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah Bah, bah ♪ 190 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:17,680 ♪ Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah Bah, bah, bah ♪ 191 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:20,080 ♪ Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah Bah, bah, bah ♪ 192 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:28,400 ♪ The night is young So are we... ♪ 193 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:31,000 Apparently Fiona Brady is patient zero. 194 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:33,680 She had an orgy at music camp, and it spread from there. 195 00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:37,400 It is highly unlikely that this many people have chlamydia. 196 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:40,680 I think this is a classic case of mass hysteria. 197 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:43,440 What the fuck are you doing? You stood on my foot. 198 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:47,320 -Ow! -I'm sorry. 199 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:51,440 ♪ We don't have to take our clothes off ♪ 200 00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:52,720 -Stop. -Get off! 201 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,920 If you hadn't been such a slut in the first place, 202 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:57,200 -we wouldn't be in this situation. -Shut the fuck up! 203 00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:01,000 -Are you actually crying? -You dirty fucker. 204 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:05,160 Oh, my God. They are butchering Jermaine Stewart. 205 00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:07,480 At least I'm not miming. 206 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:09,720 - Stupid bitch. - Oh! 207 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:18,440 I've got to go. Sorry. Excuse me. 208 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:19,520 Ooh! 209 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:23,880 Sorry. Sorry. 210 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:30,280 -Don't push me. -You've ruined this for every-- 211 00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:31,320 Ow! 212 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:32,520 This is a shitshow. 213 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:39,120 ♪ We don't have to take our clothes off ♪ 214 00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:42,680 Yeah! 215 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:46,680 Let's hear it for... Asking For Treble! 216 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:49,280 Earth-shattering stuff, huh? 217 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:52,560 You're a slut. 218 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:13,640 More chocolate. 219 00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:16,360 Sir, I've covered your pretzel in chocolate three times now. 220 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:17,640 More chocolate. 221 00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:37,840 You've got to be kidding me. 222 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:41,080 Uh... 223 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:46,920 Wiley, get back here! 224 00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:03,760 I can see you. 225 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,040 Hi, Frogface. It's me, Mum. 226 00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:10,040 Yes, I know who you are. What do you want? 227 00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:22,240 -Nice wank? -I told you I have a problem. 228 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:23,800 Jesus is Lord. 229 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,920 -Hey. How you doing? -Hey, man. 230 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:38,320 Hey? You all right? 231 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,000 Yeah. Yeah, sorry. 232 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,320 I thought I just saw someone, but... 233 00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:45,560 Can I talk to you? 234 00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:48,520 Martha and Gwen are going to kick me out of acapella group 235 00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:51,080 if I don't own up to giving them chlamydia, but it's not me. 236 00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:52,720 I've been tested, and I don't have it. 237 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:54,680 I'm not giving out advice anymore, 238 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:56,800 but I don't actually think anyone has chlamydia, 239 00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:59,120 -it's just mass hysteria. -No, they definitely did have it. 240 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:01,840 They've been tested and treated, but they're convinced it's my fault, 241 00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:04,280 and now everyone in school thinks I'm a walking STI. 242 00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:08,480 I heard Fiona caught chlamydia from doing bukakke with five guys. 243 00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:10,480 Ugh. What a slut. 244 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:16,240 Please. This is so humiliating, I don't know what to do. 245 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:25,400 Okay, um, this is Eric. He's in charge of appointments. 246 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:27,360 -He'll book you in. -I don't have a diary yet, 247 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:30,360 but I'll just use the natural organizational skills of my brain. 248 00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:31,800 Thank you. 249 00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:37,080 Is that true, Tim? 250 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:42,600 Did you tell Clara that you enjoyed the dog's company more than hers? 251 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:44,400 Yes. 252 00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:48,520 Can you elaborate? 253 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:51,360 The dog is... 254 00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:53,480 really quiet. 255 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:13,720 Right. 256 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:17,520 Why do you guys think it was Fiona that give you chlamydia? 257 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,520 She had a threesome at music camp. 258 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:22,400 And gave Sammy Watson a hand job during Mozart's Concerto 21. 259 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:25,840 And everybody knows she put Jamal Jacob's clarinet up her fanny! 260 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:28,400 Can we please stop slut-shaming Fiona? 