1
00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:16,808
[brooding, dramatic music playing]

2
00:00:16,891 --> 00:00:19,310
[Reginald] All of existence
will be gone by the end of the day,

3
00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:21,062
but whoever or whatever

4
00:00:21,146 --> 00:00:23,189
wove together space and time,

5
00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:25,942
they left a way
to put things back together

6
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:29,112
if the universe
ever faced total annihilation.

7
00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:32,907
There is a portal in the universe.

8
00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:35,160
I built this hotel around it,

9
00:00:35,243 --> 00:00:38,288
and on the other side… is the answer.

10
00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:42,542
You're a sadistic lunatic who's planning
on gambling all of our lives

11
00:00:42,625 --> 00:00:44,002
in another pointless mission.

12
00:00:44,085 --> 00:00:47,464
I can't do this without you.
Do we have a deal? [echoing]

13
00:00:49,632 --> 00:00:52,802
[Five] You and Dad made some kind of deal.

14
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,471
What did you agree to?

15
00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:56,056
I made a deal with Dad.

16
00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:57,515
[panting] Why tell me now?

17
00:00:57,599 --> 00:01:01,561
Because I need you to believe me, okay?
That I did this for all of us.

18
00:01:01,644 --> 00:01:02,979
[panting]

19
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,439
I need you to trust me.

20
00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:08,985
This place is a test and a trap
and a means of salvation all at once.

21
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:12,572
-Does anyone know what that sign says?
-Yeah. "Do not ring the bell."

22
00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:15,366
What you guys
need to know right now is that…

23
00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:18,119
Dad killed Luther.

24
00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:20,622
And he locked me out of the tunnel.

25
00:01:20,705 --> 00:01:21,706
No, Dad!

26
00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:25,585
-[sonorous ringing]
-And he rang that stupid bell!

27
00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:29,756
Does no one listen to me?

28
00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:36,471
The sigil is in the lobby floor.
It's the stars!

29
00:01:36,554 --> 00:01:37,847
Number Five! Quickly!

30
00:01:39,682 --> 00:01:41,434
[all screaming]

31
00:01:42,685 --> 00:01:44,395
[daunting, dramatic music playing]

32
00:01:44,479 --> 00:01:45,480
[insects chirring]

33
00:01:47,982 --> 00:01:48,817
[machine clanks]

34
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:50,902
[grunting, groaning]

35
00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:53,988
This wasn't part of the deal.

36
00:01:54,072 --> 00:01:55,740
[Reginald] The marigold
inside their bodies

37
00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:57,659
is the only thing that fuels the machine.

38
00:01:57,742 --> 00:02:00,036
[straining] He won't stop
until we're all dead.

39
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,412
You're killing them!

40
00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:03,164
Everything in life has a price.

41
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:04,457
[all screaming]

42
00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:07,544
[machine powering down]

43
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,424
Do you trust me?

44
00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:16,427
[keening thrumming]

45
00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:18,221
[Five] Viktor, what are you doing?

46
00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:19,264
Stop her!

47
00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:20,765
-Don't do this!
-[console trilling]

48
00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:23,101
[reverberating audio distortion]

49
00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:27,438
[tense, frantic music playing]

50
00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:30,483
[Luther] Where is she?

51
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:31,985
Please take your hand off me.

52
00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:33,653
Not until you give me an answer.

53
00:02:33,736 --> 00:02:34,737
Screw this.

54
00:02:37,198 --> 00:02:38,199
Something's wrong.

55
00:02:40,910 --> 00:02:43,121
My power. I can't blink.

56
00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:44,622
How do we get 'em back, you idiots?

57
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,006
[sweeping, dramatic music building]

58
00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:08,313
[music trails off]

59
00:03:08,396 --> 00:03:11,149
["Santa Baby" by Eartha Kitt playing]

60
00:03:11,232 --> 00:03:14,360
♪ Bah-bum, bah-bum, bah-bum, bah-bum ♪

61
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:26,331
♪ Santa baby
Just slip a sable under the tree ♪

62
00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:28,416
♪ For me… ♪

63
00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:31,294
Your play, Gene.

64
00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:33,504
Thank you, Jean.

65
00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:39,344
Ooh!

66
00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:42,639
Look at Merle. Big dick move.

67
00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:44,224
Don't be using that language.

68
00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:46,809
What? You're gonna lay me on your lap
and spank me, Milt?

69
00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:49,354
[suggestively] Nothing wrong
with a good spankin'.

70
00:03:51,522 --> 00:03:52,565
Trump.

71
00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:59,030
-Thank you for the setup, Gene.
-You are welcome, Jean.

72
00:03:59,113 --> 00:04:01,241
You just got euchred, peewee.

73
00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:03,576
-The hell with this, Merle.
-[Merle] Yeah.

74
00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:05,453
Let's find another table, huh?

75
00:04:05,536 --> 00:04:07,038
Game's not over, fellas.

76
00:04:07,121 --> 00:04:08,081
[Merle scoffs]

77
00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:10,708
-It is for us.
-Oh, all right.

78
00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:13,544
-So I'll put you down as a forfeit, then?
-Says who?

79
00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:14,921
League rules.

80
00:04:15,004 --> 00:04:17,799
Walk away,
and you're out of the tournament.

81
00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:19,467
[groans]

82
00:04:22,011 --> 00:04:22,929
They're back.

83
00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:24,555
Yeah.

84
00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:29,060
[clears throat]

85
00:04:29,143 --> 00:04:30,561
♪ Santa baby ♪

86
00:04:30,645 --> 00:04:35,608
♪ I want a yacht
And really, that's not a lot ♪

87
00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:36,609
Gotta whiz.

88
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,111
Right behind you.

89
00:04:38,194 --> 00:04:40,738
[sputters] Oh, for Christ’s sake.

90
00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:42,991
Come on. Don't get your boxers in a bunch.

91
00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:44,575
We'll be right back.

92
00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:51,791
I'm Dr. Jean Thibedeau,

93
00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:54,002
and this is my husband,
Dr. Gene Thibedeau.

94
00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:55,670
Don't need your names.

95
00:04:57,171 --> 00:04:58,548
Don't care who you are.

96
00:04:59,590 --> 00:05:01,884
Cash or trade, straight up.

97
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:04,637
[intricate, elegant
classical music playing]

98
00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:05,722
[gasps]

99
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:10,518
[Gene] Whoa.

100
00:05:14,063 --> 00:05:15,273
What do you see, Jean?

101
00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:19,736
[Jean] Oh, Gene, look. Love on Loan.

102
00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:22,947
Gene, look at the name.

103
00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:25,700
Hargreeves!

104
00:05:25,783 --> 00:05:28,369
Oh yeah. Yeah, yes. I see it.

105
00:05:29,787 --> 00:05:31,748
Ten grand for the pair.

106
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,374
Ten grand?

107
00:05:35,084 --> 00:05:36,836
Best we can do is five.

108
00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:39,756
This ain't a negotiation, pal.

109
00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:42,467
Ten grand or fuck off.

110
00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:44,635
Huh?

111
00:05:45,803 --> 00:05:46,804
[sighs]

112
00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:57,273
Good call.

113
00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:05,365
Hey.

114
00:06:07,283 --> 00:06:09,494
[sinister, menacing music playing]

115
00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:13,456
Nice shot, hon.

116
00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:17,543
Knew he'd be a bleeder.
Head the size of Jupiter.

117
00:06:18,419 --> 00:06:20,713
[menacing music continuing]

118
00:06:24,842 --> 00:06:25,843
Oh!

119
00:06:26,719 --> 00:06:29,138
[cheeky, mischievous music playing]

120
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:31,099
[Jean chuckles]

121
00:06:32,141 --> 00:06:35,019
You knew I had trump all along,
didn't you?

122
00:06:35,853 --> 00:06:36,854
[Jean cackles]

123
00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:39,899
You old rascal.

124
00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:53,621
[doleful, rollicking country song playing]

125
00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:59,043
♪ In my hour of shame… ♪

126
00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:03,506
[indistinct chatter]

127
00:07:04,298 --> 00:07:06,426
-[woman] Where is he?
-Who?

128
00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:09,637
Don't play dumb with me, Jerry.
I know he's here. Where is he?

129
00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:12,390
Hey, Vik! Are you here or not?

130
00:07:15,059 --> 00:07:16,060
Hey.

131
00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:20,231
Amy, what… what's up?

132
00:07:20,314 --> 00:07:21,482
You know what's up.

133
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,485
Call me when you grow up.

134
00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:26,529
Amy.

135
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,448
[barfly] Well, that does it.

136
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:31,325
Vik's officially blown through
every woman in town.

137
00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:34,537
-[patrons laughing]
-No, that's not true. It's not true.

138
00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:35,830
-[bartender] Vik.
-What?

139
00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:37,331
Phone call.

140
00:07:43,004 --> 00:07:43,838
Hello?

141
00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:45,631
[Luther] Hey. Long time.

142
00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:47,008
Luther?

143
00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:48,509
How's it going?

144
00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:52,513
-I'm… I'm fine. What's wrong?
-Uh, nothing's wrong.

145
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:54,807
[chuckles] Why does something
have to be wrong?

146
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:58,060
No, I was just calling to see
if you're going to that thing.

147
00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,229
-What thing?
-Uh, Diego and Lila's thing.

148
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,106
Little Grace's birthday party.

149
00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:03,900
Oh. Um…

150
00:08:04,942 --> 00:08:06,819
Uh, well, you know, I… I really…

151
00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:08,821
I really want to.

