[opening theme music playing]
[music fades]
[bell tolling]
[crow cawing]
[birds chirping]
[boy] Food!
- [rock thudding] - [crow cawing]
[boy] Mom, I got a chicken!
[whimsical music playing]
Mom!
[people clamoring]
[man] Where does she go?
I don't know where she goes.
My wife,
she's dead!
My wife, she's dead!
My wife is dead!
- She's dead! - What a beautiful love story.
Do you think my betrothed will love me as much?
Love you enough to cling to your dead body long after you've passed?
Of course!
[man] My wife is dead! My wife is dead!
My wife is dead!
I'll sort that for you, Padrona.
- [man] My wife is dead! - Got the wedding dress?
Have you packed my pastoral tapestries?
Oh... [scoffing]
- Thank heavens you reminded me! - [man] She's dead!
[man] Doctor, my daughter.
- Doctor, please. Please help me. - No. Sorry, I can't.
- We need help! - Leave me alone.
- Doctor, my daughter. - [man 2] Help me.
- Let go! Let go! - [man grunts]
Prayer alone can save you now.
- No, it can't. - You lie!
- Fuck off! - You lie!
[woman] Don't run away from us! Where are you going?
[man 3] Doctor!
Doctor!
- [doctor] Padrone? - [man 3] Doctor, I'm caught.
[doctor] Do not worry, I'm coming.
- [man 3 groaning] - I can help.
This tunic has too many sleeves.
- It's unsafe. - [doctor] Okay.
Ouch!
I am glad you are awake, Padrone Tindaro. I'm anxious to leave for the villa.
Is this Leonardo of Fiesole a country person?
Will there be any serious thinkers there, or will they all be simple?
[doctor] I have no doubt that you will educate them.
In any case, we cannot risk your health in Firenze any longer.
I thought my excrement looked extra black this morning.
Let me be the judge of your excrement, Padrone.
- I did it in a handkerchief. - [doctor] There we are.
Perfect. I'll take a peek and we're off.
[bell tolling]
[woman] And I know I've confessed and repented for this many times before,
but the sin of vanity weighs heavy on my soul.
How beautiful I looked on my wedding day.
- [woman 2 sobbing] - [woman] I was breathtaking.
Vanity and evil pride.
Forgive me, Father.
I also have to confess a lie. I told--
I hate to interrupt, darling, but the carriage awaits.
I am not finished.
I haven't even broached the topic of sloth, envy,
mixing fabrics, temptation.
Neifile, the invitation mentioned a welcome dinner, which we'd hate to miss.
They always serve the best dishes at the welcome dinner.
Then it's just pasta, pasta, pasta.
Wait. Father, what is my penance?
It's a long journey to the villa. You can pray for absolution the whole way.
Oh.
- That's true. - [man chuckling]
- [water sloshing] - [lively folk music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
[water splashing]
What a waste, eh?
Yeah.
Every one's someone's father or sister or--
Boots! Mine!
[woman grunting, chuckling]
[water splashing]
Lucky.
[dramatic music playing]
[man] Don't touch him. He's another one.
[people clamoring]
[music fades]
[man moaning, groaning]
[man groaning, coughing]
[man moaning]
[inhaling]
[woman] You're a freak, Licisca.
How in the Lord's name is that supposed to help my father?
The man said that the pestilence is cursed air released from earthquakes,
so the amulets scare the bad air back down to Hell.
[Licisca exclaiming]
And the flowers?
The flowers prevent more bad air from... from entering the... the body.
Oh, they do, mouth breather?
Come brush my hair.
- Well, I'll just tend to your-- - Brush my hair.
Ugh! You're so annoying.
[sighing] Could you do my mother's comb?
[man groaning loudly]
He's going to die too, you know.
- Don't say that. - He will.
- And then I'll be an orphan. - You won't be an orphan.
You'll just be an adult woman who... has no parents.
You have no idea what this feels like, Licisca. Okay?
Lucky for you, you've been an orphan your whole life.
So, of course you're utterly insensitive about the topic.
Yeah, no, you're right. I'm sorry, Padrona.
Anyway, I'll be an orphan with no husband,
so no way out of here.
I received this today.
[breathing deeply]
What does it say?
The Barone Piero is not planning a proposal at this time
due to the fact that he is dead.
Oh no.
Oh, Padrona, I'm sorry.
Although you did very much hate him.
What does that have to do with anything?
Well, I just... I imagined you would've had to have spent some time with him
during the marriage.
But you and I could've snuck off together to, I don't know, hug goats,
or whatever it is they do in the countryside.
Or at night, if I couldn't sleep, you'd have told me stories in the kitchen.
Or rubbed my feet.
But all that's gone now.
When father dies, I will be trapped here all alone.