261 00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:31,640 She has had a full sexual health checkup and is clear of STIs, 262 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:33,120 and neither of you have slept with her, 263 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:36,360 so I don't understand how you could possibly think she gave it to you. 264 00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:39,880 Because she put her slutty mouth all over our shared pitch whistle. 265 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:42,200 -Yeah, that's how we caught it! -I don't have chlamydia! 266 00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:44,120 How many times have I told you? 267 00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:46,560 -He literally said over and over-- 268 00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:48,040 Stop. Stop! 269 00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:53,960 Even if Fiona had chlamydia, which she doesn't, 270 00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:56,520 you cannot catch an STI from a pitch whistle. 271 00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:59,240 It's too late. Everyone still thinks it's me anyway. 272 00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:03,640 You guys are sexually active, right? 273 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:06,240 - Yeah. -With multiple partners? 274 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:08,320 - Yeah. -Great. 275 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:11,600 Well, I'm going to need both of you to make a list 276 00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:13,800 of everyone you've had recent sexual contact with 277 00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:15,440 so we can find out who it really was. 278 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:18,040 Then you can start telling people it wasn't Fiona. 279 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:19,480 Names. 280 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:35,880 The sober virgins enjoy Tolstoy and saving themselves for marriage. 281 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:40,120 Then he says, "Yes, Daddy, but you see, I have to buy a horse." 282 00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:45,440 The bong rats can't remember their own names 283 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:47,840 and still think farts are the height of comedy. 284 00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:49,520 Hey! 285 00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:56,520 The Untouchables rule over us with an iron fist of terror. 286 00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:57,960 Nice dungarees. 287 00:17:58,040 --> 00:17:59,080 Thanks. 288 00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:00,320 Don't make eye contact. 289 00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:03,040 -But he likes my dungarees. -He doesn't like anyone's dungarees. 290 00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:05,600 -Oh, my God. 291 00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:10,080 ♪ If you want my body And you think I'm sexy ♪ 292 00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:13,200 ♪ Come on, sugar Let me know ♪ 293 00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:15,440 -Which group is he in? -I don't know, 294 00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:17,760 but I think I just had a very small orgasm. 295 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:21,600 ♪ Come on, won't you tell me so? ♪ 296 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:23,080 ♪ Tell me so ♪ 297 00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:25,400 He's from France. 298 00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,480 And I heard he's a son of a Middle Eastern prince. 299 00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:29,880 I heard he's Kim Kardashian's secret adopted brother. 300 00:18:31,120 --> 00:18:33,440 He will be my boyfriend, okay? 301 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:34,960 Hmm. 302 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:40,360 Fuck me. 303 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:43,680 So, we've spoken to Luke Hanratty and Niall Spencer, 304 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:45,760 and they've both been tested. They're clear. 305 00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:46,680 Okay. 306 00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:50,120 Martha said she only kissed Tom Baker, so we can cross him off the list. 307 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:51,920 Oh, my God. Otis. 308 00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:53,560 Otis. 309 00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:55,080 Otis. 310 00:18:59,120 --> 00:19:00,000 Otis! 311 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:01,680 What? 312 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:06,640 The hottest man I've ever seen just walked past me, 313 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:08,720 and you missed it because of chlamydia. 314 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:09,880 Ah. 315 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,680 So, there's only one more name on this list. 316 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:19,000 Really? 317 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:21,440 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 318 00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:23,720 J-Dog, it's O-Town. 319 00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,320 Ah, it's Otis. 320 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:28,280 -What do you want? -Well... 321 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,280 We were wondering why you gave the acapella group chlamydia. 322 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:35,000 -Pardon? -We were wondering-- 323 00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:36,320 It would seem that... 324 00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:40,200 you had relations with Martha and Gwen who then both had chlamydia. 325 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,960 -So I'm just trying to-- -I never have sex without protection. 326 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:45,400 I've also been tested. Would you like to see the results? 327 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:46,640 -No. -Yes. 328 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:50,080 That is exactly what we want, Jackson Marchetti. 329 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:54,280 Come on. 330 00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:55,920 Thank you. 331 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:58,800 -I believe you. -Yeah, but here we are. 332 00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:02,000 He's clear. He's clear. 