Start your comedy.
Love, like musk, cannot be concealed, dude!
Paaji, please cut this part out.
AP Dhillon.
Mr. 250 kilo!
Son, have a drink and stay quiet for a while.
Where is Kapil Sharma? I own this place.
But Kapil Sharma is the owner.
I have hired him here as the owner.
I'm his uncle,
so I should be shown the same respect you extend to him.
Not just his share.
I want my own respect as well. That means double the respect.
Really?
And make sure
no one records a video while you're showing me respect.
Go.
- Sidhu sahab. - Yes?
You must be thinking this is bad for my health.
I know that.
- It contains only mouth fresheners. - Oh God!
When you walk in with this in your hand, people think you're rich.
- That's true! - Sidhu sahab, believe me when I say this.
- I genuinely like you. - Is that so?
You are a very honest man.
He was a minister for many years,
but he only started making real money after coming on television.
Good.
That's absolutely right.
Sidhu sahab, you must be wondering where I was all these years.
- Where were you? - I was in Saudi Arabia.
I stayed there for nine years. I worked hard and earned my money.
I'm extremely angry with Kapil Sharma.
- Oh, why? - I send him my hard-earned money,
and he spends it on girls from Poland and Russia.
They take that money back to their countries, spend a bit there,
- and then head to Dubai. - Okay.
When they began spending the money there, I recognized it.
- I said, "That's my money." - "That's my money."
I can tell by the folds on the currency.
- I see. - Sidhu sahab, I keep my money in a place
where only I know what kind of creases it will have.
Sidhu sahab, look.
You're not a stranger, so I can tell you this.
I keep my money in a blouse.
- Whose blouse? - Mine.
If a robber attacks a man, he'll check his trousers.
He'd never think that
- a man could be wearing a blouse. - A blouse!
That's my strategy.
- And I'm very upset today. - Why?
- He even lied about you, Archana ji. - What?
He collects a salary from me in your name.
He told me, "Archana ji makes naan on the tandoor."
Really?
Your salary is 12,800 rupees.
Last month, he took an extra thousand from me.
- Why? - He said it's been four days since Diwali,
but every time I meet her, she still wishes me, "Happy Diwali!"
So far, he has taken 1,000 rupees.
But…
- Sidhu sahab, I must tell you… - Please.
I've had a crush on Archana ji for a long time.
The way you grab her hand and laugh
makes me want to put a scorpion in your pants.
I just can't stand it.
You may not believe this, Archana ji,
but I first saw you in 1997, in Madh Island.
You were arguing with a fisherwoman over five or ten rupees.
Was I?
- You were not wearing any makeup. - So?
Still, I didn't look away. I thought, "If this is love, why fear it?"
I kept staring at you.
- I love you! - So…
I still remember the day you married
Parmeet Sethi sahab.
- I couldn't stop crying that night. - Why?
Someone told me, "Why are you crying?"
"The man whose car she left in should be the one crying."
So I…
I thought, let him cry.
But I'm still in love with you.
- I swear. - Oh, thank you.
Oh my God!
What are you doing here?
I was looking for you at the liquor shop.
Sweetheart, do not call it that.
We are at the airport. It's called duty-free.
- Okay. - Just like you're beauty-free.
Sidhu sahab, everyone in life has a better half.
- Yes. - She is my half.
- Not better… - The better one is sitting beside you!
Let me tell you,
- I heard everything from back there. - Okay.
You spent all that time praising Archana ji.
Could you not spare even two lines for me?
How could I? Even one line would be too long for you.
Hear me out.
People talk about love at first sight,
but I fell in love with her without even seeing her.
- Really? - Really?
I mean, after seeing her, even you know that…
- When I went to see her… - She's feeling shy.
the man who introduced us, the marriage broker…
- Broker! - Marriage parlor.
He told me…
- Marriage parlor! - she is her father's only daughter.
And she owns a four-bedroom apartment.
- So that's why… - Four bedrooms. Yes.
Right then, I became a fan of their family values.
I see!
You will not believe this. Every room has a balcony.
Okay.
I loved it and agreed to the marriage immediately.
They said, "At least come and see our daughter."
I said, "Forget that. Just show me the parking space."
- You know… - The parking space!
I didn't even see her face.
But on the first night,
when I lifted her veil and saw her for the first time,
I realized that money isn't everything in life.
There's also something called humanity.
And if you ever get the chance, you should see humanity's face as well.
- I love you, darling. - Thank you.
He's very loving too.
Archana ji, I've been divorced three times,
but he never once asked me about it.
Three divorces?!
Hold on, you only mentioned two.
- Officially, there are only two. - Okay.
The third one died, Sidhu sahab.
- Oh! - How did he die?
He refused to sign the divorce papers.
- So? - So I drank poison and licked him clean.
You drank poison, and nothing happened to you?
Oh, it did. It cleared out my stomach completely.
Oh my God!
It surely must have been that man's fault,
because this one's an absolute cutie. What can I say?
- What? - I…
The two of us travel a lot. Sidhu sahab, once we were out for a walk.
She was on the other side of the road.
The moment she saw a truck heading her way,
she immediately hopped onto my shoulder.
At no point did she look anything like a monkey!
Not at all.
That's how cute she is!
Sidhu sahab, when you find the right partner,
- Yes. - the perfect wife,
the path ahead becomes a beautiful journey.