I'll be here.
Licisca, you're the only servant left. You'll probably leave too.
I wouldn't do that.
You need me.
[man coughing]
Could you please do something to make him stop?
[man coughing, breathing raggedly]
[door creaking]
[man breathing heavily]
You look different, Licisca.
Have you changed your hair?
[man clearing throat]
Oh sure, this will cure me in moments.
I can feel it working already.
[Licisca chuckling]
I'm gaily running around the room. [chuckling]
Well, anything is worth trying.
[man breathing heavily, grunting]
[man] I'm not going to make it through this.
You have a chance.
God willing, we all have a chance.
I hope you know how much I've appreciated having you in the home over the years.
Watching you grow.
You really are like a daughter to me...
only poor...
and not as important as the others, but still alive.
[both chuckling]
[Licisca sniffling]
[woman] Licisca, I need a snack.
Could you believe of the three, she's the one who survived?
She's... certainly spirited.
[knocking on door]
You don't have it, right?
- Not yet. No. - I thought that meant you do.
Shit, does it?
[man] I come bearing a message for Signor Eduardo
from his cousin the Visconte Leonardo of Fiesole.
- The lord of Villa Santa? - [man] Yes.
We're listening.
The Visconte Leonardo requests the presence of Signor Eduardo,
his fair wife Signora Elissa...
Dead.
- ...his daughters Violetta... - Dead.
- ...Lauretta... - Dead.
- ...and Filomena... - Not dead.
...at his countryside villa.
He desires that you flee the pestilence-ridden city
and enjoy a respite in the beautiful, not-infected countryside.
And you're invited to stay as long as you please.
The Visconte Leonardo is unwed, correct?
Your father's cousin?
You have any better ideas?
Visconte Leonardo is unwed, but not for long.
He is to meet his soon-to-be-bride on Friday.
Well, who... who else is invited?
Many of Firenze's most prominent families are expected.
Aren't most of them dead?
Please inform our dear cousin Leonardo
that Eduardo's daughter Filomena would be delighted to attend,
and that I cannot wait to make his acquaintance on Friday.
- Padrona, let's discuss this with-- - Thank you.
[door creaking closed]
Padrona Filomena, we cannot leave your father here.
Don't be so foolish, Licisca.
There is no way I'm turning this opportunity down.
I meet an eligible noble, he buys me a castle,
I'm never alone again.
Your father is gravely ill.
[Filomena] This is our ticket out of here.
The pestilence is yet to reach the countryside.
We flee now, we have a chance to survive.
So it's settled, then. We leave tomorrow at dawn.
I can't.
Excuse me?
Your father is my master, and I cannot leave him in distress.
I made a promise to your mother.
What's the point in keeping a promise to a dead woman?
Very well, we'll stay and get sick and die.
When we see my mother in Heaven,
she'll be thrilled to know you kept your promise.
[footsteps receding]
Merry pestilence to you!
[upbeat music playing]
[Tindaro] Don't even know why my uncle wanted me to go to this stupid villa.
Might as well stay in the city.
[doctor] Pestilence is everywhere in Firenze.
With your fragile constitution, its slightest touch would be your doom.
A few weeks in the countryside could do wonders for your health.
There'll be unwed women there.
You certainly lit up when you heard that bit of information.
Not for me, for you. I care only for what benefits your health.
How are women gonna help my health?
They may raise your spirits, help balance your humors.
Women?
Stupid, calculating, unsympathetic.
Before I was my uncle's heir, they wouldn't give me a second glance.
It was all "Luigi this" and "Antonio that."
Well, Luigi's dead,
and so is Antonio.
And I'll be damned if I let a woman touch a coin of my uncle's wealth.
[sniffing] I bet their kitties don't even feel that good.
How do they feel?
They feel that good.
[horse neighing]
[upbeat music playing]
[man] Do the flagellants have to do this so publicly?
- [man 2] God is great. - I think that's the point.
- It's just a little showy. - [whip cracking]
Why would God send the pestilence upon us? Is the world coming to an end?
Well, I admit, the world does seem a bit grim at the moment.
To think they had to cancel the Feast of Saint Michael,
the social event of the season.
Has this pestilence no mercy?
Sister Benedict says that this is all a test from God.
We have to remain as holy as possible.
But what if we fail that test?
Darling, if the pestilence is a test from God,
our invitation to the villa is our deliverance,
no doubt reaped by your diligent praying.
You earned us a miracle.
Like the animal man and his big boat of animals.
- Noah? - Right. Noah's boat.
Disease-ridden Firenze is the flood,
and Leonardo's villa is our delightful little ride to safety,
with food and drink,
and delicious company to keep.
[contemplative music playing]
[choir vocalizing]
[heart beating]
[whip cracking]
[music swelling]
[music fades]
[woman exhaling]
Am I displaying enough top of breast to intrigue?