333 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:04,360 Uh, yeah, you're good. 334 00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:08,800 Thank you for taking such an active interest in my sex life. 335 00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:10,400 Oh, say hi to Maeve for me. 336 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:11,600 Ooh. 337 00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:13,120 I mean, I haven't seen her. 338 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:16,400 Why does Jackson hate you now? 339 00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:24,520 Shut up. 340 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,600 Dude, you're erect again! 341 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:33,760 Was it the chlamydia or Jackson that gave you a hard-on? 342 00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:37,160 Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. 343 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:41,560 -Your sister's got big, ain't she? -Half sister. 344 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:44,360 I grew you in the same womb, you're sisters. 345 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:46,640 So you got her back then? 346 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:49,200 She was only at her dad's mum's for a bit, it was a blip. 347 00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:52,440 I bet you got a right fright, didn't you? Seeing me out of the blue? 348 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:53,920 Yeah. 349 00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:58,600 I'm on step nine of NA. 350 00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:01,720 -Making amends to those-- -...you've harmed in the past. 351 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:04,320 -We've been here before, Erin. -Don't call me Erin, I'm your mother. 352 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:06,120 It's different this time. 353 00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:08,200 I've got a proper sponsor, been clean for a year. 354 00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:11,800 I was waiting until I was really stable before I came back, and here I am. 355 00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:15,080 So nice of you to fit me into your schedule. 356 00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:19,720 Some things don't change. 357 00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:22,040 I think you'll find quite a lot has changed, Erin. 358 00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:23,560 Don't talk with your mouth full. 359 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,800 Do you know what? I don't really feel like making amends this time. 360 00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:32,760 You haven't finished your burger! 361 00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:40,280 ♪ Kiss me I love the way that you kiss me ♪ 362 00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:43,040 Are you sure there's no one in? 363 00:21:43,120 --> 00:21:46,560 ♪ There's only one thing wrong With the way that you kiss me ♪ 364 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:47,720 Certain. 365 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:50,520 Hurry up! 366 00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:53,880 ♪ And plenty strong enough ♪ 367 00:21:55,400 --> 00:22:00,520 ♪ But the bad part is You don't do it slow enough, oh ♪ 368 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:02,200 -Is this okay? -Yes! 369 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:07,440 Is that okay? 370 00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:10,040 That is okay. 371 00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:18,520 ♪ Do it again just a little bit slower ♪ 372 00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:31,280 ♪ Hold me I love the way that you hold me ♪ 373 00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:37,360 -Why isn't it working? -I don't know. Just... keep... 374 00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:41,680 ♪ Slower, slower ♪ 375 00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:42,680 Is it me? 376 00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:45,480 No. No. It's not you. Just, maybe... 377 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:51,800 -Why isn't it getting hard? -I don't know. I don't know. 378 00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:56,360 -Sorry. I can't. - I'm sorry. Please just come back. 379 00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:58,520 - Ah! -Otis! The stairs! 380 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:01,440 - Are you okay? -Fuck! 381 00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:03,360 -Otis! -Mum! 382 00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:04,320 What? 383 00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:06,120 -Dad? -What the fuck? 384 00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:07,440 -I'm sorry. -Darling. 385 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:08,840 -What the fuck is going on? 386 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:10,200 I'm sorry. 387 00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:12,920 I'm sorry. 388 00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:18,360 We didn't want our relationship to affect your relationship. 389 00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:21,480 -Relationship? -Your mother and I are dating. 390 00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:23,960 My mum doesn't date. 391 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:26,160 Tell him, Mum. 392 00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:28,800 Jakob and I are dating. 393 00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:31,680 What, you mean like having casual sex? 394 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:33,520 -Otis. -Darling, it's... 395 00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:35,800 not just casual. 396 00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:42,360 Is there anything you want to say? 397 00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:46,520 This is a safe space. You can express any negative feelings. 398 00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:49,480 You're dating my girlfriend's dad. 399 00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:53,200 I was just starting to feel like a normal teenager, 400 00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:56,360 and now you go and make me feel like a freak, again! 401 00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:58,680 Otis. 402 00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:00,080 -It's all right. 403 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:01,480 He'll come around. 404 00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:03,200 This is a good thing. 405 00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:09,160 Can I bum one of those? 406 00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:11,560 You're not supposed to smoke in front of children. 407 00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:15,200 Well, I'm bound to fuck her up anyway. What's a bit of second-hand smoke? 408 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:26,920 I know you don't believe me, but it is different this time. 409 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:28,680 Look. 410 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:31,640 I found these. 