Kapil! Kapil! Kapil!
Good evening, and welcome to The Great Indian Kapil Show!
- Kapil! Kapil! Kapil! - Thank you so much!
Please have a seat. Thank you.
- Love you, paaji! - Love you too, brother.
Even on Valentine's Day, I'm still getting "I love you" from men.
- Archana ji and Sidhu ji… - Yes.
wishing both of you a very happy Valentine's Day as well.
- Thank you. - With your respective partners, of course.
Archana ji, did Sidhu ji give you a rose today?
No.
Forget the rose. Take this instead.
Wait a second.
You wanted me to give her a rose? Here you go.
- A rose. - Thank you.
You're welcome.
People say
the younger generation is going astray,
but the older generation refuses to adjust its ways too.
You picked this rose from here.
Who received the flowers you bought at the traffic signal?
Well, today is a very romantic day.
Even our airport is decorated with flowers.
- Yeah. - The entire city is dressed up,
and some lucky people might even have their bedrooms decorated.
- This is a festival of love. - Yes.
- Today, you'll see love everywhere. - Wow.
Someone is celebrating with their first love,
someone with their second or third.
You might clear the UPSC exam on your first attempt,
but love is something that rarely works on the first try.
That's true.
Right?
And yet, people don't give up.
As our elders wisely say, love requires tremendous willpower.
And at this age, you have both the will and the power.
Kapil!
In old age, the will remains…
but so do the many responsibilities.
Think of it this way.
In youth, you have strong teeth…
- Oh my God! - but don't know how to crack a walnut.
But…
When you grow old, you know how to crack a walnut
but you no longer have the teeth.
- That's the law of nature. - Yes.
Whatever it gives, it takes something in return.
If you go to a restaurant today,
one look at a couple tells you which Valentine's Day they're celebrating.
- I see. - If they're sitting side by side,
arms intertwined, her head on his shoulder,
his fingers playing with her hair, you know it's their first Valentine's Day.
They don't care what they ordered or when it will arrive.
Food is the last thing on their minds.
The second type of couple sits across from each other.
Five minutes in, they have already called the waiter ten times.
"Where is my dal tadka?"
That's when you know the dal of their romance has gone bland…
- Oh God! - and urgently needs some seasoning.
The third type sits next to each other,
but they're neither interested in the food nor--
Their eyes are constantly fixed on the entrance.
These are the people
who skipped the homemade dal and stepped out for dal makhani.
You know what I mean. Happy Valentine's Day.
People often say Valentine's Day is a foreign concept.
There, it's celebrated for just one day.
Here, during the monsoons,
- people put up swings outside their homes. - Yes.
They sit on them, singing songs of the rain.
Some get so carried away enjoying the swings
that, eventually, they have to place a cradle right beside them.
The good news is that people are celebrating love,
whatever the reason may be.
Otherwise, there are plenty of reasons for war.
A little oil is discovered somewhere, and a war is declared.
- Yes! - Love deserves to be celebrated.
Yes!
And today, on the beautiful occasion of Valentine's Day,
a wonderful film has been released titled O'Romeo.
The star cast of this film is here with us today.
Amid your thunderous applause, please welcome
Mr. Shahid Kapoor and Tripti Dimri.
Shahid! Shahid! Shahid!
- Shahid! Shahid! Shahid! - Come on!
- Welcome, Shahid bhai. - Thank you, Kapil. Thank you so much.
- Welcome, Tripti. - Hello. Thank you.
Your Majesty, let's hear a few words.
Playing Romeo This guy is ready to light the fire
Wow!
Back on the big screen Set to take things even higher
Don't look away From Tripti's glowing face
- One look at her-- - It's heartfelt.
One look at her And your glasses may lose their place
Well said! Good one!
- That's true! - Bravo!
You all know that Shahid bhai
has been a heartthrob ever since his very first film, Ishq Vishk.
He has had an unbelievable fan following.
Bhai, the first time I saw you on television was in the music video
- "Aankhon Mein Tera Hi Chehra." - Yes.
- You must have been around 19 or 20… - Seventeen.
- Seventeen. Yeah. - Seventeen?
People often say someone has managed to stay the same over the years.
Shahid is different.
With every passing year, he seems fitter and younger.
- He just keeps getting better. - Shahid bhai,
how long is this youthfulness on lease for?
You used the word "leased" correctly. I have it for 99 years.
- Okay. - And even after that, I plan to keep it.
Excellent!
Today is Valentine's Day.
You know, you never back down.
You keep reaching one milestone after another.
You're so fit and handsome.
So naturally, your fans refuse to back down either, as you can see.
Shahid! Shahid! Shahid!
- So-- Okay. - Shahid! Shahid! Shahid!
Since neither of you believes in calling it quits,
tell me this. Now that you're married, do you still get unusual DMs or letters?
We were just discussing our kids' ages backstage.
Why are you trying to land me in trouble?
I don't get any DMs. I don't even have a phone or anything like that.
The kids are too young to know any of this.
No-- But the kids' mothers know far more than needed!
- Okay. - They are all grown-ups.
- Look at Tripti. - Tell me.
Tripti is in full agreement.
I mean, what a lovely face!
If she smiles at someone,
he begins composing a love letter in his heart.
