[opening theme music playing]
[song fades]
[wind blowing gently]
[birds chirping]
Hmm. Turn.
[Tindaro grunting]
How long must I look at it?
The longer you look, the more the child will be imbued with Leonardo's virtue,
brilliance, bravery, handsomeness.
Can I blink, though?
I'm sure the blinking won't affect the outcome.
[Pampinea exhaling]
Relief.
Ugh.
Oh, the smell of pork will make me puke.
The smell of pork will make her puke.
If you can go get some porridge with raisins and some cinnamon, please?
Right away.
I could help you.
And make it with love.
-[Pampinea sniffling] -[Filomena clearing throat]
What happens if the mother looks at somebody unattractive?
Well, obviously the child would be unattractive.
Better stay clear of Signore Tindaro, then.
[all laughing]
Some of us are trying to read.
No, I wasn't done.
Sorry, my love.
-You should follow my eyes. -I'm trying, but they dart a lot.
Voices down, please.
Everyone knows the baby's ears are the first thing to grow.
May I be excused to the gardens
where I can speak freely and loudly as I am wont to do?
We should be together to encourage camaraderie in the babe.
[Tindaro groaning]
Or would you prefer to be in Firenze?
I'm sure the corpses wouldn't request any adjustments to your volume.
[Tindaro inhaling, exhaling]
Please curve your arm around the book so you don't block the page.
Sure. I'll just turn my elbows into circles.
Uh, the viscontessa has asked for quiet.
It really is a small request.
Your incompetence has aroused my nausea.
Go to the one with whom we no longer speak and procure me a stomach tonic.
-Pear-flavored. -[book clattering]
Or if-- Honey… honey, if he doesn't have it. But anything but apricot.
Please, not apricot.
Uh, pear-flavored tonic for the Signore Tindaro.
Filomena, wait.
Spare me a moment for an explanation?
For someone like you, I have no moments to spare.
My exile is quite lonely.
No talking to the quack. Just bring me the medicine!
[medicine sloshing]
It could be more poison.
[cork popping]
[Tindaro] Hey!
-[Licisca gulping] -That's enough.
[Pampinea] What do you want?
Oh, I just came to check on you and the little one,
and to see if you or he or she needed anything.
What he needs is none of your business.
Forgive me, Padrona, but it is my business.
Any child of Leonardo's would be almost like a child to me,
especially that one.
That's just not true at all.
There'd be no relation whatsoever.
Now, please go away, and stop your gravelly overtures.
You're blocking my view of my husband.
[door opening]
[door closing]
Darling, I thought we said no more mourning clothes.
I picked out that nice lavender tunic for you.
There's beads and… color.
-I am not done with my penance. -But you committed no sin.
But I would have committed the sin of lust
if God had not removed the temptation from my path.
We're still doing the rhubarb?
The herb is the only remedy for my relentless lust.
You have been far too gentle with me,
and I with myself,
except in one area of the body,
which requires increasing force.
-Oh God. -Do not use his name in vain!
[Panfilo] Sorry.
More rhubarb. [breathing heavily]
[breath shuddering]
Word of advice, rhubarb won't cure lust.
I recommend intercourse with your husband.
Quiet, snake.
You no longer have power over me.
I'm the snake?
You do realize that Panfilo paid me to rescue you, right?
What?
There was no message from God. Your husband set the whole thing up.
[tense music playing]
Who's the snake now?
[bugle playing dischordantly]
What was that? Someone's here?
Bandits?
Bandits wouldn't announce their arrival. Wouldn't be very strategic of them.
Unless, of course,
they studied the Romans' approach at the Battle of Pydna.
[chuckling] Then it would be quite strategic.
We've underestimated our opponents!
[intense, dramatic music playing]
-[Calandrino exclaiming] -[horse whinnying]
Welcome!
[Calandrino shouting gleefully]
-Took him long enough. -He's worth the wait.
Pampinea's reign will soon come to an end.
And he has amazing hair.
[Sirisco exclaiming]
[Sirisco] Villa Santa's oldest friend. Welcome.
[Sirisco and man chuckling]
Oh, you are a welcome sight, Padrone.
A welcome sight. I was worried you didn't get my letter.
[Panfilo clearing throat]
Ah! Yes. Ruggiero, this is one of Leonardo's esteemed guests.
-This is Panfilo of the House-- -Just call me Panfilo.
Welcome. Sirisco here speaks very highly of you.
