[opening theme music playing]
["Echoes in Rain" by Enya playing]
♪ Wait for the sun, watching the sky ♪
♪ Black as a crow, night passes by ♪
♪ Taking the stars so far away ♪
♪ Everything flows ♪
♪ Here comes another new day ♪
♪ Alleluia, alle-- alle-- alleluia ♪
[song fades]
-[whimsical music playing] -Good morning, sweet viscontessa.
What a gorgeous day God has given us!
It'll be better once I've had my morning cheeses.
Of course.
There we go.
[Pampinea squealing]
[Misia] Oh, oh, oh.
[both squealing]
There we go.
-I can do my own cheeses! -[Misia] Okay.
How go the preparations?
The wine is spiced,
the steward has de-caged Leonardo's prized falcon
for a dash of mischief in the fresh air.
A perfectly joyful day is planned to honor our bride.
[squealing] A falcon!
I hope he has a regal beak.
Of course.
What's that?
And another thing
I have made
to motivate fun and good will,
a crown for…
the winner of the day.
-Looks like a mourners' wreath. -It's not.
-It's a winner's crown. -It's too big.
Then, by Homer, it's a winner's wreath!
[Pampinea squealing]
-And the others will enjoy it? -[Misia] Oh yes!
It is so stunningly generous of you
to include them in your nuptial celebrations.
Everybody's saying so.
I do wonder if he would have liked the celebration--
[Misia] Uh, uh, uh.
There is to be no talk of the departed.
Today, we celebrate you, the bride of Villa Santa.
It matters only what you like.
[Misia vocalizing]
[Misia giggling]
I do find it strange to have wedding festivities
in total absence of the groom.
Ugh. Do you mind?
I do mind, Filomena.
You can't just sit around all day.
You have to play the part.
If you don't pitch in with the other servants, they'll know.
Out there, I'll play along.
But when these doors are closed, I am not listening to a thing you say.
Plus, it won't be me that'll give us away.
It'll be you and your stupid little bun that looks like a radish.
[Filomena sighing]
[Filomena] Is that a love bite?
-[Filomena sniffing] -[both gasping]
Or maybe it'll be your midnight trysts wherein you fuck Tindaro out of wedlock.
Ugh! What? No.
You had sex.
What's your scheme?
What, you plan to win Tindaro's affection
by jumping onto his cock from across the room like an acrobat?
Hair down, idiot.
I did not have sex with Tindaro.
Uh… [scoffing]
I had sex with Dioneo.
[Filomena] What?
Why?
-Because he's attractive. -No, he isn't.
-Yes, he is. He is objectively alluring. -[Filomena retching]
[Filomena scoffing]
You think because you're in noble clothes, you can just do whatever you please?
Spread your legs for the merchant class?
Wear your hair in a very ugly way?
There are rules, Licisca.
You just said that behind closed doors, we can do whatever we want.
Out in the open, I am courting Tindaro perfectly.
What I do with Dioneo in the dark,
three times,
is my business alone.
Well, and his.
But he'll be discreet.
Yeah, well, you better hope so.
Because your selfishness is gonna get us kicked out of here.
You know, you think I'm so terrible?
I would never do what you're doing.
You'd need a man to like you first.
Ooh.
Time for breakfast, Licisca.
[orchestral music playing]
-[banging on door] -[Tindaro] Wake up!
Wake up. Wake up, Dioneo! I order you to stop sleeping at once!
What's wrong? What's wrong?
I woke up to the sound of a bird singing, and I felt a sudden stab to my heart.
And yet you grin?
It's likely a case of chest vexation combined with acute fool's face.
[Tindaro] What?
-Excuse me, it's the medical term. -[Tindaro] No.
My delights are a symptom of being in love. [chuckling]
Signora Filomena has changed me. [panting]
I can hardly believe the man I was just yesterday.
So cautious, skeptical.
Everything looks brighter now, like your eyes.
They look like two, big, beautiful eyes.
[Tindaro giggling]
I-- I am thrilled for you, Padrone.
[Tindaro] I have so many feelings. So much to embrace.
Like, even her nostrils.
Perfection. It's a shame she should only have two of them.
How long must I court her before I propose?