"Dear Tripti-- No, no. Adorable Tripti."
- "Adorable Tripti." - Tripti, be honest.
During your college days,
did you ever write a love letter to your crush?
- Write one?! - Yes.
I've never written one, but I've read far too many.
At least she read them.
My first few crushes didn't even bother to read mine.
Lucky. She's so sweet. She read them.
Did you write letters, Shahid bhai?
Yes. I even
engraved a girl's name on my arm once.
You know-- What's that called? A compass. Right here.
I wrote my first crush's name
- on my hand using a compass. - No way you did that.
And then I accidentally got it wet while bathing, and it got infected.
- Oh gosh! - You know?
The wound lingered for a long time.
- You actually did-- - And to this day,
the girl doesn't even know I had a crush on her.
- I know that. - Can you imagine?
"I know that." Was she related to you?
"I know that."
Shahid bhai, it's Valentine's Day today, so I'm asking you this question.
Does the way you celebrate Valentine's Day change after marriage?
Do you still celebrate Propose Day, Hug Day, Kiss Day, Chocolate Day,
and everything else, before finally getting to Valentine's Day?
Or is it simply wishing "Happy Valentine's Day" and getting on with the day?
Is there a difference?
After marriage, I feel
those who are intelligent understand that there's a list.
Right? And that list needs a few boxes ticked.
If the right things aren't ticked off,
then you're in trouble by the end of the year.
Whenever there's an argument, the list gets pulled out!
- The whole list comes out! - A really long list!
And then begins, "Point number one!"
"On 4th March at 3:30 p.m., you did this."
Then…
"On 5th April, right before going to bed, you said this to me."
So, you know--
- True! True! - So, I think the experienced husbands--
I've been married for ten years now.
The experienced ones know that those ticks are very important.
- And Mira-- Yes! - But this is universal, Shahid.
At times, Mira just shoots me that look…
- "Hmm! Good tick. Well done." - Good tick!
She had a doctor's appointment, and I was on the other side of the city,
but she hadn't told me about it.
Later, she said,
"I have a doctor's appointment at 5:20 p.m."
I got into the car and drove straight to her.
I arrived at 5:19 p.m., brother.
Brownie points!
- You see, it's my birthday month. - Yes.
I cannot afford to make mistakes this month.
Happy birthday!
Thank you.
Archana ji, do you ever give your husband a hard time?
- That's a wife's right, isn't it? - Absolutely.
Sure. Argue as much as you like, but it should never turn physical.
Are you implying she hits Parmeet paaji?
Exactly.
- Physical fight-- - Haven't you seen their wedding videos?
During the pheras, brides are usually shy,
but she had his arms twisted, forcing him to move.
That's Archana ji for you.
- Parmeet sir showed me the video. - I've worked with Parmeet.
- Badmaash Company. - Badmaash Company.
He directed Badmaash Company.
- The word "badmaash" came because of her. - And now, suddenly,
my entire image of Parmeet has changed.
- He was this strong Punjabi guy saying… - Tall, well-built.
"This is what I want you to do, okay?"
And now suddenly…
Mummy!
One of Tripti's dialogues in the film is, "Love is a curse."
Do you know people here are wishing that curse upon themselves?
They're all waiting for her to blow on their faces
to pass the curse along.
So tell us honestly, what sin should we commit for this curse to fall on us?
- Let me ask you straight. - What?
What kind of man…
- would you want as your husband… - What kind of man?
in the future?
- He should be talented. - What do you mean by that?
- I mean-- - She's talking like a parent.
Should he memorize all of Munshi Premchand's stories?
Those are the qualities parents often look for.
- "The boy should be talented." - Yes!
He should be honest.
- Honest? How? - He should truly love me.
Someone like that.
Time will reveal the truth, but doesn't everyone claim they love you?
- It happens. - You can tell.
Girls have a kind of magic. They can always tell.
Even honesty is hard to test.
You might have to leave an open purse in front of him
and see if the money is still there when you come back.
I'll try that one.
- Talented, honest, what else? True love. - True love.
- He should truly love me. - True love.
- Sidhu ji, you meet all three qualities. - Buddy, look-- Hey!
Watch Shahid bhai's movies before marriage. Jab We Met, Vivah.
He would talk to the heroine with his head bowed.
- Yes. - After marriage, he changed.
Look at Kabir Singh.
Check out O'Romeo. He's giving the girls a hard time.
Even in this film, Tripti comes only to give him a supari,
but ends up eating the whole paan.
I mean…
Like when you were talking about yellow and black dal?
It's the same with choosing characters.
- At home, men are like plain yellow dal. - Yes.
At least in films, I get to be the black dal.
That swag needs to shine through somewhere.
I did some research on Tripti. Whoever she falls for in films
ends up in trouble.
- In Laila Majnu, Majnu died. - Oh, man!
- Yes. - In Animal, Ranbir nearly dies.
In O'Romeo, she pulls a gun on Shahid.
Don't you think you should change your image by doing a romantic film with me?
Come on.
- Ready? - Sure. I'm ready.
Okay. Shahid, I need to ask you something.
- You have Tripti in this film. - Yes.
The film also stars Tamannaah and Disha.