152
00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:11,282
It's just, you know, it's our busy season.

153
00:08:11,365 --> 00:08:12,366
It's my bar, Luther.

154
00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:14,994
-If I'm not here to watch over things--
-You should come.

155
00:08:15,953 --> 00:08:17,163
All right? Just this once.

156
00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:20,875
I'll think about it.

157
00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:22,793
[line disconnects, drones]

158
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,672
["The Bad Touch"
by Bloodhound Gang playing]

159
00:08:28,549 --> 00:08:34,222
[emcee] T-minus five,
four, three, two, one…

160
00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:39,310
The man who puts the ass in astronaut,

161
00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:41,354
Spaceboy!

162
00:08:41,437 --> 00:08:43,856
[crunchy synth-rock beat playing]

163
00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:45,566
[giddy laughter]

164
00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:58,955
♪ Sweat baby, sweat baby
Sex is a Texas drought ♪

165
00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:02,833
♪ Me and you do the kind of stuff
That only Prince would sing about ♪

166
00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:07,213
♪ So put your hands down my pants
And I'll bet you'll feel nuts… ♪

167
00:09:08,297 --> 00:09:09,966
[back cracks] Ah! Shit!

168
00:09:10,466 --> 00:09:12,843
♪ You've had enough of two-hand touch ♪

169
00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:14,095
-[bones crack]
-[groans]

170
00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:17,515
[patron screams enthusiastically]

171
00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:18,724
Yes!

172
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,643
♪ Come quicker than FedEx
Never reach an apex ♪

173
00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:22,478
♪ Just like Coca-Cola stock
You are inclined ♪

174
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:23,479
Spaceboy!

175
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:26,524
♪ To make me rise an hour early
Just like Daylight Savings Time ♪

176
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:28,109
Fuck!

177
00:09:28,192 --> 00:09:30,486
♪ You and me, baby
Ain't nothing but mammals ♪

178
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:34,198
♪ So let's do it like they do
On the Discovery Channel ♪

179
00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:37,868
♪ You and me, baby
Ain't nothing but mammals ♪

180
00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:42,456
♪ So let's do it like they do
On the Discovery Channel… ♪

181
00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:46,377
[dispatcher] You were supposed to be
on Center Street 45 minutes ago.

182
00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:49,880
-What the hell is going on out there?
-Relax, all right, I'm coming.

183
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:53,634
No! No! My job is not to relax.

184
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:56,095
It's to make sure you stay on schedule!

185
00:09:56,178 --> 00:09:59,974
Time is money,
and your lazy ass is costing me a fortune.

186
00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:02,101
-[urine trickling]
-What the hell is your malfunction?

187
00:10:02,184 --> 00:10:04,186
I got the spreadsheet
right in front of me.

188
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:07,440
Top-down, best to worst performers.

189
00:10:07,523 --> 00:10:10,735
You know where your name is?
At the bottom! In capital letters!

190
00:10:10,818 --> 00:10:12,028
Hargreeves!

191
00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:13,279
I said I'm coming!

192
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:23,456
[in Punjabi]
Why don't you pick up your phone?

193
00:10:23,539 --> 00:10:25,374
-It's inside. Yes.
-Help me!

194
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:27,793
-Do we have peaches?
-We do.

195
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:29,420
-Sodas?
-We have everything.

196
00:10:29,503 --> 00:10:30,880
-Take this inside.
-Yes.

197
00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:32,048
[in English] Oh my God.

198
00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:32,965
[horn blaring]

199
00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:35,426
Share with your brother.
Coco, stop crying.

200
00:10:35,509 --> 00:10:37,553
You're going to Linda's later.
That'll be fun.

201
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,472
-[in Punjabi] What about the DJ?
-DJ?

202
00:10:39,555 --> 00:10:42,058
-Tell me what you're wearing?
-I'm not ready yet!

203
00:10:42,141 --> 00:10:44,393
-Are the guests here?
-The guests are inside.

204
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,103
Give me a second. The children are crying.

205
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:50,566
Touch that horn again,

206
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:54,236
and I'll drag you out of this Land Rover
and disconnect your brain stem.

207
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,738
Do you understand me?

208
00:10:58,074 --> 00:10:58,991
Hi, Steven.

209
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:00,368
♪ Getting horny now ♪

210
00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:02,119
[bold synth horns playing]

211
00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:13,631
Fuck me.

212
00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:17,468
[paparazzi clamoring]

213
00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:23,099
[laughs]

214
00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:28,771
Oh no!

215
00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,981
I always wanna look good
for the paparazzi,

216
00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:33,693
so this is a job for Toss N' Wash,

217
00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:37,238
the no-nonsense, petroleum,
and artificial dye-free detergent--

218
00:11:37,321 --> 00:11:38,948
-[director] Cut!
-What?

219
00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:40,116
-Cut.
-[song halts]

220
00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:41,450
[Allison] What is wrong now?

221
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,661
Uh, nothing's wrong.
We lost the monitors. Stand by!

222
00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:45,413
Wait. I have a hard out at noon.

223
00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:47,373
[laughs] You're shitting me. Noon?

224
00:11:47,456 --> 00:11:50,292
Don't put this on me. I told Jill,
I have to pick up my daughter.

225
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:53,421
-I'm taking her to a party.
-You don't have somebody who can do that?

226
00:11:53,504 --> 00:11:54,505
[scoffs]

227
00:11:55,506 --> 00:11:57,258
Can somebody get me my phone?

228
00:11:57,341 --> 00:12:00,469
Hey, hey, hey.
Hold your horses, madam. Not yet.

229
00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:02,304
[Claire] Uncle Klaus…

230
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,098
[Klaus] Start ignoring
the rules of the road,

231
00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:06,100
next, the whole world goes to anarchy.

232
00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:08,477
Trust me on this, Claire.

233
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:13,190
And now we go.

234
00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:14,650
Quick, quick, quick! Fast.

235
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:15,985
You are such a pussy.

236
00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:19,572
Do you have any idea how many pedestrians
are killed annually in this country?

237
00:12:19,655 --> 00:12:20,573
Watch the puddle.

238
00:12:20,656 --> 00:12:23,033
-6,977.
-…977.

239
00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:24,243
That's correct.

240
00:12:24,326 --> 00:12:28,330
One minute you're alive,
and then the next, poof, you're dead.

241
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:31,041
Forever. That's not what we want, right?

242
00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:34,920
I wanna get home before climate change
ends the world as we know it.

243
00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:36,255
Well, yeah.

244
00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:37,256
Ew, ew.

245
00:12:37,339 --> 00:12:40,968
Secondhand smoke, three o'clock.
Come over here. Stay on this side.

246
00:12:41,051 --> 00:12:42,762
[exaggerated coughing]

247
00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:44,555
You're fine, Uncle Klaus.

248
00:12:45,389 --> 00:12:49,852
Yeah, I know. I… I'm fine.
You'll be fine. We'll all be fine.

249
00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:52,188
[Gus] My name is Gus.

250
00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:53,856
[group] Hi, Gus.

251
00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:56,567
I've been searching for the truth
my whole life.

252
00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,153
Then I found this group.

253
00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:02,239
And it was like a lightbulb went off.

254
00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:06,535
For the first time, I heard people
talking about what I was going through.

255
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:09,789
-[group member 1] Exactly.
-I realized there's nothing wrong with me.

256
00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:13,250
-It's this timeline, man.
-[group member 2] Yeah.

257
00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:15,336
-It's screwed up!
-[murmurs of agreement]

258
00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:18,672
-I know I can come here and say anything.
-Yeah.

259
00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:22,384
I… I could say Sir Reginald Hargreeves
is actually an alien

260
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:25,721
who is secretly grooming
a cabal of teenage super soldiers,

261
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:28,891
and all you guys actually know
what I'm talking about.

262
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:30,684
[group member 3] Keep going.

263
00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:32,937
And now,

264
00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:35,356
I have hope.

265
00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:38,984
'Cause I know a cleanse is coming.

266
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:40,486
-Yes.
-Amen.

267
00:13:42,863 --> 00:13:45,074
[quizzical, mysterious music playing]

268
00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:48,077
Thank you, Gus. Thank you.

269
00:13:51,288 --> 00:13:54,166
How about you?
Got anything you wanna share?

270
00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:57,920
Yeah, sure.

271
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,298
Hi, my name's Jerome.

272
00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:03,300
[all] Hi, Jerome.

273
00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:06,512
I'm still new to all this,

274
00:14:06,595 --> 00:14:10,015
but I can tell you folks,
what you're talking about is real.

275
00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:13,310
[sighs] You're not crazy.

276
00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:15,938
I know because I've been
to other timelines.

277
00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:19,859
I don't look it, but I'm 63.

278
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:24,446
I spent 45 years
lost in a future apocalypse.

279
00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:28,200
And I was involved
in the Kennedy assassination.

280
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:29,743
[group member 4] Speak your truth.

281
00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,704
[Five] All that's unraveling now.

282
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:34,832
I don't know what's real
and what's not anymore.

283
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:38,043
I feel like I can't trust anybody.

284
00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:40,045
[sighs]

285
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,923
All I know is I'm glad
to have found all of you.

286
00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:44,842
[group members mutter supportively]

287
00:14:44,925 --> 00:14:46,385
That's it. That's all I got.

288
00:14:46,468 --> 00:14:47,845
[group leader] It's okay.

289
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:50,723
Good share.