Propose? That's, um…
That's… [sighing]
Well, Tindaro, as a doctor,
and as your dearest friend,
I must tell you that that… Well, that woman is not for wedding.
No, those very nostrils are a telltale sign of animal lust.
The woman is a wanton creature, easily bedded. Too easily.
My friend, your exhaustive experience with lesser women
has tainted your view of this perfect creature.
You are wrong about her. I can feel it.
She's not burdened by lust.
She is… the one.
[calm orchestral music playing]
[rabbits chittering]
[knocking on door]
[horse whinnying]
The door is knocking.
[knocking on door]
Servants!
[both] Good day.
[horse neighing]
-[man] Your steward? -Sirisco.
Message.
Anything good?
Uh…
For the Visconte Leonardo, his grandaunt has passed in Rovigo.
[smacking lips] Oh. Dreadful place to die.
[both laughing]
Oh, this one's dreadful.
For Panfilo of the Lungarno family--
I should have known.
-You have your father's jawline. -Yes, we're all quite handsome.
I'm sorry for your family's misfortunes.
[paper rustling]
[Panfilo inhaling, exhaling]
There are no misfortunes on holiday.
Hmm.
Thank you for the delivery.
-[papers rustling] -Um…
Andreoli.
[birds chirping]
Andreoli.
The steward will settle up next time. I don't carry cash.
Goodbye.
[door creaking]
-All of it? -The bank seized everything.
Our home, our warehouses.
Doesn't mention my fur collection, but one can assume.
-Even the ships? -Every shiny one of them.
I knew this pestilence would cause him to overextend,
but I didn't realize he'd be so stupid about it.
You've always been the smart one.
It's his fault for not leaning more closely on your counsel.
As I like to do.
Now that we're homeless,
we have to redouble our efforts in securing our future,
our alliances.
Now, Tindaro is perplexingly stupid,
but Filomena can be our in.
[whimsical music playing]
Really, Pampinea is the only one who can make us leave.
Have we done enough to ingratiate ourselves?
Of course, dear. Pampinea loves us.
She does? Has she said something to you?
Uh, I just mean, I'm sure she loves us like Christ taught us to love each other.
Like beautiful, fluffy sheep who are all cousins.
We may need her to be more fond of us than a general sheep affection.
Best if we've earned only rave reviews when her husband returns.
I bet she'd love to hear the story of my miraculous rescue, right?
She may just go berserk with joy, no?
Well, let's keep the details of your recent miracle between us.
Very well, my dear.
I'll do my best not to speak of my ecstatic salvation.
[pan clanking loudly]
Everyone, let's gather in the great hall. The festivities are about to begin.
We're on.
The clever pirate, Paganino, slaughtered 1,000 men
and fell completely mad…
with love. [chuckling]
Bravo! Bravo!
Well told.
Save for a few lulls.
But is it enough to earn you the winner's crown?
-[Tindaro chuckling] -We'll see.
I'm getting that crown.
What could surpass the favor of such a beautiful bride?
In fact, a toast.
To the bride's resplendent beauty.
[giggling] That's the spirit.
Servant girl.
Now, remember, keep the stories on the theme of purity.
I hadn't finished my story. Uh…
But among all the jewels that Paganino brought back from Monaco,
none could compare to the beauty of you,
fair Filomena.
And yet,
when I think of you…
I see this.
[birds chirping]
[Licisca] Oh, um…
Tindaro, it's…
[Tindaro] Yours.
[Licisca] Padrone, I cannot accept this.
[Tindaro] It is yours, my summer fruit.
Still, I want no gifts.
I want only you.
The fact that you do not want it
only proves how much you deserve it.
Well, I suppose I do deserve the finest.
[Tindaro exclaiming]
[Tindaro] Well done.
[Tindaro giggling]
-Whore wine, my lady? -What did you say?
More wine?
[Panfilo] How lovely, Tindaro.
But sadly, that last part was no story at all, so you've broken the rules.
No crown for you. [giggling]
Neifile, you're next.
-What? I… I wasn't-- What's happening? -[Panfilo clearing throat]
Viscontessa, perhaps you would regale us with the best story of all,
that of your wedding day.