411 00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:35,720 -You always loved sparkly things. -They're hideous. 412 00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:37,520 Oh, come on. They match your locks. 413 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,320 I used to dye my hair like that when I was your age. 414 00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:45,560 Where are you getting money for gifts from? 415 00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:46,760 I'm seeing someone. 416 00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:50,040 His name is James. I met him at NA. 417 00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:52,480 He's got his life together, and he's helping me stay on track. 418 00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:54,720 He really understands how hard recovery can be. 419 00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:57,480 Please don't tell me you shagged your sponsor. 420 00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:02,320 -You're unbelievable. -Well, he's not my sponsor anymore, is he? 421 00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:03,840 I've got a new sponsor now. 422 00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:07,000 I really am taking it seriously, you know? 423 00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:12,760 Mummy'll be there in a minute, darling. 424 00:25:15,120 --> 00:25:16,720 And he's great with Elsie. 425 00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:18,040 He loves kids. 426 00:25:18,120 --> 00:25:19,600 Does Jimbo know about me and Sean? 427 00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:23,560 Of course he doesn't. 428 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:33,080 -So are you selling pretzels permanently? -Nope, I'm still at school. 429 00:25:34,120 --> 00:25:37,080 -I'm not going to be a drop-out like you. -Well, that makes sense. 430 00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:40,280 You could recite the alphabet when you were about one. 431 00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:41,840 It was quite freaky. 432 00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:46,480 I will tell him about you and Sean, I promise. 433 00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:50,720 Your promises don't mean shit anymore, Erin. 434 00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:03,080 I quit. 435 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:05,240 No, you're fired! 436 00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:18,840 Good evening, parents of Moordale. 437 00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:20,600 Our children are dying! 438 00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:21,800 Yeah! 439 00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:22,960 No one is dying. 440 00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:24,760 And how will you stop them dying? 441 00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:26,280 Yeah! 442 00:26:26,360 --> 00:26:29,960 Well, we are encouraging all the students to get treated with antibiotics, 443 00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:34,240 and we will be re-educating them on safer sex practices. 444 00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:36,560 -Uh, everything is fine. 445 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:39,560 Teenagers don't listen! 446 00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:45,680 How will you be re-educating them on safer sex practices? 447 00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:46,920 Yeah! 448 00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:50,720 Well, by re-educating them on safer sex... 449 00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:53,400 - Come on. - Come on! 450 00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:55,040 ...practices. 451 00:26:55,120 --> 00:27:00,680 I believe what we're dealing with here is an outbreak of STI hysteria, 452 00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:03,760 rather than an outbreak of chlamydia. 453 00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:07,920 You cannot catch this disease through breathing. 454 00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:10,760 It is spread through genital fluids, 455 00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:13,520 exchanged during unprotected sex. 456 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:17,840 However, it is the misinformation about the disease 457 00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:19,520 that's hugely problematic. 458 00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:24,080 It comes shrouded in shame and misunderstanding. 459 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:28,600 And is precisely how this kind of hysteria is spread. 460 00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:29,920 Yeah. 461 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:33,000 So, how will you be addressing that? 462 00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:34,440 Yeah. 463 00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:39,040 We will be returning to our tried and tested sex education curriculum. 464 00:27:39,120 --> 00:27:42,760 -Well, with all due respect, sir, 465 00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:45,320 your curriculum isn't working. 466 00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:48,160 As a sexual health professional, 467 00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:51,280 may I suggest that you look into tailoring your program 468 00:27:51,360 --> 00:27:55,040 to give our teenagers the correct tools 469 00:27:55,120 --> 00:27:59,000 to be able to free themselves from this unwarranted stigma? 470 00:27:59,920 --> 00:28:02,840 And what exactly are those tools? 471 00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:04,600 The three Ts. 472 00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:06,120 Trust. 473 00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:07,880 Talking. 474 00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:10,040 -And truth. 475 00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:21,640 -No, no, no. -That's what we need! Right there. 476 00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:25,720 Whoo! 477 00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:30,120 Yes... Thank you. 478 00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:37,320 You are very sexy when you're passionate. 479 00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:42,320 Yes, fine. 480 00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:53,640 Of course he's got a training plan, Roz. 481 00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:56,160 The coach says he's got to focus. 482 00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:00,160 Well, he's lost all of his focus since he broke up with that girl. 483 00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:03,520 He's had his first heartbreak. It's normal. 