["Ahead by a Century" by The Tragically Hip playing]
[thoughtful, nostalgic roots rock playing]
♪ First thing we'd climb a tree ♪
♪ And maybe then we'd talk ♪
♪ Or sit silently ♪
♪ And listen to our thoughts ♪
♪ With illusions of someday ♪
♪ Cast in a golden light ♪
♪ No dress rehearsal ♪
♪ This is our life… ♪
[muffled] If we went two stops ago, we would be in the right station.
It's completely your fault. I said to go eastbound.
This is your fault.
-How do you know we're eastbound? -This is westbound!
♪ And I had a feverish dream ♪
♪ With revenge and doubt ♪
♪ Tonight we smoke them out ♪
♪ You are ahead by a century ♪
[excited laughter]
♪ You are ahead by a century ♪
[laughs]
♪ Stare in the morning shroud ♪
♪ And then the day began ♪
♪ I tilted your cloud ♪
♪ You tilted my hand ♪
♪ Rain falls in real time ♪
♪ And rain fell through the night ♪
♪ No dress rehearsal ♪
♪ This is our life ♪
♪ But that's when the hornet stung me ♪
[Lila] Ow!
Ow! Ow!
♪ And I had a feverish dream With revenge and doubt ♪
♪ Tonight we smoke them out ♪
♪ You are ahead by a century ♪
♪ And disappointing you is Gettin' me down ♪
[song trails off]
[owl hooting]
[gloomy music playing]
[lighter flicks]
Yeah, baby.
Hello?
Help! There's someone down here!
Help!
Somebody!
Help!
Shit!
[raucous rockabilly music playing]
[whispering] Please don't leave me. Please don't leave me.
[grunts]
Yeah.
Hello, secret stash.
Oh, baby, come to Mama.
A little further.
Hey, come--
[screams]
Ow! Ow! Shit!
Shit. Shit. All right.
[sobbing] Why is this happening to me?
[elegant aria playing on stereo]
["My Heart Cries Out" by Jerry Naill playing]
♪ There's something on my-- ♪
[elegant aria playing]
[country singer] ♪ …say ♪
♪ My heart cries out ♪
[aria resumes]
[power thrumming]
Well, that was certainly uncalled for.
Was it?
Trying to save Ben is a fool's errand.
If you look at the variables, the odds of success are vanishingly small.
That's 'cause the only variables you consider are black and white.
There's gray in the world. I live in that space.
You're different than your siblings.
I suspect that the other Hargreeves was afraid of that.
And you.
Yeah, he was.
And it screwed me up for a long time.
You say you're not the same as him?
Now's your chance to prove it.
Hmm.
[cryptic music playing]
This is it.
[cryptic music intensifying]
[device ticking, crackling]
What is all this?
This is the Cleanse, my boy.
My monitoring station recorded a magnitude 6.3 seismic event.
And the epicenter… is right here.
[tinny holiday music playing over speakers]
[device shuts off]
[Viktor] What the hell?
You still think you can save Ben?
This is only phase one.
His mind has been hijacked.
His body is merely a vessel.
The Cleanse will slowly take full control.
We should run away somewhere.
[laughs] Excuse me?
I'm serious.
Keep driving south. Live on a beach somewhere.
Get married.
Just you and me.
Sure.
With the 18 bucks we have between us.
I might just have some money stashed away in the Caymans.
You said the government got it all.
Yeah, about that.
We just need to get to Florida. I know a pilot in Miami.
[laughs]
I mean, what am I even supposed to say to that?
Just say yes.
[faint, shrill ringing]
[Jennifer] Mmm.
Be right back.
Stay put.
[Jennifer] I will.
This is Alpha 3-9. I've got eyes on the package.
Copy. They've been spotted.
-Not far from here. -Wait.
-We still have our deal, right? -Yes.
But you're running out of time.
So, if you're going to make a move, I suggest you get on with it.
[phone ringing]
[phone continues ringing]
Hello?
[Viktor] Don't hang up.