Oh, certainly intriguing.
It's like two fleshy peaches wrapped in silk.
You look exceptional.
Not exceptional, as in "different." Just as in "extremely good."
[softly] Okay.
Well, anyway, my gifts will please him, and my dowry.
Padrona, your wit and your beautiful face will please him, not your dowry.
He's going to love you.
And, Misia, let's, of course, keep it between us that we...
had that little spate of infections at the house.
Oh, of course.
- Okay. - Yeah.
[both chuckling softly]
I imagine it was hard for you to leave your little... friend?
[Misia] Hmm.
[woman] But she was so sick wasn't she? [exclaiming]
And now we get a fresh start!
Ooh, that looks good.
[Misia] Yes, Padrona.
I love a fresh start.
[lively folk music playing]
[horse neighing]
[man grunting]
[horses whinnying]
[horse whinnying]
[man straining]
[horses whinnying]
- [soft folk music playing] - [man chuckling]
Good morrow, dear friends. Welcome to Villa Santa.
Welcome. We are so pleased to welcome you here.
Welcome, welcome.
Introducing Signora Pampinea of Firenze,
the soon-to-be viscontessa of the villa.
[man] The magnificent signora.
An even greater pleasure than I previously expressed.
Good day.
I am Sirisco, the steward.
I can tell you anything and everything about our beautiful villa property.
What a thrill.
I brought some small wedding gifts, nothing crazy.
Where is my betrothed, the Visconte Leonardo?
- He's not here at the moment. - [both] Not here?
He's held up gathering wine a few towns over.
[Sirisco chuckling]
Surely he'll be here for the welcome feast.
Yes. Yes, of course.
Until then, let's get you settled. Please, please, please.
I suppose it'd be all right to settle in and put my touches on my future home...
- [Sirisco] Yes. - ...for my future husband.
- Please ferry me to my quarters. - Yes, yes, yes.
Ferry her to the first room on the top floor.
You ferry her. I need to see that the gifts are put away properly,
and that there aren't any sticky fingers in the process.
Be careful with that one, please.
[Sirisco tutting]
- First room, top floor. - [Misia] With two hands! Two hands!
Faster!
[Pampinea] Misia?
[tense music playing]
- [Pampinea] Misia? - [Misia] I'm just right behind you.
- [Pampinea] Misia? - [Misia] I'm coming!
[Sirisco] Oh my.
It's a good thing she brought so much and so few guests have arrived.
I've had half a dozen deliveries fail, and I--
- Where is everyone? - Maria's dead.
I knew that.
- I meant the servant girl, Elora. Oh. - Fled.
[sighing] Giuseppe?
- Did you not hear him last night? - [Sirisco] Hmm.
He went mad with fear.
He went out into the field saying he could feel his dead sister's voice
vibrating inside him like thunder.
Sirisco, it's just us.
As the nobles play house upstairs,
we are now cook, steward, butcher, laundress,
chamberlain, groom, and scullery maid.
All things I've been excited to try.
[exclaiming] You forget, we still have Calandrino!
[Sirisco exclaiming]
Great. So if any of our guests turn out to be bees,
I'm sure he'll be quite helpful.
We're the only people that know that Leonardo is dead.
We need to keep it that way for as long as we can.
Two masterless servants, we serve no purpose.
Unless we're indispensable to whomever claims the estate.
Like the betrothed, Signora Pampinea?
Mm-mm. No marriage, no claim. She's just a pain in our ass.
Oh, Signora Filomena is a cousin.
- There's a claim there. - [woman] The lord had many cousins.
When word gets out, greedy roaches from all over Toscana will descend
with servants of their own, wanting to claim the estate.
They're gonna kick us to the curb.
I will gladly lick every inch of the boot that's wont to kick me to the curb. Oh!
You moved the ale. I left it there, and you moved it.
- I moved it into the cellar. - It's too cold for ale in the cellar.
I run this estate.
We run this estate.
- [Pampinea] Misia! - [Misia] Mm-hmm?
- Sirisco! - [Sirisco] This way. This way.
[Pampinea] Let's discuss the welcome feast.
Oh yes. Let's discuss.
Since my betrothed isn't here, it only makes sense for me to step in.
- I have drawn up quite a menu. - [Pampinea] So I was thinking--
[Misia exclaiming]
The lady of the house is talking.
- My apologies. - [Pampinea] I want it to be spectacular.
Fish, meats, fruits, a spiced ale with that cinnamon we brought.
Cinnamon, wow!
You really are an abundance of good things, Padrona.
You're lovely, you're from an important family, you're wise, and...
buckets of cinnamon.
Quite a catch.
You're number one.