Three heroines.
Doesn't Romeo ever wonder, "Kis Kisko Pyaar Karoon"?
No, no. Romeo is--
Smooth! Smooth!
Romeo has made it clear that he loves only her.
Loyal.
We have a lot to talk about with Shahid bhai and Tripti.
Welcome. Please have a seat. Let's give them a big round of applause!
Now, let's welcome the other artists from the film.
Amid your huge round of applause, please welcome
Farida Jalal ji,
Mr. Avinash Tiwary, and the director, Mr. Vishal Bhardwaj ji.
Congratulations to all of you.
Sir, the trailer of your film is amazing!
What a brilliant cast!
Everyone knows Vishal sir
is a great filmmaker, writer, director, singer, composer, and producer.
But if you look at him, he doesn't seem like someone from the film world.
He's very simple. He has a very kind, charity-like face.
If someone approaches him for financial help,
he helps not just that person, but anyone with them.
With such a sweet and innocent face,
how do you manage to deliver a narration full of abusive lines?
Well, the thing is, looks are deceptive.
They say that, right?
In my hometown,
we hurl abuses, but it's always with affection.
It's the same case everywhere now.
- Even where you come from-- - Yes.
We are Punjabis!
And to Vishal sir's credit,
he manages to get actors to play roles they never imagined.
For example, Farida ma'am has delivered such dialogues
- in the film… - I knew it.
that she had to sanitize her tongue after going home.
Farida ji, how did Vishal sir convince you?
"No, ma'am. This is the dialogue. It's required for the character."
It's always been my wish to work with him.
One day, I got a call from him
about a role. When I met him,
the first thing he said to me at home was,
"Farida ji, will you swear?"
And I said, "Me? Hello?"
That shows he knew my reputation.
Then he said, "Nothing too extreme."
I said, "Alright then, I will."
Because I really wanted to work with him.
Vishal sir, when you were at the monitor
while Farida ji was delivering those "sweet nothings,"
how comfortable was she really?
Farida ji is a very professional actor.
Once she says yes, there's no hesitation.
And…
it just so happened
that the day we were shooting that scene,
we gave Farida ji a really hard time.
Really?
Yes. Actually-- And this is the perfect moment to share that story.
- Sir, please forgive me. - So--
No, I should be the one apologizing.
And in front of everyone.
That day on set, there was a lot of chaos.
And we forgot that
we should have taken Farida ji's shot earlier.
One of the assistants had asked her to come in the morning,
but we didn't shoot her scene until the evening.
We upset her a lot that day.
So, I--
When I apologized to Farida ji, I said,
"Let's not do that scene today. You should rest."
- She said, "That scene happens today." - Oh!
"I will not go home until I finish that scene."
That line, which has since become famous…
- Oh God. - carried an extra punch of attitude.
I've noticed one thing about Vishal sir.
He always works with great people.
- Just check the lyrics in his films-- - I agree!
- They're by Gulzar sahab. Right? - Yes.
The song is sung by Sukhwinder ji.
Shahid Kapoor is the actor.
- And to promote it-- - It's Kapil Sharma's show!
You see?
Kapil Sharma-- I mean, he doesn't work with average people.
Avinash, when you signed his film,
you must have been ecstatic thinking,
"Now I'll get to meet Kapil Sharma." Am I right?
I thought it'd be the ideal opportunity for two great people to meet each other.
Wow!
Well said.
How did you meet Vishal sir?
I was shooting for another film
when he told me he had a role for me.
At that moment, I was thinking--
You know, everyone has a list.
Vishal sir's name is almost at the top…
- Certainly. - of every actor's list.
So I was very nervous talking to him,
afraid I might say something wrong, and he would think,
"He's not the right guy. I shouldn't cast him."
He gave me the script, and when I read it,
I realized I had to build my body and work really hard.
It was going to be tough.
But then I thought about
being on set with Vishal sir, shooting with him…
Beautiful.
- A dream come true. - It's going to be so much fun.
A dream come true.
You have an incredible physique in the film. How much did it cost--
I mean, how long did it take?
I went straight to the producer. Have you seen Sajid Nadiadwala?
- Yes. - His physique right now is insane.
He's walking around at 12 percent body fat.
- Really? - What's he up to? I've seen his pictures.
I was worried that if I didn't build my body fast enough,
sir would cast him instead.
He told me.
Sajid bhai said,
"My waistline is 27 inches."
So you never asked what all this was about?
I did.
I can't reveal his answer.
Avinash first did Laila Majnu with Tripti,
then Bulbbul, and now O'Romeo.
Are you following your career or Tripti?
Oh my God!
What's the reason for this coincidence?
Some of our stars have aligned, I guess.
Three films done, and hopefully many more to come.
After this show, the big question will be,
"Why is O'Romeo sitting between Laila and Majnu?"
I felt that the moment I sat here.
Now I'll be bombarded with memes.
"Oh, why the-- Why not--"
They go way back.
I just came in with O'Romeo. They've been Laila and Majnu for a long time.
The boy has a plan.
Farida ma'am is so lovely.
She's been a total trendsetter.
You know, children used to be scared of their mothers.
In DDLJ, Kajol always confesses her feelings to her.