[Pampinea, Panfilo chuckling]
Why, yes. Ye-- Of course.
[Pampinea clearing throat]
Yes. It was, um…
yesterday, I recall.
Yes, he took me to a--
-A bog? -A bog, yes.
A beau-- What? No, not a bog.
A tower. Yeah.
Yes, a tower. Beige in color.
Oh, I love beige.
And he said he was struck dumb by my…
[whispering] Smile.
…serene beauty,
which filled his heart.
And he could never leave a face such as mine.
And then that's where he kissed me for the very first time.
And then he said, "I'm enjoying this."
He said, "I'm really enjoying it."
Yes, recounting that lovely tale brought me such joy.
I guess since I pleased myself, so I win the first game.
-What? -[Pampinea] Let's move on.
-Sorry, excuse me-- -Where's Sirisco?
Little bit more clarity on the rules next time.
I'm the pig.
[all] Don't touch his egg!
An egg for you, viscontessa.
Everyone, laugh!
-Sirisco! Uh, Misia! -[Sirisco laughing]
That's so fun!
More fun!
["What Have I Done to Deserve This" by Pet Shop Boys playing]
-[Pampinea] We're having so much fun! -Oh yeah.
We're having so much fun!
[all exclaiming, laughing]
Yeah! The excitement knows no end!
[Sirisco giggling]
[all cheering]
Absolutely no--
[Sirisco] Oh! Oh!
[all cheering]
-[Pampinea] Thank you. -[Panfilo] Well played.
♪ I've always worked for my living ♪
Okay, let me see.
♪ How am I gonna get through? ♪
Okay.
♪ How am I gonna get through? ♪
Mm-hmm.
♪ I bought you drinks I brought you flowers ♪
♪ I read your books and talked for hours ♪
[Pampinea chuckling]
[Neifile chuckling]
♪ So tell me, what have I, what have I What have I done to deserve this? ♪
Next game.
[Panfilo] So, how does one win this delightful game?
Misia?
[song fades]
[quietly] My God. Walk normal.
Now, everyone, elevate your left arm.
[falcon squawking]
This falcon will circle in the air
and pluck the gobbet from the most worthy hand.
[Panfilo] Riveting.
Lay witness to a demonstration of unmistakable grace.
Fly, Fortuna.
-Fly! -[Fortuna squawking]
[Sirisco] Return, Fortuna!
Fortuna!
[birds chirping]
Who wouldn't love the thrill
of waiting for a murderous predator to come and bite off your finger?
Holding raw meat always makes me think of my own innards.
Can you imagine holding your guts in your hands?
I'd like to try it, if it wouldn't mean I was dead.
-You are bizarre. -[Neifile] Me?
-I am? -What? No.
Oh. [chuckling]
What did it feel like when you were called upon by the Lord to rescue me?
So invigorating, a long arm raise.
Did it feel very good in your body, like a deep itch rubbed well?
[both chuckling]
[Pampinea] What's so funny over there?
Did you finally remember a story, or were you too busy ogling the doctor?
[Panfilo] No. I don't think that was it at all.
I do have a story,
of God's devotion to his children.
There was once a very lost maiden.
She fell into a well.
God heard her prayers.
He sent his finest warrior,
who pulled her from the water with big strong arms
and held her tight.
So tight,
that she felt God's presence down to the depths of her body.
Sounds like she felt something in the depths of her body.
-[Pampinea laughing] -[Dioneo laughing]
Is the lusty maiden in the well you?
I'm not lusty.
What if she was lusty?
-I'm quite pious! -You don't seem pious.
Oh, she's certainly more pious than you, viscontessa.
You are aware that pride is a sin?
It's been a long day. Perhaps it's best we retire.
Leonardo's prized sky beast is yet to return.
Well, if Leonardo is the gracious lord you so often describe,
I'm sure he wouldn't want us to miss the comforts of his villa.
Now, where should I put my gobbet?
[tense music playing]
Stop!
It seems I must remind you that you're here at Leonardo's invitation,
which can be rescinded.
-You would cast us out? -[Pampinea] Yes!
It is my home, and you are my guests!
So if you'd like to return to pestilence-ridden Firenze,
just say the word!