Pleasure to meet you. These are my friends,
Bruno, Lorenzo, Stecchi,
and the Bard, whose name I can't quite recall.
-It's Giovanni. -Where is the old pervert anyways?
We have some unfortunate news about Leonardo--
-He's not here. -I beg your pardon?
Buying glass in Venezia.
He was remodeling the chapel.
It was all very Pope Gregory in there, you know. [chuckling]
[horse neighing]
So I'm invited to his home, but he leaves before I arrive?
Yes.
Well, I guess we'll have to drink him dry to teach him a lesson, the scoundrel.
[all chuckling]
[Sirisco] Yes, yes.
[Ruggiero] Ah! Villa Santa!
[exclaiming] Come, please.
-Ah. Signore. -Signore.
These are Leonardo's other guests.
Everyone, this is Ruggiero, first cousin of Leonardo,
and the newest guest at Villa Santa.
All these beautiful, kissable faces. Why so dour?
The unending horror of the pestilence has got everybody feeling a bit gloomy.
Gloomy? You're alive, young, beautiful, and you're at Villa Santa!
You should be celebrating.
-Sirisco, we need a drink. -Ah, yes.
I couldn't agree more. And me as well.
[liquid sloshing]
[liquid pouring]
-[Pampinea clearing throat] -[quietly] Go.
[Ruggiero exhaling]
You're Leonardo's cousin?
Well, let's just say our fathers were brothers,
so take from that what you will.
So, uh, cousins?
[both chuckling]
What a delightful surprise.
I am Pampinea, Leonardo's wife.
-It is an hon-- -Did you say "wife"?
I did. Leonardo and I married less than a month ago.
No, I don't believe it.
[Pampinea chuckling]
Well, you should, because it's definitely true.
Leonardo settled down.
-I never thought I'd see the day. -Aw.
I suppose the pestilence has cast a strange spell on us all.
Mmm.
Perhaps it made him consider his legacy?
Oh, indeed. Indeed.
And he will have a legacy yet,
as I am presently carrying his child.
Well, congratulations.
That is spectacular news!
[Ruggiero chuckling]
[Ruggiero sighs]
And who is this lovely thing
all dressed in black like she's mourning the world?
We've no time to mourn, my love.
I wear black because I am a sinner.
Well, I've committed a sin or two myself, to be honest.
Stay back, you lusty bird.
He just wandered in off the street.
He might have brought the pestilence with him.
I assure you, we're all quite healthy and robust.
Why should we trust you?
Can someone with the pestilence do this?
-Hey! -[men exclaiming]
-[men cheering] -[Ruggiero exclaiming]
-[all cheering] -[Neifile chuckling]
-Now, who the hell are the rest of you? -I'm Mis--
I'm the great Tindaro of the House of Marchese Peralto.
And, uh, who's the lovely lady?
Hmm? Oh.
Uh, this is my fiancée, Filomena. Pay no mind to her.
She can hide behind the tapestry if she's bothering you.
Well, now that I've laid my eyes on her, I never want to stop.
Filomena, was it?
-Yes-- -Yes, yes.
My father, Eduardo, was a cousin of Leonardo's as well.
Eduardo?
So you're family.
Well, I hereby promise not to sleep with you.
-Oh. [chuckling] -[men chuckling]
Sirisco!
Unseal the good salami and your finest spirits.
Tonight shall be one to remember.
-Yeah! -A feast!
Oh!
A feast is a fabulous idea. I can't believe I didn't think of that.
You are so smart.
Sirisco!
Stratilia!
Prepare a feast for our guests at once!
Come, friends! Let us live while the world still turns,
enjoy ourselves in every moment,
for as we have seen, there might be precious few left indeed.
Bard, play!
[Bard grunting]
[Ruggiero] Friends, come.
[men laughing]
-Misia! -[Stecchi] Oi! Where's the wine?
Where's the wine, old man?
Stop it.
-Fool! You did this. -[Sirisco] Yes.
-You're welcome in advance. -Ruggiero, of all people?
[Neifile laughing]
He is just what we need.
I think you've forgotten
that our wee little peasant lives are on the line.
Have you forgotten that our wee little peasant lives are on the line? Hmm?
[Sirisco] No. I have a great memory.
[Stratilia exclaiming]
[Sirisco exclaiming]
[utensils clattering]
God, what is taking you two so long? I need these onions chopped now.