And looking at her, other girls also began sharing everything with their mothers.
You hid things from her father, and they do the same with theirs.
You've saved many children from getting smacked!
So, thank you for that.
I'm glad I did that.
I've heard that according to many acting coaches, understanding a character
often begins with
studying the physicality and instincts of an animal.
NSD also offers classes built around this approach.
Tripti, I heard that you chose a cat as your reference for the role of Bulbbul.
Well, I didn't get to choose. My director told me
to observe a cat's body language, since she wanted that…
So did you eat normally on set, or only drink milk?
- No, please don't judge me-- - I'd hunt rats.
Kids watch this show too, so I was just making a joke for them.
If you chose a tiger someday, it's not as if
- you'd actually go hunting prey. - That's true.
Shahid bhai, what did you choose while preparing for Kaminey?
I played two characters in Kaminey.
- The main, notorious one. - I haven't ever tried the animal approach.
- But have you heard about it? - If I asked my dad this,
he'd probably just smack me and say, "Learn to be a human first!"
"You can be an animal later!"
Vishal sir, you've worked with both Pankaj sahab and Shahid bhai.
Do you think
there's a strong similarity between Pankaj sir and Shahid?
After all, he's his son.
And is there a side of him that contrasts sharply with Pankaj sir?
Well, out of the eleven films I've made, I've worked on seven with this family.
Four films with Shahid, and three with Pankaj ji.
- Wow! - So, seven films in all.
Did you take a loan from Pankaj sir during your early days?
Well, I'm a big fan of Pankaj ji.
The most notable similarity between Pankaj ji and Shahid is
their thorough preparation for every role.
They're also very spontaneous in the moment.
That's one.
Pankaj ji--
What Pankaj ji used to do earlier was not assess his shots at all.
- I see. - He never reviewed them on the monitor.
He chose not to review his shots.
And he always aimed to make the first take his best.
So, a nervous energy hung in the air,
fearing that something could go wrong and affect the first take.
And…
Shahid, on the other hand, has a completely different approach
to performance.
He keeps improvising.
And over the years, I've noticed that Shahid
never repeats the same performance in his second take,
- which is a very, very good sign. - Wow. Incredible!
I'm going! I'm being compared to Dad!
That's way too much appreciation for one day!
This is my high point, guys!
- Too good! - Thank you, sir. Thank you so much.
Sir, I have another question. Nana Patekar sahab is a part of this film.
Your friendship goes back 25 to 30 years, I think.
- Yes. - Why did it take Nana
so long to say "yeah-yeah" to the role?
It's my fault. I'd never approached him with a role like this before.
You see, everyone's quite scared of Nana.
But he's actually a lovely person.
- I've met him-- Yeah. - He's a very soft-hearted person.
He was quite upset with me over this.
No matter where we met, he'd always tell me, "I'm Nana Patekar, I'm an actor."
"When will you cast me?"
I used to find it very embarrassing, but I eventually got him on board.
It took me a while.
Convincing Nana is difficult. He hasn't appeared on our show either.
There's more news about him leaving than about him arriving.
Tripti, Vishal sir has a unique trait. The people he genuinely likes--
Shahid bhai is an example.
They've done many films together.
Even with Naseer sahab and Pankaj sahab.
His artists are always repeated.
- Right. - When you were finalized for his film,
you must have surely thought, "It's time to buy a few more houses."
Did you think, "I'll be doing more films with him anyway"?
Well, on the day
we wrapped the film, I told him, "Sir, I want to be your Shahid Kapoor."
"Sir, I want to do more films with you."
Oh my God!
Ma'am, the cinema hall is a little ahead. Why did you ask me to stop here?
Why were we going to the cinema hall?
To watch O'Romeo.
But since the cast of O'Romeo is here,
why go to the cinema hall?
Look, Romeo is right there!
- Romeo! - Mother.
That's not Romeo. Romeo is over there.
Daughter-in-law, you don't get it.
He coined the idea of O'Romeo,
which is why he ended up as Romeo.
- Daughter-in-law. - Mother, the Sardar ji back there
is staring at me.
Your cards are exposed. What kind of woman sits on a bike like that?
Have a look at what's happening down there.
Which "cards" can he see from back there?
Looking at her legs, one could say she's taken after her father.
That's what I was saying!
Both these men are staring at my legs!
That's correct!
Do you want to spend all your life on this motorcycle?
- Get off. - Mother, you get off first.
I won't get off.
- Daughter-in-law, I said, get off it. - Mother, you get off it first.
Just get off the bike!
You're the mother-in-law, you get off first!
You're my daughter-in-law. You get off first.
If I get off first, you will call my mom and tell her,
"Your daughter is rather disrespectful! She got off the motorcycle before me."
- Yes! Yes! - Isn't that right? She will.
- Good one! - What is she saying?
You really think I'd complain to your mom about you?
Just get off the bike. I won't complain to your mom.
Help me down.
Hello, sister!
Your daughter is rather disrespectful!
She got off the motorcycle before I did!
Oh my God!
What if something were to happen to an elderly mother-in-law
sitting alone on a motorcycle?
She doesn't care at all!
No, no, no. Why are you apologizing?
Just talk some sense into this idiot.