- Yes, I am. - [Sirisco] Mm-hmm.
He called me wise. He knows I'm old.
Padrona, he knows nothing.
Uh, he... he knows less than nothing.
What if he does, and he tells Leonardo that his bride-to-be is... [mouthing] ...28,
and Leonardo ends our betrothal?
He doesn't know you're 28.
[screeching silently]
How could he, when your face is but a child's?
And besides, even if he did,
oh, I would... I'd crush him.
[inhaling] I would crush him before he told a single soul.
[breathing deeply]
You take such good care of me.
I do.
[footsteps approaching]
Twenty-eight?
- [Misia] I'm so sorry, what was that? - Hmm?
[Sirisco grunting]
Padrona Pampinea is a beautiful, intelligent, capable,
extra-virginal young woman.
Leonardo will be lucky to share his life with a lady such as her.
Are we understood?
[Misia seething]
[door opening, closing]
[Sirisco yelling]
[dramatic music playing]
[woman exclaiming, sighing]
Parmena. My dove.
[both exclaiming]
[music fades]
[Eduardo breathing raggedly, groaning]
[somber music playing]
[Filomena sighing heavily]
[Eduardo groaning loudly]
[Eduardo gasping]
[Filomena's breath shuddering]
[Eduardo groaning weakly]
[music fades]
Wake up. We're leaving.
[Licisca sighing] Padrona, my duties are--
Listen, he's dead. Okay?
He died.
I just went in there, and he was, you know, gone.
But I was just in there less than an hour ago.
- He was talking-- - Well, he's gone now, so...
[Licisca] Oh, Padrona.
- No, our Eduardo. - [Filomena scoffing]
He is not "our" anything, you little sewer rat.
He is my father.
I'm in charge now.
We are leaving.
- Then I need to at least say goodbye. - [Filomena] No.
The pestilence leaves the body and lingers in the room searching for a new host.
It's too dangerous. We need to leave now.
Well, can I just have five minutes to gather my things?
Four. Because I said so.
[contemplative music playing]
[Licisca sniffling, crying softly]
[crickets chirping]
[carriage clattering]
[man] Please.
Some food.
[man coughing]
Anything.
[Filomena] He stinks.
[man] Anything.
[man coughing]
- [horse snorting] - Um...
What are you...
[Filomena] That's a waste. He's going to die.
We are all gonna die.
Well, he's going to die presently. His death is in the offing.
But right now, he's alive.
You deserve the bread more than he does.
Jesus didn't believe any person deserved bread more than another.
[horse snorting]
I want some. Your bread.
I believe you have some bread right there, Padrona, in your pack.
I do have bread. I want your bread.
Is there a problem?
Give me your bread.
I deserve it just as much as any other, no?
Maybe more.
[whimsical music playing]
Give me your bread when I ask for bread.
[groaning] Yeah?
[both groaning]
[both grunting, yelling]
[Filomena exclaiming]
[both panting]
What has gotten into you, you little ingrate?
You don't decide who gets bread!
[Licisca roaring]
[Filomena screaming]
♪ It's a lot, it's a lot ♪
[Licisca chuckling]
["Master and Servant" by Depeche Mode playing]
♪ It's a lot like life ♪
[Licisca breathing shakily]
[exclaiming]
Fuck yeah, signora.
♪ There's a new game We like to play, you see ♪
♪ A game with added reality ♪
♪ You treat me like a dog Get me down on my knees ♪
♪ We call it "Master and Servant" ♪
[vibrant orchestral music playing]
[Pampinea clearing throat]
- Such a lovely day, isn't it? - Such a lovely day.
[man chuckling]
- Lovely time of year. - Lovely time of year.
Yeah.
Just lovely.
Is this... Are you the people?
We are the people.
Do you swear you don't have the pestilence?
Of course we don't,
because I am Signora Pampinea, betrothed to Visconte Leonardo.
This is Signor Panfilo, of the esteemed Lungarno family,
and his wife Signora Neifile.
A distinct pleasure, Signora Pampinea.
You are a vision. The visconte is a very lucky man.
[Pampinea] Uh...
And Signora Neifile. You, too, are a vision.
My name is Dioneo.
And I'm only here to attend my patient, Signor Tindaro.
My lady, a pleasure--
Are you wearing perfume? She's wearing perfume.
- I have an intolerance. - It's okay.
[all clamoring]
He'll need a few moments of heavy breathing
to rid himself of the allergen, or he could die.
[knocking on door]
- Another guest. - It's him!
- You look beautiful. Smile. - I bet it's him.
- [Pampinea breathing excitedly] - [door opening]
[Sirisco] Okay, chin's covered. Open the throat.
[mysterious music playing]
Oh, it's not him.
Hello...
there.