Uh, watch your tone, cook, or Misia will talk to Pampinea about you.
Yeah. You're lucky we're even helping you with the cooking at all.
You know, somehow, I don't feel so lucky.
Well, you are.
Jesus Christ, no.
First its feet, then its head, then slit its belly till it's dead. Okay?
[Filomena] Hmm.
-Barbaric. -You should see me cut a cucumber.
[both chuckling]
I don't know how I would've survived my time here without you.
Neither do I.
You are easily the most untalented
and ill-tempered servant I've ever encountered.
That's correct.
You're lucky that Signora Filomena is such a forgiving woman.
If I hear one more person call her by the name Filomena,
I will suck my head down my neck and roll around like a giant ball.
-Pardon? What? -[Filomena seething]
[knife clattering]
[whimsical music playing]
Wanna hear something bizarre?
-Always. -Always.
-Follow me. Come on. -I'm gonna-- I'll be back. I'm sorry.
[both chuckling]
It's okay. It's okay. No, it's fine.
[Misia chortling]
And I'm the king of Sardinia,
and I have a long tail that I use as a chair.
No, you… you said it yourself. I have none of the skills of a servant.
I am and always have been a lady.
Licisca is a fraud.
-What you're saying can't be true. -Why not?
Because a servant pretending to be her lady is a…
It's a crime against God.
[dishes clattering]
No, no, no, no, no.
No, this is… This is bad.
-This is very bad! -Wha--
Why did you tell me this? Why would you tell me this?
-Why would-- -Because we are friends.
And I need your help.
Pampinea can already sense my natural superiority.
With your support, we'll get her to accept me for who I am,
and we'll send Licisca crawling back to Firenze.
No, you can't do that. The lady is very fragile.
And she's very unpredictable.
And besides, she will never believe you.
And you're not her friend, you're her servant.
I am nobody's servant.
I am a lady, and I've made up my mind.
Licisca, please--
My name is Filomena.
-[men laughing] -[banging on table]
[Ruggiero] So Leonardo, he's sitting there on the bench, right?
He's been drunk for, like, ten days or so.
And then this woman, she's breastfeeding her baby. [laughing]
That's when Leonardo turns to the baby and goes,
"Hey, kid, can I get a turn?"
[men laughing obnoxiously]
[Pampinea laughing obnoxiously]
Yes, yes, my husband has a wonderfully provocative sense of humor.
One of his many gifts.
[sighing] It's such a shame he couldn't be here.
[Panfilo] A shame indeed.
You're quite the storyteller.
Tell us, where did your little group all meet?
Well, I kept seeing them in every brothel I went to.
Yeah.
We were impressed by the old man's stamina. [laughing]
[Ruggiero] Well, what can I say?
I love making love, and I do it often…
[Stecchi] Yes!
…and very well.
Yeah, and the Bard was someone we hired.
Music keeps the spirits high in these trying times.
[Stecchi chuckling]
They won't let me leave.
Remind me, good sir, how is it you've come to know my cousin?
Uh… [clearing throat]
Technically, I'm a cousin as well.
Thrice removed on my mother's side.
Our families have owned adjacent estates in Toscana for centuries.
I thought the name sounded familiar.
You're Panfilo of the House of Lungarno.
No wonder you're hiding out here.
Your family's become the talk of the city, what with their losing everything
and being in debt to so many powerful people.
I know a lot of people in Firenze
who would love to see Lungarno heads on spikes.
[Stecchi laughing]
Are you saying Lungarno… [chuckling]
…with a hard "G"?
Different family. We're a soft "G" off the end.
No, you aren't.
He's lying.
My husband's a liar, in case you haven't figured that out yet.
[Neifile and Stecchi chuckling]
Fascinating.
I think you've had enough, dear.
I don't think I have, dear.
Ah! There we go.
Make sure everyone has a taste.
If this is Leonardo's house ale, it's an unmatched flavor.
[Sirisco chuckling]
Grazie.
What about you, doctor? Some ale?
[clearing throat] Friend, I'd love some.
No. No. He… he… he… he isn't having anything.
That's no way to treat a man
who worked so diligently to keep you from catching plague.
That man also poisoned me.
I can't imagine why.
[all laughing]
Dioneo, return to your quarters at once.
Oh, I think he'll stay, actually.
What do you think, Lorenzo?
The doctor stays!
The doctor stays! [laughing]
I--
[Tindaro seething]
Very well!