290
00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:55,895
You wanna hear some real shit, kid?

291
00:14:56,687 --> 00:14:58,355
I'll take you to a real meeting.

292
00:15:01,942 --> 00:15:03,360
[bright harp glissando]

293
00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:05,446
[enigmatic music playing]

294
00:15:06,363 --> 00:15:07,656
[agent] You're late.

295
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:08,657
I know.

296
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:10,826
Mustache.

297
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:11,869
Right.

298
00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:16,790
[agent] He's waiting in his office.

299
00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:22,963
The Keepers function
mainly as a support group,

300
00:15:23,047 --> 00:15:25,341
but with strong cult-like tendencies.

301
00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:28,969
Membership is rapidly growing
across all metro areas in the US,

302
00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:30,012
as well as Europe.

303
00:15:30,846 --> 00:15:32,598
It's all there in my report, sir.

304
00:15:32,681 --> 00:15:34,683
What's the organizing principle?

305
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:39,480
They believe we're all somehow stuck
in the wrong timeline.

306
00:15:40,856 --> 00:15:44,944
Well… just a bunch of loony tunes,
if you ask me.

307
00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:48,364
Drop this Keeper nonsense. Move on.

308
00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:52,117
I think it's time you got back
to your other cases.

309
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,578
Ladybug, Panama, Chicken Wing.

310
00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:57,915
-Sir, I am making progress with this.
-Now, you listen to me.

311
00:15:57,998 --> 00:16:00,751
You have the makings of a fantastic spook.

312
00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:03,212
A suspicious mind.

313
00:16:03,295 --> 00:16:05,422
A love of complexity and detail.

314
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:09,051
A certain maturity
that most of my young agents lack.

315
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:13,514
Play your cards right,
you'll be running this place someday.

316
00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:16,892
Thank you for saying that, sir.

317
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,435
[music swells]

318
00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:19,979
[Luther chuckling]

319
00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:21,230
Hey, buddy!

320
00:16:21,855 --> 00:16:26,860
Ah, it's good to see ya!
How long's it been, huh? About four years?

321
00:16:26,944 --> 00:16:28,779
Minus six months for good behavior.

322
00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:31,782
Well, you better keep that up
now that we're roommates.

323
00:16:31,865 --> 00:16:35,452
The only reason I called you is because
I need a fixed address for my probation,

324
00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:36,954
and the feds seized my apartment.

325
00:16:37,621 --> 00:16:41,083
Well, whatever the reason,
the universe brought us together,

326
00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:42,584
and I think that's fun.

327
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:43,585
Come on. Let's go.

328
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,848
[Allison] Claire? Klaus?

329
00:16:55,931 --> 00:16:56,932
Anybody home?

330
00:16:57,516 --> 00:16:58,475
Hello?

331
00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:04,857
[reporter on TV]
Another catastrophic weather event.

332
00:17:04,940 --> 00:17:07,776
You do realize
that we have a TV upstairs, right?

333
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,364
Hey, Klaus, are you going
to the thing today?

334
00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:13,490
What thing?

335
00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:16,285
Diego and Lila's thing.
It's little Grace's birthday party.

336
00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:17,911
-Not a chance.
-Please?

337
00:17:17,995 --> 00:17:20,873
I need somebody to take Claire.
She's sleeping over at her cousins'.

338
00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:22,583
-I'm not going.
-Yes, you are.

339
00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:25,419
Allison, attending an all-day event

340
00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:29,715
with problematic family members
and alcoholic beverages?

341
00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:34,386
I mean, that's a one-way ticket
to "Trigger Town, USA," if you ask me.

342
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:36,388
I'm just gonna stay down here in my room.

343
00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:38,307
Okay. Klaus?

344
00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:39,224
Yes.

345
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:43,187
You have been sober for three years.
Give yourself a little credit, all right?

346
00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:44,354
You can handle this.

347
00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:49,193
Your faith in me is very undeserved.
But, hey, why don't you take Claire Bear?

348
00:17:49,276 --> 00:17:52,196
I can't. I have a big callback tomorrow.
I need to prepare.

349
00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:54,198
Oh, which one again?

350
00:17:54,948 --> 00:17:57,076
-The Wichita PD pilot.
-[Klaus gasps sarcastically]

351
00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:58,494
Wichita PD.

352
00:17:58,994 --> 00:18:00,162
Sounds gripping.

353
00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:04,458
It's a really big part, Claire,
and it's between me and one other woman.

354
00:18:04,541 --> 00:18:07,461
This is important. I can't keep doing
laundry detergent commercials.

355
00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:11,965
All right. Fine. But you owe me, big-time.

356
00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:13,467
Thank you. Lunch. Come on.

357
00:18:14,134 --> 00:18:14,968
Not hungry.

358
00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:16,637
You never eat.

359
00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:19,139
-Like you give a shit.
-Whoa!

360
00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:20,891
Excuse me! Claire!

361
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:22,434
Claire!

362
00:18:23,685 --> 00:18:25,813
Would it make you feel better
to remind you

363
00:18:25,896 --> 00:18:28,398
that we were exactly like that at her age?

364
00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:30,359
No.

365
00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:33,195
[eccentric, whimsical music playing]

366
00:18:35,572 --> 00:18:37,074
[brakes screech]

367
00:18:37,157 --> 00:18:39,618
[engine popping, creaking]

368
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:44,540
-Where the hell are we?
-Come on. I got a surprise for you.

369
00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:46,917
It's a, uh, little welcome-home gift.

370
00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:48,794
[engine clangs]

371
00:18:48,877 --> 00:18:49,920
[steam hissing]

372
00:18:53,882 --> 00:18:55,509
Yeah, don't worry about it.

373
00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:58,804
[chipper electronic music playing]

374
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:05,018
-No, no, no!
-Oh, come on. Don't be such a sourpuss.

375
00:19:05,102 --> 00:19:08,272
Look, it'll be good for you to reconnect
with the family after all these years.

376
00:19:08,355 --> 00:19:10,607
Hey, this is not my family.
My family's dead.

377
00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:11,859
Remember? The Sparrows?

378
00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:12,901
Fine.

379
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,236
Either come inside,

380
00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:17,322
or I'm gonna tell your parole officer
you missed your curfew.

381
00:19:18,365 --> 00:19:22,286
You have to at least stay for cake.
No one leaves before cake, Ben.

382
00:19:22,369 --> 00:19:24,371
[chipper pop music playing]

383
00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:28,333
Hey, sorry. Excuse me.

384
00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:31,420
What are you doing?

385
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,256
-Cake.
-We haven't even done the piñata.

386
00:19:35,090 --> 00:19:38,385
Piñata first, then cake.
What the hell is wrong with you?

387
00:19:40,053 --> 00:19:43,140
What was it?
A Ponzi scheme? White-collar fraud?

388
00:19:43,765 --> 00:19:44,975
Crypto exchange.

389
00:19:45,058 --> 00:19:46,476
Web 3.0, baby.

390
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,729
Feds only went after me
because I'm an outsider.

391
00:19:48,812 --> 00:19:50,439
A fucking maverick like Elon.

392
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:53,358
Well, that and you bankrupted
100,000 people.

393
00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:54,776
The whole thing was a witch hunt.

394
00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:58,530
Yeah, well, say what you will.
It's still good to have you back. Cheers.

395
00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:02,868
Ha-ha!

396
00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:04,036
Gotcha!

397
00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:08,540
Come on. It's been years
since we've been together like this.

398
00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:10,792
[Ben] Ever think maybe
there's a good reason for that?

399
00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:12,085
Where's Viktor?

400
00:20:12,169 --> 00:20:14,046
Oh, uh, he said he was coming.

401
00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:18,800
-What about Allison?
-Oh, well, she's usually a no-show, right?

402
00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:21,011
Maybe it's better that way.

403
00:20:21,094 --> 00:20:24,181
[Klaus] Survived another one.
Congratulations, everybody.

404
00:20:24,264 --> 00:20:27,517
All right. Please call me
before you go to bed.

405
00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:28,435
Yes.

406
00:20:28,518 --> 00:20:32,022
Why don't you come on in?
Just for one little slice of cake.

407
00:20:32,522 --> 00:20:34,650
We've already talked about this.
Nobody wants me there.

408
00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:37,236
-That's not true. Not true.
-It is.

409
00:20:37,319 --> 00:20:39,571
-Even if it wasn't, I have lines to learn.
-All right.

410
00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:42,616
Well, I'll tell everybody you said hello.

411
00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:55,754
The money's decent,
and I make my own hours, so there's that.

412
00:20:55,837 --> 00:21:00,175
But my team supervisor is a real dickhead.
He's always riding the stick.

413
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,301
Yeah, that seems tough.

414
00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:04,346
Most importantly,
it's just a waste of my God-given talents.

415
00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:06,640
When do you think
I'll be hearing back from the agency?

416
00:21:06,723 --> 00:21:08,934
-Sorry?
-The CIA, bro.

417
00:21:09,017 --> 00:21:10,936
-You gave 'em my résumé, right?
-Right.

418
00:21:11,019 --> 00:21:13,897
-That's heading up the ladder as we speak.
-That's what I'm talking about!

419
00:21:13,981 --> 00:21:15,857
You told 'em I know multiple disciplines?

420
00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:19,236
Hand-to-hand. Karate. Aikido.
Hapkido. Krav Maga. Jujitsu.

421
00:21:19,319 --> 00:21:21,029
Muay Thai. Kendo. Sambo--

422
00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:23,156
Diego, I let 'em know. I told 'em.