I am Filomena of the House of Eduardo,
cousin of Leonardo.
Signora!
[all gasping]
True family has arrived!
A relative. What an honor.
[Sirisco] Welcome.
Padrona, where is, uh, Signor Eduardo?
[Pampinea] Where is your handmaiden?
You cannot mean to tell me you drove a whole day alone,
like a peasant?
Uh, yes. I... I wish I could have brought my handmaiden,
Licisca,
but the angel is still in Firenze, tending to my sick father.
- [Sirisco] Oh my. - A saint.
I will pray for your father and for your handmaiden.
A prayer for Filomena too.
So brave to travel without assistance. [exhaling sharply]
Well, look upon such a gorgeous and gay group!
- Yes. - Sirisco, do you anticipate more arrivals?
Oh yes. Many more were invited. Yes. Many more.
I'm sure it's hard to know who is on their way, who will be arriving.
Who has not been laid to waste
by the swift and harsh judgment of the pestilence.
Oh Lord, please grant us forgiveness
for the sins which have wrought this horrible pestilence.
She's super close with God.
...which is surely an indictment of our earthly selfishness.
Okay, yes. And amen.
Sirisco, let us please get a grand tour.
Oh, yes, yes, yes. My honored guests.
Welcome, welcome to our sweet little villa.
[all speaking indistinctly]
[Tindaro] I think her perfume has rosemary.
[wondrous music playing]
[Sirisco] Please follow me. Much more to explore.
Out here you can breathe and take a moment to see the beauty.
Beyond the gate is a forest with big trees, small trees.
I encourage you to not get lost in it. I have several times.
Ah. And if you look down here, you can see our cook, Stratilia.
- Say hello, Stratilia. - [Pampinea] Oh!
[Sirisco] There she is. Wonderful.
These are the walking gardens,
which I highly recommend for a night-time, evening stroll--
Sure, if you like being stabbed by bandits roaming the countryside.
We haven't had issues with bandits. We're too isolated for intruders.
Oh, plus, Calandrino-- Calandrino!
Didn't have any issues with the pestilence either, but here we are.
Calandrino keeps an eye on the gate.
A gate won't stop death.
Dear Lord, please let us into the kingdom of Heaven--
Okay, that's quite enough prayer for one day, thank you.
- Let us make a rule, shall we? - Yes.
We are here to eat and drink and move into a bright new future.
We shall have no more of this pestilence talk.
- It does not suit our time here. - [Sirisco] Well, shall we continue?
- [Pampinea exclaiming] - Okay, yes, yes. Come.
Much to see. So many fruit trees.
- Actually just two, but we'll find them. - Padrona?
- [Sirisco] There's a-- - Padrona?
[Sirisco] There's a dung pile, which as you know...
Signora Filomena?
Dioneo is speaking to you.
Oh! Yes, Padrone.
Oh, you flatter me, but I am a simple working man.
My father was a wine merchant.
You can call me Dioneo.
Thank you, Dioneo.
And though I am, of course, a lady,
please call me by my name, which is Filomena.
Well, then...
Are you enjoying the tour?
I am now.
I get the feeling that you're not like other girls.
You're different.
Wow. Thank you.
Yes. I suppose I am just really myself all the time.
- I sense that. - Are you talking about me?
[both] No.
[Tindaro] Look, a ladybird.
[all laughing]
Oh no, I swallowed it.
- Okay. - [Tindaro] I swallowed it.
- Oh my God! - A deep in--
- [Tindaro] Breath fails me. Breath fails... - [Dioneo] That's okay. No.
- Deep in breaths. In, two, three. - [Tindaro breathing deeply]
[Dioneo] Out. There's a bench just over here. In, two...
In, two, three.
Walk with me tomorrow morning.
[wondrous music continues]
They laughed at me for praying.
Praying, God's favorite thing!
Sorry I wasn't raised to chatter endlessly about how lovely gardens are.
- They made me feel like a freak. - You're not a freak.
You're a disciple of God's teachings and a ray of light to all who know you.
I know it's hard, darling, but think of how grim it is in Firenze,
especially for our family.
We have to keep the peace here to survive.
As far as God's judgment, we have your beautiful prayers.
And we can maintain our arrangement of celibacy.
That's certainly a hefty Christian sacrifice.
Yes, it certainly is.
[wondrous music playing]
Well, I'm going to give the horse a ride.
[woman vocalizing in song]
[wheel squeaking rapidly]
[Neifile moaning]
[man moaning]
[music crescendos]
[music fades]
[birds chirping]
[Licisca gasping]
[Licisca laughing]
[Licisca snorting]
Thank you.
["A Girl Like You" by Edwin Collins playing]
Well, yes, it is made from silk spun from the finest of bugs.
Oh, why of course I know how to read.