This is exactly what I was afraid of. I knew you'd call her.
If you were afraid, why did you get off first?
All you do is shout at me, all the time.
- Shout. - Talking nonsense.
- Jeth ji, bless me. - Hey! What "jeth ji"?
What are you doing?
- Why did you call him "jeth ji"? - What else should I call him?
He's younger than you. Call him devar.
No, Mother. He has a habit of making fun of people.
Calling him "devar" will just make him too comfortable with me.
- You got it absolutely right! - Absolutely correct!
On point!
- He shouldn't get over friendly. - Look at that, Mother.
The person you always think about is right here.
What are you saying? When do I think about him?
Every time you forget something, you call out his name, don't you?
"Shayad I forgot my keys in the bathroom."
Lovely!
"I had gone to the funfair last Monday."
"Shayad I left the toilet door open!"
You always say the name "Shayad."
- Shayad Kapoor. - Hey, woman!
He's Shahid Kapoor, not Shayad Kapoor!
I know he's Shahid Kapoor.
- Vishal ji, how have you been? - Very well.
- All good? - Yes, yes.
- Vishal ji, to be honest… - Yes?
I'm a big fan of yours.
- Sure. Not at all. - I'm not kidding. You know…
there's a perfect balance in the way he makes his films.
He made a movie on women called Ek Thi Daayan.
But then he also made a movie on men called Kaminey.
Perfect balance!
Ek Thi Daayan deeply resonated with her.
- The Dayan movie. - What did you say?
I was just thinking. I didn't say anything.
Your antics won't work on me. What are you going on about?
What are you blabbering about? What is it--
Wait a minute.
What is this?
Why are you wearing a bicycle bell on your wrist?
The market is extremely crowded these days, Mother.
We have to keep saying "excuse me" to people.
And people in the village don't understand what that means, so they just don't move.
So I ring this bell.
I ring this bell so that they make way.
What if you ring the bell and they still don't move?
Then I'll ring the bell again.
What if they still don't move?
I'll ring the bell a third time.
What if they still don't move the third time?
Mother, I feel like you want me to crash into someone!
Are you two here just to talk nonsense?
Does anyone here ever talk sense?
Let me tell you the truth.
The cast of O'Romeo is here.
I only wanted to help my daughter-in-law open up a little,
with your support.
The thing is, she's extremely desi.
Tripti ji, please guide her a little on fashion sense.
- Fashion sense? - Turn her into a modern woman.
- Okay. - There are no restrictions from my side
regarding what you wear.
Despite that, she still chooses to wear only saris!
- I see. - Start wearing jeans!
- Why don't you-- - No, I can't wear jeans.
I just can't carry off jeans, Vishal ji.
When I wear jeans,
it feels like someone's gripping me way too tight from the waist down.
As if someone's clinging to me. So, I just can't wear jeans.
Oh my! Have you no shame?
Vishal ji, who is akin to your father-in-law, is present here.
Father-in-law!
Why are you using words like "gripping"?
- Is it appropriate to say "gripping"? - Gripping!
- Is it acceptable to say "gripping"?!
Hey, I said "gripping" just once. You've already repeated it three times!
And "gripping" doesn't even sound good when you say it.
Why are you holding a towel in your hand?
- It's a child wrapped in a towel. - Oh, okay.
Oh! Hey!
Mother…
- Hold him for a bit, he's crying. - I won't hold him.
- Mother, hold him. Take him in your arms. - Why should I?
I don't want to! Why do you always ask me to hold him in my arms?
Why should I hold your son in my arms?
Well, I hold your son in mine!
That was spot on!
Have you no shame?
Sidhu ji, who is akin to your father-in-law, is present here.
You…
I won't spare you.
She's saying inappropriate things!
Mother, I think you're going to celebrate Valentine's Day here today!
Akin to father-in-law this, akin to father-in-law that!
You…
What about the father-in-law at home? What is he akin to?
- Avinash ji-- Your name is Avinash. - Yes.
She is Satyanash.
Look, all I'm trying to say is,
it's the age of online shopping.
- Yeah. - I've told her so many times
to learn how to do online shopping.
But she just won't learn!
I don't want to do online shopping.
Online shopping sends delivery boys home, and they ask for an OTP.
Why on earth would I give my OTP to some strange man?
I'll give my OTP only to my husband.
Wow!
And he can take my OTP as many times as he likes,
but I won't give it to anyone else.
An OTP is nothing but a password!
- Well, yeah-- - It's not like it’s a kiss or anything.
It need not be limited to just your husband.
I'm just saying I won't share my password with anybody else.
You're reading too much into it by comparing it to a kiss!
She can't even speak two words in English.
Everyone around speaks English, but she struggles to say even "thank you."
- Say something in English. - I won't say "thank you."
Why should I speak in English?
Farida ji, I'm not interested in speaking English.
- Okay. - Why should I speak in English?
Why can't you? Just do it!
Tomato chutney is called ketchup.
That's what English is all about!
It's not just about ketchup!
Mamta's daughter-in-law said "actually" in front of the entire village!
- Actually! - Actually!
It became the talk of the entire village!
The road in front of their house is now being paved.
Actually!
Actually.
She can't say a single word in English!
Come on, at least say "actually."