Enjoy being poisoned!
Come, Filomena. We're leaving.
-I think I'll stay too, actually. -[Ruggiero] Of course you will.
You're family, after all.
What is this? The ninth circle of Hell?
That's the one for betrayals.
[Tindaro groaning]
Something's wrong.
[men chortling]
I can't-- My heart, my heart.
I think you've broken the man.
-[Stecchi] Oh don't! -Doctor!
-He looks like he's going to cry! -[Tindaro] Doctor, please.
[all laughing]
Doctor, please.
-[Stecchi] Isn't it funny? -Thank you.
To Leonardo.
[all] To Leonardo!
To Leonardo!
[clearing throat] Now, gentlemen… [chuckling]
…this is all dreadfully fun, of course,
but in this house, I ask that we live by the law of civility.
For without it, we are mere beasts.
Apologies, viscontessa.
You're right to condemn our beastliness.
But I must say,
Leonardo is remarkably lucky
to have won a woman with such virtue,
after living a life of such utter depravity.
I once spent a few days with Leonardo in Pisa,
and in the space of three nights,
I saw, or heard, the man make congress with a dozen women!
But most of them were whores, and a lot of it was group stuff,
but still, that's quite a high number for such an ugly chap.
I can still remember his puffing face as he tried to make 13.
[men laughing obnoxiously]
Yes, men are quite wild in their youth.
But I can assure you, since I've known him he has been a beacon of virtue.
No doubt. He's very loyal, viscontessa.
But I'm not surprised he went off to buy glass
the moment your marriage was consummated.
You see, viscontessa,
Leonardo, he loves glass.
[men laughing obnoxiously]
[Licisca laughing]
[Neifile laughing]
Apologies, gentlemen.
I'm suddenly feeling unwell.
[quietly] If you'll excuse me.
[Ruggiero groaning]
Bard! A song to untangle this mood!
♪ There once was a big band of fellows ♪
♪ Who captured a bard from Civello ♪
♪ Then those at the villa Fought off the big killer ♪
♪ And saved the bard Please, God, I beg you ♪
♪ I'll work the fields ♪
[Giovanni vocalizing]
Please, help me.
[men laughing]
[Stecchi] Hear, hear.
[quietly] Help me.
Don't take it to heart, viscontessa.
He's… he's a hedge-born cretin. He isn't fit to be in your presence.
A dozen whores? From Pisa?
Have you ever seen a Pisan woman? Their arms are covered in hair.
None of it is true. That jackal will say anything for a laugh.
Yeah, he was just trying to rattle you.
He's no doubt intimidated by your virtue.
-Really? -Yes.
He is a scared little boy
who needs to frighten someone in order to feel like a man.
Don't let him bully you. Remember, you are the lady of this house.
[chuckling softly] Oh.
Thank you, Licisca.
I don't know what I'd do without you.
[Pampinea inhaling, exhaling]
Viscontessa, there is something that I would like to discuss with you if, um…
It's really a private matter.
[clearing throat] Misia?
[Misia] Mm-hmm.
Some privacy, please.
So devoted, as a barnacle to a ship.
[chuckles]
Misia!
Huh?
-You want me all the way out there? -[exclaiming]
You were saying.
[exhales]
That's pretty.
Yeah.
It belonged to my mother.
Do you remember the night I got here?
I spoke the truth.
I was not a servant until the day I arrived at Villa Santa.
My handmaiden, Licisca,
viciously attacked me and left me in a river to die.
I survived her attack,
but by the time I had gotten here,
she had bewitched you all into believing that she was the lady.
I mean, I was so terrified of spending another moment outside alone,
I agreed to play along.
[Filomena sighing]
But I am the Lady Filomena.
I was born the noble daughter of Eduardo of Firenze.
So I ask you, as a friend and fellow noblewoman,
to help me break Licisca's evil spell
and restore me back to my rightful place.
[dramatic music playing]
Misia!
Help me! [exclaiming]
Oh, Misia. Oh, the child is having a fit.
Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, no. Something must have upset him.
There, there, Padrona.
♪ The tulip and the apple tree ♪
♪ Were peaceful in the meadow ♪
♪ Then up from yonder mulberry bush ♪
♪ There flew a little sparrow… ♪
[Filomena] I--
[Misia shushing] The lady needs quiet now, okay?
♪ The tulip and the apple tree-- ♪
Oh, thank you, Misia. I feel quite restored.
