♪ My baby does the hanky panky ♪
Oh, yes!
Oh, my God, yes!
- No. - Yes.
No.
Shit.
- Oh! Yes! -I've got you. Come--
-I've got you. Yes! -Oh!
Yes, yes!
I win again.
You okay?
Yes.
-What do you want to do now? -Shall we kiss for a bit?
Yeah.
I've been thinking.
-Mm-hmm. -Maybe we should...
Maybe we should go all the way.
Yeah?
It's kind of a big step.
I think I'm ready.
Are you sure?
Yeah, I am.
But if you're not ready...
No, I'm ready.
Let's go all the way.
Have you got a condom?
-Oh, you mean-- -What's wrong?
Ooh. I just didn't realize you meant, like, right now.
Well, yeah. Yeah. We just said we wanted to do it, so I just--
I think we just need some time to prepare
because we only get our first time once and we want it to be right.
How about tomorrow night?
Okay.
We're gonna have sex.
We are gonna have sex.
♪ My baby does the hanky panky ♪
♪ Yeah, my baby does the hanky panky ♪
Oh. You're all dressed up.
Something special after school?
No, it's just the shirt was clean, so...
-What are you doing? -You missed a spot.
Mm.
-I've got to go. -Would you like a lift?
-Absolutely not. -Smoothie?
No!
I think you need a new pan shelf.
No, it's fine,
but thanks.
Do you think you could take some stuff with you today?
What stuff?
Your things.
-Sure. -Thank you.
Things.
And this. Every penny counts.
The small pennies. So, I'm off.
Cooking dinner tonight.
See you.
Which one of these looks the smartest?
-Where are you going? -I've got a job interview this afternoon.
PA at a swanky law firm.
What?
Nothing. It's good to aim high, Erin.
Can we cut the Erin shit? It's Mum.
-That one.
No, no, no, no, no, no! These are important.
Dickhead.
Don't call your sister a dickhead, she's three.
Half sister.
- What are they for? -None of your business.
Hi, Cynthia.
-Thought you hated her? -Yeah, she's a nosy cow but she's agreed
to look after Elsie later, so smile and wave.
Mmm.
Have a good day at school.
-Oh, maybe we could hang out later. -No, thanks.
"No, thanks."
Ooh!
Hi, Adam.
Can we talk...
-about what happened? -I don't know what you're talking about.
Yes, you do.
Ah...
-Hey. -Hey.
-Do you want to ride to school together? -Yeah, sure.
Um...
For you to read next. Did you finish Neruda?
Yeah! Yeah, I loved him.
That guy has got such a way with words.
He's very poetic, isn't he?
-Yeah. -Let's go.
Yeah, yeah.
It's just a bus.
On or off, love?
Actually, I'm gonna walk.
-Moordale Secondary's quite a trek. -It's okay. I love walking.
See you later.
-Riding to school with Rahim, are we? -No.
I was doing something else and I ran into him.
Mm-hmm.
-Do I sense a hint of jealousy? -What were you doing?
Nothing important.
Why are you wearing your best shirt?
-Well... -Uh-huh...
Ola and I...
-might be going all the way tonight. -No.
No! You're gonna be deflowered?
Otis, you're gonna be deflowered! Come on!
Stop.
-Why are you not excited, man? -I am. I am excited.
-I'm just nervous. -Don't. Don't...
-Overthink. I know. I just... -A-ha. Uh-huh.
Okay, you can't laugh.
I always...
kind of thought I'd be in love with the person I lost my virginity to
and we haven't said that yet.
-You can laugh if you want. -Yes!
No, I actually think it's nice.
-But you really like Ola, right? -Yeah. I like her a lot.
And really liking someone is pretty close to love, isn't it?
Yeah, I guess so.
But also, you don't have to do it if you're not ready.
I am ready. I'm ready.
-I am ready. -You're ready?
-I really like Ola. -Uh-huh.
-She really likes me. -A-ha.
-We are going to have sex tonight. - You're going to have sex tonight!