Viktor? How the hell did you find me?
What you two have been up to hasn't been subtle.
What can I say? I've been in prison the last four years.
Not that, you perv.
I'm… I'm talking 6.3 on the Richter scale.
-Is she still with you? -That's none of your business.
Actually, it is my business
'cause you two are on pace to end the world in about 48 hours.
Twenty-four, actually.
[Viktor] Shut up!
Are you serious? You're with Dad now?
Ben, listen to me.
There's something happening to you.
It's called the Cleanse.
It's like a virus.
It's taking over your whole body, and--
[Ben] Bullshit.
I feel great. Never felt better.
That's what I'm saying.
Whatever you're feeling or seeing, it can't be trusted.
There is something happening inside of you,
and it's only gonna get worse.
You're right.
Something is happening inside of me.
I'm happy for the first time in my life, and you miserable assholes can't stand it.
Ben! I'm just trying to help you!
You need to get away from Jennifer right now!
You wanna help me? Leave us alone!
Ben!
He may be past hope.
[intense, urgent music playing]
Ben, what's wrong?
[Ben] Nothing I can't handle.
[music trails off]
We really get to keep these?
Absolutely.
At least your eyes are open.
[Ribbons] Gentlemen,
I wanna introduce you to our elite unit.
Welcome to Sector R.
[Diego] Hell yes.
I mean, this is what I'm talking about.
These are the guys.
Agent Parnell here will show you guys the ropes.
Frank Parnell. Everyone around here calls me Bud.
Bud. Bud.
I'm gonna hit you straight. We need a chopper ASAP.
I want a two-mile perimeter and a lockdown around the hot zone.
I want boots on the ground.
-[dramatic music playing] -No stone is left unturned. You feel me?
[music droops off]
[agents laughing]
Yeah, we don't do that here.
-[quizzical music playing] -Not even the chopper?
We got a white cube van, but you need department approval.
Why don't you two boys grab a chair? Make yourselves comfortable.
Lunch order's about to go in.
[quizzical music continuing]
Maybe we should go back to looking for Ben.
We just got here.
[meows]
[sniffs deeply]
[breathy sigh]
-[Luther] Hey, Diego. -Hmm?
Are you sure that these are the guys?
Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure.
What…
This is Covert Ops, bruh.
I'm talking Watergate, Cuba, Bin Laden.
These are the guys.
Yeah. I'm pretty sure this is where they, you know…
put agents out to pasture.
These guys are the best of the best.
That's what my manager at the club called me
when he put me on the Sunday brunch buffet.
Sounds like you're killing it on multiple fronts, big guy.
Sunday brunch buffet is where they put the dead weight.
Legs and eggs.
Look around.
This is legs and eggs.
I'm not gonna let your bad attitude wreck this for me.
Fine. Knock yourself out.
I'm gonna go see if Ribbons has anything on the Keepers.
[cheeky, mischievous music playing]
[music trails off]
[Five] I don't think I can eat another subway rat.
[Lila] If you add an orange peel to it, it kind of tastes like duck à l'orange.
Care to guess how long we've been here?
Long enough I found my first gray hair.
And it's not on my head.
[Five exhales bemusedly]
[Five] Well, according to my calendar,
it's been…
six years, five months, two days.
Yeah, well, we'll find a way home soon enough, right?
If we don't get stabbed, shot, or blown up the next time we go topside.
In some of those timelines, we would've been lucky to get out alive.
Yeah, well, we're still kicking, so we must be doing something right.
Do you remember that timeline we found the other day? At the greenhouse?
And the strawberries. What about it?
Seemed pleasant enough.
There's no feral hogs there. No secret police.
I was thinking we could maybe set up there for a stretch.
So you're giving up?
No one said give up, but…
it's been almost seven years, Lila.
We deserve a break.
You know, a bed. A shower.
I would strangle a kitten for a hot bath.
Just a few days, okay? This does not mean that we're giving up.
No.
Okay.
[indistinct chatter]
I don't like it, Jean.