I'm ready to go back in now.
[somber music playing]
[muttering] Stupid…
[Tindaro's breath shuddering]
[Tindaro grunting, groaning]
[Tindaro groaning]
Padrone Tindaro, are you all right?
Those steps are not properly illuminated.
Somebody needs to install a sconce at once.
It sounded like a bridge collapsing.
Please don't comment on my ponderously leaden fall.
I already feel bad.
[Tindaro crying]
I'm very ill!
I need you to make me a tonic for my vertigo immediately.
This is a kitchen, not an apothecary.
[Tindaro] You must have something.
Use your peasant knowledge. [panting]
How do poor people make tonics?
We squeeze garlic into magic peasant juice.
If you think that it'll help, then… I'll try it.
But can you add some flavoring? I once ate a whole raw garlic by accident
and I didn't enjoy it.
[Tindaro crying]
Squeeze!
I feel another wave of dizziness coming on.
Perhaps in the absence of your doctor,
you should seek the comfort of your betrothed.
She's the worst of them all.
You should have seen the way she laughed at me, egging those men on.
I gave her my heart, and she stomped on it.
[sniffling] She's evil, just like the rest of you women.
God's most detestable mistake.
He cursed the world the day he made your lot.
Oh God, here comes more spinning.
[Tindaro sobbing]
Oh merciful Lord,
why must you torture me so?
Why have you chosen me for this life of pain and humiliation?
-Such unfairness. -Oh my God!
Your life is unfair?
You've never wanted for anything
except the affections of anyone, any person,
since spending time with you
is exhaustively innervating and boring all at once.
Being near you is hell.
No wonder Dioneo poisoned you.
I don't like you speaking. Please don't.
You'd like to choose who can speak? What gives you that authority?
I have many advanced degrees.
How dare you speak to me like this?
Apologize at once!
Or what?
What are you gonna do, huh?
That's right.
You'll do nothing.
Because you're just a scared,
pathetic little boy.
[Tindaro grunting]
[mysterious music playing]
You think women ruin your view
when your eyes are fixed crosswise on the end of your nose?
You're not even a man.
You're a coward.
You're a worm.
I should do us all a favor and squash you
like the cowardly little worm that you are.
You disgust me.
[Tindaro gasping]
[Tindaro's breath shuddering]
[Tindaro moaning]
You're right. I am a worm.
A disgusting little worm.
-[Stratilia] Silence! -[Tindaro moaning]
Drink!
[men laughing raucously]
Are we okay, viscontessa?
We're okay.
I don't know what you want.
Watch, friends.
-[Lorenzo] What? -[Stecchi] Friends.
[Neifile laughing]
[dramatic music playing]
[table rattling]
[men laughing raucously]
I'm sorry, the lady can be quite fickle.
Don't.
Well, can I tell you something that might cheer you up?
I put vinegar in Licisca's cup.
[Licisca slurping]
[Filomena laughing]
-Friends. -What?
[Stecchi] Friends.
[Dioneo] Close.
[Ruggiero] Nostril. Aim for the nostril.
[rock song playing]
Get up!
-[Licisca] Magnifico! -I'm still here.
Yay!
[men laughing raucously]
[song fades]
Everyone, I have an announcement.
[all laughing]
[all cheering]
You call that an announcement?
[all laughing]
[Licisca] Yay!
[Lorenzo] Bruno!
[clearing throat] Okay, no, I--
Friends, I actually have an announcement. I actually have something to say.
[crickets chirping]
[Lorenzo] Huh?
[all cheering, laughing]
Yeah!
Family!
[Licisca laughing]
I have an announcement.
I hate my husband!
-[Licisca] Yeah! -[indistinct jeering]
I love this villa!
[Stecchi] Yeah!
[Pampinea laughing]
I have an announcement. I have an announcement.
It's rather late, isn't it?
Yes.
Yeah, how quickly time passes amongst joyful compatriots.
Perhaps we should… [clears throat]
…settle in for the night.
I have an announcement.
No.
[men laughing raucously]
I side with the handsome doctor.
Bard, a saltarello!
Let's dance while we're still alive,
and while my hips feel so loose.
[lively string music playing]
[Stecchi] Hey!
[all laughing]
[all] Hey!
Faster now.
Faster, faster.
Yes!
[music speeding up]
[all screaming]
[music stops]
[all laughing]
Let's take this celebration elsewhere.