Can you calm down?
If I think about my clitoris really, really hard, I can come.
Seventeen times a day is quite excessive.
I know.
I want to experiment with role play
but he's only just become comfortable with dirty talk, so how soon is too soon?
You won't know unless you ask.
You always need to wash your penis.
-Always? -Always.
"If I profane with my unworthiest hand this holy shrine,
the gentle fine is this. My lips...
two blushing pilgrims ready stand to smooth that rough touch
with a tender kiss."
"Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much,
which mannerly devotion shows in this; for saints have--"
Stop. Florence, this is a play about horny teenagers.
I don't believe you want to have sex with him at all.
And, Jackson, you're a terrible actor.
I don't think you're supposed to talk to us like that.
I'm not a teacher.
-Oi, Romeo. Show us your tights!
Yeah, I borrowed your dad's.
Juliet is a role of a lifetime for me, so you better learn your lines.
This isn't a joke to everyone.
All right.
Okay.
I have no idea why they gave him the part. He's terrible.
He's Jackson Marchetti. Who cares if he can't act?
And I heard since he broke up with Maeve, he'll basically have sex with anyone.
-Oh, he's not really my type. -No one's ever your type.
-You're so picky, Florence. - Yeah.
The shade is called "Lustering."
Oh, it's just gorgeous.
-I'll write it down. -No, um...
-You can keep it. -Oh.
That's very kind. Thank you.
Are you sure there wasn't anything else you wanted to talk to me about?
This is a safe space.
Well...
Sometimes I feel like my life is moving by so quickly.
I can't help thinking,
"Am I really going to die sleeping next to a man...
...who hasn't touched me...
properly...
in nearly six years?"
It is a dilemma that many couples face.
It is possible to reignite passion.
What would you suggest?
Well, can you...
start by telling me a bit about your relationship?
Do you have condoms? I didn't bring any, which was stupid.
I can go home and get some or ask my mum.
Mm. Don't ask your mum.
Okay, yeah. That's...
-It's okay. I'll get some. -...a bit weird.
-Hey, arsehat. -Hey.
Hi. Sorry to interrupt, it's just clinic stuff.
Cool.
See you tonight.
Hey! Okay.
What's happening tonight?
Nothing unusual.
We're just hanging out. You know,
-boyfriend, girlfriend, hang times. -Cool.
You've got a 3:45 appointment.
Uh... Ooh. Uh...
-I'm not sure. -Otis.
Your mum has taken all our clients. Please just be there.
Piss off, Erin.
Who's Erin?
My mum. She's been staying with me.
Well, that's a big deal.
Why didn't you say anything?
We don't really hang out anymore, Otis, you're always with your girlfriend.
Well, you could have told me.
It's fine. Don't be late for the appointment.
-I need your help. -I'm cramming here, Jackson.
But I've started rehearsals and apparently, I'm bad at acting.
Hey. I need you to explain it to me like you did for the audition.
That was a onetime thing.
I'm here to help you with English or maths,
not turn you into Olivier.
Who's Olivier? I'm playing Romeo.
-Can I meet you later? -No,
because I'm chairing that algebra group
and then I have to write a letter to my Polynesian pen pals.
Other people do have lives too. Sorry.
-Hey, heats start in 20, right? - Yes, they do start in 20.
- Right, see you in a bit, Bev. -See you in a bit, Dex.
Did he just call you "Bev"?
That's Dex, he's on the quiz team.
Vivian Odusanya has a crush.
No, I don't. That was normal.
Mm.
-I am late. -Hey.
Let's make a deal. I'll help you get that weird guy
-if you help me with Shakespeare. -No, thanks.
Come on. I can't humiliate myself in front of the whole school.
Bev! Viv!
I've been trying to call you.
Apparently, the queen of the caravan park has had to take Jonathan to the vets,
so I need someone to look after Elsie. I am late for my interview.
-I can't. -Please, please, Frogface.
If I get this job, I can get us a proper flat.
A new start for you, for me, for Els.
-Fine. -You are a gem.