- "I won't say it." - I won't say "actually."
You're always shouting at me.
What do you mean I'm always shouting--
Why has he come back?
- It's time for the movie, ma'am. Let's go. - Oh, yes!
We've bought movie tickets, so we should get going now.
We'll leave now. Come on, get on the motorcycle.
You get on the motorcycle first.
- Come on, just sit. - No, you sit first.
Just get on it!
If I get on it first, you will call up my mother
and tell her that her daughter is disrespectful and whatnot.
She got on the motorcycle first.
What is the matter with you? I won't do any such thing.
I really won't. Just sit.
Come, sit.
Where do I sit now?
- The motorcycle will be in the air! - Come on…
The motorcycle's going to tip up!
That's just wrong.
Hello, sister!
She climbed onto the motorcycle before me!
She has absolutely no respect for me!
Her mother-in-law is here!
She just--
Superb!
Too good, man!
Vishal sir, you earlier mentioned Pankaj sir and Naseer sahab.
Maqbool starred Om Puri sahab, Irrfan bhai,
and other stalwarts.
You were talking about preparation.
So, as a director,
do you also have to be prepared to work with such stalwarts,
or do you know they'll handle things in their own way?
No, it's not like that. On the set, it felt as if a fire was raging
and we were feeling its heat.
When these six people would be there.
Tabu, Piyush, Naseer bhai, Om bhai.
- Whenever those guys shared the frame… - Wow.
it felt surreal.
- Because these guys go back a long way. - Right.
So, you know, every now and then,
there'd be a bit of leg-pulling between them.
They'd say things like, "Oh, look at him with all that method acting!"
Method acting!
That was so much fun!
- I see. - But what happened was--
What I had to prepare myself for was the kind of questions they'd shoot at me.
- I had to be prepared with answers. - Yes.
You see, their talent was on another level.
You'd never think that they've--
Naseer bhai and Om ji always appeared unprepared.
They were always joking around on set.
But the moment the camera rolled,
their personalities would completely switch.
Wow!
Vishal sir, you're an ace music director.
When there are musical shoots on set, do you also get on the harmonium yourself?
- Have you ever sung? - I really don't get the time.
The work I really have to do never seems to end.
Sometimes, I wish, you know,
I made so much money that I could just sing songs and never worry about shooting.
Today, if we request you to sing a few lines for us,
would you refuse, sir?
- How could anyone ever say no to you? - Oh!
Thank you, sir. Shall I call for the harmonium?
- Sure. - Bring it on, please. This will be fun.
Incredible.
Wow!
Amazing!
Wow!
- Beautiful composition! Amazing. - Wow!
- Wow, amazing!
Wow! Incredible!
Beautiful composition!
This is incredible!
That was amazing, sir! Superb!
Wow!
- Beautiful. - Incredible, sir.
Ma'am, we've chosen a topic for discussion today
for the audience here.
Here's the topic of discussion. Valentine's Day is alright,
it celebrates love.
But what about all the other themed days that have become a buzz?
Rose Day, Hug Day, Teddy Day, etc.
Are they really necessary?
You may share your opinions.
He was already raging before I could even finish my sentence.
Yes, bhaisahab? Please give him a mic.
- Hello, Kapil sir. - Hello.
My name is Krishna Chandra Raul.
- I'm from Odisha. - I see. You've got three names!
From Odisha. Welcome, sir.
Sir, I believe, Valentine's Day…
should be celebrated. It's a lovely day.
Celebrate it with whom?
- With your girlfriend, sir. - I see.
I gave my girlfriend a chocolate on Chocolate Day.
Gave her a rose on Rose Day.
Gave her a teddy on Teddy Day.
And…
on Valentine's Day, at zero hour…
I called my girlfriend
to tell her that I was going to propose to her and say "I love you,"
and she had just one minute to reply.
If she replied after a minute--
Were you proposing to her or playing KBC?
Let her take her time.
- What do you mean by zero hour? - It's not valid.
At the stroke of midnight?
- Yes, sir. - When it's 12 o'clock after 11:59 p.m.?
Yes. She was supposed to reply to me at that time.
So, I called her up.
She accepted my proposal.
The relationship was going strong for a while.
But because of certain circumstances, I had to end things
with my girlfriend.
But I still love her very much.
Did the breakup also happen within a minute, or--
No, the breakup…
No, sir.
We broke up after three years.
What happened that you guys had to break up?
There were some family issues, which is why we couldn't be together.
- Are you married now? - Yes, I'm married now.
But I still love my ex-girlfriend very much.
Sir, I have a request to make.
Could you please apologize to my girlfriend on my behalf?
What have I done?!
No…
I'm a married man with two kids, and I have to apologize to my wife every day.
Now you want me to apologize to other people's girlfriends too?
No, sir. Perhaps she will forgive me if you say something.
Did you make a mistake?
Well, not a mistake--
I just feel like that because we should have ended up together,
- but we couldn't. - You feel way too many things!
You should just focus on the one you’re married to.
Or else, she will make you feel such things…
Yes, sir.
Where is she?
- She's here?! - His wife?!
Where?
- Oh my God! - What's going on?
Go and stop him!
Did you tell her the same thing, and is that why you moved there?