I don't even see her as my wife.
I see her as my childhood friend Bhupinder, just with a shave.
I mean…
She's that lovely.
We are always going on adventures, Sidhu sahab.
Just a few days ago, we were in Lonavala.
What she does is take tourists' glasses
and then climb up a tree.
Then I collect 50 rupees from them,
give her a signal, and she tosses the glasses back down.
We earn money too.
To those watching from afar, it just looks like a monkey perched in a tree.
Wait, I don't understand what's up with you!
One minute you're saying I look like a monkey, the next you're saying I don't.
Sweetheart, you don't look like one to me.
But the others didn't get an apartment, right?
So to them, you look like one.
He's quite loving as well.
- He keeps making me laugh like that. - Like how?
You know, he struggled a lot.
- A lot. - You know, when he was a child,
a cat once grabbed him by the neck and carried him away.
Even today, he wakes up in the middle of the night and licks his hands.
Sidhu sahab, sometimes I wake up at night to drink water
and see her sleeping beside me.
Then I think it's better to lick my own hands.
What a blessing.
You start anywhere at all!
And you're done before you've even started!
Final call for passengers flying to Bali.
Hey, our flight has been announced! Come on, hurry!
Sidhu sahab, we're going on our honeymoon for the first time.
- Really? - Yes, that's true.
We have nine children, but we never found the time for a honeymoon.
Humans are such selfish creatures.
We spend our entire lives chasing money and comfort,
but we cannot
- make time for our partners. - Yes.
Today, we're finally going on our honeymoon.
I'm going to take her out all the time. We haven't even booked a hotel.
I plan to take her out day and night.
I'll wear her out completely.
And once I wear her down to this size,
I'll slip her into an envelope and use her as a paperweight.
Hurry up! Let's go!
- I don't want to miss our honeymoon! - I love my wife, Sidhu sahab.
- I can… - She is the love of my life.
One last time, tell me if you want her.
- Just say yes! - Well, alright, Sidhu sahab.
It's so good to see you after so many years.
And my first crush.
Bye!
- Let's go, darling. - Love you!
This way.
Attention, all passengers.
The flight from Canada has landed at Manmarzi Airport.
Please get ready to welcome your favorite star, AP Dhillon.
Beautiful!
Let's hear it for AP paaji!
Paaji, welcome!
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
AP! AP! AP!
AP paaji, welcome to our show.
That was such a beautiful song.
As you all know, that was an unreleased track,
performed exclusively for our show. Thank you so much, paaji.
So tell us,
was the song choice spontaneous,
or had you planned to sing it on a show that reaches 192 countries?
What was the thinking behind it?
- My grandmother is a huge fan of yours. - Oh, thank you.
So, I wanted to dedicate this song to her.
And…
you can dedicate this song
to anyone you love or hold dear.
Amid our busy lives,
- we often miss the chance to talk to… - Right.
or call our dear ones.
And I knew she wouldn't miss this episode,
- no matter what. - How sweet.
Singing in your regional language
and reaching a stage where you perform all over the world
is truly exceptional, paaji. Incredible!
- This is all God's grace. - Absolutely, paaji.
- God's blessings. - God's grace. Yeah.
So many people come to Mumbai chasing their dreams,
hoping to sing in films and gain worldwide recognition.
He, however, left Gurdaspur for a foreign country.
There, he struggled, worked hard,
created his music, became internationally famous,
and has now come to Mumbai to perform live shows.
- Wow! - Incredible!
- A full circle moment. - Full circle.
Also…
"Brown Munde" was the first song of his that I heard.
It became a youth anthem.
It has been played so many times that if you added up all the views
and played the song on a loop,
it would take 4,000 years to finish!
Wow!
Now think about this. The world's oldest civilization,
Mesopotamia, is about 4,000 years old.
He has taken his music that far. It's incredible!
Paaji, when your song first crossed millions of views…
- Yeah? - did you believe it,
or did you think Justin Bieber's Wi-Fi got connected by mistake?
What were you feeling back then?
Paaji, I was so focused on work that I didn't even notice.
And…
I was just as happy when I got ten thousand views.
- Wow. - I was happy because
I thought even ten thousand people listening to me was amazing.
Even when a thousand people listened--
You might not have noticed,
but all the single girls noticed you closely.
They noticed you all right.
You're the biggest temptation among the bachelors.
See that, Archana ji? You just keep working.
Don't sit there counting views. "Oh, it's 112 now."
And the next second, "Oh, 112.75!"
She even counts half a view.
- Curse you! - Just keep working!
Paaji, now that you're such a superstar,
everyone wants you to come to their house for dinner.
But hear me out. If Archana ji invites you to dinner,
just say no.
After dinner, she won't just make you foot the bill.
She'll also tell the hotel owner, "I brought AP here. Pay me for that."
She'll take her cut.
You just gave me a great idea!
- She'll bring AP… - And after your meal,
her husband will show up, and she'll say, "What a surprise! How come you're here?"
Just so you know, he reaches the venue a day in advance.
Just letting my brother know.
Don't let anyone fool you, paaji. You're our guest.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Sidhu paaji, let me tell you one more thing.
- Go ahead. - Look at the connection.
We're from Amritsar, and paaji has been an MP from there.
Paaji is from Gurdaspur, the same region.