-[Fortuna squawking] -[Sirisco] Fortuna! Come, Fortuna!
-I want it! -Get the bird!
[Licisca cawing]
Did I win, viscontessa?
[birds chirping]
Seems the game has ended in a tie.
[dramatic music playing]
Game's over!
[music fades]
Apologize.
What?
[Misia] You spoke out of turn.
You can't just say whatever you like in front of her, you know, it's not right.
But I did,
so I guess I can.
[tense music playing]
[Filomena scoffing]
[Filomena] You just let her push you around all day, don't you?
Kinda like your little… wet broom.
This is a mop.
-[crickets chirping] -[wolves howling]
[pigs squealing]
[man whistling]
[Panfilo chuckling]
Delivering messages to the pigs?
I also know the fate of their friends and family.
It is… tasty.
[Andreoli chuckling]
I needed a small rest.
[horse whinnying]
It's Hell come alive out there.
You could be beheaded for trespassing.
You keep my secrets,
I'll keep yours.
Surely your wife is tossing in bed as we speak,
pining for your touch.
Not quite.
I envy you.
[sighing] Moving from one place to another unencumbered.
Free to do as you please.
Is that what you want?
I'm not sure anymore.
Well, whatever you desired before,
whoever you were,
I'd wager that it doesn't much matter anymore.
Why's that?
I've seen 1,000 doorsteps,
watched high-born women carry children to unmarked graves,
peasants sieging whole castles.
If the pestilence has shown us anything,
it's that we're to choose the parts of ourselves we wish to keep,
and the parts we wish to throw away.
[serene music playing]
[knocking on door]
Come in.
You.
Great.
I… I beg your pardon for today, viscontessa.
Um, Fortuna has been in a mood lately.
Stratilia blames her diet, but I think the bird has her period.
Why are you here?
[door creaking]
Um…
I, uh… I… I know today was challenging.
But I realize that I haven't had the opportunity
amidst all the excitement,
to tell you how happy I am that you're finally here.
[Sirisco chuckling]
[Sirisco] A villa simply isn't a villa without a lady.
[crickets chirping]
[Sirisco] Here.
What is this?
[Sirisco] It's the visconte's sketchbook.
I came across it this afternoon. I thought it should belong to you.
Might help you get to know him a little better.
Good night, viscontessa.
[Pampinea] No.
Stay?
You knew him best, did you not?
Uh, yes. Mm-hmm. I did.
Please?
Yes.
[Sirisco clearing throat]
[Pampinea] Such vivid imagery.
Yes, Leonardo loved the country,
especially hills.
But the meaning escapes me.
[Sirisco] That was visconte.
His art was like inscrutable poetry for the eyes.
Oh.
-More hills. -So imaginative.
He spoke of you, too, viscontessa.
-He did? -[Sirisco] Mm-hmm.
Yes.
What did he compliment first?
Oh, uh…
Uh, he imagined your pretty eyes
and your, um…
flowing hair and…
And, um, how you were
extremely willing to marry.
Would he have loved me?
He would have loved you.
Deeply.
What else would he have done?
[clicking tongue]
Um, he would've looked at you…
-[Pampinea] Mm-hmm. -…and, um…
uh, held… held you.
[Pampinea] Hmm.
And, um, he would've--
Kissed me?
Yes.
-Mm-hmm. -[Pampinea] Hmm.
How would Leonardo have kissed me?
Like, um, this.
[kissing]
[dramatic music playing]
[Sirisco exhaling sharply]
[both moaning]
You should put it on. It suits your noble neck.
It's tacky. I hate it.
[crickets chirping]
I was surprised I saw you back at my door so soon.
Pleasantly surprised, of course.
Why?
Well, there is a certain amount of shame
that noblewomen often have with betrayal.
In my experience.
I've made no promises.
I'm a free woman.
Oh, you certainly move about freely.
It's mesmerizing.
You are different…
but not in the way that Tindaro thinks.
What does he think?
That you're the only good woman on the planet.
And do you not mean the same?
Am I not good
and delectable…
[Dioneo] Hmm.
…and the only woman worthy of your pursuits?
[dramatic music playing]
You may just be.