484 00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:07,320 I told you. We should never have let him date her. 485 00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:09,400 Oh, as long as it's my fault then. 486 00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:11,640 What? How are you making this about you? 487 00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:14,560 - I'm here too, you know. - Don't we know it. 488 00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:19,040 You're right, Mum. 489 00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:21,680 I haven't been focused. 490 00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:25,560 But I really want to see this through, and I'm going to make you proud. 491 00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:28,000 Both of you. 492 00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:29,720 I promise. 493 00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:33,560 Now, please, just... 494 00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:35,680 just stop fighting. 495 00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:53,680 ♪ Wake up, I feel a little out of focus ♪ 496 00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:58,920 ♪ Grab the last of the beauty That I left by the bedside ♪ 497 00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:03,520 ♪ Wake up, I feel a little bit fuzzy ♪ 498 00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:05,280 ♪ Feel a little out of focus 499 00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:09,440 ♪ Grab the last of the beauty That I left by the bedside ♪ 500 00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:12,360 ♪ Drink it down, wake up ♪ 501 00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:22,360 Otis, Otis. Okay, so... 502 00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:24,800 you know the whole natural organizational skills 503 00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:27,640 of my brain thing? Yeah, well, you've got three appointments today, 504 00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:30,360 I don't know where, what time, or with who. 505 00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:32,680 -Dude! -I'm sorry. Don't come for me, man. 506 00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:34,400 I'm gonna start writing it down. 507 00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:36,800 Who's next on the chlamydia list? 508 00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:40,080 Well, we've spoken to all of them, and they all say they're clear. 509 00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:42,200 Well, at least we tried, man. 510 00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:43,680 Rumors die down eventually. 511 00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:47,000 - Who do you think you got it from? - It was the choir chick, Fiona. 512 00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:49,240 She's banged every gentleman in the school. 513 00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:50,560 She's dirty, man. 514 00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:53,560 We need to talk to the girls again. 515 00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:57,920 Speaking of dirty, sexy times, how did things go with Ola yesterday? 516 00:30:58,000 --> 00:30:59,720 I do not want to talk about it. 517 00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:01,280 -Why, what happened? 518 00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:03,080 No. 519 00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:09,040 Something very bad happened. 520 00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:13,520 What? 521 00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:15,560 Okay, um... 522 00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:17,640 -So, Ola and I tried to, you know-- -Have sex? 523 00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:19,760 No, but we tried to do more than kissing, and she-- 524 00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:21,280 -Wanked you off? -And I couldn't-- 525 00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:23,280 -Get hard. -So now I'm wondering 526 00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:27,400 whether maybe I've masturbated so much that my penis has run out of erections. 527 00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:32,760 Eric, it's not funny. 528 00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:36,360 Who goes there? 529 00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:41,960 Well, I wasn't going to come out, because what you're talking about 530 00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:45,160 is very strange and embarrassing, and I thought it would be awkward. 531 00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:49,200 You should wash your hands, you dirty pig! 532 00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:50,400 I didn't do a poo. 533 00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:52,960 I was crying. 534 00:31:53,880 --> 00:31:54,720 Oh. 535 00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:57,280 Right, well, I hope you're okay. 536 00:31:57,920 --> 00:31:58,840 Thank you. 537 00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:03,800 -What an odd little man. 538 00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:07,280 Good form, man. 539 00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:10,720 Yes. Nice. 540 00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:15,040 Let's go. 541 00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:17,280 Nice. 542 00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:30,600 Fuck! Shit! Bollocks! 543 00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:33,800 Get Coach, come on! Get an ambulance! 544 00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:35,240 Shit! 545 00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:43,840 Uh, no. No, no, no, no. 546 00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:45,280 Chlamydia. 547 00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:49,920 Smallpox doesn't exist anymore, Mrs. Gibbs. 548 00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:52,520 Can I call you back? 549 00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:56,720 -Wiley, you're barred from campus. -Okay, please hear me out. 550 00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:59,400 I know you don't think so, but I deserve a second chance at this school. 551 00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:01,840 The things you said about my family are true, and I messed up, 552 00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:05,520 but I don't want to be like them. I know I have more in me than that. 553 00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:08,320 I believe that I'm an asset to your institution. 554 00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:09,280 How so? 555 00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:13,040 These are the student essays that make your grade average so high. 556 00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:15,680 I wrote every single one of them. 557 00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:18,280 Leave my office immediately. 