-Okay. -She's going to drop off any minute.
Christ.
She's gonna get us disqualified.
Look how smug Let's Get Quizzy are. Makes me sick.
-Hey. -Hi.
Nice bow tie.
-Who's that? -That's Elsie, she's my sister. Sort of.
She's mainly a dickhead.
Your mum's back and you have a sister.
Yeah, I'm late for the quiz heats. Could you take her with you
to your appointment?
I won't be long, and she'll stay asleep and you can forget she's even there.
I don't really know how to look after a child. Um...
Please.
Fine. Yeah.
Sorry, I shouldn't have asked you. It's fine.
Um... Yeah, I'll find someone else.
Uh, wait. Um...
I could...
I can take her, yeah. I think.
-Yeah? -It'll be fine, right?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Okay. Great, thank you. Thanks.
That's all right. Um, good luck.
Okay, Miss Sands, we'll have to give the place
to Let's Get Quizzy by default if--
Question number one...
You dumb dog.
Hi. You're new.
I work here too. I'm Ola.
Oh.
-Do you want to buy something? -Yeah.
Uh, packet of condoms, please.
Didn't you used to go to my school?
I've just started, so I think I just missed you.
Do you know Otis and Eric?
-Not really.
-Hi, Ola. -Hey.
-Is he a friend? -Yeah, sort of.
He's kind of dating Eric. They're so cute together, it's ridiculous.
Anyway, it was nice to meet you, Adam.
I'll see you on my next shift. Cheers.
What are you looking at?
Hello?
Hi, Jeanie.
-Remi? -Yeah, um...
Spare key's in the, uh...
in the flower pot by the door. I hope you don't mind.
I didn't know you were in the country.
Last-minute book tour?
Eh, no, just, uh... Just here to see Otis.
-I had a few days off, so... -He's not here.
-You could have called, Remi. -Well, you know me, uh...
Mr. Spontaneous.
-How have you been, Jeanie? -You know I hate it when you call me that.
Dr. Milburn.
I hope you like trout.
This is Jakob, my...
Boyfriend.
And this is Remi, my...
Ex-husband.
Great.
Now we've all met.
I don't want to impose.
I'll head to the hotel and see Otis in the morning--
Would you like to stay for dinner?
Oh, that's lovely. Thank you.
I need a drink.
Next question.
What is the largest moon of Saturn?
Oh, I think it's Phobos.
I think maybe Mimas.
-Titan. -Correct.
-Yes! - Next question.
Ascorbic acid is a form of which vitamin?
-C. -Correct.
-Yeah! -Quite the one-woman team
you've got there, guys. Next question.
What is the name of the highest mountain in Wales?
Why do you have a kid again?
Um... Long story.
Come, sit. My office.
So, tell me what the problem is.
You've probably heard, I'm playing Juliet in the school play.
Uh, congratulations.
Anyway, I thought it was a play about love but apparently, it's all about sex.
And now, the whole cast seem to be thinking about sex
every second of every day.
So... you're not ready to have sex
but you're feeling pressure from your peers to keep up with them.
I don't want to have sex.
But sometimes I think I should just do it,
so everyone'll shut up and stop making me feel like a freak.
Well, try not to think about what other people are doing.
Run your own race, and when you meet the right person,
I'm sure you'll be ready.
You're worried these concerns might affect your performance.
I'm the best actor in this school.
I'm basically Meryl Streep but young...
and Scottish.
I hope that helped and if you want to talk some more about this,
then I'll be here.
Thanks for that.
-Okay.
Be there ASAP.
Okay.
Elsie.
Oh, shit.
Elsie?
Shit!
Final question.
Which country, with a land mass of 9.6 million square kilometers,
has just one time zone?
-I think it's China. -I think maybe--
Russia?
- Incorrect.
Let's Get Quizzy, it's yours for the taking.
Canada?
Incorrect. The answer is China.
-The Moordale Quiz Heads have won it...
...by a hair with 68 points.
Whoo!
Congratulations.