- There's another connection too. - What?
Malaika Arora…
Wait, hear me out!
Hear me out, Sidhu sahab!
Love, like musk, cannot be concealed, dude!
Let me finish.
I was saying that even Malaika Arora is a big fan of his.
Not just hers alone.
Someone else's too.
That's…
- That's what he's saying. - He finally admitted it.
- He said it. - That's what I was saying.
She is AP paaji's childhood love,
and Sidhu paaji's midlife love.
Midlife love!
Paaji, come on, let's hear a few lines for my brother here.
Let's hear it, paaji.
Seeing you, I learned how real gold gleams
- Wow! - Bravo!
Seeing you, girls sigh Lost in quiet dreams
You have stirred The whole wide world so hard
Even Trump Googles "Brown Munde" off guard
- Bravo! - Incredible! Wow!
Son, Punjabis are Punjabis!
Nobody stands a chance. Even Trump can go suck on a sugarcane!
Suck on a sugarcane!
Paaji, you have worked so hard.
After moving to Canada, I'm sure you picked up plenty of work at first.
I want to ask you, what was tougher,
making and releasing your first track,
or getting a visa?
The toughest moment was
right after I landed,
- with nowhere to stay. - Okay.
My dad gave me some money.
I didn't grow up with a silver spoon.
When I reached there,
- I didn't have a credit card. - Okay.
So I went to a hotel and said, "I'd like to stay here."
"I have this much cash."
They asked for my credit card, and I said, "What's that?"
"What the hell is that?"
- I had never heard of it in Punjab. - Yeah. Never.
So, they refused to give me a room.
I had two suitcases,
so I stepped outside and slept right in front of the hotel.
- I see. - I had severe jet lag.
The agent booked
a flight with five stopovers!
Five stopovers?!
Somehow, the first night passed.
On the second night, while I was still there,
a girl came up to me. By the grace of God.
Okay.
She said, "You don't look homeless."
"Why are you sleeping outside?"
I told her I didn't have a credit card, so they wouldn't give me a room.
She went to her boyfriend
and asked for his card.
He came to me and said, "Bro, please don't steal or break anything."
"They'll charge me." I said, "No chance, bro."
- Was that girl Indian or a foreigner? - Indian.
- Okay. - She was from Calgary.
- Indians are generous at heart. - Yeah. The couple was from Calgary.
Then college began,
and over time, I found work. Eventually, I even got a credit card.
- And then… - But through…
talented people like you, God also sends a message.
And that message is that
- struggle is the jewel of life. - Absolutely.
- Every day brings a new challenge… - Yeah.
and every day life says…
Learn to walk before you try to lead
Learn to burn before you try to ignite
Your dream will bloom Into a flower one day
But first, learn to fade into the soil
Wow.
The struggle will continue.
AP paaji, there was a time
when you didn't even have a place to stay…
- Yeah. - and someone stepped in to help you.
- And today… - Yeah.
millions of people are your fans. What goes through your mind now?
As Sidhu paaji said, just keep working hard.
I worked at gas stations and convenience stores.
My last job was at Best Buy.
I used to work ten to twelve hours a day, and then head to college.
I had to manage rent, food, and everything else too.
The house I lived in
had a small garage,
- just big enough to park one car. - Okay. Right.
I rented a room there.
I saved some money and went to Home Depot.
I built a…
ten-by-six room myself using plywood…
- I see. - Wow!
and added a door. Slowly, I started buying equipment
and learning the craft.
I always knew I wanted to make a song like this,
with this kind of soundscape, but I didn't know how to achieve it.
But I didn't give up.
I taught myself how to mix and master,
and I created this new sound
that you all showed so much love to.
- That's an incredible achievement. - So proud of you, paaji.
Come on, paaji. Have a seat.
I'd like to call one more person up on stage.
Who?
Someone who has been traveling the world and making people laugh.
My brother and a youth icon.
Please welcome the very talented stand-up comedian and actor,
Mr. Anubhav Singh Bassi.
Come on, Bassi!
Bassi sahab, aadab.
A huge round of applause for Bassi!
Bassi! Bassi! Bassi!
Thank you so much.
Tonight, we have two global stars on this stage.
AP Dhillon and Kapil Sharma. What would you like to say?
Bassi, my love! I'm so proud of you, bro!
A few years ago, when I used to call Bassi
and ask where he was, he would say, "Paaji, I'm in Meerut for a show."
"Where are you now, Bassi?" "Greater Noida."
"And now?" "Gurugram."
Today he said, "Bro, I just flew in from Glasgow."
- Bassi sahab, you look incredibly fit! - Yes, paaji.
There are only two reasons for that.
- Either you're dating someone… - Yeah.
or you're doing a film like me.
So, what is it?
- Paaji, I got into shape for a film. - Okay.
In the middle of the shoot, they asked me
to get fit because there was a scene where I had to go shirtless.
I got fit and ready, and then they told me the scene had been dropped.
They shot what they needed with Ranbir bhai.
I was already fit, so I thought
I would stay that way. It might help with the next movie.
But the next movie never came, paaji.
So I've basically stayed fit for the last three years.
Films will be chasing you soon.
Welcome to the show. Let's hear it for both my brothers!
Bassi paaji, when did you first meet AP paaji?
Just 30 minutes ago.