[Licisca exhaling]
Lord, rid me of all temptation.
But if I may inquire
why Dioneo is your emissary?
A sturdy vessel,
and those tireless arms.
Am I meant to…
[dramatic music swelling]
[Neifile moaning]
Oh no.
[music fades]
"I am a wall, and my breasts are like towers."
Oh damn.
"So I have become in his eyes like one who brings peace."
["All You Ever Think About is Sex" by Sparks playing]
[inaudible]
♪ In the church at Christmas Busted by that nun ♪
[inaudible]
♪ Then in that museum Beneath the mastodon ♪
[inaudible]
♪ Stating oppositions On the White House lawn ♪
♪ All you ever think about is sex ♪
♪ All you ever think about exclusively ♪
♪ All you ever think about is sex ♪
♪ All right with me ♪
[inaudible]
♪ Say, do you remember The Dodgers and the Mets? ♪
♪ Fifty-thousand people saw us And turned red ♪
[both moaning]
♪ I'm still not recovered From Saturday's faux pas ♪
♪ When your father came home Saw us and dropped dead ♪
♪ All you ever think about is sex ♪
♪ All you ever think about exclusively ♪
♪ All you ever think about is sex All right with me ♪
[both moaning loudly]
[bed clattering]
♪ All you ever think about is sex ♪
♪ All right with me ♪
[Licisca panting]
You are a vision.
-[man] Food! -[man 2] Let us in!
-Give us food! -Let us in!
We are not sick!
-Get out of here! Get out! -[man] We're hungry!
-I'm with 30 men! -[man] Give us food! Anything!
-Anything you have! -Give us water!
-Please! -Let me at them, Sirisco! Let me at them!
No, no, no, no!
-I've got this! -[man 2] Let us in!
-Please! -You bastard! That's my dearest friend!
-Food! -Don't make me release the dogs!
-[man] Food! -Let's get out of here!
Let's get out of here!
[Sirisco chortling]
Next time, I'll get the boiling oil!
[Sirisco yelling]
[dramatic music playing]
[Sirisco chortling] We did it!
[both cheering, laughing]
[Sirisco] Oh my.
[door closing],
Well done, Sirisco.
Oh. [chuckling]
No, no, no, no. Oh, all right, thank you.
Thank you, thank you. [chuckling]
Excuse me.
Oh, but really, I was only doing it for the lady of the villa.
The viscontessa.
The steward works so hard to please you in public and in private.
Be silent now.
Sirisco had to fight them off alone?
[Sirisco chuckling]
-Where were the men of the house? -No.
Tindaro?
Panfilo? Dioneo?
-What cowards. -No.
You leave it to the old fool to face those ruffians?
Pathetic.
And useless.
No, I was happy to defend the villa. The gentlemen were fast asleep.
You are not the man of the house!
[Pampinea breathing heavily]
[crickets chirping]
[Panfilo] Understood.
So…
bed?
[Pampinea whispering] Misia.
Are you completely out of your mind?
I ju-- "In public and in private?"
What if someone heard you? I don't-- [yelling]
I wasn't thinking.
It just makes me so happy to see you happy.
Misia!
Leonardo is my one true love.
He's the only thing that matters to me.
I thought you might understand that,
since you had to leave that girl behind.
Her name was Parmena.
Oh, Misia.
[somber music playing]
[Pampinea] I understand your pain now.
That must indeed be what's clouding your judgment.
Now, don't show your face to me
until you've found the Misia that I need.
Of course, Padrona. [breath shuddering]
[Pampinea gasping]
-I thought we should speak, Pampinea. -What are you doing in my room?
No.
No?
The beggars almost breached the gate.
You did not bring a savory breakfast this morning as requested.
You brought a semi-savory breakfast.
Your errors are making me wonder if you are worthy of being my steward.
It hurts to know you feel that way.
Oh, I thought I pleased you quite well in the visconte's absence.
You?
Uh,
you have never pleased me.
Not once.
You are a vessel
through which I experience Leonardo's love for me.
[Sirisco sighing heavily]
Do not enter these chambers again.
Yes, Pampinea.
[Pampinea] Viscontessa to you.
My apologies, viscontessa.