Miss Sands,
we don't want Maeve on our team.
She doesn't know how to collaborate as a group and we nearly lost.
But we won.
Yeah, but we almost didn't, Maeve.
Look, I need this for my school CV.
Is this is how you feel too, Steve?
Um...
-Yeah. -Nice.
It's fine. I didn't want to be on your stupid quiz team anyway.
Maeve...
Maeve.
-Where's Elsie? -I don't know.
She was right here. Then I sent a text, and she disappeared.
-Are you joking? -No, I told you I can't look after kids.
Oh, sorry. Am I keeping you from something really important?
Go then, piss off.
Maeve.
-Maeve! -I'm going to look for my sister
that you lost.
Okay.
I'm coming, Maeve. I'm coming.
Hey, let's be logical, Maeve. Like, where's a three-year-old gonna go?
Fuck being logical! There's a child missing, she could be hurt
-or someone could have taken her. -Why are you yelling?
Because everyone always lets me down.
Sorry.
Go, go, go, go!
Elsie, no!
Give it here. Jesus Christ.
Oh.
Right.
-Told you she's a dickhead. -Yeah, she's kinda cute, though.
Uh...
Um...
Did you guys... Did you make it through the heat?
Yep... but I got kicked out.
'Cause I mess everything up.
You don't mess everything up.
Anyway, that's their loss.
I've gotta go. I'm seeing Ola and...
I am really sorry about losing Elsie. There's...
Yeah, you're a really shit babysitter.
Yeah.
-I'll see you around. -Yeah.
I messed it up with you.
What?
There was this moment last term, where I thought maybe you liked me...
and I liked you back.
Um, and I got scared, so I didn't tell you how I felt.
And then you met Ola.
It's really hard seeing you with her every day.
Why are you telling me this now?
Because it's true.
Why do you look angry?
Because, Maeve, you can't...
That's not fair.
I liked you. I really liked you.
I fucking turned myself inside out liking you.
-You did like me? -Yes.
Of course I did.
-And now you're saying you felt the same. -Yeah, it's... I was confused.
I have a girlfriend. I...
I made myself get over you, Maeve,
and now everything's fine, everything's normal, everything's great.
I've gotta go.
Bad.
Yeah,
that was bad.
It was not 14 times.
Over the course of two years postgrad together,
I had to ask her out 14 times.
And she was wildly untameable.
-Yes, I was. -She still is.
Hmm.
So, um, how did you two meet?
Jakob did some work on my house.
Oh, so... so you're an architect?
I'm a plumber.
Right, right. Well, honorable work, yeah, yeah.
Jakob has his own company.
Oh?
You know what?
-I think I'm going to go home. - No, don't leave.
I have an early morning. Lots of toilets to fix.
-Yeah. -It's early. We haven't eaten yet.
I'll eat at home.
Leave you guys some space to catch up about Otis.
-Nice to meet you. -And you too, Jack... Jakob.
Catch you later.
-What?
Your smugness is palpable.
Look, he seems very nice.
A practical man with big hands.
I'm content.
Yes, yes.
I can see that and I am very happy for you.
You're always so suspicious.
I-I am not here to disrupt your life. I just want to spend
a little bit of time with our boy.
Our "boy" is almost a man, Remi.
-Lovely, look at that. Yeah. -No.
-No, no, no, no, no. -Oh, go on. Just a tickle.
-No. -For old time's sake.
A little bit, just a little bit.
-Mm. Okay. -Uh-huh.
Mm.
Oh, no, I gotta get this button. Can you see it?
Yeah, I can. Wait, stay still.
Oh, jeez.
Fucking...
-Oh, jeez.
-I've got this. -Okay?
Yeah, I'm fine. How does this work?
Is it... Sorry. This is... tricky.
Fuck.
Why? Why isn't that working?
Oh...
-Are you sure you're okay?
You seem a bit off.
I mean, is it hot in here? Maybe it's the candles.
That was supposed to be romantic.
Hey, no, it's... I like them.
I'm just...