423
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:27,452
…in a panic, you can't get to,
so that's my new thing I'm trying out.

424
00:21:27,536 --> 00:21:29,079
Hey, whoa! Hold your horses.

425
00:21:29,162 --> 00:21:31,665
Just wait for your Uncle Klaus
to get situated

426
00:21:31,748 --> 00:21:35,043
because right now, it feels like
he's about to hyperventilate.

427
00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:38,088
Hey. Did I forget
to pack my little brown bag?

428
00:21:38,171 --> 00:21:39,548
-Claire! Come on!
-You're fine.

429
00:21:39,631 --> 00:21:43,093
-It's just a six-year-old's party.
-You're right. You're always right.

430
00:21:43,176 --> 00:21:46,638
It's obnoxious. Put that on the table,
and don't touch anything sharp.

431
00:21:46,722 --> 00:21:48,223
[inhales, exhales deeply]

432
00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:49,850
-Soles of the feet.
-Klaus?

433
00:21:49,933 --> 00:21:51,727
-Hey, buddy!
-Hey.

434
00:21:51,810 --> 00:21:53,770
Good to see ya! Come here!

435
00:21:53,854 --> 00:21:54,813
[sputtering]

436
00:21:54,896 --> 00:21:57,691
Sorry. Don't touch. Spasibo.

437
00:21:57,774 --> 00:21:59,026
Right, yeah, of course.

438
00:21:59,109 --> 00:22:01,695
He is a germaphobe now
and extremely sober. Hi, Klaus.

439
00:22:02,654 --> 00:22:03,530
Benjamin!

440
00:22:03,613 --> 00:22:04,781
Klaus.

441
00:22:04,865 --> 00:22:06,867
Wha… When did you get out?

442
00:22:06,950 --> 00:22:07,826
About an hour ago,

443
00:22:07,909 --> 00:22:11,371
but I'm strongly considering
robbing a bank to get back in.

444
00:22:13,582 --> 00:22:18,295
Yeah, but just give me a second. Okay.
Hey, let go of her! Sorry, excuse me. Hey.

445
00:22:18,879 --> 00:22:20,672
What are you doing? Just string it up.

446
00:22:20,756 --> 00:22:23,133
You said you were
on the west side this morning?

447
00:22:23,216 --> 00:22:26,720
Yeah. I dropped off the kids,
and I picked up the piñata. So what?

448
00:22:26,803 --> 00:22:28,430
So this is an east side piñata.

449
00:22:28,513 --> 00:22:29,514
Excuse me?

450
00:22:29,598 --> 00:22:31,433
This is clearly an east side piñata.

451
00:22:31,516 --> 00:22:33,435
Check out the craftsmanship, the fringe.

452
00:22:33,518 --> 00:22:36,897
Okay, listen, we needed a piñata,
so I got a piñata.

453
00:22:36,980 --> 00:22:40,942
And right now, we need more soda,
so please, can you hurry up?

454
00:22:42,319 --> 00:22:43,820
Where were you this morning?

455
00:22:45,072 --> 00:22:47,115
Fine. I'll get it myself.

456
00:22:48,408 --> 00:22:50,744
[partygoer] Yeah?
All right. I'll go get her.

457
00:22:53,413 --> 00:22:55,457
Bye, Donnie. Bye, Zack.

458
00:22:57,042 --> 00:22:58,377
[car horn honking]

459
00:22:58,460 --> 00:23:00,462
[somber, pensive music playing]

460
00:23:18,772 --> 00:23:20,107
[Allison gasps, coughs]

461
00:23:21,024 --> 00:23:22,901
Oh, oh, sorry. I was--

462
00:23:22,984 --> 00:23:25,195
As you were. I just need a minute.

463
00:23:25,278 --> 00:23:27,322
[cheeky instrumental flourish]

464
00:23:27,406 --> 00:23:29,574
Tell me it gets better when they're older.

465
00:23:31,660 --> 00:23:32,953
Tell me it gets easier.

466
00:23:36,373 --> 00:23:38,250
-Once they hit puberty--
-Give me that.

467
00:23:49,219 --> 00:23:52,431
[eccentric, quirky melody playing]

468
00:23:52,514 --> 00:23:53,473
That's better.

469
00:23:54,391 --> 00:23:56,101
[chuckles]

470
00:23:58,603 --> 00:24:00,605
[both laughing]

471
00:24:01,940 --> 00:24:05,444
You coming in, or you just gonna linger
out here like a total psycho?

472
00:24:05,527 --> 00:24:06,778
I can't. I can't.

473
00:24:06,862 --> 00:24:08,530
[Lila] Mmm. Mm-hmm.

474
00:24:09,489 --> 00:24:11,616
-You can.
-No. Nobody wants me in there.

475
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:14,494
[wheezily] Nobody cares anymore.

476
00:24:15,078 --> 00:24:16,037
I don't.

477
00:24:16,538 --> 00:24:18,123
It would be so awkward.

478
00:24:18,874 --> 00:24:21,418
-They're over it. Let's go.
-No, Lila--

479
00:24:21,501 --> 00:24:23,503
Give me my… Hey! Give me my keys!

480
00:24:23,587 --> 00:24:24,588
Chop-chop.

481
00:24:26,256 --> 00:24:27,257
Come on!

482
00:24:27,757 --> 00:24:28,800
Li… [exhales]

483
00:24:31,553 --> 00:24:34,222
Lila! Gimme my keys!
Please don't make me go in there.

484
00:24:34,306 --> 00:24:35,724
Allison, listen to me.

485
00:24:35,807 --> 00:24:38,268
-No… Nobody likes me here.
-You're being dramatic.

486
00:24:38,351 --> 00:24:40,103
I'm telling you, nobody wants me here.

487
00:24:40,187 --> 00:24:42,856
-Please. You don't understand.
-Trust me, you're fine.

488
00:24:42,939 --> 00:24:45,525
[rollicking chiptune playing]

489
00:24:46,109 --> 00:24:48,278
[Allison] Lila, I'm too stoned for this.

490
00:24:49,654 --> 00:24:50,780
This was a mistake.

491
00:24:51,656 --> 00:24:55,535
You're right. This is incredibly awkward.

492
00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:57,287
Uh…

493
00:24:57,996 --> 00:24:59,289
Hey, uh, Allison!

494
00:25:01,541 --> 00:25:04,294
[awkwardly] Uh… Uh…

495
00:25:04,377 --> 00:25:05,337
Hey!

496
00:25:05,962 --> 00:25:07,464
So glad you made it.

497
00:25:07,964 --> 00:25:08,924
Just…

498
00:25:10,175 --> 00:25:11,927
thought I'd pop in and say hello.

499
00:25:12,677 --> 00:25:14,012
-Hello.
-[Luther] Yeah.

500
00:25:14,721 --> 00:25:15,597
Great.

501
00:25:17,432 --> 00:25:19,601
It's, uh, been a minute, huh?

502
00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:21,520
Since we've…

503
00:25:22,479 --> 00:25:23,355
Yeah.

504
00:25:25,148 --> 00:25:27,067
Yeah. Um…

505
00:25:28,610 --> 00:25:29,819
Is Viktor here?

506
00:25:29,903 --> 00:25:34,324
No, no. He's not here yet,
but, uh, he said he was coming, so…

507
00:25:35,033 --> 00:25:35,867
Yeah.

508
00:25:37,244 --> 00:25:38,453
Okay, see you later.

509
00:25:44,626 --> 00:25:47,837
I mean, you do the job,
even though it's killing you,

510
00:25:47,921 --> 00:25:51,633
and the kids, they suck
whatever energy you have left.

511
00:25:51,716 --> 00:25:52,717
[Luther] Mmm.

512
00:25:53,426 --> 00:25:54,844
And the in-laws, I mean…

513
00:25:56,471 --> 00:25:58,473
I'm glad they're alive in this timeline,

514
00:25:58,557 --> 00:26:01,935
but that don't mean
I want them living in my house.

515
00:26:02,018 --> 00:26:05,063
[gentle, introspective music playing]

516
00:26:05,146 --> 00:26:06,481
And then there's Lila.

517
00:26:09,609 --> 00:26:10,485
You know,

518
00:26:11,486 --> 00:26:14,698
she told me she couldn't get pregnant
while breastfeeding.

519
00:26:16,449 --> 00:26:18,785
You can, by the way.

520
00:26:26,543 --> 00:26:28,503
Diego, come on, man.

521
00:26:30,338 --> 00:26:32,632
Some people would kill
to have what you have.

522
00:26:33,133 --> 00:26:35,218
You know? I mean…

523
00:26:38,138 --> 00:26:40,640
I know Sloane and I
would have killed to have this.

524
00:26:43,852 --> 00:26:44,853
Shit.

525
00:26:49,649 --> 00:26:50,650
You're right.

526
00:26:51,484 --> 00:26:52,485
I'm sorry.

527
00:26:53,486 --> 00:26:56,072
[music swells]

528
00:27:06,791 --> 00:27:08,793
[upbeat music playing faintly]

529
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:11,921
[Viktor sighs]

530
00:27:18,178 --> 00:27:19,012
Viktor.

531
00:27:20,096 --> 00:27:22,223
[inscrutable music playing]

532
00:27:22,307 --> 00:27:24,351
-Who are you?
-Uh…

533
00:27:25,810 --> 00:27:27,854
I need you to get in the van.