Sirisco, to Leonardo's parlor at once.
Parlor? The villa has no parlor.
Yes, the villa has no parlor.
Oh, it has a parlor. [laughing]
Come, friends, come.
-[Sirisco] Come. -[Ruggiero] Way!
-[Sirisco] This way. -[men exclaiming]
[Stecchi] Hey!
[Sirisco] Leonardo doesn't want guests coming in here,
but seeing as though it's you, Ruggiero, we'll make an exception.
[Ruggiero] Of course.
[dramatic music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
Oh, naughty.
[cackling] Yes.
[choir vocalizing]
Oh, Leonardo.
A bit generous with the size of that fig leaf if you ask me.
Yeah, you'd know better than I.
[Ruggiero chortling]
[Neifile] What is this?
[Ruggiero] Uh…
You're not familiar?
Well, that's a shame.
Panfilo, you owe her one.
No, I mean…
this.
Oh, this room?
Well, this is the pearl of Villa Santa, Leonardo's parlor.
[scattered chuckling]
[whispering] You said you're a sinner, correct?
Well, if you're really into sinning,
you could do a lot of that in here.
Ladies, gentlemen, refill your cups.
It's time for a game.
-Hey. -What… what sort of game?
-Passatella. -[Stecchi] Passatella.
[chanting] Passatella! Passatella!
Passatella! Passatella!
[scattered laughing]
[Neifile] Just a tiny bit.
[liquid sloshing]
I hope I'm on the big one's team.
Wait, please.
I know that you must think of me.
What.
Uh, I mean, I know what you must think of me.
And for weeks I've been wanting--
Trying to… to tell you that you're wrong.
That my actions were justified.
I'm a true gentleman and a brilliant doctor.
But the truth is…
Truth is, I'm a charlatan.
But I want to be a better man.
Truly I do. So I can be worthy of you.
[Licisca shushing]
Promise me that when we're both in Hell,
you'll come find me.
[Neifile] Looks like fun, doesn't it?
[Licisca] I suppose.
[Neifile] But imagine being free like that.
Living without shame or fear of sin.
Why can't we?
Live in sin?
Live freely.
Men do. They get on just fine behaving like animals.
-[laughing] -[Giovanni grunting]
It's classic.
Perhaps I'd like to be an animal.
Perhaps I would too.
[Giovanni gasping]
Yeah.
To living freely.
-Having fun? -No, I'm not having fun.
I demand you make these brutes leave at once.
Forgive me, that would be rude to our guests.
Leonardo did invite them here, after all.
And I find them fun…
in a frightening sort of way.
I don't care how you find them.
The lady of the house has given you a command.
You are compelled to follow it.
If you're so all-powerful, tell them yourself.
How dare you?
You useless, insubordinate ape!
[men laughing]
Useless, am I?
I suppose I was much more useful
when I was making you scream every night.
[Stecchi] Okay. Oh, this is nice.
[Ruggiero] Yes, but I hope you threw the dice.
[Pampinea screaming]
Oh, someone's getting lucky!
[men cackling]
Ruggiero!
[ominous music playing]
[Ruggiero] Okay, now, this is how…
-Everything all right? -No. No.
Everything bad.
I've had enough of her. It is time for Ruggiero to know the truth.
About that, I've been thinking.
Perhaps he isn't the solution we'd envisioned.
He may be a bit too reckless for our purposes, no?
Pampinea is a madwoman. She is mad.
As long as she is steering the boat, we are doomed.
But that devil and his four horsemen
will devour all of our resources in a matter of days.
They'll burn your villa to the ground for the thrill of it.
It's unfortunate, but Pampinea is the lesser evil.
She is destroying the villa. She is destroying me.
I understand you have personal feelings on the matter,
but I fear they may be fogging your already limited judgment.
I must insist you leave the machinations to someone more clever and clear-sighted.
I'll handle this.
You're right, Padrone.
You are more clever than me.
Than I.
[music swelling]
[door slamming]
-[all cheering, laughing] -[music fades]
[Neifile squealing]
[all cheering]
Bravo, Neifile.
Well, that settles it, then.
I'm Padrone. Neifile is sotto-Padrone.
Everyone will ask us permission to drink.
If we agree, they may.
If we deny their request, we must provide a reason.
Which part of that is fun?
You'll see. Come on in. Why don't we start with you?
Ask us permission to drink.