Yes.
Here she is.
♪ Now just like in a song From days of yore ♪
I don't know what this is.
Pampa... Pam... Pa...
What is that woman's name?
Panfilo, the one-- The wife with the Jesus...
♪ I've never met a girl like you before ♪
- [knocking on door] - [music stops]
[door opening]
Filomena, is now a good time for our walk in the gardens?
Um,
could we meet downstairs in just one tiny little moment?
So difficult to dress without one's handmaiden.
[Dioneo grunting]
Absolutely. Take your time, my lady.
[softly] Okay. [exhaling]
[Licisca squealing]
It is so nice here. Have you noticed how good it smells?
[Dioneo] Hmm.
Like warm jasmine
Mixed up with bees
In the night sky
[birds chirping]
What a beautiful poem.
[clearing throat] So how is Signor Tindaro faring?
It's a shame he's so sick all the time.
Forgive me, Filomena. I rarely say this,
but I find it impossible not to tell you, you are a vision in this light.
Oh my. My, my. My...
My... My God, Dioneo, thank you. I, um...
[Tindaro] Hello!
Hello. Are you going for a walk?
Wait for me!
[whimsical music playing]
[Tindaro] Yes, wait.
Okay?
Ouch!
Yeah, okay, stay exactly there!
Wait for me, please.
If Mercury could speak...
[Tindaro grunting]
[Tindaro] Wait. Stay there. Stay.
- We have waited. - [Tindaro] What are you up to?
- Are you talking about me? - [both] No.
Good. I'm nothing to speak of, really.
Don't say that, Tindaro. You're quite handsome.
Don't make fun of me, shrew.
I was not.
Oh.
[Licisca] Well, I'm not sure I could say he was my favorite pope.
[gasping] Fish!
Oh!
How lovely!
Oh yes!
- She said I was quite handsome. - Yes. She is kind.
You know, I've been thinking, perhaps women aren't completely evil.
[Dioneo] That might be possible.
She's elegant, certainly a high-born lady.
[grunts]
I don't think she's bright enough for you.
[Tindaro] Well, none of them are.
To think that tonight may be the night... [chuckling]
...that I finally make congress with a woman.
- Do you want one? - [Tindaro] Yes, I do!
[Dioneo] Padrone, Padrone, Padrone.
- [Licisca exclaiming] - [Dioneo] Padrone.
Please be careful. Your bones are incredibly brittle.
No, I feel great.
Perhaps it is being in the presence of a beautiful lady.
Oh, okay!
Maybe it'd be best if you returned to the villa with the other help.
I'll certainly let you know if you're needed.
Of course.
- [mouthing] Sorry. - Oh my God!
[Licisca and Tindaro grunting]
[Tindaro] You were like Daphne in there.
[Dioneo] How was your walk, Padrone?
It was, in a word, delightful.
Filomena is full of life.
A crazed pixie at times, but quite beautiful.
And she didn't ask about my inheritance once.
Well, I'm glad you enjoyed yourself,
because I have some rather bad news about your health.
What? What is it?
Well, I examined your morning urine.
It appears you are enduring a severe imbalance of your red and yellow humors.
I am? But I feel totally fine. What could have caused this?
[Dioneo] I feel certain your pulse was dangerously elevated
by our strenuous journey,
and perhaps by some other infection brought here,
probably by the women.
- The pestilence? - Not the pestilence. We'd have to leave.
Something less nefarious, but still incredibly dangerous
for a man of your delicate constitutions.
But I've prepared a medicinal tea.
Drink this, and I can almost guarantee your survival.
- Thank you, Dioneo. - [Dioneo] Of course.
[Tindaro gulping, grunting]
[Tindaro] I was beginning to feel well for the first time in a long while.
But as you are wont to say,
my body is completely untrustworthy.
I'm afraid so, Padrone.
[Tindaro gulping, retching]
It's got bits in it.
[both grunting]
My mistake, Padrone. My mistake. My sincere apologies.
I'm sure it was my fault.
No need to bend at the knee for a dolt like myself.
Have you been gutting fish, signora? You're covered in fish carnage.
Am I?
Oh, how absolutely queer of me.
Hmm.
Silly, silly Filomena, just doing whatever she pleases.
What a life.
[quizzical orchestral music playing]
You have to drink the water.
Further away. It might jump from my soul to yours.
- You can't die too. - [Misia] You're not gonna die, Parmena.
We have to have faith in God.
[Parmena] I have faith that this is God's will.
We're sapphic, on top of all of our other sins.
We have the cursed itch.
My greatest joy in life has been sharing the itch with you, my dove.
[both crying softly]
[contemplative music playing]
[rat squeaking]
[birds chirping]
[rat squeaking]
- [sizzling] - [rat screeching]
The panforte isn't up there. You said that it would be there.