534
00:27:31,650 --> 00:27:35,028
If my father has something to say to me,
he can come say it himself.

535
00:27:35,612 --> 00:27:37,030
[sighs] Please.

536
00:27:37,530 --> 00:27:38,865
I don't wanna hurt you.

537
00:27:40,700 --> 00:27:42,410
I'd really like to see you try.

538
00:27:43,536 --> 00:27:46,331
I just… I really need you
to get in that van.

539
00:27:46,414 --> 00:27:48,625
[dark, overwhelming music playing]

540
00:27:49,918 --> 00:27:50,919
[Viktor grunts]

541
00:27:54,422 --> 00:27:55,799
[music swells, trails off]

542
00:27:55,882 --> 00:27:57,550
Diego, where's the cake?

543
00:27:57,634 --> 00:28:00,011
You said piñata before cake.

544
00:28:00,095 --> 00:28:02,514
That was like two hours ago!

545
00:28:02,597 --> 00:28:05,225
Can we get this show on the road?
I have book club tonight.

546
00:28:07,310 --> 00:28:09,396
One, two, three…

547
00:28:09,479 --> 00:28:10,522
Yeah, Grace!

548
00:28:10,605 --> 00:28:13,692
…four, five, six.

549
00:28:13,775 --> 00:28:14,693
Now go!

550
00:28:15,694 --> 00:28:18,279
[Diego growling playfully]

551
00:28:20,156 --> 00:28:21,950
-Harder!
-A little more.

552
00:28:22,033 --> 00:28:23,034
All right.

553
00:28:25,036 --> 00:28:27,038
All right. That's enough. Good job.

554
00:28:27,122 --> 00:28:28,373
-Good effort.
-Good job.

555
00:28:28,456 --> 00:28:29,708
Come here, birthday girl.

556
00:28:31,126 --> 00:28:32,085
Yes.

557
00:28:33,628 --> 00:28:34,629
[partygoer] Oh!

558
00:28:37,215 --> 00:28:39,300
Wow. They really can't
break that thing, huh?

559
00:28:40,343 --> 00:28:43,263
East side piñatas
are notorious for their difficulty.

560
00:28:45,056 --> 00:28:46,558
Screw this. I'm starving.

561
00:28:49,102 --> 00:28:51,855
Out of the way, kid!
I'll hit you, son of a bitch.

562
00:28:51,938 --> 00:28:53,398
[Luther grunting]

563
00:28:53,481 --> 00:28:54,441
Oh!

564
00:28:55,150 --> 00:28:56,651
Come on! [Luther grunting]

565
00:28:58,570 --> 00:29:00,238
-[heavy blows landing]
-[child screams]

566
00:29:01,197 --> 00:29:02,699
What the… What…

567
00:29:02,782 --> 00:29:05,243
-All right, you asked for it!
-[children screaming]

568
00:29:10,165 --> 00:29:12,500
[muffled audio distortion]

569
00:29:16,337 --> 00:29:17,338
-[splat]
-[kids gasp]

570
00:29:18,590 --> 00:29:20,592
[cheeky, eccentric woodwinds playing]

571
00:29:23,928 --> 00:29:26,306
-[Allison] It's okay, sweetie.
-[Grace] My cake!

572
00:29:27,348 --> 00:29:28,683
What is wrong with you?

573
00:29:30,393 --> 00:29:31,394
I got it open.

574
00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:34,564
[siren wailing in distance]

575
00:29:34,647 --> 00:29:38,276
All right, just be cool, Jerome.
Anybody asks, you're with me.

576
00:29:41,237 --> 00:29:43,740
[partygoer] It's always so good
to see you, Diane.

577
00:29:43,823 --> 00:29:45,784
[indistinct chatter]

578
00:29:51,039 --> 00:29:53,124
[Five's companion]
These are the real Keepers.

579
00:29:53,208 --> 00:29:54,334
Best of the best.

580
00:29:55,668 --> 00:29:56,544
Oh, hey, Renee.

581
00:29:57,337 --> 00:29:58,630
People are talking.

582
00:29:58,713 --> 00:30:00,840
-I'd love to know what you think.
-[scoffs]

583
00:30:00,924 --> 00:30:03,134
[delicate, enigmatic music playing]

584
00:30:03,218 --> 00:30:04,260
Excuse me, Larry.

585
00:30:06,137 --> 00:30:09,265
[Lila] You know Hilary.
She used to know every single thing.

586
00:30:09,349 --> 00:30:10,975
[Five, sotto voce] So this is book club?

587
00:30:11,559 --> 00:30:12,852
[Lila titters]

588
00:30:14,103 --> 00:30:16,064
Will you excuse me just a second?

589
00:30:17,398 --> 00:30:19,692
You blow my cover,
I'll rip your balls off.

590
00:30:19,776 --> 00:30:21,152
You're gonna blow my cover.

591
00:30:21,236 --> 00:30:24,697
Nice mustache, by the way. What are you
supposed to be? A Greek serial killer?

592
00:30:24,781 --> 00:30:28,243
[chuckles] I'll have you know
this is top-of-the-line horse hair.

593
00:30:28,326 --> 00:30:32,247
The real question is,
what are you doing here, "Nancy"?

594
00:30:33,331 --> 00:30:36,251
Let's just say the transition
from full-time assassin

595
00:30:36,334 --> 00:30:40,296
to full-time caregiver to 3 small children
and one chunky husband is no picnic.

596
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:42,632
I needed to get outside the house.

597
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:45,635
I saw a sign and took a chance.

598
00:30:46,135 --> 00:30:47,554
It's cheaper than therapy.

599
00:30:48,763 --> 00:30:51,641
But you know, these losers
might be onto something.

600
00:30:51,724 --> 00:30:56,062
If everyone can take their seats,
the presentation's about to begin.

601
00:30:57,814 --> 00:30:58,857
Come on.

602
00:31:05,572 --> 00:31:06,573
[Lila gasps]

603
00:31:08,241 --> 00:31:09,242
Who are they?

604
00:31:09,868 --> 00:31:12,495
You never heard of Gene and Jean?
Sure you're part of the right CIA?

605
00:31:12,579 --> 00:31:14,831
-Just spit it out.
-Okay!

606
00:31:15,957 --> 00:31:20,503
Gene and Jean started
the first chapter in Clovis, New Mexico.

607
00:31:20,587 --> 00:31:23,506
Since then, the movement
has been everywhere.

608
00:31:26,175 --> 00:31:27,010
Wow.

609
00:31:27,510 --> 00:31:28,678
Wowie!

610
00:31:29,387 --> 00:31:31,890
I mean, holy shit!

611
00:31:33,516 --> 00:31:38,021
Pardon my French, but look at
all these beautiful shining faces.

612
00:31:38,104 --> 00:31:39,731
It is too much.

613
00:31:39,814 --> 00:31:41,774
Thank you for being here.

614
00:31:42,358 --> 00:31:48,114
We have a big night planned,
because tonight, we will be discussing…

615
00:31:48,990 --> 00:31:50,325
[music intensifies]

616
00:31:50,950 --> 00:31:52,744
"The Umbrella Effect,"

617
00:31:53,620 --> 00:31:55,788
and how I believe

618
00:31:56,623 --> 00:31:59,751
we can return to a restored…

619
00:32:01,753 --> 00:32:04,339
and correct timeline.

620
00:32:07,926 --> 00:32:13,222
Now, what do we mean
when we talk about the Umbrella Effect?

621
00:32:13,306 --> 00:32:14,265
Well,

622
00:32:15,350 --> 00:32:21,147
some people refer to it
as "timeline sickness."

623
00:32:21,230 --> 00:32:23,232
[disquieting stinger plays]

624
00:32:24,734 --> 00:32:27,946
These artifacts from other timelines…

625
00:32:31,199 --> 00:32:36,955
Like the shared memories
so many of us have experienced, huh?

626
00:32:37,038 --> 00:32:38,331
Yup.

627
00:32:38,414 --> 00:32:42,627
Memories the powers that be
would have you believe

628
00:32:42,710 --> 00:32:46,798
are just figments of our imaginations.

629
00:32:48,508 --> 00:32:53,096
A dapper dandy holding an umbrella,
standing on the grassy knoll.

630
00:32:54,138 --> 00:32:58,267
An obscure sex cult
called "Destiny's Children."

631
00:32:59,394 --> 00:33:03,564
A litter of child superheroes
in short pants,

632
00:33:03,648 --> 00:33:07,110
from which we derive
the name of this phenomenon,

633
00:33:07,193 --> 00:33:09,362
the Umbrella Effect.

634
00:33:11,322 --> 00:33:12,156
[Jean] Question is…

635
00:33:14,867 --> 00:33:17,203
who benefits from covering this up?

636
00:33:20,081 --> 00:33:23,167
The elites, of course.

637
00:33:23,251 --> 00:33:24,502
[knowing murmurs]

638
00:33:24,585 --> 00:33:29,215
The ruling class has always been
threatened by the truth.

639
00:33:30,341 --> 00:33:33,344
But they cannot stop the truth,
now, can they?

640
00:33:33,428 --> 00:33:34,554
[all muttering]

641
00:33:35,096 --> 00:33:37,265
[Gene] No, I didn't think so.

642
00:33:38,141 --> 00:33:41,602
[Jean] These artifacts are proof

643
00:33:42,645 --> 00:33:45,064
that we're living in the wrong timelines.

644
00:33:46,065 --> 00:33:47,066
And they're the key

645
00:33:48,860 --> 00:33:50,695
to bringing about

646
00:33:52,572 --> 00:33:53,865
the Cleanse.