I, uh…
Also, I wasn't completely honest with you.
Hmm?
The truth is, Leonardo told the marriage broker
that he would take any bride with a hefty dowry and a womb.
Do you ever wonder why he didn't wanna meet you before the engagement?
He heard about your personality,
and he knew that he wouldn't be able to go through with it if he did.
[doors slamming]
[Panfilo exhaling]
Panfilo?
[sighing] Yes, darling?
I've been having sinful thoughts.
God forgives sinful thoughts, right?
Oh, certainly.
He'd have to forgive them
since he's the one that put them in your head in the first place.
It does feel that way,
out of my control.
Let God guide you as he always has.
-[chickens clucking] -[sheep bleating]
[Neifile] Doctor.
[horse neighing]
I must speak with you.
Padrona, I'm sorry. I'm in the midst of something important.
-Have you seen Filomena? -[Neifile] This is important.
Okay.
God wants you to have me in the wifely way.
It is an urgent matter.
Padrona, I hope not to offend you…
[Neifile gasping, breath shuddering]
Neifile. Neifile.
God doesn't want you to bed me.
You want you to bed me.
No, this feeling is holy. I know it.
No, you see, the nuns told you that your body is evil.
They made you feel shame.
But if God hated lust all that much,
he could have easily made sex extremely painful,
or much more smelly.
I've done it once.
I wish to do it again, but with you.
On any other day, I'd have had no reservations,
but my mind is elsewhere entirely.
Uh, yeah.
[dramatic music playing]
[music fades]
We're not allowed to.
Drink the wine.
It's too quiet in here. Say something.
Like what?
Like anything.
Tell me a secret.
Something that has nothing to do with your lady, though.
Something about you.
Why?
So you can make fun of me for it?
We won't know until you say something.
Okay.
My nails stopped growing months ago,
and I don't know why.
That's disgusting.
[Filomena chuckling]
[Filomena] What is this in your hair?
It's just a little something for me.
I stole it.
-[Filomena] Pampinea? [gasping] -Yeah.
-Well done. -From the viscontessa's horse, but…
[Filomena laughing]
I washed it.
[both laughing]
[birds chirping]
[contemplative music playing]
[Dioneo clearing throat]
Oh.
[Dioneo] Fair, fair, Filomena,
when I'm with you, I feel unencumbered and free--
[Tindaro] Filomena?
-Filomena. -[Licisca clearing throat]
-There you are, my love snail. -Yes, here I am, my love slayer-ail.
And Dioneo too.
Please sit.
[Licisca clearing throat]
Filomena.
When you refused my jewelry at first,
my suspicion that you are a completely singular woman was confirmed.
A woman whose heart would not be won by shallow indulgences.
As such, I surmised that only artistic expression
would be a true enough way to show my love for you.
-Oh. -No.
This should be good.
-Woman! -Oh.
Aren't you mighty?
Your name whispered by a fairy so flighty
So noble, kind, and true
Dear Filomena
What I mean to say is, I debase myself
When I look away from you
"Raucous applause."
[Licisca laughing]
[Tindaro chuckling]
I read the part that was not meant to be read.
[all laughing]
Why did you even write that down?
I don't-- I suppose I really wanted it to happen.
"Raucous applause."
I kept it really short because I knew that it probably wasn't any good.
It was perfect.
[in deep voice] Thank you.
[Licisca chuckling]
I enjoy this side of you.
It's refreshing,
honest…
and all mine.
May I compliment you with a kiss?
Just a peck.
My… my skin is paper thin.
Thank you for sharing this moment with me.
I shall come to you in your chambers tonight.
Oh.
Oh. Uh, uh…
Why… why yes. Yes. I would… I would love that.
Yes, I know. That's why I said it.
I mean, I will see you soon, my love.
[Licisca chuckling]
[Tindaro] Dioneo, a word.
Almost had me fooled there.
I didn't hate it.
That?
[Tindaro] Dioneo!
You like him?
I'm free to do whatever best suits my future.
And what business is it of yours?
Don't tell me you, of all people, wish to assert property rights on a lover.
Well…
Very well.
Good afternoon, Padrona.
[dramatic music playing]
[Tindaro] You were wrong about her.