I messaged him on Instagram yesterday. He didn't even reply.
I only found out yesterday that we were meeting today, so I sent him a message.
- So… - But you've heard his music, right?
I have, paaji.
And you have seen his stand-up?
- I don't think so. - Well, you…
He has no idea.
So you became friends just for this episode?
Not even that. After the episode, we'll each go our own way.
It's all good. Bhai, don't move this. They sign our checks.
Okay.
I've been here a few times. It's his first time.
Yes.
But this is your first time on our Netflix show, right?
It's my first time here. Paaji wasn't present the last few times I came.
Anyone would show up back then.
Do you know AP paaji is about to start his tour?
Bassi sahab has just finished his.
Bassi, when you were just starting out,
you'd get calls for shows in places like Pilibhit.
Now you're getting calls from Barcelona and places like that.
Don't you find that funny?
Paaji, when they used to call with offers,
for the longest time, it didn't even feel real.
But back then, we had the attitude that we would make it on our own.
Don't call us. We'll sell the tickets and come to you.
Thank God I managed to sell those tickets.
Otherwise, it would have been embarrassing
because they wouldn't have invited us again.
AP paaji, you started
- straight with arena shows, right? - Yeah.
What was it like performing in such a huge arena?
I had never even been to a music concert before.
- You hadn't seen anyone else perform? - No, I hadn't.
- He just did it. - So, I did my own show--
The first music concert I ever attended was my own.
So, we winged it.
Okay.
Honestly, none of us really knew how anything worked.
So now, when we sit down and talk about old times,
we just laugh about it. We made it through.
- Paaji, about your upcoming tour… - Yes.
we heard the most expensive ticket costs 600,000 rupees.
So-- Yes!
- AP paaji will explain it. - Do you perform at their house?
But the audience…
- People were asking… - Really? 600,000?!
if the person who buys that ticket gets picked up from home by you.
- That's what I asked him. - Do they sit in the audience
or on stage with you?
No, no.
- They'll just enjoy the music-- - Is that how you pay for your jet?
Jet!
No, paaji. Sometimes people come with their entire family,
book a full table, and enjoy the show together.
- Yes. - I have been to his concerts.
The arenas are packed, people are dancing, and having a great time.
- So, paaji, all the best for the tour. - Thank you.
- People are really excited about it. - Thank you, paaji.
Thank you.
At one of AP paaji's concerts,
we heard that
more than fifty phones
and a few wallets were stolen from the crowd.
He was performing on stage, while someone else put on a show below.
Chances are, he wasn't alone. It even hit the headlines.
He probably came with his own entourage.
He paid 600,000, so he had to recover his money.
Once, when AP paaji was coming to Mumbai,
I said he'd probably be caught up with his shows,
so he should give me a team member's number.
That way, I could coordinate and reach the venue.
He sent me Kevin's number.
When I saw the name Kevin, I didn't message him.
I thought I would say hello,
but what if he replied and I couldn't understand him?
- What is Kevin's full name, paaji? - Kuljeet Singh.
It's nice to hear that you're Kuljeet Singh, paaji.
Can you speak Punjabi?
A little. I try.
What time do you usually forget it?
I mean…
You were born and raised in Canada. Let's talk in English, bro.
Yes, I was born in Canada.
My parents never called me Kuljeet,
so I go by Kevin. They…
- I don't understand this kind of English. - Yes.
"My parents are from Amritsar." I get that.
But in his case, half the sentence disappears.
- My parents are from Jalandhar-- - We've struggled to learn English.
We skip nothing.
- Your parents are from Jalandhar? - Yes, paaji?
My parents are from Jalandhar, and they don't speak English either.
- But you were born there? - Yeah.
Toronto.
They always skip the "T" in Toronto.
- Toronto. - Say it again, sir.
- Toronto. - Toronto.
Toronto.
What's wrong with them? Why can't they say "To-ron-to"?
It can get confusing sometimes, paaji.
You understand what they mean, but the accent…
- Yes. - throws you off.
Once I was thirsty and said, "I need water."
I said, "Forget it."
"I don't need it anymore." I just did this…
I said, "I'm good."
That happens sometimes.
- Welcome, paaji. - Thank you.
I'd love to talk more, but I'm struggling to get the words out.
Likewise.
Thank you for taking care of my bro.
No problem. Thank you.
In AP paaji's new song, "Old Money,"
Salman Khan sahab and Sanjay Dutt sahab appear together.
Paaji, if you tried to cast them together in a film,
their schedules would never align.
And even if their schedules did align, the budget wouldn't.
How were you able to bring both of them together for the video?
I…
I really love old-school Bollywood action.
I always wanted to do something
in that style.
And there are only two actors who truly
fit that gangster action vibe.
So I picked up the phone, called bhai, and said, "I have an idea for a video."
"Would you like to hear it?"
He said, "Just tell me when you want to shoot. I don't need to hear the idea."
- Oh, sweet. - I said, "Okay."
Bassi, tell me,
since you travel overseas so much,
have you ever had a strange experience?
Paaji, my team gives me strange experiences even here.
Whenever I try to reach my team from the stage--
They all chew paan masala.
So they can hear me from the stage, but they can't respond properly.
No matter what I ask, all I hear back is a loud humming sound.
I'm like, "What?"
How can every question have the same answer?