647
00:33:56,242 --> 00:33:57,577
What the hell is the Cleanse?

648
00:33:57,660 --> 00:33:59,704
[whispers] No idea, but shut your mouth.

649
00:33:59,787 --> 00:34:01,539
[Five] Your whisper is very high-pitched.

650
00:34:01,622 --> 00:34:03,249
[Lila] Don't blow our covers.

651
00:34:03,750 --> 00:34:04,751
[Five] You're gonna.

652
00:34:04,834 --> 00:34:06,377
Is there a problem back there?

653
00:34:06,461 --> 00:34:07,462
[Lila] Shit.

654
00:34:08,629 --> 00:34:09,797
I'm sorry.

655
00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:13,384
Could you little Chatty Cathys
stand up, please?

656
00:34:13,468 --> 00:34:15,178
-[Lila] Don't…
-[Jean] I don't…

657
00:34:15,261 --> 00:34:17,472
Can't really see your pretty little faces.

658
00:34:20,099 --> 00:34:23,352
-Oh, Papa, it's Nancy.
-[Gene chuckles]

659
00:34:24,103 --> 00:34:25,396
Hi, everyone.

660
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:28,357
And who's your little friend?
I don't believe we've met.

661
00:34:29,567 --> 00:34:31,694
-This is my handsome fella--
-Jerome.

662
00:34:31,778 --> 00:34:32,653
Jerome.

663
00:34:32,737 --> 00:34:34,530
From the Orlando branch.

664
00:34:34,614 --> 00:34:35,740
[Jean] Mmm.

665
00:34:36,365 --> 00:34:39,035
Jerome from the Orlando branch.

666
00:34:39,118 --> 00:34:42,663
Looks like your suntan
could use a little work there, Jerome.

667
00:34:47,251 --> 00:34:49,545
Maybe there's something
we could help clarify,

668
00:34:49,629 --> 00:34:52,423
Jerome from the Orlando branch.

669
00:34:53,007 --> 00:34:54,133
No, so, um, sorry--

670
00:34:54,217 --> 00:34:58,012
We were hoping maybe you could elaborate
on the concept of the Cleanse.

671
00:35:00,556 --> 00:35:02,517
Some believe it's the end.

672
00:35:07,814 --> 00:35:11,818
Others believe
it's but a great restoration.

673
00:35:12,527 --> 00:35:14,070
What do you believe?

674
00:35:15,404 --> 00:35:18,324
Well, you're in luck,

675
00:35:18,407 --> 00:35:24,664
because we are preparing
a very special lecture on just this topic.

676
00:35:25,289 --> 00:35:27,375
Aren't we, darling?

677
00:35:28,209 --> 00:35:29,585
That's right, darling.

678
00:35:30,545 --> 00:35:32,880
If you're interested,
give us your information.

679
00:35:32,964 --> 00:35:34,507
Address, phone number.

680
00:35:36,175 --> 00:35:38,344
We'll make sure to send you an invitation.

681
00:35:39,554 --> 00:35:40,555
Both of you.

682
00:35:43,349 --> 00:35:44,350
Thank you both.

683
00:35:45,893 --> 00:35:47,436
So sorry about that.

684
00:35:51,524 --> 00:35:54,777
[Lila] Look, if these artifacts
are from different timelines,

685
00:35:54,861 --> 00:35:56,112
and now they're showing up…

686
00:35:56,195 --> 00:35:59,073
It's possible
the old man's reset didn't take.

687
00:35:59,157 --> 00:36:00,825
What does that even mean?

688
00:36:00,908 --> 00:36:02,160
I have no idea.

689
00:36:03,286 --> 00:36:06,789
Look, whatever this is,
don't say anything to the family just yet.

690
00:36:06,873 --> 00:36:08,833
All right? Not even Diego.

691
00:36:08,916 --> 00:36:11,544
Absolutely not.
He thinks I'm at book club.

692
00:36:13,254 --> 00:36:15,131
It's just easier that way.

693
00:36:15,882 --> 00:36:18,885
All right. Well, it's a good thing
I never got married.

694
00:36:18,968 --> 00:36:20,636
Too much deception involved.

695
00:36:21,387 --> 00:36:22,305
Wow.

696
00:36:23,723 --> 00:36:26,976
Didn't your dad teach
any of you Hargreeves men how to eat?

697
00:36:28,102 --> 00:36:29,145
Wait, no, come here.

698
00:36:29,228 --> 00:36:30,229
[Five scoffs]

699
00:36:36,319 --> 00:36:38,321
[somber, pensive music playing]

700
00:36:40,823 --> 00:36:43,034
[Diego] Book club, my ass.

701
00:36:44,785 --> 00:36:46,162
[siren wailing in distance]

702
00:36:46,245 --> 00:36:48,706
[car alarm wailing]

703
00:36:48,789 --> 00:36:50,791
[cryptic music playing]

704
00:36:53,127 --> 00:36:54,754
[Luther] Welcome home, brother.

705
00:36:55,588 --> 00:36:56,422
Welcome home.

706
00:36:58,257 --> 00:36:59,884
[Ben] What the hell, dude?

707
00:37:00,468 --> 00:37:02,637
You're squatting
in some condemned building.

708
00:37:03,137 --> 00:37:04,722
Condemned? What?

709
00:37:05,932 --> 00:37:08,809
Well, yeah, it's a touch run-down,
I'll give you that,

710
00:37:08,893 --> 00:37:11,604
but come on,
I've put a lot of work into this place.

711
00:37:12,939 --> 00:37:14,482
Not sure I'm seeing it.

712
00:37:14,565 --> 00:37:16,442
[birds cawing]

713
00:37:16,525 --> 00:37:18,236
Come on, I'll show you around.

714
00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:23,074
I, uh… I read a lot of DIY books,
which is tough at first,

715
00:37:23,157 --> 00:37:25,117
but you kinda get a knack for it,
you know?

716
00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:27,161
Check it out.

717
00:37:30,665 --> 00:37:32,250
Ah, let's get a fire going.

718
00:37:35,586 --> 00:37:36,587
Oh, uh…

719
00:37:37,463 --> 00:37:40,925
You should avoid using the toilets
on the second floor.

720
00:37:47,765 --> 00:37:48,766
[Luther grunts]

721
00:37:50,351 --> 00:37:51,978
[Ben] Looks like you got mail.

722
00:37:52,061 --> 00:37:52,895
Huh?

723
00:37:52,979 --> 00:37:55,356
Probably the city
condemning this shithole.

724
00:37:55,856 --> 00:37:58,609
No, no, no, no.
They stick those to the front door.

725
00:37:59,819 --> 00:38:00,778
What's this?

726
00:38:10,204 --> 00:38:11,706
We gotta call the others.

727
00:38:12,206 --> 00:38:14,792
[Five] Okay, Luther, we're here.
What is it?

728
00:38:14,875 --> 00:38:17,920
It says, "Your brother Viktor
has been kidnapped."

729
00:38:18,004 --> 00:38:21,257
"Follow my exact instructions,
and no harm will come to him."

730
00:38:23,718 --> 00:38:26,554
All right. Any idea
on who might be behind this?

731
00:38:26,637 --> 00:38:29,140
-My money's on you-know-who.
-[Klaus] Dad? Come on.

732
00:38:29,223 --> 00:38:33,060
Dad didn't kidnap Viktor.
He doesn't give a shit about us.

733
00:38:33,144 --> 00:38:35,771
It just really hurts
when family stabs you in the back.

734
00:38:35,855 --> 00:38:37,398
[cheeky music playing]

735
00:38:37,481 --> 00:38:39,150
Five, can't you just call
your CIA buddies?

736
00:38:39,233 --> 00:38:42,945
[exhales] Well, the CIA doesn't
investigate kidnappings. That's the FBI.

737
00:38:43,029 --> 00:38:46,282
Wait. Hey, hey, no.
We don't need anyone. We can handle this.

738
00:38:46,365 --> 00:38:47,491
Yeah.

739
00:38:47,575 --> 00:38:49,577
We're not exactly a team anymore, Diego.

740
00:38:49,660 --> 00:38:50,578
Or ever were.

741
00:38:51,078 --> 00:38:53,331
Then there's the whole "no powers" thing.

742
00:38:53,414 --> 00:38:56,876
No. I don't care.
If Viktor's in trouble, I'm in, right?

743
00:38:59,503 --> 00:39:01,505
What are you looking at me for?
I'm not your mother.

744
00:39:01,589 --> 00:39:02,965
-I'm in. What?
-[Lila] Good luck.

745
00:39:03,049 --> 00:39:05,384
You can't even run up stairs
without getting a coronary.

746
00:39:05,468 --> 00:39:06,969
I'm in the best shape of my life.

747
00:39:07,053 --> 00:39:09,347
Jesus. Okay, anyway, now what?

748
00:39:09,430 --> 00:39:14,268
It says we're supposed to meet
at Sy's Dry Cleaning on 5th Avenue.

749
00:39:15,227 --> 00:39:16,687
Perfect. Let's roll.

750
00:39:16,771 --> 00:39:17,813
Yeah!

751
00:39:17,897 --> 00:39:18,773
What?

752
00:39:18,856 --> 00:39:21,108
[plucky, adventurous music playing]

753
00:39:22,234 --> 00:39:23,402
[tires screeching]

754
00:39:25,988 --> 00:39:26,989
[brakes squeak]

755
00:39:32,203 --> 00:39:34,330
Stay behind Five. He's got the gun.