Uh… [clearing throat]
May I drink?
I'll leave it to your pious wife to decide.
Like I said, he's a liar.
[Ruggiero] Hmm.
He paid a man to trick me into thinking God loved me.
-[Ruggiero] Hmm. -[Neifile] What kind of husband does that?
But God teaches us to love the sinner…
-[Ruggiero] Mm-hmm. -…and hate the sin.
So…
drink, poor sinner.
[Ruggiero] Drink, poor sinner.
[scattered chuckling]
Sinner! Sinner! Sinner!
[all chanting] Sinner! Sinner! Sinner!
Sinner! Sinner! Sinner! Sinner! Sinner!
[all laughing raucously]
May I drink, Padrone?
Oh no, no, no, no. It's better for the carpet if you don't.
Yeah. I'd say so.
You're hardly the picture of strength.
Funny, 'cause your sister always says different.
[all exclaiming]
-What'd you say about my sister? -Your sister thinks I'm quite strong.
She enjoys my strength, and I… hers.
[all cackling]
-[Bruno grunting] -[all exclaiming]
[Stecchi laughing]
[Stecchi] Oh no.
My mother gave me that nose.
-You don't want none of this, brother. -[Bruno] Come on, Daddy.
-[suspenseful music playing] -[both grunting]
[Ruggiero] Calm down.
[Pampinea] Oh my God.
[both straining, grunting]
[Bruno grunting, roaring]
[all gasping]
[Bruno grunting]
[Stecchi shuddering]
[Giovanni grunting]
[tense, sinister music playing]
[Giovanni grunting]
[both laughing]
Help me.
[scattered gasping]
[laughing]
[laughing stops]
He's dead.
[Ruggiero laughing]
[men laughing raucously]
[laughing fades]
[Ruggiero] Oh…
Don't be sad, friends.
He died happy,
playing music.
That's much swifter and less pus-filled than the plague.
I assure you, he got out lucky!
[grunts]
It's no use.
They were boring to begin with, and now they hate us.
-The mood is soiled. -[Stecchi] Yeah.
Didn't we send for some whores?
That's right, we did. Yeah.
I suppose they should be here any minute now.
Though they're new to the villa,
and wouldn't know how to ingress through the whore door.
The "whore door"?
Oh, it used to be a secret exit.
Nowadays, it's mostly used for entrances.
[gears creaking]
[Ruggiero cackling]
[men cackling]
[Ruggiero] Wow.
[rats squeaking]
[Ruggiero] Uh…
That's enough!
[door creaking]
Ruggiero, you must go!
I'm sorry?
Finally, an apology.
But it comes too late.
You are no longer welcome in this house.
You must leave at once.
Oh, but we have no intention of leaving.
We've got whores coming. We wouldn't wanna be rude.
Get out!
No wonder old Leo's staying away.
He's probably realized what a huge mistake he's made
marrying a controlling, uptight crone.
Silence, you hound!
The lady of the house has asked you to leave, and leave you will!
Oh, a hound, am I?
Well, that's very ironic coming from a clingy little bitch.
-You foul-smelling, old, wrinkly churl. -[sinister music playing]
You leave this house and find somewhere else to leech.
Lorenzo, this mouthy servant girl has hurt my feelings.
What should we do with her?
[Lorenzo breathing deeply]
Teach her some manners.
Oh yes, that's right. We should teach her some manners.
-[Misia screaming] -Misia! Misia!
-[Lorenzo grunting] -[Filomena] No! Get off of me! Misia!
Help! Get off of me!
No!
[Lorenzo grunting]
Don't hold back now, Lorenzo. Now teach her some lessons.
-Pampinea! Help! -[Ruggiero] Teach her some manners.
Unhand her! Unhand her! She's a lady!
Unhand her!
-Oh, the bitch has gone mad. -I'm not mad.
[crying] I'm not mad!
She is Signora Filomena,
of the House of Eduardo, Leonardo's cousin.
She's your family.
I am her handmaiden, Licisca.
It's the truth, I swear it.
We… we… we traveled together, but then there was an accident.
Um,
I… I… I thought her dead.
And then, when I arrived here I…
I claimed her name.
But it's all lies.
I am… just Licisca,
her servant and handmaiden.
And she is the Signora Filomena, and she must be treated as such.
Well, that's quite a tale.
Every word of it is true.
-Now put me down, you beast! -[Lorenzo cackling]
Lorenzo, put her down.