I just have one question for you.
Are you going to let this person live today?
Sir, I had no idea--
I had no idea about this love story of his.
Now that you know the truth, do we kill him or let him live?
No, no. Everyone has--
Before getting married--
You see, everyone has a past.
I see!
If he loves her with all his heart,
so be it.
May God bless everyone with a wife like that!
I want to know, where can one find such a wife?
All that's fine, at least say sorry.
No, don't say sorry!
- She said not to say sorry! - She said not to say sorry!
No sorry!
- Stings, doesn't it? - No sorry, please.
Bhaisahab, please come on stage. What an interesting guy!
Ma'am, you too. We have a special gift for you both.
Please come on stage.
Congratulations to you and your family
on winning a splendid trip to Malaysia from Goibibo!
Explore the world together, and watch The Great Indian Kapil Show together.
And it's time to get over her.
Are you happy now? I mean…
don't thrash him in Malaysia.
Don't unnecessarily rough him up.
And don't let your dog bark me up! Okay?
Congratulations to you, sir. Thank you. Thank you.
Friends, we have arranged a debate for today.
There are some issues in society, and we've organized a debate around them.
So, let's see what the outcome is. Let's commence the debate.
Welcome to TGIKS News!
Welcome to our program "Mudda Garam."
Clap it up!
Exactly!
This is a news debate.
The most important thing here is to talk.
What you talk about doesn't really matter.
Today's hot topic is Valentine's Day.
So… Valentine's Day is nothing but a day of hope!
- Hope! - Because after small investments
like chocolates, teddies, and roses,
people hope for big returns.
They step out filled with hope, and so it becomes a day of hope.
And participating in this debate…
Sitting towards my dominant hand is…
the cast of O'Romeo.
And towards my hand that washes…
are the fake…
Sohni-Mahiwal.
One second. I want to confirm. Sohni is here…
but where's Mahiwal? She's here with her pot.
Hey, oldie, did your brain slide down to your knees?!
- Mahiwal's right here. Can't you see?! - Can't you?
Well said!
Well said.
I'm your beloved Mahiwal.
And she's my Sohni.
My graceful Sohni!
And he's my Mahiwal.
He's got cute cheeks!
He struts like a peacock.
Bullshit! Bullshit!
In the original tale, Sohni-Mahiwal drowned in a river.
But this Mahiwal looks more likely to fall off the bed and die!
And she'll probably be buried under him.
Excuse me! I just want to know…
Who are you?
I'm-- Sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. My name is…
Behesi Darinda, Bhardwaj sahab.
- Behesi Darinda! - News channels invite me for debates.
Okay.
So, can we just start the debate, Mr. Behesi Darinda?
Yes!
Up for debate today…
Should love be hidden behind closed doors,
or celebrated publicly?
Anyone would like to say anything?
I would like to!
I think…
Wait a minute. You started like Sukhwinder Singh.
And suddenly, you sound like Jagjit Singh!
When you shout like that, doesn't your dhoti come loose?
I believe…
love should be hidden behind closed doors.
Just like my Sohni and I love each other.
- Sohni! - Mahiwal!
I don't believe this!
There's no way you can keep your love hidden. Where will you hide?
She can keep her love hidden by hiding behind him.
Otherwise, there's no scope for hiding.
You know Sidhu sahab, when this man goes for a shower,
half of him is still waiting outside!
Uncle!
Your topic isn't my Mahiwal, it's something else.
Exactly!
I'm with the girl!
The topic is something else!
Shook up the place!
- Exactly! - Exactly!
What would you want to say?
Love should be expressed openly.
I like that.
I like that opinion.
- Okay. - Okay?
How openly should it be expressed?
What do we want to say? Mr. Kapoor!
Sir, I'm good. I've been married for ten years.
I'm very much settled in life, quite publicly so.
Mr. Bhardwaj! What do you want to say?
Oh my God!
All I'd like to say is,
- "Once you love, why fear anything?" - "Once you love, why fear anything?"
- Wow! - Wow!
- Let me move on to the next topic, please! - Yes!
People say true love happens only once.
But in films, you see people falling in love twice or thrice.
Or even four times.
How can love happen again and again? That's our next topic.
In my opinion…
true love happens just once.
The second time, it's just recycled romance.
You're someone's leftover, and they're someone else's. You see?
Oh my God!
Rubbish!
It is rubbish!
I'm talking to you!
I'm talking to her! It is rubbish!
You could just talk with your mouth! What are you doing?
I'm talking to you from behind, and to her from the front.
Uncle, I agree with you.
How dare you call me "uncle"?
For the first time, I think this uncle is actually right.
Thank you.
Now, if anyone dares oppose Uncle's opinion,
I will take them all on!
I apologize.
I may have spoken emotionally. I'm sorry about that.
- Mahiwal. - Sorry.
- You got emotional? - Well, yes.
You can't do it alone,
I'll also get emotional with you.
Sohni…
It's like a tractor coughing to life!
Come on.
- You got the wrong guy! - I thought it was someone else.
You got the wrong guy!
He wanted to throw it at someone else!
Did you all see that?
My Sohni set the mood!
What a performance!
- Wow! - My SohnI!
Mahiwal!