756
00:39:34,830 --> 00:39:36,832
[tense, mysterious music playing]

757
00:39:54,975 --> 00:39:59,230
[Klaus] Guys! Can't you smell that?
This place is a chemical wasteland.

758
00:40:08,322 --> 00:40:09,573
[music intensifying]

759
00:40:10,991 --> 00:40:12,034
[music trails off]

760
00:40:12,118 --> 00:40:14,370
Hey, there he is.

761
00:40:14,453 --> 00:40:15,663
Looking good, buddy.

762
00:40:15,746 --> 00:40:17,456
[Klaus] Thank God! What's up, Vik?

763
00:40:18,958 --> 00:40:20,709
Couldn't make it to your niece's birthday?

764
00:40:21,210 --> 00:40:24,713
Well, I was on the way,
and then I got kidnapped, so…

765
00:40:24,797 --> 00:40:25,881
Yeah, nice excuse.

766
00:40:25,965 --> 00:40:27,216
Diego.

767
00:40:27,299 --> 00:40:28,926
Do you guys wanna untie me, or…

768
00:40:29,009 --> 00:40:30,094
Oh, yeah, sure.

769
00:40:31,554 --> 00:40:33,973
[Ben] Who grabbed you?
Was it Hargreeves and his goons?

770
00:40:34,056 --> 00:40:35,850
No way. This is amateur hour.

771
00:40:37,143 --> 00:40:40,020
[kidnapper] I apologize
if my methods are a little crude,

772
00:40:40,104 --> 00:40:42,690
but this is my first kidnapping.

773
00:40:42,773 --> 00:40:44,442
And hopefully, my last.

774
00:40:45,443 --> 00:40:47,111
But I need your help.

775
00:40:47,194 --> 00:40:49,864
Well, kidnapping our brother
and pointing a gun at us

776
00:40:49,947 --> 00:40:51,782
isn't gonna buy you much goodwill.

777
00:40:52,783 --> 00:40:56,871
It was the only way I could make sure
that you came here. All of you.

778
00:40:57,371 --> 00:41:00,708
I couldn't leave anything to chance.
Especially when it comes to…

779
00:41:02,877 --> 00:41:04,128
the Umbrella Academy.

780
00:41:04,211 --> 00:41:06,797
[Diego] No one's called us that
in six years.

781
00:41:08,966 --> 00:41:11,677
Sorry, pal.
The Umbrella Academy doesn't exist.

782
00:41:12,678 --> 00:41:13,679
Um…

783
00:41:13,762 --> 00:41:14,972
Okay, but…

784
00:41:16,223 --> 00:41:18,726
[spluttering] Okay, but… Just…

785
00:41:20,644 --> 00:41:22,688
Can… Can you explain this, then?

786
00:41:25,232 --> 00:41:27,109
[cryptic music playing]

787
00:41:27,193 --> 00:41:29,028
[Klaus] Umbrella Academy saves what?

788
00:41:29,528 --> 00:41:32,990
When the hell
did we save the Eiffel Tower?

789
00:41:33,073 --> 00:41:34,408
Where did you get that?

790
00:41:34,492 --> 00:41:37,661
It was in this box of things
in the trunk of my daughter's car.

791
00:41:37,745 --> 00:41:38,746
Her name's Jennifer.

792
00:41:38,829 --> 00:41:41,081
-Where did she get that?
-I don't know.

793
00:41:41,165 --> 00:41:42,249
But, okay, listen.

794
00:41:42,333 --> 00:41:43,876
So, about a year ago,

795
00:41:43,959 --> 00:41:46,253
she met these new friends,

796
00:41:46,337 --> 00:41:49,673
and, uh, they started going
to these strange meetings.

797
00:41:49,757 --> 00:41:53,344
They're very strange people.
They call themselves the Keepers, and, uh…

798
00:41:53,928 --> 00:41:55,513
And then, over time,

799
00:41:55,596 --> 00:41:58,224
she stopped talking to me.

800
00:41:58,307 --> 00:41:59,225
Just stopped.

801
00:41:59,308 --> 00:42:02,853
And that was about three months ago,
and I haven't seen her since,

802
00:42:02,937 --> 00:42:06,565
and I believe that something terrible
has happened.

803
00:42:06,649 --> 00:42:09,568
No offense. Maybe she just
wants nothing to do with you.

804
00:42:10,361 --> 00:42:14,448
No, no. My daughter and I are very close.
She would never do this to me.

805
00:42:14,532 --> 00:42:17,284
Wait, hold on. How did you find us?

806
00:42:17,368 --> 00:42:20,412
I saw you on TV. Toss N' Wash.

807
00:42:20,496 --> 00:42:23,374
[triumphantly] Ha! See? No small parts.

808
00:42:23,874 --> 00:42:28,504
I… I've actually been watching you
for quite a while now.

809
00:42:29,547 --> 00:42:30,381
Uh…

810
00:42:30,965 --> 00:42:34,802
And I'm… I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry. I apologize.

811
00:42:35,386 --> 00:42:39,932
Uh, but, I mean,
she's all that I have left, and, uh…

812
00:42:40,641 --> 00:42:42,851
What do you need us for? Call a cop.

813
00:42:42,935 --> 00:42:45,813
I did. They didn't do anything.

814
00:42:45,896 --> 00:42:49,233
We'd like to help, but we're not
the same people in that picture anymore.

815
00:42:49,316 --> 00:42:51,777
Yeah, we don't even have powers now.

816
00:42:51,860 --> 00:42:53,195
Yeah, we're not special.

817
00:42:53,279 --> 00:42:54,947
Speak for yourself, tubby.

818
00:42:56,991 --> 00:42:58,742
Give us 24 hours.

819
00:42:58,826 --> 00:43:00,411
Five, what are you doing?

820
00:43:00,494 --> 00:43:02,955
-24 hours. We'll find your daughter.
-Yes. Thank you.

821
00:43:03,539 --> 00:43:05,874
-Guys, let's go.
-What are you talking about?

822
00:43:05,958 --> 00:43:10,629
Thank you very much, Umbrella Academy.
I think you're special.

823
00:43:10,713 --> 00:43:12,715
[mysterious music playing]

824
00:43:14,049 --> 00:43:14,883
Five.

825
00:43:14,967 --> 00:43:17,094
-Come on.
-What the hell was that, man?

826
00:43:17,636 --> 00:43:19,888
Hey, why are you
considering helping that guy?

827
00:43:19,972 --> 00:43:21,265
-Five.
-[Luther] What's going on?

828
00:43:22,182 --> 00:43:23,100
[Five] Because…

829
00:43:25,769 --> 00:43:26,770
of this.

830
00:43:27,271 --> 00:43:29,398
[high, treble thrumming]

831
00:43:29,481 --> 00:43:31,400
[tense, uneasy music playing]

832
00:43:34,111 --> 00:43:38,574
What I'd like to know is how the daughter
of some random dry cleaner

833
00:43:38,657 --> 00:43:41,368
ends up with a jar of marigold
in the trunk of her car.

834
00:43:41,452 --> 00:43:44,246
How do we know
that's not just a jar of glow stick juice?

835
00:43:44,330 --> 00:43:46,832
Why don't you take a sip
and find out, tough guy?

836
00:43:46,915 --> 00:43:49,335
-I will if you will.
-Don't even think about it.

837
00:43:49,835 --> 00:43:53,714
Okay, for the sake of discussion,
let's say this is legit.

838
00:43:54,465 --> 00:43:56,300
Does anyone here want their power back?

839
00:43:56,383 --> 00:43:57,885
-No, siree, Bob.
-Yeah.

840
00:43:58,594 --> 00:44:01,305
For the first time in my life, I'm sober.

841
00:44:02,348 --> 00:44:04,516
And… happy.

842
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:08,604
But most importantly,
100% poltergeist-free.

843
00:44:09,104 --> 00:44:11,106
[Allison] Free?
You rarely leave the house.

844
00:44:11,190 --> 00:44:14,068
And when you do,
you're wearing surgical gloves in public.

845
00:44:14,151 --> 00:44:16,028
Yeah, well, at least I'm in control.

846
00:44:16,111 --> 00:44:16,987
[chef] Showtime.

847
00:44:19,865 --> 00:44:21,367
Look at this chump.

848
00:44:22,576 --> 00:44:23,661
Angle's wrong.

849
00:44:25,245 --> 00:44:26,455
Sloppy form.

850
00:44:26,538 --> 00:44:29,416
-[chef exclaims]
-[siblings cheering]

851
00:44:29,500 --> 00:44:31,377
-Good job, sir.
-Nice.

852
00:44:31,460 --> 00:44:32,753
He is so good.

853
00:44:34,380 --> 00:44:36,715
Look, guys, it's a hard no for me too.

854
00:44:36,799 --> 00:44:38,550
I've got a bar to run, friends.

855
00:44:38,634 --> 00:44:39,677
Like, a real life.

856
00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:41,428
You're all nuts, all right?

857
00:44:41,512 --> 00:44:43,806
We should be mainlining
this shit right now.

858
00:44:44,973 --> 00:44:47,810
Look, come on, big guy.
I know you want it.

859
00:44:47,893 --> 00:44:50,062
Wait! I mean, that's a tough one.

860
00:44:50,145 --> 00:44:52,856
Come on. You don't need that, Luther.

861
00:44:52,940 --> 00:44:54,817
Your life is fantastic.