It's still baking, Padrona, but I promise you it'll be superb.
- What are you making for meat? - Trout.
Trout? No.
Why not something elegant like...
suckling pig?
You're absolutely right.
Suckling pig it is.
Unfortunately, Padrona, properly roasting a pig takes two days.
[Misia exclaiming]
We will do as the signora commands without hesitation.
Thank you. Thank you, Padrona.
[Misia tutting]
And in the meantime, and I say this with love,
I'd think about filing your teeth,
because the front one is just looking
just a little more prominent than the other.
[both groaning]
[Sirisco] Misia?
Mis... Misia!
[upbeat music playing]
What is your plan? To serve raw pig? It takes two days!
I'll just make it super hot!
If it's pig she wants, it's pig she gets. I'm a leader, so follow me!
[music fades]
[crickets chirping]
Dioneo, are we expecting Tindaro?
Uh, unfortunately he's not feeling his best.
The poor man never really has full control of his bowels,
but this illness could have him perched over a chamber pot for days.
A real poop show.
A shame. Then we lack only the Visconte Leonardo's presence.
[Sirisco sighing]
- [gasping] - [Pampinea] Where is he?
How could he be late to the dinner? It's his dinner!
Wait. Maybe he got hurt. That would be a reasonable explanation.
That would be reasonable. Fantastic, he's hurt.
Guests, I am pleased to serve you the first course, flowers in gelatin.
It's an herbaceous appetizer to get the stomach juices flowing.
[Neifile] Signora Pampinea,
you must be beside yourself to meet your betrothed.
[Pampinea chuckling]
Yes. Yeah, beside myself. Yes.
Friend, you do seem to be a bit nervous.
Just a touch.
Why ever would you be nervous? You have everything to offer this man.
A beautiful face, a beautiful body, beautiful dress.
A beautiful body?
- [gasping] Cursed! - Oh my. That's so cool.
- He's gonna love that. - Oh, he'll love it. It's very interesting.
Not only that... [mouthing] ...I'm 28.
I'm a shriveled-up 28-year-old maid.
That is, I suspect, the reason why Leonardo is a no-show.
- Someone told him I'm old. - You have nothing to fret over.
You are rich, you are gorgeous, you have unbelievable hostess skills.
What more could he want?
A wife with younger breasts, sure,
but those other things are way more important.
Really?
Really.
[whimsical music playing]
Suckling pig.
I thought we said trout.
My dove, I am so sorry I got delayed.
I had to track down a piglet, and then kill it,
then there was a whole bonfire situation...
[music fades]
No.
[sobbing] No! No!
Oh, please.
- [somber music playing] - [Misia sobbing]
[Misia] I'm sorry.
I'm here now.
[Misia's breath shuddering]
Okay, okay, okay.
I'm gonna have to move you someplace else.
I'm gonna have to move you, my dove. I'm sorry.
[Misia straining]
[indistinct laughter]
Excuse me for saying so, but you are deliciously round on my knee.
Thank you. I am plumper than my dress conveys.
[Dioneo] I may need to be the judge of that.
Doctor, I'm not some patient in need of an examination.
Oh, I'm sure I can find some part that ails you.
Darling, could you maybe sit in your own seat?
The doctor's had a long day tending to Signor Tindaro
and might need to rest his legs.
He's okay.
I'm okay.
[Licisca chuckling]
- Fetch us some water. - [Licisca] Oh.
[Panfilo] Popped up pretty quickly to lend a helping... serving hand, signora.
Filomena.
[scoffing]
Knowing what I know about you, or what I suspect,
it might be in your best interest to turn your romantic intentions
towards someone of a higher station.
If you were to pursue a wealthy eligible bachelor like, say, Tindaro,
your fate would be far better here.
[Licisca scoffing]
Is that a threat?
God, no, dear. It's a warning.
You understand what would happen if you were found out?
You'd be thrown out into the field. You'd starve... or worse.
You know we're all gonna die, right?
I assure you we are, and sooner than you think.
So I appreciate your concern,
but I'm gonna do what I like in the time I have left.
I... I want to be your friend,
but I am no longer a servant, not to anyone.
Good evening, fellow friends.
Padrone, you should be resting.
I feel right as rain, doctor.
Sir, you are extremely ill.
[Tindaro] Well, I've been throwing up since I drank that new tea you gave me.
But as you said, that would show it's working.
It's certainly working!
You need to be in bed.
No, I don't, actually,
because I heard the laugh of an angel and it inspired me to join the party.
I willn't be a wallflower of my life.
[Tindaro gulping]
[Tindaro exhaling]
My lady, this evening you look as beautiful as a plum.
What is it you say to women, Dioneo?
You are a vision.