-hot. -Well, maybe this doesn't feel right.
We don't have to do it if you don't want to.
Hey, I do.
Sorry. Sorry.
-Are you kidding me? -Sorry.
Who was it from?
My mum.
Ola, please, no.
"I'm sorry. I feel like an idiot."
It's clinic stuff.
Is there something going on between you and Maeve?
Yeah. No! There's not. I just...
It... We are friends.
We're just friends.
I don't think I want to do this tonight.
-Just go. -Okay.
-I'm sorry.
- I got the job. -Where have you been?
I picked up some things for the house on the way home.
You said you were going to be home two hours ago.
I went to an NA meeting as well.
-Great, why didn't you say that before? -I wasn't aware I was under investigation.
I tried to do a nice thing and you throw it in my face.
How do you think that makes me feel?
I don't really care how it makes you feel, to be honest.
If you say you'll be home at a certain time, just be here.
It's not my job to look after your kid.
How long are you going to punish me for...
I'm here, aren't I?
Yeah... but I'm just waiting for you to flake on me again.
I don't mind being on my own.
Okay? I can look after myself.
I don't want to look after you too.
-You won't have to this time. - Yeah, whatever.
You make them like I used to, with the faces.
Help yourself.
I was supposed to read that in school. I never did.
Why?
I was probably in the back of some boy's car,
or smoking in a bush.
-Maybe I should give it another go. -Maybe you should.
Don't put your boots on the sofa.
- This is really something. - Just a few notes that I'm making.
No, Jean. This should be a book.
Exposing what teenagers get up to behind closed doors.
Yeah, it could be revolutionary.
Well...
You always came up with the most original ideas.
-Who are you? -Yes.
-Wait, say that again. -Original ideas.
You just never had any...
self-belief.
Oh, my self-belief was just fine, thank you very much.
You've changed.
And you... are still...
an entitled prick.
Shit! That's Otis. Shit!
Hey.
-Dad. Um... -Come here.
Wait, what? When did you get here?
-Flew in this morning. -Cool.
Are you... Have you got, like, a tour?
No, I've come to see you.
I thought we could hang out together, do some father-son bonding.
Yeah, cool.
Are you taller?
Ah...
-Hey. -Hi. Hmm.
-♪ Oh, how it hurts ♪ -♪ Oh, how it hurts ♪
♪ To say goodbye Yes, it does ♪
-♪ Oh, how it hurts ♪ -♪ Oh, how it hurts ♪
♪ For me to cry But that's all right ♪
♪ Because I'd rather leave you now ♪
♪ 'Cause it's gonna hurt more After while ♪
-♪ Yes, it will ♪ -♪ Yes, it will ♪
-♪ After while ♪ -♪ After while ♪
♪ I can't take it ♪
♪ We can't make it ♪
♪ No need to feel ashamed ♪
♪ That a new love ♪
♪ Has set your heart aflame ♪
Michael.
Are you coming to bed?
Mm-hmm.
I thought we could spend some time together tonight.
Maybe we could even...
Or...
-we could just hug for a bit if...
Come on, Maureen,
we're not 23 anymore.
You should probably take that off.
-♪ Oh, how it hurts ♪ -♪ Oh, how it hurts ♪
I'll be up soon.
♪ For me to be blue, yes, it does ♪
You coming?
Okay.
This is how I die.
Oi! What do you think you're doing?
Look...
- No! - Help. Get off me!
- Help! -What in the name of God is going on?
I was very cold, I asked him to help.
I saw someone stealing your gas canister, so I came over.
I'm so sorry, Cynthia. I was just so cold.
Oh, love, don't you dare apologize.
There's a spare canister there, you can have that.
Help him, Jeffrey.
And you... should be ashamed of yourself.
Cheers, Jeff.
Cheers, mate.
Sucker.
Uh...
What is this place?
-Do you want to see something cool?
Thank you.
Ah...
Hang on.
♪ Tell me a lie, make it easy for me ♪
Boy!
Now, that was great.