I know you don't, Gene, but I talked to Red Deer.
His story checks out.
[whistling jauntily]
That song he keeps whistling. I hate it.
Let's just hear what he has to say. All right? No harm in that.
Mr. Muntz!
You are a long way from Red Deer.
Well, I wouldn't miss what's coming for the world.
Oh? And what is that?
The Cleanse.
-But we-- -Lost the girl. I know that.
How the heck do you know that?
I have people looking for her.
So do we.
Tell me how she escaped.
We had her secured in the barn.
Guards posted.
-Gene and I were in the house… -Dancin'.
…when we heard the screaming.
By the time we got to the barn…
[sighs] …she had dug her way out.
With that tentacle boy.
Excellent.
Exsqueeze me?
That boy is the missing piece of this puzzle.
He's the lock, and she's the key.
-You're a cryptic little son of a bitch. -Gene!
Either tell us what you know,
or I dunk your face in the deep fryer.
That boy has a family,
and if they find him and Jennifer before we do,
everything is ruined.
So…
why don't you park that macho bullshit,
let us get to work,
find out where the family's going,
and stop them?
[Klaus, wearily] ♪ Take one down ♪
♪ Pass it around ♪
♪ And then all you got is ♪
♪ Two bottles of beer on-- ♪
[guttural growling]
Jesus Christ!
What the fuck is that?
Get away, or I'll burn you!
Huh? Get away!
[snarling]
[sniffing]
[sniffs]
[quirky music playing]
Ew!
-Ugh! Ugh, gross. -[barks]
You must be Thunderbolt.
[Thunderbolt whines]
You're a good dog.
You're a good dead doggy.
Yeah. You like kisses, huh?
Hey, I got a mission for you, Thunderbolt.
You gotta go fetch.
-[barks] -I need you to go fetch a human.
Any living human now.
Just no motorcycles, no leather.
You got it, boy? You understand, right?
Stop it!
Please, please! Go fetch!
You can do it, boy!
[tense music playing]
-[Allison] Is this the place? -[Claire] Yeah.
It's his favorite.
-Have you been here before? -No, no.
I've never been inside.
-So you have been here before. -In a cab, Mom.
To get Uncle Klaus.
God! For once in your life, you just need to chill.
We're gonna talk about this later. Wait here.
[biker] What do you want?
Open up!
Piss off!
[scoffs]
[energy whooshes]
[tense percussive music playing]
Now, where are your manners?
[indistinct clamoring in distance]
[sex worker] Yes, baby.
[client] Next week.
Sorry.
Excuse me. I'm looking for my brother, Klaus.
Have you…
Okay.
Klaus?
-[thud] -Oh!
[ominous music playing]
Seek, and ye shall find.
So Klaus is your brother, huh?
I guess pretty and stupid runs in the family.
[energy thrumming]
Yeah.
That was cute.
I had to let Klaus go.
But seeing as you're a woman with such special talents,
perhaps you'd be interested in filling his vacancy.
[energy thrumming]
[Quinn chuckles]
But I gotta ask, are you a ballbuster?
'Cause one thing I cannot abide on my crew
is a ballbuster.
[music intensifies]
[Claire] Hey, asshole!
Claire, no!
You brat!
That was a mistake.
Goddamn bitch!
I think you might be right.
I am a ballbuster.
What?
-[flesh crunching] -No, no, no!
[screaming]
[pulpy pop]
[Quinn moaning]
-Holy-- -[shushing]
[Quinn] Oh shit. Oh shit.
Now, where's my brother?
Or the next time, it's gonna be your heart.
Pet cemetery on Sycamore. He's buried there.
Which grave?
What the hell are you?
[resolute music escalates]
I'm an actor, you motherfucker.
Well, he was rude.
[music trails off]
I got three about the same age.
[Bud chuckles] Picture is ten years old.
Kids are all grown up now.
They've got their own lives, their own kids.
Must be nice.
Not in the slightest. They can't stand me.
First wife left me years ago.