Bassi, I recently watched one of your YouTube videos
where a guy was probably drunk at your show.
You were having fun with him, but he just wouldn't let it go.
Paaji, there's a thing in Delhi and Gurugram.
People who sell their property quickly…
Yes!
- suddenly lose all sense… - Near an upcoming highway.
Exactly. Whenever a new highway gets approved,
and someone sells their land, they completely lose track
of how much to drink or what to buy.
There were three guys at the show,
and they started drinking wine.
Just one look, and it was clear wine was not their thing.
Okay.
We all know the kind of people who usually drink wine.
At the very least,
if you've seen movies, you know wine is poured into a glass.
- Yes. How were they drinking it? - Chugging it directly.
Straight from the bottle?
So I figured he'd just sold his land and had no clue what to do with the money.
They totally lose it.
Sometimes it gets genuinely scary, paaji.
When we first toured the US in 2007, right after Laughter Challenge,
it was our very first show there.
We had never seen arenas before.
It was a round stage with the audience all around us.
If I faced one side, there was an entire crowd behind me.
When people in the front laughed, those at the back started heckling.
I realized I had to interact with them, or it wouldn't stop.
One of our friends went on stage.
He thought he would start interacting right away.
There was a man sitting in the first row.
My friend asked him, "What's your name?"
The guy…
who was at least six large drinks in…
just stared at him.
My friend goes, "Bro, what's your name?"
The man said, "Start your comedy."
That guy-- It would send chills down anyone's spine.
- "Start your comedy." - Right?
When I first started getting some recognition in Delhi,
I was getting paid about 6,000 rupees per show.
One venue offered me 8,000 to perform.
They set up a stage in the restaurant,
right by the bar,
and the patrons had no idea a show was happening.
Oh my God!
Only the restaurant's owner and I knew about the stand-up show that night.
- Then? - At 7:00 p.m.,
they told me the mic stand was ready and asked me to start.
Oh my God!
I had already taken the money and spent it.
I didn't have the option to return it.
I went on stage and said, "We're going to start stand-up comedy."
Everyone looked at me briefly
and then went right back to their conversations.
I kept performing anyway. After about five to seven minutes,
an elderly man stood up
and walked toward me, holding a glass of beer.
He handed it to me.
I thought he must have liked the joke.
He said, "Son, have a drink and stay quiet for a while."
I said, "Uncle, I have already taken the money."
"I still have about twenty minutes left. I'll leave after that."
He said, "I'll pay them. You leave right now."
Yes, friends! Yeah!
Yeah!
How are you, friends?
It's wonderful to see you all. Thank you so much.
Yeah! I would like to say a couple of lines.
If a friend comes over at night Serve drinks, not tea
No matter how close the friendship is Keep him away from your lady
You're right!
Friends,
today, in the presence of Raja Sidhu sahab and Rani Archana ji,
Chak Chak Dhoom Orchestra proprietor, Diamond Raja,
welcomes you. Yes.
We are Delhi's seventh-best orchestra.
Oh, wow!
Oh, my! Good!
Wow! Hello!
- Very nice to meet you. - Same here.
Let's honor them. Come on.
This is for you.
"This is for you."
- This is for you. - Thank you.
"This is for you."
- Thank you. - We host plenty of guests,
but there are just two trophies. Take them with you.
Please.
- Even the shawl? - Are you taking the shawl too?
It works as a blanket at night.
It belongs to my grandparents.
- Please have a seat. - Thank you.
- Have a seat. Wow. - Thank you, paaji.
You two came together.
That feels really good. Very nice.
Great. It's so nice to see you both.
- Kapil, can I have a quick word? - Yes.
What was the idea behind inviting this duo?
What do you mean?
Are they brothers?
Are they working on a movie together?
Are they childhood friends? How did you pair them?
They're both youth icons, that's why I put them together.
I thought you paired them because of their beards.
- Because of their beards?! - So what if they have beards?
If you don't mind, may I compliment your beards?
- Sure. - Please don't.
Why would they mind if you complimented their beards?
Well, I complimented my sister-in-law's beard once, and she got offended.
- She has a little beard too. - Sister-in-law's beard!
Is that your sister-in-law on the drums back there?
Hey, you even look like her.
But his beard is a bit shorter than hers.
I want to give you both some advice.
I know someone who can style your beard, and you'll love it.
I mean, he's so good
that he can even make a round face
look like it has a jawline.
Really? Who is that?
Diamond Raja, Beard Counselor.
You style people's beards too?
I don't style them. I'm a counselor.
- Counseling is an important job. - Advice.
- Counseling requires vision. - Vision, yes!
Like Steve Jobs had a vision.
He didn't box the phones himself.
- Box the phones… - I have a vision for beards.
- Your own mustache is upside down. - Yours is upside down.
The baker doesn't eat his own cake.
Why are you here?
I'm here to give you the biggest lesson of your life.
- Wow. - Go ahead.
I guarantee you've never seen a bigger lesson than this.
- What… - Take a look. It's from Moga, Amritsar.
It's a lehsun.
Have you seen a bigger lehsun than this?
I thought you were here to give a lesson, but this is a lehsun.
I can also do a bit of comedy.
What lesson can I give him?
He spent two years studying law,
and the next six turning it into jokes for us.
What lesson can I give?
All I want is for you
to have a side business after you retire.