♪ I can change, I can change I can change, I can change ♪
♪ I can change, I can change I can change ♪
♪ If it helps you fall in love ♪
♪ I can change, I can change I can change, I can change ♪
♪ I can change, I can change I can change ♪
♪ If it helps you feel real love ♪
What was military school like?
Well, I got kicked out, didn't I?
But... better than being back home.
Did you have to do those serious drill things?
Show me.
I've forgotten it. No, I haven't. Here.
Wow.
I know you hate it at home, but...
I'm kind of glad you're back.
It's nearly morning. We should get going.
I'm glad I'm back too.
This was, um...
strange.
Okay.
Bye.
You're still here.
-Oh, I've gotta go. -Okay.
Um...
Cool.
Hiding from your boyfriend?
He's being such a dick.
Eyelash.
Make a wish.
You can talk to me about anything, you know.
Even if you just want to be distracted.
I could speak Gamma Velorum to you.
That meant, "I made you something."
Oh.
Oh, my goodness.
This is so cool.
Thank you.
I mean, there's no real secret to it, it's just practice and practice.
Hey, Bev. You've got a little something on your face there.
Thanks.
It's avocado. I like it on toast.
Anyway, the real secret is, you've gotta know...
...I know, definitely don't do that.
People pee in the sea all the time.
- Jackson. - I mean...
Psst... Jackson...
Two secs.
-You all right? -I'll teach you
-how to deliver a soliloquy... -Oh.
...if you teach me how to get jiggy with Dex.
-Did you just say "get jiggy"? -It sounded better in my head.
Just... Just help me make him my, um...
-Boyfriend? -Yes.
-All right, deal. -Deal.
I told you, he'll have sex with anyone.
You better be quick, Flo.
I don't wanna have sex.
Okay.
Do you want to have a seat?
Not having sex is a valid choice.
-And you shouldn't have sex unless you-- -No.
I don't want to have sex at all.
Ever, with anyone.
I think I might be broken.
Okay.
Why don't you start by telling me how you feel
when you think about having sex?
I don't feel anything.
I have no connection to it.
It's sort of like...
I'm surrounded by a huge feast with everything I could want to eat, but...
I'm not hungry.
Mmm.
Do you know what asexuality is?
It's when someone has no sexual attraction
to any sex or gender.
Sex just...
doesn't do it for some people.
Oh. But I still want to fall in love.
Well, some asexual people still want romantic relationships
but they don't want the sex bit.
And others don't want either.
You know, sexuality is fluid.
Sex doesn't make us whole.
And so,
how could you ever be broken?
-Thank you. -Anytime.
She is so much better than sex kid.
-Hey, how are you feeling? -Amazing.
Yeah, your advice was a bit crap but your mum is my hero,
so I need a refund.
Uh...
-Hey. -Hi.
Um...
I'm really sorry about last night. That was--
Look, I've decided that I don't want you to see Maeve anymore.
If you want to be my boyfriend,
then you have to talk to her and tell her that you can't be friends with her.
Um... Wait.
Hey.
Um, I've got, um, music.
I've been missing you.
-But I only saw you yesterday. -Yeah.
But it felt so long.
Yeah, and I missed you too.
I was...
thinking that maybe you want to be my boyfriend.
Um...
Uh...
No pressure, okay?
You think about it.
♪ Devil or angel I can't make up my mind ♪
♪ Which one you are I'd like to wake up and find ♪
♪ Devil or angel Dear, whichever you are ♪
♪ I miss you, I miss you, I miss you ♪
♪ Devil or angel Please say you'll be mine ♪
♪ Love me or leave me I'll go out of my mind ♪
♪ Devil or angel Dear, whichever you are ♪
♪ I need you, I need you ♪
♪ You look like an angel Your smile is divine ♪
♪ But you keep me guessing Will you ever be mine? ♪
♪ Devil or angel Please say you'll be mine ♪
♪ Love me or leave me I've made up my mind ♪
♪ Devil or angel Dear, whichever you are ♪
♪ I love you ♪