862
00:44:54,900 --> 00:44:58,862
I don't know about fantastic,
but you know, I'm… I'm managing.

863
00:44:58,946 --> 00:45:01,031
Is that where the bar is set these days?

864
00:45:01,782 --> 00:45:02,991
Managing?

865
00:45:03,075 --> 00:45:05,577
I'll do whatever the group decides.
How's that?

866
00:45:05,661 --> 00:45:07,246
[Diego] Yeah, I'm with Luther.

867
00:45:08,247 --> 00:45:09,581
Majority rules.

868
00:45:10,124 --> 00:45:11,417
[Luther] Yeah, right.

869
00:45:11,500 --> 00:45:15,379
[Klaus, gagging] You're not
actually considering this, are you?

870
00:45:15,462 --> 00:45:16,714
[teppanyaki flame whooshes]

871
00:45:17,631 --> 00:45:19,049
[Allison, haltingly] No.

872
00:45:19,133 --> 00:45:20,259
[treble thrumming]

873
00:45:20,342 --> 00:45:23,011
No, my life is great.
I have everything I need.

874
00:45:23,095 --> 00:45:24,972
Yup. Me too.

875
00:45:26,390 --> 00:45:27,307
Same.

876
00:45:27,391 --> 00:45:30,686
All right, then. Motion fails.
We don't drink the mystery juice.

877
00:45:30,769 --> 00:45:32,062
So we don't get our powers back.

878
00:45:32,146 --> 00:45:33,355
[relieved sigh] Thank God!

879
00:45:36,900 --> 00:45:38,777
I tried. You're all morons.

880
00:45:38,861 --> 00:45:40,195
Hey! Where are you going?

881
00:45:40,279 --> 00:45:42,573
To take a piss! Is that okay, Luther?

882
00:45:42,656 --> 00:45:45,826
Or do you need
to run that by my parole officer too?

883
00:45:45,909 --> 00:45:48,120
Oh shit!
I was supposed to call him at 6:00!

884
00:45:51,707 --> 00:45:54,126
-Is that what I think it is?
-Yeah, it is!

885
00:45:54,835 --> 00:45:57,880
-That's disgusting.
-All right, I gotta hit the road.

886
00:45:57,963 --> 00:45:59,047
No, so soon?

887
00:45:59,131 --> 00:46:00,716
Come on, Vik! Stay a bit longer!

888
00:46:00,799 --> 00:46:02,342
No, wait! Stay, man!

889
00:46:02,426 --> 00:46:04,636
It's just such a long drive. So, yeah.

890
00:46:04,720 --> 00:46:06,889
I should go too.
I've got an audition tomorrow.

891
00:46:08,432 --> 00:46:13,312
Like a big, important audition,
and we have to boot camp the lines!

892
00:46:13,395 --> 00:46:15,647
You've gotta drive the kids
to the dentist at 7:00 a.m.

893
00:46:15,731 --> 00:46:18,901
[stilted laughter]
Why you gotta make it so early again?

894
00:46:18,984 --> 00:46:20,569
Because they have school at 8:00.

895
00:46:20,652 --> 00:46:23,447
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Hey! Where's everyone going?

896
00:46:23,530 --> 00:46:25,949
We haven't even gotten to the steak yet!

897
00:46:26,033 --> 00:46:27,451
-Party's over.
-No! No!

898
00:46:27,534 --> 00:46:30,579
Okay. One last shot, on me.

899
00:46:30,662 --> 00:46:32,080
For old time's sake.

900
00:46:32,623 --> 00:46:33,582
Please!

901
00:46:34,374 --> 00:46:35,834
-Klaus!
-[Klaus] No!

902
00:46:35,918 --> 00:46:38,212
-Ignore him!
-Come on. He doesn't drink.

903
00:46:38,295 --> 00:46:39,838
Sake doesn't count.

904
00:46:39,922 --> 00:46:41,590
-[Ben] Exactly.
-It doesn't?

905
00:46:41,673 --> 00:46:43,884
-[Diego] Hey. Dude's sober.
-[Ben] Thank you.

906
00:46:43,967 --> 00:46:47,179
[delicate, suspenseful music playing]

907
00:46:47,262 --> 00:46:48,514
[Ben] Okay, then.

908
00:46:48,597 --> 00:46:52,059
Here's to the nonexistent
Umbrella Academy!

909
00:46:52,643 --> 00:46:53,769
Kanpai!

910
00:46:53,852 --> 00:46:54,853
[all] Kanpai!

911
00:46:55,938 --> 00:46:57,940
[somber, heartfelt music playing]

912
00:46:58,899 --> 00:46:59,733
Thank you!

913
00:47:07,491 --> 00:47:08,575
Hey! You comin'?

914
00:47:09,910 --> 00:47:13,789
I'm gonna savor my last minutes of freedom
and finish this shrimp, if you don't mind.

915
00:47:13,872 --> 00:47:15,582
[Luther clears throat]

916
00:47:15,666 --> 00:47:16,750
What about curfew?

917
00:47:17,501 --> 00:47:21,463
Relax, Captain Tight-ass.
I'll meet you back at your shithole later.

918
00:47:23,215 --> 00:47:24,508
Captain Tight-ass?

919
00:47:32,683 --> 00:47:34,685
[steady, treble thrumming]

920
00:47:44,319 --> 00:47:46,697
See ya on the other side, fuckfaces.

921
00:47:48,949 --> 00:47:50,868
[suspenseful music intensifying]

922
00:47:50,951 --> 00:47:51,952
[music trails off]

923
00:47:53,412 --> 00:47:54,413
["The Bad Touch" playing]

924
00:47:54,496 --> 00:47:56,999
♪ You and me, baby
Ain't nothing but mammals ♪

925
00:47:57,082 --> 00:48:01,003
♪ So let's do it like they do
On the Discovery Channel ♪

926
00:48:01,086 --> 00:48:01,920
♪ Do it again now ♪

927
00:48:02,004 --> 00:48:04,798
♪ You and me, baby
Ain't nothing but mammals ♪

928
00:48:04,882 --> 00:48:08,802
♪ So let's do it like they do
On the Discovery Channel ♪

929
00:48:08,886 --> 00:48:09,720
♪ Getting horny now ♪

930
00:48:09,803 --> 00:48:11,805
[bold synth horns playing]

931
00:48:40,918 --> 00:48:44,254
♪ Love, the kind you clean up
With a mop and bucket ♪

932
00:48:44,338 --> 00:48:47,966
♪ Like the lost catacombs of Egypt
Only God knows where we stuck it ♪

933
00:48:48,050 --> 00:48:49,092
♪ Hieroglyphics ♪

934
00:48:49,176 --> 00:48:51,929
♪ Let me be Pacific
I wanna be down in your South Seas ♪

935
00:48:52,012 --> 00:48:54,097
♪ But I got this notion
that the motion of your ocean ♪

936
00:48:54,181 --> 00:48:55,724
♪ Means small craft advisory ♪

937
00:48:55,807 --> 00:48:59,603
♪ So if I capsize on your thighs
High tide, B-5, you sunk my battleship ♪

938
00:48:59,686 --> 00:49:03,315
♪ Please turn me on
I'm Mr. Coffee with an automatic drip ♪

939
00:49:03,398 --> 00:49:05,400
♪ So show me yours, I'll show you mine ♪

940
00:49:05,484 --> 00:49:07,611
♪ Tool time
You'll Lovett just like Lyle ♪

941
00:49:07,694 --> 00:49:09,404
♪ And then we'll do it doggy style

942
00:49:09,488 --> 00:49:12,074
-♪ So we can both watch X-Files ♪
-♪ Do it now ♪

943
00:49:12,157 --> 00:49:15,035
♪ You and me, baby
Ain't nothing but mammals ♪

944
00:49:15,118 --> 00:49:18,956
♪ So let's do it like they do
On the Discovery Channel ♪

945
00:49:19,039 --> 00:49:19,915
♪ Do it again now ♪

946
00:49:19,998 --> 00:49:22,834
♪ You and me, baby
Ain't nothing but mammals ♪

947
00:49:22,918 --> 00:49:26,922
♪ So let's do it like they do
On the Discovery Channel ♪

948
00:49:27,005 --> 00:49:29,508
-♪ Getting horny now ♪
-[bold synth horns playing]

949
00:49:43,397 --> 00:49:46,233
♪ You and me, baby
Ain't nothing but mammals ♪

950
00:49:46,316 --> 00:49:50,237
♪ So let's do it like they do
On the Discovery Channel ♪

951
00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:51,154
♪ Do it again now ♪

952
00:49:51,238 --> 00:49:54,074
♪ You and me, baby
Ain't nothing but mammals ♪

953
00:49:54,157 --> 00:49:58,203
♪ So let's do it like they do
On the Discovery Channel ♪

954
00:49:59,037 --> 00:50:01,832
♪ You and me, baby
Ain't nothing but mammals ♪

955
00:50:01,915 --> 00:50:05,711
♪ So let's do it like they do
On the Discovery Channel ♪

956
00:50:05,794 --> 00:50:06,753
♪ Do it again now ♪

957
00:50:06,837 --> 00:50:09,673
♪ You and me, baby
Ain't nothing but mammals ♪

958
00:50:09,756 --> 00:50:13,593
♪ So let's do it like they do
On the Discovery Channel ♪

959
00:50:13,677 --> 00:50:16,471
-♪ Getting horny now ♪
-[bold synth horns playing]