That's it, really.
I have no other wish.
I know a man who used to snack on cashews with his drinks.
Then life happened, times changed, and today it's just radish with salt.
Where did you pull that radish from?
Well, we all know about radishes, right?
We do.
One man eats it, and the whole neighborhood smells it.
I'm a little worried about your retirement.
So, here's my card. Diamond Raja,
Side Business Expert for Singers and Comedians.
Very well. We'll need two cards, paaji.
- Here you go, bhai. - Here's more
- for the other comedians. - Okay.
Then you should keep one too, paaji.
Good one, Bassi!
Good one!
Wow! Nice one!
What's the business? Share your ideas.
I'm not sure what I should suggest.
What could work?
Buy a leaf plate-making machine.
- What's that? - The plates you use at community feasts.
Buy that machine. It's a solid business.
A useful product.
Let me show you.
This is what you'll make.
One minute, bhaisahab.
Here you go.
Check this out.
You have a sense for sound. Listen to this.
These are good plates.
Buy the machine.
This business will grow no matter what.
Community feasts are only increasing.
And if you invest an extra 10,000 rupees,
you can get an extension
that turns the waste from these plates into bidis.
Oh my God!
Your total investment would be sixty thousand rupees.
In the worst case, you'd still make roughly 800 rupees per day.
What a terrible idea!
An idea is only terrible until it hits the market. Got it?
I'm not giving them an idea to make plates,
but a way to practically print money.
The back of the card has all the payment details.
Done, paaji.
- Bassi ji, don't mind me saying this. - This is for you.
Sure.
That day, you left your house all dressed up,
got on stage, there were so many people,
and you were talking, but everyone was laughing.
Yes.
- Does that look good? - "Does that look good?"
Lovely!
You're not being taken seriously either. You're talking, and people are laughing.
Kapil ji, what I'm saying is
he should just drop comedy
and focus on singing instead.
Singers have it easy.
- How? - It's the best job.
- How? - One song, keep singing it.
No need to come up with new jokes every time.
The same song does the job. And if it becomes a hit,
the audience sings half the song.
This can go on for two hours,
and you laugh all the way to the bank.
You should consider that. Excuse me, I'm getting a call.
Hello? Yes, what happened?
Okay. We are leaving.
You'll be going home after this, right?
Okay, tell them you're leaving.
- Just say you're leaving soon. - I'm leaving soon.
Yes, he's leaving for the program. Alright?
Bhai, which program?
The one we are going to after this. You just said it.
The program is like, at birthday parties--
- What's that thing with hair? - Tonsure?
Not that. Tonsure is when you shave your head.
In this one, a man's hair has grown back.
That's the program.
- To celebrate that? - To celebrate that.
His hair grew back. I'll play the song.
The tune is yours, but the lyrics are new. You have to sing it.
- Okay? Come on! - Yes! A song!
Wow!
One, two!
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven.
What?
My hair…
My hair tried…
Tried to leave me
Then came right back At least I didn't go bald
At first, I was losing
Ten to twelve strands every day After a few days
I was pulling out whole clumps in my hand
I started getting nervous
Wondering why my hair was shedding so much
I thought about girls
Then I pulled myself together And got serious
My hair…
My hair tried…
Tried to leave me
Then came right back At least I didn't go bald
- At least… - I didn't go bald
Incredible!
I added shampoo and conditioner To my ration list
Every single Sunday I had my mom oil my hair
I comb it properly Put on gel, and style it neatly
Now when the wind blows
And hits my head At least it doesn't feel cold anymore
My hair…
Tried to leave me
Then came right back At least…
I didn't go bald
- At least… - I didn't go bald
Yes, friends! Thank you so much!
After the show, I'll come pick you up.
Okay? Then we'll go to the program. Thank you, Bassi ji.
Thank you.
Okay, guys! Thank you!
With his parody song, he has tortured our ears.
We need a detox.
For that, paaji has to sing the original.
Paaji, please.
Oh my God!
Incredible.
Wow!
- Wow! - Amazing!
Paaji, let's check out
your fans' comments under your pictures.
People have gotten
really creative now.
Some of the comments are hilarious. We have picked a few.
Let's see them.
KOMMENTER'S KRAVING
"The beauty of the location, plus my beauty."
Did I write this?
I doubt it was the ape.
Where is this picture from, Bassi?
This is from Australia, paaji.
- Okay. - But I have no idea why I wrote that.
- Let's check out the comments. - Well done, man.
"Even I look beautiful standing in front of a monkey."
- Holy… - Show us more.
"Two brothers, total destruction."
- I've seen that on everyone's post. - On everyone's post.
Next.
- Oh! - "Where do I go from here?"
Paaji, is that photo from a shoot?
Yes, in Canada.
Okay. Why the heartbreak emoji?
Well, the tales never end.
Sure.
Let's read the comments.
"If she's your girlfriend, take her home. If not, go to your respective homes."
"Where do I go from here?"
People really have too much free time. Another one, please.
"Looks like the girl called him 'bro' lovingly. That's why he's upset."
Next.
"I'm not sure about patience,
but hard work pays off with a Range Rover."
Really? Wow!
"Thank you for the love, everyone. Happy Diwali."
- I remember this one. - Let's see the comments.
"Until you have a photo with a giant key next to your car,
we won't believe you bought a new one."