-I knew it. -You did.
[Tindaro] I told you.
-Not exactly. -[Tindaro] This one?
-It's lovely. -Admit it, you were wrong about her.
She loves me truthfully and fully,
and is better than any of the thousand whores that you've been with.
It's quite funny.
You wasted so much time with them, and I got it right on my first try.
[chortling]
[Dioneo] You were right, signore.
Your true spirit struck her tender heart, and now she is yours.
I can't believe I fell victim to love. [panting]
True love.
There's no need to wait to propose to her now.
I have her heart, and she mine.
-So soon? -I love her, Dioneo!
You never experienced it,
but if you had, then you'd know exactly why
I want her all to myself, now and forever.
I do think that this is the one.
Yes, it's lovely.
Well, then all I can do is celebrate your growing romance
and your sudden rise in health.
I am feeling spry!
Like a raging cock let loose in a barley field.
-I am glad. -Cock-a-doodle-doo!
♪ I love you little cockerel Even though you don't lay eggs ♪
[Tindaro laughing raucously]
Very good.
How about some wine?
[suspenseful music playing]
-To love. -[glasses clanking]
To love.
[suspenseful music swelling]
[music fades]
-Sirisco. -[Sirisco gasping]
Am I interrupting?
Sorry.
No, Padrone. Um, is everything all right?
Oh, I just wanted to compliment your excellent upkeep of the villa.
Oh. [sighing]
That is so kind of you to notice. Thank you.
I sleep better knowing the visconte and his new bride
are in such reliable hands.
And that Pampinea…
Hmm?
…a natural leader.
Thoughtful, generous, full of love.
[birds chirping]
Yes.
She is all those things…
and more.
[brush clattering]
Sirisco?
When I was but a youth, my father remarried. A Roman.
Oh, a Roman.
-Missing many teeth, but from rich stock. -Oh. Hmm.
She was unbearable.
Three months after her arrival and my favorite steward hanged himself.
Well, that might happen to you again. [chuckling]
My apologies, I, um…
-I overstepped. I shouldn't-- -No such thing.
Your troubles are as heavy as anyone else's.
[Sirisco sighing]
If I may,
no one really knows the true terrors of keeping a villa functional.
It's constant.
People corner you at all hours of the night about nothing.
Nothing.
"Sirisco, my wrist hurts. Can you spread my cheese?"
And what kind of a person naps on the fainting couch?
If… if… if someone faints,
there's no place soft and available to break their fall!
-That is selfish! -Whatever happened to modesty?
[blowing raspberry, chuckling]
It doesn't exist.
Three horses have died this week,
Calandrino lost a fingernail cutting branches for the bouquet,
I haven't had a proper shit in weeks,
and all she can do is bitch and cry about her dead fucking husband!
[tense music playing]
[Panfilo cackling]
So Leonardo is dead.
There's only so much glass one man can buy.
Who knows?
The viscontessa and her handmaiden, but no one else.
Well, the cook.
Please, Padrone, please, please--
Sirisco, you can trust me.
My fate is very uncertain as long as she is in charge.
Mine too. And she's not even really the lady of the house.
No, she doesn't even have a claim.
Anyone could fight her for it. You could fight her for it. You could--
Perhaps… perhaps we could find someone with a better claim to take charge.
[Sirisco gasping]
[tense music swelling]
That might be easier to find than you think.
-[crickets chirping] -[music fades]
[knocking on door]
[Licisca sighing, clearing throat]
Come in.
Oh, uh,
where's Tindaro?
You shouldn't be here.
I promise I'll be quick.
For once.
Uh…
[Dioneo] Okay.
I know you are a lady
from a high-class family.
And I am…
I'm just a vain physician who has never been in love.
But let's go.
-Together. Let's leave. -[Licisca] Uh…
[Dioneo] We can be free.
Leave the villa? And go where?
This is the only safe place for miles.
We can give each other safety.
I can… I can provide for you. I will provide to you.
I've got-- You know, I've got skills and…
Okay, look.
I can live with you being with Tindaro…
but I can't live with you being in love with him
and not with me.
[dramatic music playing]
So… love me.
Please…
love me.
What is it?