I'm on my third divorce.
Damn, dude!
What happened?
The job.
When they send you on assignment, the last thing you wanna do
is let anyone know where you are or what you're doing.
That includes family.
You don't want them worrying.
Yeah, but…
She knew the life.
Right? I mean, working for the CIA.
Yeah, sure she knew.
And when the kids were old enough, so did they.
For the first few years, being away all the time worked.
-Until it didn't. -Hmm.
We just slowly slipped apart, you know?
Became strangers in our own home.
Yeah, but I mean,
the missions.
Traveling all over the world.
I'd trade it all in.
All of it in a second
for a chance to have dinner with my kids at 6:00,
help them with their homework,
or a chance to lie down next to my wife at the end of the day.
That's why I'm down here.
File and pile. That's the way to go.
Uh…
What? File and pile?
Yeah.
I thought this was an elite unit.
[scoffs] Son, the only elite thing about this unit
is our pension status.
[cheeky, mischievous music playing]
[Diego] But…
But what about that guy?
I mean, he said he worked the Castro file back in the day.
Castro?
Sure, Larry Castro,
the counterfeit olive oil king of the Dutch Antilles.
Yeah. That was a real embarrassment for the agency.
This is legs and eggs.
[Bud] Sunday brunch, my friend.
I gotta chop a log.
[in Punjabi] Auntie Ji, hey. It's me.
Put Lila on.
What?
Where is she?
Okay.
[somber, distraught music playing]
[music trails off]
[spare, tenderhearted music playing]
If you keep this up,
we're not gonna have strawberries when the snow comes.
So we'll eat snow.
-[Lila] Ah! -Oh.
[enchanting music playing]
Don't.
Don't what?
Be weird.
Was that weird?
No, which is what makes it weird.
[music trails off]
[indistinct chatter]
Hey, what's the verdict, muchacho?
Your team find Ben and Jennifer?
That's none of your business.
Well, they need our protection.
You're the one that needs protecting.
It's time for you to go, muchacho.
Oh, Gene.
Gene, Gene, Gene.
Keep walking right out that back door, and don't come back.
What seems to be the problem?
I just don't like you, is all.
Is that it?
In a nutshell, yeah.
What about Jean?
Jean's not calling the shots here. I am.
Does she know that?
Here's what you're gonna do.
You're gonna leave…
[gun cocks]
…or I'm gonna blow out your kneecaps.
Oh no. Wouldn't want that.
You know, Gene…
I'm sorry it didn't work out between us.
Really. I mean that.
Fuck off.
[door opens]
[chilling music intensifies]
[music trails off]
[eccentric, subdued music playing]
-[agent] Are you lost? -Jeez!
Yeah.
I am. But, uh, you know what?
I think we're all lost to some degree.
Right?
We're all just searching for meaning in an ever-changing world.
Not on the director's floor.
That's right.
Do you know where the bathroom is?
End of the hall, turn right.
Thank you.
[eccentric music continuing]
Shit.
[Ribbons] Can I help you with anything there?
I, uh…
I saw that, uh, this…
was damaged.
And I'm pretty handy with tools,
so I thought I might just try and fix it for you.
[Ribbons] Hmm.
Well, we have people for that.
Oh.
Fine.
Shall we get you back to your brother now?
Sure.
That'll be all, Derek.
[menacing music playing]
Hey, uh, isn't Sector R in the basement?
Yes.
It is.
Oh.
Then, uh, why are we going up?
[music swells]
[agent clears throat]
[violent struggling]
[intense electronic music playing]
[Ribbons] What the--
Hey!
What the… [sputters]
Diego!
Code Green in Sector R.
Send backup.
Where are your pants?
-We gotta go. -Why?
It's a long story.
-Were you giving Ribbons a lap dance? -Kinda.
[agent] Got 'em. They're in here.
Shit.
["Secret Agent Man" by Johnny Rivers playing]
[raucous, groovy surf rock music playing]
Shit.