558 00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:22,040 Read them and see. 559 00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:24,400 If you let me back in, I won't tell everyone 560 00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:26,120 that your school is full of cheats. 561 00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:29,760 I will call the police 562 00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:32,600 if you do not leave my office immediately. 563 00:33:33,640 --> 00:33:35,320 -What? 564 00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:38,960 The chairman is here again, she wants to see the new gymnasium. 565 00:33:41,440 --> 00:33:42,600 Wiley, get out. 566 00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:18,880 -You're back. -Just visiting. 567 00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:23,400 -Changed your hair. -Perceptive. 568 00:34:25,680 --> 00:34:28,000 -How've you been? I... 569 00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:30,160 miss you. 570 00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:34,520 You better get to class. 571 00:34:36,240 --> 00:34:37,080 Yeah. 572 00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:39,000 Okay. 573 00:34:42,720 --> 00:34:44,480 Have you gone goth, cockbiter? 574 00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:47,440 I think you're lost. Pretzel Parlor's back at the mall. 575 00:34:47,520 --> 00:34:48,560 Yeah. 576 00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:00,480 I've just seen Carl Mason use your car as a skate ramp. 577 00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:02,360 Oh, for fuck's sake. 578 00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:18,480 Masks off, everyone. Jesus. 579 00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:20,800 But Fiona's given everyone chlamydia, sir. 580 00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:22,720 -Tell them that's not true. 581 00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:26,480 -You're supposed to be my friends. 582 00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:30,680 Go and see if she's okay. 583 00:35:33,840 --> 00:35:35,080 Come on. 584 00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:39,800 Okay, who wants to know about molecules? 585 00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:41,960 - Good afternoon, Moordale. 586 00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:44,800 It's your ex-resident cockbiter, Maeve Wiley, speaking. 587 00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:47,880 Here to read some of your brilliant, prize-winning essays. 588 00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:50,640 Let's start with Ruby Matthews' A-star essay 589 00:35:50,720 --> 00:35:52,720 on Shakespeare's relationship to female empowerment. 590 00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:54,320 It's a real belter, isn't it, Ruby? 591 00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:57,200 Except you wouldn't know, because I wrote it. 592 00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:00,000 -Okay, so... -Sir, come quickly, there's a fight. 593 00:36:01,080 --> 00:36:02,640 Fight! 594 00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:12,480 "It's most useful to examine this topic through the theme of marriage, 595 00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:14,520 as this is the framework within which the majority 596 00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:17,000 of Shakespeare's female protagonists are permitted to function. 597 00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:21,360 The women in both Othello and Much Ado aim to take control over whom they marry 598 00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:22,640 or if they must marry at all. 599 00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:26,480 Desdemona's decision to marry Othello against her father's wishes 600 00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:28,760 was so singular that it is almost transcendent." 601 00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:31,000 Maeve! What are you doing? 602 00:36:31,080 --> 00:36:33,600 -Well, I've got nothing to lose, have I? -Wiley! 603 00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:38,440 -What exactly is happening here? 604 00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:40,560 Nothing. 605 00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:43,360 Just reading some non-plagiarized, 606 00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:45,800 top-line, A-star essays for shits and giggles. 607 00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:47,360 What is she talking about? 608 00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:50,320 Would you like to tell her, or shall I? 609 00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:53,920 Every year we read out the best essays students have written 610 00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:56,000 to celebrate Moordale's achievements. 611 00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:59,280 This is Maeve Wiley, one of our brightest pupils. 612 00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:01,360 She's recently joined our Aptitude Scheme. 613 00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:04,840 So you get students to read out essays in the middle of class time? 614 00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:05,800 Yes. 615 00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:07,760 It's a... tradition. 616 00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:11,720 A very silly tradition that we must stop immediately. 617 00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:14,760 An STI outbreak, mass class interruption. 618 00:37:14,840 --> 00:37:16,240 I'm sorry, what's next? 619 00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:20,200 Little monkeys instead of teachers? Creationism? 620 00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:22,400 It's anarchy. 621 00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:25,080 - Oh... 622 00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:31,280 Off you go, Maeve. 623 00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:44,920 -Miss Sands. You-- -I think the chairman would be 624 00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:48,040 very interested to know that your son won the essay prize by cheating, 625 00:37:48,480 --> 00:37:50,000 and that you knew about it. 626 00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:53,240 Maeve will be re-enrolled at school, and that's the end of it. 627 00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:16,840 ♪ When two tribes go to war One is all that you can score ♪ 628 00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:19,480 ♪ Score no more, score no more ♪ 629 00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:24,440 ♪ When two tribes go to war One is all that you can score ♪ 630 00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:29,800 Ah, ferocious. Right, I'm going to go get help. 631 00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:31,960 There's nothing more scary than a woman fight. 632 00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:33,400 -What? -I'm going. 