[Filomena grunting]
[Ruggiero] Put her down.
If what they say is true, then she's blood.
[both sobbing]
Oh, what a fascinating little assemblage this is.
Liars, impostors,
poisoners, flatterers.
A gang of miscreants hiding out in my cousin's house in his absence.
And where on God's Earth is the man?
[suspenseful music playing]
You're right. Leonardo isn't buying glass.
He's visiting the deathbed of one of his most beloved Venetian whores.
A woman by the name of…
Belfiore.
Just after inviting you here, he received word that she'd fallen ill,
and he left at once to see her.
Sirisco told me everything, and…
And we lied in an effort to keep it from his wife.
As you can see, she's been rather emotional since becoming pregnant.
I'm sorry, viscontessa.
Belfiore, you say?
She must be new.
Well, what to do with these two?
I suggest exile.
They're impostors, as you said.
It's dangerous to share a roof with changelings.
-I wholeheartedly agree. -[Misia gasping]
Their treachery has made a mockery of us.
No. It was all her fault.
You lied to us for weeks, both of you.
You can never be trusted again.
Well, one of them is family…
though I'm no longer sure which one.
I will spare your lives,
but you leave the grounds at once.
If you return, however, we will have no choice but to kill you.
Off you go.
Come on.
Out.
Out. Get out.
-Get out. -[Filomena] No.
-No. -You hear the man?
[suspenseful music swelling]
Get out.
[rats squeaking]
[Filomena crying]
[Misia shuddering]
[door slamming]
[music fades]
Well, glad we got that sorted out.
Ruggiero! Ruggiero!
Don't listen to Pampinea. She's a liar.
And I've got the proof right here.
-[scattered gasping] -[Misia, Pampinea screaming]
[Sirisco] She never married Leonardo. She never even met him.
He was dead of the plague before anyone arrived.
-Leonardo… -No.
[Sirisco] The child she carries is not Leonardo's.
She has no claim to this villa whatsoever.
That's why we invited you here.
The villa is yours. You are the next in line.
[Sirisco squealing]
So I bid you, claim it and rid us of her insanity!
You…
cut my cousin's head off?
No… no it fell off.
I… I intended to bring the whole body, but he was very difficult to lift.
And in the process, his head fell off and I…
I thought, silver lining. It's portable and effective. That's what…
[Ruggiero chuckling]
[Ruggiero laughing]
[Sirisco laughing nervously]
[Sirisco exhales deeply]
Out of the villa.
[choir vocalizing]
What?
[suspenseful music playing]
God Girl can stay if she wants.
The doctor too.
Get rid of the rest.
And if they refuse to leave,
kill them all.
Time to go, pip-pip.
[Misia] Go on, move. Pampinea, move.
Move.
-Out! -[Misia screaming]
[Pampinea] Misia!
[Tindaro breathing heavily]
[Tindaro gulping]
I came like a dragon.
Never speak of this, worm.
[Lorenzo] Out!
What's the meaning of this? Have they come to watch?
-Keep quiet and walk. -[Tindaro] What?
-Walk. -Why?
-Move! -[Misia] Oh Jesus!
-[Lorenzo] Move! -[Bruno] Come on.
-Fast. -[Tindaro] Be careful.
We need to be careful. Be careful.
[Tindaro yelling, screaming]
-For the meadows! -[Tindaro] Help me!
Help me, I'm very badly hurt. Ouch!
[indistinct chatter]
[women giggling]
Who are those people?
Oh good. The whores are here.
[scattered laughing]
Hi!
Are you whores?
And you're going through my front door?
Yeah.
[all laughing]
[Stecchi] Come on, get inside.
[woman coughing]
[Lorenzo] Stay warm, babies.
[sinister music playing]
[scattered shouting, laughing]
[Bruno] Come on, God Girl.
[Panfilo] Neifile, what are you doing?
[door creaking, closing]
[Misia whispering indistinctly]
Now what?
["Heresy" by Nine Inch Nails playing]
♪ He sewed his eyes shut ♪
♪ Because he is afraid to see ♪
♪ He tries to tell me ♪
♪ What I put inside of me ♪
♪ He got the answers ♪
♪ To ease my curiosity ♪
♪ He dreamed a god up ♪
♪ And called it Christianity ♪
♪ God is dead ♪
♪ And no one cares ♪
♪ If there is a hell ♪
♪ I'll see you there ♪