- Yeah. That's the phrase. - [Licisca chuckling]
- [barrel clattering] - [Sirisco sighing]
[tense music playing]
[Sirisco] No, no, no.
Misia!
- What was in that barrel? - Nothing.
What was in... What was in that barrel?
Don't, don't, don't.
Pestilence! You brought a pestilence person here!
[crying softly] Shit.
[Sirisco] Well, well, well.
Looks like I have an arrogant little servant
in the palm of my hand.
[Misia sobbing]
[Sirisco cackling]
[Misia] Who is that?
Some guy.
That is Leonardo.
[Sirisco sighing]
Then you buried a pestilence person here.
And you're telling everybody that he's on a trip.
What is your plan, you bloody idiot?
So this is quite a pickle.
Quite.
There is a world
in which we simply make a mutually agreeable pact in this moment.
[Misia] Hmm.
I will not tell that you brought the pestilence to the villa.
And I will not tell that the pestilence was already at the villa,
and that the esteemed Visconte Leonardo is dead.
[softly] Yes.
Now give me a hand.
[Sirisco sighing]
[Misia sobbing]
Jesus.
[sinister music playing]
[Misia] Please be gentle with her when you're down there.
That's when Philip sent troops to conquer the Cynoscephalae Hills.
Little did Flamininus know
that Philip was far nearer than he realized.
You probably don't understand the Aetolians' textured...
relationship with the Roman Empire, do you?
[Tindaro retching]
[retching continues]
[softly] Okay. That's healthy.
[Tindaro groaning]
- I can get into it. Don't worry. - Oh my.
Wine? There's enough for one more glass of this.
It's quite a rare vintage.
- I'd love a glass. - I'd actually like a glass.
Absolutely, signor.
I believe Dioneo said he'd like some first.
But then Signor Tindaro said he wanted some.
Perhaps you could split it between them.
Well, not to make assumptions, dear,
but I believe a man of Tindaro's nobility
might have a more distinguished palate for wine so nuanced.
Well, I doubt that since Dioneo's father was a wine merchant.
Dioneo, you can enjoy some of the ale.
Absolutely, Padrona. Sure.
- That's not fair. - [Pampinea] Fair?
This is a most distinguished wine,
to be enjoyed by our most distinguished guests.
That's simply the way of things.
[tense music playing]
[sinister music playing]
[Licisca belching]
[Pampinea gasping]
Oh my...
[shrieking] What the hell?
- We want your money. - And your women.
Also, if you have clean water, we want that.
[Tindaro yelling]
- [intense music playing] - [all screaming]
[Tindaro] Go away!
[man grunting]
[all grunting]
[indistinct screaming]
Why are you throwing plates at me?
To hurt you.
[Licisca roaring]
- Ow! - Am I okay?
[both grunting]
Please, help me!
[Neifile grunting]
[all grunting]
[man grunting]
- Did you see what I did? - Oh my God, that's disgusting.
No!
[man yelling]
Oh no! No!
Ow!
Cardinal Agnolo?
[Agnolo] Neifile?
Fuck.
[indistinct yelling]
What has gotten into you?
I wish I could say I've been possessed by the devil,
or that I've renounced God,
but it's something far worse.
After the horrors I have seen,
I now know the truth.
God, he has abandoned us.
Neifile, you were always such a pure child.
A holy child.
Away, Satan.
Away! Away! Away!
Take a breath, and remember who you are.
[Sirisco roaring]
[Agnolo grunting, screaming]
[Pampinea screaming]
[Misia grunting]
[Pampinea crying]
We leave!
We leave.
But know this,
God has made his final judgment.
He will not come again...
nor will his son.
[dramatic music playing]
All is lost.
Pestilence!
[Licisca yelling]
[Licisca roaring]
- [all gasping] - [Agnolo grunting]
Oh my God.
- [Licisca grunting] - [Agnolo gasping]
[Sirisco] No, no, no, no!
[Licisca grunting, screaming]
[Licisca panting]
[Licisca breathing heavily]
I think I might need some more wine.
[Licisca panting]
[knocking on door]
[gasping] Oh my God! It can't be Leonardo, can it?
Oh God, I look a mess!
I'm coming!
["Blue Monday" by New Order playing]
[Pampinea exclaiming]
- I'm coming! - God!
I made it.
♪ How does it feel ♪
♪ To treat me like you do ♪
♪ When you've laid your hands upon me ♪
♪ And told me who you are ♪
♪ I thought I was mistaken ♪
♪ I thought I heard your words ♪
♪ Tell me how do I feel ♪
♪ Tell me now, how do I feel ♪
♪ Those who came before me ♪
♪ Lived through their vocations ♪
♪ From the past until completion ♪
♪ They'll turn away no more ♪