♪ There's a man Who leads a life of danger ♪
[slowed audio distortion]
♪ To everyone he meets He stays a stranger ♪
Luther!
What?
Oh yeah, they do that.
Get up.
♪ Odds are he won't live to see tomorrow ♪
♪ Secret agent man, secret agent man ♪
♪ They've given you a number ♪
♪ And taken away your name ♪
[cat yowls]
♪ Beware of pretty faces that you find ♪
♪ A pretty face can hide an evil mind ♪
♪ Ah, be careful what you say ♪
Another one to the face.
♪ Or you'll give yourself away ♪
Luther!
[slowed-down audio distortion]
♪ Secret agent man ♪
♪ They've given you a number ♪
♪ And taken away your name ♪
[slick, groovy guitar riff]
A little help here, Bud?
[clang]
Not the moneymaker.
♪ Secret agent man ♪
♪ They've given you a number ♪
♪ And taken away your name ♪
♪ Swingin' on the Riviera one day ♪
Luther!
Hey!
♪ And then layin' In the Bombay alley next day ♪
♪ Oh no, you let the wrong word slip ♪
[Luther cackles] We're back, baby!
[both laughing]
♪ Odds are you won't live To see tomorrow ♪
♪ Secret agent man ♪
-We should go. -Okay.
♪ Secret agent man ♪
♪ They've given you a number ♪
♪ And taken away your name ♪
This way.
["Secret Agent Man" trailing off, chilling music building]
It's too late.
Nothing will stop the Cleanse.
[music trails off]
[cat meows]
[romantic, old-timey music playing on gramophone]
Hey, someone did well today.
It was the snares you made.
Exceptional.
I fixed it.
Hey, I know that look. Out with it.
Okay.
What's this?
Look inside.
Where'd you get this?
I made it.
You're so full of surprises.
I aim to please.
Hey, where are you going?
We just ran out of scrap metal.
I'll join you in a minute.
Okay, love.
[chuckles warmly]
[uneasy music playing]
How much further?
We'll be there soon.
You okay?
Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.
-[grunts] -You sure?
Yeah.
Don't worry about it.
[keening resonance drones]
Okay.
Shit.
All right.
What the hell?
[intriguing, dramatic music playing]
This is my handwriting.
Holy shit.
This is…
This is it.
This is… our way home.
[footsteps approaching]
[Lila] Five?
Yeah. Here!
Did you find anything?
Nothing. No.
Careful of that.
Okay. Should we keep looking that way?
Yeah, good idea.
-[desperate scrabbling] -[Klaus wailing]
[shudders, gasps]
Nobody's coming for you.
You gotta fight
for your right
to live.
[steely, resolute music playing]
You can do this.
Find the warrior.
Find Bruce Lee.
Find…
Uma Thurman.
[rhythmic blows striking]
Uncle Klaus! Where are you?
-Klaus! -[Thunderbolt barking in distance]
Oh, goddamn it, Klaus! Where are you?
-Oh God! What if he's-- -No, he's not, okay?
We just need to find his sorry ass, all right? Come on.
Klaus?
-Uncle Klaus! -Klaus!
[Thunderbolt barking]
Klaus?
Uncle Klaus!
Ow!
-Klaus? -[Thunderbolt barking]
[Claire] You hear a dog barking?
Claire, look. Look. Come on.
[thump]
Klaus! Klaus! -[Thunderbolt continues barking]
-Thunderbolt. -Thunderbolt. Okay.
[driving, forceful music playing]
[rhythmic banging continuing]
[music swells, trails off]
[uncanny, transcendent music playing]
[Klaus] God?
Close enough.
-Allison? -Yeah.
-Allison, is that you? -Yeah! Yeah!
Yes!
Claire. Claire Bear.
[relieved sobbing]
Hi. Hi. Hi.
[Klaus, tearfully] You came back for me!
Of course we did! Of course we did!
[Klaus] How did you find me?
[Allison] We heard this barking.
[sobbing] Thank God!
Let's…
get the hell out of here.
-Yeah. -Shall we?