633 00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:36,720 Otis! Debbie, get out of the way. Otis. 634 00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:40,240 We need to do something. They'll kill each other, right? 635 00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:43,840 -I know! -When I say "we," I mean "you." Go! 636 00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:44,800 Go! 637 00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:48,600 Girls, okay. Sorry to interrupt. Can you just stop fighting? 638 00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:49,720 Eric! 639 00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:52,120 -What the hell's going on? -Okay, so, Gwen and Martha 640 00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:54,480 think that Fiona gave them chlamydia, but she's clear. 641 00:38:54,560 --> 00:38:57,280 So we checked all the boys they slept with and they're clear too. Look. 642 00:38:57,360 --> 00:38:58,840 - Stop it. 643 00:38:58,920 --> 00:39:00,280 Oh, my God. Jesus be with him. 644 00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:03,320 -Why isn't Owen's name on here? -Who's Owen? 645 00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:06,560 -That guy. - What? Pointless acapella kid? 646 00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:08,880 Yeah, Gwen and Martha have been sleeping with him for ages. 647 00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:11,800 He's always crying in the toilets 'cause they're trying to keep it a secret. 648 00:39:11,880 --> 00:39:13,880 -How do you know that? -Because I know everything. 649 00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:15,960 Otis needs help. 650 00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:19,280 Oh, my God. Time to do something. 651 00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:21,040 Excuse me, please. Excuse me now. 652 00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:22,720 -You slut! -Slag! 653 00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:23,640 Bitches! 654 00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:28,600 You gave me chlamydia! 655 00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:37,080 No... 656 00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:42,160 Otis! 657 00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:46,960 Otis? Otis. 658 00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:48,200 Yes! 659 00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:50,840 Excuse me. Excuse me. 660 00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:52,600 Speak up. 661 00:39:53,080 --> 00:39:55,600 Okay, speak from the diaphragm. Okay? Go on. 662 00:39:56,320 --> 00:39:58,720 Owen has something to tell you, don't you, Owen? 663 00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:03,200 What? 664 00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:07,160 It was me who gave Martha and Gwen chlamydia. 665 00:40:07,240 --> 00:40:09,400 Well, I found out I had it and got treated. 666 00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:11,640 But didn't tell them I probably passed it on. 667 00:40:11,720 --> 00:40:12,680 Uh-huh. 668 00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:16,200 -Why didn't you tell them? -Why didn't you tell them? 669 00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:18,440 They're already ashamed of sleeping with me. 670 00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:22,760 Apparently, I'm boring and uncool. 671 00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:26,080 Imagine if they knew I had an STI too. 672 00:40:26,840 --> 00:40:29,360 It is not shameful to have chlamydia, 673 00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:33,040 -but it's wrong to lie about it. -It was wrong to lie about it. 674 00:40:33,120 --> 00:40:34,360 We all have flaws, 675 00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:37,360 and our bodies do things we have no control over. 676 00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:40,360 But we can always control being truthful. 677 00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:45,880 I think you deserve better than to be someone's secret, Owen. 678 00:40:46,320 --> 00:40:47,320 But you have to be honest 679 00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:50,440 -with your sexual partners in the future. -That's all they're asking for. 680 00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:51,480 I will. 681 00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:54,400 And... 682 00:40:54,720 --> 00:40:57,600 you should maybe tell your girlfriend about your wanking problem. 683 00:40:58,240 --> 00:41:00,320 The truth will set you free. 684 00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:02,040 I didn't ask to be therapized. 685 00:41:02,120 --> 00:41:04,680 I didn't ask to be therapized either, to be fair. 686 00:41:04,760 --> 00:41:08,280 Uh, I think that we've had quite enough of you today. Go on. 687 00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:12,920 Owen. 688 00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:15,880 Uncalled for and unnecessary. 689 00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:18,160 This institution is in disarray, 690 00:41:18,240 --> 00:41:21,520 and if you don't pull it together, you'll no longer be headmaster. 691 00:41:22,040 --> 00:41:25,320 I'll be checking in every month, and I expect to see a turnaround. 692 00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:26,600 Understood. 693 00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:28,800 Good. 694 00:41:46,720 --> 00:41:48,600 Hi, Headmaster Groff. 695 00:41:50,240 --> 00:41:52,600 I was just wondering when Adam would be back? 696 00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:54,320 He won't be. 697 00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:56,880 -Oh. -Do not worry, Eric. 698 00:41:56,960 --> 00:42:00,280 My son will no longer be making your life difficult. 699 00:42:02,800 --> 00:42:03,720 Okay. 700 00:42:04,160 --> 00:42:05,080 Thank you. 701 00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:14,120 Why is he talking to her? Do they like ugly noses in France? 702 00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:17,120 I like your shirt. 703 00:42:18,680 --> 00:42:20,840 I like your shirt too, Eric. 704 00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:23,040 Yeah. I mean, it's not completely hideous. 705 00:42:29,720 --> 00:42:30,640 Hi. 706 00:42:30,720 --> 00:42:31,680 Hey. 707 00:42:32,520 --> 00:42:33,880 We need to talk. 708 00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:37,320 Yeah. Yeah. 709 00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:38,400 Um... 710 00:42:42,920 --> 00:42:44,040 Look, I'm sorry. 711 00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:46,880 What's going on with you? 712 00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:51,960 I think I'm addicted to wanking, 713 00:42:52,040 --> 00:42:54,280 'cause I've only just started, but I can't seem to stop, 714 00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:57,560 and I think I might have broken my penis because I do it too much. 715 00:42:57,640 --> 00:42:59,960 -That's why it wasn't working. 