You said you wanted to be free, Filomena.
Filomena.
I'm not…
That's not…
[dramatic music swelling]
[both moaning]
[Tindaro groaning loudly]
[Tindaro whimpering]
[Tindaro groaning]
[Tindaro groaning loudly]
Padrone.
[Tindaro's breath shuddering]
[suspenseful music playing]
Fetch Dioneo!
Pestilence!
Ouch! Please be soft.
[crying] I'm dying of the pestilence.
[Tindaro groaning]
[Tindaro coughing, retching]
No, this affliction is man-made.
[Tindaro retching]
Away, pot girl. Your stench is vile.
No, that's your vomit, Padrone. Your teeth tell me that you vomit a lot.
Oh, the woman believes my teeth to speak.
I expel two to four times a day,
which is healthy for an unwell person such as I.
What's your game?
I don't need your potions, I need my doctor.
Fetch him at once!
When was the last time the doctor gave you something
that made you feel better rather than worse?
Medicine makes you better by expunging the worse.
Everybody knows that.
The doctor poisons you.
Watch your mouth, you raving bitch.
That's my true friend.
Never mind, then.
[door creaking open]
[door closing]
[sinister music playing]
Where's my fucking doctor?
[suspenseful music playing]
[Licisca and Dioneo moaning]
[both moaning]
[Licisca] Oh my God.
[Neifile crying]
[dramatic music swelling]
[all laughing]
[Panfilo] And so the hag says,
"My breasts have been hanging on for the last 40 years."
"Why would I worry about my teeth?"
[all laughing]
Neifile! Dear, come join us!
[Dioneo] You were saying?
Have you heard the one of Saladin and Messer Torello?
-No. -This is great.
Saladin's preparing for the Crusades.
I failed God.
What?
[Pampinea] Good evening, everyone.
This is everyone? Who's missing?
The Signore Tindaro.
Yes. The poor fellow is in another fit of bodily disarray.
Flatulence like I've never seen.
-Please lift him up in your prayers. -[Pampinea] Misia, pray for both of us.
Now, I'm excited to announce…
[Pampinea clearing throat]
I am with child.
-What? -What?
[Pampinea chuckling]
-I said I'm preg-- -[Tindaro yelling]
[objects clattering]
Tindaro's made it after all.
[Tindaro breathing heavily]
Liar.
Fiend.
Seize that man!
[gasping] Padrone, what happened?
You tried to kill me.
[tense music playing]
[snapping fingers]
Tell him.
Belladonna, poison.
The very same was used to murder the Emperor Claudius by Xenophon,
his lifelong physician.
[Dioneo scoffing]
The cause of Emperor Claudius' death is still highly debated.
I found it in your room!
And in this cup you made me drink from.
Do you deny it?
[Dioneo sighing]
Tindaro, who was it that cured your warts?
Reduced your saliva?
Any medicine I've given you, it's only ever been for your own good.
For your own sake, don't abandon me.
You know how fragile you are.
You need me.
If they're for my health,
eat them.
[suspenseful music playing]
You, strip him of his clothes and his quarters.
Throw him down with the servants. Let the rats have at him.
For shame, doctor. For shame.
-Absolute shame. -[Dioneo] No, please.
Actually, leave him his clothing. I'll do him that one kindness.
[Pampinea] Tindaro, I'm so happy you're not dead.
Perhaps this news will bring cheer to your betrayed heart.
A moment to explain.
I'm having Leonardo's child.
Leonardo's child?
[Tindaro] Wait.
When I learned what Dioneo had done,
I almost went mad with hatred.
But then…
I saw you.
After coming so close to death,
I now realize how important it is to keep close
the things that matter most in this life,
and to never let them out of your sight.
[Tindaro breathing heavily]
[Tindaro] Filomena…
be my wife.
[intense dramatic music playing]
[choir vocalizing intensely]
[music fades]
Thank you, Tindaro.
I don't deserve you.
I accept. [chuckling]
["Caribbean Blue" by Enya playing]
♪ So the world goes round and round ♪
♪ With all you ever knew ♪
♪ They say the sky high above ♪
♪ Is Caribbean blue ♪
-♪ If every man says all he can…♪ -[song fades]