- So true! - A photo with a giant key?
- Another one, please. - That was a good one.
"I've liked and shared a lot of your videos."
"Now it's your time to share."
"My wedding is on the 13th, and I need your car to pick up my bride."
Next.
"Drinks on me."
Show us the comments.
"It makes me really happy to see bro succeed."
"From selling ice pops on the street to becoming a huge superstar."
Another one, please.
"What's this, Dhillon?"
This…
This is a good one.
- "What's this, Dhillon?" - Nice one. "What's this, Dhillon?"
Another one, please.
"Where are you going, where's your mind? AP's kulfi shop is one of a kind."
Next.
Hey, what's happening?
Oh, it's Yuzi's post.
"You met Bassi bhai and don't have a good anubhav."
"Does that even make sense?"
So this-- Okay, Trident, Hyderabad. Let's see the comments.
"Did you really upload this photo, or did it leak?"
Bhai…
Bassi, this-- I mean,
did you meet at an event or something?
No, paaji. We were staying at the same hotel.
- Okay. - He said he wanted
a photo lying on the bed.
He has a viral meme with the same pose on the boundary,
- so he wanted to recreate it. - Okay.
But you're clever, right? Why go along with it?
Paaji, I wasn't clever back then.
- Let's see the comments. - This one's a risky picture.
"That's Chahal liking and subscribing to Bassi."
Bro…
Nice one!
- Another one, please. - Paaji, please cut this part out.
- Don't show it. - This won't be edited.
"The things you do for a free IPL pass."
Well, that's…
Another one, please.
"This photo teaches us to marry before it's too late."
Bro!
It's not looking good for you.
Oh, man!
Another one, please.
- Look at Chahal! - "Chahal be like, 'That's enough, Bassi.'"
Come on, man!
Next.
- Done? Thank you. - Done.
So, friends, I'd like to invite
another personality.
He's behind AP paaji's beautiful songs.
He writes them and also sings in them.
Let's hear it for Shinda paaji.
Welcome, paaji.
- Greetings. - Shinda paaji, a warm welcome to our show.
Paaji, sometimes you write so romantically,
but when I look at you, you seem like someone who prays five times a day.
Right? That's the vibe you give.
But where does all that romance come from?
- I'll tell you something about writers. - Please.
People say you need sorrow to write.
Well, that's rubbish. All you need is to know how to lie.
We're in the same profession.
- Yes, actually-- - Why are you clapping?
- You're in the same profession too. - He's letting all the secrets out.
It's true. When someone writes, "I'll get you the moon and the stars,"
they might not even be able to pluck a guava from a tree…
- Absolutely. - but they write it anyway.
- Absolutely. - Paaji, how did you become friends?
You're an amazing duo.
We used to live in the same neighborhood and happened to meet.
So we started jamming on songs on Sundays.
And when he built the studio,
we'd stay up until two in the morning trying to make songs.
He was learning, and I'd write.
And that's how it began.
- Very impressive! Well done! - Thank you so much.
Paaji, I've heard that
- creative people, like writers… - Yeah?
get ideas in strange places.
If you're in the bathroom
and an idea hits, but you don't have a pen or paper to note it down.
Your priorities are different when you're in there.
- Did you ever experience that? - I won't lie.
For our song "By My Side,"
the first two lines came to me in the bathroom.
Behind every successful man, there's a woman.
Behind the prey, there's a hunter.
But behind every singer, there's a writer.
- Yes! - There's a writer.
Bravo!
It's over, bhaijaan!
Bhaijaan, the song is over.
- Incredible. It was incredible. Mashallah! - Incredible!
Mashallah!
You danced so well. Here's your reward.
- Here you go. That was great. - Reward…
Keep it. We'll meet after pack-up.
Thank you very much. It was amazing.
Mashallah!
Incredible! As-salamu alaykum!
As-salamu alaykum! How are you?
- How are you? - Bro, how are you?
- Nice to see you. - How are you? Lovely!
Happy to see you.
- Okay-- - Bhaijaan.
- Greet him. - Bhaijaan, let me greet you.
- Bhaijaan! - No, I'm good!
Wait. Just look at this!
AP Dhillon and Mr. 250 kilo!
Mr. 250 kilo!
Man…
Jokes aside. I want to say something from my heart.
Paaji, there are two things in life that are very difficult.
What are they?
Singing and making people laugh.
- True. - Anyone who does that from the heart
is a real artist.
It's true.
That's why, please give a big round of applause for Kapil!
- I saw it coming. - That's rude!
He sings so well, and he's number one in comedy.
Sit, Bassi sahab.
Why are you standing? Sit down.
How are you all? Okay, jokes aside,
I'm saying this from my heart. Your presence has
lifted this place to new grounds.
- No, bhaijaan. No. - What's wrong?
- They can't take it to new grounds. - Why?
Because they are stars.
Not stars, they are superstars.
Not superstars, they are sweethearts.
Not sweethearts, they are steel bars.
They are protein bars.
And to everyone's surprise, they're still single, breaking all bars!
How is that possible?
Oh, hello!
What's all this nonsense? Who are you two?
- Bhaijaan, let me introduce ourselves. - Please.
- I'm Chhota Shaikh. - Okay.
He's my elder brother,
Bada Shaikh, Krushna Abhishek.
Greetings.