716 00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:01,600 Ah. Okay. 717 00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:05,400 If you want to break up with me, I understand. 718 00:43:06,720 --> 00:43:08,640 You're very unusual, Otis, 719 00:43:08,720 --> 00:43:10,600 but I don't want to break up with you. 720 00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:12,960 It's all new for both of us. 721 00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:15,680 We'll just figure it out together. Okay? 722 00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:17,840 Yeah. 723 00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:25,000 Stop kissing my daughter! 724 00:43:25,080 --> 00:43:25,920 Oh! 725 00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:28,880 Just kidding. I'm here to see your mum. 726 00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:32,800 Sorry. 727 00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:36,040 Jackson. 728 00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:40,840 You have a metacarpal fracture. You'll be in a cast for about six weeks. 729 00:43:40,920 --> 00:43:43,480 No swimming for the foreseeable future. Sorry. 730 00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:47,560 -Can I get someone to sign some forms? -Yeah. 731 00:43:56,440 --> 00:43:57,520 What happened? 732 00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:02,240 Mum, I'm fine. I'm fine. 733 00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:05,240 I just wasn't concentrating. 734 00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:08,560 It was a stupid accident, okay? 735 00:44:11,680 --> 00:44:12,520 Okay. 736 00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:16,960 Silly boy. 737 00:44:56,920 --> 00:44:57,760 Hi. 738 00:44:59,320 --> 00:45:00,480 Do you need some help? 739 00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:04,040 Well, I didn't ask for any, so, no. 740 00:45:04,800 --> 00:45:07,600 -Okay. -Looks like we're neighbors. I'm Joe. 741 00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:10,280 That ungrateful git's Isaac. 742 00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:13,440 I'm Maeve, and I don't like noise. 743 00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:14,840 Okay. 744 00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:23,400 Otis, too long! 745 00:45:27,840 --> 00:45:29,960 No more hot water, I'm afraid. 746 00:45:30,040 --> 00:45:32,440 I'll look at your boiler if you like. 747 00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:34,680 -Smoothie? -No! 748 00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:38,080 Oh, God. 749 00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:51,200 Jean Milburn speaking. 750 00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:54,120 Jean. Maxine Tarrington here, Moordale's chairman. 751 00:45:54,200 --> 00:45:56,320 Sorry to call so early. I was at the parents' assembly, 752 00:45:56,400 --> 00:45:58,160 and I agree with everything you said. 753 00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:02,240 The state of our sex education is appalling. It needs a rethink. 754 00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:07,080 Well, I can recommend some great people to help revamp the curriculum 755 00:46:07,160 --> 00:46:08,080 if you'd like. 756 00:46:08,680 --> 00:46:10,360 Or you could do it? 757 00:46:17,120 --> 00:46:21,160 ♪ Something's happening Happening to me ♪ 758 00:46:21,240 --> 00:46:24,480 ♪ My friends say I'm acting peculiarly ♪ 759 00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:29,680 ♪ Oh, ohh ♪ 760 00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:34,160 ♪ I wanna be with you everywhere ♪ 761 00:46:46,200 --> 00:46:47,040 Dude, 762 00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:49,600 I think we've cured chlamydia. 763 00:46:50,680 --> 00:46:54,200 ♪ Something's happening ♪ 764 00:46:54,280 --> 00:46:56,720 ♪ Happening to me ♪ 765 00:46:57,200 --> 00:46:58,640 Which group is Maeve in? 766 00:47:00,640 --> 00:47:01,920 She was kind of a loner 767 00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:04,920 until she started running that sex clinic thing with Otis, 768 00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:07,080 and then they would hang out all the time. 769 00:47:07,760 --> 00:47:09,840 I wonder if they'll do it again now she's back? 770 00:47:28,560 --> 00:47:32,200 You do realize you can't do what you do without Maeve? 771 00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:35,240 She's the key to your whole weird operation. 772 00:47:35,320 --> 00:47:36,960 Which is why it's over. 773 00:47:37,040 --> 00:47:40,520 I've known you since you were nine years old, and you're never happier 774 00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:43,320 than when you're talking to people about their genitals. 775 00:47:43,800 --> 00:47:46,360 I thought you wanted to be involved for the status. 776 00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:48,400 I'm doing all right on my own. 777 00:47:49,840 --> 00:47:52,640 Talk... to... her. 778 00:47:55,240 --> 00:47:56,120 Do it. 779 00:48:07,240 --> 00:48:09,000 -Hey. -Hi. 780 00:48:14,280 --> 00:48:15,920 Do you want your old job back? 781 00:48:17,280 --> 00:48:18,160 Back? 782 00:48:19,880 --> 00:48:20,720 I created it. 783 00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:23,080 Now I'm not interested. 784 00:48:23,560 --> 00:48:24,400 I need you. 785 00:48:24,480 --> 00:48:26,480 You never wanted to do this in the first place, Otis. 786 00:48:28,160 --> 00:48:29,000 Why not just drop it? 787 00:48:30,400 --> 00:48:31,760 Because we're good at it. 788 00:48:32,560 --> 00:48:33,400 And... 789 00:48:34,200 --> 00:48:37,800 I'm learning things, which I know sounds crazy, but it's true. 790 00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:40,880 Come on. 791 00:48:41,680 --> 00:48:43,920 I'll up your cut, 55 percent. 792 00:48:45,440 --> 00:48:47,440 -Seventy. -Sixty. 793 00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:52,560 Deal. 794 00:48:53,640 --> 00:48:55,680 -This is entirely about the money. -Yeah. 795 00:48:57,600 --> 00:48:59,280 It's good to be back in business. 796 00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:17,040 ♪ I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking Of the right words to say ♪ 797 00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:21,080 ♪ I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be ♪ 798 00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:24,840 ♪ But if you wait around awhile I'll make you fall for me ♪ 799 00:49:24,920 --> 00:49:30,960 ♪ I promise, I promise you I will ♪ 800 00:49:41,520 --> 00:49:43,080 ♪ I gotta tell you ♪ 801 00:49:45,280 --> 00:49:47,280 ♪ Need to tell you ♪ 802 00:49:47,360 --> 00:49:52,960 ♪ Gotta tell you, I've gotta tell you ♪ 803 00:49:53,720 --> 00:49:57,720 ♪ I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking Of the right words to say ♪ 804 00:49:57,800 --> 00:50:01,880 ♪ I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be ♪ 805 00:50:01,960 --> 00:50:05,480 ♪ And if I had to walk the world I'd make you fall for me ♪ 806 00:50:05,560 --> 00:50:12,200 ♪ I promise, I promise you I will ♪ 807 00:50:13,800 --> 00:50:16,640 ♪ I will ♪