Tell me, have you no shame?
You're like a 190-kilo giant, yet you behave like a nine-year-old.
I've been meaning to ask, which floor do your lice rent out?
Where's the tap on your water cooler?
Behesi Darinda ji!
Straighten up or step out!
Okay.
Let me move on to the next topic.
Vishal ji, I want to know…
There's a song in your movie…
"I've got a slight fever, and I feel slightly breathless."
Right.
"I'm in love."
Do you think it's reasonable?
"Do you think it's reasonable?"
"I've got a slight fever, and I feel slightly breathless." That's malaria!
Or probably dengue!
Why is it love?! Where?!
Don't you think Gulzar sahab pulled a fast one on you?
- Pulled a fast one on you! - Yes…
For the first time, I agree with you.
Even I love Gulzar sahab.
But he has also written the song,
"Light a beedi from the fire in my heart, beloved. There's a blaze burning within."
I tried lighting a match like that and ended up burning my Aadhaar card!
Also burned the 325 rupees in my pocket.
Should I ask Gulzar sahab for compensation?
- That's right. - It doesn't look nice.
- I totally agree with that. - Why?
Where exactly are you keeping this agreement?
With a heavyweight Mahiwal like yours, is there even room left for agreement?
Says she agrees!
Uncle…
I would pray to God…
that you have a son just like yourself.
Only then will you understand that you talk absolute nonsense!
You know, if we ignore your arms and legs, you look exactly like a jackfruit.
Oh my God!
- Would you all please let me… - Okay! Okay!
Okay.
If you don't want to sit, why do you keep a chair?
They have no connection to reality whatsoever!
This is your reality!
When there's a debate, we rise to the occasion!
Okay, let me move on to my next bit of research.
Vishal ji…
we dug something up.
In your song…
"Your song."
- "Dil Toh Baccha Hai Ji," - Yes.
at the 18-second mark, there's a line that says, "The heart is childlike."
Then, 65 seconds later,
exactly 65 seconds later,
at the 1 minute 23 second mark,
the song says,
"There's no rascal like the heart."
What happened in those 65 seconds that turned a child into a rascal?
Why? Why?
- I want to know. - He's eating the mic!
- Oh my God! - I want to know.
He's eating the mic! Oh my God!
I want to know.
What happened?
The child grew up.
"The child grew up."
In one minute.
But say what you will,
I really liked the movie.
Dil Toh Baccha Hai Ji.
And your film Dhai Ishqiya, I love that one too.
I've seen it 50 times in the theater.
It wasn't Dhai Ishqiya.
It was Dedh Ishqiya.
Dedh Ishqiya was playing on the screen,
but there was another romance happening in the corner seat.
The film had an intermission, but that didn't stop them.
So I went up to them and said, "Can I finish your popcorn?"
"Your mouths seem a little busy."
Oh my God!
Can you just shut up?!
Why don't you shut up?!
You guys are talking complete nonsense--
You there?
- You there? Hey! - Oh my God.
- Hold this and pull yourself-- - This is my tandoor! Take the roti!
- This is a tandoor? - What is this?
- He's making rotis in a tandoor. - A tandoor?!
Tell me, is this the way to deal with it?
If the rotis are here, then where did you put the kebabs?
Guys.
Things aren't looking great out here…
- This is one of the best episodes ever. - but Valentine's Day is still ahead.
Whether you celebrate it with a bang or with a kiss and a clang,
just remember to keep it inside your room.
Come on, end the debate.
This is too much. We're leaving.
You guys spoiled my debate!
- Spoiled, my foot! - You guys spoiled my debate!
You guys spoiled my debate!
You guys…
You guys spoiled my debate!
So, guys, I'm sure you had as much fun as we did.
But how did you enjoy being on our show, Shahid?
It's always too much fun. Thank you, guys.
You guys are on a whole different level.
And the end was too good. I had a great time.
Really. It was amazing.
We laughed so much, I think we're set for the next six months.
- Then come back after six months. - Most certainly.
I'd especially like to congratulate the entire team of O'Romeo,
and also the film's producer, Sajid Nadiadwala.
And congratulations to Nadiadwala Grandson Entertainment
on completing 75 years!
Thank you so much, everyone.
Thank you, and keep watching The Great Indian Kapil Show.
Good night. Take care.
Thank you.
What a lovely song!
And that dance step.
Beautiful.
Jaggu Dada, Madhuri ji, welcome to the show!
You both look absolutely splendid!
Ma'am, tell me something. When you look in the mirror,
do you ever feel proud and go, "I'm Madhuri"?
You spoke with your gaze And stole my heart…
I thought you were emotionless
But you made me hear your heart's rhythm
Dada, is your BP under control today?
Well, I'm looking for Dr. Nene.
Dada, did you feel nervous dancing with Madhuri ji?
I was never nervous because all eyes would be on her.
She is expressive. She is so immersed in her role.
She is romancing!
Dada, here's the key to my Lokhandwala apartment.
Why did you give it to him?
I mimicked him so much, I managed to afford the apartment.
Madhuri ji, you know, I didn't become a doctor because of you.
I used to be in medical school, but I left.
Why?
Because you had only one spot for a doctor,
and that got filled. So, it was pointless.