Bhaijaan, we're twins.
Born on the same day,
at the same time, from the same father.
But you don't look like twins.
We have different mothers, bhaijaan.
My mother is different,
and his mother is different.
I'm your huge fan.
I keep watching your show on YouTube.
- What comedy! - What comedy!
- What timing! - What timing, bhaijaan!
I even saw your movie.
I also saw his acting performance.
Why are you doing the bowling action?
That was for his overacting. So…
He went a little overboard. I saw it.
- He says he overacted. - He overacted, bhaijaan?
You should look in a mirror once in a while, bhaijaan.
Bassi brother,
I'm your biggest…
What's that?
- A button? - No, a fan. I'm your fan.
Then why were you gesturing for a button?
How can the fan switch on unless you press the button?
That's logical.
He's got logic.
- I'm your big fan. - He's very intelligent.
Brother, I specially brought
this money plant for you.
It has no water.
He never seemed to care about adding water, brother.
He likes it neat.
- True. - So I bought him a "neat" money plant.
AP Dhillon, what a singer!
You already sing so well, brother. Along with that,
the hold you have in Bollywood…
The hold you have in Bollywood…
I've seen it too. Great hold!
In one song, he held Bani Sandhu.
In one of his other songs, he held Tara Sutaria.
He's got a really strong hold.
- I'm not talking about that hold. - Then?
I mean the kind of respect
you command in Bollywood, bhaijaan.
- I was talking about that. - Okay.
- Now I get it. - What are you two here for?
Actually, it's our camel's wedding
- in Dubai. - Camel's wedding?
Yes, we're getting our camel married.
We're here to talk to both of them.
My dear, what do you think of them?
- No, bhaijaan. - What?
No, bhaijaan, I don't think our camel will agree to marry them.
Bhaijaan, don't do this.
You'll erase your script.
- What? - "You'll erase your script."
"You'll erase your script."
Bhaijaan, why are you sharpening it?
So I can slap you with it!
The camel isn't getting married to them. We want them to do a show over there.
Two superstars will sing and do comedy,
and the crowd will scream their lungs out.
Once oonth! Once oonth! Once oonth!
- It's "once more." - But it's the oonth's wedding.
Why would I say "mor"?
It's an oonth's wedding.
Who even gets a camel married?
We do.
We've changed
- all the rules there. - Like what?
No one can have a child without marriage.
Yes. Even animals.
Yes!
Recently, a hen…
laid eggs without marriage.
- Yes. Want to know how I punished her? - How?
She ended up as biryani on a plate.
Oh my God!
May God bless her soul.
Bhaijaan, that's why we're getting the camel married.
Everyone keeps saying, "A cumin seed in a camel's mouth."
And I say, why not a groom's wedding veil to cover its mouth?
Everyone says, "Now the camel will come under the mountain."
And I say, now the camel…
will climb on top of a horse.
Hey, keep my father's name out of your mouth!
Father's name?
- My father's name is Tabrak. - Tabrak!
Your father's name is Tabrak?
My father's name is also--
- Oh, right, we're twins! - Oh!
Mashallah!
When you come for the show, you'll get every facility possible.
- Every facility. - No problem at all.
Snap your fingers, and the crockery appears.
It just appears.
- Snap again, and the food appears. - Food appears.
All for you.
You can try it here.
Snap your fingers.
Yeah, the crockery is here.
Again.
No, this is still crockery.
Snap for food.
No, that's crockery again.
Are they planning to eat crockery?
- Why do they keep calling for crockery? - I wonder why.
- I don't know. - Does this one work?
- What's that for? - What's he clapping for?
Brother, don't clap. Snap your fingers.
No, this one's for their security. They'll be here
and break your crockery.
- No, brother. Don't… - No, it's okay.
Will you come to the show?
- I'll set everything up for you. - Okay.
Sorry, we didn't get a chance to talk.
In our conversation, we lost track of time.
Nice meeting you. You showed up later, right?
- Right. - So, we'll talk later.
- Okay? - We'll talk later.
I'll take your leave.
Let's go.
- I'll sit on the camel. - Hey…
Brother, I'll join you too.
With you sitting on it, how will the camel rise? Don't…
You walk.
- Oh my God. - You come walking.
Okay, then I'll hold the camel's rope.
- Yeah, do that. - Let's go, brother.
Come on.
- Come on. - Come on, brother.
Come, brother. Come on.
This way.
- Not over there. - But why?
- Don't take me there. - Why?
Archana ji will take the cumin seed from his mouth
and use it to temper the dal at home.
Not there.
Turn it around.
- Okay, I'll turn it. - Not there.
- Come on, let's go. - Never go to her.
- Okay, hurry up now. - She'll put the camel's wedding video
on her YouTube channel and make money off it.
- Come on, let's go. - Come on.
Oh my God!
Please come, paaji. Bassi sahab, join me.
Shinda paaji.
Paaji, thank you so much for coming.
It was a lot of fun.
- Love you, Bassi sahab. - Love you.
Thank you, Shinda paaji.
So, friends, two things are very important in life.
Great music and plenty of laughter.
And today, we had both right here.
Keep singing and laughing like this,
and keep watching The Great Indian Kapil Show.
Every Funnyday, for a fresh dose of fun.
See you next Saturday.
Until then, good night. Take care. Thank you.