[Thunderbolt murmurs]
[Thunderbolt yips]
[Klaus] Thank you, Thunderbolt.
[Thunderbolt barks]
What's that?
Now, I know that we said no gifts,
but…
Ta-da!
[delicate, sentimental music playing]
Here's to seven years in Shitsville with you.
[Lila laughs]
Bloody hell. You're not gonna cry, are you? It's just instant coffee.
Lila, there's something I should tell you.
Okay.
[sentimental music trails off]
[tense, emotional music plays]
What's this?
A way home.
It's a cipher.
How long have you had this?
I'm not exactly sure.
How long?
Five months.
Maybe six.
And you didn't tell me. Why?
You know why.
What are you doing?
What does it look like I'm doing? I'm going home.
We should talk about this.
There's nothing to talk about. We're going back.
To what? Another apocalypse?
Another broken timeline? A broken marriage?
That is none of your goddamn business!
[Five] Actually, it is.
I've been here with you the past seven years, watching your back.
Nursing you when you were sick. Holding you when you were sad.
So it is my goddamn business.
-We're not talking about this. -We both know how miserable you were.
You do not get to decide what I do with my life!
He can't give you what you need.
Oh, and you can?
You're happy here.
I know you are.
We both are.
This isn't real, Five! None of this is real!
[Five] What is it, then?
Survival.
Nothing more.
[aching, poignant music playing]
I have children, Five.
Children who need me.
And I need them.
I know.
But we don't know what we're going back to.
It could all be gone, and…
at least here, we have each other.
Stay if you want. I'm going back.
[music trails off]
[door opens]
[door closes]
What's all this, then?
The hell?
[taut, suspenseful music playing]
Well, this is inconvenient.
Where are the drivers?
[agent] Go.
Go, go!
[indistinct chatter]
[suspenseful music swells]
Incoming!
[rapid gunfire]
[Keeper] Got 'em pinned!
[dramatic, forceful music playing]
[Keeper] Take 'em out!
Get in the car! Get in the car!
[yells]
What's going on?
Stay the fuck down!
[Keepers screaming]
[dramatic, urgent music building]
Start the car!
[engine turns over, revs]
[Viktor] Go, go, go, go!
[music trailing off]
You okay?
You tore my suit when you threw me into the car.
Bill me.
[somber, thoughtful music playing]
I can't speak to how the other Hargreeves saw you,
but…
it was wrong of him to treat you the way he did.
It is now abundantly clear to this version of myself
that you deserve to wear the uniform
just as much, if not more, than the others.
-It shouldn't be much longer to the bank. -I can't. I'm not gonna make it.
-Can you hang on a little longer? -Stop. I gotta lie down.
-Okay, let me find somewhere. -Right now!
[Jennifer groaning]
Don't worry. I got you.
Come on. Let's get you inside.
I found them.
Hello? We need help!
[Jennifer wails]
-I need to lie down. Now! -All right.
All right, stay here. I'll go find somebody.
It's ringing.
[operator] 911. What's your emergency?
Jennifer?
Hello?
Do you have an emergency?
Jennifer!
Jennifer.
I'm scared, Ben.
[Jennifer breathing tremulously]
[faint, resonant ringing]
[whistling cheerfully]
-Someone can't take a hint. -[cocks gun]
[sinister music playing]
[whistles emphatically]
Jean! Jean!
[sighs]
No!
This all could have been so simple.
[sinister music playing]
[flesh rending wetly]
[unsettling rustling]
[music trails off]
[indistinct chatter]
[quirky, deliberate music playing]
You changed your shirt?
The other one got stained.
Chikkadoo sauce.
Mint chocolate chip.
What's gotten into you, Gene? You know that gives you the runs.
Nothing wrong with living on the edge from time to time, my love.
[uneasy music playing]
Leaders.
One of our teams found Ben and Jennifer.
[tense, martial music playing]
It's time to put out the call.
Are you sure?
Play the song.
[music swells, trails off]
[riveting rock violin music playing]